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For preview only FRIDAY KNIGHT FEVER A Musical Comedy Tribute to the Disco 1970s Book by RACHEL DAVIDSON Music and Lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR SETTING: The main stage, where most of the action takes place, is Rita’s Roller Skating Rink. The concession counter is UPSTAGE CENTER at a slant. It has the basics: cash register, large menu, posters or signs suggesting different types of food, etc. Across the front of the stage are three tables with several chairs. STAGE RIGHT there is an EXIT that suggests the rear of the skating rink. CENTER STAGE is an EXIT to a storeroom. STAGE LEFT is the ENTRANCE to the rink. EXTREME DOWN LEFT represents MRS. FLINT’S OFFICE and can be shown with a small desk and chair. The desk might have the basics on it such as books, file folders, etc. TIME: The time is the 1970s when “Disco Mania” swept the country. CAST OF CHARACTERS (In Order of Speaking) # of lines SISSY ...... superstitious teen 25 CARRIE ...... hangs out 22 EILEEN ...... understands women’s 48 movement MARCIA ...... has it all 32 JAN...... jealous of Marcia 27 CINDY ...... another teen 14 DANNY ...... in a major slump 82 POLLY ...... proud of her name 28 KENT ...... yet another teen 33 DUDE ...... knows the 70’s language 30 LARRY ...... in the clique 11 JOHN ...... young environmentalist 28 BARRY ...... strained vocal chords 42 RITA ...... owns the rink 74 MRS. FLINT ...... principal vying for award 98 PETER ...... school thug 24 BOBBY ...... another 24 GREG ...... another 24 For preview only DORIS DRAKE ...... jealous vice-principal 57 STACY ...... school secretary 29 MRS. KOONSMAN ...... chess club sponsor 20 BUZZ ...... jewel thief 27 DELILAH ...... Buzz’s partner 23 BILLY BOB ...... undercover FBI Agent 32 CHARLEY ...... same, her real name is 28 Charlene MIKE ...... chess club member 14 ANDREA ...... same 13 ROBERT ...... same 7 DEBBIE ...... same 16 MRS. DUNCAN ...... a judge 7 MRS. HOTCHNER ...... another 6 MRS. GERBER ...... another 7 EXTRAS/CHORUS MEMBERS ...... as desired n/a

For preview only SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT ONE MC 1 THE SEVENTIES GENERATION— PROLOGUE �� Company MC 2 YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN’ YET! ��Girl Students MC 3 CLOSET DISCO QUEEN �� Mrs. Flint, Mrs. Koonsman, Stacy and Doris MC 4 IT IS DECIDEDLY SO �� Buzz and Delilah MC 5 OUR SIDE OF THE BOARD �� Students MC 6 FRIDAY KNIGHT FEVER �� Company

ACT TWO MC 7 ENTR’ACTE �� Instrumental MC 8 HARMONIC CONVERGENCE �� Students and Checkmates MC 9 SLIDE ME SOME SKIN �� Danny, Greg, Peter and Bobby MC10 BABY, YOU’RE THE ONE �� Eileen and Barry, Backup Singers MC11 CHASE MUSIC �� Instrumental MC12 FRIDAY KNIGHT FEVER— REPRISE �� Company MC13 CURTAIN CALL �� Company MC 14 THE SEVENTIES GENERATION— EPILOGUE �� Company

For previewiv only FRIDAY KNIGHT FEVER

PROLOGUE

AT RISE: MUSIC CUE 1: “The Seventies Generation—Prologue.” COMPANY ENTERS in the dark during MUSIC INTRODUCTION. LIGHTS UP when COMPANY is ONSTAGE.

VOICE: (Speaks.) Boogie down. Shake your bootie. Outta sight. Groovy, baby. COMPANY: (Sings.) It’s the seventies generation, a groovy population. Can you feel it in the rhythm? Can you feel the good vibration? Everybody’s dancin’, the whole world is romancin’. Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you feel it in your soul?

It’s the seventies generation, a groovy population. Gonna get your feet in motion, It’s a disco celebration. Everybody’s movin’, everybody’s groovin’. Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you feel it in your soul?

Fly away, come on and fly away! Take a ride, come and fly! Can you feel it in your soul? (MUSIC UNDER; NARRATOR 1 and 2 move DOWN CENTER.) NARRATOR 1: (Speaks to AUDIENCE.) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our tribute to the 1970s. NARRATOR 2: (Speaks to AUDIENCE.) Now tell the truth. How many of you moms ever had green and harvest gold appliances in your home? NARRATOR 1: (Speaks.) How many of you dads ever had shag carpeting… or shag haircuts? NARRATOR 2: (Speaks.) How many of you used bubblegum flavored lip gloss? NARRATOR 1: (Speaks.) Or English Leather cologne? NARRATOR 2: (Speaks.) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the 1970s was a decade of fashion and invention. For example, those years

For preview1 only provided us with very usable items like Pet Rocks, mood rings and Magic Eight Balls! NARRATOR 1: (Speaks.) Eight track recorders, CB radios and sun tanning lotion that turned your skin orange. NARRATOR 2: (Speaks.) The 1970s also gave us some of the most important historical figures and events of all time… like Don Kirchner’s Rock Concerts, Wolfman Jack, George Carlin and Gallagher. NARRATOR 1: (Speaks.) John Travolta, Bobby Sherman and Donna Summer. NARRATOR 2: (Speaks.) Mork and Mindy, Starsky and Hutch and The Brady Bunch. NARRATOR 1: (Speaks.) Nixon and Watergate. And how about those streakers! Remember them? NARRATOR 2: (Speaks.) Now be honest. How many of you ever went streaking? Let’s see a show of hands. (If no one raises their hand, count imaginary hands in the back of the auditorium… 1-2-3-4-5, etc.) All right! NARRATOR 1: (Speaks.) And then there were the clothes… NARRATOR 2: (Speaks.) Bell-bottoms, halter tops, tube tops. NARRATOR 1: (Speaks.) Platform shoes, earth shoes, mirrored sunglasses. NARRATOR 2: (Speaks.) All important fashion statements in the 1970s. NARRATOR 1: (Speaks.) But the most important thing to come out of the 1970s… NARRATOR 2: (Speaks.) The most important event of the decade. BOTH: (Speak.) The birth of… disco! COMPANY: (Sings.) It’s the seventies generation, a groovy population. Can you feel it in the rhythm? Can you feel the good vibration? Everybody’s dancin’, the whole world is romancin’. Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you feel it in your soul? COMPANY II: (Sings.) COMPANY I: (Sings.) It’s the seventies generation, Fly away, come on and a groovy population. Gotta get your feet in motion, fly away! It’s a disco celebration. Everybody’s movin’, Take a ride, come and everybody’s groovin’. fly! For preview2 only Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you feel it in your soul? Can you feel it in your soul? NARRATOR 1: (Speaks to AUDIENCE.) So sit back, relax… NARRATOR 2: (Speaks. To AUDIENCE.) And get ready to… COMPANY: (Shout.) Shake your booty! BOYS: (Shout.) Yeah! (COMPANY begins to EXIT.) COMPANY II: (Sings.) COMPANY I: (Sings.) It’s the seventies generation, Fly away, come on and a groovy population. Can you feel it in the rhythm? fly away! Can you feel the good vibration? Everybody’s dancin’, the whole Take a ride, come and world is romancin’. fly! Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you feel it in your soul? Can you feel it in your soul?

It’s the seventies generation, Fly away, come on and a groovy population. Can you feel it in the rhythm? fly away! Can you feel the good vibration? Everybody’s dancin’, the whole Take a ride, come and world is romancin’. fly! Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you feel it in your soul? Can you feel it in your soul? (BLACKOUT.) ACT ONE Scene One

LIGHTS UP: LIGHTS COME UP full on skating rink, where DANNY is working at the snack counter. EILEEN, CARRIE and POLLY sit at one table. MARCIA, JAN and CINDY sit at another. SISSY is UP CENTER holding the popular “Magic Eight Ball.” All the STUDENTS sitting at tables have various drinks and snack food in front of them. During the scene, DANNY will keep busy behind the counter, occasionally bringing drinks to the tables, clearing dishes, wiping the tables, etc. He treats the STUDENTS with disdain, ignoring them as much as possible.

SISSY: (To Magic Eight Ball.) Will Barry Dorcott go to the prom with Eileen (Dramatic.) if she asks him? (Closes eyes. Shakes Magic Eight Ball.)

For preview3 only CARRIE: (Stands and crosses to SISSY.) Come on, Sissy, just turn over the Magic Eight Ball and let’s see what it says! SISSY: Carrie, you don’t have to have an attitude. (She turns over the Magic Eight Ball and reads; dramatic.) “It is decidedly so.” EILEEN: I told you asking a boy out was no big deal. (Crosses to DANNY at counter.) I’d like a hot dog and step on it. (DANNY mimes preparing her order.) SISSY: Then when are you going to ask him? EILEEN: Asking somebody out is an art form. You have to hang loose until the right moment arises. CARRIE: (Walks back to table; sits.) You’d better hurry before somebody else asks him. EILEEN: Don’t worry. I have everything under control. MARCIA: (From STAGE LEFT table.) Okay, it’s my turn, Sissy. (Crosses and takes the Magic Eight Ball from SISSY. Sincere.) Will I make it to the state cheerleading finals next month? JAN: (Stands. Jealous.) Oh, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! All you ever do is think about yourself! CINDY: (Stands, places hand on JAN’S shoulder to calm her.) Well, Jan, after all, she is the head cheerleader. MARCIA: (Counts achievements.) And don’t forget class president, head of the Homecoming Committee, Drama Club treasurer, newspaper editor— JAN: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! As if we didn’t know! SISSY: I just can’t wait. (Grabs Magic Eight Ball. Reads.) “Ask me again later.” MARCIA: Oh, man! That’s the third time today it’s answered that! DANNY: Order up! EILEEN: (Looks at plate and then at DANNY.) Why is my hot dog all smashed? DANNY: You said you wanted, and I quote, a hot dog and step on it. EILEEN: I want another one. On the double! (Shoves plate back at DANNY and walks back to table.) Ask the ball how long we have to put up with that male chauvinist hot dog? DANNY: (Comes from behind concession stand area and glares at GIRLS. Bitter and unimpressed.) I can’t believe you girls even waste your time playing with that stupid ball. POLLY: Mellow out, Danny. You have such an attitude. EILEEN: Yeah, why don’t you go play with your pet rock or try out for the Gong Show. We’re just having fun. DANNY: (Steps closer to EILEEN.) Chill out, Eileen. You chicks drive me crazy.

For preview4 only EILEEN: Hey, Danny. I am woman, hear me roar! (Roars. GIRLS cheer and applaud.) DANNY: (Rolls eyes. Sarcastic.) Oh, you really scare me. EILEEN: You should have more respect for women. For your information, my Dad’s sisters are construction workers. DANNY: So you’ve got a bunch of carpenter aunts! (MUSIC CUE 2: “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet!”) EILEEN: (Speaks.) It’s a new day and a new age, Danny. Ever hear of women’s lib? Well, get used to it. (Sings.) We are the women of the new generation— Liberated, emancipated, ladies of the jet set. Here come the women with a new proclamation: Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! ALL GIRLS: (Sing.) We are the women of the new generation— Really gone, we got a groove on. Ladies movin’ uptown. Here come the women with a new proclamation, Watch out, get outta my way, before we mow ya down. EILEEN: (Sings.) We’re gonna… ALL GIRLS: (Sing.) Work, work, work! Work, work… EILEEN: (Sings.) For higher pay! No more slavin’ housewife Stayin’ home with the kids all day. ALL GIRLS: (Sing.) Work, work, work! Work, work… SISSY: (Sings.) Movin’ up that scale. Gonna get me an education, Claw my way up, tooth and nail. ALL GIRLS: (Speak.) Do you get it? Do you get it? Get it! (Sing.) We are the women of the new generation— Liberated, emancipated, ladies with a mind set. Here come the women with a new proclamation: Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! CARRIE: (Sings.) We’re gonna … ALL GIRLS: (Sing.) Work, work, work! Work, work… CARRIE: (Sings.) Gonna show my pride. Pull myself up by the boots, Found my groove, found my stride. ALL GIRLS: (Sing.) Work, work, work! Work, work… EILEEN: (Sings.) We’re lookin’ hot! SISSY: (Sings.) Gonna get us a reputation. EILEEN/SISSY/CARRIE: (Sing.) Attitude is what we got. ALL GIRLS: (Speak.) Do you get it? Do you get it? Get it!

For preview5 only (Sing.) We are the women of the new generation— Gonna T-C-B, “take care of business.” Ladies, put the move on! Here come the women with a new proclamation: Watch out, get outta my way, got to get my groove on! We are the women of the new generation— Liberated, emancipated, ladies of the jet set. Here come the women with a new proclamation: Watch out, get outta my way, what you see is whatcha get! Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Watch out, get outta my way, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! EILEEN: (At end of song.) Do you get the message, Danny? DANNY: Big deal. As if I haven’t heard your speech before. As if I’m so intimidated by you or your stupid Eight Ball. SISSY: (Crosses to DANNY.) Well, Danny. (Holds Magic Eight Ball up.) The Eight Ball isn’t stupid. It’s a useful tool that could possibly help you some day. DANNY: That’s what you think. (Walks back behind counter.) Now, excuse me, some of us have to work, you know. (With contempt.) We don’t all have the luxury of being part of your weird high-class crowd. (Prepares EILEEN’S second order.) POLLY: (To STUDENTS at table.) Good thing he’s not wearing my mood ring. It would be the ultimate in amber-green on him. We all know what that means! ALL: (Except DANNY.) Troubled and uneasy! DANNY: (Troubled and uneasy.) I heard that, Polly Esther. (Smirks.) Like you’re one to criticize others with your brainless name! POLLY: Hey! I’m proud of my name. DANNY: Yeah, I hope I name my daughter after a synthetic material some day. CARRIE: (To STUDENTS at table.) It’s too bad that Danny is always trying to take out his problems on us. It’s not our fault he was expelled. JAN: He was lucky that he even got a job here. If Rita wasn’t his aunt, who knows where he’d be! DANNY: (Places EILEEN’S second order up on counter. Sneers at EILEEN.) Order’s up. EILEEN: (Crosses to counter, takes order and walks back to table without looking at DANNY.) Here, Sissy, I have a question for the Eight Ball. (To ball.) Will Danny ever be let back in school? MARCIA: After stealing the famous Culpepper High Knight statue—our school symbol for bravery, courage and valor.

For preview6 only CINDY: And gluing it on the roof of Mrs. Flint’s car! SISSY: (To ball.) Will Danny ever get back in school? (Turning over the ball.) “My sources say no.” Even the ball knows he’s nothin’ but a freak. (JOHN, KENT, DUDE, BARRY and LARRY ENTER LEFT and sit at table. JOHN is the environmentalist. KENT and LARRY are mainstream. BARRY is typical… except for a problem that has occurred with his voice. DUDE is up on all of the seventies talk.) Let’s ask it another question. KENT: Hey, what are you doing? EILEEN: Hi, Kent. (Looks at BARRY; sincere.) Hi, Barry. We’re connecting with the Magic Eight Ball. (BARRY acknowledges her with a silent wave.) DUDE: Awesome! LARRY: Hey, Dude. I don’t think it’s anything to take seriously. CINDY: Yeah, Larry. Says the person who thought he would make the basketball team based on Tarot cards. LARRY: Well, they did motivate me to at least try out for the team. DUDE: Heavy! SISSY: Who would like to ask our Eight Ball the next question. How about you, Barry? (BARRY shakes his head “no.”) JOHN: (Mocks.) Ooh, such magic! POLLY: What’s the matter, John? Do you have something deep you want to ask the Magic Eight Ball? KENT: Polly, are you sure you want to give John that kind of soapbox? JOHN: (He stands and takes floor.) You want something deep, huh? How about, “When is our world going to crumble because it’s been overcome by the cosmic amount of water pollution with which we, as humans, are torturing it?” DUDE: (Impressed.) John, you are totally righteous, man! KENT: Sorry, John. Has to be a yes or no question. DUDE: Bummer! MARCIA: Come on, John. Try again. JOHN: That’s okay. I’ll pass. Sissy’s the superstitious one around here. We should let her have a turn before she’s choked off the planet by air pollution. SISSY: I’m not superstitious. I just figure it doesn’t hurt to know the future. JOHN: The future of our precious earth is something you wouldn’t want to know about. SISSY: It’s outta sight to have this kind of valuable asset. Anybody else have a question?

For preview7 only EILEEN: How about you, Barry? You haven’t even said a word. LARRY: You can’t go on forever, Barry. DUDE: Yeah, man. You can’t stay hung up on this for an eternity. JOHN: It’s time, bro’. BARRY: (With a dramatic pause. Speaks in a falsetto. [NOTE: BARRY will continue to use only his falsetto voice until indicated in ACT TWO.]) I strained my voice. ALL: (Ad lib.) Oh, my gosh! How did that happen, Barry? You sound strange! Are you trying to jive us? Etc. BARRY: You know that disco song by the Bee Gees? SISSY: “Staying Alive”? BARRY: Yeah. It’s the one where they sing it in that outta sight high pitch. CINDY: What happened? BARRY: I was singing along and my voice didn’t stay alive at all. MARCIA: You might have really hurt your voice! BARRY: I hear that. In fact, I did go to a doctor. POLLY: What did he say? BARRY: He said I wasn’t his first case. It’s happening all over the place. SISSY: What’s that? BARRY: Tormented tonsils. But who can doubt it’s the primo pitch in music today. ALL: (Ad lib.) You can say that again! The 70s are heavy! We’re goin’ with the flow! Etc. MARCIA: (RITA ENTERS RIGHT with a disco ball and sets it on the counter. Obviously disheartened, she takes a letter out of her pocket.) Look, everyone. Rita has a disco ball! KENT: We’re livin’ in the 70s, for sure! SISSY: Where’d you get the disco ball? RITA: It was up in my attic. POLLY: Wow! It’s far out! Time for a celebration. RITA: Kids, sorry to spoil your fun, but I’ve got to give you all some bad news. JOHN: Another animal has gone on the endangered species list? RITA: Not that I know of. KENT: Gas prices have gone up again? RITA: No, it’s worse.

For preview8 only LARRY: Hamburger prices? RITA: No. EILEEN: What is it, Rita? POLLY: I don’t like the look on your face. DUDE: I’m pickin’ up bad vibes. BARRY: (Still in falsetto.) Rita, I’ve already shared my bumpy life with the others. If I can do it, so can you. RITA: (Stares at BARRY. Shakes head in disbelief, then continues.) It’s been two years now that I’ve been running this roller skating rink. MARCIA: How can we ever forget when you bought the warehouse and started Rita’s Roller Skating Rink? It’s become our home away from home. JAN: You gave up a lot when you stepped down as the reigning Roller Derby Queen. RITA: Right, sweetie. (Reminisces. As she describes her experiences, she acts out the movements.) It sure was glamorous, slamming those gliding bodies against the rink’s walls. Hearing my screaming fans as I charged by those television cameras. Wearing my sequined helmet. (Back to reality.) But I knew it was time to move on when I fractured my leg for the sixth time. Though, I have to admit, I sometimes miss my roller derby fame and glory. That’s why I brought the ball down. It was given to me at my going-away banquet. It’s the same ball used when my team won the National Roller Derby Championship! KENT: Wow! BARRY: What’s that on top of it? A diamond? RITA: (Chortles.) Oh, no! The team got together and gave me a little gag gift. It’s only a rhinestone. Sure does look like a diamond, doesn’t it? You see, my teammates always called me a “diamond in the rough.” EILEEN: You are a diamond! A roller derby queen and a business owner—you are a true model for today’s women. JAN: We were sure glad you moved here to start the rink. MARCIA: We’re like a family here. CARRIE: Your rink has become our rink. BARRY: It’s practically given us a second home. JOHN: It’s a gathering place. Almost like a second Woodstock. RITA: Well, be prepared, sweeties. I don’t want a riot when I tell you all the news. STUDENTS: (Ad lib.) Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad. We can handle it. Etc. For preview9 only POLLY: Yeah, we’re free and easy. MARCIA: Easy like Sunday morning. RITA: It ends up that the rink’s floor is not up to skating code. It has to be totally redone. STUDENTS: (Ad lib.) Oh, no. What does that mean? What are you going to do? Etc. JOHN: Have we been skating in a dangerous environment? RITA: No, John. But it is time to lay down a new floor. JOHN: Here we go again. Another forest destroyed because of society’s selfishness. KENT: (Looks at JOHN.) Just ignore him, Rita. (Back to RITA.) But what is everyone here going to do? RITA: What do you mean? You’ll just have to wait a month or two until the job is done and approved by the skating commission… though that could be an additional month or two… or seven. (Points to disco ball.) And I was hoping to set up the ball, not only to keep my roller derby memories hanging high, but also to give the rink more class. Looks like it will be a while. STUDENTS: (Ad lib.) What? That’s horrible! This can’t be true! Another atrocity in our high society! Etc. RITA: I know, I know. I’m caught up in the red tape. But don’t worry. There are other places you can hang out besides the rink. JAN: Not true. There’s no other place to hang out together. RITA: What do you mean? MARCIA: There isn’t a spot in town that will let a group our size kick back and be together. RITA: What about the library? POLLY: Can you imagine us all at the library? You make us sound like we’re members of the (Dramatic pause.) chess club! (STUDENTS groan.) RITA: What’s wrong with the chess club? KENT: All they ever think about is chess. DUDE: Yeah, man. During winter vacation, they can’t give it up and mellow out. All you got are chess nuts roasting by an open fire! JAN: You can’t kick us out! It’s too cold this time of year to lie around in the park. Anyway, my mom hates it when I get grass stains on my bell-bottoms. CARRIE: I see disaster looming! For preview10 only BARRY: I never in the world thought things could get worse for me! I guess I was wrong. DUDE: I’m gonna freak! RITA: Sorry, folks. I’m afraid I can’t do anything about this one. And this letter I just got from the contractors (Indicates paper in hand.) says they have to start tomorrow or I’ll be put on the back burner for another three months. It sure is sudden. But it doesn’t matter. I’ve got to shut down now and start getting ready. (ALL are shocked.) JOHN: Now?! SISSY: (Points to Magic Eight Ball on counter.) Even the Magic Eight Ball can’t help us on this one. JAN: I can’t believe you’re going to throw us out on the streets, Rita. RITA: Believe me, sweeties, I feel terrible. But what can I do? If I don’t replace the rink floor, they’ll shut me down for good. You don’t want a parking garage here, do ya? DANNY: Oh, great. Now I have to go find a new job. (To himself.) As if I like this one. RITA: Don’t worry, Danny. I’m sure I can dig up some filing for you to do. DANNY: Oh, great. That sounds even more inspiring than being a soda jerk. JOHN: Danny, you are always acting out! Don’t you see we all have a problem here? POLLY: (Squeals.) Ooh! I got a hot idea! CARRIE: What? POLLY: Why can’t we still hang out here? KENT: Huh? At a roller rink where we can’t even roller skate? POLLY: Sure! We don’t hang out here ‘cause we love to skate. EILEEN: Yeah. It’s because we just like being together. DUDE: Right on! This is true harmonic convergence. MARCIA: I know I’m hooked. BARRY: I need it for my healing process. JOHN: It’s a way to get out of the mainstream and really be ourselves. JAN: This is our home away from home. CARRIE: Rita, you have to admit, you would miss us if we weren’t here. RITA: Well… LARRY: Danny would probably rather work at the counter than be a filing-freak. After all, we can always use an afternoon snack. (Crosses to DANNY.) Your hot dogs and hamburgers are the best in town. (Pause.) I meant that as a compliment, Danny.

For preview11 only DANNY: So? KENT: (Crosses to DANNY. Speaks to group.) And see? He was the one who put the “jerk” in soda jerk. We don’t want him to get out of practice. POLLY: So, Rita, can we still come here while the floor’s being redone? (On knees.) Please, pretty please. RITA: Well, I don’t know what the city commissioner would say about it… STUDENTS: (Ad lib.) Oh, please, Rita? You’d miss us if you didn’t see us every day. Come on! Be a pal! Go with the flow! Etc. RITA: I’m awfully fond of you kids. You keep me young. Going strong. You all help me keep my roller derby spirit alive! My guess is that we wouldn’t be doing anything wrong as long as you didn’t do any skating. (POLLY jumps up.) SISSY: Let’s see what the Magic Eight Ball says. (Picks up Magic Eight Ball from counter.) Should Rita keep the rink open for us while she fixes the floor? (Beat as she slowly turns it over.) “Yes!” It says yes! (STUDENTS cheer.) RITA: If it’s okay with the city commissioner and if it’s okay with the Magic Eight Ball then (Shouts with enthusiasm.) it’s a deal! (STUDENTS cheer and hug RITA. BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene One

ACT ONE Scene Two

LIGHTS UP: EXTREME DOWN RIGHT on MRS. FLINT’S office: desk, file cabinet, phone, etc. MRS. FLINT and DORIS DRAKE are standing in front of GREG, PETER and BOBBY, who are sitting with solemn looks. The three unruly students are being reprimanded… again.

MRS. FLINT: (Looks at each individual, gives each one a stern stare.) Greg. Peter. Bobby. (To all three.) You know that you boys are (Holds up fingers an inch apart.) this close to being suspended from school.

For preview12 only PETER: Gee whiz, Mrs. Flint. It was only a joke. BOBBY: We didn’t mean anything by it. GREG: Yeah. It was no big deal. MRS. FLINT: Dusting the science room with Tang isn’t funny. PETER: But it’s what the astronauts drink. BOBBY: And we’re studying space exploration! GREG: And it’s not our fault orange isn’t the “in” color anymore. So what if it’s avocado green? DORIS: You three have finally crossed the line. You’re looking at suspension. MRS. FLINT: (Pulls DORIS aside.) Doris, we shouldn’t be so hasty. This is our chance to utilize the rehabilitation system. These boys still have a chance. DORIS: You can’t be serious. MRS. FLINT: Just watch. (To BOYS.) Miss Drake didn’t mean it the way it sounded. DORIS: How did I mean it? MRS. FLINT: You three are going to be the first to take part in our new rehabilitation program. BOBBY: Huh? GREG: I didn’t even know we had a rehabilitation program. MRS. FLINT: It’s one of my latest projects. PETER: Not another project! DORIS: (Sighs.) Yes, another project. BOBBY: What do you have in mind? MRS. FLINT: You need to appreciate what Culpepper High has to offer. Invest your time and effort into making our school cleaner, healthier and safer. GREG: So what do we have to do? MRS. FLINT: The drama department needs their costume closet cleaned. DORIS: Mrs. Flint, these boys don’t even know how to clean their own rooms! How are they going to clean a closet? MRS. FLINT: (To DORIS, sincere.) With your supervision, of course. I know how important these students are to you. DORIS: (Sarcastic.) My heart goes out to them each and every day. PETER: (Equally sarcastic.) And ours to you. MRS. FLINT: Then we have ourselves a deal. You’ll all meet in the drama room tomorrow morning at eight o’clock sharp. BOYS: Yes, Mrs. Flint. DORIS: Yes, Mrs. Flint. MRS. FLINT: Boys, you may go now. (GREG, PETER and BOBBY EXIT LEFT.)

For preview13 only DORIS: How can you give them another chance? MRS. FLINT: (Sudden loss of energy and enthusiasm.) I don’t know. DORIS: What do you mean? What’s wrong? MRS. FLINT: (Crosses to DORIS and puts arm around her.) I have something to tell you, Doris. Try not to be disappointed. DORIS: You know how sensitive I am to people’s feelings. MRS. FLINT: I’m going to retire at the end of this year. DORIS: (The gears in her brain start to turn.) Retire? Really? MRS. FLINT: (Crosses and slumps in chair.) I’m running out of steam. I’ve lost my enthusiasm and motivation. STACY: (ENTERS LEFT, carrying envelope.) Excuse me, Mrs. Flint. I hate to disturb you, but this just came special delivery. (Hands envelope to MRS. FLINT.) MRS. FLINT: Stacy, you’re so efficient. You’ve been a dream ever since you became my administrative assistant. STACY: It’s an honor to work with you, Mrs. Flint. DORIS: (Irritated.) Stop with the love fest. What’s in the letter? MRS. FLINT: (Looks at envelope.) Doris! Stacy! This is it! STACY: What? MRS. FLINT: It’s from the Principal of the Year committee! It will tell me if I’m a finalist. I’ve never been a finalist. STACY: (Sincere.) Principal of the Year. Wow! If anyone deserves it, it’s you! MRS. FLINT: (Paces.) I’m too scared to open the envelope. (Stares at envelope.) This could change everything. STACY: Change what? MRS. FLINT: Retirement. STACY: Gosh, you wouldn’t do that! MRS. FLINT: Maybe it’s too soon to talk about retirement now. (Looks at envelope.) Oh, I’m just too nervous to open it! (Opens envelope and looks at letter.) I don’t believe it! DORIS: When does Stacy start typing your resignation? MRS. FLINT: I’m a finalist! STACY: Hooray! MRS. FLINT: This could be the spark I need to get my motivational engine going again. DORIS: (Crosses to MRS. FLINT.) Come now, Mrs. Flint. Let’s hear more about retirement. MRS. FLINT: No need to talk about that. STACY: Good for you, Mrs. Flint! MRS. FLINT: (Reads over letter.) Hmmm. This is different. The committee wants to get a feel for what I’m doing for the

For preview14 only community. They want to meet with the students that congregate at Rita’s Roller Skating Rink. DORIS: Really? MRS. FLINT: But you know what all of this means? DORIS/STACY: What? MRS. FLINT: (Turns away. Crosses DOWN CENTER.) The interviews at the rink may be the award’s deciding factor. And the students there are not a true cross-section of the Culpepper Fighting Knights. DORIS: Ha! Like Danny Avon. MRS. FLINT: I forgot about Danny! (To STACY.) He poured six gallons of Elmer’s Glue on top of my car. STACY: Six gallons? MRS. FLINT: He’s the only child I’ve ever expelled. He’s so bitter, who knows what he would say or do to the selection committee. DORIS: I guess we’ll just have to leave it to fate. MRS. FLINT: True, Doris. But how can we show off our vast array of students? MRS. KOONSMAN: (ENTERS LEFT in a panic.) Mrs. Flint! I’m sorry to disturb you, but I need your help with a horrible scheduling disaster! MRS. FLINT: Mrs. Koonsman, you know my door is always open to you. We appreciate you sponsoring the chess club. DORIS: (Cold.) No one else wants to. MRS. KOONSMAN: (To DORIS.) That’s their loss and my gain. I enjoy working with those insightful children. I know someday they’ll each get published in a science journal or write a computer program for a major industrial firm. STACY: I hope in few years we’ll get another computer at Culpepper and actually have two for them to work on. MRS. FLINT: (To MRS. KOONSMAN.) What’s your scheduling problem? MRS. KOONSMAN: With the international tournament coming up, the chess club needs extra practice. But all the activity rooms are booked up and there isn’t a single classroom for us to meet. DORIS: Why? MRS. KOONSMAN: All of the rooms have been reserved by the Royal Moose Club for Guru Gunther’s meditation seminars. STACY: The Royal Moose are trying to find themselves. MRS. KOONSMAN: Is there anything that can be done? MRS. FLINT: (An idea dawns.) Why don’t you meet at Rita’s Roller Skating Rink?

For preview15 only MRS. KOONSMAN: With all the noise? MRS. FLINT: Don’t worry. We’ll set up a quiet area. DORIS: (Panics as she sees MRS. FLINT’S plan.) You can’t be serious. A quiet area? Skates screeching against the floor. The screaming. The loud music. It would leave the chess club brain dead. MRS. KOONSMAN: It would strengthen their concentration for their battle against the Soviets. MRS. FLINT: Not only that, they would get to know other students of Culpepper. STACY: Brilliant! MRS. FLINT: This could be the year everyone wins! MRS. KOONSMAN: Everyone? DORIS: Don’t get her started. STACY: Mrs. Flint, you’re always cruisin’ right along! MRS. FLINT: Why, thank you, Stacy. One always has to be on top of her game. Believe me, I know what these kids need. I know what they like. You might say, I’m... (Tries to be cool.) “hip to their scene.”(MUSIC CUE 3: “Closet Disco Queen.”) MRS. KOONSMAN: (Speaks.) It’s amazing how you stay so cool, calm and collected. MRS. FLINT: (Speaks.) Well, you might say I have my own remedy for stress management. You see, ladies… (Sings.) At the end of the day when I’m absolutely stressed, I retreat to my office for a tiny bit of rest. Grab myself a soda, disconnect the phone, Lock the office door so I’m all alone.

Fasten down the blind, turn the lights down low, Apply a little makeup, getting ready for the show. Pop a tape in the eight track, crank the volume ‘round, Calibrate my headphones for the proper sound. And then… and then… and ladies, yes, and then… I…

Shake my bootie, oh, so slowly, (Women react, incredulous.) Shake my bootie to the rhythm of beat. (Speaks.) Can you dig it? (Sings.) Shake my bootie, it’s a cutie! Get back, watch out jack, I’m the principal machine, A closet disco queen! STACY: (Speaks.) Mrs. Flint, we had no idea! DORIS: (Speaks. Aside.) I’m not surprised. For preview16 only MRS. FLINT: (Speaks.) You must try it sometime, ladies. It’s good for the spirit. (Sings.) A good principal is one who runs a tidy ship, Though the pressure of it all can leave you quite tight-lipped. Sometimes I can’t deny that awful yearning to escape. It’s then I disappear with my eight-track tape. And then… and then… and ladies, yes, and then… I…

Shake my groove thing, oh, so slowly. Shake my groove thing, to the rhythm of the beat. (Speaks.) Can you dig it? (Sings.) Shake my groove thing, I’m the real thing. Get back, watch out jack, I’m the principal machine, A closet disco queen! (Speaks.) Come on, ladies. All together now… that’s an order! ALL: (Sing and dance very comedic.) Shake my bootie, oh, so slowly. Shake my bootie to the rhythm of the beat. MRS. FLINT: (Speaks in rhythm.) Can you dig it? ALL: (Sing.) Shake my bootie, it’s a cutie! Get back, watch out jack, MRS. FLINT: (Sings.) I’m the principal machine, DORIS/STACY/MRS. KOONSMAN: (Sing.) She’s the principal machine! MRS. FLINT: (Sings.) A closet disco queen! ALL: (Sing.) I’m/She’s the principal machine! MRS. KOONSMAN: (At end of song.) You’re a genius, Mrs. Flint! I’ll tell the chess club that practices will be held at Rita’s Roller Skating Rink for the next two weeks. I feel so much better! STACY: I’ll help you design the flyer. (STACY and MRS. KOONSMAN EXIT LEFT.) DORIS: (Grumbles.) Well, that sure worked out neatly for you, as always. But I doubt if the other kids will welcome the chess club there. MRS. FLINT: Doris, I don’t understand why you seem so against this. DORIS: I suppose you’re doing the right thing. (Bitter.) Again. MRS. FLINT: I have a gut feeling that this will be the year for everyone. Wouldn’t it feel great to be the vice-principal to the Principal of the Year? DORIS: (Without enthusiasm.) Swell. MRS. FLINT: (Excited.) I feel the energy flowing once again. Watch End of script preview.

17 PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIES ON STAGE, ACT ONE: Tables and chairs, counter with various items, Magic Eight Ball, two plates with hot dogs, comic book under counter (RINK); office table, chairs, books (MRS. FLINT’S OFFICE). BROUGHT ON, ACT ONE, Scene One: Disco ball with rhinestone attached, letter (RITA). BROUGHT ON, ACT ONE, Scene Two: Envelope with letter (STACY). BROUGHT ON, ACT ONE, Scene Three: Coat (RITA); brown paper bag with diamond (BUZZ); blueprints, wallet with ID, pencil and small notebook (BILLY BOB); pencil and small notebook (CHARLEY). ON STAGE, ACT TWO: Same as Act One plus chess board with pieces (RINK); tree (PARK). BROUGHT ON, ACT TWO, Scene Two: Clipboard (MRS. FLINT). BROUGHT ON, ACT TWO, Scene Three: Disco ball, hot dog [from behind counter] (DANNY).

COSTUMES It’s the 1970s and anything that reinforces this concept will look good. Students at the rink can wear bell-bottoms, polyester, platform shoes, leisure suits, earth shoes. DUDE can look overly wild to get a laugh. Hairstyles should also reflect the 70s if possible, with long, straight hair for girls and shoulder length hair or “Afros” for boys. CHECKMATES should wear more conservative, less stylish costuming. BILLY BOB and CHARLEY should be dressed to look like construction workers.. Adult characters such as MRS. FLINT and DORIS wear conservative outfits. RITA could be costumed to show her sports background, perhaps wearing a sweatshirt and pants.

For preview57 only STAGE DESIGN

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