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SEBASTIAN COLLECTED 1

DEDICATION

As always, to friends past, present and future - with fond memories ofblue carbons and scruffy handwriting.

THANKS To everyone who has helped with the production ofthis zine - even more than usual this time.

Dog-House is a non-profit-making press. In the unlikely event ofthis zine making a profit, any such monies will be donated to our local hospice. ipi

SEBASTIAN COLLECTED is an amateur fan publication and is p not intended to infringe any rights ofany individual or organisation. The i i original material withinthis publication is copyrighted to the author.

s f Produced and published by DOG-HOUSE PRESS, this zine is approximately 82,000 words long. The zine will remain in print. Copyright January 2002

iffl CONTENTS

PLEASURE BENT 1

BETWEEN THE LINES 6

ARMY GAMES 13

HYPERION TO A SATYR 17

SUCH A DAY TOMORROW 34

THE ANNIVERSARY 38

THE JUNGLE BOOK 44

FLU 48

FLU 2 sequel to Flu by SEBASTIAN and HG 60

THE BALL WAS GOOD 69

ON HEAT 77

JUST A KISS 86

B&D BESIDE THE SEA 93

DOG-HOUSE PRESS PLEASURE BENT

"Bodie." dog, leanedaround Bodieand pincheda sausagefrom "Yeh?" Bodie lifted his head from surveillance of the pan, juggling it hastily from hand to hand when it the fryingpan and its spitting cantankerous occupants proved, inevitably, agonisingly hot. "Come on then," to see Doyle ornamenting the doorway. From one he said between gasps of pain, "what are they, leanfingered hand dangled a curio Bodie would far Tantalus?" havepreferred him not to disinter. His stomachjolted. "Tantalus is your role," said Bo die with lofty ^ Hunger, hetold himself, andjabbed a sausage, cruelly. intellectualism, "not mine. To put you out of your "What the 'ell are these? Never figured you were misery, though, sunshine, those are pleasure beads." into jewellery." Doyle draped the polished wooden He turned off the gas and tipped the remaining beads across his chest and offered himself for suasages onto the plate. He was waiting for the penny inspection. Actually, lying over dishevelled cotton to drop. Five, six - ten - and negligently revealed chest hair, they rather suited "I get it."

(iSI him. Roughly jewelled, Doyle looked unrespectable Bodie's stomach knotted again. and pagan, up for grabs in any fertility rite. Doyle was still looking at him most "Decoration," Bodie told him, bending once more unintellegently. "You in the flesh, and the ladies still over the furiously spitting sausages to account for his need these? I dunno. I'm disappointed in you," he heated skin, "is not what they're for. Do I need jibed and opened his mouth wide to sink his teeth into decoration?" He shot Doyle an Tm-beautiful' grin his stolen sausage. and continued: "'Ave you been hunting round my "Not for ladies, dumbo," Bodie told him with bloody bedroom again? Nothing's safe when you're gentle, pleasurable condescension. "Men." around, is it?" The sausage got swallowed. "Was hopin' to find a Mayfair I 'adn't read." Bodie dealt with that by the simple expedient of iB| "Not a chance, mate. I'm having a whirl on the pounding Doyle on the back until it flew out again. other side, any case." Bodie put a hand on one hip "Messy little bugger," he observed, bending and winked, outrageously. As intended, this diverted resignedly to dispose of the shredded evidence. Doyle. "Bloody good job you weren't born royal." "Realised that when I saw the Zipper on the Doyle had abandoned all interest in sausages. bedside table." Doyle moved nearer, slanted green "You mean -" His eyes were huge, his mouth a round P eyes sly, a little provocative. "Big cocks turn you on O ofshock. He was still coughing, spasmodically, but then, do they?" he tempted. seemed unaware ofthis. Bodie refused to be fazed. "Sometimes, yeah." Bodie met his gaze. "Yeah." Impatient, he teased a fork through a sausage. It was "But - where do you - " he said, delicately. a mistake. It spat back fat hotly at him. Bodie gave him a straight look. "Doyle, nobody's "Me too," admitted Doyle; and then wondered too this thick." late if that was wise, too over the limit, even for a Doyleexhaled long and loud, through pursed lips. mate as close as this one. Then, fatalistic, he mentally "Bit kinky, innit?" He eyed the objects in a totally shrugged it off. He'd bet mostmen hadat leastsome new light; wary fascination. Then, slyly eyeing curiosity inthat direction; notodd to admitit; honest. Bodie: "What does it feel like?" He fondled the beads absently, remembered them and Bodie shrugged. He extended a plate ofsausages looked down at what he held. "Not meant for and a doorstep of bread and butter to his partner. decoration, eh? Come offit, Bodie, what the 'ell can Doyle evaded it. you do with beads otherthan - oh, I get it. Lights's "Ah, c'mon, Bodie, I wanna know. You can't tell dawned. They're worry beads, that it?" me 'alf the story in that tantalising fashion and then "You can," agreed Bodie, "experiencea moment or duck out of itjust when I'm gettin' interested." ff> two of worry with 'em it's true, but no, they're not Bodie sighed. No escape. Putting down the plate worry beads. What the heck would I need worry he took the string of smooth beads, now warmed by beadsfor-" longarmed, he madea grab for Doyle, ran the touch of Doyle's hands, and ran them absently, his fingers quickly through silken tangles "- when I quickly, between his fingers. "It's not something can play with your 'air instead?" you'd want every time." He met Doyle's eyes in Doyle pulled himself free, shook his head like a rueful acknowledgement of the weirdness of human sexuality, knowing that he and Doyle were close Bodie set himselffree then, with care, and turned enough to share such a damning fact about human to face him, his mouth twisted with determination. nature. I dunno, Bodie thought, there isn't much I can "Because it might mean too much," he said, "And you think ofwouldn't turn most people on, given the right know it." circumstances... we're funny, us humans.... Doyle understood that. Emotions known through Doyle nodded, slowly, whether to the unspoken centuries flickered through him; Bodie too knew thought transmitted by rapport or to Bodie's words, them. Doyle was steady. "Let it, then. Let it. I'll Bodie didn't know. Hands placed behind him on the stand the cost," he said softly, "ifyou will." breakfast bar, his lithe partner hoisted himselfup to sit on it without looking. "What I wanna know is - " *** " - where I got them from," completed Bodie, resigned; but Doyle shook his head, a flash oflaughter It would have happened anyway, sometime, if not in his eyes. tonight; they had been charting the path out this way "Nah. Why haven't I 'eard of 'em before, is what for years. I wanna know." It wasn't the first time he had kissed Ray, but it "You probably cameacross 'em ina book," offered was almost as sweet as that first flying touch ofmouth Bodie kindly, "but were too innocent to know what is to warm mouth, shared at the end ofa close, drunken was all about. Me, I had a decadent oriental evening when they had turned mellow, and tender upbringing." with red wine and amity. "Really," mocked Doyle, and went quickly back to Once done, no way to have it undone, and so it had this entrancingsubject before Bodiecould regalehim happened again; it was their secret, one exciting, with tales of the said upbringing. "Give 'em 'ere a dark, forbidden - warm... they never spoke ofit. Nor minute." had they ever taken it any further - at least, in reality. Bodie passed them over. "Sausages are getting Almost as sweet, now, here on Bodie's wide bed in cold," he said without any hope at all. the near dark; and also sweeter: drowning in the "Not hungry," Doyle said absently, curly head nearness ofhim, the new freedom to explore him with bowed in concentration overthe stringof beadsas if every sense Bodie wondered dizzily if they weren't considering the exciting life they must have led. "So, going in too fast, streaking on comet-like to a fast you do what with 'em? You - " finish, and the beads still clenched, forgotten, in his "Owe," corrected Bodiegently, but firmly;the less hand. personal the pronoun the more he felt he could stand He let them fall. to discuss this without blushing again: "owe slides His hand found and curled around Doyle's erect, them in, or, hasthem slid in,and then, just when the throbbing cock, half-accessible from clothing hastily moment ofglory approaches - " pushed aside, his other arm sliding beneath Doyle to " - you have them pulled out," said Doyle, roll him closer, cradle him in the lee ofhis shoulder as cottoning on with no trouble at all; his voice fell to a he had done so many times in fantasy; Doyle's warm lush murmur. "One byone. Slowly." His head tipped breath sobbed intohisthroat,catchingspasmodically, back, eyes falling shut; his hand gripped the beads jerky, his fingers caught and dug into Bodie's arm. tightly. He was sweating. He's -thought Bodie inamazementjust as Doyle's It wasthen Bodie knew he was indeep trouble. wholebodyconvulsedon an arch ofecstasy; a second He gazed compelled at Doyle's flushed, of frozen stillness and then the rhythmic, silent wicked-cherub face, knowing that any moment Doyle pulsing under his incredulous fingers, his thumb wet was about to open his eyes, and in them, the light of and sticky, warm. mischief, and command. When Doyle lay still and quiet again, only the odd "No," Bodie said,and turnedawaywithan effort. catch markingout his breathing now, Bodie trailed his The whisper in his ear made him jump: "Why hand up to find the precious viscous puddlings not?" marking out Doyle's naked chest. His seed, wasted on He hadn't heard Doyle's approach, nor been infertile ground. Bodie wished he could see it, admire prepared for the warm hands that touched the sides of the pearly texture. As he moved to settle more his throat, holding him ina relaxed, gentle way. The comfortably against him, his hand encountered scent of him so close made it difficult to think. something hard. "Just no," he managed, staring furiously ahead He picked up the forgotten beads and smil ed, while gentle thumbs traced pleasure on the delicate unseen. "You got it all wrong," he whispered into skin behind hisears, "Nota good idea, Ray." Doyle's hair, hand circling sensuously on the silky "Oh, you'll have to do better than that," the moist skin, lit by the sex-rich scent of it as it arose. enchanter's voice whispered. "Why not?" "All wrong, sunshine. Too late now, isn't it?" He H loopedthe artefact around Doyle's wrist. I've got to be awake," said Bodie bitterly. A ripple beside him, and Doyle moved. Abandoning all hope of a doze, he struggled upright, Light flashed into the room, making Doyle blink. wistfully weighing up his chancesof gettingDoyle to H "Let's see if you do any better," said Doyle with a make a cup of tea. His hand stroked up and down flawed smile; Lucifer with angel-hair. He lay still Doyle's arm, absently; Doyle was fiddling with under Bodie's scrutiny. Staring down at Doyle's something. Bodie looked down to see what it was. dishevelled looselimbed figure, eyes slitted over "Bloodyhell,Doyle,"heexclaimed, moreresigned dream-chased green, shirt unbuttoned and pushed than anything, "what'd you get thosethingsout for?" open, trousers undone, belly sticky and lush with Doyle slanted up a glance. "Just came across 'em. sweat and sex, desire surged through Bodie, Worry beads, aren't they?" He sounded totally unstoppable, and he wondered whyever they had unconcerned, running the curio through his fingers. waited so long. Bodie stared at him, unable to decide whether "Here," came Doyle's insistent voice into his ear, Doyle was setting him up, or not. "Do it here, with mine," and obedient, Bodie surged "You can't have forgotten," he said in disbelief. strongly overslick skin, pressing his cock sweetly into "Can't have forgotten what?" Doyle turned his Doyle's silken welcome, hands tangling in his hair, face up to him; it was one ofhis more guilefree days. cradling his head, as he gasped and came, spurting Doyle always was dopey on a Sunday; trailed around warmly between their closepressed bodies; hearing as in a trance, sweet-tempered and easily led. if in the distance the murmur of Doyle's voice Nevertheless, Bodie eyed him with suspicion. encouraging him, telling him things hard to say except "I don't believe you've forgotten." into the dark, and it was only later when his world had Doyle's brow furrowed in trouble. "I dunno what righted itselfthat he was able to do the same. you're on about. Honest," he added, and leaned his "-dunnowhy. Just did. Like you said, it crept up head back on Bodie's shoulder, dismissingthe subject. on me, same as it did you. Always was a sucker for His fingers twiddled, idly. curls and an angel face." His finger trailed idly, Bodie swooped in and relieved him of the beads. FS1 tenderly down Doyle's damp cheek. "Love you," he "Mind like a bloody tea strainer," he muttered said, very soft. disgustedly. "You tellin' me, you don't remember But Doyle was already asleep, lulled in a new how all this began?" security. "All what?" Tell him tomorrow. Bodie kissed him on the mouth, hard. At the same time his free hand travelled down Doyle, to cup the *** soft press of his genitals. "This," he said against Doyle's mouth. "Oi." "Ofcourse I do," Doyle said affronted. His hand Bodiejuddered awake with a shock. went down, covered Bodie's, pressing the fingers "Woke me up," he grumbled unnecessarily, harder onto himself, one by one. Silence. rubbing the sleep out ofhis eyes. Bodie waited. Doyle seemed disgustingly lively. He plunged "Well?" he said, finally. down onto the settee where Bodie had been taking a "'S on the tip ofmy tongue," Doyle said dreamily; crafty nap, and bounced. waif-whore, he made it sound charged with sexual Bodie shuddered. "Whaddyou want then," he enchantment. 'Rl enquired, gathering a lazy handful of Doyle's Deciding to be appeased, Bodie drew one finger sweatshirt. Hepulled. Doylecollapsedacross his lap. around the denim-covered groin. "I'm very hurt," he Bodie slid an arm around him, rocked him a little, said, "Only two, three years ago and you don't shutting his eyes again as Doyle relaxed into him. remember how it all started?" There was a chance, a small one, that he might be able "Somethingto do with sausages?" Doylehazarded, togetbackto sleep- drowsing together thiswayinthe snatching at a hazy bit of memory, stretching out, afternoon was characteristic oftheir Sundays. encouraging Bodie to explore him further with an Doyle rested against Bodie a moment, thinking his upward movement ofhis hips. own thoughts, idly playing with the treasure he held. "On the right track," Bodie agreed, undoing his Allwaspeaceful. Bodiedrifted,his headbeginningto belt buckle and zip one-handed, sliding a careful hand slip to one side. inside to find Doyle warm and fully hard. He erected A skinny elbow connected harshly with his ribs. faster than anyone Bodie knew; sometimes at a look, Bodie yowled, and shot up. or a scent. "Well? Any more trickling back, is it?" he "I don't feel sleepy," Doyle explained. enquired with a hint ofsarcasm. "Oh that's great that is. You don't feel sleepy, so Doylesmiled, lower lipcaught between his teeth as

p Bodie's thumb brushed as if casually over the tip of "No don't," Doylepleaded,partlygoingalongwith him. "Nah,'s slipping further away if anything." His the game, part genuinely wary as Bodie advanced on eyes fell shut. him, nightblue eyes gleaming, beads in hand - "Don't get too comfy, mate," Bodie warned, "Bodie," he yelled, backing across the bed in an watching him: he added, "'cause in another minute undignified snuffle, "Wait, just wait, I wanna know you're either going to be in bed, or on the floor - what the hell I'm in for." depending on my whim." His voice had dropped to a Bodie stopped. He was still undecided as to low, very macho purr. "Ray - " his hand stilled, "- whetherDoylewas having him on in the matterofhis don't you really remember? Straight up?" supposed amnesia, but it no longer seemed to matter, Doyle's eyes flashed open; he was making a either way. serious effort this time, staring into space, brows He got onto the bed, gathered Doyle from where he drawn together. "I remember you fuckin' me for the was hunched against the headboard, and held him first time and me dashin' offto -" close. "All right, all right," Bodie interrupted hurriedly; "You know I'd never hurt you," he said into they had discovered that some thngs took some getting Doyle's ear; from the heart. used to but fortunately in this case, practice had Doyle agreed, without equivocation. He watched proved to make perfect. Bodie, curious only now, all uncertainty gone and "- an' I remember, long before that, you used to forgotten. kiss me. Dark nights when you thought I'd be too "You'll like it." pissed to notice, you used to get closer and closer and Doyle relaxed slowly underthe caressingvoice and finally you'd kiss me. Thenyou'd go away happy." hands stroking pleasure over him: when he was alight "All my doing?" Bodie said in disbelief at this with it, shivering with tension, every nerve sweet, he biased view ofevents. suddenly rememberedon anotherdistant plane exactly Doylesmiledbriefly,caughtupinhismemory trip, what the beads were for, but there was no resistance in eyes hazy. "Nah, I loved it, used to plan to get you him, he trusted Bodie, Bodie could do anything with niceand mellow so maybeyou'd do it again." him, anything at all. And when it happened, when he Bodiekissed himforthat,one handlacing through was drawn to the peak by Bodie's subtle skill with apple fresh curls to bring him close. Warm, he was him, it was god so beautiful, like he was some great thinking thattheywereverylucky; thatwhattheyhad flower unfolding slowly from the very centre of bound them closer, and more lastingly, than any himself, every blossoming a stronger sweeter pulse formal tie. than the last. Doyle said against his ear, "But, 's like that old The world took time to right itself. song. Ican't remember exactly how itall started, you He opened his eyes, lazily; looked into dark blue. know, I'd probably swear blind I waswearing a blue He smiled. shirt and you'd say it was a green one, that kind of 'Wow do you get it?" Bodie asked. thing. As for how those bloody worry beads come "Yeaahh." He invested the syllable with rich into it, well, thasswayout of my orbit, mate." meaning. There was silence. He was grinning. "Good, was it?" Bodie said softly, knowinghow it "Right," said Bodie, "That's it." had been. He hauled his mate to his feet, beadson one hand, "I felt likea flower," Doylesaidunexpectedly; and a fistful of Doyle in the other, and set off for the grinned whitetoothedat the absurdity ofit. bedroom, Doyle chuckling, wriggling, and protesting "You felt like a flower?" Bodie repeated, amazed; all the way. and he loved Doyle very much at that moment for the "What the 'ell - ?" sheer,tender unconventionalityofhim; hecould make Bodie dropped him onto the bed. "I," he said with Bodie laugh, and cry in the same breath... greatdeliberation, "am goingto show youwhatthese They lay very close, understanding perfectly. are for. Since you don't seem able to take it in Doyle yawned, turned on his side. He trailed a verbally, I'm going toget it across another way. Or," hand down the smooth silken skin of Bodie's chest. he noted Doyle's faint apprehension, laughing though Bodiewas patient,waitingfor him:only the feralglint hewas, with satisfaction. "I can just seeit, every five of his eyes, the slight disorder of his breathing, years when we springclean or something, when you betrayingthe effort patience was costing him. Doyle's come across 'em, it'll be the same old thing: 'Bodie,' fingers found him, squeezed him gently. it'll be, 'what are these for?'" he mimicked Doyle's "I'll tell you something." sweet-rough voice, "'Worry beadsarethey Bodie?' I "Yeah," agreed Bodie, eyes shutting. can't stand it,mate, sogetready. Sayyourlastprayer, "Was a great feeling. Yeah... But, you know," or whatever." mused Doyle, cradling Bodie's hardness between his ! f\ palms,"ifI'm gonnahave anything insideme, I'd just fi as soon it was partofyou." Rigid with banked erotic need, Bodie still took care a to be gentle as he responded to that invitation, Ij submerging all his desire in Doyle's open welcome. They always slept after making love on Sunday w\ afternoons. The lastthing Bodie heardas he drifted offto sleep was an irritated, hotbreathed whisper in his ear. "'M lying on these bloody worry beads." He fell asleep laughing.

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5s? If BETWEEN THE LINES

set during 'Mixed Doubles'

In one thing, Macklin was right. They had grown reassuringly solid shoulder; he was breathing very too used to success. From his position leaning against hard. He was dazed and not thinking very straight; but the wall, arms folded, Bodie was frowning as he he was aware that where he now stood was the only watched the scenario being acted out on the refuge for him in the world right now. warehouse floor: he too had felt that sickening punch, "My god, you've got things to learn," said known the piercing tang ofsharp knife sliding along Macklin,watching them. "You think you'vefinished? skin, and understood that worse than any pain was the We've only just started. Give him to me, Bodie, and fury and resentment and loss of pride that came after let me make a man out ofhim. Worth a try, anyway." one had tried and tried and still the tough bastard Part ofMacklin's job, the needle. It got to Bodie came back at you. Macklin was good. Better than more than Doyle; he was on a shorter fuse. He stared he'd expected. directly at Macklin, thinking lovingly of his big He was bruised and battered and tired and the Magnum - get you alone with that, mate, and I'd ram thought of another round with Macklin and Towser it straight up your - But he dismissed that as too made him shudder. But worse than that prospect was unsatisfying; no, he wanted to take Macklin apart with what he was going through now; watching it happen his bare hands, and Towser with him. And that's what to his partner. He watched because not watching you're here to teach me, mate, he thought savagely. would be worse still; too conscious that Doyle was That's right, you teach me. And then watch your smaller than he was, lighter, and eyecatching back. vulnerable, slender-wristed, overlongcurls, eyes wide He looked down at the slighter man leaning on with almost-fear as he anticipated the next blow. him, felt the quivering exhaustion in the slender body; Bodie's fists clenched. "Give it to him, Ray," he and something began to tear loose inside him. muttered as Doyle reeled near him. Useless "Let go of him, Bodie," warned Macklin in a low encouragement. It was clear that Doyle was about voice. "Let go ofhim. Come on, Doyle. You should finished;all his puncheslackedstrengthanddirection, see yourself; it's bloody pathetic. Come and take me he was staggery on his feet, but you could see he was on and prove you're a man, not a little flower." going to die trying. Not for his partner, the simple He stood there, lazy, mocking and arrogant, his surrender. Lithe and lean and muscular as he was, eyes travelling cynically overthe big dark man and the Doyle was no match for Macklin. Neither of them smaller one in his unconsciously protective grasp. were, Bodie conceded; and it stung. Doyle's body had stiffened at the taunt, and now he But more important than that, Ray Doyle was was stirring, about to turn and resume his efforts. getting hurt. And it killed Bodie to stand back and Half dead on his feet. You couldn't deny the courage watch. of the man. The simmering rage in Bodie suddenly Doyle's straining arm gave up at last in Macklin's towered, and exploded. grip. One blow to the guts from a hard elbow, and he "You bleeding sadist, you hurt him again and I'll wasthudding ontothefloor,astill,red-T-shirted heap. fucking well kill you for real!" he shouted, and For the second time that day Bodie was there, launched himselfat Macklin with all the brute force extending a hand to him, and it was a moment before he was capable of, coupled to an insane rage, and Doyle wasevenableto take it. Bodiepractically had outrage too; this bloody maniac was out to hurt Doyle, to lift him to his feet and hold him there. his partner. He had a glorious few seconds before "Thought you were hard boys, didn't you? Two Towser waded in and hauled him off. real Flash Harrys." Macklin's voice held a weary The whole tenor of the exercise had changed. contempt as he stood, legs aggressively apart, Bodie, held back in the black man's iron grip, stared watching them. Bodie slowlyrubbed the sweat-damp down at his enemy with slitted eyes. He looked cotton of his partner's back as Doyle leaned against blackly dangerous, still on a slow fuse of burning him, offering a shred ofcomfort. He stared out at the aggression. Macklin, breathing hard and wiping a blonde-headed sadistwith murderousdislike. He said trace of blood from his nose, slowly got to his feet, nothing. Doyle dropped his head onto his partner's staring at Bodie all the while. "Well, well, well," he f|W

said softly. "So now we know. How to get the real wide awake, jumpy with tension, and fear, and an hate out ofyou." uneasy premonition ofdisaster close at hand. He said no more, turning away. Pulling violently None of those things; but he did have Bodie. away from Towser's grip, Bodie watched him go, fists Raising himselfon an elbow he glanced down at the clenched. Then he turned to find his partner, who was other bag. Bodie's dark ruffled head was unmoving sitting on the bed beside the stark whitewashed wall, on the pile ofclothes serving as a rough pillow. His head in his hands. Doyle glanced up as Bodie sat eyes were shut. Bodie wasn't troubled tonight. He down heavily beside him. He said nothing. supposed that was one advantage of being an ex- "Bastard," said Bodie through gritted teeth. He mercenary; you learnt how to cope with the night looked over at Doyle. "You okay?" before facing the front line. "Yeah." "Bodie?" he said, very low. He was far from being okay. But Bodie's sudden "Yeah?" outburst of unleashed violence had startled him as "Thought you were asleep." ^ much as it had Macklin. It made him thoughtful. "Will be, in a minute." A drowsy murmur. Bodie was taking hold of his arm, in a familiar Doyle was gripped with panic, that Bodie might go grip, nodding ahead. Towser was advancing on them offto sleep and leave him alone. "I can't." brandishing a cosh; a mirthless smile stretching his "Try counting sheep." lips. "I'll take him," Bodie growled, and got to his "I want to talk a bit." feet. Bodie gave an exasperated sigh, but he rolled over "Not without me, you don't." Doyle struggled up obediently, dismissing sleep with reluctance. He too, putting his weariness aside to stand watchfully at looked down in the general area of his feet, nearby Bodie's side. They were a team. Live or die. which lay the undisciplined head of his partner. "Okay then, what's on yourchest? Apart from all that *** scruffy hair, that is." Doyle ignored both the question and the levity. Only a few hours till the arrival ofParsali, the man "You said you'd written letters." they were to protect. 'Sleep on it', they'd agreed, but This made little sense. Bodie backtracked over itwasn't workingout that way. They had leftthe light their earlier conversation; it was a strange mood that on, and there were sounds in the room still, the rustle had taken Doyle tonight. "Oh - yeah. Letters." He of shifting nylon as restless bodies turned in the waited, yawning. sleeping bags. Doyle picked at the cover of his sleeping bag, not Thesombretoneofthe precedingconversationhad looking up. unsettledDoyle; he felt strained and uneasy, his mind "You write me one?" running wildlyonan erraticcourse. Badmedicine, as Bodie made a face. "What the hell's got into you Bodie had said. If he went on like this he'd be on a tonight? Of course I didn't bloody well write you sure ticket for getting himself killed if there was a hit one." planned forParsali. Parsali would make it,barring the "Who, then?" Doyle persisted. most unthinkable bad luck; he had enough confidence Bodie heaved another meaningful sigh, and in himselfand his partner to be confident ofthat. But humoured him. "Family, bank manager, old mate of whether he and Bodie would also both survive - well, mine I knew in Africa. That's about it." that depended on themselves, and the way he was "Old mate?" feeling tonight... Put itthis way, he told himselfwith Bodie couldn't quite identify the note in his grim humour, if I were Cowley and I knew what was partner's voice. "Yeah, Jack Heyward. Mentioned going on in my head I wouldn't send me in on this him to you a couple oftimes." Wf one... "You haven't seen him in years." He fought the depression and anxiety running "S'right," Bodie agreed. He couldn't see Doyle's around in his mind with thoughts of pleasant things, face when he squinted over; it was in shadow. Just but they kept slipping away from him and the then Doyle rolled over and lay flat on hi s back, bleakness refused to be distracted. Damn, he cursed considering. "Man you haven't laid eyes on in a silently, his hands clenched by his sides; damn damn decade, family - likewise - and your bank manager." damn. What he needed was to get drunk, several large "Yeah." r shotsof whisky would do it, relax him enough to let There was clearly more to come, Bodie guessed, him sleep. Ora woman - hethought briefly ofthesoft from Doyle's dangerously quiet tone. He didn't have sweetness that was Claire - or a relentless blast of long to wait. laid-back stereo pounding his mind into numbness. "No girls? Not Cowley?" He had none of those things; and so Ray Doyle lay "Nope." "So those are the people you're closest to? Jack Doyle, quietly. "It isn't a joke. It's true." Heyward, your -" Bodie scowled in irritation. "I know it's bloody Bodie forestalled him. "No," he explained true. I just told you, didn't I?" reasonably. "Those are the people who for a variety Hethought Doyle might pursue it,andwasrelieved of reasons might need or appreciate some word from when his partner said nothing, just gavea sigh. "Can me after I snuff it. And now can we bloody well get Igoto sleepnow?" he asked plaintively. "Or isthere some sleep?" anythingelse you want meto confess? Just ask away, There was a silence. Bodie closed his eyes, began won't you? I'm perfectlyhappyto bare my innermost to drift again. soul to you, mate." His tone had changed to purest "/ bloody well might appreciate some word from irony. you after you snuff it!" exploded Doyle. Doyle didn't answer that. Bodie shut his eyes. Bodie was startled all over by his partner's near Only now he was as far away from sleep as Ray shout, and was not at that moment inclined to take all Doyle. this too seriously. "Aaahh..." he sympathised, with "One of us might go tomorrow." heavy mockery. "You mean all this is a subtle way of Doyle's leisurely comment breaking the silence telling me you want me to write you one? Well, I will, didn't surprise Bodie. When Doyle had said he old son, I will. Soon as I get my hands on a pen." wanted to talk, he wasn't kidding. He made it "It might be too late." determined, full offlat conviction. "Nah. No way." Doyle's quiet voice had more effect on Bodie than "It's possible, Bodie!" snapped Doyle. "Don't the previous explosion. He pushed himself up and keep on bloody denying it. You're not stupid. You looked down at Doyle, frowning and quite serious know it could happen." now. "I wish you'd stop all this, mate. Okay, so "Yeah -" said Bodie harshly, and then he stopped you've got a premonition about tomorrow. Just don't himself, and said more gently, "Yeah, I know. You lay it on me, okay? And ifyou could forget it, stuffit, happy now?" He went on before Doyle could reply: shove it out ofyour mind, you'd be doing yourself a "But, the night before we go on parade right beside the bloody favour, too. I didn't leave a letter for you," bloke everyone's trying to kill isn't the best time to continued Bodie without a pause, "because when we hark on about it, is it? You think happy thoughts, go, we'll fuckin'well go together and you wouldn't be sunshine. Think about your Claire, and how hot she's around to read it, ergo waste of paper, time and gonna be for you when she comes off nights. Think trouble. Also, Cowley'd be sure to read anything we up some wild new fantasy to try out on her. Okay, leave behind when our numbercomes up - you know mate? Sweet dreams," he said firmly, and settled the nosyold bastard - and crap himself laughing." down to sleep. "Why, what would you put in it?" Doyle had hardly heard any of it. "Bodie. I want Bodie snorted. "Bloody hell, mate. You're a to ask you something." strange one tonight. What d'you think I'd put in it? Bodie groaned, his patience finally gone. "God, 'Dear 4.5, now I'm gone I think you ought to know Ray, you really have got yourselfinto a state, haven't that from the first moment I saw you I lost my heart you?" he commented, not unkindly, sitting up and and I've been hiding my feelings all these years'...?" running a hand through his hair. "What you need is a "You weren't hidin' 'em very well the other day." drink, mate. I'll have a look in the bag." Bodie stilled; every last trace of facetiousness Doyle ignored that, looking up as Bodie leant over wiped out of him at Doyle's quiet, grim words. He him, his wide eyes steady. "Wait. If I ask you to do leaned up on his elbows and stared. "What?" something for me, will you do it?" "You 'eard me," said Doyleconcisely. "Macklin "What is it?" Bodie demanded, suspicious, looking looked at us pretty funny, y'know. It'll go in the down into Doyle's troubled face. report, that's for sure. I shouldn't be surprised if the "Will you do it?" Doyle only repeated. Cow sends for us and gives us a non-fraternization Bodie hesitated only for a second or two; then he lecture. Or worse, maybe." grinned. "Yeah." He ran a quick, light finger down It was out in the open; no point trying to push it the straight line ofDoyle's nose. "There. I've agreed. away. So Bodie shrugged, accepting the inevitable. So now tell me what it is." "Okay," he said lightly, but he didn't look at his Against all expectations, Doyle lost his nerve, and partner. "I'll come clean to George. Sorry, sir, I rolled over, burying his head in his arm. "You're broke the rule. I got involved. I cry when he cuts gonna laugh yourselfsick." 'imselfandlaugh when he's happy. Ibulldoze people Now all Bodie could see was ruffled brown curls, into a pulp if they lookat him unfriendly, and I want the line ofsilver around the nape ofhis neck, the top to cuddle him when he gets hurt." ofthe green T-shirt. He stared at it, confused. "Nah, There was another silence. "It's true, Bodie," said won't. Promise. Come on."

8 fflW

IP "Sleep with me." Bodie had no answer for that. No words. The muffled words leaked out ofthe sleeping bag. Doyle watched with unflickering eyes as Bodie Stunned, Bodie said dumbly, "What?" leant towards him, his own eyes steady; but he was a p "Sleep with me," said Doyle more clearly, and he little unsure, hesitant as he touched his lips to Doyle's turned his head to one side, staring ahead, suspended forehead. When Doyle didn't flinch, he drew in a in numbness. deep shuddering breath as a flood ofstrangeness and After a long, tense silence, Bodie said slowly, longing ripped through him, and his suddenly hungry "Let's get it clear. Are you propositioning me? Or mouth sought out and found Ray Doyle's. what?" "I don't know. I don't know!" Doyle repeated "Must get some sleep, love," Bodie murmured vehemently. "What I do know is that I don't wanna be against his cheek. He knew Doyle was awake. His on my own, not tonight, not now." body lay heavily relaxed across his, his eyes were Bodie's doubts lasted only a moment or two closed and he had not spoken. Bodie knew itjust the longer. "Okay," he said quietly, and reached out a same. hand to his own bag; then leaning back to Doyle. Doyle stirred, lazily. "Mmm. In a little while." "Come on, shift, sunshine." And then as Doyle stared He wanted to hold onto this feeling, just a little longer. at him, impatiently: "I don't know what books you've Reality and the morning would be with them soon been reading lately, mate, but we're not both gonna fit enough. in one bag, now are we?" "Feel any better?" Doyle watched in silence as Bodie quickly and "Yeah." Doyle stretched against him, warm skin efficiently zipped the two identical bags together; and against his own. Bodie's fingers tangled slowly in a moment later Bodie was there with him. damp curls. "You mean a lot to me." He lay quietly against the bigger man, more "Yeah, I know." Then Doyle roused himselffrom peaceful. He could hear the slow, steady beat of his reverie, his eyes coming open, and he stared at the Bodie's heart near his ear, smell the warm scent of face close to his. His new love. Or not so new. "You him, feel the solid strength of the arms around him. don't exactly hide it." He could see Bodie's solemn, half-shadowed face Bodie was, and knew himself to be, protective, inches from his, the curled lips, the arrogant flare of even possessive; as any partner of a two-man team the nostrils. might be of the man he worked with. It had been Bodie, watching him, raised a hand and brushed acceptable; they were good friends. But now? back all the curls, smoothing them away in an "Maybe I'd better start." unsteady, tender gesture. He wasn't quite sure what A little cold reality began to creep back into the SI was happening, but he had no quarrel with it. "You dreamy haze. Doyle said, looking at him, through really got yourself worked up, didn't you?" he said, him, "It doesn't bother me. You?" low and gentle. "You're so strung up, Ray. Really "No. But people talk." He lifted a strand of uptight. What's all this about? Come on, tell me." Doyle's hair, considering its brown softness; and let it Doyle studied his partner's face. He felt sad, and fall, tracing the curve ofit where it lay on his forehead weary, and he hadneverbeen moreconsciousthatthis with a gentle finger. 'BU might be his lastnighton earth. So it was goodto be "Even now? Before now?" CI5 was a strange heldby someonestronger,give way, let someoneelse place; very enclosed. They were all too tightly-knit; cope for a while. He said only: "Premonition, like too involved in one another. you said." "Oh, I'm well known for it," Bodie said lightly, This time, the word opened up a vision ofbloody and the sudden grip of his tensing hands belied the death. Bodie saw himself leaning over Ray Doyle, levity. "Didn't you know? I can't leave you alone, sightless green eyes staring up, tumbled, lifeless that's what they say. It's a right bloody laugh for the limbs;and looking, shocked, into Doyle's living eyes pen pushers in the Ops Room." he knew that Doyle was seeing the same. "True?" Doyle was fascinated. To all appearances S "No," he said fiercely, gripping the green-clad more sensitive and finely tuned than his partner, ofthe shoulders, shaking him. "No way. You cut this out, two ofthem he was by far the less likely to be on the d'you hear me? You've got to stop it now, Ray, CI5 grapevine. Gossip bored him, even when it before it goes too far. You're not gonna die concerned himself; maybe that was an egocentric trait, tomorrow. I won't let you. We're not going to die," he wasn't sure. he said with emphasis; and waited, staring frowning "True," Bodie confirmed. Beneath the layer of pi intohis partner's strangely beautiful face. Then: sliding nylon fabric, he reached for and found Doyle's "Someone is," said Doyle bleakly. "So why should hand, twining his fingers around it. "I'm starry-eyed we be the lucky ones?" besotted with you, madly in love; and you, opinions

pi vary - you put up with it. That's how the current story Macklin's quiet words made Cowley's head come runs." up, eyes sharp and piercing. "What are you saying?" "Yeah?" Doyle lay quiet, in Bodie's arms; it felt Macklin repeated it, unembellished. "Maybe like a good place to be, the right place. He thought they're too close." about what Bodie must have gone through, and how Their eyes held. "In what way?" Cowley said, very he had kept it to himself, to spare Doyle. His fingers quiet. gripped Bodie's tight; and the other hand he let run up Macklin didn't hedge about. "I got to Bodie every and down Bodie's arm, a gesture of comfort and way I could think of. Trying to push him as far as I atonement. could, so he'd give me his damn-all hating me. But in "Well," he said at last. "They got it wrong." the end he showed me the way himself. Threaten his Bodie chuckled. "Yeah." partner -" Macklin shook his head, remembering, "- Who knew what he was thinking? Doyle didn't. hurt Doyle; and that's when you get to see what makes Maybe they meant different things. He wanted there Bodie tick. He was on me like a ton ofbricks. For a to be no doubts, not tonight. He wanted Bodie to moment back there I thought he'd kill me." knowexactly where he stood, because he mightnever Cowley acknowledged it. "He's protective of get the chance to tell him again. So, abruptly, he sat Doyle, yes. Smaller man, more sensitive. I wouldn't up, both hands reaching up to tug at the chain behind say there was anything odd about that." his neck. He found the fiddly catch, released it, and "You've never thought -" let the warm metal slide about in his hand for a "Thought what, man?" Cowley checked his watch, moment. Wondering what was going on, Bodie too impatiently. hadpushed himselfupand wasstaringat him. Doyle Macklin gave it to him straight. Looking Cowley surveyedhim for a moment,weighinghis chain in his directly in the eye, he said: "That Bodie and Doyle hand; then he put it around Bodie's neck, fastening it might be a good deal more to each other than just on securely. The bright metal gleamed on Bodie's good buddies." smooth skin; he wore nothing else. Then Doyle lay Cowley thought about it, remarkably unfazed. He back down. took another leisurely sip of his drink before he "They'll get it right now," he said, contentedly; replied. "Some sexual contact, you're meaning? No, and settled down in Bodie's warm, loving grip. Now I hadn't thought about it. But it wouldn't surprise they could go to sleep. And tomorrow could throw at me." Bodie had enough cheek for two ofthem. And them what it would. Doylewas unconventional enough to go along with it, if he felt like it. Yes, Cowley could imagine, that *** some dark, drunken nights, fooling around together the way they did - Cowley tooka sipat hisdrink, thefirstof theday, Macklin made an impatient gesture. "Sexual and set it down with a satisfied sigh. He canted a contact isn't what I'm talking about. That wouldn't glance up at the blonde-headed man at his side. matter, necessarily; you're right. I don't know about "Well, lad; what's on your mind?" that and I don't care. But I think it's more than sex." Macklin studied his drink - orange juice - and Now he had all of Cowley's attention; the other considered his words carefully. The silence was too man was as alert and tense as a cat, and watching him long for Cowley's liking; he wasa busy man. intently. "You must have seen it!" said Macklin "Comealong,man. I haven'tall day. AboutBodie sharply. "Haven't you watched them together? and Doyle. A week agoyou were saying they're the They're too ready to be amused by each other; they're best I've got." too aware ofone another. And ifDoyle loses Bodie's "They are," Macklinrespondedwithouthesitation. attention, he has to get it back, he opens up those big "They're a good team, they're highly skilled, they're eyes and looks up at him; heflirts with him, near as quick, fit and intelligent. And they've gotguts." goddamnit. And Bodie falls for it; oh, he's fallen all "And- ?" Cowleyprompted. Hetrusted Macklin's right," said Macklin cynically. "You watch him some judgement. time when Doyle's around. It shines out ofthe man. Macklin looked up and met his eyes directly. Doyle means everything to him. He'd kill for him." "What would you say about their personal The question Cowley asked, softly into the silence, relationship? How theyget on off- duty?" was not the one Macklin had been expecting. "So - Cowley took it in his stride. "They're close," he Bodie has fallen in love. And Doyle?" finally stated. "Good, close friends." The early Macklin stared, thrown offcourse. "Doyle?" morning sunlight shot golden tones into the good Tousleheaded, self-sufficient creature; too pretty whisky, lifted it from dullness into incandescence. for his own good despite the super-fitness, the animal, "Maybe too close." muscular grace of him. That was how Macklin

10 pi remembered Ray Doyle. The other thing he He'd been very remote, very self-contained today, had remembered was Doyle, shaken, weary and hurt, Ray Doyle. Yesterday's shootout had upset him, turning blindly on stumbling legs to the man he knew though he had said nothing; and after it he had would be there, waiting to hold him and offer disappeared offsomewhereand Bodie hadn'tseen him voiceless comfort. until they met up in their boss's office this morning to "Yes," he said quietly. "Doyle too. Oh, maybe it give him their report on the Parsali affair. And then doesn't show as much, but it's there. I'm sure of it. Cowley had given them a little report ofhis own. m You've maybe got yourselfa problem. Those two are Bodie pulled on his arm, indicated a pub. "Have a - " he hesitated, searching for the right word, and drink on it?" settling eventually for the trite, obvious phrase he "Can't, got things to do." could find no better way to express. "- it's love." "They're so important you haven't time for a quick After a long momentCowley sighed, taking the last pint?" Bodie demanded. of his whisky slowly. "Aye, well. I'll maybe look Doyle turned his head to look at him. Standing pi into it. Thank you, laddie." there against the wall, ruffled hair ruffled further by the wind, back to the usual scruffy-clean attire and a *** check jacket, he looked very appealing to Bodie. He pi wanted to reach out and hug him; but Doyle's next Bodie shoved his hands into his pockets as he went words killed the urge dead. down the steps behind his partner, who was taking "I'm seem' Claire," he said, eyes wide and clear as PI them fast. He didn't let himself think about what he looked at Bodie. "At 2. Have to go home and Doyle might be going to say. At the foot ofthe flight, change." Doyle stopped and waited for him to catch up, his arm There didn't seem very much that Bodie could say. resting lightly on the stone balustrade. Bodie gave Chilled and isolated, he nodded at Doyle, at a loss, but him a faint, wry shrug. striving for a normal tone. "Yeah, ofcourse. She'll Doyle said, without expression, "Told you you be up by now, won't she? Awake, I mean. Okay. si were too fond ofme." Well, think I'll stop off for one, anyway. See you Bodiejust looked at him. Doyle swung into stride around, sunshine." again. Bodie fell into step at his side and they walked He gave him a little smile, but Doyle lingered, along the grimy pavement in silence. watching him. "You looking after my chain?" he "What d'you think?" Bodie said at last. asked, suddenly. Doyle shrugged. "'Bout what?" In answer, Bodie hunted around inside his shirt, Bodie wasn't going to get exasperated. "The old pulled it out hooked over a finger. "You want it pi man." now?" "S'obvious, isn't it? Macklin coughed - told you "Nah. You're keepin' it. Just checkin' you had it he would." safe." "It must be nice," said Bodie moodily, "to be so "All the time." often right." Their eyes met. Then Doyle put out an arm, took "I don't think it's too serious. What could Cowley Bodie by the wrist, and yanked him close. For a do?" asked Doyle rhetorically. "I mean, what could momentthey were standing, very close, in full view of he do?" any passers-by who might glance their way. Doyle "Separate us." tipped his head back, slanted an unfathomable Doyle shook his head. "Nah, he couldn't. There's green-eyed glance at Bodie. "Got a few things to do. no way he could do that." Loose ends. Then I'll call you." "You gonna tell 'im 'e can't?" "Call me what?" Bodie retreated swiftly into the Doyle's tousled head came up and he stared at safer areas of levity. Bodie. "Yeah. Ifhe tries. Forget that. So what else "Oh, anything you want," said Doyle, very soft, could he do?" and he looked into Bodie's eyes all the while as he "Tell us to cool it?" Bodie suggested, tentatively. lounged indolently against the wall, holding Bodie's Doyle shook his head again. "He didn't seem too arm. "I'll call you what you want me to, sweetheart. worried. Did you think he did?" But let me get this out ofthe way first, okay?" "No, I didn't think so." Doyle's hands moved over him quickly. Bodie "He just likes to know." thought for a dazed moment that it was quite possible "Well, so now he knows." he was dreaming all this. Then Doyle let him go,

PI And us? Bodie thought, wanting to say it aloud. tipped him a wink. "I'll see ya." He watched the serious face ofhis partner, eyes fixed He had gone five yards before he turned back. straight ahead as he bounced along, lost in thought. "Oh, by the way. You got a spare doorkey?"

1p| 11 HI

"What? Oh, yeah." Bodie began to hunt around final time; and let them spill over as he walked away. for it. If Ray wanted a key to his flat, Bodiewas only Doyle walked along the road, a little sombre after too happy to give him one. the encounter. But it had been necessary. He needed Doyle grinned at him wickedly, head cocked to one Bodie and Bodie needed him; it was as simple as that. side,a safe distanceaway;he wasall come-hithereyes And he had the feeling Bodie would make sure there and sensually curved lips. "Not me, sunshine. I don't was no room between them for outsiders. Doyle was need one. You might, though," remarked Doyle happy enough about that. He felt secure, and loved, as cryptically; and then he loped away. if this had been waiting for them for a long time. Bodie stared after him, shaking his head. Doyle He turned the corner into the road where Bodie always managedto surprise him, one way or another. lived, and as he walked along he dug out the stolen "Oi!" key from his pocket, tossed it up and caught it. A A hand thumped his arm, a face peered into his, wide, jubilant smile was beginning to curve across his eyes alight with curiosity and mischief. Lewis, a CI5 face. For the first time in his life, Ray Doyle was colleague. "Don't tell me he's coming across at last." totally, uncomplicatedly happy in the knowledge that Hejerked his head meani ngfully in the direction he was settling down. Doyle had taken, nodding sagely. "Thought I was going to have to pour a bucket ofcold water over the two of you. On the street, no less. Cowley wouldn't like it, you know." Bodie wasn't listening. He had searched around in his pocket and found his front door key missing. Doyle - "The little sod's picked my pocket!" roared Bodie, delight and outrage in equal measure; and then he slapped his openmouthed colleague on the shoulder, laughing, and went with him into the pub.

***

Doyleshied pebbles into the pond with regularity and accuracy; the ducks had taken one look and moved, miffed, to the far end. r^ "You've met someone else." At least she wasn't crying. "No...not exactly." "You owe me the truth about that, Ray, if nothing else! If it isn't someoneelse, what is it?" Not crying; angry. Much better. The tears would come later, when she was alone. "It isn't that simple," he continued,softlyoverthe ripple and splash ofthe water. "You knew I wasn't going to ask you to marry me. Right from the start, I never pretended that." "No. But - " She stopped, and bit her lip. He looked away from her as he said: "It isn't you. Not your fault. I just- " "You just want to be free," she said bitterly. He looked at her then, with a little, distant smile. "Not free. No. I'm sorry, Claire." He got to his feet, threw the last stone into the centre of the pond and watched the concentric circles spread. "I'll have to be going. If there's ever anything I can do - if you need me for anything, you know how to contact me." He sounded brisk. She could see that, for him at least, it was truly over. Best then to make it quick; he was right. She held offthe tears as he kissed her one

12 ARMY GAMES (or - the two-days'-notice hatstand)

"Bodie?" "You can get thrown out ofthe army for this sort An incoherent murmur was all the answer he got. of thing," he muttered, shaking his mate none too Doyle shifted onto an elbow, squinted over in the gently out ofthe layers ofslippery nylon. near-dark. All he could make out was a vague "Sounds wonderful. Why did we leave it till mounded form a foot away. now?" came the moody reply. They were doing their "Move your bloody bag closer," he hissed in an best to keep quiet, but there was no way they could irritable whisper, and began to hump his own over the conceal the deafening rasp of metal zips grating ground. "I'm fuckin' perished." together- Bodie gritted his teeth and did it in one long Bodie groaned - but quietly, they were surrounded smooth movement. There was a mumbling and a by presumed sleepers on either side - and complied. stirring from the next stalls, but nothing more. He felt the heavy wriggling weight of Doyle encased "You 'appy now?" he grunted as they slid into the in padded nylon push againsthim and wondered rather now-double bag. God, but the smell of pig was fatalistically if his comfort-loving partner would be strong. There was also a trough running behind their satisfied now. heads. Bodie sighed, offered up a quick prayer to the He was right. He wasn't. Lord appealing for a puncture for Cowley while Only seconds passed before Bodie was prodded driving through a midden tomorrow, pulled the covers viciously in the ribs. Bodie opened one bleary up over their heads and buried his nose in Ray Doyle resigned eye to see a very close, very cross face inches instead. from his. Yeah, that was better. He snuffled a noseful of '"s not helping," Doyle whispered, "at all. We'll Doyle-scented curls. 'ave to get in together, nothing else for it - " "What the bloody 'ell are you doin'?" came a They had to whisper because ofthe circumstances, vexed whisper, very close. which were not such either man would have chosen Bodie sighed. "No pleasing some people, is for a Friday night. Cowley, apparently in one of his there?" he observed pointedly. Doyle had wrapped more malicious moods, had packed the pair of them himself around Bodie like an octopus and was off for a weekend survival course - with the army. warming his hands on Bodie's neck, the only bare skin They had been no more pleased to join the army than available. When he'd cooled that area down beyond pj the army seemed to be to have them, and they had further usefulness, he shifted impatiently, pulled tramped miles over rough terrain with gritted teeth, Bodie's shirt free of his trousers and stuffed his icy swungfrom ropes likegrimyodel-free Tarzans, scaled hands under Bodie's vest. iBJ obstacle courses and swum rivers mutteringexpletives Bodie yelped; but the surrounding folds of nylon constantly to themselves. They were both absolutely muffled the sound. Resigned, he let Doyle soak up his knackered. warmth like a predatory leech. "The things I do for And the reliefofbed-time was now turning out to you," he hissed into Doyle's ear as Doyle kicked be a decidedly qualified blessing, since restlessly at his legs. "I hope you flippin' well accommodation had proved to be a few square feet of appreciate it." hard ground in what seemed to be a pig- sty. It "Oh I do, 'm crazy about you," came the unfeeling seemed to be a pig-sty for two reasons. One, the light answer. The bag was twitching and moving as if it waist-high partitions punctuating the wall, allowing had life of its own. "Do something else for me, will

jS| room for two sleeping bags to be placed between each you?" pair. The other reasonwas assailing Bodie's nostrils "Bonk you on the 'ead so we can get some sleep?" that very moment. He was not the happiest of men: suggested Bodie hopefully, suffering. "It's me feet - god, Bodie," Doyle murmured [S3 every bone in him was aching, every muscle protesting, every nerve crying out for sleep; and here mournfully, his breath tickling Bodie's cheek. was Ray being bloody awkward. Still, he knew from "They've gone numb-I reckon gangrene's settin' pastexperience that Doyle hadto be warm. Hehadto in-" be or he wouldn't sleep a wink, be up all night "Frostbite, you mean - " With horror, Bodie felt moaningabout it, and whose was the nearest ear? a cold, clammy object touch his own foot, sliding over

PR?

13 it, insidiously seeking warmth. Swearing under his meant the next moment, when Doyle took his breath, he grabbed Doyle firmly to put a stop to the unresisting hand, opened it with a flick of his thumb wriggling, and caught Doyle's chilly extremities and pushed it open-palmed down his chest, over his between his own warm ones, rubbing the smooth cool belly and belt, and onto warm denim. skin awkwardly until a tinge of warmth began to The night changed colour. suffuse between them. Then he kicked Doyle's feet Bodie leapt a mile. away, worn out. Or would have done, had it not been for Doyle's He wrapped his arms around his mate, very firmly. swift, restraining arms. "Sssh!" "Now can we get some bloody sleep? It's a six am Bodie pulled the cov er over his burning face, start, and I heard talk ofa nice refreshing twenty-mile wriggled furiously down in the bag. "No way, mate," run over uncertain terrain, so much as I'm enjoying was the first thing he could manage. "You want to this cosy midnight chat we're having, I just think it play those games, you play them by yourself." might be a good idea if we got our 'eads down for Strange, he felt very odd: kind of light-headed, very some kip, okay?" wideawake all ofa sudden. "Yeah, in a minute," came Doyle's drowsy Doyle gave that little chuckle again, deep inside murmur, right into Bodie's ear. "Nice an' warm - the bag. "What, all by myself, with you right next to comfy - lemme just enjoy it a bit longer - can't hurt - me?" he whispered, very close, dangerously close. might be the last fun we ever have, when you think "Might 'ave to, if it comes to it, but - be more fun, about tomorrow - you're so warm, Bodie -" nicer... ifyou did it - " He yawned, immensely, and stretched - Bodie felt He was leaning up, the cover right over his head the tense of muscles resist, fleetingly, his own and Bodie's too so neither could see a thing, but Bodie encircling arms - then huddled close to the bigger knew his mouth was a bare centimetre away; he knew man, moving gently against him, a gentle night-time it was nonsense but he had the strangest feeling that ride, taking them all the way to an easy oblivion - Doyle's body was live - an electric current sparking "Bodie." through it, and ifthey touched they'd light up - Bodie was startled awake, eyes flying open - he'd Just as he was about to panic, he felt Doyle move been just about to tumble over the edge into beautiful away, turn leisurely away and onto his back; he felt sleep. "What now, for godsake - " Doyle's elbow bumping him as his hand travelled "Wish you'd do something else for me," Doyle's down his own body... whisper very close, a hint ofwistful mischief in it. Tight as a wire with tension, Bodie waited, "What?" Bodie was instantly suspicious: Doyle's scarcely able to believe this was happening. Only a voice had that mournful, wanton-urchin tone to it he moment ago, they had been nearly asleep, the world always used when he was after something. Bet he much as it had always been -just neutral-tinted haps, wants a bloody drink, Bodie decided; and if he's and such - whatever had got into his partner to change expecting me to drag myself up, pick my way through it so? Doyle always had some bloody surprise in all those bloody bags in pitch darkness and go to the store...an unconventional creature, his Doyle; Bodie'd outside tap, well, he's got another think coming, that's always suspected he hadn't yet explored to the limits all. No way. Doyle could do his own fetching and of Doyle's strangeness... carrying; he had Bodie on enough ofa string as it was, Did he want to, that was the question. One of not good for him... them. The other being, could Doyle really be going to "All right, all right, I'll go," he heard himselfhiss. do what he had hinted at, right here and now, six Doyle gave a throaty little chuckle, prevented inches from Bodie? Bodie's intended drawing away. "Don't want you Jesus Christ, the bloody idea was turning him on. goin' anywhere, mate - no, for this I need you right He screwed up his eyes, bit his lip, telling himself 'ere -" he couldn't be excited, not that way, not just by the "What the hell are you on about?" demanded idea of another man tossing off in his presence - he Bodie, but almost inaudibly. He could hear hefty just wasn't kinky that way - snores from either side of them and had not the Not any man. Ray Doyle. And every sense was slightest desire to wake anyone up, probably be alert, waiting, listening, for Doyle's next move - debagged or worse; he and Doyle weren't exactly "Ah, please, Bodie," came Doyle's quiet, popular as it was. rough-soft whisper. "Do it for me...Be good, you Doyle sighed again, and pressed himself very touchin' me that way...you could make me come, so close. "How would you feel about lovin' me to easy..." sleep?" Dazed, Bodie felt his hand taken again, but this "What?" enquired Bodie, sure he must have time Doyle made no move to place it on himself, just misheard, but he was left in no doubt as to what Doyle held it gently, waiting for Bodie's answer -

14 "What's the fuckin' matter with you," Bodie out, seeking him; settle reassuringly on his hip. whispered shakily, "you turned queer or something?" "That's nice... Beautiful... but harder, Bodie, it "Nah, just in the mood - " won't break, you know - " on a teasing, slightly " - to play around," Bodie snapped, but almost breathless note. And as Bodie squeezed him again - silently. God, ifanyone around could hear them... "Just like you'd do to yourself- oh, for godsake -" in Strangely, that idea aroused him too even as it half-laughing impatience he closed his hand tight, chilled; a sweet tang of excitement at the thought of tight over Bodie's; still, taut-trembling... "Ah, christ, the two of them silently playing this kind of illicit mate, but you turn me on -" squeezing his eyes shut as game in a sleeping bag surrounded by somnolent the sweetness rose... soldiers who could wake and hear them at any time... Bodie had just arrived at a better idea. Touching "I suppose you picked up this habit in the bloody Doyle's aroused genitals was having the weirdest Met.?" effect on him, not to mention hearing Doyle's tiny "'s not a habit -just a new idea -" Doyle's subtle, noises of pleasure; butterflies in his stomach, a heavy p?? dreamy voice in his ear was waving a definite spell on throbbing in his own groin, so that he was no longer Bodie. "I'd kill anyone else who tried it on with me concerned with Doyle's pleasure alone. He let go of the way I'm trying it on with you. But - we're us, not Doyle, sshingthatyoungman's inarticulate murmur of anyone else. An' I keep thinkin' about how it would protest, disappointment, unzipped and unbuckled his feel, you touchin' me... please touch me, Bodie, just own trousers, pushing them impatiently down so he hold me..." too was naked from belly to thigh. Then he slid his Somehow Doyle's steadfast intense whispering hand beneath Doyle's armpit to shift him. Doyle, was discharging Bodie's surprise, his panic, his always quick on the uptake in a sexual situation, soon original dissent; though his tension remained, making cottoned on. He slithered over and settled himselfon his heart race, his voice shake a little: "All right," he top of Bodie, head leaning back on his shoulder, murmured into Doyle's ear, "but I hope you know wrigglingso his buttocks accommodated Bodie's hard what you're doin', sunshine; hope you're sure - " shaft offlesh. Why not, if Doyle wanted to? It wasn't much to Bodie was sweating. He held Doyle close-pressed ask... wouldn't be as bad as warming his bloody feet, down against him, kissed the side of his face, just and he'd suffered that without hesitation... beneath a feathery curl. He slid his hands down "Yeah, course I'm sure," came Doyle's muffled Doyle's sides, over the sharp hipbones, veering in to voice, husky with relief, and something more, "'s take his penis once more - yes, now he had the right easy, you'll see - " And, holding his breath, shutting angle, now it was just like fucking his own fist, only his eyes, Doyle moved Bodie's willing, hesitant hand so very, excitingly different, because it was Doyle pi over himselfonce more. who sighed and tensed on top of him and pushed There was a breathy rustle ofcareful movement as himself upwards into Bodie's gripping, tunnelled Bodie, his heart pounding noisily in his ears, hands, his parted buttocks working rhythmically on manoeuvred himself onto his side, slipping an arm Bodie's own cock, and the hardness pressing there beneath Doyle. Hard to believe all this was against him exciting him even further. When he came, happening, but the amazing fact remained: Doyle Bodie's thumb rubbing over his sensitive foreskin too wanted this to happen, wanted Bodie to - what had he sweet to bear, he turned his face towards Bodie, his said? love him to sleep - and had had the courage to mouth searching; it was too awkward to kiss although ask. Bodie admired that courage. He was also he longed for it, but Bodie was flooded with love and recognizing the signs of sexual excitement in himself an aching surge of tenderness as Doyle's moist lips withsomesurprise;buthe wasn't alone inthat. Bodie touched his throat, a tiny whimper and then another felta leapof pleasure, a touching tenderness as heslid breaking loose as his pleasure peaked, and broke, and Doyle'sjeans' zip down with shaky fingers, touched spilled over into Bodie's waiting, accepting hands. him through the warm cotton pants; and found him Bodietensed, heart pounding into Doyle's shirtclad already hard for him. He heard Doyle's breath leave shoulderblade, his own rock-hard penis caught himina longsighinggust, and felt him lift his hips so between in a channel of firm, sweet flesh, his hands Bodie couldpart thejeans wider, slip his hand inside still cradling the limp softness, the precious puddle of the pants to take hold ofhim. warm semen, his thumb still gently, spasmodically Denied sight, Bodie relied on the sensory stroking him. He was so close himself, now... If impressions of his fingertips; Doyle was warm and Doylejust movedon him,just gripped him with those hard, and satisfyingly bulky to hold; surprising, how firm, muscular buttocks, just let him graze once more pleasant it wasto touch anotherman's body this way. over the exciting pucker of flesh he could feel there Bodie squeezed him gently; how the hell did one...? that roused such wild, exotic flights of eroticism in The angle wasallwrong... HefeltDoyle's hand reach Bodie's inflamed mind...

15 Instead, Doyle moved offhim, extricating himself just as he had done. Doyleroused himselfenough to gently from Bodie's hands, leaving him bereft, and say, mouth moving against Bodie's cheek: "Love lost in the darkness. you...You knowthat... tell you more tomorrow, hold "Ray - ?" your hand while we're on that fuckin' run if that's "Sssh -" whatyou want 'cause I'd do anything for you, okay?" Doyle was back, face to face now; the heavy "No - yeah - course I know that. What I meant was weight of him settling astride Bodie's thighs. He - you got anything to wipe me hands on?" Bodie, leaned over him, kissed his mouth once, fiercely. sounding abashed, but amused with it. In answer, Though Bodie opened his eyes instinctively, it was Doyle took hold of his hands, dragged them down still impossible to see, too dark to make out more than over the front of his own cotton shirt. Then he the glitter of Doyle's eyes. His own urgency gone, uncurled the fingers, kissed each semi-cleansed palm Doyle let Bodie invade his mouth with his tongue, in turn. His mind dwelt on the symbolism of it all, searching, flicking there, with all the desperation of theirmingled semen, the essenceof their lives, of life arousal unresolved; then he drew back, shrugging off itself; now indistinguishable, inextricably fused the bag from his shoulders impatiently. They were together, never to be parted... taking a tremendous risk, he knew that, didn't care, "Nice warm feet," he mumbled, still holding onto didn't believe it could happen; this was too right to be Bodie's hands, snuggling very close; and then he fell spoiled. asleep. He took Bodie's hands, moist and slippery from his Bodie stayed awake a bare moment longer, his own outpouring, held them carefully so none ofit was heart full of wonder, and peace; and then he lost. He leant very near Bodie. deliberately lost himself in the security of the warm "Say you love me." body pressed into the curve ofhis and he too fell into Bodie said nothing. Doyle could hear his racing the arms of Morpheus, to dream beautiful, prophetic heart, his harsh breathing, sense his need, electrifying dreams. the muggy warmth of the little world that enclosed them, scented now with the tang ofhis own sex. "Say it," he demanded, very low. "Say you love me. "I love you," Bodie whispered; Doyle could make out the shape ofhis nose, the planes ofhis cheeks, the wide-open, helpless gleam ofhis eyes. Without another word, he brought the other man's hands together around Bodie's own straining cock, keeping them covered with his own, moving them, keeping control; as Bodie, caught tight between his own hands, slippery with the evidence of Doyle's pleasure, thrust, went rigid, and spurted out his own to mingle with it. Now it was all over, Doyle collapsed on top of him, more exhausted than he'd thought. Bodie gathered him up, pressed fierce silent kisses onto his face. Doyle submitted to it, even gave him one or two of his own. All around them was darkness, warmth, and silence punctuated only by snores, snuffles, the restless shifting ofthirty whacked men deep in sleep, oblivious to the heady, passionate turmoil that had been taking place while they only dreamt of wild things. "I love you," whispered Bodie; a free offering, and the truth. Doyle didn't speak, only hugged him tight, putting all he felt into the desperate strength with which he gripped the other man. He was very close to sleep, Bodie safe-held in his arms. "Doyle?" But maybe Bodie needed the reassurance ofwords,

16 HYPERION TO A SATYR (First published in parts in several issues of The Professionals letter-zine The Hatstand Express)

For Vivien

p^ PART ONE pointing out his own coolness as enviable contrast, but adding the simultaneous sop - respect for his skills. jpi? The man was a predator, keen-eyed: he moved That was the instant pattern between them: the knife through the jungles of city or tropic with equal of rivalry, the balm of respect. It seemed to work sureness, taking what he wanted. He always got away pretty well, as far as their duty partnership went. with it; born under an unblighted star he had beauty to They had no other relationship. All fast sombre match his cunning. quips, steady support or uncompromising leadership A new job brought with it a new challenge, one during the day, Bodie vanished straight after and led with greenwood eyes and a will very nearly as strong his life in determined mystery. W\ as his own; and he did not even guess that here lay the Doyle did not know what to make of him. flaw in his destiny. He didn't want friendship. Doyle could and did live perfectly well without amity. If he needed *** company, he found a girl. He was a lone wolfwho ran in a pack oftwo and hunted with others like himself; They were driving a souped-up Ford that week. camaraderie, he didn't want. £#*! Nippy, but battered. Doyle found it wryly amusing: Still, Bodie intrigued him, for that very the first encounter with George Cowley might impenetrability Doyle himselfsported, like a badge of extinguish the notion of CI5 as some kind of honour. glamorous secret service, fast cars, fast guns, fast Bodie stopped the car. Doyle, startled out of his women; but the reality ofday-to-day working rubbed reverie, looked around. They were outside his flat. it in with a vengeance. The sparse motions ofparting sprang unprepared into The plastic interior of the car stank of sweat. action. Doylewrinkled his nose, unaware that he was doing "Right. Thanks. See you tomorrow." so, and thought yearningly of a hot shower, clean He made as if to snap back the doorcatch, but clothes. His armpits were damp. Bodie's hand was there, dartin g in front of him, "Could do with a bath." shocking in its speed and intention. He almost jumped in his seat; it wasn't the first "'Ang on a moment." time his partner of six weeks had thus surprised him "What?" he said, turning to find Bodie leaning with such an instance ofseeming telepathy. towards him, blue eyes raised to meet his, to assess, "Yeah, I noticed," he agreed with the casual appraise. back-biting that was their habit from the beginning. "You doing anything tonight?" The car moved on through familiar, unremarked "Not particularly," he said unwillingly, because streets: the ex-detec. had switched off for the day. now the invitation had finally come he was tired and His partner was driving him home. not in the mood for a drinking bout and the effort His partner, he mused, without needing to look at requiredforthe sharp interchangeofcompetitionthey thehardsmooth profilebesidehim;the image seemed fed on during the day. inburnt on his eyeballs. Tired, he thought "Fancy coming round to my place for a drink?" inconsequentially, andpassed a hand overhisface; his Bodie suggested casually; and when Doyle wavered, skin felt gritty. he pounced with the weapon he had been waiting all Never wanted a partner - especially not this one. these weeks to use. He had disliked the man introduced to him as He smiled. Bodie on sight: from the polished dark hair and the Subtle in its effect, it crossed his mouth, twisting it smug expression to the double-breasted blazer and into beauty unlit before; travelled on to his eyes, shiny court shoes. Bodie had tried the needle on slanting them with warmth. straight away, too,setting him upas hot-blooded and Lost, Doyle capitulated. impetuous (true) with a few well-placed words, "I'll pick you up around nine."

17

ppf The car roared off, and it was only when he shut eyebrow uplifted in query. the door to his flat and kicked off his shoes that the "I thought someone - " said Doyle, and then sensation of enticement fled forgotten and he stopped. wondered why the hell he had agreed. "Must have imagined it, Goldilocks," said Bodie Still, he had never seen inside Bodie's flat, nor with cheerful mendacity; and as Doyle turned his back anything of what the man was like. It seemed like a again and continued to take the steps three at a time, good enough reason to take up the chance. Maybe now, unseen, Bodie smiled again. Bodie, like himself, needed, wanted to know more; to The flat was a source offascination to Doyle, who build up more behind the solid working partnership was still ruminating over 'Goldilocks'; it was Bodie they had created. unlocked, his casements thrown wide. Without Unconvinced by this optimistic interpretation of waiting to be asked, he paced around it, taking Bodie's motives, Doyle sighed to himself and began everything in: the sporting trophies clearly on view to peel offhis clothes. but out ofreach, the shelves ofbooks lining one wall Showered, clean-shaven and clean-shirted, Doyle which revealed hitherto unsuspected facets to Bodie had regained freshness and vigourby the time the horn such as an apparent passion for 16th century history tooted a jaunty summons outside. He snatched up his and literature, and marquetry-for-the-amateur. The jacket and flew down the stairs, whistling. furniture was modern; everythingwas spotlessly clean Bodie was waiting for him at the wheel; he leaned and neat. Army training; block-headed army over and opened the door for him. conditioning, thought Doyle with a trace of disdain "I could have driven over," said Doyle, struck for not entirely prompted by the guilty certainty that the the first time by the ridiculousness of the set-up as cleanliness of his own flat would not stand up Bodie let in the clutch smoothly and gunned off from creditably to such inspection. the kerb like a fledgling from hell. He was standing staring at a frieze of identical Bodie flicked a measuring glance his way from dancing girls when he heard Bodie enter behind him. beneath dark shadowy lashes. Irish eyes, thought It was not to that but an erotic carving in reliefthat he Doyle inconsequentially. "Don't want you driving gestured as he said sarkily, "Oh, very tasteful." backover the limit,"he said, rathersweetly, but with "What did you expect? Socks over the bath and the edgeof inscrutable contention Doyle knew all too Mayfair centrefolds blu-tacked to the wall?" well. He wasn't imagining it. Even Bodie's voice was Odd thing to say. Did that mean he expected different tonight. Not the sardonic, carping tone he Doyle to get drunk while he himselfstayed smugly usedto offer advice watching Doyleat target practice, sober? Typical, bloody typical. Doesn't trust thecop hands on his hips, that aggravating smooth-as-silk to hold his pints. Or which way up to point the Uzi. head tilted to one side, a sneer written inherent in his Or howto track a killer in the night- malicious, sharpblueeyes. Doylehad learntto ignore "You're not in the bloody Grand Prix," he it. At some cost to his love for human nature. announced with belligerence, going forthegrabstrap "Something like that," he agreed, turning. as Bodierounded a corner perhaps on two wheels. Again, that sense ofunreality. To his astonishment, another ofthose smiles was Bodie was standing there, the light picking out turned his way, half-rueful this time. mellow glints in his dark hair, his eyes compellingly "Always wanted to be. Fancied myself going unfathomable over the rim of a glass which he was roundthe track at 160,edging inbetweenMansell and holding to his mouth, in the act of taking a swallow Lauda - " he caughtDoyle's scathing eye and added from it; he heldanotherglasswhich he wasextending sheepishly, "I know, I know. Not halfgood enough - towards Doyle. " which, being the first time Bodie had allowed Doyle had only ever seen him dressed in army himself to be anything less than perfect, left Doyle combat gear, or pseudo-smart blazer and tie style speechless and edgy. which always made Doyle's lip curl in a little, What thehell was wrong with Bodie tonight? What satisfying moment of certainone-upmanship. prompting this unusually open mood? Doyle was just Not tonight. deciding that if Bodie smiled at him once more he'd Tonight, Bodie was all in black which suited him; better scour his own medical records in case Bodie the faint air ofdevilish menaceuncheckednowbyany had gleaned terminally bad news there, when they misappropriate touches. It was direct, and arrived at Bodie's flat. devastatingly effective. He went ahead of Bodie up the stairs, head For the first time since he had met his partner, whipping round witha snarlon his lipswhen hefelta watching those dark-cast eyes, the elegant lines of hand cup his right buttock, propelling him upwards; Bodie's strong body, Doyle felt a chill ofmacho envy but Bodie looked merely enigmatic and charming, one swoop in and take hold.

18 It made him feel shabby in his old jeans and "You're a very attractive man, Ray," murmured scuffed boots; his own brand of puckish attraction Bodie, eyes gleaming, inexorable, and instead of overshadowed. hitting him Doyle just watched, hypnotised, the It was a shock. He had always before felt discomforts ofhis clammy shirt forgotten as Bodie's confident that between the two ofthem there was no hand travelled up his front leaving a caress in its wake contest, despite Bodie's assertions to the opposite. to take hold of the open collar of his checked shirt, pj What if Bodie turned out to be right all along? He felt rubbing it between finger and thumb. unsettled now; something about the evening making "This doesn't suit you," Bodie told him, and then him ridiculously nervous. his warm fingers slid into the drop of the silver rope "Come and sit down," said Bodie softly, making chain lying on Doyle's throat. Doyle jump. "This does." He berated himselffor his daft edginess as he sat And he pulled Doyle close with a hand curving down in a chair with his drink; but his nerves were not aroundthe nape ofhis neck, fingers gripping tightly in helped when the chair turned out to be a rocker, giving the chain, staring with predatory amusement into way unexpectedly when he had been expecting Doyle's wide-startled eyes; then his mouth descended solidity so that he tipped most of his drink down to the wilful pouting one that had made him himself, yelping as the ice-studded scotch soaked determined to possess it the instant he had laid eyes on through cotton onto warm skin. it. Bodie was solicitous enough, but Doyle caught a I'm being kissed by a man, Doyle thought with fine pi flash of something like amusement in the eyes that detachment as the warm lips touched his own, a moist were beginning to obsess him, which made him tongue flicking there, seeking to part his mouth; ought suspect that Bodie had almost been expecting such a to do something here Ray. thing to happen. But he did nothing at all, not even when Bodie's Stupid. Even Bodie was not so childish. And yet - lips left him and kissed beside his mouth, moving on "Here," said Bodie, returning with a towel, "let's over heated skin to nuzzle his earlobe softly, rousing dry you offa bit." He looked seriously down at the shivers in him. He felt weak, heavy-limbed, as if he dishevelled figure, taking in the stormy eyes huge in had no control over what was happening; it was out of the almost-boyish face, the obstinate set ofthe round his hands. chin. Beautiful, no doubt about it, even in that nasty Still kneeling beside his unstable chair, Bodie was navy-checked bovver-boy's shirt. slipping free the buttons of his shirt, laying bare his "I can manage," snapped Doyle curtly as the towel shoulders, parting it down to his navel. was whisked around his throat; he snatched it from "Don't suit you, check shirts don't," he murmured si Bodie and glared up. again, frowningly intent on the chest revealed to him, Quick amusement quirked Bodie's mouth. the geography of its planes and dips, the swirling of "No-one could accuse you," he murmured, "ofhaving hair between the small brown nipples. "Make you a sunny temper." He stayed where he was, on one look like an off-duty dustman, and you don't suit that knee beside Doyle's feet. He was wearing a strange style, no, you're more ofa - a dirty little angel." He expression which Doyle, already annoyed and now smiled to himself, pleased by the picture. "If you beginning to be apprehensive, shied off from were mine, I'd dress you in - " His fingertips skated classifying. lightly, slowly over nipples that betrayed Doyle's "How long we been partners?" Bodie was arousal traitorously, rising excitedly to his touch, continuing. "T-shirts, maybe. To show these off- so sexy, that, "Six weeks," muttered Doyle; he pulled at his shirt getting a glimpse of these all hard under somethin' and squinted down at damp-matted chest hair. thin an' soft - oh, yeah... or maybe I'd dress you all in "We ought to get to know each other better," said leather. Yeah, you look good in leather," Bodie's eyes Bodie musingly. crinkled with irresistible humour, "tough and mean "Oh,greatidea. Whaddyou suggest- ? Littleword but innocent - but you're not innocent, are you Ray? games? Reminiscing about our childhood?" queried You're a flirt. I've met your type before. Big Doyle mockingly; but hewas already sure he did not look-what-I-got eyes." want to, wanted to desperately, know the answer to He lowered his head, touched a nipple with his that. tongue. Bodie rested one hand on his knee, squeezed it. Ijust can't believe I'm hearing this, thought Doyle Neither ofthem watched it, Doyle staring down into in disbelief, listening to the echoes ofthe rough purr lazy midnighteyes with dawning horror. ofBodie's matter-of-fact voice; his body ringing with Knew I'd be set up. Knew I shouldn't have come. little thrills of pleasure. His cock, as wanton as his But it was too late. It had begun. nipples, was pulsing, straining at the opening to his

19 jp5J jeans, but that was soon taken care ofas Bodie ran a Doyle smiled at him, a wide slow smile which lit finger lightly down the zip of his fly, then pulled it up his so-often stormy face; he reached out to rumple down. the silky dark hair, looking into the wide blue eyes. That brought him to his senses. Immediately, Bodie resisted, turning his head away "Getoffme," he snarled, panicking; but Bodie held from Doyle's hand as if irritated. him down with one arm across his chest, soothing as A little of the well-being seeped away, he undressed him swiftly - imperceptibly; but he could see there was something "Ssh..." wrong. And then his cock lay bare in Bodie's curled palm, "What's the matter?" Bodie's thumb stroking along its achingly hard length, Bodie evaded that with the ease of one chillingly and Doyle was lost. He looked down at himself and long-practised at coping with the morning after. He found even the humiliation erotic. swung his legs out of bed, walked naked to the "Oh that's beautiful," Bodie whispered, his fair window. "Time you went, mate. You'll be late for smooth skin flushed a little now. "Knew you'd turn Cowley as it is." on fast, you got that heated kind of look about you, "Was a great night," Doyle said, testing, but like you're always ready for it, always ten seconds meaning it too. His eyes travelled over the strong away from coming... so bloody beautiful - " clean lines ofthe body which had held and loved his And with a gesture as graceful as it was careful, own over and over, and whose gentleness had led him and more touching than Doyle could find last to believe - fast-slipping defences to fight, he laid his cheek on "Yeah," Bodie agreed, but without his mind on it Doyle's cock as he held it, rubbing his face over it. as he knotted his hands behind his head, stretching so Oh christ I'm gonna come that all the well-defined muscles bunched, and then, Doyle's fingers dug into the arms of the chair, slowly, relaxed. whitening with the strain. Shocked to realise himself "One night stand, I take it?" Beginning to be so close to ejaculation, spurt it out on Bodie's cheek - conscious of anger, and bitter hurt, he nevertheless still could not believe it; but Bodie's next words sank "I want to go to bed with you," Bodie said, warm him. breath stirring through Doyle's dark body hair, and "Not bloody likely, I don't let anyone who fucks again it nearly finished him, "I want it so much Ray, like you do get away in a hurry." don't say no." He was grinning; pure hunter. Against that quiet appeal,even if his bodyhadn't Defeated, feeling sick, Doyle scrambled out ofbed decided for him already, Doyle had no argument. and hunted for his clothes, suddenly uncomfortable Shivering a little at the strangeness of it all, he nakedunderthat mockingblue stare awardinghimten allowed Bodie to take him to the bedroom, Bodie's out often for being a terrific lay. hand twining reassuringly with his, as if they were "And there was me thinking it was true love," he children exploring a mystery. said, his head ofdogged curls lowered as he dragged It was the sweetest, most passionately thrilling up the zip ofhis jeans in a hurry. He had intended to seduction he had ever known; he could not remember match Bodie for sarcasm and mockery, but it didn't ever having been so excited, so much so that he would come out that way. have agreed to anything, done anything. And Bodie "Oh, c'mon Ray," said Bodie impatiently, sharp led him into delight overand over, skilled sure fingers ears picking up the tone, sharper eyes travelling over knowing just how to play on his sensitive body, to the disconsolate figure turned away from him, "don't probe its darkest secrets, to make the pleasure surge let's make anything heavy of it. I wanted to get off up in waves; Bodie the hard suave know-it-all gone, with you, you agreed, and it was great. We'll do it submerged into this clever, gentle lover who knew againsometime, but for chrissakedon't let's get itout nevertheless when not to be gentle. of proportion, like we were goin' for the big romance By morning, Ray Doyle washopelessly in love. or something..." he stepped closer, unselfconsciously And he had said it, for the first time in his life, let naked, heavy genitals swinging. "You were jokin', itburst outof theclosely-guarded, secret place inside weren't you?" himself, told Bodie in the night - "Yeah," agreed Doyle in a voice devoid of all "I love you." emotion, folding back the cuffs of his shirt which but when he awoke,sticky,hotand rank in Bodie's smelled like a distillery rag, "I was jokin'. Christ, arms, hecould notremember howBodie had replied. Bodie, I'm sore in places I didn't know I had - " he Bodie was staring at him from very close, still winced as he turned too quickly. half-awake only, looking at him as ifhecouldn'tquite Bodie whispered in his ear, a wicked smile curving remember who he was. his lips, "Olive oil." He was pleased that Doyle was

20 PI going to be reasonable; for a moment there he'd concerned, Bodie had flair. thought he might be tricky. Still fancy him just asmuch, hemused, cupping his Doyle gave him a hard stare. "Do I drink it? Or handoverdelicate skin, strokingthe tip ofhisear with SI rub it in?" two fingertips; did a good day's work here when I And was rewarded by Bodie's amusement. decided to make a play for you Raymondo, didn't I. Yes, he mused as he left, he could cry about it Doyle shifted a little; the springs of the Capri later; for now, all that mattered was that out of creaked. unexpected despair he had managed to salvage "You in the moodor something?" he queried with Bodie's respect. resignation, dropping his head back against the rest. His natural resilience was beginning to reassert "Can't help it," Bodie owned with rare humility. itself by the time he had hitched a lift home; he was "It's the way you sit. Incurable flirt, you are." thinking with wry bitterness that he had lost his last It was true: only the PM, being made ofiron as she innocence. Virgin nowhere, no longer; even his heart had recently informed the nation, could resist Doyle had been plundered now. now, an open-legged sprawl in his faded blue jeans, Well, we'll play your game, Bodie, since I failed to tendermanhoodflauntedthere: headtipped back,eyes sweep you away the way you did me. closed, lashes dropping onto the round cheek, mouth And we'll see, we'll see just how tough you are. just parted to show a glimpse offlawed white teeth - "Thing about you is," Bodie said suddenly, "you PART TWO always look like you've either just had it, or you're just about to." "This is boring, innit?" - and then there was the adam's apple moving as After the long silence, Bodie pronounced this with he swallowed, the cream open-necked shirt with its measuredjudgement, but a hint ofuncertainty, as if he poppers dragged open to show off the fine hair: that had long been weighing up whether it was boring, or was his appeal, casual sensuality, intensely attractive, not - and even now might be convinced otherwise. but laid-back about it.

•SI Doyle turned from his contemplation ofthe rows of Suddenly all the way there into sexual tension, : cars amid which they were parked. He had one Bodie pounced and nipped him on the ear, one hand denim-clad knee up, leather-booted foot propped on sliding down his belly to settle over the warm the map-shelf, and his fingers were tapping idlyon the contours ofhis groin. dashboard to the rhythm ofthe song which had been Doyle jerked. "Bloody hell, Bodie - this is a haunting him all morning. fucking carpark," he said, turning his head restlessly "Nah," he said scathingly, "nah, it's not, is it?" He to survey the unchanged scene. added, turning his head to gaze out of the window "Multi," agreed Bodie, "storey." And the dark again at the gleaming silent hunks of metal, lilting implication of that was emphasised as his "Underground carparks, y'know, they got real tourist thumb stroked down over the warm denim bulge, appeal." defining the genitalia with no difficulty ofgeography. "It's not underground," Bodie felt restrained to Doyle shivered, hand clenching on the grabstrap. pointoutsincetheywereactuallyon the fifth floor; he "We're on stakeout. Can't -" removed his elbow from its perch on the steering But then, it wouldn't be the first time. Early on, wheel and reached out to stroke the nape of his desperate so many times, they had turned to each other partner's neck,anappealing,unexpectedlytenderspot and grappled hungrily in the cramped confines ofthe Wi adorned with floating curls. car, striving for release, riding high on the sweet "Feels like it is," came Doyle's morose reply, furious urgency of it, the snatched, risky secrecy - endingthat lineof discussionwith finality. He leaned "Gotta better idea," Doyle said, eyes closing again, back into the caress, arching a little; his rump taking a deep slow breath in as Bodie flicked open wriggled on the damp sheepskin. Doyle was an poppers with a swift finger and thumb, crept in to endearing sexual partner for the very reason of his touch his nipples, graze them with fingernails. "Take intense responsiveness to such gentle stimulation. In a raincheck on it -" Bodie winced: Doyle was having fact, Bodie had learnt over the years oftheir liaison to a brief flirtation with American slang, which he go very slow with him: Doyle lit up likeflashfireand delivered in the twang ofthe Bronx, lip curled - "you p) had to be carefully handled if it wasn't all to be over doin' anything tonight?" too soon. There was a moment of silence. Yes, Bodie had devoted a lot ofdelightful time and "Ah," Bodie said evenly. "Tonight could be careto pleasuring Doyle over the years. And, he bet awkward." privately to himself, no-one else of Doyle's many Doyle took this quietly; he had proved, Bodie affaires succeeded the way he did. Where Doyle was reflected with satisfaction, to be far too sensitive to ip)

21

Ki push in where he wasn't wanted. At the beginning he another and hung it from the dashboard. had had moments of doubt as to the wisdom of Bodie took it and crunched it up absentmindedly. seducing Doyle, wantonly beautiful creature that he He had half an eye on the job, but he was also was, because he sensed there was a fiery streak of thinking over what Doyle had revealed. possessiveness beneath that casual air; it had made "Trust you," said Doyledisgustedly. "I makemine Bodie edgy because heavy scenes he did not want. last, see how thin I can get 'em, see?" The polo Luckily, Doyle had turned out sensible, and had appeared again, much reduced in depth, almost settled into a pattern of acceptance with only the transparent - occasional hiccup of resentment. Which, given Abruptly, Bodie leaned over and kissed his Doyle's remarkably violent temper, was only to be mint-sweet partner, swiping the small circlet with a expected. sweep of his tongue and swallowing as much of "What about tomorrow then?" asked Doyle, and Doyle's saliva as he could steal away in that one answered himself, "don't tell me, tomorrow you have devouring moment. your weekly heart-to-heart with Karen, I remember." "I did notice," he told him against his ear. His tone, although acerbic, failed to sting. "Oh yeah?" mocked Doyle gently; he as much as "There's Saturday - " Bodie began, flicking Bodie was wary of discussing their relationship, through a mental list, and Doyle assented with a grunt. having learnt at cost that Bodie could hurt him without "And for now -" Bodie said, pleased, and began to even meaning to, or seeming to know what he'd done. move in: but Doyle stopped him, pushing his hand "Yeah." Bodie wrapped an arm around his aside, pressing shut a popper or two, disregarding shoulders, gave him a squeeze. Had Doyle but known Bodie's disappointed noise. "Look, mate, ifyou can't it, it was as close as Bodie ever came to committing fit me in till Saturday owing to your heavy social himself; though it still fell very short of what Doyle commitment, you're not bloody well 'avin' me now had learnt he must want without hope. "But I thought for a quick bit on the side in the car." you were just tired of playing queer, that's all. See - He was grinning, a curiously engaging expression you were too subtle for me." that, strangely,turned Bodie's hardenedguts fluttery; "Wouldn't have made any difference, any case," it was so rare to see Ray smile that way, eyes under said Doyle; and that truth was accepted, by both; but the heavy fringe of curls screwed up a little so you it made the atmosphere a little wistful, an autumn day could see his laughter lines, the warmth in them with summer lost and all the dying leaves yet to fall unconscious and unfeigned, cheek creased, mouth into mud. wide with those white teeth showing over his bottom Breaking it consciously, Doyle pulled free, drew lip- his gun and began to check it over. "And not only do "Playing hard to get?" Bodie said, zooming in you keep resistin' my charms, you nicked my bloody with a leer;but he had alreadyaccepted the rejection peppermint." He glowered up at Bodie from beneath because he deserved it and because Doyle had as scowling brows. "Rejection, I can take. Theft is strong a will as his own: yes, he stood up to Bodie, something else." didn't let himself be pushed around, and Bodie liked "'Ave another," said Bodie, accepting the change that. oftempo with relief. He ruffled Doyle's curls, trying For some reason,the commentsobered Doyle; the vaguely to communicate affection. smile remained but it had turned reflective, as he "Was the last one," Doyle muttered, but he didn't remembered. move away from the caress as he sometimes did. "That doesn't work, with you," he said, looking "I'll buy you a whole new packet," Bodie promised away. rashly; and he kissed his partner's amazed, upturned "Uh?" face. Stupid, he was telling himself, to take this sort "I tried it. Used to think, if I backed off you'd ofrisk with him out here, like this, but it was dark in chase harder," and Bodie didn't want to hear any the car and - more, shut up Ray, don't, please don't, but Doyle And, Doyle tasted sweet, mouth opening to drink continued, "Didn't work though - you didn't even from him. seem to notice." Over Doyle's head he saw something move. This was followed by a silence; Doyle abruptly Doyle picked up instantly on the tiny change of snapped out of his past and thumped Bodie on the atmosphere. His head whipped round, his gun up fast knee. "Sorry, mate, wasn't trying to lay anything and steady, all softness wiped from his face. heavy on you. 'Ave a polo." "Over there," Bodie told him tightly, checking his The pink tip of his tongue appeared through the Browning swiftly. They counted time silently, and circumference of whitemint,flickered provocatively, burst out of the car simultaneously in a ready-to-fire and was gone. He peeled backthe wrapper,extracted stance, narrowed eyeschecking, scanning, movingon.

22 pi Nothing. name. Recklessly, Bodie stepped forward and swept Doyle relaxed, curly head ducking as he reached him into a hug. Staring down into the odd, dear face, under his armpit to put the gun away. "Shopper, he murmured, in his best deep romantic-hero's voice: probably. I'll go that way, you cover." Casual "Ifyou were a girl - " heroism, peculiar to those unfamiliar with danger, or "Yeah?" prompted Doyle; he nipped Bodie's chin to whom it is routine. with sharp teeth, his breath warm against Bodie's Bodie moved fast to block his way. Surprised throat. green eyes locked with hazed blue steel. "Together," Unsure it was wise, Bodie said it anyway. was all Bodie said. "I'd have married you." "Wha - ?" Doyle only stared at him, astounded. wl After a frozen second Doyle snorted. He pushed "Sticktogether," Bodie repeated, conscious offaint Bodie away. "Piss off, Bodie. You're an idiot," he embarrassment but that was secondary to the added, resignedly affectionate. immutable resolve. After all, it wasn't as if he were "But you love me anyway," Bodie carolled, fussing over Doyle or being overly protective or immeasurably relieved. He shadow-boxed his way anything like that; standard procedure, really, to keep across the room to the door. "Cheers, curlytop. 'Ave close until - well, even if it wasn't standard procedure, a great night." who the hell said they had to follow rules? He was '"Ang on a moment." Doyle glanced around, doing his job the best he knew and part of that job plucked a single red rose from the bunch waiting for happened to include making sure his partner kept in Ann and presented him with it. "There, mate." one piece - Bodie, overwhelmed, kissed Doyle just beside his He shook the thoughts off, aware of mouth and exited, holding the rose dramatically to his over-justification. chest. "Be wasting time," Doyle warned, but he had Doyle looked after him, shaking his head; his smile already decided to go it Bodie's way; Bodie usually soon faded and he forgot Bodie entirely because he had good reason for what he decided. was unaccountably nervous about the evening to The reason for this particular decision nearly come, a flicker in his guts as if he were an unkissed stopped him some seconds later when it hit him. maiden faced by a starved cavalier. Stupid. Nothing "S'matter?" Bodie asked, loping along at his side, to be afraid of. What's so different from taking out dodging cars. any bird - ? and I usually do all right there.... "Nothing," Doyle said; and an odd, perverse little But it was different, and he knew why. Why it was smile twisted his mouth: he had to look down to so important. conceal the look in his eyes. He was falling in love. They'd come a long way. ***

PART THREE Bodie had been unworried about Doyle's latest "That's because you haven't met a girl like Ann - fancy until Doyle's behaviour became erratic: his yet," said Doyle with heavy mean ing, and Bodie temper, always prone to turn vicious, ran freely these chuckled. days and he seemed liable to long introspection, "If it addles me the way it's done you, mate, lapsing into silence often. They had completely lost believe me, I don't need it." the old double-act; Doyle simply wasn't playing. And jp! He ambled around the small living room, his he was as touchy as hell. Particularly if Bodie dared manner easy and relaxed. He knew Doyle was to mention Ann. embarrassed and it amused him - but not to the extent He'll get over it, Bodie reasoned; but he was a little SI of being temptedto jeer. He was genuinely fond of bothered that Doyle had made no move to introduce Doyle: something about him had just eased its way him to the elusive Ann who was worthy of roses and into Bodie's life and fitted there. As he stood there, a tie. Recalling that porcelain perfection he'd that realisation for once very clear in his mind, he glimpsed just twice, he'd already resigned himselfto experienced the strong urge to communicate it to the fact that this was not going to be one of the Doyle; he hesitated, looking for the right words.... girlfriends they shared - not that he much fancied 3 Doyle was checking his watch. "Look, Bodie - " getting his end away there, anyway, from what he'd Bodie threw his hands up. "Okay, okay. I get the seen. Be more fun fucking a frozen chicken, Bodie message. Not wanted." His lip acquired a droop. reckoned. But he was used to a carefree regime, Hands on his hips, his unusually elegant partner wherein he and Doyle moved in and out of each merelyregarded him,waiting for himto go; he looked other's sexuality with freedom, introducing the more good enough to eat. Or anything else you cared to liberal of their girls to sex in company with each

23 other; there had been some wild, wanton nights best clergymen," hesaid,a boldblue-eyed stareunleashing not thought about in the light ofday. Then there were itselfonto her, "I'll 'ave a pint ofRay's home-brew, ta a few girls, interestingly, who'd been so turned on by all the same." He smacked his lips and rubbed his it all that he and Doyle had felt free enough to be open bellyinappreciativeanticipation,andsaunteredoutto about their own strong sexual tie: he remembered the fridge. Who the hell did she think she was - ? several who'd loved to watch him going down on Ray Offering him a drink as if she owned the place, when or vice versa, oh yes, good nights those, riding high on it was his and Doyle's haunt; standing beside the bar sexual heat, a rich feast of decadence to feed every like the Hostess...Bodie, shamelessly proprietary, nerve, every sense; and then sometimes there were always assumed he had a half-share in Doyle's flat nights just for the two ofthem alone and they were in and helped himself to alcohol, or anything else he some ways the best ofall, because - fancied, without waiting to be asked. Bodie didn't want to go into just why that should Doyle was hard at work in oven gloves and an be so - and in any case, it was irrelevant because there apron; he was leaning to peer into the oven. Bodie were none ofthose nights now; Doyle spent all ofhis patted him on the rump as the curly head disappeared free time with Ann and seemed to need nothing more. into the dark confines; and left his hand there in a Jealous? Bodie asked himself; and yes, of course he lingering caress. was jealous, if only because it seemed he had lost, "Be'ave yourself," came a stern, slightly strained with no warning, the source ofthe best sexual highs voice from inside the oven. Bodie grinned to himself. he'd ever experienced, and then he was jealous of All not well with the casserole, eh? Doyle's company, too; he missed him. From being "How'd you know it wasn't Ann?" he asked, something special to Ray, now there wasjust Ray, and perching on the corner ofthe breakfast bar. Ann; Bodie had been backbenched, lumped into a Doyle came out of the oven backwards, shut the general grey mass of'outsiders' along with everyone door quickly and uncurled to his full height. There else. That hurt. But never mind, he reasoned, was a smudge ofwhat looked like tomato paste beside Doyle'd soon get over it. Novelty worn off, he'd be his mouth. "I did think it was A - " he began, back. grinning, but had the line stopped when Bodie pulled Having thus succeeded in reassuring himself, it him close, and, very thoroughly, licked it off. Then he was therefore something ofa shock for Bodie to hear moved to his mouth, kissing him deeply. Doyle tasted from Doyle that he was intending to marry her. ofwarm wine and onions. Been testing out the sauce, This was serious. obviously. " - you'll be telling me next you're goingto marry "Bodie" hissed Doyle, and dragged himself free. her -" "Forchrissake." He wasn't amused any more. Bodie " - yeah, well I might just do that - " noted all this carefully, ignoring the small hurting pit He kept his reactionscool, careful; not showingby that yawned open inside him. a flicker the internal turmoil set off in him like "What you doin' out 'ere then?" Doyle asked, rocketflight by Doyle's backlashed statement. beginning to chop a tomato at machinegun speed. It was time he met her. "Thought you were entertainin' Ann." But before he did, Bodie made a bad mistake. "I don't think she'd like my act," said Bodie with Because the news was buzzing around in his head, truth; but he took the point, got the beer he had come and because in some strange way he needed to tell for out ofthe fridge and trailed back to join her. someone, he let it out to Cowley, thereby unleashing "Does Ray need any help?" she asked. Probably a Pandora's box of horrors set in motion by six flat be as glad as he was to escape to the kitchen: the words: atmosphere in here was about as heartening as inside "You'll have to check her out." Cowley's sock. "Nah, the Master Chefs getting on just fine." Deciding at random to be perverse, Bodie sat down beside her, too close, and swooped in on her with his "Sherry, Bodie?" most seductive grin. "Well, it's nice to meet you at He would have liked to assume his best drunk-Irish last. Raymond's been hiding you from me; very accent and mumble "Yeah, but sh'not as hairy as me naughty ofhim." legs," because from the moment he had looked over Her move, now that Bodie had insinuated that disdainful cool exterior he had had the urge to proprietorship of Ray; and she rose to the challenge disrupt it. Clearly she thought Bodie was a bit of a with no trouble as she said sweetly: "Funny he's never slob anyway, a bit non-U...he played up to that quite mentioned you to me. First I heard of you was this happily. morning, when I heard that this mysterious friend "Not for me thanks; sherry's a drink for ladies and called Bodie was coming to dinner and I had to look

24 WR

IS my best." She smiled, ostensibly to soften this clearly had kidded himself into believing he was although it was a hard, brittle smile, and Bodie felt a anyway, but Bodie was quite certain Ann Holly flicker ofrespect: no milksop, this. It was war, and no worked out love on a calculator. Fragile - ? No way. weapons to be withheld. He disliked her intensely. Everything about her "So you work with Ray, do you?" she was irritated him, her brittle manner,her Sindy-doll looks continuing, taking a tiny noiseless sip of pale sherry. and grooming, but worse than any ofthat, he could not Without answering Bodie bounced to his feet before w conceive of a woman less suited to Ray, whose her startled gaze and smoothly refilled her glass, right weaknesses and strengths Bodie knew better than to the brim, with a flourish. anyone in the world. "Thanks, but actually I didn't want any more," she In their natures, their attitudes, their social class sw said directly, her eyes hard and unflinching beneath and style of behaviour they were totally apart. And her unappealing fringe. she had a hard look to her, an ungiving inflexibility- "Sorry," apologised Bodie, and taking it from her, No, oh no, she wasn't right for Ray. Bodie knew !H took a healthy swallow from the delicate-stemmed Doyle to be a loving creature, oh yes, loving, once his glass. Then he handed it back: waiting, like a loyalty was won over; deeply affectionate without keen-eyed professor with a rat in a maze, to see which being sentimental, he needed and deserved warmth in way she would turn next. return. The thought ofall Doyle's love being dashed This, he could see, had scored. on the cool rocks of Ann's passionless reserve was Already she had left it too late, either to comment hard to bear. Bodie's only hope, which he clung to or to reject it; the best she would do now would be to grittily all through the awkward and desultory abandon it, a feeble gesture which would earn her no conversation at dinner, was that surely Ann would not points in the needle game that Bodie, an expert, was want to tie herselfto Doyle permanently. In Bodie's thoroughly enjoying by now. opinion she wasn't fit to wash his socks; but in Ann's, Doyle popped his head round the door at that now, almost certainly Doyle would not be good moment, quizzical. "Bit quiet in 'ere innit? You two enough for her, not by a long way.

PI getting on all right?" The optimism ofthat wavered when Bodie's flatly "Yeah, just fine," avowed Bodie. "You get back to realistic nature prevailed - why not? Marriages were your cuisine, Escoffier and leave to me the task of made and unmade in moments these days. Doyle earned good money, had a nice flat; he was brave, IP persuadin' Ann she's made the wrong choice." Doyle nodded and disappeared once more, giving dashing and courteous to his ladies; probably just Ann a wink and a curiously warm look before he left. about scraped a pass in literary taste and table It curled Bodie's guts. manners; and he was undeniably attractive. Even a For he know quite well what that look had meant: cool bitch ofthe Ann Holly type couldn't miss that. okay, I know he's being difficult, but bear with it; And if he'd slept with her yet - and Bodie was makinga conspiracybetweenthemthat bothexcluded certain that he had, there was that unmistakable air of (|S| Bodie and relegated him to his place. casual physical intimacy between them - she must Bodie found he had lost his taste for the needle surely have rated him a pass plus in bed, because game. Bodie knew all too well, Doyle was beautiful, in bed PI Conscious ofvictory, Ann graciously investigated as everywhere; he had the kind ofdelicacy that robbed again the question ofhis working life with Ray, and even the most intimate ofsexual acts ofcrudity. Had from somewhere he found the vigour to answer. a good way with women too, Ray did; liked to take his (5S| He was very thoughtful. He watched Ann now time, give them pleasure. through professional eyessincehewassupposed to be Not that you could imagine Ann feeling much of checking her out - oh christ Ray was going to hate that. JB? that, let's hope nothing comes of it and then he'll Bodie could see it all with drenching clarity: the never have to know; and he watched her with Doyle, wedding, Doyle alight, excited, dancing past Bodie because up till now he had not quite believed, not and out ofhis reach forever; disillusionment dawning deepdown inside, that Doylecouldcarrythisthrough, too gradually to shock. The kids nannied; Ann giving not once the first madness was over. dinner parties for Sloane Rangers (she would hire Now he saw them together, he was - frightened. caterers), the perfect hostess, good with the chat. pi There was something, about Ray, that spoke of Doyle brought out and displayed to her lilyflower sincerity; his eyes followed her wherevershe was, he friends like some kind of untamed, exotic pet; only was gentle with her as if she were fragile; he was Doyle would not like that; nor the cool kiss at bedtime entranced in a way Bodie had never seen him before. and the laden reminder that they had to be up early - P He remembered the roses, with sick dread. and so, finally, the split: nice settlement on Ann while Because Doyle might well think himself in love, she was freed to hunt around for a new catch -

25 r Ray, can't you see how it would be - ? way off, the door shut firmly with a click. Doyle was too idealistic over such things - Okay. idealistic, or just not looking far enough ahead. Look No, everything wasn't okay, and Bodie was no at them now, Bodie mused, playing idly with the glass longer sure he knew why not, although puzzlingly, he of VSOP balanced on one knee; Ann with Doyle's thought it had all seemed quite clear earlier. Fighting arm around herthere on the settee, and even in the low down the images ofthat closed door, and what would light not relaxed enough to rest close against him; still now be going on behind it - maintaining the poise of a lady, and the artificial Thank god that's over. social conversation that Doyle was, for her sake, Sorry, I'm sorry he was difficult, sorry it was responding to in kind while Bodie, less motivated, had awkwardfor you. long since ceased to pretend attention.... - and the warm compensation Doyle would now be "You're quiet," Doyle said in a slightly raised laying on her as if she, sinless, had come through a voice, to inform Bodie the comment had been terrible ordeal fighting offthe wolf. Bodie moved to intended for him. his car as if through deep water. Bodie knew he had let Doyle down tonight; the The tyres squealed in protest as he exacted every hostility between himself and Ann had been instant, rev ofacceleration from the Capri and shot offinto the mutual, and probably inevitable, but that was no night. excuse for his poor performance since. Apart from a He didn't take the roads home but simply drove on dogged dinner-table social effort, in the course of and on, making split-second decisions at junctions, which he had been able to drop in a few questions until he came to open country. It was here that he about her family, for Cowley, he had made little spotted twin blazing headlights in the rearview mirror. contribution to the evening. Oh, fuck it. "Sorry, sunshine," he responded; he met Doyle's Fuck the whole bloody world. eyes and for an instant Ann Holly had gone as if she He pulled in to the side of the road, wound down had never existed for there was no way Bodie was the window. goingto conceal the warmth he felt for Doyle in that A traffic cop, malicious with delight at having moment. "Tired, that's all." made a catch in the long watches ofthe night, stuck And as he said it,the thought flashed intohis head, his head in. "Mind showing me your licence, sir?" she's going to hurt him. Oh christI hope to god she A slow buildup; he was winding up to much much doesn't hurt him - more,easing offthe layers ofcourtesy like snakeskin. "Have you two gotto beat work inthemorning?" Instead Bodie had his ID ready in his hand. He Ann's unmellow tones crashed in, offering, perhaps, stared up. Thoroughly thwarted, and having trailed a conciliation; but like Bodie's own sense of failure, miles down this deserted route for his prey, the cop far too late to do any good. was about to enquire nastily whether this was official "Yeah. Up bright and early." Bodie rosewith the business. comment; set down his glass, still a third full. "Must Something in the man's eyes stopped him. be off." Muttering an apology, he went back to his car and Everyone was perfectly, self-consciously aware the reassuring company ofChes, who had bad breath that the evening had been a disaster; but, now it was but was otherwise okay - over, anxious to prove it had not been. The lovers "Whassup, Sambo?" said his partner, intent on rose too, there was a flurried exchange of awkward rolling another cigarette. "Wife in labour on the back chat, given life by everyone's relief that it was over. seat was it then?" With somesensitivity, Ann stayed where she was The traffic cop wasn't listening. while Doyle saw Bodie to the door. "CI5. You 'eard ofCI5, Ches?" "All right, mate?" Doyle asked, a little quiet, a "Them the ones what crawl out to do the dirty little worried; hewas onedge wondering ifBodie, not work and then vanish back underground?" known for his delicate sensibilities, might bluntly put "Screwballs," muttered his partner, "they're into words what he did not want to hear. screwballs. You can tell by the look in their eyes." Inanswer, Bodie'sfist flew outandcaught Doyle And with a sudden rush ofimpatience he thumped the in the belly - but gently, so that his instinctive wince dashboard. "Get this fuckin' wagon back to town, and recoil was unnecessary. "Yeah. Great meal, we've wasted enough bloody time." mate. Thanks - see you in the morning." His eyes, Bodie stayed where he was, the car pulled into the gleaming dark in the low light, lifted sharply to side ofthe road, in the middle ofnowhere. He killed Doyle's; and he gave him a briefsmile. the lights. "Okay,"saidDoyle, and Bodie could feel theeyes He know now what was wrong with him. on him until he turned the corner and heard, a long Jealousy - that was to be expected. Anyone'd be

26 sick at the thought of losing such a sexual prize as back for him I'd do it and shut the door on them and Doyle, especially to someone who wouldn't walk away - appreciate him. But Bodie was resigned to such But he couldn't do that, Ann was gone, renegedon things; eventually the games stopped, as one by one shallow promises; now the time to face up to it. they peeled themselves off the carefree sexual rotas Moving on slow feet, as if he was wading through and settled down. If you were yourself unsuited or sludge, he wentoverto whereDoylestood leaning on

PI unwilling to do the same, you had to accept the the mantlepiece with his cheek on his arm, knuckles changing faces. pressed to his mouth; and slid his arms around the But this - this was more than that. tense figure, pushing his face onto Doyle's shirtclad He couldn't hide from it any longer. shoulder. Jealousy - oh yes, he was sick with it, Doyle even "I love you," he said, very quietly. now lying at peace, trusting, naked in the warmth of He knew - oh he knew so well it was the wrong his bed, Ann, privileged Ann to whom Doyle had time,the bittersweetnessofthat singingdefeatthrough given not just his body but his love, beside him; and his blood, but he had to say it. For a moment they Bodie out here in this dark unknown world, alone. were close, Doyle stilled within the circle ofhis arms; Bodie had been used for so long to being first for Bodie shut his eyes, cheek rubbing gently on the Doyle then no wonder it hurt his pride and his sense of hardboned upthrust of Doyle's shoulder, offering order in his world to find it was no longer so. useless comfort. And as he had expected, Doyle If only that was all. pulled away from him, running a hand through his But that cosy little notion had been destroyed at hair; he walked to the window and leaned against the one pass with the damning, too-revealing thought - wall, his back to Bodie. He had the back ofhis wrist Oh christ I hope she doesn't hurt him. pressed to his mouth, to try and stop the quiver that It was quite clear. would keep threatening; his voice was very low. Rather than bear Doyle's hurt if Ann should leave "Don't give me that, Bodie." him, Bodie would beg her on his knees to stay and be Bodie stayed silent in his own pain, accepting the kind; and that, oh that was not jealousy. Chilled, failure. stricken, Bodie wound up the open window in a hurry "I know you 'ad to say it. Thanks for that. But - and leaned his head on his forearm. that's enough. I just -I just can't take any more, Too late, too late; it had happened. tonight." Quietly spoken, no emphasis. Yes, ofcourse that's what Doyle would think. All PART FOUR that pain he just could not hide: 'no-one loves me'; what more natural than to step in unthinking and \$&l Ann had gone. contradict it with a lie? Only Bodie was left for him, sharing the pain. No, Ray, he wanted to cry out, it's not like that, "I wanted her to love me. I thought she did. But would I lie about it for chrissake? - but then Doyle no-one ever does, I'd forgotten that." He whirled, fist turned blindly to face him, taking a deep, tearing raised,and punchedthe wall in a blow that must have breath, and all thoughts ofany kind fled him because bruised, aimless. "You know, that's what kills me, he could see that Doyle had spoken the perfect truth; Bodie. However hard I try, however much I love oh yes, he'd had enough, all right. someone, I never - get there for them. Never gonna He got to him just in time, supporting him while try again, Bodie," he said with a kind of fierce the violence of misery, frustration and grief ripped courage. "Never again." through him,just holding him, his own skin wet as he He paced around, frenzied, barely leashed. Bodie stared grimly, silently over Doyle's ravaged face and had never seen him like this before. Doyle, called forth every curse he could think ofto settle on turbulently emotional, occasionallyworkedhimselfup Ann Holly and the entire female sex and anyone else to be melodramatic, but this - who had hurt Ray, ever. Including himself. It was real. Doyle had been quiet for some time now, the thin p?? The pain of it whippedBodiethroughto the bone; chest still heavinghugely,expanding, shuddering from his stomach was aching with it. His throat was time to time. Bodie thought he might have fallen, choked; it wouldn't be long before he was in tears. exhausted, into a doze where he knelt, head cradled Crying,hethoughtdistractedly;so this is what it does close to Bodie's shoulder; he could feel cramp setting to you to love someone. I should be jealous because in from the awkwardness ofthe crouching position he he's so sad he's lost her; I should be triumphant had been forced to hold. Cautiously he uncurled stiff because now he's all mine. And instead all I can wet fingers from the side of Doyle's cheek and fuckin' well feel is this terrible tearing inside because regretted it instantly - he's sick with hurt, and so help me if I could get her "I want you to go now, Bodie."

27

lipl He couldn't see Doyle's face. "If you think I'd minute of lying there in the awakening half-doze, leave you tonight then you're offyour head," returned bathed with oblivion. He reached out, to share his Bodie shortly; he let Doyle go and rose to his feet. sudden misery, but Doyle was not there. He was in Doyle followed suit, knees cracking as he did so, the bathroom when Bodie pushed open the door, brushing his sleeve over his face. "I said, I want you seated, his head in his hands. to go." His voice was still strange, hoarse with "Whassa time?" Bodie asked, wandering to the crying; a catch in it making his words jerky. mirror and looking, wincing at his own blurry "I'm not goin', Ray." expression, his chin shaded with stubble, his hair Doyle looked terrible, red-eyed; unshaven face going all different ways. smeared with tears and worse. He concentrated on Doyle's fingers were steepled, threaded through Bodie when he did not want to, when he wanted to curls beside his ears, pressing the throbbing nerve have his own misery out, and spoke with low there that was making his head pound. He didn't look intensity: "I wanna be on my own Bodie, don't you up. "About seven or something." understand that?" "Sleep okay?" "Yeah, just like Garbo. The answer's still no." "Yeah, I slept okay." "Bodie - " Doyle was beginning to be angry - Clearly Doyle was not in the mood to appreciate "Can'tyou get it into your bloody head - ?" His voice idle chat. Watching himselfin the mirror, Bodie saw dropped,as he surveyed the stooping, palefacedfigure his mouth twist in humourless irony; oh yes, ironic all before him; something about Bodie's bleakness got this, more love in him than ever before in his life, and, through and made him soften what he had been going what was more, for someone who for years had hoped to slam into him, intendingto hurt. "I don't wantyou, for just that: only it was too late, too bloody late, I don't want //1 mean, tonight, don't you see that?" Bodie's day was gone, never even sampled, vanished He tried to be kind, tried for a moment to see Bodie's like a dream the day Ann Holly came into Ray's life problemspast hisown. "Look, I'm notsayin' it's over and fucked it up.... with us, with you and me, but tonight - " His voice Ifonly, if only. Ifonly he'd taken more notice of caught again, but he didn't heed it, battled on, "It'sher his own feelings rather than shoving them under the I want, I know I can't have her but that's how it is carpet the way he usually did, then maybe that day tonight, and I'd be better alone, honest, Bodie." He when Conroy died, when Benny died, it would have tried to smile, to make it all better. "I'm not in the been Bodie he turned to, not that wheyfaced bitch - mood, mate. Go out and pick up some bird from the Pointless. pub, eh, you cantell meall about it in the morning?" And yet - The knife slid under skin and twisted. Suddenly desperate, he glanced down at the "You make me so angry sometimes," said Bodie in downcast figure beside him. Oh christ, however could a low voice; and he crossed the room and pulled he have missed it? He knew every inch of that body Doyleintoa fierce,desperatehug,hisvoice raw. "I'm there, he could pick Doyle out blindfold in a crowd by not in the mood either, mate, it may surprise you to thecreasesbehindhis knees,as Doylecould him;they know; I doubt I'll everbloody be in the mood again were very close, as close, perhaps as two people ever the way I feel tonight. I'm as sick as you are overall could be. Take now, this very moment: it was so this you dumbheaded little idiot, in case you hadn't usual,so accepted a thing for them to be together that noticed, and there's no way I'm leaving you alone - Doyle hardly knew Bodie was there, would not disturb you don't 'ave to see me, dunnave to talk to me, but hisown morningroutine bya fraction to accommodate I'm staying, and if I 'ave to layyouout cold to prove Bodie's presence. And that was the truest test: hold it I will so just shuddup." that up, against the presence ofguests, friends, in the Whether Doyle took it in or not he didn't know, house. They belonged. It was so much more than but he seemedto concedeto the vigourof it at least. friendship Bodie could not define it as other than love. Bodie let him drink, then, and when the inflow of How many years had he had to think about this, and whisky had relaxed him enough to make him drowsy shruggedaway the chance as if it hardly mattered?He he took him to bed; got in besidehim, draped an arm had been blind; and a fool. over him and, eventually, slept. On impulse he dropped to crouch in front ofDoyle, elbows perchingon Doyle's bare thighs, hands flying *** to grip Doyle's skinny upper arms, knotted with fine muscle; gazing intently into wide-open seasprite eyes When Bodie awoke, joltedoutofdreamless sleep that had flashed up to meet him. by something unknown, as his eyes came open his "We'll make it, sunshine," he promised, tightly, guts twisted straight away in a knot ofdepressionand grittily. "We'll be okay." dread to face the day; not one, not even one blessed Serious, forced out of his innerfocussed

28 detachment, Doyle studied his face for a moment as if his belly. curious to know what had prompted all this; it was as "Youbettergetonwithit,mate, or I' 11 bethrowing if he was swiftly checking, backtracking on Bodie's you off in a second." line ofthought to disinter the original idea. After a "I'll make room for you, don't worry," Doyle shot minute he said: back at him. "Yeah." And Bodie knew then that in a way the He'd never have said that to Ann, Bodiethought,

SI worst was over, that Doyle would not close him off and threw his head back under the cleansingneedles again. False prophecy,the depression ofwaking. He ofspray. rose to his feet, even managed a little chuckle. Doyle's bathroom needed a clean; dropped talcum *** powder flew in grey clouds wherever one laid a foot, there was a greasy ring around the washbasin and, The long silence of locked-in misery broken, in given what Doyle was in there for, anyway, it seemed the car Doyle talked about her, fingers fiddling with all in all an odd place for a revelation. an odd piece ofstring, head down. Bodie listened, let "What you laughin' at?" Doyle said at last, raising him get it all out, though he hated to hear it; didn't his head and watching as Bodie, with firm brisk want to know one more thing about her. strokes, swivelled the shower taps so that water " -1 never thought, justdidn't believe she'd do that splattered down into the bath. His eyes looked to me." brighter; more sharp. He lifted his head, stared out ofthe side window. "Just thinkin'," Bodie answered, "after all these "That's what's so 'ard to take." years you'd think Icould have picked a better place to "You don't really get to know someone," Bodie propose." He slid a speedy finger along the cistern, said distantly. "Not in a few days." collecting powdery dust; this he dabbed on Doyle's If that stung, it was nevertheless the truth and nose, swooping in before Doyle could turn his head although Doyle winced he didn't try to deny it. "Well, away. you certainly didn't know her," he said with a little pi "Bastard," said Doyle without heat, dignified even edge ofheat. "You only met her once, for chrissake." positioned as he was, nose delicately flared. He "I saw enough," said Bodie grimly. When Doyle added: "What you proposin', anyway?" He watched didn't reply to that, he flared, his face screwed up in as Bodie put one leg over the side ofthe bath, his eyes pent anger, "Oh for godsake, Ray, ifyou'd married her automatically dwelling on the parting of Bodie's I'd have sat bloody hard on what I felt about her for buttocks in unconscious erotic pursuit. "Marriage?" your sake, and that alone, but now she's run out on with gentle derision. you there's no fuckin' way in the world I'll pretend Bodie's head flew round at that; his eyes were anything. She was a bitch. A cold bitch, and if you warm, gentled with promise: Doyle stared. can't see that now believe me you soon will." His "Somethin' like that." And before Doyle could lips stretched in a savage smile as his hand swung the respond, Bodie leaned down, one hand on his wheel; the car flashed out to overtake a lorry. shoulder, and kissed him on the mouth, very gentle, a Doyle's brow creased; absently he put one hand to sweet touch ofdelicate lips on velvet skin; taking his his belly, pressing slightly. "I know you didn't like time. her. You made that very clear. But do you know Then he vaulted the side of the bath and doused why? You were jealous, that's all. Jealous as hell. himself beneath the cascading water. But I bet you're not going to admit that, are you?" "I wouldn't kiss everyone before they cleaned their It was out. He'd never meant to say it, but there it teeth in the morning," he shouted over the rush ofthe was. And he knew it didn't matter: for all they were downpour. quarrelling now, they were in some odd way very "No," agreed Doyle. Bodie was exuberant this close today. They would not hurt each other, not morning. He wondered why; and why he should be today, perhaps never again. feeling a little that way himself; for when he had "Yeah, I'll admit that," said Bodie tightly. "No awoken less than an hour before, he had seriously sweat, sunshine. Of course I was bloody jealous. I wondered if the day was worth making the effort for. wanted to put up a fight for you but I could see it was "You got gut trouble, Doyle, you bin on there so too late. But that's not why I hated her. I - " He long?" Bodie began to lather himself with brisk stopped, aghast at the rank sentimentality ofthe words efficiency. "Onlytakes metwo minutes. That's army that had flashed into his mind ready to use. trainin', that is." Doylewas lookingat him,the haunting slant ofhis Disregarding the insufferable smugness, Doyle troubled eyes attentive, his fists clenched up tight as made a face. "Too much booze," he explained and if to fend offphysically the knowledge he didn't want. shivered, his face twisting as another twingecramped Bodie said it anyway.

29

IS) "You were loving her and I knew, so help me I "Yeah. And you'll make it a whole lot easier on knew, sooner or later she was going to throw all that yourselfifyou start believingit too," growled Bodie. love back in your face like so much shit. That's why Hechanged gear, savagely; wrenched the car out past I hated her, Ray. I'm not makin' any apology for twocyclistsridingabreast. A hornblared; startled, he that." checked his wing mirror to see a motorcyclist For a moment there was intense silence in the car; dropping back too close behind; jesus christ, must stillness before the storm? Without knowing it Bodie have been overtaking and / pulled out in his path, was strung up on tension waiting for Doyle's reply. stupid trying to drive and carry on this kind of Then Doyle expelled a long breath, slowly. His conversation - eyes dropped to the piece ofstring he still held; he had Doyle had not even noticed. Because he trusted knotted and unknotted it already countless times, thin Bodie he was feeling around it all; but the hurt was fingers working ceaselessly. Now they were stilled. still all too close to him, his head was in a whirl. Let "Was it that obvious? That she didn't love me?" it rest. Maybe Bodie was right; and maybe, too, one Funny, he was thinking to himself numbly, how day he'd be able to see it from afar. For now, he you can so deceive yourself; see whatyou wantto see. didn't want to think about it; it was over. It was written all over his face. He scrubbed at his eyes with the back ofhis hand For all the world it was as much as Bodie could do and looked up, with a ragged little smile that tore at not to hurtle the car into a stop and wrap this bruised Bodie's heart. "Good job I've still got you," he said, Doyle up in himself, hold him tight and safe and in a and added automatically, qualifying it as he always place where no-one could get at him to hurt him ever did lest Bodie sense entrapment and back off, again - "Sometimes." There was much to say today and they would have It was stuffy in the car. He wound his window to be honest; this was one ofthe times when the brutal down a fraction. Abruptly, Bodie pulled the car into truth was not necessary. a layby, jerked on the handbrake. "Ray -" "Maybe she did love you, in her way," he said There was a strange sensation in his chest, a roughly, looking straight at the road ahead. "How choking feeling ofconstriction. would I know - ? Like you said, I only met her once. Doyle turned his head to look at him; the wind She probably did loveyou, I'm not sayingshedidn't. danced in his hair. "What?" What I'm saying is, she wasn't right for you." He "I'vegotta tell you this, I know it's not a very good reached out, gave the thin knee a meant-to-be- time," Bodie said all in a rush, staring straight ahead, reassuring squeeze; never to know that the one hand clenched whitely on the steering wheel; "I unconscious, desperate gripofhis fingers gaveDoyle tried to tell you last night, but - Listen, Ray. If you a deep black bruise: "Sunshine, believe me. You need want it that way, it doesn't have to be - sometimes any a certain sort of- toughness...to copewitha ladylike more." He listened to his own heart pounding the Annand not go under, andyoujust haven't got it, not beat ofblood through tight veins. Thunderous. the sort of toughness I'm talking about," he added, "I can't believe I'm hearing this," said Doyle after because in fact Doyle could be hard; so hard Ann a minute. Risking a glance at him Bodie tried to would look Poppinsish by comparison. Bodie had smile. "It's okay, I know it's too soon after Ann. But seen heavies twice his size unnerved into immobility -1 wanted you to know, if nothing else I wanted you by the chilling force of Doyle at his most dangerous. to know that you - that you got there for me," he said, Buton the otherhand, a deep, closerelationship with wanting, needing to wipe out Doyle's words of the someone was necessary for him; he gave a lot to it and night before. couldn't thrive without a lot being given to him in "When did you decide - this?" Doyle said. return. Ann would have trampled that kind of Bodie shrugged, feeling both better and worse now vulnerability into the ground. it was out. "Didn't decide anything, mate; just He hardly dared look at Doyle to see how he was realised it was true. Few days ago." taking all this. But Doyle merely nodded, and put "When you thought I was going to drop you for another question to him. Ann." "So you were glad when she left then?" Doyle's voice had a hint of dangerous disquiet. So casual-sounding; but Bodie wasn't a fool. He 'Wo," said Bodie, and he turned to face his partner, hesitated, andthistimesnapped straight into thetruth. reaching for his hands, holding his wrists gently when "Of courseI bloodywellwas. Shewas poison for Doyle did not return the grasp. "Not then. When I you and the quicker it ended the better." realised that if she ever let you down I'd run after her "You really believe that, don't you." and drag her screaming all the way back to you. If Doyle still had his head down. Impossible to that's what you needed." gauge his reaction. Doyle was quiet then, sensing honesty; with his

30 thumbs, he idlystroked Bodie's palmsas hegazed out "What?" Doyle prompted, when the silence ofthe window and assimilated the shock. stretched. "You gotta admit it," Bodie said to the silence, "I wanna be with you for all my life," said Bodie pf "Whoever's up there in charge ofFate really screwed gritting his teeth to get it all out before his nerve this one up, didn't 'e?" failed,"It mightbe bloody illogicaland I know it isn't "I dunno," said Doyle reflectively, and his wide possible but I wanna nail you down, right now. You clear eyes scanned Bodie's face. "It helps." dunnave to say anything, I knowthat's not what you Bodie took a deep breath. "Look, you don't have want at the moment. But that's what / want; reckon to feel I'm putting any pressure on you. I swear I'm it's best that you know." not, Ray. I know it's all the wrong time and Doyle was silent. Risking it, Bodie darted a everything, what with Ann and all. I'm not so thick I sidelong glance at him. Catching the look andsensing can't see you'd trade me in for her right now if you its uncertainty - knowing Bodie as he did he was got the chance." He gave a quick, ironic smile: but, aware of how bloody awful all this must be for him; nervous, he didn't meet Doyle's eyes. "Talk about on all the things he most hated in one go - Doyle said, the rebound. Or, second-best. But -" answering something Bodie had not asked, "No," interrupted Doyle, "you're not that. Don't "I love you, you know that." put yourself down, Bodie; you know perfectly well And the simplicity of it made Bodie catch his what you mean to me. I'm not 'aving any of this breath. noble martyr stuff." "We'll sort it out," Doyle only said; and the miles Bodie had to grin. "I'm not noble. Just out for my passed on by. own good - and yours." "It won't last," said Doyle with conviction. "Like *** a kid, you are. Toy in the cupboard you 'aven't looked at in months, all ofa sudden someone comes to The balance had subtly changed; now it was Doyle play, takes a fancy to it, that's it, they can't have it." in charge, Doyle the practical one offering comfort. Bodie clenched his fists, his guts twisting. "Don't He made coffee while Bodie rang them in sick; it was be hard. Don't be..." always safest to let Bodie deal with the Cow. As his "I'm not," said Doyle, suddenly repentant. He slid partner emerged from the lounge Doyle handed him a an arm around Bodie's shoulders, hugged the rigidity steaming mug, one eyebrow uplifted in query. out ofthem. "But let's be realistic, mate. It'll all be "Said we'd fallen prey to the runs and didn't dare over in a week - just as long as it takes for you to fall stray far from the bog," Bodie said with a sheepish for that new blonde in computers." He grinned, to grin at him. soften it. Doyle nodded slowly and winced as his stomach "Christ, Doyle. It's not some bloody crush I've got protested the arrival ofthe coffee. '"S only halfa lie." on you,y'know. I've knownyou five years and been He put down the mug; walked over to Bodie, took his layin' you for all but a few days of 'em, so I thinkyou away too, setting it on the side. Then he slipped his can say I'm past the risk of infatuation." arms around Bodie, pulling his shirt out of his "Well, what is it then? The grande passion ofyour waistband, watching his face through slitted eyes. life?" Doyle, mocking. "Butyou," he murmured,"you'reokay, aren'tyou? "Yes," said Bodie steadily, "that ifyou like." He Aren't you, Bodie?" His fingers slipped in to palm wasn't meetingDoyle's eyes; unusedto sentiment,he the warm mounds, stroking with his thumb. tpj wasfindingall ofthis veryembarrassing. Hisfingers, When Bodie understood, his heart jolted. He twitchy, tappedthewheel. Without warning, his hand nodded, holding Doyle's gaze all the while. "Yeah, dived for the keys dangling in the ignition, wrenched sunshine," he said in a husky whisper, "Just fine," and it around. The well-oiled engine sprang into life. Doylebeganto pushhimbackwards,guidinghimuntil "Sod this Doyle,I've hadenough. Let's go home." they were in the bedroom. 0 - 60 in ten seconds. Hastily unclothed, Bodie threw himself down on Cowley'd kill them but he'd call them in sick. the bed and Doyle stripped for him, making a Theyweren't much use to anyonetoday in any case; sensuous game of it, bare limbs sliding free from Cowley, foreseeing that, had sent them off on a cotton, posing briefly, yet casually, only a covert minus-points-priority job which could wait. Would glancefrom beneathcurled lashesgivingany signthat have to. he was aware ofBodie's attention. Naked, he padded "Grande passion, eh?" murmured Doyle at his over to the bed and stood looking down at Bodie. It side. was a very intense, curious look they exchanged; Bodiedidn't take his eyes offthe road. "Yeh. And when at last it ended Bodie had the strange, almost also -" breathless feeling that some contract had passed

31

IIP! between them. That if all went well, now, with breath drifting across Bodie's chestas he blewcoolly Doyle's return to him then there would be no doubt of on a nipple, makinghis way leisurely to Bodie's ear. the future for them. "You can't escape," he whispered there, and grazed Doyle's lean thighs were close beside him; Doyle his teeth lightly over the ultra-sensitive lobe of was still sitting up, leaning against the headboard. Bodie's ear. Bodie shivered in anguish and delight; so Bodie turned his head to nuzzle the salt-sweetness bloody erotic: Doyle his master here, as skilled a there; he threw an arm over his thighs, his fingers fighter as Bodiehimself, andoncehe wason topthere pinching a fold ofskin. With the other hand he found was no trick Bodie could play to turn things around. himself, closing his eyes as he touched his own Yes, now it would be all the way to the end.... excitement. Testing, he bunched his muscles as ifto throwhim Doyle murmured, "Oh, yeah, do that: I like to off, but Doylewas ready for him,flyingat him,mouth watch you do that." And he dived over Bodie to lie fastening on a nipple, tweaking a twinge of pain propped up on one elbow, eyes absorbed, drifting through him as punishment, shooting sheer lust right from Bodie's face to his nipples to his fingers. to the centre of Bodie: and then his tongue, soft in its "Enough," he said into Bodie's ear, and Bodie wake, soothing, rubbing the tiny hurt away. desisted with a sigh, hungry. He brought his hand up "Wicked," he murmured against Bodie's cheek, to cup Doyle's chin without looking; Doyle turned his warning: "Don't do it again." face, brushing new stubble over Bodie's fingers, "Please," Bodie said again, tensed up with the kissing them briefly. pain/pleasure in his loins; Doyle could make him "I love you," Bodie said without opening his eyes, come, sometimes, without even touching him, erotic without moving; and felt Doyle's shift ofresponse as suggestion enough, and he was close, even now, but he heard, and took it into his heart. he wanted so badly to be touched - Then he was kneeling, between Bodie's legs, The sweatstreaked forehead, desire-shivery skin, thumbs stroking the smooth inner thighs. It was all told their own story to Doyle; and so he ended that Doyle today, Bodie letting him do it all, do whatever game and began another. he wanted, sharp eyes measuring, making decisions, "All right. All right, lie still," he soothed, brushing holdingthe masteryofbothofthem; Bodie's onlywill a quick fingertip reassurance down Bodie's cheek. engagedto accedeto his. Itsuited him; imperiousness Eyes shut, Bodie felt velvetsoft lips nuzzle him from sat well on Doyle. It was not always like this. nipple to groin. It was sweet. He drifted, hazy with Sometimes it was Bodie in command, Doyle his to gentle pleasure. playwith. Sometimes powergames didn't appeal; and And then, with no warning he was taken in, they would rock together gently, mouths and bodies engulfed in a warm moist haven; it made him arch up. tender, flying unrushed to a sweet slow climax. At He moaned. And as Doyle's flicking tongue searched others theywould battlesweatily, eachtrying to fight him out, exploring every line, every crease and fold, a the other into submission. However it was, it was all terrible/wonderful surging began at his very centre, the sameanyway; in bed,they wereequalsand it had and he clenched his hands tight in Doyle's unseen been that way right from the start. curls, all thought fled as he concentrated on his But today, today it was Doyle's field; he held coming. Bodie in his hands, poised above him, his desiredark It was snatched away from him. eyes slitted gleamingly. A chill ofsexual tension ran Doyle dragged his head away, gasping: "Jesus down Bodie's spine. He arched, presenting himself, Christ, Bodie!" And as Bodie's dazed blue eyes met needing to be touched there;but Doyle merely ranhis his, explained, "Too fast," coming up to hold him, the thumbs upinto thejoin ofthigh andgroin, brushing in lean warm weight of him frien dly, his tone soft, the crisp hair there, barelytouchingthe sensitiveskin appeasing: "Too fast, fella. We gotta slow down. So beneath. Without needing to look Bodie knew how keen today, aren't you?" His eyes ran over Bodie with hiscockwould be, lifting andsearching, desperate to lazy affection. "I love you. Just gotta calm down a find that touch and be melted beneath it. while, hold on - " He stroked the short fringe of hair, "Don't tease," he said, but itwasan appealwithout combing it through his fingers as he talked. Bodie had hope; Doyle would keep him this way as long as it one arm flung up over his eyes, his breath was coming suited him, knowing how it heightened the feeling. hard, and Doyle wondered just how far he could take "Don't tease," Doyle repeated with an edge of him; he hadn't intended cruelty, nor to tease, but today amazement in his voice; he slipped his hands under was - special, he wanted it to mean more than a quick Bodie and dug his nails into his buttocks. Bodie tumble, a fast release soon forgotten. "Okay now?" clenched against it; another urgent throb of arousal and after a moment Bodie nodded. pierced him. "Turn over," Doyle whispered; and when Bodie "Please," he begged, and Doyle leant nearer him, was there he stroked a finger down his spine right to

32 itsverytip. Bodiebreathed carefully, forcing himself Doyleoffered him his finger; Bodie sucked itclean to staycalm. Gentlehands parted him; a warm damp andheldonto it. "You fuck likea pro,sweetheart,"he tongue trailed over terribly, beautifully sensitive skin. said into one ear. "Oh yes," he said, head turning to one side on the Doyle winced, a grimace crossing his face. "Oh, pillow, scarcely conscious ofspeaking at all, "Please tender words." do that Ray, please," and the tongue probed him with Bodie gripped him by the upper arms.

SI tender knowledge, making him melt outwards, his "Those if you want them," he said steadily; and whole body lush with soft soft pleasure until there was gave them to him without stint, until Doyle was no resistance in him anywhere; lapped luxuriously laughingat him, and crying, and loving him all at the with Doyle's saliva he opened to the warm snub same time. w hardness ofDoyle's cock, accepting it easily. Hungry for love, they rolled together and took it "I'll fuck you, lover," Doyle whispered into his slow. ear, making a caress of the words, "lay you till we And that was the beginning. come -" Deep inside Bodie, held snug and safe, he knew they were both very close. He moved slowly, sure and unhurried; he kissed Bodie's shoulder, nuzzling there openmouthed. "I love you, Ray," Bodie whispered, the first thing he had said for a long time. "I love you. Come in me." Hands kneading Bodie's shoulders, Doyle arched up, his head dropping back; he thrust home all the way, the tip ofhimselfreaching out to the very centre ofBodie. Beneath him Bodie cried out, but there was no pain as Doyle came inside him, shooting sweet streaming fire to explode Bodie's own: together, they tumbled into orgasm, mindless and beautiful, absorbing every sense, each nerve shrieking its own pleasure,too unbearableto last however they tried to hold on to it, stop it ebbing away. That was on Doyle's mind as he rolled offBodie at last, leavingone hand on his rump, patting him every now and then to remind him he was loved. Ann was gone, but Bodie was here. Bodie would always be here. "Why is itoverso fast,"he muttered,lookingdown at himself. He sighed, let his head drop back. Shower. In a minute. Bodie turned onto his side, stared up at Doyle's disordered curls and closed eyelids. "What?" ^?l "Why is it over so fast?" Doyle demanded, eyes springing open,"It's the best feeling there is and you want it to go on and never end and instead it doesn't." Bodie had to laugh. Looking him over, Doyle reached out a lazy hand to play with the white pearls adorning Bodie's belly,rubbing it softly into Bodie's skin. "'Course, there is that religion that promises you eternity as one perpetual orgasm." Bodie liked what Doyle was doing; he shut his eyes. "Sounds great, why haven't we signed on?" "The snag is, you have to die first." "Forget that then," Bodie said sleepily, and he reached out and took Doyle in his arms, pulling him comfortably close, "because I'm feeling like I've got a lot to fill life with, right now."

33

liJStl SUCH A DAY TOMORROW

"How much longer you gonna be," roared Bodie roughly in time. through the closed door, over the thunderous hiss of "So," he enquired, "how was your weekend? ragingtorrents ofwater. "I've bin 'ere hours, Doyle." s'good this, innit?" He cocked his head, suddenly sent A lengthy, totally indistinct message followed this. by the music. Bodie quickly gave up trying to decipher it and Referring not to the music but to the weekend, wandered into the bedroom, hands stuffed into the Bodie made an expressive face. He slipped his arms pockets ofhis tracksuit. A new painting on the wall up around Doyle, began to drum on the small ofthis caught his attention and he came to stand in front ofit: back in time with the massed lilting violins and oboes it was half a nude woman. One had to admire his ofthe London Philharmonic. partner's unconventional artistic eye, if not the art "Be glad to get back to work," he said with itself. explanatory gloom. "Like it?" A low voice behind him. Doyle looked briefly sympathetic. "Like that, was Without turning, Bodie had an instant mental it? Didn't get offwith the bird on the boat, then?" He vision of how Doyle would be propped there in the shifted so he was stretched out full length on his doorway, nakedarmscrossedover his flat belly, bare prostrate mate; resumed the gentle bouncing, eyes but for a brief towel precariously knotted over one closed,a heavenlyexpression ofconcentratedecstasy tiltedhip, the soleof one foot propped on hiscalf. on his uplifted face. "Oh yeah, love it, can I have the other half for Doyle liked Handel. Christmas? Who posed for it, for godsake?" "Couldn't remember her phone number," "Murph," Doyle revealed serenely. Hepulled the confessed Bodie, rueful. His wrists being tired of towel from his hips, rubbed it overhis hair, peering playing out vigorous tintinnabulations on Doyle's out from under it, a green-eyed sheik. rump, he tapped with fingertips instead, every fourth "Murph?" Bodie fell foritforonesplitsecond: jaw beat, noting a shiverthat ran through Doyle from top dropping open at the vivid flash of the mental to toe, his forefinger discovering goosebumps. contortions thatmusthave been necessary totranslate "You'll catch your death, mate; get dressed, will agent 6.2's solid masculine frame into half a nude you!" female. Then - Doyle moved sharply, his face twisting. "Your "You -" hebegan, turning from hiscontemplation bloody belt nearly did me an injury then," he ofthe painting- complained, settling down more comfortably a little Doyle, bare and bouncy and full of high spirits, higher up, out of the reach of Bodie's potentially was waiting for him. vicious knotted tracksuit tie. The rhythmic rocking Before he could say anything further, he was resumed. knocked down onto the carpet beside the bed, rolled Bodie could clearly feel thewarmth ofhis genitals over and sat upon. trapped between them, pressed against Bodie's belly. "Christ, Doyle," hecomplained when he regained "You gonna let me up now?" enough wind, "you're wet." "Nope." Doyle, sharptoothed, grinned down at Insolent eyes looked into his; Doyle wriggled him, raised on down-pressed palms and tensed provocatively; tendrils of soaked chest hair loosed forearms either side ofhis head. slow drops ofwater. Bodie sighed. "How was your weekend?" he "You're making my shirt all damp," Bodie said, offered, knowing already how it would have been. but he didn't move, partly because his partner's thin, "Fullof Eastern Promise? Youstill in love, areyou?" strong hands were tightly gripping his upper arms, In vigorous denial, Doyle shook his head so the pushing him down. Doyle was clearly in a playful dampcurlsflewfrom sideto side,flicking Bodiewith mood, damp-lashed eyes sparkling with faintly cool drops; then he appeared to reconsider, smiled malicious good humour. slowly at Bodie and said, "Maybe." He pressed his He released Bodie with one hand, reached out and stomachsharplydown into Bodie's and caughthis lip flicked on the tapedeck. The lively strains of betweenwhite teeth, glancing covertly at Bodie from Handel's Queen of Sheba (Arrival of) burst loudly beneath downcast lashes. into the room. Doyle bounced gently on Bodie, "You're a little flirt," commentedBodie, resigned

34 p? to Doyle in this mood. "You knowthat, don't you?" thassit -" andDoyle arched andpurred against him as "No?" Doylemarvelled, anddippedhisuppertorso hestroked gently upanddown the long, narrow back. so that Bodie's lips were just, swiftly, touched with "Randy little bugger," he murmured, helpless,

ffl downy damp hair: "Not I, not - " Handel was "aren't you?" reaching a climax but Doyle was way off his. He "Nah," Doyle denied without even trying for thrust at Bodie, lifted offhim, dropped again, looking conviction, "just affectionate." He pushed forward, at Bodie with intense green eyes. "Take a lot from eyelids drooping lushly over slitted, bedroom eyes; me, don't you?" he murmured, speculative, Bodie could feel him, rockhard down the centre ofhis considering every changing flicker of response that chest, the heat ofhim through the aerated cotton shirt crossed Bodie's face; then he dropped his head, and shocking. Bodie's nose was suddenly buried in wet, fresh curls, "Maybe you should try oysters someday, Doyle," but he scarcely noticed as Doyle whispered to him, he said, gently mocking. eyes bright, gazing out over Bodie's shoulder, "How "Don't - need 'em - " He threw his head back; a far would you let me go? How far, Bodie?" little sound escaped him as he gazed, anguished and Bodie couldn't handle it, knew it, let it pass though ecstatic, at the ceiling. his heart was suddenly racing; the atmosphere "No, come to think ofit, don't you touch 'em. Be pi between them suddenly very charged, both men's frightening. You gonna let me up now?" bodies whiplashed with tension. Doyle returned form his near-mystic contemplation "You never did tell me how you got on with the ofthe inner voice ofhis body and its urgent desires; to lovely lady," he said, and his vouce sounded very the more down-to-earth messages he was receiving loud. from sensitive nerves as he pressed himselfinto warm, Doyle raised his head and chest offBodie, glanced damp aertex. He folded his arms on Bodie's chest, down at himself. His nipples stood out erect, little rested his chin on them. "You could throw me offany brown points offlesh stirred by the chill; he dipped to time you wanted." brush them against Bodie's shirt, circling his upper And as Bodie, tempted by the challenge, twisted body softly. It was the spoken conversation he beneath him, Doyle moved like lightning to pinion answered as he said, "Leila? Nice girl. Very sweet. him more securely - "but I'd fight," he said gently, Too good for me, mind." smiling a tiger's smile: and his eyes fell shut as Bodie shifted once more beneath him - B "Yeah." Bodie agreed, breathless, and Doyle was already continuing, one long-fingered hand going out "Oh yeah, move, Bodie. Fight me - yeah - " to press the tapedeck buttons to replay the track: There was a small, sticky patch on Bodie's shirt, "Very sweet, very passive. Not - really - my - type - above his navel; he could feel it against his skin as at all." Doyle rubbed and pressed himself against it, "Ah," said Bodie, "but were you hers?" instinctively seeking the eased path. "Ah, Bodie," Doyle only smiled, enigmatically, and rocked, to Doyle whispered, pleasure tightening his face, chin iS Handel. He was a little flushed, a little hyped-up, all tipped up to expose the long, taut hollows of his the fine hairs on his skin raised. Handel swelled, throat, "Talk to me..." uninterrupted. After a moment Doyle stopped "Saying what?" Slowly, Bodie ran his thumbs 3 rocking, looked at Bodie, right into his eyes. down the length of him, from the silken bunched "Can't keep up," he explained, with charm. "Too muscles by the parted shoulderblades, down over the fast." curved back to the sudden upward thrust of this "Don't try. Get dressed." buttocks. But he didn't really want him to, hands closing on "Just talk," breathed Doyle; he was scarcely Doyle's firm, cool flesh in involuntary denial ofhis moving now,justa tiny near-imperceptible clench and own suggestion. relax of muscle. Bodie rubbed his hands, "Can feel your heart," Doyle announced open-palmed, into the tight warm flesh of each inconsequentially. buttock, pressing Doyle downwards into himself. He "Good, it's still goin' then is it?" Bodie returned, made his voice very soft, a caress ofsound. with sarky emphasis. "Dunno what to say. What can I say? That you're Doyle smiled at him, intent on his face, his voice an arrogant, wanton little bastard who thinks he can soft, almost tender. "Goin' like the clappers, it is." get away with anything?" Watching Doyle tensing There was a loaded pause. "Rub my back?" he with intense concentration, every centimetre of his invited, changing tack abruptly. naked skin pricking with excitement, he went on, "A

jSI "Wha' for?" randy little sod who'd only fuck his own fist if he "Like it," came the laconic reply: and - "gentler - didn't have anything else alive within reach? Full of " as Bodie's hands awkwardly pressed him. "Yeah, it, you are, sunshine. You're bursting with it, aren't

35

[ffpl you, can't hold it in - " hurry, rolled onto his front. Oh christ. He pinched Doyle's buttocks, hard; watched the Doyle had not missed the sudden movement, nor mutable expressions flicker over the fey, beautiful the probablereason for it. "Wassa matter?" he asked, features, unflinching as Doyle's nails dug into his anyway. shoulders; the music had changed to something no "Nothing," said Bodie, flatly refusing to turn, or less uplifting in its way, and Doyle was rising, get up, even as Doyle pushed at him. "I wish you'd shivering to the joyous sound of angelic trumpets get dressed," he muttered, "makes me feel chilly just summoning the unearthly seraphim - looking at you." Not that he was looking at him, was He gasped, and whimpered, forcing himself doing everything possible to avoid it, in fact. downwards; between their strained-close bodies, "Bodie," said Doyle, squatting on his heels and Bodie felt the leap and thump and taut-held stillness; contemplating him thoughtfully from the dark-haired and then the swift moist warmth running swiftly, nape ofhis neck to his Adidas-clad feet. soaking through his shirt and onto his skin. "Yeah?" He held Doyle's limp, relaxed form closer, one "What would you do if I said I loved you?" hand at the nape ofhis neck, rocking him a little with Silence descended; shock ricocheted offthe walls. careless, almost rueful affection. Doyle's face was Bodie poked his head up. "Faint," he said turned into Bodie's shoulder, his eyes closed as he succinctly. gradually regulated his breathing. When he lifted his Doyle wasn't to be put off. "No, 'm serious. What head, smiled into Bodie's eyes, his own were would you do?" sparkling with delight, and self-satisfaction. He raised Bodie thought about it. "Why? Are you going to himselfa little, looked at the pearly trail pointing up say it?" he tested, eyes decidedly narrowed. Bodie's chest. He looked very, very pleased with Gentle green eyes met his, tender, measuring. himself. Doyle reached out one hand to lace in Bodie's ruffled "Hey," said Bodie, flicking a naked,coolingarm, dark hair, knotting his fingers there. "What you looking so smug about? Not the eighth "One day I'm goin' to be telling you that," he wonder of the world, you know." He hurried on. continued, voice a soft, rough promise that melted "How d'you feel about maybe letting me up now? Bodie's guts to water, "properly, at the right time, That's like, if it's nottoo much trouble or anything," because although you might not think it I'm not just he added. playin' with you, not just playing, Bodie. Game's "Yeah: yeah, no problem," capitulated Doyle over, 's for real, this is. And you won." instantly,with wide-eyed innocence. "Should've said "Won what?" asked Bodie, sitting up, passing one something before, wasI cramping you?" Hegazed at shaky hand over his damp forehead. The shock was Bodie with devoted, spurious concern. passing, settling into something - familiar, and right. "Oh no, don't you worry about it, mate," said He was beginning to feel very, very happy. Bodie magnanimously, patting him and shifting. Doylegrinned at him, rakish; perfectly balanced on However could you be cross with him? Yet what he the balls ofhis feet. "Me." With one, fast spring he had justdone, Bodie had near-killed other men for just came upright, headed for the wardrobe. appearing to think about. He doubted, even, that "Oh yeah?" Bodie got to his feet, too, a vast, Doyle had intended to go quite so far: it had never - unhoped-for euphoriaseeping sentimentally through quite - happened before. him. Doyle, still happily naked, back to him, looked Doyle rolled easilyoff himand layflaton hisback briefly in the mirror on the door ofthe closet. onthecarpet. Thefringed counterpane hanging from "Yeaahhh." Lazy, he stretched the word out. the bed tickled his nose; he blew at it, grimacing. Bodie, fast and silent as a cat, was on him, Bodie, every muscle screaming protest as it was wrappinghis arms around him and burying his lips in released back to his care, was about to get up when the tempting curve ofneck and shoulder. "And what Doyle shot out a hand, took hold ofhis and twined his am I supposed to do with you?" he whispered against fingers through it, without looking at him. Warmed, an earlobe. Bodie lay back where he was. Doyle surveyed himself in the mirror, seeing Doyle sniffed, rubbing his free hand over his nose. Bodie's arms twined around his chest, the dark head "So, what you doin' 'ere then?" he asked, as if Bodie looking over his shoulder. He took in his own had just that very moment walked through the door. expression; tender satisfaction, the face of a man Hestroked Bodie's palm with his thumb, gentle and well-pleased with life. unhurried. "Oh, anything you want, I should think," he "I thought you'd never ask." answered, and continued into the heady pause, looking Conscious of a certaindiscomfort, Bodiesquinted into the mirrored dark eyes, "What did you come 'ere down at his stomach and, letting go of Doyle in a for this morning?"

36 (PI

p Bodie sighed, dragging himself out of the delightful vision ofthe future he had been so briefly shown, stashing it away for now. Oneday - m "Macklin," he pronounced with heavy gloom. "Macklin?" Doyle stared, pricking all over with alarm. p "That's right. Wants us -" Bodie checked his watch, started, collected himself. "- ten minutes L ago." Doyle had gone, flying from Bodie's light grasp, rummagingfranticallythrough drawers, pluckingforth an assortment of clothes. Bodie watched him, grinning to himself. The grin vanished as Doyle r turned, threw him something. "Catch!" Bodie caught it, looked at it blankly. It was a folded white aertex tennis shirt. Doyle looked at him, |SI head slightly to one side. "Clean shirt!" "Eh?" Then he remembered. He met Doyle's eyes. Doyle winked. "Don't let Macklin get me," he whispered, bright-eyed.

Two lads thatthought therewas no more behind Butsuch a day tomorrow as today Andto be boy eternal -The Winter's Tale

SI

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P)

37 THE ANNIVERSARY

The banqueting hall was vast, timbered with huge together sharing boththe miles and profane and pithy beams, the vaulted ceiling so far above it made Bodie remarks of their impressions of this, the preceding dizzy to look up at the massive crystal chandelier night,whichwouldwipe it all out and makeitall okay, hanging there, shimmering with points oflight. just anotherthing to laughat once it was all inthe past. The table was seventy feet long; at one end, the 'Do you remember -' furthest from the CI5 lowlies, was a shorter table set Yes,they hada lot to remember,heand Doyle:they perpendicular to make the whole an elongated went back a long time. T-shape. Here sat Cowley and the dignitaries. Ifhe "- married?" leant forward and peered, Bodie could just see the Like a timeslip, the words spoken loudly in his ear sandy wisps and broadtoothed smile ofhis chief, who shot him back into the as-yet awful present. He was was apparently having a good time at this celebration staring straight into Williams' clouded owlish eyes, ofCI5's longevity, his glass lifted high. courteous interrogation carefully plastered onto his Well, somebody had to be enjoying themselves. doggedly-concentrating choirboy's face. Bodie was utterly disenchanted. "What? Sorry, I missed that?" He had hated the fussy over-sauced food, the array A timely explosion of laughter further up the table ofsolid silver cutlery, the shirt and tie he had had to lent credence to the excuse. Williams repeated it, wear which was tight around his throat, making him slurring less this time. "You any plans to ge' fidget. He hated the silly curly candelabras dripping married?" pink wax onto the starched and scratchy tablecloth. Marikka chased briefly across the shadows in his Hated the flower floating in his fingerbowl, and the mind, and was blotted out. napkin supposed to look like a rose stuffed in his "No," Bodie answered, "No, that's something I twisty-stemmed wine-glass. don't need." Hated the fact that he was sitting between Patient and witless, Williams waited for more. Williams (MI6) who was a wet blanket of the first Suddenly detached from it all, Bodie shrugged. He order, and Anson, who was okay, but who smoked gave Williams a smile, swift and careless. "Got all I relentlessly between courses and who kept treading need," he said, throwaway, and Williams looked away on Bodie's foot, Bodie longago havingceasedto try and reached clumsily for his glass, suddenly uneasy, to determine whetherAnson intended some covertly his fuddled mind clutching back for the cause but all it meaningful message by this or whether it was just came up with was Bodie smiling, and it passed forever Anson's innate clumsiness. forgotten as the waiter at his elbow poured coffee. Give me a takeout from McDonalds, any day. Bodie's eyes traced idly over the guests; he was Spaced out on alcohol and nervous tension, he was looking for Doyle, suddenly needing to see him. If illat ease and edgy, longingfor the ceremonialdinner Doyle hadn't been here, Bodie wouldn't have come. to be at an end although even that would only mean Just knowing Doyle was here in this unfamiliar the speeches were about to start. nerve-racking situation immediatelyeased the tension, 'Well gentlemen, I'm sure you're all hoping this not least because he knew Doyle would be suffering as will be brief-' the chummysmile, the pausefor the he was, perfectly in harmony. ripple of approving laughter, and fuckin' 'ell you're Sentimental. You got very attached to your partner, moreconvincedthan ever you'11 be heretill midnight everyone knew that. Bodie'd been told as much on listening to the old stuffed shirts rambling on about joining CI5 but never really believed it - until it other old stuffed shirts - happened. He grinned across at Doyle, who had turned He stuck a morose fork into his cheesecake. away from his neighbour- Murph, who was feeding on Prefer the packet kind, anyway. grapes, reachingforwards with absurdlydelicate finger Williamswas ratherdrunk- he wasjust thetypeto and thumb to pluck the choicest - and was looking back get overly dignified on two pale sherries - and was over his shoulder right at his partner. tellingBodie abouthisfiancee Daphnis andthe plans Telepathy, again. Must be; it happened far too for their wedding in two weeks. often for chance. Bodie had not been listening for the past hour. Wrinkling his nose, the obscenity Bodie had been Instead he had switched offto inside himselfand about to mouth never formed. was surrounding his psyche with little comforts, such With that meeting of eyes, the link between them as the day offtomorrowto drive home, he and Doyle deepened, enclosing them as if everything else had

38 been switched off. Doyle had an odd expression on moonlight through dormer windows, the air cool from his face, a flying feyness lighting his eyes, a little numerous draughts here at the top of the house; the smileon his mouth;he haddays when he lookedugly, plain bathroom he eventually came to complete with and days when he - theoriginal bulkywhiteprewarplumbing. Everywhere Bodie's guts knitted in response, his breath seemed quiet: when he used the facilities it sounded catching. Doyle continued to look at him, eyes like Niagara starting up. He shook himself, tucked gleaming a little; he tilted his head slightly, his curls himself back into his pyjamas, and turned to leave. shining bronze-tipped in the erratically dancing light Doyle was there, outside the door. ofthe candle and chandelier. Not knowing what else Pressed against the wall, he looked like some wild to do Bodie smiled at him, quite an impersonal smile, creature ofthe night, hair riotous, untouched by light, then looked down at his plate. only his eyes gleaming. Bodie stopped in shock. Christ. Doyle's arms reached out, dragged him close, and His heart was kicking fast and furious at his locked their mouths together. ribcage. He scythed the remaining cheesecake into Teeth clashed coolly, startlingly harassed beneath wedges with his fork, then pushed it aside. the softness of lips; then instinctively their mouths "Drink your bloody coffee, 3.7," boomed Anson, eased around into comfort. The kiss was savage, and leaning towards him and exhaling a noxious grey wholehearted, full ofthe passion Doyle was throwing stream ofsmoke his way. Unprepared, Bodie stayed into it with every atom ofwill at his command. unflinching in the full blast of it. Now Bodie knew he was dreaming. In the silent He drank his coffee in enormous, ungentlemanly rays ofthe moon, locked against his partner, feeling the gulps. When he next looked up, Doyle's curly head warm hard suppleness ofhim through thin cotton: yes, was leaning away from him, up towards Cowley's this was the stuff which fed dreams, Doyle drinking end. from his mouth with the desperation and The speeches were beginning. singlemindedness ofan infant suckling. It was darkly, sweetly erotic, to have Doyle's Bed was dormitory style. Three by three, almost tongue inside his mouth. But something weird would like the Ark, counted offfrom the dining table as they happen in a moment, Bodie thought, like he turns into left. Anson, Williams, Bodie, nearest the door. He Betty and I come and then I wake up with a wet belly lay,strangelyunableto sleep though he was bonetired and a very peculiar sexy dream behind me - and dizzy on drink and overload. Hey Doyle, guess what I dreamed last night. The speeches buzzed in his mind; the clatter of Doyle would show no surprise. He knew that as cutlery, the scrape ofchairs, people talking, talking; surely as he knew the touch ofhis partner holding him, the scent ofmeat juices, spilt warm cognac - Doyle's hand beneath his armpit, the other gripping his Restless, he rolled onto one side and stared into upper arm; the thin fingers dug. He drew back then the darkness. Anson sighed and coughed in his sleep. and Bodie gazed into the flawed, shadowed face, Williams twitched and muttered, one leg thrashing at taking a deep breath as if to speak. the sheet. Daphnis - ! you lucky, lucky girl. And then suddenly Doyle was gone, elusive and Not for me. tricky as nightlight; no word spoken. 'Got all I want.' Dazed, Bodie made his way back to his room, And yet, he had nothing. almost stumbling; the tenderness of bruised lips was Sod it. He thumped the pillow with a fist, real and he knew whatever else it might have been, that pounding it back to plumpness. Go to sleep. Sleep savage, desperate little struggle in the dark while the perchance to dream. giant house slept had never been a dream. Lying on his back, one hand stroked down the How, then, to sleep now.... smooth skin of his chest to drift in dense curls. He lay awake, fists clenched in the dark, his mind in Ansoncoughedagain,shifting. Abruptly,hetook his a turmoil. hand away. Bloody, bloody hell. The scent of Doyle was pressed onto him, the Can't sleep. familiar subtle fragrance that clung to Doyle even Angry for no particular reason he threw back the when he was sweating. The clothes he took offalways covers and got out of bed, not caring if the carried it: at home in Bodie's wardrobe was a shirt of floorboards did creak. Doyle's he had left there once and Bodie was always The fifty or so agents were housed largely in the forgetting to give it back. Okay, so it must derive from servants' quarters and up here there was no sign of somethingquite prosaic, like a brand ofsoap he always the luxury that had invested the dinner with such used, but still. sickly opulence. Bodie was happier here, on the What the hell was Doyle playing at? scrubbed bare boards of the corridor, lit only by Capricious as only very attractive people can be,

39 Doyle always had had a tendency to be flirtatious the bed with cold feet on bare boards, chest too tight to with him, when the mood was on him. breathe. Bloody stupid - Sanity drenched him like a Him, too - "send someone in to scrub your snowfall, but before it had time to chill Doyle's hand back - " and Doyle, arch, lookingback, hands on his reached out and took him gently by the wrist. narrow dirty-jumpsuit-clad hips.... Hisheartstorming thunderously inhischest,heslid Like his beauty, icy coldness flitted in and out of in under the sheets, into a different world. It was Doyle and when he tu rned on the charm it was strange andsweet and frightening; he wasterrified of therefore all the more compulsive, light flooding over being found here, ofhis ownfeelings, andmomentarily dust, picking out highlights here, and there; so that of Doyle himself. But Doyle had come close, fitting you could no more drag your eyes away than sweep it into his arms as if he had been there before, close to all into dullness with one scudding flash ofa broom. Bodie's heart like now: he knew Doyle was awake, his eyelashes kept fluttering softly against Bodie's chest. Bodie's insides ached. I want This bed didn't smell of mothballs, nor mildew; it What did he want? was warmly, headily permeated with his partner and Someone: on this lonely night oftoo many nights, the faint perfume ofhis aftershave. He had slipped his he wanted someone for his own. arms around Bodie. Shifting a little, Bodie's hand Doyle must have been feeling that way too. Be accidentally brushed his chest, got snagged in dense asleep now, reassured; even comforted in some folds ofcotton. Doyle was wearing his pyjama jacket. strange way, as Bodie had beenjust to see him across Not up till now prepared to face up to this as an openly a crowded table when they were, for one moment, sexual encounter, Bodie suddenly became very aware; alone together. They should have put us to sleep of the nakedness of Doyle's skin beneath the thin together, he thought; it's only natural, always paired pyjamas, the warm bare feet touching his calf. A surge off in CI bloody 5, they expect us to die together for of triumph, joy rose up in him, a vague yet defined chrissake so why not sleep together? sense of, oh yes, that's the way, this is the answer.... A Jesus Christ. whole new world, and just one step away, just one, Something was wrong with tonight. across the chasm. How the hell could he be lying here seriously Tacitly waiting for somethingto happen, he brushed agonising over being split from Doyle for one night, the back ofhis hand down Doyle's cheek, and stilled it. and moreover, trying to rationalise it as if it were a Onehanded, Doyle began to undo the buttons of his normal reaction? own jacket, parting it, also waiting. Bodie slid both You're a mess, 3.7. Need a session with our Kate, hands around him, thumbs stroking him strongly, you do. God, she'd have a field day over this. 'Well, rippling the thin-fleshed skin over ridged bone. One Dr., first our eyes met across a crowded room. Then touched a nipple and Doyle sighed against his throat; I couldn't sleep for thinking of it so I went offfor a intrigued by the rough puckering Bodie dropped his pee. Then he came along and kissed me - yes, I did head and touched his mouth to the other. say kissed me. After that I was worse than ever.' It was nearly the undoing of him, because in his You're not kidding, mate. Sleep. Now. wildest sexual fantasy he had never come close to the The bed was hard. It smelt of camphor and sensations the taste and feel ofDoyle's nipple against mildew. Heclosed his eyes,tried fantasy, something his tongue gave him. warm and nubile against him, soft, feminine Oh, beautiful. He wanted to talk to him, tell him illusions - about the excitement, the tenderness set loose and He could not make them real. coursing through him alongside the fierce arousal, but He threw back the covers with such force they fell Doyle's gentle fingers touching his hair told him that to the floor and stalked fromthe roomwith madeyes, he knew, anyway. He slipped his hand down Doyle's just another ghost with a vengeance, a sorrow to front, rubbed his navel with the palm of his hand, share. Or, perhaps he was a warrior, scouring the Doyle so warm and pleasant to every sense that even so night to find his companion in honour, scything innocent a touching was nearly enough. Doyle was obstacles in his path. quiet, still, giving him freedom to explore; but For all that bravado, he was shaking when he suddenly and unaccountably shy, Bodie left his hand entered the room where Doyle was. Only two beds in where it was, fingers just dipping beneath the here, and one huddled form in a sleeping bag on the waistband of the trousers, one fingertip on an floor. Redhair - Linsey. One bed containedMurphy, intriguing prickle ofhair. His other hand travelled on snoring loudly; the other, crammed in between a over the sharp upthrust of the hip, slipped down the dressing table and an old sewing machine, Doyle. material to bare Doyle's rounded rump. Dark and Bodie didn't know what he expected, standing by shielded by covers, his mind supplied the images

40 W1 transferred from his gliding palm; Doyle swathed had let him go out into the cold. Ferocious, Doyle had only partly in material, most of him free and bared, been, in his loving as in everything else, and excitingly, beautifully naked. Bodie lingered, singlemindedly giving all he had even in that limited

§3 exploring him with the flat of his hand, and then struggling room which was all they had had for that fingertips, which dipped into the cleft there which first sweet fierce coupling - opened for him, dark and slickly velvet - Bodie didn't sleep again. I need - Doyle's hands urged him on, and carefully, almost He recognised the signs in himselfwith delight: he clumsily, Bodie moved so he was lying on top ofhis had not felt this way for years and always before it had smaller mate, pressing him into the bed, his lips come to nothing, but this time - perhaps not. There PI against the warm skin ofDoyle's throat. Just daring was that little heightened awareness, looking for a to touch and be touched in this way, the newness ofit glance, a secret smile; conscious every second of the all; so close in this very sexual, oddly innocent way: other's presence, butterflies in his stomach, a warm it took no more than that. After a few moments Doyle wanted feeling that was all too alien to Bodie to go arched, his body taut, trembling; and there was a unnoticed. sudden wet warmth, spreading between them as Breakfast was served in the great hall. Only the Doyle muffled his whimper against Bodie's cheek, rabble seemed to be there; presumably the worthies, and Bodie clenched his eyes shut very tightly and let including Cowley, partook ofbreakfast in bed. Bodie it spill out, let his own warm seed pulse from him in ate heartily, every nerve pricked waiting for Doyle, warm waves ofsoft, easy pleasure so sweet he wanted scarcely conscious of McCabe's chattering as he to cry out but Doyle's mouth was there, stopping his uncovered delicacy after silvertopped delicacy: lips.... kippers, buttered eggs, porridge. Warm, and comfortable; Bodie was half-aware of And suddenly he was there, sliding into a seat being tensed for the aftermath rejection so opposite Bodie; sweet the sight ofhim warm and alive characteristic ofnearly every woman he had bedded, and near, though he didn't look sweet, not at all. dashing to the bathroom to wash his private precious Unshaven, with grey-blue stubble marking out the wetness from them as if it were dirty: but Doyle was rounded willful chin, the wanton mouth perhaps a little quiet, just letting him be there, accepting him; Doyle fuller than usual, pale skin, greyish eyes heavylidded. wet and sticky with their moisture but not fussed He scowled at the toast as he pulled it towards him as about it, content to let it lie on his skin. if to eat it would merely be a way of sinking his teeth They had shifted so Bodie was lying between into something. He looked used, abused, sullen, and as Doyle's thighs; lean and muscular they pressed once sexy as hell. around his own legs, a gesture of reassurance; it's Bodie grinned, delight and absorption and sheer okay,I'm here, I'm okay. Doyle's pyjamasbeingstill goddamned happiness lighting up his face. "I think I'm tangled down around his calves, Bodie's thigh was in love," he said aloud, and nobody took any notice pressingagainstthe tender softness of Doyle's sticky because Lucas was regaling them all with an account genitals: Jesus Christ but they were going to be a ofhis dream, which was long, crude, and embroidered, sight in the morning, Doyle covered in dried white one suspected, with anything that popped into his head streaks from belly to groin. Bet it's all over his as he went along. pyjama top as well - Doyle heard though, and the scowl left his face, The morning - upper lip unwittingly curling away from sharp teeth as He stirred; Doyle pulled him closer. "Better go he gave Bodie a smile, acknowledging the remark. back," Bodie whispered into his ear, the first words They watched each other's faces attentiv ely for a they had spoken. moment, curious, discovering. A fingertip traced a line around his mouth: a "'Ere, stop gazing into his eyes a moment," and murmur in his ear. Bodie's elbow fell off the table as Lucas rammed it "Oh stay. Stay with me." cruelly with his arm. "Listen about this afternoon - we PI And he stayed. got a boat race planned, across the lake - " Bodie groaned; looking away, he met Anson's It was nearly dawn when Doyle woke him, a curious gaze on him. blurry undignified scramble in silence, sliding like a "- without the boats" Lucas delivered the coup de wraiththrough bleak corridors to a cold, clammy bed. grace with triumph. Anson was awake when he got back, but said nothing. "Why didn't the Oxford Women's University crew Bodie lay there awake, scarcely believing it all, win the boat race this year?" enquired Doyle ofno-one remembering every tiny, earthshattering detail down in particular; he wiped a marmalade-streaked hand to the last, furious kiss shared in silence before Doyle down his lapel.

41 "See you have oars, right, but not actual boats -" "Let's go for a walk first," Doyle said, briskly "No cox." zipping up his jeans and pulling his belt tight. Doyle was looking at him to see if Bodie was "A walk?" Bodie did look up at that, amazed. going to laugh at his joke, since no one else would. "Yeah, in the grounds." Bodie raised a smile, but he felt self-conscious now, And outside, under the benevolent gaze of fifty and certain ofone thing. mullioned windows blinking benignly in the sun, the Anson knew. yellow stone of the mansion a safe distance away, it He neededto be alone with Doyle, even ifjust for was easy. a while. The fifty agents were assigned to four "Do you remember last year," Bodie said at last, bathrooms between them, so ablutions en masse indicating the maze of privet on their right, "on the inevitably took some time. Doyle didn't wait for one Sunday we had a treasure hunt in the afternoon." to fall vacant; he took his coffee through to the small "Only there wasn't any treasure," finished Doyle, lounge on the first floor. He was still clad in his remembering, "but you and I won because we lied the pyjamas, though Bodie, none better, knewjust why most about having actually spotted it - " Doyle was so casually careful about keeping his " - before the giant albatross swooped down and bathrobe close around him. carried it off. Yeh, and the year before that was the His heart leapt at the thought, then dived. Doyle, archery contest, in fancy dress - " watching him over the rim ofhis coffee from across "Whaddya mean, fancy dress," said Doyle the room, raised an eyebrow. affronted, "I always wear the William Tell hat when "My stomach's turning cartwheels," Bodie I'm arching, 's only good form, innit?" managed. Doyle was probably just as keyed-up. Bodie grabbed him, then remembered the serpent Bothhandsonthe windowledge, he leanedout,gazed had entered their garden, and checked all around at thecalmcountry estateunrolled beforehisgaze: an quickly; they were quite safe, shielded on one side by exhibitionof t opiary, green trees shaped into an the bare shining expanse ofwater, and on the other by arbourof giant peacocks; a lake,the dappledmutable the wall of privet. It was funny, he was thinking, I'll greenof Doyle'seyes,withloftywhitebirdsserenely never be able to hold him again, touch him in public; atop it. He felt Doyle's breath on the back ofhis neck always be wondering if anyone's noticed, if there's a and would have turned, but the door behind them kind ofdifference in the way I hold him - opened and clattered shut. And it was true; the relaxed way Doyle was leaning "Whoee, babes," it was Linsey, and Woods, in on him, looking up at him with unblinking cats' eyes, skittish moods: Murph behind them, and others. The had changed. moment of peace erupted into babble. No-one was Doyle said: "Why did you come to me last night?" takingany notice of them,all full of the plansforthe "Because you wanted me to," he answered, adding - day. Bodie met Doyle's eye, made an almost "because I needed you." imperceptible motion of his head towards the door "We'll go home, then," Doyle said. and they exited, Doyle to the bathroom and Bodie to "Yeah." Bodie found, absurdly, he was patting pack. When he had filled his own case he packed Doyle's hand over and over. Silly, sentimental fool; Doyle's, neatlyand speedily,knowingexactlywhich but Doylewas smiling at him. He thought about telling ofthe scattered garments, combs, shavers among the Doyle about Anson, but did not. Wait a while. Give others belonged to his partner. He hadjust finished Anson's guesses real substance. when Doyle arrived in the doorway, one towel over There was a sudden splashing sound behind them. wet curls,anothertuckedaround his hips. Bodie whirled to see two white swans settling "Eager to get going, are you?" he asked, majestically into the water, folding their wings close to indicating the cases. It was customary to stayfor the their bodies, curved necks held high. The smaller of Sunday, but not obligatory; they had decided before the two turned to preen her feathers with a long black setting out to break off the first moment possible, beak. The male ignored them loftily. both having a current hot girlfriend to attend to in "Swans mate for life," said Bodie, staring across the every spare moment, though of course all that had water, "did you know that?" changed now - "Everyone knows that," came Doyle's gentle voice Had it? behind him. "Dumb crud." Bodie knew a moment of uncertainty; what, if And Bodie nodded, contented. He slipped an anything, had changed? What if Doyle saw things unobtrusive arm around Doyle as they walked together differently? along the bank, the swans keeping pace with them. "Yeah," he mutteredshortly, not looking Doyle's Doyle broke the silence. way as his partnerdropped both towels and beganto "It's been worth it." dress. "Worth what?"

42 P "That godawful dinner yesterday." "Oh, that." Bodie had lost sight ofit already in the larger events. m They walked on. "What the hell do we have this for, every year?" "What?" Bodie was rapt in his contemplation of p the future which had all, unexpectedly, fallen into place today; he wished Doyle would stop chattering.

si "This. What the hell's it the anniversary o/?" i "Oh." Bodie stopped and thought, drawing Doyle with him, away from the lake into a leafy avenue of the privet. "I dunno," he finally conceded. "But -" with infinite care he threaded fingertips into the curls framing Doyle's face, just before they kissed - "I know what it'll be the anniversary of, next year."

si

ip

jiff)

SI

43

w\ THE JUNGLE BOOK

" Aah-eeah-eeah...." could give me Dr. Livingstone's direction?" The young explorer looked up from his butterfly "Me Bodie," interrupted the otherman impatiently, net with some astonishment to see a large male as if this was all that mattered. "You Doyle." crashing through the foliage, dressed only in a "Quite right, but - " tigerskin loincloth and swinging towards him on a Then a sweet appealing smile lit the other's long creeper. He landed heavily right in front ofhim. handsome face, and the midnightstorm passed, melted Raymond Doyle, gentleman, twenty-nineyears old into velvet night-sea peace. with a mop of tawny curls and a sunny equitable "We go." nature, looked his new companion over thoughtfully, It was such a very sweet smile that Doyle, seeing a dark serious-eyed creature with bare feet enchanted, quite lost his fears, even when Bodie swept firmlyplantedapart, and longdark hair caught behind him up under one strongly-muscled arm, hoisted them and tied with a thin strand of jungle grass. The both up the creeper, and took off again through the tigerskin loincloth was perhaps a trifle eccentric, but trees. it was indeed hot - he himself was feeling limp and "Novel way to travel," he observed, somewhat flushed under the weight ofhis tweed knickerbocker breathlessly as they swung over thick jungle suit, and could well imagine that such an outfit would vegetation at speed. Bodie was yelling again, a loud be comfortably cooler, even if it did not quite conceal yodel of triumph and joyous celebration that made that which it ought. Doyle smile to hear it - the man must surely have Avertinghiseyes fromthat area, hewipedhis hand recently enjoyed some unexpected fortune while on a large kerchief, extended it, and said: hunting, or something like that. Then, with a thud and "Dr. Livingstone,Ipresume? My name's Raymond a jolt, they landed, not as Doyle had expected on solid Doyle; I've come to join your expedition." ground, but on the ledge ofa wooden cabin high in the The other young man was looking him over with trees. careful attention. He didn't reply. A little He stood where Bodie had gently set him down on uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny, Doyle tried his feet, still panting a little from having his ribs a lopsided grin, running his hand through hot curls. squeezed in that bonecrushing grip, and took stock of He continued: his surroundings. The cabin had three walls of "I sent you a letter to inform you of my intended wooden stakes, and a curtain ofhanging vegetation at arrival. But they did say the service was pretty the front. As Doyle watched with interest, Bodie uncertain - some problem with crocodiles, I believe - neatly tied the creeper they had arrived on to one side; the name's Doyle," he said again. then he took Doyle's hand gently in one large paw and The other man spokeat last on a questioningnote. led him through the curtain ofswinging vines. "Doyle?" He had a deep voice which seemed to Inside it was pleasantly cool, and surprisingly rumble up from the pit ofhis brown-skinned stomach. comfortable. There was a carpet of sorts over the Doyle nodded emphatically. The man had done floor of lashed wooden struts which looked like some remarkable work; one had to make allowances lionskin; then there was a heap of pressed rushes for his unusual manner. "Yes. Doyle." which obviously served as a bed. There was one, very The powerfully-builtjungle dweller threw his head dogeared book too, which seemed a little out ofplace. back to expose the long taut tendons ofhis throat, his His new friend seemed concerned that he should eyes half-shut. Then his chin slowly descended and admire the habitation, leading him around still with he met the explorer's gaze once more. He jabbed a that hand gently entwined with his, pointing out this finger into his own chest. "Me - Bodie," he said and that. slowly, with heavy meaning; and then the finger After he had been thoroughly shown around and prodded the other man. "You - Doyle." had made many admiring noises, Doyle sat down Doylefelt a twinge ofunease, watching those dark crosslegged, mopped his face with his handkerchief eyes, like a midnight storm, travel over his face and yet again. "Well, this is all very nice," he said body with passionate interest. Still, it was perfectly courteously. "Kind ofyou, to find the time to show it natural that a native should be interested in him, he to me." reasoned to himself. He thought wistfully of a cup of tea, but didn't "I'm so sorry. Have I got hold ofthe wrong chap?" quite like to ask. As if reading his mind, Bodie he said, with cheerful British phlegm. "Perhaps you magically produced half a coconut shell filled with

44 sweet milk which Doyle drank down thirstily, and he "Go?" repeated the other man, and then shook his soon got used to the way Bodie insisted kindly on head. Seeing that Doyle in his turn did not holding the makeshift vessel for him as he drank, one understand, and frustrated by his inability to p?| hand tenderly laced through the curls at the nape of communicate, Bodie turned to the old book propped in his neck, those beautiful eyes gazing right into his the one corner and hunted through it until he found what whole time. When it was finished, Bodie brought him he sought, with a grunt ofsatisfaction. some fruit, laid out carefully on large flat leaves, and, He laid it carefully on Doyle's lap; it was opened ignoring all attempts Doyle made to take it from him, at a page with an illustration. popped sweet juicy chunks into Doyle's mouth, Doyle stared down. The picture was ofa man with waiting patiently until he finished each before he slid his arms around a girl. It was a perfectly chaste the next between the parted lips. It was almost like picture, nothing like the ones his reprobate uncle had some kind ofritual, thought Doyle amused; he would brought back from a visit to Paris and insisted that he look it up in his book of native customs. Lord, but look at them - the very memory was enough to bring they were friendly. He'd heard different tales indeed a hot flush to his cheeks even now - and it brought of the fierce tribes that roamed this jungle; so to be Doyle no instant enlightenment. He looked up at confronted with this courteous man with the beautiful Bodie, puzzled. eyes attending to his every need with loving attention Bodie smiled down into his eyes, tender and was something of a surprise... why, Bodie had even content. He draped an arm around Doyle's naked guessed his affliction with the heat and was undoing shoulders, caressing the soft skin. "You," he purred IS! his boots, sliding them off- that was better - socks, too deeply, pointing at the picture, "Me." - now his shirt - wonderful - The penny dropped. When Bodie's hands reached for the trouser Doyle's jaw did, too. fastening, Doyle stalled it. "Ah. Yes. I see," he began, valiantly ignoring the "Ifyou don't mind, I think I'd rather leave those faint tremor in his voice, running a hand through his on." hair, "Well, I think there's a little misunderstanding The other man, squatting on his heels, paused and here -" looked at him, clearly puzzled. Bodie had both strong arms around h im now, "Leave them on," Doyle explained, louder. "1 cuddling him gently.

'W\ come from England; we don't go in for loincloths, you "The thing is - "

see. Bodie nuzzled the side of his throat with Bodie still didn't seem to understand. He stroked velvet-soft lips, feeling immensely proud, and loving. one hand down Doyle's bare arm, then his chest; Bodie had long been searching for a mate, ever since holding one bare foot tenderly cupped in the other the heady sap of surging spring had risen singing in hand. He gesticulated at Doyle's cloth-clad legs with his veins one morningas he watched the playful antics a little, questioning sound. ofmatingchimpanzees; and returned to the solitude of "Yes, I know it's ridiculous," agreed Doyle, his lonely cabin in a thoughtful silence, to stare at the smiling, touched by the native's easy, uninhibited picture in his book with brooding eyes. Yes, he had behaviour - there was certainly something to be said known what he wanted; and the instant he had come W for the untrammelled Native way of life, Doyle across the curly-headed creature with the absurd himself as a child had been made to bath in a coverings that did not quite conceal the lithe beauty of nightshirt lest he catch sight ofhis own naked body - his form, and the eyes like the cool sparkling but there were some things one just could not do. "I'd lilyflowers that adorned the surface ofthe lake Bodie really much rather be Iikeyou," he said with placatory knew that here at last was his mate. charm, "you must be so delightfully cool - oh, good Doyle moved restlessly within his grasp. How to heavens -" deal with this was a definite omission in his manual of His eyes widened as Bodie wrenched away the jungle survival; he resolved to write a letter to the concealing tigerskin and stood dramatically naked, editor on his return. proud and erect, his dark eyes flashing, breathing "Yes; yes I see what you mean," he began again, througharrogantlyflared nostrils, the corded muscles "but there is a small problem - small, but in his powerful thighs standing out, clearly displaying insurmountable - you see - " His finger jabbed at the l^pf himself for Doyle's admiration. page with more desperation than he'd meant; Bodie's Doyle recovered a measure ofpoise quite quickly. softly stroking lips and tongue were arousing the "It's all been very nice, but I really must be on my oddest sensations in him. "This is a girl. Girl" he way now," he said firmly. Bodie, coming down to said with emphasis, darting a quick look up at his earth, radiated non-comprehension. So Doyle pointed affectionate companion to see ifthere were any signs to the outside world and then to himself. "Me - go." ofdawning comprehension - none -

Sf!

45 "I'm a man. You - man. Me - man," he said pulled to lieon top of Bodie, firm handspressing him slowly and clearly. down and close, "but I'm afraid you're going to find Bodie just shook his head with tender amusement that this really isn't possible - " at this strange disposition ofhis new mate's to jabber " - you see," he managed after a long, searching incessantly away when there were far more interesting kiss which had made it rather difficult to think, let things to be done. He stroked a finger along the alone talk; and Bodie's hands were running wild all delicate curve ofhis cheek, glorying in the sweet feel over his back and buttocks, Bodie's damp breath ofthe damp skin, tracing the appealing line there that pantingrathertouchinglyintohis collarbone,"I really softened into a dimple when he grinned; slid a gentle would like to oblige you, I hope you believe that, hand behind his neck, rubbing fingers through soft because Ithink you're a very pleasant sort ofchap, but curls. He smiled down into the hot, serious face with half-shy delight. The very pleasant chap was almost purring now, Doyle shivered. However could he get his point movingDoyleon him in a sweet, dark rhythmof slick across? A little tremor ofwistfulness ran through him slow pleasure. as he studied that happy face, the pleasure-creased " - but you have to understand," Doyle continued eyes: he really didn't want to be the cause ofmaking with mounting desperation, "it - " that sweet smile disappear... "-just-" He hardened his heart. It just wasn't possible; "- isn't -" Bodie would see that when he - " - possible; can't be - " Inspiration struck; and, resigned to an unorthodox "- done -" step, he rose to his knees, disengaging himselfgently "Aaahhh...." from the other man's warm hands. He fumbled with And Bodie, sharing ecstatically in his lover's his unwieldy breeches, finally achieving his purpose. panting, whimpering spurting delight, joined his own "There!" he cried, and waited for the implication of to it, and showed him that it was, and could, and had. similarity to sink in. They loved and lazed and loved again far into the Bodie thought this was more like it. At last his chattering, squeaking, hooting jungle night. precious new mate had seen fit to divest himselfofthe Doyle was awakened by a touch. He opened his encumbering cloth, holding out his sex and uttering eyes to see his new friend leaning over him, wearing that cry ofprideful invitation. Well, ifDoyle wanted nothing but a curvy, boyish grin. He put up his lips admiration, Bodie was only too ready with it. He took for a sleepy kiss, his insides slowly filling with him gently by the bared hips, and gazed adoringly meltinghappiness, and contentment, as he recalled the down at the rosy object Doyle held cradled in his own heady night ofnewborn love that had passed. He felt palm. Both hands being occupied, he bent his head to as if in some strange way they had known each other nuzzle the soft warmth with his mouth and nose, sent a lifetime, always belonged together. As he half-sat a gentle lick sliding over it with his flickering tongue. up, Bodie slipped an arm around him and he leaned Doyle gasped, and swayed. Bodie too knelt up, into the wordless lifelong commitment without a slipping both arms around the identically positioned second's hesitation. figure, and pressed his own hardness against Doyle's Bodie smelt fresh, his skin faintly damp. Doyle softness, nudging encouragingly until it began to stir felt as if he, too, would benefit from a dip. Time for and rise forth from the nest of soft dark hair to duel everything. He turned his face into Bodie's broad with his. It all felt dizzyingly wonderful to Bodie who shoulder, bit him lightly. had been a virgin for twenty-six years. With a groan "I imagine Dr. Livingstone will manage well he bore them both down, but careful to keep Doyle on enough without me." top, lest his fair-skinned new love should find the "Hmm?" Bodie enquired, puzzled. He licked rushes a discomfort. Doyle's eyelashes delicately, moved across to the Doyle, who had been a virgin for even longer other. despite the offer ofthe reprobate uncle to take him to And Raymond Doyle abandoned for the last time a house of ill-repute as a birthday present, knew he every trace of thoughts about taxable accounts, the was in deep trouble. He had known it ever since pressures of being nine and twenty and still unwed, Bodie - he shivered and grimaced to think of it - had the tedious London living; set that other life behind leant over in that engagingly uninhibited way and him as if it had all been a dream. All he needed was pressed his lips to Doyle's maleness in an act that here in his arms. He kissed the top of the sleek, seemed almost one ofworship. However, the feelings sunwarmed dark head; hugged him tight. those soft warm lips, that damp flicking tongue had "Have to teach you to talk," he commented aroused in him were far from holy. absently, eyes searching around the tiny cabin "I'm extremely sorry," he said politely as he was critically, "though I must say you do very well on

46 m touch alone; and organise a little order and comfort in here -" their home - •: Bodie was listening to every word of this, eyes m devotedly wandering over the body of his lifelong mate, returning again to feast lovingly on the beautiful face and haunting green eyes of his love. Doyle — succumbed, drowning in tender blue. He snapped out of it suddenly. "Must go. Fetch my bag. Towels in there - shaving things-" He cast __ an interested eye over Bodie's smooth skin, ipi wondering how it was done; hoped his bag was still ^ where he'd left it, back at the spot where he'd been swept offhis feet with such devastating, far-reaching si . results... "Come on." He snapped his fingers, scrambled to his feet, but Bodie stopped him. And presented him, P shyly, with one ofthetwo gifts he'd been working on while Doyle slept, his attention frequently wandering from the skins on his lap to study the curled-up form rwith a kind ofwonder. Doyle took the loincloth from him, and donned it. He said nothing; but Bodie read his pleasure and his r gratitude the more easily in his silence, in the look that crossed his face, suffused his eyes with warmth. The other gift was outside. Now there hung two p creepers tied there, one at each side of the platform. That visible affirmation of Doyle's permanence here pleased both men, and sheer exuberance was a good r excuse for another cuddle, "...mmm..." murmured Doyle at last, lips against Bodie's, "you're lovely and I can hardly bear to let ryou go for the barest second, but I want that bag." And, not without trepidation, he bravely took hold of his creeper, waiting for Bodie's signal. Together, they _ jumped.

***

" - pleased to meet you, Stanley," drawled Livingstone in reply, briskly shaking his hand. "Pleasant trip?" fpl "Fine, fine." "Funny thing is," remarked the venerable explorer in a languid tone, "I was expecting a chappie named p Doyle. You didn't run into the fellow by any chance?" "Fraid not." p "Probably been eaten by one of the blasted natives," chuckled Livingstone, and put Raymond Doyle out of his mind forever. wi In another part ofthe jungle, twin figures crashed through the foliage on long creepers, dressed only in m loincloths, having the time of their young lives; and emitting the time honoured cry in unison - "Aah-eeah-eeah...."

47

*pi FLU

It had been a straightforward, run-'em-down case, Get on just as well on his own; in any case, the old and the two CI5 agents had laid their quarry to ground smoothie. You couldn't imagine Bodie being turned tw in a complex ofpre-fab buildings used for the purpose down. ofchemical research, pharmaceutical experimentation The phonerang,just as he was wearilyconsidering and the like. It had been shut up for the weekend, how much time he could rest where he was before guarded by one man with an Alsatian, who was making the effort to call Bodie. He felt distinctly presently lying out cold, quite unaware that he was lightheaded as he automatically jumped to his feet to shortly to awaken to a thundering headache, a grilling answer it. from his boss, and a long tramp through the "That you, mate?" Bodie, sounding strange. surrounding countryside looking for Rover, whom the "No, the Aga Khan, whoyou expectin', you dialled unscrupulous villains had let offthe leash. my number, didn't you?" He/e// like being mean and The said villains had even worse prospects to keep sarky. in mind as they high-tailed it around the laboratories, "Look, I don't feel too bright. You'll be on your in a crazy game of hide-and-seek, pursued by two own tonight, sorry, sunshine. Give 'em enough for grim-faced agents who were making it clear, very both ofus, okay?" clear indeed, that they were not in this for fun and Doyle was momentarily diverted from his own games. They finally burst into a locked laboratory, aches and pains. "S'funny, /don't feel too hot, either. guns drawn on the two men cowering behind neat Was going to ring you to say the same." lines of bunsen burners, test-tubes and acid flasks; A pause. Then Bodie's grim voice - "Stands to they made a lot ofmess. Glass flew everywhere, but reason. Whatever you get, I get it too, right? After not a drop of blood was spilt as they wore down the all, we suffer everything else together, why not the in opposition, rounded them up and marched them out to flu?" handcuffs and the waiting car. "Flu? Is that what it is?" Behind them, a fallen test-tube lay on its side, its "Guess so. S'not just a cold, I eat cold germs for precious nurtured virus compound leaking out onto breakfast. Looks like a weekend in bed." the floor. The air was richly full of invisible "We got flu?" Doyle too it in. Oh god. Yes, that molecules, and had been for several minutes, quite was why he felt shivery yet hot at the same time. long enough to ensure that anyone in the vicinity had They had a great weekend coming up, that was for a very nasty surprise coming up for the weekend... sure. "You got someone to look after you?" he found himself asking. *** Bodie sounded gloomy. "Not bloody likely. Do you know anyone keen to catch a raging dose offlu? Doyle had a bath, and shaved. It was Friday night, No, nor do I." and he should be feeling full ofthe joys oflife and the "Not even from you?" prospect ofa wild, abandoned evening coming up; but "Nah, looks like I'll be getting my own aspirin.

it wasn't working out that way. He felt vaguely Look, call it a day. I'm not up to any more ofyour RSj restless; there were tinglings in his nerve-ends like fast patter right now. See you on Monday. If I'm up itches, and odd pains that came and went in his joints. to it. Might put my aim off; Cowley wouldn't like He must be getting a cold... There was a deep, that." nauseous sensation in his stomach, too, slight but "'Ang on a minute. Why don't we see it out noticeable. Although he was all ready, spruce and together?" A spur ofthe moment idea. clean, he began to realise that he didn't feel like an "What?" Bodie, tetchy. evening's drinking, that was for sure, let alone "Spend the weekend together." Neither was Doyle anything more strenuous later on; he was tired and inclined to be joyous. "Got flu, right? So we have it wanted to go to bed. Bed? He noted with surprise together." that it was only 8, an hour yet before he was due to "What the hell for?" his partner demanded, join up with Bodie and do the town together. A suspicious. shudder went through him at the thought of it. "Two of us," explained Doyle, succinct. "Take it He'd have to call his partner, say he wasn't up to it in turns to get up and make the tea. Halves the and needed a good night's sleep. Bodie'd understand. number oftrips up."

48 Bodie said, after a pause, "S'pose it makes sense. Bodie appeared in a borrowed bathrobe; he looked Come on round, then," hot, his usually pale skin flushed and damp. He "You must be jokin', mate," snorted Doyle down dropped the robe on the floor and prepared to climb the phone. "I'm a sick man. I'm not going anywhere. into bed, naked. See you when you get here." '"Ey. Pick it up." Doyle pointed to the heap of And he put down the phone. towelling. "Nothing worse than an untidy sickroom. And won't you be cold like that?" he added as Bodie Bodie looked like death, pale, dull-eyed and bent muttering to do as he was bid. sweating as he handed in a small kitbag. He retained, "Cold," Bodie said ironically as he slid gratefully however, the old sparky spirit as he glowered at his between the cool cotton sheets. "You must be jokin', mate. "I must be mad. Bloody hell, Doyle. I should you could fry an egg on me." be in bed, not following up one of your crazy ideas He did look hot and uncomfortable. Doyle reached and driving halfover London in a daze. I nearly killed out and felt his mate's forehead, half in jest, half someone." serious. "Jesus, Bodie!" he exclaimed. "Pedestrian?" Bodie turned his head away from the hand. "I "No. traffic warden, Stopped me and said I was know, I know." PI speeding." "You sure it'sjust flu you got?" Doyle was really Doyle grinned. "So you said you were on official worried; Bodie's skin was burning. business?" "Yeah, had it before. Two days of hell, then Bodie's brows drew together in a mean scowl. you're okay. Virus; no point in calling out the quack. "No; that's when I nearly killed him." You seem pretty perky. Sureyou got it?" He touched It felt good, to have Bodie here. Already Doyle Doyle's temples with the back of his hand, pushing felt a notch or two brighter. "Well, s'over now, isn't the heavy curls aside with the other. it?" he answered, locking and double locking the door. "Yeah," he said, letting go and leaning back "That's that, till Monday morning. All R&R from wearily. "You got it." now on, mate. Look at this." Doyle half got into a thriller on TV, trying to He held open the door to the bedroom, waiting for ignore the pounding in his head. Bodie had said Bodie's approval. A sickroom deluxe. In the nothing for a long time, just lying back against his half-hour before his partner's arrival, and before the pillow, but the silence was not uncomfortable. They incapacitating effects ofinfluenza could take a strong were too close for that; the time when they had needed grip, he'd moved the TV in, to the foot of the bed, to fill every silence with words lest it become shifted the hi-fi onto the dressing unit in case they awkward was years past. S'funny, reflected Doyle, it should feel like some soft music to sooth their seems right to have him here when I'm ill, or when he troubled breasts, there was a jug offruit juice on each is. Him, not anyone else. As ifhe was a child again, bedside cabinet. The bed itself, a luxurious kingsize and Bodie - no, that was wrong, nothing maternal object he'd recently bought in a fit ofextravagance, he about Bodie, and he cancelled it instantly. What, had carefully divided down the middle by the simple then? As if Bodie were like - like a brother, maybe? expedient ofplacing a pillow there. But that was even further from what he was feeling, PI "You wouldn't do better if you were covered by and he considered it for a while, baffled. Bodie was BUPA," he stated with satisfaction. a friend, the best friend he had. Yeah, true but it was Bodie was not in the swing of things. "This is a more than that; he only knew that if he were feeling mad idea," he reiterated, looking around. "I'm not ill, even mildly so like now, or if he knew that Bodie feeling inthe mood for company, and especially not in was, it was right for them to be together. After all, bed." who else did they have? "Ah, c'mon, mate. You'll see the logic ofthis in A couple, his mind finally supplied, contented to the morning, when I bring you in a nice cup oftea." have solved the problem; that's what we are. "Mmm,"sniffed Bodie, disgruntled. He genuinely Like a bolt from the blue he realised what he'd felt lousy,all aches and pains and fatigue. "Mind if I been thinking, and he choked happily on his orange have a bath?" Without waiting for his host's juice. permission he disappeared into the bathroom, and Bodie flicked a dark eye his way. "Something Doyle presently heard the sound of running water. funny?" His headwas beginningto ache. He took two aspirin, "Yeah," spluttered Doyle. He wanted to share the left two out on Bodie's side ofthe bed. This weekend joke. "I was thinkin' - you an' me, we're like Darby looked like being a long way from a barrel of laughs, and Joan. We share the hot water bottles and the with one thing and another.... He undressed, pulled on aspirin and the flu... You better watch out, mate," he a pair ofstretch cotton pyjamas and got into bed. warned. "We'll get a name for ourselves." He flashed

49

P*i Bodie a wicked green-eyed look. wrong. His head felt thick and dull and his throat was Bodie's answer was one of his best sarkily sore; but it wasn't just that. The bed was shaking; a disdainful stares, from below eyelids fluttering with low, violent tremor that halted abruptly and then exasperated hauteur. It was fun to have Bodie here; began again. He lifted his head. "Bodie?" he the two of them close and secure in a tidy, whispered. comfortable room with everythingto hand, and sleep The tremors stopped. "Cold," muttered Bodie not far away. through chattering teeth. Bodie was also half-watching the thriller, a frown Doyle reached a hand out over the coolness ofthe of irritation on his face. "Why," he demanded, "are intervening pillow; met hot skin. Bodie was shivering these people speaking with French accents?" violently again, as another helpless fit ofchills went "They're French," Doyle explained gently. through him. "Put a sweater on," instructed Doyle. Bodie gave it a pause. Then, "Okay. They're He felt cool himself, now he came to think about it; French. In France. So why aren't they talking in deep-down cold inside. French?" "Too cold to move." "Because," said Doyle, patient, "we couldn't Doyle didn't feel like getting out either. There was understand them if they were." only one thing for it. "Told you you should have worn Bodie thought it over. "So why the French pyjamas," he murmured resignedly, leaning over and accents? If we're supposed to believe they're really throwing the pillow out onto the floor. Then he speaking French, why accents, for godsake?" The shunted over in the bed and pulled Bodie roughly into actors exchangedanother impassionedbitofdialogue, his arms. heavily laced with 'verrees' and 'e sinks zat eet ees'. Bodie didn't resist; in fact he attached himself to "So we don't forget they're French." his partner with a sigh ofrelief, wriggling until he was "I see." A pause. satisfied that the warmth of Doyle was soaking into Bodie, querulous: "If they sell this series to him in as many places as possible. Then he relaxed, France -" and stopped shivering. "Yeah?" Doyle looked down at the dark hair beneath his Giving up, Bodie waved a hand in dismissal. chin, felt Bodie's arms wrapped around him, an ironic "Nah, it's too complicated." He lay down. "I'm for thread of laughter running through his mind. Bodie an early night." and Doyle, 3.7 and 4.5, Cowley's rough-tough ace "Don't drop off. I'll make us a nightcap." Doyle team who put the wind up the heaviest of heavies - pushed himself out of bed, surprised to find that his lying in bed, cuddling. No point in deluding himself, legsweredefinitelystaggery. Remembering long-ago they were cuddling. Even though his head was painful childhood cures, he warmed up milk, added brown and his inflamed throat hurt him, he allowed himself sugar and a dash ofbrandy, dropped in some soluble a little chuckle, into Bodie's apple-scented hair. aspirin and a vitamin pill for good measure, and took It disturbed Bodie, who, warm and comforted, had the two mugs back to bed. Bodie was lyingjust as been drifting into sleep. He dozily felt an immense, Doyle had left him, eyes closed. "Sit up and drink grateful relief for the warm presence holding him, this." keeping the chills at bay. He reached up one drowsy Bodie opened an eye. "What is it?" He sounded hand, stroked the smooth skin just beside Doyle's distinctly unenthusiastic. mouth with his thumb. "Love you," he mumbled. "Nourishment, panaceaandrelaxant all inonego," "What did you say?" asked Doyle, incredulous, said Doyle, with a flourish. and more awake. Mildly interested, Bodie heaved himself up, and The other man sighed, warm breath on Doyle's took a cautious sip. "Christ, Ray!" he spluttered, throat. "I love you." through a grimace. "IfI drink this I'll be sick." Doyle grinned to himself. Bodie was just going to "If you are, you know the way," replied Doyle, love hearing about this in the morning, wasn't he? unimpressed, and drank his own. Bless him, though. A twinge of rueful tenderness Wincing horribly, Bodie managed most of it and went through Doyle. He hugged Bodie even tighter. lay down again. "Night." "Yeah, mate; love you too." "Light out?" He fell asleep smiling. "Yeah." Bodie appeared to drop offalmost at once. Doyle He awoke to trouble. Everything was wrong. His layawake longer,wishingthe nagging pain in his head head ached, his mouth was dry and sticky, his throat would subside. He pressed his hot forehead into the and chest hurt. He moved, restless, and his arms and pillow and eventually he too fell into a restless sleep. legs grumbled more discomfort at him. He felt sick. He awoke to blackness, and a sense of something For a second, he panicked; he had to get up, it was

50 time for work, had to get up...and then the mound miserably and gave a little husky cough. "Told you beside him in the bed stirred and said something it wasn't all fun," Bodie commented, and reached to incoherent, and Doyle woke up properly. brush the sweat-dampcurls aside with a brusque hand, "Bodie..." he said, and his voice came out as a peering concernedly into the cloudy green eyes. "You croak. get out now and shower. You'll feel better after that." "Mmm." "Yeah? Did you?" But he complied and it was

p "I don't feel -" true; he felt, if not more human, at least more "That's flu for you, sunshine." Bodie sounded odd refreshed, in clean pyjamas, even managing to stay too, hoarse and strange. upright long enough to make a pot of coffee. He "Oh god," croaked Doyle with feeling, and he carried it into the bedroom and surveyed the tangled turned and thumped his pillow with a weirdly feeble bedding. "I think we ought to make the bed." fist. Bodie groaned, his head turning to one side. Bodie gave a wheezy chuckle, then coughed. "Did "Look, mate," said Doyle, trying to be reasonable you think it was gonna be all fun and games?" though he felt tired and grumpy. "You've been "Yeah," panted Doyle over the rising nausea. sweating in there all night. What's the point of us "Day or two in bed - nice and warm - watch Match of gettin' all clean and then going back in that pit?" the Day, that's what I - " "Feels all right," muttered Bodie. "Come in for The wave ofsickness caught him by surprise, his now, you look terrible. We'll change it this afternoon mouth filling urgently with salty saliva - oh christ, too before we get settled down for the night; that suit PI late - He sat up, swallowing hard, but it didn't do any you?" good. Doyle agreed, too weary to press the point. He Bodie, watching his mate's expression, had moved straightened out the sheets and toppled into bed. He fast despite his inclined-to-be-sluggish limbs. He was poured some coffee and passed it over, noting that there with a towel, which had been the first and only Bodie looked terrible too; his eyes were heavy lidded thing to hand, and he supported Doyle over it with a and red-rimmed, his skin paler, and he looked more hand beneath his armpit as his whitefaced partner listless and apathetic than Doyle had ever seen him. gasped and vomited. "Aspirins." He nudged him. Then he took the towel into the bathroom, left it "Don't help." But he took them just the same,

w\ under a cold running tap in the bath, and returned to swallowed down the coffee and then lay down, pulling mop Doyle's still-trembling mouth and chin with the covers over his shoulders. another, damp towel. "Wanna drink?" he asked, calm "Not going to sleep again, are you?" said Doyle, and practical. Doyle nodded. He was shivering, his watching him. "Gotthe newspaper here, you can have eyes closed. Bodie punched the rumpled pillow a look at the sport." He began to detach the pages but behind him back into shape, pushed him back against Bodie didn't move. it, not ungently, and pulled the covers up to keep him "Nah, s'okay." warm. Then he went offto get some fresh water and "What's the matter?" Doyle leant over him, a bucket, just in case. concerned. He put his hand on Bodie's forehead but Doyle took the glass from his hand, drank thirstily. Bodie pushed it off irritably. "Thanks," was all he said. "Don't keep mauling me around." Bodie, feeling like hell, decided it would be better "Oh, sony" sniffed Doyle, movingaway, annoyed to do what he had to do now he was already up, rather at the reception of his genuine desire to help. than face it all over again. So he went to shower and Bodie rolled over to face him in one quick shave, pulling on a clean shirt and one of Doyle's movement. "Sorry," he countered. He put out a hand numerous dressing gowns. He checked the locks on and mock-punched Doyle's cheek. the door, rinsed the mugs ofthe night before and got "Well, 'mauling me around'," mocked Doyle. a jug of fresh water before he finally got to bed, "That's rich, after you in the night." sinking into it with a sigh ofrelief. Christ, he'd only "I said I was sorry." Bodie lowered his eyes, been awake halfan hour and already he felt shot-out. sucked in a breath, his mouth set into a pose Doyle He cast a glance over at Doyle. His partner was still knew well. pale-faced, but his eyes were open, staring bleakly "Okay, okay." He lay back against the pillows, ahead. opened the paper once more and lost himself in the "All right?" leader. "Yeah." Beside him, Bodie closed heavy eyes and slept: but Doyle's silence after that spoke volumes. He it was a fitful, restless sleep. He twitched and r looked decidedly fragile, both in health and mood. muttered, his fingers moving spasmodically in the Bodie felt a sudden ache for him as he sniffed sheet, his head tossing from side to side, feet kicking.

51 After a while Doyle couldn't concentrate on the "You're in no fit state to do anything. Get in, I'll newspaper any more; he switched on the bedside finish," said Doyle, and then he swore, viciously. radio, low, and lay back. His head was beginning to "This is all we needed!" ache again and he still felt vaguely queasy. He felt Bodie gave him a little, tired smile. "Soon be over, ftfflj very sorry for himselfand wallowed in it for a while. sunshine. You get in. You look all washed up." His mouth was permanently dry, so he drank some "Feel it," muttered Doyle. His head was killing more orange juice but it was raw on his inflamed him; he was having to take short, careful breaths to throat and it hurt when he swallowed. He reached for avoid making it worse. He sank between the cool a book, couldn't concentrate, threw it aside and sheets without protest and let Bodie finish off, looked down at his sleeping partner. Christ, Bodie pressing a hand to his aching temples, trying to ease looked ill. His dark hair was damply curling; Doyle the pain. touched it idly and realised with a shock that it was A heavy weight sank down beside his legs. wet with sweat; beads of it running over his temples "What's up?" A low murmur. (™J and into his screwed up eyes. Urgently, Doylepulled "Headache." away the covers. Bodie's shirt was darkly clinging to "Shall I rub it for you?" him in patches. He reached out and touched it - "Don't be filthy," said Doyle with grim, muffled soaked. The bed beneath him was wet too, shiny humour. puddles on the crisp mercerised material. Bodie didn't comment. Strong hands took his It couldn't be normal, to sweat that much. A shoulders, eased him over; a warm palm smelling moment oftenuous panic hit Doyle; what if Bodie had faintly of Doyle's soap descended gently on his something worse, much worse? He felt ill, but not ill throbbing brow. Even the weight of it helped, and enough to sleep all morning and all night, and he Bodie began to ease the knotted muscles at the back of wasn't sweating like this. He reached out to grip the his neck with the other hand. The pain didn't hot, damp cotton of Bodie's shoulder, suddenly magically go, but it subsided to manageable levels desperate to have Bodie awake. beneath the other, more pleasurable sensations in the "Bodie." area, competing for the attention ofhis nerves. He felt Slowly, long, dark lashes wavered, lifted to reveal himself relax, and let Bodie do what he would. sleepy, dark-blue eyes. Bodie changed the pattern ofhis movements, began "You all right?" Doyle asked, his voice rough with to stroke his temples with slow, practised sweeps of concern. his thumbs. "Help any?" Startlingly, Bodie coughed, a harsh noise; he "Yeah. Don't stop." He was pricked with alarm, pushed himself up off the bed with both palms until that Bodie might stop and let the pain come back, and the spasm ended. Then he sank down again andjust his eyes flew open. lay still for a moment. He lookedhorribly vulnerable "Wasn't going to," Bodie assured him, and he to Doyle, who was not used to thinking of Bodie as closed Doyle's eyes with thumb and forefinger traiIing vulnerable. "Bodie?" he asked again. He'd have to lightly downwards. "Keep 'em shut, sunshine. Just call a doctor. relax." Bodie became aware ofthe discomfort ofthe cool, He kept his hands moving gently over his partner's wet shirt clinging to him, the damp sheets, and his face and neck, rubbing his fingers on his scalp through eyelidspresseddownfora momentinwearyirritation. the mass ofsoft hair. Doyle decided, rather dreamily, "Yeah, I'm okay," he said in answer to Doyle, and that he was enjoying this: the light tingle ofsensitive began to pull himself up. stimulated skin seeming to drew out the pain, release "Where you going?" it into nothingness... "Where d'you think?" Bodie picked up the He realised with a jolt that he was falling asleep dressing-gownhe'd borrowedbefore and disappeared and he opened his eyes wide, to see Bodie looking into the bathroom. The sound of running water down at him, the smooth, hard face the one he knew followed. Doylegot out of bedand began to stripthe better than any other, the days of Bodie at his side soaked sheets. By the time he'd finished that and was merging effortlessly into years. He reached up to still laying on fresh ones from the airing cupboard he felt Bodie's hand. "Better stop. You're not fit yourself. exhausted. His head was beginning to pound Don't want you passing out on me." sickeningly as he tucked in the sides precisely. He Bodie took his hands away. "Any better?" liked a well-made bed. "Yeah. Thanks." It was brief, but he meant it, and "I'd've done that." the recollection of the morning came into his mind, He looked up. Bodie, wearing his dressing-gown, himselfbeing sick, Bodie dealing with it with no fuss which rather suited him, Doyle decided, bent to tuck and no comment. He chuckled. "The things you do in his side. for me..." i

52 Bodie's face was quite unreadable, his voice Bodie... devoid of emotion as he said, "I'd do anything for Not just cuddling, thought Doyle in hazy you." amazement, very conscious of the warm stickiness Doyle stared. "Oh yeah?" He grinned sure that inside his pyjamas, the other, external moisture on his Bodie was sending him up, but Bodie wasn't smiling belly beginning to seep through onto his skin; not just and his own grin faded quickly. cuddling...making love... "Yeah." Bodie turned away, rearranging his Why worry? pillow. No thunderbolts; no fist in his face. And he was Doyle, flat on his back, examined this surprising too sleepy and relaxed to move. His head in the warm idea. curve of Bodie's neck and shoulder, he fell asleep. "Why?" When he awoke, it was to the sound ofthe TV. He "Dunno. Just would." opened sticky, groggy eyes and found himselfalone; Doyle decided not to press it. "Yeah, well, we horses were galloping endlessly along the screen with been mates a long time," was his only comment. jockeys crouched grimly on their necks. He groaned Bodie seemed to be settling down again. Doyle and put a hand over his eyes, then rolled wearily out thumped him on the shoulder. "Oi. Don't go to sleep. ofbed. 4.30. He felt lightheaded and nauseous again; iff) Some company you turn out to be. You've been nothing to eat since last night's milk and he'd asleep about nine hours out often since you got 'ere." probably lost that this morning anyway. "Yeah. Well, nothing about the way I feel when I He walked on shaky legs to the kitchen, surveying wake up persuades me it's such a bad idea. C'mon. Bodie from the doorway. Bodie looked just the same Take a nap. We can wake up for Grandstand; there's - and why shouldn't he? Doyle asked himself. boxing on. Need lots ofsleep, with flu." Nevertheless, he felt awkward, almost shy. Then .PI Bodie had a point there. The more time one could Bodie turned and saw him. He was unsmiling, but not manage asleep and thus oblivious to the symptoms, cold as he said, "Making tea. Want some?" the better. Doyle's head still gently rang with the "Yeah." echoes ofpain, and it was all hell down his throat. He "Missed the boxing." Bodie turned back to the was also developing a runny nose. cooker. "Football results in a few minutes. Fancy He blew it on a tissue before sliding down in the anything to eat?" bed. Outside, the rain beat on the window, the wind "Yeah, I feel empty," Doyle announced, and went blew. It was a grey, dismal day out there, but he, Ray to the fridge. He checked over the shelves; cheese, Doyle, was warm and snug and safe. Safe and butter, eggs. From nowhere, a vision of the runny protected... He shut his eyes. This was better than globular white ofan egg swimming in a greasy pool of being out in that cold, driving rain, the high wind warm butter assailed him and he closed his eyes, cutting through your clothes. A little tingly shiver ran feeling - jP) through him at the thought of it and he moved closer A low voice at his side, "You okay?" to Bodie, who accepted him sleepily, shifting so their "Feel sick. It'll go off," he said between gritted bodies curved comfortably together. But Doyledidn't teeth. go straight off to sleep; he just lay there, drowsily Bodie, worried and studying him, said absently, relaxing for a while. "Go on like this and I'll begin to think you're Bodie was a warm and solid presence close against pregnant." him, familiar, trusted - 'do anything for you'...the It was intended lightly, but it fell between them words floated into his mind and he smiled - idiot - and like a plate ofblancmange. Doyle stared at the carpet, put his arm over Bodie's side, letting himselfdrift, on his hand still pressed to his stomach. Had it really pleasurable sensations... happened? He glanced down quickly at the front of B) ...Almost toopleasurable - no, nothing could be too his pyjamas, then he risked looking at Bodie. pleasurable, but this was strange; he felt a terrible Unbelievably, he saw the faint pinkness of a flush gathering tide of sweetness, deep inside, and it was staining the smooth skin, and Bodie did not meet his happening very fast. It made him need to push, press eyes. himselfforward mindlesslyagainst the answering heat Doyle made a decision. Whatever happened, and and hardness - too late to stop - and as he did so, he didn't let himselfthink about what had - and what muscles taut and straining, he was coming, in gentle, might - they were mates, good friends, and very close; throbbing bursts ofwarm honey and sweet fire... nothing must be allowed to spoil that closeness, He lay there, gasping and dazed. Against him because he couldn't afford to lost it. Bodie shifted, sighing, then he moved his hands from "Nah," he said deliberately, "pregnant, no way. It Doyle's hips to slide behind him and hold him takes more than that, you know." And was rewarded reassuringly close. Oh, my god, I've come all over by an abashed, relieved grin curling Bodie's lips.

53 "Cup oftea. Fix you up all right. And a biscuit." "Don't let's fight. I don't need a doctor. Hate'em. "Fine," said Doyle, moving away. "You have I've had this before, just the same. Tomorrow I'll be whatever you want, okay?" Not that he needed to say a new person." it - Bodie was no stranger to his kitchen and not at all "You've had it just the same?" demanded Doyle 13 bashful about helping himself. suspiciously. "Can't eat," said Bodie, making a face. "Yeah." Doyle snorted. "Never thought the day would "Then why don't I feel as rough as you?" come I'd hear you say that." "You probably do. I just look worse." He showered - again - and found fresh pyjamas - Doyle was partly reassured. "You are a sight, the second p air that day, and got back into bed, that's for sure," he asserted. "Like a bloody lily, smoothing it over first, though it was scarcely wiltin' all over the place. If your bird walked in here rumpled; this time they must have slept deep and now she'd change her mind." peaceful. He watched the teleprinter chattering out Bodie had a clogged nose, chapped lips, and was the football results. Bodie came in with the tea. emitting harsh, chesty coughs every few minutes. It "My team win? Silly question," he answered was true, thought Doyle, watching him, only your himself as he saw Doyle's face. "'Course they did. partner could love you now, mate... How many?" ...He'd spent years in the man's company, learning fwffc "Six," said Doyle, deadpan, and let Bodie's first to trust him then to like him, gradually realising delighted smile begin. Then, "The other five were that it was more than that; they were quite simply very sent off," he added, chuckling, as Bodie threw a compatible, their likenesses and di fferences fitted packet of Rich Tea at him. together well, and of course they loved each other. When the sports programme ended, Bodie picked Not in the way they loved women, the way Doyle had up the newspaper he'd eschewed that morning while loved Ann, but he did love Bodie. It wasn't a Doyle struggled on with a Life of Byron he'd picked surprising thought, but it was a new one. up in the library the previous week. It was too deep "Ray," muttered the object ofhis speculation, head for his state ofmind, however, and he glanced over at on his pillow. f-wi Bodie to see him throw the paper aside and lie back, "Yeah?" he said softly, touched with a new an arm flung over his eyes. gentleness. "You okay?" "Let's go to sleep." "Yeah." "You've slept all day, mate. You'll never sleep Dark, curled hair, pale skin, faint blue shadows tonight if you go offagain now." under the lie ofhis long, dark lashes, white knuckled Bodie didn't answer, but Doyle felt the sudden fists- withdrawal, the off-note. He knew, with sudden "You're not," said Doyle with conviction. Bodie clarity, what Bodie wanted and couldn't ask for. coughed; he sounded hoarse and chesty. "I reckon I'd "Okay," he capitulated, sliding down in the bed better call in a doctor," he said decisively. and reaching for the light switch. "Do feel like gettin' "Don'tfuss, Doyle. For god's sake." my head down, come to think of it." Bodie sounded exhausted, and stroppy. Even It was dark outside now; he was once more Doyle, who was on the receiving end ofthe major part conscious ofthe rain pattering down on the roof, and of Bodie's liking and respect, knew better than to the warmth and the enclosed security within. Bodie tangle with the unpredictable ex-SAS trooper when he hadn't said anything, was a foot away. Waiting...? turned stroppy. Doyle reached out, slid his arms around Bodie and One the other hand, that meant nothing if Bodie snuggled against him, from chest to thigh. "This is was really ill. what you want, isn't it?" he murmured, low and "Shove it, mate," he snapped, throwing back the amused and vastly protective. Bodie - hard, strong P53 covers. "If you've got something nasty, Cowley'd Bodie - needed to be cuddled when he was feeling never forgive me if you're a hospital case by Monday low. and I'd just sat back and watched." He liked it, too. Bodie's hand shot out and closed on his wrist. His He hadn't expected to sleep, and he just lay there eyes snapped open, deep, sharp blue, and fixed on quietly, enjoying the feeling ofreturning well-being. Doyle. He was about to turn nasty, very nasty indeed. Bodie was making little chokes and grunts as he Doyle's own expression chilled over, ready for the dozed, one hand clutching convulsively at Doyle's fight. shoulder, and he had buried his face into Doyle's Then Bodie's face changed; he dropped Doyle's throat. Because ofthe blocked nose, he was breathing wrist and looked away. "Don't," he said wearily. through his mouth, and Doyle felt a trickle ofwetness "Don't what?" on his neck. Bodie was dribbling. Like nursing a big

54 pl bloody baby, he thought in amused exasperation, and "Sandwich." Doyle indicated the plate. shunted Bodie's weight onto his right arm so he could "What's in 'em?" reach for a tissue and dry himself off. He squinted "Marmite. Keep your strength up." down at Bodie and dabbed his mouth, too, then he Bodie groaned. "Back to the nursery..." But he ate chucked the tissue aside and lay back down. He still one, and then another and drank his orangejuice while didn't feel remotely sleepy. Doyle tidied up. When Bodie was done eating and After a while he eased himself away from his drinking, Doyle sat on the edge rubbing his hands somnolent partner and sat up, switching on the together, grinning evilly. Bodie watched him with bedside light. He kept one hand on Bodie's shoulder, disdainful irritation. "Convalescing with you is about pressing lightly when Bodie stirred and muttered, as restful as a day springing mines, mate. What are rubbing him gently until he went quiet. He read, you doing?" turning pages one-handed, and drank a lot of orange "Playingdoctors," Doyle reminded him. "Loved it, juice and water. He thought he was definitely when I was a kid." He reached out and pulled beginning to feel rather better, though he still lacked gingerly at the bottom of the polo-neck sweater the energy. They symptoms were definitely receding. other man was wearing. Thank god... Even a day off work wasn't worth this Bodie grabbed his hand, threw it off. "Cut it out," |HS| misery going on any longer than it had to. Bodie, he snapped, not amused. though... "Look," said Doyle, suddenly serious. "I just He looked down again, at the sleeping, well-known genuinely think I ought to look you over, okay?" figure lying beside him. Good job he's here where I "What the hell for?" Bodie stared, resisting can keep an eye on him. Wouldn't trust anyone else Doyle's attempts to pull up his sweater. to look after him properly - those hard bitches he picks Doyle stopped trying, resting his hands there up, bet they believe all there is to Bodie is the image lightly. "You were in a chemical lab yesterday, he gives out - tough and hard and brutish; they don't remember? And you've had this worse than me. see, thought Doyle, who knew him, what a softy he is Maybe you picked something up. You might have a FBI deep down. rash. C'mon mate, I did me CI5 first-aid course, same Unexpectedly, Bodie's curly, dark lashes wavered, as you." his eyes darting from side to side; he didn't seem to Bodie made a face of absolute, screwed-up know where he was. Doyle squeezed his shoulder, the irritation. "All those vitamins turned your brain or one he'd never let go of since Bodie fell asleep an something?" hour ago, and Bodie flinched like a startled horse, his "Just let me look," Doyle winked at Bodie's whole body going rigid. wavering resolution. "You're tempted, aren't you?" "Hey, whoa there, mate. Where'd you think you And before Bodie could further protest, he had were, back trenching in the bloody SAS?" whisked the sweater up and was examining his chest

5H Bodie gave a sneeze, then another, and groped to intently. Despite the light approach, he was quite sit up, one hand blindly going out. Discerning the serious about this. Unhealthy places, experimentation need, Doyle stuffed a tissue into it. "I'm gonna get labs. There was a mark near Bodie's right nipple: he you a nice hot drink," he said, swinging his legs out of made an exclamation and leant to examine it closer. bed. Bodie, alarmed, sat up and peered at it. Then: Through a noseful oftissue, Bodie hadjust enough "Freckle," he announced laconically, and lay back spirit left to wheeze, "Playing nurses and doctors now, again, meeting Doyle's relieved eye, amused. "Not PI are we?" plague this time, Doyle..." Doyle said, without turning, "Yeah, why not. You "A freckle?" said Doyle, half disappointed. He take your clothes off and I'll warm me hands." And swept his eye over the rest of Bodie and saw nothing grinned to himselfwith sudden glee as he envisioned else out of place. the staggered expression behind him. "All right, Dr. Doyle? Can I cover up now?" Sadly, his vegetable rack proved to be lacking a But Doyle wasn't listening; he had gone, possibly, Fji5! lemon. There were oranges though, and he squeezed slightly mad. He was watching the rise and fall of several, adding sugar and hot water. He put together Bodie's chest, and wondering what would happen if- a speedy sandwich, too, and carried the tray back to With a fingertip, he traced the full outline of the bedroom. Bodie had put the TV on, was at least Bodie's right nipple. It had an interesting result; flesh sitting up, and was watching a Western with a rising and hardening to his touch. He fingered it lacklustre eye. He took the glass Doyle handed to him gently, absorbed, and then he trailed his hand across with a succinct "Vitamin C," and looked at it. to the other. "How're you feeling?" Bodie caught it. "Don't." "I'll survive." Doyle felt strange; the lightheadedness, the tingle

9

55 of air on his suddenly sensitive skin, the tiny hairs It was a memory ofBodie; his face, his hands and pricking up all over him not entirely due to the shivery mouthandstrong-muscledbody,electric witharousal; effect of flu. What the hell was he doing? Drowsy not as Doylehad ever seen it in reality, but as he had cuddles, unforeseen, unspoken pleasures snatched imagined it, some nights in bed with a girl - or half-aware on the brink ofsleep were one thing. What alone...after some uninhibited sexual backchat with he had been about to do was somethingelse again, and the man such as he was trying to instigate now; quite impossible, quite mad... Bodie was watching imagined it, seen it in his mind, used the illicit fantasy him, wary and cautious, completely unreadable. to fire himself on, make himself feel good...dark, Doyle took his hand away without comment. He forbidden fire... picked up his book. Beside him Bodie coughed and And forgot it after. Until now. Bodie was peering reached for a drink. Doyle stared unseeingly at the at him closely. "You've gone red," he accused, printed pages for several moments, then threw the cheerfully. "Don't think I had better tell you, mate. book aside and tried to concentrate on the Western, Wouldn't want to embarrass you, Raymond, my son." idly picking up a Rubik's cube he'd been given and Doyle looked over at him. Bodie was grinning twiddling it without looking as he watched the screen. smugly; he'd got himself off the hook and Bodie nudged him "Fancy that? For us?" embarrassed Doyle all at one go, though he wasn't The cool, leather-chapped hero flashed a silver quite sure how he'd managed it. pistol from his hip, unleashed a single bullet with a How would he take it, Doyle wondered, if I told twirl ofhis fingers. him...? As Bodie had meant him to be, his partner was Decision recklessly made, he looked Bodie straight diverted. "You an' me? Cowley's cowboys?" in the eye and said deliberately, "I have sexual "Yeah - roam in' the range." Bodie chuckled and fantasies about you. Sometimes." assumeda mean, cowboy's stare. "Howdy, pardner..." Bodie's eyes widened, then fell into the usual "Be fun," Doyle decided. "Get saddlesore, bored droop as he struggled to conceal the staggering though." impact Doyle's quiet challenge had had. He didn't let "Nah, you develop tough, leathery buttocks in a a muscle ofhis face quiver as he said, "Straight up?" matter ofweeks," Bodie assured him. Doyle nodded, his green eyes very intense as he "Oh, terrific." watched Bodie. "Very straight up," he emphasised. The statutory female appeared, a freshfaced girl Bodie took a deep breath, striving for normality. with a ponytail, whom the hero hugged one-handed to He looked into candid, wide eyes. "Shouldn't worry his manly bosom, staring over her head to the mighty, about it if I were you. The human mind - " rolling plains. Bodie made a face. "Dunno, though, "Oh, I wasn't worrying," Doyle assured him. Doyle. Maybe it wouldn't suit us after all. Look at "Never consciously thought about it before." the women. Gingham turns me right off." Bodie shot him a curious look. "So why now?" "Yeah?" sympathised Doyle, concentrating on his To Doyle, it was obvious 'why now'. Had Bodie cube. forgotten, or genuinely been asleep? But he "Yeah." remembered the faint flush, Bodie's awkwardness in "And what turns you on?" He lifted his eyes the kitchen earlier, and knew that Bodie had not unexpectedly, because he wanted to catch the look on forgotten. Apparently then, in Bodie's book they Bodie's face, suppressing an inner smile. weren't going to talk about it, must pretend it never "Use your imagination," muttered Bodie curtly; happened... If that's what he wants... Doyle had taken him by surprise. "The usual things." So he shrugged. "No reason. Forget it. Fancy a Doyle smiled. A promising line of white squares game ofScrabble?" appeared on one face ofthe cube; he felt sure he was Bodie gathered his own tattered nerves. "Bath close to cracking it. "Ah, c'mon. You can do better first. Baths are good, with flu. Relaxes the joints." than that. What gets you going, Bodie?" He got out ofbed. It wasn't the first time they'd talked about sex; not Baths, bullshit. You just want to get away from by a long way. Telling each other larger-than-life me, thought Doyle, watching him. He repressed a stories to amuse, or impress, those conversations sigh. He didn't really know what he wanted himself. always left Doyle vaguely restless. As he waited for And he was beginning to feel tired, and achy again. Bodie to answer, his hands, working the puzzle, When Bodie left the bathroom he took it himself, arrested suddenly as another memory came to him - languishing in warm,scented water until it grewcool; one deep-buried because he'd never wanted, never then he made supper - porridge - for himself and his dared to take it out ofthe dark recess of fantasy and partner. They watched the football, and read, mostly examine it more closely; now it came to him with in silence, each lost in his own thoughts. blinding clarity. Doyle couldn't get his earlier musings out of his

56 Pfl

head. He berated himself, telling himself he was over him, palms either side ofhis partner's shoulders, crazy, that he was thinking along dangerous lines. looking down at the shadowed face, waiting, asking... Suppose he did get Bodie going, what then? Playing But there were no more doubts. Doyle caught him, with fire, to invite Bodie to unleash all that burning and pulled him down with desperate strength, holding inner sensuality on him. Leave it to his women, mate; Bodie tight on top of him, all along the length of his better equipped to deal with it. You'd be asking for own warm, needing body, pressing the other man into

PI trouble... himselfwith hard fingers. Until Bodie took over and But Bodie had said '1 love you'. Half-asleep he thrust himself urgently against the smaller man might have been, but he had meant it, Doyle knew his beneath, careful even in the egocentricity of arousal

PI Bodie well enough for that. Imagine Bodie, then, not to hurt him, to be gentle. loving him... holding him close and loving him, like Better than fantasy, Doyle thought dazedly, this afternoon... A shiverofanticipation ran hopefully responding to the slow thrust and taut-held trembling through him; yes, maybe later tonight, when they'd - Bodie's, or his own? He didn't know, didn't care, SI settled down, maybe they would let it happen again - but he was trapped inside warm, damp cotton and couldn't find freedom. Drowning in sensation, he felt Bodie glanced over, saw Doyle's troubled face as hot, the flush of sensual heat crowding his senses to he propped himself on one elbow, staring at him. the limit, and he arched upwards on a gasp, pressing "What's up?" he asked, puzzled. the other man down fiercely at the same time, grinding - On the other hand, why wait? - himself against the hardness there with near He didn't answer Bodie; just reached out desperation. He badly needed to feel skin against one-handed and began to slip loose the buttons of skin, wildly and wantonly to rip off the hampering Bodie's shirt. "Whatthe hell - ?" Bodie started to ask, clothing and rub himself thoroughly into warm, fwl watching his partner with a kind ofstupefaction, but hard/soft flesh; but it was already too late, as Bodie's Doyle silenced him with a look. Come on, Bodie, questing tongue found his ear and flickered inside, the don't play the innocent... As he laid bare Bodie's glorious sensations peaking into overload, too fast... chest, for the second time that evening, the look of Hands desperately gripping, digging into Bodie's bewilderment on the dark man's face changed, into buttocks, he was lifting and coming, warm, dawning understanding. Doyle didn't give him a involuntary pulses of delightful, extreme pleasure chance to react. leaving him as the glow spread through every part of He surveyed the smooth-planed chest he'd him, and he was flushed, and damp everywhere as examined earlier, and did what he had wanted to do they faded, and passed... Beautiful. Oh, beautiful... then: dropped his head to one nipple and tasted the He came slowly back to awareness, breathing smooth nub ofskin with the point of his tongue. As slowing. Bodie was still, resting on him heavily, heart before, the response was immediate and exciting: thundering against Doyle's chest. Left him behind, lazily, the tiny bud gathered itselfinto a hard puckered Doyle realised; then ruefully: I'd've left anyone peak of arousal as Doyle licked it lightly, over and behind, I went up so fast...

over. He was hot, and sweaty, and suddenly crushed by Beneath him, stunned and helpless, Bodie lay still, Bodie's weight. He pushed him off, and rolled on his his hands coming up to Doyle's shoulders, but he side to face him. Squinting in the darkness, he could made no move to pull away, letting the small shocks just make out that Bodie's eyes were closed. For a ofpleasure reach him where they would. He glanced moment, Doyle hesitated, not knowing what - down, saw the full mouth widen, fastening on the Bodie reached out, solemn, unhurried; he searched wonderfully, terribly sensitive area, the long lashes for and took Doyle's hand in his, squeezed it once. lying luxuriously on the smooth cheek ofhis partner; Then he pulled it toward him and placed it on himself, and a little sound escaped him. He leant over, stroking the curled fingers gently before he let him go; dislodging Doyle's lips, and put out the light. undemanding, patient. Doyle, surprised, didn't move Doyle was temporarily fazed by the sudden for a moment, feeling his hand cool on Bodie's heat. fS darkness, but there were reassuring strong arms there It seemed a far more intimate touch than had so far to gather him close, pull his head down again. Last passed between them. No going back. Ifwe do this - chance to back out... Instead, his searching, hungry if I- there'd be no forgetting, no passing this off PI mouth found smooth skin, moved softly over it, until lightly as a spur ofthe moment, crazy thing easily put he came to the moist roughness once more and fixed behind them. on it, nursing at Bodie with lips and tongue, his cheek But even as he thought it, his wayward hand was moving against Bodie's chest. moving on Bodie, intrigued despite rationality with Bodie groaned - too much, or not enough - and the warm, expectant cont ours of the other man's rolled over, pushing Doyle onto his back and leaning aroused body. Like - but different, and Bodie, as

57 clearly as ifhe had spoken aloud, had asked him to do arrested, stared at him, he elaborated with a faint this. He cast caution and tomorrow to the winds, shrug, "To the job..." bringing his other hand up to join the first in its Doyle acknowledged it, slowly, with a tinge of exploration of Bodie, cupping him and sliding the sadness. That was the way it was. For both ofthem. edges of his palms around him in a swift, upward Bodie showered first, and emerged fully dressed. movement, pressingtheotherman'shardness between Doyle lounged on the bed, still in his pyjamas, reading them... the newspaper. He glanced up at Bodie and his eyes The effect was immediate, and not entirely widened. "Where you offto?" unexpected - after all, this was what he'd been trying "Home." to bring about, wasn't it? - so he did not move away There was a silence. "Why?" was all Doyle could when Bodie moaned on an indrawn note, and thrust think ofto say. He felt winded, as ifBodie had given himselfinto Doyle'shands, entrusting him with all his him an unexpected punch, for real. vulnerability; and for the second time Ray Doyle felt Bodie's reply was brusque and to the point. "Don't the spurt and pulse ofBodie's coming falling like rain live here, do I? Gotta go sometime." on his chest and belly. Doyle turned cool to match it. "Up to you." The They lay very close, face to face, Bodie's erratic silence lengthened as Bodie went around the room breathing gradually slowing, Doyle's heart still collecting his things and stuffing them into his bag. pounding away as he tried to deal with all the Doyle broke it at last, exasperated and worried. "I turbulent emotions that were rushing him from thought you were staying the weekend." everywhere. Someone had to say something. "Have done, haven't I? Fri to Sun, inc." ^a He said, into Bodie's ear, "Wish we didn't both "Yeah, but I thought... We could go in to work keep coming over my pyjamas. 'M running out of tomorrow from here. What's the point ofyou going fresh ones." home now?" He felt Bodie's breathing halt, and a moment of "Oh, c'mon, Doyle," said Bodie impatiently. "Use tension hit himtoo - howeverwere they goingto cope your head. I haven't any of my things here; don't with this? suppose it'd go down well with Cowley ifI turned up The Bodie said softly, against his face, "Wish you in a shirt I slept in. I'll have to go home for a change didn't have 'em on. I'd've liked to - touch you - " ofclothes and it's hardly worth coming back. That all And everything was all right after all as Bodie's hands right with you, is it?" he said with exaggerated slid underneath the stretchy cotton to stroke him, run enquiry. up his sides, warm touch on warm skin in one Doyle's comfortable little fantasy ofthe cosy day too-briefcaress. remaining,just him and Bodie away from the world in A promise? A valediction? easy companionship - which had been beginning to They fell asleep, the smaller man cuddled into the lace itselfwith unconscious anticipation ofsomething curveof Bodie's arm, Bodie's lips in his hair;at peace more - burst and vanished, leaving only coldness. with each other and the world. "Suit yourself, mate. I don't own you. Don't want to," he added as an afterthought in case Bodie should When Doyle awoke, he felt good. Instantly wide think he was fishing; and then he buried himselfin the awake; no hangover,no desire to groan, shut his eyes colour supplement. Bodie frowned, watching him, and burrow down again for a few snatched, precious then he went to the livingroom to pick up his jacket. minutes. He sat up and took stock. Doyle didn't stir, nor did he look up from the bed. No Bodie. And it was after ten o'clock, he noted Bodie, car keys in hand, reappeared at the bedroom with surprise. The Sunday paper was at the foot ofthe door. bed, untouched. He felt much better, the sore throat "You all right to be left? Feeling all right, are that had plagued him almost gone, his head clear. you?" There was a tantalising smell floating around, and he "On top of the world, compared with yesterday," wrinkled his nostrils, his stomach giving a little, he answered briefly, flicking over a page. anticipatory twinge. He was ravenous. Bodie lingered. "Sure?" Bodie, bathrobed, poked his head around the door. "Yeah." Then he snapped, looking up, "For "Sleeping Beauty awakes," he commented drily, godsake, go, if you're going. Just sod offout ofhere, adding, "Breakfast's ready." will you?" Doyle tucked into bacon, eggs, half a sausage - the And all the puzzled hurt he felt was too starkly other half was on Bodie's plate, meticulously shared revealed, brought out into the open. He looked down - toast, jam and coffee. It was good. "I think I'll again, angrily scanning unseen pages, willing Bodie to marry you," he announced around a mouthful. go. He'd had his fun, now he was walking out. Well, Bodie said, "Already spoken for," and as Doyle, that was pretty typical, for Bodie. Par for the course.

58 rAnd he, Doyle, had made a right bloody fool of himself. Bodie watched him, not knowing what to do or say, m seeing the disconsolate, downcast head, the rigid lines ofanger tensing the sprawled form. He was pushing it a bit. Any minute now Doyle would be releasing — that anger in one of his violent outbursts, and Bodie didn't want to fight with him. No, he wanted... Making a decision, he dropped his bag, held out an _, arm. "Ray - c'mere a minute." "Wha'fbr?"growled Doyle, looking up, suspicious. "Just come here," Bodie repeated, but Doyle didn't move. So Bodie crossed the room and dropped beside rthe bed, putting one hand on his partner's shoulder, shaking him a little until Doyle grudgingly met his eyes. "Flu's over, sunshine," he told him, gently. "Yeah." Doyle was scowling, green eyes narrowed feline slits. m Bodie cupped his face in the other hand, eyes on the full mouth. I never even kissed him... "Wasn't all bad - was it?" he murmured. rAnd Doyle, startled, read in Bodie's unshielded blue eyes the same confusion, the same ambivalent feelings towards what had happened between them, ipn saw that Bodie knew no more than he did whether it would change things for better or worse, and that there was no arrogance, no triumph in the little, tentative pi smile curving Bodie's lips. A rueful smile tugged at his own mouth. "No, not all bad," he conceded. n "Maybe we'll get it again some day." "Maybe." Bodie hesitated, then leant forward and kissed him, _ carefully, just beside his mouth. "I won't forget," he whispered against his cheek; and then he was gone. Doyle heard the door slamming, and a little later the sound ofa car starting up. He didn't move. 81 He was left alone with the Sunday papers, the 1 imprint of Bodie's gentle mouth on his cheek, and a handful ofmemories and unsteady longings. i Flu was over. Time to resume normal function.

^

n

(Pi

59

P^i FLU 2 sequel to Flu

Sebastian and HG

"Oi!" was going on and I was pratting around with a Doyle, hands in pockets, turned round, scowling at milk-fed half-wit? Nursing a bloody diplomat on a the peremptory summons. Nor did his expression cushy baby-sitting job at the Ritz, that's where." He lighten when he saw its perpetrator. started to walk again, brooding darkly. Bodie was grinning, bouncing along towards him, "Missed me, did you?" Bodie said, lips wrinkling wearing his old grey anorak and brown cords, clearly smugly. "Thought you would." delighted to see him. Doyle calmed down then, the problems of the Doyle waited, stony-faced. working day receding as he recalled the other, more Bodie's smile faded somewhat as he reached him. personal ones. He shot an enigmatic glance at his "You look as ifyou've had a rough day." partner, whom he hadn't laid eyes on in five days, "Yeah. Well, I have. Not that you'd know." He only saying: "Yeah, well, it wouldn't have happened turned and walked off, shoulders hunched. Bodie fell if you'd been there. You may be totally insane, but into step beside him and they passed together in you're not bloody stupid enough to do what Hughes silence down CI5's stark corridors to the outside did today." He kicked the ground, remembering again world. how a week of his own painstaking care had been "What happened then?" said Bodie at last as they ruined in one five second act of rashness. stepped out from the nondescript building into the "Or," hinted Bodie gently, "/don't need to be told London backstreet. the inner workings ofyour mind." He'd seen Hughes Doyle's fists clenched. "I had it all set up." as it happened, as he came into CI5 twenty minutes "Yeah?" said Bodie with sympathy and utter ago; the man looked whitefaced and shaken. incomprehension, running an unobtrusive eye overhis "Maybe that too." partner. Doyle looked grim, tense, but unmarked. "He was part ofyour team, sunshine," said Bodie "I had it all set up!" howled Doyle, rounding on lightly; the last thing he wanted was a big row with him and thrusting an angry face very close to him, for Ray. "Your responsibility. Maybeyou overestimated all the world as ifBodie were personally responsible him." for his angst. "Then that pillock Hughes rushes in Doyle shot him a sharp, measuring glance. "Yeah, ahead oftime intent on a bloody medal and panics 'em okay, I see what you're gettin' at. No need to lay it on into running off- before they did the job we were with a trowel. But the point is, you're my partner an' supposed to catch 'em at! A whole - fuckin' - week..." I'm used to you, like it or not - " He looked as ifhe His fingersjabbed into Bodie's chest at each word, for didn't like it much, right now - "And if you'd been emphasis - "A whole week I spent carefully settin' here we'd have wrapped up the bloody thing today. that up, you wouldn't believe the hours oftime I put Now we've got to start over. Oh - god - " He threw in on it, Bodie, and when the momentfinally comes to his head back and winced, fists clenching in impotent wrap the bloody case up, some baby-faced cretin fresh despair as the enormity ofthat sunk in once more. out ofa rural copper number fancies himselfas James Bodie grinned, watching him. He liked Doyle's Bond and charges in with a gun in his mitt - " little dramatic posings. "You sound as if you're "Bloody shame," said Bodie, still clueless, but blaming me for all this." fervent. Doyle's eyes came open. He stared. "Ofcourse I Doyle continued, eyes glaring flashing green fury bloody well am!" he said bitterly. "You were the one at him, "Then who got the rocket from Cowley? who decided to have a week sipping cock- tails. Who?" 'Arvey 'Eadbangers, was it?" "You -" Bodie made an exasperated gesture. "Ah, c'mon, " - for being in charge ofthe op - " mate. That's a bit unfair, innit? Think I wanted the "Experience and responsibility bring their fuckin'job?" attendant problems, sunshine -" One week since they'd had flu, and had been closer "And where were you?" Doyle continued, with than ever before. Then Bodie had walked out, leaving very real anger. "Where was mypartner when all this Doyle not knowing if something was wrong or not;

60 whether with one unplanned excursion into the nothing to do but lie on the bed, gun within reach of sharing ofone another's sensuality they had ruined it one idly stroking hand, and think. About Ray, mostly. all; and when he'd come in for work the next day "Let's forget the bloody week." feeling like hell, Bodie had not been there, and Doyle It was Friday evening. A week ago today, they had was assigned a temporary partner - one who was new been coming down with flu, or something like it. toCI5. Doyle shot him a penetrating glance. "All of it?" "It was a volunteer job," he said, looking hard at Bodie knew exactly what he was talking about, and his partner. "Murph said so. Nice, cushy number for didn't hedge around. "From Sunday. That's when anyone willing to lock themselves up in a hotel room things started to go wrong. You fouled up the Arnold for a week. And you were first to put your little fist op., and I was wasting time in town. It's all over. So up in the air." forget it. End ofstory." Bodie stopped. Looked at him. And gave a bark Doyle didn't look overwhelmingly cheered, his of mirthless laughter. "Murph was having you on, eyes shuttered, his face withdrawn, faintly wary. mate. Likes to stir it up, that one does. Listen. Bodie kicked at a stone, watched it skim out to the Monday morning, I arrive at CI5, you aren't there and kerb, hit a crumpled can, ricochet off. Cowley half-inches me and tells me I'm offto babysit "You doing anything tonight?" he asked, not some agoraphobic Chink diplomat for a week. What looking at his partner. do you expect me to do? Look the Cow in the eye and "I dunno." Doyle wasn't giving any ground. He say 'Sorry, no ta, don't fancy that one?'" He took a felt he'd given more than he wanted to lose already. deep breath; looked at Doyle who was lounging "C'mon. Are you, or not?" against the wall, arms folded, moodily examining the "Why?" Doyle finally asked. He too kicked at the ground. "You were a right bloody idiot to fall for that. ground, scowling with unconscious tension. Ipl The word volunteer doesn't appear in Cowley's CI5 "I was going to take you out and feed you. That's brief, y'know." if you haven't got some luscious lady lined up." "Oh," said Doyle, after a pause. He started to Bodie grinned; no sign on his face of the annoying !p?? walk on again, but slower, eyes firmly fixed on the little butterflies playing hopscotch in his stomach. ground. He was rapidly reviewing the week; his "And ifI have?" Doyle challenged. attitude to Bodie and his sudden apparently "Then I'll take you tomorrow. Or next week." pi convenient absence from the scene; he had jumped to And this time, Bodie's smile was very predatory; very conclusions on the sole evidence of a remark from possessive, saying that he could wait. But wait he Murph he certainly should not have taken at face would. value. Doyle sighed. This was all too bloody ridiculous. Damn, damn, damn. Him and Bodie... Better sorted out, though, than Bodie gave him a while; then said, without festering there beneath. He shut his eyes, rubbed his ml breaking stride, "Where we going?" hands across them. "Feed me?" "Uh?" muttered Doyle, his mind on other things. "Yeah," drawled Bodie, seeing he had won. He Bodie reached out, slid a hand inside Doyle's moved in closer. "George's expenses covered room service at the Ritz for four days. The old sod knew I'd psj collar and yanked him to a halt. "We passed your car five minutes ago." be stuck in there sweating for the entire time; nothing "Oh." Doyle looked around, confused; Bodie's to do but eat. But what he didn't know - fingers cupping the nape ofhis neck were warm. "Is?" prompted Doyle, at Bodie's particularly Bodie gave him a little shake, then let him go. "I seraphic smile. did ring you," he offered, half-knowing what was "I sent out for takeaways. Saved a fortune. And wrong with Doyle. tasted better," said Bodie; and he beamed. Doyle He had, too. A few briefcalls made from the hotel began to chuckle. He felt - not just better. Happier. room where he'd been locked up with an "Pick you up at eight." uncommunicativeChinese diplomat he'd been ordered "Okay." Doyle began to stride off. to keep under 24 hour protection, and who refused to "Wear the maroon shirt," Bodie said into his ear, leave the room and who listened into his phonecalls right up beside him. with hawkeyed concentration. He'd just been able to "Maroon shirt. Okay." check that Doyle was okay, safe, and getting over the "And a tie." aftermath offlu. "But ofcourse." "Yeah." "And - the white jacket." IS "Look," said Bodie who was tired of the whole Doyle stopped, as if not quite believing his ears; thing, the lengthy days and nights when his turned slowly to examine Bodie's face. Cool green too-inactive limbs had ached to move, and there was eyes swept him up and down. "What colour," he

61 r enquired, "underpants?" about that? Or seafood - they fly in the prawns fresh, Bodie leaned closer and leered. "Surprise me." y'know-" Doyle made a face that would have stalled the "Oh yeah - direct flight from Sainsbury's is it?" launching of a thousand ships. He took off again. returned Doyle, though his heart wasn't in it. This time, only Bodie's eyes followed him as he stood Bodie made a face ofdisdain. "Prawns don't have still and watched the lithe figure bouncing away from wings, or only small ones. Keep your voice down, him back to the abandoned car. Doyle - they get class in 'ere, mate." Bodie was punctual, as befitted an ex-army type; "Yeah, an' we fit in like a sweet smile on Cowley's and when Doyle let him in he was still in his ugly mug, nowjust shove it will you? I'll have orange shirtsleeves. juice and a cheese omelette, okay?" "Not ready?" enquired Bodie unnecessarily, Bodie laid down the ornate tasselled menu, stared arching his eyebrows. He was attired in a dark suit, at his irritable companion. "Come on, Ray. You olive shirt and dark tie, and he presented himself to could have that at home. What's the point? Have what Doyle with something approaching smugness. you really fancy. You're feeling okay, aren't you?" "Oh, very dashin'," snorted Doyle. "What is this, he demanded, suddenly recalling the recent illness. support Saville row week or something?" Ray was skinny enough to start with. "Nope; just thought you might like the excuse to "Yeah, fine. And that is what I really fancy. It dress up a bit." Bodie sat back and watched his partner won't break the bank, either - at least, I hope not." swiftly knotting his tie, the slender agile hands darting "Look," said Bodie, exasperated but relieved to in and out with speed. have discovered the cause of Doyle's unease, "will "Are you saying," Doyle asked wide-eyed, "you you stop penny-pinching? Whatever we have in here don't love me in my jeans?" He turned away from the is gonna cost a bomb, so why let them make a 300% mirror and hunted around for his jacket. mark-upon eggs, f chrissake? Makes better economic Bodie never could resist the obvious - "Love you sense to go the whole hog." better out of 'em."- and ducked expertly as Doyle Giving in to the backhanded logic of this, Doyle threw a cushion at him. By unspoken agreement they resignedly went along with him, raising his shoulders changed the subject, keeping it strictly light and in a devil-may-care shrug as Bodie extravagantly impersonal; but there was a mood of subtle ordered Dublin Bay prawns with tournedos to follow; anticipation in the air, a repressed excitement tingling about five different vegetables to accompany them. there, making them a little tense, a little wild. He made further orders from the wine list; Doyle left Bodie drove, but he wouldn't say where they were that side of things entirely to Bodie, who fancied going. Doyle teased him with theories ofNelly's Caf, himself as a wine buff; he sipped his aperitif and and Harry's Hot-Dog House, but he was genuinely made idle conjecturings to himselfover the probable surprised when they arrived at Bodie's choice of size of the bill which the man across the table from restaurant. "You're not telling me they let you in 'ere, him was going to pick up at the end ofall this - do they? There's usually a sign - 'No Undesirables!'" Why he was doing it was also still a matter for Bodie smiled, but his eyes were very dark, very conjecture. serious as he said, "Thought you might like it for a He put down his glass with a thud, stared at Bodie change. Ifyou fancy somewhere else - " They were through the candles, the little cut-glass bowl of probably used to cancelled reservations, even here. flowers reposing on the tablecloth. "No, it'll be nice," Doyle assured him. He didn't "This isn't a joke, is it?" he demanded, deadly want to ruin Bodie's attempt at pleasing him. The suspicious. "You're goin' to hand me the bill and possible reasons, however, for his partner's sudden duck out when we've cleared the bloody plates clean, attack ofwanting to please him, he put on one side for aren't you?" the moment. "Never turn down the chance ofa place Bodie looked at him in surprise, and put on his like this, do I?" upper-class voice. "Really, Raymond, have you such Indeed, it was so exclusive there were no prices set a low opinion ofmy integrity?" He leaned forward a out on the menu. Doyle, who had felt an absurd urge little, very saturnine in the flickering candlelight, eyes to giggle as the unctuously gliding maitre de tables dark, mouth set in a little predatory curve. ushered them to their place, in a hushed candlelit "Yeah," said Doyle with feeling, "I have." corner, sobered abruptly as he studied it. Christ, But he didn't move, nor take his eyes away, not Bodie'd be bankrupt even if they stuck to tap water even when he saw Bodie's intention; and Bodie took and shared a portion ofpeas. Or 'petits pois garnis' as his hand across the table and twined his fingers the menu insisted on terming them. around it, gently. Doyle gazed steadily back at him; Bodie was not looking worried at the prospect. Bodie's eyes were very bright, bold and "Avocado," he proclaimed enthusiastically, "How almost-mocking. If Bodie was trying to embarrass

62 him, he was going to be unlucky. Bodie was silent, toying with his glass. The He leant forward; the heat from the candles bitterness in Doyle's voice was all too apparent, but tingeing his face with warmth. "You look like he knew the other man too well to imagine Doyle Darcy," he said, his voice soft. He smiled, too; an would thank him for making much of it, let alone appealing, serious smile. offering sympathy. In any case, how could one give Bodie frowned. "Darcy?" The thumb that had comfort for a time some thirty years gone? His own been very gently stroking Doyle's palm stilled. childhood had been, probably, little different. The "Yeah," said Doyle quietly. "The archetypal damage was done; they had both lived through it. romantic hero, that's you." They had become survivors. For some reason, he saw he had unsettled Bodie The waiter was deftly offloading plates; and after somehow in a way he hadn't meant to, facetious that the wine arrived and had to be looked at and though the remark had been; even hurt him though he rolled around in the glass and tasted. Doyle sat back didn't know why. It made him uneasy in turn, and he and watched Bodie with an idle eye; Bodie was both said the first thing that came into his head; it looking and behaving very well tonight, dark and happened to be true. suave and in control. It was one of those occasions "You know, I had a crush on Darcy when I read when his unconventional partner might have been the book for the first time. Straight up. Even expected to muck about, playing the fool to cover his stencilled his name on my pencil-box, yeah, I inner uncertainties, but instead Bodie was playing the remember that," he laughed a little, his eyes and his part of a gentleman dining to perfection. His glass pi attention on the far- offmemory. "Strange, the things was being filled and he reached out to taste it, kids do..." repressing a sigh. He hadn't meant to ramble on about This revelation of a hitherto unexpected facet of his childhood, let so much out. That aperitif on an pi his partner's character diverted Bodie from his empty stomach had probably not been a good idea. It thoughts. "You - had a crush on Darcy?" looked like being a long drunken night. Doyle chuckled again. "Yeah. Used to lie in bed His mouth filled with bubbles that instantly SI makin' up fantasies - how he'd sweep up one day in disappeared, and his eyes opened wide. "Christ, a coach and four and take me away with him. Adopt Bodie; that is champagne." me, you know? It was - kind ofnice. Daft...but you "That's right, son," said Bodie, amused, indicating know kids." He shrugged, dimly remembering the the ice-bucket standing beside the table, the heavy cosy-dark haven of his childhood bed, the strange, green bottle standing in it - all of which Doyle had almost frightening excitement he found he could failed to notice, wrapped up in his thoughts. "Like produceinhimself, weavingprivateworldsoffantasy it?" for himself, and no-one else could go there, no-one "Ofcourse I do." He sipped some more from the knew- tall, long-stemmed glass. "But why champagne, for Another memory, less pleasant, lined itself up godsake? Anyone'd think you'd come into money, beside the other, and obliterated it. mate. You better watch it. Cowley'II be lookin' into Bodie watched his partner's face still, and change. your contacts with Moscow." Even half a bottle, in "What's the matter?" he asked sharply. this establishment, would cost - Doyle shrugged again, dragging himself away "Been reading my Good Housekeeping Book of fromthe past. "Nothin'. Just remembering- my Dad Entertaining," camped Bodie, pleased at Doyle's hazy sawthis famous pencil-box, all defaced with what I'd expression of bliss as he supped delicately from his PI drawn on it. Didn't meant a thing to him - the name glass. One thing about Doyle, he was a definite Darcy - I doubt he ever read any further than the hedonist. Really soaked up the good things in life. sports pages of the Mirror hisentire life- but itdidto "It said champers was a good match for prawns." SI my mum. He asked her - without sayingwhy, I bet - Then he became more serious, glancing across, a little and she told him, just who Darcy was." embarrassed. "Nah. Just wanted to give you a treat, Something about the flat tone of Doyle's voice, that's all. After your lousy week." He was about to and the abrupt end to the little story, alerted Bodie. say more, but the urgent messages his eye was sending "And what happened?" he prompted. Out of the to his brain suddenly arrived, and he stopped, corner ofhis eye he could see the waiter approaching, transfixed. but it would be several moments yet before he God, but Doyle was beautiful in the soft light. reached their table. Pure whitejacketover dark red shirt, gold-tipped halo Doyle looked up, his eyes bleak and dark. "He of curls surrounding his serious face, the delicate PI beat the corruption out of me," he said lightly, curve of his cheek; his skin looked very smooth in staring just past Bodie. "Good, god-fearin' man 'e this light, his eyes large and bright, down-swept was." lashes drooping over them as he considered his drink.

63 IS

He looked mysterious, elusive and faintly fragile; a delights ofthe trolley. (ii far shot from the tough street-fighting animal he was Bodie looked up, sharply. After a moment of in reality. silence, he said: "Macklin told me once I'd be fifteen Bodie shook his head as if to clear it. Ridiculous, stone by the time I was forty. Too heavy to run, let to be thinking of Doyle that way; Doyle wouldn't alone attempt the bloody assault course." thank him for it. No, beat him up, more likely. What He said it with no particular emphasis, yet Doyle, he wanted he didn't know, couldn't say, still less what who was always attuned to his partner's moods, Doyle himself wanted; and getting all sentimental looked down at his coffee-cup with a frown. It was over the way the man looked wasn't going to help uncharacteristic ofBodie to be dejected; usually he'd any. All the same, he leant forward on impulse. bounce back cheerily to the many and varied remarks "Ray, I -" about his weight, with some crack about the birds Doyle tilted up his face, startled out ofhis reverie. likingsomethingsolidto cuddle,and it was all muscle At the same moment the waiter arrived with the first anyway. Maybeitdid hurt himdeepdown; Bodiewas course and their attention turned almost exclusively all front. to food - it was excellent - and to the business of "Well, that wasn't very kind," was all he said. finishing the champagne, and after that the bottle of "There's more than a touch of bitch about our claret which arrived with the entree. At the end ofall Macklin. You're not fat, Bodie." that, Doyle was feeling decidedly light- headed in a Bodie was quiet after that; he responded to pleasant sort of way. Because their table was Doyle's attempts at conversation only because he had secluded and intimate and because he felt like it, he to. It had been a strange evening, Doyle mused as a W began to flirt with Bodie, quite deliberately. Why pot ofcoffee, sugar and cream arrived on a silver tray; not? They had been lovers, last weekend; and what there had been moments of closeness, the intimacy did Bodie mean by all this wining and dining if not that had snapped into being between them and that they were going to be lovers again, tonight? It culminated in the comfortable sense of belonging came naturally to him; he didn't overdo it, just the together that they had shared last weekend. But there odd teasing remark thrown in here and there. Bodie had been moments, too, when it had seemed as ifthey played along well enough, though Doyle thought he were talking about different things, the barriers caught an occasional flash of confusion in the dark coming up between them so that neither knew for sure eyes. Some vestigial streak of cruelty in him what the other was feeling. He sighed. This evening appreciated that: serve Bodie right for walking out on had cost Bodie a lot of money, he had been trying to him last Sunday, making him sweat it out all week. please Doyle. But somewhere along the way it had He tossed down the velvety red wine and smiled. gone wrong; uneasy with one another, they seemed Si He opted out of dessert, feeling pleasantly full. now very far apart. Bodie was eyeing the laden sweet-trolley, on which His final mistake occurred when Bodie, brooding, reposed creamy gateaux, bowls of trifle, and sticky leant over to pour the coffee. chocolate-topped profiteroles, with barely concealed "I expected a red rose with this, you know," he temptation. said in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. "I shouldn't," said Doyle, teasing. "You know Blue-black eyes snapped up. Doyle met the what they say - a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the expression in them with surprise, and a dropping sense hips." He patted his own unfailingly flat stomach ofdisaster. with a hint ofcomplacency. Then Bodie's face changed, the bewildered anger To his surprise, Bodiecapitulated immediatelyand fled to be replaced by a curious, mocking smile that just ordered coffee. "I was only joking," he said burned equal ice into Doyle's suddenly unsteady when the waiter had gone. "It's a night out, have heart. what you fancy. I'll call 'im back, shall I?" And he "Did you?" Smoothly, Bodie rose to his feet, prepared to catch the man's eye. plucked a short-stemmed red flower from the bowl on "No don't," Bodie said shortly, "you're right." He the table, and leaning forward, slipped it into the fiddled with the stem of his wine glass, a brooding buttonhole ofDoyle's white jacket. He smiled at him expression on his face. again, very close. He looked more like Doyle's Now, of course, Doyle felt as guilty as hell and conception of Darcy than ever. impatient with it - if Bodie was going to get the sulks "I'd hate to disappoint you, sweetheart. Will this the evening looked doomed to be a failure. It was do?" heading that way anyway; there was an indefinable The stalk dripped cool water onto Doyle's shirt, tension between them which he couldn't remember soaking through to his warm skin. He made no move, since the very early days oftheir teaming. He had one though his first impulse had been to rip it out and more try to persuade his partner into sampling the throw the sad wilting thing onto the table. He

64 ppl

schooled his face into the same dangerously smiling stringing him out. He heard Bodie's voice, very close, mask that Bodie wore. concerned. "You sure you're okay?" and he gave a "How very nice," he said, quietly. "Thank you." little nod. It had been his intention to outplay Bodie with his When had all this started to go wrong? When he own, perhaps more telling brand ofcynical coolness, was gabbling on about Darcy... no, before that. It was but as he saw the other man's eyes waver and drop, he something to do with bloody Darcy, he was sure ofit. felt instead a paradoxical wave of self-dislike. He Yes, now he had it. Bodie had reached out and would have said something, but it was too late: Bodie taken his hand; and, thinking that Bodie was setting had turned away and was calling for the bill, lips him up, he had retaliated with mockery. But what if pressed tight together. Doyle drained his coffee and Bodie had not been mocking, at all? If it had been a kept silent. genuine gesture of affection? And he had turned it They said nothing in the car. Doyle gazed out of into a cheap joke - a rejection of Bodie's warmth.. the side window, fingers tapping idly, and reviewed Experimentally he reached out, encountered the the evening. It had not been an entirely joyous material ofBodie's suit, decided it was a shoulderand occasion for either of them, and he thought he knew slid his hand slowly down the arm until he came to the why. Puzzled by each other, and by their own warm pulse at the wrist; and his fingers closed tight (pi feelings, after the days of separation the last thing around Bodie's. they'd needed was to try and resolve their confusions Bodie looked down at Doyle, then at their joined in a public place. They had been unable to shelve it hands, not quite knowing what to make ofthis. His for the duration of the meal, the tensions had kept eyes travelled over the disconsolately drooping head showing through. Oh, christ... He sighed gustily, and ofsoft curls, the slouch ofthe thin muscular body as rubbed a hand over his eyes. Yeah, if Bodie felt half it leaned wearily on the door, one knee bent. So alone as confused as he did, they were in for an interesting - Bodie always thought ofhis partner that way, always time. remote and self-contained through his own choice - "Okay?" but now there was that one extended hand, strongly He answered the brusque enquiry in the gripping onto his, bridging the gulfbetween them. affirmative, realising that all the sighing had not gone Making a decision, he slipped a gentle hand unnoticed. beneath the round chin, tipped Doyle's head back.

w\ "I thought it might be the start offood poisoning," Sea-green eyes came open; no challenge in them now, said Bodie with black, bitter humour. "That'd be all just a curious kind ofwaiting. we need to make it a really perfect evening." Bodie's heart was racing, but he was hardly aware Doyle did not comment. He wasn't going to be ofit as he leant forward, closed his mouth over warm drawn into another session of sarcastic backbiting. lips. It was a long, gentle kiss; he withdrew from it They'd managed enough hurting, between them, for at last and rested his head on Doyle's shoulder, eyes one night. The car drew up outside his flat. Bodie shut, not thinking. Not daring to. pulled on the handbrake but left the engine running. After a moment he became aware that Doyle was "Thanks for coming tonight, Ray," he said with pushing at him. It was an effort to move, leave the sincerity; which surprised Doyle who had been security the other man's warm body afforded, but he expecting something different. He reflected that drew back so he could look into his face. Doyle was Bodie, while not being unequivocally sweet-natured, studying him very seriously; he lifted one hand and did not often hold a grudge, especially not against touched Bodie's face with his fingertips. himself. Bodie was continuing, "See you Monday, "We don't have anyone else, you an' me. Only okay?" each other," he stated, with matter-of-facttenderness. Doyle wasn't having that. Bodie couldn't be "I reckon it's time we stopped pratting around." serious. "You're comin'up." It wasn't a question. Drowning in relief, Bodie gave a sigh that was Bodie turned his head to look at him with lightless half-laughter. "You're so bloody romantic, Ray," he dark eyes. It was raining; the drops pattered murmured. PI monotonously onto the car all around them. Doyle's mouth lifted in a crooked smile. "Gimme "What?" a chance. S'not easy to be romantic when you're Doyle snapped his fingers at him as he swung stuffed full ofprawns and bursting for a piss. But I'll pi himself out of the car. "You're comin' up. Wanna work on it." talk to you," he said with economy ofexpression, not "Yeah, I can see it doesn't come naturally to you," looking to see if Bodie followed. said Bodie, rather distractedly, astounded to discover Inside the flat, he closed and locked the door, and that he was trembling. Like a schoolboy idiot, on his leant on it for a moment. He shut his eyes; took a first date... deep, long breath to quell the tension that was Doyle had noticed it too. His face kindled with

65 sudden, rare warmth. He placed the flat of his palm but so sweet in the sensuality that had never been on Bodie's chest, rubbed him slowly. "Ah, Bodie," he there for him before that it melted Bodie's guts to began gently, and then broke off, shaking his head. water. "Everything, maybe," Doyle said, very low,

"Go sit down. Relax. I'm not gonna rape you, mate." the midnight sweep of Bodie's eyes caught and held ns "Wouldn't mind ifyou did," said Bodie, honestly. steadily in his own. Doyle slid him a look. "Ah, but then it wouldn't One hand came up, began to slip loose his tie; his be rape. It would be something else entirely..." gaze did not waver. Bodie swallowed, sprung with Bodie took off his jacket and sat on the settee. sexual tension; he reached out to push Doyle's hand When Doyle reappeared, he was carrying two glasses gentlyaside and undid his tie for him, pulling it away. in one hand, and a bottle ofbrandy in the other. "Since Watching himthrough half-closed eyes, Doyle was you didn't offer me a liqueur with my coffee..." taken back to last weekend, when they had been, of Bodie's eyes darkened a little. "Sorry. Rushed necessity, gentle withone another. That was what had you away, didn't I?" beenwrongtonight; they had reverted to the abrasive Doyle poured two stiffmeasures ofRemy Martin. punchy quality of their previous relationship which RS He said nothing. Bodie knew he was waiting for was fine when done injest, fine for two good mates at something more. In the end, eyes on the glass twisting work. in his hands, he said: "You were being so - " But things had changed. "- bloody awkward?" suggested Doyle with a pert Gentleness. It had begun that way. grin; he felt relaxed and very sunny-tempered now he Bodie was half leaning over him. Doyle reached was sitting here beside Bodie, alone, in peace. out, stroked a forefinger down his cheek, watching the Bodie gave him a sidelong glance. "I thought you cool shuttered face with care, but he could read were sending me up." nothing there. They were both too good, so good it Doyle considered for a moment. He knew quite had become dangerous, at concealing their emotions. well he could be bloody-minded at times: in fact, he Suddenly Doyle smiled, his upper lip curling away fostered the image, had done since teenage years when to flash sharp teeth. "Let's play a game." with looks like his he'd needed all the help he could "Mastermind?" Bodie softly enquired. get. Doyle shook his head. "We're - new to each "Never meant to come across like that. But you - other," he said carefully, "An' we've got all night. So you seemed so determined to treat me like some girl there's no hurry. An' now it's time to make the move. you 'ad to impress, sell me the number good an' Only - you're not sure how I'm gonna react, right. So strong so I'd come across..." He stopped, slipped off you don't rush it, don't trample over me like a great his jacket, threw it to one side, unbuttoned his cuffs randy elephant, you just take it slow. And loving. and rolled his sleeves up to just below his forearm. Don't forget that, 's very important." He did all this quickly and deftly: he was thinking. Bodie's courage, as he took in what was being "I'm not your girl, Bodie," he said at last. "It's never offered to him, nearly deserted him; but anxiety was gonna be that kind of thing between us." Before quickly overlaid by a memory oflast weekend; Doyle Bodie had a chance to reply, his mind had moved on breathy and panting beneath him, clawing at him in a to other things, more little flashbacks. "An' then, you frenzy of excitement, coming... But his tactile were so bloody touchy; seemed like I couldn't say a memories were obscured because by then it had been word without you takin' it the wrong way..." too late to revel in sensation, the Doyle wrapped in There was a silence. Bodie, staring past the little stretch cotton riding so trustfully against him seeming coffee table light, said, "It wasn't a very good idea, more part ofa flu-induced fantasy than reality. looking back. I'm an idiot." This evening had been clumsy with careless Doyle's hand shot out and thumped him on the cruelty, barbed with tension; but the evening was still knee; he left the hand there, lightly squeezing. "It young and this no fantasy, Doyle reassuringly solid was a nice idea," he said gently unable to bear the and temptingly close. Bodie reached across the small thought of Bodie feeling that his plan to please him space between them. had all been a failure. "An' the food was great. The tiny shirt buttons slipped free with ease, the Haven't had such a good feed in ages. But I wish we'd maroon silk Doyle-warm and supple, parting to reveal done it tomorrow night, thassall." honey-tinted skin, dark-shadowed by the fall of the "What's gonna be so different about tomorrow light. His expression one of absorbed care, Bodie night," growled Bodie, being belligerent because he smoothed the fabric away, palms skimming the jut of was finding it hard to think; the gentle insistent a collar bone, the already hard-nubbed nipples, his squeeze and release of Doyle's warm fingers on his own flesh tingling. thigh a subtle distraction. His expression one of aloof gravity, quiescent Doyle turned his head, gave him a glance, halfshy; fingers resting on broad shoulders, Doyle was content

66 to let Bodie do what he would with him, caught by the intended to say, not at all, earlier assurance fled. tender concentration in the face bent to him. "Oh, yes. 's too important for us to fail now. "Oh, Bodie..." The soft sigh an admission and You'll see." surrender in one. Doyle had slid to the floor, kneeling at his feet, one "This was what you meant then?" bare forearm resting casually on Bodie's knees. Smiling, the query was devoid of malice, Doyle "Ray?" framed between his hands while his fingers slid Leaning forward, Bodie's hand closed over a thin beneath the waistband ofDoyle's trousers, one thumb shoulder for reassurance. Only half-mischievous, absently stroking the crease of flesh across an Doyle looked up. otherwise flat belly. "Propose later," he promised. The soft erratic breathing caught, heavy eyelids It was not until he sat, staring at the downbent head lifting to reveal hazing eyes, the pupils huge and while Doyle concentrated on sliding first one, then his velvety, drawing him inwards. second shoe free that Bodie realised Doyle was very Mute, Doyle nodded, his forehead drooping to rest serious. Then Doyle slid forward, between his parted on an olive-clad shoulder. Absorbing the calm, his legs, the clever fingers tweaking at his shirt, easing self-imposed barriers dissolved by the moment of soft cotton away, baring him to brandy-sweet breath. quiet and truth, he was content: he needed Bodie, as Subtle touches of mouth and tongue investigated Bodie needed him. Doyle's hands tightened, drawing intriguing hollows and convexities, the silken down of Bodie close. an armpit, slightly damp; the smooth flesh of the Unsteady fingers eased through the heavy curls at inner arm, sensitivity of an elbow crease, Doyle the nape ofthe bowed neck, feeling the fine prickle of tracing a leisurely passage with his mouth, the pad of awareness over the downy skin, Doyle's tactile his tongue flicking out to taste in generous swathes sensitivity something Bodie was still learning. and darting flickers, delving in to the half-visible "All right then?" Bodie asked softly, a little afraid navel. ofbreaking the spell they were weaving. The luxurious thoroughness ofevery caress being "Mmmn... oh yeah." Doyle's cheek rubbed lavished on him, the exquisite care implicit in every Bodie's briefly, the luxurious assurance in his reply touch had been Bodie's final reassurance even before sending goosebumps scudding over ult ra-sensitive Doyle looked up, offering a slow, rare smile of skin. Feeling that tremor of response, Doyle drew encompassing sweetness. away a little, studying the languidly pouting mouth "Made you all damp," he murmured, contrite, his that was still poised against unguarded tenderness, the knuckles brushing twitching stomach muscles. defence a product oftheir life-styles. His hands sliding through silky hair to cradle the Life-styles could be changed, adapt. face turned up to him, Bodie shook his head. "Like it. He slid his finger with care along the compressed An' - you were right, Ray. We won't blow it. Not mouth, rubbing it. "The shiverin' comes later," he now. Want to share the good times, bad times, and all said with mock-severity, and felt the shock of rich the times between. Come to bed - let me love you." blue when Bodie looked up, searching his face. Brandy and lights and crumpled clothing were all "Promise?" Bodie finding himself lost five left behind them, their path marked by languid kisses, fathoms deep in the sea- change green of Doyle's fervour growing, and a soft white ankle boot, two belts eyes. and three socks, Doyle's briefs adorning the bedside "Promise," said Doyle very serious now. He lamp, tossed there by an uncaring flick ofa wrist. eased shirt cuffs undone, tracing pale, vulnerable Finally naked, standing behind the slighter frame blue-veined inner skin: one, then two cuffs. "Start ofhis mate, Bodie drew Doyle back against him, and afresh, eh?" gasped aloud at the silken shock of it. Then his Awareness prickling his skin, a lancing sweetness erection was close-bound by firm flesh, Doyle rocking in his groin, Bodie nodded, his guard only halfdown. back against him with careful insistence. "An' you're goin' to woo me - be nice that," "Wait," Bodie gasped, almost pushing Doyle Doyle encouraged, in the same soft tone, his hands away, and was rewarded by the hand that curved back learning the feel ofsleek muscle, smooth and strong as to smooth the hollow of his flank, Doyle otherwise live silk beneath his palms. Sensing his partner s obediently still, his harsh breathing the only sound. unease, he was uncertain as to its cause, Bodie's So close. vulnerability something he was too prone to forget. It Burying his face in the junction of neck and had been entrusted to him once, his responsibility now shoulder, Bodie murmured, "Jus' wanna touch you to hold and keep it safe. first...just..." Voice trailing away when his hands Troubled, Bodie looked up, unsmiling. were taken, laid over damp skin. "Is it going to work, Ray?" Not what he had His first touch was a sweeping voluptuous p?

67 embrace, Bodie finding the wall behind him, leaning back the better to support Doyle who was slumped heavily against him. Blind, his hands learnt the feel of flanks, flat belly and jutting hip bones, the erratically moving ribs and tender flesh ofthe loins. Only then did he cradle the taut-arched erection, offering a sliding pressure, the pad of his thumb grazing the silken tip, slick with glistening seepage. At that final touch Doyle cried out, his head thrown back, the line ofhis throat taut, teeth catching in his bottom lip. Caught between the velvet ridge of Bodie's erection grazing ultra-sensitive flesh between the cleft ofhisbuttocksandthe slidingpressureencirclinghim, a tiny whimper ofsound escaped - "Please..." Then Bodie arched strongly against him, the room tilting in a pulsing, dizzying rush, Doyle's need spilling forth, falling over Bodie's hand and forearm as warmth slid down the cleft ofhis buttocks. Trembling from the summer-storm which had overcome them both there was silence, breathing growing calm, Doyle close-held, the warmth ofBodie all about him. His fingers laced with the broad capable hands, freeing himself so he could turn; the cooling stickiness slick between his buttocks made himshiver,hungryfor more,seeing his need reflected back at him in the passion-darkblue ofBodie's eyes. Locking Bodie to him, his mouth fierce and searching now, Doyle steered them back, clumsy and urgent. Then they were tumbling onto yielding softness that provided a counterpart to the strength and fervour oftheir joined bodies.

Bodie, tangled halfunder his mate, both ofthem on the edge ofsleep, suddenlythought to ask: "Who the 'ell is Darcy anyway?" And while the crease in Doyle's cheek deepened, he did not open his eyes. "Who?" Satisfied, Bodie gave a comfortable wriggle and smiled out into the beginning-to-lighten room.

68 'THE BALL WAS GOOD -' JS1 (J.P. McEnroe, 1978, '79, '80...)

B? Almost like guilty schoolboys the two men crept young concert violinist whose breathtaking arpeggios out of the shrubbery in the late dawn, and surveyed had been delighting Ray Doyle for some weeks now, the long green planes ofthe private tennis court; inthe and who had suggested, almost as an afterthought that early morning sun it was a pleasant sight, reminiscent he might like to bring that weird mate ofhis - 'the one of strawberries-and-cream and gracious, English with the nice eyes' - along to keep her younger sister country life. company. Bodie had been quite happy to agree since Beside the court the taller ofthe two off-loaded a he like sponging offnobility, and since the sister was pair ofrackets, a box ofballs, two towels, a tracksuit a very attractive young lady, who proved remarkably top, and an assortment of sweatbands, wristguards, responsive to Bodie's best dashing-cavalier-with- and other essential tennis accessories. He sighed, a-hint-of-psychopath act. The first night had gone theatrically. Why was it that he always got the job of very well, dinner in the Great Hall followed by lugging things around while his partner loped easily, surreptitious rearrangement of the sleeping and empty-handed, at his side? His eyes sought for accommodation with satisfying results all round. The and found the errant, who was squatting in the middle next day had been just as good, a lazy day by the ofthe court attaching the centre net-tape to its ground poolside and on horseback, winding up in bed once linkage. more with their respective ladies, fully fed on venison Bodie came up behind him, forgetting his minor and the lord's best vintage port. They had been grievance. "You sure the girls are still asleep?" warned in advance about the tennis party arranged for "Course they are," Doyle assured him, his fingers the Sunday and brought their kit, not without some deftly fastening the screw. "Wouldn't you be?" And trepidation since neither of them had picked up a he gave a reminiscent, satisfied smile. racket in months. Bodie gave that cryptic comment some thought as "I am not," Doyle said now, for about the tenth he went back to the pile of things, throwing the two time, "being beaten blot-and-blot by some chinless rackets to Doyle so he could check the height of the wimp who carries his balls in a string bag and his net, and positioning himself at the net-post to await racket in a press." instructions. "We're not asleep, are we?" Bodie made a derisive noise, on his own account. "Up," ordered Doyle, crouching with the rackets "No chance." balanced side to end. "Bit more - stop - down a bit - "I wouldn't be so sure of that, supershot," Doyle that's okay -" and the net arranged to his satisfaction countered. "These are yer actual Upper Class 'ere, he rose smoothly to the balls of his feet - he was you know. They 'aven't anything better to do than feeling very athletic this morning - and resumed the bash balls around all day, in between fortifying former conversation. "Ah, but it's different for themselves with top-grade protein and vitamins. No women, innit? Doesn't take it out of 'em so much at daily graft and a soggy 'amburger at the end of it for the time, but they're knackered longer after." them, is there?" He sighed soulfully and looked up At this unusual, logical twist, Bodie snorted, from beneath his lashes, the picture ofnoble suffering. watching as Doyle stretched like a supple cat, turning It was thus that the plan for this covert early his face to the sun, an expression of blissful morning practice had been conceived, Bodie being no well-being pervading his features. "Well, if it's all keener than he to be shown up as two leaden-limbed been taken out of you, sunshine, then I reckon I'm provincials by the Upper Class Twits. True, Bodie gonna thrash you into the ground this morning." was fairly confident that he and Doyle, being in far "That's not the object of the exercise though, is better physical lick than the artistic young men it?" Doyle pointed out, coming towards him and floating around Nailsham's estate, would give a thrusting one of the rackets his way. "We're reasonable account ofthemselves. But, obedient as he practisin' so we don't make prats ofourselves in this usually was to his partner's whims, despite the surface bloody tennis party, aren't we?" grumblings, he had dragged himself out of bed with The two CI5 men had been invited away to a one final, only semi-regretful glance at the sleeping weekend party at the home of Lord Nailsham; his angel next to him, hunted out his tennis gear, and daughter's intimate friend happened to be a pretty come with Doyle to this deserted part ofthe extensive

69 manor house grounds. Bodie's heavier weight of shot and more solid play. The grass was pressed, rolled, mown, a velvety A natural athlete, Bodie was, all strength and muscle carpet in striped shades of green, its white lines and beautifully coordinated action - the bloody ball freshly painted; the air was clear, the sky blue. Bodie didn't stand a chance, Doyle moodily reflected, as felt a lift ofpure, animal pleasure to be up and out this Bodie unleashed a powerful forehand drive that early on such a beautiful morning. Doyle was looking flashed past him at the speed of light to land an inch keen, too; fit and fresh in white tennis shirt, neat insidethe baseline. Receiving Bodie's serve,time and shorts, a white headband around the curls, again his fingers actually stung as he made a useless blue-trimmed white socks and immaculate shoes. He dab at it and the heavy ball pinged wildly off his was running on the spot, limbering up. He had flailing racket. But more unnervingthan the struggle improved on his tan this weekend, long lengths ofhis to win the occasional game was Bodie's new habit. limbs were exposed, and from the top of his lean In common with some ofthe more notable players thighs to his ankles, from each lightly muscled arm to to be seen on TV - it was Wimbledon fortnight - Bodie the slender wrists, he was an even shade ofpale gold, had developed a grunt. the fine body hairs glinting fair in the sunlight. An He gruntedwhen he served, when he ran for a ball, expression offerocious concentration on his face, he when he jumped for a smash. was trying out imaginary forehands and backhands as That wouldn't have mattered, except that the wild he jogged up and down. The corners of Bodie's corner of Doyle's mind that he never could quite mouth lifted irrepressibly as he watched him, freely control had translated the sound into something quite admitting to himselfthat Doyle, masculine though he different,and wildly inappropriate. They were having was, looked good enough to eat this morning. some quite long rallies, since he never gave up on a He tossed some balls Doyle's way and took up balland managed to scramblebackall butthe outright position on his side of the court. "Come on then, winners,and the punctuatedrhythmofBodie's earthy Navratilova. Let's see what you're made of." sighs had acquired a totally unintended significance. "Never-ad-it what?" queried Doyle, being "Uhhh..." panted Bodie as he thumped in a serve, deliberately moronic; and he picked up the balls, "aahh..." as he chased to the net to pick up a short stuffing one in his pocket - christ, these shorts were ball, "ohhh..." as he stretched wide for a punching tight. volley. They knocked up for a while, and it must be For all the world, Bodie sounded as if he were in admitted that Doyle's thoughts were not entirely the throes of mad, passionate love-making. It was concentrated on the serious business of striking ball doing the oddest things to Doyle. over net; he had left the warmth of his bed and the He was acutely conscious of the rough cotton drowsy curve of the girl next to him with definite aertex scraping over his sensitive nipples; the tight reluctance, and the air was cool, felt good on his pull ofthe shorts over his misbehaving groin - every sensitive skin, even the light breeze stirring through movement made it worse, or better, depending which the hair on his scalp arousing light, erotic tingles in way one lookedat it - the breeze caressing his naked him. skin. And every time Bodie made that tantalising Should have stayed in bed a while longer...worked noise, it seemed to strike home in his guts... it out ofmy system first... "Aahhh..." Bodie ground out, a long, lush sound. "Been a long time since I saw you in action," he He had to do something. The shorts were getting called across the net, and winced. "The tennis, the unbearably tight. tennis," he hurriedly added, though there was no "Bodie -" indication that Bodie was sharing his super-sensitive His voice came out in a squeak, as it was reaction to the morning, and the ensuing one-track line sometimes wont to do. He cleared his throat and tried ofthought. again. "Bodie- whythe helldo you keepmakingthat "No time," said Bodie disgustedly. "The Cow sees noise?" to that. It got so every time I was making serious "What noise?" Bodie was genuinely surprised as on-court progress the fucking bleeper went - I fed they met up at the changeover; Doyle looked around this story about a jealous Scotsman who got decidedly peevish. twitchy if I was out of his clutches too long, but "Urgh," Doyletried. "Uumph." Itdidn't come out people were beginning to talk.'''' He shot Doyle an the same, and he scowled at Bodie. "Trying to be a arch look and camped his way to the back ofthe court. McEnroe, are we?" They began to play in earnest. Doyle, while "It releases the tension," Bodie assured him, and possessing flashier strokes, capable of mercurial peered closely into the cross face. "You ought to try bursts of speed around the court, and the occasional it, mate, you're looking a bit hot and bothered," he breathtaking shot, was gradually worn down by said cheerfully. "Makingyou work up a sweat, am I?"

70 In moreways than one, Doylethought grimly,and Doyle visibly shuddered. Bodie couldn't be used the time when Bodie had his back to him to making things worse if he was trying to. Bodie arrange himself more comfortably inside the pressed two balls intimately into his hand and winked

PI constricting clothing. That nearly turned out to be a before jogging offto the back ofthe court. disastrous mistake, since even the fleeting touch ofhis As Doyle threw up the ball and prepared to unleash impatiently scrabbling fingers on himself sent a his racket head at it, again the brush of rough cotton shivery thrill ofanticipation through his urgent shaft over his erect nipples sent little thrills of pleasure ofunruly flesh. through him, right down to centre in his groin. As he Things did not improve. He seemed unable to chased after Bodie's return, the rhythmic shift and rub pi disentangle the wild, sensual images his mind was ofhis aroused flesh against the seam ofhis shorts was throwing up at him from clinical concentration on the beginning to produce an unmistakable slickness he game, his eyes unconsciously seeking images to feed knew only too well heralded the approach oforgasm his arousal even as his rational selffought to quell it. - and soon, too. Things were getting desperate. Not Hence, he was unusually conscious ofthe way Bodie here -please - Bodie'd never let him live it down if looked, the lie ofhis cropped, dark hair, the muscular his cool, together partner suddenly sank to his knees, forearm flashing as he wielded his racket, the and, groaning, wrenched down his shorts to adorn the powerful thighs, a deeper shade of brown than his tennis court with something far less familiar to it then own, the strength and grace of him as he moved its usual dose of Fisons. He sank his teeth into his around the court bending and stretching with ease, and lower lip in the hope that the pain might distract him, style, Doyle sighed in frustration, and dragged his but even the small tang and the taste of blood only eyes away. This was getting ridiculous. Ifhewenton served to fuel his rising excitement. God, was he like this, he'd be leaping the net and pushing Bodie to turning into a bloody masochist? the ground for a frenetic coupling in the open air, the Just then, Bodie let out one of those damnable grass crushed beneath them, assuaging his burning groans, one of those low, sexy rumbles deep in his need in Bodie's body, panting out his love and his throat that had started the whole problem off in the hunger into Bodie's salty hair - first place; and it was all too much. He had to slam the brakes on that line of thought "Goddammit!" The yell pierced the air. Doyle and very quickly, excited little throbs jumping in his threw his racket forcefully to the ground and stood, groin as his eager body responded amorally to the shoulders hunched, fists tightly clenched. graphic images his inflamed mind was sending down. Bodie was over the net in a single bound, running He took several deep breaths, forced himself to towards him. "What's the matter? You pull a muscle concentrate on the game. This was utterly mad. or something?" He put a hand on Doyle's arm; his But he ached with the wanting of - something - partner had affected a strange, stooping posture. anything- "Nope. Just have to go back to the house for a It was 4-1 to Bodie in the second set, which score moment, okay?" Doyle said between gritted teeth. surprised Doyle who couldn't remember winning a Bodie stared, noting that Doyle was almost shivering, game - couldn't have recalled a single point to save a fine tremor running through his limbs. his life, in fact. As they met up beside the net again "Wha' for?" preparatory to changing ends, Bodie had another Doyle's eyes came open, they were fever-bright. concerned glance at his opponent. Floppy-damp curls "Whaddya thinkl" he squawked. surrounded the round, heat-flushed face, which was Bodie's lips curved. "Caughtshort, eh? No need to only to be expected given the warmth of the day and do the long walk, though, mate; plenty of bushes the exertion. It was more Doyle's air of distraction around." He indicated the surrounding shrubbery. that was bothering the other man; he didn't seem to Doyle only shook his head. have his mind on the game at all; looked half-asleep, "Come on." Bodie urged; Doyle was not usually in fact, eyelids drooping heavily over slitted feral so shy. "It's all looking a bit dry, probably be glad of green. a nice, warm shower." Keen for victory, he was eager "4-1, eh?" he said, nudging him. Doyle stiffened. not to break into the game for longer than necessary, The touch of Bodie's warm skin on his own was and the house was ten minutes' jog away. "I'll look unbearably sweet; it was all he could do not to give out for you; wouldn't want to shock the ladies." way to the seething urge to seize the man and press "It's not that." against him, seek blessed relief... He stared at Bodie Doyle's voice was almost a mumble; he dropped with something akin to despair. his head. "What is it, then?" asked Bodie, moving "Don't be like that," said Bodie, misunderstanding closer, a puzzled frown on his face. completely, putting his head very close to Doyle. It was the smell of him that did it in the end, the "You won't be the first to succumb to me strokes." fresh scent of cotton clothing, mingled with the

71 irresistible animal lure of Bodie's clean, healthy lingers, mesmerized. Did Doyle mean to - ? If so, sweat. Warm waves of Bodie washed over him - maybe he shouldn't be hanging around? The swift Aroused into madness. Doyle grabbed him locked disappointment subsided quickly, under the his arms behind Bodie's back and pressed himselfinto unmistakably erotic influence Doyle's uninhibited the other man's body from chest to groin, desperate. behavior was having on him. He would stay...and His eyes closed. Their warm knees touched, soft/hard watch... contact. He waited, strung out on fire and ice. Then Doyle's eyes flashed open, hazy with desire. Astounded, Bodie gazed down at the Hushed face, "Get me out ofthese bloody clothes for godssake," he read the signs of high sexual tension there, in the hissed, and watched impatiently as Bodie. shaking, drooping eyelids, the silvery line of sweat that ran knelt beside him. beside the full mouth - as he watched, a tongue darted Was it a dream? he thought hazily as his clumsy out and flicked it away - the bitten lip. the expression fingers undid Doyle's shorts; it felt like a dream, a ofaching need... crazy, erotic nightride - he pulled the shirt out and A delighted smile spread across Bodie's face, and pushed it up to reveal the ribbed chest, sheened with he hugged the thin figure unconsciously tight. "So damp tendrils ofdark hair. Doyle seized his hand and that's it," he murmured, "a touch of the morning pushed it onto his nipples; he was breathing very matrimonials, eh?" hard. Bodie stoked the small, brown buds with an Doyle could only nod, gasping. Bodie was unsure touch, hut he gained in confidence at the squeezing him just the way he most needed it; warm pleasure Doylewas obviously deriving from the gentle hands were running up his flanks, and he didn't want movements ofhis fingertips, the slender body arching to think. to meet his touch, turning under his hands. "Can see why you didn't have your mind on the "You are in a bad way, aren't you?" he whispered, game - " Bodie slipped a hand between them, ran his feelinga strange surge oftenderness and affection rise hand over the front of Doyle's shorts, feeling the heat up behind the heady, sexual heat. He loved Ray. and hardness there give a convulsive throb - "but I loved to see him like this. "What the hell am I gonna wouldn't advise going back to the house. Not in a do with you?" state like this - " He pressed his hips forward to In answer, Doyle's bare arm shot out. crooked emphasize his point - "you could be 'ad up, mate." around his neck, pulling him down and close for a Another little wriggle. He was enjoying himself. But fleeting kiss: damp tongues touched. A hand touched at Doyle's indrawn gasp, his helpless pleasure, Bodie his face, manoeuveringhim over the warm, moist skin relented. "Bad, is it?" he asked softly, sympathetic. spiked with the faint scent of soap and sweat. Doyle nodded, mutely. He caught his bottom lip Following his wanton's lead, Bodie pressed his mouth between his teeth, in anguish. He was so close...and to Doyle's body, rubbing his tongue over the pointed yet he needed more. He was alive and warm and nipples, fired up by Doyle's sighing response, the lean throbbing in Bodie's casual, knowing hands, and if fingers twining distractedly in his hair, offering a Bodie let him go now he'd die... He waited, vague, reciprocal caress. trembling, to follow Bodie's lead. Suddenly eager to feast his eyes on the sight, he In fact, Bodie found him a very arousing sight: he lifted his head, looked down the length of Doyle's had a kind of primeval beauty about him. bringing body, from the pleasure-lit face, right down to the ancient fertility cults, the pagan worship ofvirility and white-clad feet. Doyle, dishevelled in tennis gear and healthy male lust to mind. I could do anything with ilalf-undressed was ridiculously attractive. He ran his him, Bodie thought, noting his own rising heat with hand up from knee to the warm, soft skin of the inner surprise; anything, the way he is now...all mine... thigh, watching the big muscles there stiffen as Doyle His hands gripped Doyle's damp, aertex-clad clenched all over in another spasm ofhelpless delight: shoulders; the other man threw back his head and let slipped questing fingers beneath the leg ofthe shorts, out a long, hissing sigh of need. "What shall we do?" encountered damp, hard heat. he whispered fiercely, without opening his eyes. His heart nearly stopped, as his fingers brushed "Where...?" over the exciting, forbidden territory. In answer, with an urgency all his own, Bodie But it turned frustrating for both of them as his grabbed his hand and pulled him along, away from the hand struggled to find greater access; the shorts were calm, forgotten lawn-tennis scenario and into the just too tight. outskirts of the shrubbery. It was cool in the thicket, "Don't muck about, for chrissake," whispered and dense enough to preclude observation. Beside a Doyle into the tense, beating silence. "Please, oh bush. Doyle threw himself down to lie on the dusty god...waited too long already -" earth, thighs falling apart, one hand rising to hold Thus chastised, Bodie struggled with the shorts, himself. Bodie watched the urgent clutch of the thin wrenching them apart, and presently Doyle was

72 released from the constricting fabric. God, but it felt the situation more apparent to him now than a few wonderful, the cool air playing over his heated minutes ago, when he had been lost, oblivious to all nakedness. but the urgent demands of his body; and held out a As he scrabbled the tangle of briefs and Fred hand. "C'mere." Perry's down Doyle's firm, golden thighs, Bodie's Bodie, who was inwardly terrified at the same time eyes widened. He had viewed the erect male organ as being desperately eager, made one last bid for before in the course of the odd - some of them very escape. '"S a bit public here, innit?" odd - blue movies taken in during a misspent youth, Not fooled, Doyle shook his head. "Didn't bother but they had never seemed objects of beauty to him, you when it was me on the rack, did it? Look, mate. before now. Doyle was quite skinny across the hips, It's seven a.m., no-one got to bed till three last night, and the engorged sex arching over the flat stomach no-one knows we're 'ere, we're half a mile from the looked the more impressive in comparison. As he house and the gardener doesn't work Sundays. So watched, it gave a little jerk, and a throb, and Doyle's stop prevaricatin'." fists clenched by his side, his face screwed up with "Prevaricating," murmured Bodie desperately, anguish. "that's a good word." "Bodie - " Too far gone for embarrassment, he Doyle was watching him, suddenly troubled. grabbed his hand and folded Bodie's fingers around "'Course, ifyou don't want -" himself, moving his palm over them until he was Bodie shook his head. "No." He let out a long satisfied Bodie knew the way he wanted to be sigh. "No. I - do - " touched; then his hand dropped away to lie at his side. That was enough for Doyle. He put out a hand, It felt so good; every hissing breath he took seemed to grabbed a handful ofshirt, and yanked. Bodie halffell draw pleasure through him, and he was filled with on top ofhim. glory as the wonderful sensations peaked and he was With one hand, Doyle smoothed Bodie's hair with coming at last, at last, as Bodie's other hand gently immense tenderness. He loved this man; no-one else curved around his balls, every nerve and organ and had ever moved him in quite the same way. "You're muscle overflowing with sweet, sweet pleasure as the a sexy thing, you know that?" he murmured, tracing other man gave him the blessing ofbeautiful release. a forefinger around Bodie's mouth, watching it quiver He felt relaxed, at last, and peaceful, no desire to to his touch. "You're a very bad boy, gettin' me going move. No shame, either at his wanton performance, like that." no surprise: maybe those would come later, but he "I did?" queried Bodie with genuine innocence; didn't think so. He heard Bodie half-whisper, "Hang and as Doyle's warm hand slid under his shirt he on a minute," and heard him leave. A moment later, closed his eyes. the crackle ofundergrowth, and then a rough touch on "All that groaning. Sounded like the best bits ofa his skin. He opened his eyes to see Bodie carefully blue movie, you did... An' the way you moved - like cleaning off his bespattered chest and belly with one a bloody fantasy..." of the towels. He watched Bodie unblinkingly. Bodie like to hear this; he wanted more. His eyes Bodie finally met his eyes with a half-abashed grin. fixed on Doyle with hungry concentration. Doyle "You been at the sheeps' eyeballs again, lover?" tipped him onto his back, leaned over to slide away Two syllables, to make him happy. more clothing, continuing: "Lovely thighs ... you've He leaned up on one elbow, captured Bodie's face got beautiful thighs, know that?" He ran a slow, with a hand, looking into it for a long moment. Then caressing hand overthe powerful curve. "All the time he kissed Bodie lightly on the mouth. "Thank you." I was runnin' around out there, I kept watching them, Bodie shrugged. "'Sokay. You'd do the same for wondering what it'd be like to be gripped between me. I suppose," he added, suddenly unsure. 'em, just couldn't get it out of my head... God you Doyle gave a chuckle, lay back down. "Yeah. Any looked beautiful - are beautiful -" time. Now, if you like." He undid Bodie's shorts, one-handed, not hurrying. Bodie wasn't quite sure he meant it, and made no He traced a finger along the lower belly, then slipped

move. it inside to gently stroke soft skin, making a little "I'm not kidding," said Doyle, watching him, " - sound of pleasure deep in his throat when his hand well?" closed around the warm, hard curve of Bodie's cock Bodie smiled at him, a funny, rueful little smile. - "Oh yeah, you like this," he whispered, looking up at "Yeah." He checked his watch, as if he'd only just Bodie's tense face. "It's a naughty game we're thought of it. "Nearly time for breakfast." playin', Bodie, but you like it, don't you?" Doyle disregarded this unsubtle, uncertain hint. "Mmmm,"was all Bodie could manage; the subtle "Bit tired ofkedgeree, meself." He dropped his head movements of Doyle's hand searching him was back on the dirty, lumpy ground, the discomforts of making it difficult to think. And Doyle was right, the

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P illicitness ofthe act, allowing another man, his mate, beneath him, filling his palm with warm stickiness as to touch him this way was making it all the more Bodie had the sweetest, most intense orgasm of his exciting. The lure of the forbidden...not to mention life as Doyle watched intently. Doyle's husky, wicked voice whispering vaguelydirty Reality came slowly to Bodie; the sound of the things to him... birds, the hardness ofthe ground pressing into him; he "Well-made, aren't you?" said Doyle with opened his eyes after what felt like aeons, squinting admirable delicacy, as his careful fingers freed Bodie against the sun filtering through the overhead trees, to to spring forth uncramped, parting the shorts and see Ray Doyle licking his hand, eyes slitted fiercely, pulling the pants down. He stroked up and down the an expression ofdreamy languor on his face. He met solid length of Bodie, rubbed his thumb over the Bodie's eyes for one intense look, then bent his head slippery tip. Snatching a glance at Bodie's face, he to lap at Bodie's belly. When he finally sat up, wiping smiled to himself as he took in Bodie's expression. his mouth with the back of his hand, Bodie was still His eyes were screwed tightly shut and he was coming down to earth, feeling dazed, unreal... breathing fast and shallow. Blindly, he reached out a A wild, crazy start to the day...it still had the air of hand, encountered Doyle's bare arm and stroked him a fiercely erotic dream, strangeness pervadingthe air... clumsily, wanting to give something in return, show Then Doyle smiled at him, and everything was Doyle how much he was loving the attentions, the back to normal, the strangeness gone. sensations aroused in him by Doyle's sure touch. "Why do I get the feeling you've done this Without lettinggo ofhim, Doyledropped his head before?" he muttered, throwing a hand over his eyes. to lick Bodie's nipples, whispering, rather muffled Doyle chuckled. Bodie slanted up the hand so he between sucks, "An' this? D'you like this, Bodie?" could look at him. "Not as much as you do," Bodie admitted jerkily; "Well?" he demanded. "Have you?" he found the sensation more ticklish than arousing, Doyle winked at him, then looked inscrutable. rememberingDoyle's leapoffrantic responsewhenhe Bodie felt a surge ofjealousy, which he knew was had done this to him. irrational, but he felt itjustthe same. He said nothing, Doyle smiled, pleased by the honesty; he slid his long lashes falling to shade his eyes. mouth regretfully away to tongue Bodie's ear instead. "C'mon, Bodie," said Doyle, sensing an "I'll teach you to like it," he promised. "It feels good, opportunity to be wicked. "How d'you think I got into Bodie; god, it felt good when you did it to me... CI5?" You're gonna learn to love it, you'll beg me for it -." Bodie's eyes met his, not understanding. He kissed Bodie's mouth, parting his lips with a "You've 'eard ofthe casting couch, 'aven'tyou?" gentle tongue, closing his eyes as he drank in the other pursued Doyle, suggestively. man's response, the sweet taste ofhim. He broke the Bodie stared, the image of the black leather and kiss with reluctance and one final, valedictory lick, chrome object that adorned one corner of Cowley's when the hardness under his gently working hand office coming instantly to mind. Suspicion, doubt, began to throb more urgently; he wanted to make this fleeting revulsion flickered across his face. good for Bodie, the best ever... Doyle couldn't keep his face straight any longer. Halfsitting up, he slipped his other hand between He howled with laughter, thumping the ground with Bodie's rigid, straining thighs, cradled the soft balls, one hand. Bodie suddenly twigged. gently stroking. Bodie gasped and thrashed, head "You little sod," he growled, and lunged for him. tossing from side to side. They wrestled, laughing, for a while and when they "Christ, you feel good," Doyle breathed. "You tired of it they lay silent, holding each other very know what I'd like to do to you, Bodie?" His voice close, very secure. Bodie breathed in the scent of dropped to a low, intense murmuras he squeezedand Doyle's dusty-fresh hair. He still wanted to know - released him, squeezed again, a faster rhythm now - . "Seriously - " he began. "I want to - kiss it -" Bodie's arching response to that Doyle turned his face up, eyes very wide. "Oh, I'm made him grin shakily and continue: "yeah, you look serious. Very. Ifyou are?" - lickable. I'd like to suck you, you'd love that, It was a heart-stopping moment. It wasn't easy to wouldn't you, me sucking you off- fuck my mouth - say the words, but he wanted to, before the moment slipped away as he sensed it easily could; this might He was about to suit his actions to his words, when become a lost, isolated encounter of midsummer Bodie gave a long, low groan. "Ray," his voice was madness, and he didn't think he could bear it ifthey almost a sob, "gonna come - you're making me come put it behind them. Ray had given him the opening - - oh christ - love you - " "Yeah... Love you. Ray, I do love you," he Maybe next time, Doyle thought ruefully as his mumbled, and buried his face against Doyle's hand clenched tight on him and Bodie spasmed shoulder.

74 Doyle's face creased with affectionate amusement. dropped at the expression on Bodie's face. He went He stroked his hand through Bodie's hair, then down to him, slipped his arms around him and hugged him. his arm. "Will you marry me, then?" "But that's just sex, Bodie, and it's over now. Bodie was, after the tension, flooded with a rush of You've done the same, you know you have, even if it unexpected happiness. He forced his face to behave; wasn't with men. 'S not important. We've got each only the soft, dark blue eyes giving away his helpless, other now; we won't need anyone else." loving feelings. The conviction in his voice, the sincerity in his "Oh, I dunno about that," he said seriously. "1 eyes swept Bodie's doubts away as ifthey had never dunno if you could give me the lifestyle I'd like to existed. He held him close, trailed his hand through become accustomed to." He waved an explanatory tangled curls, and lifted his face to kiss him. p£? hand in the vague direction ofthe unseen mansion. When their mouths slid apart, Doyle was gasping. Doyle looked pensive. "My first proposal - and He tipped his head back, eyes falling shut. "Wanna do you're turning me down?" He sounded wistful, it all over again," he murmured. "Oh, god, look what IP? eyelashes wavering, mouth set in an unhappy little you've done to me..." He pressed his hips against droop. Bodie, grinding them round in a slow, sensuous Bodie couldn't bear to see him like that, whether sweep. p? he was joking or not. He hugged him fiercely, kissed Bodie released him in a hurry, not without an the pout away. "Daft idiot. I'm yours and you bloody appreciative glance at his handiwork; served the poor well know it," he said shortly. sod right for wearing such tight shorts, probably Doyle's assumed misery vanished in a flash. He deliberately chosen to show offhis neat little rump. "I grinned, rolled, and bounced gently on Bodie's belly. am not," he said with firmness, "getting down on that "That's settled then," he said cheerfully. "Love each mucky patch again just because you're insatiable. other forever." He said it lightly, but he knew it was "You'll have to wait till we get back to town. For one true. They were destined to be together; some fate thing, we've got a tennis tournament coming up in a had ordained it. "Shall we go back and make the few hours, and we'll be worn out -" his voice tailed announcement now, or spring it on 'emjust before the off as he took in certain things about his partner he match?" hadn't noticed before, lost in the attraction ofthe man "Oof," said Bodie, winded as Doyle's rear thudded himself, the wonder and newness of it all. into his stomach. "Get up, you little animal. We've "Doyle," he croaked. been rolling around in the dirt long enough." But he Doyle stretched luxuriously, arms locking behind pulled him down for one last kiss before they hauled his head, accepting the inevitable. His eyes came themselves to their feet. Bodie didn't quite know sleepily open and he smiled at Bodie, then noticed his what had hit them, but he knew he liked it. He wasn't expression. "Whassamatter? Anyone'd think no-one even surprised by it; it just seemed perfectly natural loved you," he said, supremely innocent ofthe picture that they should have slipped so easily into a he presented, too happy with the way things had W declaration of mutual love. He'd think about it later. gone. Maybe. For now, he was just happy. Bodie swallowed. "Did you bring a change of "You never did answer my question," he said as he tennis gear?" he said sweetly. He knew full well that rearranged his clothing. neither ofthem had. Doyle, engaged in the same task, turned an Doyle's mouth fell open. He surveyed first Bodie, enquiring eye on him. "What?" who stood the inspection grimly, then looked over "That wasn't your first time with a bloke, was it? himself. Filthy was not the word for it. The spotless It's not new to you." perfection ofgleaming, pressed white tennis gear was "The love is..." and seeing that Bodie was not to gone, probably forever since it seemed unlikely that be put off, he admitted: "The sex, no." any washing powder would have the necessary power "Who?" pursued Bodie, intensely jealous. to wipe out the smears, stains, dust-streaks with which Doyle looked distant, lifting one knee to dust it off, they were both freely adorned. gazing back to the past. Bodie deserved honesty. "Oh, shit," Doyle swore unrepentantly. He ran his "Was a time when I couldn't make up my mind which fingers through riotously tangled curls.The back ofhis way I wanted to go. Tried it all, with anyone who neck felt gritty. looked okay, didn'tcare what sex, colour, race... God, "Make our excuses and leave?" suggested Bodie I was a wild kid." He shook his head, remembering. primly. r "Had to cool down when I got into the police, mind They made their way out into the open air, wincing you. It's been mostly women since - mostly, but not against the sudden blaze of sunlight, to collect their all," he added, scrupulously fair. He slid a glance at things from the courtside. They were quiet now, Bodie to see how he was taking all this. His heart needing time to think, to adapt to the new turn their

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p lives seemed to have taken. Bodie was the first to break the silence as he shouldered all the gear, from habit. "What about Valerie?" he asked, referring to Doyle's girlfriend - who was, presumably, still fast asleep and unaware that her bloke had spent the morning making wild love with her sister's. Doyle shrugged. "She'll live. Was gettin' fed up with sitting through all those concerts, too," he added. "Christ, you can be callous at times," Bodie said, a little tingle offoreboding sliding through him. Doyle picked up on it instantly. "Neverwith you," he said steadily, holding Bodie's eyes. "That's a promise." Bodie found, surprisingly, that he believed him. Doyle was continuing, thoughtfully: "It's totally different. Girls... What does she know about me? I just happen to fit the type she gets hot for, good for a few evenings out till you get fed up, time to move on. You know how it goes... She doesn't know the first thing about me," he said again. "Yeah, know what you mean," Bodie said, repentant ofhis mistrust. He and Doyle had five years of solid friendship as the foundation of their relationship. Doyle was remembering something, his face pensive. "Ann - she was different -" Bodie watched him, a little wary. Doyle seemed to collect his thoughts, looked at him. "Tell you about Ann, someday. Whateveryou want to know... That's over. From now on," he growled, the shadow that had crossed his face lifting, "'S just you an' me, big boy, an' you better believe it." He mock-punched Bodie's midriff, scowling ferociously. There was suddenly perfect understandingbetween them; there would be time now for the sharing ofpast sorrows, as well as the celebration of the present happiness. Suddenly breaking the mood, Doyle slid a glance offleeting concern at Bodie. "You look a bit loaded, mate. Sure I can't carry anything for you?" he asked, with enchanting courtesy. Bodie had towels slung around his neck, clothing draped over one arm, two rackets in one hand and the box ofballs precariously balanced on top. Doyle frowned, head worriedly on one side. "Don't want to tax you, flower," said Bodie with a seraphic beam, '"cause I've got a heavy programme scheduled for you later on tonight -" And they began tojog, offtowards the house. Two contented voices floated back toward the deserted tennis court - " - who won, anyway -" "-think we both did -" Game, set. And match.

76 PI

ON HEAT

He knew he was going to jerk offthat night. Idly chest, sternum, to play in the soft dark hair there, watching TV, as he lounged on the settee, sleeves gently at first; then pulling it up between finger and rolled up, shirt casually unbuttoned, there was a full thumb, bringing twinges ofpleasure/pain. His small, sweet ache in the pit of his stomach; and he was brown nipples stood out already, proud little peaks of overly conscious ofthe press oftight denim over his flesh drawn tightly together in anticipation ofhis own groin. In this mood, failing some amenable feminine touch. He slid his hand across his chest, over the ribs, company Doyle would contentedly make love to into his armpit, palm gliding over the nipple, himself. massaging gently; then withdrew his fingers from the He didn't hurry. Tonight, he wanted it slow. Not warm dampness to touch it properly, the pads of his that he didn't like it the other way - a fast hard beat in fingertips rubbing across the rough puckered skin. a tense, early morning sweat that would bring him off Felt good ... He drew in a little, sighing breath of in seconds, send him out relaxed into the day - but pleasure, half-shutting his eyes; raised a finger to his tonight, when there was no rush, no pressure, he mouth, then drew it moistlyaround the otherneglected wanted it slow. And sweet. Oh, yeah, he knew how breast. A fleeting regret that he could not mouth his to make himself feel good. Better than anyone did. own nipples touched him, but the idea itself excited He had the advantage ofyears ofcareful exploration him as his hand trailed on down over his belly, ofhis own body, experimenting with its response. fingertip dipping in and out of his flat navel. He switched offthe telly, wandered around the flat Withdrawing, teasingly denying the upward arch of checking locks, putting out lights, making sure the flesh, he rubbed a slow hand down each arm in turn, taps were turned offtight; the usual routine. His last fingers curved to cup his shoulder, then sliding down visit was to the bathroom; and then he walked to the over soft haired forearm, fingers closing around each bedroom, bare feet padding on the thick carpet. wrist, gripping. He stood before the mirror, rolling down the His gaze went down at last to the softly swelling sleeves slowly, slipping free the last of the buttons; penis between his thighs. Momentarily entranced by then he pushed the shirt back off his shoulders, lewdness, he parted them wider, rolling his warm sex watching himself the whole time through dreamy, between his palms; but that suited his mood only slitted eyes. His fingers moved to his belt, pulling the briefly and he returned to dreamy sensuality, slowing leather smoothly through the loop, unhitching the the pace, watching his spread fingers glide over the buckle, lifting the prong free of the hole so that the down ofhis inner thighs, the other hand rubbing over belt swung loose. He undid the stud ofhisjeans, then hip and sliding behind to move open-palmed over the pushedthe zip down,easing itover the gentle bulgeof curve ofhis hard-muscled buttocks, fingers parting to his sex, just far enough. He stayed that way for a search for and find the secret place between. while, eyes travelling over the dishevelled, It was not a caress he usually used in his half-undressed creature in the glass. He put one hand autoeroticism, and he wasn't sure why he did it now, on his hip, running the fingers of the other through but the thrill of pleasure he felt as his fingertip soft curls, posing languidly. Finally, with a lopsided touched the entrance to his body urged him to grin at his own narcissism, he turned away and continue, to explore this almost untasted facet of his finished undressing. sexuality more thoroughly tonight. His heart was Naked, he returned to the mirror, looking at the quickening, picking up speed, his cock arching upright pleasing pale gold of his own skin, the changing now, pointing arrow-straight up his belly, demanding shadows that shifted as he turned a little in the dim, attention with an arrogance he could no longer ignore. glowing light. He stretched, thoroughly and "I love you," he said to his drooping-lashed luxuriously, so he could watch the taut clench and reflection, softly. slow relaxation of every well-defined muscle. He He liked to hear the words: words turned him on. stared into his own face, into the hazy, hungry green The pace of things had changed, grown more ofhis eyes; absorbed in himself; trailed soft fingertips urgent. Voyeuristic still, he tilted the mirror slightly Pi down his cheek, making his nerves tingle with light, so he could continue to watch himself; and threw anticipatory thrills; drew them down his throat as he himselfdown on the bed. tipped up his chin. Down over the delicate bones of Ah, yeah...christ, it felt so good. He sighed, head

77

pi tossing to one side, open-eyed, and the mirror slanted altogether,the tide rising in a seemingly unstoppable f3 his reflection back at him. His hand slid down, took surge. But he was an expert at this, master ofhis own hold of himself with easy familiarity, squeezing the pleasure, and again he regained control, breathing distended shaft of flesh - so warm and good, so hard. delightfully responsive to his own sure touch. He let Calm down, lover, you got all night... his thighs fall apart so he could see his testes. Needinga slower, less direct touch, his other hand reached beneath to fondle his testicles, rolling them Watching it always made it more exciting. He wished 1^ someone else was watching him too - Bodie, closest to gently in the delicate rough/soft sac. Holding his his heart, flashed into his mind. If Doyle got so breath, his middle finger probed further, stroking the aroused watching this pleasuring of himself, maybe sensitive skin there - then he shifted, pushing it even Bodie would, too. The sudden thought of Bodie further back to graze over the tight knot offlesh... excited him further. He half-closed his eyes so he His heart was pounding, really racing. Uninhibited could watch the mental image as well as the real one; enough since childhood, when he had explored his visualising Bodie naked, Bodie doing this. Maybe own body thoroughly, without shame, learning freely Bodie was doing this, now, lying on his own bed with what gave him pleasure, somehow he had never his own knees apart, tossing himselfoff, rubbing his bothered much with this, not needing it, and it was own heavy sex with the same self-knowingawareness quite awkward to do - but tonight - ofwhat made himselffeel good ... maybe they could He still didn't need it. But somehow he wanted to watch one another, do it together ... try it,desperately intrigued by the idea, by the tingling Beyond now the inhibition and the automatic thrill that had shot through him when he had touched decency he would have retained had this not been a himselftentatively this way... very solitary, private act, designed for himselfalone, Unalarmed bythe picture he must present, for there the wild image was exciting him beyond belief. He was only the mirror to see, and that, too, became blind was panting quite hard, now, half-lifting his head so if he shut his own eyes, he drew his knees up, lifted he could watch the movement of his hand. He was his hips a little, and pressed the finger to his sphincter, getting - oh, so close - have to slow down ... his balls pushing warmly against his wrist, a soft, With a supreme act of will, eyes gritted shut, he sweet contact. took his hand away, slipping back immediately from Hejust touched himselfthere, eyes tightly screwed the peak. He stretched his legs out, toes curling up, trying to accept the sensation, fingertip barely unconsciously, clenching the muscles in his thighs. brushing the sensitive, tightly clenched opening. He looked down at himself, the big, rosy-headed cock Come on, Doyle, don't be so bloody coy. Ease 1 resting, unfilled, on his belly, He ran a gentle finger up... over the moist tip, collected a trace of slippery Too tense - tight - dampness and brought it to his mouth to taste, Exciting, though - forbidden, wicked...he rocked touching it with the delicate point ofhis tongue, then gently against his probing finger, imagining it was - rubbing the salty moisture around the full curve ofhis Bodie - lips in a sensuous, slow sweep. He liked his own Bodie, touching him with such intimacy, gently taste; it aroused him, and again Bodie slid into his pushing into him - mind - how would Bodie taste? Like this? They As he was pushing gently into his own body, could try it, see if they could tell themselves apart, on slowlygainingentrance, slidingthroughthe tight ring each other's fingers, or lips ... Would Bodie dare? of muscle closing tight on the intruder, expelling it, Oh, god, so bloody arousing... Caught in an ecstatic, taking it in again, through to the smooth, softwalled painful stasis where he dared not continue with the channel - oh, jesus, yeah, it felt good - usual rhythmic caressings his body pleaded for, he "Fuck me, Bodie," he whispered, scarcely held still, trembling, his mind racing with fevered conscious ofwhat he was saying,just knowing it was images of Bodie's lips and tongue on him, while his firing him on, giving him so much delight, so much fingertip traced an almost unbearable stimulation sweetness, "fuck me, screw me, do it to me ..." beneath his foreskin, barely touching, sliding overthe "Fuck me -" slippery moisture, scraping so delicately the rich nerve Bodie - taking him, pressing that heavy cock deep ends of his glans, shockingly thrilling sensations inside him, as far as he could reach ... so good he was coursing through him, sensations very close to pain... helpless, delirious with flooding pleasure, make it "Oh, yeah," he whispered, head turning on the last? No way, and as Bodie joined them, made them pillow, eyes shut now. "Suck me, Bodie ... Lick me one, his free hand grasped himselfand, pressing down, there - oh, yeah, just there..." he spurted milky gouts of ecstasy over his gripping, His flicking fingers masqueraded as Bodie's unconscious fingers as his mouth turned and searched imaginary tongue, and this time he nearly lost control blindly for the lips that were not there, never had

78 s? been, never could be... under the subtle, slick rubbing; his mind wandering. There was a sudden noise. He lay without thought, chest rising and falling, His brows narrowed into a frown, Doyle listened, one hand flung up over his eyes, heartbeat pounding his hand stilling. in his ears; the receding ecstasy fled like a dream. The click ofa door. Only one person had a key to For that was all it was. his flat. Doyle was prosaic about his sexual fantasies; they "Doyle?" didn't trouble him with guilt, nor soul searching. A far-off shout, in a familiar voice. He'd tried it all in his secret world, and forgot it after. Panic arrived; then inexplicably, passed, That particular fantasy was among those he wasn't unmourned. sure he wanted to come true; one could summon Doyle slid into a crazy overdrive. He didn't move. perfection more reliably in one's daydreams, while "Doyle? You in 'ere? Shout if you've got reality had an immutable will of its own. He simply someone with you - " lay there for a while, idly dreaming, one hand propped Oh, very subtle, Bodie. Doyle smiled. Something behind his head, the other playing lazily in the had taken him over, sent him into a state of devilish stickiness on his belly, finding his own moisture unconcern. He simply lay, and waited. pleasing to every sense, drawing fingertip circles in it, The bedroom door was flung wide. Bodie twining a slippery curl ofdamp pubic hair around one appeared. He looked annoyed. forefinger. Yeah, that had been good. Something "Why the bloody hell didn't you answer? Or were Ipl else. Totally relaxed, all the tension drained from you asleep?" him, he felt too lazy to get up and wash. In a moment Then he looked at Doyle. Really looked at him. Doyle enjoyed the dawning bolt ofcomprehension He could see himself in the mirror, an abandoned, that froze Bodie's face. He tipped his head back, wanton sight, lazily sprawled across the bed. His eyes naked, unashamed, one hand lazily stroking himself. rose to his face, and caught a dreamy, cat-like languor "What are you doing?" Bodie said, eyes wide with there; which dissolved into a cynical, white-toothed disbelief, voice strange. grin, amused at his own sensuality. You're a little "What's it look like?" answered Doyle, "'s fun. animal, Doyle...no holds barred when it comes to Come and join in." making it with yourself, are there? Never guess it to Bodie really was in shock. Doyle's world had been look at you... Imagine Cowley if he could see you dreamy and sensual for an hour now; Bodie was still now. Or a woman. Or his partner. Change their mentally way behind, having only just come in from whole view ofyou, it would. Never look you in the the streets, his thoughts on routine things. p eye again. Bodie was very still, his face frozen, his eyes dark But maybe everyone had the same, secret lives, did in the dim light of the bedroom. Doyle watched the the same things in the privacy of their own beds. quick rise and fall of his blackclad chest beneath the Yeah, course they did. Even Bodie? ochre leather jacket. He was hardly breathing, Bodie, again... Bodie kept intruding into his himself. Something had begun to stir in him, quite thoughts, tonight. No, intruding was the wrong word. unrelated to the musky cloud of heat still dazing his Doyle welcomed him there. He had a lot to be senses; a dim awareness ofsomething horrific, but he grateful to Bodie for. Bodie stayed constant; and he ignored it for now, still on a rising high. was, Doyle knew, loyal to his partner above all else. "Bodie?" he said, very low, husky, and held out a ffl That little lonely corner in his mind - the one he hand. "Please ..." supposed everyone had - had been filled for good With an unexpected movement Bodie whirled, and when Bodie came along. Something about himself- was gone, slamming the door behind him with Doyledidn't know what - appealed to the big ex-army vehement force. man, brought out his protective instincts; his Doyle shut his eyes, for no more than the barest admiration, too. Bodie was an accepted part ofhis life second. A quick neat roll, feet touched the ground, now, and if Doyle were in trouble, Bodie'd be the and he was off after his partner like a lick of person he'd turn to; they were very close. Nice, that. lightening, wrenching the bathrobe offthe door on the He smiled to himself, hand sliding up and down his way with such violence that the cotton loop ripped shaft; without having realised it, he was hardening with a tearing, jagged sound. He didn't notice. again. Demanding little monster, he thought, looking He caught up with Bodie in the hall, his mate about down at himself with some fondness; so it's twice to powerhouse it through the front door, rigid- tonight you want it, is it? Not had enough yet, eh? shouldered. "Wait," said Doyle through gritted teeth. His hand made slow, rhythmic movements; the "Just wait." urgency gone, but the desire for pleasure rising anew Instinctively, he grabbed Bodie's arm. Slowly,

79 Bodie looked down at it. Doyle was horribly thetapsina flood andswathed his hotfaceandsticky w conscious of his own nakedness, bare feet planted genitals in a rush of freezing-cold water, submerging apart, the hopeful, awkward erection still protruding himself in a flurry of icy reality. upwards in a ridiculous attitude of selfseeking Whatever had he done...? amorality, totally behind the run of things. Doyle So unfair, to Bodie... shuddered and dropped his hand, began to shrug the Bodie, who had asked no part in his fantasies, let white towelling robe on. He held Bodie's gaze alone been preparedto be involved in them for real. steadily all the while, though he had flushed, high Christ almighty, what a thing to do to someone. colour staining his skin, the heat coursing through him He dried himself angrily, dragging a rough-spiked now of a very different tenor. Fingers that shook a towel over tender flesh in unconscious, vicious little sought deftness as he tied his belt firmly, self-castigation for the needs he had not even tried to covering himself with finality. control, not even when sheer moral expediency, not to "Stay and talk." mention courtesy, should have intervened and Bodie just looked at him, not quite meeting his imposed its own limits. eyes now, remote and very pale. Pullingon fresh clothes in haste, his lips curled as "Just talk," repeated Doyle, and when there was no he bitterly recalled his earlier, smug musings on his reply, his own patience snapped. "For godsake, own lack of inhibition. Then, he had been almost Bodie; you're not the only one embarrassed around proud - 'Look, Freud, nohangups' - but nowhe saw it 'ere, or 'adn't you noticed!" He slammed a fist into as it truly was. An amoral, self-willed, self-centred the wall and, turning, buried his head on his arm. determination to be good to himself, at the expense of After a momentofwatching the slouched, dejected anything; to have what he must have at all costs. figure propped against the wall, Bodie's hand left the And Bodie had had to be caught up in the middle door. He crossed to Doyle and took his shoulder, of it. turned him. Raymond Doyle faced himself in the mirrorof his Doyle met his eyes, mutinous, angry, and own soul, and disliked what he saw. embarrassed. He set his teeth, because Bodie had stayed, and if Bodie's lips quirked into a little smile. "What a Bodie had that courage then he too must find it and relief." equal it: dressed in clean fresh clothing from head to "What is?" toe he went out to face the results ofhis own callous "Thought you were bloody cryin'." selfishness without default. Belying the forced levity, hard nails dug into off- Bodie tensed at his entry, but didn't look up. white towelling, into the thinly fleshed bone beneath. "Drink's there, mate," he said, in a voice one Then, slowly, Bodie let him go. would have called normal. "You're runnin' a bit low, Doyle didn't smile in return, though he was looks about time for the trolley-run to Oddbins." conscious ofrelief; now, Bodie would stay. "Go and Ittook Doyle a moment even to take in what Bodie pour us a drink, eh, sunshine? Reckon we need one. meant, but Bodie indicated the nearly empty bottle and Just give me a minute, okay?" he said awkwardly, one he latched suddenly onto comprehension. hand rising to brush through his hair in a nervous "Humm..." Doyledroppedto hishaunches,grateful gesture, until Bodie dropped his eyes, and nodded. for something to do, and for Bodie's graceful In the bathroom, breathing hard, Doyle shut the beginning; he began looking through the dusty door and leaned against it for a moment. Then, cupboard. "'Nother bottle - see," he said, extracting opening his eyes, he stared into the mirror, saw his one from behind the ranks ofdrambuie, cherry brandy, own slightly flushed face, wide, darkly pupilled eyes - creme de menthe - squat relics with lopsided labels and was hit by a shocking rush of recognition: it from foreign holidays, rarelytouched,thescrew-lidof seemed so far off, now, that wanton self-flaunting, each thickly encrusted with a crystalline sugary that uninhibited flung-limbed performance reflected deposit. Not knowing what to do with the Johnny back to his greedy eyes. Walker now he'd go it, he held it awkwardly, It had seemed so natural, so delightful to give into weighing it in his hand; then he set it down on the his body's every whim, at the time. table. Now, Doyle actually winced in self-disgust, Bodie raised an eyebrow... "ifwe get through that

watching his face twist into an involuntary attitude of lot, there's gonna be two Cowleys glarin' out at us (B] embarrassed disbelief. He shivered, too, feeling his from over his desk tomorrow morning." That was insides curl into a nervous knot of shame and near- Bodie,all right. Doyle felt a slight backing off in the hysteria - whatever mad devilment had taken him tension between them. over, to behave so in Bodie's presence? It returned with equal force when he moved In a sudden orgy of self-dislike, he wrenched on towards Bodie, who was sitting in his usual place at

80 one end of Doyle's corduroy-and-chrome couch, the did Bodie. Act stupider than he was. usual space beside him left for Doyle. But Bodie wasn't stupid, not at all. He couldn't do it. Not now, not tonight. Maybe Doyle's gaze dwelt on the broad shoulders, the

pi never again. He was conscious of Bodie's quizzical dark head awkwardly twisted, a squint of eye on him as he swerved off at the last moment, concentration screwing up his face as he scanned the dropped to occupy one ofthe armchairs. Not exactly record sleeve. subtle. But then, Bodie could hardly be surprised by "Dire Straits," Doyle said. unsubtlety, not any more. "Ah, c'mon, it's not that bad," came the Damn, damn, damn. One moment of idiocy deliberately cross-purposed reply, sending shivers measurable in seconds, to ruin five years ofcarefully down Doyle's spine. Bodie found the requested disc, worked-on friendship? He shut his eyes, took a long then, and flipped it out of its sleeve, flicking it one- swallow of his drink, knowing that Bodie, curious, handed onto the turntable and setting the needle. was still studying him, but needing the time to think. It was low and melodic enough to ignore. Now everything between them would be altered by "Why did you come here tonight?" asked Doyle constraint; it would leap into being every time they suddenly, as Bodie meticulously propped dust-sleeve were alone together, like now, so that he was afraid to and cover together against the wall. sit near him lest the chance touch of thigh on thigh Bodie looked up then, and met his eyes unafraid. should lead Bodie to remember: in the car, on Now as never before, they needed trust. stakeout, he would have to be wary ofevery fleeting "Dunno," he admitted. "Ata loose end... Thought physical contact - Bodie always polite, always you might wanna go for a drink, something like that." reserved, always awkward - Doyle checked his watch. '"S after closing hours, His eyes flashed open, stared straight ahead, past for godsake." SI Bodie's unreadable face. Bodie shrugged. "Okay then, so I came to raid No. It needn't be like that. They'd get over it. He your personal bar." was over-reacting; it was all still too close, the The tension was back again. It showed in the way poundingsymptomsofanxiety still with him, his skin they watched each other, and in the things they did not burning. That would fade, and surely, with it the say. constraint. Finally, Doyle gave a rueful smile, looked away. ps| Looking at those wide-open, considering eyes, Bodie was not being honest with him; maybe it was up robbed ofall their lucid colour by the dim light, Bodie to him to make the first move. "Wish you'd knocked wondered what to do. His eyes drifted over Doyle, first..." recording the off-note in his dress: dark blue shirt with And there it was out in the open, up for discussion. pale green trousers. That, alone, convinced Bodiethat He waited. Doylewas severely off-key - his style ofclothes might "I'll know better," Bodie said expressionlessly, look casual, but was in fact carefully planned: lapses "next time, won't I?" pi in couture such as this one were unknown. In short, Head whipping around, Doyle's gaze transfixed he might be embarrassed, but Doyle must be him. "I meant for your sake. Not mine," he said, very mortified. And Doyle mattered too much to be lost, low, very steady. left behind; it had happened too often to Bodie The reply was unexpected. before. This one, this mate of all those he had ever "I know that." had, male or female; this one, Bodie was concerned to Doyle stared at him. Bodie rose to his feet; keep. amazingly, he extended a hand. "C'mon." Coming to a decision, Bodie jumped to his feet and Doyle looked up at him; saw his mate standing went to the hi-fi. The unwavering, distant line of there, head cocked to one side, a half-smile on his lips Doyle's gaze jumped, startled, and followed him. and one hand held out, open-palmed. "C'mon," Bodie "Got anything new?" asked Bodie, deliberately said again, reasonable, lightly affectionate, "you don't casual, with his back to him as he crouched by the sit there." He took Doyle's arm and pulled him up. PI smoky plastic cabinet. "Not your place." He led them to the settee and "Turandot," said Doyle; and grinned, unexpectedly settled them together. and unseen. The gulped whisky was settling down "This is," he said, and slung his arm around PI well, coiling warm, soothing fronds offire around his Doyle's shoulders in the careless, sexfree embrace nervy guts. that was the hallmark ofBodie's attitude toward him. Bodie made a sound of displeasure. "Can't stick "Here's your drink," he said, leaning forward without that Paraguayan stuff." releasing him. "Get it down you, tense as a tickflea, "It's not - " began Doyle, and subsided. Bodie you are." knew that as well as he did. Liked to play the fool, Unresisting at last, because Bodie seemed to know

81 what to do, Doyle let his head fall sideways onto wavering slightly as Doyle breathed, too quietly. Bodie's offered shoulder, inhaling the scent ofwarm "Why didn't you call out?" he asked curiously, leather and Bodie. He could pick Bodie out in a since it seemed Doyle wanted the penance offlaying crowd by scent alone: nothing to do with the strength honesty, "or get into bed?" ofit, just that it was a familiar part ofhis life; it gave There was no reply for a moment; then, Doyle said, him, in an odd way, a sense of security from day to face still averted, "I didn't want to." day. The softly spoken phrase slunk into the near ns "You've forgiven me then," he said, eyes shut. darkness like danger stealing on sleepers unaware. "Nothing to forgive, sunshine, unless you're Stricken, Bodie said nothing. dribbling on mejacket," Bodie amended with severity. Doyle gazed angrily down into his lap; he set the "Don't dribble," s aid Doyle, affronted, feeling glass down on the table with a nerve-jumping clink. something very warm, very comforting beginning to "You know how it is. You get hot, all in a haze, sweep through him that had nothing at all to do with and you, you know, it's like you lose the sense of the whisky. He gazed up at the side of Bodie's face. what's right an' what isn't, and I was thinking about "Fell asleep on me once. Still got the marks to you, and -" prove it," said Bodie, and ducked Doyle's blow of Bodie's sudden sharp enquiry drew Doyle's gaze: indignation, laughing. At Doyle's insistence, they "You were what?" w searched for the mark without success, up and down Oh fuck it. Bloody wonderful thing to say. Bodie's sleeve, on his lapels, using the ridiculous He could read nothing in Bodie's face, its proud excuse to regain the intimacy that looked casual, but lines unsoftened now, like staring at the Sphinx which was, in fact, the precious by-product of five through sunglasses, eyes under dark brows unlit. i years' partnership; finally, Bodie pushed him away, "Okay," he conceded belligerently, "so I was breathless and chuckling. "Geddoff, Doyle, now I thinkin' about you. S'not a crime, is it?" He sat 15^ come to think of it, I reckon I 'ad it cleaned since." hunched up, elbows pressing painfully into his knees, He threw a hand to his chest and declaimed chin sunk into his cupped hands as he stared mulishly dramatically, "Out! damned spot - " ahead. Doyle's deep, earthy chuckles slowly subsided. He "Why were you thinking ofme?" sat there quietly for a moment, turning his glass in his Doyle shrugged. "I dunno. Just was." fingers. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but he wouldn't 1^1 "Bodie," he said, turning his head to stare unseeing turn. at the window. "Fancy me, then, do you?" Bodie, trying for "Yeah." Bode ran a hand through his dark hair, lightness: failing. restoring it to something like smoothness with a brisk "Yeah," he said, "yeah, maybe I do." Then he did stroking movement ofhis fingers. turn, a hint of challenge in his eyes as he stared at "I'm sorry." Bodie. "Don't keep saying that. I told you, nothing to Bodie let out a long breath, curious eyes searching forgive," said Bodie with determined calm. Doyle's face. Doyle lifted his head with a kind of Doyle's hand shot out, gripped his wrist. "No. I defiant pride. embarrassed you," he said tightly; he was glad the "Learned a lot about me tonight, 'aven't you? fm3 lights were dim. Shocked, eh, Bodie?" He grinned, perfectly "I can take worse things than a red face, Doyle." humourless. "You didn't take it. You took off like a bloody Abruptly, Bodie looked away. "You should have sole on an oilslick, and I don't fuckin' well blame told me before." you," Doyle said bitterly, pulling away from the "Why?" said Doyle harshly, unaccountably diffuse comfort of Bodie's arm. "It was disgusting, annoyed by this: "Don't feel you have to tell me all what I did." A little shiver ran through him, your secret turnons, do you?" uncontrollable. "No," said Bodie, "but maybe I would have done if "No law against it. 's your home. I shouldn't have you had." His eyes met Doyle's again. barged in like that." Bodie defended him Irritated and uncomprehending, Doyle just glared automatically; these days, they guarded one another's at him. backs even when the opponent was themselves. "And Until it struck home. it wasn't disgusting. Just, I dunno, a hell ofa shock." Comprehension dawned, widening his eyes, There was a little silence. Doyle had his eyes picking up the speed ofhis heart. open, staring at nothing, the glass forgotten in his "You -" E3| hand tilted a little to one side. Bodie watched the Bodie just looked at him, his face totally closed. aloof, unflawed profile, the down curling lashes "Then, why didn't you - "

155 82 "The same reason you didn't," Bodie interrupted, Bodie's thighs pressed between his own, skin sliding "I suppose." smoothly on soft skin; his cock was standing hard and It was very late at night. Too much to take in. It erect as he stared down into Bodie's shuttered face was as if it wasn't happening, not to him: viewed on with angry, slitted eyes. screen, perhaps, or inthe limitless vision ofone's own His voice however was gentle, the voice ofa lover mind, prompted by wild what-ifs. Lightheaded, he whispering mysterious magic in the dead of night as turned to Bodie, to see what Bodie would do next. he murmured, "How's it feel now, Bodie? Now it's Thus, with no preconception, he waited. your turn to wonder what it's like getting fucked. Feel Fool, he thought, as Bodie's hands seized his good, does it? Making you hard, yeh?" shoulders, I should have guessed. Should have known Bodie's voice was hoarse with fury, shame, he wanted this, if I did. disgust, all those things. But it was not all like his fantasies. "Fuckin' bastard. Goin' to plan, is it? A quick For if it was all happening to someone else, then no screw, that's what you want. Go on, you do that. wonder Bodie, too, was a different person (the Fuck me through the gut, lover. Make yourselfhappy. affectionate mate he knew lost behind what was I won't fight." happening to them). Bodie was hard, solid against All Doyle's anger left him. him, breathing roughly and heavily, eyes jet-hard as He was left with only weariness, and a terrible his mouth descended savagelyon Doyle's. He seemed compressed feeling of sorrow, and defeat; later, he driven by some inner frenzy uncommunicated to knew, it would rise and overwhelm him. Doyle; dazed by the assault and even, strangely, For this time they had blown it; being what they aroused by it, he lay passively under the demands of were, they walked a fine edge offriendship and trust Bodie's hunger. and could fall only too easily, to watch it all shatter, Not like this ... couldn't be happening ... must be unfulfilled. They had lost their way; faced disaster. dreaming... Troubled, unsure, he looked down into Bodie's face, Reality slammed life through his limp form when not really seeing the defiant, rebellious expression, Bodie, having torn away clothes, woke Doyle to the seeing instead the years of dependence, begun on a unequivocal realisation that this was his partner, his cool, impersonal level necessary for the teaming best friend; that they were both halfnaked, and that he Cowley had ordained, widening to a tentative liking, was within halfan inch ofbeing raped. to a genuine interest and care that the other should be Lightening reflexes sprang into force; he rolled, safe and happy. and Bodie was gone, thumping to the floor beside him. "What do you want, Bodie?" he asked softly; Doylejumped him, straddled his thighs, pinioned his regardless, heedless ofanything, the question laid bare wrists with bruising strength, and stared down into to its essential, knuckle-white, devoid ofcomplexity. unfathomable eyes. "I don't think you even know." "Oh jesus christ, Bodie," he hissed between Bodie watched him, frowning now, seeing the clenched teeth, "not like that..." stark-ribbed chest perfectly still; whetherhe knew it or Bodie was as shaken and confused as Doyle, but not, Doyle was holding his breath waiting for his none ofthat showed on his face. He even managed a answer. That touched him; and so too the suddenly twisted travesty of a smile. "Changed your mind? gentle slant ofDoyle's voice. What were they doing? Desperate for it, you were, an hour ago." Learning to hate one another? Doyle flushed, but did not look away. "Yeah, Once begun, that would be too easy. that's more like it," he said evenly, coldly, staring So, it could not be allowed. down. "I thought it'd all start coming out soon, knew He smiled, a little shakily, flipped the hand of you were taking it too bloody well. Get it out ofyour Doyle's that was resting on his shoulder. "Didn't system, Bodie, go on. Tell me how disgustin' I know you cared too much about what I wanted." looked. Really let fly, Bodie. I wannit all now, don't Confession made, he felt calm. He watched the wannit flung back at me when you've 'ad time to expressions flicker through the strange eyes, and saw chew on it a while, let it fester a bit. Knew the sweet Doyle arrive, at last, at the conclusion. understanding wouldn't last for long. And you -" he "Thought I wanted a quick fuck, did you?" Doyle let his voice bite, emphasizing the word, 'You think asked. rape's a fair comeback, do you? Pay-off for the The smile ofthe crocodile. Bodie forced lightness. crime?" Bodie was tensing, trying to throw him off; "Randy old toad, you are. 'Spect you run through us Doyle merely squeezed his thighs tighter around all in your head, looking for something new and kinky Bodie's, balanced over him far too precisely to be in to try out - tonight was my night, eh? And when I any danger. The sexual aggression had excited him. walked in you thought you'd struck it lucky - try it on, And now there was the heady silken warmth of why not?" The bitterness was showing through

83 despite himself. He had been badly hurt earlier, thedrift," said Doyle; he was verynear,and suddenly almost as if Doyle had dragged something private, Bodie knew without a doubt that, for better or worse, precious to Bodie himself, through the dirt: but he they were going to make love. would have got over that, only Doyle would call him back, make him stay, go over and over it when Bodie "I'm still one behind." only wanted to forget... "What?"Doyle, whohadbeendreaming, liftedhis Doyle, stopped in his tracks by Bodie's startling head off Bodie's stomach and stared up at Bodie's opinion of him, stared into the distance. He said face. Bodie still had his eyes closed. slowly, "That really what you think ofme?" "I'm one behind," Bodie mused. "You had a start Not wanting to hurt him, Bodie felt uncomfortable, on me, remember?" but Doyle's clear searching gaze demanded truth. Doyle smiled. He folded both hands across "You mainly think about yourself, yeah," he Bodie's bellyand propped his chin on them. "'S not mumbled, and patted him on the arm to soften it. "Get a race, mate. And you didn't miss much. Was better what you want." with you, than without you." Doyle inclined his head slightly, looking far away. Opening his eyes, Bodie extended a hand and He hadn't moved. Bodie was beginning to feel cupped the side of Doyle's face, ginger threading ridiculous now the sexual heat had fled, lying here through tousled hair. Doyle turned his cheek and half bare with his partner sitting astride him, naked nuzzled Bodie's palm, their eyes never leaving one thighs gripping his own, the soft intriguing weight of another. Doyle's genitals resting on his belly. He moved "Ray." restlessly, but nothing happened. "Yeah?" Suddenly Doyle removed his gaze from distant "What were you thinking about?" Bodie asked introspection, looked down. He traced a finger from curiously after a long silence. To his surprise and Bodie's throat downwards, watching it all the way. dawning delight, Doyle actually flushed, looking "I confess," he said. "Guilty as charged." away,a little abashed grin curling across his lips. Bodie had lost the thread ofthis. "Come on Ray, Bodie's own mirrored it, amused and incredulous. let me up now, okay?" he urged gently. "We went a He reached out, caught Doyle's chin, trying to turn bit wild, but it's over now." him, but Doyle wouldn't look, fending him off, "Is it?" Doyle asked; and answered himself: "It'll laughing. "Come on, give, mate." never be over." "Don't keep remindin' me of it," Doyle said, Bodie was mystified. He studied Doyle's face. It ducking his headand buryinghis hot face on Bodie's wore the cool, still look he had noticed at various stomach. "Don't, Bodie. Please... 's a very times before, an expression that lent him an unaware, embarrassing memory." precarious beauty. Ray Doyle was an attractive man "Even after what we've just done?" said Bodie, whose appeal lay in his sensuality rather than his lowering his tone to one deep and intimate, but looks which were imperfect and unusual, but at times although Doyle, who was actually as overwhelmed he did acquire something rare, that pulled at your and cheerful as Bodie himself, warmed to it, he still heart. shook his head. Doyle's palms, flat, touched Bodie's chest, circled "Why, worse than that, was it?" Bodie gave a his nipples, slowly. "You were wrong, about what I chuckle,rufflingthe dampcurls underhis hand. "You wanted," he said abruptly, continuing: "I didn't even randy little bugger. You sure it was about me? All know it myself, but I know what it is now." this reticence, mate, I'm beginning to wonder." Bodie started to say something, but changed it. His Doyleraised his head, gave himan intensecatlike mouth was dry. It was pleasant, the way Doyle was stare. "Yeah, it was about you," he confirmed quietly, touching him like this; the soft, sure movements ofhis "and, no, it wasn't worse than what we did just now; hands producing sweet, strange feelings - it wasjust - different,and oneday I'll tell you, but not "Oh yeah," he said with rough, quiet affection, right now." "had you all wrong, did I?" "Okay," said Bodie, suddenly soft, because Doyle "Not entirely," said Doyle, and gave him a direct, had said 'one day' and maybe that meant there would unreadable look. "Can't you see what I'm trying to be a future for them. Hands under Doyle's wet tell you?" armpits, he hau led him up to lie on top of him, "No," said Bodie flatly, but it was strange, he felt searching his face. So wellknownto him...yetoddly peculiar, light-headed, as if he were about to laugh unfamiliar. Long established in the old relationship, from sheerjoy at some good news he wasn't even sure easy with it, they were now only at the beginning of he'd received. the new, and they were essentially, strangers here. Again, that strange, searching look. "You'll get Then Doyle smiled at him, revealing absurd, tiny

84 p dimples; and Bodie found he did not miss what they [! no longer had. "You stayin' the night?" m "You want me to?" jf[ "Yeah." "We gonna do what you were gettin' offto?" ipi "You're never gonna let me live that down, are p;i you? For the rest ofmy life?" Caught on an upsurge of emotion Bodie hugged him exuberantly close, released him. "Rest of our lives." h Not strangers at all, he found himselfrealising as Doyle smiled again. "Sounds fine to me."

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?! 85 JUST A KISS (but Doyle has other ideas)

It was a very exclusive party. Exclusive in the sleep. sense of 'CI5 personnel only'. The mirrored room "Jus' grab a passing bottle," Bodie cameout with whirled with noise and effervescent party sparkle; carefully, after applying his mind seriously to the fiftypeople metand mingled and passed on, laughing; problem of Doyle'sdeclared sobriety. high spirits, affection, camaraderie, a common bond Doyle giggled, and hiccupped: "Bottles don't and a release from tension: all those things were there pass." in full measure and champagne flowed like Cowley's Bodie squinted up at him. He liked looking at abuse after a bungled job. Doyle from this position; it wastotally new. "Don't Ray Doyle, pressed by a passing flow of people they?" againsta wall, where he reposed on a lowcushioned "No legs," explained Doyle with profundity; as if couch, was having a particularly good time. He and unfolding the mystery ofthe universe. Bodie had, with foresight, sandwiched themselves "Just necks," retorted Bodie; as if discovering a between two pretty girls, and he had been kissingthe new angle on it. one beside him. Bodie, presumably, had been They laughed together, faces very close, breathing likewise engaged: at least he had half-turned away warm, alcoholic fumes. Someone stopped for a from his partner, but the pressure ofhis thigh against passing chat. Hewasas drunk as theywere so it was Doyle's was reassuring of his continued presence. hardly the most edifyingly meaningful conversation Doyle liked to have Bodie somewhere close on ever to havetaken place beneath this particularroof; occasions such as these, when partnership seemed a however, theyall felt when it endedsomehow deeply rare and beautiful thing, when he was overflowing satisfied with the communication that had flowed with warm affection and champagne and love for the between them. world. He squinted down at his girl, wanting to kiss Doyle was getting sleepy. He was tryingto keep her again. She was asleep, her pretty, pouting mouth his eyes open, but it wasn't easy. There was an arm set in a droop, her head on his shoulder. She looked around his shoulders and he leaned into it, wanting veryappealing. He tugged on something he presumed closeness and the acceptance of another warm, was part of Bodie. responsive human being. He let his eyes shut. "Look." "Doyle?" Bodie didn't hear the word, but he felt the tug and "Mmmmph." turned obediently Doyle's way, waiting with what he "You asleep?" hoped was an expression of devoted interest in "Course not," said Doyle,affronted, and he forced whatever Doyle had to say. It wasn'ttoo complicated. hiseyelids upto lookinto muzzy blueeyes. Heknew He was having trouble keeping his eyelids up. those eyes. "Fancy meetin' you 'ere," he mumbled, Doyle looked up at him owlishly. "Look a' this." and felt a surge of mirth at his own wit threaten to Bodie leant over him. It made him rather dizzy so overcome him. More, he improved on it; "D'you he rested his chin on Doyle's shoulder to steady his come 'ere often?" gaze. Bodie was put out by the tremors of hiccupy "Sweet," rhapsodized Doyle, lookingat the tousled laughter running through his partner. He shook him. blonde hair, the childlike curl ofthe fingers. "Doyle! 'm serious!" Bodie agreed. "Sweet... Like you," he added, "Oh. Yeah." Doyle wiped the smile off his face looking up at his partner's chin with warmth. and scowled instead. Bodie stared down into his eyes Doyle tried to arrange his features in a reproving with great solemnity. Somewhere, very close, there scowl, "'m not sweet. You're drunk," he added was a loud sing-song going on but he ignored it accusingly. manfully. He hadhis mindon the high things in life. Bodie thought about it. "Yes." And another "You're my partner - " Bodie began. beatific smile appeared. "Was's morning," Doyle agreed. "I'm not," said Doyle, with indignation, and he "An' partners should stick together. Forget the looked around. "Need another drink." bloody SAS. Mers'naries c'n go fuck themselves. As he sat up straighter, the girl fell offhis shoulder Partners are better. Is better." to the couch, mumbled something and went back to Doyle wassurehe fullyagreed withthis,whatever

86 it was. So he nodded and the room began to spin. "Cowley wouldn't like it," said Doyle after much "Yorright. Wanna go to sleep now." struggling thought. Nevertheless, he withdrew his Bodie shook him again, annoyed. But Doyle was forgotten, numb arm from where it lay across the legs limp and touchingly relaxed against him, he smelt of ofhis dormant girl, and put it around Bodie instead. aftershave and sweat, and Bodie was overwhelmed "C'n kiss my own partner, ifI want to," said Bodie, with maudlin affection. aggrieved at his boss's putative displeasure. "No rule "Partners." He prodded Doyle hard, needing says I can't kiss him. Not even Cowley..." feedback for all this love running loose in him. "I "You wouldn't want to." Doyle shook his head. said, partners." "Want to what?" "Mmmm." "Kiss Cowley." "Wassup with you fchrissake?" said Bodie, 'Tow," said Bodie, after putting some time into irritated that all his emotional outpouring was going disentangling this and failing, "aredrunk. Very drunk. so unheeded. He hooked a hand beneath Doyle's chin So jus' shuttup." Holding him carefully he kissed and tilted his head back. Doyle's heavy eyelids fell each long-lashed eye in turn, then the soft, sculpted open, revealing big fuzzy pools of green. Bodie mouth, then the round cheek. smiled at him, a big warm smile, absurdly charmed. Doyle decided he liked it. With an 'mmmm' of It all fitted in with the way he was feeling. There was pleasure he pressed himself up against Bodie and a lot of noise and movement in the room, but he and opened his mouth for Bodie's softly stroking tongue. Doyle needed none of it. They had each other, and It felt perfectly right, and natural, and exactly what he they were partners. Doyle's mouth moved, but Bodie needed at this stage ofthe evening. didn't catch the words beneath the raucous strains of There was plenty going on in the centre of the the Birdie Song - grown men were crowing and room: dancing, singing, shouting, the clinking of flapping about. Ridiculous, he thought with glasses as the celebration reached its height. Plenty monumental disdain, and put his head closer to the round the edges too, where various couples, overcome only other sane man in the room. "What?" by the quantities offree champagne cuddled, or slept, "I said, what you smilin' for." openmouthed. Most people were quite merry enough Bodie frowned, "'m not smilin'." to accept the most unusual happenings as not out of "You were," Doyle accused. "Great big daft smile, place: even when one ofthe unusual happenings was it was." agents 3.7 and 4.5 draped around one another "Can't remember." exchanging drowsy loving kisses at 2 am. "Oh. Thought you must have scored, or Most, but not all. somethin'." That struck Doyle as funny and he chuckled throatily, his eyes closing and unclosing at *** random. Bodie fumbled for the threads of his thoughts. Bodie strode into the hallowed corridors of CI5 "We're partners - " he started offagain. more through sheer willpower than innate energy. He Doyle groaned and turned his face into Bodie's had one hell of a hangover, which appeared to shoot shoulder. "Don' keep sayin' that. I know what we down comprehensively the theory about champagne are." being a fast lift and a gentle let-down. Someone "'m jus' trying to say," said Bodie with great nudged him in the ribs by the door. dignity, "ifyou didn't keep in'trupting -" and he gave "Good party last night, eh?" SI Doyle another admonitory shake - "that I'm glad we "You should know," growled Bodie, "you were are. Partners." there." "Me too." The man winked eloquently at him. "Nothing like pi Bodie felt a warm wave of love washing over him champagne, is there. Jill - you know Jill? Well - " again, coming and going like a great ebb tide of He made an all-male gesture, fist thrusting upwards. foaming affection on a champagne sea. He wanted to "The lucky, lucky girl," said Bodie with heavy express it. He slid his arm more carefully around sarcasm, and made as ifto walk on. Doyle, noting with abstract pleasure how the thin shirt "Hear you got on all right last night," said the let through Doyle's own body warmth, and kissed his other, grabbing his arm to hold him back and winking partner's head. slyly. "That right, son? Unconventional tastes, I Doyle turned his face up. "What you doin'?" hear?" "Kissing you," explained Bodie. "Eh?" said Bodie, perplexed. "Why?" "Wey-hey-hey." Laughing, the man disappeared, Bodie kissed him again, on the temple. The other which was just as well because Bodie had been man's skin was soft, "'s nice, 's why!" beginning to find him an annoyance. Bloody idiot.

87

Pi? Still drunk, probably. Bodie shrugged it offand went You're all bloody round the twist. What they spike on. that champagne with - LSD?" Everyone he met was the same. Sly glances, With that, he left the room to follow his partner. meaningful winks, the odd hint of what looked like "No smoke without fire," muttered Lewis, pulling disapproval seemed to be the order ofthe day. Bodie McCabe to his feet. But Bodie's outburst of temper 1 began to wonder exactly what he'd done at this party had killed the humour and they all went back to work last night. Taken offall his clothes? Sung a very rude with no further reference to the purported events of song about George? Got carried away with that girl the night before. who'd been cuddling up to him early in the evening? Bodieran Doyleto ground in one of the corridors, He dismissed it all as unlikely. He'd been with staring outofthewindow. "What's allthisabout?" he Ray all the time - had woken up with Doyle on top of asked, without preamble. him - and his partner would have kept him out of Doyle shrugged. The whole line of his body, in trouble. jeans and thin shirt, spoke of fury. Bodie moved in, Or egged him on maybe, if he'd been equally put his hands on his shoulders. "Come on, give. drunk. What's got into 'em all?" 1 He'd have to see what Doyle remembered. All Doyle shrugged again, but he didn't move away. Bodie hazily recalled was the whole lot ofthem being "I dunno. Something you and I did at the party." thrown out onto the streets at dawn, going home in a "What, for chrissake?" daze, and pitching into bed. "I told you, I don't know. Can't remembermuch He pushed open the door ofthe restroom and was about it." met by a haze of smoke, noise, and whistles as his "Me neither," said Bodie with feeling. He had that colleagues took note ofwho had entered. crawly,out-of-synch sensationthismorningthatspoke Bodie pushed his way past everyone to find his ofdehydration, andtheeventsofthe previous evening partner. Doyle was sitting at a desk, head down, were a haze. "I tell you who'll know," he said as a furiously going through a file. Bodie perched on a sudden thought struck him. "And who'll make sure corner, ruffled his hair, '"lo, Goldilocks." we know." Doyle's reaction was impressive. He jerked away With him, Doyle grimaced. from Bodie's hand, scowled up with a face like Bodie was right. At the end of their briefing thunder and yelled, "Don't you bloody start!" concerning the new assignment Cowley had a little The response from the interested roomful was addendum for them. He related, with icy precision, immediate. exactly what he had been told: and Bodie's sluggish "Lover's quarrel? And the honeymoon's hardly memory stirred and began to supply foggy details to started!" goalongwithCowley's account.Cowleydidnotseem "Claws in, tomcats." to bebestpleased. Bodie turneddefensive, notdaring "Don't be such a bitch to him, he's very to look at his partner. sensitive..." "I was only kissing him, sir." In answer, Doyle swept up his file and marched out "Aye!" Cowley blazed. "Kissing him! You want ofthe room, not looking back. to kiss him, 3.7, you take him to the privacy ofyour "Bye bye, sweetie." own home! You don't drool over him in full view of "Don't trip over the eyelashes." the entire ranks ofCI5!" "Give us a twirl?" "They wereall drunk,sir. And I wasn't drooling." The door slammed shut. Bodie stared round at Bodie's mouth drooped in distaste. everyone, dumbfounded. "What the hell's got into Cowley glared at him. "From the sound of it, you everyone this morning?" were eating him up." He rounded on Doyle. "And "We know what's got into your partner, anyway," you weren't protesting!" Doyle said nothing, just commented McCabe snidely. "Or was it the other watched him with wary, cool eyes. way round?" "I don't make a habit of it, sir. Just got carried Bodie finally twigged. Everyone was hooting or away," said Bodie, anxious to get the point home. sniggering. Bodie put a stop to that by reaching out "Too much of the Auld Lang Syne spirit in the air, one long arm and jerking McCabe to his feet. "Take sir. it back." "Aye, well get carried away somewhere else next "Ah, c'mon, Bodie, only a joke." time. Or say goodbye to CI5, laddie," promised "I don't," snapped Bodie, "find it funny." He Cowleygrimly, and the interview was at an end. shook McCabe about a bit and then dropped him, Outside the door, Bodie exhaled. "Jesus," he K^ glaring around. "Next one to make a fuckin' queer muttered, then shook his head. "'Next time! Christ." joke in my hearing or Doyle's is gonna regret it. "Well, so now we know."

88 p^l

"Yeah." Bodie darted him a quick glance. "I do enough - pull him close and kiss him, totally sober in remember it vaguely." Impossibleto believe, that this the harsh light ofday. The thought sent unclassified man striding out at his side, had last night been shivers running up and down his spine, and he tensed. wrapped up in his arms, being kissed by him... he But Doyle didn't touch him, just leaned against the could remember, all overlaid by hazy noise and cloudy wall, arms akimbo. vision, the taste ofhis mouth, the feel ofthe soft skin "What was going through your head? When you beneath his lips and tongue, the hard body in his started kissing me!" hands... Bodie glowered at him. Sometimes his partner's "Yeah, so do I." Then, in a sudden rush of obsessive desire for self-knowledge got a bit much,

St irascibility: "Hell, Bodie! What you wanna do a especially when it involved Bodie himself. On the crazy thing like that for!" He rubbed a hand through other hand, knowing Doyle it would be better to go his hair slowly, on a little memory trip of his own. along with him. Once Doyle got an idea into his head "Now they're gonna be making bloody pansy jokes he wouldn't let it go until he was satisfied. So he every time you and I walk through the door." thought back to the night before. Hazy memories "I don't remember you putting up much a fight," filtered back - Doyle, soft and heavy and familiar to said Bodie, roused in turn. They glared at each other; his every sense; sight, touch, smell. The usual then Doyle turned away. inhibitions removed by the glow ofchampagne. The "Oh, forget it." desire for closeness; it had seemed the most natural "Doesn't matter if they do make cracks," said thing in the world to hold his best mate close. He had Bodie, losing his own anger and wanting somehow to wanted to show him how much he - how much he make it up to him. "We know it's not true and that's liked him, so he had kissed him. Simple as that. what matters." "Hell, Doyle," he said irritably, "I don't know. I "That's what matters, is it?" Doyle glanced at him. just don't know. I wanted to be - close to you. That's "Nah, don't agree. Be better if it were true." all." He looked away, angry with himself for getting "What?" said Bodie, disbelieving his own ears. embarrassed. But Doyle wasn't jeering at him; not |S "Wouldn't care what they said if it were true. this time. It's the bloody injustice of it that gets to me. I mean, "Yeah," he said thoughtfully, "I was feeling the all we were doing was kissing, f god'sake, and they same way." He eyed Bodie again, and this time Bodie fPF assume from that we must be havin' it off, the full thought he saw a light of speculation leap into the Sodom-and-Gomorrah, I'm-as-camp-as-a-row-of wide green eyes. tents, bit." "No way," he growled and would have backed "Well, but look at it from their point of view, away had the corridor not been so narrow. "I dunno mate," pointed out Bodie, continuing, perhaps what you've got in mind, but no way." And then unwisely: "Wasn't a normal thing to do, was it? grudgingly: "Look mate, sometimes it doesn't do to is? There were plenty raving pissed last night but as far as think too much about these things, you know?" I can make out you and I were the only two blokes Doyle shook his head. "You're wrong. I think we who got into a heavy clinch." ought to think about it. It might happen again." "What are you sayin', Bodie? That we're sittin' on Bodie stared at him. "Probably will," continued repressed desires or something?" Doyle's voice had Doyle. "There's been times I've thought you were changed; he gave Bodie a wide, measuring stare, going to do it before." looking him up and down as if assessing the other Bodie was absolutely dumbfounded. "Wha -?" man's potential desirability. Lack of appreciation "You're always leanin' over me. Lookin' at me. visibly informed his every feature, to Bodie's relief. I've often thought, christ, he's going to kiss me." At least, he supposed it was relief. Bodie turned on his heel, too angry to speak. "Hell, I dunno. Maybe we are," he said Doyle caught his arm, faced him, put both hands on belligerently. "Have to ask a psychologist I s'pose, if the bigger man's hips. He stared into Bodie's face. A we wanted the low-down on it. Probably better not to little smile curled on his lips, revealing uneven teeth; fp^ find out," he added. his eyes looked big and appealing. "Hey, c'mon. "No. I dunno. I want to find out. If I've got Don't run away from me. You started it. Would it be repressed desires towards you I want to be the first to so bad - ?" i^) know," said Doyle; he glanced around. There were "I don't want to find out," stated Bodie, but for people passing, a safe distance away, but he pulled some reason he didn't want to move away either. Bodie into a dark corridor leading to the stationery Doyle watched him, catching every flicker of isi store just to be sure. Bodie eyed him warily, expression; saw Bodie's wavering uncertainty. Then wondering for a briefmoment ifRay Doyle was about he grinned and released him. to experiment here and now - he was just about crazy "Okay. Play it your way. In any case, I don't

89 fancy doin' it standing up in this poky corridor with graveyard scenario;andthen,withoutspeaking,Doyle my back to the wall ofCowley's office!" turned offthe track into a field. Bodie followed, an Bodie had recovered himself by now. "Can be appreciative eye on the lithe athletic grace of Doyle done though," he challenged, hoping to get a rise out running. At the edge of the field, Doyle vaulted the ofDoyle - a small return for the embarrassment he'd barbed wire - and they were in a wood. just been put through. Doyle must have gone into a sprint: Bodie had lost

Doyle only grinned again. "I'll bet it can. You can him. But as he rounded a clump of fir trees he saw (^y! show me sometime." Bodie caught a wicked flash of him, at the foot ofa spreading Wellingtonia, leaning sensual provocation; and then Doyle motioned him out backagainst its immenselythick trunk. He looked up into the main corridor with exaggerated courtesy. at Bodie's approach; he was frowningslightlyagainst Stunned past the point ofrational thought, it took the glare ofthe sun. Bodie some moments to realise that he was strongly After a moment, Bodie sat down beside him, sexually aroused. wordless. "Good run," said Doyle; he seemed hardly out of *** breath. "Yeah." Bodie's phone rang at 5:35 am. Groaning, he put Doyle reached out a lazy hand, traced a finger out a hand and dragged the receiver into bed with him. down the back of Bodie's neck. The ex-mercenary "Mornin'," came a cheery voice. tensed up, snapped his head round to meet smiling "Fuck off, Doyle." green eyes. "Pick you up in twenty minutes. Track suit and "You weren't skivin' offthe way you usually do," trainers." said Doyle softly; neither ofthem taking much notice "Not a bloody run!" moaned Bodie in disbelief. of the spoken conversation, concentrating rather on "You got it." unspoken signals, assessing each other, sensing The line went dead. Muttering evil things, Bodie acceptance. Then Doyle took his hand away, moved dragged himselfout ofbed. it to the cord tie of his tracksuit top, pulled it loose It was a beautiful morning. Sunny with a hint of and dragged it over his head. the warmth to come, the air was clear and bright. Bodie watched the struggling mass ofgrey fabric

Bodie was lounging lazily on the wall when Doyle's insilence. Then his partner reappeared, tousleheaded, G&\ car rolled into view dead on time, for all the world as bare-armed, one narrow wrist adorned with a thin if he'd been there an hour. circlet ofsilver. "What kept you?" he drawled. "Hot," he explained; and gave Bodie an Doyle turned his eyes up expressively and leaned unfathomable look from beneath his lashes. Then he over to open the passenger door. Bodie got in and stuffed the rolled-up top behind his head in a hollow

they drove through the awakening streets for some between two gnarled roots and lay down, shutting his ffi} moments in silence. Doyle turned the car onto the eyes. familiar road. Bodie watched him silently. His mate's "Where we going?" asked Bodie pointlessly, since moss-green T shirt was clinging to him; a sweat-dark he knew. line running centrally down to his midriff; the small "Guess." points of his nipples, erect from the chill of cooling His partner was wearing his loose grey tracksuit sweat were clearly visible. His face was a little over a sage T-shirt; he looked fresh, unsmiling, and flushed from the exertion, damp curls clustering over aloof. As Bodie watched him, hardly able to believe his forehead; his mouth was set in a full pout. He that he had actually dared to kiss such a remote being, looked like some sensual dryad ofthe forest, sleeping Doyle pulled the car into the cemetery and jerked on in purity as he dreamed of wanton things; a fiery the handbrake. He glanced over at Bodie, hands still innocent waiting to be awakened. on the steering wheel, and grinned. Bodie's heart was thundering in his chest and it Suddenly he didn't look untouchable any more, he was no longer the exertion ofthe run. He leant over looked like Ray Doyle, Bodie's rag-and-taggleurchin him, and Doyle tensed a little, the whole lean strength mate. Bodie reached out and thumped him on the ofhim reacting to the other man's movement; but he knee. "How many?" didn't open his eyes, the lashes lying on his cheek "At least five." stirring only with the breeze. "FiveT Bodie experienced a shockingly sudden surge of

"Don't want to wear ourselves out," said Doyle; pure lust. He wanted to seize him by the bare flesh of t^S "do we?" his upper arms and take him, make him his own, They ran, quite fast, five circuits of the spiked merge his heat in the cool sensuality that was Ray

90 Doyle; urge forth the response of his own innate nakedness startled Bodie; the soft dark hair curling on sexuality, know all ofhim and own him completely. the sternum, the demanding curve offlesh over his flat Instead, he reached out one hand, shakily touched belly; but Doyle's hands in his hair urged him on as he the cool metal ofDoyle's silver bangle; it was a poor whispered, "Please. Bodie, please..." and Bodie lost alternative to warm flesh, but infinitely less his hesitation, all trace ofreluctance gone. He found dangerous. Doyle's eyes flicked open; he looked he knew exactly what to do, and it was easy. Doyle PI straight at him. was touchingly vocal about the pleasure the warm wet "Why - do you wear this?" Bodie asked. It was haven of Bodie's mouth was giving him; he arched difficult to speak overthe racing thoughts, the thunder and sobbed and felt himselftouch the sun as Bodie's ofhis own pulse. searchingtongue made him come, too much sweetness Doyle didn't answer; he looked elusive, faintly to bear... mysterious, a subtle stranger. Bodie hesitated, unsure; "Love you," he murmured through the receding and then Doyle grinned at him and it was once more sunflower bursts ofpleasure, "loveyou, love you, love the man he had been drawn to at the party, the man he you." And he heard Bodie answer, pressing suddenly was closest to in the world. Very carefully, he put one close against his calf; he felt the leap and pulse ofthe hand on Doyle's shoulder, caressing the curve ofbone other man's body and knew the union was complete. under bare skin; and leant over to touch his mouth to He felt himself slip from Bodie's parted mouth, Doyle's soft, slightly parted lips, wideawake, totally and Bodie, sighing, moved his head up to rest on his sober, and in full light ofday. Doyle shut his eyes. chest. He held Bodie close, not speaking. The only sound was birdsong and the wind in the "Don't go to sleep on me." trees. They were - if not exactly exposed - hardly He must have been drifting off. He opened his invisible to anyone who might be out walking the dog. eyes and looked into smiling blue, deeper than the sky. Bodie said, against the corner ofhis mouth: "You He hugged him again, and planted an emphatic kiss on think anyone will come?" in a voice that was low and Bodie's hair. "Didn't mean to do that," he muttered, urgent. abashed. "At least - at least, I didn't mean for you to "Yeah..." Doyle said, soft and reflective; and have to..." Bodie took a moment to comprehend. "'s all right. Was - nice - " When he understood, his breath caught in his throat They were perfectly attuned right now, and he felt the other man's body press upwards into understanding every half-spoken truth. "I'll do it for his, hands coming up to grip Bodie's shoulders. It had you," Doyle murmured fiercely into salty hair. "I'll begun; there would be no turning back. Innocent as do anything you want." children, knowing as satyrs, they kissed for a long "Yeah." They lay for a little longer, quiet. Bodie while, slow and gentle, making up for lost time as soft felt tired, and a little melancholy, a little awkward lip nuzzled soft lip, tasted gentle liquid fire. Don't now it was all over. He said, suddenly breaking the know what I'm doing, thought Bodie dazedly, what to silence, "We gotta be at work in an hour." do next... Doyle's tongue rubbed against his, pushed "Yeah, I know." But Doyle didn't want to move, inside his mouth; he held Doyle very carefully, one and when Bodie made as if to, he held him back hand on the curve of his chest, the other behind his needing something more. "Bodie?" He searched the head to support him. It felt - good. Peaceful, natural hard, unreadable face of his partner; and did not see and right; he felt as if he had done it a thousand times what he was looking for. So he let him go - stupid before. The warm sun was beginning to filter through bastard, Doyle. Not worth tears, mate, he told himself onto Bodie's back; and he suddenly knew what he was roughly - and turned his attention to rearranging his doing, after all. Loving him. He was loving him. clothing. Flooded with sudden tenderness, his hand slid down Bodie was stickily uncomfortable inside his. He Doyle's bare arm and took his hand. His befuddled stared at Doyle's back; the T-shirt was covered with senses two nights ago had given his love away, before dust and bits of twig. Suddenly remorseful Bodie he himself had recognised it. dusted him off; then he slid his hands up to hold Eventually, Doyle pulled away from Bodie's Doyle's shoulder and kissed the nape of his neck. mouth with an inarticulate murmur; Bodie watched "Sorry." him. His partner's skin was flushed, his lips swollen "'sail right." But Doyle still wouldn't turn. Bodie and set in a sensual droop; without opening his eyes slipped his arms around him, pulled him back against he took Bodie's head in gentle hands and eased him his chest and murmured into tumbled sun-warmed down, pulling up his own T shirt impatiently, curls: "I love you." PI wriggling his trousers free, desperate to have Bodie Doyle relaxed, a little bit. He twisted to look into touch him. Bodie's face. "Do you?" For a moment, the sight of his very masculine "Yeah." "And - ?" ni Bodie was mock-affronted. "And, what more do J you want? I don't say that to everyone, you know." Doyle suddenly began to feel that everything « might, after all, be wonderfully rightwiththe strange new world they had created from the old one; he laughed up at him. Then with a quick movement, he _ freed himself and was on his feet, hands on hips, looking down. For a moment, he looked youthful, pagan; very appealing. Bodiemade a grab for him. "Catch me," said Doyle, poised; and then he was gone. Bodiecaughthimbeforehehadgonefifteenyards; dragging him to a halt enfolding him close for a j bruising kiss, asserting his possession. > And Doyle kissed him back, his whole body pressing close in a wild writhing of abandoned '"I caution, lost independence. J Their union was sealed, as it had begun, with a kiss.

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C$1

92 B&D BESIDE THE SEA

Head down, Bodie trudged through the hot sand, beachballs hung up in nets, plastic inflatable toys; and wincing as the tender soles ofhis feet encountered tiny shops to sell nothing but lurid sticks ofrock in every twigs, pebbles, shells which deceitfully laced the shape, size and colour imaginable; amusementarcades apparently fine white sand. It didn't seem to be with flashing neon signs everywhere one looked, and bothering Doyle, who was bouncing along ahead of along the beachwall, heavy iron telescopes, remnant him, threading a careful path through the spread of ofa bygone age when pleasure was a simpler matter. towels and slabs of lobster-pin k human flesh, the Bodie breathed in the scent ofozone, candy-floss and jumbleofsun-tan lotion bottles, and bags, and buckets, seaweed, and was happy. and spades, all ofwhich adorned the beach. Probably "Oh, I reckon we can give ourselves a few hours," as had soles like elephant hide, Bodie thought sourly, not Doyle was answering, removing his tinted glasses a little envious. from the inner pocket of his jacket. Finally Doyle stopped, tilted his face to the sea air "A few hours," said Bodie with assumed as ifscenting like a hunting dog, his eyes half-closed moroseness, gazing around at the collection of in concentration; he turned carefully around to inspect rug-wrapped septuagenarians huddled in deckchairs, all aspects of the site, and finally nodded to Bodie. nodding into space, or simply staring; the scattered "This do?" families of peeling pot-bellied dads, chubby mums, Bodie had been watching this performance with squabbling kids - "Where the hell are the beautiful something akin to disbelief. "Oh yeah," he enthused people?" with mendacious admiration, "it's got so much more Doyle gave a tiny sigh, glanced down at himself; wi than all the other seemingly identical spots we've very briefly, but Bodie didn't miss it. Doyle had style, passed on this five mile hike here. Worth waiting for even in his affectations. though. Only you could see that subtle difference, "I was counting on picking up some local talent," mate." Bodie groused, ignoring him. Doyle acknowledged the heavy sarcasm with the Doyle looked faintly aloof. "Can'tyou do without barest of looks. He offloaded his shoulder bag - it for one afternoon, Priapus? Fresh air, sun, sea, sand souvenir ofa Greek holiday - and unpacked his towel, - why'd you have to drag sex into everything?" spreading it on the sand. Bodie did likewise. In fact, Doyle would turn down the chance ofsome nubile it was quite a pleasant spot, more secluded than some, female company no more than he would, Bodie knew in the shelter of the sea-wall; and the nearest family that perfectly well. Just making the best of it, and party to them handily obscured behind a lengthy pretending a leaning towards asceticism, that was all. striped windbreak. Which was a joke, because underneath all that 59 "How long we got?" Bodie asked, unstrapping his superficial cool Bodie suspected his partnerharboured watch and stuffing it into his bag. a raging fire of sensuality, a fine uninhibited It had been Doyle's idea, this; hot day, too many appreciation ofthe delights ofunbridled hedonism. It

si recent hours spent sweltering in an office, or a car; intrigued him. He knew Doyle better than anyone in why not get away from it all, spend their day offby the the world did, knew everything about him - but for sea? Bodie, disdainful ex-paras supercool hero type, the one area forever closed offto him, no entry, keep

si had scorned the idea - in principle. In practice it out. Seemed unfair, even ridiculous mused Bodie as appealed enormously to his nature (and he suspected he watched his mate pullingoffhis t-shirt unhurriedly, Doyle was perfectly aware of that) his spirits lifting shaking out the head of curls, that he, Bodie, was barred from tasting that one thing about Ray Doyle. s? irrepressibly the moment they got out of the car and surveyed the gritty-sanded beach, the almost-blue His gaze was almost wistful as it travelled over his water, the pier with its peeling faded paint, and the partner's lithe nude torso. rocks and the hamburger stalls which were all part of Doyle had noticed the attentions. "Oi," he the British seaside scene - it had a kind of beauty remarked as he unbuckled his belt, "What you starin' about it, flawed and tarnished and cheapened in a way for? Not got me in mind for a substitute 'ave you?" a Greek beach never was however crude the rusticity Bodie snapped back to reality. They had special ofits tavernas; but beauty it was, none the less. Along reasons for going carefully on this particular subject the curve ofthe seafront were shops flagged with the right now; and Doyle, as he often did so unnervingly, colourful gaiety ofbeach paraphernalia, bright-painted had hit yet again on the right interpretation ofBodie's

93 behaviour. Bodie had always prided himself on being Bodie complied, shutting his mind off from the unreadable, before he'd met Raymond Doyle with the possible interest ofany onlooker. Then, justashe had coolcalculating eyesthatseemedto lookclearthrough come to the fatalistic conclusion that Doyle was to Bodie's soul. determined to expose him to all and sundry, Doyle, "Possibly," he said, poker-faced. standing infront ofhim, whipped thetowel around his Doyle pushed his jeans down his thighs, began to waist, holding theends together. "Now pull 'em off. stepout of them. "Better move the towels bit closer Pantsas well," he ordered. Bodie,strugglingbeneath (sS together in that case," was his only comment, and he the constricting towel, did his best. They were lay down on the lurid rectangle oftowelling. half-way down his thighs when he was struck by a Bodiecouldn't repressa grin, lookingdownat him. sudden mistrust, and cold blue glared into That was the thing about old Doyle, took Bodie in his mischievous green. stride, largely unshockable and never short of a "Ifyou'regonna drop me in it,accidentally letthis comeback. His eyes travelled again over the lengthof slip," he snarled, "you'll be taking the long walk him, nude but for a small black pair ofswim-briefs - home, sunshine, and you won't be in any shape to do Now there was a thought. it." They had taken off their shoes before descending "Would I - ?" Doyle answered his own innocent the stone steps to the beach, but Bodie was still question: '"CourseI wouldn't. Geton with it." otherwise conventionally attired in shirt and trousers. Only partly reassured, Bodie kicked himselffree of "How'd you do that?" he asked suspiciously. trousers and pants, and, precariously leaning over, "Do what?" Doyle didn't stir, soaking up the sun managed to insert one foot inthe legof his trunks. caressing his bare skin, the comfortably hot sand It wasthen he realised that Doyle, still holdingthe beneath his heels; he picked up a handful, let it run idly ends of the towel together, was peering unashamedly through his fingers. over the top of it. "Get changed." Bodie blanched, flushed, and grabbed the towel "I took off my t-shirt," Doyle explained patiently, from him, clutching itagainst himself. "Whatthe hell "I undid my belt, I unzipped my trousers, I -" areyoudoing?" heenquired with precarious calm, and "How'd you get your trunks on?" Bodie cut in, met Doyle's unabashed eye. "Just checkin'," said favouring Doyle with a look ofexasperated hauteur. Doyle mysteriously, and gently but firmly took the Doyle tipped up his glasses, stared enigmatically. ends of the towel from him again, gazing down into "Had 'em on underneath." the dark cavern with deep interest. Bodie gaped. This simple expedient had not "Your parents Jewish, were they?" occurred to him. Conceding the round to Doyle, he Bodie nearly choked. He glared at Doyle - but rummagedin his bag and pulled out his own, watched Doyle was suddenly grinning at him with slydelight, by Doyle's cool eye. "Have to find a cabin and it was all okay after all. "Get on with it," Doyle somewhere." He screwed up his eyes against the glare said again, "I'll give you five seconds before I of the sun, then shaded them with one hand as he drop it - " and gazed intothe distance with apparent stared along the beach. There in the distance he could lackofinterestas Bodie,stooping struggledto pull up see a little row ofwooden huts. Picking up his towel, the trunks, just as - resigned, he prepared to set off. " - five -" counted Doyle aloud, and let the towel Doyle was up in a bound, taking the towel from fall. him. "No need for that." Bodiewas decently clad in blue and white striped "Wha- ?" Bodie gazed at him in incomprehension. shorts- style trunks. Surely Doyle had heard ofthe little law that precluded Doyle stared him up and down. "Cut-off revealing one's all on the beach? pyjamas?" he suggested; then he lay back down. "Ah, c'mon Bodie, you're not that prudish. Like an Bodiewas hurt by this. "Marksand Sparks finest, old maiden aunt you are sometimes," Doyle said mate." He sat on his towel, unpacked the Delial impatiently. "You change under a towel, that's the sun-oil, began to apply it to his shoulders. "Want way the British do it. Look -" he nodded at a plump some?" Without waiting for Doyle's reply, he matron twenty yards away struggling under a upended the plastic bottle, thumped onthe bottom of voluminous tent-like garment, finally emerging like an it. overblown butterfly from its chrysalis, a bloated vision Doyle'seyesflew open as large drops of warm oil in a skirted blue swimsuit. fell on his chest. He caught Bodie's hand just as it "I am not- " made a gleeful dive for him. "You want us marked It was no good. Doyle had taken him in hand, out as a pair of fairies? You wanna rub oil into me, purposeful and determined. "Undo your trousers," he mate, you wait till we're alone." He slanted an arch instructed, and watched with steely concentration as glance upat Bodie and began to smooth the lotion in

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himself, long fingers glidingover his skin with familiar the light he thought it was offered, a derogatory joke ease. Liking the sensation, he let his eyelids fall, one hadto take, and respondto if one wasn't to appear giving a little sigh as his hand slid on over his own threatened by it? Or did it mean he was sure of his pi skin. sexuality in another way - secure enough to admit he Bodie watched, still breathless from the implied could, and would, respond to a physical advance from promise ofthe oil remark, always intrigued by Doyle's someone he found attractive, whichever sex they attitude to himself. He seemed totally at ease with his were? own body, he accepted it, he seldom looked in a Bodie didn't know; didn't dare to risk finding out. mirror, he was perfectly happy about touching himself, Wasn't sure he wanted to know - it was all very he was unselfconscious in the way he moved. That pleasant as it was, the light flirtation between them, attitude mystified Bodie who did not share it, made the tingly feeling of'maybe-one-day'he got whenever him rather envious in a diffused kind of way - Doyle gave him that tantalising come-hither look, or deep-down, Bodie suspected his body of one of his rare, sweet smiles, staying just out of unattractiveness, and to offset that he had developed reach... over the years a bravado-inspired attitude of But there might be so much more, there was just a braggadocio that worked, in its way, nearly as well. chance ofthat. He appealed to some types ofwomen, Doyle to others. And sometimes the desire to find out once and for But he envied Doyle none the less. Doyle had al1, to resolve the confusion engendered by the endless overridden his physical imperfections, he presented games they played with one another, make Doyle lay them in the light of works of original art; he was it all in the open, was almost too much to bear... innerly assured ofhimselfin a way Bodie never could He smiled wryly to himself. This would put the cat be. among the pigeons. Doyle nudged him. "Oi. Come back." "Hey, Doyle; fancy making it with me?" "Sorry, what?" He didn't say it aloud. He never did, only "I said, twice, 'ow about a dip," said Doyle, rehearsed it, sometimes, alone at night in bed. pi watching him unblinkingly. "Or were you serious Sometimes Doyle said 'yeah, okay,' straight off. about collectin' some company?" He nodded towards Sometimes he had to be coaxed. Sometimes he was two girls who had just arrived and were settling on a taken by storm, crushed helplessly beneath Bodie's patch some fifty feet away; pretty blonde things in fierce onslaught. It always ended the same, anyway; bikinis; as they watched, one rose to her feet Doyle there in his arms, pliant and responsive and displaying firm white thighs and heavy-breasted gasping with the pleasure Bodie was making him female allure. feel... Bodie's mental withdrawal from the suggestion was He shook his head violently, like a dog dislodging swift, and something of a surprise. He covered it water. He shouldn't be thinking these things about his easily, camping: "Thought we'd settled I was gonna partner. He smiled again, more bitterly this time as he make do with you today, flower," on the principle that imagined yet another opening - "Hey, mate, I toss off it was amazing how seldom one was believed when to wild fantasies about you every night, makes me feel one told the bare truth, and accompanied the remark good, how about trying it for real?" with a heavylidded pout and a swat at Doyle's thigh. It wasn't all his fault. Doyle was the flirtatious God knew, they had little enough time alone together type. Bodie couldn't decide whether he did it relaxing. He liked Ray, liked him better than anyone deliberately, for Bodie's sake, or whether it was he'd ever met, enjoyed his company. And since one Doyle's automatic reaction to the subconscious bloodyeveninga few monthsago, he'd beenwatching awareness ofa potential sexual response. And, with Ray carefully foranysignthat there mightbea chance his looks - Bodie, being both generous and objective, ofsomething more, but - would not quite call him 'androgynous,' no, way, Ray "Okay with me, sweetheart, but you better make was all male - but certainly there was something your move soon. Cold water plays hell with my unconventional about him, the loose curls, the starkly libido." Doylelaybackdownagain, shuttinghiseyes. beautiful chains adorning throat and narrow wrist, the - but the signals he got from Doyle were always big eyes - confused; Bodie found it impossible to read him on the They were staring at him now, wide and B matter. On the one hand, like Doyle's unfazed remark calculating. just now, and the one about rubbing in the oil, any Bodie swallowed, uncomfortably, wondering how suggestive camping around Bodie might instigate was much he had given away in those moments offar-off always picked up by Doyle and returned, in fact he introspection. Doyle was sitting up, hands draped sometimes started it himself. Did that mean he was across his drawn-up knees, head on one side, watching sure enough ofhis - image, hissexuality toaccept it in him carefully.

iS

95 "This is," he remarked for the record, "the fourth Noblow, nodazzle, nodrug. JustRay Doyle, head time. Are you coming in for a dip? Or not? What's tipped back, clearly and uninhibitedly setalight by the on your mind, Bodie?" touch ofhis, Bodie's mouth. Bodieblurted out, "Andy's party-"and could have He had, he supposed, expected oneof two things, buried his head, ostrich-wise, in the sand. onthat strange night when they were frozen together Doyle's face turned distant; he gazed out to sea. in a moment of stilled-time amid the jeering and the Small sailing boats passed serenely; everyso often a catcalls and the already fading interest as frenzied noisy motorboat would appear and zig-zag through activity was renewed elsewhere in the room. their midst. Behind them, walking along the seafront Either Doyle would view him henceforth with apprehension, distrust, akind oftransferred unease; or path above, some noisy teenage trippers had a radio s going very loud; they were laughing and shouting and everything would come right for them at that very muckingabout with alltheself-centred excitement, the moment, they would walk offtogether, toresolve their us-against-the-world aggression of adolescence. innate loneliness and their need in one another. ffi "Oh, that." In the event, however, neither alternative had Hesaid nothingmore. Bodie's scalp wastightwith happened. embarrassment: what the hell had he said that for? Doyle had opened his eyes, met Bodie's for one Doyle's guarded reaction made him more than ever brief, telling moment, his hands still holding onto ^^ sure that he was all wrong, all his hopeful Bodie's shirt. Some message had passed between interpretationstotally on the wrong track - them, and Bodie was no longer sure he knew what it Andy's party. Three months, or twelve weeks, had been. Then he had let go, stepped back, forcing eight days ago now. Bodie to do the same; and he was left empty-handed A mad, riotous celebration ofstill being alive. The in the tatters of his own desire. They had gone on stupidities only men who were daily threatened by with the party, acted quite normally and had done so death, past, present and future, could devise. A ever since, no contention or even tension between gut-rotting amount of alcohol. Idiotic stunts. them; everything as it always had been. Ridiculous games. One of which had resulted in But Bodie couldn't forget it. Whether Doyle forfeits - "Put your head in a bucket ofwater and sing remembered as he did, he couldn't tell. He stared at all 4-1/2 verses ofBettys Lament." "Drink two Cowley him now, brooding eyes searching his face. specials." (Scotch, lime juice and advocaat). And Doyle leant towards him, slowly, asifmesmerised; when it had been Bodie's turn to lose, he had drawn the muskytang of warmedsun-oilhit Bodie's senses. the short straw with a vengeance, his slip of paper Doyle made as ifto saysomething; changed hismind. conveying the instruction to his fuddled brain - "Kiss "Swim," he said succinctly, and sprang to his feet. your partner." They picked their way over soft hot sand, then Childish, stupid, his remaining, uneasy rationality through shingle that made Bodie wince and pick his had scorned; even as, obedient to the shared ethic, the feet up in a hurry, onlywince anew when they made M mob madness, he pursued Ray Doyle around the room contact once more with the sharp pebbles. Then, just to the cheers and jeers ofcolleagues and ran him down when he thought he couldn't stand it any longer,there at last. was the blessed relief of firm, cool damp sand, and He would never forget it, that first heart-stopping finally the icy cold shock of the water rushing up to moment of seizing him, the warmth and familiar yet lick at his toes and retreating. unfamiliar sense of Ray close to him, held tight in It felt good on his abused soles. Bloody British Bodie's stronger arms; the initial struggle, and then seaside,he thought grimly to himself, not for the first Doyle submitting gracefully to the rules; laughing, time, and advanced further into the sea. Doyle, a few wary eyes looking up at him, just before Bodie's seconds behind him, yelped with shock. Bodie, now searching mouth found his. with the water half-way up his legs, his calves Although he had relived it many times in fantasy beginning to achewiththe chill ofthe waterwhilehis since, Bodie couldn't now rememberjust how it felt, to ankleshadgonenumb,turnedto investigate. "Okay?" kiss Ray Doyle. He did know that it had been "Bloodycold," said Doylethroughchatteringteeth. TO wonderful, the nicest thing he'd ever done, and when, He lifted one foot out, then the other, arms wrapped needing breath, he'd opened his eyes to find Doyle's around skinny ribs, bottom lip caught between his drowsily shut, an expression of concentrated ecstasy teeth. He lookedabsurdly mournful. Fastidiously,he ^ on his face, he felt a deep dive of his guts as if kicked out one leg to disentangle some slimy green something momentous had happened. It was like a seaweed which had attached itself. Bodie decided blow to the stomach. Or a dazzling light shone directly instantlyto be brave in contrast. He grinned, waded in his eyes. Or the dizzying rush of a drug-induced purposefullyoutthigh-deep,bracedhimself, anddived high spreading out along his nerves. forward.

96 fSF After the first agonising second or so it really "Fancy a cuppa?" Bodie asked, seeing that Doyle wasn't too bad. He swam vigorously around for a still looked chilly; he twisted his head and saw a while, avoiding the beachball being chucked around hot-dog emporium not too far away. nearby by a group of mindless army types; a passing Doyle made a barely perceptible motion of his inflatable powerboat sent a rippling wash over his head. "Nah." He sounded drowsy. head. When he turned for shore, it was to see Doyle Bodie lifted his head to look at him, then rolled still standing there, only having progressed as far as his onto his stomach so he could do it more easily. Eyes knees. Goose bumps were standing up all over him, closed, wet-spiked lashes lying on the round cheek; the cool breeze lifting his hair. He looked perished. each heavy brown curl trailing its own rivulet of Bodie wanted to wrap him up and cuddle him back to moisture across his temple. Bodie's gaze travelled on warmth. down the bare throat - no chain today, wonder why He didn't. He grinned, standing up, and waded not? - and the dark chest hair, a delicate understated towards him. pattern ofmasculinity. The finely muscled arms, one Doyle saw the intention in wicked blue eyes, began at his side, fingers stilled in warm sand; the other a wary retreat watching Bodie all the while, the lying carelessly across his flat belly; the great veins of cross-surge ofthe waves against his calves threatening an athlete standing out in stark blue relief on the to disorient him. "Just you dare," he warned, but tender white skin ofhis inner arm. One knee was bent Bodie was quicker. Cold and dripping, he launched outwards, almost touching Bodie's thigh as he leant himself against Doyle, locked his arms around his up on one hand, completing his careful, fascinating P waist - Doyle so warm against his cool skin - and they study of Doyle's body; his eyes returned to his fell heavily together with a resounding splash into partner's face. Bodie, who was used to it, tried to three feet ofsalty water. view it as a stranger might. It was an odd face: odd in When he surfaced, spluttering and shaken, there the sense that taken feature by feature it was flawed was murder in Doyle's eye. He advanced menacingly practically everywhere one looked; and in that viewed on Bodie who was laughing, jumped him. Bodie was as a whole it had a perverse haunting beauty. ready to put up a fight and they wrestled together for a But Bodie wasn't a stranger. And he found Doyle while in a struggle that suddenly turned amicable, now faultless; everything about him was attractive. Doyle was over the outrage and the first shock ofthe Realising what was happening he drew back, PI cold. They raced each other, arm over arm; and one of conscious ofhis thudding, racing heart, the tight knot the mindless marines, watching them, threw the beach of yearning in his guts. He unclenched one hand, ball in a fit of macho needling so it bounced off looked at his sweaty palm, trying to calm himself. Doyle's golliwog head; Doyle promptly kidnapped it God, but this was getting beyond a joke. and threw it to Bodie. They had a good game of it, Only it never had been a joke. tossing it serenely back and forth, while the marines He meant, ofcourse, that it was getting beyond the launched unsuccessful raids to rescue it. Finally tiring point where he would keep it in the realm offantasy, of the game, and getting numb, Doyle threw it some a bit of illicit spice to colour his erotic dreamworld. distance away and left the tattooed hunks to swim for He was beginning to want - too much - to make it it. real. "Gettin' out," he said to Bodie. What was it about him, he thought, looking down "Cold?" into Doyle's sleeping face, its refined cherubic look Doyle nodded and rose out of the water, a skinny belying the cruel hard streak that was as much a part male Venus arising from the foam, at least to Bodie's ofDoyle as the conviction in his own ideals, and was eye. Bodie followed him up the beach,eyes dwelling perhaps the same thing. Why him? on the clench and flex ofDoyle's buttocks beneath the Because we're partners, because we had to learn to shiny black nylon; he was cold himselfnow and glad be close, however little we liked it. Couldn't stay to be out in the heat ofthe sun. They passed the two alive any other way. And because he's smaller than I girls, who, Bodie noticed, looked Ray up and down, am, and because his beauty melts me inside, and and then himself; h e ignored it and hoped Doyle because despite all that he's such a paradox, god wasn't tempted. He wanted him all to himself, today. Bodie, he's not the one who needs wrapping up and He was gritty with sand, it was everywhere. He protecting, not him with his calm self-assurance and Pf rubbed himself down briskly as his partner did the his vicious toughness and his competence at same, then stretched out on his back and let the hot sun everything hetries and his determination and his quick gradually revive his cold- numbed nerves. His hand wits... was touching Doyle's who was lying next to him; a The hot sun was beating down. Bodie was casual, accidental contact and Doyle didn't move sweating freely; but it wasn't just the warmth. He away. threw himself violently onto his stomach, rested his

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3J head on his arm, staring at the blank grey wall ahead; you hadn't come?" he tested, cautiously. Funny how shutting outall the background noise, thefar- offwash old his voice sounded... of the sea, the harsh seagull squeals, the shouts of Doyle's head came up. He stared at Bodie, then frolicking bathers. briefly glanced around at the throng of people Wouldn'tyoujust know it would happen like this. covering the beach, seeming now topen them in, halt He could handle it when it was just a flicker of and frustrate any possible revelation. "You know sexualattraction,a frisson ofdark pleasure unlikelyto what I mean," heonly said, and held Bodie's eyes for l

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Si gently, a tiny fingertip touch tracing minute circles. very fast and all he'd had in mind was that they They spoke in whispered murmurs, like kids sharing neededvery badly to be close, and alone, even if only secrets. for a few moments -

B7 "We've wasted so much bloody time..." His hand went out to Doyle, checked and then "When did you first - ?" continued, because the last thing he wanted was for "Was when you got knifed, I reckon... was so mad the new awareness between them to create with you..." awkwardness, and he patted Doyle's arm to get his "Long ago as that? Wish I'd known..." attention. "Look." He pointed to the far-off row of "An' you?" dilapidated beach-huts he'd been about to set offfor "Moment I saw you, sunshine." earlier. From here it could be seen that they were "My mouth's dry..." hugging the sea-wall around an outcrop ofrocks, and "That's passion, that is." that the beach in front ofthem was deserted, probably "Nerves, more like... Don't care what it is, it needs because it was extremely stony, with an unpleasing wl rectifyin'." aspect. Reluctant to disturb the new-found intimacy which Doyle followed his gaze, understood instantly. He had settled overthem like a warm cloud, isolating them threw his empty can towards a litterbin where it fell from the rest of humanity, but desperate for a drink, with a clatter, wiped his mouth with the back ofhis Doyle rubbed his eyes, rolled over and sat up. He hand. allowed himself a quick affectionate squeeze of "Let's go." Bodie's shoulder, and noticed something. "You're On arrival, it was even plainer why this part ofthe gettin' burnt. Better get up, move around a bit, we beach was empty, the shingle adorned with smelly don't want you all sore." rubbish, rotting seaweed, oilcans, old rope. There was jS? Bodie glanced unconcernedly down at hot red skin. a large red-lettered sign, too: "Bathing is "Who cares?" He got up, too, shaking offsand. DANGEROUS From This Point." The huts looked as "You will," Doyle said softly, "when I get you back if they hadn't been used in years; but they didn't care, home -" didn't notice. They were young, and newly in love. He had that funny, faraway look in his eyes. Bodie Bodie chose the end cabin, latched the door shut took a deep shuddering breath, not quite believing all behind them. The cubicle had a wooden floor, ^1 this. He picked up his bag. Now that they were close-slatted wooden walls, and a small cracked standing up, on their feet moving across the sand doing mirror on one ofthem. It was about four feet square, normal things - they rinsed offthe sand, salt and sweat plenty ofroom for one person, or two who didn't mind under a rusty shower head positioned at the walkway being very close. The confinement made up offthe beach - he felt the magic ofmoments before awkwardness vanish, and Bodie's arms went instantly recedingbehinda facadeofroutineness. Asthey stood around Doyle, hugging him desperately close. Doyle sfl at the counter of the tea-place drinking warm coke hugged him back, starved of touch, turning his face from cans, Bodie was seized with a terrible fear that over and over against Bodie's cheek, his eyes closed. maybe it hadn't been real, maybe it had just been a Bodie's hands stroked up and down Doyle's bare fantasy engendered by too much sun and an excitable warm skin, long tremulous caresses, their groins imagination; or if it was true, maybe Doyle would thrusting urgently together. Their mouths met to kiss; come to his senses, change his mind- hard and demanding, everything suddenly so frenzied, He stared at Doyle who was posed artistically dizzingly fast and sweet and desperate... Ifl propping up the counter, absently noting the way his They were both hard, pressing together in a contact partner's nosewas wrinkling slightlyat the pervasive more painful than satisfying. On a hissing, indrawn odour of greasy fried onions; in desperation. breath Bodie broke the kiss, slipping his hands down PI Doyle saw the look, divined its cause with no Doyle's back, inside his damp trunks, held cool damp trouble. "It's all right, Bodie," he said clearly, not buttocks. He squeezed them, then ran his fingers stoppingto check whether anyone might be listening, down the cleft, burying his hot face in Doyle's for they had not been privyto the intenseexchangeof shoulder, his eyes screwed shut as the need in him emotion, the cataclysmic shift in their lifestyles that welled to an ache ofunbearable longing. This wasn't had taken place. Only Bodie would know what he enough, but he knew what to do, what would assuage meant. "It's forever. Now, or tonight, or next week; it. "Please, Ray," he murmured, "oh, please..." and his makes no difference." fingertips trailed over the entrance to Doyle's body, Bodie nodded, and looked away before he drowned brushed away a grain of sand there, returned to play in green fire, out and along the beach. with it gently. Bodie always maintained afterwards that sex had At first, Doyle had stiffened slightly, unused to the beenthe lastthingon his mind;that a lot had happened intimacy of the touch, the invasion of his most

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guarded privacy, but he forgot prudishness when his him glorious sensations in the area -god, whyever did m wanton body betrayed his hesitation, responded we wait so long - instantly to the exciting thrills of pleasure Bodie's Then Bodie, breathing heavily in his ear with gentle finger was giving him. He left the cool excitement, took onehand from Doyle's hip, and used analytical part ofhis mind behind, stopped thinking, itto guide himself gently into the other man's body. sagged against Bodie, spreading his thighs togive him A little groan escaped him as he eased into the hot greater access. moistchannel - it felt so bloodymarvellous... and so Bodie slipped one hand down thefront ofhistrunks easy, no resistance, Ray rocking back against him, his to squeeze his throbbing erection, tenderly cradle his beautiful welcoming body gripping onto him balls, the other still gently sliding up and down smoothly, tightly. between his buttocks. "Please," he whispered again "Christ, butyou'refuckin' wonderful. You are..." into Doyle'sear,"Wanna fuck you - need you -" he murmured, scarcely conscious of what he was Doyle was too far gone for more than a moment's saying. Head turned sideways, resting on Doyle's hesitation. No woman had ever touched him like this, shoulder so he could nuzzle his neck, he slipped one known so surely how to turn him on, spoken to him hand gently around him, stroking blindly with with suchharsh urgency. Henodded once,tightly, and trembling fingers over the damp skin of hip, belly, turnedto the wall, bracing his hands against it, his legs finally seeking out Doyle's semi-erect penis, spread. Bodie wrenched down the slipof damp black squeezing it until it began to fill out and lengthen in nylon and Doyle lifted his feet in turn, kicked the his hand. "I loveyou, Ray, loveyou so much..." trunks impatiently away. "You bringthe Delial?" he Doyle was totally relaxed now, thighs widely tossed over his shoulder tersely. parted, forehead pressed into rough wood, Bodiewas rapt in his concentration on the view of concentrating onthestrange sensations ofbeing filled; Doyle thus presented to him,spreadeagled against the and Bodie thrust into him and withdrew, thrust and wall, the bare white buttocks in stark contrast to the pulled back, with a smooth sucking movement that tanned skin elsewhere an incitement to rape, to plunder was darkly, sweetly erotic. Yeah, it felt good, the the cool naked body offered to him. It took a moment Greeks had it right, sodomy was fun; and Bodie's for Doyle's query to sink in. subtle handwas rubbing his cock rhythmically all the "Sun oil," repeated Doyle through gritted teeth. time. He went with it. He was suddenly conscious of "Don't want to hurt me, do you?" an overwhelming surprise, as the twin sensations Hurt him? Never. Bodie caught on, grabbed for the spread, touched, gathered together in one vast bag,fumbled aroundin it withshakingfingers, finally oncoming rush - disentangled the greasy warm plastic bottle from the "Oh god, Bodie," he sighed, "you're gonna make encumberingfolds ofa damp towel. He had a struggle me come, it's too - oh, christ -" with the top, and shot out far too much over his Hewas half-laughing, half-weeping as he flooded fingers. With a reverence approaching worship he with orgasm, thighs shuddering, pulse overpulse into rubbed it in between Doyle's buttocks, squirted some Bodie's tight hand, spilling over and onto the wall; more on direct from the bottle for good measure; the and his muscles clenched tight around Bodie who scent of it arose like a light aromatic cloud. moaned deep in his throat and clutched Doyle Doyle made a sound that was half-laugh, suddenly hard backagainst him as he poured out his half-groan; the warm oil trickling over his balls and own warm seed deep within Doyle's guts. between his legs was a ticklish sensation. "You must Doyle slumped against the wall, felt Bodie slip have used half the fuckin' bottle on me. You'll slip from him. His thighs were still trembling. Bodie out, mate..." turned him, held him, covering him with kisses which "Nah," Bodie assured him, raising a hand to brush he weakly returned, breathless and still laughing. sweat out ofhis eyes; he was breathing hard. "It'll be Bodie bore them both gently to the floor, leaning w okay, just relax..." backagainstthe wall,wrapped himuptightina tangle Doyle closed his eyes, pressed his palms into the of warm oily limbs, murmured into his hair with a wall, and bit his lip, bracing himself. He felt the other voice still ragged, "What're you cackling about? man's warm solidity push against his back, Bodie's Wasn't meant to befunny." knees pressing into the backs ofhis... so good, safe... "It's hysteria -"

and warm lips trailing over his neck and shoulders. Doyle tucked his head under Bodie's chin, w Hands were holding his hips, and he could feel the snuggled close against the strong body. He was thick snub lance of Bodie's arousal rubbing up and beginning to beawarethat it wasveryhot,verystuffy down between the cheeks of his ass. He held his in the tiny cubicle. It reeked, too - sex and sunoil. breath, prepared for pain although the slippery point of "Look at me." flesh gliding over his sensitive sphincter was giving Obedient, he lifted his head and looked up into

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!• pi Bodie's sweat-streaked face into very serious anticipation of a pint or so of cool lager had been deep-blue eyes that flooded with sudden warmth as beginning to form almost imperceptibly in his mind. they surveyed him in return. Doyle, thoroughly fucked Doyle elaborated, "I think I've been well-oiled and all spent-out, looked very cute, cuddled up against quite enough for one day - " Bodie's chest as he was. Upon which dreadful pun Bodie thumped him, and "Okay?" was all he asked, softly. the two men walked offto begin the rest oftheir lives. si "No," said Doyle, and as Bodie lifted an eyebrow in Together. enquiry, a little worried frown between his temples, he punched him lightly on the belly, Bodie's hard muscles tensing automatically to meet the blow. "Ofcourse it wasn't okay. It was bloody - fantastic - only I can't find words to say how it was, and as soon as I get my strength back I'll show you, instead." Bodie, with proud new proprietorship, touched his limp sticky genitals delicately. "How long?" he asked thoughtfully. p Doyle began to respond promptly: "Seven in-" and was forced to shut up as Bodie kissed him forcefully into silence. They were in a mad mood, euphoric and tired and blissfully happy. But they had to pick up the threads of normality sometime. Doyle finally pushed himself away from pi Bodie's idly wandering hands, ran his fingers through his tangled sandy curls. "God, we're disgustin'," he said, eyeing Bodie with totally fallacious distaste - Bl actually, Doyle quite fancied him the way he was now - "Filthy. IfCowley could see us now - " That was a sobering thought all right. Not wanting to give it serious attention right now, Bodie said gloomily, "'E probably can. Got X-ray vision, he has. Not to mention clairvoyance. Probably making a note in the file right now, his lips pursed up in that mean little scowl - 'On this day, regrettably agent 3.7 saw fit to screw 4.5 through the wall on the seafront at Sexmouth' -" "Nah, it'll be okay." Doyle said no more, gathering uptheirdiscardedswim-trunks,pullinghison,wincing

!$I as the gritty material rubbed over his tender areas. "We need a shower." "Stating the obvious, as usual? That's the copper in you coming out, that is, Doyle." Bodie unlatched the door, stuck his head cautiously out. "All clear," he announced: and blinking a little in the sudden light the two weary CI5 agents stumbled out into a wave of heated air. They walked along the front and threw themselves into the sea. There was still the rest of the day to see out; no need to cut it short. Might as well avail themselves of the rest ofthe delights the seaside had to offer. "How about a pub lunch?" suggested Bodie as they bounded up the steps, Doyle a little stiff-legged. He nodded towards a likely place, named vaguely appropriately, "The Bull and Spear." Doyleassented. "Yeah, okay. But we better stick to orange juice." Bodiegavehima glance ofnon-comprehension;the

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