c --- -_--- - By VOLUME 69 NUMBER 22 TlESDIY, MAY 23, 1972 MIT, CAMBRIDGE , MASSACHUSETTS WORTHLESS __- -a- I___ I- r I _-- ,,~ =I _ - .f, 'oa , ! gmzz % I 6 0 A Pyont left~An gm a am tag, o l? An XEI|L By Mistake of past public statements. of the US government, and in By Kuala Larnpur Feirtag asserted that he had MIT Corporation Chairman Uninformed officials told Baker House by the New The MIT Press today met with Hughes on several Howard Weasiy Johnson stunned the Reamer that several England Telephone Company. revealed that it had paid an occasions in the Bahamas. At a secret press conference undesirable parts of the Institute One of Beholden's first advance of $800,000 to one point, the billionaire esterday afternoon in 9-150 will be spun-off, b'in order to official acts was to file papers freelance writer Michael Feirta- industrialist offered the 2 when he dropped a bombshell of reduce friction with uneeded with the Commissioner of for the "absolu te, true, unknown writer an organic fig. unprecedented proportions. elements of the community." Corporations for a change of the authentic, final autobiography The validity of the MP Survivors claim that the Planned sales , if a- buyer can be name of the MIT Corporation to of Howard Hughes," whose manuscript has been brought Ai Chairman announced the sale of found, include undergraduate the Massachusetts Tool or Die recent purchase of MIT had been into question by Mr. Hughes' MIT to the Hughes Tool education, the Herman building, Corporation. "A lot of the announced only hours earlier. statements at an informal press A Company of Houston, Texas. Building 14, Baker Houlse, and Hughes people have been Accord ing to officials, - the conference which he held on the Sources close to the reclusive Burton-Conner. So far, interest through MIT- as students, and autobiography will also be steps of building 7 when he billionaire refused comment, but has been expressed in the they thought the name more serialize&, in abridged form, in camre to take possession of MI r. 2 it is widely known that he left Herman Building by an appropriate," Bebolden noted. the MIT News Ofic:e At that time, in response to a h ihs British - Columbia unidentified foreign spy agency publication, Tick Tock. reporter's question, Hughes said headquarters late yesterday, and "Who's Michael Feirtag." The was last seen departing the i . ---- t·-> answer was considered unusual, Vancouver airport in a private as the reporter had asked Hughes 1 plane headed east. A man fitting what he thought of Boston Hughes description was then weather. spotted by a crowd of reporters Questions were raised at at 77 Massachusetts Avenue. the highest level as to why Informed observers believe Hughes would pick an unknown B that the indiscriminate gassing of like Feirtag to write his West Campus by members of autobiography, when so many Cam bridge's finest (and a less competent writers would do number of policemen) may have (The allegations rose in a gq been the cause of the statement issued by a former g overwhelming apathy with MIT chairman speaking fronm the . which students greeted the top of Eastgate.) . announcement. In response, the author Administrative comment noted that his job application to was also restrained, but for NelwE Yeorker has ' been different reasons; with the mls-uellvered to Hughes. The exception of assistant dean for eccentric billionaire was tenements Ken Blueina, all impressed, and agreed after a g senior administrative officers of lengthy correspondence, to tthe Institute have been blocking allow his autobiography to be ",5 the entrance to .the Herman written. '," building for the last three days. In support of his ,la A haggard, wbm Constantine contention, Feirtage offered for ; Slimsonides (the on-duty inspection a series of 10 letters, administrator, who could barely Howard Hughes answers reporters' questions on steps of building 7 which he -claimed Hughes had be heard over shouts of "Off the written. All the letters were Pigs," and "Where's my 3og2$ O EIi$Ad $ffiZZ2$ triple spaced of yellow paper: M raincoat!") issued a brusque but prominent typewriter repairmen .' informative "no comment" .b'ogu OZO .n cs on s. 7rin C assert that the letters were X when informed of the A parcel containing scientists to pursue their can't tell a frog to go study his written on the same type of Ad announcement by a Daily fifty-sevena volurnes exposing the e x p e ri m entatio n in an calculus-" typewriter Hughes used to fill ';t Reamner reporter. existence and activities of the atmosphere "flee from the out his 1948 driver's license Blueing joined with Bob heretofore top secret Child recriminations of a public Volume 57 mentions a high application. Beholden, the acknowledged Psychological Development Labs lacking the insight provided by frequency of "system crashes" Fiertag, whose motto has ''to dean of student affairs, in came into the hands of The higher education, who might in the early stages of SGS long been 'never say in six -; welcoming this change of hands inches what Daily Reamer early Monday fail' to rationally weigh the research. What became of these you can say in 60" at the corporate helm. "We morning. The parcel was benefits of s c i e n tific crashed "systems,' is open to has written the concise work in .Q welcome this change of hands at delivered to the Reamer office achievement against the lives of speculation. However, it is felt 36 volumes which, MIT Press g the corporate helm," the by an individual described as a few nameless children."' that this information may shed offi ials have revealed, will be A statement read. sold in supermarkets around the ;4about five foot eight, possibly (according to the introduction some light on just why the ELO Bob Bought the country at the rate of one of MIT mute, very light complexion, to volume one) This atmosphere dumpster has been under armed @0 News office first denied, vcaulme per week. then partially balding but with long has allowed the labs to make guard for the past eight years. 4 admitted knowing of the stiff red hair growing straight unprecedented progress in many I Fi -1 1, i ' : consummated .r purchase. Final out of the side of his head for previously unexplored fields, ..,confirmation came in a press several inches. He was wearing a such as brain transplant, Xrelease from his office which 1%ose-fifting white and red amputation, castration, and the W also mentioned Bought's polka-dotted garment and white effects of amphetamines, LSD, $.-imminent departure for sneakers. The alleged person and heroin on infant t Houston, where he will handle arrived at the Reamner offices at development. C MlT policy in the future. 3:18 am, deposited a crate H.L. Torpor, Course IS The tight-lipped crew of containing the 57 volumes, department head, was HiHughes associates (also known as produced a 45-caliber automatic unavailable for comnment. But e the Mormon Mafia) which and a large placard which read his secretary, upon overhearing X arrived at MIT late in the "NO PICTURES," bounid and speculation by Rearner reporters . afternoon quickly set up gagged the entire staff, and was concerning certain unsolved consultations with all available gone. There is some infant kidnappings in the X members of the administration. speculation that the messenger ;ambridge area, blurted out, : Both of them later told reporters did not wish his or her identity "Oh, pooh. We get every last one - that the new owners were to be revealed. from the white slaver." . "reasonable to a fault." Blueing The CPD Labs are located has been made administrative in Building E10, and have been The last of the volumes Officer, while Beholden has engaged in a wide spectrum of dealt with the development .of -.o become a vice-president of psychological inquiry since the controversial SCS or Student X Hughes Tool, with official 1947. The existence of the labs Guidance System, an ingenious E responsibility for the new accounts in large measure for the electronic device scheduled to be Massachusetts Profit Center. rapid growth of the MIT implanted in the brain of each During discussion of likely physiological psychology incoming frosh as part of i' candidates, the name Slimonides department. As one researcher orientation routine next year. -,has surfaced again and again, like puts it in volume 12, 'sWhy "Without the research done by .a five day old cadaver in the should I mess around with the CDP Labs," writes Charles k-Charles. Informed sources could mor-keys and rabbits at Harvard Stick Drooper, who is .not he found, but usually when I Can mess around with the responsible for implementation. t-~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~g, reliable speculation and rumor real thing at Tec:?" The labs "'the project would have been ,;ward him the job on the basis Were Originally founded to allow held back for years. You just Bob Beholden, new-MIT leader, greets Hughes MI PAGE 2 TUESDAY. MAY 23.1972 THE DAILY REAMER DBr 1aily 19rainpr. ~I amia -ucrlous.' grey VOI.UME LXIX NUMBER 22 There's never any information in thre These .vicious grojects were-designdo-Ato: 'intellect,. regardless of sex, :ace, greed, or TUESDAY -MAY 23, 1972 newspapers, which is why this is. being,, -'break.. the spirits of those who are national p'rorities. wh.',pr `--heNational written. Dr. Weasel says theire;'s. no use exposed to-them,, converting the victims.- -The Maggo-ct Lkaboratory is Bored of Drectofs anyainytow int. ing.servants'ofthe r cling'classes.doing .secret,. research, ol- electronic Blob Milkem, Squirt and if that is revealed, the government Attempts to disrupt' these,:classes' have 9ensprs/Rep.osrtg:reahing us tell of plans Luigi Padini,Jiggler might get wise to the ripoff.