Understanding the Identity Management Narratives of Autistic Lgbtq College Students

“I FEEL LIKE THEY ARE ALL INTERCONNECTED” : UNDERSTANDING THE IDENTITY MANAGEMENT NARRATIVES OF AUTISTIC LGBTQ COLLEGE STUDENTS

Ryan A. Miller University of North Carolina at Charlotte

Brett Ranon Nachman University of Wisconsin - Madison

Richmond D. Wynn University of North Florida

Research on both autistic and LGBTQ college students has uncovered themes of marginalization, selective disclosure, and efforts to build community and resist oppression. However, little work has focused on autistic LGBTQ college students and how they understand and manage their multiple identities. To address this gap, we used narrative inquiry to understand how eight college students who identified as both autistic and LGBTQ navigated higher education. We used the reconceptualized model of multiple dimensions of identity as a framework to understand how students made sense of their identities. Our findings indicated these students prioritized salient identities based on context, managed the visibility of identities, and expressed challenges in participating in LGBTQ and/or autistic communities.

Please direct inquires about this manuscript to: Ryan A. Miller, [email protected]

College Student Affairs Journal, Volume 38(1), pp. 1 - 15 ISSN 2381-2338 Copyright 2020 Southern Association for College Student Affairs All rights of reproduction in any form reserved. 2 College Student Affairs Journal Vol. 38, No. 1, 2020 We don’t really internalize a lot of the Relevant Literature ideas regarding gender and sexuality We drew upon research about autistic that are considered to be normative, college students, LGBTQ college students, at least as easily as neurotypical peo- and autistic LGBTQ individuals to inform our ple would. That’s why it’s quite common understandings of autistic LGBTQ students for people to be on the autism spectrum and, in particular, identity management and to be, for example, agender or gen- disclosure decisions. der-neutral identified because they never picked up gender socialization when Autistic College Students they were younger. They’re just neutral More autistic college students are enter- or they don’t really consider themselves ing higher education, particularly at two-year to be a gendered person. colleges (Snyder, de Brey, & Dilow, 2016). These students possess unique attributes, Antonio, who shared how he made mean- such as hyperfocus and social anxiety (Van ing of his multiple marginalized identities, Hees, Moyson, & Roeyers, 2015), which are is just one of many college students part occasionally heightened by co-occurrence of both the autistic and LGBTQ communi- with depression and anxiety (Hastwell, Mar- ties whose voices have long been siloed or tin, Baron-Cohen, & Harding, 2012). These silenced. Depictions of autistic college stu- attributes place a toll on autistic students dents in the literature are both emergent who continually question their speech and and often portray autism solely as a deficit engagement with others and may strug- (e.g., Cox et al., 2017). Research addressing gle with group work in classes (Van Hees LGBTQ college students has gained momen- et al., 2015). Though narratives often spot- tum (e.g., Singh, Meng, & Hansen, 2013; light autistic students’ academic difficulties, Vaccaro & Mena, 2011), and shifted away positive qualities like motivation, attention from exclusively highlighting the difficulties to detail, and observational and analytical students face in college to acknowledging skills can be beneficial in many classroom triumphs LGBTQ students experience and settings, and students’ strong, narrow in- connections they build (e.g., Nicolazzo, terests may help in bonding with peers (Van 2016b). Most studies incorporating both Hees et al., 2015). autism and LGBTQ identities do so from a While navigating college, autistic stu- medical or biological standpoint and do not dents also make sense of their own iden- focus on college students (e.g., Dewinter, tity development. MacLeod, Lewis, and Vermeiren, Vanwesenbeeck, Lobbestael, & Robertson (2013) considered how autistic Van Nieuwenhuizen, 2015; Jacobs, Rachlin, students interpret their self-concept; con- Erickson-Schroth, & Janssen, 2014). There- necting with other autistic individuals may fore, there is a need to explore how autis- influence how students favorably perceive tic LGBTQ college students understand and their autism identity. Gobbo and Shmulsky manage their identities. (2016) noted that institutions can promote This narrative inquiry study aimed to positive identity development by both sup- address one primary research question: How porting efforts for autism acceptance and do autistic LGBTQ college students make offering pragmatic supports (e.g., provid- meaning of their multiple social identities ing curricula in disability studies, bringing and how they manage and express these notable autistic figures to campus, utilizing identities, particularly autistic and LGBTQ trained peer mentors). Colleges that lack identities? positive depictions of autism on their websites, or any content whatsoever, reinforce a narrative of autistic students as “others” (Nachman & Brown, 2020, p. 218). Through “I Feel Lke They Are All Interconnected” 3 autoethnography, Prince-Hughes (2002) il- under a broad LGBTQ umbrella, including lustrated how students reconcile their autis- trans* (Nicolazzo, 2016a) and asexual (Mol- tic identities in college and when interacting let & Lackman, 2018) people in particular. with peers. Campus climate can be profoundly im- Autistic students who cope with stigma- pactful in shaping how LGBTQ students see tization (Cox et al., 2017) and feel misun- themselves and feel welcomed and safe derstood (Hastwell et al. 2012) often recog- (Garvey, Taylor, & Rankin, 2015). Despite nize how they are perceived by others (Cox progress at many institutions, LGBTQ stu- et al., 2017). Consequently, many autistic dents still encounter pervasive homopho- individuals try to pass as “normal,” as Cox bia, biphobia, and transphobia on campus- et al. (2017) found that one student’s “ef- es, including harassment, exclusion from forts to curb his autism-related behaviors the curriculum, and lack of appropriate pol- appear to reinforce the notion that students icies and resources (Rankin, Blumenfeld, with autism are rewarded for suppressing Weber, & Frazer, 2010). Even within hostile behaviors that come naturally with autism” institutions, however, Vaccaro (2012) found (p. 81). Some students may not need to that graduate students in departments with “come out” to others due to being nonverbal supportive and out faculty, role models, and and typing to communicate (Ashby & Caus- LGBTQ organizations can help promote pos- ton-Theoharis, 2012). Others fear sharing itive microclimates. their autism diagnoses to campus staff and LGBTQ students also wrestle over peers due to potential stigmatization or identity management, as well as if, and rejection (Knott & Taylor; Van Hees et al., to whom, they should disclose their iden- 2015). Indeed, each autistic student’s expe- tities. Reconciling strategic outness (i.e., rience in reconciling their identity is unique. when and where to disclose) marks many students’ experiences (Orne, 2011). More LGBTQ College Students recent literature has attended to the inter- Scholars have worked to disaggregate section of sexual orientation and/or gender LGBTQ college students’ experiences by ex- identity with race to reveal the nuances of amining the nuances of how, for instance, experiencing multiple minoritized identities trans* (Nicolazzo, 2016a, 2016b), queer in college. Examples of these intersections (Vaccaro & Mena, 2011), and asexual (Mollet include queer, Latino men (Eaton & Rios, & Lackman, 2018) students navigate higher 2017), gay men of color (Lange & Moore, education with minoritized gender and sex- 2017), and black, non-binary trans* stu- ual identities. Students often view them- dents (Nicolazzo, 2016a). Nicolazzo (2016a) selves as othered (Lange & Moore, 2017), further included disability in her analysis and the salience of their sexual orientation and noted how both disclosure and nondis- and gender identities may be moderated by closure of trans* identities can be reframed other identities and societal roles (Vaccaro as “positive choices” (p. 1182) that never- & Mena, 2011). Some LGBTQ students find theless may cause alienation or pushback engaging in activism to be useful in obtain- from others. Consequently, LGBTQ students ing support and guidance (Vaccaro & Mena, manage their identities in both public spac- 2011), but these activities may sometimes es and counterspaces, as body language, lead to experiencing greater victimization cultural symbols, and use of silence may and depression (Kulick, Wernick, Woodford, work toward exhibiting or concealing sexu- & Renn, 2017). Despite some potentially ality (Lasser & Wicker, 2007). common experiences of marginalization and handling disclosure across contexts, schol- Intersection of Autistic and LGBTQ ars have pointed out the drawbacks of col- Identities lapsing multiple identities and communities Autistic individuals exhibit greater sex- 4 College Student Affairs Journal Vol. 38, No. 1, 2020 ual orientation and gender identity diversity tional meaning making filter involved -fac than the general population. One in seven ing tensions within identities, challenging autistic women and one in 20 autistic men others’ expectations, and feeling frustrated are attracted to someone of the same sex by identity labels (Abes et al., 2007). When (Dewinter, Graaf, & Beeger, 2017). Further, using a transitional filter, students may 22% of female and 8% of male partici- find it acceptable to pass for other identi- pants—assigned these genders at birth—re- ties when they experience identity conflicts. ported some gender non-conforming feel- The foundational meaning making filter, the ings (Dewinter et al., 2017). Outside of most complex, is marked by individuals’ ca- medical/biological approaches (e.g., Dewin- pacity to determine relationships between ter et al., 2015; Jacobs et al., 2014), several context and perceptions of identity (Abes et participants in Kimball et al.’s (2018) study al., 2007). Individuals using a foundational of students with disabilities had autistic and filter present themselves and their identities queer identities. Many challenges exist for consistently, resist stereotypes, and begin autistic LGBTQ students, including higher to internally generate their own self-defini- rates of unwanted sexual contact (Brown, tion of identities. Peña, & Rankin, 2017) and potentially en- Jones and Abes (2013) built upon the gaging in a coming out process (Davidson & model to incorporate analysis of intersect- Henderson, 2010). ing systems of power, such as classism, sexism, and racism, in the intersectional Theoretical Perspective model of multiple dimensions of identity. The reconceptualized model of multi- Though we draw primarily from the 2007 ple dimensions of identity (RMMDI; Abes, version of the RMMDI, we also acknowledge Jones, & McEwen, 2007) offers a useful the- throughout the paper the roles of ableism, oretical approach in examining the multiple genderism, heterosexism, and intersecting identities of autistic LGBTQ college students forms of oppression on the lives of autistic and how they make meaning of their identi- LGBTQ students. We also acknowledge that ties. Abes et al. (2007) described a core of though the RMMDI was developed based on personal attributes central to each individu- the experience of neurotypical students, the al. Surrounding the core are various ellipses model is used and cited heavily in student that represent socially constructed identi- affairs. Thus, it is an appropriate entry point ties such as gender, religion, race, culture, for considering how college students un- and class. These identities may be closer to derstand their multiple identities. We later or further from a person’s core at any time suggest ways the model might be expanded depending on constantly changing context, based on autistic LGBTQ students’ experi- salience, and importance. ences. Students’ contextual influences, such as family, peers, norms and stereotypes, Methodology pass through a meaning-making filter and A constructivist lens guided our analy- inform self-perceptions of their multiple sis in this study (Charmaz, 2014). This lens identity dimensions. Contextual influences assumes that realities are subjective and may be filtered to a larger or smaller- ex socially constructed. Constructivist research tent depending on a student’s experiences “starts with the experience and asks how and complexity of developmental process- members construct it,” and strives to locate es. Abes et al. (2007) described individuals the inquiry “in its web of connections and using a formulaic meaning making filter as constraints” (Charmaz, 2014, p. 342). This only minimally filtering contextual influenc- study applies secondary data analysis to a es; that is, their self-perceptions aligned larger study of the intersections of disability with how others perceived them. A transi- and LGBTQ identities that included 31 un- “I Feel Lke They Are All Interconnected” 5 dergraduate and graduate students at two only short, discrete answers to questions, universities. While the original study includ- but also told stories with rich examples to ed LGBTQ students with disabilities more illustrate how they understood their identi- broadly, this secondary narrative analysis ties. Riessman (2003) recognized a similar illuminates the experiences of the eight au- shift—data being collected for one purpose tistic participants (Table 1). while narratives still emerged when “participants … resist[ed] our efforts to fragment Data Collection and Participants their lived experience into thematic (code- The original study employed construc- able) categories” (p. 331) and instead told tivist grounded theory methods to guide stories in response to questions, illustrating data collection and analysis (Charmaz, “the gap between the standard practice of 2014). LGBTQ students with disabilities research interviewing … and the life world of participated in one-on-one, semi-structured naturally occurring conversation” (p. 331). interviews about their higher education ex- We thus framed this secondary analysis as periences, social identities, and identity in- narrative inquiry (Grbich, 2007; Riessman, tersections. During interviews, participants 2003), in which “first-person accounts of were asked questions about their LGBTQ experience constitute the narrative ‘text’ of identities, rather than separate questions this research approach” (Merriam & Tisdale, about gender identity and sexual orienta- 2016, p. 34). tion. All participants discussed their sexual While all narrative inquiry centers on orientation, and the five trans* and non-bi- “stories told by participants” (Grbich, 2007, nary participants discussed their gender p. 124), we adopted a socio-cultural narra- identity. Four of the autistic participants at- tive approach, assuming that “stories not tended University 1, a large, predominantly only reflect culture, ideology, and socializa- white research university in the South, while tion, but also provide insights into the polit- the other four were enrolled at University 2, ical and historical climates impacting on the a predominantly white comprehensive uni- storytellers’ lives” (Grbich, 2007, p. 130). versity in the South. Codes and themes are not used to segment data in a socio-cultural narrative approach Data Analysis (Grbich, 2007). Instead, each transcript We began analysis by reading each constituted an individual narrative and we participant’s transcribed interview, writing identified significant elements of the sto- memos about our initial impressions, and ries participants told about their identities, meeting to discuss our interpretations. Ini- particularly about their autistic and LGBTQ tially we used constant comparative analysis, identities. We followed Grbich’s (2007) rec- coded transcripts, and wrote memos, with ommended process of identifying narrative the goal of building categories and themes segments in transcripts, exploring content across participants in line with constructivist and context (e.g., emotions, sense mak- grounded theory. However, we felt strongly ing), and comparing stories across partic- that presenting findings in segmented sec- ipants. Given our emerging analysis, we tions resulted in losing nuances and cohe- determined the RMMDI (Abes et al., 2007) siveness relative to each participant’s expe- could serve as a framework to help guide rience. Rather than constructing categories our analysis, reflecting our process of “link- based on questions and answers across the ing emerging findings to any relevant theo- eight individual transcripts, we shifted our ries” (Grbich, 2007, p. 185). We interpreted approach to view each transcript as a par- participants’ narratives through the RMMDI ticipant’s narrative description of their iden- framework and note these elements in the tity journeys. As we reviewed transcripts, findings and discussion sections. Lastly, we we noticed that participants provided not constructed vignettes (Grbich, 2007) with 6 College Student Affairs Journal Vol. 38, No. 1, 2020 content most relevant to our research question and outlined highlights of individual participants’ narratives. Table 1. Participants Pseudonym University Major Classification Pronouns Disabilitiesa LGBTQ Race/ identities ethnicity

Antonio University Sociology Undergraduate he/him Autism spectrum Androphile, Latino 2 disorder, neuro- demi-male, atypical non-binary, queer

Avery University Psychology Graduate she/her Anxiety, autism Asexual, Mixed 1 spectrum panromantic, race, disorder, queer Chicana, Asperger’s, Mexican, Lyme disease, White, neuromuscular Native condition, OCD American

Blair University Computer Undergraduate he/him Asperger’s Gay White 1 science

Charlotte University Engineering Graduate she/her Autism spectrum Queer White 1 disorder, health problems, injuries, mental health

Hayden University Religious Undergraduate he/him, Asperger’s, Asexual, White 2 studies they/them dyslexia, biromantic, dysgraphia, transgender bipolar, male processing disorder

Hugo University Engineering, Undergraduate he/him ADHD, anxiety, Demisexual, Person 1 linguistics Asperger’s, queer, trans of color, depression Mexican, Chinese

Kyle University English Undergraduate he/him Anxiety, autism Bisexual, Irish, 2 spectrum transgender does not disorder identify with race

Robin University International Undergraduate she/her Anxiety, Asexual, White 2 business Asperger’s, demiromantic, hypersensitivity, gynoromantic, OCD, processing male-to-female disorders, small transgender motor skills disability

aADHD=attention deficit hyperactivity disorder; OCD=obsessive compulsive disorder “I Feel Lke They Are All Interconnected” 7 Trustworthiness and Research Team particular focus on historically marginalized We sought to build the study’s trust- identities, from his own personal develop- worthiness in several ways (Jones, Torres, mental process and through his professional & Arminio, 2014). To bolster credibility, we experiences as a mental health counselor. engaged in member checking and shared He is sensitive to salience of identity and interview transcripts with participants for how it impacts access to public and private verification and feedback. Additionally, our spaces and how it influences feelings of work pushed us to consider differing insights safety and connectedness in those spaces. on the data based on our varied standpoints. Ultimately, we believe our varied outlooks in Confirmability “requires the researcher to relation to autism, sexuality, race/culture, tie findings with data and analysis” (Jones and academic interests/expertise enhanced et al., 2014, p. 37). To enhance confirm- the study; however, we recognize that our ability, we provided multiple examples and shared identities as cisgender men limited direct quotations. We have provided a full our insights. description of our methods to demonstrate dependability, and logged all products from Findings our data analysis and writing process. Last- We share vignettes for each of the eight ly, we have aimed to offer a contextual de- participants in an effort to honor their indi- scription of students’ experiences in this vidual voices and ensure that we highlight paper that our audiences will find yields the distinctiveness of each narrative as they transferable insights to their own contexts. discuss their college experiences and how We also reflected on our positionalities they managed their identities. As the vi- in relation to the study and how these af- gnettes below demonstrate, autistic LGBTQ fected our data analysis and interpretations. college students in this study faced a num- The first researcher, an assistant professor ber of circumstances when they reconciled who identifies as white, queer, cisgender, their overlapping identities, and determined and presently without a disability, began whether and how to share, express, and this study after serving as an LGBTQ center build community based on their identities. director on a college campus. Though he be- Following the vignettes, we note the prom- gan coming out as gay as a teenager, he has inent roles of passing, social engagement, since reflected on ways that spaces such as and self-acceptance in students’ narratives. LGBTQ centers demand public disclosure of identities and how these spaces might center Antonio disability and become inclusive of intersect- Antonio contended that having Asperg- ing identities including autism. The second er’s led him to incomplete gender socializa- researcher, a doctoral student, identifies as tion: white, gay, cisgender, and has Asperger’s. Because I have Asperger’s Syndrome Diagnosed with Asperger’s as a child, he and I don’t pick up social norms as uses this terminology, and views himself as quickly as other children do, I didn’t part of the autism community. He reflected pick up that when you reach a certain on the findings and recognized parallels with age you are supposed to declare a sex- many of the participants, who similarly only ual faction, so to speak. … I identify … disclosed their autistic and LGBTQ identities in an undisclosed area between being upon entering college. The third researcher gender neutral and being a male. identifies as an African American, gay, cis- He described the Wrong Planet website as gender male associate professor and pro- a platform for self-discovery, since it rep- gram director who does not presently have a resented the first place where he both disability. He approached this research with came out and realized that many autistic a keen awareness of intersectionality, with a individuals also identify as LGBTQ. Antonio 8 College Student Affairs Journal Vol. 38, No. 1, 2020 explained how the LGBTQ community has Blair embraced some of his characteristics, like Similar to other participants, Blair’s in- being curious and odd. He also noted that troverted disposition prompted clashes be- the LGBTQ community must make strides tween being both gay and having Asperg- in recognizing the intersectionality of identi- er’s. He noted that having Asperger’s was ties and not act as prejudiced toward other one of his most important identities, though marginalized groups. he “mostly [identifies] with the general Antonio participated in a university pro- community, not the disabled.” He was one gram supporting autistic students. However, of three participants to explicitly note pass- he found pervasive heteronormativity. He ing related to autism: “I understand what shared that some of his fellow autistic peers it’s like to have Asperger’s, but talking with became uncomfortable when he described another person who has Asperger’s can be his boyfriend. really, really unpleasant.” To counteract this, Blair described learning to have more bal- Avery anced conversations with other individuals, Avery found her identities to be inter- as opposed to “talk[ing] at people.” connected — “they can’t be pulled away At times, Blair also tried to “function from each other,” she said — and also point- normally in society” through observing oth- ed to anecdotal evidence of individuals who er individuals, though it has made him “feel are both autistic and asexual. She described like I’m less Asperger’s.” Negative conno- her years-long process of understanding tations of autism are pervasive, Blair said, her sexuality, eventually resulting in identi- ranging from others viewing him as “retard- fying as asexual in college. She told herself, ed” or “treat[ing] me like it’s a super pow- “Oh, I guess I consider myself asexual. I er.” He elaborated: “I feel like there is a lot guess I’m not broken. I thought I was bro- of pressure in society to be social. That can ken.” Similarly, Avery discussed the relief of erase the identity of people who have au- receiving an autism diagnosis in college that tism or Asperger’s or other disabilities that she should have received as a child. Avery make it difficult to socialize.” said that, in the early ‘90s, they didn’t diagnose Charlotte girls very often. They certainly didn’t di- While Charlotte was never diagnosed agnose girls who were incredibly intel- with autism, she identifies as autistic due to ligent. It was just, ‘Wow, what a weird her characteristics and challenges. She de- kid.’ … They had to push my head down scribed finding it more difficult to reconcile so I would walk flatfooted. her disability identity at the university, more She found the disability community to so than her queer identity, due to her dis- be open to LGBTQ identities based on simi- ability impacting engagement with peers in lar marginalization. Like Antonio, Avery said group assignments. Charlotte, who recog- she found participating in the LGBTQ com- nized that she often passes for heterosex- munity to be difficult, but mostly because ual and able-bodied, elected to share her of the “expectation to be outgoing and to disability only if peers asked why she takes be exuberant.” This undermined her difficul- exams in different locations, or when she ties associated with social situations. “It’s participates on disability panels. certainly not trying to be exclusive of peo- Unlike other participants, Charlotte felt ple with any sort of disability like that, but I her overlapping identities were not as inter- think it unintentionally is and scares people connected. “They are related in how they like myself away from those spaces,” she affect my interactions with the world, but said. not how they affect me,” she said. While she actively engaged on disability forums in “I Feel Lke They Are All Interconnected” 9 the past, she strayed away when individuals high school made him feel that “the weight complained about problems they encoun- of the world fell” on him, as he realized that tered. he “was going to be discriminated [against] my whole life for my identities.” Hayden Hugo, akin to other participants, ex- Hayden shared that growing up he “al- pressed tension in having multiple mi- ways knew [he] identified more with the noritized identities, and only disclosed his guys” and “wanted to do guy things,” de- queer/demisexual identities with individuals spite his parents trying to socializing him as he knew. a girl. While in high school, Hayden initial- I feel like I am always at a disadvantage ly felt he was bisexual. Later he researched in every place that I go to. Sometimes, the trans* community, initially thinking be- I wonder if I am making all of this up in ing trans* was just a phase, but he later saying, “I just want to be oppressed.” fell into depression. Hayden’s mom has not For some reason, I want to be the per- accepted his gender identity, still calling him son who’s always miserable because it by a girl’s name, and questioning his sex- just so happens that I have all of these uality. “I’ve noticed lately she excessively identities that are marginalized. Some- calls me her daughter,” Hayden said. times, I wonder if I’m doing this to my- Similar difficulties emerged when com- self. That feels really, really bad, being out to his trans* friend, who already cause when I do find community that knew Hayden had Asperger’s. “They kinda does accept me for everything, then it’s like questioned my ability to know who I am a really great feeling. and they were like, ‘you know we all sorta feel a little bit more masculine sometimes Kyle than others,’ and I’m like, ‘no.’” Though Kyle shared that he enjoyed the “in-be- Hayden did not speak to the intersection tweenism of being both trans and bisexual. I of his gender identity and autism beyond think it gives me a level of insight into mas- this particular anecdote, he noted reconcil- culine and feminine … as well as aesthetics ing living with other disabilities, including that other people don’t have.” When asked dyslexia, dysgraphia, a processing disorder, about the relationship among his identities, and bipolar disorder. He also participated in Kyle did not explicitly discuss connections his university’s autistic organization. related to his autism and trans*/bisexual identities. However, he referenced one sit- Hugo uation when he concluded others wanted to Hugo was diagnosed as autistic as a dictate his identities to him. Kyle described child and began researching the spectrum being autistic as influencing feelings of sen- in college, finding the process to be thera- sory overload and anxiety; consequently, peutic: he compensated by wearing special glasses It was a very liberating moment for me to reduce brightness. In describing his dis- to finally say, “I’m not just a bad per- ability’s salience, Kyle said that a classmate son. I’m not just lazy. I’m not just a ter- questioned why he was wearing glasses and rible, horrible person who doesn’t want drew a link with others placing assumptions to do anything or be with people. This on his gender identity: is something that is not wrong. It’s just As many people as there are on this who I am.” campus who are very entitled and feel At many points, Hugo described connec- like they’re in a place where they can tions between autism and demisexuality, in- tell me more about my gender and my cluding his hesitance to develop close rela- identity. …. And I believe that they have tionships. Beginning his gender transition in the right to have an opinion, but not to 10 College Student Affairs Journal Vol. 38, No. 1, 2020 say that my opinion is invalid because it press the visibility of having Asperger’s be- could be bad for the community. cause of negative connotations often asso- In this quote, Kyle expressed his frustration ciated with autism. Participants noted they with how others invalidated aspects of his sometimes concealed their sexuality and/ identities, drawing a parallel in this experi- or gender identity to conform with society. ence with both autism and gender identity. As Avery said, she experienced “conflicts about how much to disclose” based on dual Robin roles as both autistic and a researcher who Robin described how interconnections studies autism. Similarly, Hayden had not between being autistic and trans*, as well shared his identities to his professors out of as how other disabilities, influence how she fear of being harshly graded. interacts with others and presents herself. Second, students’ social anxiety, as well Though she used her work in retail as an out- as ableism in LGBTQ communities and het- let to practice social interactions, she noted erosexism/genderism in autism or disabil- that coping with hypersensitivity, anxiety, ity communities, often dictated their de- and OCD amounted to constant stress. She gree of engagement in social situations. For said, “My ability to socialize has mitigated instance, Antonio noted the prevalence of a lot of disability issues so it’s made dis- ableism yet downplayed it because he did crimination less prominent, and I could see not always view it as intentional: “I guess a where it would be if I had not adapted as lot of times it’s in very kind of muted ways well as I have now.” Still, she acknowledged because I don’t think people overtly try to… that she could “see it happening around me express themselves in an ableist way.” Con- to those who have not progressed as much” versely, Antonio found that members of an in adapting their social behaviors. autism group he belonged to showed dis- The LGBTQ community was a helpful comfort when he mentioned his sexuality. Al- outlet to connect with other individuals, though both autistic and LGBTQ populations “because a lot of us are [affected] by the are minoritized, exclusionary behaviors are same set of disability, so we understand still prevalent at times across each commu- what we’re going through,” she said. Robin nity, further illustrating the complexities of described altering her presentation of her being accepted for multiple identities. trans* identity based on the specific space. Third, we observed the range of self-ac- She presented more visibly in spaces where ceptance and pride individuals noted in de- trans* identities are valued and viewed as scribing their identities. Students shared important. Robin noted, “it has been [an] the challenges of determining when one interesting experience reaching the point identity’s traits or challenges became more of having passing privilege because many salient than another identity, or even when times at this point in my transition, I do not they intermingled. Whereas Hugo felt con- get identified as trans* right away unless tinually marginalized, an experience height- my voice gives me a problem that day or ened even more by his racial identity, Anto- something.” nio reflected on and accepted not growing up with common understandings of norms Patterns Across Narratives related to sexuality and gender. Students’ First, we recognized how several stu- strengths of connections with their own dents reflected on their ability to pass and identities, others who accepted their identi- reasons for passing, whether as neurotypi- ties, and even peers who possessed similar cal, heterosexual, and/or cisgender, some- identities all played into how they interpret- times even altering their own traits or visu- ed their intersecting identities. al cues associated with their identities. For instance, Blair noted how he tried to sup- “I Feel Lke They Are All Interconnected” 11 Discussion he faced was somehow his own fault. Through narrative inquiry, we examined Participants who exhibited foundational how autistic LGBTQ college students made meaning-making of their identities (Abes et meaning of their identities through sharing al., 2007) engaged with both autistic and their life stories and experiences. Unlike pri- LGBTQ communities, including in online or studies that consider links between sexu- spaces where identity complexity could be ality and autism (Dewinter et al., 2015) and embraced. Antonio voiced a strong aware- gender identity and autism (Jacobs et al., ness of the marginalization he experienced 2014), we eschewed a medical or diagnostic as a “second-class citizen” due to his identi- approach and instead highlighted how au- ties as autistic, non-binary, queer, and Lati- tistic LGBTQ students understood their mul- no. He joined the university’s program for tiple identities. Utilizing the RMMDI allowed autistic students, but found it heteronorma- us to consider participants’ multiple identi- tive and turned to online spaces to explore ty dimensions, contextual influences, and gender and sexuality norms in relation to the relative complexity with which those autism. Likewise, Avery embraced the in- contextual influences were filtered to make tersectionality of her multiple privileged sense of their identities. Though all partici- and oppressed identities, revealing that she pants absorbed, to some degree, the influ- became involved in online communities as ences of peers, families of origin, and ste- a source of learning, connection, and val- reotypes, we note that no participant in the idation to overcome isolation and social study consistently made meaning of their struggles as an undergraduate. When par- experiences in a formulaic manner (Abes et ticipants used transitional and foundational., 2007). Participants often used a transi- al meaning-making filters, they expressed tional meaning-making filter, as they began awareness of social difficulties associated to resist ableism, genderism, heterosexism, with autism and worked, to some degree, and intersecting forms of oppression — re- to alter how they related to others socially, sistance noted in prior work (e.g., Nicolaz- strategies seen in other research about au- zo, 2016b) — and did not unquestioningly tistic students (Cox et al., 2017). Use of a accept contextual influences. foundational filter went a step beyond this Participants still navigated conflicts awareness to students questioning whether within their identities and occasionally re- and why they should alter their traits rath- lied on a formulaic acceptance of messages er than finding or building communities that from others about their identities. Most par- might embrace their full identities. There- ticipants were involved in an LGBTQ com- fore, we distinguished transitional from munity, such as a student organization, but foundational meaning-making based on they often found social situations in such this awareness, questioning of norms, and spaces difficult to navigate, as reflected in resistance, rather than on a distinction be- prior research about autistic students (Cox tween passing or consistently expressing et al., 2017; Vincent et al., 2017), and gen- identities. erally avoided building connections or com- Our study suggests areas in which the munity based on autism. Accordingly, these RMMDI can be expanded based on the per- participants often described various aspects spectives of autistic LGBTQ students. The of their identities as distinct or segment- model was initially developed with neuro- ed rather than intersecting. While Hugo typical students and thus did not include was one exception to that pattern, demon- the perspectives of autistic students. Given strating immense self-awareness about his how autistic students work to form relation- identities and their intersections, he still oc- ships and learn how to express themselves casionally found himself questioning his ex- socially, this is a missing piece that helps to periences and whether the marginalization explain some of the study’s findings. Most 12 College Student Affairs Journal Vol. 38, No. 1, 2020 importantly, the model places a premium on tistic LGBTQ students at two southern, pre- whether students “presented their identity dominantly white four-year universities. in a consistent manner regardless of the en- Because most autistic students attend two- vironment” (Abes et al., 2007, p. 11) and year colleges (Snyder et al., 2016), this thus links internal complexity of an individ- context warrants additional exploration in ual’s meaning making ability with external future work. Second, since our study fo- disclosure and expression of multiple iden- cused on the student as the unit of analy- tities—a position we reject based on how sis, due to our emphasis on uncovering how participants described their identity man- they made meaning of their identities and agement decisions. experiences, we did not focus primarily on We did not find that any participants de- the institutional context. We acknowledge, scribed complete consistency in their under- however, that future work should more ex- standings of their identities and how they plicitly explore the role of institutional cli- expressed them. However, students demon- mate and regional and geographic areas in strated evidence of complex meaning-mak- shaping these students’ experiences. Third, ing and a careful evaluation, rather than drawing from a one-time interview also re- automatic acceptance, of contextual influ- stricts the conclusions we can draw about ences in their lives. Students evaluated situ- how students made meaning of their iden- ations based on prior experiences, available tities. A longitudinal approach might better resources, and consequences that might capture how students develop and name accompany their decisions to highlight or their identities over time, offering additional downplay their identities, a theme found in insights for researchers and practitioners. prior research on both autistic (e.g., Knott & Taylor, 2014; Van Hees et al., 2015) and Implications for Practice LGBTQ student populations (e.g., Lange & Based on the findings, we saw sever- Moore, 2017; Miller, Wynn, & Webb, 2019; al areas of opportunities for student affairs Miller, 2017; Nicolazzo, 2016a, 2016b; practitioners, faculty members, and col- Orne, 2011). Scholars have reframed (non) lege administrators to enhance the climate disclosure and passing as viable options to for autistic LGBTQ students. Colleges must keep oneself safe and to maintain relation- create campus spaces that embrace stu- ships (Miller et al., 2019; Nicolazzo, 2016a). dents’ unique and intersectional identities. Our participants embodied aspects of Orne’s Student organizations and campus offices (2011) strategic outness, in that students (e.g., LGBT center, disability services office) carefully evaluated their environments and are not always welcoming venues for stu- others’ attitudes before sharing their identi- dents to disclose other marginalized iden- ties. Based on this study’s findings, we argue tities. Practitioners possessing expertise in that internal meaning-making and external identity-based work, and who utilize an as- expression of identities may not neatly align set-based lens, should lead workshops and and thus should not automatically be linked. trainings that address topics beyond the We question whether identities “peacefully surface level. They must also aim to rec- co-exist[ing]” (Abes et al., 2007, p. 11) is ognize and accept students’ intersection- desirable or possible, as college campuses al identities, and utilize inclusive teaching can be hostile for autistic LGBTQ students. practices that honor students’ various learn- Each new context warrants consideration ing and communication preferences. Fur- of how to manage or express identities and thermore, colleges must create or promote students’ identities will likely continue to intersectional communities, including online evolve. venues, to encourage inclusivity and com- This study is limited by several factors. munity across identity lines. First, we examined the experiences of au- Practitioners across all campus units, “I Feel Lke They Are All Interconnected” 13 offices, and spaces must support students format (e.g., one interview or two shorter in navigating identity management. First, interviews, reviewing questions ahead of practitioners must more frequently and in- time). These techniques work to accom- tentionally collaborate with one another to modate sensory, communication, and other ensure students are welcomed into settings needs, and maximize comfort and rapport that explicitly recognize singular and in- building. tersecting identities. Accordingly, students As this research area is emergent, we may not feel passing is automatically neg- call for additional scholarship that explores ative or necessary. Campuses taking these these identities in tandem and also inte- measures may prompt students to no lon- grates the nuances of additional social iden- ger feel they must erase an aspect of their tities including race, class, and religion, as identity based on how others treat them. well as other contexts including the two-year Second, practitioners must make an ef- college environment. Scholarship should fort to partake in or find programming (in also further explore how educators can de- person or virtually) that center on topics velop safe spaces for students to explore like intersectionality, universal design, and their multiple identities. We also urge schol- employing more inclusive communication ars and practitioners to avoid viewing autis- strategies with students. Such insights may tic and LGBTQ students in a binary manner. influence reformation of existing content Both identities may be fluid for students and in orientations, learning communities, and their understanding of either identity may other campus events, or inspire developing evolve over time. Researchers should be new programming. Practitioners may also mindful to craft research questions and de- explore how online platforms that address signs in a way that acknowledges fluidity, as intersectionality, akin to the spaces that Av- well as avoids depicting identities as stat- ery noted, may foster greater community ic or “just a phase” in students’ lives. We for autistic LGBTQ students. call for research that adopts an asset-based Third, practitioners must increase ac- lens, recognizing the strengths that autistic cess in referring students who have autistic and LGBTQ students possess and not simply traits to obtain a diagnosis, a recommen- the challenges they encounter. dation complicated by students’ access to and potentially negative past experiences References with medical/healthcare systems. In this Abes, E. S., Jones, S. R., & McEwen, M. K. endeavor, practitioners must also work to (2007). 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