DAYTIME DIVAS

"Thou Shalt Overcome"

Written by Donna Adams

8975 rue de Reims Montreal, Qc H2N 1T2 514/895-2682 [email protected] Registered WGAw #1502347 TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. NBC STUDIOS - MORNING TELEVISION HOSTS REGIS PHILBIN and KELLY RIPA sit on high stools facing their live audience at the taping of their popular show Live With Regis And Kelly. REGIS The number one rated soap opera at this moment is Path To Glory. The audience applauds loudly.

REGIS (CONT’D) Yes, I see we have some fans here. A few audience members whistle and shout. REGIS (CONT’D) Okay, enough already. The audience laughs. REGIS (CONT’D) Now where was I? KELLY Geez, Regis, good thing you’re retiring soon. The audience laughs. Regis looks sternly at Kelly. KELLY (CONT’D) You were talking about Path To Glory. REGIS Ah yes, Path To Glory. I don’t know if everyone’s aware, but the Daytime Emmy nominations are right around the corner. Our next guest is often referred to as part of the new generation of Daytime Divas. Here she is, Maria Medeiros.

Daytime actress MARIA MEDEIROS enters the stage as the audience stands up and applauds. Her olive colored skin radiates as the lights shine on her. Maria waves to the audience, then sits on a high stool next to Regis. 2.

REGIS (CONT’D) Welcome, Maria, so glad to have you here. MARIA Thank you, I’m happy to be here. MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER (shouting) I love you, Maria. Maria smiles at the audience. MARIA I love you too. KELLY Regis used to get that all the time. Now he’s lucky if he gets someone winking at him other than because of cataract surgery. Regis looks at Kelly as the audience chuckles. REGIS So tell me, Maria, why do you think Path To Glory is such a huge hit, especially with the younger generation? MARIA I think it was a matter of timing, that there had to be something different to offer in a daytime soap. When you think of it, most of our audience has never seen the mini-series North And South, which is the inspiration behind Path To Glory. KELLY And why is that? Why North And South? MARIA That was the brainchild of ABC studio head Norman Rockwell. There was talk that ABC would be cancelling most of their daytime soaps, and he felt the need to come up with something that would stand out from what was presently on air. 3.

REGIS I hear his mother was a fan of Patrick Swayze and somehow she’s the real story behind the show? MARIA I’ve heard that as well. KELLY So tell me, Maria, what are your future plans? MARIA Right now, I love just being involved with daytime. The audience applauds.

KELLY But you still your motion picture fan base as well. MARIA That’s true and I still leave myself open to doing movies. Right now in my career, I like the stability that daytime provides. REGIS I’m still at a loss with the cancellation of All My Children. I’ve watched it for so many years, and well, hate to see Erica go. Speaking of Erica, they compare you to Susan Lucci, but refer to you as the NEW generation of Daytime Diva. How do you feel about that? MARIA This whole Daytime Diva concept is flattering in that both me as a person and in character as Kathryn are strong, independent women. What I believe differentiates the now Daytime Diva from the prior is that we are IN control, and don’t necessarily WANT control. KELLY What do you mean by that exactly? Regis folds his arms and looks at Maria. 4.

MARIA Now the studios allow actors to participate in certain aspects whereas before, if the actor didn’t like it, they shouted it out. I think that’s why the term Daytime Diva took such a bad rap for the longest time. KELLY So what do you think your chances are of being nominated for a Daytime Emmy? The audience applauds politely as Maria shyly smiles. MARIA I know there are many talented, well deserving actress out there. I’m just happy to be part of such an elite group. REGIS There’s big talk of Susan Lucci being nominated as well, and winning her second Daytime Emmy. MARIA It would be great for her. She dedicated so much of her life to All My Children, that it would only be appropriate that she leave on such a high note. REGIS I heard through the grapevine that there’s still two years left with her contract at ABC. Think she’ll join the cast of Path To Glory? MARIA I haven’t heard anything about that. Regis faces the camera. REGIS Well it’s just a thought. A very good thought that I proudly encourage ABC to follow. The audience laughs while Kelly rolls her eyes. 5.

INT. NORMAN ROCKWELL’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON ABC Studio head NORMAN ROCKWELL and Executive Producer BRIAN TUCKER watch a scene from “ALL MY CHILDREN” on the large FLAT SCREEN TELEVISION in Norman’s office. The office walls are covered with various posters of ABC Daytime shows along with a small shelf containing two Emmy Awards. NORMAN Isn’t she great? Imagine the dynamic she’ll bring to the show? BRIAN I don’t know, Norman. The cast and fans are so in tune with one another. Don’t you think bringing in an older character would stir up the pot too much? NORMAN See, that’s just it. We need to inject new life into the show. Norman looks at a photo frame with a picture of his mother on his desk. NORMAN (CONT’D) Ahh, yes, life. Norman shows the picture to Brian. He points to his mother. NORMAN (CONT’D) She was the one who gave me life. Now, in her twilight days, what kind of a son would I be if I didn’t fulfill her dying wish?

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian looks at the photo of Norman’s mother. BRIAN Before we go any further, and you think I’m insensitive, well, let’s just say her dying wishes have lived on for the past three and a half years here at ABC.

NORMAN TALKING HEAD Norman looks through a family photo album. 6.

NORMAN My mother. She’s quite the fighter. (beat) It was her that came up with the idea of “Path To Glory.” A picture of PATRICK SWAYZE from the mini series “NORTH AND SOUTH” appears on screen. NORMAN (CONT’D) My mom loved Patrick Swayze in the mini series “North And South”. That was way before all that grinding he did in “Dirty Dancing.” Mother didn’t approve of that one.

INT. NORMAN ROCKWELL’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Norman turns off the television. He sorts through papers on his desk as Brian curiously watches. Norman takes a page and hands it to Brian. NORMAN You see, we still have Susan under obligation for the next two years. Brian studies the page. BRIAN Wouldn’t it be wiser to just, you know, wish her well and pay her off? Norman wipes a fake tear as he stares at his mother’s photo. NORMAN No, it’s not what mother would want. Case closed. BRIAN How soon will this happen? I mean, I have to speak with the writers to figure out her role. NORMAN (interrupting Brian’s sentence) That’s the beauty of Susan. Brian leans back in his chair and stares at Norman. 7.

NORMAN (CONT’D) She’s such a highly skilled actress that well, she can throw out the ideas. You know, what her role is and how it affects the supporting cast. BRIAN But Maria is the main actress. The fans love her. Our ratings have jumped ever since she joined. NORMAN Yeah, she’s young, pretty. Norman smiles as he winks at his mother’s picture. NORMAN (CONT’D) But she’s not Susan. So Brian, Susan will be passing by tomorrow to meet you and the cast. Make her feel at home, maybe have one of the hunks bring her around. (beat) Do the kids still use that word? Hunk? Brian gets up and puts his hands on his hips. BRIAN Yes Norman, they still do. NORMAN Okay then. Off you go. Brian leaves the office while Norman kisses his mother’s picture.

END OF TEASER 8.

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. ABC STUDIO SEVEN - EARLY AFTERNOON Maria and various actors sit around a long rectangular table performing a table read of “Path To Glory”. Ruggedly handsome leading man DERRICK WOODS sits next to Maria. DERRICK When I look at you, Kathryn, my breath is taken away. It’s like loading my rifle with love powder.

MARIA Oh, Daniel. How can we survive by being so far apart? DERRICK My love, when I am at battle, you will be the one that keeps me safe from the North. MARIA Daniel, I love you so much, it hurts. The pain is tighter than the grasp of my corset thrusting my breasts in the air so in close quarters that I can hardly breathe. Seated at the head of the table, Head writer PATRICK MORGAN raises his hand. PATRICK Maria, do you think you can put a bit more passion in the later part of that? MARIA Okay, sure Patrick. PATRICK Let’s try that again, from Derrick’s part before.

Maria and Derrick smile as they look at each other. They indiscreetly hold hands under the table as they deliver their lines again. 9.

DERRICK My love, when I am at battle, you will be the one that keeps me safe from the North. MARIA Daniel, I love you so much, it hurts. The pain is tighter than the grasp of my corset thrusting my breasts in the air so in close quarters that I can hardly breathe. PATRICK Better, much better. Brian enters the studio and quietly walks towards Patrick. The cast continue reading their lines.

Brian whispers in Patrick’s ear. BRIAN (whispering) Can I speak to you for a moment? Patrick looks at Brian and nods his head. Brian gets up quietly as the cast watches him move. PATRICK Continue with the read. I’ll be back shortly. Patrick follows Brian towards a secluded area of the studio. PATRICK (CONT’D) What’s up, Brian? BRIAN I had a meeting with Norman yesterday and looks like we’re going to have a new cast member. PATRICK Really? Who? Brian wipes his forehead as he looks at Patrick. BRIAN They’re bringing Lucci aboard.

Patrick looks at Brian, horrified. PATRICK No, not her, not Susan. 10.

BRIAN I know how you feel about her. PATRICK No you don’t. She was the reason I left All My Children. BRIAN I know, I know. But that was ten years ago, people change. PATRICK But Susan doesn’t. BRIAN Listen, I’m not too crazy about it either. But Norman feels she’ll bring a new dynamic to the show. Patrick looks at the actors doing the table read, then at Brian. PATRICK How can she possibly fit in? Look at that group, average age hovering around thirty. Brian’s cell phone rings. He looks at the call display and answer it quickly. BRIAN Hi Angela. Brian listens to the call while Patrick paces back and forth. BRIAN (CONT’D) Okay, thanks, I’ll be there shortly. Brian puts his hand on Patrick’s shoulder. BRIAN (CONT’D) She’s here. Go back to the read and we’ll talk shortly. PATRICK Don’t leave me out to dry, Brian, I trust you.

BRIAN Trust me, it’ll be alright. I’m going to meet with her now, and then present her in about an hour. 11.

PATRICK What do I do in the meantime? BRIAN It’s business as usual. Go back there, pretend like this conversation never happened. Patrick shakes his head as he walks back to the table read. Brian does the sign of the cross and looks towards the ceiling. BRIAN (CONT’D) I’m calling in my alter boy favor, Lord. Help me through this. Patrick returns to his seat as the cast members notice his pale face. MARIA Is everything okay, Patrick? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. PATRICK Everything is fine. DERRICK What did Brian want? PATRICK Oh nothing important. Patrick looks at his watch. PATRICK (CONT’D) Okay, how about we take a break and meet up again in about twenty minutes. The cast members get up and walk towards the back exit door. Patrick remains seated. Maria turns around and looks at Patrick before exiting the studio.

INT. OUTSIDE BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Secretary ANGELA HART types on her computer as Brian enters.

ANGELA Hello Brian. Brian looks around. 12.

BRIAN Where is she? ANGELA She’s in your office. BRIAN Thank you, Angela. Hold my calls for the next hour. Brian walks towards his office.

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Brian enters his office and notices his chair turned around. BRIAN Susan? Brian’s chair turns to reveal SUSAN LUCCI sitting on it. She smiles radiantly with a gleam in her eyes as she looks at Brian. SUSAN Brian, how are you? So nice to meet you. Susan notions to the seat facing her. SUSAN (CONT’D) Please, sit down. Brian looks at Susan, confused. He shrugs his shoulders and sits down facing Susan. SUSAN (CONT’D) So how does it feel having me aboard? BRIAN Well Susan, I’m really excited to have you join the cast.

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian faces forward, wide-eyed, and shakes his head from side to side. Ominous music plays in the background.

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Susan places her arms on Brian’s desk and smiles. 13.

SUSAN So happy to be here as well. I must say, Norman was very persuasive and insistent that I join the cast.

NORMAN TALKING HEAD Norman holds his mother’s picture. NORMAN Yes, mother. He places the picture towards his ear. NORMAN (CONT’D) What’s that, mother?

Norman pretends to listen and nods his head.

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Susan looks around Brian’s office. SUSAN I noticed Norman had two Daytime Emmy awards. You’ve never won one?

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian faces forward. BRIAN I’ve seen an Emmy alright. But it wasn’t for my show. Damn All My Children. (beat) Wait, come to think of it, it was the year before that old bag of chatter bones over there got her’s.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan holds up her Daytime Emmy award and smiles.

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Brian politely smiles at Susan. 14.

BRIAN No, I’ve never had the pleasure. SUSAN Well, I’m sure I can help you get one. Speaking of which, when can we get started? I want to see what changes the script needs to welcome my presence. BRIAN We still haven’t ironed out exactly who your character will be yet. I think after lunch, I’ll introduce you to the team and you’ll sit in on a table read. SUSAN I see.

SUSAN’S TALKING EMMY AWARD Susan’s Emmy award appears on screen. SUSAN (V.O.) Not ready for me yet? We’ll just have to see what Norman thinks.

NORMAN TALKING HEAD Norman smiles at his mother’s picture.

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Susan gets up from Brian’s chair and walks towards Brian. SUSAN Well then, take me to my dressing room so I can freshen up for this afternoon. BRIAN Yeah, about that. Thing is, Norman gave such short notice that we weren’t able to set you up properly, you know, to your liking.

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian faces forward wide-eyed. 15.

BRIAN Dressing room?

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Brian gets up and quickly sits on his proper chair. BRIAN But don’t worry, it’ll all be in place before you know it. Susan walks towards the door.

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian sits behind his desk. BRIAN Stupid diva pompous

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Susan turns and looks at Brian. SUSAN What did you say?

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian faces forward, puzzled. BRIAN Did I say that out loud?

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Brian quickly gets up from his chair and walks towards Susan. BRIAN Just happy to have you aboard, Susan.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD

Susan stands with hands on hips. SUSAN Oh I can hear what he thought. 16.

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Brian kisses Susan on the cheek as she leaves. BRIAN Thank you for joining the cast. I’m looking forward to working with you.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan stands with a Daytime Emmy Awards banner behind her. SUSAN I’m the Soap Whisperer. (Susan holds up her Emmy) I hear all things soap. (Susan polishes her Emmy)

EXT. LUNCH AREA - AFTERNOON Maria and Derrick sit cosily at a picnic table outside Studio Seven. Derrick’s on screen brother, actor RICHARD BURNS, walks towards the couple. He sits down facing the couple. RICHARD So rumor has it we’re getting a new cast member. DERRICK Where did you hear that? RICHARD I was with Bonnie at reception and happen to notice the sign in board. MARIA So what’s the connection? RICHARD I saw a name that sparked an interest and I asked Bonnie about it. Apparently she’ll be introduced to us later today. DERRICK Who will be introduced, Bonnie?

Maria chuckles at Derrick’s remark. Derrick winks at Maria. 17.

RICHARD I wouldn’t be laughing if I were you Maria. Unless you don’t mind Susan Lucci as competition. MARIA What? Are you serious? RICHARD Oh yeah. Seems that Regis may have ignited something when he interviewed you the other day. A group of THIRTY-SOMETHING NERDY-TYPE MALES peer from the corner of the Studio Seven. They whisper amongst themselves. Derrick turns around and notices them. DERRICK Oh Maria, look who’s back. Maria turns around just as TWO SECURITY GUARDS chase the group away from the set. RICHARD God, I can’t believe you still have that following. It’s been what, over a year now since your last movie? MARIA Yeah, I know, but those types of fans are obsessively loyal. Now getting back to Susan, are you sure about that? DERRICK Don’t worry, baby, she’s no match for you. MARIA I know that. I just want to know how big a role she’ll have. And just how they’ll play her up. RICHARD I think she’ll be tame, not a lead, but a juicy enough character. Apparently she still had a couple of years left in her contract with ABC. Derrick reassuringly kisses Maria on the cheek. 18.

DERRICK You’re the star, and you know it. Maria looks down at the table, uncertain. She then lifts her head and smiles at Derrick.

END OF ACT ONE 19.

ACT TWO

INT. ABC STUDIO SEVEN - MID AFTERNOON The cast of Path To Glory sit around a long rectangular table. Brian and Susan enter the studio and walk towards the group. BRIAN Everyone, let me introduce a lady that, well, needs no introduction. The legendary Susan Lucci. The actors stand and politely applaud. Susan smiles and nods at them.

SUSAN Thank you, thank you. I hope my presence doesn’t intimidate you. Patrick looks at Susan, petrified. Susan stares back at Patrick. SUSAN (CONT’D) You look somewhat familiar. PATRICK Hello Susan, we’ve worked together before. SUSAN I see. BRIAN Okay everyone, so Susan will be a new character on Path To Glory. We haven’t ironed out all the details yet with her role, but I thought it’d be a good idea if she’d sit in on a read. Get to know the characters, the actors. Maria and Derrick smile at each other as they hold hands under the table. Susan notices and raises her eyebrow. BRIAN (CONT’D) Okay, people, people. Go on with the reading. Brian pulls out a chair for Susan, she sits down. Brian hands her a script. 20.

Susan looks at Maria and Derrick again, who are still smiling at each other.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan shakes her finger and squints. SUSAN You know, that was very rude on their part.

INT. STUDIO SEVEN - MID AFTERNOON Maria laughs faintly as Derrick whispers in her ear.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan files her fingernails. SUSAN And I’m not just talking about them. I’m talking about the whole cast.

INT. STUDIO SEVEN - MID AFTERNOON The actors all look down at their scripts while Susan looks around at each of them.

SUSAN’S TALKING EMMY AWARD Susan’s Daytime Emmy appears on screen. SUSAN (V.O.) Do they not realize they’re in the presence of daytime royalty? I mean, yeah, it took a while for me to show up.

INT. STUDIO SEVEN - MID AFTERNOON The cast perform a table read of a script of Path To Glory.

MARIA I’m having a hard time, Nathan. Do you think I’ll ever see Daniel again? 21.

RICHARD I know how you feel, Maria. PATRICK Stop, stop. Richard, that should be I know how you feel, Kathryn. RICHARD Sorry about that. Susan smiles. Patrick notices. PATRICK Okay, let’s try that again. RICHARD I know how you feel, Kathryn.

MARIA It’s just that we’ve never been apart for so long. And I have wants, needs, yearnings. RICHARD I do too, but we mustn’t act upon what our desires are. Maria looks at the script, then at Richard. MARIA That’s not in my script. Richard looks at his script, red-faced. RICHARD Wow, don’t know where that came from. Could have sworn I read it somewhere. SUSAN If I may interject, I think someone may have a crush on someone. Richard looks at Maria, then at Susan. SUSAN (CONT’D) It’s okay, I know it’s hard to contain yourself sometimes.

Richard turns beet red. Derrick stares at him. SUSAN (CONT’D) Don’t worry, Richard, it’ll be our little secret. 22.

Susan winks at Richard. Richard wipes a bead of sweat as it pours down his face. SUSAN (CONT’D) You wouldn’t be the first co-worker to have a crush on me. Richard breaths a sigh of relief. RICHARD Oh yeah, I guess it happens. Maria stares at Richard, then at Susan. Susan smiles at Maria. SUSAN Okay people, let’s take it from where Richard messed up. Patrick looks sternly at Susan.

EXT. OUTSIDE STUDIO SEVEN - LATE AFTERNOON Maria leans against the wall along Studio Seven. Derrick crosses his arms as he looks at Maria. DERRICK So tell me, are you or aren’t you? MARIA You’ve got to be kidding, Derrick. There’s nothing between me and Richard. DERRICK Well I don’t know. The way you were practicing your lines earlier said otherwise. MARIA Oh please. If Richard likes Susan, then that’s his problem. DERRICK Richard liking Susan? That’s a load of crap. Richard exits Studio Seven.

MARIA Well here he is, ask him. 23.

DERRICK Is it true? RICHARD Is what true? DERRICK That you have a crush on her? Richard looks at Maria. RICHARD Have a crush on who? MARIA Derrick, will you relax. Maria looks at Richard. MARIA (CONT’D) Derrick has this sick thought that you have a crush on me. Richard bites his lower lip. He nervously shakes his head from side to side. DERRICK Okay, fine. Then why did you turn all red when Susan was asking? MARIA It’s because she knew Richard had a crush on her, and she outed him. Isn’t that right, Richard? RICHARD Uh, yeah, I like Susan Lucci. Really, really like her. Derrick looks at Richard suspiciously.

INT. STUDIO SEVEN - LATE AFTERNOON Patrick and Brian sit at the long rectangular table. PATRICK I told you she’d try to take control.

BRIAN Easy there, Patrick. Richard did mess up his lines, and she was just trying to set him at ease. 24.

PATRICK That’s bull and you know it. BRIAN Okay, give her a chance. She’s just trying to give her input. PATRICK About that, any idea what her story line will be? BRIAN We’ll see what she thinks. PATRICK See what she thinks? Don’t tell me you’re going to let her decide it herself? BRIAN I’m not saying that. I’m just wanting her to get a feel for the show. PATRICK I have a bad feeling about this. Something tells me she’s gonna rock the boat here.

EXT. OUTSIDE STUDIO SEVEN - LATE AFTERNOON Maria sits on a bench reading a book. Susan walks towards her and sits beside her. SUSAN Maria is it? MARIA Yes it is. Maria puts her book down. SUSAN I happen to catch a glimpse of your interview the other day. I must admit, I was quite taken aback at the whole Daytime Diva conversation.

MARIA How so? 25.

SUSAN Well, first, it was sweet of Regis putting you up so highly and comparing you to me. Maria looks at Susan. Susan smiles at Maria. SUSAN (CONT’D) I mean, yes, you’re young and attractive, but you don’t have the daytime mileage like I do, know what I’m saying? MARIA I’m not really sure, but go on. SUSAN Well, honey, let’s just say you’re still new, and you too will be awarded for it some day. MARIA Awarded? SUSAN Did I say that? I meant rewarded. Susan looks at her watch. SUSAN (CONT’D) Oh look at the time. Susan gets up. SUSAN (CONT’D) See you inside.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - EARLY EVENING Susan walks towards the exercise bike area. Maria sees her and smiles. Susan mounts the bike next to Maria. The two women pedal at an equal pace. SUSAN I think I have some stellar ideas for the show. I can’t wait to tell Brian about them.

MARIA I think it’s just fine the way it is. 26.

SUSAN Well, clearly I have a knack for knowing what a good soap needs in order to be great.

MARIA TALKING HEAD Maria faces forward in awe. MARIA Excuse me, did I hear right? Good soap to be great?

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan smiles. SUSAN (winking) Oh yeah, you heard me right.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - EARLY EVENING Maria picks up her cycling pace a bit. MARIA I’m sure they’ll consider what you have to say.

SUSAN’S TALKING EMMY AWARD Susan’s Daytime Emmy appears on screen with the gym in the background. SUSAN (V.O.) Consider what I have to say? Why, just look at my golden statuesque figure. You be the judge.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - EARLY EVENING Susan starts pedalling faster. SUSAN I’m sure Brian will be very interested. 27.

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian sits in his office playing with a bolo bat.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - EARLY EVENING Maria pedals faster. Susan tries to step up her pace as well. Both women pedal vigorously on their stationary bikes as they stare down at each other.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM LOCKER ROOM - EARLY EVENING Maria takes off her top as Susan glances from the corner of her eye.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan sits with posters of herself in the background. SUSAN They say you can learn allot about a woman in a gym locker room.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - EARLY EVENING Maria takes off her bra and tosses it in her locker. She turns around and faces Susan. MARIA That was quite the workout back there.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan faces forward. A bra is tossed at her, covering half her face. SUSAN Oh it’s on, sista.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - EARLY EVENING Susan takes off her top and bra. She flings them over her shoulder. SUSAN Yes, we do seem to compliment each other nicely. 28.

MARIA TALKING HEAD Maria glares forward. MARIA Wait, is she comparing my perfect tatas to her shriveled up prunes? What’s the name again? (beat) You know, those hairless cats, with all the wrinkles?

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - EARLY EVENING Susan stands up. MARIA Yes, I think we can learn off one another.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan places her hands on her hips. SUSAN Wait, did she just imply that I can learn off of her?

SUSAN’S TALKING EMMY AWARD Posters of various celebrities who have had breast augmentations surround Susan’s Emmy Award. SUSAN (V.O.) That’s just wrong. And talk about over abusing of health benefits. Who’s leg did she have to grind up against to inherit those air bags?

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan looks towards the left. SUSAN Uh, that wasn’t me saying that. 29.

MARIA TALKING HEAD Maria, wearing a referee outfit, marks number one on a chalk score board. MARIA Oh yeah! Score one up for me with that learning remark!

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan sneers.

MARIA TALKING HEAD Maria points at a word in a dictionary. MARIA Sphynx! That’s it. Does that mean those cats are from Egypt?

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan smiles. SUSAN So, a guy at a bar walks over to a dumb brunette and asks her if she’s wearing an Egyptian top.

MARIA TALKING HEAD Maria looks through a book on Egypt.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan pours herself a drink. SUSAN So the dumb brunette says “no, why do you ask.” The guy replies “well, I thought it was Egyptian because I can see your pyramids”.

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian looks face forward, puzzled. 30.

MARIA TALKING HEAD Maria flips through pages of the book on Egypt.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - EARLY EVENING Susan walks towards Maria. SUSAN Well then, you’ve got the perfect teacher.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan finishes her drink.

SUSAN Come on, pyramids, Egypt, don’t you get it?

MARIA TALKING HEAD Maria looks face forward, puzzled.

BRIAN TALKING HEAD Brian flips through pages of the book on Egypt.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan faces forward. SUSAN Ah you people are pieces of crap I tell you.

INT. BRIAN’S OFFICE - MORNING Brian and Patrick look through pages of a script while seated around a small table in Brian’s office. PATRICK No, no, I’m sorry, it doesn’t make sense. BRIAN I know, I know. When Susan first told me, I went straight to Norman. 31.

PATRICK And? BRIAN Thing is, I didn’t know she already got to him first. PATRICK Can’t you convince Norman otherwise? BRIAN I say, let’s see how it plays out at the table read. See how everyone feels, and take it from there. PATRICK I just can’t wait to see Maria’s face.

INT. STUDIO SEVEN - MID MORNING Maria flips through pages of a script as Patrick and Brian look at each other. MARIA You’ve got to be kidding. Who came up with this story? Maria turns around and sees Susan seated next to Derrick. BRIAN Maria, don’t. Maria walks angrily towards Susan and Derrick. She slams the script on the table in front of them. Patrick and Brian look at each other, terrified. MARIA This is so. Susan smiles at Maria. Brian and Patrick walk towards the group. SUSAN Genius? BRIAN I say we do a read and see how it plays off. Maria looks sternly at Brian. 32.

BRIAN (CONT’D) And Maria, we’ll be plumping up your character a bit. So you may want to cut back on your workout time. Maybe treat yourself to a burger and fries once in a while, let’s say four times a week perhaps?

MARIA TALKING HEAD Maria looks face forward in shock, mouth wide open.

SUSAN TALKING HEAD Susan laughs hysterically, slapping her lap a couple of times.

SUSAN’S TALKING EMMY AWARD Susan’s Emmy award appears on screen. SUSAN (V.O.) That was my idea.

EXT. STUDIO SEVEN - NOON Maria, Derrick, and Richard sit around a small, umbrellaed picnic table eating their lunch. DERRICK So Maria, you may want consider trading in your carrots for some fries. Richard laughs as Maria throws a carrot at Derrick. MARIA Bite me, Derrick. RICHARD What are you complaining about? Heck, I’ll swap your not having to watch your waistline with my becoming a black man overnight anytime. DERRICK Come again? 33.

RICHARD Oh yeah, you heard me right. Got the inside scoop of other changes, and check this out, I’m your long lost slave brother. DERRICK But our characters are already brothers? RICHARD Well they be making us other type of brothers if you catch my drift. MARIA This has got to stop. She’s gone way to far now.

DERRICK Well what are we going to do? Go on strike? Maria folds her arms and smirks. MARIA Oh I have a plan.

END OF ACT TWO 34.

ACT THREE

INT. ROCKWELL MANOR - AFTERNOON Maria delicately sips tea from her cup as she sits on an antique red velour sofa in the Foyer of Rockwell Manor. The walls of the foyer are covered with various movie posters and memorabilia. Rockwell patriarch ROSALYN sits facing Maria. Her silky grey hair tucked delicately in a silk turban accentuates her long taffeta floral dress. ROSALYN It is such a delight having you here, Maria. MARIA I adore spending time with you, Rosalyn. ROSALYN So tell me, dear, how’s the show coming along? MARIA There are some changes happening daily. Maria sees a poster of North and South and stares at it briefly. MARIA (CONT’D) I love that poster. Rosalyn turns around and looks at the poster. ROSALYN It has to be the favorite of my whole collection. The way Orry looks at Madeleine is such a testament to endearing love. MARIA It’s too bad that moment seems to have faded away.

Rosalyn looks at Maria, concerned. ROSALYN What do you mean by that, dear? 35.

MARIA As you are aware, Susan has joined the cast. ROSALYN I am so delighted she agreed. So tell me, what role will she be playing? Will it be Madam Conti? She’d be an ideal Elizabeth Taylor lookalike, so glamorous. MARIA Thing is. (beat) Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this. Rosalyn places her hand on Maria’s lap. ROSALYN Dear, I AM North and South. So please, tell me what is going on exactly. Maria smiles at Rosalyn.

INT. STUDIO SEVEN - THE NEXT AFTERNOON The cast sit around a long rectangular table looking through pages of a script. Norman walks on set. Bonnie trails behind him, holding a pile of scripts. NORMAN People, cut. I have news for you. Patrick gets up and faces Norman. Bonnie walks around the table and replaces the scripts with the new batch she has. PATRICK What’s going on? NORMAN There were some changes that needed to be done. Brian walks onto the set. He stands next to Derrick.

BRIAN What’s going on? 36.

DERRICK Apparently there’s more changes. Bonnie hands Derrick and Brian the revised script. Everyone flips through the pages of the script. Susan huffs as she looks through the script. She gets up and storms towards Norman. SUSAN What is this? NORMAN It’s the new script. SUSAN But what about my ideas? The lines I presented you? NORMAN Mother asked how things were. When I told her what we were doing with your character, she got upset. SUSAN Got upset? But I thought it was outstanding how I’d come on as Daniel’s wife that no one knew about. NORMAN See, that’s just it. There was no surprise wife. Susan looks through the script again. SUSAN And who is this character, Madam Conti? Don’t tell me she’s a Madam? NORMAN Consider her a bordello proprietor, you know, a smart business woman. Susan shakes the script in the air. SUSAN I need a break, some fresh air.

NORMAN You heard what Susan said. Break time everyone. 37.

Susan scurries off the set. She glares at Maria as she leaves. BRIAN So, Maria, you have any insight as to why the script changed again? MARIA (in a Southern accent) Why my dear sir, what are you implying? Brian leans towards Maria. BRIAN (whispering) Thank you.

Brian leaves and walks towards Norman. He places his hand on Norman’s shoulder. BRIAN (CONT’D) Good call, Norman. I’m sure your mother will be proud. NORMAN Oh yes, she sure is. Derrick takes Maria’s hand and kisses it. DERRICK So tell me, my Southern Belle, how did you pull it off? MARIA Let’s just say I watched North And South to see if we were actually doing it justice. Maria winks.

INT. ABC STUDIOS GYM - LATE AFTERNOON Maria paces herself meteorically on a treadmill. Susan walks in the gym. She walks around and stops when she notices Maria.

Maria glances from the corner of her eye at Susan. Susan walks towards Maria and steps on the treadmill next to Maria. MARIA We meet again. 38.

SUSAN Yes. The ladies eye each other coyly. Susan adjusts the controls to a brisk walk. MARIA Weren’t the changes to the script great? Maria adjusts the controls on her treadmill to a light jog. SUSAN They were interesting. Susan looks directly at Maria and speeds up her pace. Maria grabs the side bars and speeds up as well.

MARIA (loudly to muffle the noise of the treadmill) Nothing like a light workout at the end of a hard days work. SUSAN (loudly as well) Yes, does the body good. Susan clenches her teeth and grabs the side bars of her treadmill. Maria looks at the control panel of her treadmill. She adjusts the incline slightly. MARIA (loudly) I find the incline to be a great calorie burner. Susan adjusts the incline control on her treadmill. SUSAN (loudly) I find it quite invigorating. Maria increases the speed on her treadmill and looks sternly at Susan. Susan stares back and increases her speed as well.

MARIA (loudly) No pain, no gain. 39.

Susan increases the incline of her treadmill, it’s practically at a 45 degree angle. Maria looks at Susan. Susan starts to stumble as she tries to keep up her pace on the incline. SUSAN (loudly) Damn right about that! Susan’s stride becomes erratic. She slowly loses her balance and falls off the treadmill.

END OF SHOW