THE CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY of AMERICA Enriching the Covenant of Ugandan Spouses: Mystagogical Catechesis Using the Order of Celebr

THE CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF AMERICA

Enriching the Covenant of Ugandan Spouses: Mystagogical Catechesis Using The Order of Celebrating Matrimony

A TREATISE

Submitted to the Faculty of The School of Theology and Religious Studies Of The Catholic University of America In Partial Fulfilment of the Requirements For the Degree Doctor of Ministry

Agapitus Businge

Washington, D.C.

2019

Enriching the Covenant of Ugandan Spouses: Mystagogical Catechesis Using The Order of Celebrating Matrimony

Agapitus Businge, D. Min.

Director: Michael Clay, D. Min.

Abstract

In 2011, I was introduced to a couple who had been separated for a year and were headed for a divorce. The couple claimed to have irreconcilable differences arising from mutual accusations of infidelity, domestic violence, and unforgiveness. The couple’s position was supported by some of their family members and two of their priest-friends, yet Church annulments are rare in Uganda. Consequently, the couple had progressively moved away from the marriage vows of fidelity, love, and honor by dividing their marital bedroom and by separating their marital bed for six months. However, when their friend referred them to me for guidance, I discovered that this couple had lacked meaningful pastoral care in their situation. They needed another approach to help them understand their marriage vows in the light of marriage as a Sacrament and an indissoluble covenant. They needed to engage in creative listening and dialog to understand and resolve their differences. They needed emotional and spiritual healing through the path of forgiveness and reconciliation. They also needed to learn how to pray with and for each other. After two months of guided support and guided reflection on the Sacrament of Marriage from the biblical, magisterial, sacramental, and counseling dimensions, the situation progressively changed for the better. After four months the couple was fully reconciled. This project is a response to marriage situations akin to the case described above. The project uses a theological reflection method that integrates mystagogical catechesis and an adult learning method in a three-day, weekend retreat held at Nsambya Catholic Church, Kampala, Uganda. It employs presentations, mystagogical reflections, and a sharing by individual couples, small groups, and large groups in order to enrich their marital covenant as spouses in a Ugandan context. The presentations, discussions, and reflections that followed focused on the vows used in the marriage rite, relevant Scripture referring to marriage, recent magisterial teachings, the importance of the sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation, prayer, listening, and dialog. Evaluation data received from the participants indicate that the use of theological reflection method together with mystagogical catechesis and adult learning methods while interacting with the resources of Christian Tradition (Scripture and Sacred Tradition), recent Magisterial teachings, and the couple’s experience, enabled couples in sacramental and covenantal marriage to enrich their spousal covenant.

Biographical Data

Born, raised, and educated in rural Kibaale, Bunyoro District, and in several other places in Uganda (East Africa), Fr. Agapitus Hector Businge is a priest of the Hoima Diocese. He earned two diplomas, in Philosophy (1991) and in Pastoral Studies (1996) from Katigondo and Ggaba National Major Seminaries respectively and two degrees, in Pure Philosophy (1992) and in Divinity (1997), from Makerere University Kampala. He was ordained and incardinated in the Diocese of Hoima on July 20, 1997. Soon after his priestly ordination, he was appointed caretaker parish priest, then curate and teacher at St. John Bosco’s Seminary and St. Andrea Kaahwa’s College, where he served as a member of the Board of Governors at both schools. At the same time, he served as Diocesan Director of Vocations (1999-2004). In February, 2003, he was appointed to the first-ever Pastoral Spiritual Year National Formation Program Team of the Uganda Episcopal Conference to oversee the spiritual formation of diocesan seminarians from the 19 dioceses. He was later appointed assistant director of the program (November, 2007 – January, 2009) and its director (January, 2009 – August, 2012). Following his priestly ordination and experience in priestly ministry, his graduate studies include a Post Graduate Diploma in Education (2001-2002) and a Master’s degree in Theological and Religious Studies (2005-2007) from Makerere University and a Master’s degree in Theological Studies obtained from the Pontifical John Paul II Institute at The Catholic University of America, Washington, D.C., (2014). His passion for marriage and family life, which began with his studies at the Pontifical John Paul II Institute, led to his pursuit of the Doctor of Ministry degree in order to deepen his knowledge and skills on marriage and family in light of the new evangelization. This treatise by Agapitus Businge fulfills the treatise requirement for the doctoral degree in Ministry approved by Michael Clay, D. Min., as Director, and by John Grabowski, Ph.D., as Reader.

______Michael Clay, D. Min., Director

______John Grabowski, Ph.D., Reader

ii Abbreviations AB Abstinence and Behavior Change AB/C Abstinence and Behavior Change/Condom ABC Abstinence, Behavior Change and Condom AL Amoris Laetitiae Art. Article C. Canon CC. Code of Canon Law CCC Catechism of the Catholic Church Cf Confer Col Colossians Cor Corinthians CRS Catholic Relief Services Dt Deuteronomy Eph Ephesians Ex Exodus Ez Ezekiel FC Familiaris Consortio GDC Congregation for the Clergy Gn Genesis GS Gaudium et Spes Heb Hebrews HIV/AIDS Human Immunodeficiency Virus Infection/ Hos Hosea Jer Jeremiah Jn John Kg Kings Lev Leviticus Mal Malachi Mk Mark Mt Matthew NET National Evangelization Team No Number Nos. Numbers NR National Roadmap on the Year of the Family 2017 in Uganda NSC National Statutes for the Catechumenate NT New Testament OCM Order of Celebrating Matrimony OT Old Testament Phil Philippians PiM Project in Ministry Ps Psalms Rev Revelation Rm Romans Sam Samuel SC Sacrosanctum Concilium

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Tim Timothy Tob Tobit TR Theological Reflection UNESCO United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization

TABLE OF CONTENTS

General Introduction of the Project ...... 1

CHAPTER ONE: MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT: SCRIPTURAL, THEOLOGICAL, LITURGICAL, AND PASTORAL FOUNDATIONS 1.1 Introduction ...... 3 1.2 The Sitz-im-Leben of Married Couples in Uganda ...... 3 1.2.1 Background on Ugandan Reality of Marriage: Cultural/Tribal Dynamics ...... 6 1.2.2 Current Challenges for Catholic Covenantal Marriage in Uganda ...... 10 1.3 Pastoral Care for Married Couples: Essential Biblical, Magisterial, Liturgical, and Pastoral Sources ...... 12 1.3.1 Pastoral Care for Married Couples: Recent Magisterial Documents ...... 12 1.3.1.1 Familiaris Consortio ...... 12 1.3.1.2 Code of Canon Law ...... 14 1.3.1.3 Amoris Laetitia ...... 15 1.3.1.4 Pastoral Care for Married Couples: Order of Celebrating Matrimony: Praenotanda ...... 18 1.3.2 Pastoral Care for Married Couples: Marriage Enrichment Movements ...... 20 1.4 The Biblical Foundations of Marriage as Covenant ...... 22 1.4.1 Sinai Covenant: Spousal Imagery and Marital Implications ...... 22 1.4.2 The New Covenant: Agapic Love and Marital Implications ...... 26 1.4.3 St. Paul’s Understanding of the New Testament Covenant’s Implications on Marriage 27 1.5 Ecclesial Support for Living the Marriage Covenant ...... 30 1.5.1 Sacramental Marriage Rite in a Church Ritual ...... 31 1.5.2 Marriage Covenant and Divine Support ...... 32 1.5.3 Ecclesial Local Church Community Support ...... 33 1.5.4 Eucharist: Christ’s Covenant Nourishment for the Couple’s Marital Covenant ...... 34 1.5.5 Reconciliation: Healing of Post-Baptismal and Post-Marital Covenant Wounds ...... 39 1.5.6 Spiritual Life ...... 41 1.5.6.1 Relation to the Church as a Community at Prayer ...... 41 1.5.6.2 Relationship of God to the Couple in the Prayer Life of the Couple ...... 42 1.5.7 Couple/Family Life ...... 43 1.5.7.1 Importance of Couple Prayer ...... 45 1.5.7.2 Importance of Prayer in the Family ...... 46 1.5.7.3 Importance of Meals ...... 46 1.5.7.4 Importance of Interpersonal Listening/Dialog between Spouses and within the Family 47 1.6 Conclusion to Chapter One ...... 50

CHAPTER TWO: PROJECT DESIGN AND IMPLIMENTATION 2.1 Introduction ...... 51

PART ONE ...... 51 2.2 The Whiteheads’ Theological Method: Attending, Assertion and Pastoral Response ...... 53 2.2.1 Attending ...... 54 2.2.2 Assertion ...... 56

v 2.2.3 Pastoral Response ...... 58 2.3 Insights from Kathleen Hughes’ Mystagogy of Sacrament ...... 59 2.4 Malcolm Knowles’ Principles of Adult Learning ...... 63 2.5 Conclusion to Part One of Chapter Two ...... 64

PART TWO: PROJECT IMPLEMENTATION ...... 64 2.6 General Facts About the Project ...... 64 2.6.1 Setting of the Weekend Retreat Project: General or Common Components ...... 66 2.7 Implementation of the Five Sessions: Pre-Project Implementation Dynamics ...... 67 2.7.1 Day One, Session #1: Theology of Marriage and the Marriage Covenant – Biblical Foundations ...... 67 2.7.2 Day One, Session #2: Ephesians 5:21-33 On Marital Love and the Consent Questions In The Order of Celebrating Matrimony (OCM), §60 ...... 70 2.7.3 Day Two, Session #3: Spousal Marital Intimacy Enriched through Sacraments ...... 73 2.7.4 Day Two, Session #4: Spousal Spirituality Enriched through Nuptial Blessing and Prayer Tobit 8: 4b-8) ...... 75 2.7.5 Day Three, Session #5: Listening and Dialog Skills ...... 78 2.7.6 Post-Project Final Gathering ...... 81 2.8 Conclusion to Part Two of Chapter Two ...... 81

CHAPTER THREE: PROJECT EVALUATION INSTRUMENTS AND ANALYSIS 3.1 General Introduction to the Chapter ...... 82 3.2 Phases of Data Collection ...... 82 3.3 Description of the Pre-Project Survey Statements ...... 83 Table 1: Twelve Survey Statements ….………………………………………………………83 Figure 1: Session One: Question One ...... 85 Figure 2: Session One: Question Two ...... 86 Figure 3: Session Two: Question 1A ...... 86 Figure 4: Session Two: Question 1B ...... 88 Figure 5: Session Two: Question Two ...... 90 Figure 6: Session Three: Question One ...... 91 Figure 7: Session Three: Question Two ...... 91 Figure 8: Session Four: Question One ...... 92 Figure 9: Session Four: Question Two ...... 93 Figure 10: Session Five: Question One ...... 95 Figure 11: Session Five: Question Two ...... 95 3.4 Findings from the Post-Project Survey ...... 96 3.5 Conclusion to Chapter Three ...... 104

CHAPTER FOUR: GENERAL CONCLUSIONS 4.1 Introduction ...... 105 4.2 General Evaluation of the Project: Evaluating the Project in Ministry Retreat ...... 105 4.3 Areas for Further Research ...... 109 4.4 Conclusion to Chapter Four ...... 110

APPENDICES …………………………………………...……………………………………111

Appendix A1 : Definition of Terms ...... 111 Appendix A2 : Tables …………………………………………………………………………..113 Table 1 : Anonymous Participants’ Attendance List at the Weekend Retreat and the Closing Evaluation Day of the Project Process ...... 113 Table 2 : Level of Education of the Participants in the Weekend Retreat ...... 113 Table 3 : Participants Duration of Marriage ...... 114 Appendix B : Pre-Project Implementation Survey Self-Rating on 12 Statements ……………..115 B1 : Pre- and Post-Project Implementation Surveys/Questionnaires Evaluation Instruments 115 B2 : Reflection Questions for Participants to Respond to Administered at the End of Each Session ...... 116 B 3 : Goals, Objectives, and Outcomes for the Project ...... 117 Appendix C : Handouts: Scriptures ……………………………………………………………119 C1 : Scripture: Tobit 8:4b-8 ...... 119 C2 : Scripture: Matthew 19:3-6 ...... 119 C3 : Scripture: 1 Corinthians 11:23-32 ...... 119 C4 : Scripture: Ephesians 5:21-33 ...... 120 Appendix D : Church Documents ………………………………………………………………121 D1 : Church Document: Amoris Laetitia (AL) , §66 ...... 121 D2 : Church Document: Gaudium et Spes (GS ), §49.1 ...... 121 D3 : Church Document: Familiaris Consortio , §57 and §58 ...... 121 D4 : Church Document: Familiaris Consortio , §59.1, 61-62 ...... 122 D5 : Church Document: Amoris Laetitia (AL ). “Dialogue,” §136-141 ...... 123 D6 : Marriage Ritual: The Order of Celebrating Matrimony – “Nuptial Blessing,” Option A (#73) ...... 125 Appendix E : Research Project Implementation ...... 127 Pre-Session Rituals .…………………….…………………………………………………...127 DAY ONE: Session #1 : Theology of Marriage and the Marriage Covenant – Biblical Foundations ...... 129 DAY ONE: Session #2 : Ephesians 5: 21-33 on Marital Love and the Consent Questions in The Order of Celebrating Matrimony (OCM, §60) ...... 135 DAY TWO: Session #3 : Spousal Marital Intimacy Enriched through Sacraments ...... 141 DAY TWO: Session #4 - Spousal Spirituality Enriched through Nuptial Blessing and Prayer (Tobit 8: 4b-8) ...... 146 DAY THREE: Session #5: Listening and Dialog …………………………………………….152 Appendix F : A Monthly Mystagogical Session During the First Year of Marriage ...... 158 Appendix G : How the Rating on 12 Statements Increased, Decreased, or Remained the Same on the Scale of Six Variables ...... 160 Appendix H: Summary of Responses of the Pre- and Post-Project Surveys ……………...….163 Bibliography …………………………………………………………………………...………167

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General Introduction of the Project

This treatise is divided into three parts: an introduction, four chapters, and appendices. The introduction offers a summary of the chapters and appendices. Some terms used in the treatise will be found in Appendix A1: Definition of Terms on page 114.

Chapter One examines the Sitz-Im-Leben of married couples in Uganda, some dimensions of the Church’s teaching on the Sacrament of Marriage, namely, the biblical, the theological, the liturgical, and the pastoral foundations; ecclesial support in living the covenant; nourishment and sacramental renewal in the Eucharist and Reconciliation; and spiritual life with emphasis on prayer and listening/dialog.

Chapter Two explores the project design and implementation of the Project in Ministry. The design or the conceptual framework is the Theological Reflection Method in Ministry

(TRM) developed by James and Evelyn Whitehead and incorporates mystagogical catechesis

using a model provided in Kathleen Hughes’ A Mystagogy of Sacrament, and the theory of

The Adult Learner (andragogy) advanced by Malcolm S. Knowles. The chapter discusses

TRM which progresses from attending, to assertion, and finally to pastoral response. It also

explores some insights regarding mystagogical catechesis presented by Kathleen Hughes. The

chapter concludes with five assumptions and four principles developed by Malcolm Knowles

in his book, The Adult Learner, and how they were used in the implementation of the Project in Ministry.

Chapter Three presents the Project Evaluation Instruments and Analysis. The chapter covers the stages of data collection, the instruments of evaluation, the execution of the Pre-

Project survey, the reflection questions which followed each session, and the findings from

Post-Project survey.

1 2

Chapter Four presents general conclusions from the Project, a general evaluation of the Project in Ministry, and suggestions for future research.

The appendices and bibliography are the last part of the treatise.

Chapter One

Marriage Enrichment: Scriptural, Theological, Liturgical, and Pastoral Foundations

1.1 Introduction

Couples in covenantal marriage of a sacramental nature need opportunities to enrich their life together beyond what they received in preparation for their wedding so that their marriage may flourish and bear better fruit. In this treatise, covenantal marriage refers to a Catholic marriage which is simultaneously a covenant and a sacrament.1 Although the idea of ongoing marriage formation or enrichment is somewhat new and has only recently been promoted by the Church, this Project in Ministry focuses on Ugandan spouses. This chapter will examine the sitz-im-leben of these married couples and some dimensions of the Church’s biblical, theological, liturgical, and pastoral tradition that may be useful in helping them live out their marriage covenant for their own good and that of their families, the state, and the Church. The topics considered include: Catholic pastoral care’s biblical, theological, liturgical, and pastoral foundations; the core beliefs Catholics have concerning the marriage covenant; ecclesial support in living the covenant; nourishment and sacramental renewal in the Eucharist and Reconciliation; spiritual life with emphasis on prayer and listening/dialog. This Project in Ministry contends that when Ugandan spouses are given effective pastoral care, catechesis, support, and resources, they will enrich their common life for their own good as well as that of their families, the state, and the Church.

1.2 The Sitz-Im-Leben of Married Couples in Uganda

The current state of marriage and family in Uganda has been described by the government as worrisome due to the family’s disintegration and fragmentation before and after marriage. The

National Roadmap on the Year of the Family 2017 in Uganda, (henceforth NR ) notes:

1 Cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church , nos. 1638 and 1639.

According to Uganda National Bureau of Statistics (2014), 30% of the 7.3 million households are female-headed. Furthermore, 42% of the adult population in Uganda is single, widowed, separated or divorced. The National Development Plan (NDPII), 2015/2016 - 2019/20 highlights that the main problem affecting the institution of the family is the high rate of disintegration and fragmentation of the family before and after marriage. The Police Annual Crime Report (2016), shows high numbers of defilement and rape at 28% which make girls vulnerable to physical and sexual violence, sexually transmitted infections including HIV. Harmful cultural practices like child marriage and female genital mutilation are serious Gender Based Violence issues in Uganda (UDHS, 2011).1

While this national study does not delineate the religious identity of those facing these issues, anecdotal evidence suggests that Catholics are not immune to these issues. Governmental, cultural, religious institutions, and individuals, with some degrees of success, are working to reverse the situation by safeguarding and strengthening the family. The Catholic Bishops, concerned about this deterioration, jointly sent a memorandum with other religious leaders to the president asking that the family be given high priority among his many concerns. The president accepted this recommendation and declared 2017 the National Year of the Family.2 This effort is intended to bolster some earlier policies such as the Marriage and Divorce Bill (2009). That bill,

1 Ministry of Gender, Labour and Social Development, National Roadmap on the Year of the Family 2017 in Uganda (Kampala: Ministry of Gender: Labour and Social Development, 2016), 6. Henceforth National Roadmap. According to this source, the 30% of 7.3 million households that are female-headed, the 42% of the adult population who are single, widowed, separated or divorced and the 28% of defilement and rape, are worrying figures because they are affecting the state of marriage and family directly, Catholic marriages and families inclusive. The disintegration and fragmentation of the family is partly aggravated by a lack of awareness or national marriage and family resources and established ministries in most dioceses/archdioceses and parishes by stakeholders in marriage and family ministries. Two local efforts are responding to domestic violence: Justice and Peace Department of the Kampala Archdiocese, Curbing Domestic Violence: A Model for Culturally Sensitive Counseling in Central Uganda (Kampala: Uganda National Commission for UNESCO, 2014), and the Uganda Episcopal Conference’s Domestic Violence (2012). These resources are not yet fully implemented and need to be translated into local languages. The former has been introduced into a few dioceses like that of Arua and the latter in Archdiocese of Kampala.

2 Ibid., iv and 5. The National Year of the Family presumes the adults in the family are married in a legally recognized status. There are five types of marriages legally recognized in Uganda. These are a) Church marriage, b) Customary marriage, c) Civil marriage, d) Mohammedans marriage, and e) Hindu Marriage. See Marriage and Divorce Bill (2009), article 12a and b, http://ulaug.org/files/downloads/MARRIAGE%20AND%20DIVORCE%20BILL% 20Bill_No._19_of_2009[1].pdf, accessed July 3, 2017. 5

the first of its kind in Uganda, legalized equal rights and the fair distribution of property between

spouses both during a marriage and afterward if it dissolves.

The NR identified some of the major causes of contributing to the breakdown of the family, significant among them being moral depravity, harmful media influence, divorce, poor communication, and disease. 3 It offered several structures and key programs to support the family. 4

The government views the family as “the basic unit of holistic development [which] must be protected at all costs.” 5 In Uganda, “family” is synonymous with “marriage.” The Extraordinary

Synod on the Family held in Rome (2014) supports this view saying, “The family, founded on marriage, is the place for the integral formation of a country’s future citizens.” 6 Government and

Church are complementary here. The former recognizes and affirms the collaboration it has with

religious institutions in this area through various programs and services such as “guiding and

counseling … conducting marriages, conducting sessions on parenting for both parents and

children, extending charity to families and sensitization on the role of the family to the stability of

the country.” 7

3 Ministry of Gender, Labour and Social Development, National Roadmap , iv.

4 According to NR , to protect the family and preserve successfully its holistic development, government has established some structures: 1) the judicial institutions (Family and Child Court); 2) Uganda Police (Directorate of Child and Family Protection); 3) Ministry of Gender, Labour and Social Development which provides policy guidance and standards for the promotion and protection of the family; and 4) District Local Government (Probation and Social Welfare Office, which handles human rights issues, welfare of children and family matters. In addition, government runs key programs that benefit the family 1) Universal Primary Education; 2) Universal Secondary Education; 3) Primary Health Care; 4) Plan for Modernization of Agriculture; 5) Operation Wealth Creation; 6) Peace and Recovery Program; and 7) Northern Uganda Social Assistance Fund. See Ministry of Gender, Labour and Social Development, National Roadmap, 3-4.

5 Ibid., iv.

6 Synod of Bishops: III Extraordinary General Assembly, The Pastoral Challenges of the Family in the Context of Evangelization: Instrumentum Laboris , The Holy See, 2014, sec. XXXII, accessed July 11, 2017, http:// www.vatican.va/roman_curia/synod/documents/rc_synod_doc_20140626_instrumentum-laboris-familia_en.html, no. 32.

7 Ministry of Gender, Labour and Social Development, National Roadmap , 5.

The Catholic Church is responding to these situations with varying success through Sunday homilies, radio programs, retreats, and counseling. The first ever national Resource Book on

Marriage and Family (2017) by the Ugandan Episcopal Conference has been recently published.

It comes after The Faithful House module developed by a Ugandan couple with aid from Catholic

Relief Services (CRS) and Maternal Health International, a module developed to enrich marriages

though it has not been translated into local dialects. It is currently being used in countries such as

Zambia.8 Despite these efforts by the government, other stakeholders, and the Catholic Church,

“the role of the family continues to deteriorate”9 in areas of “production, reproduction, community development and social security.”10 Cultural dynamics contribute to this scenario.

1.2.1 Background on Ugandan Reality of Marriage: Cultural/Tribal Dynamics

In Uganda, marriage operates in diverse and complex cultural/tribal dynamics where more than 56 tribes and ethnic groups with different cultures and languages exist.11 Traditional tribal customs are regularly incorporated into Christian, Muslim, and civil marriages mostly in marriage presentation and post-wedding events. Only monogamous or polygamous heterosexual unions are recognized by the Marriage and Divorce Bill.12 Ugandan cultures are primal and collective where hierarchy and extended family dynamics enjoyed by parents/grandparents, in-laws, and elders still

8 Some European marriage enrichment programs available in some parishes and archdioceses/dioceses or hospitals in Uganda are: 1) Encounter Uganda (Kampala Archdiocese and Kabale Diocese); 2) Cana (Mbarara Archdiocese, Hoima, Kabale, Kasese, and Soroti Dioceses); 3) Maternal Life Uganda and Maternal Life International (Kampala Archdiocese and Masaka Diocese); 4) NET (National Evangelization Team) Couples (Masaka Diocese and Kampala Archdiocese).

9 Ministry of Gender, Labour and Social Development, National Roadmap, 5.

10 Ibid., 1.

11 See Constitution of the Republic of Uganda, 1995, Third Schedule, art. 10a, accessed May 2, 2017, http:// www.wipo.int/edocs/lexdocs/laws/en/ug/ug023en.pdf.

12 Marriage and Divorce Bill (2009), http://ulaug.org/files/downloads/MARRIAGE%20AND%20 DIVORCE%20BILL%20Bill_No._19_of_2009%5b1%5d.pdf, article 12b, accessed July 3, 2017. 7

influence marriage and family practices.13 Some traditional norms, however, were modified in articles five and eleven of the 2009 Marriage and Divorce Bill.14 Among them are: a) a bride price is no longer obligatory; b) if a marriage ends, the bride price cannot be reclaimed; c) if it is reclaimed, the person reclaiming it may incur a one-year sentence or be fined; and d) the parents’ consent to marriage is no longer required. These new laws have been the easiest to implement.

Others, such as those concerning genital mutilation and underage marriage, will take longer due to poor police and judicial enforcement.

Marriage is understood as a pact among two or more families. It creates extended social bonds among in-laws via blood and marriage. Marriage is expected to be crowned with the bearing of children. Children increase the workforce and widen security among families. Although divorce is discouraged in cases of infertility, it seems to contribute to psychological stress and suffering, as well as the practices of adultery and polygamy.15 Most Ugandans, as elsewhere in Africa, currently observe monogamy more than polygamy since the male-female ratio is almost 1-to-1.16

13 Gifts given to the bride’s parents and in-laws by the prospective bridegroom cut across many cultures and consist of: foodstuffs, alcohol, clothes, goats, cows, cocks and chickens, beer, milk, salt, furniture, beddings, and cutlery. The bride price was never fixed since it was a symbolic gift of appreciation, but today secularism and money- driven tendencies taint this once good practice.

14 Marriage and Divorce Bill (2009), http://ulaug.org/files/downloads/MARRIAGE%20AND%20 DIVORCE%20BILL%20Bill_No._19_of_2009%5b1%5d.pdf, accessed July 3, 2017.

15 Grace Candiru, “African Archbishop Reflects on Challenges to Marriage and Family,” National Catholic Register, October 10, 2014, a subsidiary of CNA (Catholic News Agency), http://www.ncregister.com/daily- news/african-archbishop-reflects-on-challenges-to-marriage-and-family (accessed March 6, 2017).

16 Antoine Ganye, Archbishop of Cotonou, Benin, rejects polygamy as a model of marriage, stating that it “reflects a misunderstanding of African anthropology,” and that “talking about ‘African marriage’ in terms of polygamy is to make an unwarranted caricature of Africa.” See Antoine Ganye, “Monogamy and Polygamy: Challenges and Concern for the True Love in African Cultures,” in Christ’s New Homeland-Africa: Contribution to the Synod on the Family by African Pastors. Translated by Michael J. Miller (Nairobi: Paulines Publications Africa, 2015), 122. Ganye clarifies the rootedness of monogamy over polygamy in Africa. Quoting Archbishop Isidore de Souza, who in turn quotes the research of Sillon Noir in Benin, he writes, “… [C]ontrary to what is commonly thought, monogamy is the normal way of marriage in black Africa. The proof is that the first wife is considered the legitimate wife because of the name given to her…. And even though polygamy seems pervasive, monogamy does not cease to be the social priority.” Ibid., 114-115. Jean-Clause Froelich did a sociological study on the northern Togolese people 8

Polygamy is supported by the Ugandan constitution, even for those from religions which support

only monogamy. 17 This reflects the traditional cultural practices that predate the introduction of sacramental marriage.

Extended family, particularly paternal aunts and uncles, complement childhood formation, help strengthen life, family skills, and values, provide sex education based on gender, and focus this education to marriage and family life. Aunts tend to stress marital duties. 18 The recently emerged, self-styled ladies, who are loosely called Bassenga in the Luganda language of central

Uganda, 19 unlike the customary paternal aunts, who are properly called Bassenga , present themselves as “skilled-specialists” who specialize in teaching labia elongation and sexual intimacy. 20 Cultural training for marriage goes through three gender-based stages: childhood

which was quoted by Pidalini Pignan. The “study shows that on average 70% of marriages are monogamous, 24.7% bigamous, 5.3% polygamous, and that there are 7.18% children per family.” Ibid., 115. This seems to indicate a preference for monogamy while acknowledging the presence of polygamy in some cases. Analyzing the statistics that were made available from Sillon Noir’s research, the “study shows that Africans in general… have, by nature, a monogamous mentality. Marriage becomes polygamous only because of circumstances, especially due to the desire for children, who are considered a blessing and a guarantee of posterity.” Ganye, 115 & 122. It is vital to note that for Africans and Ugandans, “Children who have had the unfortunate experience of living in the heart of a polygamous family are not ready to replicate this model…. No! Polygamy is not a model of conjugal life to be replicated. It is more a brood of problems than a path to happiness.” Ibid., 116. Four conclusions can be drawn from these studies 1) monogamy is not foreign in Africa; 2) monogamy has been practiced from ancient times and its presence in Africa cannot be attributed to Christianity or Western civilization; 3) Africans prefer monogamy and have preserved it for many centuries; and 4) where polygamy is present in the family, wives are given the numbers of first, second or third indicating seniority and hence hierarchical status. Among the Banyoro of Uganda, it was a norm that the successor to the family head was the first-born son or another son of the first wife or the first son of the second wife. This proves the first wife is the strongest peg in the family.

17 The Constitution of the Republic of Uganda , 1995, article 37, allows traditional practices which include polygamy.

18 Among Baganda, Banyoro, Batooro, Banyankole, Bakiga, and Bafumbira, girls are taught to pull and stretch their clitoris and labia, a practice that starts as early as the age of six among the Baganda or of nine among the Bafumbira and goes on for several years. The practice is said to increase sexual pleasure, intimacy, and orgasm in females and so enriches marital intimacy and strengthens marriages across all creeds. See the interview of Dr. Nsekuye Bizimana by Habibou Bangré, trans. Theophilus O’donkor, entitled “Kunyaza, the Secret to Female Orgasm,” http://www.afrik-news.com/article14174.html, accessed July 24, 2017.

19 Ssenga or Bassenga , in denotative and connotative usage, is the singular or plural form of paternal aunt.

20 New self-professed “sex-experts,” connotatively Bassenga (“paternal aunties,” though they are not blood- related to the future brides and grooms), are socially sought after by some ladies from all walks of life and creeds. They train ladies on how to make their marital experience better and teach labia elongation to those who did not attain

(remote), adolescence (immediate) preparation, and after marriage (ongoing) training. Childhood preparation lasts from childhood to adolescence. Children learn about work, good character, cultural norms of their society, respect for elders, and care for younger children. Second, adolescent preparation lasts until the wedding day. It focuses on marriage and is intensified after a marriage partner is confirmed by parents and elders. Young women are introduced to the wife’s domestic roles: how to feed the family, how to satisfy their husbands sexually, pregnancy, and child care. Young men are instructed on how to manage their homes: caring for their wives and children, and providing security and daily provisions.

Finally, ongoing marriage training covers intimacy and couple-related issues. It starts after marriage and lasts until death or permanent separation. During this time, couples continue to learn how to prepare good meals or how to use some herbal medicines that treat bad odor. Because

Ugandans are less tolerant of infertility, polygamy is often condoned as a solution to barrenness.

While a man may have many wives in his home, polyandry is not accepted in Ugandan culture. A woman who discovers her husband is infertile can leave him entirely and find another man but cannot switch to her brothers-in-law. A few tribes allow widow inheritance such as the Sabiny of

Eastern Uganda and the Acholi and the Alur of Northern Uganda. Among some tribes and ethnic groups, such as the Karamojong, the Basoga, and the Bakongo, wife-beating is viewed as normal as a sign of disapproval, love, or jealousy. The local church, through The Social Communication

Department - Uganda Episcopal Conference, organized a two-day training workshop for diocesan communications coordinators and radio presenters from Catholic radio stations to eliminate

it before marriage. Others, due to puritanical attitudes regard them as immoral. Some Catholic spouses are beneficiaries of such services. Over-emphasizing sex in bed without regard to the Catholic Church’s moral teachings is a concern of the local churches, though some spouses in sacramental marriage and some catechists are in favor of it.

domestic violence by promoting a change of attitude and the use of dialog in conflict resolution

rather than only responding to it. 21

1.2.2 Current Challenges for Catholic Covenantal Marriage in Uganda

There are other challenges beyond traditional culture that sacramentally married spouses face. Seven are worth noting. First, decades of civil wars and tyranny in Uganda contributed to deep emotional scars due to separation of families, the breakdown of marriage and family life, unemployment, and forced migration. Second, Ugandan ethnic groups are reflective of primal cultures 22 where traditional norms favor parents, grandparents, elders, and senior in-laws, a fact

which allows them to interfere in their children’s marital and domestic affairs. Third, infertility,

impotence, frigidity, and HIV/AIDS occurring in one of the spouses, often lead to infidelity, prostitution, and domestic violence. 23 Fourth, some couples suffer various addictions to alcohol, drugs, pornography, and sports; some men often play and bet on sports, a fact which brings a lot of suffering, violence, and even the breakdown of marital life. Fifth, mixed marriages, 24 especially

21 See Grace Candiru, “Domestic Violence Campaign Given New Momentum,” Arua Diocese Bulletin , no. 137: (May/June 2015):1-2, https://www.theguardian.com/global-development-professionals-network/2014/aug/29 /domestic-violence-uganda, accessed August 10, 2017.

22 For the definition of primal cultures see Appendix A1 on page 151.

23 Ibid. Using the First Sunday of Advent, since 2008, the Catholic Bishops of Uganda each year launch an annual campaign that runs through the four weeks of Advent to address the causes of domestic violence, notably its sexual, physical, economic, and emotional causes, in homilies. An example of such an intervention is one of 2010 where they provide “homily reflection notes” for priests and catechists as well as prayer cards entitled “Our Advent Family Prayer.” See Uganda Episcopal Conference, “Homily Notes,” (2010), http://www.uecon.org/ letters/ Reflection%20on%20Domestic%20Violence%20during%20Advent.pdf, accessed February 10, 2018. They also provide posters on peace, family unity, and non-violence; Domestic Violence Training Pack; and small grants for facilitating domestic violence prevention. Candiru further reports that on the First Sunday of Advent of 2012, the Uganda Catholic Secretariat’s Social Communications Department held a two-day workshop to reduce domestic violence. 17 of the 19 diocesan communication coordinators and by 8 radio anchors representing eight Catholic radio stations attended. The participants were trained to promote dialog in preventing domestic violence by raising awareness through teaching and sensitizing communities sensitizing communities through their broadcasts.

24 Theodore Adrien Sarr, Cardinal Archbishop Emeritus of Dakar, Senegal, raises a great question of pastoral concern about mixed marriages: “Will the non-baptized party, even though monotheistic in his belief, accept for the rest of his life the concept of marriage built on freedom , fidelity , unity , indissolubility , respect for fertility , and openness

with Pentecostal and Born-Again fellowships, tend to cause disagreements and conflicts on major

issues such as which church to attend, what style of prayer should prevail at home, and the

nurturing and education of children. In Uganda’s collectivist cultures where the norms place the

aspirations, needs, and goals of the group before those of the individual, this is a source of great

distress. Proselytization of Catholic spouses and children through manipulation and intimidation

is commonplace. A crisis of faith can lead a Catholic to join a sect and the practice of syncretism by weak couples to win over a spouse’s exclusive love or to avoid domestic violence are not

uncommon. Sixth, official marriage enrichment programs in diocesan and parish pastoral care

ministries are limited in scope. There are few ministers with training in marriage and family

counseling among the clergy, religious, or laity. Finally, the customary Ugandan practices of

cohabitation and tribal and/or civil marriage ceremonies often delay the couple from approaching

the Church for sacramental marriage. 25 This challenge is not helped by the laws of Uganda, such

to new life ?” See Theodore Adrien Sarr, “The Challenge of Mixed and Interfaith Marriages,” in Robert, Sarah, Barthélemy Adoukonou, et. al. Christ’s New Homeland-Africa , 128. On page 129, he lists three main challenges posed by mixed and interfaith marriages in Africa which Catholics of Uganda share: 1) evangelizing the African family from a Catholic perspective; 2) undertaking a Christian witness and apostolate in marital and familial life; and 3) obtaining dispensation for mixed and disparate marriages. Following Canon Law, mixed marriages occur between a Catholic party and a non-Catholic Christian while in a disparate marriage a Catholic party marries a non-baptized party, that is, an interfaith marriage. John Mugereza attributes interfaith marriages to not being serious about one’s faith and challenges the claims offered by the Catholic party that “God is everywhere.” This is can lead to a false claim of freedom in relation to choosing a non-Catholic party for marriage. See Grace Candiru, “African Missionary: The Family Is Indispensable to the Church’s Mission,” National Catholic Register , (October 10, 2014, http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/african-missionary-the-family-is-indispensable-to-the-churchs-mission, accessed March 6, 2017.

25 John Baptist Odama, is said to deplore the delay caused by the strenuous stages that start from trial marriage to customary marriage, and /or to civil marriage before reaching Holy Matrimony: “The Church has been trying to convince its followers to celebrate marriage once and for all, but so far, this has not taken root.” See Grace Candiru, “African Archbishop Reflects on Challenges to Marriage and Family,” National Catholic Register (October 10, 2014), http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/african-archbishop-reflects-on-challenges-to-marriage-and-family, (accessed March 6, 2017).

12 as the Constitution of the Republic of Uganda (1995) and the Marriage and Divorce Bill (2009), as they recognize tribal and civil marriages. 26

These challenges have negatively impacted marriage as a sacred covenant as well as the sanctity of marital sex, especially regarding the use of contraceptives and the tolerance of infidelity. Domestic violence is also tolerated, another stigma to sacramental marriage.

1.3 Pastoral Care for Married Couples: Essential Magisterial, Liturgical, and Pastoral Sources

Married couples, under various stressors, can be assisted in enriching their marriages by using magisterial, liturgical, and pastoral sources in addition to the graces they receive from the

Sacraments of Matrimony, Holy Eucharist, and Penance.

1.3.1 Pastoral Care for Married Couples: Recent Magisterial Documents

Two magisterial documents, the apostolic exhortations Familiaris Consortio (1981) and

Amoris Laetitia (2016), the Code of Canon Law (1983), and the Order of Celebrating Matrimony

(2016) will be briefly examined as post-conciliar pastoral resources to assist pastors and those associated with them in offering a more intentional and ongoing form of pastoral care of married couples.

1.3.1.1 Familiaris Consortio

The Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio (1981), henceforth FC , was written by

John Paul II after the Second Extraordinary Synod on the Family held in Rome in 1980. FC suggests varied pastoral care approaches to marriage and family enrichment via “accompanying”

26 As of April 4, 2007, adultery was decriminalized in Uganda via a Constitutional Court ruling when the colonial law was abolished on the grounds that it was biased against wives. Before this law was passed, husbands breaking the vows of their covenantal marriage, especially for reasons of having children, was traditionally sanctioned.

13 the spouses “step by step in the different stages of its formation and development guidance,” 27 advising, counseling, and support, all of which should begin soon after the celebration of the marriage vows. To spouses in the first five years of marriage, which tend to face crises of adjustment before stability is gained, the Church will “remain close,” 28 and offer them more help. 29

This investment, if done well, can stabilize marriages by avoiding common problems like how to use joint accounts or how to adjust their life as a couple when the first child comes. FC , no. 69, encourages the young couples to accept the mentorship of the skilled spouses whose stable marriages they could emulate or to attend marriage-related pastoral programs existing in their parish. In a spirit of mutual up-building, the young couples, once enriched, “will become a source of enrichment for other longer established families, through their witness of life and practical contribution.” 30

Part Four of FC proposes a progressive and Church-based pastoral action, accompanying the marriage/family through the various stages of its development. 31 During this progression, the couple can deepen fidelity and chastity towards each other by means of thoughts, words, and actions and nurture sacrificial love through self-denial and self-control.

Spouses and their pastoral care agents are asked to follow the principle of gradualness. 32

This principle implies that spouses learn, love, and understand the deeper implications of their

27 John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio , (On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World) , Nov. 22, 1981, no. 65, Holy See, accessed October 20, 2015, http://w2.vatican.va/content/john- paul-ii/en/apost_ exhortations/ documents/hfjp-iiexh19811122familiaris-consortio.html.

28 John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio , no. 69.

29 Ibid., nos. 65-68.

30 Ibid., no. 69.

31 Ibid., nos. 65 & 66.

32 Pope Francis in his Address “Dialogue with Engaged Couples,” alludes to the principle of gradualness. He invited them to work and grow together every day. He said, “This doesn’t come from the air! The Lord blesses it, but

marriage vows and their mutual duties to each other over the course of life’s many stages. Over a

lifetime, there are many opportunities for a couple to deepen their understanding of the

indissolubility of the marital covenant. Over time, couples can develop the cardinal virtues of prudence, temperance, justice and fortitude and the theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity.

FC proposes vital structures and agents for marriage and family enrichment. 33 It is the duty of the parish community to minister to all spouses - those living together and those separated or divorced but not remarried, by preparing support groups for counseling and prayers, by talking and visiting with them, and by offering psychological, relational, spiritual, and economic help where possible. 34 Lastly, spouses need love, solidarity, kindness, and practical help as they work

on keeping their vows, forgiving their partners, and remaining connected to the Church. 35

1.3.1.2 Code of Canon Law

The Code of Canon Law (1983), promulgated by John Paul II and revised to reflect the

reforms of Vatican II Council’s Decree Gaudium et Spes , defines Christian marriage both as

it comes from your hands, from your attitude, from your way of living, from your way of loving one another. “Make yourselves grow! Always act so that the other grows.” Pontifical Council for the Family and Archdiocese of Philadelphia, Love is Our Mission , 44.

33 John Paul II in FC nos. 60, 71-76 and 78 proposes pastoral care structures and pastoral agents, namely the ecclesial community or parish, the home of the family and association of families. Bishops and priests, men and women religious, lay specialists and recipients and agents of social communications, form the pastoral care team responsible for keeping the marriage/family alive. To them belong families with special needs such as mixed marriage families where the Catholic party often struggles to keep the Catholic faith, baptize and raise the children as Catholics, while at the same time remaining respectful of the religious freedom of her or his non-Catholic spouse.

34 John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio , nos. 83-84.

35 Ibid., no. 83. The covenanted/sacramental but civilly divorced who remain single or are remarried, though they are by far a small minority in Uganda, are bound to increase due to the existence of civil divorce laws contained in the Marriage and Divorce Bill (2009). According to the Bill, the petitioner can be granted divorce if the respondent is guilty of the crimes listed in Article 147 (3) (b) sodomy, (c) homosexuality and (d) pornography. See footnote 12 above for details on citation.

“covenant … [and] a sacrament.” 36 The Code of Canon Law ,37 concern the pastoral care to be given to candidates for marriage to enable them to understand, celebrate, and live marriage fruitfully. About pastoral care to married couples, the Code decrees that “[p]astors of souls are obliged to take care that the ecclesiastical community offers the Christian faithful the assistance by which the matrimonial state is preserved in a Christian spirit and advances in perfection.” 38 It is the pastors’ and parish community’s duty to afford ample pastoral care so that the spouses may faithfully preserve, protect, and bear the fruits of holiness in their conjugal covenant and sacrament. Through teaching, making the Eucharist and Penance available to the couple, retreats, and workshops, pastors and the parish community can nurture the faith and offer the skills necessary to enliven covenantal marriage. Such pastoral care leads spouses to “holier and fuller lives in their family.” 39 There are other methods pastors and the parish community may use to help couples to enrich their marriages and safeguard their families such as reaching out to those in very difficult life situations or recommending complex cases to clinical professionals.

1.3.1.3 Amoris Laetitia

Amoris Laetitia (2016), hereafter AL , was issued by Pope Francis in 2016. 40 It is a fruit of the III Extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops on the Family and XIV Ordinary

General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops on the Family which met in Rome in 2014 and 2015

36 Code of Canon Law (1983), c.1055 and Catechism of the Catholic Church , no. 1639; also see Mt. 19:4-6 and Mk. 10:9 (New American Bible Revised Edition).

37 Code of Canon Law , 1063, §§1-3; 1064-1072. 38 Code of Canon Law , c. 1063.

39 Ibid., c. 1063, §4.

40 Francis, Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia (On Love in the Family), Mar. 19, 2016, nos. 202 and 232 , Holy See, accessed May 21, 2016, https://w2.vatican.va/content/dam/francesco/pdf/apost_exhortations/documents/ papa-francescoesortazione-ap_2016 0319amoris-laetitia_en.pdf.

16 respectively. AL nos. 217-222 offer a philosophy of pastoral care for married couples. Like FC ,

AL encourages an ongoing marriage pastoral care to begin soon after the wedding. This is because the engagement and pre-marital preparation are not exhaustive formation processes.41 The “I do” made on the wedding day also pertains to future experiences that require new catechesis and resources, since marriage is "a life-long project."42 Marriage’s journey progresses “through various stages” 43 and encounters obstacles to be jointly negotiated.44 So, new spouses need help to face the future with hope that looks “beyond arguments, conflicts and problems and … see[s] things in a broader perspective….” 45 Spouses should avoid unduly high expectations about conjugal life for no spouse is perfect.46 AL likens married life to salvation history. It starts small and fragile but grows by grace. 47

AL nos. 223-230 deal with the real resources to be made available to married spouses: the parish community and the institutions, associations, and movements linked to it, pastors, experienced married couples, groups of married couples, and experts in various fields. In helping spouses, the parish may do several things. First, it promotes family spirituality, prayer, celebrates

Sunday Eucharist and special celebrations of the Eucharist organized for families, and it offers liturgies, devotions, and solidarity via regular meetings. 48 Second, it puts to full use associations,

41 Francis, Amoris Laetitia , no. 217.

42 Francis, Amoris Laetitia , no. 218.

43 Ibid., no. 220.

44 Ibid., nos. 218 and 220.

45 Ibid., no. 219.

46 ibid., no. 221.

47 Ibid., no. 221; cf. Mt 13:31-32.

48 Ibid., no. 223.

17 ecclesial movements, new communities, schools, and institutions within the parish for the benefit of a married couple and their family. 49 Third, it provides opportunities to catechize spouses who are detached from the Church during preparations for their children’s Baptism or First Communion as well as at the weddings or funerals of their friends. 50

It is the pastors’ duty to nurture the faith of the couples by promoting regular confession, spiritual direction, retreats, and prayer in the home, by praying with individual family members while on home visits, and by promoting personal prayer and a marriage/family spirituality based on God’s Word in order to develop their good judgment and discernment in all situations. 51

Furthermore, veteran couples and groups of married couples have a lot to offer from their experiences. 52 The former could suggest what they have found useful in their lives such as planning free time and recreating with children or offering relevant resources like books, movies, and places in which to recreate or offer suggestions on where to find experts in marriage counseling. In a missionary spirit, they may visit and offer help to young couples in their neighborhoods. 53

AL exhorts married couples to invest time to improve or sustain their marriages by sharing leisure and to plan time for their marriage/family to be together, for love “needs time and space.” 54

The document notes that there are also situations where a believing spouse may be victimised by

49 Other parish programs from which couples can benefit are retreats, talks, marriage counselling, home outreach aimed at discussing difficulties and desires between couples, family meetings, and social services that address addiction, domestic violence, infidelity and how to deal with troubled children. See Francis, Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , no. 229.

50 Francis, Amoris Laetitia , no. 230.

51 Ibid., no. 227.

52 Ibid., nos. 225 and 229.

53 Ibid., no. 230.

54 Ibid., no. 224.

18 the unbelieving partner or one with little faith. Such a scenario could complicate the work of saving the unbelieving partner (cf.1 Cor 7:14), yet that challenging state is “a true path of sanctification.” 55

Lastly, daily rituals can positively increase spousal closeness and stability such as a daily morning kiss, blessings, welcoming one another home, sharing in household chores together, and celebrating special family anniversaries. 56

1.3.1.4 Pastoral Care for Married Couples: Order of Celebrating Matrimony : Praenotanda

The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, henceforth OCM, was released in 2016 as an English version of the 1990 Latin Version Ordo Celebrandi Matrimonium (editio typica altera). OCM ’s original and new contribution to pastoral care to married couples is found in the Praenotanda ,

Section II (Duties and Ministries), to be offered by pastors and their associates. Two significant pastoral developments are seen in this section that previously were absent in Ordo Celebrandi

Matrimonium (1969):57 first, the need for remote marriage preparation (14.1) and second, ongoing pastoral care for married couples after the wedding (14.4). These additional elements reflect a growing awareness of the importance of pastoral care for a married couple both before and after the wedding.

According to 14.1 in the Praenotanda , pastors are exhorted to care for their Christian communities and instruct them “about the meaning of Christian Marriage and about the role of

Christian spouses and parents.” 58 This statement reflects recommendations proposed by FC , no.

55 Ibid., no. 228.

56 Francis, Amoris Laetitia , no. 226.

57 Ordo Celebrandi Matrimonium (editio typica), Vatican Press, 1969.

58 Committee on Divine Worship, Order of Celebrating Matrimony: English Translation According to the Second Typical Ed., (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press), 2016, 3.

66, namely, to offer in a progressive manner, remote and proximate marriage preparation. 59 This formation can take various forms adapted and suited to the needs of children, adolescents, and adults. Preaching, catechesis, and social communication are proposed as means of instruction.

First, preaching during Mass, especially Mass in which a wedding is celebrated, should be based on Scriptures suited for the celebration of a Christian Marriage (e.g., Gn 2:18-25, Eph 5:21-

33, Mt 19:3-12, Jn 2:1-11, etc.) and explain to the couple and those attending the wedding the meaning of Christian Marriage and the vocational roles of Christian spouses.

Second, catechetical formation should be suited to the age and level of understanding of the children, the young people, and the adults at whom it is aimed.

The third means is the use of social communication. Pastors will find useful guidelines on the correct use of mass or social communication in Second Vatican Council’s Inter mirifica, nos.

1-2, such as the press, movies, cinema, television, to evangelize and form Catholics about sacramental marriage. The pastor’s work also includes preparing the engaged in regard to the biblical, theological, and pastoral-liturgical elements of the marriage covenant. 60

Paragraph 14.4 in the Praenotanda articulates a second development in marital formation and concerns ongoing pastoral care for couples after the wedding. Since those in sacramental marriage are called to live together for life, they need the Church’s help so that they can preserve faithfully and protect the conjugal covenant. By doing so, the married spouses can daily come to

59 See also Pontifical Council for the Family, Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage , Vatican City, May 13, 1996, nos. 22, 25-27, 32-59, http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents /rc_pc_family_doc_13051996_ preparation-for-marriage_en.html, accessed April 3, 2018.

60 Committee on Divine Worship, Order of Celebrating Matrimony : “Praenotanda,” nos. 1-14, focus on the conjugal covenant based on irrevocable personal consent, procreation, and the rearing of children, the sacred bond that makes the spouses one body and soul, the sacramental dignity of marriage, and the symbolic import of the marriage to the mystery of Christ and his Church. See Committee on Divine Worship, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, The Order of Celebrating Matrimony , 1-3.

20 live “a holier and fuller family life.” 61 This pastoral care can be offered through the celebration of the Eucharist and Reconciliation, retreats, spiritual direction, and seminars that help couples gain more understanding of sacramental marriage, acquire essential communication skills such as listening for a healthy marital life.

1.3.2 Pastoral Care for Married Couples: Marriage Enrichment Movements

Within the Catholic Church, Father Gabriel Calvo started the worldwide marriage enrichment movement known as Marriage Encounter in 1962. Calvo wanted to improve the welfare of the children by improving marriages. Over the years, Marriage Encounter spread all over the world, including Uganda. In Uganda, pastoral care for marriage is mainly done through

Sunday and wedding Mass homilies, retreats, individual counseling, and selected programs which are mostly initiated by married couples. The pastor’s approval is necessary to conduct these not- yet integrated, parish-based programs.

Some priests offer sacramental, doctrinal, pastoral, and canonical talks on marriage where programs are conducted. Some active marriage enrichment available in Uganda would include the following: 1) diocesan-designated marriage days that occur around the Feast of the Holy Family in late December; 62 2) marriage retreats / recollections offered at the level of the diocese and parishes; 3) Cana Ministry for marriages and families offered annually in the diocese or parishes; 63

61 Committee on Divine Worship, Order of Celebrating Matrimony , Section14.4, 3; also see 1981 Code of Canon Law , no. 1063.

62 Kampala Archdiocese for the last four years has observed a Marriage Day on last Saturday of December. It starts in parishes three days before the climax which takes the form of a pilgrimage to Uganda National Martyrs Shrine Namugongo. Some parishes in other dioceses observe the marriage day in different ways.

63 Cana Ministry is a large marriage enrichment program in Uganda; it covers more than 10 dioceses out of 19. Cana retreats covers topics such as God, love, forgiveness, communication/discussion, couple prayer, sexuality, roles and responsibilities of each spouse, parenting, and paternity life/fellowship for those who are nearby.

4) Marriage Fraternities held annually for couples to study and share experience; 64 5) Marriage

Encounter, Merciful Parent Peaceful Family, and Abaseesa (Those who Light the Fire) programs. 65

Other programs exist as well. The Faithful House Uganda helps to strengthen families by promoting better communication skills through workshops. 66 Couples for Christ supports couples who subscribe to the Catholic Charismatic Renewal movement’s spirituality and have attended

Life in the Spirit Seminars. 67 National Evangelization Team (NET) assists young couples, who at one time served under NET ministries, to live the biblical vision of marriage. Holy Cross Family

Ministries supports the spiritual well-being of the families. 68 Natural Family Program and Maternal

Life Uganda, supported by Uganda Catholic Medical Bureau of the Uganda Catholic

Secretariat/Uganda Episcopal Conference, promotes the AB (Abstinence and Behavior Change)

approach to combating HIV/AIDS while the government adds “C,” condom use. AB, within the

Catholic Church, promotes natural family planning rather than artificial methods in the light of

Humanae Vitae , nos. 11, 12, and 14. Finally, some of the gains Ugandan covenanted spouses have

64 Marriage Fraternities are found in 13 dioceses out of 19 and consist of thousands of couples. In Hoima Diocese, local fraternities teamed up with other fraternities from France.

65 Those programs operate in three dioceses in the central region and focus on improving couples’ interpersonal relations and children’s welfare, on fanning into flame the gift of the couples’ passion for each other through better communication, on natural family planning, and on reducing or eradicating domestic violence.

66 Studies of The Faithful House program consistently demonstrate that participants make important gains in communication about issues such as finances and sex; that they divide household responsibilities and authority more equally; that they show greater respect for one another; and that couples feel better equipped to remain faithful to each other. Studies show that in communities where Maternal Life International (MLI) has served, 98% of MLI-trained couples have the skills to be faithful, there is a 30% decrease in domestic gender-based violence [a kind of violence which men inflict on women and girls], and 75% of men are now willing to support their wives in obtaining medication to prevent mother-to-child HIV transmission. See http://www.mlionline.org/our-impact/, accessed July 15, 2017. The Faithful House encourages true love in marriage and teaches how to counter risky cultural practices such as polygamy and modern cultural cultures such as watching blue pornographic movies. It operates in Kampala Ecclesiastical Province.

67 Couples for Christ is limited to Christ the King Parish/Kampala Archdiocese.

68 This program that is modelled on Venerable Father Patrick Peyton’s saying on praying the rosary: “The family that prays together stays together,” promotes family prayer and the rosary among couples and families. It is active in three dioceses. Father Peyton was born in Ireland in 1909 and died in United States in 1992.

22 received from marriage enrichment programs are: better communication skills in regard to sexual matters, finances, family planning, a reduction in domestic violence, and better sharing of household tasks.

1.4 The Biblical Foundations of the Marriage as Covenant

God establishes six vital covenants that are described in the Old and New Testaments. In light of the Project in Ministry, two covenantal bonds will be highlighted: The Old Testament Sinai

Covenant and Jesus’ new Covenant (see Lk 22:20). 69 St. Paul’s understanding of the of the New

Testament Covenant’s implications for marriage will also be described.

1.4.1 The Sinai Covenant: Spousal Imagery and Marital Implications

The Sinai Covenant defines the Old Testament bond of God and his chosen people, in some passages of the Hebrew Scriptures even depicting this bond using spousal language (e.g., Hos 1-

2:1). This covenant is required to establish a deep and unbroken bond between two lovers. While the Sinai Covenant uses the language of a spousal covenant, where God is like a husband and the nation of Israel is like a wife, it was made between two unequal persons. God is transcendent but comes down to his beloved creature, Israel, because he loved her. Despite this inequality, the core principles of permanence and unbreakable fidelity between the covenantal partners is established and has implications for those joined in the covenantal bond of marriage based on the use of marital imagery by the writers of the Hebrew scriptures.

In the Sinai Covenant, the marriage covenant and marriage enrichment in the Old Testament may be identified (cf. Mal 2:14-16). Prophet Malachi, according to Gordon Paul Hugenberger,

69 The other four biblical covenants which will not be treated in this section are: 1) God’s covenant with Adam and Eve (Gn 2:23-24); 2) God’s covenant with Noah (Gn 9:9-17); 3) God’s covenant with Abraham and his descendants (Gn 15; 17:1-10); and 4) David’s covenant that established his everlasting dynasty (2 Sam 7:9-16).

23 denounced divorce at least among the Levite priests and defended the indissolubility of marriage. 70

It moderated the daily lives of spouses by forbidding adultery or coveting a neighbor’s wife (cf.

Ex 20:14.17). The Sinai Covenant contains a spousal symbol of a couple where God is described as Israel’s bridegroom and Israel as God’s bride (cf. Ex 23:20-33; 24:3). It also contains words “I will … we will” that resemble marriage vows, namely: God (Israel’s husband) said, “I will be an enemy to your enemies… I will take sickness away from you… I will lead you to your inheritance… (Ex 23:22.25.31).” And Israel (God’s bride) vowed, “All that the Lord has spoken, we will do”) (Ex 19:8; 24:3.7). The mutual swearing of oaths is a standard part of covenants among

Semitic peoples such as the ancient Israelites.

The later prophets used spousal imagery to explain God’s links to Israel (Hos 2:2-23). In the post-exilic era of the prophets Hosea, Ezekiel, Jeremiah, and Malachi, marriage and the Sinai

Covenant were explained analogously. It is most likely that the prophets saw the two institutions as sharing inner principles, namely: fidelity, perpetuity, and indissolubility.71 As spouses are called to be faithful to each other, God and Israel coexist on the premise of covenantal fidelity to each other. Malachi, the first prophet to call marriage a covenant when he applied it to the Levitical priests’ marriage, teaches that God as witness to their marriage hates divorce; thus, marriage from youthful days is indissoluble (Mal 2:14-16).

Pope Benedict XVI agrees that the post-exilic prophets taught about the relations between

God and Israel by using such erotic spousal words and images such as “allure,” “tender,” and “my

70 For a detailed study of Prophet Malachi’s denunciation of divorce see Gordon Paul Hugenberger, Marriage as a Covenant: Biblical Law as Developed from Malachi, (Eugene: WIPF & STOCK, 2014 ), 27-47.

71 Gordon Paul Hugenberger, in chapter two “Covenant’ in Malachi 2:14: Does it Refer to Marriage?” did an extensive study and argued that Prophet Malachi based his teaching of the indissolubility of marriage on Israel’s traditional understanding of the concept of covenant. For details of Hugenberger’s study on Malachi 2:14, see Gordon Paul Hugenberger, “Covenant’ in Malachi 2:14: Does it Refer to Marriage?” In Marriage as a Covenant: Biblical Law as Developed from Malachi, 27-47 (Eugene: WIPF & STOCK, 2014 ).

24 husband.” Hosea and Ezekiel “described God’s passion for his people using boldly erotic images.” 72 The erotic imagery used by Hosea and Ezekiel show the deep mystery that marriage is. 73 The Law was a lasting sign of the abiding spousal rapport between God and the Jewish people which the prophet used to call people back to God (Ex. 20-21). 74

While marriage is also an icon “describing God’s relationship with humanity,” 75 marital union is also a biblical image of God’s love. The Bible shows that God’s relationship with humanity starts with marital imagery and ends with it (see Gn 2:18-24; Rev. 19:7-8). God’s covenant is one of steadfast love and fidelity and he hates divorce (Mal 2:14-16).

The Sinai Covenant Law enriched marriages and families by guiding their daily lives (cf.

Ex 20). The sixth and ninth commandments outlawed a married Israelite man from committing adultery or desiring a man’s legal wife. Though the Israelites could break their marriage on grounds of adultery on the one hand (see Deut 24:1-4) or with God’s covenant with them (Ex 32:10, 33;

Jer 3:1-6), they could never dissolve the covenant between God and themselves. Adultery was punished by death (Lev. 20:10) 76 . and abuse of God’s covenant led to disease, famine, war, and exile (see Jer 15:2). The Sinai Covenant heralded Jesus’ teaching on the indissolubility of marriage

72 Benedict XVI, Encyclical Letter Deus Caritas Est (God is Love ), Dec. 25, 2005, no. 9, Holy See, accessed July 1, 2017, http://w2.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_200512 25_deus- caritas-est.html.

73 “In Ezekiel, God speaks to Israel in sensuous imagery: “I spread the edge of my cloak over you, and covered your nakedness; I pledged myself to you and entered into a covenant with you … and you became mine. Then I … anointed you with oil…. You grew exceptionally beautiful, fit to be a queen” (Ez 16:8-13, New American Bible Revised Edition). Song of Songs is exceptional in its use of spousal passion “to explain the intensity of God’s love for his people.” Council for the Family and Archdiocese of Philadelphia, Love is Our Mission: The Family Fully Alive (Huntington, IN: Our Sunday Visitor, 2014), 27.

74 The Prophets Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Hosea used the spousal imagery to call back the Israelites to keep their part of the covenant (Is. 54:5-10; Jer 22:9; 31:31-34; 32:40; Hos. 2:4). Probably this was to remind Israel of the original marriage covenant between Adam and Eve (Gn 1: 26-30; 2:23-24).

75 Pontifical Council for the Family and Archdiocese of Philadelphia, Love is Our Mission , 26.

76 Scholars continue to debate how frequently adultery was met with capital punishment in ancient Israel.

25 because of its enduring nature. Philippe Ouedrago claims: “Thus, the nuptial covenant between

God and his people Israel, under the image of an exclusive, faithful conjugal love, had prepared

the people’s awareness for a deeper understanding of the unicity and indissolubility of

marriage…faithful to this teaching, the tradition of the early church in the first centuries

categorically reaffirmed the indissoluble character of the matrimonial bond even in the case of

adultery.” 77

Marriage was deeply rooted in and governed by this covenant. 78 The covenant was handed on through the family just like the Passover and this ensured the Sinai Covenant’s survival (Ex

12:1-27). Joseph Atkinson attributes the covenant’s survival largely to human sexuality and the family. “Within the covenant,” he stresses, “human sexuality [marriage] and the family played a significant role which would ensure the survival of the covenant.” 79 Both marriage and the family were “structured by informing principles which were derived from the covenant itself.” 80 This means that marriage, family, and the covenant depended on each other for survival since obedience

77 Philippe Ouedrago, “The Indissolubility of Marriage: The Foundation of the Human Family,” in Robert Sarah, Barthélemy Adoukonou, et. al. Christ’s New Homeland-Africa , 69. However, the Jews broke the law against adultery by following a custom used by Abraham and Sarah. Sarah gave her Egyptian slave-girl Hagar to Abraham so that she could have Ishmael for a son (Gn 16:1-4.15-16). Robert Sarah considers the OT permission for divorce “a perplexing point” (Robert Cardinal Sarah, “What Sort of Pastoral Mercy in Response to the New Challenges to the Family? A Reading of the Lineamenta ,” in Robert Sarah, Barthélemy Adoukonou, et. al. Christ’s New Homeland-Africa , 18-19. While the sixth commandment was against committing adultery, it “at the same time contained in itself the ‘social structures of sin;’ … it protected and legalized them. In these circumstances, the essential ethical meaning of the commandment ‘Do not commit adultery’ necessarily suffered a fundamental devaluation.” Sarah, 19. The OCM asserts that, “Indeed Christ the Lord, making a new creation and making all things new, has willed that Marriage be restored to its primordial form and holiness in such a way that what God has joined together, no one may put asunder, and raised this indissoluble conjugal contract to the dignity of a Sacrament so that it might signify more clearly and represent more easily the model of his own nuptial covenant with the Church. Committee on Divine Worship, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Order of Celebrating Matrimony, no. 5.

78 Joseph C. Atkinson, Biblical and Theological Foundations of the Family: The Domestic Church , (Washington: The Catholic University of America, 2014), 91.

79 Ibid.

80 Ibid.

26 to God and the covenantal Law ensured marriage and the family served God’s purpose on which their welfare depended (cf. Dt 6:3-9). The husband-father played a crucial role in ensuring his family kept both the covenant and its law (see Dt 6:3-9).

1.4.2 The New Covenant: Agapic Love and Marital Implications

The New Covenant reveals the Paschal Mystery of Jesus which is the supreme act that establishes Jesus’s agapic love for his disciples and humanity. Jesus during the institution of the

Eucharist said he desired to eat the Passover before he would suffer (cf. Lk 24:15); and he gave his disciples and all humanity his body and blood to be eaten and to be drunk in remembrance of him (cf. Lk 22:19, Mt 26: 26-30, Mk 14: 22-24, Jn 6:52-58, and 1 Cor 24-26). The Paschal

Mystery, that is, the passion, death, and resurrection is the most important mystery in Jesus’ life and ministry (Lk 22:15; 24:26). It validates Jesus’ agapic love for others: Jesus laid down his life for his friends and also his enemies (Jn 10:15; 15:13). John calls it loving “to the end” (Jn 13:1).

St. Peter teaches that if Christians suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, they are commendable before God. They follow the example of Christ who suffered for them (1 Pt 2:20-

21).

The Paschal Mystery established the N.T Covenant based on Jesus’ supreme relationship with his Father and with humanity because God has loved the world and gave it his own son who suffered death to save it (Cf. 3:16ff). The agapic love arising from the Paschal Mystery established a new way of loving, living, suffering, and enduring relationships for the sake of another. Through it Jesus proves it is possible to choose to love someone who is abusive in actions, words, thoughts, feelings, and moods. As for the married couple the implications of the new covenant established by the Paschal Mystery of Christ and its connection to sacramental marriage is expressed optimally in the Rite of Celebrating Matrimony . The couple celebrates their marital covenant within the

27 celebration of Mass wherein they offer their sacrifice of praise with Christ’s sacrifice on the cross which is made present on the altar during the Eucharistic Prayer. When they receive Holy Eucharist in which the graces of the Paschal Mystery are given, the couple begins their life together as a couple covenanted to Christ. The implications include:

1) The core of Jesus’ paschal mystery is agapic love which has profound implications for

marital love for those who invite the Lord into their relationship through sacramental marriage.

2) Jesus’ agapic love is based on servanthood to which the couples are bound by a marriage

covenant and a sacrament. They are to undergo a daily self-emptying and become servants

of each other. 81

3) The N.T Covenant does not end only in the shedding of blood and death but it ends in the

resurrection and ascension. Similarly, the marriage covenant does not end in suffering the

daily challenges like sicknesses or loving a difficult spouse but also has its moments of joy,

happiness, and celebrations such as the birth of a child, birthdays, and/or job promotions.

4) Since the Magisterium of the Church raised the marriage covenant to a Sacrament (Cf. Can.

No. 1055 § 1; GS 48 §, CCC , no.1601; and Introduction in OCM , 1) it recognizes the

couple’s sacramental marriage as an icon which mirrors Jesus’ covenant with the Church.

1.4.3 St. Paul’s Understanding of the New Testament Covenant’s Implications on Marriage

St. Paul’s teachings on the implications of the Paschal Mystery to marriage are found in 1

Corinthians, Ephesians, and Colossians. 60 Some biblical scholars question Paul’s authorship of the last two of these letters - though they will concede that they are Pauline, that is, at least written by a disciple of St. Paul. They were written to the first generation of Christians of the first century but they remain useful to modern covenanted spouses. or St. Paul, marriage, based on Jesus’

81 Servanthood could also operate out of philia or storge types of love.

28 affirmation of its indissolubility and in light of the Paschal Mystery, is of great importance for people living in the new covenant (1 Cor. 7:10-11; see also Mk 10:2-12; Mt 5:27-28; 19:3-9; Lk

18:18). Although he never refers explicitly to marriage as a covenant, the language of the indissolubility of the marriage bond could be said to reflect a characteristic of covenant. His marriage instructions imply that there is a relationship between a marital covenant and the new covenant established by Jesus. The new covenant gives deeper meaning to a marital covenant for those who are Christian.82 In these letters, St. Paul lists virtues that enhance and vices that constrain the indissolubility of marriage for Christians.

In 1 Corinthians 7, St. Paul addresses married couples, at least one of whom is part of the

Corinthian community of believers, on mutual submission in conjugal relations. Spouses have mutual rights in this matter (1 Cor 7:3-5). 83 St. Paul St. Paul teaches married couples a new principle of mutuality in conjugal relations (verses 3-5) by stressing that the body is neither the husband’s nor the wife’s free possession but belongs to one’s spouse (1 Cor 7:4). This principal was a radical concept for its time with the notable exception of time for prayer to which the spouses would again do by mutual agreement. This mutuality is one of the primary ways married couples are to view their relations to each other. It is also a means of strengthening the indissolubility of marriage. St. Paul places his teaching on mutuality in Jesus’ teaching on the indissolubility of marriage which he specifically echoes (cf. Mt 19:5-6; Mk 10:6-9) as well as from his personal

82 The indissoluble marriage bond is also a sign of the sacrament. The covenanted couples profess, “We believe that in the Sacrament of Marriage, God has given us the gift of experiencing his covenant. In the marriage covenant, husband and wife live together in the light of the covenant ….” Council for the Family and Archdiocese of Philadelphia, Love is Our Mission , 8.

83 Thomas Hale suggests the Corinthian Christian married couples operated in a male dominated culture where the husband’s rights over sexual relations stood above the wife’s. See Thomas Hale, The Applied New Testament Commentary , (Eastbourne: Kingsway, 1996), 424. However, David Lowery thinks one of the spouses was practicing celibacy within marriage or was abstaining from sex for spiritual reasons. See David K. Lowery, The Bible Knowledge Commentary, (Wheaton: Victor Books, 1983), 517.

experience as a celibate (1 Cor 7:6). It could be also founded on a common dignity St. Paul writes

about to the Galatians on the equality of the baptized in the life of grace. He wrote, “… nor is there

male and female, for you are all one in Christ” (Gal 3:28). This is an “other centered” approach to

marriage that is quite different from what had existed prior to Christ’s “other centered” offering

on the cross.

In Ephesians 5, St. Paul teaches the spouses to understand the “great mystery… in reference to Christ and the Church” (Eph 5:32) 84 and how their marriage is to be lived in light of this “great

mystery.” Notably, St. Paul here teaches about a mutual submission of husband and wife to each

out reverence for Christ since as Jesus’ disciples the spouses are called to imitate Christ’s example

of total submission to the Father’s will and to the way he loved his disciples until death (cf. Eph.

5:21). 85 This submission mirrors the enriching love a husband and a wife have for each other which

in turn reflects the love Christ has for his Church and how the Church responds to that love by

loving Christ in return. The husband and wife belong to each other just as Christ and the Church belong to each other (Eph. 5: 22-33). Though in the case of Christ and the Church the submission

84 St Paul’s Ephesians 5:32 has been interpreted by Martin Luther and John Calvin in a strict spiritual way. They claim St. Paul only meant a “spiritual marriage” of Christ and the Church and reject the fact that his understanding of marriage as “a great mystery” does apply to the “human marriage.” Their position is held by their followers who treat marriage as a contract and not a covenant and, more to the point, to reject its sacramentality. See Paul F. Palmer, “Christian Marriage: Contract or Covenant?,” Theological Studies, 33, no.4 (December 1972): 624, footnote 15. Martin Luther’s and John Calvin’s interpretation fails to see the connection of Christ’s incarnation as having a great significance on the organism of the Church. Palmer supports this understanding when he wrote, “Actually Paul is speaking of two mysteries: the mystery or hidden significance of marriage from the beginning, and the mystery of Christ's covenant with His Church. Paul presents the marriage of two believers as a reflection of Christ's covenant of redemptive love and fidelity with the Church, and as a sign or sacrament of that covenant.” Palmer, “Christian Marriage,” 624. However, some Protestant teachers acknowledge marriage as a covenant based on biblical evidence but do not as a sacrament.

85 John Paul II elaborated on St. Paul’s teaching on mutual submission. A wife’s submission is rooted in love and affirms her dignity as a person; it develops fully her female personality and enriches it. Thus, this subjection between the two spouses “is not one-sided but mutual.” John Paul II, Mulieris Dignitatem (On the Dignity and Vocation of Women ), no. 24, Aug. 15, 1988, accessed February 10, 2018, https://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul- ii/en/apost_letters/1988/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_19880815_mulieris-dignitatem.html.

30 is one-sided, the Church submits to Christ, while Christ gives himself to/for the Church. In the case of the couple, the submission is genuinely mutual. 86

In Colossians, St Paul suggests household rules to strengthen the bonds of marriage and family. He bases this on one central point: Christ is in all and therefore all is to be done in his name for it is Jesus they are serving (Col 3:17.24). Paul invites couples to focus on uprooting vices that can weaken marriage: sexual immorality, lies, impurity, lust, evil desires, greed, anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language (see Col 3:5-9.12-14). Then he proposes a list of qualities

Christian spouses can pursue and integrate into their marital relationships to enrich it, namely: compassion, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, love, and to forgive as Jesus forgave them

(Col 3:15-17). He concludes by exhorting the spouses to say and do everything in Jesus’ name, to allow Jesus’ teaching to dwell in their hearts, to offer thanks to God, to admonish one another using the wisdom of the Scriptures, and praise God through the psalms, hymns, and sacred songs which will build Christ’s peace in their hearts (Col. 3:15-17). It is Paul’s position that spouses who recognize Christ in their spouses will gradually grow in both the spiritual and relational dimensions of their lives as couples.

1.5 Ecclesial Support for Living the Marriage Covenant

A church community is vital for the survival and enrichment of the marriage covenant. It is the place where sacramental marriage is celebrated, God is habitually encountered in Word, sacrament, and community, the Eucharist and Reconciliation are often offered for continual nourishment and healing, and aids to the spiritual and conjugal life of the couple are made available.

86 Ibid., no. 24.

1.5.1 Sacramental Marriage Rite in a Church Ritual

While the Order of Celebrating Matrimony offers pastoral direction to pastors and those preparing for sacramental marriage in terms of the choice of rite to be used depending on the ecclesial status of those being married (§33-38), the “Order of Celebrating Matrimony within

Mass” ritualizes in the fullest manner the symbols, gestures, and rituals that may serve as touchstones over the course a couple’s entire life. Seven are worth noting:

1) The Liturgy of the Word: In the marriage rite, the readings selected express primarily, among many things, the meaning of marriage, the Lord’s deep investment in covenantal love, the significance of the Word of God itself as a source of divine revelation, assurance of God’s help in moments of challenges, which they initially heard on the day of their sacramental wedding.

2) Consent: During the Wedding Mass, spouses give each other their consent which is a sign of their free choice to enter into covenantal marriage with each other. This irrevocable promise-making is remembered in a special way at anniversary Masses and other events in the parish where opportunities are provided for the marriage bond to be strengthened and renewed.

3) The Exchange of Rings: Rings are a visible manifestation of an invisible reality, just as

Holy Communion is a visible manifestation of an invisible reality. Wearing wedding rings at home and in public serves as a lifelong witness to the bond of love and fidelity between the spouses.

4) The Prayers of the Faithful: These prayers, in which those gathered for the marriage liturgy pray for the needs of the Church, the world, and especially the couple, express the importance of intercessory prayer by all for the needs of others. These prayers are a fitting symbol of the power of prayer and the ongoing value of the couple praying for each other and others throughout married life.

5) The Eucharist: Holy Communion makes present the covenantal bond established by

Christ on the cross. The connection between the new and eternal covenant established by Christ on the cross and the lifelong covenant established by the couple in the Rite of Marriage is very important for the ongoing life of the couple.

6) The Nuptial Blessing: This solemn blessing perpetually places the couple into the story of salvation history where God is continually blessing what he has created, including this couple.

7) The Final Blessing: As a conclusion to the marriage rite, these words and gestures ask

God for specific blessings upon the couple as they are sent forth into the world as witnesses of

God’s goodness to them and, through them, to others.

1.5.2 Marriage Covenant and Divine Support

At the heart of covenantal marriage is the relationship established between the spouses and

God, a relationship that remains until one of the spouses dies. This human-divine relationship forms an ecclesia domestica , one that is intended to increase as children are welcomed into the family. It is of paramount importance for both spouses to know, remember, realize, and believe the truth that God’s love and support, individually and as a married couple, remains absolute, unchanging, and always available to them. Through pastoral care offered by the local community and mutual cooperation, couples are encouraged to grow in their awareness and deeper integration of this profound and permanent love and support God established with them in the Rite of

Marriage. As they grow in this awareness and deeper integration, they will find themselves able to cling to God whether in sickness or in heath, in poverty or in riches, struggles in raising up children, enticement to infidelity, emotional and physical wounds, individualism, threats of falling into spiritual sloth, in disagreement with each other, or when death occurs in the family. Such challenges would not deter couples from remaining focused on being faithful to one another. Fully

“trusting in divine Providence and developing a spirit of sacrifice” (see OCM , 10), spouses will discover that they can live and flourish in their marriage covenant for a lifetime.

God does not abandon his ecclesia domestica, even when sins have been committed. He will give repentant spouses new hearts and new spirits (cf. Ez. 36:26-27). This new heart and new spirit enables a spouse to “forgive each other if one of you has a complaint against another, [to forgive as the] Lord has forgiven you” (Col 3:13). This reconciliation is enhanced through the ministry of priests, lay ministers, and their local community.

1.5.3 Ecclesial Local Church Community Support

Pope John Paul II and Pope Francis speak highly of the local parish community and its structures in advancing marriage enrichment of the married couples. The parish community, represented by the priest, ministers (deacons, religious, lay specialists, and experts in social communication), 87 and the community of the faithful, is both the ideal and the practical place for sharing, growing, strengthening, and healing marriages. Within the parish are found small

Christian communities, the opportunities to share the Word of God, the ecclesial movements, and the associations. 88 For Francis, “the main contribution to the pastoral care of the families is offered by the parish.” 89 The parish has the potential or capacity to aid couples “to enrich and deepen the

87 Pastoral agents include priests, deacons, religious, catechists and other pastoral workers. Francis, Post- Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia, no. 202. It was noted that current seminarians, to be effective pastoral caregivers of families, should to be trained in “areas of engagement and marriage.” Ibid., no. 203. Lay people, particularly women, should be incorporated into seminary formation to reflect the Church’s diversity of various vocations. Ibid. Lay leaders from among teachers, counselors, physicians, social workers and marital therapists, should be trained to offer pastoral care of families. Also see John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio , nos. 74, 75, 76, and Francis, Amoris Laetitia, no. 204.

88 The various ecclesial movements and associations present in many parishes in Uganda and are available to married couples to enrich their marriages are: weekly and perpetual Eucharistic adoration, Legion of Mary, Apostleship of prayer, Catholic Charismatic Renewal, The Faithful House and Post-Cana.

89 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia, no. 202.

34 couples’ conscious and free decision to have, hold, and love one another for life.” 90 Providing opportunities for couples to gather and reflect on the marriage rite they celebrated and how it is being lived out in the present is another way for the parish to support the couple. Pope Francis rightly describes the value of this type of mystagogical catechesis: “At times, the couple does not grasp the theological and spiritual import of the words of consent, which illuminate the meaning of all the signs that follow. It needs to be stressed that these words cannot be reduced to the present; they involve a totality that includes the future: ‘until death do us part. 91

Fidelity until death will draw spouses to seek sustenance mainly from the Eucharist and the liturgical life of the Church. In Uganda, where Basic Christian Communities are active, Mass is celebrated or the rosary is prayed in the home of a chosen family monthly. In May and October, a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary is taken around to people’s homes to pray the rosary and ask

God’s blessings through Mary’s intercession. Parishes may collaborate with non-ecclesial groups to strengthen the life of the couple and the family through programs that provide ongoing assistance through education, medical, juridical, and social development programs.

1.5.4 Eucharist: Christ’s Covenant Nourishment for the Couple’s Marital Covenant

The sacraments of the Eucharist (Word, Body and Blood) and Marriage are linked in their inner nature - that is, they involve total self-giving to the other. the Eucharist as a sacrifice offers two kinds of nourishment: nourishment of the word and nourishment of the Eucharistic species of the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ. An overview of the relationship between the Liturgy of the

Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist in the life of the couple follows.

90 Ibid., no. 217.

91 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , no. 214.

The Introduction to the Lectionary , nos. 1-10, lays down the theology of the Word of God in the liturgy which is also the basis of the theology of the Word in a Wedding Rite. 92 This theology is discussed here in light of OCM , no. 35, centered around two significant points, namely, 1)

Christian Marriage in the history of salvation; and 2) the responsibilities and duties of Marriage that contribute to the sanctification of the spouses and their children.

First, nos. 4 and 5 speak about the economy of salvation and the centrality of Jesus in this history as is revealed in Scripture. From Scripture “all who seek life and salvation must drink.” 93

The Liturgy of the Word, “extends the economy of salvation,” ipso facto , “achieves its fullest expression.” 94 This fullest expression continues, completes, and effectively presents God's word with its saving benefits. OCM , no. 35, also recognizes the role of Christian Marriage in the history of salvation. Several readings in the OCM reveal how marriage, an integral part of the human and/or Christian family was inserted by God into the history of salvation to share in and to perpetuate its blessings (Cf. Tob 8:4b-8; Sirach 26:1-4.13-16; Eph 5:1-2.21-33; 1 Pt 3:1-9; Mt

19:3-6; Mk 10:6-9; Jn 2:1-11). Marriage in the OT is a significant carrier of the OT Covenant as

Joseph Atkinson earlier argued. 95 Today, couples in a Christian marriage reflect similar roles described in Old Testament marriage but in light of the Paschal Mystery, it takes on a more significant role. While the OT marriages prepared Israel for the Messiah, Christian marriages have

92 Committee on Divine Worship, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, The Order of Celebrating Matrimony , 49-83 for the various Wedding Mass readings from the Old Testament, New Testament, and Psalms.

93 Lectionary , no. 5, xiv.

94 Ibid., no. 4, xiv.

95 See in this thesis subsection 1.4.1 Sinai Covenant’s Spousal Symbolism and Marriage Enrichment, page 26. The Sinai Covenant marks the climax of the liberation from the Egyptian slavery in anticipation of possessing the Promised Land. Marriage and family which were governed by the Sinai Covenant produced ministers and servants of the history of salvation, namely, the priests, the Levites, the prophets, the kings, and the ordinary people. The couple Zechariah and Elizabeth produced the greatest OT Prophet John the Baptist (Lk 7:28) while Joseph’s wife Mary produced the Savior Jesus Christ (Mt 1:1-25 and Lk 3:23-38). Jesus is par excellence the prophet, priest, and king.

36 the Messiah in their midst. Thus, a Christian marriage makes a Christian family or ecclesia domestica ; it is an icon of the relationship between Christ and the Church (Eph 5:32); it points to the eschatological marriage supper of the Lamb (Rev 19:6-9); and it brings children into the

Church through Baptism.

Second, no. 7 of the Introduction to the Lectionary speaks about the duty and responsibility of Christians as messengers and witnesses of the Word in the world, which spring from Baptism and Confirmation. 96 Christians are invited to cooperate with the Spirit by listening, responding, conforming, and committing their lives to God’s Word heard in the liturgical worship. “The Holy

Spirit makes that response effective, so that what is heard in the celebration of the Liturgy may be carried out in a way of life.” 97 Similarly, OCM , no. 35, recognizes the responsibilities and duties spouses have towards each other’s sanctification and of their children. As members of the Mystical

Body of Christ, spouses and their children are nourished by the Word to achieve their sanctification through faith, hope, and love. This sanctification which is renewed in the Liturgy of the Word is mutually realized when spouses love one another after Christ’s example (Jn 13:34); submit to each other (Eph 5:21); bear with one another (Col 3:13); forgive one another as God has forgiven them in Christ (Eph 4:32); and cooperate to nurture their children with God-given inspiration and do not drive them to bitterness (Eph 6:4). Children on their part are sanctified when they honor and obey their parents (Eph 6:1-2) and when they care for them in their advanced age (Sir 3:2-7.12-14). For

God rewards whoever does good (Eph 6:8).

As can be seen from the above, the Liturgy of the Word is inseparable from the wedding rite and spouses in a sacramental covenant marriage for several reasons:

96 Lectionary , no. 7, xv.

97 See “Introduction” to the Lectionary , no. 6, xiv-xv.

First, God’s Word brings into existence the marital covenant, which it continues to shape, to sustain, and to govern. This is because the Word “possesses a special sacramental power to bring about … what it proclaims.” 98 This is why the Liturgy of the Word is mandatory for a

Christian wedding even when it is celebrated outside of Mass. Brides and bridegrooms, during their wedding, despite the many distractions that accompany such a day, need to do their best to pay attention to God’s Word because it is primarily addressed to them. They can also increase their understanding of this Word by prayerfully meditating on it before and after wedding. The Word brings God to their midst so that he nourishes, revives, heals, comforts, enlightens, and stimulates them to a deeper conversion or affirms them in faith, hope, and charity.

Second, the Eucharist as Sacrifice makes visible and tangible the paschal mystery present in holy matrimony and married life and deepens the covenantal bond. While all Catholics are encouraged to “take part in the [Eucharistic] sacrifice and to eat the Lord’s Supper,” 99 it is especially important for married couples to participate in the Eucharistic liturgy regularly since it is here par excellence that the couple eat and drink of the new and eternal covenant of Christ, thereby deepening their own marital covenant and growing in holiness. 100

Third, the works accomplished by married couples, including their marital relations, bear the imprint of the paschal mystery of Christ’s suffering, death, and resurrection particularly because they anticipate or flow from partaking in communion of the Eucharistic sacrifice. The actual nourishment received through the Eucharist, which renders the sacrifice of Calvary present

98 USCCB, “Hearing the Word of God,” USCCB Website, accessed May 20, 2016, http://www.usccb.org/ prayer-and-worship/the-mass/order-of-mass/liturgy-of-the-word/hearing-the-word-of-god.cfm.

99 Second Vatican Council, Sacrosanctum Concilium , no. 10.

100 Ibid.

38 in time, is unequal to any other. 101 Participating in the Eucharist essentially means they seek to share in the victory and triumph of Jesus’ death made present. This helps married couples to overcome trials such poverty, sickness, and reduce domestic violence.

Fourth, FC, no.57, augments and extends SC ’s inseparable rapport between marriage and the Eucharist as the very spring from which Christian marriage and the marriage covenant flow; marriage is structured and unceasingly renewed by it. By sharing in the Eucharistic bread and wine, married couples are united to one another in Christ and together as an ecclesia domestica . Since the sacrifice on the cross manifests Christ’s love for the Church, the Eucharist provides a model for the spouses daily self-offering for the good of their partners. On a very serious note then, SC , no. 10 and FC , no. 57 seem to imply that a sacramental marriage covenant cannot be fully realized if it is cut off from its source, the Paschal Mystery. Spouses could make the words of the Preface of the Most Holy Eucharist 1 said preceding the Sanctus their own, “As we eat his flesh that was sacrificed for us, we are made strong, and, as we drink his Blood poured out for us we are washed clean.”

Fifth, the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Marriage presuppose faith, instruct, nourish, sanctify, strengthen, give praise to God, and express faith. They confer grace on the receiver before, during, and after receiving them. 102 Thus, couples are challenged to address the scenario

101 The following general statements on receiving the Eucharist could be applied to married couples bound by a sacramental covenant insofar as they apply to all members of the Church: a) St. Augustine challenges communicants of the Eucharistic species to became what they receive, the Body of Christ; b) the Council of Trent taught that the Eucharist saves from the poison of daily faults and preserves from mortal sins, which is equally true of married couples. See Council Of Trent (1551): DS 1638; c) Pope Francis thinks that the Eucharist is “a powerful medicine and nourishment for the weak;” cf. Francis, Apostolic Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium , no. 47 and Post- Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , footnote, 351; and d) Eucharist, according to CCC , nos. 1393 & 1416, increases the communicants’ communion with Jesus as it nourishes their faith and removes venial sins, preserves them from grave sins; strengthens the bonds of charity between them, and reinforces their union with the Mystical Body of Christ.

102 Sacrosanctum Concilium , no. 59; Cathechism of the Catholic Church , nos. 1123-1124. The spouses’ faith is preceded by the Church's faith which is always rooted in the faith of the apostles.

of “weak or non-existent” 103 faith which negatively affects their marriage covenant. It hinders them

from fully benefiting from the saving acts of Christ when they join in the celebration of the

Eucharist. In short, the Eucharist as real food and drink nourishes the marital covenant (cf. Jn

6:27.35.55) and joins married couples to the heavenly supper of the Lamb (see Rev 19:6-9).

1.5.5 Reconciliation: Healing of Post-Baptismal and Post-Marital Covenant Wounds

All post-baptismal and post-marital sins impart various degrees of spiritual, emotional, and,

at times, physical wounds to married spouses in various ways. 104 Pope Francis wrote, “… perfect

families [marriages] …do not exist.” 105 Couples too admit that “[t]he Lord knows that no marriage

displays all the virtues all the time, but in His mercy he gives us Penance … so that we might grow

in our capacity to love as Jesus does.” 106 Spouses need to be realistic about their limits, defects, and imperfections as they grow and strengthen their union, come what may. Because there is no perfect person, people hurt each other, be they spouses, parents, children, family, etc. In such situations, mutual pardon is needed or as Pope Francis recommends “the exercise of

103 Synod of Bishops, III Extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops on the Family : Instrumentum Laboris, nos. 62-63, Holy See, Jun. 26, 2014, http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/synod/documents/ rc_synod_doc_20140626_instrumentum-laboris-familia_en.html, accessed February 2, 2015.

104 Some of the sins that manifest in the post-baptismal and post-marital covenant are quarrels, fights, conflicts, blame, domination, infidelity, rape, polygamy, escape from marital/family responsibilities, and abuse of alcohol, drugs and pornography. Spiritual, psychological and physical wounds can aggravate some of these sins.

105 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia, no. 135.

106 Pontifical Council for the Family and Archdiocese of Philadelphia, Love is Our Mission, 47. Cardinal Marc Quellet too argues, “In Christ’s redemptive sacrifice all the couple’s sins are already expiated and absolved; obstacles [are] removed, thus calling to mind…Christ the Bridegroom’s redemptive love in the life of the couple through the sacrament of reconciliation.” Marc Ouellet, Divine Will: Towards a Trinitarian Anthropology of the Family , translated by Philip Milligan and Linda M. Cicone (Grand Rapids: MI, William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2006), 91. The Spirit, in the Church, “Communicates the redeeming gift of Christ to the wounded and weak love.” Quellet, 91.

40 forgiveness.” 107 Jesus taught his disciples to forgive others if they are to be forgiven (Mt 5:24;

6:12). The absence of physical, emotional, and spiritual forgiveness in marriage and family impedes communion with God and can intoxicate the soul to the point of death, both humanly and eternally. A wounded heart loses peace and leads to self-ruin.

The Good News of the Christian faith proclaims that God forgives and forgets his people’s sins individually and collectively (see Heb 8:12; Jn 8:11) for he is mercy and forgiveness (cf. Ps

130:3-4). Jesus saves sinners (see Jn 8:11; 1 Tim 1:15), he desires mercy (Mt 9:9). St. Paul reminds us of one of the great paradoxes of Christian faith when he proclaims that when sin increases, grace abounds the more (Rm 5:20-21). The spouses’ sins are swallowed up by God’s grace in sacramental reconciliation. Sacramental reconciliation restores the penitent’s relationship with

God damaged by sin. Through deliberate efforts, spouses using penance, prayer, listening, and dialog are encouraged to seek reconciliation. Spouse-to-spouse reconciliation might be hard but it is worth trying.

Familiaris Consortio, no. 58, reminds couples that every sin they commit contradicts the covenant with God, the covenant between husband and wife as well as the communion of the family. This explains why it is important for them to keep on the journey of ongoing conversion so that they may overcome the sins against baptismal and matrimonial grace. The awareness of ongoing conversion should inspire them to ask for forgiveness, say “I am sorry,” and ultimately culminate in sacramental reconciliation which is paradigmatic of marital and family life where pardon and forgiveness are to be lived out in daily life. In summary, three benefits will be achieved, namely, 1) sacramental Reconciliation will lead spouses to encounter the riches of God’s mercy;

107 Christine Katende, “Pope’s Homilies on Families.” Daily Monitor , November 26, 2015, accessed July 21, 2017 http://www.monitor.co.ug/artsculture/Heart-to-Heart/-POPE-S-homily-on-families/691230-2971086-asjgaj/ index.html.

2) in Reconciliation, God will renew and strengthen their love for each; and 3) God will reconstruct and perfect their marriage covenant and family communion.

1.5.6 Spiritual Life

The spiritual life of couples is rooted in the Bible, sacraments especially the Eucharist which FC calls the “source and summit” of the Christian family’s life,108 devotions, and daily experiences of family life, work, marital relations, prayer, and daily crosses. However, this spiritual life is concretely lived in the Church as a community of prayer, in the couples’ relationship with God, in the prayer life of the people, in the couple / family in the context of prayer and meals, and in the importance of interpersonal listening / dialog between spouses and in the family. The

Christian’s life is governed by Christ Jesus, whom the Father has given to the spouses as “the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (Jn 14:6). Without Jesus they can do nothing (see Jn 15:5); Jesus alone, through the Scriptures, through the ministry of the Church, sharing in the Sacramental life of the

Church, and in imitating him just as St. Paul did (see 1 Cor 11:1), will enable married couples to withstand the daily burdens, challenges, and crosses associated with their covenantal marriage and family responsibilities. Each family has a unique spirituality which the spouses are called to develop as a domestic church ,109 because as living temples of the Holy Spirit (see 1 Cor 6:19-20),

Christ dwells in their midst, especially when they partake of him in the Eucharist (cf. Jn 6:56-57).

1.5.6.1 Relation to the Church as a Community at Prayer

Sacrosanctum Concilium states that the marriage between two Catholics is normally

108 John Paul II, Apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio , no. 57.

109 “The Church of the home is the most basic unit of the church, a community on which the parish and the rest of the church can be built.” Kathleen Finley, “Family Faith & Spirituality,” in Families and Faith: A Vision & Practice for Parish Leaders , ed. Leif Kehrwald (New London, CT: Twenty-Third Publications, 2006), 88.

42 celebrated within Mass (no. 78). The reason for this is because of the intrinsic link between the covenant established on Calvary that is made present at each Mass and its relationship to the one established in sacramental marriage. The local church faithful in union with the universal Church gather at the parish to celebrate the Eucharist weekly, the highest expression of Christian life and to encounter Christ in the faithful at prayer, in the Word, in the person of the priest, and par excellence in Holy Communion ( SC , no. 10). A study conducted in 2006 by the Institute for Family

Studies, Better Together: Religious Attendance, Gender and Relationship Quality, in a sampled survey of about 1,600 adults, aged 18-59, found a strong relationship of happiness and satisfaction in couples who attend church together. 110 The strongest predictor in religious activities in relation to couple satisfaction was shared prayer. Where couples pray together frequently, 17% are more likely to say they are very happy than those who pray together less frequently. Finally, shared prayer “is likely to engender a heightened sense of emotional intimacy, communication, and reflection about relationship priorities and concerns and a sense of divine involvement in one’s relationship.” 111

1.5.6.2 Relationship of God to the Couple in the Prayer Life of the Couple

Each spouse is invited to have a personal communion with God who is able to satisfy their spiritual yearnings (cf. Ps 42:1-2). Applicable to the spouses is what St. Augustine stated, “You

110 78% of couples who attended church together rated themselves as “very happy” or “extremely happy” with their relationships. Where only a man attends church regularly, 78% described themselves as “very happy” or “extremely happy” with their relationships, compared to 59% where only the woman attends church. 67% of couples where neither member of the couples attends church reported being very happy or extremely happy. See Jim Liebelt, “Marriage Research: Attending Church Together Strengthens Relationship,” accessed August 7, 2017, http://www1.cbn.com/marriage/ attending-church-together-strengthens-relationship; Lambert, N. M., Fincham, F. D., LaVallee, D. C., & Brantley, C. W., “Praying together and staying together: Couple prayer and trust,” Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 4 (1), (2012), 1-9, accessed August 7, 2017, http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0023060. 111 W. Bradford Wilcox & Nicholas H. Wolfinger, February 14, 2016 4:00 AM, “Better Together: Religious Attendance, Gender, and Relationship Quality,” accessed August 7, 2017, http://www.nationalreview.com/article/431244/religious-couples-have-better-marriages.

43 have made our hearts for yourself… Our hearts are restless until they rest in thee.” 112 So, according to the principle of spiritual realism, Francis cautions spouses not to assume their partners can wholly satisfy their needs; only God can. He says, “stop expecting from that person [your spouse] something which is proper to the love of God alone. 113

God dwells within the spousal covenant. 114 Thus, he makes each spouse to the other

“a sign and instrument of the closeness of the Lord” 115 especially in the “temple of marital communion deep within the marital love that gives him glory.” 116 Without God dwelling with the couples through a sustained prayer life, spouses can easily succumb to the worship of modern baals in form of egoism, materialism, secularism, loss of faith and interest in God and the Church, and misuse of individual conscience. So, essential to a couple’s and family’s life is prayer.

1.5.7 Couple/Family Life

John Paul II invited Christian families to reflect their identity and mission as intimate communities of life and love, saying, “Families become what you are.” 117 He invited them to be light to other families by witnessing to the culture of life and love against the growing cultures of hedonism, egoism, secularism, and death that are affecting many families. FC set a high moral standard for Christian families. Some critics, such as Walter Cardinal Kasper and Lorenzo Cardinal

Baldisseri, who considered it too abstract, out of touch with the actual family life, and in need of

112 St. Augustine, Confessions, Lib 1, 1-2, 2.5,5: CSEL 33, 1-5.

113 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , 320.

114 Ibid., no. 315.

115 Ibid., no. 319.

116 Ibid., no. 314.

117 John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio , no. 17.

44 updating, have welcomed 118 Amoris Laetitia . Yet others such as Carlo Cardinal Caffarra and

Stephan Kampowski think otherwise. 119 Nearly thirty-five years after FC , Francis issued AL in which he acknowledged the daily and real struggles the couple / family goes through. He writes,

"No family drops down from heaven perfectly formed.” 120 Nonetheless, family members are invited to recognize “how God is already at work in [them] … [They] are called to serve.” 121 The couple/family and relatives belong to each other. The family is a human and spiritual oasis of love, mercy, compassion, and healing. In addition, “By baptism all Christians are called to holiness and ministry, that is, to a spirituality which has two dimensions, a deepened relationship with God and an expression of that relationship in action.” 122 Human experience shows the family “has always been the nearest ‘hospital,’” 123 a dwelling of God’s compassion.

Within the family, lay spirituality, borne out of love, receives its character from the real and concrete settings of married and family life with all their daily joys and crosses. 124 The charitable acts done within the family constitute “a true path to daily sanctification and mystical growth, a means for deeper union with God.” 125 Each couple/family shares in the

118 See Edward Pentin, “Cardinal Baldisseri: ‘The Church Is Not an Abstraction,’ in National Catholic Register , (Irondale, AL: EWTN), May 28, 2014, accessed August 29, 2018, http://www.ncregister.com/daily- news/cardinal-baldisseri-the-church-is-not-an-abstraction.

119 See interview of Cardinal Caffarra by a Zenit Staff. “Cardinal Caffarra Expresses Serious Concerns About Family Synod Debates,” in Zenit , March 24, 2014, (Alpharetta, GA: Innovative Media Inc.), accessed August 29, 2018, https://zenit.org/articles/cardinal-caffarra-expresses-serious-concerns-about-family-synod-debates/.

120 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , no. 325.

121 Edward P. Hahnenberg, Theology of Ministry: An Introduction for Lay Ministers (Collegeville: Liturgical Press, 2014), 126.

122 Loughlan Sofield and Carroll Juliano, Collaborative Ministry: Skills and Guidelines (Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press, 1987), 57.

123 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , no. 321.

124 Ibid., nos. 313 and 315.

125 Ibid., no. 316.

45 paschal mystery. Importantly, the paschal mystery also celebrates the joys and delights of the resurrection. Marital intimate relations “can be experienced as a sharing in the full life of the resurrection.” 126 This can be enhanced through regular reception of the Eucharistic food which builds up the marital covenant and the “domestic church.” 127 It is noteworthy to claim that within the family setting couple prayer is crucial. John Paul II says it well: “For their work, prayers and apostolic endeavors, their ordinary married and family life, their daily labor, their mental and physical relaxation, if carried out in the Spirit, and even the hardships of life if patiently born - these become spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus

Christ…. 128

1.5.7.1 Importance of Couple Prayer

Couple prayer is for the couple alone. It involves praying for their marriage, sexual life, children, assets, health, and everything within the family and beyond since these are at the center of married life or affect it from outside. Couple prayer strengthens the spiritual communion among the couples already realized in the covenant of marriage. Uniting their voices to pray touches the heart of God who answers them in varied ways. John Paul II teaches, “Prayer makes the Son of

God present among us.” 129 It fulfills the promise of Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” Couple prayer builds honesty and improves communication among couples. Couple prayer increases agreement among spouses as couples

126 Ibid., no. 317.

127 Ibid., no. 318.

128 John Paul II, Christifidelis Laici (On the Vocation and the Mission of the Lay Faithful in the Church and in the World ), Dec. 30, 1988, no. 14 § 5, accessed August 1, 2017, http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul- ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jpii_exh_30121988_christifideles-laici.html.

129 Mt 18:20; John Paul II, Gratissimam Sane , no. 4.

46 tend to develop a common vision of their marriage. Through reflective prayer, each spouse can acquire the ability to identify God dwelling in the other and increase mutual respect. It will also be easier to defeat the foes of their marriage since they will depend on each other’s prayers.

Spouses learn God’s will for their lives through couple prayer. They learn how to do God’s will better, accept trials, bring their crosses to God, pray over each other’s needs and failures, learn to be generous and patient towards each other, and increase their intimacy with each other. Lastly, when couples pray, they should also pray for the needs of the universal Church and local church, religious and civil leaders, and the local situations. Their families too benefit from the prayers of other families all over the world.

1.5.7.2 Importance of Prayer in the Family

The family, the ecclesia domestica , which offers prayers of thanks, praise, and worship to

God, is a gift of God that comes with many blessings (cf. Eph 3:15). John Paul II affirms that

“Prayer increases the strength and spiritual unity of the family, helping the family to partake of

God's own ‘strength.’” 130 The family receives God’s protection, healing, peace and joy; it binds the members together and increases better communication and intimacy as God dwells in them

(see Ps 22:3).

1.5.7.3 Importance of Meals

The Bible, as in the case of many cultures in Uganda and elsewhere, is replete with references to the “breaking of bread” and “sharing the cup.” Though this language has Eucharistic connotations, its setting has parallels for blessing a family meal (see Lk 22:17-20; Mt 26:26-27).

Abraham’s three divine visitors and the Archangel Gabriel at Tobit’s house supposedly enjoyed

130 Paul II, Gratissimam Sane , no. 4.

47 the meals set before them (see Gn 18:7-8; Tob 12:19). Jesus too shared meals within a family setting as a guest at the homes of Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, of Simon the leper, of Matthew and

Zacchaeus, at the Cana wedding, and the Last Passover with his apostles (see Mt 9:10; Lk 7:36;

19:1-10; 22:19). The prodigal son’s father celebrates his return with a feast (Lk 15:23-24). Family meals strengthen friendships, reunion, healing, hospitality, gratitude, generosity, happiness, satisfaction, and new life and are a sign of sacrificial love. Research confirms that family meals improve relationships, create an upsurge in attendance at religious services, and lessen stress and substance abuse. 131 Eating together satisfies “the desire to be fed by the presence of and [the] interaction with one another.” 132 Spouses are privileged to share in three different tables of fellowship: the Eucharistic table, the familial meals, and the “marital table” of sexual intimacy.

The Eucharistic meal is the perfect model of the Christian family meals and marital meals in family life. In the Eucharist, spouses are strengthened so that they can nobly emulate Jesus’ example, bless God’s providence, and break and eat the bread and drink the cup given to them. 133 After the agape meal when circumstances are conducive, a couple may proceed to engage in what Pope

Francis figuratively called the “temple of marital communion,” 134 that is, marital intimacy. Above all, shared meals improve listening/dialog within the family.

1.5.7.4 Importance of Interpersonal Listening/Dialog between Spouses and within the Family

Interpersonal listening/dialog is God’s gift to spouses and families. God’s Word received

131 The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, “The Importance of Family Dinners VIII,” CASA (Columbia, New York, September, 2012), 1-12 (2, 4-5), https://www. centeronaddiction.org/addiction-research/reports/importance-of-family-dinners-2012, accessed August 9, 2017.

132 Kathleen Finley, “Family Faith & Spirituality,” in Families and Faith , 98.

133 In Uganda, the grace before the meal recognizes God’s providence and doing his will. It says, “God our Creator, we pray to you that this food we are about to receive, may obtain for us the strength to do your will. Amen.”

134 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia no. 314.

48 at Mass and lived concretely at home leads to peace (cf. Ps 85:8). Listening/dialog is crucial in receiving messages from God to spouses and individuals. Humans have a right to be heard, and if their input enhances value to spouses or family, it should be integrated into marital and family decisions. Family members are encouraged to look at other members’ sharing “through their eyes.” 135 So it is important that listening be empathic, sincere, adequate, and patient.

Listening/dialoging needs fruitful silence of the heart if words are to be adequately understood and if the kind of silence which upsets more than unkind words do is to be avoided. St. Benedict is quoted to have said, “Listen carefully … and turn the ear of your heart to the advice of our loving father.” 136 Family members can, guided by St. Paul’s understanding of love (see I Cor 13:4-8a), discuss delicate issues in dialog without hurting each other or quarreling. 137 Dialog/listening grows by reading helpful resources, and by prayer, reflection and practice. To listen/dialog effectively involves developing confidence skills and attitudes that “express love and encourage authentic dialogue.” 138

Dialog is aimed at refining diakonia in the Christian domestic koinonia where language shapes domestic ministries. Thomas O’Meara says: “Language is not simply a tool but an expression of life and reality…. [It] … inevitably provide the words, ideas, and grammar for God’s

135 James Sullivan, The Good Listener (Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press, 2000), 73. James Sullivan writes, “I simply don’t know the reason until I give you time and the patience to talk it all out! I first … feel your pain and let you know that I understand and care. But, I’ll never [be] able to help you to change until I listen closely enough to understand your real problem.” Ibid., 70-71. Let spouses mutually listen to “their stories, complaints, points of view, intentions, proposals, decisions, and everything else…. Full listening means listening actively…accurately…listening for meaning.” Ibid., 71. Persons ask for “more than physical presence in human communication: they want the other person to be present psychologically, socially, and emotionally.” Ibid., 74.

136 J. Conor Gallagher, ed., The Rule of Saint Benedict , (Charlotte, NC: Saint Benedict Press, 2007), 1.

137 See Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , nos. 139-141 for details on how to develop the qualities of communication, listening and dialog among married couples.

138 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , no. 136.

49 revelation. God’s Word uses our words ….” 139 Dialog turns spouses/family into Good Samaritans,

“neighbor[s] to others so that [they]… see their concerns, feel their needs, and the world from their point of view… [and] cross over to the abused and neglected one on the other side of the road….” 140 This approach can create a genuine spirit of compassion and immediacy for spouses and within the family.

Listening is at the root of domestic discipleship. It leads to trustworthy decisions and respect for others. The Whiteheads argue that “To be a disciple is literally to be a ‘learner’ or a

‘listener.’ It is to follow the teacher, Jesus. 141 They further contend that “Neither easy nor spontaneous, listening well is a learned discipline.” 142 So, listening/dialog is “a true path to daily sanctification and mystical growth, a means for deeper union with God.” 143 Family members have the onus to integrate in their communication their created male and female diverse styles of communication, their unalike ways and tones, their dissimilar moods, and their use of differing non-verbal clues.

Listening/dialog within marriage and the family enhances agreement and reduces tensions.

Often people do not listen to understand but rather to speak their views. Such an attitude stifles empathy and better communication. Listening profitably demands patience. It is the onus of the spouses to find time to “listen patiently and attentively to everything the other person wants to

139 Thomas O’Meara, Theology of Ministry, Revised edition (New York: Paulist Press, 1999), 156-157.

140 Hahnenberg. Theology of Ministry , 125.

141 Evelyn Eaton Whitehead and James D. Whitehead, The Promise of Partnership: A Model for Collaborative Ministry (Lincoln: iUniverse.com, Inc., 2000), 109.

142 Ibid., 195.

143 Francis, Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia , no. 316.

50 say.” 144 Through listening we discover “interior silence that makes it possible to listen to the other person without mental or emotional distractions.” 145 Listening/dialoging proves one that values the pains, regrets, hopes, and dreams of others. Listening is a free remedy for reducing, frustration, anger, and domestic violence with family members. Two-way dialog is superior to monologues.

1.6 Conclusion of Chapter One

This chapter has discussed the Sitz im Leben , cultural dynamics, and challenges facing the marital covenant in Uganda. It also treated pastoral care from biblical, theological, magisterial, liturgical, and pastoral points of view. It underlined important resources that enrich the marital covenant. It concluded by considering the importance of the liturgical and spiritual life of the couple and their families at the various levels of ecclesial communities, the individual, and the couple/family, and it briefly described the nature of prayer, the spiritual life, and listening and dialog among spouses and within the family. At the core of this chapter is the affirmation that marriage is a sacramental covenantal. Chapter one has set the background for the design and implementation of the project which chapter two discusses.

144 Ibid., no. 137.

145 Ibid.

CHAPTER TWO: PROJECT DESIGN AND IMPLEMENTATION

2.1 Introduction

This chapter is composed of two parts. Part One discusses how the project’s integrated conceptual framework draws on James D. Whitehead and Evelyn E. Whitehead’s theological reflection method, Kathleen Hughes’ mystagogical catechesis method, and Malcolm Knowles’ adult learning method. Part Two presents the actual implementation of the Project in Ministry.

PART ONE: PROJECT DESIGN

There is a need to enrich marriages in Uganda using programs that are integrated into the structures of the local church. These church structures include: the parish, Basic Christian

Communities, and the family. The researcher implemented the Project in Ministry (hereafter, PiM) in the context of a weekend retreat, with a focus on some aspects of the 2016 English-language translation of the second typical edition of the Ordo celebrandi Matrimonium (hereafter, OCM ).

This PiM attempts to show that married couples can enrich their relationship and commitment by participating in a weekend retreat, reflecting mystagogically on the lifelong commitment to their marriage, and prayerfully reflecting on their own marriage experience in a Ugandan context. 1 A weekend retreat in this PiM consisted of a time of intentional and intensive meditation, reflection, sharing, prayer, and praying on human experience using the resources of Christian tradition and social science in the context of Ugandan cultures to deepen the commitment of the retreat

1 Marriage enrichment experience takes various forms in each couple. These forms could be discovering a new way of loving; deepening one’s commitment to one’s spouse; making new commitment to live the vows; growing in respect and faithfulness; finding strength to endure the daily crosses; loving afresh after forgiving one’s spouse; and/or starting to pray as a couple and family.

52 participants to the Christian life as a couple and family. 1 The project used the method of theological reflection (hereafter TR) developed by the Whiteheads’, 2 insights on mystagogical catechesis gleaned from Saying Amen! A Mystagogy of Sacrament by Kathleen Hughes, 3 and the principles of adult learning (andragogy) developed by Malcolm S. Knowles in The Adult Learner .4

TR was chosen for this PiM because it enables participating married couples to reflect on their daily experience in the cultural contexts of Ugandan society using the resources of Catholic tradition. 5 It is a practice-oriented method, integrating faith into ministry and ministry into faith, utilizing the experience of the couple in their own experience of marriage rites and the meaning, ideas, and language therein which are vital for practicing and learning TR. This approach enables couples to gain competence in reflecting on the liturgy of marriage, namely, its words, gestures, symbols, and signs, and to apply to their lives the meaning behind them. TR also creates an opportunity to reflect on the symbolic insights conveyed via the cultures of the people who participate.

The main objective in using Hughes’ mystagogical method was to enable married people to God’s presence and to help them develop habits based on the proclamation of the Word of God, liturgical rites, and experiences of prayer. The dynamics of mystagogy are effective in leading married couples to experience and gain a deeper understanding of their faith in all sacramental

1 The resources of Christian formation include the Scriptures, Sacred Tradition, magisterial documents or statements, and liturgical and sacramental rituals. 2 James D. Whitehead and Evelyn Eaton Whitehead, Method in Ministry: Theological Reflection and Christian Ministry , Revised Edition (Lanham, MD: Sheed & Ward, 1995).

3 Kathleen Hughes, Saying Amen! A Mystagogy of Sacrament (Chicago: Liturgy Training Publications, 1999), 8. 4 Malcolm S. Knowles, Elwood F. Holton III & Richard A. Swanson, The Adult Learner , 6 th ed., (Amsterdam: Elsevier, 2005).

5 Resources of religious tradition include Sacred Scripture, Sacred Tradition, and Magisterial Teaching. Meanwhile, Uganda’s traditional tribal societies like others elsewhere, follow a hierarchical status that reveres the wisdom of the ancestors, a fact which pervades and guides their cultural and religious ways of life.

53 celebrations. 6 Conciliar and post-Conciliar documents include the idea of marriage preparation following a process “similar to the catechumenate,”7 implying that guidance to and reflection by couples can continue after their wedding vows to enable them live their marriage commitment with the support of the Church’s local community.

Knowles’ adult learning method (andragogy), was suitable for this project because it promotes active participant-centered learning, which includes the learners’ experiences, thus increasing learning and participation on the part of the couples engaged in the PiM, the goal of which was to enrich the sacramental covenant of Ugandan spouses. It fit well with the married couples’ invitation to enrich, renew, affirm, and engage with mystagogical catechesis.

2.2 The Whiteheads’ Theological Reflection Method: Attending, Assertion, and Pastoral Response

The Whiteheads describe their method as “the process of bringing to bear in practical decisions of ministry the resources of Christian faith.” 8 They further describe it as “the process by which the community of faith engages the religious information from these sources [Christian tradition, personal experience, and resources of culture] in pursuit of insight that will illumine and shape pastoral response.” 9 Another scholar who uses the Whiteheads’ method, Patricia O’C.

6 Kathleen Hughes, Saying Amen! A Mystagogy of Sacrament (Chicago: Liturgy Training Publications, 1999), 8.

7 John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio , (On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World) , Nov. 22, 1981, no 66, Holy See, accessed October 20, 2015, http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_ exhortations/ documents/hfjp-iiexh19811122familiaris-consortio.html. The catechumenate has four stages, namely, inquiry/pre- catechumenate, catechumenate, purification (enlightenment), and mystagogy. Pope Francis recently called for a permanent catechumenate for marriage preparation which will offer permanent accompaniment to the married couples. See Ed Condon, “Francis calls for 'permanent catechumenate' for married couples” in Catholic News Agency , https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/francis-calls-for-permanent-catechumenate-for-married-couples-46023, accessed November 10, 2018.

8 James D. Whitehead and Evelyn Eaton Whitehead, Method in Ministry: Theological Reflection and Christian Ministry , Revised Edition (Lanham, MD: Sheed & Ward, 1995), 5.

9 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , x.

Killen, defines it as “a process of making meaning of selves and the world in the light of God, carried on by persons with particular questions arising from particular experiences in particular cultural situations who are members of particular communities of faith.” 10 The Whiteheads’ theological reflection model follows a logical three-stage approach: attending, asserting, and pastoral response.

2.2.1 Attending

“Attending is the first activity of the method.” 11 In attending, one seeks relevant and diverse information in situations that need a TR response. 12 Attending attempts to identify, to understand, and to define the experiences “the believer and the community bring to the reflection” 13 and the needs of the individual or community that call for action. 14 These experiences can, when reflected upon, transform family, institutional, pastoral, and practical life and can bring about conversion and transformation of the individual and community. The importance of this reflection is noted by Killen who asserts that “[e]ach generation and community must translate its experience for the tradition and the tradition for its life, if its theology is to be life-giving and faithful.” 15 In doing so, the community expands the application of Scripture and Sacred Tradition to its life and experience. 16

10 See Patricia O’Connell Killen, “Assisting Adults to Think Theologically,” in Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 106.

11 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 13.

12 Ibid., 13.

13 Ibid., 6.

14 Such needs and concerns include their grief, anger, fears, and joys; their longings and half-met expectations; the dreams that are dying or are being born in the people, and their lassitude.

15 Killen, “Assisting Adults to Think Theologically,” in Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 106.

The most important part of attending in the Whiteheads’ method is to discern God’s voice, by listening actively and critically to available information partially revealed in each source. 17 A variety of skills is needed to listen to the texts and their contexts, including the ability to: direct the community of faith and to learn from it, to postpone premature judgment until sufficient discernment through reflection and consultation is done, 18 and to have recourse to other disciplines

such as sociology and group psychology in order to enhance listening to the community’s

experience. 19 Active listening in the Whiteheads’ method can be hampered by inner motives, convictions, and values; by frustration, fatigue, and anxiety; by aggressiveness or non- assertiveness. 20 These dynamics negatively affect the attending stage. 21 To overcome them, Jack

Shea proposes four steps of listening. The first is listening and evaluating the religious tradition lived in the culture and experience of the people in the light of Christianity. The second is

16 Eugene C. Ulrich and William G. Thompson, “The Tradition in Theological Reflection,” in Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 25. Ulrich and Thompson assign a dialectical process to the development of Scripture. They wrote, “Scripture, which began as experience, was produced through a process of traditions being formulated about the experience and being reformulated by interpreters in dialogue with the experience of their communities and with the larger culture.” Ibid., 26.

17 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 13 and 69.

18 Discernment is inseparable from attending and it is a “graced ability to detect how the person should respond to the invitation of God in this concrete situation.” Ibid., 70. Using discernment, the pastoral leader, teacher, researcher or mystagogue helps the attendees to become aware of God’s “presence and to assist other believers in their attentive response to God’s moment in their lives.” Ibid., 68. Suspending hasty judgment to enhance discernment helps those involved in TR to identify their limitations, to accept guidance, to exercise a balanced criticism of the available sources of information, and to objectively respect diverse views; it reduces bias in the selection of materials until substantial hearing is done, it defers rushed interpretation, it helps to learn from “other people’s experience and insight,” Ibid., 5; and it aids in encountering “God’s surprising presence in human history.” Ibid., 68.

19 Ulrich and Thompson argue that some of the aspects of tradition that have become part of the faithful’s experience survive “today in liturgical rituals, theological doctrines and daily piety.” Ulrich and Thompson, “The Tradition in Theological Reflection,” in Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 23. This is true because the sacrament of marriage’s liturgical rituals, doctrines, and spirituality are reflected in biblical verses, the Rite of Marriage, wedding hymns, prayers, pictures, and nuptial blessing among other things.

20 Ibid., 6, 14-15 and 73.

21 Ibid., 105.

56 discerning the deeper values of faith raised by the questions and the theological response of the participating community while respecting “the tradition which grounds the question[s].” 22 The third is understanding what underlies the established pastoral and religious programs. The fourth is discerning the new pastoral action, individuals’ and institutions’ faith, and how they will play out in the future. 23

2.2.2 Assertion

Assertion is the second phase as well as the core and arduous of the Whiteheads’ method because it is faced with three voluminous and unfamiliar sources which it must use together, and not in isolation, to do TR in ministry. 24 Assertion holds that God is revealed in religious tradition, experience, and culture, and that all three sources offer partial religious information but not on equal basis. 25 The goal of assertion is to arrive at a pastoral conclusion that leads to a fuller liberation and empowerment of the beneficiaries and to a greater response to God’s Spirit in the community. Assertion progresses by doing three things.

First, it recognizes dynamic intrinsic pluralism and conflicts within the three sources of information, their diverse perspectives, and their interpretations. 26 This scenario is treated as healthy, as natural, and as integral to the TR. 27 The process helps to expose doubts and confusions, anxiety and variances, ignorance, and lack of ready-made answers. To reduce these tensions,

22 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 72.

23 Jack Shea, “Doing Ministerial Theology,” in D. Tracy, ed., Toward Vatican III (New York: Seabury Press, 1978), 188-95, quoted in Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 72-73.

24 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 14-15.

25 Ibid., 14. In the TR, scriptural tradition is superior and normative to experience and culture. Its authority helps to recover and understand tradition better during TR.

26 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 76.

27 Ibid., 79.

57 participants in TR need to employ skills of handling confrontations, to understand their causes, to desist from premature judgments, avoid the temptation of wanting to replace valuable old policies and programs with emerging or proposed ones, and must avoid assuming that ideas generated by the participants involved in TR are “always the best. 28

Second, assertion brings the three sources of information into an intentional, constructive, and lively dialog of “mutual clarification to expand and enrich religious insight.” 29 Dialogical assertion can challenge, clarify, purify, and delineate the limits of each of the insights from the three sources of information. 30 Dialog in TR seeks suitable engagement with religious tradition, that is, Sacred Scripture, Sacred Tradition, and Magisterial teaching.

Third, the assertive stage ends by identifying practical steps to be implemented in the third stage, pastoral responses. It produces theological insights, guidelines, and pastoral decisions needed to guide the agenda in the final stage of pastoral response. 31 Assertion identifies mechanisms to deal with human interpretation, influence, interference, and cultural contexts that shape religious traditions in their milieu. It illumines, enriches, or confirms what needs to be done.

Finally, it uncovers harmful practices, underlying resistance to change, purely humanistic motives, unchristian thoughts, and abstract and irrelevant decisions that could hamper execution of a common vision.

28 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 81.

29 Ibid., 13.

30 Ibid., x.

31 Ibid., 16.

2.2.3 Pastoral Response

The third and final stage of the method is called pastoral response. 32 This is a decision and action stage that is connected to faith and morals explored in the previous two stages. It builds on and concludes the attending and asserting stage. When this stage is done well, it can lead to

“change, even significant transformation.” 33 Pastoral responses integrates insights and resolutions produced by the minister or married couple in the previous stages so they may act on them. 34 In this stage, the community or couple chooses strategies for collaboration on how to achieve concrete pastoral benefits. Because strategies, consensus building, problem solving, conflict resolution, and partial solutions “influence personal and social life,” 35 they must be “accountable to the larger vision of the reign of God.” 36 The Whiteheads contend that the critical test of reflection in ministry is the quality of the fruits of the pastoral response and not the quality of insight to be implemented. 37 They also recognize that there can be obstacles to achieving the goal: conflicting attitudes towards working together, an authoritarian style of decision making, conflicting ecclesial or family visions, a lack of mutual accountability, a lack of access to the resources, and cliques.

In pastoral response, the sources are integrated into condensed insights, resolutions, and conclusions to be implemented as new, reassessed, or reaffirmed programs. Planning, human, and

32 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 13.

33 Ibid., 16.

34 Ibid.

35 Ibid., 86.

36 Ibid., 17.

37 Ibid., 86.

59 logistical resources are allocated. This effort is arrived at via critical listening and a nonjudgmental attitude. 38

2.3 Insights from Kathleen Hughes’ Mystagogy of Sacrament

The project integrated insights from Kathleen Hughes’ mystagogical method to enrich participant participation in the PiM. 39 Mystagogy is described as “[a] liturgical catechesis which aims to initiate people into the mystery of Christ.” 40 It was revived at Vatican II and has been extended to all liturgical rituals and sacraments. This methodological approach assists the PiM couples 1) to discover or gain deeper understanding of the rich hidden mysteries of marriage, especially its paschal mystery dimension lived in sacramental covenant; 2) to mature their faith in the sacramental covenant of marriage; 3) to renew and deepen commitment to each other as spouses living a sacramental covenant; 4) to experience a richer communion as spouses; and 5) to integrate new learning and experience into their daily lives.

Using mystagogical catechesis as a method to remember each couple’s celebration of their own wedding, the process focused on four insights and incorporated them into the PiM, namely,

38 Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 86. Listening while attending is not always easy. It is affected by interior and exterior noise, speed, gadgets, biases, false idols, superiority or inferiority complexes, resistance to change and lack of interest. See Whiteheads, Method in Ministry , 105.

39 Hughes, Saying Amen! A Mystagogy of Sacrament, Chapter 6: “Marriage and Vocation,” 101-118.

40 United States Catholic Conference, Catechism of the Catholic Church: Revised in Accordance with the Official Latin Text Promulgated by Pope John Paul II, (Washington, D.C: Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1997), 889.

1) the paschal mystery, 2) the power memory plays in recalling the marriage rite,41 3) ongoing conversion or growth in the sacrament or covenant, and 4) the power of metaphorical language. 42

The first insight is that the paschal mystery is inherent in all the sacraments. 43 Hughes argues that “every sacrament is a celebration of the paschal mystery - Jesus’ life, death, and rising.…” 44 Christian marriage is a sacramental covenant connected to the covenant established by Jesus in his paschal mystery. Married couples who initially were joined to the paschal mystery through Baptism deepens in the continued participation in Matrimony. This insight is significant for the implementation of PiM because the paschal mystery defines the inner nature of the spousal sacramental covenant of marriage as attested to by the words of the marriage ritual but often missed by the couple. Mystagogical catechesis heightens their awareness of this mystery now present in their marital life as a couple and family. The paschal mystery, ritualized in the words and actions of the marriage ritual, takes the couple “from the visible to the invisible, from the sign to the thing signified, from the ‘sacraments’ to the ‘mysteries.’” 45 The visible, the sign, and the sacrament are expressed in the ritual’s words, silence, music, signs, symbols, and the couples’ gesture of offering their bodies, which they signify in the joining of hands and exchange of the rings. The invisible,

41 Hughes discusses the setting and goal of mystagogy in the Patristic epoch. Mystagogy was tied to the neophytes’ experience of the sacraments of initiation. It “… followed the celebration and built on the personal religious experience of its hearers. [Mystagogy]… helped its hearers enter into the world of the liturgy, walk around inside it, explore their experience of its sights and sounds and smells, savor its memory, ponder the meaning of what was said and done, and live out of its vision.” Hughes, Saying Amen , 9.

42 Hughes, Saying Amen , 10. The leading figures of Patristic mystagogy are St. Cyril of Jerusalem (315 - 386 A.D.), St. Basil the Great (329 – 379 A.D.) of Caesarea in Cappadocia, St. Gregory of Nyssa (335 – 395 A.D.), St. John Chrysostom (349 - 407 A.D.) of Constantinople, and St. Theodore of Mopsuestia (350-428 A.D.). In the West, there are St. Clement of Alexandria (150 - 215 A.D), St. Ambrose of Milan (340 - 397 A.D.), St. Augustine of Hippo (354 - 430 A.D.), and St. Leo the Great (400 - 461 A.D.), among others.

43 Hughes, Saying Amen, 16.

44 Ibid., 180.

45 Catechism of the Catholic Church , no. 1075.

61 the thing signified, and the mysteries the sacrament celebrates cannot be grasped instantly or in its entirety. Mystagogical catechesis helps couples grow in a deeper understanding of the mysteries and ability to live out the implication of them over the course of their married life.

A second insight is the power memory plays in recalling the marriage rite expressed in words and actions. Evolving in the understanding of what the marriage rite means can assist married couples to grow into mature spouses and understand what their marriage symbolically stands for in the Church and why this maturation is necessary for their marriage enrichment to occur. 46 Opportunities to strengthen memories of the wedding through mystagogical catechesis is a form of evangelization and can strengthen the couple’s commitment. 47

The third insight is ongoing conversion. The final period of the catechumenate, the Period of Mystagogy, provides a model for the life of a disciple and consequently for a married Christian couple. Just as conversion will be an ongoing component for the disciple’s life, so too it will be for the married couple. 48 Peter J. Murphy looks at the ongoing conversion between and by spouses in terms of intimate communion. He writes, “Mystagogy helps the married couple realize that they now form an intimate communion that draws them outside of themselves to their spouse, God and

46 See Second Vatican Council, Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy Sacrosanctum Concilium , no. 59.

47 John Paul II, in Familiaris Consortio recommends post-wedding pastoral care to be made available to the spouses. “Once more there appears in all its urgency the need for evangelization and catechesis before and after marriage, effected by the whole Christian-community, so that every man and woman who get married celebrates the sacrament of matrimony not only validly but also fruitfully” (John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio , no. 68). Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia , nos. 217-230, has extensively called on the pastoral leaders and all the faithful to offer pastoral care and accompaniment to the married people especially those in the first years of marriage. Mystagogy would be a great help to the married couples as Covington also observes as he reflects on the patristic era: “Clearly, for Chrysostom, as well as for his contemporary bishops, mystagogy was not a single step toward a deeper understanding of Christ: It was a pervasive and everlasting calling to participate in the holiness of Christ.” See J. Steven Covington, “The Old Is New Again.” Nota Bene : This article is not assigned page numbers.

48 Hughes, Saying Amen , 15.

neighbor.” 49 The National Statutes for the Catechumenate (hereafter, NSC ) offers a principle

which can help ongoing conversion and is applicable to post-wedding mystagogy of marriage, that

is, sacramental mystagogy should be extended up to the first anniversary but be done

monthly. 50 Michael Clay, using a marriage analogy to explain this period, also shares this view. 51

Using mystagogical catechesis to awaken the value of ongoing conversion in the married couples was an important component of the PiM.

A fourth insight is drawn from the spouses’ experience of their own celebration of the sacrament of Matrimony. Using rituals, gestures, silence, words, etc., the symbolic expressions of the sacramental life, couples were able to remember their marriage rite and the feelings that accompanied them on the day of their wedding, which were retrieved from their memories and relived through their imagination and reflection. Mystagogy can help married couples to return to their wedding, reflect on the rites using their senses, to recall the words, the silence, the symbols, the prayers, mood, and excitement, and remember how these made them feel. 52

49 Peter J. Murphy, “From Rite to Mystagogy: An Online Blog on the Sacrament of Marriage,” (Washington, D. C.: The Catholic University of America Doctor of Ministry Dissertation, 2012), 126, accessed November 30, 2015, http://cuislandora.wrlc.org/islandora/object/ etd%3A305.

50 United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, National Directory for Catechesis (Washington, DC: United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2005), no. 24.

51 Michael Clay, A Harvest for God: Christian Initiation in the Rural and Small-Town Parish (Chicago: Liturgy Training Publications, 2003), 140-141.

52 Michael Clay describes in detail how post-wedding mystagogy could happen. “During their honeymoon, or even at home, the newlyweds recall and share their feelings, and explore the meaning of their liturgical wedding. They share the memories of the wedding liturgy, processions, music, readings, homily, exchange of consent, and marriage vows; as they share, they also reflect on the blessing, the giving and receiving of the rings, the nuptial blessing, and Holy Communion. They recall what touched them and express how they think each was important to them. They also recall their wedding attire, serving each other the cake, their parents, and visitors. They contemplate upon how life will be when they start a family, perhaps even upon which Mass they will be attending, and so on. Unknowingly, this back and forth reflection on the celebration of marriage helps the couple to return to the original moments that brought them together as a union of husband and wife on their wedding day and on their honeymoon, including all the joys, laughter, pains, fears, and worries. Combined, these constitute the memory of God’s love, yet they contain the paschal mystery (cf. Rm 8:37-39).” See Michael Clay, A Harvest for God , 140-141.

Ugandan Christians generally like to hear about testimonies of how God has worked in people’s lives. This makes mystagogical catechesis easier than might be the case in other cultures.

Mystagogy can help couples experience full, conscious, and active participation in sacramental liturgy. 53

2.4 Malcolm Knowles’ Principles of Adult Learning

Malcolm Knowles developed five assumptions and four principles applicable to adult learning that were incorporated into this PiM. The five assumptions of Knowles’s theory used in the PiM were: self-concept, adult learner experience, readiness to learn something new about the adults’ beliefs, supplemental orientation, and internal motivation to learn.

First, self-concep t promotes autonomy and responsibility among the married couples, who are self-directed participants and not dependents of their spouse, other spouses, or researchers.

Second, adult learner experience was a good starting point for the various sessions during the retreat. As adults, they could draw from their rich and concrete life experiences and backgrounds to engage the various dimensions of the OCM , use mystagogical catechesis as a way to reflect on and respond to questions, and share with each other in small and large groups. A third aspect, readiness to learn something new about the adults’ beliefs, is a dynamic that can lead to a revival or development of couples’ faith through reading and reflection. Accordingly, couples will acquire some helpful skills with which to help each other as spouses and, in turn, assist other couples.

Fourth, supplemental orientation helps orient married individuals as individuals, as spouses, and as groups of spouses, enabling them to see the urgency of applying what they learn to their ongoing conversion process for a better future. Through the use of guiding questions, participants can see

53 Congregation for the Clergy, General Directory for Catechesis , April 17, 1998, no .85 , accessed March 31, 2018, http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cclergy/documents/rc_con_cclergy_doc_11041971_gcat _en.html.

64 gaps in their lives and how they need to attend to any problems in their married life or their ability to witness. Fifth, internal motivation to learn is an important outcome of both the PiM in general and each of the sessions. As the previous components are integrated into the retreat, one consequence is a deeper motivation to learn how life as a couple can be deepened and improved.

2.5 Conclusion to Part One of Chapter Two

This part of the chapter explained the project’s design and laid down the methodological framework that was used during the weekend retreat using three integrated and well-tested pastoral methods: theological reflection, mystagogical catechesis, and andragogy.

PART TWO: PROJECT IMPLEMENTATION

Part Two presents the Project in Ministry (hereafter, PiM) and will describe the five sessions in detail. It will briefly describe the post-project session that took place three months after the PiM.

2.6 General Facts About the Project

Those who participated in the PiM came from the parishes within the Archdiocese of

Kampala and first received an invitation through local church announcements at St. Balikuddembe

Buloba, St. Gyaviira Bunamwaya, Our Lady of Mount Carmel Busega, St. Charles Lwanga Jinja

Karoli, Our Lady of Mount Carmel Kasanga, St. Joseph Kyengera, St Pius Masajja, Our Lady of

Visitation Nabbingo, Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary Namasuba, St. Joseph

Nansana, St. Joseph Ndeeba, St. Peter’s Nsambya, and Nsambya Youth Sharing Centre. Those who showed interest contacted their home parish office and received a formal written response inviting them to a weekend retreat the weekend of November 18-20, 2016.

Parishes around the Archdiocese of Kampala were chosen because of their cosmopolitanism, their heterogeneity, and their population diversity. 54

The participants came from different tribes such as the Baganda, the Batooro, and the

Japadhola, and from three nationalities, namely, Congolese, Rwandan, and Ugandan living within the archdiocese. 55

The participants came from diverse educational backgrounds and had a sufficient understanding of the English language. Their education levels ranged from high school to doctorate: doctorate: two; master’s: four; bachelor’s: six; diploma: thirteen; and high school graduates: twenty.

The participants had diverse marriage experience ranging in length from one month to twenty-seven years. They are broken down as follows: 0-1 year: six; 1-5 years: ten; 6-10 years: ten; 11-15 years: nine; 16-20 years: two; 21-25 years: six; and 26-37 years: two. The age of the participants ranged from 25 to 55.

The number of participants in the three days of the PiM ranged from thirty-nine to forty- five. Day One, Sessions One and Two, had forty-five participants; Day Two, Sessions Three and

Four, had forty-one participants; and Day Three, Session Five, had thirty-five participants.

The participants were provided an overview of the PiM, how the information gained from the retreat would be used, and how confidentiality would be maintained regarding the information obtained. Participants provided consent to use this information by signing a prepared consent form.

There were five sessions during the retreat, each lasting approximately two hours. Each session had one theme and progressed in the following manner: 1) Theology of Marriage and the Marriage

54 Kampala Archdiocese covers the capital city of Uganda, Kampala City, which is composed of more than 60 Ugandan ethnic tribes as well as nationalities from many African countries and from other continents.

55 The participants were from Uganda, Rwanda (one couple) and D. R. Congo (one spouse).

Covenant - Biblical Foundations; 2) Core Teachings in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony ; 3)

Marital Intimacy Enriched through the Sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation; 4)

Spousal Spirituality Enriched through Prayer; and 5): Listening and Dialog Skills.

Some participants served as secretaries within small groups and took notes, but the researcher also took notes which were used as backup resources. Each secretary read out a summary of his or her group’s sharing to the large group. These notes were incorporated into the final compilation, analysis, and interpretation of data.

Two graduate students, a man and a woman, from Makerere University in Kampala, served as assistants during the retreat. They distributed handouts, reflection questions, and pens. They collected all surveys taken by the participants. They also served refreshments.

2.6.1 Setting of the Weekend Retreat Project: General or Common Components 1. Venue: The PiM took place at St. Peter's Catholic Church, Region of Mary House, in the

Archdiocese of Kampala in Uganda, near the Uganda Catholic Secretariat, Plot 672, Hanlon Road,

Nsambya Hill Hanlon Rd, Kampala, Uganda. The pastor offered the venue free of charge.

2. Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament: Participants were offered an opportunity to engage in private prayer and adoration before the Blessed Sacrament prior to the conclusion of Sessions One through Four. Session Five ended with Mass during which couples renewed their marriage commitment. In addition to the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, there was a table placed in the center of the meeting room with a Bible, a crucifix, and two lighted candles.

3. Participants’ Handouts: Handouts were provided to the participants with selected Biblical passages (Matthew 19:3-6, Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Corinthians 11:23-32, and Tobit 8:4b-8); excerpts from magisterial documents ( Gaudium et Spes, §49.1, Familiaris Consortio , §57 and §58, Amoris

Laetitia , §66, and Amoris Laetitia : “Dialogue,” §136-141), the Ordo celebrandi Matrimonium

(OCM ), and Spouses’ Prayer. Surveys were distributed and collected by the two graduate students throughout the PiM. Paper was made available to all participants to write down what they would decide to take home for ongoing reflection and integration.

4. Registration of Participants: Participants registered before the start of each of the five sessions of PiM.

5. Mass and Luncheons: A Mass with the renewal of marriage commitment followed by a luncheon took place at the end of the retreat weekend and at the conclusion of the post-project gathering three months later.

2.7 Implementation of the Five Sessions: Pre- Project Implementation Dynamics

The first session was attended by 45 participants and was preceded by the formal opening on Friday, November 18, 2018, at 1:30 PM. Participants and the graduate students were welcomed and an overview of the PiM as part of the Doctor of Ministry degree program and the retreat was given. The practice of confidentiality was explained. Mystagogical catechesis was explained to the participants. The graduate students distributed the pre-project survey and participants completed it and returned it to the students after receiving instructions on how to code the survey with their randomly chosen number which they would use throughout the PiM. The pre-project surveys were placed in a secure bag for future review.

2.7.1 Day One, Session #1: Theology of Marriage and the Marriage Covenant – Biblical

Foundations

Setting of the Venue: Day One, Session #1. The environment, which was the same for every

68 session, was composed of a table with a Bible, a lit candle, and burning incense. The materials included numbers for the small groups (Group I to Group VI), reflection questions, pens, and a handout of Matthew 19:3-6 and AL , §66. Seven rectangular tables, three of which sat seven participants and four which sat six participants, were set up. At the beginning of each session, participants were invited to switch off their phones or place them in silent mode.

Session #1 started at 2:00 PM with a fifteen-minute introduction. The participants were again welcomed and thanks for participating in the PiM. Couples were invited to sit with their spouse and to introduce themselves to the group by their name, home parish, and years of marriage.

At the conclusion of these introductions, the participants were invited to stand and recite the

Spouses’ Prayer (see Appendix #) composed for the retreat.

After the introductory matter, the couples began their first experience of mystagogical catechesis using a scripture passage on marriage (Matthew 19:3-6) and a paragraph from Amoris

Laetitia (hereafter, AL ) referencing the way the Holy Family gives meaning to all family life (§66).

The Gospel was proclaimed as done liturgically at Mass followed by two minutes of silence to sit with the passage just proclaimed. The passage was proclaimed a second time and the participants were invited to recall something that remained with them as a result of hearing the passage. Then the participants were invited to describe what had come to them in their reflection with their spouse. Following this, the same process was used with the passage from AL . At the conclusion of this, a guided reflection of approximately 20 minutes was presented that highlighted the main points from the two passages.

The presentation drew forth the meaning of Matthew 19:3-6 and AL, §66. Matthew 19:3-6 highlighted three important biblical teachings of Jesus about marriage in response to the Pharisees’ question about the lawfulness of divorcing one’s wife, namely, 1) Marriage is instituted by God

69 from the beginning; 2) Marital unity - God made them into one flesh; and 3) the covenantal bond or indissolubility of marriage. A presentation on AL §66 followed, emphasizing four Church teachings on the marriage of St. Mary and St. Joseph: 1) Their marriage was a marriage covenant;

2) They lived in loving communion; 3) They lived simple lives and endured all difficulties; and 4) because of the above, St. Joseph and St. Mary are an exemplar of every Christian marriage and

Christian family.

A ten-minute silent break was observed, enabling participants to rest and move about in preparation for quiet time. A drum was sounded marking the end of the silent break. After the break, participants were given a ten-minute quiet time of prayer and were invited to spend it either before the Blessed Sacrament in a room adjacent to the room where the sessions took place or outside in the parish grounds depending on the preference of the participant. Participants were given two promptings to guide their quiet time reflection prayer. These were: “Name one insight you have gained from the presentation;” and “What does this new insight mean for you?”

After this, couples were allotted ten minutes to share, to reflect mystagogically on what they gained from the facilitator’s presentation, and to name and write one insight and what the insight meant to him or her. Couples formed seven small sharing groups and shared an insight they had shared as a couple with other couples and what that insight meant to them. Each group nominated a secretary who noted what they shared. Then the couples formed one large group where the small group secretaries reported the insights they had identified and what those insights meant to them. Afterward, each couple was invited to spend five minutes offering spontaneous prayers on the insights they had identified with the hope that this would lead them to see what these insights might mean in their lives.

The session began to move to closure with the completion of a session survey which consisted of two open-ended prompts distributed and collected by the graduate students and then stored in a secure bag. The prompts were: 1) As you recall the Scripture Matthew 19:3-6, which explored aspects of a covenantal marriage today (i.e., marriage as instituted by God, unity in marriage, marriage as a covenant, the Holy Family as exemplar) seem most important to you? Why do you think this way? 2) Name one thing you can do to live out your marriage better in light of today’s session.

The first session ended at approximately 4:00pm with the recitation of the Spouses’ Prayer and a blessing. Participants were given a 30-minute refreshment break.

2.7.2 Day One, Session #2: Ephesians 5:21-33 On Marital Love and the Consent Questions in The

Order of Celebrating Matrimony (OCM ), §60

Setting of the Venue: Day One, Session #2. The environment remained as it was on Day One,

Session #1. The handouts included reflection questions, stationery and pens, the passages of

Ephesians 5:21-33, and the Consent Questions taken from the OCM , §60.

Session #2 formally started at 4.30 PM with the Spouse’s Prayer. The participants were invited to introduce themselves again by telling the other participants their names, home parish, and length of marriage. A synopsis of the previous session was provided. The theme of Session

Two was then announced, namely, Ephesians 5:21-33 (on marital love) and the Consent Questions taken from the OCM , §60. Before the Ephesians passage was proclaimed liturgically as at Mass, the participants were invited to listen to the three questions of consent used in the marriage rite.

These questions are: a) “Have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?” b) “Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?” and c) “Are you prepared to accept children lovingly

71 from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” The participants received a brief orientation to the questions so they understood what they meant: 1) the importance of freedom in offering the gift of marital love to another person; 2) the nature of a life-long commitment in living out a covenantal bond; and 3) the openness to children as a manifestation of covenantal love. The couples were then invited to recall the feelings, sights, sounds, etc. associated with their own wedding. After a short period of silence to allow them to do this, they were then invited to remember standing before the priest to exchange their vows. When they had called that memory to mind, the Questions of Consent were read a second time.

A guided reflection on Ephesians 5:21-33 and Gaudium et Spes (hereafter, GS ) §49.1 followed. The reflection on the Ephesians passage covered the following points: 1) That man and woman are united as “one flesh,” which points to the indissolubility of marriage; 2) Owing to this indissolubility, spouses are to cherish, respect, and care for each other fully; 3) For Christ’s sake,

Christian spouses are to live in mutual and blameless submission to each other; and 4) the marriage of Christian spouses is symbolic of Christ’s love for his Church.

After explaining these four points, the participants were invited to think about what this passage revealed about their own marriage and their feelings surrounding their spouses’ possible interpretation of it. A reflection on GS §49.1 followed and focused on two practical ways to live conjugal love: 1) spousal love is to be lived with undivided affection; and 2) Each spouse should find practical ways to live this affection, for instance, have time together, pray together, and eat together. At the conclusion of this guided reflection, the scripture passage and the paragraph from

GS were read a second time followed by a a five-minute silent break.

After the break, participants spent a ten-minute period of quiet time in silent private prayer either before the Blessed Sacrament in the church, in a room in a room adjacent to the room where

72 the sessions took place, or outside in the parish grounds depending on the preference of the participant. Participants were invited to write down a few words to summarize what they gained from the passages and the guided reflection using the following prompts: 1) Name one way this session helped you to discover or deepen your awareness of your role as husband or wife?” and

“What does this mean to you individually? For the two of you as a couple?”

At the conclusion of this exercise, the participants were invited to name/write one way the session helped them discover or deepen their awareness of the role of a husband or wife and what this mean to them as a couple and then share this with their spouse. Next, small groups were formed in which one spouse from each couple shared with the small group what had transpired from their spouse-to-spouse sharing. The secretary to each group noted the points which would be reported to the large group later. Finally, in the large group setting, the participants were invited to share what they found insightful from the small group sharing with assistance from the secretaries who recorded information gleaned from the small groups.

The participants were then invited to pray privately as a couple around an insight, discovery, and/or affirmation received from the session. A survey was then distributed and collected by the graduate students that focused on these questions: 1) Which of the three vows you made at your wedding is the most important to you? Which one is the most challenging? 2) What have you learned about the ideal of marital love (i.e., mutually being subordinate to each other in a sacrificial way to reflect the love between Christ and the Church) that you can take home and integrate in a deeper way in our marriage? The responses were then placed in a secure bag.

The second session ended at approximately 6:30pm with the recitation of the Spouses’

Prayer and a blessing. Participants then adjourned to the church to be in the presence of the Blessed

Sacrament and, shortly before 7:00pm, they were blessed with it. Light refreshments were available afterward and couples dispersed for the evening at will.

2.7.3 Day Two, Session #3: Spousal Marital Intimacy Enriched through Sacraments

Setting of the Venue: Day Two, Session #3. The environment remained as it was on Day One,

Session #1. The handouts reflections questions, stationery and pens, and the passages of 1

Corinthians 11:23-32 and FC §57-58. Session #3 started at 2:00 PM with the Spouses’ Prayer. The participants were invited to introduce themselves by telling the other participants their names, home parish, and length of marriage. A brief review of the previous session was done. The theme of Session Three was then stated, namely, Spousal Marital Intimacy Enriched through the

Sacraments.

After the introduction, 1 Corinthians 11:23-33 was read as it is done liturgically at Mass.

Afterword, the couples were invited to spend one-minute to recall one favorite memory of receiving Holy Communion and another minute to recall a positive memory of celebrating the

Sacrament of Reconciliation. Then the passage was slowly read for the second time while the couples continued to recall their favorite and positive memories regarding the Eucharist and

Reconciliation they received. The couples were then invited to sit for two minutes and reflect on what they had heard. When they had finished the reflection, the couples were invited to share their feelings on the reading with their spouse. A prompt was provided to initiate the conversation, namely, “Recall something from this Scripture passage that remains with you.” The spouses reflected on this statement for one minute before embarking on an eight-minutes period during which each spouse described to their spouse what they had recollected. Following this, FC §57 and §58 were read as the participants listened. Then, a presentation of the key points from 1

Corinthians 11:23-32 and Familiaris Consortio , §57 and §58 was provided.

The reflection on 1 Corinthians 11:23-33 emphasized two points, namely, 1) The Eucharist is a memorial sacrifice of the Lord’s Passion which demands a right disposition on the part of those who partake of it; and 2) In the Eucharist, Christ totally offers his body, blood, soul, and divinity to us. FC §57 discussed the connection between the Eucharist and marriage in three points, namely,

1) The Eucharist is the very source of Christian marriage; 2) the Eucharist is a memorial sacrifice which signifies Christ's covenant of love with the Church, hence it is a model of spousal love; and

3) the Eucharist is the never-ending source of charity, communion, and mission for married couples. From FC §58, two points were explained. 1) Reconciliation heals and sanctifies the covenant with God established in baptism and the marriage covenant between the spouses after they have been compromised by sin; and 2) Reconciliation reconstructs and brings to perfection the marriage covenant and family communion.

After presenting the primary points from the passages, participants were provided the opportunity of a ten-minute silent break to rest and prepare for private prayer. After the break, participants spent quiet time in silent prayer either before the Blessed Sacrament, within the session room, or outside in the parish grounds according to the choice of each participant. Participants were invited to write down a word or statement to summarize what they gained from the passages and guided reflection.

At the end of this exercise, a ten-minute period was given to the couples to share the insights obtained from the quiet time and guided reflection with their spouses. The couples then formed seven small sharing groups and shared the insights they had identified in connection with the Holy Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation and what these insights meant for their relationship with their spouses. The secretaries to the groups recorded what had been shared by

75 each couple. Lastly, the small groups came together in one large group and the secretary to each group reported what the couples had shared in their small group.

As the session moved toward the end, the participants were invited to pray privately as a husband and wife for five minutes around one insight, discovery, and/or affirmation they had received from the session and reflect on how to build their lives upon. Following this, the participants were invited to complete a session survey that focused on two questions: 1) Identify one reason how building your life as a couple around the Holy Eucharist might deepen the intimacy between your spouse and you in light of this session. 2) Identify one reason how building your life as a couple around the Sacrament of Reconciliation might deepen the intimacy between your spouse and you in light of this session. The surveys were distributed and collected by the graduate students and the placed in a secure bag upon completion.

The third session ended with the Spouses’ Prayer and a blessing at approximately 4:00 PM.

Participants were given a 30-minute break for refreshments and relaxation.

2.7.4 Day Two, Session #4: Spousal Spirituality Enriched through Nuptial Blessing and Prayer

(Tobit 8: 4b-8)

Setting of the Venue: Day Two, Session #4. The environment remained as it was in the Day One,

Session #1. The handouts included reflection questions, stationery and pens, the passages from

Tobit 8:4b-8, the Nuptial Blessing, Option A, taken from the OCM , and Familiaris Consortio , §59,

61-62. Session #4 started formally at 4:30 PM with the Spouse’s Prayer. The participants were requested to introduce themselves by telling other participants their names, home parish, and length of marriage. A review of Session #3 was presented. The theme of Session Four was announced, that is, Spousal Spirituality Enriched through Nuptial Blessing and Prayer (Tobit 8:

4b-8).

The scripture passage was proclaimed as done liturgically at Mass. Then the participants were given two minutes to reflect on the passage before hearing it a second time. Using a prompt,

“Recall something from this Scripture passage that remains with you,” the participants were invited to spend one minute in silence and recall something from the passage that stayed with them after the reading and describe what they remembered with their spouse. The session then progressed with a reading of the Nuptial Blessing. The participants were then asked to reflect on it for two minutes. Then, each couple was invited to hold hands before hearing the Nuptial Blessing a second time. The couples concluded this part by sharing their thoughts with their spouse about what they had just done with the help of a prompt that stated, “Describe what you remembered with your spouse.”

After reading and reflecting on Tobit 8:4b-8 and the Nuptial Blessing, the main points found in each text were explained. Tobit 8:4b-8 had five points, namely, 1) Tobit and Sarah, as a couple, praised God who created both Adam and Eve and gave Eve to be Adam’s helper, and the two became the parents of the human race; 2) A couple seeks God to protect them from danger; 3) It is a prayer that preceded conjugal union; 4) The couple prayed to live together until old age which hints at the stability of marriage; and 5) It is an example of marriage in the Old Testament where the spouses acted as one. Four points were outlined from the Nuptial Blessing: 1) It is the Church’s prayer for the couple; 2) God wills the couple to share a partnership as long as both shall life; 3)

Marriage foreshadowed the Sacrament of Christ and his Church; and 4) It is Church’s plea to God to bestow his blessing on the couple to live out the daily commitments such taking care of their businesses, cleaning the home, and cooking despite the challenges they will encountered in their marriage. Also presented were the three dimensions of prayer in the couple’s life in relation to FC

§59, 61-62. First, praying as a couple as an essential part of Christian prayer ( FC §62); Second,

77 communal prayer offers the couple the opportunity to pray as members of the Church ( FC §59); and third, communal prayer within a church community and personal prayer are linked together in the domestic church setting ( FC §61).

After reviewing the passages, the participants took a break which ended with the sound of a drum. Following this, the participants observed quiet time for silent private prayer before the

Blessed Sacrament in the church, within the session room, or outside in the parish grounds according to the participant’s decision. Participants were requested to write down a word or statement on what they gained from the readings and reflections using the following reflection questions: 1) Name one new insight you have gained from the speaker’s presentation on the place of prayer in your life as a couple; and 2) Identify one way you could incorporate prayer more fully into your life as a couple.

Towards the end of Session #4, the participants carried out a three-stage sharing. First, they shared a new insight garnered from their private quiet time reflections and readings with their spouses. Second, in the seven small groups the couples shared with other couples their insights from spouse-to-spouse sharing while the secretaries of each group recorded them. Finally, in the large group, the secretaries reported the insights they had recorded in the small group sharing which could be incorporated into their lives as couples.

The participants were subsequently invited to pray privately as a couple focusing on the insights they had gathered and shared from the session. A survey with two questions was distributed by the two graduate research students. The questions were: 1) As you consider what has been explored in this session, what do you consider to be a helpful new insight or affirmation about your life of personal prayer as a couple? 2) As you consider what has been explored in this session, what do you consider to be a helpful new insight or affirmation about the role of prayer in

78 the community of the Church as a married couple? The surveys were collected and secured in a bag by the students.

A special announcement informed the participants how they will be invited to renew their marriage commitment during the Mass that will conclude the retreat. Then the session ended with the Spouses’ Prayer at about 6:30PM. The participants went to the church before the Blessed

Sacrament where they were blessed with it at approximately 7:00PM. Light refreshments were served and participants returned to their homes at will.

2.7.5 Day Three, Session #5: Listening and Dialog Skills

Setting of the Venue: Day Three, Session #5. The environment was set as in Day One, Session #1.

The handouts consisted of reflection questions, stationery and pens, bowl of blessed water, and passages from Amoris Laetitia : “Dialogue,” §136-141 and “The Blessings and Exchange of

Rings,” taken from OCM , nos. 131-132. Six rectangular tables, three of which sat six and another three sat seven participants, were set.

Session #5 started at 11:00 AM with the Spouses’ Prayer. The participants were invited to introduce themselves for the last time to their fellow participants mentioning their names, home parish, and length of marriage. A review of Session #4 was done after which the theme of Session

#5 was announced, that is, Listening and Dialog Skills, which was based on AL , §136-141.

After the review, participants were given a printed text of the marriage vows and were asked to spend time reflecting on their wedding vows. Then, the couples were invited to stand, face each other, and repeat the words of Consent used during the Rite of Marriage , taken from

OCM . The husbands started this ritual using the first name of their spouse followed by the wives.

Next, the couples were invited to sit down and recall how they felt and what they thought as they remembered their wedding vows. After the reflection, they were invited to describe to each other

79 their feelings and thoughts during the reception of vows. The couples were invited to stand, face and look at each other and their rings. The husbands took their wives’ hands and repeated the words used in the Exchange of Rings taken from OCM . The wives did the same thing. Again, the couples were invited to sit down and describe what they felt and thought as they as they re-enacted the exchange of rings.

After reviewing the vows, a brief presentation was given on the three core parts of listening, particularly, 1) Listening empathically to the spouse’s emotions; 2) Listening sincerely to understand what is being communicated by the other person; and 3) Listening adequately to decipher the facts from the accidents and details without neglecting non-verbal clues. A guided reflection on dialog taken from AL §136-141 covering four points was given: 1) Dialog and love are inclusive and complementary; 2) Dialog integrates listening and values the spouses’ diverse views; 3) Dialog is based on solid choices and beliefs; and 4) Dialog grows through many ways such as reading, prayer, reflection, and developing better skills of communication.

After the presentation on listening and dialog, participants were provided the opportunity to break. After the drum was sounded to end the break, participants were invited to spend some quiet time in private prayer either before Blessed Sacrament in the church, in a room adjacent to the room where the sessions took place, or outside in the parish grounds depending on the preference of the participant. Three prompts guided their private prayer, that is, 1) Name one new insight you have gained from the speaker’s presentation on the value of listening and dialog in your life as a couple; 2) Identify one way you could do a better job of listening to your spouse; and

3) Identify one way you could do a better job of dialoging with your spouse. Participants were invited to write down a word or statement based on what they gained from the readings and reflections.

As they neared the end, the couples did a three-phase mystagogical reflective sharing drawing from the insights they had considered during the private quiet time. Spouse-spouse sharing was done first. Then the couples met in small groups to share their insights while the secretaries to the groups noted the points. Finally, in the large group the secretaries delivered what had transpired in the small groups regarding the insights they wrote down.

In addition, the participants prayed privately as husband and wife dwelling on the insights, discoveries, or affirmations they had obtained from the session presentation and prayerful reflections. A two-question survey was distributed by the university graduate research students.

The survey asked 1) As you consider what has been explored in this session, what is one way you will attempt to be a better listener to your spouse? 2) As you consider what has been explored in this session, what is one way you will attempt to be better at dialog with your spouse? The graduate students collected the surveys and secured them in a bag.

The fifth session marked the closure of the Project in Ministry sessions. Four important announcements were made: 1) The sessions of the PiM had come to an end; 2) Participants were invited to return for the evaluation of PiM on February 20, 2017, starting at 11:00 AM; 3)

Participants were reminded of the need to secure their anonymous code-name numbers which they would use in the survey in the final evaluation survey; and 4) All participants and research graduate students were invited to attend the closing Mass in the same room where the sessions had been conducted. Session #5 closed at around 1:00 PM with a Spouses’ Prayer and the priest’s blessing.

A 30-minute break with light refreshments preceded the Mass which started at 1:30 PM and ended at 3:00 PM. The renewal of the marriage commitment was done after the Creed using the “Order of Blessing a Married Couple within Mass” ( OCM , Appendix III nos. 240-248). A luncheon was served to the participants immediately after Mass and participants left at their leisure.

2.7.6 Post-Project Final Gathering

A final, supplementary gathering of the PiM three months after the retreat on Sunday,

February 19, 2017. Thirty-seven participants came. The session started with the Spouses’ Prayer at 12: 00 PM. The participants were welcome and asked to introduce themselves to their fellow participants by telling them their names, home parish, and length of marriage. The graduate research students distributed the evaluation survey which consisted of the same survey of twelve open-ended statements used in the pre-implementation of PiM. Then the responses were collected and secured in the bag. The participants used code numbers to ensure anonymity and confidentiality. The session lasted approximately twenty minutes. After this, a break lasting 30 minutes was observed to enable the participants to interact and prepare for the concluding Mass which started around 1:00 PM. The Mass used Tobit 8:4b-8 for the first reading while it retained the readings of the Seventh Sunday, Year “A.” The couples were given the opportunity to renew their marriage commitments after the homily and a luncheon was served during which couples shared testimonies regarding the changes they had witnessed after participating in the PiM.

2.8 Conclusion to Part Two of Chapter Two

The chapter has discussed the Project in Ministry in two parts. Part One discussed the design or theoretical framework that guided the preparation and development of the Project in

Ministry. It reviewed the two theological reflection methods used in this project: The Whiteheads’ theological reflection method and Hughes’ mystagogical catechesis method. A third method was described, that is, Knowles’ adult learning method. The three methods were complementary and contributed the realization of the project’s goals. Part Two of Chapter Two discussed the practical aspects of the five sessions and what happened in each of the five sessions and post-project session that occurred three months after the PiM.

CHAPTER THREE: PROJECT EVALUATION INSTRUMENTS AND ANALYSIS

3.1 General Introduction to the Chapter

This chapter will discuss the phases of data collection, the means of evaluation, the

presentation of the pre-PiM survey, the reflection questions which followed each session, and the

findings from post-PiM survey.

In order to describe accurately what the data show, it is worth noting that the 45 participants

did not attend each session or take every survey. The participation rate for each survey is as

follows:

Pre-Project Survey: 45

Session One Survey: 45

Session Two Survey: 45

Session Three Survey: 41

Session Four Survey: 41

Session Five Survey: 39

Session Project Survey: 37

For the purposes of accurate analysis, only the 37 who completed both the Pre- and Post-

Project Surveys are considered.

3.2 Phases of Data Collection

There were three phases of data collection in the execution of the PiM:

I. Implementation of pre-project survey: The twelve statements with instructions were

administered to the participants on arrival before the commencement of Session One.

II. Reflective open-ended questions were administered to the participants at the end of each

of the five sessions to assess their learning and to identify insights to be implemented at home. The

specific questions were given to the participants to help them in their private quiet time to focus

on the content they had received in the brief explanation.

III. Post-PiM survey: Three months after the completion of the project, participants returned

and received a post-project survey consisting of the same twelve statements found in the pre-

project survey to assess any change and/or development in their understanding of

covenantal/sacramental marriage.

3.3 Description of the Pre-PiM Survey Statements

Table 1: Twelve Survey Statements

Number Statement 1. Every day I am aware of God’s presence in my marriage. 2. Marriage is unbreakable. 3. Marriage is a covenant. 4. Marriage means loving and honoring my spouse all my life. 5. The love between a husband and a wife reflects the love between Christ and the Church. 6. Sexual intimacy with my spouse is based on mutual respect. 7. Receiving Holy Communion as a couple is important to me. 8. Celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation is connected to my relationship with my spouse. 9. Couples should pray together daily. 10. Couples should go to Mass together on a regular basis. 11. My spouse is a good listener. 12. My spouse believes that dialog is important in the way we communicate with each other.

The responses to these statements appear in 3.4 on page 15.

Description of Session Surveys and Brief Analysis

Session One Survey: Question One: 1) As you recall the Scripture from Matthew 19:3-6, which

aspects of covenantal marriage explored today (i.e., marriage as instituted by God, unity in

84 marriage, marriage as a covenant, Holy Family as exemplar) seem most important to you? Why do you think this?”

Figure 1: Session One: Question One

Aspects of Covenantal Marriage

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Response

Marriage as Instituted by God 12 26.7%

Unity of Marriage 8 17.8%

Marriage as a Covenant 8 17.8%

Holy Family as Exemplar 9 20.0%

Picked 2, 3 or 4 Aspects 8 17.8%

TOTALS 45 100%

The following percentage of participants chose more than one:

• Instituted by God/Covenant: 2.2% (1) • Instituted by God/Holy Family: 2.2% (1) • Instituted by God/Unity/Covenant: 6.7% (3) • Instituted by God/Unity/Covenant/Holy Family: 6.7% (3)

The responses written on the survey, laid out here in categories, are as follows:

Marriage as Instituted by God :

• “God meant us to be happy and one.” • God is the “architect of marriage.” • God is marriage’s “designer.” • “We are joined together by God.”

Unity of Marriage :

• “Our unity represents God’s presence in our family and in the world.” • “We became one body in Christ.” • Unity within marriage “renders everything possible.”

Marriage as Covenant :

• The marriage covenant “is made of a husband and wife before God and world.” • The marriage covenant “calls spouses to faithfulness.” • “We bind ourselves with our own words willingly and they are for life.”

• Covenantal marriage “reveals God’s love for man.” • It is the covenant that makes possible “the indissolubility of marriage.

Holy Family as Exemplar :

• “Holiness of life” • “Simplicity” • “Solidarity” • Inspired by the “love between Jesus, Mary and Joseph.” • One participant said, “God created us to be holy … I want my family to be holy.”

Instituted by God/Covenant :

• Marriage is authored by God. Instituted by God/Holy Family :

• Marriage is performed in God’s and the priest’s presence. Instituted by God/Unity/Covenant :

• “Marriage is a gift.” Instituted by God /Unity /Covenant /Holy Family :

• The new idea given by one of the three participants who selected all the four aspects of covenantal marriage stated that: • Marriage “reveals God’s love for man [people].”

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

The findings from this survey show a fairly even distribution of how the participants selected what they considered to be the most important aspect of marriage for 77.8% (35) participants. 22.2% (10) participants considered more than one aspect to be most important or equally important to them. The percentages show who specified a category/category and their responses indicate that they were able to identify at least one category from the choices that were presented to them.

Session One Survey: Question Two: Name one thing you can do to live out your marriage better in light of today’s session.

Figure 2: Session One: Question Two

One Way to Live Married Life Better

Dimension of Measure No. of Participants % Per Response

Faithfulness 6 13.3%

Love 5 11.1% Mutual Submission and Respect (MS&R) 5 11.1% Prayer 5 11.1% Putting God First 3 6.7% Emulating the Undivided Unity of the Trinity (EUUT) 2 4.4% Multiple Phrases 6 13.3% No/Incorrect Responses 5 11.1%

TOTALS 45 100%

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

88.8% of the respondents named virtues and practices that are critical to their experience of marriage. The responses indicate that 88.8% of the participants could identify at least one thing they could do, based on the options presented to them, to improve their life as a couple. For a detailed listing of written responses, see Appendix E, Figure 2.

Session Two: Questions 1A and 1B: Which of the three vows you made at your wedding is the most important to you? Why? Which one is the most challenging? Why?

Question 1A: Most Important Marriage Vow Responses:

Figure 3: Session Two: Question 1A

Most Important Marriage Vow

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Response

Vow of Fidelity 18 40%

Vow of Love 13 28.9%

Vow of Honor 7 15.5%

Fidelity, Love, Honor Equally Important (FL&H) 3 6.7%

No Response 4 8.9%

TOTALS 45 100%

Session Two: Question 1A: Why A Given Vow is Most Important

Fidelity or faithfulness, 40% (18):

Responses accompanying choice of fidelity as most important vow:

• It promotes love in our marriage. • Faithfulness is a lifestyle of marriage. • It gives glory to God. • It makes marriage indissoluble. • It is a command from God to be faithful to one’s spouse. • Faithfulness is willed by God. • When it is hard to forgive after my spouse wrongs me, faithfulness helps me to forgive her. • Faithfulness is the essence of marriage as a sacrament and covenant. • Faithfulness helps me to deliver God’s love, care and salvation to my spouse.

Vow of Love , 28.9% (13):

Responses accompanying choice of love as most important vow:

• “It is not easy to keep the marriage vows but I freely choose to remain loving my spouse.” • “I choose to endure everything in marriage because it is my love duty.” • “Love suffers everything.” • “I freely chose to marry for love. No regrets or grumbling.” • “I first became friends with my husband and then we loved each other. It has not changed. We are loving friends.” • “Love led me from single life to married life.” • “I freely married to love.” • “It is not easy to keep the marriage vows but when I remember I am called to love my spouse, I have a reason to move on.” • “Love is the most important vow, because God is love. I fulfil the commandment of love in loving my spouse.”

Vow of Honor , 15.5% (7):

Responses accompanying choice of honor as most important vow:

• “The most important vow to me will always be the one I am most challenged to live out. So, because I struggle to honor my wife at all times, I consider that the most important.” • “The last thing I want to do is to fail to respect or admire my wife.” • “It is humbling to honor my spouse when she does [bad] things I do not expect her to do.” • “Honoring my spouse is a sign and a fruit of my love for him.” • “Honoring my husband when he refuses to listen to me affects my way of loving him.”

• “Marriage was sanctioned by God and so in honoring my spouse I honor God.”

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

The responses indicate that 91.1% were able to choose at least one vow as the most important to them.

Question 1B: Most Challenging Marriage Vow:

Figure 4: Session Two: Question 1B

Most Challenging Marriage Vow

Dimension of Measure No. of Participants % Per Responses

Vow of Fidelity 17 37.8%

Vow of Love 8 17.8%

Vow of Honor 10 22.2%

No Challenge Experienced 5 11.1%

No / Incorrect Response 5 11.1%

TOTALS 45 100%

Session Two: Question 1B: Why a Given Vow is Most Challenging

Responses accompanying choice of fidelity as most challenging vow:

• There are “temptations related to committing adultery.” • “The need to have children balanced in their genders.” • “Unsupportive environment in which to live the vow of faithfulness in crowded premises.” • It is difficult to balance being faithful and available for one’s husband’s emotional needs and for their children. • Remaining faithful creates divided attention between children and spouses and that this wears us out. • Challenge with the vow of faithfulness was related to having more children. • “My husband does not want more than two children, he thinks two are enough and I want four, with the result that we keep arguing a lot about our differing opinions.” • One participant said, her husband “refrains from sex for fear that I may become pregnant.” • Two participants mentioned they denied their husbands sex because the husbands want more children yet they were not able to look after themselves and the children they had. • Another participant stated, “Being faithful is more than just not cheating on your spouse: it is also remaining one with the other in purity of thought, word, and deed.”

• Additionally, one wrote, “Faithfulness is a challenge for me, because faithfulness is more than just being monogamous, it is about … standing up for the truth … about being faithful to the commitment to be true to one’s spouse in terms of helping her live as a Christian. In other words, it is about being a faithful friend.”

Vow of Love , 22.2% (10):

Responses accompanying choice of love as most challenging vow:

• “My conclusion on the importance and challenge of the vows is that as I meditate and [reflect] on this question I am struck by how difficult it is to live out these vows truly and completely and by how impossible it would be without Christ’s love to keep these vows perfectly.” • Love is always difficult to fulfill.

Vow of Honor , 17.8% (8):

Responses accompanying choice of honor as most challenging vow:

• “It is not easy to honor each other constantly.” • “Honoring each other requires sacrificing yourself and there are times when I resist sacrificing myself for my spouse’s good.” • “risks honoring and not being honored back.” • “failure to honor my spouse is due to his shortcomings.” • “Oftentimes, it is too easy for me to dwell on his shortcomings and all those take away my admiration of his good qualities.” • “I fall into the trap of allowing the perfect to become the enemy of the good. Perhaps it is the sin of pride to hold my husband to a standard of perfection before finding him worthy of my honor and obedience.” • “There are times when I fail to love my wife, but probably not so much as I fail to honor her, meaning to respect and admire her.”

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

77.8% of the participants were willing to identify the most challenging aspect of their vows. 11.1% (5) reported having no challenge to their vows. 11.1% either did not respond to the question or did so incorrectly.

Session Two: Questions Two: Mutual Subordination - A Learned Ideal on Marital Love for Home Use

The survey asked the participants, “What have you learned about the ideal of marital love

(i.e., being mutually subordinate to each other in a sacrificial way to reflect the love between Christ and the Church) that you can take home and integrate in a deeper way into your marriage?”

Figure 5: Session Two: Question Two

Mutual Subordination- A Learned Ideal on Marital Love for Take Home

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Response

Love 11 24.4%

Submission, Submit & Subordinate (SS & S) 6 13

Sacrifice, Sacrificial, Die, Defend, & Protect (SSDD & P) 7 15.5

Listen and Help 6 13.3%

Pray, Prayer and Respect (PP & R) 2 4.4%

Various Phrases 9 20%

No/Wrong Response 4 9%

TOTALS 45 100%

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

90.9% of the participants stated that they learned new ways to integrate love into their marriage. 9% did not reply to this question or they responded to the survey incorrectly. Close to a quarter of the participants learned love as the ideal they wanted to integrate into their marriage while one fifth used various phrases.

Session Three: Question One: Identify one way of building your life as a couple around the Holy Eucharist that might deepen the intimacy between your spouse and yourself in light of this session.

Figure 6: Session Three: Question One

Building and Deepening Spousal Intimacy Around the Eucharist

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Response

Receiving Communion Together (RCT) 10 24.4%

Maintaining Connection between Eucharist & Marriage 7 17.1%

(MCBE&M)

Faithfulness to the Spouse (FS) 6 14.6%

Forgiving & Healing 5 12.5%

Sacrifice &Tolerating Weakness (STW) 4 9.8%

Incorrect Response/ No Response /Not Returned (IR, NR & NR) 9 22%

TOTALS 41 100%

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

22.2% (9) of the participants either could not respond correctly, made no response, or did not return the survey. This was the largest percentage of non-response to all ten survey questions and raises the possibility that more may need to be done on this issue to strengthen married couples.

Session Three: Question Two: “Identify one way of building your life as a couple around the

Sacrament of Reconciliation that might deepen the intimacy between your spouse and you in light of this session.”

Figure 7: Session Three: Question Two

Building and Deepening Spousal Intimacy around Sacramental Reconciliation

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Responses

Forgive with Sacramental Reconciliation (FSR) 13 31.7%

Forgive and Reconcile Non-sacramentally (F&R) 12 29.3%

Reconciliation, Renewing Love, Starting Afresh, and Healing 8 19.5%

(RRSAH)

Incorrect Response 5 12.2%

No Response 3 7.3%

TOTALS 42 100%

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

80.5% (33) responded to the question. 12.2% (5) responded with statements not directly connected to the question and 7.3% (3) did not respond to the question.

Session Four: Question One: As you consider what has been explored in this session, what do you consider to be a helpful new insight or affirmation about your life of personal prayer as a married couple? Note whether it is a new insight or an affirmation in your response.

Figure 8: Session Four: Question One

A Helpful New Insight or Affirmation of a Couple’s Personal Prayer

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Responses

Helpful New Insight (HNI) 24 58.5%

Affirmation 11 24.4%

Statement without Qualification (SWQ) 1 2.4%

Incorrect Response (IR) 2 4.9%

No Response 3 7.3%

TOTALS 41 100%

Descriptions Accompanying Helpful New Insight (24)

• To pray for my spouse. • I have to initiate prayer with my spouse like Tobias did with Sarah (2). • To realize the importance of conjugal prayer (3). • To pray for healing and deliverance. • To pray to experience joy and peace. • Through prayer you can overcome problems (2). • As a married couple, we should put God first in everything.

• We realized the importance of prayer in our life as a married couple. • Prayer brings healing and blessings to the couple (2). • We learned that conjugal prayer is a prayer of healing and a victory prayer. • Conjugal prayer is important to our marriage (2). • Prayer helps to bear the problems of your spouse or to solve them more easily. • Through prayer, mercy and God’s blessings are bestowed on married couples. • To recognize the importance of conjugal prayer before and after sex (2). • To agree as a couple to lift our intentions to the Lord (2). • Couple prayer should always be done in agreement.

Descriptions Accompanying Affirmation (11)

• Prayer brings me closer to my spouse. • Prayer brings unity to the couple. • Couple or conjugal prayers are very important in our life as a couple. • Conjugal prayer is a truly sacred act of pleasing God (2). • Prayer brings victory and overcomes many problems in married life (3). • We agree as a couple to lift our intentions to the Lord (3).

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

58.4% (24) participants reported having new insights. 24.4% (11) participants were affirmed by the session. 2.4% (1) wrote a statement without specifying whether it was a new insight or an affirmation.

Session Four, Question Two: As you consider what has been explored in this session, what do you consider to be a helpful new insight or affirmation about the role of prayer in the community of the Church as a married couple? Note whether it is a new insight or an affirmation in your response.

Figure 9: Session Four: Question Two

A Helpful New Insight or Affirmation of a Couple’s Participation in Communal Prayer

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Response

Helpful New Insight (HNI) 18 43.9%

Affirmation 16 39%

Incorrect Response (IR) 3 7.3%

No Response 4 9.8%

TOTALS 41 100%

Descriptions Accompanying Helpful New Insight (18)

• To take prayer seriously and as a married couple to live a model life for other couples to follow. • The Church does not teach us that when you are going into sex it is good first to pray, as Tobias did. • Prayer heals broken couples in the community (2). • If united as couples in prayer, we will be witnesses to God’s glory. • Through prayer, God dissolves marital challenges (2). • Couples need to say the conjugal prayer in addition to family prayers (2). • Prayer should be done in agreement as a family and as the Church. • Couples committed to prayer can inspire young people to love holy marriage (3). • Prayer strengthens oneness as a couple and manifests the presence of the Trinity. • To join the community in prayer. • Community prayer brings us closer to the Trinity (2). • Prayer helps couples to stay together and helps to build the community.

Descriptions Accompanying Affirmation (16)

• To live an exemplary life through prayer (4). • Exemplary married couples act as a light for the Church, leading to an increase in numbers of married couples. • Prayer brings more couples to Christ (3). • Prayer leads to togetherness and harmony in the local community (3). • By living a life of commitment to prayer as people whose marriage was blessed in the church, the community will realize that marriage is a gift from God (3). • Communal prayer helps a couple to grow stronger with other couples (2).

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

43.9% (18) stated they had gained a new helpful insight and 39% (16) stated the session was an affirmation. 7.3% (3) gave responses that were not related to the session and 9.8% (4) did not respond. A total of 82.9% said the session helped them gain new insights or were affirmed by it.

Session Five: Question One: As you consider what has been explored in this session, what is one way you will attempt to be a better listener to your spouse?

Figure 10: Session Five: Question One

One Way to be a Better Listener to the Spouse

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Responses

Respect, Ideas, Dignity, View, and Opinions (RIDV & O) 12 30.8%

Quality Time 11 28.2%

Body Language, Mood, & Reading Signs of the Times (BMST) 5 12.8%

Various Phrases (VP) 7 17.9%

Incorrect Responses (IR) 4 10.3%

TOTALS 39 100%

Analysis and tentative evaluation of data:

The findings from the survey show participants’ responses are diversified. However, 59% stated that listening to a spouse with a view to respecting the spouse’s dignity, views, ideas, and opinions and making listening a quality experience for the spouse were the most important motivations to better listening.

Session Five: Question Two: As you consider what has been explored in this session, what is one way in which you will attempt to be better at dialog with your spouse?

Figure 11: Session Five: Question Two

One Way to a Better Dialog with the Spouse

Dimensions of Measure No. of Participants % Per Response

Making Time Available (MTA) 8 20.5%

Flexibility, Being Considerate, & Forgiving (FBC&F) 4 10.2%

Views and Suggestions (VS) 4 10.2%

Recognizing the Spouse’s Weakness and Strength 4 10.2%

(RSWS)

Recognizing Moods and Making Better Use of Non-verbal Clues (Body 3 7.7%

Language)

Opportunities for Sharing and Creating a Conducive Atmosphere (OSCCA) 3 7.7%

Sacrifice 3 7.7%

Respect 3 7.7%

Avoiding Distractions or Interferences (ADI) 2 5.1%

Forgiveness 1 2.6%

Holy Spirit 1 2.6%

Incorrect Response (IR) 3 7.7%

TOTALS 39 100%

3.4 Findings from the Post-Project Survey

The project’s final survey only compared the 37 participants who completed both the pre-

PiM survey and the post-PiM survey. The closing survey was the same as the pre-project survey.

A statistical comparison of each statement between the pre- and post-project implementation is offered and a tentative analysis presented.

1. Every day I am aware of God’s presence in my marriage. Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 24 29 +5 Agree 13 8 -5 Somewhat Agree 0 0 0 Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 0 0 0 Do Not Know 0 0 0 37 37

The responses indicate that five participants moved from Agree to Strongly agree in response to the question, a positive move.

2. Marriage is unbreakable.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential

Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 21 27 +6

Agree 5 7 +2

Somewhat Agree 8 3 -5

Disagree 2 0 2

Strongly Disagree 0 0 0

Do Not Know 1 0 -1 37 37

Responses in the Post-Project survey show that of the 16 who originally did not choose

Strongly Agree , 6 moved up to that position on the scale and 3 remained in the same position (i.e.,

Agree (2) and Somewhat Agree (1). Two in Disagree and 1 in Do Not Know moved up to Strongly

Agree . 4 Somewhat Agree moved to Agree . 4 in Somewhat Agree moved to Agree . Twenty-six responses in the Pre-Project survey reported in the Post-Project survey remained unchanged.

3. Marriage is a Covenant

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 25 33 +8

Agree 9 4 -5

Somewhat Agree 3 0 -3

Disagree 0 0 0

Strongly Disagree 0 0 0

Do Not Know 0 0 0 37 37

Responses in the Post-Project survey show that of the 11 who originally did not choose Strongly

Agree , 8 moved up on position on the scale and 3 remained in the same position (i.e., Agree (2) and Somewhat Agree (1)).

4. Marriage means loving and honoring my spouse all my life.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 23 21 -2

Agree 11 11 0

Somewhat Agree 3 5 +2

Disagree 0 0 0

Strongly Disagree 0 0 0

Do Not Know 0 0 0 37 37

This survey response actually indicated a downward movement in the post-Project survey. A comparison of the 37 respondents indicate the finding from the Post-Project survey had

2 responses moving from Strongly Agree moved down to Somewhat Agree , two scales lower than

Strongly Agree . The teaching on honor lived by the Christian spouses might have exposed the traditional understanding of honor between a husband and wife in the Ugandan setting which needs to be re-evaluated; thus, the downward reconsideration. All 11 participants stayed in the category of agree

5. The love between a husband and a wife reflects the love between Christ and the Church.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 22 30 +8

Agree 15 7 -8

Somewhat Agree 0 0 0

Disagree 0 0 0

Strongly Disagree 0 0 0

Do Not Know 0 0 0 37 37

Responses in the Post-Project survey show that of the 15 who originally did not choose

Strongly Agree , 8 moved up on position on the scale and 7 remained in the same position (i.e.,

Agree ).

6. Sexual intimacy with my spouse is based on mutual respect.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 15 16 +1

Agree 18 15 -3

Somewhat Agree 0 3 +3

Disagree 2 2 0

Strongly Disagree 0 1 +1

Do Not Know 2 0 0 37 37

In the Post-Project data finding, of the 2 who were in do not know moved up, one moved to Strongly Agree and 1 moved up to Somewhat Agree . 17 did not move (i.e., 15 Agree and 2

Disagree ). 3 moved out of the Agree category, 1 up to Strongly Agree and 2 down to Somewhat

Agree . These surveys could reflect a rethinking or reassessment of cultural perceptions in regard to gender-related positions on sexual rights within marriage. These cultural perceptions, which

100 tend to give more rights to the man and fewer to the woman, could have been held by the respondents at the time they started participating in the project, but after participating in it, they may have decided to move away from their cultural practice to a Christian way of assigning equal sexual rights in marriage. It is important to state that Ugandan traditional cultures are male dominated, therefore, men enjoy more sexual rights than females, a fact which is evidenced in cases of polygamy, while polyandry is not allowed. This cultural aspect was discussed in section

1.2.1 Background on Ugandan Reality of Marriage: Cultural/Tribal Dynamics.

7. Receiving Holy Communion as a couple is important to me.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 23 28 +5

Agree 12 9 -3

Somewhat Agree 2 0 -2

Disagree 0 0 0

Strongly Disagree 0 0 0

Do Not Know 0 0 0 37 37

Responses in the Post-Project survey show that of the 14 who originally did not choose

Strongly Agree , 5 moved to Strongly Agree , 2 moved from Somewhat Agree to Agree and 6 remained at Agree.

8. Celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation is connected to my relationship with my spouses.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 15 27 +12 Agree 12 10 -2

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Somewhat Agree 9 0 -9

Disagree 0 0 0

Strongly Disagree 1 0 -1

Do Not Know 0 0 0 37 37

This statement demonstrated the most movement of all the statements. Those strongly agreeing with the first survey (40.5%) increased to 73% in the post-Project survey, approaching a

100% increase. In the Post-Project survey, the Strongly Agree group had 12 respondents move up into it; that is, 2 from Agree , 9 from Somewhat Agree , 1 from Disagree while 10 did not move, that is, Agree. This seems to infer the spouses could have discovered the interrelationships between the sacraments of Reconciliation and Matrimony because these sacraments confer on them healing, renewal, and sanctifying graces. These ideas are echoed in the Session Three, Question Two post- reflection responses found in Chapter Three or in Appendix D: Research Findings from the

Sessions – Spouse -to- Spouse, Small Groups, and Large Group Sharing.

9. Couples should pray together daily.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 26 26 0

Agree 10 8 -2

Somewhat Agree 0 3 +3

Disagree 0 0 0

Strongly Disagree 1 0 -1

Do Not Know 0 0 0 37 37

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There was slight downward movement on this statement but not enough statistically to make a difference because out of 10 in the Prep-Project rating in Agree category 2 moved down to

Somewhat Agree whereas 8 remained. However, 1 moved up in the Post-Project survey from

Strongly Disagree to Somewhat Agree .

10. Couples should go to Mass together on a regular basis.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 22 29 -3 Agree 8 14 +6

Somewhat Agree 4 4 0

Disagree 3 0 -3

Strongly Disagree 0 0 0

Do Not Know 0 0 0

37 37

This survey had interesting movements of respondents of moving in and out some categories. 5 respondents moved down from Strongly Agree to Agree in the Post-Project responses and 5 remained in Agree. 3 moved out of Agree , 2 up to Strongly Agree and 1 down to Somewhat

Agree . 3 moved out of Disagree , 1 to Somewhat Agree , 1 to Agree , and 1 to Strongly Agree .

11. My spouse is a good listener.

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 3 13 +10

Agree 10 11 +1

Somewhat Agree 15 11 -4

Disagree 6 1 -5

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Strongly Disagree 3 1 -2

Do Not Know 0 0 0 37 37

The Post-Project survey in the Strongly Agree had 10 respondents move into it: 4 came from Somewhat Agree , 5 from Disagree , and 1, 1 from Strongly Disagree . Agree registered 1 movement into it from Strongly Disagree . However, those who did not move are: 11 in Somewhat

Agree , and 1 each of the Strongly Agree and Do Not Know categories. This data probably suggests there is need to improve on spousal “good listening” through workshop/or and seminars or that the weekend retreat project assisted the participants to recognize the need of developing good listening skills.

12. My spouse believes that dialog is important in the way we communicate with each other .

Response Choice # of Participants # of Participants Differential Pre-Project Post-Project Strongly Agree 18 15 -3

Agree 7 16 +9

Somewhat Agree 8 6 -2

Disagree 0 0 0

Strongly Disagree 2 0 -2

Do Not Know 2 0 -2 37 37

The significant movement was towards Agree in the Post-Project Survey, 3 down from

Strongly Agree and 2 each moving up respectively from Somewhat Agree , Strongly Disagree , and

Do Not Know . These shifts may point to some of the cultural influences in the Ugandan society where male and paternalistic dynamics give men a stronger voice in communication and decision-

104 making than women. Yet this situation could have been viewed differently after participating in the weekend retreat. It should be noted that this was the largest single jump in the agree category and the third largest in the entire project.

3.5 Conclusion to Chapter Three

This chapter described the survey instruments used in this PiM, broke down the responses in terms of statistical data, and offered some tentative implications from the Pre-/Post-Project surveys and the session surveys. The next chapter will offer an overall evaluation of the Project in Ministry with some suggestions for future developments.

CHAPTER FOUR: GENERAL CONCLUSIONS

4.1 Introduction

This chapter provides an overall evaluation of the Project in Ministry (PiM). It will offer a general evaluation of the project and conclude with some recommendations for further development of this model based on what has been learned from the PiM.

4.2 General Evaluation of the Project: Evaluating the Project in Ministry Retreat

Some participants had attended a retreat before the PiM while others had only heard about the concept of a retreat. The format of the PiM offered a new experience for the first group.

Among the western Bantu speaking people of Uganda, a retreat is called oruculeero , a noun which literally means “a big silence” or “extended silence.” Oruculeero comes from the verb kuculeera , which literally means “to keep silent.”

Incorporating theological reflection into a retreat for those with an expectation of extended silence expanded their understanding of what a retreat might look like. The data imply that they found the experience worthwhile. The survey data also imply that the couples who attended the entire retreat and the post-Project Mass had a positive experience and gained a deeper understanding of and a greater appreciation for the need to integrate into their lives the insights gleaned from the retreat.

The participants, through theological reflection, clarified, deepened, and gained a further understanding of and a greater appreciation for the need to integrate within their lives the insights gleaned from the retreat. The evidence supporting this claim may be seen in the significant insights they noted for ongoing reflection and integration into their lives as a couple in the surveys.

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The weekend format appears to have been appealing to the participants, especially those who work. The importance of both spouses being present for the sessions was reported by those whose spouse did not attend one of the sessions.

Some of the participants appreciated the retreat format because, for the first time, they were able to share their struggles with their spouses and other couples. They were able to listen, dialog, and share deeply and reflectively about their marriage commitment by returning to the rite of marriage, something they had never done before. Others said that they had previously focused more on other things like financial and extended family issues and less on their marriage but that the retreat assisted them to focus on marriage per se .

Participants seemed to appreciate the progressive sharing from couple-to-couple to small group to large assembly which helped them to deepen and clarify their own experiences. Couples sharing with couples was intentional by design. It provided a venue for couples to listen to the blessing and challenges of other couples and learn from them. Hearing from other couples provided new opportunities for engagement that would not occur if the discussion had only been between husband and wife or had stayed only in the small group. The sharing in small and large groups resulted in quality discussion among the participants and many participants remained after the sessions to continue sharing in an informal setting.

All participants requested copies of the handouts and the printed prayers for further use in their homes, an indication that the impact of these materials might extend beyond the retreat itself.

PiM data revealed that the majority of the participants had never been exposed to magisterial documents on marriage. The surveys and personal conversations by the participants indicate that these resources would be welcomed by other couples if this model were repeated.

Mystagogical catechesis was a new method for the participants and, based on their engagement with the method, it appeared to energize them around the topics being presented.

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One set of responses to a particular session was particularly interesting. Question One in

Session Five asked individuals to note what would motivate them to listen more attentively to their spouse. 59% of the participants ranked respecting the dignity, view, and ideas of a spouse (30.8%

(12)) or offering quality time to a spouse 28.2% (11). In a Ugandan cultural context where mutuality and genuine concern for the spouse’s good are not normative, this ranking is especially encouraging in light of the PiM objectives.

Ugandan cultural norms and practices tend to favor masculinity and paternalism over mutual love and equality between husband and wife. The PiM results suggest that making time to respect the dignity, views, and ideas of a spouse and engaging in quality listening may be a better way to strengthen marriages in a Ugandan context. It should be noted that this process will not be easy to achieve. Greed, superiority complexes, and rigid cultural norms protect men’s authority over their wives and stand as hindrances towards mutual equality in dignity and roles and would be perceived as threats despite the detrimental impact these cultural norms continue to have on

Christian husbands in attaining marital bonds that are truly life-giving for them, their family, and the country. Reports indicate that women, especially educated women, are beginning to push back in response to what they perceive as unjust social structures. Laws may attempt to moderate behavior but they do not translate automatically to improvement in spousal relationship.

Addressing the cultural norms with Catholic spouses through the lens used in this PiM may actually offer a better way forward.

Second, the PiM also suggests that helping family life improve requires that spouses share quality time with each other. Again, there is a cultural obstacle to overcome. Culturally, a man is considered weak if he spends time at home with his wife and family. Even when work or other responsibilities do not require them to be away from home, the cultural norm for men is to spend

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their free time with other men in trading centers and in town, returning to the home, sometimes

drunk, demanding a warm bath and a meal to be served without delay. Spending time with the wife

and children and sharing domestic chores is considered unmanly. As an example of the struggle,

one female participant noted, “Nowadays family life has become like a business. There is no

sweetness. Sometimes it is like a hostel where the husband comes home late and tired and there is

no time for each other.” 1 This deteriorates the relationship and spouses grow further apart.

Domestic violence, formerly suffered by women at the hands of their husbands, is increasingly

done by women against their husbands. 2 This is not how marriage and family life should be.

Couples who are willing to start sharing quality time with each other, despite the cultural

challenges, may offer a significant way forward towards improving the state of married life in

Uganda. Healthier marriages are in the best interest of everyone.

If stronger marriage is a goal for the nation and if an increasing number of these marriages

are between two Catholics, it seems that this PiM might offer a venue for reforming the culture

over time as the health of couples and families following the principles of Christian marriage becomes increasingly appealing, both to women and men.

1 FOX News Network, LLC., reported a scenario due to domestic violence which takes quality time from the couples. Ronald Kiyimba, a men's rights activist and counselor reported saying, “I know lots of men who no longer eat food at home, who spend their nights in living rooms," he said. "Because they are afraid of their wives. It's like a war zone. This is why many men choose to report home late in the night when everyone is asleep and then leave very early when everyone is still asleep.” See FOX News Network, LLC., February 24, 2016, accessed November 6, 2018, https://www.foxnews.com/world/some-ugandan-men-say-they-are-abused-by-their-wives. This situation which has been reported in Uganda may also be found in other countries.

2 FOX News Network, LLC., reported in 2016, a rise in domestic violations among married couples in Uganda, 25% being suffered by men. It was further reported that, “Nearly 25 percent of the 7,805 cases of domestic abuse filed with the police in 2013 involved men as victims, according to the latest crime report by local police, released in 2014. That same report said that 183 of the 360 [that is, 50.8%] people killed in domestic disputes that year were men, leading Police Chief Kale Kayihura to suggest the country needs a rehab center for men in abusive relationships.” See Associated Press , “Some Ugandan men say they are abused by their wives,” in FOX News Network, LLC., February 24, 2016, accessed November 6, 2018, https://www.foxnews.com/world/some-ugandan- men-say-they-are-abused-by-their-wives.

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4.3 Areas for Further Research

Three areas call for further research. First, fidelity in marriage needs further study and stronger emphasis in marriage preparation and enrichment. This was identified as the most important and challenging vow in marriage by the participants. They noted the high value of fidelity in marriage while also observing that they live in a culture where fathering children out of wedlock is publicly known and supported. Better formation before and after the wedding on the development of a mutually loving relationship, another of the vows, may reduce these incidences of infidelity. 3

Second, helping Ugandan couples who are sacramentally married to grow in the importance of honoring their spouse is also suggested by this PiM. It emerged as the second most challenging marriage vow by the participants in this PiM. Honor connotes showing respect and acknowledging dignity, seeing the other person as valuable and cherished. Efforts to offer catechesis on the meaning of marital honor and offering opportunities for couples to learn how to practice this will be helpful in the current cultural climate.

Third, if couples accept the premise that their vows commit them to a life of fidelity, love, and honor, this PiM suggests that helping couples develop listening and dialog skills is an investment worth making by the Church as a component of marriage enrichment. Cultural norms notwithstanding, this PiM indicates that Catholic couples who believe in the foundational truths of the Christian faith and covenantal marriage may provide a way forward to stronger marriages and healthier families, both in great need of improvement in Uganda.

3 In other covenants such as the Sinai Covenant, fulfilling the demands of the covenant or remaining faithful to that covenant was a constant challenge. Cf. Hos. 1:1-2:1; 2:2-23; Mal. 2:1-16.

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4.4 Conclusion to Chapter Four

The PiM gives every indication that the model developed could be very helpful on a national level for marriage enrichment in Uganda. Training of other facilitators will be necessary and a manual that would assist these facilitators will also be important.

The PiM offers a way forward for married couples in Uganda to grow in the sanctity of their lives as a couple and as a family. It is hoped that this PiM opens a door to future possibilities in a country where the need for marriage enrichment is great.

APPENDICES

Appendix A1: Definition of Terms

A weekend retreat in this thesis is defined as a time of intentional and intensive reflections, sharing, and prayer on human experience using the resources of Christian traditions so that there is a more conscious understanding of and commitment to Christian life.

Covenantal marriage refers to a marriage that is both a covenant and a sacrament sealed with

Catholic Church blessing (cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church , nos. 1638 and 1639).

Kunyaza , in Rwanda-Rundi language, is a skill used to lead a female partner to attain a higher orgasm which is accompanied by releasing of large qualities of vaginal fluids during intercourse.

It is commonly used in central, western and south western Uganda as well as in some Central

African regions.

Marriage enrichment is an intentional and primary form of marriage prevention which uses the resources of Scripture, magisterial teachings, marriage experience, sharing, and communication skills to enhance the relationships of couples who are bound by covenant and sacrament of marriage.

Mystagogy of Marriage is a form of catechesis which leads the covenantal and sacramental couples into the mysteries of Christ which are proper to the Sacrament of Marriage on which marriage and family life are rooted.

Primal Cultures : In anthropology, people from primal cultures believe in close relationships. This is why they emphasize living in harmony with the spiritual and physical surroundings, with community, and with the hierarchical structures people live in such as traditional hierarchical leadership structures and respect for the elders.

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Ssenga or Bassenga , in denotative and connotative usage, is the singular or plural form of paternal aunt.

Andragogy is “the art and science of adult learning” (Malcolm Knowles).

Theological Reflection Method in Ministry (TRM) is “the process by which the community of faith engages the religious information from these sources [Christian tradition, personal experience and resources of culture] in pursuit of insight that will illumine and shape pastoral response”

(Whiteheads). It progresses in three ways of attending, assertion, and response with each one of the three sources of theological reflection.

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Appendix A2: Tables

Table 1: Anonymous Participants’ Attendance List at the Weekend Retreat and the Closing Evaluation Day of the Project Process

Table 2: Level of Education of the Participants in the Weekend Retreat

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Table 3: Participants Duration of Marriage

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Appendix B: Pre-Project Implementation Survey Self-Rating on 12 Statements B1. Pre- and Post-Project Implementation Surveys /Questionnaires Evaluation Instruments A Pre-Project survey was administered at the beginning of the first session. A Post- Project survey, using the same statements, was administered three months after the final Project session when the participants returned for a Mass of Thanksgiving and meal. Using the scale of 5-0 below, circle the number that best describes your response. Item Strongly Agree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Do Agree Agree Disagree Not Know 1. Every day I am aware 5 4 3 2 1 0 of God’s presence in my marriage. 2. Marriage is 5 4 3 2 1 0 unbreakable. 3. Marriage is a covenant. 5 4 3 2 1 0 4. Marriage means loving 5 4 3 2 1 0 and honoring my spouse all my life. 5. The love between a 5 4 3 2 1 0 husband and a wife reflects the love between Christ and the Church. 6. Sexual intimacy with 5 4 3 2 1 0 my spouse is based on mutual respect. 7. Receiving Holy 5 4 3 2 1 0 Communion as a couple is important to me. 8. Celebrating the 5 4 3 2 1 0 Sacrament of Reconciliation is connected to my relationship with my spouse. 9. Couples should pray 5 4 3 2 1 0 together daily.

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10. Couples should go to 5 4 3 2 1 0 Mass together on a regular basis. 11. My spouse is a good 5 4 3 2 1 0 listener. 12. My spouse believes 5 4 3 2 1 0 that dialog is important in the way we communicate with each other.

B2: Reflection Questions for Participants to Respond to Administered at the End of Each Session

Two reflection questions were distributed near the end of each session. The participants were given time to reflect on the questions in the light of the content of the session before responding in writing. The participants returned their responses to the candidate with the respondents remaining anonymous to the candidate.

DAY ONE:

Session #1: Reflection Questions at End of Session One: Theology of Marriage and the Marriage Covenant: Biblical Foundations

1. As you recall the Scripture below from Matthew 19:3-6, which aspects of covenantal marriage explored today (i.e., marriage as instituted by God, unity in marriage, marriage as a covenant, Holy Family as exemplar) seem most important to you? Why do you think this?

“Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’ ‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator ‘‘made them male and female,’’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.’”

2. Name one thing you can do to live out your marriage better in light of today’s session.

Session #2: Reflection Questions at End of Session Two: Consent Questions and Marital Love in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony

1. Which of the three promises you made at your wedding is the most important to you? Why? Which one is the most challenging? Why? 2. What have you learned about the ideal of marital love (i.e., mutually being subordinate to each other in a sacrificial way to reflect the love between Christ and the Church) that you can take home and integrate in a deeper way into your marriage?

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DAY TWO:

Session #3: Reflection Questions at End of Session Three: Spousal Marital Intimacy Enriched through the Sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation

1. Identify one way building your life as a couple around the Holy Eucharist might deepen the intimacy between your spouse and you in light of this session. 2. Identify one way building your life as a couple around the Sacrament of Reconciliation might deepen the intimacy between your spouse and you in light of this session.

Session #4: Reflection Questions at the End of Session Four: Spousal Spirituality Enriched through Prayer

1. As you consider what has been explored in this session, what do you consider to be a helpful new insight or affirmation about your life of personal prayer as a married couple? Note whether it is a new insight or an affirmation in your response. 2. As you consider what has been explored in this session, what do you consider to be a helpful new insight or affirmation about the role of prayer in the community of the Church as a married couple? Note whether it is a new insight or an affirmation in your response.

DAY THREE: Session #5: Reflection Questions at the End of Session Five: Listening and Dialog Skills

As you consider what has been explored in this session, what is one way you will attempt to be a better listener to your spouse? As you consider what has been explored in this session, what is one way you will attempt to be better at dialog with your spouse?

B3: Goals, Objective, and Outcomes for the Project

Goals They are: • To offer a mystagogical catechesis to spouses based on the classic Gospel text on marriage so that they may encounter and explore the theology of marriage and the marriage Covenant. • To offer a mystagogical catechesis to spouses based on the three consent questions found in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony and in the context of Ephesians 5: 21-33 in order to deepen their understanding of the commitment they freely made when entering sacramental marriage in which they promised lifelong fidelity to each other and openness to new life through children. • To offer a mystagogical catechesis on the sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation so that couples may deepen their understanding of the importance of these sacraments in their ongoing growth and development as a couple living out their marital commitment.

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• To offer a mystagogical catechesis to couples on the significance of a life of prayer as a couple using a passage from the Book of Tobit and the Nuptial Blessing bestowed on couples found in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony . • To offer a mystagogical catechesis to couples on the significance of a listening and dialog in the life of spouses using the dialogical texts of the Marriage Consent and the Exchange of Rings.

Objectives Guiding the Sessions of the Project • To begin a mystagogical catechesis on • The topic of the theology of marriage and the Biblical meaning of covenant by inviting the spouses to hear a classic Scripture passage often used in sacramental marriage celebrations and to reflect on its meaning. • The topic of the consent questions and marital love by recalling the three questions of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony which the spouses were asked at their wedding. • The topic of spousal marital intimacy by recalling an experience of receiving Holy Communion and celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation and encountering the words of I Cor. 11:23-32. • A passage from the Book of Tobit (8:4b-8) and the Nuptial Blessing used in Catholic marriage rites. • The texts of the Marriage Consent and the Exchange of Rings.

Outcomes The desired outcomes for the project were: • Couples will gain a deeper understanding of what the marital covenant means for Catholics in the light of God’s revelation in Matthew 19: 3-6. • Couples will be able to identify the three core commitments they make in sacramental marriage in light of Ephesians 5: 21-33 and to apply what they have learned in one concrete way for their life as husband and wife. • Couples will be able to identify how Holy Communion and the Sacrament of Reconciliation deepen the intimacy of their marriage. • Couples will be able to identify one way by which they may grow spiritually as a couple by praying together as a couple in private and by praying together as a couple within their local Church community. • Husbands and wives will be able to identify at least one way by which they can improve their commitment to listening to and dialoging with each other.

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Appendix C . Handouts: Scriptures

Appendix C1: Scripture: Tobit 8:4b-8

A reading from the book of Tobit, Tobit 8: 4b–8 “Bring us to old age together”

“4 On the evening of their marriage, Tobias said to Sarah, ‘You and I must pray and petition our Lord to win his grace and protection.’ They began praying for protection, 5 and this was how he began: ‘You are blessed, O God of our fathers; blessed, too, is your name for ever and ever. Let the heavens bless you and all things you have made for evermore. 6 It was you who created Adam, you who created Eve his wife to be his help and support; and from these two the human race was born. It was you who said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; let us make him a helpmate like himself.” 8 And so I do not take my sister for any lustful motive; I do it in singleness of heart. Be kind enough to have pity on her and on me and bring us to old age together.’ 8 And together they said, ‘Amen, Amen.’”

The word of the Lord.

Appendix C2: Scripture: Matthew 19:3-6

Investigator: A reading from the Holy Gospel according to St. Matthew, Matthew 19:3-6.

“Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’ ‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

The Gospel of the Lord

Appendix C3: Scripture: 1 Corinthians 11:23-32

A reading from the First Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians 11:23-32

“23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, ‘This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.’ 25 In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.’ 26 For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. 27 So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.

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28 Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. 29 For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. 30 That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. 31 But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment. 32 Nevertheless, when we are judged in this way by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be finally condemned with the world.”

The Word of the Lord

Appendix C4: Scripture: Ephesians 5:21-33

A reading from the Letter of St. Paul to the Ephesians, Ephesians 5: 21–33

“This mystery has many implications and I am saying it applies to Christ and the Church.”

21 Give way to one another in obedience to Christ. 22 Wives should regard their husbands as they regard the Lord, 23 since as Christ is head of the Church and saves the whole body, so is a husband the head of his wife; 24 and as the Church submits to Christ, so should wives to their husbands, in everything. 25 Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her 26 to make her holy. He made her clean by washing her in water with a form of words, 27 so that when he took her to himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and faultless. 28 In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. 29 A man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the Church, 30 because it is his body — and we are its living parts. 31 For this reason, a man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one body. 32 This mystery has many implications; but I am saying it applies to Christ and the Church. 33 To sum up; you too, each one of you, must love his wife as he loves himself; and let every wife respect her husband.

The word of the Lord.

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Appendix D: Church Documents

Appendix D1: Church Document: Amoris Laetitia (AL) , §66 LOOKING TO JESUS: THE VOCATION OF THE FAMILY 66. “The covenant of love and fidelity lived by the Holy Family of Nazareth illuminates the principle which gives shape to every family, and enables it better to face the vicissitudes of life and history. On this basis, every family, despite its weaknesses, can become a light in the darkness of the world. ‘Nazareth teaches us the meaning of family life, its loving communion, [and] its simple and austere beauty, its sacred and inviolable character. May it teach how sweet and irreplaceable is [sic] its training, how fundamental and incomparable its role in the social order’ (Paul VI, Address in Nazareth, 5 January 1964),” 58 taken from Amoris Laetitia – Chapter 3.

Appendix D2: Church Document: Gaudium et Spes (GS ), §49.1 “The biblical Word of God several times urges the betrothed and the married to nourish and develop their wedlock by pure conjugal love and undivided affection.(10) Many men of our own age also highly regard true love between husband and wife as it manifests itself in a variety of ways depending on the worthy customs of various peoples and times.”

Appendix D3: Church Document: Familiaris Consortio , §57 and §58

Marriage and the Eucharist “57. The Christian family's sanctifying role is grounded in Baptism and has its highest expression in the Eucharist, to which Christian marriage is intimately connected. The Second Vatican Council drew attention to the unique relationship between the Eucharist and marriage by requesting that "marriage normally be celebrated within the Mass."[144] To understand better and live more intensely the graces and responsibilities of Christian marriage and family life, it is altogether necessary to rediscover and strengthen this relationship. The Eucharist is the very source of Christian marriage. The Eucharistic Sacrifice, in fact, represents Christ's covenant of love with the Church, sealed with His blood on the Cross.[145] In this sacrifice of the New and Eternal Covenant, Christian spouses encounter the source from which their own marriage covenant flows, is interiorly structured and continuously renewed. As a representation of Christ's sacrifice of love for the Church, the Eucharist is a fountain of charity. In the Eucharistic gift of charity the Christian family finds the foundation and soul of its "communion" and its "mission": by partaking in the Eucharistic bread, the different members of the Christian family become one body, which reveals and shares in the wider unity of the Church. Their sharing in the Body of Christ that is "given up" and in His Blood that is "shed" becomes a never-ending source of missionary and apostolic dynamism for the Christian family.”

The Sacrament of Conversion and Reconciliation “58. An essential and permanent part of the Christian family's sanctifying role consists in accepting the call to conversion that the Gospel addresses to all Christians, who do not always remain faithful to the "newness" of the Baptism that constitutes them "saints." The Christian family too is sometimes unfaithful to the law of baptismal grace and holiness proclaimed anew in the sacrament of marriage. Repentance and mutual pardon within the bosom of the Christian family, so much a part of daily life, receive their specific sacramental expression in Christian Penance. In the Encyclical

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Humanae vitae , Paul VI wrote of married couples: "And if sin should still keep its hold over them, let them not be discouraged, but rather have recourse with humble perseverance to the mercy of God, which is abundantly poured forth in the sacrament of Penance."[146] The celebration of this sacrament acquires special significance for family life. While they discover in faith that sin contradicts not only the covenant with God, but also the covenant between husband and wife and the communion of the family, the married couple and the other members of the family are led to an encounter with God, who is "rich in mercy,"[147] who bestows on them His love which is more powerful than sin,[148] and who reconstructs and brings to perfection the marriage covenant and the family communion.”

Appendix D4: Church Document: Familiaris Consortio , §59.1, 61-62

Family Prayer : Communal prayer with Church ( FC , §59.1)

“59. The Church prays for the Christian family and educates the family to live in generous accord with the priestly gift and role received from Christ the High Priest. In effect, the baptismal priesthood of the faithful, exercised in the sacrament of marriage, constitutes the basis of a priestly vocation and mission for the spouses and family by which their daily lives are transformed into "spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."[149] This transformation is achieved not only by celebrating the Eucharist and the other sacraments and through offering themselves to the glory of God, but also through a life of prayer, through prayerful dialogue with the Father, through Jesus Christ, in the Holy Spirit.”

Liturgical Prayer and Private Prayer: Bond: Ecclesial life of prayer and individual prayer ( FC , §61)

“61. There exists a deep and vital bond between the prayer of the Church and the prayer of the individual faithful, as has been clearly reaffirmed by the Second Vatican Council.[153] An important purpose of the prayer of the domestic Church is to serve as the natural introduction for the children to the liturgical prayer of the whole Church, both in the sense of preparing for it and of extending it into personal, family and social life. Hence the need for gradual participation by all the members of the Christian family in the celebration of the Eucharist, especially on Sundays and feast days, and of the other sacraments, particularly the sacraments of Christian initiation of the children. The directives of the Council opened up a new possibility for the Christian family when it listed the family among those groups to whom it recommends them.[154] Likewise, the Christian family will strive to celebrate at home, and in a way suited to the members, the times and feasts of the liturgical year.

As preparation for the worship celebrated in church, and as its prolongation in the home, the Christian family makes use of private prayer, which presents a great variety of forms. While this variety testifies to the extraordinary richness with which the Spirit vivifies Christian prayer, it serves also to meet the various needs and life situations of those who turn to the Lord in prayer. Apart from morning and evening prayers, certain forms of prayer are to be expressly encouraged, following the indications of the Synod Fathers, such as reading and meditating on the word of God, preparation for the reception of the sacraments, devotion and consecration to the Sacred Heart of

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Jesus, the various forms of veneration of the Blessed Virgin Mary, grace before and after meals, and observance of popular devotions.

While respecting the freedom of the children of God, the Church has always proposed certain practices of piety to the faithful with particular solicitude and insistence. Among these should be mentioned the recitation of the rosary: "We now desire, as a continuation of the thought of our predecessors, to recommend strongly the recitation of the family rosary.... There is no doubt that... the rosary should be considered as one of the best and most efficacious prayers in common that the Christian family is invited to recite. We like to think, and sincerely hope, that when the family gathering becomes a time of prayer the rosary is a frequent and favored manner of praying."[155] In this way authentic devotion to Mary, which finds expression in sincere love and generous imitation of the Blessed Virgin's interior spiritual attitude, constitutes a special instrument for nourishing loving communion in the family and for developing conjugal and family spirituality. For she who is the Mother of Christ and of the Church is in a special way the Mother of Christian families, of domestic Churches.”

Prayer and Life : Prayer: essential dimension of Christian life FC, §62)

“62. It should never be forgotten that prayer constitutes an essential part of Christian life, understood in its fullness and centrality. Indeed, prayer is an important part of our very humanity: it is "the first expression of man's inner truth, the first condition for authentic freedom of spirit."[156]

Far from being a form of escapism from everyday commitments, prayer constitutes the strongest incentive for the Christian family to assume and comply fully with all its responsibilities as the primary and fundamental cell of human society. Thus the Christian family's actual participation in the Church's life and mission is in direct proportion to the fidelity and intensity of the prayer with which it is united with the fruitful vine that is Christ the Lord.[157]

The fruitfulness of the Christian family in its specific service to human advancement, which of itself cannot but lead to the transformation of the world, derives from its living union with Christ, nourished by Liturgy, by self-oblation and by prayer.[158]”

Appendix D5: Church Document: Amoris Laetitia (AL ). “Dialogue,” §136-141

“136. Dialogue is essential for experiencing, expressing and fostering love in marriage and family life. …. It is a “fruit of a long and demanding apprenticeship. Men and women, young people and adults, communicate differently. They speak different languages and they act in different ways. Our way of asking and responding to questions, the tone we use, our timing and any number of other factors condition how well we communicate. We need to develop certain attitudes that express love and encourage authentic dialogue.

137. Take time, quality time. This means being ready to listen patiently and attentively to everything the other person wants to say. It requires the self-discipline of not speaking until the time is right. Instead of offering an opinion or advice, we need to be sure that we have heard everything the other person has to say. This means cultivating an interior silence that makes it

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possible to listen to the other person without mental or emotional distractions. Do not be rushed, put aside all of your own needs and worries, and make space. Often the other spouse does not need a solution to his or her problems, but simply to be heard, to feel that someone has acknowledge their pain, their disappointment, their fear, their anger, their hopes and their dreams. How often we hear complaints like: “He does not listen to me.” “Even when you seem to, you are really doing something else.” “I talk to her and I feel like she can’t wait for me to finish.” “When I speak to her, she tries to change the subject, or she gives me curt responses to end the conversation”.

138. Develop the habit of giving real importance to the other person. This means appreciating them and recognizing their right to exist, to think as they do and to be happy. Never downplay what they say or think, even if you need to express your own point of view. Everyone has something to contribute, because they have their life experiences, they look at things from a different standpoint and they have their own concerns, abilities and insights. We ought to be able to acknowledge the other person’s truth, the value of his or her deepest concerns, and what it is that they are trying to communicate, however aggressively. We have to put ourselves in their shoes and try to peer into their hearts, to perceive their deepest concerns and to take them as a point of departure for further dialogue.

139. Keep an open mind. Don’t get bogged down in your own limited ideas and opinions, but be prepared to change or expand them. The combination of two different ways of thinking can lead to a synthesis that enriches both. The unity that we seek is not uniformity, but a “unity in diversity”, or “reconciled diversity”. Fraternal communion is enriched by respect and appreciation for differences within an overall perspective that advances the common good. We need to free ourselves from feeling that we all have to be alike. A certain astuteness is also needed to prevent the appearance of “static” that can interfere with the process of dialogue. For example, if hard feelings start to emerge, they should be dealt with sensitively, lest they interrupt the dynamic of dialogue. The ability to say what one is thinking without offending the other person is important. Words should be carefully chosen so as not to offend, especially when discussing difficult issues. Making a point should never involve venting anger and inflicting hurt. A patronizing tone only serves to hurt, ridicule, accuse and offend others. Many disagreements between couples are not about important things. Mostly they are about trivial matters. What alters the mood, however, is the way things are said or the attitude with which they are said.

140. Show affection and concern for the other person. Love surmounts even the worst barriers. When we love someone, or when we feel loved by them, we can better understand what they are trying to communicate. Fearing the other person as a kind of “rival” is a sign of weakness and needs to be overcome. It is very important to base one’s position on solid choices, beliefs or values, and not on the need to win an argument or to be proved right.

141. Finally, let us acknowledge that for a worthwhile dialogue we have to have something to say. This can only be the fruit of an interior richness nourished by reading, personal reflection, prayer and openness to the world around us. Otherwise, conversations become boring and trivial. When neither of the spouses works at this, and has little real contact with other people, family life becomes stifling and dialogue impoverished.”

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Appendix D6: Marriage Ritual: The Order of Celebrating Matrimony – “Nuptial Blessing,” Option A (#73)

“Dear brothers and sisters, let us humbly pray to the Lord that on these his servants, now married in Christ, he may mercifully pour out the blessing of his grace and make of one heart in love (by the Sacrament of Christ's Body and Blood) those he has joined by a holy covenant.

O God, who by your mighty power created all things out of nothing, and, when you had set in place the beginnings of the universe, formed man and woman in your own image, making the woman an inseparable helpmate to the man, that they might no longer be two, but one flesh, and taught that what you were pleased to make one must never be divided; O God, who consecrated the bond of Marriage by so great a mystery that in the wedding covenant you foreshadowed the Sacrament of Christ and his Church; O God, by whom woman is joined to man and the companionship they had in the beginning is endowed with the one blessing not forfeited by original sin nor washed away by the flood.

Look now with favor on these your servants, joined together in Marriage, who ask to be strengthened by your blessing. Send down on them the grace of the Holy Spirit and pour your love into their hearts, that they may remain faithful in the Marriage covenant. May the grace of love and peace abide in your daughter (Name), and let her always follow the example of those holy women whose praises are sung in the Scriptures.

May her husband entrust his heart to her, so that, acknowledging her as his equal and his joint heir to the life of grace, he may show her due honor

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and cherish her always with the love that Christ has for his Church. And now, Lord, we implore you: may these your servants hold fast to the faith and keep your commandments; made one in the flesh, may they be blameless in all they do; and with the strength that comes from the Gospel, may they bear true witness to Christ before all; (may they be blessed with children, and prove themselves virtuous parents, who live to see their children's children).

And grant that, reaching at last together the fullness of years for which they hope, they may come to the life of the blessed in the Kingdom of Heaven. Through Christ our Lord.

Response : Amen.

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Appendix E: Research Project Implementation

Detailed Sessions Plans DAY ONE Pre-Session Rituals Date: Friday, November 18, 2016 Time: 1:30PM-1:55PM Location: Parish Hall, St. Peter’s Church, Nsambya, P.O. Box 321, Kampala, UGANDA.

Environment: Bible, lit candle and burning incense. Material: small group numbers, reflection questions, pens, and handout of Matthew 19:3-6. Five rectangular tables each seating three couples (six participants) N.B .: Request to switch off cell phones or put them in silent mode.

a) Formal opening: • Welcome: Thank you for coming and committing time to participate in this research. b) Self-introduction: Fr. Agapitus Businge • Seminary Education: St. John Bosco Seminary, St. Mary’s Seminary, Virika / Fort- Portal, Katigondo National Major Seminary (Masaka) for Philosophy and Ggaba National Major Seminary (Kampala) for Theology. • Priestly ministry: priest of Hoima Catholic Diocese; ordained July 20, 1997; worked as caretaker pastor, curate, diocesan director of vocations / teacher, St. John Bosco Seminary, pioneer team member and later Director of Pastoral Spiritual Year National Formation Program of Uganda Episcopal Conference. • Further studies after priestly ordination: I studied High School Education and Theological and Religious Studies at Makerere University, Kampala, Theological Studies at Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family at The Catholic University of America; I am currently doing research as a Doctor of Ministry candidate at The Catholic University of America, Washington, D.C., while working part-time on the Pastoral Spiritual Year National Formation Program. • Introduction of helpers: James Masembe (B.Sc. Computer) and Flavia Arinaitwe (B.A. SWSA – Bachelor of Social Work Social Administration Degree). • Self-introduction of couples: name (We are Mr. and Mrs…), from ------Parish and we have been married for ---- years. c. Introduction to Marriage Enrichment: • I attended “healing of family tree” workshop where I realized the healing of marriage was vital for the healing of families. • I have been involved in pastoral ministry with struggling married couples in Uganda for over a decade. • I attended John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family and The Catholic University of America both of which equipped me with knowledge and skills concerning marriage and family challenges. • Approach of the retreat is called Mystagogical Catechesis or reflection

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• Mystagogy: means “initiation into sacred mysteries” and is commonly used in RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults). • Mystagogy of Marriage is adapted from post-Baptismal catechesis and is applied to ongoing/life-long reflection on the Sacrament of Marriage using the Order of Celebrating Matrimony .1 • Mystagogical reflection focuses on the deeper meaning of the words, actions, symbols, gestures, and rituals of marriage and asks questions that will help you to deepen your understanding of the marriage commitment you made; you will be asked to recall what was done, and you will be invited to consider choosing a course of action needed to improve or strengthen your commitment to your spouse. You may ask yourself, e.g., “What do actions in the marriage rite mean for me? What do rituals and symbols in the marriage rite signify in my life as a married spouse? What action do they invite me to take?” • This retreat will help the participants to widen their understanding of, appreciation for and commitment to their marriage obligations personally and as a couple. N.B. Pre- and Post-Session implementation Surveys/questionnaires/ Evaluation Instrument and pens will be distributed and collected by the administrative assistants after the participants have responded to them.

1 Committee on Divine Worship, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. Order of Celebrating Matrimony: English Translation According to the Second Typical Edition (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 2016).

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DAY ONE Session #1

Session #1: Theology of Marriage and the Marriage Covenant – Biblical Foundations

Goal: To offer a mystagogical catechesis to spouses based on the classic Gospel text on marriage so that they may encounter and explore the theology of Marriage and the Marriage Covenant.

Date: Friday, November 18, 2016 Time: 2:00 PM to 4:00PM Location: Parish Hall, St. Peter’s Church, Nsambya, P.O. Box 321, Kampala, UGANDA. Environment: Bible, lit candle and burning incense. Materials: small group numbers, reflection questions, pens, and handout of Matthew 19:3-6.

N.B : Request to switch off cell phones or put them in silent mode.

a) Opening prayer Please stand and we pray: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Spouses’ Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

You continually bless us in our marriage. Help us remember that the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ on the cross calls us to reflect Your love each day in our love and fidelity to each other as spouses.

Grant all married spouses, both here and throughout the world, the grace to persevere in mutual fidelity, faith, hope and love. Nourish, forgive, and heal our brokenness and bring us to mutual understanding and mercy all our days.

We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

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Composed by: Agapitus Businge

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. b) (i) Scripture: Matthew 19:3-6

Investigator: A reading from the Holy Gospel according to St. Matthew, Matthew 19:3-6. For this Gospel text see Appendix B4 ii.

• Silent reflection: (2 minutes) • Gospel proclaimed a second time. • Participants are invited to recall something that has remained with them for one minute. • Participants are invited to describe their recollection with their spouses. Prompting statement: Describe what you remember with your spouse. (8 minutes)

(ii) Amoris Laetitia (AL) : Read AL , §66. For this text see Appendix B5 i.

• Silent reflection: (2 minutes) • Read again the passage. • The participants are invited to recall in one minute something that remained with them. • Spouses share one thing that characterizes the marriage between St. Joseph and St. Mary, e.g., covenantal bond, fidelity, and loving communion.

c) Brief Guided Reflection

(i) Matthew 19:3-6

The gospel passage we just read, re-read, and reflected on is from Mt 19:3-6. • It provides the biblical and theological foundations of marriage and the marriage covenant. • We heard that some married Pharisees came to Jesus and asked him: ‘ Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” Think for a moment about what the Pharisees are asking Jesus, namely, whether a man can decide to divorce his wife “for any reason or every reason.” • Human relationships have always been tough between husband and wife. At times spouses find it very hard to live together. Instead of healing, forgiving and reconciling with their wives, the Pharisees sought out a quick way of fixing their tough married conditions. They opted for divorce. We know that to justify their practice of divorce, the Pharisees evoked the permission of Moses, the liberator of the Jews from the Egyptian slavery, the mediator of God’s Covenant ratified on Mt. Sinai, Israel’s lawgiver and teacher (cf. Dt 24:1-4), in order to claim their right to divorce and to justify their position on it. But in their question, they seem to have even gone beyond

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Moses’ permission and were divorcing their wives as long as they were not happy with them. • Jesus, the new Moses, does not make reference to Moses’ authoritative teaching but takes the Pharisees farther back to God’s authority concerning marriage that goes back to “in the beginning;” these were familiar Scriptures found in Gn 1:26 and Gn 2:24. God witnessed the marriage of Adam and Eve in the beginning and did not include the possibility of divorce. In marriage, man and woman become “one flesh.” “One flesh” figuratively means that marriage is an indissoluble bond or covenant between husband and wife. This indissolubility is willed by God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit in whose image and likeness man and woman were created and ordained for a life-long marriage partnership. There are three important biblical and theological truths Jesus teaches about marriage in this Gospel passage. 1. Marriage is instituted by God; it is of divine and not of human origin, given to human beings so that they live as responsible stewards of it. 2. Marital unity: Christian marriage is exclusively monogamous; it calls for total faithfulness of the spouses to each other and is conducive to bearing children. 3. Covenantal bond: It is indissoluble, permanent, and lasts until death.

(ii) Amoris Laetitia (AL, §66) It applies Jesus’ teaching to the marriage of St. Joseph and St. Mary, Jesus’ parents. Joseph’s and Mary’s marriage is a real marriage. It was established in a “… covenant of love and fidelity….” It was lived in the same concrete, historical moment as that of the Pharisees who asked Jesus if it was permissible for a man to divorce his wife for whatever reason. Joseph kept Mary because he was a just man (cf. Mt 1:19). Joseph was tempted to divorce Mary when he found out she was pregnant; however, he had contemplated an informal divorce to save Mary from publicity. Because he was completely determined to divorce her, an angel was sent by God to warn him through a dream against divorcing her. Joseph obeyed God and did not carry out the divorce but agreed to marry Mary and to name her son Jesus, a name revealed by the angel (cf. Mt 1:20-21). The marriage and family of Joseph and Mary overcame the temptations and challenges they encountered but did not yield to divorce because they clung to God’s instructions.

There are four points to note from Amoris Laetitia (AL, §66): i. Like the marriages of the Pharisees, St. Joseph and St. Mary’s marriage was sealed by a covenantal bond under which they lived faithfully. ii. Joseph and Mary and their baby, Jesus, lived in a truly loving communion in their family characterized by poverty and simplicity of life. iii. They lived sacred lives and were perfect according to God’s laws (Mt 1:19). iv. The marriage and family of Joseph, Mary and Jesus, the holy family of Nazareth, is a model for every Christian marriage and Christian family. We have experience of some husbands and wives married in the Church today, at times with children and grandchildren, who have divorced even when one of the partners has asked for forgiveness from his or her spouse. Some keep threatening their partners that they will divorce them. Others abandon their spouses or take mistresses, commit adultery and produce children out of wedlock. Others mistreat their spouses to force them to go away so that they can marry other

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partners. All this is against the love sealed by God by covenant originally received and given in sacramental marriage. What Jesus told some Pharisees in ruling out divorce he says to you married couples who have married in the Catholic Church and consummated your sacramental marriage. You are one in marriage and no one must separate you; not you, not even the civil or ecclesiastical authorities. You couples in sacramental marriage, whatever challenges you meet, you have God to help you; the holy family inspires and prays for you to be faithful until death. Conclusion: The text from Mt 19:3-6 is important in order to understand Jesus’ teaching on the indissolubility of marriage. It affirms the age-long teaching of God found in Gn 2:18-24. Marriage is indissoluble because it is intended to be so by God. Adultery is unacceptable because it is of human origin (Cf. Moses’ teaching.); it must be abandoned and a return must be made to God’s original purpose. The teaching of Amoris Laetitia , especially the example of the holy family of Nazareth, shows how fulfilling God’s will means subordinating our subjective wills to God’s. Married couples are called to do the same. d) Break in silence You can use this time to use bathrooms and stretch yourselves by moving around the venue. Start quiet time when you hear the sound of the drum.

e) Quiet time Silent prayer can be before the Blessed Sacrament or you can remain in this room or sit outside, wherever you feel comfortable. You may use these reflection questions and write down a word or statement to indicate what you have gained. i. Name one new insight you have gained from the speaker’s presentation. ii. What does this new insight mean for you?

f) Mystagogical Reflections i) Couple sharing: • Share what you gained from the facilitator’s presentation • What does it this new insight mean to you?

ii) Small Group Sharing: • Let one person from each couple share an insight(s) from the couple’s sharing with other couples. • What does the insight(s) mean for you? iii) Large Group Sharing: • Couples from the six groups: Share your insights together and what those insights mean to you. g) Prayer: Couples, you are encouraged to offer a spontaneous prayer based on those insights which you have identified so that you may realize what they mean to you.

h) Post-session reflection questions will be responded to on papers that are distributed by the research assistant.

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1. As you recall the Scripture from Matthew 19:3-6, which aspects of covenantal marriage explored today (i.e., marriage as instituted by God, unity in marriage, marriage as a covenant, Holy Family as exemplar) seem most important to you? Why do you think this? 2. Name one thing you can do to live out your marriage better in light of today’s session. i) Closing remarks, announcements, closing prayer and dismissal • Closing remarks • Thank you for your participation. • Summary: I encourage you to continue reflecting on the questions that have guided your sharing or on the insights you have gained from this session. Marriage is a very rich vocation that cannot be understood in one session. The more people reflect on it the more they discover new insights. • Announcements: Session #2 will start at 5:00PM in this room. It will focus on Ephesians 5: 21-33 on marital love and the Consent Questions in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony (OCM , §60). • Concluding prayer:

Please stand and we pray:

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Spouse’s Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us

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Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

Composed by: Agapitus Businge

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

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DAY ONE Session #2 Session #2: Ephesians 5: 21-33 on Marital Love and the Consent Questions in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony (OCM, §60) .

Date: Friday, November 18, 2016 Time: 5:00PM-7:00PM Location: Parish Hall, St. Peter’s Church, Nsambya, P.O. Box 321, Kampala, UGANDA. Environment: Bible, lit candle and burning incense. Materials: small group numbers, reflection questions, pens, and handout of Matthew 19:3- 6. Five rectangular tables each seating three couples (six participants)

N.B .: Request to switch off cell phones or put them in silent mode.

a) Formal opening: • Welcome: Thank you for coming and committing time to participate in session #2. b) Self-introduction: • Each person mentions the last name /surname

Opening prayer and synopsis of Session One

• Opening prayer Please stand and we pray:

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Spouses’ Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

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We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

Composed by: Agapitus Businge

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. • Review of last session: Theology of Marriage and the Marriage Covenant – Biblical Foundations Jesus helps to see: • Marriage is instituted by God; • Marital unity; • Covenantal bond.

Pope Francis’ Amoris Laetitia offers the example and experience of the marriage and family of Nazareth of St. Joseph and St. Mary. It was faithfully lived. This saintly couple lived their marriage according to God’s plan. There are four important points to note about this marriage: • It is sealed by a marriage covenantal bond. • The couple lived a truly loving communion, a simple and a poor life. • They were holy and perfect according to God’s laws especially in regard to St. Joseph, who called off divorce when he discovered that his wife Mary was pregnant not by him (Mt 1:19). • The Joseph-Mary marriage is a model for a Christian marriage and family.

c i) Scripture: Ephesians 5:21-33. It is read and is also found in Appendix B4 iv.

Dear spouses, before I explain the reading from Eph 5:21-33, let us now return to what happened on your wedding day when you gave your consent to enter into sacramental marriage (Cf. OCM, §60). I invite you:

• To recall your wedding liturgy. Recall your feelings, sights, sounds, etc. associated with your wedding ceremony. (1 minute of silence) • Recall how you stood before the priest to exchange your vows. (30 seconds of silence) • Hear again the questions you were asked before you exchanged your vows.

1. One total freedom: “Have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?” (Pause for 15 seconds).

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2. On complete love and honor: “Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?” (Pause for 15 seconds). 3. On openness to life, education and upbringing of children following Christ’s and the Church’s laws: Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church? (Pause for 15 seconds.)

These three questions relate to agapic love, that is, disinterested and pure love. Let us now proceed to a brief guided reflection on Ephesians 5:21-33 and Gaudium et Spes (GS ), §49.1. c ii) Brief Guided Reflection

Explanation of the meaning of a. Ephesians 5:21-33 This Pauline passage is very familiar and very significant to married couples. Yet it is one of the most misinterpreted passages about Christian marriage when St. Paul calls on Christian women to submit to their husbands. Many Christian husbands think this passage gives them unlimited authority over their wives so that they can demand whatever they want and wives must blindly say, “Yes!” Some Christian wives think likewise. Such husbands and wives forget that St. Paul assumes that the Christian husband has already fully submitted to Jesus’ authority. St. Paul is saying that as the Christian husband has already submitted fully to Christ and is in a correct relationship with him, so it is not dangerous at all for a Christian wife to submit to a Jesus-fearing and obedient husband. Both Christian husbands and Christian wives are under the lordship of Jesus. St. Paul’s teaching encompasses some of the biblical and theological foundations already reflected on in Session #1 but adds a pastoral tone as he teaches about Christian marriage. 1. Man and woman are united into “one flesh,” which refers to the indissoluble marriage covenant in complete love. This love is comparable to the love Christ showed by dying for his Church to bring it to perfection. 2. Because of this love, spouses are to cherish, respect and care for each other completely. 3. Christian spouses are to live in mutual submission to each other without any blame for Christ’s sake. 4. The marriage of Christian spouses symbolizes Christ’s love for his Church.

Every time I have had the opportunity to preside over a wedding Mass, and this passage is read, I pose these questions to the bridegroom and bride to help them to think more deeply about the marriage they are going to enter into: 1. What does this scripture reveal about your marriage as a Christian husband and a Christian wife? 2. How would you want your partner to interpret it to you? 3. How do you feel when it is interpreted to you like that? 4. In which ways does Ephesians 5: 21-33 invite you to change your attitude towards your partner?

b) Gaudium et Spes (GS ), §49.1. To access this Church Document, see Appendix B5 ii.

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This document stresses the practical aspect of conjugal love and undivided affection which should be exercised in purity in order to nourish and develop marital life lived by all in various customary situations ( GS , §49.1). Each couple is invited to explore practical ways that promote the living of conjugal love so that the graces contained in the Sacrament of Marriage bear fruit in your daily life. Talk together, plan together, have time together, pray together, eat together, and confide in each other. Couples who do such things often increase their bonds of solidarity and communion. What can you do differently from what you do today so that you improve on your conjugal love?

Conclusion: The teaching of St. Paul from Eph 5:21-33 affirms that marriage originates from God. The example of love within marriage is drawn from the love and care Jesus has for his Church, of which have and are the love within marriage is an icon. Spousal submission to each other is mutual and it should reflect the Christian submission to Christ Jesus.

Let me proclaim again Ephesians 5:21-33 as you prayerfully and reflectively listen.

d) Break in Silence You can use this time to use bathrooms and stretch yourselves by moving around the venue. Start quiet time when you hear the sound of the drum.

e) Quiet time Silent prayer can be before the Blessed Sacrament or you can remain in this room or sit outside, wherever you feel comfortable. You may use these reflection questions and write down a word or statement to indicate what you have gained from the session. It is to be individually done. Reflection questions: 1. Name one way this session helped you to discover or deepen your awareness of your role as husband or wife? 2. What does this mean to you individually? For the two of you as a couple?

f) Mystagogical Reflections

i) Couple sharing: • Share what you have discovered from the session and how it can be useful to you. ii) Small Group Sharing: • Let one person from each couple share one insight with the other couples at each table. iii) Large Group Sharing: • Participants share what they found insightful in their small group discussion.

g) Prayer: Spouses pray privately together as husband and wife, inspired by the insights, discoveries and/or affirmations received from the session. h) Post-session reflection questions to respond to, papers are distributed and will be collected by the research assistant after couples have responded to them.

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1. Which of the three vows you made at your wedding is the most important to you? Which one is the most challenging? 2. What have you learned about the ideal of marital love (i.e., mutually being subordinate to each other in a sacrificial way to reflect the love between Christ and the Church) that you can take home and integrate in a deeper way in our marriage?

i) Closing remarks, announcements, closing prayer and dismissal • Closing remarks • Thank you for your participation. • Summary: I encourage you to continue reflecting on the three questions on which contain your marriage commitment and which were discussed in the session. • Announcements: session #3 will start at 2:00PM in this room. It will focus on Spousal Marital Intimacy Enriched through Sacraments. • Concluding prayer:

Please stand and we pray:

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Spouses’ Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda.

We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

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Composed by: Agapitus Businge

• Final blessing: Blessing with the Blessed Sacrament

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DAY TWO Session #3

Session #3: Spousal Marital Intimacy Enriched through Sacraments

Goal: To offer a mystagogical catechesis on the sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation so that couples may deepen their understanding of the importance of these sacraments in their ongoing growth and development as couples living out their marital commitment.

Date: Saturday, November 18, 2016 Time: 2:00PM-4:00PM Location: Parish Hall, St. Peter’s Church, Nsambya, P.O. Box 321, Kampala, UGANDA. Environment: Bible, lit candle and burning incense. Needed materials: small group numbers, reflection questions, pens, and handout of Matthew 19:3- 6. Five rectangular tables each seating three couples (six participants). N.B.: Request to switch off cell phones or put them in silent mode.

a) Formal opening: Welcome: Thank you for coming and committing time to participate in this third session.

b) Self-introduction: We introduce ourselves by mentioning our Christian names only.

Opening prayer: Please stand and we pray: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Spouses’ Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

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We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

Composed by: Agapitus Businge

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Review of session #2: Ephesians 5: 21-33 on Marital Love and the Consent Questions in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony (OCM, §60).

1. You reflected on the three questions before the marriage consent and these three questions on consent highlighted the importance of: a) Freedom in marriage and wholehearted readiness to marry; b) Loving and honoring each other for life; c) Acceptance of children and willingness to nurture them according to the law of Jesus and his Church.

2. Eph 5:21-33: St Paul stressed that husbands and wives share in mutual submission to each other because both submit to Jesus as members of His Body, the Church; he emphasized care for each other; the indissolubility of Christian marriage; and how Christian marriage is “a great mystery” that symbolizes Christ’s love for his Church.

3. Gaudium et Spes (GS, §49.1): Stressed the practical aspect of conjugal love and undivided affection in order to nourish and develop marital life. We suggested practical aspects such as doing the following together: Talking, planning, spending leisure time, praying, eating, and confiding in each other.

c i) Catechesis on receiving Holy Communion, the Sacrament of Reconciliation and encountering the words of I Cor. 11:23-32.

• I invite you to recall one of your favorite memories of receiving Holy Communion. (1 minute in silence) • Recall a positive memory of celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation. (1 minute in silence) • Candidate reads I Cor. 11:23-32 which is about the Holy Eucharist. This biblical text is found in Appendix B4 iii.

A reading from the First Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians 11:23-32.

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Participants: Thanks be to God.

• Please sit silently and remember what you have heard. (2 minutes) • I am going to read the passage again slowly: • Prompt: Recall something from this Scripture passage that remains with you. (1 minute of silence) • Prompt: Describe what you remember with your spouse. (8 minutes) c ii) Marriage: Enriched through the Eucharist and Reconciliation ( Familiaris Consortio , §57 and §58). For the text go to Appendix B5 iii.

Presentation: Jesus is present in the sacraments. When we celebrate and live the sacraments, he wishes to be remembered (1 Cor 11:24-25). Why does Jesus want us to remember him whenever we celebrate the Eucharist? What does this mean to you the couples in sacramental marriage? It is important to affirm that all other sacraments find their source and summit in the Eucharist. This means the Sacrament of Marriage has a direct relationship with the Eucharist. This relationship is intimate with, it is enriched by, it is strengthened by, and it heals marriage. This is the Church’s position and is taught by Familiaris Consortio .

Familiaris Consortio , §57: Pope John Paul II when he wrote FC in 1981 married couples to “rediscover and strength” in the relationship between the Eucharist and Christian marriage and family life. One of the ways the Eucharist relates to marriage is by food, that is, a meal, or a banquet celebrated joyfully, or when one is hungry and suffers from bodily weakness. Marriage needs nourishment from outside of itself. The Eucharist does this. FC , §57, teaches that the Eucharist in regard to marriage is the: • Source, summit, and model of marital love; • Memorial Sacrifice that offers a pattern to the spouses on how to love each other faithfully until death • Wedding Feast of the Lamb by which spouses unite themselves to Jesus and each other in the sacrificial love which Holy Communion signifies. This action has the power to nourish, strengthen and heal the spouses spiritually, emotionally and physically. How do you feel when you hear that your marriage has its source in the Eucharist? What does this link mean to you as a couple?

Christian marriage is also connected to the Sacrament of Reconciliation according to Familiaris Consortio , §58. FC calls on couples to practice “repentance and mutual pardon” regularly Reconciliation is called medicine to Christian marriage because it • Restores friendship and healthy relationships between the spouses and God when they are weakened or broken mentally, emotionally, spiritually or relationally; • Encourages, heals, perfects and sanctifies the marriage covenant and the communion of spouses; • Could dispose spouses to enjoy their marital intimacy and happiness with a better disposition emotionally and spiritually when mutual forgiveness and reconciliation are possible.

Conclusion: This session has emphasized the strong relationship between Christian marriage and the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation. The Eucharist, the Sacrament of Redemption,

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is the source of nourishing, sanctifying, and healing for marriage. Healing is also received by those in the Sacrament of Matrimony when they participate in sacramental Reconciliation.

d) Break in silence You can use this time to use bathrooms and stretch yourselves by moving around the venue. You are requested to start quiet time when you hear the sound of the drum.

e) Quiet time For silent prayer, you can go before the Blessed Sacrament, remain here in the room or sit outside, wherever you feel comfortable. You may use these reflection questions and write down a word or statement to indicate what you have gained from the session. It is to be individually done. Reflection prompts: 1. Name one insight you have gained about the connection between the Holy Eucharist and my relationship with your spouse. 2. Name one insight you have gained about the connection between the Sacrament of Reconciliation and my relationship with your spouse.

f) Mystagogical Reflections i) Couple sharing: • Husband/wife share the insights you have considered during your individual quiet time.

ii) Small Group Sharing: • One person from each couple will share one insight with the other couples at their table.

iii) Large Group Sharing: • Participants share what they found insightful in their small group discussion.

g) Prayer: • Spouses pray privately together as husband and wife inspired by the insights, discoveries or/and affirmations received from the session.

h) Post-session reflection questions are to be responded to, papers are distributed and will be collected by the research assistant after participants have responded to them. 1. Identify one reason how building your life as a couple around the Holy Eucharist might be deepen the intimacy between your spouse and you in light of this session. 2. Identify one reason how building your life as a couple around the Sacrament of Reconciliation might deepen the intimacy between your spouse and you in light of this session.

i) Closing remarks, announcements, closing prayer and dismissal • Closing remarks • Thank you for your participation. • Summary: I encourage you to continue reflecting on the intimate and inseparable bond between the Sacrament of Marriage and the two Sacraments of the Eucharist

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and Reconciliation. Imagine the benefits married spouses receive when they participate in these two Sacraments regularly together as a couple and what they lose when they put them aside. Announcements: Session #4 will start at 4:30PM in this room. It will focus on Spousal Spirituality Enriched through Nuptial Blessing and Prayer (Tobit 8: 4b-8).

• Concluding prayer: Please stand and we pray: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Spouses’ Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

Composed by: Agapitus Businge

• In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

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DAY TWO Session #4

Session #4: Spousal Spirituality Enriched through Nuptial Blessing and Prayer (Tobit 8: 4b-8)

Goal: To offer a mystagogical catechesis to couples on the significance of a life of prayer as a couple using a passage from the Book of Tobit and the Nuptial Blessing bestowed on couples found in The Order of Celebrating Matrimony.

Date: Saturday, November 18, 2016 Time: 4:30PM-6:30PM Location: Parish Hall, St. Peter’s Church, Nsambya, P.O. Box 321, Kampala, UGANDA. Environment: Bible, lit candle and burning incense. Needed materials: small group numbers, reflection questions, pens, and handout of Matthew 19:3- 6. Five rectangular tables each seating three couples (six participants) N.B .: Request to switch off cell phones or put them in silent mode.

a) Formal opening: Welcome: Thank you for coming and committing time to participate in this research.

b) Self-introduction: We introduce ourselves by mentioning our Christian names only.

Opening prayer: Please stand and we pray: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Spouses’ Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda.

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We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

Composed by: Agapitus Businge

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Review of Session #3 which dealt with the spousal marital intimacy enriched through the sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation. The intimate bond between marriages and the Eucharist and Reconciliation ensures that the covenantal couples in sacramental marriage are afforded graces from the Christ-centered Eucharistic Sacrifice which is both the source and the summit, as well as the means of their sanctification, nourishment, healing, and strength, all of which are necessary to keep marital intimacy between spouses warm and enjoyable.

c i) Couples hear the proclamation from Tobit 8:4b-8. This passage is found in Appendix B4 i). • Invite couples to reflect on it silently for two minutes. • The passage is proclaimed again. • The participants are invited to recall something from the passage that remains with them. • Prompt: Recall something from this Scripture passage that remains with you. (1 minute of silence). • Invite participants to describe their recollection with their spouses. • Prompt: Describe what you remembered with your spouse. (8 minutes) • Couples will be invited to listen to a Nuptial Blessing recited by the candidate. • Spouses will be invited to reflect silently on what they heard for two minutes. • The candidate will invite each couple to hold hands as he reads the Nuptial Blessing a second time. • Each spouse will be invited to recall something from the blessing text that remains with him or her. • Prompt: Recall something you heard in the Nuptial Blessing that remains with you. (1 minute of silence) • The participants will be invited to describe their recollection with their spouses. • Prompt: Describe what you remembered with your spouse. (8 minutes).

c ii) To expound on the passage from the Book of Tobit and the Nuptial Blessing, connecting them to Familiaris Consortio , §59, 61-62.

‹ Nuptial Blessing, Option A (#73). See Appendix B6.

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Familiaris Consortio, §59.1, 61-62: Family Prayer, Liturgical Prayer and Private Prayer. See Appendix B5 iv.

‹ Expound on the main points in Tobit 8:4b-8:

This passage about Tobias and Sarah is unique but also very significant for couples in sacramental marriage. It is unique because it shows that when couples entrust their marriage and intimate relationship to God’s hands, through prayer, they can surpass the difficult situations in which they may find themselves. Tobias-Tobit’s conjugal prayer is very intentional. Tobias invited his new bride Sarah, saying, “You and I must pray and petition our Lord to win his grace and protection” (Tobit 8:4b). Tobias wants together with his wife to place their marriage in God’s hands. The passage also shows that God is close to married couples through couple prayer or prayer in the home (domestic church). Before her marriage to Tobias, Sarah had lost seven husbands before consummating her marriage with anyone of them. The demon Asmodeus killed them. Raguel/Archangel Raphael was sent by God with the instructions that Tobias will use to deliver Sarah from the demon Asmodeus. The same archangel had earlier healed Tobias’ father Tobit of his blindness. Tobias followed the instructions given by the Archangel Raphael. Tobias understood the importance and priority of prayer as a married couple. He understands it is a shared responsibility and so he invites his wife Sarah to join him. Sarah honored the invitation to pray without hesitation. As the head of the family, Tobias takes the lead. The couple begins by praising God for the blessing of marriage in which they have been favored to share. They also petition God to help them in their marriage experience. They literally put God at the center of their marriage and invite him to accompany them all the days of their lives. The couple prays in agreement, exemplified by their concluding “Amen!” Because they prayed a couple-prayer for divine protection and followed the Archangel Raphael’s instructions, they were kept safe by God. Many couples have lost prayer in their lives. Some do not pray as a couple; yet it is not enough for them to pray only as individuals. They also need to join other families in the Church and pray with them at the parish, since Pope Francis has called the parish, “family of families.” Tobias and Sarah are a wonderful model for all married spouses. They teach them some of these virtues: 1) Acknowledging that marriage is ordained by God for the mutual support of the spouses; 2) Total self-offering: Tobias knew the condition of Sarah’s deadly past, but for her sake he risked his life for her well-being and redemption; 3) Marrying for the sake of the other; 4) Total dependence on God; 5) Integrating couple prayer into marriage; 6) Marriage is a partnership for the whole of life.

‹ Expound on the main points in the Nuptial Blessing:

In this blessing, the Church prays for and with the couples at the beginning of their family, the domestic church, so that, with this support, they will remain faithful to God, the Church, and each other and bear various fruits desired by Christ and his Church. The Church also prays that they will be strengthened by God’s grace to fulfill the demands of the “marriage covenant” with honor

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and love and consequently experience peace and joy. Three things from the Nuptial Blessing are very important to note: 1) God’s gracious will for the couple is a partnership for life. 2) Earthly marriage foreshadowed the spiritual marriage of Christ and his Church. 3) The Church requests God to bless you, the bride and groom, to live out daily the commitments and challenges of marriage. The married couples are invited to continue the discipline and practice of prayer as a couple, within the family and in the local Christian community as discussed below.

‹ Expound on Familiaris Consortio , emphasizing the following three important points for the couples regarding prayer: • Couple prayer is an essential dimension of Christian life ( FC , §62). Each married person is called to “fidelity and intensity of prayer.” Couple-prayer unites them “to Christ,” and causes them to be “nourished by liturgy, by self-oblation and by prayer.” • Communal prayer with the Church: Couples are not isolated from the Church but pray as members of the Church ( FC , §59). They fulfill their baptismal priesthood of the faithful as married couples through liturgical prayer by which their lives are transformed. The practical realization of this is celebrating the Eucharist, celebrating other sacraments (especially Reconciliation and Anointing of the Sick), daily offering of self, and prayerful life. As married couples, you come into the liturgical assembly to pray with other families who share in what you might be going through: joys and sorrows, hopes and disappointments, separations and homecomings, sickness and death, among other things. • Bond: Ecclesial life of prayer and individual prayer are linked together ( FC , §61). Marriage and prayer are one; they go together forming a bond. In this way, as married couples, you fulfil in your domestic churches your priestly role received through baptism. Prayer in the home could take various forms such as reciting the Divine Office in common, morning and evening prayer, reading and meditating on the word of God, the rosary, observing devotion to the Sacred of Jesus, taking recourse to popular devotions to the saints, and seeking solitude with God in one’s interior heart.

Conclusion: prayer is life-giving for married spouses. Through prayer, couples remain connected to God and to each other.

d) Break in silence You can use this time to use bathrooms and stretch yourselves by moving around the venue. You are requested to start quiet time when you hear the sound of the drum.

e) Quiet time For silent prayer, you can go before the Blessed Sacrament, remain here in the room or sit outside, wherever you feel comfortable. You may use these reflection questions and write down a word or statement to indicate what you have gained from the session. It is to be individually done. Reflection prompts: 1. Name one new insight you have gained from the speaker’s presentation on the place of prayer in your life as a couple. 2. Identify one way you could incorporate prayer more fully into your life as a couple.

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f) Mystagogical Reflections i. Couple sharing: • Husband/wife: share the insights they have considered during their quiet time.

ii. Small Group Sharing: • One person from each couple shares one insight with the other couples at their table.

iii. Large Group Sharing: • Participants share what they found useful in their small group discussion.

g) Prayer: • Spouses pray privately together as husband and wife based on the insights, discoveries or/and affirmations gained from the session. h) Post-session reflection questions are to be responded to, papers are distributed and will be collected by the research assistant after participants have responded to them. 1. As you consider what has been explored in this session, what do you consider to be a helpful new insight or affirmation about your life of personal prayer as a couple? Note whether it is a new insight or an affirmation in your response. 2. As you consider what has been explored in this session, what do you consider to be a helpful new insight or affirmation about the role of prayer in the community of the Church as a married couple? Note whether it is a new insight or an affirmation in your response.

i) Closing remarks, announcements, closing prayer and dismissal • Closing remarks • Thank you for your participation. • Summary: I encourage you to continue reflecting on the importance of prayer in marital life as it is promoted by Scripture and the nuptial blessing. Prayer is indispensable in marriage. • Announcements: Session #5, Listening and Dialog Skills, will start tomorrow, Sunday, November 20, 2016, at 9:00AM in this room.

• Concluding prayer:

Please stand and we pray: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Spouses’ Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

You continually bless us in our marriage. Help us remember that the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ on the cross

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calls us to reflect Your love each day in our love and fidelity to each other as spouses.

We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

Composed by: Agapitus Businge

• In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. • Blessing with the Blessed Sacrament.

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DAY THREE SESSION #5 Session #5: Listening and Dialog Skills

Date: Sunday, November 18, 2016 Time: 9:00AM-11:00AM Location: Parish Hall, St. Peter’s Church, Nsambya, P.O. Box 321, Kampala, UGANDA. Environment: Bible, lit candle and burning incense. Needed materials: small group numbers, reflection questions, pens, and handout of Matthew 19:3- 6. Five rectangular tables each seating three couples (six participants) N.B .: Request to switch off cell phones or put them in silent mode.

a) Formal opening: • Welcome: Thank you for coming and committing time to participate in this exercise. b) Self-introduction: We introduce ourselves by mentioning our Christian names only. • Opening prayer: Please stand and we pray:

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Spouses’ Prayer Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us

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Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

Composed by: Agapitus Businge

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Review of session #4: It emphasized the significance of prayer from three different angles: Scripture from Tobit 8:4b-8, Nuptial Blessing when the Church prays for the married couples during the Wedding Mass or Wedding Service, and the Church’s teaching married couples about prayer from Familiaris Consortio , §59, 61-62. Prayer is life-giving to the souls of married couples and it enables them to remain connected to God, to the Church, and to each other. In this way, they are transformed as they fulfill their baptismal priestly roles as individuals, as domestic church, and as members of the universal Church.

c i) To begin a mystagogical catechesis using the texts of the Marriage Consent and the Exchange of Rings.

• While seated, the couples will be invited to remember silently the moment in their wedding when they exchanged their vows. (1 minute of silence) • Couples will be invited to stand, face each other, and join their right hands. • The candidate will invite the couples to repeat the Words of Consent using the first name of their spouse while looking at the face of their spouse. • The candidate will offer the Consent line by line, beginning with the words the husband will say followed by the words the wife will say. (5 minutes) • The participants will be invited to sit down and recall what they felt and thought as they were remembering their wedding vows.

• Prompt: Recall how you felt and what you thought as you were remembering your wedding vows. (1 minute of silence) • The participants will be invited to share what they experienced with their spouses. • Prompt: Describe what you experienced with your spouse. (5 minutes). • Couples will be invited to stand, face each other, and look at their rings. • The candidate will invite the men to take their wives’ hands and repeat the words used in the Giving of Rings from the Order of Celebrating Matrimony . The candidate will ask the men to look at their wives while repeating the words. (2 minutes)

The text is read by the candidate: • The candidate will invite the women to take their husbands’ hands and repeat the words used in the Giving of Rings from the Order of Celebrating Matrimony . The candidate will ask the women to look at their husbands while repeating the words. (2 minutes) The text is read by the candidate:

“He sprinkles the rings, as the circumstances so suggest, and gives them to the bride and bridegroom.

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67A. The husband places his wife’s ring on her ring finger, saying, as the circumstances so suggest: N., receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Likewise, the wife places her husband’s ring on his ring finger, saying, as the circumstances so suggest:

N., receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

• The participants will be invited to sit down and describe what they felt and thought as they were remembering the reception of their wedding bands.

• Prompt: Recall how you felt and what you thought as you were reliving the experience of receiving your wedding band [crown]. (1 minute of silence) • The participants will be invited to share what they experienced with their spouse. (5 minutes) • Prompt: Describe what you experienced with your spouse. (5 minutes)

c ii. To make a brief presentation on the importance of listening and dialog skills necessary for growth and depth in marital life in light of Amoris Laetitia , §136-141.

Amoris Laetitia : “Dialogue,” §136-141. These paragraphs are found in Appendix B5 v. Presentation on the importance of Listening and Dialog Skills The Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia or The Joy of Love of Pope Francis was released in March of 2016. Among others, it offers theological, sacramental, pastoral and practical suggestions to sacramental couples on how to improve and enrich their experience by improving on their listening and dialog skills. God created man and woman, husband and wife, to live a life of partnership in communion. God included the gift of communication and placed it at the center of their marital relationship. Listening and dialog are crucial constituents or dimensions of human communication. Listening is essential for communicating accurately and for understanding the message. Listening is a free remedy for minimizing misunderstanding between spouses and encourages the development of acceptable communication skills between spouses, thus avoiding the causing of undue frustration, anger, and domestic violence. There are three core parts of listening which spouses need to integrate into their communication:

‹ Listening empathically: This involves paying attention to their spouses and being able to identify and connect to that person’s emotions, feelings, insights, and the seriousness of issues being communicated, and then responding as adequately as possible. Empathy seeks to understand before being understood. So, a spouse listening empathetically to his or her spouse, puts the other spouse’s communication first before his or her own. ‹ Listening sincerely: This means that one spouse as the receiver of the message does not pretend to listen but in a spirit of genuineness and truth pays attention in order to be able to understand what is being communicated. Listening sincerely increases the

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credibility of the spouse’s responses takes away the possibilities of embarrassing oneself in case questions are raised and allows correct answers to be given. ‹ Listening adequately: This requires paying attention in order to distinguish facts or the important things in the communication from the accidents, details, or examples used in the story. Effective spouse-to-spouse listening includes taking into consideration the non-verbal clues each uses: tears, yawning, groaning, sighs, sweating, smiles or laughter, absent-mindedness, curious looks, and body postures. What do all these things tell you about your spouse’s speech or messaging? It is highly recommended in human communication to pay attention to non-verbal clues that accompany verbal communication for better understanding and a better response.

Amoris Laetitia or The Joy of Love, nos. 136-141 discusses and encourages the importance of “authentic dialogue” ( AL , no.136) between couples in sacramental marriage. This most recent magisterial document which was published in 2016 offers several guidelines in which authentic dialog could be promoted: • Dialog and love are inclusive; they are one and complementary. • Dialog integrates listening; both the one who communicates and the one who receives the message deserve to be listened to. They need to talk about this message especially if it is sensitive, is important, and will affect the direction of the marriage and the family. • Dialog values the spouse’s diverse views and makes dialog richer than a monologue. • Dialog is based on solid choices, beliefs or values which are at the heart of the marriage covenant and family life. • The means for growing dialog: include resources such as reading, prayer, reflection, better thinking, and openness to learning new and better skills of communication.

Conclusion: Listening and dialog are significant dimensions of human communication. All people have a right to be heard, which implies that others should listen and dialog with them. Dialog and monologue enrich communication and communication enriches couple sharing and interaction. Amoris Laetitia discusses listening and dialog from a practical point of view.

d) Break in silence You can use this time to use bathrooms and stretch yourselves by moving around the venue. You are requested to start quiet time when you hear the sound of the drum.

e) Quiet time For silent prayer, you can go before the Blessed Sacrament, remain here in the room or sit outside, wherever you feel comfortable. You may use these reflection questions and write down a word or statement to indicate what you have gained from the session. It is to be individually done. Three reflection prompts are: 1. Name one new insight you have gained from the speaker’s presentation on the value of listening and dialog in your life as a couple. 2. Identify one way you could do a better job of listening to your spouse. 3. Identify one way you could do a better job of dialoguing with your spouse.

f) Mystagogical Reflections i. Couple sharing:

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• Husband and wife share the insights they have considered during their quiet time.

ii. Small Group Sharing: • One person from each couple shares one insight with the other couples at their table.

iii. Large Group Sharing:

Participants share what they found insightful in their small group discussion. g) Prayer • Spouses pray privately together as husband and wife, inspired by the insights, discoveries or/and affirmations received from the session. h) Post-session reflection questions are responded to, papers are distributed and will be collected by the research assistant after participants have responded to them. 1. As you consider what has been explored in this session, what is one way you will attempt to be a better listener to your spouse? 2. As you consider what has been explored in this session, what is one way you will attempt to be better at dialog with your spouse? i) Closing remarks, announcements, closing prayer and dismissal • Closing remarks: • Thank you for your active participation and for concluding the first part of this research. • Summary: I encourage you to continue reflecting on the significance of listening and dialog in your marital lives. Listening and dialog smoothen the relationship between husband and wife. Listening and dialog lead to the growth, deepening and enrichment of marriage in its various dimensions: physical, spiritual, psychological and economic. • Announcements: There are four announcements: i. We have come to the end of the research project. ii. I invite you to a concluding Mass using the “Order of Blessing a Married Couple within Mass” (Appendix III in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony ), including the Renewal of Commitment, the Blessing Prayer after the Lord’s Prayer and the Final Blessing. It will be followed by refreshments. iii. Mass will start at 11:30A.M. in the Chapel of the Blessed Virgin Mary. iv. We shall meet again after three months on Saturday, February 25, 2017 for an anonymous post-project survey to conclude this research effort. We will start at 11:00A.M. and will close with a Mass and a luncheon.

• Concluding prayer:

Please stand and we pray: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Spouses’ Prayer

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Abba Father: We praise you for the gift of our marriage through which we experience the abundant love you have for us through your Son, Jesus Christ.

We entrust our marriages and families to the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth and the Martyrs of Uganda. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Holy Family of Nazareth Pray for us Holy married men and women saints Pray for us Holy Martyrs of Uganda Pray for us Our Patron Saints Pray for us Our Guardian Angels Pray for us

Composed by: Agapitus Businge

• In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. • Concluding Mass

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Appendix F: A Monthly Mystagogical Session During the First Year of Marriage

A two-hour monthly post-wedding mystagogical reflection. Setting of the Session Venue The setting includes a nicely prepared table on which are placed two flower cans, two lit candles, a Crucifix and a Bible, a projector or a noticeboard on which to pin wedding pictures, wedding pictures, video clips from the wedding, reception and honeymoon or family pictures. Introductory Notes Using the pictures and video clips of the couple’s wedding if available or improvised ones, the couples enter a period of mystagogical reflection. Nature of the Session

• Each monthly session starts after the welcome rituals have taken place. • Opening prayer • Bible or Church Document or Marriage Ritual Reading • Silent Reflection on the text • Presentation of the wedding picture or video clip: What memories are awakened by these? • Silence (three minutes) • Second reading of the text followed by silent reflection • Second viewing of the picture or video clip followed by silent reflection • Sharing the feelings, new insights, affirmations and challenges, and connecting them to the sacrament received and to the memories enabled • Sharing the feelings, new insights, affirmations and challenges, and connecting them to real life as married spouses • Couple prayer • Announcements: next meeting date

Themes for Each Month First Month: Honeymoon vacation, Wedding Liturgy (readings and homily) and Marriage (Gn 2:18-24; Eph 5:21-33 & Mt 19:3-6)

Second Month: Offertory and Self-offering of the spouses to each other (Cf. Order of Mass)

Third Month: Words of Consecration, consent questions, vows and rings, and Holy Communion (Lk 22:17-20 // 1 Cor 11:23-32 & Words of Consecration) Fourth Month: Blessing of marriage (Nuptial Blessing, Option A) Fifth Month: Marriage Covenant and Discipleship (Mal 2:14-16, Mt 19:1-12) Six Month: Shared responsibilities within the family (Col 3:18-25) Seventh Month: Fatherhood and Motherhood - physical and spiritual parenting

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(Eph 6:1-4) Eighth Month: Marriage, Paschal Mystery and Reconciliation Ninth Month: Listening and Dialog Tenth Month: Prayer and Spiritual Life (couple/family devotions) Eleventh Month: God’s Gifts (blessing of wealth) Twelve Month: Marriage Anniversary, Vacation and Thanksgiving.

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Appendix G : How the Rating on 12 Statements Increased, Decreased, or Remained the Same on the Scale of Six Variables

Nota Bene : A plus sign (+) indicates how many people moved to a certain a rating to another in the interval between the pre- and post-project implementation surveys, a negative sign (-) indicates how many people decreased in a rating, during the pre- and pro-project survey, and zero (0) indicates a rating did not increase or decrease in the number of participants.

A: stands for pre-project implementation survey B: stands for post-project implementation survey TB stands for total gain (+) or total loss (-) at the time of post survey.

Item Strongly Agree Somewh Disagree Strongly Do Not Agree at Disagree Know Agree 1. Every day I am A A A A A A aware of God’s 3 8 0 0 0 0 presence in my B B B B B B marriage. 8 3 0 0 0 0 TB TB +5 -5

2. Marriage is A A A A A A unbreakable. 6 3 5 2 0 1 B B B B B B 7 5 5 2 0 1 TB TB TB TB TB +6 + 2 -5 -2 -1

3. Marriage is a A A A A A A covenant. 2 8 3 0 0 0 B B B B B B 11 3 3 0 0 0 TB+ TB TB 8 -5 0 4. Marriage means A A A A A A loving and honoring 8 5 3 0 0 0 my spouse all my B B B B B B life. 6 5 5 0 0 0 TB TB TB -2 0 +2

5. The love between A A A A A A a husband and a 3 10 0 0 0 0 wife reflects the B B B B B B love between Christ 11 2 0 0 0 0 and the Church.

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TB TB +8 -8

6. Sexual intimacy A A A A A A with my spouse is 6 9 0 1 0 2 based on mutual B B B B B A respect. 7 6 3 0 1 2 TB TB TB TB TB TB +1 -3 +3 +1 +1 -2

7. Receiving Holy A A A A A A Communion as a 2 7 2 0 0 0 couple is important B B B B B B to me. 7 4 2 0 0 0 TB TB TB +5 -3 -2 8. Celebrating the A A A A A A Sacrament of 4 B 9 0 1 0 Reconciliation is B 7 B B B B connected to my 15 TB 9 0 1 0 relationship with TB -2 TB TB my spouse. +12 -9 -1 9. Couples should A A A A A A pray together daily. 0 7 0 1 0 0 B B B B B B 5 5 3 1 0 0 TB TB TB TB +0 -2 +3 -1

10. Couples should A A A A A A go to Mass together 7 3 4 3 0 0 on a regular basis. B B B B B B 4 9 4 3 0 0 TB TB TB -3 -6 -3 11. My spouse is a A A A A A A good listener. 1 5 9 3 3 0 B B B B B B 11 6 5 1 2 0 TB + TB TB TB TB 10 +1 -4 -2 -2 12. My spouse A A A A A A believes that dialog 8 → 7 0 2 2 is important in the B 6 B B B B way we 5 5 0 2 2

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communicate with TL B TB TB TB each other. -3 15 -2 -2 -2 TB +9

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Appendix H: Summary of Responses of the Pre- and Post-Project Surveys Statement One: Every day I am aware of God’s presence Pre-Project Post-Project Difference in my marriage. Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 24 29 +5 Agree 13 8 -5 Somewhat Agree 0 0 0 Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 0 0 0 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement Two: Marriage is unbreakable . Pre-Project Post-Project Difference Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 21 27 +6 Agree 5 7 +2 Somewhat Agree 8 3 -5 Disagree 2 0 -2 Strongly Disagree 0 0 0 Do Not Know 1 0 -1 Total 37 37

Statement Three: Marriage is a covenant. Pre-Project Post-Project Difference Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 25 33 +8 Agree 9 4 -5 Somewhat Agree 3 0 -3 Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 0 0 0 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement Four:

Marriage means loving and honoring my Pre-Project Post-Project Difference spouse all my life. Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 23 21 -2 Agree 11 11 0 Somewhat Agree 3 5 +2

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Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 0 0 0 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement Five:

The love between a husband and a wife Pre-Project Post-Project Difference reflects the love between Christ and the Responses Reponses Church. Strongly Agree 22 30 +8 Agree 15 7 -8 Somewhat Agree 0 0 0 Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 0 0 0 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement Six:

Sexual intimacy with my spouse is based Pre-Project Post-Project Difference on mutual respect. Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 15 16 +1 Agree 18 15 -3 Somewhat Agree 0 3 +3 Disagree 2 2 0 Strongly Disagree 0 1 +1 Do Not Know 2 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement Seven:

Receiving Holy Communion as a couple Pre-Project Post-Project Difference is important to me. Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 23 28 +5 Agree 12 9 -3 Somewhat Agree 2 0 -2 Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 0 0 0 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement Eight:

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Receiving Holy Communion as a couple Pre-Project Post-Project Difference is important to me. Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 15 27 +12 Agree 12 10 -2 Somewhat Agree 9 0 -9 Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 1 0 -1 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement Nine: Couples should pray together daily. Pre-Project Post-Project Difference Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 26 26 0 Agree 10 8 -2 Somewhat Agree 0 3 +3 Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 1 0 -1 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement Ten: Couples should go to Mass together on a Pre-Project Post-Project Difference regular basis . Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 22 19 -3 Agree 8 14 +6 Somewhat Agree 4 4 0 Disagree 3 0 -3 Strongly Disagree 0 0 0 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

Statement eleven: My spouse is a good listener . Pre-Project Post-Project Difference Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 3 13 +10 Agree 10 11 +1 Somewhat Agree 15 11 -4 Disagree 6 1 -5 Strongly Disagree 3 1 -2 Do Not Know 0 0 0 Total 37 37

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Statement Twelve:

My spouse is a good listener. Pre-Project Post-Project Difference Responses Reponses Strongly Agree 18 15 -3 Agree 7 16 +9 Somewhat Agree 8 6 -2 Disagree 0 0 0 Strongly Disagree 2 0 -2 Do Not Know 2 0 -2 Total 37 37

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