Variations on a Theme: Forty Years of Music, Memories, and Mistakes
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University of New Orleans ScholarWorks@UNO University of New Orleans Theses and Dissertations Dissertations and Theses 5-15-2009 Variations on a Theme: Forty years of music, memories, and mistakes Christopher John Stephens University of New Orleans Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.uno.edu/td Recommended Citation Stephens, Christopher John, "Variations on a Theme: Forty years of music, memories, and mistakes" (2009). University of New Orleans Theses and Dissertations. 934. https://scholarworks.uno.edu/td/934 This Thesis is protected by copyright and/or related rights. It has been brought to you by ScholarWorks@UNO with permission from the rights-holder(s). You are free to use this Thesis in any way that is permitted by the copyright and related rights legislation that applies to your use. For other uses you need to obtain permission from the rights- holder(s) directly, unless additional rights are indicated by a Creative Commons license in the record and/or on the work itself. This Thesis has been accepted for inclusion in University of New Orleans Theses and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of ScholarWorks@UNO. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Variations on a Theme: Forty years of music, memories, and mistakes A Thesis Submitted to the Graduate Faculty of the University of New Orleans in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Fine Arts In Creative Non-Fiction By Christopher John Stephens B.A., Salem State College, 1988 M.A., Salem State College, 1993 May 2009 DEDICATION For my parents, Jay A. Stephens (July 6, 1928-June 20, 1997) Ruth C. Stephens (January 31, 1936-October 29. 2005) and for my sister Lauren (February 9, 1962-April 7, 1985) ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Thanks to my University of New Orleans Low-Residency MFA Committee Members for their flexibility and willingness to work with me through three time zones and tight deadline pressure: Steven Church Dinty Moore Patrice Melnick Special thanks and appreciation to Bill Lavender and Nancy Dixon. Their attention to detail and in my work was and remains appreciated. This work could not have been done without these people. Thanks to my friends in Lynn, who took me in when the bottom fell out. Their kindnesses, and my Saturdays with D., have shown me what it means to be part of a family and the urge to write this book would not have existed without them. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction. Overture: Simple Gifts (an open letter to a lost loved one) ...........................1 Chapter 1..............................................................................................................................7 Chapter 2............................................................................................................................17 Chapter 3............................................................................................................................23 Chapter 4............................................................................................................................28 Chapter 5............................................................................................................................31 Chapter 6............................................................................................................................41 Chapter 7............................................................................................................................48 Chapter 8............................................................................................................................59 Chapter 9............................................................................................................................64 Chapter 10..........................................................................................................................68 Chapter 11..........................................................................................................................75 Chapter 12..........................................................................................................................78 Chapter 13..........................................................................................................................86 Chapter 14..........................................................................................................................91 Chapter 15..........................................................................................................................97 Chapter 16........................................................................................................................100 Chapter 17........................................................................................................................105 Chapter 18........................................................................................................................115 Chapter 19........................................................................................................................119 Chapter 20........................................................................................................................121 Chapter 21........................................................................................................................131 Chapter 22........................................................................................................................139 Chapter 23........................................................................................................................144 Chapter 24........................................................................................................................156 Chapter 25........................................................................................................................162 Chapter 26........................................................................................................................173 Coda 2009: Encores and second thoughts .......................................................................176 Works Cited .....................................................................................................................180 iv ABSTRACT How did music play a consistent role through various memories? In this memoir, I look at the sweet, the traumatic and troubling. I use specific songs as connections to lost loved ones. I pin the power of music to the loss of three important people in my life: my sister, father, and mother. Who were their musical touchstones? Did I share them? Did music run through them as it has always run through me? The memoir is sandwiched by a brief extended metaphor that props up the conceit that we are entering a live concert performance. It is billed as a “letter to a lost loved one” because it is indeed meant to address that lost one, my sister, my guide. In the opening section I’ve lost my voice. I eventually reclaim it and vow that I will perhaps meet my sister at some point in the future. Key words: personal memoir; music criticism; pop culture criticism; pop music; death; personal loss; nervous breakdown; teaching; writing v Variations on a single theme: Forty years of music, memories, and mistakes By Christopher John Stephens Introduction- Overture: Simple Gifts (an open letter to a lost loved one) The lights flicker twice, and the crowd in the lobby excitedly spills in to take their seats. A small-framed man in loose-fitting formal wear comes on stage. He’s carrying a shiny steel National Guitar. A dozen more players follow, old men in similar wear, young women in flowing black and white dresses. They are all either carrying or wheeling along with them their instruments of choice: electric rhythm guitar, twelve- string acoustic, stand-up bass, saxophone, keyboards, tuba, trumpet, trombone and percussion. The drummer, a wild-haired man with intense bugged-out eyes, climbs the three steps to the stool behind his drum kit. As he sits, all eyes move towards him for some sort of signal, the smallest tilt of the chin that will signal the start of the performance. The audience finds their seats before the performers on stage. The lights gradually go dim and a flurry of coughs sprinkle through the auditorium like chocolate flakes on vanilla ice cream. This night, this performance, this moment, is the big-ticket item for everybody. Look at the starry-eyed goofball dreamers in the audience, just like me when I was younger. They want some sort of holy absolution by evening’s end. 1 They feel as if music is the only way they’ll be cleansed, but they know they’ll go home empty. There were rumors that this was going to be the musical statement of the season. This would be the starting point for every water cooler office discussion, the battle for the evening, the fight between something that embraces the heart and something that speaks to the mind. These musicians were all people I knew: teachers, lunch room attendants and farmers, humble people with sometimes audacious dreams and understandable fears. Their willingness to roll with and sometimes improvise inside this sometimes foolish pop symphony of mine, to carefully color outside the lines, was amazing. I gave them the blueprint and they made it interesting. They took my story beyond the confines of a closed room and made it dance, made it sweat, made it sizzle. If it works in this test run, I told them, I’ll want to take it on the road. I explained to my musicians that life got