Th e student ‘news’paper of Imperial College London
Issue 1400 felix Friday 14 March 2008 felixonline.co.uk
Inside
Varsity Pullout
Felix Easter Eggstravaganza Summoned Postgraduate called to court over student status confusion during PhD write-up, see page 3
Pages 12 & 13
PPS and Genocide
Pages 10 & 11
Dedication to the Dead UCLU at war with military
Student military organisations banned from UCLU, see page 3 Page 24 2 felix Friday 14 March 2008
News News Editor – Andrew Somerville, News Goblin – Matty Hoban [email protected] Government ID cards for Rector tops UK 2008/09 overseas freshers Vice-Chancellor 2009: Home students encouraged to hold national ID cards too pay chart for 06/07 Kadhim Shubber Gilead Amit all the V-Cs mentioned in the Grant- The Home Office has announced that Thornton survey, Sir Richard is the in November of this year, identity The Times Higher Education (THE) only one in the top five to receive no cards will begin to be introduced for Grant-Thornton Vice-Chancellors’ pay money from his university towards his non-European Economic Area foreign survey for 2006-7 has been released, pension fund, and thus “the value of nationals (which include Swiss nation- revealing the annual salaries of more his remuneration is less than stated in als). Importantly, the foreign nationals than 150 UK university vice-chancel- real terms.” Even with his pension con- to be targeted first are those categories lors (V-Cs), or equivalent positions. tribution simply added to his annual believed to be most likely to commit Imperial Rector Sir Richard Sykes tops salary, however, Nottingham V-C Sir immigration offenses, which include the list with a salary of £348,000 over Colin Campbell only gets £6,000 more students. Due to the large proportion 2006-7, a 6.7% increase from the year per year than Sir Richard Sykes. of Imperial students that are not from before. Sir Richard is one of only two According to the THE academic pay Europe, some of next years freshers V-Cs to have an annual salary of over survey for the last academic year, re- will have to carry a government ID £300,000, with Professor Laura Tyson leased simultaneously, the average sal- card with a college ID card. of the London Business School being ary for IC staff is just under £44,000, A National Identity Register will be the second. with the aforementioned London created, at an estimated cost believed An IC spokesperson made it very Business school paying an average of to be £5.5 billion. The government clear that “salaries for all of Impe- £132,769 over the same time period. have stated that contrary to fears, the rial’s senior staff, including the Rec- Full academic pay tables should al- new cards will only £30 per person. tor [take] into account the demands of ready be available online from the THE The government has planned that by the job and the successes achieved.” Of website. 2012, 90 per cent of foreign nationals in the UK will have an ID card.Finger- prints and a digital facial image will be held on the National Identity Register No-confidence motion called and the ID card. The card will also show whether or not the holder is enti- tled to work, benefits and the length of against CGCU President time they may stay in the UK. A valid passport will still be recognised as ID Gilead Amit posed motion accuses Sherliker of ‘spo- for foreign nationals. radic’ attendance at CGCU Executive From 2009 the scheme will begin A motion proposed by members of the Council meetings and of being difficult to affect Home students also. At first City and Guilds College Union on the to contact via phone or e-mail. The students will be encouraged to volun- 19th of February calls for a vote of non- motion also quotes the CGCU consti- tarily sign up to the scheme but from confidence in CGCU President Tristan tution’s calls for “general meetings [to 2011/2012 all UK passport applicants The Editor accepts no responsibility for this horrific stitch-up Sherliker. The fifteen supporters of be convened] in each of the Autumn, will be signed up to the National Iden- the paper (including two CGCU vice- Spring and Summer terms” and states tity Register. British citizens will have presidents, the Honorary Secretary, that “The Management Committee the choice to have a passport, ID card sitive information. In November 2007, rity, reduce illegal immigration and and two Departmental Representa- shall meet once every two weeks in or both. tax officials lost two CDs containing tackle fraud issues. Home Secretary tives) believe that Tristan Sherliker has term-time”. This is contrasted with the The private sector will not be able to the bank details of 25 million people. Jaqui Smith said “The Government’s not lived up to his responsibilities as claim that Sherliker has called no gen- access your information without your “The National Identity Register [...] National Identity Scheme means that President. eral meetings this academic year, and consent, however police, security, in- will be a severe threat to our security for the first time UK residents will have The motion cites a wide range of du- that only two Management Commit- telligence agencies and HM Revenue and a real target for criminals, hack- a single way to secure and verify their ties left unattended, including his fail- tee meetings have taken place over the and Customs may access your details ers and terrorists,” said David Davis, identity. We will be able to better pro- ure to submit the CGCU Autumn term same period. without your consent, including where shadow Home Secretary tect ourselves and our families against report to the Union Council by their An emergency meeting of the Execu- and when you used your card. The government argues that the Na- identity fraud, as well as protecting our required deadline, despite having had tive Council has been scheduled for Critics of the scheme have questioned tional Identity Register, along with ID communities against crime, illegal im- ten weeks’ notice. Wednesday the 19th of March to de- the governments ability to handle sen- cards will help increase identity secu- migration and terrorism.” Amongst other criticisms, the pro- cide on the no-confidence motion.
Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London felix 1,400 SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest Road, Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper Friday 14/3/08 ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2007.
Felix was brought to you by:
Editor-in-Chief Business Editor Music Editors LOLCATS Tom Roberts Afonso Campos Peter Sinclair Susan Yu Deputy & News Editor Politics Editors Andrew Somerville Li-Teck Lau Technology Editor Kadhim Shubber James Finnerty
News Editor OF TEH WEEK Matty Hoban Arts Editors Travel Editors Rosie Grayburn Ahranyan Arnold Layout Editors Caz Knight Nadine Richards Jemil Salami David Paw Ammar Waraich Sally Longstaff Emily Wilson Fashion Editor Copy Editors Nightlife Editor Sarah Skeete Louise Etheridge Greg Mead Daniel Wan Tom Culley Anthony Maina Film Editor Sports Editor Gilead Amit Alex Casey Jovan Nedić Jesse Garman Games Editors Photography Science Editor Azfarul Islam Sally Longstaff Ed Henley Sebastian Nordgren Vitali Lazurenko Friday 14 March 2008 felix 3 [email protected] News Full-time for writing-up student? Graduating PhD student defends himself against local Council for non-payment of Council Taxes
Tom Roberts completed more than 21 hours of work to postgraduates in the writing- Editor-in-Chief per week. up phase. For example, Oxford, Mr Yong made attempts to commu- Cambridge, Birmingham, Leeds A graduating Imperial PhD student is nicate with Camden Council, however and Edinburgh Universities class being taken to court by his local Coun- they have not replied to his letters or writing-up postgraduates as full- cil for non-payment of Council Taxes emails. Furthermore, he has the back- time students, whereas Bristol, during his thesis writing-up period. ing of his local Conservative candidate, Cardiff, Glasgow and Southamp- Matthew Yong, an ex-Aeronautical Chris Philp, Imperial College Union ton Universities will not guaran- Engineering student, has been sum- and his PhD project supervisors who tee their students Council Tax moned by the Camden & Islington Lo- have written letters of support to Cam- exemption certificates. The NUS cal Justice Area to appear in court on den Council stating that he was a full- (National Union of Students) is 20th March, charged with owing six time student in their views, which have in the process of campaigning months worth of Council Tax to the also received no reply. for a consistent national ruling sum of £675.08 Despite these letters, Camden Coun- that is fairer towards students. The majority of PhD students ap- cil is resolute in charging Mr Yong the Although the Union and Mr ply for “writing-up status” at the end Council Tax because, according to a Yong’s project supervisors of their third year, the idea being that student certificate they received from have offered their support, they will have finished their research College, he is not in full time educa- there is only so much they can and will only need to write their thesis. tion. When Felix attempted to contact do. The crux of the situation If they are successful, they are granted Camden Council, a spokesperson said comes down to whether or not a six-month period during which they that: “Imperial College have issued a writing-up students should be are not required to pay tuition fees, student certificate until the date Mr classed as full-time students however, they have certain student Yong's course ended on 4/7/2007 and or not. Depending on which privileges cut and restrictions imposed have confirmed verbally to us that London borough a writing-up upon them, such as: they are only al- he has not been on a full time course student lives in, they may or lowed access to certain areas of Col- since that date. He cannot, therefore, may not have to pay Council lege; they no longer receive TfL (Trans- get a student exemption. This has been Tax. It is futile for Imperial port For London) discounts; and they explained to him [when he visited us College Union to negotiate are given limited access to their project in person] and as normal practice we with Councils because there supervisors. have sent him a summons for non-pay- are so many in London. Ul- The amount and severity of reduced ment of tax since that date. We would timately, the decision as to privileges differs between universities be happy to review the position if the whether a writing-up stu- across the country. Currently, Impe- College issued us a further certificate, dent should be given full- rial refuses to award its writing-up which confirmed the writing up of his time status time lies with students Council Tax exemption cer- PhD constitutes continuation of his College. tificates, hence, the case being brought full time course.” Sabbatical Officers from against Mr Yong by Camden Council. Felix attempted to contact College, the Union are meeting with Mr Yong strongly disputes having however they were not available for College staff in May to en- to pay the six-months worth of Coun- comment before going to print. courage them to revise cil Tax. He is willing to fight his case Mr Yong’s case highlights a long- Imperial’s current policy. stating that: “I will not only be vigor- running issue that many students However, this may prove to ously defending my position, but will studying a PhD have to consider. With- be too little, too late for Mr also seek to reclaim costs for having to out funding, PhD students effectively Yong who could be cough- take a day off work and commute back face unemployment when they start ing up six months worth of to London to sort this stressful matter their writing-up phase, yet depending Council Tax come March out.” Mr Yong claims to “meet all cri- on which university they attend, they 20th. teria for being a full time student … as are expected to pay Council Tax even outlined in Statutory Instrument 1992 though they are discouraged from If you are in similar circumstances No. 548 The Council Tax (Discount finding part-time employment in or- to Mr Yong and need advice, you Matthew Yong’s original Court Summons letter, before a Disregards) Order 1992”; namely that der to concentrate on completing their can contact Deputy President single persons discount was applied to the amount owed. He he has been attending a course which thesis. (Education & Welfare), Kirsty is due to appear and defend himself in court on 20th March lasted more than one year, for more The UK’s universities have differ- Patterson, by emailing her on charged with non-payment of Council Taxes during his thesis than 24 weeks per year in which he has ing stances on the privileges afforded [email protected] writing-up period UCL Union bans military societies Controversy as UCLU declares war on student military organisations to protest Iraq and Afghan conflicts
Andrew Somerville the Union to use its resources to en- ties held on the main campus of UCL, considered a career in the military. Deputy & News Editor courage students to join the military or or sponsored by the university.” UCLU also alludes to the recruitment participate in military recruitment ac- There are various student military policies (that only UK nationals un- UCL Union has passed a motion ban- tivities at this time would give political units around the country, and of those, der 30 may join) that conflict with its ning student military organisations and material support to the war.” the London-based wings are amongst own equal opportunity policy. Many from advertising on UCLU premises The Union’s reasoning has been crit- the largest. Whilst student military or- anti-war and anti-arms activists also and from recruiting at the UCL Fresh- icised by media pundits for suggesting ganisations are part of the national mil- believe that support of the organisa- ers’ Fair, drawing widespread criticism that the military is responsible for for- itary reserve, students are exempt from tions is tantamount to support of the from both their own university and the eign policy. normal rules on active duty, only eligi- Iraq and Afghan campaigns, and con- Ministry of Defence. The student row has been catapulted ble for call-up in event of a “National flicts with policies that refuse support The events at UCLU follow similar into the headlines of the media by the Emergency.” In addition to this, they for arms firms. motions at LSE and Goldsmiths passed recent events surrounding RAF Wit- are free to leave at any time, are not ob- Following complaints from UCL this year by their respective unions, and tering’s ban on service members wear- ligated to join the military, and only a students themselves, surrounding al- a contrary motion by ICU made last ing uniform in public. tiny percentage of the total number go legations of improper procedure in the month pledging to allow the Univer- The Telegraph quoted MP and on to enter the armed forces either as meeting that passed the motion, the sity of London Officer Training Corps former infantry commander Patrick a full reserve or as a career. Most seem General Secretary has been suspended (ULOTC), University Royal Naval Unit Mercer as saying: “These students are to join these organisations for leader- along with all policies passsed at the (URNU), and the University of London deeply misguided. They are insulting ship experience, adventure, and for the event, pending an investigation. Air Squadron (ULAS) to continue to the men and women who fight for their small salary and bonuses that are paid The ailing University of London Un- advertise at the IC Freshers’ Fair. ICU freedom and the democratic rights of for time spent gaining skills and trying ion (ULU) is also affected by the is- President, Stephen Brown, also voiced our society.” out expensive activities. sue after passing a motion of support his strong opinion on the matter, call- UCL itself has also spoken out against Opponents of the organisations similar to the ICU resolution, with its ing the actions of UCLU “an absolute the Union, saying: “This vote was taken point out that the reason for the units president voicing reluctance to carry disgrace”. by the student union and refers to un- to exist is primarily as a recruitment out the passed motion. The UCLU motion justifies their ion premises and events only. tool for graduates and highly-skilled Andrew Somerville was a member of course of action by stating that: “For “It has no implications for any activi- people who would not otherwise have URNU rescues their dummy the ULOTC from 2006-2007 4 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Comment, Opinion Let us know your views: [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and grammar purposes & Letters Views on these pages are not representative of Felix
The DOS delusion
use Windows. Oh, don’t tell me. wilderness of the 1970s, and brought The point I want to make, though, You use a Mac. Don’t lie to me he forth an operating system that did is that there are tremendous possibili- – I can tell. That superior, mes- amaze the people.” If the feud wasn’t ties for M’ites and W’sians to get along sianic glint in your eye reveals so bitter, it would almost be comical peacefully. It just takes a little objectiv- I everything. Well, technically to see how divisions have arisen over ity. The moment you stop taking the that’s supposed to make our relation- nothing. teachings of Jobs or of Gates absolutely ship a touchy one, but I’m sure we can I can’t claim to know much about literally, there is no reason to prevent get over it. It’s not as though I’m a par- Linux. Compared to the followers of you tolerating and respecting your fel- ticularly devout Microsoftist; I mean, Jobs and Gates, only a few people have low technophile. The last few years Gilead Amit sure, I use a double-buttoned mouse, true faith in Linus Torvalds and his have seen a worrying rise in Mac-PC but that’s just the way I’ve been brought teachings. In any case, my experience violence, and I think it’s important to up. It’s not as though I actually believe has shown that Linuxians tend to be a get this matter under control before it that Bill Gates is the saviour. You could good deal less dogmatic in their beliefs. becomes something bigger. probably say I’m an agnostic – there Despite, or maybe because of their Now that I’m reaching the end of this, may be a superior operating system out clear minority status, most have come I’ll be honest with you; I’m more of an there somewhere, but we mere mortals The Felix Office: Using Macs to accept the validity of both other be- asystemist than an agnostic. I believe will never know the truth. before Steve Jobs was born lief systems, and just choose to politely that there is no supreme operating sys- That must strike all you Appellites disagree. tem; that all are just as good or just as as heresy. I don’t mind; I’ve been called Of course, Linux and Apple have a bad. Of course, I’m willing to have my worse. What I do mind is the animos- what the Mackintoshites believe. They stronger bond than either does with opinion changed, but given the state of ity displayed by the three great Mono- hold that Steve Jobs is the true proph- Microsoft – the teachings of Jobs have things, it seems unlikely. Some of my systemic organizations towards their et, sent to prepare us for the future by recently been interpreted to reveal more intense friends hold that actually rivals. The teachings of Microsoft, Ap- teaching us of the hidden powers of that Linus Torvalds is, in fact, a minor believing there is a supreme system is ple and Linux have been so distorted the half-eaten apple and the mysteries prophet in Appellism. Therefore, his harmful. They could be right, I don’t over the decades: essentially, don’t you of the iPhone. teachings and operating system are al- know. It’s certainly very comforting to all believe in the same thing? It may be hard for true believers to most universally accepted in the Mack- think that the computer you own qual- The faith of the Windosians rests on see the similarities, but to all objective intoshite world. True, it’s seen as a ifies you as a chosen one, but don’t mix the sacred teaching that Bill Gates is onlookers there is no real difference. somewhat fundamentalist subdivision, up comfort with truth. the One Messiah. That he was put on Some may interpret the history in one but their comparative pacifism has In any case, remember that there is Earth to spread the light of the four- way, others may do it differently, but gained them no real enemies. Besides, more that links you together than di- coloured flag and disseminate the glo- both of the two great belief systems it’s hard to bear grudges against a peo- vides you; what you believe shouldn’t ry of the Xbox 360. Contrast this with hold that a “nerd did appear in the ple whose supreme deity is a penguin. drive you apart.
Working to end the siege of Gaza
he Gaza strip, a small recovery, whilst under these imposed least, the UK and EU must publicly other Imperial students on the “World plot of land lying in the restrictions, woefully unrealistic. 95% condemn the blockade and its associ- against War” demonstration, one slo- south-east of Israel, home of industry is suspended and 3,500 of ated breaches of human rights while gan of which is “end the siege of Gaza”, to some 1.5 million Pal- the 3,900 of its factories have closed actively working towards an end to tomorrow (Sat 15th of March). We will T estinians, has endured a in the last 6 months due to the ban on the siege of Gaza. With this in mind, be meeting in Beit Quad at 11.20am long and turbulent history to say the imported raw materials and exports. I would say one thing we students can and leaving at 11.45 to join the main very least. It has suffered many long- Unemployment is set to rise to 50% in do is apply political pressure on our demonstration. See you there! See term trends of economic stagnation the near future. government to do just that by joining www.stopwar.org for more details. Leron Borsten and desperately low social and welfare Meanwhile, the ability for humani- indicators. tarian aid to be delivered to the Gazan However, over the past few months populace has been severely hampered. this situation has witnessed a dramatic Somewhere in the region of 250 trucks jump in its severity, to the extent that it a day carried commercial and humani- has become a serious humanitarian cri- tarian supplies to Gaza through Sufa sis. The root of this recent exponential prior to the blockade. A maximum, decline in living conditions stems from which is rarely met, of 45 trucks now the stringent blockade imposed by Is- pass through Sufa. rael in response to the 2006 election Consequently, the Gaza strip is expe- of Hamas and its subsequent de facto riencing a serious electricity deficit as takeover, coupled with the ongoing fir- the power plant depends on imported ing of rockets into Israeli territory. diesel. In principle the plant is able to A recent report produced collabo- produce 140MW, sufficient, at least, to ratively by, amongst others, Amnesty supply Gaza city. However, this was re- International, Oxfam and Save the duced to 80MW following the destruc- Children has highlighted the dire cir- tion of the original transformers by cumstances of the Gazan population Israel in 2006. In fact, combined with with respect to humanitarian access, the restrictions on fuel imports, it now poverty, food aid, unemployment, ba- only produces 55-65MW. This has sic infrastructure and access to basic serious knock-on effects. Principally, medical treatment. it has impeded the supply of running The unprecedented rise of poverty water by some 30% and hospitals face following the blockade is perhaps, at 8-12 hour blackouts each day. first glance, the most startling indicator. While the report condemns the The crippling restriction of goods and rocket attacks and states that Israel people moving out of or into Gaza has maintains “a right and obligation to resulted in the percentage of those de- protect its citizens” it stresses that the pendent on humanitarian aid rise from intolerable conditions generated by the 62% in 2006 to its present day value of blockade amount to an indiscriminate 80%. There are over 1.1 million reliant on-going collective punishment of the on food aid. These figures continue to men, women, and children of Gaza. As climb and the UN estimates that the such, it claims that the blockade is il- percentage dependent on aid will, in legal under international law set out a limited time period, rise “above and in the Fourth Geneva Convention, as beyond” its current level. ratified by Israel in 1949. In the same breath, the economic Well, what of it? What can we do? collapse of Gaza renders any hope of The report concludes that, at the very Friday 14 March 2008 felix 5 [email protected] Comment Dot-to-dot with New Scientist
y girlfriend – genius that she is – bought me a New Scientist to read on the ludicrous M train journey I had to make this week. In fact, it was suf- A. Geek ficiently ludicrous to warrant a piece itself – twice the length it should’ve been, misdirected and misinformed, and through the kind of weather that would make Noah consider getting the two-by-four out again. I’m writing this on the return journey (fuck the fourth wall) and the train is currently inclined at ten degrees, stationary, and I’m be- ing informed of a broken rail ahead which we’re going to run over anyway. This may not make the Felix presses. Anyway, more positive thoughts – the New Scientist. It’s one of my guilty pleasures, along with drinking litre bottles of Lucozade in one go and the song “Talk Dirty To Me” by Poison. Of course I’m aware that NS is one of the tabloids of science journalism, but that In his spare time, A. Geek enjoys reading New Scientist. You should too doesn’t make it any less bubbly or fun to read. You’re more likely to get a plot for a sci-fi novel out of it than you are left behind at A-Level, or second year, but it’s all based around the same drive automatic and clip-on beard into the inspiration for any real research, but or graduation, you’re suddenly back in to do something that’s not been done streets when this year’s over and fire a the journalism always knows how to Freshers’ Week again, surrounded by yet. And I guess engineers can join in few clips into the air, screaming. cherry-pick the interesting scientific dozens of people all with roughly the the group hug at that point, too. But don’t make this what Imperial events, and their features are generally same knowledge as you, but ready to The people that I really admire in this is to you. No matter what degree or worked up with a pleasing Dan Brown- take it in hugely different directions. hellhole – Felix staff aside, for wholly course you’re on, you’ll be forced to esque spin on them. This issue, for in- New Scientist, like Facebook, joins separate reasons – are those that get a do something that approaches ‘real stance, there’s four pages about their the dots. It makes sense of what you’re kick out of their 9am lectures. There research’ by the time your final year is favourite topic ever – Dark Matter. Is it doing in context of a larger community are, to my mind, less than ten people up here. At that time, you’ll have gone real? Is it fake? New Scientist yet again – there are people all over the place, that meet that criteria that I know of. further than most people in your field, manages to answer ‘yes’ to both ques- working in different laboratories, un- When I sit down with them for a and you’ll be looking at something that tions with some great citations and der different grants and in different drink in some Chemical Engineer- not many people ever will. that really lovely graphic design that languages. But the more you read, the ing bomb shelter, or lean back in The Whether that makes the exercise decorates all of their pages. more you’re struck with that pleasing Usual Seat at Starbucks, or sit down at seem all the more futile to you, or all Yes, I probably would adopt it if it feeling that they’re all working on the Waterloo for a post-traumatic stress the more beautiful, depends somewhat was a person. same research project. The abstract for coffee, they don’t talk about University upon your state of mind. But I know The point is that New Scientist, how- the proposal is just one line long, and like it’s a job, or an extension of their that most of the people I met in my ever crazy or nonsensical it might be, it says this – “We aim to find out what schooldays. While they might not all Freshers’ week back in
Presenting the footballer
ood tidings to you all always up for it at all times, that’s what once again. The astute my diet of Nuts, Maxim and hardcore among you may have pornography has taught me. Gay, it’s noticed my facelift, the not happening tonight – not because G picture a fortnight ago I’m so socially retarded that I can’t was in fact a representation of the de- even chat up a below-average-looking lightfully rare Finance Tart group. This American bird – NO, because I’m too week we’ll be looking at an equally fucking drunk! Fuck it; let’s just get my despicable group of oxygen thieves – mates to be rude to those dumb Amer- the IC Footballers. Here’s one of their icans – if we can’t have them, no-one Linnearse semi-literate ilk trying to communi- else can! “Yeah, you’re ugly AND stu- cate with us: pid…hurr huurr!”. They’ll come back… Ok I’m not getting any action tonight. The Footballer I don’t care. I’m a real man. A man’s Snakey-B! Awesome-a-saurus-rexicals-of-super-win man. Real men don’t get laid – they get Fuckin’ WHHAAAY! What am I do- pissed on snakebite, act hyper-macho ing in a place like this – everyone’s a and scrawl graffiti on the Union toilets. fucking geek/loser. Except me, my I might get hurt! ion?!?! Oh they’re American. They’re Fuck. Yeah. mates and a few birds I wank over oc- Anyway, I should be in a higher team not quite as hot as the girls on my hard I wonder if I could get a job in the casionally. So what if I’m only a spotty but my one’s a laugh. We have painfully drive, but they’ll do. I’m getting laid City, that would get me the ladies. No, yob with three decent A-levels. I’m forced banter and lightweight drinking tonight… I’m trying on my best ‘game’ no they only employ people who are fucking amazing at football. I get into games. Which only about 10% of the with this one. Hmmm, she’s not in- dickheads and have good degrees. I’m some serious shit on the pitch. We’re club actually take part in. I’m going stantly impressed with me. Could it be pretty sure I’ve got the former covered. talking antagonising other players here to shout homophobic stuff ironically. because my wit’s slower than the serv- Given up hope about the latter. God – swearwords, weak pushing, the lot. I Why? Cuz that’s how I roll. ice times at Da Vincis? No she’s defi- I’m desperate. Next round of snakey-B wouldn’t actually fight anyone though, Ey up, there’s some birds in the Un- nitely wanting some. Yeah, all girls are on me lads! 6 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Comment [email protected] The Farcity of Varsity: A retort
ast week was that time of there are at least 10 (15+) bars, pubs or the majority of other students enjoy the year again when the clubs within a mile of the union; other- (1100 attendants at Varsity is some- newly elected Felix editor wise Leicester Square is a 90p bus-ride what impressive by Imperial standards is announced. Understand- away. – competing even with the Arts Week L ably this is a busy time for I suggest that rather than trivially Barn Dance). the paper and I will assume that was criticising what you recognise as the Finally, to the Olympics. An initial the reason for a lapse in editorial dis- roaring success of Sport Imperial, you cost of £2bn does not seem unreason- cretion; a view I explain below. embrace it and work with it to see how able when compared with an estimated A. Fan Firstly, to spend 2 and a half columns you can develop the Art Imperial you immediate £3bn in additional tour- of a 4 column article complaining so bitterly wish you had. Lobby the new ist income and creation of 75000 new about the behaviour of rugby players session of Union representatives for jobs. Obviously I cannot explain how after having been told that they were Art activities to be a valid Wednesday the Government has managed to tre- footballers and admitting that you can- afternoon pastime. If you can demon- ble their spending, but I doubt they in- not distinguish between the two, stinks strate reasonable numbers in support tended to do so and incur such public of incoherent argument. of this I find it hard to see how they can outrage. However I would put it to you If conditions really were as bad as de- refuse. that equivalent investment in the thea- scribed (balaclava-clad ‘rugby players’ Drinking to excess is something that tre industry certainly would not reap holding people ‘hostage’) then please the majority of students do on a rea- anything like that return and that seri- have a word with the bouncers. They sonably regular basis, normally with a ous government investment in a sector are there purely because it is fully ex- group of friends. The connection with as unpredictable as the film industry pected that a Student Union may get sport is that these tend to be a group is incredibly imprudent in a time of fi- rowdy once in a while – that none of of your closest friends (almost describ- They’ll be cheering Shakespeare nancial unpredictability. the professionals (neither the bouncers able as a team); and more often than from the stands at next year’s I hope this helps to answer any ques- nor the SAS) deemed it necessary to not they are the friends that you genu- Varsity apparently tions/voice any frustration that others get involved speaks volumes. inely will keep in touch with after uni. may have had after reading Felix Com- However, surely the most heinous If you don’t drink/don’t want to drink ments last week and I encourage you accusation is that sport takes prec- then you are not forced to and from or even failing to clarify this, is the to note that I am not a member of IC edence over all else at the university. experience other team members are sort of ill-researched speculation that Rugby and this has not been written Filling the Union bar once a year is no invariably tolerant (even if not under- will only serve to unfairly drive people in consultation with them; it is just the great inconvenience, especially when standing) of this. Asserting otherwise, away from something that it appears thoughts of one of the many fans. Letters to Felix
Varsity promotes Love, Dear Anthony Maina the EU power structure can be painted priate and I was offended by the tone as 'little Englanders', i.e. xenophobes of the article. competition Not-so-angry Sportsman. Apologies if the article appeared mis- who hate the French, the Germans, It says that several societies have bro- leading. We concede that the article the Belgians etc etc, rather than op- ken up which is not true and it has a was out-of-date and a caveat should ponents of a corrupt, anti-democratic quote from "Leroy Weatherfield" who Dear Felix, Misleading and have been included to inform readers organisation. does not exist. What I found most of- of the developments in the situation. The below link is not my blog, but fensive is that it tries to make a joke out In Response to ‘Insert Witty Name’s’ mistimed Kenya As Politics Editor I do not wish to re- I hope you and perhaps the author of of the fact that soldiers are dying. The Angry Geek Idol article, in the hope ject contributions but I concede a mis- this purportedly unbiased article will fact that Prince Harry enjoyed his duty the editor loves divisive arguments as article take has been made here. We reject the find it interesting: http://eureferen- in Afghanistan does not show anything much as any other newspaper editor accusation that we are interested in dum.blogspot.com/ about what it is like for ordinary sol- does... Dear Felix Politics, covering African problems rather than diers, as he wouldn't have been put I will leave aside the fact that anybody African solutions. Thank you for con- Ian Grieve in any dangerous situations. It is also could have known what type of person I'm writing to express deep disappoint- tributing an article on developments in PhD Student, Hammersmith quite racist, talking about "shooting an the writer was from the piece without ment in your coverage of the political Kenya for this week. Campus Arab". thoughtlessly revealing that they were situation in Kenya. I understand that this column may ‘at a show’ because of the artistry of According to Felix, as per 7th March Katya-Yani Vyas (author of said ar- be supposed to be a satire, however such a stunningly clever title, matched 2008, talks aimed at power sharing in ticle) and Kadhim Shubber (Politics Dear Ian Grieve, this particular article is not satire (as with an equally clever pseudonym. Kenya have stalled. As per reality, talks Editor) satire should be ironic and intelligent, Varsity is an occasion for celebra- in fact were successful, when both sides We disagree completely that the article and the comments in this article are tion, no matter the outcome, because signed a power sharing agreement on was not a “fair and balanced analysis”. merely coarse!) it promotes competition. I know the the 28th of February. Since then, Mr As an article on the Lisbon Treaty, ar- I am disappointed that articles like liberal thinking is that competition is Annan has left the country leaving re- Lisbon Treaty guments for and against, and the con- this can get into Felix. bad and that stupid fat kids shouldn’t maining mediation duties in the hands sequences of the treaty were considered It would be good if you could print ‘lose’ at games because it might dam- of Nigerian diplomat Mr Oluyemi article: Unfair objectively. The article did not make a an apology this week from the Politics age their self esteem, obviously there Adeniji, parliament has reopened and judgement on whether membership of Editor for not making it clear if, as you was no axe to grind on that topic! But four bills tabled aimed at legal reforms and unbalanced the EU is beneficial but instead dis- said, this was a satire. It would also be it turns out competition is good (ask and the re-introduction of the post of cussed the positive or negative impact good to say that the article was not at any biologist, it will make them happy Prime Minister, which Mr Odinga will Dear Felix Politics, of the Lisbon Treaty. all factual. The Stop the War Society as they are hopelessly derided the rest hold. All of this has been covered by The sentence “disrespect for Europe would like to say that we are far from of the time); without competition Syl- local and international media, and it is I am writing to complain about the and our neighbours” is nonsense when breaking up, in fact we are going to a via Plath would never have been born difficult to imagine that anyone actu- Politics article in this week's Felix, on removed from the context of the para- national World Against War demon- so that ‘arty’ non sportsmen could cry ally interested in the Kenya situation pages 14 and 15, entitled 'The facts graph. It was written in relation to the stration this Saturday! (meeting in Beit over her poetry before she offed her- could have missed it. about the Lisbon Treaty'. principle of common EU law for all Quad at 11.20am) self, sadly she did somehow managed The story you ran is more late than The subtitle describes the article members. to reproduce her’s (and Ted Hughes’) inaccurate, but as journalists you will as a "fair and balanced analysis". This Thanks genetic material (twice) before com- probably know that one is just as bad couldn't be further from the truth. The Sincerely, mitting suicide. Competition is why as the other. In a situation as serious article is unremittingly pro-EU. Caroline the human race evolved and continues as Kenya's your article's misleading It is taken as read that European Un- James Goldsack (author of said ar- to, so in order to spur human develop- nature depicts at best an editing team ion is a good thing, and that British ticle) and Kadhim Shubber (Politics ment I will personally campaign for that is out of touch with reality, and at sovereignty over all areas of legislation, Editor) Dear Caroline, a Shakespeare recital at Varsity next worst one which is happy to uphold the not just those the EU is prepared to year. stereotype of Western journalism, pre- give us 'vetos' (which aren't all they are I’m sorry that the satirical article “Ap- Further to the above, releasing all ferring coverage of African problems made out to be by referendum-avoid- parently war is awesome” offended that pent up aggression in a rule based to coverage of African solutions. ing politicians, see http://www.parlia- Politics satire a you. Of course the article isn’t factual, arena stops people committing other I know a couple of you guys person- ment.uk/parliamentary_committees/ it’s a satirical piece not a news article. atrocities such as brawling, or writing ally, and I have great respect for the european_scrutiny/escpn271107.cfm) bit too close to Comedians often makes light of dark bitchy snipey letters to newspapers. work you've done turning Felix around is unimportant. situations, like war, and Samuel Black’s This helps people be accepting of all this year. But in this situation I feel, as At one point, the author even criti- the reality article was hardly ground-breaking in people, whether they are people who many Kenyans I know at IC, that a cor- cises Britain for having "disrespect for this respect. I’m afraid I won’t be print- get some fresh air and hack a foot- rection and an apology is due. Europe and our neighbours", commit- Dear Felix, ing an apology; I trust that the readers ball around for a while, or sit with the ting the usual pro-EU commentator's of the politics section are intelligent mothballs leafing through a poetry an- Regards, fallacy of conflating Europe (i.e. the As I was saying the other day, I think enough to spot satire when they read it. thology so they can steal a few obscure people) with the EU (i.e. the politi- the article in last week’s paper ("Appar- metaphors. Anthony Maina cians). This is done so opponents of ently war is awesome...") was inappro- Kadhim Shubber (Politics Editor) Friday 14 March 2008 felix 7
Business Business Editor – Afonso Campos [email protected] A rough guide to the credit crunch Afonso Campos talks about economic crises and briefly educates you on the subprime and credit crunch
t is possible to speculate end- lessly about the nature of finan- cial markets, and we have been doing it for as long as they have I existed. It is an inherent quality of relatively intelligent human beings to question what is seemingly impos- sible to control. Some have been wildly successful in this quest. Others… well, who remembers losers? Regardless of which side of the fence one may stand on, the one thing that people have been trying their darn hardest to do is predict the behaviour of these weird collectives of human emotion and madness of crowds. While decod- ing the markets is a full-time job for some people, everyone with access to anything resembling the news is aware that there are booms and busts in an The ability to obtain credit has greatly diminished since August 2007 economy. This was a postulate first put forward by the famed economists Schumpeter and Kondratieff. It is hard the pillars of modern society as we have especially worrying one because it is af- everyone, from you and me to some evitably, the fates and lives of millions to predict exactly when these elements come to know and live it. The image it fecting banks quite heavily. It is hitting of the most powerful organisations on of people who were just watching the of the never-ending economic cycle projects is one of something truly sta- the heart of the financial system – the this planet. No one in the real world is world go by. will happen, but it’s not tremendously ble and solid as a rock. Something al- investment banks. For the first time in completely immune from it, no matter This crisis, like most other economic difficult to assign rhyme and reason to most unshakable, if you will. While this over 20 years, a bank going bankrupt how deep the bunker in which one may ones, is not brought about by comput- their origins once they have happened. is the reality for the great majority of is not just a mere possibility but rather be hiding. The news goes on about it; ers or by obscure forces. It is the by- Unfortunately, like with most things in the time, the truth of the matter is that a very disturbing probability. Obvi- the papers go on about it; even your product of something very real – peo- life, it seems to be much easier to make there is probably not a single sector ously the risk of this happening is still wrinkly, old, spinster landlady goes ple. As long as people are the driving predictions and prognoses after the more leveraged than the financial one. relatively low for two main reasons; on about it. And with due reason. The force behind markets, they will contin- event. The most important thing to re- Banks and other financial institutions 1) governments and global bodies do inability to borrow capital or prop- ue to be difficult to predict. While pat- alise and understand is that crises are are leveraged on average 20 times; and not want a run for the money should erly price any mortgage-backed secu- terns of behaviour may be found when absolutely cyclical. In 97 there was the this is a conservative estimate. Due to a bank fall; and 2) because the extreme ritiy has put a massive damper on the looking at the past, the here and now Asian currencies crisis; in 2000 we had this astronomical leverage, any crisis weakening of some banks or lessening economy. This dent is far from being tends to be infinitely more complex the speculative Nasdaq bubble burst- will have quite catastrophic conse- scope of their service will only lead to a mended. In a few years, however, the than anything else. The inevitability of ing, and now we are faced with what quences if it happens to hit non-diver- higher level of concentration in an in- current crisis will undoubtedly fade to human nature is an empirical truth. is judged by many to be almost the Ar- sified institutions or actually affects all dustry that is far from being dilute. an almost oblivion and in the process I hope the very rudimentary explana- mageddon of financial disasters. sectors of an economy. The subprime crisis has led to a mas- will transform the markets, the rev- tion of the current crisis below will help The financial sector is seen as one of This so-called ‘subprime crisis’ is an sive credit crunch that has affected enue model of financial firms and, in- you understand it a little bit better.
The shortest route to the subprime and credit crunch enlightenment
START As defaults increased, the value of After the housing bubble in the US these securities declined, resulting burst, risky borrowers of capital in significant losses for investors in (those spending beyond their means these products. and with a poor credit record) be- came unable to pay it back.
Stock markets suffered due to the uncertainty of the exact amount lost and investors of all kinds be- came more weary. Lenders also be- came more cautious of lending in all forms, resulting in a difficulty to Lenders also sold off risk to other in- obtain credit by all parties. vestors by creating structured prod- ucts using these risky ‘subprime’ mortgages as the underlying asset. Banks were big investors in these backed securities
Inability to borrow expensive loans led to unwillingness by business- As a result, credit risk retainers es to invest large sums of money. such as banks suffered tremendous These dynamics put heavy brakes losses as borrowers defaulted their on an economy since consumer payments. This was due to some- spending and corporate investment what irresponsible lending on their are key necessities for growth. part and by offering tempting condi- tions to those that could not afford payments. FINISH 8 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Politics Politics Editors – Li-Teck Lau and Kadhim Shubber [email protected] A stable future for Kenya Kenya shows us that conflict is not inevitable on the African continent
Anthony Maina
In a leafy Nairobi suburb on Sunday, a tense final was being played out on the Li-Teck Lau lush greens of the Karen Country Club. Politics Editor If Yorkshireman Iain Pyman could continue to hold off the challenge of Alas, it’s the end of another term. What Austria’s Thomas Feyrsinger he would was my political highlight? Probably claim victory at the Tusker Kenya the backlash at last week’s article ‘The Open, the African leg of the European facts about the Lisbon Treaty’ by a cer- PGA tour. It would be Pyman’s first win tain Ian Grieve, calling it “unremitting- on the PGA circuit. But it was neither ly pro-EU”. I concede - the subheadings the Englishman nor the Austrian that (‘Will the UK lose its veto?’ and ‘Is it a was causing the buzz in the sidelines. major transfer of power to the EU?’ for In attendance and following every shot instance) were geared towards coun- were Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki tering Eurosceptic propoganda. But and erstwhile opposition leader Raila aren’t Eurosceptics those people with Odinga, each completely relaxed and scales and lizard breath who go around jovial in the other’s company. Bitter ri- spreading misleading rumours with vals only weeks before, the two laughed the aim of winning Daily Mail reader and joked like old high-school buddies. votes? The answer is yes. In an address later on that day, they de- Coming a close second, I guess it scribed the chaos caused by last year’s must be that election in Pakistan back disputed presidential election as “a If you didn’t know where Kenya was before you picked up this issue, now you do. in February which handed victory to thing of the past”, saying the country the PPP, party of the recently-assas- was now on a healing process. For the sinated ex-prime minister Benazir first time, President Kibaki referred to dency and the office of a Prime Min- ened up with news of the deal, with the proved the appointment of the Com- Bhutto, herself accused of flagrant cor- Mr. Odinga as Prime Minister-desig- ister. The speed of the result took even NSE index improving, trading volumes mittee on House Business, in which ruption whilst in office. However, with nate. And significantly, Mr Odinga on Kenyans by surprise. On February 28, approaching pre-election levels, and the President’s Party of National Unity no outright majority, and with a leader his part referred to Mr. Kibaki as “Your in front of an excited press, Kibaki and Standard & Poor revising its long term and Mr Odinga’s Orange Democratic who holds no seat himself, the violence Excellency”. Odinga signed the historic agreement rating on Kenya to stable from nega- Movement shared seats equally. “We continues amidst the political instabil- Two weeks earlier, such a scene would that would see an end to two months tive. Although the post-election vio- have brought Kenya out of the crisis ity; 24 killed and many more injured in have been well-nigh unimaginable. of turmoil and uncertainty that had lence is expected to slow down growth because we want to see a united nation a twin suicide attack just last Tuesday. Talks between the Government and pushed Kenya to the brink. Under the this year, the future looks bright again that has been a haven of peace,” said On the topic of that much loved sys- Opposition sides seemed to be head- agreement, the President would cede for East Africa’s biggest economy. Mr Odinga. The President echoed this tem of government, democracy, Spain ing nowhere, with hardliners on either some of his authority to pave the way Observers have called the long term sentiment, calling upon MPs to be- and Malaysia voted last week, both re- side refusing to cede ground to allow for the creation of the office of a Prime sustainability of the deal into question, come “ambassadors of peace” in their turning their respective leaders to of- a power-sharing agreement. On Feb- Minister, which Mr Odinga would and hardliners from each side continue communities, and to spare no effort in fice, both with reduced majorities. Ab- ruary 26, chief mediator Kofi Annan hold. Government positions would be to voice their dissatisfaction at the ap- ensuring that the violence that gripped dullah Ahmad Badawi, leader of ruling called off the talks, sensing that Presi- split 50-50 between the two rival sides, parently weak reconciliatory stances Kenya is not allowed to erupt again. coalition Barisan Nasional, resisted dent Kibaki and Mr. Odinga were not and the newly-formed coalition would adopted by their respective sides. But There remains a long and potentially calls to resign after seeing a 90% ma- being fully informed on the progress set national reconciliation as a pri- the signs look good, and there is faith treacherous way to go; extensive le- jority at the last election in the South of the talks by the negotiators they mary objective. Celebrations broke out that this agreement is one which will gal and social reforms will need to be East Asian country crumble to little had picked to make their respective throughout the country as Kenyans last. At the official state opening of Par- implemented by Parliament in order over 60% this time around. It means cases. On February 27, Annan sat both finally found meaning in wishing each liament, the President’s address was re- to address the root causes of the post- he cannot make constitutional changes leaders down face to face, determined other a Happy New Year. ceived by spontaneous foot-thumping election strife. Kibaki and Odinga have without support from the opposition. that a solution to the political crisis be Renewed optimism has swept from both sides of the House, a stark voiced their desire to see the process In local news, Alistair Darling, found. In attendance at Mr. Annan’s re- through the country since. The fear contrast to the shouting and name- through, but it will be the courage and Chancellor of the Exchequer, gave his quest was Tanzanian President Jakaya caused by inter-ethnic tension has be- calling that marred the swearing-in will of Kenya’s leaders to place their first budget report last Tuesday, hiking Kikwete, sitting AU chairman, but, gun to dissipate, with each tribe feel- ceremony weeks before. And in a sign country’s interests before their own taxes on ‘gas guzzling’ cars and alco- perhaps more significantly, the Head ing secure and sufficiently represented of their commitment to making the that will ultimately give Kenyans a hol, increasing borrowing and scaling of State of a country where power is in the new coalition government. The deal a success, after only six minutes country they can believe in, and a Ken- down growth forecasts for the next currently shared between the Presi- country’s economic indicators bright- of debate, Parliament unanimously ap- ya they can be proud of. 2 years. The shock-haired politician blamed the world financial crisis for his woes, as the rescuing of troubled bank Northern Rock and rising infla- tion mar his time at number 11. It’s been in Politics pretty much eve- ry week for the past year (+6 months), but the Democratic primaries continue in the US. Hillary Clinton left the state of Mississippi with days to spare before the polls to campaign in Pennsylvania, the next large state to vote, facing a near certain loss. The loss did indeed come as the state in which 70% of reg- istered Democrat voters are of African origin emphatically backed Barack Obama. In a contest increasingly di- vided along racial lines, Democrats fear their nomination contest could harm their chances come November and the battle against John McCain. So, a political thought to leave you with over the holiday you’ll likely spend in the library? Genocide, a word bounced around the tabloids more than Ms Britney Spears herself, is but another tool of war. The real crime is our cultural identity. So why not let’s put on our rainbow glasses, break open a chocolate Easter egg and give one another a hug? After all, if we’re all the same, there’d be nothing to dis- criminate against, and hence no mass killings. Left: Kenyatta Centre in Nairobi. After an historic political agreement, Kenyans can look forward to clear and prosperous times again Friday 14 March 2008 felix 9 [email protected] Politics Watch out! Change is coming! On Monday, a paper is being submitted to Council to help ensure Felix can report on news important to you
Kadhim Shubber dates or none at all. “A candidate could ensure that the elections pass smooth- interest. The Staff Student Protocol is an article on Live! can easily be re- come into the Felix offices and smash ly and certainly this should not be a supposed to tackle this complicated moved, the issue of Felix would have On the front of this newspaper are up the computers, and we wouldn’t be deciding factor when choosing stories issue, but it fails to do so adequately. been impounded, and around 40 pages two token protests, barely visible to allowed to report on it”, commented that are in the students’ interest. The balance cannot exist presently. of content, of students’ effort, would the casual eye. The symbol of Felix, Felix on 15th February. This restric- The world of the Staff Student Proto- An over-cautious sabbatical team will have gone to waste. Secondly, there are the cat, has been gagged and also the tion on free speech is not justified, as it col is a legal minefield but this just high- always choose to enforce the SSP in a more appropriate ways to make your word ‘newspaper’ has been changed is detrimental to the elections. Student lights the need to remove ambiguity draconian manner and therefore de- voice heard, without wasting your con- to ‘news’paper. On Monday the Union voters should be given information and introduce clear but fair guidelines grade the freedom of the student me- tributors’ effort, namely the aforemen- Council will discuss a paper submitted that is relevant to their decision mak- for dia; a more lenient sabbatical team, tioned paper to the council. by Tom Roberts, Felix Editor. Unlike ing and certainly the misdeeds of an which we may have next year, will be Let me make myself clear: It is not the token protests on the front page, election candidate is important more willing to let some stories be the relationship between the Union this paper will help ensure that Felix’s to voters. I agree that public- published. The variability is and Felix that is abhorrent. There is editorial freedom is protected and by ity shouldn’t be given to a damaging to the credibility nothing intrinsically damaging about removing ambiguity within the rules candidate over others; of Felix as a student news- the President advising the Felix Editor governing Union publications, allow however, I disagree paper. The motion pro- on the likely consequences of a publi- greater freedom in reporting news that this means posed by Tom Roberts cation. It is the interpretative nature of that is of interest to Imperial’s student that the mis- intends to remove the rules governing Union publications body. deeds of a can- this variable inter- that is damaging and it is this that the In the Union Constitution, Felix is didate should pretation to SSP paper successfully tackles. It re-words described as an independent student not be and therefore en- newspaper that is ‘Editorially Free’. reported. sure that SSP is However, there are two main reasons There is used fairly, re- “Felix shall be why this in practice is not always the no doubt sponsibly, and case. Staff-Student Protocol and Elec- that the consistently. editorially free tion Regulations override, rightly or Sabbati- With these wrongly, the editorial freedom of the cal Elec- things in to operate and Felix Editor. However, I concede that tions held mind, cast the Felix Editor should operate under this year your mind report on events certain rules. Felix does not exist in a were suc- back to the bubble and there are definitely respon- cessful. Felix issue as the Editor sibilities that come with Editorial Free- Turnout with the blank dom. But because these rules are for the and par- front page. sees fit” most part to be interpreted, editorial ticipation The issue pub- freedom in certain cases disappears. were rela- lished on Friday the rules so that it is clear what Felix Content is sometimes decided, albeit tively high 15th of Febru- can or can’t publish, what will or won’t indirectly, by the Union. Importantly, and unlike ary contained get Felix impounded and ensures that the interpretations can unfortunately previous elec- three stories that the Felix Editor must only live by these be wholly inconsistent with a free press tions, the word were interpreted by rules, not also by the interpretations of and reporting in the public interest. farce was nowhere the Union President a cautious Union President or a zeal- I would not suggest that the Union to be seen. This was Stephen Brown as vio- ous election candidate. President has direct control over the of course due to the en- lating Election Regulations The failings of Union departments content of Felix, and I’m certainly not thusiasm of the sabbatical and Staff-Student protocol. and election candidates are in the stu- supposing that the Deputy President candidates but also because The interpretation that he made dent interest and should be reported (Finance and Services) controls wheth- there was a determination within was a cautious one and certainly Mr upon. There is a problem with the reg- er or not Felix is published. However, the Union that the elections should Brown would not deny this. He then ulations regarding the student media; Felix is part of the Union and is fi- pass smoothly. Therefore, in this case, Fe- lix. Im- advised the Felix Editor that the pub- they are subject to the interpretation nanced by the Union. The President, the Union President’s interpretation of perial College Union is an employer, lication of the articles would probably of people with interests other than the as head of the Union, has a responsi- the electoral regulations was cautious and all employers have a duty to pro- result in the impounding of Felix (this reporting of news. As a result the stu- bility for the Union’s activities. If the and focused on avoiding controversy; tect their staff. However, the Union is means that the issue of Felix would be dents of Imperial are deprived of infor- Union were to be sued because of a Fe- it was judged that a smooth election different to most employers, as it has, confiscated and distribution would mation that is important to them. This lix publication, we would ask what the was more important than the publica- supposedly, an editorially independent be stopped). Why didn’t Tom Roberts cannot continue if we are to maintain President knew and what he/she did to tion of certain stories. This is a deci- student media. This creates pressures ignore the Union President? Student the credibility of Felix as a ‘newspa- avoid getting into a legal mess. sion that should be made by the Felix that other employers do not experi- news website Live! published 2 of the per’. It is not wrong that the Union has According to Election Regulations, Editor; again we see that the room for ence, such as protecting its staff from 3 stories in question, in an article and token involvement with Felix or that no story may be published on an indi- interpretation within the constitution harassment by fickle students while on a discussion board, in defiance of there are regulations; it is wrong that vidual who is standing for election; a removes editorial decisions from the also respecting the right of the student the Union’s advice. Firstly, Felix and the Union has the power to choose the story must be about all election candi- Felix Editor. It is not the job of Felix to media to report factually in the public Live! use different mediums. Whilst interpretation of these regulations.
Dry Wit & Tonic 10 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Politics [email protected] Genocide and how we should react A cutting-edge discussion held by the Political Philosophy Society on Genocide and Genocide Intervention
Kadhim Shubber “you know genocide when you see it” but it is not similarly true that you Clockwise from the top-left In the 20th century, Raphael Lemkin know intent when you see it. In the coined the term ‘Genocide’. He was a case of Darfur, it must be proven that Dr. Nigel Eltringham Polish-Jewish lawyer writing in 1943. the government forces are intending His concept of this ‘Crime of Barbarity’, to destroy the African tribes in Dar- A lecturer in Anthropology, as he originally put it, originated with Dr. Eltringham has studied the the Simele massacres in Iraq in 1933. Rwandan genocide intensively. When the horrific crimes perpetrated “you know His research was published in against the Jews came to be known, the 2004 in the book “Accounting for post-war world, and specifically the genocide when Horror: Post-Genocide Debates newly-founded U.N., recognized Rap- in Rwanda”. He teaches human hael Lemkin’s ‘Crime of Barbarity’ for you see it” rights at a post- and under- the first time as a crime, separate and graduate level and is currently intrinsically different from murder. fur. This is easy when bullets are used, conducting research on the Since the Convention on the Preven- but, much more difficult, the aggressor International Criminal Tribunal tion and Punishment of the Crime of only creates the conditions for destruc- for Rwanda Genocide came into existence in 1948, tion, such as starvation. Both speakers genocide has plagued humanity, in the admitted that there will always be ar- Hratche Koundarjian Balkans, South-East Asia, and most guments (some valid) against the label famously in Rwanda. Still, in the 21st ‘genocide’. Indeed, there may be a situ- Mr. Koundarjian is the Co- century we find ourselves unable to ef- ation where genocidal acts occur but ordinator of the ‘All-Party fectively confront the all-too-real gen- the situation itself can not be labeled Parliamentary Group (APPG) for ocide in Sudan. On Thursday, March genocide; recent events in Kenya are Genocide Prevention. The group 6, Imperial’s Political Philosophy So- an example of this. It is when a pattern counts prominent MPs such as ciety addressed the issue of genocide, of activities, of genocidal acts, become the Rt. Hon. Clare Short MP as and asked its esteemed panelists: obvious that we can begin to use the The Panel members and has cross-party word genocide. A repeating pattern of support. What is genocide? genocidal activities is enough to prove intent, asserted Mr. Koundarjian. Mr. John Gorski When does civil war become While the question of intent attempts genocide? to separate war and genocide, in the Mr. Gorski has served with Royal case of civil war the line is extremely Engineers and with NGOs in Who has the right to intervene? blurred and it is difficult for interna- countries affected by genocide. tional observers to make a judgement He has first-hand experience in When should one intervene? on the situation. One can begin to dif- the Balkan region, specifically ferentiate the two by examining the the Kosovo conflict How should one intervene? root cause of genocide. Dr. Smith said that genocide does not happen over- Dr. James Smith As stated earlier, genocide is a crime night, which should be obvious to all of according to international law – this us. It begins with stereotyping and prej- As co-founder and CEO of much is true and was not the focus of udice and follows Gregory Stanton’s 8 the Aegis Trust, Dr. Smith has evaluation by the panel. However, Dr. Stages of Genocide. Dr. Eltringham worked with a wide range of Smith did flag certain issues that make agreed with Dr. Smith but took a much governmental, non-governmen- even the purely legal definition of gen- more human rights-centred viewpoint. tal, educational, and academic ocide less clear and helpful than one Genocide, according to him, occurs institutions around the world. might believe. To prove that genocide after a long process of human rights Aegis Trust is closely linked with is occurring, and therefore take ap- degradation. In fact, human rights act the UK Holocaust Centre and propriate action, it must be shown that as a warning system for genocide and does work in Rwanda, documen- there is a direct intent to destroy a par- a signal in a conflict that includes civil tating the genocide ticular ethnic, racial, or religious group. war. In complex crises such as civil war, While this is good to ensure that a dif- civilians become caught in the cross- ferentiation is made between war and fire. If we understand the ideology and genocide, it creates difficulty because motivations driving the civil war, it is that is characteristic of genocide and genocidal acts have become more and In many cases genocidal acts are used of the burden of proof it requires. Mr. possible to compare this with the prej- make a judgment of similarity or dis- more linked in the modern day, most as a weapon in civil war. Koundarjian made the comment that udice and human rights degradation similarity. Unfortunately, civil war and prominently in Yugoslavia and Kosovo. The bulk of interesting discussion, I
From left to right, Dr. Smith, Mr. Koundarjian, Chairman Ammar Waraich, Mr. Gorski, and Dr. Eltringham. The discussion was the last in a week of genocide-related seminars Friday 14 March 2008 felix 11 [email protected] Politics
seemed the most pragmatic of all the human rights, should be constant and speakers. He emphasized the need for long-term. Although the continuous Greg Stanton’s 8-Stages of Genocide international institutions, not necessar- monitoring of human rights does not ily the U.N., to take the lead rather than fit in well with a culture of bold media individual states. NATO’s intervention headlines and short political sound- In 1996, Gregory H. Stanton, use of hate speech. Hate propa- the very least humanitarian aid in Kosovo was ideal, considering the bites, it is a system that prevents es- President of Genocide Watch, ganda should be banned from should be prepared for the inevi- political disagreement at the time be- calation and genocide. Ultimately, he described the eight stages of media and hate crimes should be table tide of refugees. tween veto-holding Security Council admitted, the success stories are rarely genocide and preventative meas- promptly punished. members such as Russia and the U.S.; publicized. The system is long-term ures that should be taken at each 7. Extermination if we followed Dr. Smith’s emphasis on and ‘boring’, it’s not interesting to the stage. 4. Organization – The mass killing, legally called the U.N., or Dr. Eltringham’s focus on media and politicians who “only want – Genocide is always organized genocide, is an extermination to human rights, it is unlikely that effec- to react to horror stories”. 1. Classification using militias to provide denial of the killers because their victims tive action would have occurred. The steps that we as a society take – All cultures have categories to state responsiblity. Organization are not believed to be fully hu- The question of timing of interven- to prevent genocide must reflect the divide people into ‘us’ and ‘them’. can be informal or decentralized. man. Sometimes the genocide tion produced a varied response. Mr. complexity and multi-faceted nature Bipolar societies that lack mixed results in revenge killings, creat- Koundarjian looked to political neces- of the issue. Each speaker admitted groups are most likely to experi- Prevention ing a downward sprial of geno- sitation to inform his answer. Without that regardless of how we organise a ence genocide, e.g. Rwanda. – On the international stage, mem- cide on both sides. substantial political clout and media military intervention, it must always bership of these militias should be support, any intervention will be ham- be the last resort. A military interven- Prevention illegal. Arms embargoes should Prevention pered in its efforts. In order to garner tion is a sign of failure rather than suc- – Insititutions that transcend eth- be applied against the nation and – Only rapid armed intervention both political and media support, any cess; it shows us that we have failed to nic and racial divisions are the travel bans should be put on their can stop genocide at this point. military intervention must be timed to prevent human rights abuses and that most effective defense at this leaders. Real safe areas and refugee es- balance the need to prevent death and we have failed to tackle discrimination stage. The Church is an example cape corridors should be estab- the need to portray an intervention and prejudice between peoples. The of an insitution that could play 5. Polarization lished with heavily armed inter- as urgent. He pointed to the military military is only needed when violence this role. – The groups are driven apart. national protection. If the U.N. intervention in Kosovo as a model of is imminent or already begun and by Laws may forbid marriage or so- is paralyzed, regional alliances good timing. On the other hand, po- this stage we have to ask ourselves, 2. Symbolization cial interaction. Extremists target must act. The international re- litical intervention must occur as early as an international community, why – Derogatory words and sym- moderates and silence the political sponsiblity to protect transcends as possible. A political solution is dif- didn’t we act sooner? Dr. Smith said bols are given to the classifica- centre. the individual nation’s narrow ficult to achieve once the violence has that: “Victims of genocide fall outside tions, for example ‘Gypsies’. interests. started, he stated. The longer the vio- the Universe of moral obligation”. They Prevention lence has been ongoing, the more dif- have been separated from the rest of Prevention – Security and assistance should 8. Denial ficult a political solution becomes, as society, attacked within popular cul- – Hate speech and symbols can be provided to moderates and hu- – This is the surest indicator of we have seen in Palestine. Again there ture, and dehumanised. In order to be legally banned. Without wide- man rights groups. The assets of further genocidal massacres. The was significant disagreement between prevent further cases of genocide we spread cultural support, how- extremists should be seized and perpetuators hide the evidence Mr. Koundarjian and Dr. Eltringham. need to have the courage to stand up ever, the banning of hate speech extremist governments should face in whatever way possible. They Dr. Eltringham rejected the idea of in- and identify prejudice and condemn it. can be ineffective. However, with sanctions. block investigations and contin- tervention as something that happens In the UK, the treatment of travellers support the denial of symboliza- ue to govern with force until they when the threat of violence arises. fulfill the first three stages of genocide. tion can be extremely effective. 6. Preparation are driven from power. Intervention, through the They are already socially excluded – Victims are identified and physi- moni- toring of (admittedly by choice) and one has to 3. Dehumanization cally seperated out from the rest of Prevention look no further than the Daily Mail for – The humanity of a group is society. They are confined to fam- – Certainly, by this stage, all that hate propaganda. The origins of geno- denied in order to overcome the ine-struck regions, sent to camps, can be done is to prosecute the cide are so small, that it is difficult to normal human revulsion against or forced into ghettos. perpetrators. The International believe that they need to be addressed. murder. Hate propaganda be- Criminal Court is appropriate for However, the well-documented path gins to appear in popular media. Prevention this function. The political will to to the Holocaust shows us that Comparisions with vermin and – A Genocide Emergency must be arrest and prosecute must exist. from small origins, human- insects are made. declared and international armed ity can move quickly to intervention should be prepared. http://www.genocidewatch. committing terrible Prevention Heavy assistance should be pro- org/8stages.htm violence. – Leaders should condemn the vided to the victim group and at
feel, at the event was contained within Dr. Smith placed the right of interven- nations must be before they have the the three questions regarding interven- tion in the hands of the U.N. Security right to intervene. Dr. Eltringham con- tion. The different speakers interpret- Council, stating that any international tradicted Dr. Smith’s statements most ed the right of intervention, and who intervention must be authorized by strongly. The U.N. in fact does not has it, differently. The question is by no the U.N. The other speakers disagreed have the right, under the U.N. charter, means trivial and concerns the tension to intervene in cases of genocide. The between the sovereignty of independ- U.N. is mandated to maintain interna- ent nations and humanity’s obligation “Respect human tional peace and security, he reminded to protect humans from abuse, vio- us. Therefore, internal issues (one of lence, and genocide. In 1999 and 2000, rights and you which may be genocide) are not within former Secretary-General Kofi Annan the authority of the U.N. or the Secu- encapsulated the problem by asking: avoid genocide” rity Council. Instead, Dr. Eltringham “… if humanitarian intervention is, argued, we must intervene through indeed, an unacceptable assault on with Dr. Smith’s assertion. Mr. Gorski the monitoring of human rights, spe- sovereignty, how should we respond to argued that any group of nations has cifically via the voluntary International a Rwanda, to a Srebrenica – to gross the right to intervene if the motivation Covention on the Elimination of All and systematic violations of human is to protect citizens; however, he con- Forms of Racial Discrimination. Sig- rights that affect every precept of our ceded that it was ambiguous and was natories to the convention have agreed common humanity?” unable to address how large a group of to monitoring, therefore the Conven- tion’s Committee have the authority to intervene. “Respect human rights and you avoid genocide”, he declared. How- Raphael Lemkin “the media and Raphael Lemkin spent much of his life trying to get ‘Genocide’, politicians only a term he coined from the greek ‘genos’ (family, tribe, or race) want to react to and the latin ‘cide’ (killing), rec- ognised. His first attempt to gain horror stories” recognition for the subject was in 1933 when he presented an ever, Dr. Eltringham failed to explain essay on the ‘Crime of Barbar- who has the right to intervene in the ity’ to the League of Nations. It case of non-signatories or when direct was not however until 1948 that military action is required. his ‘Crime of Barbarity’ was for- Although all signatories to the U.N. mally recognised in internation- Convention on the Prevention and al law. He died of a heart attack Punishment of the Crime of Genocide in 1959, in New York. Sadly, and have a duty to prevent genocide, the perhaps unfairly, his funeral was prevailing political wind is more likely only attended by seven people. to determine who has the ‘right’ to in- tervene. Mr. Koundarjian’s argument Felix Easter Eggstravaganza 2008 Welcome to Felix’s annual Eggstravaganza where, purely in the interests of research, we wolf down copious amounts of ovoid-shaped, chocolatey goodness to let you know which eggs are worth your cash this Easter
Thorntons Classic Collection Cadbury slighty more expensive than budget eggs
£4.99, Milk chocolate egg with 6 chocolates £1.99 each (BOGOF), Milk chocolate egg Shubber-de-do-wop: Tomo is a moron. This egg is not. with relevant chocolate product streboR: The egg is a bit sickly but the extras aren’t bad. Hobag: What I imagine chocolate-coated love tastes Hobag: Like a medium rate whore: gets the like. job done well but you still hate yourself for Hannah-backwards: Horrible. enjoying it. Yu: Egg tastes good, extras aren’t too shabby Fonzie: Agreed with Hobag. Better after- either. taste though. The Paw: If Van Gogh made chocolate, this Not-Casey-Affleck: Standard issue. The wouldn’t be it. This is too good. control eggs. Egg: ★★★✩✩ Egg: ★★★★✩ Extras:★★✩✩✩ Extras: ★★★★✩ Value: ★★★✩✩ Value: ★★★★✩
Duc d’O Burnt Sugar (Fairtrade)
£9.99, Belgian milk chocolate egg with box of belgian £3.49, Milk chocolate and honeycomb egg. No extras. truffles The Paw: Tastes like it came out of a hippo’s arse Shubber-de-do-wop: I want to have sex now. Mckizzle: Screw the hippies, this Fairtrade chocolate Mckizzle: That’s good shit! tastes like crap! Where are my extras dammit?! Fonzie: Premium chocolate gets you premium chicks. streboR: The name is not its selling point and neither is Not-Casey-Affleck: Solid performance but diamond the grit-infused chocolate they palm off as an egg. price. Slight Mars Bar after taste to truffles [Objection!!! Hobag: I like this egg like I like to converse with your lab – Ed]. partner... The Poon: Not worth the money. Hannah-backwards: Like the name, hate the chocolate.
Egg: ★★★✩✩ Egg: ★✩✩✩✩ Extras: ★★★★★ Extras: ✩✩✩✩✩ Value: ★★✩✩✩ Value: ★✩✩✩✩
Baileys Lindt Lindor (Mixed Chocolates)
£4.98, Milk chocolate egg with Irish Cream £4.49, Milk chocolate egg with Lindt mini-eggs. chocolates The Paw: As sweet as the love your mum and I made Not-Casey-Affleck: Nice egg but the truffles let it down. last night. If you want Easter booze, wash your egg down with a Mckizzle: Lovely stuff! lager and not this liqueur shit. Hobag: I want to procreate with this egg and the con- Fonzie: I’m gonna go right ahead and disagree with sume all of my chocolatey offspring. Casey. The booze rounds off the package perfectly like streboR: Really terrific. stockings on a gorgeous blonde. Not-Casey-Affleck: It’s Lindt. You know the drill... Hannah-backwards: Mmm, I drink Baileys for breakfast. The Poon: Wouldn’t expect anything less than heavenly.
Egg: ★★★★★ Egg: ★★★★✩ Extras: ★★★✩✩ Extras: ★★★★✩ Value: ★★★★✩ Value: ★★★★✩
Please give generously to the ‘Felix Needs A New Camera’ fund Guylian Sainsbury’s Equatorials Eggs
2007 Champion. £4.99, Milk chocolate egg with box of £5.99, Three eggs with chocolate Guylian sea-shells from Costa Rice, Venezuala & Papua New Guinea. No extras. Fonzie: A classic! A king egg amongst peasant eggs. Shubber-de-do-wop: Hmm. Not as good as Thorntons. McKizzle: Silly name. Silly packag- Sinclair: Good egg. After eating so much chocolate I feel like ing. Silly, silly silly. I’m going to throw up, but I don’t blame the egg. Dan-The-Wan-And-On- streboR: Still the King as far as I’m ly: 3 eggs. 1 stupid concerned. box. 3 eggs shaped Not-Casey-Affleck: Protest vote like bits of shit. Nuff said. against the incumbent! It’s good, Yu: Gross. but let’s open up the field by Fonzie: Wannabe pseudo-Fairtrade punishing this lack of origi- piece of shite. Rank aftertaste too. nality. Plus, who thought of chocolate molluscs? Egg: ★✩✩✩✩ Champion Extras: ✩✩✩✩✩ 2008 Egg: ★★★★✩ Value: ★✩✩✩✩ Extras: ★★★★★ Value: ★★★★★
Sainsbury’s Free From (Dairy/ Nestle Mid-range eggs Gluten/Wheat free) £3.99, Milk chocolate egg with relevant chocolate £3.99, Plain chocolate egg with plain chocolate products and a mug. droplets. Sinclair: Filthy ghetto chocolate. Poor show. Skeeter: I like the wrapping but there should be a Fonzie: Disappointing, violent, hurtful. Or something. toy... inside... I feel... a bit... sick. The mug is appreciated though. streboR: Tastes surprisingly close to chocolate even Mckizzle: “Eat me!” it shouted. I did. though it’s made of cardboard and my dad’s freshly The Paw: Predictably tasty but the Yorkie shaved-off stubble. lacks the meaty taste of the bar. Yu: Not bad but nothing special. Little Man Az: Chocolatey but too Not-Casey-Affleck: Free from everything sweet. My throat hurts now! including taste. Hannah-backwards: Nestle chocolate Dan-The-Wan-And-Only: Bit plain. That’s tastes almost as bad as Cadburys. probably why it’s called a plain chocolate egg... Egg: ★✩✩✩✩ Extras: ★★★✩✩ Egg: ★★✩✩✩ Value: ★★✩✩✩ Extras: ★★✩✩✩ Value: ★★★✩✩ Peasant eggs Lily O’Brien
£1.49 each, Eggs relevant to the brand £4.98, Belgian milk chocolate egg with sticky toffee with equally relevant single extra chocolates item.
streboR: The fuck. This chocolate tastes tinged with Hobag: Full of despair like Sheffield in the Devil’s seed. Lily O’Brien should go back to cook- the Winter. ery. Or whatever. streboR: Milkybar... as safe as houses. Mckizzle: Lily O’Great! The Paw: Why would you bother? Shubber-de-do-wop: I’m going to hunt Not-Casey-Affleck: I wouldn’t be seen down Lily O’Brien and give her a hug. dead on a cross eating these eggs. Hobag: As rich as half of the Imperial Hannah-backwards: As soggy as a student population. granny’s underwear! One for the The Paw: Tastes like pubie salad with grandchildren you don’t see too Seth’s own dressing! often. The Poon: The toffees aren’t sticky at The Poon: Very sweet. I couldn’t all. Misleading packaging... tut. eat an entire egg in one go.
Egg: ★★★✩✩ Egg: ★★✩✩✩ Extras: ★★★★✩ Extras: ★★✩✩✩ Value: ★★★✩✩ Value: ★★★✩✩ unionpage
SummerImperial College London Ball 2008 21.06.2008
Imperial College London’s Summer Ball is the largest student ball in London and this year’s ball will be our biggest, most lavish an takes place across our South Kensington Campus and is attended by over 3,0
With great acts and DJs, a formal dinner, fi reworks, a funfair, a casino, marquees, light shows and more; the Summer Ball 2008 is th 600 seated dinner always sell out fast, so organise your friends and book yours
Why not take advantage of our special advance tick prices which are being held until 19 March 2008? President’s Update Higher Education Funding 14th May. If there are any of your Survey Prize Winners lecturers or tutors Earlier in the term hundreds of you took part who you feel in a survey about the role of Universities are deserving of in society and how they should be funded. this recognition This week the Deputy President (Education drop me an and Welfare), the Felix Editor and I drew the email and I will winning students with a little help from an talk you through Stephen Brown online random number generator. the nominations President process. [email protected] The winners are: First Prize: Jennifer Van Griethuysen Return Tickets to Paris for two on the Eurostar Easter Carnival this Second Prize: Danielle Rozycka Wednesday Two West End Theatre and Dinner Vouchers It’s Carnival time again! What better way to Third Prize: Elizabeth Williams end the term than a great party at the Union? Two Open Dated Thorpe Park Tickets We are joined by T4’s Alexa Chung back from Fourth Prize: Jérémie Mercier her great Centenary Ball appearance. We also A Crystal Experience Gift Voucher have a giant slide in the Quad which is sure Thank you to everyone who participated in to be an unforgettable part of the evening! this exercise. The results of the survey have been synthesised and discussed at length by All this for only £4, that’s half the price of our several of your elected representatives and usual end-of-term parties! Tickets are online the fi nal policy document will be discussed now, see you there. and amended for the last time at Union Council which is taking place on Monday London Nightline survey evening in the Union Dining Hall. Imperial London Nightline, a charity run by students College Union’s new draft policy on higher for students and supported by Imperial education funding is now available on the College Union is doing a survey to develop meetings pages of the Union website and if their service. you are keen to contribute to the debate on Monday evening then please come along for The survey will only take a few minutes to a 6.30pm start. complete and there is a prize draw at the end! Your help would be greatly appreciated Excellence in Teaching Awards and would ensure we can make Nightline The College’s Awards for Excellence in better for all students in London and the Teaching and Teaching Fellowship scheme surrounding areas. is an annual exercise that is used to raise the profi le of teaching in the College. To access the survey, please goto: 2008 Nominations for this close on Wednesday www.imperialcollegeunion.org/latestsurvey SummerImperial College London Ball 2008 Special Advance Ticket Prices End Last Day-Of-Term nd exciting yet! Tickets are already on sale for the evening which March 19 2008, 14:00 000 revellers. he not-to-miss event of Imperial’s calendar. Tickets for our formal Entertainments Only elves a table! ket from £25 £30 March 19 at 14:00 Dinner & Entertainments
from £50 £55 March 19 at 14:00
info and tickets at imperialcollegeunion.org/summerball 16 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Culture & Arts Editors – Rosie Grayburn, Caz Knight, David Paw and Emily Wilson Budding culture vulture? Write for us. The Arts [email protected] Symphonies for beginners Francesca Buckland postpones her knitting to revel in the ICSO’s aural candy
hough there are many ping is well underway during classical was absolutely amazing. My partner sinister motif from Frère Jacques. This people that consider concerts so you can be sure you aren’t said he swayed too much, but I think is praise indeed coming from a person David Paw themselves aficionados clapping in between movements and someone with that talent may sway (al- who admits freely to being bored by Arts Editor of classical music, I am embarrassing yourself). beit pretentiously) when they play the classical music, particularly the qui- T not one of them. And yet, The concert opened with a rendi- piano and, besides, he was just jealous eter and slower bits. However, the last o it’s been a hectic week in ICSO’s performance on Friday, con- tion of Wagner’s Prelude to Tristan & because after 7 years of lessons his pi- movement was akin to the last Lord of the Felix offices. A couple ducted by Richard Dickins, convinced Isolde. This piece is quite short, and ano talents only extend to a shaky ren- the Rings film; it ended a few times too of months ago a friend and me you don’t have to have a diploma I must admit I knitted throughout (I dition of The Entertainer. I was capti- many. Despite this, the actual finale I were discussing student on the cor anglais to enjoy an evening am knitting my boyfriend a snood), vated by this piece for the whole three was rousing and buoyant. S media, and came to the com- of classical music. but the cello section particularly stood movements and had to put down my Overall, the concert was extremely mon conclusion that the arts are re- A top tip for the uninitiated classical out. The programme reliably informs knitting to concentrate. I only wish I good. I found that ICSO chose slightly garded with some degree of incredulity enthusiast is to purchase a programme; me that they are ‘answering a question were sitting on the other side of the hall more discordant pieces than Sinfoniet- at Imperial. worth it not only for the insightful tid- posed by the short motif’. However, I so that I could see him actually playing. ta earlier in the week, perhaps making The mindset is understandable. bits of information about the music, cannot verify this statement. The ten- The first movement had a lovely sultry them less easy on the untrained ear, but When you’re crunching the numbers but also as a tool to relieve boredom as sion in my knitting remained roughly jazz feel to it, and was my favourite as the quality of the playing was absolute- and spending days in the lab without you reach the end of a particularly long constant. (It is perfectly acceptable, by I’m rather partial to a bit of jazz. ly fabulous. After much consideration, seeing sunlight, who has time for the movement (I know I said I’m not the the way, to knit or write poetry in clas- After the interval, the audience was I decided to award the best-dressed fuss of art? I had spoken to Tom, our type to use technical terms. For those sical music concerts, as long as noise is treated to a rendition of Mahler’s Sym- section award to the second group of editor, about Phoenix a couple of weeks unacquainted, a movement is a sec- kept to a minimum. You should let the phony no.1 in D major. Despite the violins, after one of them spent the earlier, asking what had happened to tion of the music; these are separated music “wash over you”). length, which may have put some ama- best part of the second half trying to the issue that had never been released. by silences during which it is vitally The second piece was undoubtedly teur classical music fans off, this per- untangle a beautiful earring from her Incomplete, I was told. important that you don’t clap. As a my favourite: Piano Concerto in G Ma- formance was quite moving, particu- violin. Classical music is always full of My friend and I moved on to this rule of thumb, always wait until clap- jor (Ravel). The pianist Charles Owen larly the third movement featuring a drama. topic. He then expressed interest in reprising the title, but only on the con- dition that I was on board. Of course, I agreed enthusiastically, and so the wheels were set in motion. Two months of phone calls, emails and nights staring at monitors and reading and re-reading masses of po- ems and short stories and we were good to go. Myself and a new team had picked our favourites of the writ- ing that had been sent to us, and ap- proached known favourites to allow them to get some exposure and share the love. We worked on the layout together, bickered over covers and decided the best path forward for the title, and the experience was completely liberating from the creative shackles that such a science-focused environment can im- pose. We all loved working on it, and love the finished product. It doesn’t look like any Phoenix that has come before. We weren’t trying to be controversial or draw criticism. We wanted to produce something that was fun to read, fun to look at and some- thing that would add some zest and zap into the college’s roster of (admit- tedly already impressive) publications. We drew our influences from a wide range of sources - we loved the content of The New Yorker, the irreverence of New York Magazine, the manic design of Zembla and the clean shapes of Surface and i-D. The product is a sort of crossroads of these multitudinous influences but we don’t think it’s too incoherent. We won’t put a picture of Bjork in face paint and feathers on the cover. Promise. What hit me the most when research- ing the design was the sheer number of magazines available. Even disregarding the number of titles in the mainstream press, there are still an incredible number of smaller titles with dedi- cated followings. What also struck me was the sheer volume of talented writ- ers out there; even with the number of titles available in print, there are still an awful lot of good writers out there who go unrecognised. Phoenix aims to sup- port these writers and provide a crea- tive platform within the college. There’s a lot to be inspired by out there. The first issue of the relaunched, reimagined and redesigned 21st cen- tury Phoenix will be here on the first issue of the new summer term. We couldn’t decide whether Fran’s article was about knitting or music. We had a fight. Shit got broken. I don’t know how this picture got here Friday 14 March 2008 felix 17 [email protected] Arts Plush, posh and decadent in WC2 Where does a girl go to find jaw-dropping culture amidst the carnage of Oxford Street? Rosie Grayburn visits the gemlike Wallace Collection in Manchester Square for her weekly dose of gallery enlightenment
o you’re walking down Ox- until you start to look a bit suspicious. is the only thing that makes this inter- She sports a humongous lace collar found quite amusing was the variety ford Street and you suddenly Small paintings line the wall and the esting, as the art isn’t particularly fine. and she is getting her serious Belgian in the styles of portrait… there were have a revelation: “Right! I subjects are amusing and varied if you Apart from those ‘soap opera’ paint- bling on as she carries a massive chain two styles. Half the portrayed girls had have had enough of spend- care to look, and they remind me of ings of everyday life, there are multiple around her waist. Unfortunately for buttons done up to the neck or had de- S ing not a lot of money on scenes you can imagine coming alive paintings of mythological scenes like her, this is probably a chastity belt. mure dresses on. They were the wives clothes made by children: I am going as if the place were Hogwarts. There those where Gods lie around in the There are several Rembrandts in the or the betrothed. The other half had no to get out of here!” So you take a left are assassins waiting for their prey, a Dutch countryside with their animal Great Gallery. I hadn’t seen a Rem- top on or had a cheeky nipple poking after Selfridges and find yourself in Roman feast, a circumcision ceremony friends while other lesser Gods suckle brandt in real life before and there is out. These were the mistresses. Those Manchester Square. On the other side and some cows munching placidly on goats. Those divine beings are weird. a serious wow-factor when you really 17th Century soldiers had invented an of the square sits a huge, regency town some tasty grass. These paintings are I am very, very happy when we finally look closely. The detail on the fabrics equivalent of dirty magazines to take house. You know the sort: they appear the calm before the storm as the up- reach the Great Gallery as I find there he paints is remarkable! Another fa- to war! in period dramas and contain ladies stairs galleries showcase room upon are about three Velazquez paintings in mous face in this gallery is that Laugh- I skipped one room full of cityscapes. sipping Darjeeling in pristine white room of Dutch Landscapes and well- one corner! Unfortunately they are not ing Cavalier – you would immediately Although it was probably historically dresses. This is the Wallace Collection known masterpieces. originals, even though they are from recognize it if you saw it. His face is so interesting I wasn’t going to waste my and it is very cool. Into the bright first gallery upstairs his studio. This means that he or one real – it could be a photograph -, and time looking at the renaissance equiva- Hereford House was owned by the you are greeted with the aforemen- of his minions made more than one of he looked as though if I’d cracked one lent of a postcard of Piccadilly Circus. 1st four Marquises of Hereford and was tioned Dutch Landscapes. Inside the the paintings when they were found to of my many witty jokes he would have The room called ‘The Boudoir’ was my one of their main townhouses in Lon- wide country scenes of fields or ocean be popular. I would recommend the thrown back his head and roared with favourite as all the portraits had really don. The Wallace Collection presents the little vignettes around the canvass- booklets that are available in the Great laughter! unusual facial expressions and there the art, furniture and artefacts collect- es make you spend more time look- Gallery as they tell you interesting On leaving the Great Gallery you was a really cool writing desk which ed over 4 generations of this family. I ing at them than you probably should. snippets of info about each painting. enter a room of miniature portraits. had secret compartments hidden be- think Marquises are far more decadent There are women gossiping about the With regard to The Lady with a Fan, They’re fascinating in the way they are hind dummy book covers so you could than Earls. If Earl Grey was a stuffy men, men perving on the women, the they mention that she had a scandal- like ours that we would perhaps keep store the portrait of your mistress and old man like Twinings portray him, dog taking a piss on someone’s proper- ously low neckline for Spanish women in our wallet of our boyfriends or girl- other things from your wife. Another then the Marquis of Hereford was his ty and shepherds making the sexytime of that time, which meant she was friends. I guess soldiers commissioned interesting artefact in this room was the younger, more exciting distant cousin with shepherdesses. These (apparently) probably French… them to be painted of their sweet- poster advertising a sale of all furniture who travelled the globe and courted show everyday life in the 1700s, which I loved the Portrait of a Flemish Lady. hearts if they were off to war. What I and paintings from the Petit Trianon lots of exotic females. This is certainly chateau. The Petit Trianon was built in the impression I get from their collec- the grounds of Versailles for the King’s tion here. Visiting the Wallace Collec- mistress Madame de Pompadour. It tion is not like visiting any ordinary was given to Queen Marie Antoinette gallery in London – it is a mini palace! after that. You know the story. So all In the downstairs rooms, extravagant her indulgent belongings in this ‘mini’ musical clocks overlook every expen- palace were being sold off - Marie An- sive fireplace and chime on the hour to toinette had no use for them anymore, the tune of a 17th Century smash hit. as the guillotine had unfortunately re- Eat your heart out, Chris Moyles at moved her head. Boo. Breakfast: these guys had Mozart’s lat- Hidden away downstairs under the est hit to wake them up in the morning restaurant is a small exhibition room with tinkling ivory and solid gold! which is currently playing host to an Downstairs you find the 17th cen- exhibition called ‘Masterpieces from tury galleries. I loved the portrait of the Louvre’. It is a grand name for a the Earl of Leicester. He was clearly very tiny exhibition. It’s like calling rolling in it, wearing a beautiful orange your pet hamster ‘King Louis XIV’ beaded jacket. Unfortunately, the art- or your hole of a flat ‘The Mansion’. ist probably didn’t like him very much I had imagined at least a ‘Great Gal- and had spitefully included a huge, lery’ sized exhibition space to display hairy mole on the side of the Earl’s face these ‘Masterpieces’, but instead there with wonderful detail for each hair. was one well-known painting and a Other highlights in this gallery are the studio copy of a well known Velazquez Chinese sceptres made in the form of painting in a room filled with generic a sacred fungus and the painting An French School outputs. The exhibition Allegory of True Love. This brightly- is a small fraction of a much larger col- coloured piece showed a group of jo- lection in the Louvre which belonged vial people sitting in the countryside to Louis La Caze, an art collector and having a picnic. However, this was no a contemporary of Sir Wallace. For the ordinary picnic. Some of the ladies Wallace collection it is a big deal hav- present had pulled down their dresses ing this association with such an im- and were putting off some of the men portant organization as the Louvre but from eating by exposing their boobies it really isn’t a big deal for anyone visit- and pinching their own pert nipples. I ing it. Stick to the café upstairs. could definitely see some true love in Now that is a big deal. My tummy the men’s eyes but I still don’t under- likes the Wallace Restaurant. Thank- stand the title of the piece. fully someone else paid - it is very The Treasure of the Month was pricey but very, very yummy. It’s popu- housed in a glass case at the back of lar with fancy-looking ladies who lunch the 17th century gallery. It is a Bohe- and there was a huge waiting list for a mian Welcome Glass, or a willkomm table. You couldn’t have expected any- humpen. All glasses should be made thing less from the Wallace Collection like this. It holds about 2 pints and is really – you sit on grand wrought-iron engraved with a kind of user guide. The seats and sip delicate tea and munch on diagrams on the glass are segmented dainty cakes or exquisite light lunches. into categories of revelry and overin- The Wallace Collection is a good af- dulgence. Gothic inscriptions around ternoon’s entertainment sorted, after the edge translate as ‘‘Lift me up, drink you’ve done the galleries, café, lovely me up, set me down, fill me again and loos and the shop. Next time you’re on bring me a good brother again” which Oxford Street, spare a thought for the refers to the tradition of passing the Wallace Collection just tucked away humpen to another guest to down. behind the bustling crowds. It’s a real Sounds like your average night at the piece of heaven away from the chaos union. This allegory also extends to the outside. ‘overindulgence’ section of the glass where you see a youth vomiting vio- Masterpieces from Le Louvre: The lently on a tree. He obviously had too Collection of Louis La Caze is on much humpen. until 8th May. Admission is free On leaving the Smoking Room, you throughout, but expect to pay ascend some dark winding stairs that through the nose for a postcard are worth hanging around on, at least I was inclined to focus more on the restaurant part of the piece but the Ed wasn’t having it. Tosser or a cuppa! 18 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Arts [email protected] Attention – For Your Eyes Only Indie style in a West End production? Lucy Harrold explores the complex world of The Viewing Room
aniel Joshua Rubin’s a typical flat not dissimilar to those we set in any time period, this leads to claustrophobic play The live in. There’s a pull-out futon, a little some small plot points being lost like Viewing Room is the first kitchen area, the usual. There were also whenever the couple leave the house, West End outing of writ- video screens either side of the main they are wearing gas masks. It is never D ing company Practicum stage. These were used to great effect fully explained why the gas masks are Theatre, and has just started at the Arts providing continuous coverage of the needed. A smog of some sort is men- Theatre. The theatre is really close to stage in pseudo-Big Brother fashion. tioned somewhere in the play but only Leicester Square; if you can find Cran- The television screens also provided as a throwaway remark. I don’t know bourn Street, you can find it. At the all of the sound effects for the play. whether the writer has chosen to leave moment it will also be surrounded by This seemed like a good idea at first. out much of the exposition as a way of small geeky people trying to procure However, I was sitting right in front moving the plot along, or to let the au- Leonard Roberts’ autograph – but of one of the screens and so just got dience think for themselves. more on this later. The theatre itself is blasted with one earful of sound with The play, as expected, explores the kind of cute, sandwiched next to the nothing in the other ear. But just as I relationship between the couple and photographer’s gallery (which I was re- was finishing reading the programme, this new prisoner. But it also explores ally tempted to visit but didn’t have the I looked up to find a huge cage plonked the relationship between an ordinary time). Inside you’ll find a theatre that in the middle of the stage. Well, that’ll couple in extraordinary circumstances, doesn’t really suit the West End. The teach me to pay attention. The cage is and the relationship between ordinary lobby and bar are modern, and there the focal point of both the stage and the people and the government. I can’t tell are only two entrances to the theatre play, containing almost a negative mir- you too much about the storyline as – the mezzanine and stalls - making it ror image of the outside of the cage. the play is full of plot twists that you tiny in proportion to the nearby Palace Inside is a black man accused of a could never guess (the one at the end theatre where Les Miserables is play- crime he is adamant he did not com- was a real shock, but also led to a funny ing, or the Cambridge theatre where mit. Outside are a white couple who scenario at curtain call). The audience Chicago is still going strong. Also, in a have chosen to have him in their home is lulled into a sense of security every departure from most West End thea- as part of their social service. This so- so often as you think that the three tres, you’re allowed to bring your drink cial service, the audience learns early characters are starting to get on, when into the auditorium, although you on, is something all people have to you’re suddenly ripped out of that re- might not want to for this play - given do because of an “ongoing war of our lationship by a new incident. The hus- the twists in the plot you might end up time”. band and wife could be seen to repre- with your beer in your lap! This added There are different ways people can sent two mindsets that we often have to the style of the play, making me feel do their community service, but the about new situations. At the start of more like I was attending an off-West couple choose this so that they can stay the play Brian, the husband, is an ideal- End production that could afford to at home. Unfortunately, the audience ist. He believes that whatever the gov- come to the West End because of its do not learn this until quite late on in ernment says must be correct – he is cast’s calibre. the play, and is one of the few prob- taken in by society. On the other hand, The set suggests that you’ll be in for a lems in the show. Exposition is seldom the wife (she has no name, which is an- nice, twee play about an urban couple - given and, although the play could be other comment on the role of women) is the dubious one. Of course, these opinions change rapidly throughout the story. James Flyn played Brian Walker, the husband; his transition from an en- thusiastic and loving husband at the beginning of the play to an almost psy- chotic all-obeying society drone by the end was seamless and rather disturb- ing. He was very adept at pushing the audiences’ buttons to make them em- pathise with his situation. Samantha Wright was equally impressive as “The Wife”. She brought a sense of realism and also depth to a role that at first could be perceived as the weak link in the writing. Although I think this is one of the writer’s tricks played on the audience, her character develops later to allow the audience to become sup- posedly comfortable with Brian and the prisoner. Of course most people will be coming to see this play as they have heard of Leonard Roberts. Rob- erts played DL Hawkins in the smash hit series Heroes (one of my favourite programs) and has also been in shows like Buffy (another one of my favour- ites, noticing a pattern?) and Smal- lville. I didn’t know what to expect of Don’t think her bloke’ll be best pleased... Roberts, as his on-screen persona has carved a niche from portraying strong, silent types. I found from the pro- like Christopher Biggins). The writer too much of the plot, the play linked gramme that he has quite an extensive of the play also happened to be sitting very well to present-day situations of US theatre career, which comforted my at the back of the theatre and piped up prisoners around the world who are previous apprehensions. Roberts took part way through, moving to the row given unfair trials due to the colour of what could have been quite a flat and in front of me (!!) to answer some of their skin, and because it is generally shallow role and gave it depth and hu- the questions, although he appeared to easier to throw them in prison. Both mility. His prisoner, although gruff and get a bit disheartened when he wasn’t the play and the later discussion also mean to some, actually had a sense of allowed to answer all of the questions. questioned the role of prison: whether humour, giving a glimpse of his former Themes from the play were discussed it is to punish, store or rehabilitate. self before prison. by both the panel and audience and left The play left you pondering which of The evening I attended was in aid of me with much to think about. these roles the situation in the play Amnesty International, as the themes The play brings up themes of pun- represented. This was really the think- of the play are very relevant to the ishing the collective for the mistakes ing (wo)man’s play, something rarely work Amnesty do concerning unjust of an individual (like when you were seen in the West End but which should imprisonment in places such as Guan- at school and someone did something be encouraged and with concession tanamo Bay. As part of this, after the naughty yet you all had stay in for de- tickets at only £10, I suggest you all show was a short discussion given by tention - I’m still bitter about that). It see this worthwhile play. It might make the director, the cast and QC Michael also brought up our role in society and you take a look at your thoughts and Mansfield, a specialist in miscarriages our obedience under a surveillance- beliefs about the prison system and our Timmy waited tentatively for his bedtime story of justice (who I thought looked a bit obsessed society. Without giving away surveillance-blanketed society. Friday 14 March 2008 felix 19 [email protected] Arts Finally: the long and complicated plot of Les Miserables explained! In another Musical Theatre Weekly, Lucy Harrold reveals what those crazy French people are really up to
he book Les Miserables was written by Victor Hugo in 1862, gaining its reputation as a rather long T and difficult book. Jean- Michel Schönberg and Alan Boublil’s adaptation was first performed in Paris in 1981 and it bombed. Oh. Cameron Mackintosh, the producer of shows such as Cats and Starlight Express (generally all the big, British Eighties shows) thought Les Mis could work in the UK with a bit of tweaking. He brought it to the Battersea Arts Centre in 1985 and later to its present home, the Queens Theatre, where it is now the world’s longest running musical.
Plot
This is going to take a while - both the book and the show are notoriously long. As there is a book, again, you can’t tell me off for ruining the story. The show starts with Jean Valjean being re- leased on parole from the chain gang, having been imprisoned for the past 19 years. Once released he stays with a bishop, from whom he steals a pair of candlesticks (real clever, Valjean). He is nearly sent back to prison but is saved by the bishop, who lies for him. This incident will result in Valjean being chased throughout his life by Inspec- tor “stiff upper lip” Javert. Cut to eight years later and Jean Valjean is now a well-respected mayor and factory owner who happens upon a trouble- After a few nights on le razz, the lynch mob began to get a bit merry. Still, at least it’s not Phantom of the Opera maker in his factory - Fantine. She is thrown out and resorts to prostitution to pay for the upkeep of her daughter Valjean and Cosette decide to flee Paris do with his life, yearning for death. Cosette: Daughter of Fantine, adopted after the revolution! (Cosette). Cosette is being ‘looked af- to escape the fighting, leaving Marius Everyone (including the dead people) daughter of Valjean, lover of Marius ter’ by the Thernardiers, a rather nasty to mourn his lost love whilst Eponine promptly return for a good old sing- Songs to listen out for inn-keeper and his wife who dote upon attempts to flirt with him. Both Marius song and some more marching. Marius: The heartthrob of Les Mis, their own daughter Eponine whilst and Javert join the student rebellion. friends with the leader of the student One Day More: You may have noticed ill-treating Cosette. Fantine eventu- End of Act One (phew, I told you it was Main Characters rebellion and going out with Cosette I love big contrapuntal numbers. This ally dies, leaving Cosette in the care of long). is one of the best. Valjean. Act Two starts with the students Jean Valjean: The story is seen through Eponine: Daughter of the Thernar- Nine years later and France has building a barricade (the classic sym- the eyes of this reformed prisoner who diers, spends most of the play skulking On My Own: Here’s another song for changed due to their one decent leader bol of Les Mis) against the authori- acts as Cosette’s guardian around Paris in a large overcoat and you to belt out when your flatmates are dying (careless?!). A student revolu- ties. Cue a bit of a fight. Lots of peo- lusting after Marius. elsewhere. tion is about to begin led by Enjolras ple die, including some big characters Javert: Jean Valjean’s nemesis and the and Marius, a lovesick young man who and Valjean, who has joined the fight, policeman who arrested Jean Valjean Thernardiers: Owners of the local Empty Chairs at Empty Tables: A fancies Cosette (who is now rich and has to carry a wounded Marius away originally. pub where they make Cosette work as beautiful yet tragic song that has been boring). Unfortunately, Eponine also from the scene. Marius does not die a child in exchange for “looking after” used as a symbol for the AIDS struggle fancies Marius and hence the usual (hooray!) and instead marries Cosette, Fantine: Mother to Cosette - dies pret- her. Parents to Eponine, who is doted among gay men (listen to the lyrics and musical theatre love triangle ensues. leaving Valjean with nothing more to ty early on in the play upon by them, oh how the tables turn you’ll understand).
I want it now!
Les Miserables is still on in London at the Queens Theatre with day/stu- dent tickets (where you buy them on the day from the box office) starting at £17.50. If you don’t fancy spending your Wednesday afternoon off at the theatre, the 10th Anniversary Concert DVD is available. There are also two different copies of the CD in the library (so go get them now!).
Like it? Try...
I was going to offer you Urinetown, my favourite musical ever, that parodies Les Mis massively, but there’s no way for you to find out about it, so I’ll give you an alternative: Phantom of the Opera- OK, I person- ally hate this show. But it’s another long running West End “Supermusical”, also produced by Cameron Mackintosh and with the same grand bravado as Les Miserables. Just another day on the mean streets of Putney We like France. Please resist the urge to be xenophobic. 20 felix Friday 14 March 2008 Friday 14 March 2008 felix 21
Arts [email protected] [email protected] Arts The Great Culture Crawl Written by Rosie Grayburn, designed by Rosie Grayburn Chapter Nine – Easter Frolicking!
Estorick Collection, Islington Get into the spirit of spring by visiting a specialist Modern Italian art gallery. Described as “The best way to spend an afternoon in North London” this small gallery inhabits a beautiful Georgian house and contains 6 smashing galleries, a bookshop (hurrah!) and a café overlooking a beautiful garden (yummy in my tummy). Sounds divine. Viva Lolita@Maddox Arts, Oxford Check out www.estorickcollection.com which details current exhibitions. You thought it couldn’t get any better? It’s free for students too! [Editor makes groaning sound of pleasure] Street
This new exhibition, curated by James Putnam (former curator of the British Museum), is central to a new business scheme for the art and music industries. Toni Castells, a music technology lecturer here at Imperial, will be selling his new CD and with it you will buy shares in a painting! There are only 100 CDs available, each costing £50 and one will buy you 1% ownership in a painting by Edvard Braanaas. A piece of art has never sold like this before. It should be interesting to see how that experiment works. In the mean time, go and see the exhibition because it looks dead cool like.
Amazing Rare Things, Buckingham Palace
‘The Queen gets out her Natural History’ should be the title of this exhibition. With the help of Sir Dave Attenborough, Queenie managed to pick out the best paintings and artefacts from the Royal Library which show how artists managed to help us shape our knowledge of the natural world. The exhibition includes pieces by Leo da Vinci and 3 other influential artists of that era. They chart the discovery of strange, new species and document the fascination of all things beautiful and bizarre in nature. This will be of great inter- est to you Medics and Biologists and other curious souls. Check it out. Admission is £7.50 for students but that gets you access to the entire Queen’s Gallery, plus you get a royal audio guide. God save her Majesty!
Glass Gallery and Cast Courts, V&A If you normally only get as far as the shop or café in the V&A why not delve a little deeper, leaving behind the crowds of kiddies Listening Post, Science Museum bouncing around the Sculpture gallery. Turning right at the entrance you walk past the Japanese gallery and up some stairs into the upper galleries. You find a very different scene up here as you enter the cast courts and come across giant replicas of “I like panties… I like sex with animals”… This is the kind of thing you expect to come across when you Italian Renaissance architecture! It’s quite a shock to find such huge pieces in the V&A when you’re used to straining your eyes visit this amazing new piece of electronic art that has taken up residence on the 1st floor. The idea art- at miniatures. These galleries opened in 1873 as a workshop to replicate works of art such as Michelangelo’s David so that ist Ben Rubin had was to give the viewer a unique portrait of the internet by tapping into chat rooms students could study them without going all the way to Florence, Siena and Rome. and message boards across the net. These snippets of chatter are broadcast across a curtain of 231 tiny Further up the stairs is the fantastic Glass Gallery. You shouldn’t spend too long looking at the endless cabinets because screens which hangs from the ceiling. The words are accompanied by a soothing musical score and an they do get rather repetitive but the gallery itself is beautifully laid out and designed. The modern glasses are also well worth automated voice occasionally reading out the odd phrase: “I am horny”…. “I am Mexican”. a glance – it’s amazing how they can contort the material into those shapes! Handy interactive screens are at hand to demon- I sat there mesmerised for an hour as the 7 cycles took their course. Each cycle brings together differ- strate various glassmaking techniques. ent arrangements of aural and visual elements each with their own data processing logic. One cycle will A new exhibition arrives at the V&A on the 15th March – China Design Now. It proves to be quite an eye-opener. Watch just intercept “I am…” phrases from chat rooms whereas another intercepts 4 letter words. You sit on the this space in Felix Arts for a review… maybe you’ll be writing it for us! edge of your seat wondering what will come up next, and whether the children in the room will mind when the automated voice booms, “CUNT”. Varsityfelix sport special 2 Varsity Special Foreword: A rugby Contents and Imperial legend Hockey 4 Imperial College wins three out of the four hockey fixtures whilst drawing the Mens 2nds match. The Mens 1sts match finishes with a thrilling round of sudden death after believe that it is 40 years since I first the score stood at 2-2 after normal time. played for St. Mary’s. I still have a photo in my “bar” of Professor Poulter, me and the rest of the winning Sevens team … with hair and sideboards each! Football 6 2) In your opinion, how has the whole Varsity event developed? Imperial College Mens 1sts thrashes the Medicals, putting five past them. The 2nds There is a good healthy rivalry between fixture is tighter but IC proves the stronger the medics and the college students of the two teams. and it surely must be only a question of time before the college gains its first win!
3) What changes can you see hap- pening in the future? Lacrosse 7 I hope the fixture continues to grow Imperial College sends the Medicals flying and that the students show their sup- into the dust, winning 15-3. port in time-honoured fashion.
4) How does it feel to have your name sung with praise every time you come to the event?
Very nice to be remembered after spending all of twelve years at Mary’s. Didn’t actually take me all that time to Basketball 7 qualify: I was also houseman for six The Medicals came out on top in each of the months, anatomy demonstrator for a Netball fixtures, but the basketball results year, and a senior registrar for 3 years! were an entirely different story. IC thrashes ohn Peter Rhys Williams, known against New Zealand with a long-range the Medicals almost by 100 points in the universally as JPR Williams, the drop-goal and playing a major role in 5) How has the spirit of sport womens’ fixture. man after whom the Varsity the 1974 ‘invincible’ series against changed from your time at J South Africa. match is after, played rugby union Imperial? for Wales between 1969 and 1981. Whilst pursuing his medical career, He was also, apparently, a competent JPR Williams studied at St. Mary’s, The highest compliment is that the tennis player, but gave it up for the now one of the hospitals in the Imperi- spirit hasn’t changed, but that the lan- then-amateur game of rugby union in al College Medical School. It is because guage has deteriorated (especially from JPR Cup 8 order to pursue a career in medicine. of his great achievements, both at col- the girls!). Imperial Medicals narrowly win the big one, He quickly attracted attention and was lege and international rugby, that the the JPR Williams Cup, in extra time after consequently first capped by Wales in Varsity Match is named after him. 6) Is there enough emphasis on being stunned by an impressive Imperial 1969, aged 19. He went on to earn 55 Felix Sport asked the man himself sports in college, and schools in College 1sts team. caps for Wales and 8 for the British a few questions on his thoughts on general? Lions. the match, the day itself and sport in He had many high points in his ca- general. Probably not enough emphasis on reer, being a key player in a Welsh side team sports theses days. My old school that won Grand Slams in 1971, 1976, 1) How does it feel to have the still does well; my nephew Huw went and 1978, but is particularly remem- main rugby event named after straight from Brynteg into the Medics Netball 10 bered for his record against England; in you? side a few years ago. I am doing my best 10 tests between Wales and England he to nurture the Imperial/Mary’s team scored five tries and was never on the I am honoured to have the varsity ethos. Veteran squash doubles pairing Imperial Medicals come out on top in every losing side. He was also outstanding match named after me. It reminds me of Williams/Crofton is still undefeated one of the four Netball fixtures. The 1sts and for the Lions, winning the 1971 series of my medical school days. It’s hard to in Cardiff! 2nds matches go right to the wire but the IC 3rds and 4ths struggle to put up quite as much of a fight felix sport Varsity special Rugby 12 Friday 7/3/08 Only the women’s report, where they beat the Medicals 15 - 7. The Medicals beat both Imperial sides, with the 3rd team utterly Varsity was brought to you by: defeating Imperial 43 - 0
Sports Editor-in-Chief Editor’s little blog! Gore and Leena Bharadia for their Jovan Nedić help with securing an interview First of all, a quick thank you to with JPR Williams himself. Deputy Editor everyone that voted for me for Water Polo 12 Tom Roberts Felix Editor next year, I will not I must also thank all the people disappoint you! who actually wrote the match Imperial Medicals drowned out by the Copy Editors reports; if it weren’t for them, we unstoppable Imperial College team resulting Louise Etheridge So, as promised, here’s the Varsity would have just had a pull-out in a 10-1 thrashing. Tom Culley pull-out, containing all (or at least with pictures which, thinking about Anthony Maina everything I was given) the reports it, would have been a lot easier. Gilead Amit on the days’ events. In here you’ll Thanks also to the photographers Jesse Garman find a comprehensive report with who got the pics! pictures and player profiles for the Photography JPR Williams Cup. I wish I could Consider this a little memento of Photos 13 Dave Murray do one for every team, but as you the day and there will be one next Sally Longstaff can see, this thing is already 16 year. Hopefully with all the teams A selection of photos from the day, including Kris Till pages long! contributing to the pull-out. games held at Ethos, Harlington, and Iain Gillet Richmond. Spot the girls who foolishly took Thanks must go to everyone at Enjoy! photos of themselves on our camera! General helper Sport Imperial for making this as Alice Rowlands easy as possible, especially Nick Jov Varsity Special 3 Varsity Highlights The ACC’s view
Leena Bharadia matched their counterparts’ vocal ef- With an array of people at the game My last varsity has just been and Sport Imperial forts when the score was equal at half from players, students, College, and gone. No longer will I be able to time. The second half was even more Union staff, VIPs, guests, parents of compete alongside my fellow stu- Waking up last Wednesday morning, I thrilling with more nail-biting tension players, coaches, physios and medics, dents studying “proper” courses and felt the nerves kicking in and I wasn’t as Imperial were leading once again match officials, Sport Imperial staff, show the medics how to play sport even competing! with 19 points to 14 when lo and be- local residents, and anyone else who … still, I get the pleasure of sum- No matter how much planning you’ve hold, the Medics came back and scored decided to come along and watch, I felt ming up Varsity from an ACC point done or how many contingency plans a try resulting in the full time draw of very proud to see that everyone seemed of view. I am sure that the rest of this you’ve made, running the Varsity event 19 all. Great stuff! to be enjoying themselves. Every single pullout will be filled with relevant is as nerve-racking as competing in it. person there contributed to the amaz- banter and detail about how we man- I know just how important the Varsity 2. An Imperial player receiving the ing atmosphere on the night and par- aged to dominate most of the sports is for many students at Imperial and I Man of the Match award for the ticular acknowledgment must go to the and how rugby gave it their best shot feel nervous for all of them! I love look- first time very vocal supporters at both ends of but sadly came second once more. I gratitude I will swiftly get back to the ing back on the day and picking out my the stand. I am sure both teams appre- don’t have that much more to add, so true meaning of varsity, IC beating favourite bits. The results were in at the end of the ciated your efforts – we certainly did! I shall be brief. the medics in most sports, and the Looking back as one of the organis- match (finally) and yes the Medics won Whilst the rugby match is often good-humoured rivalry that festers ers, there wasn’t too much to worry for the sixth time but for the first time, 5. The Boy in the Golden Trousers seen as the main showpiece, with between our great sporting sides. about in the end and there were defi- JPR Williams awarded Man of the the crowds, the rector, the chants, This rivalry, whilst occasionally seen nitely more highlights than low lights. Match honour to an Imperial player I don’t know his name but he was and the big shiny cup you must re- as a negative thing, produces won- Here are my top five favourite bits of – hooker and kicker Alex Johnstone. there in his splendidly golden, shiny member the vast number of sports derful one-off performances when the JPR Williams Rugby match: Alex even got the opportunity to say a trousers supporting the Medics. He entering in the day’s competitions the club feels it matters; whether few words – not a normal occurrence. himself was very inoffensive and in- with each being a battle worth win- it is Mr. Nedic striking a catalogue 1. A draw at full time for the first Well done Alex! deed rather sweet. His trousers on ning. This is a huge credit not only pose in his undies whilst waiting time in Varsity history the other hand … I did actually bump to the vast range of facililties that we for replacement shorts on the side- 3. Felix Sports Editor Takes His into him the following day and as well have availible to us, but also to the line, the cool and collected head of What a game! I don’t think people Kit Off! as looking rather bashful and embar- wide range and dedicated sporting the hockey captain scoring a win- expected a draw – I know I certainly rassed when he recognised me he also student population we have. To host ning sudden death p-flick, or just a didn’t. Both sides deserve a lot of credit Felix Sports Editor and Imperial looked like he’d had a bit of a rough all these fixtures on a Wednesday af- thoroughly annoying gold-trousered for providing us with an incredibly en- prop, Jovan Nedic, publicly removed night. Thanks for the entertainment ternoon takes a tremendous amount “phoenix” prancing around the um- tertaining match to watch. It was ex- his shorts (after they split!) and, would our boy in the golden trousers. of organisation. Thanks must go pires … nobody can deny the special citing from the first minute and kept you believe, replaced them with a new out to every captain who has man- atmosphere a varsity day holds and us on the edge of our seats all the way pair! He was as speedy as possible but There were lots more great moments aged to field a team and those who that most definately is something to till the final whistle at full time and of we all saw it! It almost made up for not from the day and if I could mention work alongside coaching staff to build on and celebrate. course into extra time. having any streakers this year. them all I would! Thank you to all the produce teams we can be proud of. This just leaves me just to point The Imperial end of the stands went players and spectators for making the Also to those unsung heros without out again how we beat the medics in crazy when their side were leading 6 4. Having over 1000 people there event such a pleasure for the Sport Im- whom we would be lost at most fix- the majority of sports, and how all of points to 3 but then the Medics’ end perial team to organise! tures who ensure that the pitches/ the IC sportsmen should join us in courts are suitable and ready, and to celebrating this great achievement at those who coordinate the fixtures to the ACC Dinner on the 18th March, make sure a suitable programme and where we will be presenting our an- transport can be found. So a great nual sportsman and team of the year big thank you to everyone involved. awards as well as colours. Ask your Imperial College That’s sounding rather a lot like club captains for details. an Oscar acceptance speech, isn’t Mary Williamson vs it? Without wanting to lessen our ACC Vice-Chair Imperial Medicals ICSMU Clubs & 10 N e t b a l l 4 t h 15 17 N e t b a l l 3 r d 34 22 N e t b a l l 2 n d 24 Socs Officer 38 N e t b a l l 1 s t 42 Varsity – that annual extravaganza 5 S q u a s h M e n s 1 s t 0 of sport, booze, and banter which clearly shows us why the separation 5 S q u a s h M e n s 2 n d 0 of medic and non-medic clubs is one 0 Squash Womens 3 of the strongest aspects of Imperial, and so should never be touched! The 134 Basketball Mens 1st 55 provision of medic and non-medic clubs is a fantastic thing that is 96 Basketball Womens 1st 8 shared by us all; be in no doubt that we all would pay the price if it were 10 Waterpolo 1 ever to be changed! 6 Hockey Womens 1st 2 I don’t think there is anyone, even those hiding in the dark corners of 2 H o c k e y W o m e n s 2 n d 1 the Mechanical Engineering building who would not agree that this was 2 (5 on pens) H o c k e y M e n s 1 s t 2 (4 on pens) the best Varsity yet, one which I am 0 Hockey Mens 2nd 0 sure will set the standard for years to ICSM Netball led by Catherine At- come. The JPR Williams match was kin, and Imperial Medicals RFC led 15 L a c r o s s e M i x e d 3 probably the closest and most excit- by Ruiaridh Crawford, for the fan- ing yet, with Imperial proving that tastic achievement of winning a full 5 F o o t b a l l M e n s 1 s t 1 they fully deserved promotion to house in their respective sports. I am the BUSA Premiership, and a young, fully confident that next year we will 3 F o o t b a l l M e n s 2 n d 1 fresh-faced Imperial Medicals side see a rampant ICSM follow the lead 18 Rugby Womens 7s 5 scrapping to a nail-biting 22-19 vic- of Netball and Rugby to return and tory which puts them well on their win back the overall Varsity compe- 3 R u g b y M e n s 2 n d 13 way to making it 10 years in a row. tition, proving that quality is much I am delighted to see that the “love” better than quantity when it comes 0 R u g b y M e n s 3 r d 43 between medics and non-medics is to students! 8 Badminton Mens 1st 0 still flowing, and that in most sports Finally on behalf of ICSM I would the competition was tight, providing just like to thank all those involved 8 Badminton Mens 2nd 0 some excellent viewing. Through in what was another fantastic Var- grated teeth I must however con- sity day. In particular I would like to 19 R u g b y M e n s 1 s t 22 gratulate Imperial on winning the thank all those in Sport Imperial and overall Varsity day 13.5-8.5. ICU for all the hard work they put in I want to congratulate all those to ensure its continued success. 14.5OVERALL SCORE 8.5 teams that took part, in particular Guy Martin 4 Varsity Special Hockey 1sts play Varsity/ULU Cup final double header
scene, really, IC were incredibly awe- Hockey some with magical skill, eagle-eyed vi- Varsity sion, and masterful composure in pos- session. The medics cheated, fouled, Imperial Men’s 1st 2p and scabbed their way back from 2-0 Medicals Men’s 1st 2 down to draw level at 2-2 just minutes before the final whistle blew. Moments of note include Cornish crying off to Owen Connick the bench because he was knackered, Phoetus trying to take off by swinging With all the other IC teams playing his stick around above his head heli- their Varsity games on Wednesday copter style and nice-boy of nice-boys the Mens 1st team felt more than a lit- Nick Jones getting sin-binned twice in tle left out. Due to national BUSA cup one match. Watch out, ladies, he likes commitments up north in Sheffield it to get down on the turf and swing his was all we could do to make it back in tackle from behind. Dirty. time for the rugby at Richmond. And so it went to a penalty shoot-out. A good dose of Medic abuse therein Most went in, some missed, Joe didn’t and a very strong run of games in the really try. Sach livened it up by saun- BUSA cup meant that on arrival at tering up to the spot, waving kisses to Chiswick, IC were in confident mood. the crowd, and then he decided that he This game was to be played as a dou- didn’t even need to take his flick and ble-header with the victors taking not walked back. It even went to sudden only the Varsity crown but also the death p-flicks. I don’t even know how ULU Challenge cup trophy to boot. In because we really were leagues above fact, IC had three teams representing the Medics but we just sort of played in cup final games. them along for a while; it’s good sport The Mens 2s wrapped up their tie first you know. Alex momentarily parted despite the best efforts of Mrs. Fat-n- himself from his picnic basket and Slow and her husband umpiring. The with all the cheek of a young chimpan- Ladies 1st had a much harder time zee he pointed to the exact place where of it but made an excellent showing, he was to fire home his flick. Too easy. eventually losing out narrowly to GKT So then they missed, Crusty scored, in their cup final. Any disappointed and we won. faces were soon buoyed by Roxy who We collected our cup, our women, brought iced sponge cake and smiles and the medic’s pride and got back on aplenty. the coach to the half-price curry house. And so back to our game. Usual It’s really half price you know. All square between Medics and IC Captain’s Corner I thought that this year eningly forward yet effective runs from having as miraculous a game as Biggsy in the direction of the opposition goal. ICHC would Hockey left-back, linking well with Guff. They whose only balls-up was redeemed However, in the end no amount of run- have to put Varsity were creating chances, as were Dyke with the season’s wunder save. ning from Refugee (and there was a up more of a and Lovechild down the right. HeShe There were goalmouth scrambles at lot) could produce a goal and the IC fight to retain Imperial Men’s 2nd 0 and Blob were providing great link both ends with balls dribbling agonis- defence remained solid – even old man the Varsity Medicals Men’s 2nd 0 up play between midfield and attack ingly wide and being swept off the line. Featherlite broke a sweat. Ultimately, Cup, which has been drunk and Blob and Refugee both had great The last five minutes were manic with the result ensured IC retained the Var- from by IC legends while chances. two crazed sets of supporters scream- sity hockey trophy. Job done! generations of Medics have Harry Marshall However the medic’s keeper was ing every time the ball moved vaguely attempted to aspire to the IC god-like standard! The seemingly drab scoreline hides The Ladies’ 1st XI started what was probably one of the most out by annihilating the Medic exciting Varsity matches. There was Elite (6-2), the Ladies 2nd XI a brief delay to the start whilst a ram- snatched a narrow victory bling, crazed man, inexplicably dressed (2-1) and the Men’s 2nd XI (badly) as a golden chicken, was re- then decided that, after the moved from the pitch. Once the poul- demolition of the Ladies’ try was cleared the game could begin Medics, they had better leave – and what a game! some male compatriots to The first half was tight. Nugget, hav- pick up the pieces (a score- ing provided some excellent pre-match less draw it finished)! banter with the aid of a traffic cone, was The Men’s 1st XI complet- defending solidly. He was ably assisted ed their season with a win by Oedipus and Cheeky both playing against the Medics in the ULU out of position at defensive centre-mid cup final and were once again yet admirably filling Superpiss’s shoes. making sure ICHC were the Chances were being created at either owners of the Varsity Trophy. end with Dyke and Lovechild combing The Ladies 1st XI narrowly particularly well down the right wing missed out on a 4th succes- for IC. sive ULU Championship; how- In goal Biggsy, having just returned ever, the Men’s 2nd XI won it from a broken back after his parachute once again! Other highlights didn’t open sky-diving (no joke), was of the year include the Men’s on fire. It was still 0-0 at half-time 4th XI being promoted out of and the crowd was only getting big- the bottom ULU league and ger, more drunken and louder. Keeno the Men’s 3rd XI narrowly had finally arrived to provide extra missing out on promotion in firepower upfront. Surely a goal must both ULU and BUSA. come from somewhere? We hope to see you all at The second half was even more fre- Presidents Day 2008 netic as both sides searched for a goal. Jack Cornish The Beast started making some fright- Men’s 2nd teams competing for the ball Varsity Special 5 IC Women’s 1st dominate medics with style
Hockey Varsity
Imperial Women’s 1st 6 Medicals Women’s 1st 2
Francine Oddy
Wednesday, February 26 – the day of medic-bashing had finally arrived. The IC Ladies 1’s were out in force and proved too strong an opposition for the ICSM. The day kicked off with Preying Mantis turning up late, flirting her way onto the bus having still not bought her Varsity ticket. Moonie obviously had a lot of pent-up aggression, find- ing fault with the ACC transportation in her usual demure manner. Once at Harlington, the girls settled down into match-mode with Scotty-the-big-hot- tie handing out some inspiring chang- ing room chat. On the pitch, a poultry medic mas- Roxy Foulser-Piggott going for goal cot and a row of hideous scarlet cords sported by their Men’s 2’s on the side- line were not enough to distract the Moonie took advantage with another dodgy heart. A shortie goal finally got CBum was on its way when kicked by to 5-2. mighty IC Ladies. Some lovely play- classic reverse stick shot. To the med- through, bringing the scoreline to 2-1. a defender. Penalty Flick. Cue Womble, What better end to the most awaited making by Token Lezza and Shoko up ics’ credit they had their fair share of In typical spirit IC fought straight and a certain 3-1. After half-time IC game of the season, than for skipper JD the right wing led to an early goal from chances in the first half, but luckily back, with Kebab and Womble strong didn’t let up, with another goal apiece to score from mid-D into the bottom Malvinas in her deadly position on the MJ was completely on fire in goal. As as ever in defence feeding the ball up for Malvinas and Moonie. A deserved corner. An unsurprising MOM was the P-spot. she had pointed out before the game to T*tWan* where she hastily got a medic goal from a pretty great shot legendary MJ. 6-2 6-2 6-2: try again As ICSM heads dropped to the floor, – she had a dodgy shoulder, not a short corner. A cracking strike from into the top corner brought the score next year ICSM. Imperial women’s hockey take the early lead
the first half, pressurising us to play clearly didn’t like this, and took to in- awarded a penalty stroke (not entirely lessly attacking the D. At one point Hockey down the middle, causing Mala and juring players to take them out of the sure why, but we think it was because Mary confused everyone by hiding the Varsity captain Amanda to do a lot of run- game. Maria got hit on the hand and the ball was stopped on the line by a ball under her foot and when she finally ning. We had numerous chances, but it had to be taken off as she couldn’t hold foot, and as we all know that’s just decided to move Izzy had to launch in Imperial Women’s 1st 2 took about twenty minutes before we the stick. plain old cheating). Mala stepped up and steal it from the two medics lurk- Medicals Women’s 1st 1 opened the score. All the short corner This forced Maddie onto the pitch to take this, the pressure was on, and ing by the goal. However we weren’t practice finally paid off as Mala pushed for the rest of the game, whilst Maria some medic was whining about it, always so skillful and one of the medic out to Bella who scored with a beauti- took full advantage of the ice packs but she got told to pipe down. Unfor- scum struck on goal and it went in. The Fiona Jamieson ful strike on the goal. That quickly shut that turned up on the later buses. tunately the pressure got to Mala and first umpire awarded the goal. Mary up the medics, including their support However we fought on as a team and she missed, nearly giving me the heart and our entire defence contested the This year’s clash saw IC as the under- and especially the chicken that was some inspiring play let Mala feed the attack I was worried about. We had to discussion (it had clearly hit a medic’s dogs having played the medics twice running up and down the sideline. ball to Amanda who took the ball into hang on for just 10 minutes longer. foot on the way in) and the second um- this year in the league and losing one This not only calmed our nerves but the D and scored from open play. The IC were clearly tiring, and with Mar- pire was consulted, who disallowed the and drawing the other. The only thing proved to everyone that we were going nerves were all finally settling for IC ia injured, even though she claimed goal. That showed the medics that they left to do was to win what was prob- to put up a fight. The medics came back as we now took the lead. After a while she could go back on if we taped the couldn’t get away with cheating! ably our most important game of the hard and kept Mary awake, making longer, maybe 10 minutes, someone stick to her hand, we no longer had any The final whistle blew with IC victo- season. some awesome saves. Izzy played fan- was fouled inside the D, and IC were subs. ICSM capitalised on this, relent- rious yet again! Not only did 12 players manage to tastically with Sheena, working hard to make it to the union at 10 a.m. but we clear the ball away from our D, howev- also had a self-appointed team ‘manag- er just before half time we were strug- er’ (Fi) and our very own cheerleader gling and unfortunately let the medics (El). On the bus on our way to Har- claw one back. The half time whistle lington Alice C and El taught us chants blew shortly after, during a medic at- borrowed from the RSM to use against tack, and was warmly welcomed. the medics and we were slowly getting We were privileged enough to have ready for the match. To start the match half-time oranges (brought by Mary, we had our longest ever warm up and leaving Amanda to give hers to the La- looked like a team from the outset. dies 1s and Fi to give to the Mens 2s). However, as it was the first match of As team manager I muscled in on the the day, we were lacking support and half-time talk, praising all the fantas- unfortunately the medics had managed tic play, probably the best I’ve seen all to bring theirs with them on the early season, but reminded everyone of the coach. need to mark, especially as the medics ICSM won the toss and started the seemed to like their stick tackles, so we game off. It was clear from the start just had to keep hold of the ball for as that they were going to be using dirty long as possible. tactics as Maria was struck on the knee By this point the IC support had fi- and proceeded to roll around on the nally showed up, and the Mens 2s did floor. As we weren’t organised enough us proud, dishing out as much abuse as to stock up on ice, Alissa had to call the we had received in the first half. union to ask for some to be brought IC came out with a fighting spirit out on the later buses. However Maria and it was elegantly shown in the play. decided to man-up and continue play- We were working as a team, finally be- ing, much to Maddie’s delight on the ing able to use Jess and Carina on the sideline. I don’t really remember what wings as we were no longer forced happened from then on as I was too down the middle. This was aided by worried about what would happen, the chanting, through a traffic cone, whether I was going to have a heart at- directed at the medics, which included tack and what I would do when I finally “what are you hiding under your head- got my hands on the cup. So the fol- band” and “who ate all the pies”. Maybe lowing might not be very accurate. it was this encouraging support that ICSM managed to dominate play in led us to push on again. The medics Arabella Walker levitating, magic! 6 Varsity Special Football
Captain’s Corner Medics no match for Imperial’s finest
Another year sees another Football football varsi- Varsity ty retained at a canter. The Imperial Men’s 1st 5 Medics put up Medicals Men’s 1st 1 a good fight for 45 minutes of the 1st XI clash, but in the second half J. E. Rainbow class told and we turned on the style to score some excel- After deciding that the Fagel Medics lent goals and simulate exqui- were below their grade last year the site gunfire. The 2nd XI clash first team decided to humour the scum was treated with comical this year. Rumours of a silent confi- contempt with leavers from dence and a chance to get one over the the 3s, 4s, 5s, and 6s playing best team in London were on the lips and winning comfortably. A of the Medics. notable performance came Reports were circulating that the from 4th XI captain and cen- Medic Captain was seen collect- tre back Aubergine who was ing Disability Living Allowance just playing his first ever game as last week. IC Captain Pat ‘Chipmunk a goalkeeper. His only contri- Head’ Farr told his troops to give the bution was to watch the ball Fagel an early goal – rumours that Yet another Imperial goal going in bounce over his head and this was the result of a payoff from an into the goal. “Give the med- Iranian match-fixing syndicate are un- ics a chance,” he thought. J. confirmed. Nonetheless the wankers came, the DLA Medic Captain lost Martins ripped the medics to shreds see a proctologist if he kept slabberin’. E. Rainbow was sent off with- took the lead with a shanked shot off possession to “Shadow the Hedgehog” down the flanks. The unstoppable red Later questioned about the incident in 20 seconds of his 1st XI de- Torossian’s scrotum before agonisingly Howson, who calmly strolled through river flowed and the medics continued DaSilva responded, “I’d do it again”. but for general skulduggery. trickling through the lettuce wrists of and finished allowing the teams to en- to leak goals at the rear as the Irvinator Despite this, Martins placed the icing “It was worth it and I’ll do it “Whore”. ter the half level. completed his hat-trick either side of a on the cake with a well-finished goal. again” he muffled through his Despite this setback the ULU champs IC’s Skipper delivered a passionate Typhallus goal. The IC 1st team really Afterwards, the Medic winger who balaclava. showed little urgency and were con- team talk informing the lads that the started to take the piss when “Burkin- controversially switched allegiances at Congratulations to the 1st tent to keep possession and poke fun at earth needed to be warmed with the shark” passed the ball forward. the start of the year gave no comment XV rugby too, you actually how bollocks the opposition was. Sami sweet wine of Medic blood. Aulak, 4-1 signalled the entrance of Wel- about the game. made it competitive! The 1st Typhallus then began to exert his effi- whose blade is sharper than Rambo’s, lington DaSilva for his first team debut Jack “The Crane” Britton did not XI train rolls on to the Cup cient form of dominance administering was ready to dance, and dance he did. allowing Haugh a short stint up top. In break a sweat all game, and questioned Final this Saturday looking to fatal bouts of Bolivian SuperAids (The A four-goal second-half ensued with what was otherwise a good game for the validity of the competition, re- retain our trophy once more. Bad Type). Burkinshark’s first half per- utter dominance being stamped over the ref, he harshly red-carded DaSilva marking, “Maybe next year it would The trident is ready, the firm formance seemed subdued as he spent the face of the opposition. Things got in less than 10 seconds. Responding to be better if they played a Fagel IC team are armed: the trophy awaits. most of it on the phone to multiple embarrassing as ‘Fanny Batter’ Wil- remedial banter from a dirty stinking like Wye or RSM.” Sport Imperial may Garo Torrosian American rats. Despite the contempt son and ‘Benny Boy’ Payne pulled the Medic snout DaSilva politely informed be looking into the possibility of this as towards the game the equaliser quickly strings through the centre while “Ego” the individual that he would have to a more realistic varsity challenge. Rainbow shines as medics fall to Imperial 2nds
Nurses souls. The endeavour of the net. The team entered half-time some- Football midfield coupled with the energy in what subdued but confident of victory Varsity the forward line brought by the ‘White against the wank obstacle they found Lightning’-quick Rainbow and Swain before them. Captain Cunt instructed Imperial Men’s 2nd 3 resulted in the inevitable. The resist- us, “true heroes never die, they just Medicals Men’s 2nd 1 ance of the Medic back line swiftly reload,” and following some refresh- crumpled in a fashion reminiscent of ments from Master’s mum, the lads the British Army against the Irish Re- were ready to do some more damage. J. E. Rainbow publican movement; after good wide The second half proved to be an ex- work by “Kassabian the Turk” the ball hibition of complete control, the Med- As the IC football team rolled off the dropped to “The Frog” who duly deliv- ics rarely crossed the halfway line, with bus on a mild February day in West ered a lighting bolt right through the “Lobster” keeping their winger firmly London, the air was filled with the un- upper-90. between his pincers. Rainbow con- mistakable stench of IC Football vic- Rainbow proved to be a constant tinued to throw his weight around up tory. Not even the most optimistic of blade in the side of the Medic’s neck. top and was unlucky not to get on the the Medic Snouts could have predicted The IC backline on the contrary were end of some fine midfield play from a lucky draw; essentially they were be- relaxing, enjoying ice-cold brewskies Shaaz. Cue the introduction of 6th ing marched to their doom much like and drinking up their superiority over team giants Adrian “Bus Fornication” the Burmese army towards John Ram- the Medic McLovins. Despite their Doyle and “The Sex-Pest” Killer to fi- bo and a semi-automatic. The sweet dominance they couldn’t convert op- nally wipe this dog shit from our shoes. anti-British chimes of the Wolfetones portunities and the pressure to double Flamboyant work from Gui ‘The Fave- and continuous simulation of gunfire the advantage grew as the half drew la Bellshiner’ allowed him to swing a reduced the proverbial Medic pack- to a close. IC’s 2nd XI, however, live ball in for Killer to shank to Doyle who age to a floppy 2-incher and a pair of by the motto ‘When you’re pushed, sniped the ball goalward. mincy balls. scoring is as easy as breathing’ much The rest of the game was played out Pete Cunt’s selected team set out like killing someone, and when a deep at a canter with ‘Pink Taco’ penetrat- to ridicule the Medic Seconds. The corner was whipped into the box “The ing the Medic rearguard with surging pre-match team talk fused the finest Bearded-Oyster” headed the ball goal- movements. The game fizzled out and aspects of culture and street justice, bound for “Dewy” to bundle past the the final whistle was met with raptur- quoting the ‘Art of War’ and the essen- ham-fisted Medics. ous screams from the mediocre rats tial ‘How to beat the 4-4-2’. The start- The champagne was ready to be that made up the Smithy and Fitz ing line-up spawned few surprises, popped until a moment of madness fanclub. Fitz, unimpressed by com- and after all the preparation we had to from the IC keeper. An innocuous parisons of his face to a vagina, requi- live for something or die for nothing. free-kick was speculatively driven long sitioned ‘swaliberta’ from the rats and IC immediately seized the initiative towards the box. Blinded by the sun destroyed it. After a quick consultation by dominating the centre of midfield and distracted by his huge testicle the it was decided that the medics were with a series of uncompromising chal- ball bounced over Aubergine (soon to too shit to merit a warm down, and we lenges, showing no mercy towards The be victim of a filthy pint) and into the should go support IC 1st XI. That tackle looks like it’s going to hurt Varsity Special 7 Lacrosse
Captain’s Corner Imperial dominate medic lacrosse
This sea- son, the la- crosse club Lacrosse has grown Varsity beyond my wildest ex- Imperial Mixed 1st 15 pectations. Medicals Mixed 1st 3 We set out to put lacrosse on the map and I believe that Saz Chauhan we have achieved just that. We differ in many respects to The Imperial Lacrosse Club found it- most sports – boys and girls self once again segregating for Varsity train, play, and socialise to- to create the Medics Team and the Im- gether – in fact do everything, perial Team. including getting naked for a Needless to say, tensions were high certain page 3 … Our small with the medics hoping to re-instate but wonderfully hardcore some pride, having faced an embar- group of enthusiastic, com- rassing loss at Varsity 2007, whilst the mitted members along with Imperial team had an impressive repu- the help of a fantastic com- tation to maintain. mittee have transformed our Like last year, Imperial struggled to image. With three teams on get a full team and so the Medics of- the go, it’s hard to keep track fered one of their plethora of substi- but our ladies team came an tutes. Imperial gallantly declined thus admirable 2nd in the League, leading to a scenario none too different our mixed team are in the fi- to last year. So players and friends from I have no idea about Lacrosse, but it looks like fun nal of the Challenge Cup and the lacrosse club found an atmosphere our fledgling men’s team is of rivalry spurred between them as the set to enter their own league Medics and Imperial team warmed up and Joe Bacarese-Hamilton. and Kiran Booth. New Imperial goalie, ics dragged their feet to the Imperial next season. We’ve even on opposite ends of the pitch. Unfortunately, defence and attack Kristian Roberts, showed no fear with team to shake hand. No one could have organised our very own Im- The match began and it rapidly be- was no match for the Imperial team regular attacks from the Medics team. summed up the match and day better perial Cup: Mixed Lacrosse came apparent that once again, the who crushed the Medics, outrunning A particular highlight of the match than the Lacrosse Club Mixed Captain, Tournament with teams from Medics were due to be thoroughly them with some superb stick work was when Ian Hunt of Imperial dislo- Christopher Baldwin who finished all over the country com- destroyed, but certainly not without from Tim Barber, Ian Hunt, and Flor- cated the shoulder of key Medic player with, “I’m just glad we’re all in the same ing to compete. This season a good fight. Some spectacular saves ence Slater. Their attack managed to Akira Fukutomi, resulting in the first team for the club!”. certainly has been successful were made by the Medics goalie and perturb even the solid defence of the major accident of Varsity requiring the And so together we all traipsed over and next year, things can only captain, Chris Baldwin. Fantastic game Lacrosse Club – Elsa Butrous and Emi- assistance of the emergency services to the Harlington Bar and proceeded to get better. play by centre Izzie Brown who had to ly Murray. Consistent commitment and an ambulance (he survived!). get suitably drunk with ample amounts Sam Jayaweera take on the tall challenge of Jon Down- and enthusiasm led to great perform- Imperial finished the match with a of Port and Gin consumed by all with ing and superb running by John Jones ance from James Kerr, Max Holland, storming victory of 15-3. The Med- great team spirit! Basketball
Captain’s Corner Imperial annihilate medicals in Ethos
The season nent. Nevertheless, there was brilliant has been Basketball team effort and dedication as well as amazing for Varsity willingness to play a good game which the Women’s led to an excellent performance, espe- 1st. The team Imperial Women’s 1st 96 cially during the fourth quarter, which has won all Medicals Women’s 1st 8 can be appreciated by looking at the of its ULU final result. matches; Furthermore, during the fourth hence winning the league Sara Arbós i Torrent quarter a pressure defence was played which entitles the team to a very successfully, allowing for easy ball promotion into the Premiere The Varsity match at Ethos was at- recoveries at the opponent’s half court division. This together with tended by many supporters from both which resulted in comfortable basket a good turn up, an improve- sides. The game kicked off at 8:20pm, scoring. Moreover, as the match devel- ment in the technique thanks and the IC team gained the beginning oped the defence improved greatly and to the new coaching team, of a constant lead after Sofía’s 1st bas- the ball was recovered easily and very and a raised team spirit, has ket. However, during the first 5 minutes frequently, providing scope for fast made this season one of the of the first quarter there was not much breaks to take place. best in recent years. scoring, both teams still warming up. Sofía Civeira and Dehydys Pimentel These outstanding results Nonetheless, IC’s team got more into were the top scorers with more than are helping to raise the profile the game and extended its advantage, 20 points each. However, the overall of a previously ignored sport. which was of more than 20 points by win would not have taken place had it I would like to take the the end of the quarter; the match had not been for every member’s contribu- chance to congratulate all already been decided. Throughout the tion to the extraordinary final score. A the players for this successful remaining quarters the IC team got strong defence was played throughout year and encourage anyone used to the rivals game and was able the game, and became the key point who has an interest in basket- to play accordingly, their confidence for such great an advantage at the end. ball to come along for a tryout building throughout. Finally, I would like to thank all the at any of our training sessions During the 2nd and 3rd quarter the supporters for coming along and con- or join the team next season. team was still not playing at its best gratulate all the team players that took Sara Arbós i Torrent and struggling to get used to zone de- part in the game for their enthusiasm fence and the game tactics of the oppo- and performance. One of the Imperial girls defending a medic attack 8 Varsity Special Varsity Special 9 Imperial College JPR Williams Cup Imperial College 19 Imperial Medicals Imperial Medicals 22 Medicals scrape to victory
1. Joseph 12. Thomas 1. Xander 12. Ben Sanders Carroll Jovan Nedić Ancock Davies Loose head prop Inside Centre & Jeremy Bartosiak-Jentys Loose head prop Inside Centre
his year’s JPR Williams Cup was billed as ‘The Big One’ with the Imperial 1st XV rugby team gaining T promotion into the BUSA 2. Alexander 13. James 2. Ruairidh 13. James Johnstone Fletcher Southern Premiership B and the Medi- Crawford Sharples Hooker Outside Centre cals pulling off a ‘Great Escape’ to stay Hooker Outside Centre in the same league. Imperial have been on superb form, comfortably beat- ing their last two opponents, scoring over 49 points in each game, whilst the Medicals have had to fight hard to earn 3. Jovan 14. Robert their wins. 3 . E d 14. Harry Nedić Phillipps The crowd began to gather at Rich- Pickles Thompson Tight Head Prop Winger mond Rugby Ground from about 6.30 Tight head prop Winger p.m., easily filling the main stand, as well as the side of the pitch which re- sulted in a crowd of nearly 1,100! They were expecting a hard fought battle, they were expecting blood and tears 4. Thomas 15. Max on the pitch, they were expecting the 4. Rob 15. Huw Zeal Joachim game to go down to the wire. They The victorious medical side celebrating their win Anderson Williams Second Row Fullback were not going to be disappointed. Second Row Fullback After the formalities were completed the game kicked off under the bright With the game finding its rhythm, The Medicals, who have always con- lights on a clear, still night in south both sides tried to exploit each other’s sidered themselves to be the superior west London. As ever, the opening weaknesses. The Medicals set up a team, seemed shaken by their first half minutes proved to be a frantic affair as catch and drive from the lineout, five performance. Imperial were full of 5. Edward 16. Terry both sides came out fired up; however, metres from the Imperial try line, yet hope after seeing how much their per- 5. Chris 16. Rory Labinski Addo neither team was able to gain the up- Imperial were more than ready for formance had affected the opposition Hallewell Hutchinson Second Row Prop per hand. With this fast pace and huge them and pushed them back a good few and they knew that the start of the sec- Second Row Back Three rivalry between the two sides, disci- metres before the ball was distributed ond half was going to be tough. This pline was a bit poor to begin with, with to the backs who were unable to score. was indeed the case as the Medicals Imperials winger Michael Okoigun attempting to get pass Kevin Ilo both sides conceding penalties. The Imperial, on the other hand, attempted came out with all guns blazing, thirsty Medicals were afforded the first op- to exploit the Medicals’ weaker back for a try, eager to take the lead and re- portunity to open the scoring but fly- line, running great attacking lines, but iterate the fact that they considered Medicals’ pressure was to tell as a quick spotted a gap in the Medicals’ defence a penalty within kicking distance and 6. Andrew 17. Benjamin half Dan Neville’s penalty went wide of the Medicals predicted this and their themselves to be the better team. ball on the right wing was passed along and fly-half Jo Brown chipped the ball as the full time whistle blew the Medi- 6. Annakan 17. Doug Jasudasen Moorhouse the left upright. The IC kicker Alexan- defence was superb. With neither side Both Medical centres James Shar- the line to Huw Williams who entered over for Alex Johnstone to catch and cals were relieved whilst the Imperial Navaratnam Evans Flanker Second Row der Johnstone, who unusually was also being able to penetrate the line effec- ples and Ben Davies carried well and the line from full-back. Ignoring the score. Imperial were in the lead 19 side were left wondering how they let Flanker Second Row Captain their hooker, was also to miss his first tively, only errors kept the score board ran hard lines at the Imperial defence unmarked Harry Thompson outside – 14. it slip at the last moment. effort at goal as the game remained ticking with a further two penalties, which gave wingers Harry Thomp- him Williams went for the line and was With minutes to go, all Imperial had JPR Williams himself commented af- scoreless early on. leaving the score at half-time 6 – 6. son and Kevin Ilo space out wide. The able to dive over and touch down de- to do was defend their line as they ter the game that the Medicals should spite the close attention of the Imperial knew that the Medicals were going to consider themselves very very lucky to cover tacklers. Neville was unable to come at them, and they did, however have won the game, which means a lot 7. James 19. Nicholas add the conversion from near the left after ten minutes the game was still go- since the former Wales and British Li- 7. Craig 18. Matt Petit Johnstone touchline which left the score at 11 – 6 ing and the Medicals exploited a gap ons full-back is a Medicals Old Boy. He Nightingale Sarvesevaran Flanker Back Row to the Medicals, but about five minutes on the blind side with Rob Anderson, commended the Imperial players and Flanker Back Row later they were awarded with a penalty scoring the life-saving try. The full- especially Man of the Match Alexan- to stretch the lead to 14 – 6. time whistle blew and the score was der Johnstone of whom he said: “This Imperial, having sat through the 19 – 19 and for the first time ever, the boy can score tries, kick conversions storm, came out the other side ready game went into extra time. Both sides and penalties, and make big hits, all to really show what they are capable of. had 20 minutes to make their mark, but whilst being a hooker as well!” 8. Flannan 19. Luke In broken and open play the Imperial with discipline still being a problem be- With both sides now in the Premier- 8. James 19. Jonny O’Mahney Taylor backs are deadly, whilst the Medicals tween the two sides, and the fact that ship, next year’s encounter promises to Saffin Fisher-Black No. 8 Prop were strong in the tight; the aim was the players were getting tired, penalties be a spectacle not to be missed. The No. 8 Prop/hooker Vice Captain simple, keep the ball away from their were being awarded all over the pitch. Medicals received one hell of a wake- forwards and break up their backs. Im- It were the Medicals who were able to up call from Imperial; these games are perial scrum half, Freddie Chalk and get one within kicking distance and no longer a walk in the park for them, fly-half Jo Brown were on great form, took the lead at 22 – 19, but no matter and both sides have to put in every- both marshalling the backs and for- how much the Imperial boys kept try- thing they have to come out the vic- 9. Freddie 20. Remi wards as a unit which eventually led ing to get to their line, they couldn’t get tors. I’m looking forward to it already! 9. Tom 20. Jeremy Chalke Williams to a penalty, which was converted. Im- Maynard Bartosiak-Jentys Scrum Half Scrum Half perial kept on pushing, gaps were be- Scrum Half Prop ing created at every opportunity that Captain stretched and tested the Medicals’ de- fence; however, it could not withstand the push by Imperial and eventualy Imperial’s first try was scored by centre 10. Joseph 21. John Tom Carroll to level the game again. 10. Dan 21. Guy Brown Goulding Imperial were not going to let this run Neville Martin Fly Half Centre of good form slip and the pressure was Fly Half Centre maintained on the Medicals’ backs; however, the line-outs were proving to be a bit of a problem with the Medicals’ second row Rob Anderson consistently being a nuisance to the Imperial line- 11. Edward 22. Michael out. 11. Kevin 22. Paul Spofforth-Jones Okoigun The Medicals did have chances of Ilo Thiruchelvam Winger Winger their own and tried to break down the Winger 9/15 wing with Kevin Ilo, only to be stopped in spectacular style by Imperial’s cap- tain Andrew Jasudasen and vice-cap- tain Flannan O’Mahney. With three Imperial defensive line getting ready to hit the medics minutes to go on the clock, Imperial James Sharples on a break 10 Varsity Special Netball 1sts team netball battle it out to the bitter end
picked up the pace of the game and Captain’s Corner Netball mistakes started to show through lack Varsity of concentration and over-excitement. The roar of the supporters was deafen- Well… Imperial 1st 38 ing and the atmosphere grew and grew what a Medicals 1st 42 within the sports hall as the Medics season slowly pulled ahead of the Imperial and it’s girls. They continued to work hard and very Jess Marley made up to their previous mistakes nearly in the game through interceptions; all over! After some intense discussion the day however, the IC medics defence made The 1st before about team plans and tactics the some great interceptions and by the team Imperial Netball 1st team finally had end of the third quarter the Imperial won their team sorted out. With the loss of ladies were down 25-29, leaving it all their our 1st team GS through injury in the up to the last quarter. BUSA league unbeaten and BUSA Cup match the week before, the The IC girls showed great deter- has been promoted – CON- girls were nervous about how the new mination, continuing to never miss a GRATULATIONS GIRLS! arrangement would perform. How- shot and coming very close to inter- The 2s have played well all ever, after a good warm up the girls in ceptions. It was an agonising quarter season and were unlucky in blue took to the court for the biggest to watch with the girls in blue being BUSA, but still have a chance rivalry game of their season against the twelve goals down at one point in the to win their ULU league and IC Medics. quarter. Through the defence and at- be promoted – Come on, The first whistle blew and the game tack they were able to bring it back to girls! The 3s have had some began. Throughout the first quarter two and with only 3 minutes to go, with interesting games and results IC showed great control, and although the crowd of supporters cheering both with a higgledy-piggledy the game was slow the girls were work- teams, the Medics pulled ahead again team, but have had lots of ing hard to stay composed and not to by two goals leaving the final score at netballing fun at the same throw the ball away. Some excellent the whistle as 38-42. time. interceptions by the defence,and great On behalf of the team I would like to As a club, we’ve had way shooting from the attack left the Impe- thank all the supporters that came to too much fun dressed as cats, rial ladies up by four goals at the end of watch the game, the umpires and scor- horrible things for Halloween, the first quarter. ers, and the IC Medics for a great game. the Nativity (legendary), and The second quarter was much like I would also like to say how proud I am cheerleaders. We’ve even the first with the shooters in both of the team and the way they played “organized” a Valentine’s Pub teams never missing a shot and the throughout the game; although it was Crawl, which went from the centre court players refusing to make not the result some were hoping for, it Union Bar to DaVinci’s and a mistake which could cost them an in- was a great achievement and I couldn’t back again – whoops! And in terception. The defence battled hard at have asked any more of you all. doing all this, we’ve created both ends, trying to capitalise on any It has been an amazing season for us far too much gossip for even dropped balls or inaccurate passes, but and I would like to say that those of you me to handle! there were few opportunities and by that are leaving us this year (you know This year’s Varsity was the the end of the first half the score was who you are) will be greatly missed and most intense that I’ve been 17-19 to the Medics. your contributions to the club have involved in. The hype leading With some small changes to the at- been amazing and it will not be the up to the day was almost un- tack in the third quarter, both teams same without you! I couldn’t find the next shot, so I’m not sure if it actually went in bearable. The gym has been packed every lunchtime since Christmas with competitors from various sports (one in particular, they know who Medics just squeeze past IC ladies 2nd they are!) trying to reach the peak of fitness at the right time. I got up that morning feeling physically sick, I even strug- Netball gled to eat – which is very Varsity unlike me – all day. It seems strange that a game with only Imperial 2nd 22 pride at stake can affect you in Medicals 2nd 24 that way. But that is the beau- ty of Varsity, one day where a few games of sport matter to Carolyn Sharpe 1000s of people who usually just don’t give a damn!! After an interesting season which saw Although the results at Var- the Imperial Netball 2nds firstly lose sity didn’t go our way and left their GS to the 1st team which resulted us heartbroken (especially in having to take the 3rd team shooter, me!), I just want to say how they then lost their captain who had to proud I am of every single pull out due to work commitments … member of my club for the and all this with a team that is made up passion they showed on primarily of freshers! court and their dignified con- And so, the annual clash arrived duct off court on the day. and all was set for the IC 2nd team to These last two years as play the Medics 2nds. After losing by Netball Club Captain have only one goal earlier in the season, we been out of this world (al- knew it would be a tight match. From most literally some Wednes- the outset it was close, with a neck and day nights!), and I want to neck score at the end of the first three thank everyone who has both quarters (16-16). helped and supported me in During the fourth quarter the victory this time – you know who you could have gone to either team, but un- are! fortunately the Medics pulled away to And I love you all girlies – a two-goal lead in the last few minutes. The wing defender is not letting the medic get her hands on that ball even if you can be a pain in The final score was 24-22 to the Impe- the ass sometimes! x x x rial Medics. A special congratulation should go should also go to Jakie Fok who was thank you to Ethos for over-polishing look forward to not only seeing you Jess Marley to Anna Haslop (GS) for her consist- awarded twat of the match for nearly the floor, made play so much easier! again at Varsity next year, but in the ent and accurate shooting. A mention doing the splits in a spectacular slide, So, after a tightly fought match, we BUSA league as well. Varsity Special 11
Medics netball pull away from IC Captain’s Corner
3rds to take the victory This sea- son has been a success all round on the netball- Netball ing front. We Varsity started the season with an excellent Imperial 3rd 17 fresher intake, with new play- Medicals 3rd 34 ers slotting into all four teams. The first team had to adapt to more travelling and a higher Anna Haslop standard as they had moved up into the 1A division, the The game got off to a great start even season overall was a great though half the team were shattered success, finishing in a com- from the game before! fortable third place and pro- The first quarter was going well with gressing to the BUSA trophy. the game neck and neck and everyone The second team built up a playing superbly. Quarter time score, strong team spirit through 8-8. As the tension grew in the sec- the season and have ended ond quarter the Medics pushed ahead, up finishing the season in leaving the Imperial team wanting it ULU a lot higher than previ- even more. The score was 12-17 at half ously and will be starting next time. Hopefully some half-time orang- season with a good chance of es would help. promotion. The thirds played But then in an attempt to score a well throughout the season marvellous goal, the Imperial Goal and were always secure with- Shooter, Fee Larner fell valiantly to in their league. They formed a the floor with cramp leaving the Med- tight and well-rehearsed team. ics once again proving they know less The 4th team played their first about medicine than a media student season in ULU and competed at Bradford! well and all improved greatly Unfortunately for Imperial the goals throughout the season. just weren’t going in and the Medics Varsity day arrived with began to greatly increase the goal dif- much anticipation – round- ference in the third quarter, leaving ing off the netball season the scores at 14-28 with 15 minutes with a large dose of patriot- to play. This made the Imperial team ism and rivalry. The four-hour more determined than ever so entering marathon of games began the final quarter, a little red in the face, with the 4ths, the ICSM team they began to win their centres back. It only in its second year but was too late though as the Medics had proving they had grown as a already stormed ahead. team and fought all the way Finally, the buzzer went, leaving the through to win 15-10. Next scores at 17-34! Although Imperial up, the 3rds: after a close first was left a little disappointed, we were half the medics then broke pleased with our fight against a team away, with impressive shoot- two leagues above. A brilliant effort by ing skills and a solid defen- all those who played! The Medicals Goal Attack having a shot at goal. What a surprise sive trio leading them to a final score of 34-17. The 2nds game was always going to be close, with the medics only beating IC by a goal earlier in Medics draw first blood against IC 4th the season. The defence on both sides working continu- ously, the scores were even until the last quarter, when the medics finally pushed to suc- Netball cess, the final score a close Varsity but well-deserved 24-21. The climax of Netball varsity was Imperial 4th 10 the first teams match. Read- Medicals 4th 15 ers of Felix are constantly updated by news of IC Net- ball’s unbeaten season and Fee Larner with the medics holding onto their place in the BUSAs 1A We arrived at Ethos at 12 p.m. ready the match was always going to play at 12:30. You could feel the ex- to be very tense. IC came out citement as supporters from the other strong; showing their inten- teams started to pile in. We wanted tions very early on with some to get the game started ASAP so that well-rehearsed feeding into all the games could finish earlier and the circle and lots of support then we could all get to Richmond on across the court. However, time. However, the Medics were hav- the medics weren’t going ing none of it. to let the match go that eas- Eventually, the game got underway ily and showed their fighting with competitive debuts for Amrita spirit and dominant presence Randhawa, Sarah Jane, and Tina Flana- across the court. The medics gan. In the first quarter, the shoot- defending pair worked con- ing looked a bit rusty for both teams, tinuously hard to break down which left the scores 3-3 at the quarter- the IC attack and by the last time whistle. With some outstanding quarter the difference was up inter-play between centre Fee Larner, to seven. The medics shoot- WA Amrita, and GA Charlotte Gra- ers continued to put away the ham, IC had just pulled ahead by half goals and centre court stayed time – the score 6-5. The third quar- strong linking all the play and ter didn’t quite go to plan with IC only the medics managed to hold scoring one goal. Maybe it was all the That girl looks like she is getting hit in the face by a medic player! off the last IC surge to win oranges we ate at half time – left our 42-38. The Medics were once hands a bit juicy! The score was 7-10 again victorious – winning all with 10 minutes to play. Unfortunately, the Medics 4s play competitively every tense netball and an evening of even [Captain on the day], Amrita Rand- four matches! the Medics experience showed in the week in ULU and we do not – so not a more tense rugby. Well done to all hawa, Charlotte Graham, and Sophie last quarter to leave it at 10-15. But one bad result in the end for us! After the the girls who played, (Verity Stafford, Arrowsmith), we put in an outstanding Catherine Atkin thing you do have to remember is that game, we settled in for an afternoon of Sarah Jane, Tina Flanagan, Fee Larner performance on the day! 12 Varsity Special Rugby Union Rugby girls have a fun and light-hearted game
Rugby CaptainCaptain’s Corner Corner Varsity The Virgins have had one Imperial Women’s 1st 17 of their best Medicals Women’s 1st 5 seasons yet this year. In a sport where Camilla Baker most teams struggle just Not taken as seriously as some of the to get 15 other matches, but joining in the fun players out each week, the we played a 7s game against each other virgins not only had 15 play- with left-over players on the side line ers for each match, but we showing their support through alcohol even managed to have subs! consumption. Our first match, after only IC started the match with Carla Mu- one week of training, we won las kicking off. A series of scrums lead 50-5. Following that we had to IC regaining the ball only for it to the UH 7s tournament which be stolen by Medics then pushed into we came out as grand slam touch. The line-outs were generally winners. It was a great, but won by medics due to a clear height quite easy start to the year. advantage. The Medics had some good Our first proper test came rucking and mauling but when it even- against UCL, a team who tually got out to the backs there was battered us last year. But we some good tackling by Rebecca Har- came out victorious in a close rison and Roxanne Crossley from IC. The girls rummaging for the ball at the bottom of a ruck 21-17 win. All in all, well done The first try came from a turnover ball girls! by IC passing right through the hands, Bonnie and Carla taking the ending with Carla scoring and convert- Medics had some good play and Jessica the play was good by both sides in what most of the virgins cannot handle 6 lead as Captain and Vice. I’m ing a try. Half time 7-0 to IC. Alcena was able to run around IC to was a fun and light-hearted game! Well hours of drinking and by the start of going to miss you guys, but A few minutes into the second half score a try for the Medics. To end the done to the freshers on the Medic side. the Richmond game were in a state of good luck! IC got a penalty, kicked by Roxanne; match Becky was able to run through Good (in most cases excessive) drink- disrepair: with heads in bowls of chips Ellie Bailey Elena Bailey made a tackle on the line the Medics and score the final try. ing fun was had by all while watching and sharing vodka outside stations leading to another IC try by Roxanne. It was a very evenly matched game; the remainder of the games! Clearly with tramps. Water Polo
Medicals left dead in the water by IC Captain’s Corner
This season the ICSM came Captain’s Corner Water Polo 3rd in the ULU Varsity League whilst maintaining In the last Imperial Men’s 1st 10 its slogan “the four years the Medicals Men’s 1st 1 drinking team water polo with the water polo problem”. team has The fresher intake has been undergone Tim Keating superb, and an extra Wednes- some dramat- day training session has al- ic improve- With last year’s varsity competition be- lowed us to develop from last ments. After a year and a half ing won by a single goal, this year both year. The boys have had an of nomad-like existence trav- teams had a point to prove. The match extra opportunity this year, elling from pool to pool, the started at a fierce pace, with a series of combining with IC to form a team finally settled at Ethos, squandered counter attacks from ei- joint team in the BUSAs, it with an impressive 14-match ther side, leaving the score goalless at was a great success with the home winning streak. the end of the first period. IC had the team getting promoted to tier The introduction of former majority of the chances, the woodwork one. GB coach, Adam Walzer, denying the home team the lead. The ULU league has been proved a major turning point The medics came close to scoring tough, but despite this we for the water polo squad. Last with a series of long range shots; how- have managed to win five out season the team won no less ever, the Imperial keeper made some of the ten matches played, an than four trophies, including impressive saves to deny the visitors improvement from last year. the UL Tournament and Var- a place on the score sheet. The dead- Varsity was as always highly sity Match, a superb achieve- lock was broken midway through the competitive and, although ment considering the team’s second period, with IC scoring a well- Players competing for the ball at this years Varsity event the score line doesn’t suggest mid-table position only three rehearsed goal from the centre forward it, was a closely fought match years ago. position. on both sides. This year marked Impe- From this moment the match took a ness in the third period, scoring a goals, taking the final score to 10-1. Although the League is now rial Polo’s entry into BUSA. major turn, the home team stringing hat trick of goals in quick succession. The medic team were unlucky not to over we still have our consult- A confident attitude saw the together a series of break away goals. This was followed by scores from Ian score more, the final score slightly flat- ant’s match to look forward team promoted into the pre- Imperial’s defence was solid, not al- Welch-Philips and Richard Thoburn, tering the IC team. However, this was to and the summer dinner to mier league in their debut lowing the medics to get a grip on the taking IC into an 8-1 lead with one pe- still a superb result for IC, with their come. This season we have season, narrowly missing out game. Just before half time John Live- riod remaining. best ever score line in the varsity com- remained positive and are on a place in the trophy final. sey got the medics off the mark with a The final period continued with petition, with every member of the looking forward to next year! Tim Keating superb shot finding the top-corner. much of the same, IC having the ma- squad playing a vital part in the team’s Hannah Collins Vera Gielen showed excellent aware- jority of possession, scoring two more success. Varsity Special 13
PICTURES FROM ETHOS
Clockwise from top left:
Ladies Badminton being played in the sports hall. Imperial won the game 8 - 0.
Water Polo in the swimming pool, with Imperial winning 10 - 1
1st team netball game, with Imperial on the attack
A nice jump shot during the men’s basketball. Imperial win 134 - 55
Impeial winning women’s basketball captain Sara Ar- bós i Torrent being awarded with the trophy
Men’s badminton where Imperial were the eventual winners 8 - 0
This is what happens when you give someone the camera and ask them to take pictures. They clearly wanted these pictures to be put in!
Imperial medicals going for goal with the Imperial goal defence jumping to try and stop the ball 14 Varsity Special
PICTURES FROM HARLINGTON
Clockwise from top left:
Medical footballer attempt- ing to control the ball amidst Imperial players
The Virgins enjoying a few drinks and watching the mens rugby game
Imperial hockey player Myra jumping (very high!) to avoid the ball hitting her feet
Mens 2nds hockey action with both Imperial and Med- icals competing for the ball in a goaless draw
Mens 3rd team rugby, where Imperial were dominated by the Medicals
More mixed lacrosse action from Varsity
Chaz Murdoch using the cone effectively to show his support
Imperial Medical player competing in the air for the ball
1st team football action where Imperial dominated the Medicals, winning 5-1 Varsity Special 15
PICTURES FROM RICHMOND AND THE JPR WILLIAMS CUP
Clockwise from top left:
The Imperial supporters in the stands at Richmond
Supporters wanting to get closer to the action
JPR Williams Man of the Match Imperial’s Alexan- der Johnstone saying a few words
The Medicals on the attack with second row Rob An- derson and fullback Huw Williams
The Medical supporters on the other side of the stand
The females from the Medi- cal school showing their full support. Estimated at- tendance for the match was 1100 people!
Imperial flanker Flannan O’Mahony winning a ball from the line-out.
Medicals scrum-half Tom Maynard doing a quick pick from the back of a ruck and about to off load to the backs Until next year… 22 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Fashion Fashion Editors – Sarah Skeete and Daniel Wan [email protected] Stylish? Cool? Imperial? You what?! The Imperial College RAG Fashion show was held this week, with some rather impressive results
Daniel Wan Fsashion Editor
Imperial College RAG Fashion Show rolls around again, and the medic’s RAG team once again showcase what’s going to be in for the new season. They dressed then impressed the students and public alike, but most importantly raised thousands of pounds for Michael Sobell House of Mount Vernon Hosp- tial which is a hospice that cares for patients to the end of their life. With such a worthy cause as inspira- tion, four months of organization and hard work from a team of 75 students resulted in a spectacle of culture, col- our, style and humour. Held at Guanabara in Holborn, the official name of the 2008 event was ‘Global Disco’. The audience was taken away from the grey pavements and buildings of Imperial College and into the sparkle and shine of Tokyo and Mi- lan. Each walk featured a different city; represented through the combined fashion and music. From Puma and O’Neill to Sam Greenberg and I Love Lola, a host of well-established brand names were showcased alongside the products of smaller and upcoming de- signers. Fashion show co-chairs Alice John- ston and Josh Wong said they took some of their inspiration from their weekend at Glastonbury festival. This was evident in the event, with the strong emphasis on music as well as the fashion, but also with the ever- welcome reoccurrence of indie-based designs. They even acquired a dona- Josh Wong and Alice Johnston recieving the applause and appraisal tion of wellies from funkywellingtons. they duly deserve after the final walk [Photographs by Geoff Chow] com to give a final touch to the slight tongue-in-cheek Glastonbury-themed walk. The hours of therapeutic pleas- ably followed London Fashion Week’s underwear, from Milan-based Intimis- ure of picking your way through thrift lead. A notable addition to this year’s simi, still very firmly in mind, the night stores was epitomised in the opening order was a dedicated walk to ethical ended with a super-hip performance walk, with Brick Lane-based vintage- fashion. Adili, an ethical and fair-trade from the Funkology society. If you wholesaler Sam Greenberg contribut- online house was the sole contributor, weren’t there, you missed out; it was ing. Alternative fashion powerhouse and it was nice to see an independent like being at some crazy conceptual Urban Outfitters supplied their cloth- company given such prominence in university that dishes out those odd lit- ing for the LA inspired showcase, with the show. I mean, featuring Topshop’s tle things known as BAs. the High Street Kensington branch range of three fair-trade T-shirts could Stylish, creative, and cool. I never providing local support to the Imperial have been a very easy option. thought I’d hear those three words as- College RAG fund. With the image of Imperial College’s sociated with Imperial College in my Also, Johnston and Wong commend- finest-looking students in nothing but lifetime. Friday 14 March 2008 felix 23 [email protected] Fashion Fashion can be fun; it’s not just poncing around Daniel Wan gets wasted on mango-based cocktails, and chats with Fashion Show co-chair, Alice Johnston
s the after-party start- ed, the Felix team or- dered up a multitude of Brazilian-inspired mojitos, and contin- A ued in our quest to hunt down anyone of any importance involved in the show. After about 3 hours of sweettalking bouncers, getting unauthorised back- stage access, then getting chucked out, we finally caught up with Alice John- ston, co-chair of the Imperial College RAG Fashion show, for a few quick words. As we found somewhere quiet (I say quiet, we were basically outside the venue) she seemed tired and relieved but extremely happy with what she and fellow co-chair Josh Wong achieved,
Felix: Its all over now, how are you feeling?
Alice: My feet are starting to kill me, but it’s been amazing. We’ve raised around £6000 depending on the do- nations made tonight, and that’s the most important thing. I thought it was amazing, and I loved every single sec- ond of it. Everyone worked so hard and it all finally came together,, so I’m com- pletely over the moon.
Felix: What was the inspira- tion behind this year’s GLOBAL DISCO theme?
Alice: Josh and I wanted something to tie everything together and we had lots of different ideas for walks, and having been to Glastonbury together, music was very important to us. SO we want- ed to tie the music in as well. There was the whole ethical thing as well, which brings in the global aspect of it all, and the disco brings the music side.
Felix: Ethical fashion has been highlighted in exhibitions in recent times, did you feel it was important to showcase the ethi- cal walk this year?
Alice: Yeh definitely. Its something that’s been big in the media at the mo- ment and we thought this would be a good opportunity to show people that ethical didn’t mean boring. . The stuff looked really beautiful, and places like Adilli that lent us the clothes do beauti- ful clothes that are ethically produced. I think it was really good place to send that message home.
Felix: Do you think ethical fashion is the future of fashion?
Alice: I’d like to think so, yeh. I mean more and more places and becoming like that, lots of places have their own ethical lines and I hope to see that in- creasing. So yeh, hopefully it is the fu- ture of fashion.
Felix: Are there any other mes- sages you want people to take from the show tonight?
Alice: A good combination of everyone having a really awesome night, but we wanted to show them what a fashion show can be like; it can be fun and not just everyone poncing around.
Our congratulations go to Alice and Josh for such a well-organ- ised and successful evening, They now go back to finishing their medical degrees from Imperial. Good luck. 24 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Film Film Editor – Alex Casey [email protected] George Romero: Diarist of the dead With his second film in three years, director George A. Romero would seem to be quickening the pace given his less than prolific previous output. Felix decides to have a retrospective to prove less can be more
Stefan Carpanu in satire. Sheepish horde psychology is also at the forefront of this film, dou- It’s actually quite ironic that the first bled by Romero’s usual intricacies on ‘returning dead’ movie I ever saw was the human nature and its reflection on a parody of the genre. When I reached the social self in the context of despair the exciting age of ten, a friend tempted and the unknown. me to watch Return of the Living Dead, Most naturally, the following en- and while I didn’t give in to temptation, trance in the Dead series was called I gave in to my then over-inflated ego, Day of the Dead and it took Romero which had been rattled in its cage of another eight years before releasing it. reputability. It was a bit of a change in atmosphere The sheer horror! For almost half a from the previous two outings, as the decade I didn’t want to have anything to story revolved around a military bun- do with the living dead (not that I’d be ker with army men and scientists, en- overexcited about it at this point in my circled by hordes of undead yearning life). Only once I had stopped thinking for their flesh. each night of how far the graveyards The story revolves mostly around an were from wherever I happened to be undead, named Bob, whom the military spending the hours after dusk did my had captured and were trying to edu- interest in re-experiencing ‘the un- cate. The movie dims the line between dead’ start reviving itself, and, like any the two “antagonistic groups” (human revival, it went deep and cleansed me and undead), questioning whether of all my fears – replacing it with plain, there are any fundamental differences good old passionate despair. between their natures, in a sordid tale This madness all started forty years of morality and army mentality. ago, in 1968, with the release of George Land of the Dead, which appeared in A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. 2005, twenty years since Day, seems to A critique of the American war in Vi- emphasize variation rather than origi- etnam, the film told the story of a small nality within the series, but it manages group of people who retreat to a cot- to literally raise it from the dead. This tage over night, as the dead come to life outing is the logical step forward from in a most bizarre, sinister and unex- its predecessor, portraying a world of plainable event. The fight for survival severe disparity, in which a two-lay- Mmm, tastes like chicken and the tension between the protago- ered society survives encapsulated in nists are portrayed with cinematic flair the remains of Pittsburgh, while the by the then first-timer Romero, but it undead have taken over the world. A for years now – with the odd success- producing a horror movie of their own, films, which came to define a serious is the underlying connotations and its special salvage vehicle is being used to ful exceptions, such as the obvious 28 come across the real deal. It does seem, chunk of the horror genre, have not enormous cultural impact which have retrieve useful items from outside the Days Later. though, that Romero is trying to re- aged very well, working no longer as transformed this film into a milestone “safe zone”, in order to keep life run- Funnily enough, both Land and Day, mind us of all the things he’s said and horror films in the present day – the of the horror genre, not to mention ning on a day-to-day basis. which had to bear more criticism than done along the years, encompassing sad consequence of technological ad- how it had the same effect on many However, the more interesting bit of the previous films, were high-budget most of them in this latest film, thereby vances, which affect horror and sci-fi people that RotLD had on me – a bit the film develops outside the contain- films compared to these, having cost sacrificing much of its potential origi- films more than other genres. Beyond weird, looking at it from the present. ment area, where the undead slowly sixteen million and three and a half nal feel. At certain points it seems a lot this however, Romero’s legacy stands The second film in the series, Dawn but surely develop a sense of social million respectively, as opposed to the like he’s parodying himself. Still, there strong. of the Dead saw the light of day ten togetherness, under the leadership of one hundred thousand spent on Night are interesting bits and good pieces If its endurance alone isn’t proof years later. Arguably more popular a pretty commanding “boss”, who ul- and five hundred thousand spent on in this Diary, although it’s hard to say enough for the relevance of the series, than the first, Dawn criticized the timately finds a way to penetrate the Dawn (inflation notwithstanding). This whether you’ll really feel it’s worth it. I then surely the innumerable remakes, surge of consumerism, as the United defence system set up by the humans month has seen another Dead film roll suppose it comes down to how much spin-offs and parodies show how rich a States had become a showcase for the and wreak havoc. Despite Romero’s out on the UK screens, entitled Diary the undead mean to you. source it has proven along the decades: consumption-driven society. This time good intentions and fine execution, it’s of the Dead. Shot in a blair witchian/ Whatever may be said, though, of Night was remade in 1990 and again in around, another group of people bar- much harder for Land of the Dead to cloverfieldian manner in just over these last two or three films in the se- 2006, Dawn was remade in 2004 and ricades itself in a shopping mall, as the stand out, in this oversaturated age of three weeks, it represents a return to ries, it in no way diminishes the artistic the Day remake is currently in the dead have gone rampant again, in what zombie films, which have been blandly his roots for Romero. The film tells the and cultural impact of Romero’s ear- works. Films such as the prolific Return proves to be, above all, a great exercise rehashing the same ideas and concepts tale of a group of students who, while lier work. Ironically, his first two Dead of the Living Dead series, Shaun of the Dead or the more recent Fido parodied Romero’s Dead to different degrees of success, as did a bunch of many other similarly-minded flicks. Moreover, it seems that Diary of the Dead already has a sequel in the works, proof of the fact that Romero never seems to get old in his zealous adventures within the world of the un- dead. As opposed to other horror cult figures (Wes Craven to name one), it is remarkable that Romero can still carry the battle with time and society in a dignified manner, sacrificing no more than is necessary in terms of quality in his works of horror, even if the “undead revolution” has long gone. It’s amusing to think of how someone could ever differentiate between “a zombie” and “an undead”, but that is exactly what Romero achieved by instilling meaning and purpose into an otherwise utterly commercial genre. While the success garnered beyond the Dead series was little, he shall un- doubtedly remain one of the few real Masters of Horror – the kind of hor- ror which is more than gore and guts, more than an amateurish TV Series, more than a money-making machine; and yet a little of each of these. Friday 14 March 2008 felix 25 [email protected] Film
Total Film and Sky Movies Red Carpet Preview 2008 - Competition
With teasers to trailers, be- enter a host of competitions to hind-the-scenes and unseen win some exclusive prizes and footage, messages from cast even the possibility of bagging and crew, the Total Film Mag- themselves a walk-on part in an azine and Sky Movies Red upcoming movie. Carpet Preview 2008 will be the must-see event for UK With student tickets going from film fans. This is akin to an in- £15, Felix have gone one step dustry backstage pass for film further to bring you the chance buffs – the trailers shown will to win 2 pairs of tickets to the not be those for general pub- event. To win, all you need to lic consumption. do is answer the following question: The event takes place at the Odeon Leicester Square on Q: Who won the Best Picture Wednesday 19th March from Academy Award this year? about 7pm until 10.30pm and will see personal appearanc- (1) There Will Be Blood es and video messages from (2) No Country for Old Men special guests to showcase (3) Atonement the best of the coming year in cinema, including The Dark Send your answers to the usual Knight, Indiana Jones and the address: [email protected] Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Sex and the City, Prince Cas- Closing date for entries is pian and Hellboy 2. Saturday 15th March and win- ners will be notified on Sunday. London sessions will also have the chance to get their Anyone wishing to purchase face on the cover of Total Film tickets or looking for further in- magazine via a state-of-the- formation can do so at: art blue screen photo studio, www.odeon.co.uk
A choice of great Zone 1 locations
We have an exclusive collection of studio rooms in Hatton Garden, Shoreditch and Holborn that are within easy reach of all the major London universities and colleges. What’s more, because they’re right in the heart of the city, you’ll have a vibrant mix of bars, cafés, restaurants and shops on your doorstep, not to mention fantastic transport connections. Simple. www.unite-students.com/london
promotional code IMP/0308 commodation only. hy are indicative of ac Images and photograp 26 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Music Music Editors – Peter Sinclair and Susan Yu [email protected] Trainspotting on The Metros
Susan Yu
The Metros are essentially 5 lads from Pecknam, South London, who have jumped on the bandwagon that is Rock ‘n’ Roll. The band consists of Saul (lead singer), Joe (bassist), Jak (guitar- Susan Yu ist), Charlie (guitarist) and last but not Music Editor least, Freddie (drummer). Currently they are zooming across the country h my God! It’s nearly on a headline tour, with their debut the demise of this term. single release ‘Education Pt. 2’ on the About time too. Don’t near horizon. Hailed as “Rock’n’roll know about you, but I street poetics that’ll have you tossing O certainly need a break. yourself 10ft high.” by NME and set to A long long break to get my bearings “…profer another prosperous year for right again. Have been running on 1965 Records” by Dazed & Confused, empty of late, my batteries seriously these guys are looking to have a train- need recharging. Rewind in time to mendous 2008. roughly a fortnight ago, I braved the Saul and Joe from the band kindly chilly still-Winterish weather and agreed to be interviewed before the tubed it to Camden to see the boys gig at the Camden Barfly. See across from Pecknam, namely The Metros. the page for the review itself. How I detest the tube. Crushed, el- bowed and confined in a hot smelly Who thought of the name ‘The train with a bunch of strangers at rush Metros’? hour is far from the sublime bliss that a chilled-out evening lounging on the Saul: Me and the guitar player Jak, we sofa could offer. The sacrifices I make went through a lot of shit names, like for this crazy, majorly hard slog of a ‘Orange Juice’, ‘Eastern Block’…but job. Being only a considerably mild vic- anyway, we decided that we couldn’t tim of travel sickness (thank God), one think of anything and we had to come tends to leg it out, as fast as one could, up with a name so we went for ‘The from the imprisonment that stuffy ve- Metros’. Incidentally, there’s another h i c l e s o f a n y s h a p e o r s i z e b r i n g s . band called The Metros. Somebody Having never done a face-to-face in- made the mistake at T in the Park, say- terview before, I was delighted when ing that we sound like a cross between it turned out to be very laidback and early Beatles and Stereophonics. He straightforward. My previous precon- meant The Metros from Swansea. ceptions of arrongant so and sos who That’s not us. have landed themselves the honeypot were met with two sound guys who How did you guys get together? truly enjoyed what they are doing, making music and playing to their Joe: Me, the bassist and the drummer hearts’ content. Saul the frontman/lead all went to school together. singer did not lack any charisma, with Saul: Me and Jak have known each oth- The Metros: Five boys from Pecknam who’ve taken a strong liking to skinny jeans a playful twinkle in his eyes the whole er most of our lives. Our parents are time, whilst Joe the bassist was earthy, publishers. We all kind of know each generally good-humored and friendly. other through Freddie, the drummer. alive or dead who would it be? to get a job. We chatted about a weird bunch of He’s kind of brought us together. Do you guys fight? Saul: Err…What’s that geezer’s name? Joe: You can enjoy what you are doing random things and, of course, music. The one who sang ‘I’ve put a spell on for free and you get paid for it. What else? You will find a few inter- How long have you been playing Saul and Joe in unison: Yes. you’…Screaming Jay Hawkins. Ian esting snippets about these cheeky together? Dury and The Blockheads too. They Do you get paid a lot? boys too. Proper fights? are like an obvious band. I’d quite like I went to see the brilliant Editors at Saul: Almost three years all together. to play with The Sex Pistols and The Saul: Yeah. We are alright. We’ve signed Alexandra Palace. last week. When Saul: Not fist fights. Clash back in the 1970s. That would a publishing deal for quite a lot of mon- Tom Smith, the vocalist sauntered on How old are you? Joe: I almost got into a physical fight be pretty cool man. ey but we are not sorted for life. stage, phwoar, what a vision, I mused. with the bassist at the Skins Festival. I Joe: We don’t get paid for doing indi- Didn’t know he was a looker as well Joe: Us two are 19 and the others are kicked over his drink by accident and What’s the best gig you’ve ever vidual gigs anymore. as being a superb crowd-pleaser. The 18. he threw a drink in my face and it sort played? band effortlessly rode on a wave of in- of escalated from there. I slapped him Football or rugby? credible energy, culminating in a sen- Describe yourselves in five words. in the face and he slapped me even Saul: That’s really difficult. We’ve played sational showcase of quality tunes and harder. Then he pushed me against a so many gigs. Best venue we’ve played Saul: Neither. immense soundscapes. It’s times like Saul: Five boys with guitars/ wall and the drummer was trying to at is probably at the Roundhouse. Joe: I’d go for rugby if I have to. Table these that I love being a music editor. microphones. break us up. And me and Charlie the That’s the biggest gig we’ve played at. tennis man, that’s what I’d go for. 30th March. My birthday. Won’t be bassist, we were like “Fuck this man, That’s was fucking awesome. sweet 18 anymore. Damn. Last year of Who writes the songs? fucking prick”. So yeah. But apart from Joe: We really enjoyed the little venues Who gets the most attention from my teens. Bloody scary, if you ask me. that, we are all quite friendly. as well. the girls? Time to leave adolescence and join the Saul: Me and Jak write the songs. That’s Saul: But when we go on tour, we play world of adulthood. March time also why we are rich and you are poor. Do you think music improves in shitholes where no one has heard of, Saul: Probably me I suppose. means that Easter is looming. Choco- with age? places like Hull. Horrible places. Some Joe: That’s probably true. Saul’s the late binge sessions. We had early East- Where do you get your people say London is a horrible place lead singer so he gets the most atten- er egg tasting sessions in Felix offices inspirations? Saul: Yes. A lot of bands, with their first to play gigs. The crowd can be rather tion. Girls like him. this week. Mmm. Thorntons and Lin- album, it’s always kind of raw isn’t it? nasty. dor, music to my ears. Good chocolate Saul: Anywhere really. Mostly from As you get older, you become wiser Joe: People come on stage and steal Do you have girlfriends? can be heavenly, but one might just feel getting signed and earning money and you start to write better music. stuff. They try to pull leads from our slightly queasy after an overdose. Nev- and being frustrated. Also, from living Proper music. Hopefully. guitars while we are playing and taking Saul: We all have girlfriends. er got to that stage yet. I can manage in South London. Old records - Stiff them as souvenirs. to live a relatively colourful life without Records inspire me. How did you get to collaborate Pubs or nightclubs? chocolate even though it does mean Joe: Basically from playing gigs so we with Toddla T? Who do you think that your music that I’d have to pig out on biscuits in- that could get into venues and getting is aimed at? Saul: Pubs. stead. But, decent music at the end of a few drinks because we were that skint Saul: He’s great, a really nice bloke and Joe: It depends on what kind of mood the day can beat chocolate anytime. back then. should be supporting us tonight. He’s Saul: Well, I would like to have thought I’m in. from the same record label as us. He’s that our music is aimed at cool people. If you fancy reviewing some How are you guys finding touring produced music for people like Jamie T What’s the best cure for a music or gigs, send us an email at the moment? and stuff like that. It’s all good. We are What is the best thing about be- hangover? at [email protected] and going to do some more collaboration ing in the music business? get yourself on the mailing list. Saul: It’s great man. with him in the future. Saul: More booze…Iron Bru man… Free music giveaway soon, stay Joe: We have a great laugh. Saul: You get lots of free food and Apparently, a pint of beer with a shot of tuned! If you were to play with any band drinks. Free stuff. And you don’t have expresso in the beer. That does sound Friday 14 March 2008 felix 27 [email protected] Music
The band deep in concentration, engrossed in their toys, fingers doing the talking. That is a helluva dirty camera lens horrible but I think it works. thin. Saul: I did get kicked out of school. What’s your most embarrassing Joe: Mine’s really boring. I would like Yeah, I was a troublemaker. Saul: There’s this song called Ra Ra Ro- What’s worse, being blind or moment in life if you don’t mind to fly. I have had loads of dreams where lands on our forthcoming album that deaf? sharing? I’m flying. How did you do in school? I’m proud of.
Saul: I’d rather be blind. No. I’d rather Saul: I was caught doing it with my Have you guys ever played pranks Saul: GCSEs is as far as I got. Your new single is about educa- be deaf even though I’m a musician. girlfriend on the sofa and her parents on teachers? Joe: I’ve got about seven GCSEs. I did a tion. Tell us more about it? How can I face not being able to see came back and saw us through the couple months of sixth form and then him [Joe] everyday? I’d have to kill window. Saul: Not really pranks man. I once I didn’t go. Didn’t bother to tell them I Saul: I wrote it when I was 16, when I myself. Joe: We were playing a gig in Skegness threw a computer at a teacher. An as- was leaving. Then I just hung out with got kicked out of school. It’s going to Joe: I’d be blind. and I passed out backstage. I was com- sault not a prank. I would have liked him (Saul). be released soon, March 17th. Our al- pletely out of it, I was wearing a pair to have played pranks but I couldn’t bum is coming out this summer. How can you live without music? of gold Elvis glasses and some drunken have got away with it. It was too hard. Which track are you most proud chavs came and put stuff on my head. I would have liked to put pins on their of? Thank you boys Saul: Easy. You can watch music videos The video is now on YouTube. It was chairs. with speech on TV. pretty embarrassing. Joe: I set a classroom table on fire once whilst the teacher was in the room. I What is your favourite takeaway? What superpower would you like used Tippex to set it on fire. to have? Saul and Joe agreed: Chicken burger… Did you get kicked out of school Fried chicken…Caribbean takeaway. Saul: I would like to turn sideways and then? Were you troublemakers? That’s what we are going to go for. disappear. I’m getting there, I’m quite
Pecknam boys blasting the night away at Barfly
Gig review ing, hips rolling, spirits were high as phonic racket. Now and again on The Metros fans were bowled over by the brazen, stage, you’d see Saul taking a swig Barfly Camden feisty performance. Those that knew of the bottle. Fired up by the liquor, the songs pretty well sang along joy- the singing got louder and the crowd Barfly Camden, ‘tis the place to ously, those that didn’t, well, we half- became merrier and merrier. Songs ‘glimpse the stars of the future.’ Help- sang and simply cheered like crazy. fuelled by the school system seemed ing to launch careers of many stars Mind you, the five knew their stuff and to get the crowd’s acknowledgement like Coldplay, Franz Ferdinand and they sounded terrific. If you like The as quite as few were indeed teens Badly Drawn Boy, it’s no surprise Libertines, I think you’ll take a strong out on a school night-’Education is that The Metros have chosen this liking to this bunch from Pecknan as overrated, and I’m the monster that spot, having their eyes set on mak- they are wild and wicked in spirit and it created.’ References to Pecknam ing it to the big time. sound. Saul, the lead singer, boy, did he to crime and ASBOS are featured in Whilst the night was still young, know how to set the place on fire! Both their songs- ‘He got in trouble with Toddla T, from the same record la- he and the rest of the band exuberated law, put in jail ‘til 2004,’ I think the bel (1965 Records) as the boys from energy, passion and experience be- boys know a thing or two about be- South London, hit the stage with his yond their years. Rocking to and fro on ing kicked out of school and causing funky dance/elctronics/house mix- stage, kings of the castle. Quite some- mayhem, having lived with crime on ing and dexterous DJ manoeuvres. thing. Just shows one should use youth their doorsteps most of their lives. At the strike of 10pm, The Metros to one’s advantage, i.e. unleashing the One must not forget to mention the finally had their showtime after what torpedo of energy and dynamism while catchy scaling bass lines, rhythmic seemed like an eternity in sound we can before we get burdened and guitars and upbeat drumming which checks. Anticipation and excitement tied down with biggies like marriage did do the rest of the talking. The in the air. That’s what it was. The and children. No; we adolescents are Metros finished on a high with their crowd was buzzing. A sold-out gig at the way forward. soon to be released single ‘Education Barfly. What more can you expect? The vocal delivery was outright can- Pt2’ with the fans singing along tri- The night could not pass without non fodder. Frontman Saul rocked the umphantly. Everyone was won over getting entangled in the mosh pit. night away, retelling cautionary tales of by the energy that the guys brought Fun. Fun. Fun. If you didn’t mind be- teenage life in London with unabated on stage. Strutting and rocking about ing catapulted across the room and zest. With equal doses of enthusiasm, like nobody’s business. shoved in all angles with beer spilled the bassist and guitarists interjected The Metros are certainly a train down your top or bottom. reinforcement with harmonious yells ride well worth catching. Fists were pumping, arms flail- and shouts. What a downright eu- Susan Yu Saul kisses the microphone whilst a happy chappie laughs away... 28 felix Friday 14 March 2008 Music [email protected] The Editors’ sell-out show at Alexandra Palace
straight to number one after immedi- lines of “Keep with me, keep with me” The Editors Alexandra Palace ate release last summer. and “You don’t need this disease”. The 5th March, 2008 They took to the stage, setting off to crowd could not help but also take a flying start with the hauntingly ethe- an irrevocable liking to the compel- real ‘Camera’, taken from ‘The Back ling guitar refrain in ‘Escape the Nest The Editors have it all. Getting signed, Room’. Synthesizers filled the entire and Bones’ which crushingly took selling truck loads of albums and sin- great hall along with the entrancing our breaths away. The set was highly gles alike, and embarking on tours throbbing bassline, hooking the crowd energetic and the band conveyed a worldwide in a space of roughly 5 years with a devouring sense of brooding ee- surprisingly array of different atmos- - they are the paradigm of the rock and riness, which was palpably compound- pheres. A change in ambience made a roll dream that millions of struggling ed by the smoke that slowly swarmed sweet contrast in softer, tender tracks musicians would die for. around the hall. What a way to start the like ‘Distance’ and toned down ‘Fall’. “I The Editors electrified the stage at ball rolling, if it means sending shivers wanted to see this for myself”. You cer- Alexandra Palace in every sense of down one’s spine. It truly did. “Look at tainly should have been there to have the word. Being a palace, this majes- us through the lens of a camera / Does been spoilt and cocooned in the exqui- tic venue cannot but exude grandeur, it remove all of our pain?” Tom, the site, mesmerising cacophony thanks to befitting a four piece that are currently vocalist asks. Surely you can’t wipe out such an electric live set. kings of the castle in the ever-shifting suffering as easily as a look. Life would As it was Russell the bassist’s birth- precarious music industry. be just too simplistic and colourless. “If day that night, we all showed our love Waiting in the freezing cold for we run they’ll look in the back room, and appreciation by singing ‘Happy what seemed like an eternity before where we hide all of our feelings”. Birthday’. What a way to spend your the doors opened was definitely not a Belters with the likes of ‘All Sparks, birthday - playing to your beloved fans. highlight. And if one was to be truly Munich’, ‘Blood’ and ‘An End has a He wasn’t complaining one bit. honest, the two supporting acts, Mor- Start’ took to crashing effect as all re- It is the sheer raw power of the music bius and Sons & Daughters, were sim- ceived furiously rapturous reception. and the wave of energy that captivated ply not up to scratch. But, here’s where The dramatic swooping soundscapes the thousands of us there under the it gets good. with tremendous guitar workout by thunder and lightning. The night could When the lights went out, we all frontman Tom’s strong vocal delivery not end without an encore. So we had knew that it was time. Time to treat our reminiscent of Ian Curtis, and pul- ‘Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors’ ears to colossal noise and scintillating sating drums had no trouble spawn- to finally appease our insatiable appe- soundscapes. The Editors showcased ing frantic excitement and a dynamic Tom Smith (of Editors fame) live at Alexandra Palace tite before they departed the stage to their top-drawer repertoire of songs vibe amongst the thousands that were deafening applause. both from their debut platinum album present at this hair-raising perform- The Editors live is nothing but terrif- ‘The Back Room’ as well as equally ance. With these killer hook-laden their lungs. Heavy chorus crescendoes the Factory’ and ‘Bullets’ boomed from ic energy, great passionate music and stunning material from their second tunes, fans went mental, shouting, and roaring drums and bass dominated all corners. Everyone was on their feet, timeless delivery. album ‘An End Has A Start’ that shot singing and screaming at the top of the scene as showstoppers ‘Fingers in jumping to the perennially-repeated Susan Yu
sustains through most of their songs. Reality Check: The Teenagers’ debut album The Ting Tings Koko With a rich texture most of their songs 29th February, 2008 amount to a very peppy poppy sound. Jules is unrelenting on the drums, not letting the pace slow for a second. This Katie White and Jules de Martino, oth- was obviously great for uplifting the erwise know as The Ting Tings to you crowd, but with no real slow-down in cool young folk, hail from up north the pace or change in the hugeness of and descended upon Camden Town the sound The Ting Tings leave you last weekend to play Koko. The sexy tired, as it’s all a little bit too much. Ka- The Teenagers duo have a varied musical background tie helped things out with her melodic Reality Check between them: Katie having a stint in breaks but we felt that they could’ve Merok Recordings ★★✩✩✩ a girl band that supported the likes of done a bit more, even if it was just pop Steps and Five and Jules being involved rock. with several indie bands. With their So, as you might have gathered, the ‘Reality Check’ is the debut album of chic look and a great response from sound didn’t really agree with us, but childishly-named French indetronica the media, with appearances on Jules the beauty of live music is that there band ‘The Teenagers’. Being Parisians Holland and heavy radio play, our ex- is more going on than just the sound who grew up in England, their music pectations were high. hitting you in the face and in this re- is an odd mix of British indie rock and Kicking off at around 1 in the morn- spect The Ting Tings were pretty cool. twinkling French electro. The album ing, The Ting Tings were loud, ener- Katie has been known to stop mid- works and flows well but it doesn¹t getic and got the crowd moving. They song to ask fans to stop filming and hold to repeated listening. First time did not, however, impress us in the start watching them, which should be through, the songs spark of novelty slightest. The core problem with The saluted. Sadly we didn’t witness such and variety like the world of sex, drugs Ting Tings is that live they sound like bitchiness but Katie was pumped up, and alcohol does to the young, exem- your mum shouting at you because jumping all over the place mixing it plified by the band’s varying guitar you’ve done some stupid shit. Like a up with the crowd. Jules the drummer dominance and volume. However, on jackhammer that won’t quit, The Ting was like a crazy toy monkey going wild repeated listening, ‘The Teenagers’ Tings made me put their music aside, every now and again, considering he’s a lustful nature abandons you at a party for my sanity’s sake, and start to fo- drummer he had a pretty big presence of wasted skin-loving fifteen-year-olds cus on other things: When is the last on stage, his mechanical thumping be- and leaves you with the realisation that bus home ? Is that a man or a woman? ing a visual heartbeat for the songs. it was all superficial. Ironically you do The Teenagers: Michael Szpiner, Dorian Dumont and Quentin Delafon What’s that smell, is it me? Ranting However, although visually entertain- take a ‘Reality Check’ - perhaps not the aside, we have to admit that it wasn’t ing, we still can’t say we’re big fans of one the band was intending though. an ideal venue – the sound quality was The Ting Tings. The singles ‘Love no’ and ‘Scarlett Jo- will all pander to the interpretation of poor, and none of the rich texture from With nothing interesting going on hansson’ tend toward pop, and after a ‘cool’ of their natural fan base, and just their studio-produced tracks was evi- musically, those of us who weren’t few listens it is hard to distinguish them like in ‘Feeling Better’ where the band dent. So let’s give credit where credit’s completely inebriated and busy throw- from generic indie. ‘Scarlett Johansson’ bigs themselves up, a pet hate of mine, due and look at what the gig could have ing bottles at surrounding people by does start promisingly with the spoken it all smacks of a publicity stunt. been like. the stage were close to falling asleep “We know you were born in 84 / Half I¹m afraid to say ‘The Teenagers’ As we’ve already told you, The Ting by the end. If you missed it, you didn’t Polish / Half Danish” layered over puls- don¹t manage to shake the prejudice Tings are just Katie on vocals/guitar miss out. ing guitars, but after the intro it could that comes with their band name but and Jules on drums/vocals, and togeth- Chris Birkett & Anthony Lazzaro have been any of their songs. all that said it is much better than I ex- er they come up with a big sound that (IC Radio) ‘Homecoming’, ‘The Streets of Paris’, pected. If you¹d like to see them your- and ‘Make It better’ do linger in the self they are playing Cargo on the 7th memory. ‘Streets of Paris’ has a driv- of April. ing narrative that keeps you hooked to the end and ‘Make it Better’ has a very Sarah-Emily Mutch catchy electronic bridge. However, the biggest impression they leave is caused Reality Check, the debut album more by cheap tricks , for example us- from The Teenagers, if availalbe ing the c-word, rather than their music from March 17th through Merok being something special. No doubt this Recordings. The Ting Tings standing in front of a wall, by the looks of it Friday 14 March 2008 felix 29 [email protected] Music Mit poised to take over the universe Singles: Moby
with them, allowing the vocal sounds and Gnarles to speak for themselves. Album opener ‘Beispiel’ starts with dark atmospheric sounds and whirling Berkley noises which are scarily reminiscent of the soundtrack to David Lynch’s Moby ‘Eraserhead’. A heavy bass drum en- Alice Mit ters followed by automatic sounding ★★★★★ Coda drums. A lot of the album has a very Half Machine Records ★★★★★ mechanical feel to it with repeating samples and beats flowing past each After the somewhat lacklustre ‘Ho- other with ease and regularity, which tel’ release in 2005, and the ‘Greatest These next few weeks are shaping up contrasts beautifully with the expres- Hits’ compilation from 2006, it seemed to be rather splendid for debut album sive vocals. This works particularly safe to contend that the world’s most releases. Foals’ ‘Antidotes’ has been well on ‘Gibt Es Denn Keine Anderen chilled-out DJ had slipped into some- slowly climbing up the ranks of my Grunde’ where distant screams of ago- thing of a creative nadir after the glory Last.FM recently, and expectations ny fade in and out as if being tortured days of ‘Play’. However, if the single ‘Al- are high for Youthmovie’s ‘Good Na- by some giant clockwork machine. Mit ice’ is to be seen as a credible foretaste ture’ which drops next Monday. If that have created an album which you can of the forthcoming album ‘Last Night’, sounds a little too guitar-based to get listen to at home but also on the dance- then we might reconsider. your ears salivating then fret not as floor, with each song working perfectly Anyone who is even vaguely familiar Mit’s ‘Coda’ arrives on the 17th with ‘Mit’ is German for ‘With’ either on its own or in the overall con- with Moby’s back catalogue will know some synthy krautrockesque minimal text of the album. he has a soft-spot for collaborations. electronic post punk... Synth heavy tracks such as ‘Park’ ‘Alice’ is no different, as it features Just to get this out the way before I Mit make minimal electronic music of urgency that seems to drag the rest have an immediate attraction, but it’s the rappers Aynzil and the 419 squad start, I love this album. I’ve been trying that sounds dark and brooding but is of the music along. Even though the the songs that seem more unapproach- throwing some meaningful rhymes in. to write this review for ages but keep also really danceable. With only three singing is pretty much exclusively in able on first inspection that are Mit’s getting lost in the music every time I members - one singer, one drummer German, this album is still definitely most accomplished, such as ‘Genau An put it on. This is the second week in a and a moog fiddler/programmer/ad- aimed at the British music crowd with Diesem Abend’ which builds up slowly row that Music Felix’s pages have been ditional drummer - the tracks have Mit playing in London more often than with repeated vocals until screaming filled with contributors waxing lyrical a certain wide and open feel to them their hometown of Cologne. The fact what sounds like “I like dancing”. Coda about Mit and there’s a reason for it - while managing to stay engaging and that the lyrics are pretty much indeci- is incredibly impressive as a debut al- they’re fucking awesome. I’m sorry to impossible to stand still to. Lead singer pherable to most of us adds so much bum and Mit are definitely a band to put it so bluntly and un-poetic-like but Edi Danartono’s vocals are delivered in to the songs. It removes the connota- watch out for in the next few months. this album really is quite excellent. a haunting high pitch and with a sense tions and emotions that words bring James Houghton Vincent Vincent & The Villains album Vincent Vincent and the Villains have a long fucking name. They also have an album which came out last Monday. The awesome and talented Rafe Martyn had a listen The track begins with a heavy in- dustrial bass-line, analogous to the and Vincent Vincent and the Villains on staying true to their rock and roll twenty years, thereby confirming its new Nine Inch Nails, which is then (VVATV) all hark back to the ‘and the’ sound, cannot have expected much resurgence. They have since released immediately supported by some rap- bands of the 50s and the innocent roots success. Indeed in VVATV’s first re- singles ‘On My Own’ and ‘Pretty Girl’ ping and what could perhaps be called of rock and roll. lease ‘On My Own’, in 2004, Vincent and with their album ‘Gospel Bombs’ ‘rap-singing’. The heart-felt “This is the Happily, this isn’t ‘nu-rock ‘n’ roll’, but Vincent admits “I’m on my own / In out this Monday they seem destined to wrong road / This is a dark road” chant instead a tribute to the sound, spirit this world of rock and roll!” and sings complete an unlikely success story. in the chorus sets forth the socio-polit- and feel of the early days of rock. These “I don’t need anybody’s approval / I’ll ‘Gospel Bombs’ comprises exuber- ical theme of the song in a refreshingly Vincent Vincent & The Villains bands not only sound like a rock ‘n’ roll live without it happily”. That is until ant songs overflowing with verve and non-clichéd manner. Gospel Bombs band, they also go to great lengths to late 2006 when they were signed up vitality. The songs generally take the Although Moby hasn’t evolved much EMI by EMI – the first rock and roll band form of a story. ‘Pretty Girl’, for exam- ★★★✩✩ look like one. Lewis, of Kitty Daisy thematically with this song, it is soni- and Lewis has a large Elvis-style quiff, to be signed by a major record label in ple, tells the tale of a girl Vincent sees cally a lot more heavy and angst-ridden and VVATV make a point of wearing in the frozen section on aisle four at the than his older material (although die- Achieving success in music without authentic period attire at their live Tesco store, and always means to ask hard fans will know that he did play selling out to the generic indie jugger- performances. for her number “But she didn’t see me in a hardcore-punk band at one time). naut must be the holy grail of all young Music today has become synthesized at all”. In ‘Sins of Love Wah Do’, Vincent Some fans may not wholeheartedly musicians. Maintaining one’s original- and knowing, to the extent that bands airs his views on jealousy with comic embrace this sudden change in style, ity is all too hard when the tempta- regularly employ people to determine depictions of Adam and Eve, and Bon- however those who appreciate Moby tion of seemingly-easy success by just which single should be released first nie and Clyde. for the dynamic and genre-defying art- squeezing one’s music into the indie in order to rake in maximum returns. The opening song, ‘Beast’, is as high- ist he is will welcome this with open mould with its ready-made scene and Having existed with only limited suc- spirited as the others but dares to sound arms. an army of fans is open to all up-and- cess since 2003, VVATV cannot be less rock and roll. It features a trumpet Ushnish Banerjee coming four-pieces. Ironically, the ones accused of such gold-digging. Their and flamenco-sounding guitar pro- that do go it alone and try to succeed lyrics, too, are refreshingly innocent, duced using Pro-Tools software and while sounding original, often achieve talking of pretty girls and sweet girl- fiercely tells the story of a Beast inside of Vincent which causes his relation- Gnarls Barkley this so-called originality by borrowing friends and crammed with joyous Run from the past. Nu-rave Klaxons and “whoop”s and “Wa Doo”s. The music ships to fail. Prior to the disappointing- ★★✩✩✩ Stone Roses’ sound-a-likes Kasabian itself is not all that bad either, packed ly lethargic final song, the penultimate testify to this. This tends to lead to with catchy riffs and sharp turns of song, ‘Telephone’ is absolutely storm- strangely familiar sounding songs, and phrase. ing, driven by a compelling baseline Gnarls Barkley are of course the prod- ridiculously convoluted genre names. Formed in 2003, VVATV, formerly and the lyrics “I’m waiting by my tel- uct of the collaboration between Dan- Nu-rave is bad enough but the genre The Double Card Bastards, are headed ephone / Waiting for my favourite beat ger Mouse and Cee-Lo Green that be- ‘post-punk revival’, championed, for by Vincent Vincent (real name: Vin- / Now when my telephone rings / You came a household name following the example, by Interpol, is outrageously cent Cusano) who originally shared his know I just can’t stop tugging my feet!”. release of the infectious single ‘Crazy’. a revival of post-punk which itself is a front man duties with Charlie Waller. These excellent lines are typical of the ‘Run’ is our first taste of their latest al- more introspective and experimental Controversially, Waller was also front generally high quality song-writing on bum, entitled ‘The Odd Couple’, and slant on punk rock. So it seems original man in rival band Rumble Strips and this album. I’d say it is an all right song. It is quite sound is gained only at the expense of the tension and pressures created by The genre has been done and the upbeat, with Cee-Lo’s familiar soulful vandalising genre names and borrow- this situation eventually led to his leav- chord progressions are very similar in singing, and features colourful chants ing from the past. ing VVATV. Happily, the split proved each song, but Vincent Vincent and from a children’s choir, but lacks origi- Until recently this grave-robbing had an inspiration to VVATV who pro- the Villains do rock ‘n’ roll with such nality somewhat. Gnarls Barkley con- not reached so far as the tombs of the duced their first major release ‘Johnny vim and vigour that this is nonetheless tinue in the same vein as their previous rock ‘n’ roll fathers of rock. This past Two Bands’ off the back of it. It was a very enjoyable record. And with rock releases, and don’t seem to be doing year, though, has seen the re-emer- not all bad for Waller also, who has ‘n’ roll revival on the up it looks like anything particularly new with ‘Run’. It gence of rock and roll. Typically inven- had greater success with Rumble Strips they might be one of the privileged few does however have mainstream appeal, tively, this ‘new’ genre has been termed and tellingly, unlike Vincent Vincent, who achieve that holy grail of sounding so it will probably be a success. rock ‘n’ roll revival. Lost and Found, Ri- has his own Wikipedia page. fresh and actually succeeding. chard Hawley, Kitty Daisy and Lewis, In their infancy, VVATV, intent Vincent Cusano of VVATV Rafe Martyn Mit Shah 30 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Technology Technology Editor – James Finnerty [email protected] Organic what in my TV? Richard Lai talks about how this new screen tech will make a difference to you
James Finnerty Headlines we Technology Editor pologies for the lack of a couldn’t fit in section of last week but I was enjoying myself with coursework too much to A tear myself away from it. MOD loses 11,000 Anyway, let’s see what is on offer from the world of tech as we head towards ID cards the end of term. The games console accessory maker Nyko has beat Sony to the release of a rumbling Playstation 3 controller dubbed the Zero PS3. Sony can’t be too happy about this as they finally gave in iPod nano sparks to consumer pressure to release the Dual Shock 3 only to be beaten to the problems post. But in reality, I don’t think Sony have to much to worry about as the Nyko is a flat-out fugly product so I think very few people will stray from the official controller. Macbook Air A western state of Germany has re- called its subsidies to Nokia after its suffers from failure to meet the conditions set in the agreement. The money was to help overheating fund Nokia’s manufacturing plant to constructed in Germany and was sup- posed to provide 2,800 jobs to the area, however, Nokia plans to close the plant Sun/Microsoft in the next few months much to the an- OLED – So impressive it overloads people’s ability to construct a facial expression... honestly noyance of the people who have paid data centre for it. They have requested the initial money back plus interest producing a ow that the HD video require a backlight across the panel, than LCDs, they are ideal for making planned sum of €59 million which if not paid format war is over (well meaning they cannot show true black small displays, so you will find them will be replaced with legal action. done, Sony!), it is prob- as some light is bound to leak through. in several new (pricey) digital camer- A bunch of clever hackers have pro- ably time to think about As well as wasting power and making as, premium mobile phones, or some duced a method of converting streamed N next-gen TV. Currently the panel thicker; another difference new portable media players such as the BBC iPlayer media into the H.264 for- it is predicted that this year LCD TVs is that an LCD requires two polarisers Creative Zen stone. If you don’t mind New eclipse to be mat required by the iPhone and iTouch will net 50% share of the TV market and a colour filter to operate, thereby monochrome displays, selected design as they do not support the widely pop- (in which 58% will be full HD), but restricting the viewing angle as well watches will also have OLED panels – released by Sun ularized lite media format Flash. Steve this does not stop the development of as blocking light and increasing thick- you can spot them straight away with Jobs explained this as “Flash is not up any new display technologies. As we ness, whereas an OLED needs no fil- their distinctively vibrant colours. to the standard of the iPhone” roughly speak, the most promising candidate tering so it has none of those problems. But this isn’t it; the list of potential translated as “The iPhone can’t run appears to be the organic light-emit- Other advantages of the OLEDs in- applications goes on: rollable elec- Digital Radio a Flash very well”; where the blame falls ting diode (OLED) display technology. clude faster refresh rate, greater colour tronic newspaper that updates itself I think we can decide for ourselves. Here is a brief introduction of OLED: range, longer lifespan (as promised by daily with newspapers, animated art- flop Admittedly, these hackers seem to as far back as the 1970s, Eastman Ko- Panasonic and Toshiba last January) work (or even TV) on clothes, head- have wasted their time as an iPlayer for dak discovered that certain organic and – perhaps most important of all mounted display system for soldiers, these devices has been in the works for materials glow in response to electri- – the ability to be printed onto flexible light sources--, etc. For now, OLEDs a while now. cal currents, and a variety of related substrates, allowing applications that may still be occupying a small part of America and Germany have drawn technologies emerged from that point are not possible with LCDs. the TV and monitor market, but as Wiki creator edits up an agreement to merge each of their onwards. In fact, our very own Profes- Currently the biggest problems with new production processes emerge and biometric criminal databases in an at- sor Donal Bradley, Head of the Depart- OLEDs is their manufacturing meth- breakthroughs breakthrough they will content for cash tempt to catch international criminals ment of Physics, was one of the inven- ods: with Eastman Kodak holding the become more affordable – I don’t see and terrorists. Once again the two tors of the polymer LEDs (PLEDs) – a patents other companies are financially why this can’t happen within 5 years’ standard sides to the argument emerge, type of OLED technology, and today restricted for development, so even the time. It will also be interesting to see if invasion of national privacy against we are able to apply that to display giants like Sony and Toshiba will have OLEDs can exceed LCDs’ performance “screw them they’re criminals”. In rela- applications. Although the finished to increase the prices to make up for by then – mind you, it did take about Europe Xbox 360 tion to this, rumours have appeared of OLED panel may look similar to an the initial expenses. More worryingly, 30 years for LCDs to occupy more than a worldwide database being construct- LCD, the structure differs: from top the fact that the organic materials can half the TV market! price drop ed but nothing firm is available. to bottom we have the cathode, emis- be easily damaged by water makes it The Nokia N96 mobile has been con- sive polymer layer, conductive polymer hard to justify the prices, as well as firmed for August. This phone is an- layer and anode, with the entire struc- putting doubts into the practicality of ticipated by many a UK user as it will ture laid on a substrate such as glass or flexible OLEDs, but we can assume be the first mobile to have a TV tuner even plastic. To operate, a current is that advanced sealing processes will Space freighter built in. For more depth you can find a passed between the electrodes, which be used – after all, we are in the 21st preview of it in a previous issue of the causes the electrons in the conductive century. success tech section on the Felix web page. layer to move down to the anode. This As we speak, the only OLED TV in Battlefield laser guns have come a leaves holes (absence of electrons) be- the market is the Sony XEL-1, cost- step closer to reality as Northrop, the hind which then recombine with the ing you about £950 in Japan or about US military’s main tech supplier, have electrons in the emissive layer above, £1270 in the US (we all know that the South Korea tested a 15 kilowatt laser and have causing a drop in the electron energy Japanese keep the best to themselves). plans for a 100 kilowatt model deemed levels and thus releasing energy in the And no, it’s not even an HDTV or a announces first powerful for combat. These weapons form of light (through the substrate). 40”; a mere little 11” baby that gives are originally being intended for use Such process is known as electrophos- you 3mm of sexiness and a ridiculous astronaut as anti-missile and anti-air rather than phorescence, as used in all LEDs. contrast ratio of 1,000,000:1 (most ground-to-ground as air targets tend Comparing this with LCDs, OLEDs LCD TVs in this price range can only to be more vulnerable. already have several advantages: as do about 10,000:1). It really isn’t the Unfortunately only one article this mentioned above, each OLED pixel size, mate, but only if you can afford week, the final issue of term, but need- controls its own light and can therefore it. Fortunately, you can experience the Camera that looks less to say it’s a good one covering the produce true black thus boosting the OLED goodness in smaller forms with- evolving new technology of Organic contrast ratio, but LCDs – which work out burning holes in your pocket: since through clothing LED displays. by blocking light in selective areas – OLEDs have a much simpler structure OLED on your wrist! Friday 14March 2008
Picture of the Week
California Sunset, by Paulharveer Sangha. Third Year Electrical & Electronic Engineering
We want to exhibit your art. Send in your photographs. [email protected] felix 31 32 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Fun & Games [email protected] Needy McNeedy: Banned from Facebook in ‘98 Solving problems in your computer over VPN since SSH was invented. E-mail: [email protected]
he end of term draws ever Heat magazine). I think you should ing all day), there are a few steps you Dear IsMyCockNotGoodEnough, nearer, and whilst the lot start listing your extensive celebrity can take to solve the situation. Firstly, of you are running away knowledge as one of your skills on your buy some egg boxes and insulate the Another woman. As if there’s some from your problems/work CV; you might begin to find yourself in wall between your rooms, or invest in kind of deficit in this damn college! T and drinking yourselves demand for pub quiz teams (especially a good pair of earplugs. Secondly, in- Why are you writing in to me, you id- into oblivion, Needy McNeedy is don- at Imperial, where knowledge of popu- vite them outside to play croquet (I’ve iot? You should just talk to her about ning her Lycra shorts and limbering up lar culture is lacking significantly). heard it is a brilliant substitute for con- it. Don’t dump her out of the blue, dis- to tackle your issues. She can help with stant fucking.) Thirdly, find a partner cuss it with her first. I must admit that pretty much anything, except maths. Needy xxx and outdo them (for maximum noise, yours is a pretty unusual reaction for Email [email protected]. and thus effect, you might consider a man. Most would be jumping for joy Dear Needy McNeedy putting up a sex swing). If none of these and begging to join in whilst salivating Dear Needy McNeedy work and you’re still bored and sleep- freely. I’d recommend a trip to the doc- My flatmate’s boyfriend lives in another less, you might want to consider offer- tor to check you have the right amount I’m addicted to celebrity gossip sites. I city, but quite often comes to stay for a ing to join in. If they are embarrassed of man hormones. Don’t be so bloody check them more often than I go on Fa- week or sometimes longer. I like him; and say no, they might at least think to emotional, although if your girlfriend is cebook or check my emails and they are it’s just that when he’s here, they don’t keep the noise down in future. into the lesbian thing, acting like such taking over my life. I can’t seem to sleep get out of bed the whole time! She tells a woman might work in your favour. at night and I just sit and refresh them me all they do is have sex; she comes Needy xxx until they are updated. How can I get downstairs and complains how tired Needy xxx over this ridiculous obsession? she is. But what she doesn’t realise is Dear Needy McNeedy that I can hear every little movement Dear Needy McNeedy IHeartPerez from her room, and I think I’m prob- My girlfriend and I have been going out ably getting even less sleep than her. She for a while, but recently we got quite I’m not sure if you’ll ever get to read this Dear IHeartPerez said sometimes they do it so much that drunk together and she admitted to letter, but I’m going to write it you any- it hurts her. I don’t think it’s healthy for cheating on me with another woman. way. You see, life’s been getting me down You are now one step along the slow them to be like this. What can I do? She said she really enjoyed it and might a bit recently. My Renault Clio chugged road that leads to a degree. Obses- like to try it again. I know most men its final gulp of carbon monoxide the sion with the Internet is just part and Sleepless would love the thought of some girl on other day and well... well, I don’t think parcel of the whole education system. girl action but because she doesn’t want I can go on any longer. I mean come You need to learn to channel this into Dear Sleepless me to be involved, I still see it as cheat- on, what do Renault make nowadays? an obsession with wikipedia, or some- ing and can’t trust her anymore. Should Probably some stupid hybrid car and thing with more useful knowledge on it Despite you clearly just being jealous I leave her? one that carries 18 toddlers and 6 dogs. (unless you wish to become a “writer” of her situation (as we all are; who WHERE’S THE CHARM? –inverted commas on purpose – for wouldn’t want a man who can keep go- Ismycocknotgoodenough? (*Bang*...) H to the o, r, o, sizzle copes – it’s the Horoscopes
Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio
Hey guys, I want So... Becky Wright. Tony Tempura. Next up, Roger you to go finish this You think your Anyone made a Wilfredo de term on a high. But pretty hot after last joke about your Chocola Winston IX in the mean time Friday in the Union. ridiculous surname? of Hervengaal. I will insult you – Heh? Well, I didn’t No? Well I’m going ... don’t worry the high enjoy it for one to right now... I take The fuck? Do I will come eventually. Just not now. So let’s be- second. The only reason I didn’t say anything particular offence at you, you see. I’m going even need to slag you off? Clearly just by gin with you Edward Short. You really need to at the time was so that I could write this to fucking batter you. Cunt. There! How’d you reading your name, er, names I can tell your lose some fucking weight. Anything remotely horoscope ridiculing you. Cup the balls. Work like them apples? Fucking what? Want some? a mong. Not even a good mong like the ones active causes you to sweat so much that your the shaft. It’s not that hard. Especially when Come any closer and I’ll ram a queef burger that swin in rivers. Fuck off and lie under clothes shrink and you smell like a children’s your getting down to business. Improve or die, down your throat so hard you’ll be farting fish Cape Canaveral when the next space shuttle swimming pool. horribly. for fortnights. launches into space.
Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius
Now you, Phil Freddy Bouma. I’m Moving swiftly on, Barry Smith. Let Roberts. Get the watching you. No, Ahmed Donald. me guess, you’re fuck off Facebook. not that way, the I saw you outside more common than Your eyes are going other way. That’s the playground of pond scum and you to turn blue from it. Why is your lip the Notting Hill detest Polish people looking at that trembling? Is my School for Wannabe because they work corporate juggernaut of a ‘social’ networking presence unnerving? Am I making a warm Scholars. But don’t worry, I like you. I won’t harder and for less money than you? Yeah? site. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on it anyway, find stream trickle down your inner thigh? Are tell anyone. Just get rid of your fucking ice- Thought so. Firstly, pull your fucking trou- you, cut a hole open in your leg and fill it with there goosebumps on your goosebumps? Is cream van because your stealing my trade and sers up or I’m going to ram a wind turbine up dynamite. Light it. Run. Cackle. Laugh. You that a hand drifting through the strands of more importantly my little weekend bundles there. Next, bend over. Now I’m going to kick have been warned. your hair? DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE of pleasure. you into the Eiffel Tower. DIE.
Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn
Your turn Manfred Needy McNeedy... Jen, Just Jen. Who A. Geek. Who Wilkinson. What’s I still haven’t gotten comes up with a the fuck do you with your vanity? over your invasive crippled name like think you are? Take that mirror out nature. Don’t ever that? What the Taking the beauty of your purse, sorry, think I’ll forget hell’s going to hap- of the horoscopes man-bag shatter the moment your pen if you ever get anonymity and it into pieces on the nearest rock and gouge stench, your excuse for literature and your married? Your world will collapse. You’ll have raping it like a young puppy caught between your eyes out with. You’ll be simultaneously embarrassing photo invaded my personal to fill in the surname box on any forms you the bumpers of two lorries crashed in an M25 reduced to a hideous, bleeding monstrosity space. Your days are numbered. You’ve got complete. You won’t be able to play for Brazil’s pile-up. Get over yourself. You will never be whilst not being able to indulge in your fewer left to go than there are pages in this international football team. My advice: get a the sizzle copes. We invented you. Bow down obsessive vanity. excuse for a newspaper. lead enema and end yourself. Now. to the master. Friday 14 March 2008 felix 33 [email protected] Fun & Games
Slitherlink 1,400 1,399 solution lines between the dots to create one common place to start on a Slith- long, and most importantly, looping erlink grid is by drawing crosses 3 222 3 line. It should have no start or finish; around any zeros. Drawing crosses just like an elastic band. is purely done to so that you know 33 3 2 212 3 Each number indicates how many where there can’t possibly be a line. 22 2 1 3 lines should be drawn around it, for So, take the pattern below as an ex- 313 31 example: ample. Begin by drawing crosses, 2 2 3 2 2113 2 then by filling in some lines: 2 2 2 2 2 2 1 2 2 3 3 2 3 3 2 3 1 3 21 x 2 2 2 3 1 3 3 2 2 Cells which don’t contain a number x x 2 3 2 2 2 2 3 can be surrounded by any number of 0 3 lines. x 2 3 Remember, the line must form a The winner of Slitherlink 1,399 was loop, so the line cannot branch. The James Porter. Excellent Slitherink- following situations are not allowed: 2 2 3 3 3 ing! Perfectly hand-drawn answer Now the lines can only continue in too sir. All the best for this week’s the following directions: 1 1 2 one. We’ll give a prize out in the summer. The more entries, the bet- 2 2 2 3 1 2 ter your chances. How to play: x 2 3 2 1 2 x 0 x 3 Crudely speaking, Slitherlink is simi- Squares are not allowed either. There x lar to Minesweeper mixed with a are never cells containing the number 1 2 2 dash of Sudoku. 4 in Slitherlink. The object of the game is to draw So, where do you start? The most
Wordoku 1,400 This week’s texts: “My name is Leo. My balls really hurt, help me :(“ N D I G U “Gilbert Dougherty is a mispro- I S L portioned Irishman. He has female glove sized hands and feet. Meas- ure them when [Felix phone won’t S D go down... – Editor guesses at:] he G N M I is gacked up and sound asleep.” 1,399 Solution Wordoku is identical to Sudoku; “Big A has outed himself. Come G M we’ve just replaced numbers with and get him guys!” A T D O U E L C P letters. Once you’ve completed the 07980 148 785 U P G M E P C L A T D U O puzzle, there is a hidden phrase to “Gilbert, just ask JT to elope with O L U C D P E T A find. Email answers to sudoku. you. He likes his Irishmen filthy. . Otherwise, make ur texts funnier, D E L P T O C A U [email protected] TEXT US! OR M D ur losing!! Chantelle x” C O P U L A T E D The winner of Wordoku 1,399 T U A D E C O P L WE WON’T L G P was Scott Heath. Bullseye! “The ICSM Music Society photo is U D T E P L A O C The hidden phrase was: FEED THE CAT! awesome! More please ;) [Editor – P A O T C D U L E COPULATED. Keep those Sorry there isn’t one this week...]” P N M U G L C E A O U P D T entries coming in.
Adlib by Tevong You www.tevong.co.uk 34 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Fun & Games [email protected] Celebratory 1,400th Crossword
1 2 3 4 5 5 6 7 8 6 9 10 11 12 ou may be slightly shocked S T E E P L E C H A S E C C O or even disgusted at this C X U N E E S S 13 7 8 week’s behemoth. Never R E C A P T T R E N C H A N T mind: 1400 issues and the A O I I L R S I A 14 15 Y last week of term merits a T E M P L A T E I V E R N A L special effort. Hope it appeals to those C M H L D T T E among you with strong stomachs. H A U N C H E S D S I L V E R The winner of last week’s crossword A N A S M O A S 16 17 18 was team The Crystallites in Chemis- S H I R T Y S G A U N T L E T try. Congratulations to you, and huge P C T O C M E O thanks to all those who have sent in so- R E A L L Y R W A G G O N E R lutions this term. Especially Di-Emma! U T E A R R T T 19 20 21 Happy holidays to you all, good luck C R E S C E N D O R A D I E U with your exams, and I hope to irritate E D A O N S N R 16 you again come summer. E A S F R O N T I S P I E C E Enoch Solution to Crossword 1,399 22 23 24 25
26 27 CRYPTIC CLUES DOWN 1 To own mobs from the South (7) 28 29 30 2 Currency passing from place to ACROSS place (11) 31 1 Domestic dummy (8) 3 Soft tribe suffer from fingers 5 A stone cabbage heart in a torn dropping off (9) 32 33 34 35 peel (6) 4 Writer can rearrange or merge twin 9 Headphones made from an alien hyenas (6,9) 36 shadow (7) 6 European general is about a 14 Enclose a mixed drink for the hundred, thanks to the science of 26 37 38 39 40 environment (11) good breeding (8) 15 Old custom being exported (11) 7 Noted elfin beer breaks down a 41 21 42 22 16 Protrude without a stick, then twist good piece of meat (4,10) and eject (5) 8 Oriental children put to sleep (10) 43 44 45 46 17 Relax around the grain, don’t mock 9 “Seigh?” - Only a rumour it (5,2) 10 Good point. Without a beginning 25 18 A season can rearrange repeating or an end, it’s foreign to me (5) sounds (9) 11 Cult worships mutilated headless 47 48 49 50 51 19 Turn a swiss vegetable (7) doctor (11) 20 The color Sandy chose was 12 Gingerly, X is German for really 26 changed by her school (9,6) short (8) 22 Coins twisted into a tress by girl 13 Mass observed around the world 52 53 (10) (4) 23 Going back in time, a Western cafe 20 God of drinks (6) 23 breaks down (6) 21 Lost pilot leaves Vietnam for 25 Homeless man loses his head over Cambodia - or some other country 54 55 56 Eastern instrument (4) (7) 28 Faithful in a wrecked car 22 Transform the sounds of a German somewhere in Turkey (15) reception (6) 30 The tasty hem turned purple (8) 24 Organized vehicle destruction QUICK CLUES 39 Holiness (10) 10 Beer (5) 32 Overheating newt mold collapses a result of peeled and boiled 43 London’s Times or Red (9,6) 11 Unenlightened (11) (8) modernity (10,5) 45 Changed (for the better) (7) 12 Worshipper of Beelzebub (8) 34 Escape tidying during a major 26 Vice President consumes isle in ACROSS 47 Support of fundamentalist ideas (9) 13 Marceau, e.g (4) clean-up (6,8) revolutionary state of need (14) 1 Circumvented (8) 49 Egyptian, say (7) 20 Pinnacle (6) 37 Sport with sound of religious yeast 27 Deer education is faked! (6) 5 Overseas (6) 51 Give birth (5) 21 Scent (7) (4) 29 Theodore! Debts are so boring (7) 9 Hues (7) 52 Opera (3,8) 22 Bovine herds (6) 38 The Annual! You’re on time! (6) 31 Pay no attention to inept ruling 14 A distribution among parties (11) 53 Well-trained, obedient (11) 24 Genocide (6,9) 39 Illegal title deed for group (10) over emptiness (6) 15 Mischievous ghost (11) 54 Artful avoiders (7) 26 y = ax+b (6,8) 43 8 down dissuades cities, somehow 33 Potato or leek salad over the 16 MC (5) 55 Lookout (6) 27 Friday’s master (6) (8,7) megaphone (11) 17 Small angels (7) 56 Around the albumen (8) 29 Desire to resist change (7) 45 Similar footrests without the 35 A North-Eastern regiment concurs 18 Reigning royal (9) 31 Demesne (6) Cockney shuffle (2,5) (2,9) 19 Patella (7) 33 Isolated (11) 47 Call on me to rip! Rip easels! (6,3) 36 String game is a musical cot (4,6) 20 Several memoirs (15) DOWN 35 Congruence (11) 49 Progressed and returned love to 40 Headless gerbil leads to short swear 22 Lowest female singers (10) 1 Crazy (7) 36 Small steps (10) five editors (7) 41 Military engine on deformation 23 To vandalise (6) 2 Brush used after a smoke (4,7) 40 Type of triangle (9) 51 Choose to select without a lead (5) alley (8) 25 Judge (4) 3 Named Desire? (9) 41 Showed up (8) 52 Admit alternating information (11) 42 The large lizard somehow ordains 28 Oriental sweet (7,7) 4 Institution for American Anglicans 42 Golden or black dog (8) 53 Under-assess the confusing state of you (8) 30 Take responsibility (8) (9,6) 44 Mourns (7) confidence (11) 44 Greek letter talks about the English 32 Kahlua, Benediction and Pernot (8) 6 Feasts (8) 46 Spinning tops (8) 54 Cheer up! It’s broken, but only keeping battered ruin (7) 34 Promiscuity (14) 7 An evolutionary advantage (9,5) 48 Banishment (5) made out of clay (7) 46 Altered fits; say please (7) 37 Agreement (4) 8 Liable to hallucinations (10) 50 Group of actors (4) 55 Baseless criticism provides a 48 Smoothe without me, to tell the 38 Wanting food (6) 9 Knife (7) guarantee (6) truth (5) 56 Mystery man lost any balanced 50 Suitcase free of chemical contains agreement (8) urn (4) the easter carnival| 20:00 - 03:00 wednesday 19 march 2008 bars open until 02:30
BLOWOUT! ‘s Alexa Chung Room 1 Aleks Corr Will Kay Elles (DJ) T4’s Alexa Chung Back again by popular demand after her Centenary Ball performance!
Quad Giant Blow Up Slide!
£1.30 a pint! only All night
imperialcollegeunion.org £4 and £4 on the door Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB The Union encourages responsible drinking. R.O.A.R. Student I.D. Required. 36 felix Friday 14 March 2008 IC wins Inter-Uni Trading Game A team from IC has won the first Inter-University Trading Game organised by the Imperial College Finance Society in partnership with the London School of Economics, Oxford and Cambridge Universities
Akash Agrawal much money as possible in 40 min- utes. The simulation was based on six Last Wednesday 5th March, Tan Tsze stocks using historical market price Han and Kwa Wee Shzong each won data and players competed in teams of £1000, a trophy and a day on Merrill two, buying and selling from a number Lynch’s trading floor. They fended off of banks. 15 other teams from Imperial, Cam- Hemal Mehta and Kok Yeen Cheek bridge, Oxford and the LSE in the won the first event and were each final and over 400 other people who awarded an iPod Nano. They managed entered the qualifying rounds, to be to raise a staggering $67 million, far crowned the best traders in a game of outdoing the next best two who made quick thinking, speed and accuracy. a profit of $35 million. Four teams of The competition consisted of two two qualified for the final round at rounds; a qualifying round at each of Merrill Lynch, being given the chance the universities which took place two to compete for a prize of £2000. weeks ago and the final round at the The final, which took place last Merrill Lynch headquarters in London Wednesday, proved to be an even last week. The platform for the trad- more exciting event. The four teams of ing simulations was designed and run Imperial were taken down to the ven- by 7city Learning and Merrill Lynch ue at Merrill Lynch’s offices in London kindly sponsored all the events. Mer- and were put head to head with teams rill Lynch has a very strong network from Oxford, Cambridge and LSE. of Imperial alumni and recently won The simulation for the final was a the “Here Is The City” award for Best more complex version of the qualify- Place to Work in the Global Financial ing round trading game. This time Markets category. 7city Learning is a teams could trade between each other global financial services training com- and there were also news feeds. It was pany providing leading edge solutions based on a bearish European market The Inter-University Trading Game held in the Tanaka Business School for financial and professional skills with much less liquid stocks, making training. it much more difficult to make profits The competition attracted over- and was shown by the fact that only teams made just as big a loss. traders face on a continual basis. After million in total, before Oxford (£4M), whelming interest at Imperial and three out of sixteen teams made any The game was followed by the prize- congratulating them on their tremen- Cambridge (-£4M) and LSE (-£13.6M) more than 100 students across all de- profit at all. giving presentation by Christian Di- dous achievement, Mr Dinesen award- We must all praise the teams for rep- partments were selected to enter the This made it an even more impres- nesen, head of European Credit Re- ed Tan Tsze Han and Kwa Wee Shzong resenting Imperial in beating Oxford, qualifying round. The first round con- sive accomplishment for Tan and Kwa search and the captain of recruitment with their well deserved trophies. Im- Cambridge and the LSE and hope Tsze sisted of a US stock trading simulation who managed to make £31.4 million for Imperial who firstly gave a brief perial also placed first in the competi- Han and Wee Shzong have fun spend- and the goal was simple: to make as over the period of an hour when many talk about the challenges and risks that tion overall by making more than £7 ing their winnings!
APPLY NOW TO TEACH SCIENCE, MATHS OR COMPUTING PLACES FILLING UP FAST SO APPLY ASAP! FINAL DEADLINE: FRIDAY 28 MARCH VISIT WWW.TEACHFIRST.ORG.UK TO APPLY
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www.teachÞrst.org.uk Come on lads, we can do it! Friday 14 March 2008 felix 37 Windsurfing finds a new home! Imperial College Windsurfers host an awesome SWA competition weekend. Involving much surfing, partying and all-round banter, IC shows other unis how it’s done while also proving it’s surfing worth
Chris Beng fantastic demo kits provided by Board- wise and Severne Sails. When most people think of windsurf- After a long day of sailing, everyone ing, they imagine crystal-blue water, returned to Hammersmith to get ready sun-soaked beaches, palm trees and for the Saturday night party, which bikinis. The last thing you think of is was a ‘Cult Classic Movie’ fancy dress- good ol’ London Town! This was the themed party. The evening kicked off exact reaction of the Student Wind- with some fantastic music from The surfing Association (SWA) Commit- Measure (http://www.myspace.com/ tee when the idea of Imperial College themeasureuk) who warmed up the Windsurfers hosting an SWA Event evening in style. By the time they had was proposed in December last year. finished, daVinci’s was on fire and after However, after discussing the logistics an inter-uni boat race to cool things off, of such an event, it became appar- the party got into full swing. Another 2 ent that this crazy idea would actually am close and off to bed for a few hours work and on the 29th February 2008, before getting up and heading back to the SWA came to London for the first the lake. ever SWA London Event. The conditions on Sunday were just Over 100 student windsurfers from as good as the Saturday, setting the universities around the country gath- scene perfectly for some pedal to the ered in DB’s on the Friday night and metal racing for the event race title having battled the Friday night traf- and points towards the overall SWA fic from places as far afield as Cardiff Club Vass Race Series. The racing was and York, most were desperate for a insane with Imperial’s Baptsite Labat drink. Drink they did! The Union was storming from the back of the fleet in buzzing until 2am when the lucky club the final race to finish in second with members who were responsible for only one board length between him looking after such a rabble had the job and 1st place. His outstanding per- of shepherding 100, now inebriated, formance was enough to secure him windsurfers back to their houses in a third overall in his first event. The Hammersmith. The event was shaping women’s competition was equally ex- up to be a good one! citing with close racing and numerous Saturday was the first day of competi- position changes throughout the day. tion and as everyone arrived at Datch- Jess Longley, the Imperial Windsurf Totally bodacious surfing et Water, a large reservoir on the out- President, proved that she could hold skirts of London with a fantastic view her own against series leader Sarah over Windsor Castle, they were greet- Bibby (Southampton) and finished in a ed by an amazing sight... The sun was well deserved 2nd place. The results at shining and wind was blowing a good this event are a good sign that a land- 20 knots making it perfect for running locked Uni such as Imperial College the 3rd round of the SWA Boardwise could be a force to reckon with at the Freestyle Series. This was the toughest BUSA Nationals in March. fleet of the series so far and even the Well done to all that organized in judges commented that this was the took part in a hugely successful inau- highest standard they had ever seen in gural event and thank you to all the SWA competition. UK Pro sailor Nick SWA sponsors, Sport Imperial and Moffat was knocked out in the semi fi- ICU for their support of our event. nal and in the end it was two London Special thanks go to event sponsors boys who took the top 2 places with Joe Andy at Aquasport for providing some O’Callaghan (St.Mary’s Uni) narrowly fantastic prizes, Paul and the team at beating Imperial’s own Chris Beng into Datchet for being legends and Mark 1st place. This result currently places from Boardwise and John at Severne Chris, who has already won this year’s for putting on a fantastic demo. Wave Series, at the top of the freestyle leader board with 2 events left. The For more info contact: commit- rest of the day was taken up with some [email protected] and beginner lessons and sailing on some also see www.swa.co.uk Totally bodacious partying
The Imperial Windsurfers, the pride of Gimperial 38 felix Friday 14 March 2008
Sport [email protected] Medicals in seventh heaven Ladies hockey after UH cup final victory miss out to GKT
cock being well matched by their GKT metres from the left touchline. Neville counterparts in the scrum. At the lin- made no mistake with the tricky con- in ULU cup final Rugby UH Cup Final eout Rhys Davies and 2nd row partner version. Shortly after James Saffin and Ross Ferry had a ding-dong battle with Xander Ancock were replaced by the Imperial Medicals 1st 21 Medicals lineout duo Peter O’Neill and livewire Graham Corin and weighty an unfortunate goal from an intercept- GKT Men’s 1st 12 Rob Anderson. Jeremy Bartosiak-Jentys respectively. Hockey ed free hit – to the disappointment of It wasn’t until almost halfway Guy’s driven by the dread of walk- ULU Cup our support, sharing their attention through the opening period that the ing away with another runners-up between us and the Men’s 2nd team. Jeremy Bartosiak-Jentys deadlock was finally broken. A mix- medal fought back valiantly putting Imperial Women’s 1st 1 With some more attacking pressure up by GKT centres Pete Robinson and the Medicals under sustained pressure GKT Women’s 1st 3 right at the end of the first half, Malbi- Tries from James Logan, Huw Wil- Adam Staten gave the Medicals posses- mid-way through the second half. The nas got us a penalty corner, and Cum- liams and Craig Nightingale helped the sion in broken play. Making the most pressure finally told as a clean Guy’s bum stepped up with a strike which, 1st XV secure their seventh successive of the splintered defence James Logan lineout was mauled towards the Medi- Jess Poore initially blocked, allowed Malbinas to UH Cup final victory. Leading 21-0 gathered the ball and showed tremen- cals line. Despite desperate attempts to nick us a goal. the Medicals were forced to work hard dous pace to beat GKT left wing James stop the drive GKT were able to cross The IC ladies’ 1st team played their last The second half did bring some by a spirited Kings Medical (formerly Cuthbertson on the outside. Keeping the whitewash with No.8 Matt Morgan game in the ULU Challenge Cup – the more scoring opportunities, and a few GKT) side who came back strongly in a cool head Logan ran round to touch able to touch down despite the close final – against GKT on a cold Sunday more penalty corners, but we couldn’t the second half with tries from Matt down under the posts making the con- attention of Peter Russell. Pete Gretton in Chiswick. Initially, IC were able convert, and there was ever-present Morgan and Lucas Rehnberg taking version a formality for fly-half Dan was successful with the conversion to to dominate, on a sticky pitch which danger from the GKT counter-attack the final score to 21-12. Neville. On 35 minutes Peter Russell narrow the Medicals lead to 14 points. seemed to be alternately flooded and and the enormous number of penalty Sunshine and showers greeted the replaced Ruairidh Crawford, who had Looking to add an experienced head to bone dry in places, and we spent much corners they had. Unfortunately for IC, sides at London Welsh’s Old Deer Park played 80 minutes against Stevenage the fold Francois Tudor was brought of the early stages of the game in the the threat materialized – even support ground for the United Hospitals Chal- the previous day, at hooker. on to replace Anakan Navaratnam in GKT half. from the IC medics, arriving for their lenge Cup final, the oldest rugby com- After Guy’s had passed up a try-scor- the Medicals’ back row. It became clear pretty quickly that cup final and varsity game couldn’t petition still in existence which was ing opportunity of their own through The change did little for the Medicals GKT were going to be quick on the prevent the score going to 3-1, with first contested 134 years ago in 1875. a straightforward handling error the fortunes as Guy’s piled on the pressure counter-attack, and several moments two goals from GKT. When the final Injured skipper Austin Dekker se- Medicals were to extend their lead just with the Medicals, playing into the of panic were had by all – illustrated whistle blew, leaving us with one final lected a squad with a pleasing mixture prior to the interval. From a well exe- wind in the second period, finding it by Womble’s cries of ‘oh sh*t!’ when- penalty corner to defend, we couldn’t of youth and experience with centre cuted lineout the backline put the hard difficult to clear their lines effectively. ever a GKT player and/or a ball got too do any more but keep it out and finish James Logan, who led the Medicals to work on the training ground into prac- It was, therefore, of little surprise when close for comfort. MJ saved the day a the game with a respectable – if disap- victory in 2006, being handed the cap- tice by running a devastating set move. from an attacking scrum on the Medi- number of times, before IC conceded pointing – 3-1 loss. tain’s armband. Special mention must With dummy runners disorientating cals’ five metre line Guy’s exploited be reserved for freshers Ed Pickles, the GKT defence, Huw Williams was space on the blind side to put wing Lu- Craig Nightingale and James Sharp- able to cut a line from full-back, re- cas Rehnberg in by the right-hand cor- les whose excellent performances this ceive Neville’s perfectly weighted pass ner flag. Gretton was unable to add the season meant they were selected in the and run in under the posts untouched. extras from the right touchline. starting XV ahead of many Medicals’ Neville duly added the extras. The Medicals, desperate to regain Men’s 6s finish stalwarts. Leading 14-0 at half time the Medi- some control, tightened up the game Playing with the breeze in the first half cals set a game plan to kill off the game by using their big forwards to pick the Medicals started brightly with half- in the second half by playing for territo- and go around the fringes of the ruck, backs Tom Maynard and Dan Neville ry and keeping Guy’s on the back foot. thereby retaining possession and run- season in 5th place keeping the Medicals in GKT territory And the opening minutes of the second ning down the clock. Much credit for much of the opening stanza. Strong period certainly went to plan. Guy’s must go to courageous Medicals scrum ball carrying by Ben Davies and James fly-half John Kendel launched a high half Tom Maynard who continued to Logan gave dangerous wings James ball for Lucas Rehnberg to chase, how- bellow instructions at his forwards de- Football Sharples and Harry Thompson space ever, Medicals wing Harry Thompson spite playing much of the game with a out wide, however, the fervid Guy’s stayed calm under pressure to take the broken jaw. Everyone at the club would Imperial Men’s 6th 4 defence led by the back row of Rob ball cleanly, break a tackle and offload like to wish Tom a speedy recovery. As GKT Men’s 5th 1 Hone, Mark Halls and Matt Morgan to put openside flanker Craig Night- the final seconds ticked away and the prevented the Medicals from crossing ingale into space on the left wing. The referee brought the contest to an end the line early on. The set-piece was fleet-footed fresher managed to out the Medicals’ could bask in the glory Ricardo Verra also keenly contested with Ed Pickles, pace the covering Mark Halls and full- of winning the coveted cup for the sev- Ruairidh Crawford and Xander An- back Mike Forsythe to dive over ten enth consecutive year. After beating the 7s three times this season, the 6s decided to do them a fa- vour and thrash GKT 5s (fellow relega- The Men’s 6th team celebrating tion candidates). After tolling the bell, their victory in... er, Mexico Damian, Fitz, Sim and Turrell came forth to play for the cause and destroy some medics. more, but it wasn’t until well into the After a standard shaky first 5 min- second half before they had their first utes, we grabbed the game by the shot on target, which I saved brilliantly scruff of the neck and dominated the with my face. Unfortunately though, rest of the match. Damian and Hardy we were cheated out of our first clean were tearing their defence to shreds sheet of the season by the ref; our own and bringing Ward and Sim into play David Sapin. His excuse was that he brilliantly. was enjoying reffing but hadn’t given It wasn’t long before we got our first a foul yet. He also didn’t realise that in true old skool 6th team style with Fitz’s tackle was in the box and was a through ball to Sim who lashed it inch perfect. passed the keeper. We didn’t create Needless to say, I conceded my third many more chances in the first half as penalty of the season. That was the last they were defending quite well, but I effort on target they had, as we went was happy to be freezing my ass off in straight down the other end and scored goal as I had nothing at all to do all half. a fourth. Sim swivelled in the box and Sapin, Justin, Field and Tony all playing lifted it over the keeper out of nothing. brilliantly. Two or three more goals could have Our second goal came not long after followed, but to spare them the em- half time and was a thing of beauty. barrassment, we (I mean Damian and Damian “Welshy” Phelan picked up Mike) decided to only shoot from at the ball in midfield and brought it for- least 20 yards. However, the Sonder- ward. After hearing Rob screaming for gaard show continued, climaxing with the ball on the left, played a cross field him lifting the ball over the heads of pass into the space for Rob to run onto, two on-rushing GKT players and mak- who put a cross right onto Hardy’s ing them look like idiots. head for him to nod it home. Hardy After the final whistle, Airborne also got our third when Turrell played Ranger rang out across Teddington to the ball to him in the box and he took cap off a good season for the 6s. 5th it round the defender before poking it place in the league and we reached the past the keeper. cup semi-final. 2nd best team in the Rob Anderson breaking through the GKT line GKT got back into the game a bit club. Well done lads. Friday 14 March 2008 felix 39 [email protected] Sport Alone in the gym? Grab a workout partner!
Holly Plumley Energia Fitness Instructor
When it comes to training in the gym, there are usually two types of people: those who prefer to work out with a partner, and those who prefer to go it alone. Having a workout partner has a va- riety of advantages – it can be hugely motivating, make your training ses- sions more enjoyable and can keep you committed to maintaining the number of training sessions you do each week. The choice of who you should share this time with depends on a few fac- tors such as training goals. Few work- out partners are successful at reaching their goals if one wants to do cardio while the other focuses on strength training. You should have some of the same goals i.e. to complete a marathon, to lose weight, to gain strength. If you don’t choose your workout partner wisely, you could find your gym visits suffering as your partner What type of partner would you like? A Mentor for giving valuable guidance or a Socialiser to talk to about your weekend shenanigans? will become more of a distraction than anything else. Here are some examples of the types of workout partners there more than they thought they could. body is the result of good training and of these talkative, chatty people. The teaching of exercises. It's also a guaran- are and ones I see daily in the gym: Don’t overestimate how much help hard work, some people may not en- most common type of workout partner tee that your personal trainer is putting you will actually be getting either. tirely know what they are doing in the you will find is a person who prefers to their full effort into ensuring you im- The Spotter When it comes to getting you out of gym and you don’t want to pick up their workout with someone who is on a par prove at the gym. a tight situation, a very gentle upward bad habits. Also make sure they are of- with their current fitness level, as they Check they are qualified by a respect- If you are someone who is constantly pull on the bench press for example will fering the right support and guidance personally find this more motivating to able organization – you don’t want to pushing yourself by trying to go for be more than enough to give you that for your specific training goals. them since they can push each other, be dishing out money to someone who your one-rep max or just progressively little extra to hoist the weight back up pound for pound. doesn’t really have a good grasp of ex- by ensuring you are overloading your to the top of the lift. So, for confidence The Socialiser ercise physiology and workout princi- muscles with each session, a spotter is and safety, find a workout partner who The Professional ples. Think about your availability and essential. is a good spotter. The worst type of workout-partner- find out theirs, as depending on your A spotter will be there if you start to ship to have is where one of you re- Finally, the last type of workout part- needs if you want to have them with falter during a lift, and could poten- The Mentor ally wants to have an intense workout, ner that you might want to consider is you for each session you’re at the gym, tially save you from a very serious in- while the other would rather spend an actual personal trainer. you need to ensure they have enough jury. Knowing that this person is there If you are new to weight lifting just be more time hanging around, looking in If you're new to weight lifting or are time to accommodate you. for you also offers a psychological ad- sure that when you choose someone the mirror and chatting with the odd looking to take your fitness to new lev- All the instructors at Energia Gym vantage because most people, when to show you the ropes, you are choos- set thrown in between conversations. els, this could be the best choice for are fully qualified personal trainers. they know they will be backed up by a ing someone who knows what they are This mindset is slightly less common, you. Not only will you receive motiva- Ask at the gym for more information if couple of extra hands, can actually lift doing. While usually a muscle-bound but every gym usually has at least a few tional benefits, you will get the correct you’re interested. Imperial Chess Team retains Valentine’s Cup
Rafe Martyn all our team names in the address bar, the cat would be out of the bag as soon Sunday February 22nd saw the second as their team captain would read the installment of the Imperial College vs email so a swift cover-up operation Oxford University chess match. Start- was called for. Realising my mistake, ed in 2006 to end the Oxford Cam- I decided to recall the message. With bridge duopoly, the Valentine’s Cup the culprit email sitting right next to it, was meant to be an annual fixture. however, recalling it just once would Disappointingly, following our crush- only arouse suspicion. I therefore sent ing victory in 2006 on foreign soil, out forty recall emails to swamp his in- Oxford copped out of a revenge fixture box and ensure that he would click on last year claiming they would prefer to the recall one before even realising the play a tournament between themselves offending one was there! This did not and therefore had no time to play us. work. Not one of the anticpated “mes- This year, however, they finally roused sage recall has been successful” notifi- enough courage to accept our offer for cation was received. a return match in London. The match consisted of eight games But the landscape has changed in pitting our eight best players against the university chess-playing hierar- their best eight. With one point for chy in recent times. Whereas two year a win, half for a draw and none for a ago we were clear underdogs, this year loss, at least four-and-a-half points are many of Oxford’s better players have needed for a win. Looking at the make- graduated and others couldn’t stomach up of the teams it was clear that we had IC faced off against Oxford University eventually riding home with the Valentine’s Cup the journey down to London. Added the edge on the top four boards where to this, a few weeks before the match the stronger players were playing but it was discovered that one of England’s that on the bottom four it would be having done well to survive a dodgy slightly better position and was trying players having just thirty seconds left top fifty players, International Master fairly evenly matched. This was borne opening IC’s Jason Klimach blundered to convert it into a win while all the on the clock each, white cracked under Simon Ansell, was doing a one-year out early on as I won quickly on board a couple of pawns to end up in a lost time being careful to avoid the game the pressure and caved in allowing Pe- Masters at Imperial College. With al- two and Simon looked to be cruising endgame. Then Imperial’s Justin Hadi, suddenly evaporating into a draw. Try- ter to checkmate him. ready a quite strong team and Ansell on board 1. Three hours in to the five a fomer Oxford undergraduate him- ing to break through, this necessity of So the match ended in a tie and as leading the way we would start the hour match, Imperial’s Tom Fuller self, fell for a cheap checkmate from a avoiding the draw backfired on Peter we were the holders of the cup it was match as clear favourites. was crushing his opponent on bot- position that looked certain to end in as playing the best moves would lead hastily decided that the rule should be Given that we had only found out a tom board and though Simon Ansell a draw. And though Tom cleaned up to a dead drawn position. Instead he that the holder should keep it. It was few weeks earlier, we were sure that had been held to a draw we were two on board eight, it wasn’t long before had to accept a lost position just to an epic match which swung both ways having an International Master on up with four to play and looked to be we were one point down with just one keep some hope of swindling a win. It but thanks to some last minute heroics top board would come as a surprise to coasting to an easy victory. game left still playing. looked to be in vain as Pete’s opponent we could once again drink to a victory them. That is, until I CCed their team Then, in the space of 15 minutes, In the key game our player, Pe- continually tried to force the draw but with the beautiful Valentine’s cup at captain in an email to our team! With things suddenly went to pot. First ter Levermore, playing black, had a finally, right at the death, with both our side. Send in your sport reports: felix [email protected] sport High resolution photos only Battle for the UH Cup Imperial Medicals defeat GKT in the final but not without a scrap; see page 38
IC 4s and The Great (Relegation) Escape
somehow ended up handling outside UCL in down the left side and their Football the area. The Why Bird claimed a foul striker fired home off the far post from ULU League but the ref stood by his decision. The the narrowest of angles. IC weren’t resulting free kick was swung in, miss- pushing it every way, leaving at least 3 Imperial Men’s 4th 1 ing everyone in the box to zoom into ways they could still push, and 5 min- UCL Men’s 6th 3 the far corner. utes later it looked like game over as Undeservedly behind, IC contin- cross from the left wasn’t cleared and ued to play their game and scored an the ball was slotted in for 3-1. Ed Lobb equaliser as ridiculous as the passage Captain Scott threw caution to the of play leading up to it. A long ball was wind and changed to a 3-5-2 in search IC 4s went into their game with UCL 6s flicked back to the keeper by the studs of desperately needed goals, giving the with a clear mission statement – pick of the centre back, who looked as if team a refresher with 2 substitutions. up a point to avoid relegation. Bottom he was trying to show his teammates With 15 minutes to go, Scott threw at Christmas with a mere 5 points, the the superman move to Soulja Boy. The himself up front leaving IC’s defence 4s hopes of staying up looked about keeper picked the ball up and a back about as safe as a hooker in Ipswich, as alive as Jeremy Beadle but a spring pass was given. From the resulting and they should really have been term revival, in which they were the free kick, Jonny Hill, eager for revenge made to pay with UCL missing a host form team of the league, saw them against the team who coined his ‘Fat- of chances. Inside the last 10 IC were with their destiny in their own hands boy’ alias, picked himself up from his awarded a free kick on the left corner going into the final game. default position on the floor to plough of the box. It looked as if no-one was UCL had already won the league by his way thorough 4 of the men in the going to take it, until Chris stepped up a distance and came to fortress Har- wall, allowing Damian to fire through and dispatched over the wall into the lington eager to show their class. IC the gap to equalise. top corner. IC continued to press and lined up in normal fashion, with the 1-1 at half time and so far a solid with the clock in the final minute a 4-5-1 formation that had served them performance from Aubergine and long ball from Pursey found Damian in so well this term, and were further in- his charges. 10 minutes into the sec- a 50-50 with the keeper, which he won spired by the sight of team idol and all ond half IC were presented with a fab to lob the ball over his head and into round good guy Flex QC on the adja- chance thanks to an error by the UCL the unguarded net. cent pitch.. Both teams started well keeper. Matty Smith had time to pick The final whistle was blown on the with UCL looking dangerous from the his spot and hit a rocket that was de- feast of football and IC 4s had earned right but ICs defence holding firm. flected onto the inside of the post – IC the point needed to pull off the great- However, halfway through the first half inches from taking the lead. However, est relegation escape in non-league goalkeeper Pursey came to the edge of they couldn’t capitalise on their pres- football. Scott, although not Turkish, his box to collect a through ball and sure and some poor defending allowed was clearly delighted. A third goal and equalizer for IC in dying minutes saved their season