Richard Adam

Light Date? Queen His First Love His First Love Pissed And His New Home, Home, His New Had A Blast One Night Stand Malcolm Got Enda Markey Unrepentant Show Show Unrepentant Music And Being An And Being Music But Was it With His it Was But Football uire And McGuire Eddie Boys Love Love Boys Football Collaboration Football Talk About Their Queer About Talk Collingwood’s Pink Magpies Pink Collingwood’s White Slave Trade Gives You The Guide To Surviving Trade Trade Surviving To The Guide You Gives Trade White Slave Therapy And The Girls At Gatecrasher Get Way Too Trashy Too Way At Gatecrasher Get The Girls And Therapy And The One Night Stand, Dr Paul Talks Intense Pulsed Intense Pulsed Talks Dr Paul The One Night Stand, And Plus:

MAY 2004

Community About The Rainbow The Rainbow About Boy Talks Frankly Frankly Talks Boy Performance Gay Gay Performance All-Round Busy Adrian Kirk Adrian

Spills All – Oh My! But Is He Happy? Spills

Melbourne’s Stately Homo Comic, Homo Comic, Stately Melbourne’s Richard Adam

May’s centrefold gets two IssueMay 2 2004 buff roller boys to play it

Publisher up for the camera at Queer Netkey Pty Ltd Station @ F4. It’s never too Managing Editor early to think about getting Anthony Baker 0408 520 058 out those roller blades [email protected] and tight shorts Sales Manager for the St. Kilda Brett Hayhoe 0422 632 690 boardwalk. [email protected]

Creative Director Tracey Shung

Contributing Writers Andrew Shaw, Tim Hunter, Morag & Tiffany, & Memphis

Contributing Photographers D.J. Glasheen & Darren Gill

All QMAGAZINE photographs are taken exclusively on a SONY Cybershot Digital Camera, available from SONY Central, Chapel Street, Prahran.

Printing Energi Print

ISSN INSiDE 1328-9357 06:Get QMAGAZINE 08:Adam Richard PO Box 7479, St. Kilda Road, Melbourne, Victoria 8004 10:Q Launch Party [email protected] www.qmagazine.com.au 12:Pink Magpies LEGAL DISCLAIMER 14: Dr Paul Q Magazine is a free publication and can only be distributed through selected 16:Centrefold outlets. Views expressed in Q Magazine do not necessarily represent the opinions of the editors or publishers. No 18:Enda Markey responsibility is accepted by Q Magazine for accuracy of the advertisements and 19:Cinema information within the publication. All material forwarded to the magazine will & T.V Previews be assumed intended for publication and unless clearly labelled “Not for 20:Gatecrasher publication”. Reproduction in whole or in part without the expressed permission 22:One Night Stand of the publisher is prohibited. Q Magazine consumed dozens of Baker’s Delight 26:Out in Melbourne Choc Chip Hot Cross Buns during the production of this issue and advocates 28:After Trade their ongoing baking. 30:Beautiful People Netkey Pty Ltd ACN 078 939 054 ABN 43 356 502 122 T/A Q Magazine Copyright 2004 Editor’s Note

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Were you bully or bullied? bully you Were wasn’t I nasty. was I but bully, a wasn’t I It was bullied either. that Boy George era, the androgyny and I dress didn’t up malarky much was in. the camp but all my female hair. the in ribbons the and dreadlocks friends did. The a hag fag? you Were Kind of. I was the token poofter school. at out? were You I’ve been out Yeah, since I was about 16. know know if she’s exactly looks talented. gorgeous She but she’s only emotionally really plays she when convincing disconnected freaks. Every time she you passionate or sexy someone plays ‘Ugh!’. just go ‘Bitch’? Why I’m in this having weird done Triple transition J for phase and two now Fox years FM since I November. thought I’d just do a show about the people I slagged off on the radio over years.the last two do today? What did you Today I got up at 4.30am some coffee and and hit myself about the had head wondering why I’m doing a job that starts o’clock. at four Then off to work and I went through my notes on the Logies that I haven’t talked trawled about, the internet for wrote some things. slanderous gossip, on for? you long are How Five minutes. I (laughs). I don’t mean today I had do to reply anything to at least four today emails! was No, research. mostly Adam. me about young Tell I grew up in Brunswick and Coburg. I’ve lived just over here (points all in my direction life of Brunswick). I to school in Carlton.went Q: Your latest gig was at the Melbourne Melbourne the at was gig latest Your Q: Comedy Festival performing ‘Adam Who Richard: Bitch’. have you been stage? slagging off on Nicole Kidman. Mostly AR: alabaster. so… But she’s needy bitch. needy, a vile, She’s Tom? And I don’t he’s like a I him Hobbit. either, but I do don’t appreciate her tenacity,

QQ M M A A G G A A Z Z I I N N E E ADAM ADAM

He acts like a cross between Frank between Frank He acts like a cross he’s smart – but is he happy? Well, he’s smart – but is he happy? Well, Thring and a bitchy aunty, he has a Thring and a bitchy aunty, title of ‘Melbourne’s stately homo’? title of ‘Melbourne’s stately regular spot on Fox FM, he’s funny, on Fox FM, he’s funny, spot regular Will Adam Richard one day wear the Adam Richard Will

kind of. He talks to ANDREW SHAW. ANDREW SHAW. kind of. He talks to RICHARD

Adam 8 you wanted to make a white character funny you’d write them as if they were black, so they were kind of “sassy”. And now, if you want to make a woman funny you write her as a gay man. That’s the thing about Sex and the City, if you think about 9 them as gay men, Samantha is always at the sauna. That’s been said about Karen in Will & Grace too. She’s a drag queen essentially.

What about those portrayals, though? Jack is a silly slut, Will is uptight and unlucky in love… But I know so many gay men like Will. They all live in Brighton for some reason. They own their own properties maroon 5 with adam and they’re quite successful in their jobs, and they’re gay but… they don’t live at The Market and they don’t go out Was your first kiss with a boy or a girl? to see drag shows four nights a week. They live their lives With a boy when I was 11 or 12. We were playing Doctor as normally as they can and say, ‘Yes, I just happen to have Who and I had to be Sarah Jane. I was a gay nerd. We’d sex with men’. been shot by the love ray so we had to keep pashing – you I heard you might be kissing Eddie McGuire for the Q know how you pretend to pash and you put your hand front cover. in front? We did that and then the hands disappeared and Will Eddie let me kiss him? I’m up for a pash with Eddie, tongues got involved. don’t get me wrong! That’s quite advanced. Really? I used to do a striptease to get ready for school when I Well, I do barrack for Collingwood, so I’m indebted to was about 6 or 7. I made my mother put on Big Spender Eddie for his work with the team. And I’ve heard that he’s by Shirley Bassey and I used to do a strip to get out of raked people over the coals for saying homophobic things my pajamas. on TV. Were you happy? Why is he so supportive? Yeah… Kind of… My mum was great. I think my dad was He’s a smart businessman more than anything else. He freaked out. He was a cleaner and a bartender. Mum was knows that by vilifying one group of people you upset a a housewife for a while but we were living on the wrong larger group of people. And he works in the entertainment side of the poverty line so she got jobs as a secretary, that industry for Christ’s sake! sort of thing. Mum went out of her way to make sure me You write short stories don’t you? and my sister didn’t want for anything. Yes, but I haven’t written for so long. I was doing Which did you realize first: that you were gay or that professional writing and editing at RMIT and started doing you were funny? stand up at the same time as a hobby. I keep thinking it will It’s all the same part and parcel, darl. When I was little I settle down enough for me to write properly, but now I used to love people like Mr Humphries on Are you Being have a job in comedy. Served? and Kenneth Williams in the Carry On movies Is writing what you want to do? – all those really camp guys. I used to think that stuff was That’s what drew me to stand up. I love performing as well, hysterical. but it is an art form where you can write and perform One of the reasons I am open about my sexuality on at the same time – sometimes right there while you’re radio and TV is because when I was a kid it was Kenneth talking. Then the next night you refine it. I always wanted Williams and Mr Humphries who I identified with, but to be a writer. they weren’t necessarily gay. It was… maybe they were... Why are most people not doing what they really want Whereas now people can say to their parents, ‘You know to do? how you laugh at that guy on Fox? Well I’m gay too. But Technically I am a writer. I write an hour-long show. not as hilarious’ (laughs). Anecdotes are stories, you have to find little peaks and What do you do to relax? troughs. I sleep. That’s all I’ve got in my life now. I love watching TV. You’re gay: do you like fluffy little dogs? Do you have cable? No (laughs). When I go to Queens Parade in Clifton Hill Yes. The gay channel is Arena. It’s all entertainment news. there are these middle-aged heterosexual couples with Who are the gay icons now on TV? toddlers and middle-aged poofs with tiny furry dogs – a We’ve got Queer Eye, Frasier - that’s so gay. And Sex sort of barking handbag. Why not just get ‘Louis Vuitton’ and the City. I was reading this thing about the 80s that if embossed on the side and get it over with?

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12 Ten signs your a healthy guy school match between Scotch College and Melbourne Melbourne and College Scotch between match school private a was Football Australian of game official first The September it’s footy, footy, footy. to March tipping.From footy office the into recruited been have already may you sport in interest no haveyou if Even heritage. city’s the of part It’sgame. League Football Australian an at MCG. When two tribes go to war the in Melbourne it’s toward probably marching necks, their around wrapped scarves two-toned with fanatics weekend them:the seen We’veall Playing the field the stateof(gay)play. Magpies’ Richard Watts about Eddie McGuire andthePink spoke toCollingwoodpresident weekend ANDREW SHAW dominating Melbourne’s With the AFL seasonnow E N I Z A G A M Q he grew up in a family of Collingwood fanatics and had two had and fanatics Collingwood of family a in up grew he group the emblem, in September 2001.formed Coordinator Richard avianWatts says white and black Collingwood’s from lesbian name Magpies. and Taking their Pink gay the club: fully-functioning supporters a have to first club the only also and is teams, AFL first the of one Collingwood, were in1896. formed In1987thegamewent clubs national. Melbourne South and Kilda St Melbourne, Geelong, The game caught on: Collingwood, Carlton, Essendon, Fitzroy, in1858. Grammar choices: embrace the game or ignore it. Butch’ there wouldn’t have been too much of a problem “I tried both options,” Watts says. “Growing up as an with it. There was a huge reaction on talkback radio: ‘Oh, openly gay teenager in a country town in the 80s I actively it’s all right for Eddie McGuire, but he wouldn’t have a despised football and the people who played and followed Collingwood bloke do it.’ So I thought I would take it to the it – probably something to do with being regularly poofter- extreme level and play the role myself.” bashed by my high school’s footy players.” The incident made it to Federal Parliament, with Democrats Then, in his late twenties, Watts came under the influence senator Andrew Bartlett saying Nathan Brown’s withdrawal of a footy-loving flatmate and discovered the passion and sent out the message that playing a gay character was not drama in the game. So why didn’t he just attend as a regular suitable for a role model like a sportsman. fan? No AFL player has ever come out, although McGuire has “I’d done just that for some time, and I got sick of hearing said he would be “rapt” if a Collingwood player were the the ‘[Matthew] Primus takes it up the arse, do-dah, do-dah’ first. “I think whereas once upon a time this would become chants from fellow Collingwood supporters, and vice-versa a major issue now it would be, ‘Oh yeah? Good. Next.’. It from opposition supporters about Tarrant/Buckley/insert would test the bona fides of the mission statement that we Collingwood player of choice. I felt it was time to take a have at Collingwood with regard to us being an inclusionist stand and say, ‘Hey, queers follow footy too ya know!’ Just as club. We stand firmly behind the line that all you have to do it was time to address racism in football in the 90s, I think to be a Collinwood person is have a black and white scarf it’s time to address homophobia today.” and barrack for the Pies.” Watts says Collingwood has been “enormously supportive” Richard Watts believes McGuire would support a gay of the Pink Magpies, from the board level down to players player. attending functions and doing interviews for the newsletter. “I have no doubt that he would be delighted to have the first Other Collingwood supporters accepted the Pink Magpies out gay AFL player as a Collingwood player, for promotional almost without exception. “The occasional unenlightened purposes yes. But also because I think he genuinely supports dickhead in the cheer squad might like to use ‘poofter’ as diversity and acceptance of individuality. an insult,” Watts says. “But that says more about their own “Why a gay player hasn’t come out yet is a much more insecurities than anything else.” complicated question. It’s a combination of covert AFL is not just a sport, it’s a massive business. It’s homophobia from clubs, player management and the media, entertainment, showbiz – and it could be argued that its that I suspect is linked mainly to a perception that coming biggest star is not a player but Collingwood’s president, out would equal a loss of income from sponsorship; that is, Eddie McGuire. A former journalist and now TV game show gay players may be seen as harder to market successfully host, McGuire also fronts The Footy Show, the week’s most than straight players. compulsive viewing for fans. Like it or not, McGuire is the “Of course [former rugby league player] Ian Roberts actually face of AFL. increased his level of sponsorship when he came out, which He doesn’t hesitate when asked if the Pink Magpies would disproves that particular argument. But given that far too have had a harder run of it if he had he not been president many player managers are ex-players themselves, and carry of Collingwood. around the conservatism of a previous generation, it’s no “Probably,” he says flatly. “Look, I’m probably more exposed surprise that such outmoded attitudes are still dominating than a lot of people to the gay community just through what the game.” I do day to day. I’ve got a number of gay friends, I work with Although it’s hoped the Pink Magpies’ example will influence gay colleagues. For me, gay people are mainstream these other clubs, at the moment the Pies fly solo. An attempt to days.” start a Carlton gay and lesbian supporters club last year McGuire believes his job as president calls for a combination failed. Watts says the Sydney and Brisbane AFL clubs have of diplomacy and “dictatorship”. “If you want me to be the been approached, but there has been nothing yet. president of the football club then some of my values have to He says he doesn’t believe in revolution, but wants to be involved in the club as well. I have absolutely no tolerance change things “from the ground up”. “That’s what we’re for bigotry at all, whether it’s sexual, racial, or socio-economic. trying to do with the Pink Magpies. The big picture is about That’s just like the jumper. That is black and white.” trying to change the whole structure of football, to make His diplomacy was given an outing recently when he stepped it more inclusive and less misogynistic and homophobic. If into the role of gay anaesthetist Dr Pink on The Footy Show’s that helps a few players come out along the way so much weekly soap opera spoof. The parts are usually played by the better.” AFL players, but Richmond withdrew team member Nathan And then he has one final comment: Brown from the role of Dr Pink in February. McGuire says “CARN THE PIES!” he “couldn’t believe the hoo-ha”. “Richmond was saying he had to concentrate on his football If you would like to know more about the Pink Magpies contact and all that, but I sensed that if his role had have been ‘Dr them on (03) 8415 0665 (AH) or go to www.pinkmagpies.net you wi e more than happy with the younger, more younger, the with happy than more e wi you o wl b mr ta hpy ih the with happy than younger, morerelaxed youinthemirror, more be will you o wl b mr ta hpy ih h yugr more younger, the with happy relaxed than you inthemirror, more be will you 14 you inthemirror,younger, the relaxed with more happy than more be will you o wl b mr ta hpy with happy the than in mirror, you relaxed more more younger, be the will you the younger, more relaxed you you wi e more than happy with Ten signs your a healthy guy

WelcomeMagazines Q to back deal’‘real ins forthe forum and outs of the Skin, Laser and Cosmetic world. Last month was Botox ® and Dysport® for wrinkle busting and this and busting wrinkle for Dysport® and ® Botox was month its Red and Brown blemish removal.

Intense Pulsed Light

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Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) is the hottest topic buzzing the media at present because one of the founders, Bitter (USA), was in the country this month giving talks and talks giving month this country the in (USA),was Bitter lectures, one of which I attended. o ht s P (lo ald htdr, Photofacial, Photoderm, called (also IPL is what So htrjvnto – t al h sm tig aya? Its anyway? thing) same the all its – Photorejevenation basically a box with large flashlamps inside controlled by a by controlled inside flashlamps large with box a basically computer allowing the user to deliver controlled, flashes of flashes controlled,deliver to user the allowing computer differentwavelengths achieveto skin the to light of specific a results, usually red or brown spot removal, but can be used be can removal,but spot brown or red results,usually for hair removal, pores tightening, acne and rosacea reduction and collagen tightening. A laser on the other hand delivers delivers hand other the on laser tightening.A collagen and ih o ol OE aeegh hs ae Lsr get for great Lasers makes wavelength. This ONE only of light one or two jobs, but the IPL flexible and adjustable to many to adjustable and flexible jobs,IPL two the or but one skin types and for many problems. This, however, is much very a two edged sword, in that, using IPL needs to have a person extensive experience and skill to match up all the variables variables the all up match to skill and experience extensive of IPL to the person lying on the table, and then hold the hold then and table, the on lying person the to IPL of handpiece just at the right distance to give a result without result a give to distance right the at just handpiece burning the skin. burning The way IPL delivers a result is via the process of red and red of process the via is result a delivers IPL way The brown pigment absorbing certain colors (wavelengths) of light. So, filters are placed on the handpiece to select appropriate appropriate select to handpiece the on placed So,are filters aeegh fr e o bon imn (r ar follicles), hair (or pigment brown or red for wavelengths and the pigment absorbs the light energy. As the energy is energy energy.the As light the absorbs pigment the and bobd te agt bet eg feke hn et u and up heats then freckle e.g. object, target the absorbed, the cells are damaged / destroyed./ reject damaged then are will cells body the The these damaged cells over the coming week and the freckle the and week coming the over cells damaged these falls off! Similar process and for the red capillaries, birthmarks like. Collagen is tightened by absorbing scattered heat from heat scattered absorbing by tightened is Collagen like. the light causing it to shrink slightly (at the right temperature) and slowly and slow aging. reduce fine wrinkles hr hv be mn css f un ad cr around scars and burns of cases many been have There Australia in the last few years due to the proliferation of IPL of proliferation the to due years few last the in Australia machines used by poorly trained individuals because the law the because individuals trained poorly by used machines does not prohibit sale of these machines to anyone.to machines these of sale prohibit not Youdoes can now find IPL units in Hairdressing salons and Beauty Spas, and believe me, the proverbial is hitting the fan. Its not so much the brand of IPL machine that matters, but the person driving it that will determine how good your results your good how determine will that it driving person are. Treatments range from $150 - $400 per treatment, usually based on how long the treatment takes (15min to 45 mins).45 to (15min takes treatment the long how on based In a medical clinic,medical a In availableis $105 of rebate medicare a for large red capillaries on the face and certain birthmarks. Next birthmarks. on red the capillaries face large and certain Issue – High-Tech Skin Care, what really works! you you will be more than happy more with relaxed the younger, in the mirror, you

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Q M A G A Z I N E Queer Station @ F4, 322 Little Collins Street, Melbourne 18 Culture Vulture Culture Vulture

Let’s get one thing straight from the start – it’s Enda. E N D A, Irish-Celtic for ‘bird-like’, and comes from He’s also done Midsumma (a number the same name as Enya, except it’s a male name. of times), Mardi Gras (opening night at Hyde park – “Amazing!”), Pride “I’m from the South, she’s from And I do, but we had digressed. This in Perth, and this year is going up the North,” explains Enda Markey, interview is about Enda, not me. for Brisbane’s Gay and Lesbian the bearer of this unusual moniker, Eventually, Enda found his way to Pride Festival to perform with Paul and not, as he is commonly Australia, and from there, never looked Capsis (“I am their Pride Festival!” mistaken for, Edna, Andy or Ender. back, although maybe he should have. he jokes), as well as touring his The poor boy, imagine having to “I went to Townsville,” he explains, controversial show, One Night Stand. deal with those kind of jokes or “which I didn’t know quite what I Given all that rainbow exposure, misconceptions on a daily basis. was getting myself in for, and then does Enda see himself as a gay And being an Irish cabaret singer I did a gig at the Albury – they cabaret performer? “I don’t mind can’t help either. Although, “Shane booked me thinking I was a drag being known as a cabaret performer Hewitt and Mark Jones wrote queen, and that was one of the more who happens to be gay. It’s pretty me this song, called ‘My Name Is embarrassing moments of my life.” obvious, I’m a cabaret performer, I Enda’,” he laughs down the phone, This isn’t uncommon for Enda; sing show tunes for a living, it’s not a “which is like my very own ‘Liza territory that goes with his Irish heterosexual calling, like truckdriving. with a Z’, which I quite like, and name. “One night I was billed But I do think my sexuality is hopefully sets the record straight.” between a stripper and a drag queen secondary to my career. I’m not The 28 (just) year old Mr Markey at the Market. Where do you fit in cashing in on my sexuality for the sake was born in Dublin, Ireland, and when you look like a sausage roll?” of my career; it’s just that my most lived there till he was sixteen, before Enda returned home, recorded his successful shows that have been the moving to London to study musical first album, and returned to Australia, ones in the gay festivals. And it’s fun theatre at Laine Theatre Arts for this time to Melbourne, where he fell being able to do these smutty jokes.” three years. After a flurry of shows in love instantly…with the city, not But he’s happy with that at the in Ireland, including performing in the some cute thang smiling at him from moment. As he says himself, the gay Stephen Sondheim musical Follies the audience. He determined to live audience is incredibly loyal, and will with Judy Garland’s daughter Lorna here, and after one more trip home undoubtedly continue to support Luft and Keeping Up Appearances to collect himself, he relocated here. him as he presents his show Alone star, Mary Miller, and being the Since being here, he’s made quite Together at the Butterfly Club in youngest man to perform in another a name for himself as a cabaret May, before recording another Sondheim musical, Side By Side, dear performer, which emanates from album in time for a return season young Enda moved into cabaret. his love of musicals. “I enjoy of One Night Stand at Chapel It’s around here I disclose that I’m musicals, but I think some musicals Off Chapel at the end of July. not a huge show queen, and not are awful. Some things should And then there’s Perth, and New all that familiar with Sondheim’s not be put to music. Cabaret I York maybe. It seems there’s no work, although Enda assures me I like because of the connection of stopping this boy. And he’s single, probably know more than I realise. the audience, and the intimacy.” by the way, if anyone’s interested… words: Tim Hunter

Q M A G A Z I N E ] STRANGE BEDFELLOWS STARKSY AND HUTCH Directed by Dean Murphy Directed by Todd Phillips Starring Paul Hogan, Michael Starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Caton, Pete Postlethwaite, Monica Vince Vaughn, Juliette Lewis and Maughan, Paula Duncan, Glyn Snoop Dogg 19 Nicholas AND Amanda Monroe As a rule, these 1970’s TV show To be honest, this sounded really remakes are disappointing, but cinema

[ dodgy. Country blokes Ralph there’s something about this one that (Caton) and Vince (Hoges) are best actually works. Maybe it’s because ‘straight’ mates who have a go at they’re not trying to lampoon the ] THE BLOCK pretending to be gay to get Vince original show, which starred David Sundays, 6.30pm, Nine Network out of a nasty tax bill. They think Soul and Paul Michael Glaser, but It’s that time of year again, and The they’ve gotten away with it too, produce a film that could very well Block 2 has hit our screens. As until the Tax Department decides to have been a movie-length episode predicted, there’s another gay couple send an investigator (Postlethwaite) of the series. Stiller and Owen (cute, in the Manly-based renovation series, to check them out. So after a few even with the crooked nose) have Gold Coast couple Steven and lessons with the town hairdresser fun with everything, but don’t get Richard. Happily, it’s ex Playgirl model (Nicholas), it’s off to Sydney to learn lost in self-indulgent piss-taking. One Dani and girlfriend Monique that are to be really gay. of the better mainstream comedies getting all the attention for his drug- The surprise in this film is that it’s of this year. related charges! Camp! not as homophobic as it could have been. Yes, it’s broad, it’s obvious, ELEPHANT previews [ t.v. BIG BROTHER 4 and none too subtle, but it’s poking Directed by Gus Van Sant Network Ten more fun at small-town attitude Starring a cast of gorgeous This timer around, they’re really towards gay men than gay men nobodies, and so much better for it. pushing the whole ‘original’ reality themselves. Hoges, it has to be Winner of Cannes’ 2003 Palm TV show angle on Big Brother, said, is as wooden as your mum’s D’Or, this film is not to be missed. while claiming there’s a secret to be favourite kitchen spoon, but Caton Following a group of disparate revealed. What is it, do we wonder? manages well, and gets more to students around an American high Are they going to have another poof do at least than Melbourne drag school, Elephant is a beautifully or dyke as a housemate? Maybe queens Amanda Monroe and Jessica voyeuristic film that stays incredibly more than one? Do we really care? Nicholas, who, as Amanda predicted objective, and doesn’t manipulate Possibly…we’ll have to watch to find last month mostly ended up on the your emotions or expectations. It’s out. cutting room floor. And despite it tender and achingly poignant, not being set in Sydney, look out for a without humour – the three teenage And of course, there’s Queer Eye for few familiar Melbourne faces in the girls and their lunchtime visit to the the Straight Guy and Queer as Folk nightclub scene. girl’s room is very funny, and sad for the boys, The L Word, and the Strange Bedfellows isn’t going to win at the same time. But it’s nothing new sexy All Saints Emergency, with any Oscars, but it’s not nearly as bad compared with the film’s climax. Be lesbian doctor Charlotte Beaumont, as it could have been. prepared, be rewarded. for the grrls. reviews: Tim Hunter

Q M A G A Z I N E 20 20 Out ingatecrasher Melbourne An alternativelookata lovely note. onamorepersonal rather something you with share to ﬁ in my very opportunity column rst clubbing!), I thought I would take the (and I with do Morag mean HEAVY clubbing heavy of world glitzy the into gyrating start we before Now steal a few minutes at the keyboard. to managed have I see, can however,you as skills), writing my effect should dumb OR deaf being column…………….(not that this for writing the all doing be would SHE that and dumb and deaf I now was that you informed Morag sister my column months last detox In the centre. at room my in silence of world dreamy the the from you to It’s younggorgeous everyone! Tiffany here, writing hello Well ac sho i te ai ed of end Paris modern the in a school dance start and Priest High the ﬁ up cross, x the from escape to going was Jesus thought he confess that did HB Anyway, out, walking after point! some needle perform fabulous also could I that felt I reason strange some for and hear,could speak,I could I miracle. a was CRAP!”Yes! It IS said “THIS every in and up stood I conceivable manner; stop Jesus non poor beaten _ being watching 2 and for hours subtitles reading After eventuate. to about was miracle a myself; or HB to sensation, unbeknown tingling and strange a felt I movie the through quarters three Anyway, seats sumptuous….. the are least there At in. went and vodi’s more several had I ‘Passion’ Gibson’s Mel was choice of movie the that movie.informed being On our ‘romantic’for tickets the get to Vodkas at King Pin Bowling, HB went Cinema,refreshing few a on sipped I as and Anderson the our into made way we sunroof, the pigtail from my clearing After movies. the to off went and coupe sports our into jumped myself and short), shall for HB just or Bun, we Honey him call so anonymous, remain to wishes young (who friend a gentleman Wednesday other The E N I Z A G A M Q E N I Z A G A M Q lads, girlsnightout! out of the sunroof whilst it’s being it’s whilst sunroof the of out everyone. for “Do this not have your head in lesson a is there think I night! a What Babylon………….. up toover Easter…… through a few lines of what she was note that me faxed however,has Morag On dear sex. and clubbing about all not is life agree you that and month, last on little goings personal my about read you as you wept of most sure I’m dears, Well closed!” ✴ 21

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Let me see…. Go to the movies down at the Greyhound and at with a gentleman friend who wants Pink at the Newmarket – (remind to remain anonymous (by the way me not to wear Tiffany’s old dress HB is Dougal from DT’s for those when I do St Kilda venues, some of who don’t know, and the tingling her old regulars kept tooting their sensation she felt at the movies was horns). By 1am it was time to try �� a little something I got Dougal to Commercial Rd, and a girl can’t �� spike her drink with – and Tiffany walk past Diva Bar without having �� dear, just to let you know as you a few. By 3am, it was time to wipe walked out before the end of the the vomit from my dress and my movie – Jesus DIES!) Anyway, what chin, and to try and convince the an Easter Morag had! Now, for the gorgeous doormen at the Market ✶ record – I was not the one on the that I’m not as trashed as I appear. i podium at Rawhide wearing a white By 9am, it was time again to leave hat, with my tits out and my ovaries the celestial delights, the boys and dribbling down my leg (my tits are the lasers and then convince the ✴ a lot more haggard than the pretty taxi driver that Miss Candy is not ✴��✶ little pert things that where on the only one in town who doesn’t display). After kneeling down to kiss like paying cash for a ride home. �� the cross at 3pm on Good Friday, I forgot I was at Rawhide and ended (it’s not all romance and fairy fl oss, �� up kissing crotches instead…..what Tiffany dear…..) �� a party! But it didn’t end there; I decided to make a weekend of it Info & Gossip to �� i and on Saturday visited my sisters [email protected] �� ✴ i Making your Life More Entertaining 164 Church Street, Richmond Q M A G A Z I N E 22 Out in Melbourne didn’t likeonenightstands?Since we startedthiscrazycombination north ofthe Yarra. Ed:Justforthe north sideoftownandgetthem with victims...ummapplicants. have beenmore thaninundated send ourblinddatesovertothe Yeah cruising withotherguys, to review thebestofeverything record Idon’townapinkfluffy coat, orafeatherboabutatthis o ta i sm cmiain ad his only badhabit issleepingtoomuch. and combination. some is that Ed: Now Durie. Jamie and food chinese eyes, great hung include ons “package”.turn His optional an and smile great looking, good honest,as wouldupfront, described fairly best be guy ideal His trade. by barman is and tall 5’11”60kgs, 20, he’s Adam,Meet and drinking. smoking is habit bad confessed self only forthing a Kyan EyeQueer from fame. His crazy, energetic, of bit a has he and as confident,extraverted his describe would friends His questions.) of loads him ask to going am I so accent lovely a with speaks He editor. (Ed: and TV film freelance a is and tall 5’7” 67kg, 21, he’s Malcom, Meet For thismonthwedecidedto of blindandspeeddatingwe Who saidgayboysandgirls rate Iamgoingtoneedone I’m notsure where Adam got too… real soon! E N I Z A G A M Q

Prior to the Date 8:25PM or increased the chemistry between We sent our two boys off to Banish The boys are chatting heaps and you boys? Adam: “He was very cute, by Laser on Commercial Road for a swapping stories. All appears to be his whole personality was so honest cleansing Dermabrasion and Vitamin going good – they are just not as fast and shall I say ‘virgin like’ sweet C treatment. They both felt better as our boys last month, who were and innocent like candy.” Malcolm: 23 for the experience, not to mention ready to jump each other by this “No first moves, still enjoying looked wonderful and young too stage. What’s the atmosphere in the conversation. We connected on a Hotel like? Malcolm: “Great venue, conversation level.” friendly place, nice atmosphere, 7:30PM very chilled out! Lots of smiley faces, 10:35PM Our photographer and chaperone strange but kitchy décor, would go By this stage of the evening the boys are waiting with Adam at DT’s, our there to play pool!” Adam: “DT’s had made their way to the Peel other boy is either a no show, running were fantastic a big mwah to them Dance Bar, where the music was later or very lost. If he doesn’t show all so warm and friendly.” loud and pumping and the drinks soon, we will have to send our cute kept on coming. What was the music and very straight photographer and crowd like on a Saturday night Darren on the date instead. 8:45PM The guys are getting hungry and at the Peel? Adam: “Wonderful. The about to head to dinner at Vibe on atmosphere was just so vibrant and Smith, we chatted briefly while they it really got me in the mood, really 7:50PM were heading out the door. Is there alive.” Malcolm: “To be honest I don’t Malcolm final arrives and the boys any bonding or chemistry brewing? remember much. Not really my kind start to get to know one another. Malcolm: “Um there’s no ‘chemistry’ of bar but had a few laughs, seems Malcolm: “Adam seems nice, a lot of on my part I think we’d make great like a cool venue, great dance floor. good conversation, let see how we friends … but I think he’d agree Due to alcohol consumption, I would go.” Adam: “No expectations as ye that nether of us suit each other.” have had fun anywhere ... I think the but my date Malcolm is really nice.” Adam: “No chemistry there, great bar staff were nice certainly very onenightstand accommodating!” guy with a lot of good conversation but I get the feeling that he feels the same.” Ed: Werps! This isn’t what we 10:45PM wanted, maybe some more alcohol How did you enjoy dancing with you might help. blind date? Malcolm: “No dancing, I think we went out separate ways, 9:20PM we both had consumed a reasonable Since we are on the north side of amount of alcohol by this stage and the Yarra, we decided to send the I remember dancing but not with boys to Vibe on Smith for a late Adam.” Adam: “We never danced dinner. As usual the waiting staff I could never find him.” Ed: I think out do themselves, Malcolm: “The I will loose my honorary pimp waiter staff were fantastic, really nice membership for this match up. people, had loads of fun and good service! Funky outlook, great dinner 12:35PM atmosphere … something a little The boys eventually found each other different of ‘off the walI’ but chose at the Peel, and decided it was time the steak, cooked nicely.” Adam: “Oh to head over to Wet on Wellington the restaurant where do I start … and see what was happening. Any mood is very mellow and soothing, hesitation or second thoughts about that comes from the décor. The attending the sex on premise venue staff was wonderful, very warm and with your blind date? Malcolm: “No, inviting. And the roast chicken and but I wasn’t really intending on going oh my god it was FABULOUS.” there with him, I think by that point we had realised that we were not 9:50PM a match.” Adam: “No, but once we Has the atmosphere (or the were changed he was gone and influence of wine) helped the flirting that’s the last I saw of him.”

Q M A G A Z I N E 24 Out in Melbourne wavelength. don’t think they are even on the same I These all,and at connect didn’t Ed:really boys places.” all wonderful were they such again time and time ventures our of Gay all visit will Melbourne I Scene. Glorious the him Peel again with him. Iplan on showing the to go two,maybe or again drink a for him see definitely “I’ll Adam: hospitality.” great to Melbourne’s way of some best explore the was Stand Night One places, the of some to back go definitely Will type. great my not but not,guy probably “No Malcolm: Will you guysseeeachotheragain? The Boys Verdict would I have to.” beenmoreattracted that guys few the a … had venue too got Adam where sure guys,not other I’m Yeahwith cruising impressed.really was before,I one to been really never had I great, “Really Malcolm: something.” of gods Greek all were we like Greece of that was décor the it of hang the got butI first Adam: “I didn’t feel too comfortable at venueitself? the of think Anycruising? they did of Wet,what ends opposite to disappeared boy the though Even 1:15PM real soon. come andplay with us might beinvited to register now andyou Magazine onlineand to. JumpontoQ what you gotup population reading mind Melbourne’s gay Night Stand, anddon’t inOne participate have somefunand If you would like to Venue 7/8 Sex onPremises Collingwood Wellington Street Wet on Wellington 10/7 Dance/Night Club Collingwood Wellington Streets, Cnr Peel and The Peel DanceBar 8/8 Restaurant Smith Street, Fitzroy Vibe onSmith Bar/Hotel 10/7 Richmond 164 ChurchStreet, DT’s Hotel Adam/Malcolm The Venues 8/3 Click Factor: 10/4 Mojo/Sex Appeal: his butt Butt: 10/Ididn’tsee Smile: 10/8 Intelligence: 8/7 6/8 Sense ofHumour: Eyes: 9/7 Malcolm on Adam Adam onMalcolm/ Each Other Rating E N I Z A G A M Q Giveaways Signed Jersey Magazine Onlineatwww.qmagazine.com.au toenter. Bedfellows. Foryou chancetowin, logontoQ toseeStrange Passes toQMagazinereaders aregivingaway 20Double Becker Entertainment BedfellowsStrange Giveaway now.qmagazine.com.au To entersimply logontoQMagazineOnlineatwww. of your friends. towinafantasticdinnerfor you andnine you deserve For your chance to win, tell us in 25 words or less why and socialisingatQV. choicefor meeting andbrasserie, thenatural brewery away aDinnerfor 10peopletothefantasticnewbar, 3 DegreesinconjunctionwithQMagazinearegiving Win A DinnerFor10@3Degrees make sureyou areaQMagazineOnlinesubscriber. Dome matches. Foryour chancetowinadouble pass, is alsogivingaway regulardouble passestoall Telstra If thatisn’tenoughfor you football fans, QMagazine au toenter. log ontoQMagazineOnlineatwww.qmagazine.com. For your chancetowinthis fantasticfootball prize, Telstra Domeanda$50voucher andfood. for drinks jersey, 2tickets toaCollingwood Footballmatchat packcontainingasignedteam ultimate Magpiesprize towinthe giving oneluckyreadertheopportunity The PinkMagpiesinconjunctionwithQMagazineare Win A Collingwood Football

Q M A G A Z I N E 26 Out in Melbourne peel peel diva diva spargo’s dt’s diva diva peel market maximus E N I Z A G A M Q E N I Z A G A M Q rawhide dt’s g pink peel reyhound laird pink b pink peel ubbalicious market 27

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Q M A G A Z I N E Q M A G A Z I N E 28 fashion

Meeting in Public What do you do when you see ex- AFTER TRADE trade out in public? Whatever you do, be discrete. He may be with So you’ve picked up the man of your dreams – or more friends, boyfriend, parents, wife…as you might be too. Don’t ignore him. White Slave Trafﬁc likely, the man of the moment – either at a venue, under Make eye contact at least – we’re a tree, in a chat room or the sauna. You’ve had sex…now good at that, remember – and then what? Here are 10 handy after-trade tips to keep in mind. risk a little wave, a hello, even a pash.

Keep it Clean Sex can be messy, so have towels Just the Once, Blowing His Chat handy – especially if you’re hosting. Thanks Room Cover Not all of us actually like semen One-night stands are that for a If you met in a chat room, don’t smeared from arsehole to breakfast reason. A heat of the moment need. blag him afterwards, even if it was Royal Exhibition Building Carlton time, so if you’re at home, offer Often a rematch is disastrous, unless bad sex. Remember, he can do the Friday 21st May (12noon-9pm) trade a shower, and join him if it it develops into a ‘buddy’ situation. same to you. If it was good sex, and Saturday 22nd May (12noon-9pm) seems right. If you’re doing public Just be happy fantasising with the you see him in the chat room again, Sunday 23rd May (12noon-6pm) Aftersex, a nana pack of tissues won’t memory if it Tradewas a good one, and have a quick chat, and either line go astray. thank your lucky stars it was a one- up a rematch or move on to fresh off if it was shocking. meat – er, trade. style The Exit Admission $13 Concession $8 Gay men have an in-built after-sex The Contact Maintain the flight instinct, but if you want to just Number Thing Mystery Over 100 displays, Organised by Gayaz Expo Pty. Ltd. run, do it nicely. Easy at a beat or If you have swapped contact details, It’s not a good idea to speak too www.gayaz.com.au a sauna, not so easy at someone’s and you do want a second go, do liberally with friends about your seminars and home. Make comment on the the 24 hours thing before you start sexual conquests. It’s often TMI (too entertainment. hallway artwork on your way out, filling their inbox again. Remember much information), can lead to envy, Gay and lesbian to always say how much you prizes to be polite. If you’re hosting, ask or destroy others’ fantasies. Keep style on show for nicely if you can escort him to his enjoyed it last time. If he’s willing, coy about cock sizes and looseness car – he should get the message. then he should reply promptly, at factors, leave trade with some everyone. which point, refer to #4 above. dignity, and your friends guessing. Fashion Wining & dining Don’t Expect Business & financial Silence = No Home Brekkie If your SMS messages and/or Thanks Health & fitness Don’t travel to trade’s place emails are unanswered after three However hideous your trade was, regardless of how beautiful, Adult products expecting bed and breakfast. It’s days, take the hint. There’s nothing Holidays often just sex, no frills (unless appealing about an electronic satisfying, disappointing or you’re into that sort of thing). He embarrassing the encounter was, Arts stalker. If you’re being stalked, with Cars has a life, remember, as you do inboxes full of desperate and always, always say thank you, even life too…or maybe he doesn’t, and if psychotic messages from ex-trade, if it’s just an appreciative pat on Entertainment he turns out to be a bunny-boiler, be direct. Polite, but direct, and only the bottom. Remember, they’re a Prizes Supported by definitely don’t accept any offers. become brutal when necessary. person too. And so are you. Community groups words: Tim Hunter

Q M A G A Z I N E entertainment fashion 29

Royal Exhibition Building Carlton Friday 21st May (12noon-9pm) Saturday 22nd May (12noon-9pm) style Sunday 23rd May (12noon-6pm) Admission $13 Concession $8 Over 100 displays, Organised by Gayaz Expo Pty. Ltd. seminars and www.gayaz.com.au entertainment. prizes Gay and lesbian style on show for everyone. Fashion Wining & dining Business & financial Home Health & fitness Adult products Holidays Arts Cars life Entertainment Prizes Supported by Community groups entertainmentQ M A G A Z I N E QMagazine: You’ve been nominated for a Green Room Award. What’s the award, and what do the Green Room Awards mean to you? Adrian Kirk: It is a time when all fellow unemployed artists 30 convene and gossip about those who ARE working in the industry. It becomes blatantly obvious when one is sitting there during the Awards Ceremony, the nominations are read and the winner is announced; inevitably the recipient of the Green Room is absent to accept their award as they are interstate WORKING! No, seriously, it is THE premier Victorian Performing Arts Awards that recognizes excellence across the different disciplines. Adrian Kirk, recently Q: Will this Green Room Award nomination open doors nominated for a Green for you further aﬁ eld?

Beautiful People AK: God No! I was nominated last year and LOST to White Slave Trafﬁ c White Slave Trafﬁ Room Award, and all- some ‘little’ show called ‘The Man From Snowy River’ round busy performance The Spectacular! Can you believe it! The choice between Sondheim and HORSES! You choose. gay boy, talks frankly about Q: Do you have to be gay to be nominated for a Green his nomination, and his Room Award? Does it help at all? AK: How Presumptuous! ME GAY! It must be my bright placement in the Rainbow pink shirt? Or is it my professional association with the Community, shall talented Ms Kaye Sera? Could it be my theatrical glasses (all for effect, of course)? Does it help to be Gay? Perhaps we say. there is that ‘sympathy’ vote, as it seems to have worked for Jeff and Brett from ‘The Hot House’, I suppose!

Q: Aside from the Green Room Award nomination, you’re pretty prolifi c in the GLBTI arts/performance scene. What else have you been/are you involved in? AK: This question AGAIN! Well lately I have been working with the Melbourne Chorale, fl ying around Australia for ‘Ford’ doing some of those “oh so fabulous” 80’s corporate gigs’, performing with Young Talent Time stars John Bowles and Karen Knowles, and am currently working on the score for my next show: Stephen Sondheim’s Music Theatre piece, ‘Passion’. Q: So what do you see yourself doing in fi ve years? AK: Ideally I would love to be in a position to be working (continually!) between Music Direction in Music Theatre, Chorus Mastering, Cabaret, Accompanying and collaboration on new compositions. It keeps me fresh! Alternatively, I might just be preparing the Melbourne Gay and Lesbian Chorus for a concert entirely devoted to Dolly Parton!

words: Tim Hunter

Q M A G A Z I N E 31

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