The 109 Times
www.kingdomof109.com Volume 12, Issue 1, Nov. 2016 Inside This Issue… Mr. Huang Suspends K109 in 6th Period
M’Hammer Files De- By Herbert Scott classified……..…...... 2 In an unprecedent- citizen, the king has The “egregious ac- Vladimiroff Starts ed move, Mr. Huang chosen to suspend 6th tions” referenced were Strong ……………….3 chose to suspend 6th period from the roll the three times that Char- period from the roll call of 109. While this lie Wu called a fellow Lu Reads Minds of call of the Kingdom of order carries the ap- citizen, Otto Janke, a Fellow Citizens ....….3 109 because of pearance of punish- small potato (once in Chi- “egregious actions” by ment on the whole of nese), the unforgivable only one citizen (now 6th period, it is not. insult referred to in the Blindness Invades 1st former citizen), Char- However, the king constitution. Period …………..….4 lie Wu. determined that sus- “It was clear that he A statement by the pending the constitu- knew he shouldn’t do it Sun Defends Bunny King’s office: tion of 109 would be and did it anyway,” said Rights ……………...4 “In response to re- his only course of ac- one 6th period citizen. peated mocking of tion to prevent further Wu’s citizenship was 109’s laws and lack of egregious actions.” (Continued on page 2) penitent heart by one Departments
Skill Drills ……………. 3 Rollins Saves Sun’s Proof Ask Arvid ……………. 4
By Bob Breunig Thank you... 1st Q Flagbearers: Lizzie Sun of 6th period had just show that a particular fraction would 1st: Rachel Trainer finished her proof when Reevu reduce to an even number. 2nd: Jessica Feng Adakroy noticed a small hole in “If the product in the numerator is 3rd: Indira Nair her reasoning. Her shoulders sank even, and an even divided by an 5th: Joshua Lian as she slowly walked back to her even is always even,” said Sun. Eve-
desk...until Owen Rollins swooped ryone accepted it—everyone except LT: (none) in to save the day. the ever-thinking Reevu Adakroy. DM: Andrew Evans The proof had to do with find- “But 42 is even and 42 divided by Ambassador: not yet ing the last digit of a number in- 2 is odd,” he said. In short, Adakroy filled volving nested powers of 7. To was saying that the even numerator accomplish this task, Sun had to (Continued on page 2)
Page 2 Nov. 2016
M’H Files Declassified (Continued from page 1) do not have to follow it’s rules or restored twice, but the third mission. However, they also will By Nadia Mouscanu time, Mr. Huang had had not enjoy any of the traditions of enough. The suspension of 6th 109 unless Mr. Huang makes ex- During the 2014-15 year, period will at least until the end ceptions. Mild protests followed the kingdom was terrorized of 1st quarter at which time Mr. the decree. by RASP, the splinter group Huang will reassess the situa- “I don’t think it’s right to pun- of 210. During 2015-16, the tion. ish us, even if it was the only short-lived M’Hammer In- Unfortunately, post- way to get Charlie to shut up,” dustries flourished for a time suspension, there was a fire drill said one former citizen. and was hen hut down. The during 6th period. For the first News of the suspension has M’Hammer Industries Files, time since the adoption of the spread to fellow citizens in other now declassified, now tell us flag in 2005, Mr. Huang did not periods and even in other that RASP and M’Hammer carry staff and the 109 flag was schools. were connected. not carried by a flag bearer. “I was shocked. I don’t think In the M’H Files, CEO Mil- What are the ramifications for they realize how different they ler Hollinger admits that he the former citizens? Suspension are now,” said one TJ student. created the idea of RASP, of the constitution means that “They won’t get the last-day-of- wrote all of RASP’s corre- those in 6th period no longer fall the-quarter stuff.” spondence himself and then under the auspices of 109. They “disbanded” RASP . To make up for the animosity that he had created, Hollinger (Continued from page 1) Reevu spoke, but you could also founded M’Hammer Indus- could be the product of an odd feel the joy come back after Owen tries to improve 109 culture and even, like 42. Those cases did what he did.” and economy. M’H Indus- don’t agree with Sun. Sun expressed her gratitude to tries was later shut down Crestfallen, Sun was almost at Rollins but didn’t receive a hug. when it and a rival company her desk when Owen Rollins Hugging Rollins was a common got too competitive for Mr. noticed something. Rollins was occurrence last year in 1st period Huang. able to show that the when Rollins was Until the files were declas- numerator could be shorter and there- sified, the office of the king written as a differ- fore cuter like a denied that Hollinger had “You could also ence of two squares, teddy bear (teddy anything to do with RASP each of which were feel the joy come bears were named even though there were ru- even, thereby ex- after President The- mors to that effect. cluding cases such back after Owen odore Roosevelt). “We have now declassified as the one Adakroy Despite growing these files about Miller Hol- did what he did.” brought up. Like the up with asthma, linger now that he has moved phoenix rising from Roosevelt became on from Longfellow,” said the ashes, Sun’s and avid out- Mr. Huang. “It is now publi- proof was saved. doorsman. He ordered that the cally known that Miller Hol- “That was such a roller- Panama Canal be built and won linger wanted what was best coaster ride,” said one 6th peri- the 1906 Nobel Peace Prize for his for 109, a community of citi- od spectator. “You could feel peace efforts that helped end the zens reaching their full poten- the air leave the room when Russo-Japanese War. tial.”
Nov. 2016 Page 3 Vladimiroff Starts Strong Skill Drills Standings (after SD #7) By Tony Hill 6: Alan Vladimiroff After a less than stellar race period. Kwon had four straight 4: Youngmin Kwon, for the Skill Drills Cup last year, perfects to end the quarter. the kingdom has been jolted by Following them with 3 perfects Halasya Malladi, Jeannie young talent in the form of are Brian Lai and Sarina Saran of Qi, Alison Wan Alan Vladimiroff of 2nd period. 2nd period and Rohan Damani, 3: Brian Lai, Sarina Saran, After seven weeks of Skill Alyssa Gorbaneva and Derek Liu Rohan Damani, Alyssa Drills, Alan as 6 perfects, on of 3rd period. Gorbaneva, Derek Liu pace for 24 for the year, a score “I don’t know why this hap- that would shatter Adam Arde- pens, but there is always one peri- 2: Eric Deeken, Rachel ishar’s all-time record of 21 set od that is the powerhouse period,” Trainer, Avery Barnett, in 2014. said Mr. Huang. “The others want Maxx Yang, Jeongwoo “He’s good,” said Mr. to take them down.” Yoo, Ella Park Huang. “We’ll see what hap- The other better hope for more 1: Nathan Cao, Winston pens 3rd and 4th quarter.” Mr. weeks of Skill Drills if they want Huang was referring to the up- to catch Vladimiroff. In recent Chin, Emilie Kim, Valerie tick in difficulty later in the years, due to Longfellow’s in- Li, Zach Paikin, Ab- year. crease of holidays and teacher himanyu Sastry, Toby Meanwhile, knocking on the workdays, the kingdom has had Schultz, Rebecca Zhang, door are Halasya Malladi, Jean- trouble fitting in enough weeks of Sean Choi, Kevin Fan, nie Qi, Alison Wan, and Young- Skill Drills to make Ardeishar’s min Kwon, all also from 2nd record attainable. Mike Husk, Kacy Lee, Daniel Leverett, Mallika Lu Reads Minds of Fellow Citizens Dandamudi, Daniel House By Ricky Blake
It takes a perceptive mind to Sarah Zhang, who corrected Lu’s some informed guesses. How- read other people’s minds. Ed- paper. “Either he cheated or ever, the Center for Psychic win Lu showed why he is a mas- there is something else going Probability calculated that the ter mind-reader. on.” chances of Lu guessing all 19 After returning a quiz in 5th “I have skills,” said Lu simply. correct were still astronomical- period, Mr. Huang challenged “And perhaps hidden cameras. ly small. the citizens to guess who wrote Mwhahaha.” For the rest of the “Now my mom insists that I the 20 different responses to class, Lu had the All-Purpose study how to read minds as “Rate:” located just below Trophy on his desk. well as Edwin just in case “Name” and “Date”. To every- Mr. Huang did reveal the reading minds is on the one’s surprise, Lu guessed the “Rate” responses on the quiz in SATs,” said one worried citi- other 19 responses correctly. order from highest grade to low- zen. The rest of 5th period was far est, and in the case of ties, he The College Board said that behind. wrote the responses in alphabeti- reading minds is not a require- “I couldn’t believe it,” said cal order, so Lu was able to make ment for the SAT’s but might help.
Page 4 Nov. 2016
Ask Arvid Answers to Questions in an Ever-Changing World
Dear Arvid: about it?
Why don’t I get my paper back when my Dear Frustrated: name isn’t on it? The next time it happens say this: “Hey bud- Dear Forgetful: dy, he gave you four copies for a reason, and it isn’t cause he wants you to do the HW five When your name isn’t on the paper, Mr. times.” Huang doesn’t know it’s yours. If he ran- domly picks someone to return it to, he only Dear Arvid: has about a 3% chance of being right, so he chooses to have you pick it up. Is math a verb?
Dear Arvid: Dear Confused:
Sometimes the first person in our row doesn’t In the kingdom, it is. pass the papers back. What should I do
Blindness Invades 1st Period Sun Defends Bunny Rights
Charlie Waters Carol Collins
Tuesday through Friday, the same thing Bunny advocates all over the kingdom protested happens in 1st period. The projector turns on. against Mr. Huang’s mistreatment of bunnies in Most citizens begin Skill Drills in their seats. word problems. Their leader? Caroline Sun of 5th But a small devout group including Zara Ad- period. ams and Andrew Zhao stands up, moves to The protests began when Mr. Huang included a the front of the room and sits down. Why? quadratic problem involving a bunny named Deniz Because they are nearly blind. jumping from a cliff. Sun immediately protested Even though some citizens in the back can the cruel treatment of bunnies. see just fine, a group of nearly blind students, “He’s cruel,” said Sun who is one-eighth bunny. some of whom sit in the first and second rows “It’s important that we bunny-defenders make our still feel the need to sit up front. voices heard.” Some were ambivalent about the “Sometimes I wonder if they have trouble bunny. Others used the word problem as an op- eating dinner,” said one 1st period citizen. “I portunity for artistic expression. mean, supposed their using a fork. Do they “I was inspired,” said Austin Shi who drew on poke themselves in the eye?” the front board how Deniz looked after the jump. “Some of them already have glasses!” said Even the ambivalent citizens cringed at the graphic another fellow citizen. “I think they should nature of the drawing. complain to their optometrist.” “Austin went too far,” said one citizen.