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326 East Industry St., Gonzales, LA 70737 • FrancoisBend.com Publisher / Editor Mike Strong Table of Contents MINI POT MECCA...... 4 Associate Editor GONZALES GARDEN CLUB .... 8 Thumper Sales Manager SWEET EYES W/ TANYA...... 12 Dottie Godberry LAYBE’S JEWELRY...... 24 FOR MORE INFORMATION 225.622.3262 Staff Photographer JAMMIN’ WITH GOOSIE...... 28 www.riverparishfoods.com Jimmy Dunkley BILL DELAUNE...... 30

THOUGHTS FROM BULLY...... 34 Contributing Writers Bill Delaune SENIOR SOC HOP...... 40 Linda Melancon SNO’S RECIPE...... 45 Bully Goosie Guice Orhan McMillan On the Cover: Staying Strong in America. Kellie Seymour Tanya Stilley Jimmy Dunkley STATE OMV OFFICES ARE CLOSED. Patti Mouton Jamie Lavigne Mariah Simoneaux WE ARE NOT!!! While COVID19 has taken its toll on most of us, we are still For Advertising here for you and your needs. We are available Information Please call: BY APPOINTMENT ONLY Monday-Friday. 225-622-1324 My staff and I have taken the necessary precautions to ensure your safety while still providing you the E-Mail Comments fastest service possible – curbside . to [email protected] www.ascensionmagazine.net – FAST, EFFICIENT, FRIENDLY, KNOWLEDGABLE SERVICE TO GET YOU IN Note: Features in this AND OUT AS QUICK AS POSSSIBLE. publication labeled “advertorial” are paid for editorials. All Rights Reserved. PLEASE CALL 644-1512 OUR Opinions expressed are not OFFICE TO DISCUSS YOUR necessarily those of the NEEDS AND SCHEDULE AN publisher, editor or staff of APPOINTMENT! Ascension Magazine

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3 Mini Pot Masters Gather to Cook at TThe ooMecddca oddf Mi niB BPot C’’ossnte..st As thTe Governor relaxed some of the restrictions for Covid 19 shelter in place Todd B shined a Mini Pot signal in the sky like Batman and 34 cooks showed up. It felt so good to get out and take photos of some of the best cooks in the state. I looked around and there were at least 4 or 5 former Jambalaya Festival big pot and Mini Pot Champions and trust me they were raring to go. It’s amazing how much I learn from these folks as

they pass along cooking secrets to each other and help their kids learn to compete. I was impressed that they did follow social distancing with their cooking station being at least 6ft apart and most greetings were met with a fist pump or an elbow rub. It turns out Bart Himel won 1st Place for the first time. He told me how hard it is to win at the local prestigious event. I’m looking forward to the next cooking event. Just call me and I’ll be there.

May Mini Pot Cookoff at Todd B’s Results: 1st- Bart Himel 2nd- Tanil Thacker 3rd- Carlos Braud 4th- Cody Braud 5th- Clint Broussard

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Conchita Richey’s ripe cucumber is nearly Conchita Richey uses raised beds for her vegetable garden design. Conchita Richey noted that cucumber plants produce ready for picking. pretty blossoms before fruit. Modern Day Victory Gardens The pandemic has given way to for beginners as well as the hot new trend of home experienced growers. It’s an gardening. The surge of interest outdoor activity for the family in growing one’s own food is or a soothing connection with both practical and therapeutic nature for the lone individual.

Barbara McCormick: “The corn will turn brown and we harvest and shuck. We store it in mesh bags then we remove from the cobs in August. It is delicious. Our grandkids love planting and harvesting.”

Mary Jo Pohlig: “In this raised 4x8 raised bed, I have three celebrity tomatoes (foreground), three creole, one sun sugar cherry tomato and one sweet 100 cherry tomato planted. They have been fertilized with Barbara McCormick grows corn every year: "I planted the corn in late February. I planted seeds from Jung one tablespoon of calcium nitrate per plant every 2 to 3 weeks.” seeds. We harvest in June and let it 'dry' until August."

8 Mary Jo Pohlig grows this fennel as a host plant for swallowtail butterflies. Barbara McCormick and Mary Jo Pohlig religiously maintain the garden club’s flower bed at Jambalaya Park. Last month, they practiced distancing She said, “I had caterpillars on it last week, but the birds got them!" while weeding.

Gonzales Garden Club talents for growing vegetables range from novice to expert. Members planted in traditional tilled plots and popular raised beds plus versatile patio containers, planter boxes and grow bags. Some started with seeds; some started with transplants. All together, members are

Mary Jo and Barbara were thrilled to see lantana, salvia, cassia, Jamie Trisler: “A good variety of okra I have enjoyed over the years is coneflower, Veronica, hyssop, passion vine, achimenes, zinnias and stokes aster either re-seeding or coming back at the Jambalaya Park Cowherd. It is great any way you cook it. Also, the blooms (as pictured) Butterfly Garden! They planted cosmos, sunflowers, portulaca and are spectacular.” more coneflower which they grew from seed.

Jamie’ Trisler: “Some of my favorites from the garden are Dasher II Gwen Heck recently saw a gardening show where vegetable plants cucumbers, Celebrity tomatoes, Sante Fe grape tomatoes and Purple and flowers were together in pots. She planted purple eggplants with Gwen Heck: “I love this book. I consider myself an experienced gar - dener, but I still use this book for reference. If I could have one veg - Beauty bell peppers. What makes this picture special to me is that my orange zinnia in a container on her patio. etable gardening book, this would be my choice. grandparents Ross and Helena Ashcroft used this same aluminum pan to collect their vegetables."

9 Gwen Heck: "A vegetable garden can be productive as well as pleasing to the eye. I have five 4x8 foot raised beds with a picket fence on the outside, as well as a welcoming arch at the entrance. I am growing celebrity and roma tomatoes, cucumbers, okra, various peppers, straw - Gwen Heck: "I have grown blackberries on the picket fence in the Gwen Heck: "Strawberries are easy to grow and so delicious. berries, and blackberries on the fence. A moonvine is on the archway, as garden this year. “ Buy plants in late fall and harvest in the spring.” well as zinnias and marigolds scattered around. I plan to make a lady scarecrow for a whimsical touch.”

Elizabeth Saffell: "My home garden plot has 6 rows 50’ long on 4’ centers. I am growing corn, okra, Besides her garden plots, Elizabeth Saffell is growing many horticulture crops in grow bags in a small area of her yard. squash, zucchini, cucumbers, tomatoes, eggplants, all types of peppers, many types of herbs, and edible flowers. I just started the sweet potato plot and also have watermelon." currently growing tomatoes, bell peppers, squash, okra, eggplant, zucchini, cucumbers, corn, peas, beans, fennel, sweet potatoes, watermelon, blueberries, strawberries, herbs and edible flowers. Harvest gratefully begins this month. Perhaps the worldwide surge of people growing their own food will remain one positive effect of these difficult times.

Janis D’Benedetto was given this 6’x2’ raised planter box for an easy small-scale garden. She planted squash, eggplant, bell pepper, bush beans The Gonzales Garden Club is and cucumbers in it last month. She loves its easy access. federated by National Garden Clubs, Inc.

Janis Poche: "The corn is a short variety called Early Glow. The Janis and Harlan Poche harvested bell peppers of the Aristotle Janis Poche grows a short variety of okra called Jambalaya. It works well in short varieties of corn do well in the box garden beds. We plant variety which produce a very nice size pepper for stuffing. the garden boxes or containers. It produces late into fall. three staggered plantings of corn to extend the harvest.” office at Lamar Dixon (please make Video Tutorials an appointment), Louisiana Nursery in Prairieville, or Sac’s Western Store A number of short, educational Get in Gonzales. The kit comes in a videos have been created over the ready-to-mail box and contains past several months. Access these instructions for taking and submitting by visiting www.youtube.com/lsuag - up to three samples. Soil sample Growing, center. Gardeners can learn from results and recommendations are agents and specialists located across usually mailed or emailed within the state on topics such as vegetable 10-14 days. The fee for one sample production, attracting pollinators, Ascension! is $10, plus a $6 shipping fee. Other weed identification, Louisiana Super services provided by the lab include Plants, and so on. Interested in irrigation and pond water quality growing blackberries? Check out the Utilize these sampling and plant tissue analysis. blackberry field day video series that gardening covers everything from variety selection to post-harvest care. Horticulture Hints Mariah Simoneaux resources Did you know the LSU AgCenter puts The LSU AgCenter’s mission is to Louisiana Lawns - Best Management LSU Soil Testing and out a quarterly newsletter called provide the people of Louisiana with Practices. All of these can be Plant Analysis Lab Horticulture Hints? You can pick up research-based educational downloaded and saved to your a hard copy at locations throughout information. And while recently we computer or printed at home. Can’t The soil testing lab is located on the Ascension Parish or have it emailed have had to adapt some of our find what you are looking for? LSU Campus. Clientele in Ascension directly to your inbox. Each issue delivery methods, the LSU AgCenter Shoot me an email and I will be Parish can pick up a soil test kit from contains up to date information on still has an enormous amount of happy to help. the Ascension Parish LSU AgCenter ornamentals, vegetables, lawn care, information to share, especially and plant diseases. To sign up to with home gardeners. Check out receive Horticulture Hints by email go these resources and let us help to www.LSUAgCenter.com/horticul - you get growing! turehints – click the purple subscribe button on the right side of the page – enter your name and email address Publications and select southeast region. and Guides It’s that simple! Publications and guides on just about Mariah Simoneaux is the Horticulture Agent any topic can be found by visiting serving Ascension and Assumption Parishes. For more information visit www.LSUAgCen - www.LSUAgCenter.com. You can ter.com or contact Mariah at easily navigate the website by [email protected]. utilizing the search feature located at the top left-hand corner of the homepage. Some of the most popular horticulture related publications are the Louisiana Home Citrus Production Guide, Louisiana Vegetable Planting Guide, and 8.5 oz for $28.00 Available at bumbleandbumble.com or most online retailers.

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12 13 carrying groceries, talk to your doctor. Heart Symptoms Swelling Feet and Legs When the heart is unable That Men Should pump as strongly as it should, blood can back up into the Satish Gadi, MD Never Ignore Chris Alexander veins in the lower extremities, Interventional Cardiologist Nurse Practitioner resulting in swelling. In cases of heart failure, bloating may June is National Men’s Health Nausea, Indigestion, quickly or experienced motion also occur if the kidneys are Month. Statistics show that on and Heartburn sickness, you’ve experienced impacted and cannot remove average, men live five years dizziness. Often, it is fleeting excess water and sodium. less than women, are more Of course, there can be many and the cause is easily Likewise, other conditions such largely impacted by the na - causes of these symptoms. identifiable. However, sudden as peripheral artery disease tion’s ten leading causes of Perhaps you’ve simply eaten changes in blood pressure and (PAD) may affect the feet and death, and are far less likely to something that didn’t agree circulation associated with legs with symptoms such as visit a physician. Men are also with you. However, these heart attack, cardiomyopathy, cramping or numbness. For more likely to suffer from signs have been reported by and arrhythmia can also lead this reason, it is important to cancer, workplace injuries, those suffering a heart attack, to a feeling of dizziness or discuss with your physician stroke, and suicide. However, and while they are more light-headedness. any swelling or non-healing the leading cause of death commonly noted in women, wounds on your legs or feet. across the board is heart men can experience the same Fatigue and Exhaustion disease, and the key to helping signs as well. To be safe, Overall, men are being men live healthier and longer speak to your doctor about Beyond feeling tired, extreme affected by serious health lives is learning how to identify your concerns, especially if and continuous fatigue can conditions such as heart the potential warning signs of a you have these in conjunction indicate an underlying health disease at far higher rates than cardiovascular problem. with any other heart-related condition. Likewise, struggling women. In honor of Men’s symptoms or with a previously to complete tasks that were Health Month, be a part of the Just because you don’t diagnosed heart condition. easily done before could also change. Schedule an experience chest pain doesn’t be an indicator of a heart appointment with your doctor, mean that a heart problem is Dizziness and problem. If you are suddenly keep tabs on your health, and not lurking. Here are several choose steps toward a health - Light-Headedness finding yourself winded and other symptoms men should tired after simple activities ier lifestyle. Doing so could look out for: help you live a longer, stronger, If you’ve ever stood up too such as climbing stairs or more enjoyable life.

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For All Our Information & Services: franksrestaurantla.com • 225.673.8876 15 River Parishes Community College Holds Pinning Ceremony for Graduating Nursing Students

On Saturday, May 16th at 9am, River communities. Even in the face of this Parishes Community College hosted pandemic, these students are deter - a Pinning Ceremony for their 2020 mined to help people to the best of Practical Nurse graduates, as an their ability, seeing it as their duty. opportunity to share with their family Together the graduates are on a and friends their achievements and path to achieving a great future all academic success. while making their communities better places. This Pinning Ceremony was conducted as a drive-through to River Parishes Community College ensure compliance with COVID-19 River Parishes Community College social distancing guidelines. is an open admission institution that partners with the communities and The Pinning Ceremony was businesses of the river parishes conducted by RPCC Practical region of Louisiana to provide Nursing & Allied Health Program workforce training, certificates, Coordinator Keisha E. Moore, RN diplomas, and Associate Degrees. CCHC, and RPCC Nursing Instructors Gretchen Schmidt, RN & Tanya Charles-Morris, RN. Several RPCC faculty and staff assisted in facilitating the event, by directing participants on where to park. The event was broadcast on Facebook live, ensuring the extended families of the graduates could participate even though they could not attend.

“We wanted to make sure their families were able to share these experiences with them.” Moore stated. The 2020 Class of Nursing students are a diverse group of graduates, dedicated to spending their careers helping others and improving their

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16 FINANCIAyLour inFvesOtmenCt portfUolio isS not Nearing where you thought it might be, Retirement? can you (or do you want to) adapt your lifestyle plans? And What Questions can you accept the same Should You Ask? flexibility with your other lifestyle goals, such as The recent market volatility purchasing a vacation home, has affected just about pursuing hobbies, and so on? everybody’s financial and -Tradeoffs – Based on your investment situations – so, if retirement goals and your you were planning to retire willingness to adjust your soon, will it still be possible? retirement lifestyle, you’ll want Of course, the answer to consider your options and depends somewhat on your tradeoffs. For example, would employment situation. With so you be willing to work more many people’s jobs being years than you had originally affected by the coronavirus planned in exchange for pandemic, your retirement greater confidence in your plans may also have been ability to enjoy a comfortable thrown into confusion. But retirement lifestyle? By working assuming your employment is longer, you can continue still stable, what adjustments in adding to your IRA and 401(k) your financial and investment or similar retirement plan, and strategies might you need to you may be able to push back make for your retirement? the date you start receiving Here are a few areas to Social Security to receive consider, and some questions bigger monthly benefits. You to ask yourself: might also review your budget - Retirement goals – Now is for opportunities to reduce a good time to review your spending today and potentially retirement goals and assess save more toward your your progress toward retirement goals. achieving them. You may - Social Security – You can want to work with a financial file for Social Security benefits professional to determine if the as early as 62, but you can get current environment has 25% to 30% more each year if materially affected your goals you wait until your full or if you need to make modest retirement age, which is likely adjustments to stay on track. between 66 and 67. As you - Retirement lifestyle – You created your retirement plans, probably created your invest - you likely also calculated when ment strategy with a particular you would take Social Security, type of retirement lifestyle in but you may need to review mind. Perhaps you had that choice. If you postpone planned to become a world retirement a few years, what traveler when your working effect will that have on when days were over. Of course, in you choose to take Social It’s time to prepare for this years growing season! the near term, extensive travel Security and, consequently, may not be possible, anyway, the size of your benefits? You but once we move past the won’t want to make a hasty pandemic, your freedom to decision, because once you roam will likely return. But if start taking Social Security, you can’t undo your choice. This is certainly a challenging time to be entering retirement, and you’ll have some questions to answer. But even in the midst of uncertainty, you still have many choices. Consider them carefully and BEFORE AFTER make the decisions that work for you.

This article was written by Edward Jones for use by your local Edward Jones Financial Advisor. Edward Jones. Member SIPC.

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17 Mindful communication is necessary for productive, difficult conversations that need to happen. We all have personal experiences that have brought us to where we are today. So has every other human on the planet. And no two experiences are the same. To relate to another, we have to have the ability to hold our reactions and responses to hear them. In that sharing space, we can learn, empathize, relate, and determine a new way of connecting, if we choose. Creating and engaging in a mindfulness practice enables us to hold an open space without being distracted by reactionary impulses. Yes, these are changing times. And there is a gift inside of each experience. It is a wonderfully magnificent How A and situations. frequently, we increase our journey of self-discovery and emotional intelligence and can revelation that we have Mindfulness By engaging in regular operate in the world with available to us through mindfulness practice, we can intention and purpose. mindfulness. With regular Practice Can express, observe, and respond mindfulness practice, the Support You instead of being irrational and Mindfulness allows us to journey is made purposeful reactionary. understand our conditionings. It and intentional. (And The World) takes a lot of energy to navigate Mindfulness allows us the life daily. During times like this, Founded in 2018, Manfulness Right Now opportunity to stop and listen. it takes so much more. Often, Living is a community created With so much information and we look outside of ourselves for men. It offers a space to talk by so much conflicting narrative for answers when in actuality, confidently about subjects Orhan Mc Millan happening every moment of the the most promising place to specific to men while providing Founder of Manfulness Living day, it is up to us to pause, start is within us. By being able solutions to transform one's reflect, truly listen, and calm to sit and reflect, without life personally and our reactive feelings. By doing judgment, we can lovingly professionally. Learn more Right now, we are experiencing so, we can enter into a space of discover our past conditioning, at ManfulnessLiving.com. unprecedented fear, anger, and compassion and empathy, which and be able to decide if it resentment in this country. is part of our authentic nature. continues to serve us or if it There has been social upheaval By practicing mindfulness is something we can release. around the horrific murder of George Floyd, resulting in on-going protests, violence, and unrest. Erupting during the global pandemic of Covid-19, which brought our entire way of living to a halt and forced us to stop in our tracks and shelter at home, people are tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Now we are slowly reopening with so many unanswered questions and still unsure of our health and future. The current political climate has never been more polarized and volatile. Our very security and well-being are coming into question daily. Mindfulness allows us the opportunity to face these moments with clarity, empathy, compassion, and reflection. Being mindful does not mean we ignore or suppress our emotions or hide away from things that are happening in the world. It allows us to be more present and be able to navigate ourselves back to center after experiencing these emotions

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COVID-19 test, you may have to wait for three to six months before qualifying for insurance. These policies vary by company.

2. Premiums. Insurers can’t raise rates for customers due to individual circumstances. To raise rates, insurers must obtain approval from the state and raise them for the entire group. However, if you are considered high risk due to exposure to coronavirus, you may not qualify for the best rates when you first apply for long-term care insurance. By Linda Melancon 3. Moving out of a nursing home. If you have a policy and Four Ways the want to move out of a nursing home, you will need to check what your policy will pay for. Some Coronavirus policies pay for long-term care in a variety of settings, including home Pandemic care, but others are more restrictive. FIRESTONE BRIDGSTONE CREDIT CARDS On the plus side, you may be able May Affect to use your policy to reserve your bed, allowing you to keep your ACCEPTED AND AVAILABLE AT BIGGEAUX’S Long-Term nursing home spot. State-of-the-Art Care Insurance 4. Home care. If you have a policy that was paying for home care, Equipment The coronavirus pandemic has had there may also be changes. Some a devastating impact on the elderly, home care workers are charging Front End particularly those in nursing homes more for work during the Alignments and other long-term care facilities. pandemic, which could exceed your This has raised questions about how policy coverage. Another change the virus has influenced the costs may be to the number of people and provision of long-term care entering your home. You may want insurance, which covers care in family to provide care, rather than NOW STOCKING: ANCO WIPERS, facilities and sometimes at an outside home health care HERCULES TIRES, INTERSTATE BATTERIES home as well. worker. Unfortunately, most long-term care policies don’t pay Long-term care insurance either for family members to provide care. reimburses you for your long-term However, if you aren’t using the care costs or pays you a monthly insurance to pay for care, your benefit if you are unable to perform coverage may last longer-- at least two activities of daily living depending on the policy. due to physical or cognitive reasons. Most policies are like other types of insurance. You pay a monthly, There are lots of uncertainties quarterly, or annual premium and if regarding long-term care, you ever need care, the insurance it insurance, and coronavirus. To is available. Long-term care determine what type of plan is best 24 Hr. Emergency Roadside Service insurance may be combined with a for you and your family to address life insurance policy or an annuity. the need for future or current long-term care expenses, you If you have a long-term care should seek the advice or insurance policy, you may wonder professionals familiar with these how it is affected by the pandemic. programs. The best place to start If you don’t have a policy, you may is usually with an elder law attorney wonder if the pandemic will make it who is familiar with the many more difficult to get one. An article different options for funding by US News and World Report, long-term care and who is going to examines issues with long-term care provide you an unbiased opinion • All tires from ATV to Commercial Machinery • Emergency road service insurance that have arisen in the about which of these options is best • All brands to fit autos, trucks and assistance-Commercial Only last few months, including for your particular situation. 18 wheelers, including tractor/ • Locally owned and operated since 2004 the following: construction equipment tires • New used and retreads

1. Qualifying for insurance. It is The information provided is not intended to be legal already more difficult to qualify for advice and does not constitute an attorney/client relationship. You should consult with an attorney for long-term care insurance the older individual advice regarding your own situation. you get. Because older individuals Ms. Melancon is an attorney with Legacy are at a higher risk for coronavirus, Estate & Elder Law of Louisiana, LLC, with this can affect your long-term care offices in Baton Rouge, LA and Prairieville, LA. The primary focus of her practice is application as well. Some insurers estate planning, probate, special needs Locally Owned & Operated by have been limiting applicants’ ages planning and elder law. For more information or to attend an upcoming or putting additional restrictions on estate planning seminar, call her office at Oscar and Linda Mire and sons applicants who have been in contact (225) 744-0027 Call for Appointment • 225.644.8473 with the virus. If you had a positive

19 VFW Host Jambalaya Cookoff Post Corona Virus Shutdown 5lb Pork and Sausage The Winners: 1st- Bart Himel • 2nd- Curt Parent • 3rd- Jared White

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21 Jambalaya Tour is Still Going Strong. Jambalaya Tour 2020 Due to the Covid 19 we are forced to make adjustments to our tour because of events being canceled or resched - uled. We will be shifting our ending date from the Boucherie to the VFW Fall to We would also like to invite include more events. Our tour you find us on Facebook year was supposed to consist of 16 events and we take the And tune in every Tuesday @ top 10 to count towards the 7:30 for our weekly Facebook cooks total points for the year. Live to catch up on everything Because of the reasons that going on in the jambalaya worl - are listed above we will have das well as get to know our 15 total events and count 10 cooks who support our great toward the cooks total points. community!!!!

Boucherie Champion Bart Himel

Papa George Champion Darren Braud La Fete De Bayou Champion Justin Courville Tour Events Papa George Sept 8 Anything Outdoors Sept 14 Boucherie Sept 27-29 La Fete De Bayou Oct 31- Nov 3 VFW Nov 9 -2 Events AO Fall Fest Champion Tyler Bourque Swamp Chicken Feb 15 Family Festival Champion Bart Himel Family Fest Mar 5-7 AO Fall Fest Sept 12 Papa George Sept 13 Boucherie Sept 18, 19 Light Lane Oct 17, 18 La Fete De Bayou Oct 29 - Nov 1 VFW VFW Champion Tyler Bourque Swamp Chicken Champion Shawn Sheets Nov 14 - 2

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quick trip so that she would Goobe ables to attenid a cle ass Be On Time reunion that evening. The early morning catfish bite there is pretty awesome for In the last twenty five years about a month stretch in May, I may have been late for work so I decided to take a for unplanned occasions cameraman along to film a maybe two times. If I was late show for my television show in that timespan, I can’t recall “Ascension Outdoors.” Each the instance. I must admit I’m person was to be at my house the fish. We finally arrive at clock we were on our way pretty much a party animal for four-thirty that morning. I Lake End Park one hour late home with a box of catfish and there’s been countless was sitting in my truck at the and immediately began to and a film. All in all, it was a times that I didn’t want to planned time. No one shows catch fish. Because of the safe, successful and enjoyable clear the sheets in the early up. A half hour later still no cameraman’s absence we are fishing trip with my daughter, morning hours to attend work one. By this time I’m mad. then both having to become but it don’t have to be that or hunting and fishing trips. What’s worse, at this point cameramen and fishermen. hard. Just be on time..... But with that being said, I’ve I’m trying to rearrange That can be done and we did always thought that being on thoughts in my mind of what it but that situation tends to a Till Next Time, time for events such as work, to do with my day off. One less pleasurable experience. At church, fishing and hunting solution was to just go to a about eight o’clock I received Don’t be Late! was very important. bar and not worry about it. a text from the cameraman. James “Goosie” Guice Being late usually causes Fifteen minutes later my I didn’t reply and at nine o’ - other people that are involved daughter finally shows up. to be in a state of confusion. Before I could say my peace, I don’t get it. Some she jumps in my truck and employees report late to work apologizes for her hitting the often. It’s frustrating to snooze button. I told her that management when the late she definitely needs to get her one arrives and you have to act together, and reminded readjust your groups again her that her failure to be on because of this person’s time had caused me some tardiness. I usually tell some rushed experiences during this of them to just go home and past duck season. She ac - try again tomorrow. In most cepted that she was wrong cases duck hunting requires and off we went. you to be at a particular I’m a NASCAR fan, but location at daylight. Most I’m not a fast driver. It’s hunting clubs set a time that already breaking day and I’m requires hunters to not enter in a hurry. I didn’t want to the woods after a certain hour. break the speed limit and it’s a This is done for safety good thing I didn’t because concerns along with respect about the fourth intersection for others that were on time that we came to had an officer and shouldn’t be bothered by shooting radar. As daylight your mismanagement of time. broke she had fallen back to Just recently I made plans to sleep and I was a nervous take my daughter on an off wreck just knowing that if I the bank catfishing trip to was at the spot that I wanted Lake Palourde. She wanted a to be at I would be tearing up SMGA 2 Man Best Ball Tournament at Pelican Point

28 29 Shel Silverstein-

For Children of All Agbey Bsill Delaune “Music was a tricky way for him to sneak his poems in your ear.” Bobby Bare Jr. At the age of seven I wanted to be Mickey Mantle and play for the Yankees. A few years later I decided I wanted to be Billy Cannon and play for LSU. But alas-as the years rolled on, I realized that I had neither the speed nor the strength of these two exceptional athletes to match my dreams. Much later in life I changed directions and set my hopes on being the next Shel Silverstein. Now I wanted to write children’s books and poems like “The Giving Tree” and “Where the Sidewalk Ends” and then turn around and write hit country songs for Johnny Cash and Loretta Lynn and throw in a few number one rockers for Dr. Hook. But alas-a lack of talent, self-discipline and a few other minor deficiencies caused my writing career to fall just short of his prestigious achievements. So it’s no wonder when I got a chance to teach Children’s Lit (Some say I taught everything “lit”.), I devoted an entire unit to Silverstein’s works. Of course we slipped a few of his songs in there for good measure. And when I venture out on my long, rambling walks (Also descriptive of my writing style?) in the morning to escape the madness that surrounds us in this obviously cursed year of 2020, my Pandora often pops will. an almost schoolyard chant as Loretta Lynn cashed in on a on Shel Silverstein Radio Of course, some of Shel’s the boa starts at his toes and couple of Silverstein gems knowing I need a good laugh more popular works like Cash’s works his way up to “Oh heck, including “Hey Loretta!” in to start the day. “A Boy Named Sue” which was It’s up to my neck, Oh dread, which the man tries to talk his The other day the first recorded live at Folsom Prison It’s up…” followed by inaudible wife our of leaving with the selection was a classic Shel made the list as did “Marie sounds and the snake’s burp. touchingly romantic lines, “Hey reading of a poem about Sarah Laveau”-Bobby Bare’s version They don’t write them like Loretta, I love you better than Cynthia Sylvia Stout-the little of the vindictive New Orleans that anymore. my Irish Setter…Hey Loretta, I girl who would not take the voodoo queen. In “25 Minutes To Go” a swear I’m gonna treat you garbage out. Two favorites for sure, but condemned man counts down better, Buy you brand new Filled with “trashy” images of sometimes I really enjoy some his final moments minute by overalls if you’ll only come “Cold French fries and rancid of his more obscure efforts minute while watching the back home.” meat, Yellow lumps of Cream (Imagine that!) like “Boa gallows outside his cell. My And “One’s on the Way” was of Wheat…” and many other Constrictor” recorded by Cash personal favorite sequence is featured in her biopic “Coal disgusting, discarded foods, the and the folk group Peter, Paul inside the 10 minute mark-“I’m Miner’s Daughter” in the poem ends with the hyperbolic and Mary. That one may be a waiting for the pardon gonna pregnant (again) housewife’s “The garbage reached across the little hard for some to swallow set me free, With nine more lament-“…the kids are bawlin’, state, From New York to the but the snake had no problem minutes to go. But this ain’t the One of ‘em’s a toddlin’ and Golden Gate…” Now it that with it. movies so to hell with me. I got one is a crawlin’, And one’s doesn’t get you in the mood for The victim moans his fate in eight more minutes to go…” on the way…” your oatmeal breakfast-nothing

30 Silverstein’s works knew no Of course, that would be Dr. the combination was “The he’s livin’-But he’s sure a good bounds as the folk group The Hook and his Medicine Show Winner” about a young stud friend when he’s dead”. Irish Rovers had a hit with his with a patch-eyed leader ideally challenging the older barroom The theme was a familiar one story of “The Unicorn”-the suited for Shel’s tongue-in- tough guy Tiger Man McCool. for Silverstein. In 1979 Playboy mystical creatures who cheek mournful ballad “Sylvia’s The elder warns his young foe published a rambling poem according to Shel’s version Mother” about a despondent about the pains of being a called “The Devil and Billy missed Noah’s Ark because jilted lover trying one last winner including “arthritic Markham” where a down-and- they were too busy romping desperate phone call. elbows and dislocated knees” out guitar player in Nashville through the rain and thus Some people loved it-some and a nose “been broke so often bets his soul for a chance at became extinct. people hated it. But the fact I might lose it when I sneeze”. stardom. The only problem is Two talented songwriters in remains the record reached Eat your heart out, Snoop Dog. the number Billy has to make their own right-Steve Goodman number one all over the world But my favorite is “The on one roll is 13 and the devil’s (“City of New Orleans”) and and sold over three million Mermaid” featuring a whaler dice have no spots. Still, Bill Ray Stevens (“The Streak” copies. who falls in love with a beautiful takes the impossible wager among many other novelty hits) Dr. Hook followed that hit up mermaid but can’t get past her and-after the inevitable both picked up on Silverstein’s with another million dollar fishy bottom. And then he loss- hangs his guitar on the “Three- Legged Man” in which seller-Silverstein’s “Cover of the meets her sister who has the top wall and walks out the bar the narrator steals Peg-Leg Rolling Stone” about a band of a fish and-well, you can figure arm-in-arm with old Satan Johnson’s wife and his that “keeps getting richer, but out the rest. smiling all the time and saying- wooden leg and becomes a we can’t get our picture on the And when Silverstein “Those odds weren’t too damn “three- legged man with a cover of the Rolling Stone”-the grew tired of the Nashville bad, In 14 years on Music Row two- legged woman being popular rock magazine based on establishment’s treatment of its that’s the best damn chance chased by a one- legged man…” the West Coast. aging stars (Lester Flatt, in I had…” The irony at the end is when Back in Nashville, Buck particular.), it was Bare (and As you might have guessed by Peg-Leg finally catches up to Owens struck gold with his own Waylon Jennings) who recorded now, I’m a sucker for a creative them, he tells the wife thief to version-changing the name of his scathing indictment of mind with a sense of humor keep the woman-he just wants the magazine to the country Music City-“Rough on the who’s not afraid to take a shot his leg back! oriented Music City News-to Living”, about the death of a at the establishment now Silverstein was so prolific in reach the top 10 of the forgotten legend. and then. turning out poems and songs country charts. The song calls out the crying So do yourself a favor-turn off that sooner or later he had to Silverstein’s biggest fan and wife (“the same one who left the news and listen to some Shel have a rock hit. I mean-the man great friend was Country Music him last fall”), the producer Silverstein poems or songs this was constantly writing on Hall of Famer Bobby Bare. who calls him a hero (“the one summer. napkins, note-pads and Bare recorded over 100 of who wouldn’t answer his call”) Or better yet-read one of his occasionally his hands-until Shel’s songs including the and the women who bragged books to your kids or grandkids. finally a Jersey group got their aforementioned “Marie about sharing his bed-“They You’ll all feel a lot better. hooks into one of his numbers. Laveau”. Another smash for didn’t want him around when

Hey, Dr. Rob! Thumper keeps copying me! No... Dr. Rob! Boudreaux keeps copying me!

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31 Ascension Parish collectively Cointment said he chose this resent our future,” said Coint - Cointment graduated a total of 1,580 week because the quarantine ment. students: 353 at East and social distancing regula - proclaims Ascension, 96 at Donald - tions prevented all of these Photo, Left to Right: Ascension sonville, 30 at Ascension students from enjoying tradi - President Clint Cointment, Catholic, 576 at Dutchtown, tional end of the year activities School Superintendent Parish 2020 483 at St. Amant, and 42 at and celebrations. David Alexander, and Ascension Christian; also 1804 “This special time in students’ Councilman John Graduates Week 5th graders and 1,765 8th lives should be observed and Cagnolatti. At the May 21 Council graders also graduated from celebrated by all of us, not only meeting, Ascension Parish Ascension Parish public for their accomplishments but President Clint Cointment schools,” added Cointment because these graduates rep - proclaimed the week of May 25 through 30 as Ascension Parish 2020 Graduates Week. “Ascension Parish and the rest of the world have been under quarantine for two months due to the COVID-19 pandemic, which disrupted and altered school classes and schedules, especially exams, proms, and graduation ceremonies,” said Cointment in the proclamation. He also noted that literally thousands of Ascension Parish residents graduate from various schools and institutions every year, from Kindergarten, Fifth Grade, Eighth Grade, High School, and from colleges and universities throughout the country. “The six high schools in

James Parish Sheriff’s Office Cointment and St. James OHSEP. He promotes Dustin holds a Baccalaureate degree in Liberal Arts from Nicholls Montelius to State University and a OEP Assistant Bachelor of Science degree in Unified Public Safety Director Administration from Ascension Parish President Northwestern State University. Clint Cointment has named He has attended numerous Dustin Montelius as Assistant continuing education Director of the Ascension certifications, and has been Parish Office of Homeland cited by his supervisor for Security and Emergency excellence in his work. Preparedness. He was “I am proud to call Dustin previously serving as Montelius a part of the Operations Section Chief. Emergency Operations “The COVID-19 pandemic is Center,” said OHSEP Director a type of emergency none of Rachael Wilkinson. She us has ever faced before,” said especially commended the Cointment. “Dustin really leadership role he played in distinguished himself during coordinating the many this time and has more than aspects of the EOC during merited this promotion.” the pandemic. Montelius joined the Ascension Parish OHSEP in 2017 after having served with the St. 32 the front lines, working for the any emergencies in a Ascension should at the same Cointment people: doing drainage work, moment’s notice at any time of time honor its own Public keeping ditches clean and the day, and work around the Works employees to assure proclaims flowing, paving and repairing clock until the emergency them they are valued and roadways, operating pumping has passed.” appreciated. Ascension stations, keeping buildings Cointment chose to operating and functional, and recognize the workers during Photo, Left to Right: Presi - Parish Public anything else they were called this week because it coincides dent Clint Cointment, DPW Works upon to do,” said Cointment. with National Public Works Director Ron Savoy, Council “Ascension Parish Public Week in the United States, and Vice Chairman Travis Turner, Employees week Works employees are always he said it is only right and and Council Chairwoman on call, prepared to respond to fitting that the Parish of Teri Casso. At the May 21 Council meeting, Ascension Parish President Clint Cointment proclaimed the week of May 17 through 23 as Ascension Parish Public Works Employees Week. “Ascension Parish Public Works employees are professionals who focus on infrastructure, facilities and services that are vitally important to the public health, high quality of life, and the well-being of the people of Ascension Parish,” said Cointment in the proclamation. He especially praised them for the efforts during the COVID- 19 pandemic lock down. “Ascension Parish Public Works employees have been on the job, in harm’s way on

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33 Thoughts from Bully

Birthdays and Big Sisters!

I never really think about how old I am getting each year I wear my orange and however it is getting a big num - chartreuse fish bait knee socks. ber. Birthdays are pretty layed I don’t think I’ll be attracting back at my house but I can never any women with that look but guess what to expect in the line I can assure you if I don’t wear of gifts when it comes to my socks in these hot rubber, dirt sister, Janet. gathering Fish Flops, they will I can always count on her to soon smell like real Fish Flops! sing over the phone give me Thanks Sis! the best or unique gifts. This year she did not disappoint. I am the proud owner of ‘Fish Flops”. I researched the flops on line and I thought it was cool to find out how they sized them. Covid 19 Go Away and Let My Lady Golf Buddies Play. You can order minnow, keeper These Ladies had to cancel their annual and wall mount size. That is comparable to 7, 10 and 14. Pat Klug Bayou Cup Golf Tournament. I do look a little nerdy when They spoke of their disappoint but are looking forward to honoring their friend next year. Environmental This is Bernie. He shows up shook and with one big head a fish and his throat was flickering everyday. Last week I saw him whip the snake straightened out. in the sun light. I think he likes it Murder or shaking his head violently over With a lift of Bernie’s head and a here. I’m gonna have to put a Natures Rules and over. I pulled out my phone gulp in 2 seconds later the snake sign up reading Piccadilly Pond. In my backyard I have a pond and took a photo only to find he was lunch like Jackie Gleason Always fresh! and nature just flocks to it. I’ve has a snake wrapped around his sucked spaghetti noodles. Thank You Bernie. If that snake seen deer, nutria, wood ducks, a beak. This is real National The next day I looked at my crawled between my legs I might million turtles and lots of birds. Geographic stuff. He shook and pond to find Bernie’s swallowing have had a heart attack.

34 Useless Random Facts with Kellie

Americans travel 1,144,721,000 miles by air every day. • A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. • The U.S. military operates 234 golf courses. • (225) 673-8682 Pearls melt in vinegar. [email protected] • www.stmicheldayspa.com • The word Pennsylvania is misspelled on the Liberty Bell. • The HyperMart outside of Garland Texas has 58 check-outs. • Babies are most likely to be born on Tuesdays. • The sweat drops drawn in cartoon comic strips are called pleuts. • Every acre of American crops harvested contains 100 pounds of insects. • The pupils of a goat's eyes are square. • The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses. • The highest per capita Jell-O consumption in the US is Des Moines.

35 36

Local Recruits Prepare for a Heroic Future!

The road to becoming a Marine is filled with obstacles. Recruits will not only battle external forces, they will battle forces within themselves to test their mental and physical limits. Only those with the fighting spirit rise above the chaos and overcome fear, doubt, exhaustion, will earn the honor of defending this nation as a United States Marine. ASCENSION MAGAZINE TAKES A LOOK BACK AT THE 41 42 43

Ingredients:

Cooking Gourmet at Home 1 cup grits with SNO’S SEAFOOD & STEAKS 4 cups water (unless you are using quick grits- then follow instructions on package) 2 tablespoons butter 1 cup diced smoked sausage 1 cup diced white onion ½ cup green onions (sliced) Salt, Red Pepper, Black Pepper to Taste Method:

In a cast iron pot, thoroughly brown your smoked sausage then remove from pan. Next, cook your onions in the same pan until they are beautifully caramelized. Return your sausage to the pan and you water and butter. Bring the water to a boil then slowly stir in the grits. Bring mixture back to a boil, then cover and cook over medium Jambalaya Grits heat for approximately 40 minutes or until a smooth texture is reached. Add salt and pepper to taste. Prep: 15 minutes You can serve these grits with almost anything. Cook: 20 minutes Pork, seafood, breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner Remember if using quick or 5 minute grits, follow the measurements on the package Executive Chef Sam Penton

Welcome Back To Our Guest & Friends

Our staff is dedicated to make your return as safe and pleasurable as possible. We are serving with mask, sanitizing and distancing.

It has been a pleasure seeing you all again.

45 NEW

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46 With Great Pride We Celebrate Our Fathers on Father’s Day

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