The O’Shaughnessy’s Reader • The Prop 215 Era —39— ‘Weeds’ (Hollywood Does Cannabis) By Fred Gardner fice couldn’t have scripted a grosser with this before the sun goes down, it’ll The first season of “Weeds” recently caricature of Reefer Goofiness. Mari- knock you out. In the other room we’ve Despite its disrespectful came out on DVD. Some pro-cannabis juana turns grown men into Beavis and got the clones... (To a seemingly able attitude towards the medical friends who get Showtime had given it Butthead! bodied even younger man carrying a marijuana movement, activists skateboard and wearing a t-shirt with a two thumbs up and I rented it with high In the third episode there’s a scene set and rank-and-file users gener- hopes. The plot revolves around a young in a pot club. Nancy shows up at Doug’s peace sign) Hey, how’s it going Robbie. widow, Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise office to make a delivery and he tells her I see the arthritis is getting better, huh? ally love “Weeds.” Parker), who deals marijuana to maintain he doesn’t need anything. He takes out ROBBIE: Yeah, you know it potent strain that can be harvested in her bourgeois lifestyle in an LA suburb his wallet and shows her the reason why... CRAIG: Cool. (To Nancy) What was 60 days. Doug will be the accountant. called Agrestic. DOUG: It’s my medical marijuana I saying? Their plan is to sell to the burgeoning Nancy doesn’t smoke the commodity card. I got a note from a clinic doc for NANCY: Clones. cannabis clubs of L.A... And in the very she sells —which is unusual if not com- a hundred bucks. Went down to the pot CRAIG: Oh, yeah. You hear that dial last scene, Nancy realizes that the sensi- pletely unrealistic. She drives a leased store and mama, I was home! It’s a weed tone? My clones are off the hook. Check tive, confident, affectionate man she’s Range Rover, employs a Hispanic maid, wonderland, Nancy. It’s like Amsterdam, this out... We have the most beautiful sleeping with —a divorced dad, how and pays the mortgage on a big house. only better, because you don’t have to clones. They’re ten dollars apiece and appropriate— is a DEA agent. She has two sons, Silas, 16, whose inter- visit the Anne Frank house and pretend ours are guaranteed female. To get you est is girls, and Josh, 10, who acts out in to be sad and stuff. See this lollipop? started. And over here we’ve got the food troubling ways (he shoots a wild animal, NANCY: It isn’t... section. [As a senior citizen enters] Hey, Prohibition is so oppressive bites another kid) and is a candidate for DOUG: (Medium shot of Doug suck- Mrs. Rappaport, nice to see you, you look that pot smokers are grate- Zoloft. Nancy, supposedly a good mom, ing) Yes! I’m getting high right now. beautiful. We’ve got your sponge cake in pushes sports on Josh. She is preoccupied You can’t even tell. back. Okay, go ahead and get that. ful for the slightest breach in with her pot business, which she conceals NANCY: How is it possible? MRS. R: Thank you. the wall. We’re grateful to see CRAIG: She’s got diabetes. We make from the kids, i.e., she lies to them all the DOUG; The genius of Prop 215: people smoking pot on TV. time. No wonder the little guy is troubled. medical marijuana for sick people. And it with Splenda instead of sugar. Where was I? Nancy’s friend from the PTA, a As the second season got underway, NANCY: Edibles. striver named Celia Hodes (played by a we were hoping that the producers and CRAIG: Okay, look at all this great very droll, intelligent actress, Elizabeth writers would have learned enough about stuff we have: infusions, goos, kief, kief Perkins), doesn’t smoke pot, either. In the scene to portray medical marijuana oils, hash oils, hemp oils. You look a little the early episodes she is pressuring her more respectfully. (Yes, hustlers of the overwhelmed. 10-year-old daughter to lose weight type portrayed by Craig X abound; but NANCY: Where does all this come (baby fat, obviously). When Celia finds there are righteous growers and club from? the kid’s hidden bag of chocolates, she owners, too.) We heard that some activ- CRAIG: A combination of our pa- spikes it with laxatives, leading to the ists had been invited to take part in a tients and some very compassionate girl’s extreme humiliation in school. future episode and thought maybe they farmers. Doing God’s work. have some influence on the script. NANCY: And it’s all legal. No such luck. In the second episode of This “good mom” would CRAIG: Well, we operate under seriously, who couldn’t use a little medi- the new season Nancy, Doug and Andy sooner tolerate a child mo- the guidelines of Health & Safety Code cation, right? My friend’s friend’s friend attend a “cannabis cup” trade show. 11362.5... lester under her roof than level gave me the address of the clinic, I went Craig X, the dispensary owner, shows (At this point DOUG enters, hugs down there, and loaded up. [From his them around. Nancy has come to buy a with her family and/or quit CRAIG, hardly reacts to seeing NANCY) desk he takes a baggie full of big colas.] potent, fast-blooming “mother plant.” dealing pot. DOUG: I love it here so much! I love California! I can’t wait to tell the Aggressive salesmen —shot through CRAIG: (to Nancy): He’s suffering poker game about it. The one buzz kill lenses that make them look wierd— Equally perverse is a scene in which from depression. is you can only buy eight ounces a visit. pitch their products to her, employing Andy Botwin —the younger brother of DOUG: Do you have any more NANCY: That’s half a pound! lingo like, “It’s Afghani Indica crossed Nancy’s late husband— tricks Silas’s Steven Hawking? I want to be wheeled DOUG: Well, they allow you to make with Oaxacan Sativa.” Doug and Andy girlfriend into a cybersex dialogue. out of here. two visits a day, but you know with all get loaded and reprise their Beavis and Andy then convinces Silas that his be- CRAIG: Oh yeah, I’ll hook you up... the traffic on the 110 it’s practically Butthead routine, ending up in the ladies havior was acceptable and is allowed to impossible. bathroom with Andy on the floor writing continue living in the house by Nancy NANCY: Are you fucking with me? “Craig X” was known as Craig Rubin an application to rabbinical school on a lest he reveal her source of income to when he had a store that sold bongs in roll of paper towels. the children. This “good mom” would West Hollywood c. 1996. In addition Despite its disrespectful attitude sooner tolerate a child molester under From Doug’s office the scene shifts to playing himself on “Weeds,” he was towards the medical marijuana move- her roof than level with her family and/ to the Bodhi Sativa Caregivers Club. We hired as a consultant to the writers and ment, activists and rank-and-file users or quit dealing pot. (Andy showed up see a security guard in the background he provides a commentary on the DVD. generally love “Weeds.” Prohibition is so unannounced one morning with gifts as Nancy enters. How she got past him Either his cynicism pervaded the episode, oppressive that pot smokers are grateful for everyone, including a vibrator for is unexplained. We don’t hear of her or he did a brilliant acting job. for the slightest little breach in the wall. Nancy, his grieving sister-in-law, which visiting a doctor, getting a card, etc. She We’re grateful to see people smoking pot he presented in front of the kids.) looks around in awe to the strains of “Weeds” took a turn for the better on TV. Grateful that a mainstream show Kevin Nealon plays a more likable “Ganja Babe,” by Spearhead. From her about halfway through the season. Celia would portray a functioning CPA as a pothead, Doug Wilson, Nancy’s accoun- POV we see cakes, cookies, tinctures, has a double mastectomy, and becomes heavy user. Grateful to have a basis for tant. He advises her to set up a legitimate buds in apothecary jars... She is greeted more serious and compassionate. So discussing the forbidden subject around small business as a front, and she opens by the owner, a smarmy club-owner. CRAIG (Bowing, hands clasped): does the writers’ attitude towards her and the water cooler. a bakery. We don’t see her finding the Welcome. I’m Craig X and you are at some of the other characters. In a scene The writers of “Weeds” ought to location, buying fixtures, dealing with the Bodhi Sativa Caregivers Club. How possibly presaging Celia’s becoming a check out the first two seasons of “Ev- contractors or vendors or any of that can we care for you. medical marijuana user, Doug comes by erybody Hates Chris,” a show that has mundane stuff. Although Nancy has no NANCY: Hi, I’m kind of new at this. to visit her husband and chats with her in what theirs lacks —heart. experience or affinity for baking, and is CRAIG: A virgin? Don’t worry, I’ll be the kitchen. He admires her wig. supposedly broke (her home phone gets gentle on you. C’mon this way. The First DOUG: What’s wrong? cut off at one point), her place of business thing you want to do when you come to CELIA: Nauseous. Chemo. somehow materializes. One evening the club is check out the big board. On DOUG: That sucks. Want some pot? Doug comes over the big board here we have all the prices CELIA: That’s illegal, Doug. to Nancy’s house, and strains, and they do change daily. DOUG: Not really. You can get a she’s not there, and (To a seemingly able-bodied young man medical card. he and Andy go entering the club) Hey Billy, how’s the CELIA: Well, I have pills for it, thank into her personal anxiety? you. stash, only to dis- BILLY: Awright. DOUG: Ooh. What’d they give you? cover that a rat has CRAIG: Cool... What was I saying? CELIA: Zofran. found it, too. They I got spaced. DOUG: Can I try one? get loaded and hunt NANCY: The big board. CELIA: No, they’re three hundred Craig X. Rubin, who plays a cynical club for the rat, which CRAIG: And on this big board we’ve dollars a pill. owner on “Weeds,” is flanked by Francis they intend to shoot got two specials today. You want to check In the final episode of the first season, DellaVecchia and Rob Kampia of the with a pellet gun. out the granddaddy purp, it’s actually Marijuana Policy Project after taping of Nancy decides to organize a marijuana- They use peanut butter as bait and get purple. And today we’ve got a Sativa the “cannabis cup” episode. Many activists it all over the furniture. They trash the blend — the flavor, bellisimo! Second growing business in alliance with Con- appeared as extras and strove for product living room and kitchen, then crash in we’ve got the Here’s Johnny, the king of rad, the nephew of the woman who has placement on the set. a stoned stupor. The Drug Czar’s of- late night. You don’t want to be messing been her supplier. He has developed a Photo by Todd McCormick