Jesus and Me Skit

A moving sketch that takes a closer look at our relationship with Christ

Running Time: 6-8 minutes Characters: Teen and Jesus Props: Chair, Bible, Large Cross, Rubber Mallet, iPod, TV remote control, cell phone, and Can of Red Bull.

Skit opens with Teen sitting in the chair reading the bible. Jesus is off stage. The CDs, TV remote, cell phone and the Coke are located within reach of the teen. The large cross is located in the middle of the stage with the mallet at the foot.

TEEN: (Reading from Genesis 4:18-21. They are struggling through the reading)…To Enoch was born Irad, and Irad became the father of Mejujael; Mehujael became the father of Metusael, and Methusael became the father of Lamech. Lamech took two wives; the name of the first was Adah, and the name of the second Zillah. Adah gave birth to Jabal, the ancestor of all who well in tents and keep cattle. His brother’s name was Jubal; he was the ancestor of all who play the lyre and the pipe…

(Teen sighs, obviously frustrated, and slams the Bible shut)

TEEN: Dear God, thank you so much for the quiet time, and the way you speak to me (light hearted laugh). Please Lord, lead me, guide me and…umm…be with me…

(JESUS enters and stands behind Teen)

TEEN: Yeah! That’s a good one! Be with me today! Okay, well, see ya!

(Jesus places His hand on Teen’s shoulder. Teen looks up, quite surprised to see someone there and then recognizes it to be Jesus)

TEEN: Jesus? Jesus! Wow! I just prayed that you’d be with me, but I didn’t really mean, or think that you’d like BE with me BE with me…Um, here have a seat, long trip I’m sure!

(Teen offers Jesus the chair and Jesus accepts. Teen is overwhelmed.)

TEEN: Well, can I get you something to drink? We’ve got these great new drinks since you’ve been gone. Do you want some Kool-Aid? Or how about some Red Bull. It gives you wings! But, I guess you can already fly right? (Nervous Laugh) Ok. Maybe not. Well, since you’re here, what do you want to do? Umm, how about some T.V.?

(Teen grabs the T.V. remote and flips on an imaginary TV) Yeah, look, here’s a good show. This one is called “The Guiding Light”…but I guess you’ve got that covered huh? How about something else? Oh! Awesome! Here’s this great show called “Greys Anatomy” which is all about…um, well, I’ve never actually seen it. (very quickly) Let’s watch something else. Oh! This show is so funny! It’s called “Modern Family” which is OFF! Let’s do something else.

(Teen puts down remote and grabs a few CDs. Teen is becoming more frantic)

TEEN: We could listen to something off my iPhone? I have these two new songs which are sooo cool! This one is by this guy Zayn. He’s got this one song called “Pillowtalk” which is all about…Um, well, that’s not a very good example. I have this other song by Kanye West. He’s a cool rapper…but Ok, maybe not.

(Teen is now completely frantic, unsure of what to do with Jesus)

TEEN: How about we play Bible trivia?! Yeah! That’ll be nice…except I don’t have it and you would probably know all the answers anyway. (Teen laughs nervously) How about we just hold hands and sing Kumbayah?! Yeah! That’d be great!

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

TEEN: Oh! Hang on, that’s the telephone. It’s a new invention since you have been away. Some guy invented it named Alexander Gra….um…Gram cracker? I don’t know, hang on!

(Teen grabs phone and answers it)

TEEN: Hello? Oh, hey Liz! How’s it going? Uh-huh…well, listen, I can’t talk right now…Yeah, I’ve got an out-of-town guest…yeah, he’s a friend of my dad’s or something…What?! Your parents just left town for the weekend? You want to have a party? You’re joking?! 3 KEGS OF…(Looks at Jesus and covers mouthpiece) Milk, Jesus, milk…Well, I don’t know…John is going to be there?! He wanted to know if I WAS GOING TO BE THERE? OH MY GOD!!! (Looks at Jesus and covers mouthpiece) Oh, you’re my God! (Nervous Laugh) Huh, what Liz? Oh, no one…Your parents forgot the keys to the car?! I can’t believe this! This is so my luck! I mean, trust me when I say I can’t be there. You’re coming to pick me up? NO! I mean, Yes. I mean, let me see what I can do…Yeah, Ok, I’ll see you in a few…(Hangs up phone)

TEEN: Hey Jesus…buddy ‘ole pal. That was my friend, Liz, and she just called to say hello and to tell me that she’s having a, uh, uh, uh Birthday Party! Yeah a birthday party for her little brother…John! Yeah, that’s it, and she wanted to know if I could come over and help her set up the milk and cookies. So, you stay here and I’ll go help her and I’ll be back in about an hour and then we’ll sing Kumbaya. I know how much you were looking forward to it. Thanks a bunch. I’ll see you later!

(Teen begins to walk out, Jesus follows them). TEEN: Aren’t you cute? (Teen leads Jesus back to the chair and sits him down nicely) Sit down…Ok, I wasn’t completely honest with you. In fact, I told you a little story….OKAY, I lied to you, forgive me? (Nervous Laugh) That was Liz, and she’s having a party, but I don’t think that it’s the kind of party you would want to go to. See, there’s going to be some stuff going on there that might make you feel uncomfortable and you wouldn’t know anyone anyway, so I thought I’d go over and…uh…WITNESS TO EVERYONE! (Teen starts talking a mile a minute as they make up the lie) Yeah, I’ll go and witness to everyone and have ‘em all saved in about 45 minutes or so, and I’ll bring them all back here so we can all sing Kumbaya. You stay here, and I’ll be back in 45 minutes. Whew! I’m so glad we got that settled!

(Teen walks off, Jesus follows them)

TEEN: I guess we didn’t get that settled! (Teen pushes Jesus backwards into the chair. Teen is getting more and more frustrated) Sit down! Now, you listen to me. That was my best friend Liz on the phone. She called and invited ME to a party! Her parents just left for the weekend and she has THREE, count ‘em 1-2-3 KEGS OF BEER. And, John, only the hottest guy in the WHOLE school is going to be there and he wanted to know if I was going to be there! And for once, her parents forgot the keys to the CORVETTE! She’s coming to get me right now and I’ll be back whenever I darn well please! Get it? Got it! Good!

(Teen stomps off, Jesus follows)

TEEN: JESUS!

(Teen shoves Jesus backwards. Jesus lands against the cross. Teen grabs the mallet)

TEEN: JUST… (Teen grabs Jesus’ left arm and nails it to the cross) STAY… (Teen grabs Jesus’ right arm and nails it to the cross with the mallet) ...HERE! (Teen grabs both of Jesus’ legs and nails them to the cross with the mallet)

(When Jesus has been completely nailed to the cross, the Teen realizes what they have done. They collapse at the foot of the cross and start to cry. Jesus comes off the cross and embraces the Teen. Jesus helps the teen to their feet and helps them off stage)