Y Diary: a Day in the Life of Ralph Roach

Volume 1 September 26, 2000

of milk. Me and my cookbook shelf. I'm y Diary: A roach pals have to scurry staying put. Go to MDay in the before we drown in this Nighttime Life of Ralph Roach growing lake. On our way to safety, the cat 8 pm. Boy, something 5 am. The sun is coming catches Clifford, my smells up and I, Ralph Roach, brother. I can't even stop good. Patience, Ralph, hate light. I think I'll to give him a proper patience. camp out in one of my burial. Luckily, I escape favorite places: under into a thin crack where 9 pm. Good thing these the dark toaster. the humans are such slobs! Goodnight, floor and cabinet They left the dishes in diary. Your meet. It's a tight the sink (barely scraped) pal, Ralph squeeze, but I and crumbs everywhere. make it. Whew, Best of all, the lid on the 7 am. Yowch! my sides hurt trash can is loose. Can Someone from breathing you say party time?! toasts a bagel so hard (in case and wakes me you didn't know, 9:30 pm. It's lights off as out of my quiet diary, I breath in the humans go out. One slumber. Gotta get away and out through holes in wave of my from the noise and heat. my side) antennae tells me there I barely escape with my 5 pm. I'm getting is some good grub life as an angry human hungry. It's still too light around. I'm even getting tries to swat me with a out though, a whiff of newspaper. A mad dash can't risk it. some along the counter, a 7 pm. My delicious sharp turn down the stomach is rancid milk. side of the fridge. Ahhh, growling Time to peace at last. like crazy! I venture think it's forth. Yup, I 1 pm. A small dust dark enough to look for was right! I bunny blows under the food. Just when things meet up with some fridge. I check it out seem safe: POW! The family and friends with an antenna. No woman turns on the already at work biggie. Back to sleep. kitchen light. Two more on the garbage can. We 3 pm. Tragedy! The boy pals get squashed. This all eat gobs of chicken comes home from has been a rough day for skin, take sips of school. He yanks open roaches. I make a dash old beer, and finish off the fridge, grabs a soda for cover behind the with rotting peach skins. and spills a half gallon I'd give this meal five stars!

10:30 pm. I'm stuffed. I barely make it up to my bed on top of a kitchen cabinet. This is a great place to smell everything going on, especially any cute female that may be interested in a male cockroach like myself. Here I am, ladies!

11 pm. I'm still here, girls. Where are you? 12 am. Disaster again! When the humans get home, they flip on a light and discover hundreds of my pals feasting on the trash. Boy, can humans scream! They zapped a bunch of roaches with some nasty spray. I miss out on a direct hit, but the poison leaves me dizzy. I barely make it to behind the stove.

2 am. I think I smell a hot babe, but it may just be the bug spray. I'm going to find a new hiding place. Off to behind the recycling bin.

5 am. I see the sun peeking into the kitchen. Time for bed. Goodnight, diary. Love, Ralph