Funeral Service s1

Funeral Service

In Memory of (Name of Deceased)

Note: A funeral or memorial is a very personal ritual. We provide here a generic model, with elements and readings frequently used by the Congregation for Humanistic Judaism. Many families will want to modify it to reflect their loved one and their family. Many of the readings can be divided among two or three readers, or left as is. Following the service are several other, alternative readings, as well as a note on the Kaddish. Use what you wish and add elements meaningful to you.

Welcome: We gather to honor the life and memory of (name of deceased), whom death has taken from us. To be part of a gathering of a family, a community, a group of dear friends, at such a moment is an act of compassion, loyalty, love and integrity. On behalf of the family of ______I thank each of you, family and friends, for being here at their time of grief.

Leader: There are no timely deaths, Though some are more accepted than others. There are no blessed deaths, Though some are more peace-giving than others. There are only unwanted deaths, Uncontrolled Unreasonable Unholy deaths.

Reader 1: Yet even as we peer into the heart of death and behold no answers, a courage arises within us to face the truth of our ignorance with the light of our love.

Though we cannot know the reasons for death, we can face the reality of it with the best of human dignity, refusing to despair of life, even as life seems to have despaired of us.

The pain we feel today is not the pain of failure, but of victory, arising not out of our having acquiesced to death, but from our having risked to live at all. We are triumphant in our suffering, for we have dared to love, dared to lose, and dared to keep on living.

Courage is loving life even in the face of death. It is sharing our strength with others even when we feel weak. It is embracing our family and friends even when we fear to lose them. It is opening ourselves to love, if even for the last time. Reader 2: One generation goes, another comes, But the earth remains the same forever. The sun rises, and the sun sets And glides back to where it rises. Southward blowing, turning northward, Ever turning blows the wind; On its rounds the wind returns. All streams flow into the sea, Yet the sea is never full; To the place from which they flow, The streams flow back again. All such things are wearisome; No one can ever sate them; The eye never has enough of seeing, Nor the ear enough of hearing. Only that shall happen which has happened, Only that occur which has occurred; There is nothing new beneath the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:4

Reader 3: Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot that which is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to seek and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Leader: The next readings are meant to evoke our memories of ______, her ideals and ideas.

Reader 4: When I die give what’s left of me away To children, and old men who wait to die. And if you need to cry, cry for your brother Walking the street beside you. And when you need me, Put your arms around anyone And give them what you need to give to me. I want to leave you something, Something better than words, or sounds.

Look for me in the people I have known or loved. And if you cannot give me away, At least let me live on in your eyes And not in your mind. You can love me most By letting hands touch hands By letting bodies touch bodies, And by letting go of children who need to be free. Love doesn’t die, People do. So when all that’s left of me is love, Give me away. Merrit Malloy

Reader 5: Do not stand at my grave and weep: I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die. Mary Elizabeth Frye

Musical Interlude

Song; “Zay-kher Tza-dee-keem”

Zay-kher tza-dee-keem, lee-v'ra-kha. Zay-kher tza-dee-keem, lee-v'ra-kha. Lee-v'ra-kha, lee-v'ra-kha, Zay-kher tz-dee-keem, lee-v'a-kha. [The remembrance of righteous people is a blessing to us.]

Eulogy

Other remarks (At this point invite others to express their memories of ______) Leader: Let us read responsively. Those who taught us to laugh and to cry We remember them Those who held us and whom we held We remember them

In the rising of the sun and its going down, We remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, We remember them.

In the opening buds and in the rebirth of spring, In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn, In the beginning of the year and when it ends, We remember them

When we seek advice that does not come, When we are alone and afraid, When we are weary and in need of strength, When we are lost and sick at heart, When we have joys we yearn to share, We remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live, For they are now a part of us, As we remember them.

All: May the memory of those we loved in life and still love in death bless our thoughts and acts. The special grace of their years reaches out to touch our hearts and give us hope.

Leader: As the day wears on, The wind rises, The morning, eve past midday, Was filled with works, But now the sun lowers, Shadows shift, The cool pulls within.

Let the wind rise, Let the sorrow be lean within you, Let it move like lions roaring In the garden Amidst the forests of knowledge. Let it go Like a butterfly Sailing past A sleeping leopard.

Announcements Additional Readings

Traditional Kaddish and Humanistic Alternatives

Note: Humanistic Jews do not generally recite the traditional Kaddish. We include it here for those who wish to recite it as a matter of personal choice at a funeral or memorial service.

Traditional Kaddish Prayer:

Yit-ga-dal ve-yit-ka-dash she-may ra-ba. Be-al-ma dee-vrah khee-roo-tay. Ve-yam-lich mal-khoo-tay. Be-kha-yay-khan oo-ve-yo-may-khon oo-ve-kha-yay de-khol bayt Yis-ra-el ba-aga-la oo-viz-man ka-reev. V-im-roo: A-mayn. Y-hay she-may rah-ba me-va-rakh le-olam oo-le-al-may al-ma-ya. Yit-ba-rakh ve- yish-ta-bakh, ve-yit-pa-ar ve-yit-ro-man ve-yit-na-say, Ve-yit-hadar ve-yit-a-lay ve-yit- ha-la she-may de-koo-de-sha.

Be-rikhhoo Le-ay-la meen kol bir-kha-ta ve-shee-ra-ta. Toosh-be-kha-ta ve-ne-khe-ma-ta da-a-mee-ran be-alma Ve-eem-roo: Amayn

Ye-hay shla-ma ra-ba meen sha-ma-ya ve-kha-yeem Alehnu ve-al kol Yis-ra-el ve-eem-roo: Amayn

O-seh shalom bim-ro-mav, hoo ya-a-aseh shalom a-layn-noo ve-al-kol- Yis-ra-el. Ve-eem-roo: A-mayn Humanistic Alternatives:

We Remember

[This reading, also included in the above funeral service, has become a standard passage of remembrance in CHJ services that include a memorial.]

Those who taught us to laugh and to cry We remember them Those who held us and whom we held We remember them

In the rising of the sun and its going down, We remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, We remember them. In the opening buds and in the rebirth of spring, In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn, In the beginning of the year and when it ends, We remember them

When we seek advice that does not come, When we are alone and afraid, When we are weary and in need of strength, When we are lost and sick at heart, When we have joys we yearn to share, We remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live, For they are now a part of us, As we remember them.

All: May the memory of those we loved in life and still love in death bless our thoughts and acts. The special grace of their years reaches out to touch our hearts and give us hope.

Other Humanistic Alternatives: They are not dead who live In hearts they leave behind. In those whom they have blessed They live a life again. And shall live through the years Eternal life, and grow Each day more beautiful As time declares their good, Forgets the rest, and proves Their immortality.

Hal'lu: Praise Praise the world praise its fullness and its longing, its beauty and its grief. Praise stone and fire, Lilac and river, And the solitary bird At the window.

Praise the moment When the whole Bursts through in pain And the moment When the whole Bursts forth in joy. Praise the dying beauty With all your breath And, praising, see The beauty of the world Is your own. Marcia Falk, the Book of Blessings, 158

May our bereavement for our loved ones who are no longer with us lead to An expansion of our compassion for all of life and of our passion for wonder in our relationships. May we pursue peace among the living. May we find inner peace, Shalom, in the acceptance of our loss, cherishing the memories of companionship which shall endure in us. May our community be a source of sustenance and support to all who mourn. [Adaptation by Rabbi David Oler] Other Readings: Death finally terminates the struggle, the wish, the fantasy. The grief and joy, success and failure, are all ended. Like children falling asleep over their toys, we loosen our grasp on earthly possessions only when death overtakes us. The master and the servant, the rich and the poor, the strong and the feeble, the wise and the simple - all are equal in death. [Adapted from Gates of Heaven prayer book] With our tears In our sorrow We remember.

With our courage And our strength We do not forget.

Acts of kindness Deeds of courage Will remain.

Beauty created Wisdom shared Is not lost.

With our tears In our sorrow We remember. [Rabbi Robert Barr]

Life Goes On

If I should go before the rest of you Break not a flower Nor inscribe a stone Nor when I am gone Speak in a Sunday voice But be the usual selves That I have known Weep if you must Parting is hell But life goes on So .... sing as well [Joyce Grenfell]

Traditional Native American Prayer

When I am dead Cry for me a little, Think of me sometimes But not too much. Think of me now and again As I was in life. At some moments it's pleasant to recall, But not for long. Leave me in peace And I shall leave you in peace, And while you live Let your thoughts be with the living.

Definition of a Successful Life

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. [Ralph Waldo Emerson]

Life and death, A twisted vine sharing a single root, A water bright green Stretching to top a twisted yellow Only to wither itself as another green unfolds overhead. One leaf atop another, Yet under the next a vibrant tapestry of arcs and falls all in the act of becoming.

Death is the passing of life. And life is the stringing together of so many little passings. [Rabbi Rami M. Sharipo]

I Am Standing Upon The Seashore I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says; "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!" There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout;

"Here she comes!" [Henry Van Dyke]

7/15/14 RG