11/14/2010 a Powerful Yet Simple Strategy

11/14/2010 A Powerful Yet Simple Strategy

1. Motivate

What is the most important thing you have learned from your parents? - always carry a handkerchief - always go to the bathroom before you leave - wash your face daily - use deodorant - be kind to others

Here’s some advice kids say they learned (directly or indirectly) from their parents - Never trust a dog to watch your food. - When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer - When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. - Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. - A puppy always has bad breath - even after eating a Tic-Tac - Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time. - You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. - If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. - Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.

2. Transition

Today we will be looking at God’s Word to see: - How we intentionally parent our children - How we live according to the biblical mandate in Deuteronomy 6. - Intentional parenting is parenting with a plan, having an end goal or purpose.

3. Bible Study

3.1 Parenting Styles

Consider the following definitions Parents do whatever they have to do to make it through the Survival parenting situation. Parents make decisions or choices according to what is Accidental parenting popular in culture without considering if it is most helpful. Parents carefully think through what would be most Intentional Parenting beneficial in order to achieve the end goal

(This would be good to have as a poster or written on a whiteboard so it can be referred to throughout the lesson, especially the last definition)

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Suppose your family is going on a road trip. What kind of trip would it be if you got ready and proceeded on your trip using one of the above life styles? We survived the trip Good or bad, Intentionally planned, somehow it was accidental well carried out - rest stops whenever - one place we stopped - plan an itinerary needed was nice, another was - make reservations for - hope you find a gas dirty and noisy each night station - the boss said to take the - make sure to get enough - look for an ATM when day off … let’s go on a travelers’ checks you run out of money trip - get the car checked - sleep in the car if you - I guess we could go to before the trip cannot find a motel the “Rocky Horror - check everyone’s - forgot the kids shoes, Show Museum” suitcases for missing had to buy new ones - lucky thing we stopped items when we did, we discovered the gas tank was empty

For survival parenting, how would the family 1. Handle homework? a. I’ll help you if we’re up till midnight b. Well, I’ll take you to the store and we’ll buy poster materials right now c. Why didn’t you bring the book home? Can we borrow one from a friend? 2. Choose a movie? a. We’ll just go and hope for a good one b. Who knows if “Gone with the Schwinn” is any good? c. I hope this one doesn’t have too many swear words 3. Get ready for church? a. maybe your Bible is in the car b. quick, here’s some change for the SS offering c. go tell your mother I’m in the car and I’m getting impatient

For accidental parenting, how would the family 1. Shop for clothes? a. Well, if that’s what the other kids are wearing b. I wouldn’t wear something that short, but you seem to know what you like c. I think you need dress shoes, but if sandals are more comfortable … 2. Plan a birthday party for a middle school child? a. OK, if you want we can have a scary mummy theme b. Well, I guess we can hire a hip-hop DJ for the party c. Hmm … who else had a co-ed sleepover? 3. Get ready for church? a. Who wants to go to church today? b. That outfit is not appropriate for church, but if that’s all that’s clean … c. OK, if you don’t think it’s “cool” to carry your Bible, you can leave it at home

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For intentional parenting, how would the family 1. Shop for clothes? a. I’m really sorry those $149 shoes don’t fit in our budget. How about these other ones? b. I’m sure this outfit will satisfy both the school and our family’s dress code c. Jimmy’s family chooses for him, I choose for you 2. Choose a movie? a. I checked online, this one is both interesting and is appropriate for our family’s values b. We’re going to apply the “Three strikes and out” rule … third case of bad language and we’re leaving c. I believe this one is too scary for someone in grade school. Maybe when you’re older you can decide for yourself 3. Handle daily suppertime? a. Monday night is family night. We all eat together. b. You must eat a little bit of everything … even the veggies c. No dessert until you clean your plate

3.2 God’s Plan for Intentional Parenting

Listen for when and how to teach children.

Deut. 6:4-9 (NIV) Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. [5] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. [6] These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. [7] Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. [8] Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. [9] Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

What were the Israelites supposed to do with God’s commandments? - they are to be on your hearts - they are to be impressed on children - you must talk about them - you must have them close at hand (as close as your hands, the doors of your homes)

How are parents to teach their children God’s Word? - by talking about God’s Truths often - find ways to do so in every situation - where ever you are, whatever is going on - make a point to bring God’s principles to bear on the situation

What are some specific situations where we could talk about spiritual things with our children within our daily schedules? - while watching TV - driving down the road

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- when at a sports event (remembering to model a Christian lifestyle when referee calls don’t go your way)

How do we intentionally do these things – not just wait for them to maybe happen? - plan out some things to say when certain situations do arise - use the Faith Moments provided each week - find a family devotional activities book as a resource - query students about what they learned, heard in SS and in church - start a family prayer request list – keep it as a journal – date both the initial request and the answer

We probably wouldn’t adopt the Jewish custom of phylacteries as shown here. What would be appropriate within our culture that would accomplish what God intended? - mottos on plaques (carved, cross stitched, etc.) - Christian T-shirts - scripture memorization cards - a scripture verse screen saver – change weekly

3.3 Put It into Practice

Listen for qualities to pursue.

Philip. 4:8-9 (NIV) Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. [9] Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

What are the qualities of wholesome thoughts mentioned here? - truth - lovely - noble - admirable - right - praiseworthy - pure ← How can believers enjoy the presence of the God of peace? - practice the truths in God’s word - fill your mind with good things (remember Garbage In, Garbage Out) - follow the example of a godly mentor

If you were to do this, in what ways would it affect your children and grandchildren? - they see the peace that such a lifestyle provides for you - they hear you often talk about the Lord and it sticks in their minds - they watch us more than we think – they “catch” our attitudes and motives

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4. Application

4.1 Carefully consider intentional Christian lifestyle - A daily time alone with God – scripture reading, meditating on what you read, prayer - Plan for times to use the weekly Faith Moments - Be on the lookout for teachable moments – in all situations

4.2 Think about the five stages of spiritual development and be watching for opportunities to encourage your children and grandchildren to progress 1. Spiritual Foundation (preschool) 2. Spiritual Birth (children) 3. Spiritual Discovery (children/preteen) 4. Spiritual Ownership (students) 5. Spiritual Leadership (students)

4.3 Remember that children and grandchildren learn much from the models they see lived before them - Practice the principles you study in small groups and hear in weekly messages - Verbalize your faith often - At the same time, James says, “be quick to listen and slow to speak”