Parents Often Say They Want Their Children to Be Happy, Feel Good About Themselves And s5

Parenting Article No. 70

ARE WE OVER PARENTING OUR CHILDREN?

Are we over monitoring and overprotecting our “ Children need to be gently encouraged to take kids? “Kids need to feel badly sometimes,” says risks and learn that nothing terrible happens,” child psychologist David Elkind, professor at says Michael Liebowitz, clinical professor of Tufts University. “We learn through experience psychiatry at Columbia University. “They need and we learn through bad experiences. Through gradual exposure to find out that the world is not failure we learn how to cope.” dangerous. Having over protective parents is a How do we encourage our kids to strive for risk factor for anxiety disorders because children something, have a go, and reach for a goal? It’s do not have opportunities to master innate not by taking away challenges or sanitizing them shyness and become more comfortable in the against all germs or disappointments. In fact, world.” when we wrap our kids in cotton wool, it seems to make them more vulnerable. Anxiety and There are times when the parent needs to sit back depression among young people is on the rise. and let the child take control and responsibility for the situation or issue. They won’t always be Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan has shown there to do the child’s homework, intervene with through his studies of children’s temperaments, a dispute between friends or school or take up a that what creates anxious children is parents dispute when things have not gone as their child hovering and protecting them from every would wish. stressful experience. Remember, the goal of parenting is to raise “ I wish my parents had some hobby other than happy, healthy (in body and mind) independent me,” one young patient told David Anderegg, a individuals who can look after themselves and child psychologist in Lenox, Massachusetts. make good decisions on their own. We as parents Anderegg finds that anxious parents are hyper- should be working towards doing ourselves out attentive to their kids, reactive to every blip of of a job! their child’s day, eager to solve every problem for their child and believe that’s good parenting. “If you have an infant and the baby has wind, burping the baby is being a good parent. But when you have a 10-year old who has metaphoric gas, you don’t have to burp him. You have to let him sit with it and let him try to figure out what to do about it. He then learns to tolerate moderate amounts of difficulty, and that it’s not the end of the world.”

For a complete list of Regional Parenting Service articles go to the City of Greater Geelong website www.geelongaustralia.com.au/community/family/services/article/8cbc84b53070368.aspx