Editing and Rewriting Stories

Redraft your writing - Fix the errors

Read each piece of writing – they all contain some errors. Errors to look for:  Spelling  Poor punctuation – sentences too long, commas not used, talking marks not used  Incomplete sentences – the sentence must make sense on its own  Lack of paragraphs  Verb tenses inconsistent eg start in past tense, then switch to present tense – stories should be told in past tense.  Confused meaning – sentences or paragraphs don’t make sense.  Lack of pronouns  Repetition – events, facts or ideas are repeated

Highlight each error with a pen or highlighter. Decide on the correct way to write the passage. Write the correct version in your workbooks.

We are on top of Mount Buller and were going to be camping here for 1 whole week. Mum, Dad and I got up. We are now on our way to our first ever sking lesson. So then went near there camping area to build their snowmen. Dad sugested that the best way ...

We had just arrived to American Samoa to visit our families. It was 11.30 and we have arrived home. “Hello” says a lady from the window slow making her way to the door. Me and my siblings walk in the back anxious to see who’s waiting. “Oh my gosh their so grown up says a voice in the crowd.

Back when I was playing rugby I broke my leg because I was running and tripped and broke my leg. For some reason it did not hert. When I went to serjury.

When we got to epping we went to epping A--nd we played at the cinemas when we had finished we went home.

This piece of music makes me feel relaxed and calm. It also brings back memories. Memories when I was a little kid. I think that the person who did this piece did a great job and also to the people who played the instruments.

When they got there a soldier said “You boys are too young to join the army.” He said that they have there whole lives a head of there selves. Redraft your writing - Fix the errors

Read each piece of writing – they all contain some errors. Errors to look for:  Spelling  Poor punctuation – sentences too long, commas not used, talking marks not used  Incomplete sentences – the sentence must make sense on its own  Lack of paragraphs  Verb tenses inconsistent eg start in past tense, then switch to present tense – stories should be told in past tense.  Confused meaning – sentences or paragraphs don’t make sense.  Lack of pronouns  Repetition – events, facts or ideas are repeated

Highlight each error with a pen or highlighter. Decide on the correct way to write the passage. Write the correct version in your workbooks.

So after they had breakfast they walked to the park while they were in the park Bob went on the monkey bars.

David’s mum came out and she is suspicious.

James quikly brang the box again and put food so the dragon can eat, but this time they put a lock so it wouldn’t get out.

It was holiday and my mum decided to go to Dreamworld so she book flights. As we borded the plane I got so excited. Mum quickly dashed and pack food. We had lunch than decide to go home.

Mark’s story wasn’t that scary and so was Kyle’s. Whoever putted it there must have been really stupid. It was night, the moon was full and our cabins are cold. It was 1 AM and we still haven’t found her yet. We only packed a couple of food.

I piced it up and bolted towerds the mall. I gave the golden cup to the maneger who said congradulations you just won anything you want for free go on go have fun.

Many people wanting to buy the tickets but we said they won’t up for sale.

We said we want to go to the beach and we did and we got ready and we went to the beach. John then bought Mary lots of drinks. At the end of the night Mary was drunk and John took her to the car. It was a two hour drive from the night club that he went to till his place. At the back seats of the car he had lots of beer. When they got to John’s place Mary noticed something strange about the location of John’s place. It was in the middle of no where. John carried Mary to his front door. He said “welcome home” with a big grin on his face. Slowly they both walked into the house.

Their had this maco kid called Joe he went to high school at Thomastown. And it had these kids called John and Joe. They hated each orther they wanted to fight so bad but they never had a fight. And they both had gangs.

So the next day at 8.00 PM there had vans and cars coming fall of weapens. They were so hungry fight. So they started fighting – people were getting stabed with wnifes and people were getting hit with poles and wood.

Joe was running to stab John from behiend and a member from John’s gang pulled out a gun and pulled the treger and shot him in the chest and the people called the cops.

Out of nowhere a man with dark hair and a cap grabbed her and threatened her not to scream with a knife at the back of her. She then saw the black car and was hoping that he did not own it, they were heading towards the car and she was getting so scared that she was about to scream but she always remebered the knife, so it stopped her.

When I was in grade 4 I really enjoyed playing soccer, so I started going to soccer traing for Preston Lions Soccer Club. I played for under 11s. Our team was very good we won the championship. Our coaches name was Peter he was a great coach. When I was in grade 5 I played for the under 12s we were a good team our coaches name was Sam. When he got kicked out our coaches name was Bill. At the end of the season our team finished 4th last out of 8 teams and our senior team came first on the ladder and also won the Victorian Soccer Federation trophy. They won the trophy by beating Fawkner Blue. I love my soccer boots, their charcoal Lotto boots. I hope this season we win all our games and have more players.

At school I started to play tennis. I could never go to tennis without butterflies in my stomach. Every week different schools would come to our school and we would play against them. I was in girls doubles B. I was first to serve. I bounced the ball three times then the last bounce I hit it then the other girl across me hit it, i hit it the two girls on the other side missed it. "Yes our point.” I said to my friend. Throughout the 9 sets we were winning. “One more point and we win” I said. I hit the ball as hard as I could. “YES WE WON.”

I started swimming because I wanted to be fit and healthy. So dad and I went to the swimming pool to see if there was any part for me to go and swim there. Peter the swimming instructar told me I could start next week. I told my mum and she said “good now you’ll get fit like Susie O’Neil”. Next week the day came and I was so excited because now that I was doing something I wouldn’t be bored lazy and unfit. I would be fit healthy and not lazy. We got there and I couldn’t wait to jump in that water and start swimming. Not everyday I went because I wanted to have a break I was starting to sick of it because I was fit enough. So I went to Peter the next day and told him thank’s a lot for trianing me and I’ll see you later. So right now I am still fit and healthy from all that swimming I did.