Yiddish Submarine

n 1.6 Versio Temple Beth El 2015 Purim Play

YIDDISH SUBMARINE

Written by Mike Cook Directed by Chris Shelton Musical Director and Lyrics: Rabbi Micah Becker-Klein

Act 1: The Shushan Blues The Narrator explains that King Ahashverus rules the entire kingdom, which is 18,000 leagues under the sea, and the kingdom includes the cities of Shushan and Pepperland (where many of the Jews live). The King, Haman, and Vashti appear on stage (in Shushan), along with the army of Blue Minyans (i.e., Meanies). Vashti is identified as the Blue Mayor of Music. The King is upset at Vashti for not keeping the Jews from singing and praying differently. Haman convinces the King to turn the Jews blue and destroy them. Vashti sings of her hope that the King keeps her as mayor for a long time via the song “When I’m 64”. But the King decides to banish her. Vashti vows to get even with the King by warning the Jews. She runs off toward Pepperland. Getting lost along the way, she meets Mordechai and Esther and tells them of the King and Haman’s plan. Mordechai and Esther offer to guide her to Pepperland to warn the Jews.

Act 2: Journey to Shushan Vashti, Mordechai and Esther arrive in Pepperland, and come upon Sgt. Pepper and the Lonely Hearts who are cleaning the Yiddish Submarine. They all board the Yiddish Submarine to travel to Shushan to convince the King to save the Jews, singing “We All Live in a Yiddish Submarine”. Along the way they pass through the Sea of Food and Love, where they meet Bubbe who offers them some chicken soup and kindness, after which she is invited to join them on their journey; however Bubbe is afraid to go, so they sing “Hey Jude (Don’t Be Afraid)”. They then pass through the Sea of Nothing, and meet Cheery Beery Bim, an accomplished yet silly guy. Everyone on the submarine sings “Nowhere Man” in reference to Cheery. They discover the submarine has mechanical problems, but Cheery fixes these, and they invite him on the journey. They pass through the Sea of Holes, and then they all sing “All Together Now”.

Act 3: Showdown in Shushan They arrive in Shushan and disembark the Yiddish Submarine. They confront the Blue Minyans, and start singing “All You Need is Love”, and the Blue Minyans join the singing and become peaceful and friendly towards the Jews. Haman is all angry and flustered at the situation, but both the Jews and the now-transformed Blue Minyans encircle Haman while singing. This drives Haman crazy and he exits Shushan. The King realizes that the Jews are wonderful people, and he appoints Esther as his new Mayor of Music. The entire cast comes on stage and sings a reprise of “All Together Now”.

Narrator Rabbi Micah Becker-Klein

King Ahashverosh Jutta Pils

Haman Jon Goldberg

Vashti Elizabeth Licht

Mordechai Sasha Jernakoff

Esther Rachel Becker-Klein

Sgt. Pepper Mike Cook

John Rebecca Goldberg

Paul Anna Bender

George Shayna Greenblatt

Ringo Rebecca Greenblatt

Bubbe Marla Palmer

Cheery Beery Bim Chris Shelton

Blue Minyans: Rachel Zizmont, Jenny Daniels, Sadie Fullerton, Jake Fullerton, Marc DiSciullo, Leila Myers, Nathan Myers, Sarah Haimowitz, Jonathan Haimowitz, Matthew Haimowitz, Rio Bitterroot, Talia Greenblatt, Devyn Pensky, Reuben Becker-Klein, Brandon Goldberg, Katja Pils, Maximilian Pils, Lexa Rudnick, Isabel Palmer, Dana Ogden

COSTUMES:

Kids: Blue shirts, blue pants, blue hats and goggles Haman: blue jump suit, tri-cornered hat King: crown and blue robe Esther and Vashti: casual clothes (dresses?) Mordechai: Colorful robe Sgt. Pepper: Tuxedo with adornments Lonely Hearts: Wild outfits Bubbe: granny dress with smock/apron Cheery: Clownish clothes Band: Black suit/tie/shoes white shirt

ACT 1: THE SHUSHAN BLUES (Stage backdrop scenery shows blue mountains)

[BAND PLAYS OVERTURE]

NARRATOR: [STANDING STAGE RIGHT] Once upon a time, or maybe twice, there was a great king, named Ahashverus, who loved all things that were blue. Ahashverus ruled a very large kingdom, which laid 18,000 leagues under the sea. On one side of the kingdom was the great city of Shushan, and on the other side of the kingdom was the Jewish shtetl of Pepperland. The King had many followers, including an army known as the “Blue Minyans”.

RACHEL: [ENTERS FROM BEHIND BIMA ALONE] Hey, Blue Minyans. Come together. Right now. Over me. [THE OTHER KIDS ENTER AND GATHER CENTER STAGE. SOME KIDS MIGHT HAVE BLUE BALLOONS AND/OR A BLUE BALL]

JENNY: What a blue-tiful day it is in the Kingdom.

SADIE: Yes, the water is so deeply blue.

JAKE: In fact, everything is so wonderfully blue today.

MARC: [TURNING TOWARD LEILA] And how blue do you feel today?

LEILA: I’m feeling very blue today, thank you.

NATHAN: [POINTING TO THE YELLOW FLOWER] Hey, that flower over there is not blue?

SARAH: Yes, but it still has a nice bloom.

JONATHAN: But the King says we should only have blue flowers. [GOES OVER AND RIPS THE FLOWER FROM THE GROUND]

KING A: [KING ENTERS FROM BEHIND BIMA TO FRONT CENTER STAGE.] Ah, it’s good to be King! I get whatever I wish for, whenever I want it.

ALL KIDS: [MINYANS ARE JOYFUL AND TURN TO EACH OTHER MAKING NOISES LIKE “DESPICABLE ME” MINIONS.] Yibbidy! Wobadah!

KING A: And are my Blue Minyans doing well today?

ALL KIDS: Yes, Your Blueness.

ALL KIDS: No, Your Blueness.

KING A: [SPEAKING WITH SOFTNESS AND SATISFACTION] Ah, thaaaat’s better.

MATTHEW: Is anybody hungry? We can go eat some blueberries.

RIO: Great idea! They grow over there, next to the strawberry fields forever.

TALIA: Let’s go! [KIDS RUN DOWN AISLE AND EXIT THE SANCTUARY]

[BAND PLAYS 15 SECONDS OF “STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER” AS KIDS EXIT STAGE]

KING A: [ENTER HAMAN FROM BEHIND BIMA WHO JOINS KING] Well, if it isn’t my chief Blue Minyan, Haman, here to advise me on all matters.

HAMAN: Hello, King. I hope you’re feeling blue today.

KING: [LOOKING UPSET] Haman! You seem to have forgotten that I told everyone to address me as “Your Blueness!”

HAMAN: [SAYING HUMBLY AND WITH REVERENCE] Sorry, King. Er, I mean, yes, Your Blueness. [SHAKING HIS HEAD, AND SOUNDING A BIT SCARED] I, I mean, no, Your Blueness.

KING: [SPEAKING WITH SOFTNESS AND SATISFACTION] Bluuue-tiful. [SPEAKING AUTHORITATIVELY] That reminds me. I shall issue a decree to change the name of “Shushan” to “Blue-shan” and make everyone in the Kingdom become blue.

VASHTI: [VASHTI ENTERS FROM BEHIND THE BIMA] Greetings, Your Blueness.

KING: Ah, it’s Vashti, my Blue Mayor of Music. Tell me, Vashti, how are things going?

VASHTI: I’d like to say that all is good, but I’m having a big problem because not everyone is singing the right kind of music. Specifically, the Jews in Pepperland have their own songs and prayers.

HAMAN: [SPEAKING WITH DISDAIN] Yes, those Jews are very different from us. In fact, I think they are the source of many of the

KING: Hmmm, perhaps you’re right. We want them to be bluish, not Jewish!

HAMAN: Don’t worry, Your Blueness. I will make it my task to turn them blue and get rid of them all. Blue-ha-ha-ha-ha! [HAMAN EXITS DOWN THE AISLE].

VASHTI: You know, Your Blueness, even though the Jews sing and pray differently, they have some very nice customs I’ve learned about which I sort of like. But I hope that doesn’t change how you think about me. I do hope you keep me as your Mayor of Music for many, many more years.

SONG: “ WHEN I’M SIXTY-FOUR ” (Vashti and King sing) VASHTI: When I get older, changing my hair, Many years from now. Will you still be sending me a Hanukkah card Birthday greetings, bottle of kosher wine. KING A: If you’d been out till just Kol Nidrey Would I lock the door? Will I still need you, will I still keep you When you’re sixty-four? VASHTI: You’ll be older too And if you say Todah I’ll still work for you. I could be handy, making a challah When your food is gone. I could knit a kippah by the fireside After Havdallah go for a ride. Scoring your music, making words rhyme Who could ask for more? KING A: Will I still need you, will I still keep you, No! Not one minute more!

KING: Vashti, I don’t think that you are doing a good job lately. You have let the Jews sing and pray differently than us. I am disappointed. I will put this poor performance on your employment record as a huge blemish, or rather I should say, a blue-mish!

VASHTI: Oh, please, Your Blueness. I really need this job.

KING: I’m sorry, but you won’t last for 64 more seconds as my Blue Mayor of Music, because I’m banishing you right now, and we shall no longer have music in Shushan. Now give me back your Mayor’s badge and go! [THE KING TAKES HER BADGE] Better yet,

VASHTI: [VASHTI MOVES TO THE FIRST STEP OF THE BIMA AND SPEAKS TO THE AUDIENCE WITH ANGER AND DETERMINATION] I’ll show him and really blow up his blue plans. I’m going to Pepperland now to tell the Jews of the plot to turn them all blue and destroy them! [SHE WALKS DOWN THE AISLE, THEN STANDS AT THE BACK OF THE SANCTUARY]

NARRATOR: [STANDING STAGE RIGHT] Vashti travels the countryside for a fortnight, or maybe even a fifth-night, on her way to Pepperland, desperate to tell the Jews of their impending demise.

VASHTI: [VASHTI WALKS BACK UP AISLE ONTO THE BIMA, SPEAKING IN FRUSTRATION] I’m having trouble finding my way to Pepperland. [BAND PLAYS THE FIRST FEW BARS OF “HELP” AS VASHTI SINGS] Help! I need somebody! Help, not just anybody. Help, you know I need someone. He-e-e-lp! Won’t someone please, please, help me? [ENTER MORDECHAI AND ESTHER FROM BEHIND BIMA]

ESTHER: Shalom. Can I help you?

VASHTI: Shalom? That’s odd. Why are you greeting me by saying “goodbye?”.

ESTHER: No. I’m saying “hello.”

VASHTI: I don’t know why you say “goodbye”, I say “hello.”

ESTHER: Oh, nevermind. My name is Esther. And this is my cousin, Mordechai.

VASHTI: I’m Vashti. King Ahashverus stopped all music in Shushan, and banished me as his Blue Mayor of Music.

MORDECHAI: That’s funny. You don’t look bluish. [DRUMMER RIM-SHOT]

VASHTI: I need to get to Pepperland and warn the Jews. The King and his chief blue minyan, Haman, want to turn the Jews blue and then destroy them.

MORDECHAI: [SOUNDING EXASPERATED] Ooooooy veeeeey, yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away, but now it looks as though they’re here to stay.

Copyright 2014 Temple Beth El “Yiddish Submarine” – v1.6 8 ESTHER: [FACING VASHTI] Don’t worry. Pepperland is just a small trip from here. We’ll take you there, and you can tell our fellow Jews about this horrible plot. [ESTHER WALKS OFF THE BIMA]

MORDECHAI: Here, take my hand and we’ll go. [MORDECHAI EXTENDS HIS ARM OUT TO VASHTI]

VASHTI: Why should I take your hand? I just met you.

MORDECHAI: Well, because… [SING ACCORDING TO THE MELODY] …I wanna hold your hand. [VASHTI TAKES MORDECHAI’S HAND, AND THEY AND ESTHER EXIT BEHIND THE BIMA]

[BAND PLAYS “I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND” AS THE SCENERY IS CHANGED]

Copyright 2014 Temple Beth El “Yiddish Submarine” – v1.6 9 ACT 2: JOURNEY TO SHUSHAN (Stage backdrop scenery shows interior of Yiddish Submarine— pipes/engine/dials, and several chairs next to the backdrop all facing forward.)

ESTHER: [MORDECHAI, ESTHER AND VASHTI WALK UP AISLE ONTO BIMA] Well, we’re now here in Pepperland. And look—there’s our friends Sergeant Pepper and his Lonely Hearts: John, Paul, George and Ringo. What are you all doing, Sergeant Pepper?

SGT PEPPER:Allo, Estha! We’re washing and waxing our Yiddish Submarine. We like to keep our submarine clean; it’s a clean machine.

MORDECHAI: Hello Sergeant Pepper. How are things going?

SGT PEPPER:Well, it’s been a hard day’s night, and I’ve been working like a dog.

RINGO: Who’s that with you?

VASHTI: I’m Vashti. I came from Shushan to warn all the Jews that the King and Haman are plotting to turn you all blue and destroy you. The King has already forbidden all music in Shushan.

ESTHER: I think the best thing we can do is to travel to Shushan and convince the King not to destroy us. We can travel on our Yiddish Submarine!

SGT PEPPER:Why, that’s a smashing idea, Estha! Say, Vashti, why don’t you join us? We could always use a little help from our friends.

VASHTI: Sure, I’ll come with you all.

SGT PEPPER:That’s great. Okay everybody, get in your seats and let’s shove off.

[EVERYONE TAKES A SEAT IN THE SUBMARINE, AND SGT PEPPER TURNS THE STEERING WHEEL WHILE THE SONG PLAYS]

SONG: “ YIDDISH SUBMARINE ” [Everyone on submarine sings) Sgt Pepper, In the shtetl of Pepperland John, Paul, Lived Esther, brave as can be. George and And Mordechai told of her life Ringo In the land of submarines.

Everyone on So we sailed up to Shushan the submarine To make the King not be so mean. And we lived beneath the waves In our Yiddish Submarine.

Copyright 2014 Temple Beth El “Yiddish Submarine” – v1.6 10 We all live in a Yiddish submarine Yiddish submarine, Yiddish submarine. We all live in a Yiddish submarine Yiddish submarine, Yiddish submarine.

Our chaverim are all on board, Many more of them live next door, And the band begins to play.

We all live in a Yiddish submarine Yiddish submarine, Yiddish submarine. We all live in a Yiddish submarine Yiddish submarine, Yiddish submarine.

JOHN: This trip is quite a journey to Shushan. We’ll be traveling through many different seas to get there. In fact, right now we’re passing through the Sea of Ochel and Ahava. [TURNS AND LOOKS AT VASHTI] Vashti, that’s Hebrew for the Sea of Food and Love.

PAUL: The people living here must be very happy and content.

MORDECHAI: [BUBBE ENTERS BEHIND BIMA CARRYING A TRAY OF SOUP] Speaking of people, here comes someone.

BUBBE: Shalom, yeladeem and yeladoat! I’m Bubbe. [MOVING UP CLOSE TO ESTHER] And you are such a beautiful soul!

ESTHER: Thanks, Bubbe!

BUBBE: You must all be hungry after such a long journey. Here. I made a nice chicken soup vit some knadles this morning. Come. Eat. Dun be shy. [SHE STARTS SERVING THE SOUP IN BOWLS, FIRST SOUP GOES TO SGT PEPPER, SECOND TO RINGO, THEN THE REST OF THE CREW]

GEORGE: Soup! [GEORGE STANDS UP AND RUNS OVER TO BUBBE] Bubbe, this chicken soup looks so delicious, so ta’im.

SGT PEPPER:Yes! This tastes jolly good. Almost as good as me own mum’s soup.

BUBBE: Thank you, yeladeem. Oy, I’m so farklemt. You know, my secret ingredient [PREGNANT PAUSE, GESTURE LOOKING LEFT AND RIGHT FOR EAVESDROPPERS] is to make it with a lot of love.

RINGO: Bubbe, this love-filled soup is so good you could charge money for it.

JOHN: Say, I’ve got me an idea. Bubbe, would you like to go with us to Shushan?

PAUL: Yeah, the King and Haman are plotting to destroy the Jews and we’ve got to stop them.

BUBBE: [SAID IN GUILT-TRIP FASHION] Dat’s okay. You all just go ahead and have a nice time without me. I’ll just sit here in the dark, and no one vill have to bother.

PAUL: Oh, come on, Bubbe. Don’t be silly. Come with us, please? The King could use some Bubbe wisdom, and of course, some of your haymesha kosher food that you make with lots of love.

JOHN: Yeah, Bubbe. You could bring some soup, and maybe you could even bake some fresh dessert for the King, like peanut butter and jelly hamantaschen. That’s my favorite kind!

BUBBE: I dun know. I’ve cooked and baked all my life, but I’ve never made such a strange hamantashen before. I’m a bissel nervous to do that.

SONG: “ HEY JUDE ” [Everyone on submarine sings) Everyone Hey Jew, don’t be afraid. Take some flour and make a batter. Remember to knead the dough just right Then you can start a better batter.

And anytime you feel some pain, Hey Jew, refrain, don’t knead so hard that you’ll hurt your shoulders. For well you know that it’s a fool who kneads dough cool By making his dough a little colder.

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.

Hey Jew, don’t get so down Add the filling, then go and bake dessert. Bubbe Remember to add love into your food, Everyone Then you’ll begin to make it better, better, better, better, better, better, oh!

Yai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai, Hey Jew. Yai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai, Hey Jew. Yai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai, Hey Jew. Yai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai nai, Hey Jew. (fade out)

[SGT PEPPER TURNS THE STEERING WHEEL WHILE EVERYONE HUMS/WHISTLES “WE ALL LIVE IN A YIDDISH SUBMARINE” FOR 10-15 SECONDS. CHEERY ENTERS UP AISLE AND SITS IN A STILL POSE ON SIDE OF BIMA FACING THE TRAVELLERS WHILE HOLDING A PAINT BRUSH AND PAINTED CANVAS]

SGT PEPPER:Okay everybody, we’re now passing into the Sea of Kloom. [TURNS AND LOOKS AT VASHTI] That’s Hebrew for the Sea of Nothing.

BUBBE: [POINTING TO CHEERY ON THE SIDE OF THE STAGE] Look, over dere. It’s a man alone on a hill. The one with the foolish grin who’s keeping perfectly still.

JOHN: Yes. Let’s stop and talk with him. [THEY ALL STAND UP, AND MORDECHAI WALKS TOWARDS CHEERY] So, who are you?

CHEERY: [HOLDING A PAINT BRUSH AND CANVAS, ACT OVERLY ANIMATED—WAVE ARMS, SPIN AROUND] Hello, don’t be grim. I’m Cheery Beery Bim, Ph.D., fud, you see. Eminent Talmudist, polyglot biblicist, prize-winning Hebraist, talented pianist, and good dentist. [HE HOLDS UP THE PAINTING] This painting I must complete post-haste, no time to drag my feet or waste!

SGT PEPPER:Must you always talk in rhyme?

CHEERY: If I spoke prose, you’d all find out: I don’t know what I talk about. Ad hoc, ad loc, and quid quo pro, so little time, so much to know!

BUBBE: Oy vey, dis guy is so mishugah.

SONG: “ NOWHERE MAN ” (Everyone on submarine sings) Everyone but He’s a real nudnick man Cheery Sitting in his nudnick land Making all his nudnick plans for nobody.

Doesn’t act like he’s a Jew Knows not where he’s going to Isn’t he a bit like you and me?

Nudnick Man, please listen You don’t know what you’re missing Nudnick Man, the world is at your command.

He’s mishugah as can be

Copyright 2014 Temple Beth El “Yiddish Submarine” – v1.6 13 Just sees what he wants to see Nudnick Man can you see me at all? Cheery I’m a real Nudnick Man Sitting in my nudnick land Doing all my nudnick tricks for klutzy kicks. Everyone but Doing all his nudnick tricks for klutzy kicks. Cheery Doing all his nudnick tricks for klutzy kicks.

SGT PEPPER:What-ho. That’s ratha strange. [WALKS OVER TO ENGINE AND TURNS ITS CRANK TWICE] Our submarine—she’s stopped working!

CHEERY: Do not fear, I’m also an engineer. [HE WALKS OVER TO A CABINET/BOX AND PUTS HIS HANDS IN MOVING THEM AROUND FOR A FEW SECONDS. HE PULLS OUT A SPIDER AND HANDS IT TO SGT PEPPER WHO TOSSES IT. HE PULLS OUT A MOUSETRAP] No need to feel undue tension—here’s the problem with your engine. [HE PULLS OUT A LARGE HAMANTASHEN] Some sticky Hamantashen jelly spilled inside. I’ve cleaned it up, so you can continue your ride. Hmm, it’s still dead, so time to use my head. [HE STICKS THE ENGINE ON HIS HEAD WHILE SGT PEPPER TURNS THE CRANK]

BUBBE: [TALKING TO THE OTHERS] Maybe Cheery Beery Bim can come with us. [TURN AND TALK TO CHEERY] Say, would you like to join us on our trip to Shushan? Your cheery rhymes could soften the King’s heart!

CHEERY: That’s a trip I can afford. Sure, I’ll hop aboard! [CHEERY SITS DOWN IN ONE OF THE CHAIRS]

JOHN: Great. Let’s go!

[EVERYONE SITS DOWN, AND SGT PEPPER TURNS THE STEERING WHEEL WHILE EVERYONE HUMS/WHISTLES ALONG WITH THE BAND PLAYING A FEW SECONDS OF “WE ALL LIVE IN A YIDDISH SUBMARINE”.]

SGT PEPPER:Listen up, mates. Now we’re passing through the Sea of Holes.

BUBBE: Hmmm, does that make dis is a holy place?

CHEERY: I can find that answer quite well. I’ll just check my cell. [PATTING HIS POCKETS AND LOOKING SURPRISED] That’s odd, my phone’s disappeared like a rocket. [PULLS HAND OUT OF POCKET AND REVEAL A 12-INCH BLACK HOLE CIRCLE] It appears I’ve got a hole in my pocket!

GEORGE: Well, how long have you had that hole in your pocket?

EVERYONE: [SAID IN APPARENT AGONY] Oyyyyy!

CHEERY: Oh, come, come, everyone. Let’s have some fun! [CHEERY DOES SOME JUGGLING AND OTHER ACTIVITIES FOR A MINUTE. DURING THIS SGT PEPPER AND OTHERS BRINGS THE SUBMARINE CUTOUT ONTO THE STAGE AND RESTS IT NEAR THE CHAIRS]

MORDECHAI: Okay, are we all together now? Then let’s go!

[SGT PEPPER GRABS THE SUBMARINE CUTOUT, AND EVERYONE GATHERS BEHIND THE CUTOUT AND WALKS AROUND THE SANCTUARY WHILE SINGING]

SONG: “ ALL TOGETHER NOW ” (Everyone on the submarine sings) Everyone Achat, shtayim, shalosh, four Can I read a bissel more? Chamesh, shesh, sheva, sh’monah, tesha eser, I love you.

Aleph, bet, gimmel, dalet Can I bring my friend some challah? Hey, vav, zion, het, tet, I love you.

Bom bom bom bompa bom, sail the onah Bompa bom, chop the etz Bompa bom, skip the rope Bompa bom, look at ani!

All together now! Everyone repeats the next pair of lines 7 times! Sgt Pepper and Kula-nu Be-yachad Lonely Hearts Others on sub All together now Now everyone sing this last line together! Everyone All to-ge-ther noooooow!

[AS THE SONG IS ENDING, THE YIDDISH SUBMARINE EXITS THROUGH THE SANCTUARY DOORS. THE BAND PLAYS A SHORT REPRISE OF “ALL TOGETHER NOW” AS THE SCENERY IS CHANGED]

[THE YIDDISH SUBMARINE WITH ITS PASSENGERS ENTERS THROUGH THE SANCTUARY DOORS AND GOES UP THE AISLE ONTO THE BIMA AND STOPS AT CENTER STAGE. THE ACTORS THEN DISEMBARK THE SUBMARINE. THE KING AND HAMAN ARE SEATED STAGE LEFT, AND THE BLUE MINYANS ARE SEATED/STANDING AT STAGE LEFT IN FRONT OF THE KING AND HAMAN AND JUST TALKING AMONGST THEMSELVES. THEY ALL HAVE ANGRY/MEAN LOOKS ON THEIR FACES.]

ESTHER: Well, we’ve finally arrived here in Shushan.

SGT PEPPER:Yeah, that trip was wonderful. Quite the whole Megillah Mystery Tour, wasn’t it?

DEVYN: [POINTING TO THE SUBMARINE] Say, look at what just arrived in Shushan.

REUBEN: It looks like a bunch of lonely people.

BRANDON: Yeah, where do they all come from?

KATJA: They’re the Jews from Pepperland.

MAXIMILIAN: The King and Haman want to turn them blue and destroy them.

LEXA: Yes, they said they’re all bad people.

ISABEL: I dunno. They look like nice people to me.

ESTHER: [POINTING TO THE KING] That must be the King and Haman and their army of Blue Minyans! They’re the ones that want to destroy us Jews.

CHEERY: Well, I would advise to convince them otherwise. I’ll bring them a rhyme, and Bubbe, it’s soup-time!

MORDECHAI: Yes, all they need is to understand that the Jews are good people.

ESTHER: [POINTING TO THE KING AND HAMAN AND MINYANS] Frankly, all they need is love!

PAUL: [POINTING TO SELF AND THE SUBMARINE CHARACTERS] And all we need is love!

CHEERY: [POINTING AND TALKING TO THE AUDIENCE] Yes, and as peaceful as a dove, all you need is love!

Ahav, ahav, ahav Love, love, love Ahav, ahav, ahav

[THE JEWS START TO HAND OUT FLOWERS AND HAMANTASCHEN TO THE MINYANS. THE MINYANS’ FACES CHANGE FROM FROWNS TO SMILES AS EACH PERSON RECEIVES THEIR ITEM.]

There's nothing you can do that can't be done Nothing you can sing that can't be sung Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy

All you need is love All you need is ahava All you need is love, love Ahava’s all you need

[BUBBE AND CHEERY WALK TO THE KING AND OFFER SOUP AND MERRIMENT]

Nothing you can know that isn't known Nothing you can see that isn't shown Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be It's easy

[THE BLUE MINYANS JOIN HANDS WITH EACH OTHER AND START TO SWAY IN RHYTHM BACK AND FORTH AND SING ALONG.]

All you need is love, [SGT PEPPER SAYS] Kulanu Beyachad! All you need is love, [CHEERY SAYS] Kulanu! All you need is love, love Ahava’s all you need

[HAMAN BECOMES VISIBLY UPSET, MOTIONING TO THE KING AND FLAILING HIS ARMS IN ANGER. HAMAN NOW STANDS UP AND MOVES TOWARDS THE JEWS, BUT THE BLUE MINYANS ENCIRCLE HIM AND CONTINUE TO SING. HAMAN ACTS TRAPPED, SHOWING A SENSE OF FEAR AND FRUSTRATION]

Love is all you need, raq tzarich ahavah Love is all you need, raq tzarich ahavah Love is all you need, raq tzarich ahavah Love is all you need, raq tzarich ahavah Utta zoy! Raq tzarich ahavah Love is all you need, love is all you need Yesterday, love is all you need.

Copyright 2014 Temple Beth El “Yiddish Submarine” – v1.6 17 [HAMAN BREAKS FREE OF THE BLUE MINYANS AND EXITS QUICKLY TOWARDS THE BACK OF THE BIMA, PAUSING TO FACE THE AUDIENCE FOR A SECOND AND PROCLAIMING HIS FAMILIAR LINE]

HAMAN: I’ll be back next year!

Love is all you need, raq tzarich ahavah Love is all you need, raq tzarich ahavah Love is all you need, raq tzarich ahavah Bim bam! Love is all you need. She loves you, yeah yeah yeah. Love is all you need. She loves you, yeah yeah yeah. Ahava’s all you need.

ESTHER: So, King, I brought my fellow Jews here to convince you that we are good people.

KING: Yes, I see that now. You know, Haman’s idea to destroy the Jews was horrible.

ESTHER: So, you’re not going to turn us blue and get rid of us?

KING: Don’t worry, that won’t happen. I now realize that the Jews are really wonderful people; so full of life and love! Esther, thank you for bringing your fellow Jews here to show me the truth. In appreciation, I will make you my new Mayor of Music. [HE PLACES THE MAYOR BADGE AROUND HER NECK] Let there be peace and merriment for everyone!

BUBBE: Oh, Bubalas—you all make me kvell!

NARRATOR: I don’t really want to stop the show, but I thought you might like to know, that the cast is gonna sing a song, and they want you all to sing along.

[ALL ACTORS COME TO FRONT CENTER STAGE]

SONG: “ ALL TOGETHER NOW ” (Everyone on stage sings) Everyone Achat, shtayim, shalosh, four Can I read a bissel more? Chamesh, shesh, sheva, sh’monah, tesha eser, I love you.

Aleph, bet, gimmel, dalet Can I bring my friend some challah? Hey, vav, zion, het, tet, I love you.

Bom bom bom bompa bom, sail the onah Bompa bom, chop the etz Bompa bom, skip the rope

All together now! Everyone repeats the next pair of lines 7 times! All adults Kula-nu Be-yachad All kids All together now Now everyone sing this last line together! Everyone All to-ge-ther noooooow!