It Went Eleven, Twelve, Thumbra, Fixative, Sarandork, Willywa, Nepset

Ask Barry:

Every day, any number of bored people send pages of rhetorical questions , meant to be funny, back and forth along the Email railroad track. It’s high time somebody postponed planning their lessons for tomorrow and sat in a cold room to answer them. So I did.

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? For the same reason that you don’t say onety two. It just sounds too silly. Originally, eleven and twelve are an attempt to give original number sounds all the way to 25 ( the number of protuberances a person can count on: ten fingers, ten toes, one nose…,) rather than ten. It went eleven, twelve, thumbra, fixative, sarandork, willywa, nepset, axolottle , and so on. Then they found that sums came out different depending on whether a man was counting or a woman.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it? One person has it; 4 near him suffer, that makes 5.

Why do they put croutons in airtight bags? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? Somebody stale my bread to make croutons? So that’s where it got to.

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes? People from parts of Holland are called Ho’s.

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Even if it talks, who knows what the pigment? And if it wants to get its voice back, it can rub on some oinkment. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? Only if he’s a slave driver. Gotcha.

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? Like the Divine being, we can help those who help themselves.

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UPS? Why not Pufed Up Sex

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? The same color they use for the eyes license photos for blind drivers.

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive? F%$#@ No!

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? Cows do not laugh. At best, they get in a good moooooooooooooood.

Can an exotic nude dancer get pregnant while working? Only if she receives a standing ovulation.

Didn’t you write the last one yourself? How on earth did you figure that out?

Here’s a lot more questions waiting for a girl like you to answer them. Maybe give it a try. I’ll publish your questions and answers, if I like them. http://www.2flashgames.com/f/f-Lifes-Unanswered-Questions-3-6680.htm

Captain Answer, Kiriat Shmona, Jan, 2009