Doing A Doctorate – The Cabaret

Doing a Doctorate Geof Hill (2013) [email protected] Background: This cabaret was presented on July 23rd 2001 at the Beadles Coffee shop on the Kelvin Grove campus of Queensland University of Technology. It was developed in the context of my doctoral dissertation (Hill, G., 2002) Promoting congruence between the inquiry paradigm and the associated practices of higher degree research, and published within that as a conference presentation. Following my graduation I presented the cabaret at Bartinis Coffee shop in Yeronga, Brisbane on December 3rd 2003 and again in 2006 at the conclusion of a one day workshop in Practitioner Investigation ahead of the annual Action Research conference in Brisbane, before presenting it at a student dinner at the Southern Cross University Graduate Management Conference, Tweed Heads, Australia in May 2007.

The version in this document is the performance in May 2007. In the light of its inclusion as a resource for the Office of Learning and Teaching, I have reformatted it into the academic writing form which I refined in the context of developing a different cabaret for the Inaugural Storytelling Conference in Prague in (Hill, 2012).

About the author: Dr Geof Hill taught research supervision to academic staff at Queensland University of Technology, Brisbane, Australia between 2001 and 2012. His appointment arose out of his doctoral investigation into the ways in which post positivist inquiry is undertaken, supervised and examined. His dissertation included a cabaret titled ‘Doing a doctorate’.

Geof has been presenting one-man cabarets as academic presentations throughout his academic career. He has a background in the performative arts and training as an opera and musical theatre singer, which he draws on lecturing in Communication, Management, Education and Research.

His first one-man cabaret was written in 1995 on ‘Being a Reflective Practitioner’. Following his cabaret on ‘Doing a Doctorate’ he wrote and performed a subsequent one-man cabaret on ‘Research Supervision’, which was performed at the International Conference on Quality Postgraduate Research in Adelaide, Australia in 2006 and ‘What happens when a student wants to do something different in their dissertation’ which was developed for and performed at the Inaugural Storytelling Conference in Prague, Czechoslovakia in 2012 and subsequently performed in Frankfurt-on-Oden, Germany, and Coventry and Wolverhampton, in U.K. The style of writing in this paper As cabarets are not a common feature in academic writing, there is an absence of writing models. I have responded to this by developing a style of writing that I hope conveys the content of the paper/cabaret and also indicates the way in which it is presented as a cabaret. I have used centred italics to indicate the text of the paper which is sung. I have used footnotes to provide the authentication or references for the points I have made in presenting the argument within this paper. This style was established in the development of my cabaret within my doctoral dissertation and has been subsequently refined. I developed these ways of documenting a cabaret for academic writing ahead of the Excellence in Research for Australia submission guidelines (2010, 10) in which research was defined as

Comprising creative work undertaken on a systematic basis in order to increase the stock of knowledge, including knowledge of humanity, culture and society, and the use of this stock of knowledge to devise applications‘1.

They suggested that this definition was ‘consistent with that used in the Higher Education Research Data Collection Specifications (HERDC Specifications)’2

In the light of these guidelines, because of the systematic nature of cabaret through its development and rehearsal process, I have proposed that cabaret can act as academic writing. Hopefully the style indicated here will help to establish this genre of musical theatre as a genre of academic writing.

1 OECD Frascoti Manual: Proposed Standard Practice for Surveys on Research and Experimental Development 2 http://www.innovation.gov.au/Section/Research/Pages/highereducationreserachdatacollection.aspx Doing a Doctorate – The Cabaret (Realising that all your deliberations are coming together3)

I’ve got this feeling of excitement. I know my way around here. The literature, the discourses, the ground here. It’s the starting of a new day; Embarking on a journey. But I need a moment.

The whispered conversations in these often crowded hallways The atmosphere, it’s thrilling here, as always. There’s a certain kind of magic. There are questions I am asking. Why everything’s as if it’s starting to begin.

I’ve spent so many evenings just writing and exploring. It’s time to start. I know my part. It’s soaring in this ever changing landscape, with the questions I am asking. It’s ending but it’s like it’s starting to begin.

I’m no longer on my own. That’s all in the past I have waited long enough I’ve come home at last.

Welcome. This is an educational cabaret4 which uses the medium of song to introduce educational or academic literature. This cabaret is entitled -Doing a doctorate- and addresses a number of the issues associated with a student undertaking a degree by research. The material is related to my own experience of undertaking a degree by research. This is my second degree by research. In the first one, everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. There were problems with supervision, appeals, rewriting and needless to say, anxiety. Rather than endure the anxiety I turned it into research and so my second degree by research has explored the process.

And this time it’s been different. This time it’s felt congruent. So watch me fly, I know that I can do it For that magic of the moment Wanting oh so much to change things It’s ending but it feels it’s starting to begin (2). Yes we can dream, make it come true. (2)

3 The song is an adaptation of “As if we never said goodbye” from “Sunset Boulevard” Weber, A.L., Black, D. and Hampton, C. (1993). The idea for the song was prompted by my supervisors, mid candidature, asking for a whole thesis rather than the individual chapters I had been providing for reading. My supervisor described these as episodes, and suggested the time was ripe to look at the complete document. Although I agreed to this, my own feeling was that I was not yet ready. As I sat down to bring together all my different chapters, and sections of chapters, I saw for the first time a thesis. This represented an emotional turning point of recognising that I was in the home stretch. As I read what I had written, and saw how it connected between different chapters, I felt a sense that I was in command of my inquiry. That in fact it was an inquiry! 4 Hill (2001) It is indeed an honour to be presenting in these particular circumstances. To the students undertaking their various research degrees and most importantly to the new research students starting out with their particular investigations this weekend, I hope that this cabaret both educates and entertains.

I want to take this opportunity to introduce my accompanist Catherine Solomon

We are quite fortunate with the practice of research because there has been a fair amount written about it in the literature5. There have been numerous texts on different approaches to investigation and then in the 1980’s, people also started writing about supervising research. One of the papers from that time was written by Connell6 in 1985 and although this talked ostensibly about research supervision it introduced the idea that the PhD is a process or journey. Last November at the symposium I was quite surprised to find that many people balked at the idea that research is a journey. And that is exactly what Connell is suggesting.

It begs the question – Why start?

Why does someone start a research degree? For some it is a family tradition and they are following in another family member’s footsteps. Even though my uncle is also Dr Geoff Hill, that was not my reason for doing a doctorate. For others it is because they want to pursue a particular career path and although many of my colleagues have undertaken PhD’s so that they can have an academic career, you probably have already realised that someone who presents academic cabarets is not rigorously following an academic career. No, for me the passion discovery started well before either of these. I was an inquisitive child and this inevitably led into becoming an investigative adult

A Piece of Sky7

It all began the day I found that from my window I could only see a piece of sky. I stepped outside. I looked around. I’d never dreamed it was so wide or even half as high. The time had come, to try my wings And even though I knew at any moment I could fall. I felt the most amazing things The things you can’t imagine if you’ve never flown at all Though it’s safer to stay on the ground. 5 Until the emergence of Thomas Kuhn’s (1962) illumination of the Scientific method, most writing about research reinforced the positivist paradigm and the Scientific Method. Following Kuhn (1962), the writers in the paradigm debate, specifically Guba and Lincoln (1982) provided a rebuttal to Comte (1848) and scientific method and generated a range of alternative approaches to human inquiry. 6 Connell (1985) 7 ‘A Piece of Sky’ was composed by Michel Legrand for the Musical (Movie) Yentl (1983) Sometimes where danger lies There the sweetest of treasures are found.

No matter where I go, there’ll be issues that tug at my sleeve. But there will also be more to question yet more to believe.

Oh tell me how How can I keep alive this force of questioning? Let it enrich My every sweet imagined possibility.

The more I live the more I learn The more I learn the more I realise the less I know. Each step I take, each page I turn Each mile I travel only means the more I have to go.

What’s wrong with wanting more. If you can fly then soar. With all there is Why settle for just a piece of sky.

There is quite a history to research practice dating back as far as the Greek Philosophers. Much of what happens today in industry and university research is based on some philosophical realisations instigated during a time called The Enlightenment8. – Scientific research. In specifying what could be research, they also discriminated against many other ordinary forms of research and made research appear to be an elite practice. Really everyone can do research.  The trip to the supermarket to compare prices.  Choosing a particular product. These are all examples of doing research. University based research is filled with tradition and that can sometimes put people off. Sometimes those traditions are so entrenched that people don’t even know where the tradition has come from. One of the traditions of university based research is that it starts with a specific question. The investigator explores this question and then finds an answer. In the type of research than many of you are doing – Professional Doctorates or Practitioner Investigation – the tradition of having a specific question has been challenged. This tradition varied to sometimes multiple questions and at other times a deep concern in a particular issue with a trust that the questions would emerge as you get underway with the investigation. Often where there is concern about an issue the investigation is driven by the desire that the current situation be improved.

8 Candy (1989) A doctorate starts with an issue of concern9

There’s gotta be something better than this There’s gotta be something better to do And when I find me something better to do I’m gonna get up I’m gonna get out I’m gonna get up get out and do it.

There’s gotta be better ways to research There’s gotta be different ways to aspire to pursue an academic degree. I’m gonna get up I’m gonna get out I’m gonna go out there and inquire.

No more griping, I have had it No more groaning, grumbling, wailing, sighing Weeping, moaning, whining, crying

There’s gotta be better ways we can learn There’s gotta to be different ways we can write And if you’re willing to challenge the hegemony You’re gonna get up You’re gonna get out You’re gonna get up You’re gonna get out You’re gonna get up You’re gonna get out

You’re gonna get up go out and fight.

Passion alone is insufficient to drive a doctorate. There needs to be rigor. One of the ways to demonstrate rigor is a clearly articulated inquiry or research paradigm. The term ‘paradigm’ comes from the work of Thomas Kuhn10 who along with the Chicago School challenged the traditions of research. The philosophers in the Chicago School in the 1920’s suggested that there was no single truth but multiple truths11. Kuhn elaborated this work by

9 “There’s gotta be something better than this” from “Sweet Charity” Coleman, C. and Fields, D. (1965). In a practice doctorate (professional doctorate) the starting point is often identifying something that is not working. For me, it was my experience of doing a research degree. My familiarity with the literature on post-positivist inquiry made me feel that the supervision and examination, and even the requirements for writing the thesis, were at odds with what the rhetoric of new paradigms was suggesting. Someone often has to be the ground breaker in challenging hegemony. My supervisors recognised the significance of my study for doing this. 10 Kuhn (1962) 11 Lutters, W. and Ackerman, M.S. (1996) suggesting that research was driven by different beliefs or paradigms and the belief about truth was one of these. The inquiry or research paradigm is the set of beliefs about truth (ontology), knowledge (epistemology) and investigative practice (methodology)12. Instead of thinking about a single truth, those people who challenged this looked at a range of alternatives, one of which was constructivism13 that suggested we construct our truth. It is out of this debate about paradigms that the Action Research movement has grown.

Every investigator, whether they know it or not, has a paradigm, and one of the ways that you can demonstrate the rigour of your investigation is to make your paradigm explicit. That means explaining what you believe about truth and knowledge. For my own investigation I adopted a constructivist ontology which meant I believed that there was more than a single truth. I also believed that knowledge could arrive out of practice, which can be described as a practice related epistemology. So when I describe my investigation my paradigm goes like this ….

Deciding on an inquiry paradigm14

I am what I am My world’s my own social construction15. I know my own truth Some would say- ‘struth, that’s an obstruction. But my world is my own unique ontology It’s my world It’s the only place I want to be. For life’s tough for a man Till he can say Hey world, I am what I am.

I am what I am And what I know comes from my practice16. I’ve learned what I‘ve learned Yes it’s been tough but there’s the praxis. I know that when I think about the things I see I start to build my own unique epistemology As you can see This makes up me, and my inquiry paradigm

I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses.

12 Denzin and Lincoln (1994); Reason (1994) 13 Kelly (1970) 14 “I am what I am” from “La Cage au Folle”. Herman, J. and Fierstein, H. (1983) One of my conclusions from both degrees is the importance of the inquiry paradigm. A student needs to be introduced to the notion of inquiry, the vocabulary associated with the inquiry paradigm and the debate surrounding the inquiry paradigm, early in their candidature. 15 A constructivist ontology in line with Kelly (1970) 16 A practice epistemology as articulated by Schön (1983) I deal my own deck sometime the ace sometime the deuces. It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in. My world and its not the place I have to hide in. Life can be a sham till you can say hey world I am what I am

(Music and tap)

It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in My world and its not the place I have to hide in. Life can be a sham till you can say hey world here’s my paradigm.

Whenever you do research you are meant to be making a contribution to knowledge. But, before we can be sure we are making a contribution to knowledge we need to know what is known about our topic. There is no way that you can know everything that is known about your topic but you can make an effort to do this by doing what is called a ‘Literature review’. Like other traditions with research, the literature review has lots of tradition and these traditions have been challenged by new forms of investigation. For example in your professional doctorates, because you are investigating practice, you may find that the literature is not the sole source of knowledge about the practice. Sometimes topics have not got into literature yet but they can be found elsewhere – in practitioner stories, in workplace instruction manuals – Because of this I tend to think about a discourse review which is a broader term than literature review and tends to incorporate more than just literature

Literature Review17

You can open doors and take from the shelves all the books you’ve longed to hold. You can ask all the questions the whys and the wheres as the mysteries of life unfold. As you walk through the forests of the trees of knowledge And listen to the lessons of the leaves. You enter a space to discover debates wrapped in the shawl that learning weaves.

I remember, everything they taught me What they gave me look at what it’s brought me.

You can travel the past and take what is needed to see you through your years. What philosophers have learned and scientists as well That was there for their eyes and ears.

17 Based on the song ‘Pappa can you hear me?’ by composed by Michel Legrand for the Musical (Movie) Yentl (1983). The literature review is one aspect of undertaking a research degree that has attracted its own field of inquiry. One such theorist who has unpacked the practices of writing a literature review is Bruce (1994) Like a link in a chain from the past to the present that joins me with my future yet to see I can now be a part of this ongoing stream that has always been a part of me.

I remember, everything you taught me What you gave me, look at where its brought me.

There is literature that once you’ve read no-one can take away, No wave can wash away, No wind can blow away No tide can turn away, No fire can burn away No time can tear away And now they’re about to be mine

There are things to remember all your life; -those thoughts that fuel your dreams until the fall of your life. Find meaning in those moments!

When a person undertakes doctoral studies they begin a special teaching relationship. – Supervision. This is a highly debated area and one in which there are many different opinions. My own is that the supervisor is in a teaching relationship and that the power differential is between peers. You need to get the right sort of relationship in order for things to progress well. Sometimes people have contracts of agreement to make sure that they do get the relationship ‘right’18. Traditionally supervision was a 1:1 relationship and in more recent years we have also moved to variations on the model to include co-supervision as well as cohort supervision. Whichever model you are experiencing you have to work at the relationship.

18 Some supervisors addressed the problems of supervision by recommending supervision contracts (Hockey, 1996; Hall, 1998). I did not have a formal supervision contract in my doctoral study, but I was blessed with three good supervisors. Supervision19

Where ever we go and whatever we do We’re gonna go through it together We may not agree on every apostrophe but we’ll Try to go through it together. We’ve got a plan for where we know we can go We work with the belief that we can tango We’re careful not to squash each other’s egos Amigos together

Through thick and through thin We’ll endeavour to spin A relationship, changing it daily And if we’re three, such diversity To manage the task collaboratively. Together, as ever can be.

Whatever we do and wherever we go We’ve a passion in common for inquiry But if the going gets tough and we can see it’s too rough We will look at what the problem is requiring Each moment of the doctoral endeavour We’re working to explore and to uncover What’s driving all this hegemonic bother Then share it with one another And we’ll be consistent In fact we’re insistent That what we do will bring on change And those who seek for better practice And those who believe this is not what it is Will get there whatever And solve their endeavour And doing their thesis will be great.

Up to now we have been considering a lot of the philosophical issues associated with doing research. With the discussion about supervision relationships we start to look at some of the practical issues associated

19 ‘Together wherever we go’ Music by Jule Styne Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim (1959) for the musical Gypsy. In my MSc(Hon) I was plagued by supervision problems. Moses (1984), researching the literature on higher degree education, suggested that supervision was one of five factors cited by higher degree students as contributing to their dissatisfaction with the higher degree system. Dissatisfaction with supervision may result from 1. Personality factors 2. Professional factors 3. Organisational factors. Ten years later, Moses (1994) again cited inadequate supervision as one of the issues affecting higher degree education, however at this time recognised that universities were setting up courses for new and experienced supervisors as part of supervisor development. Zuber-Skerritt (1994) highlighted the identification of inadequate supervision as one of the causes of higher degree attrition and lengthy completion, and recommended supervisor development as well as clarification of best practice. with doing research. Another practical consideration is that research costs money. There is currently a debate about the cost of university studies and this goes all the way through to higher degree research. We always need to be mindful that the actual cost of research has to be born by somebody and at the same time make sure that the cost does not get in the way of doing research. It all comes down to one thing….

Money20 Money makes the world go around, the world go around, the world go around Money makes the world go around it makes the world go around

A mark a yen a buck or a pound, a buck or a pound a buck or a pound. It’s all that makes the world go around That clinking clanking sound It makes the world go around

When you haven’t any food and its cold your computer is failing There’s a bug on every thing that you write. When you can’t afford a bus to go out and explore the local library And you freeze when you sleep every night. Does it matter that the uni your attending’s on a site by the river And gardens that are lush and green, All you know is that it costs to pursue all your doctoral endeavours And its getting most obscene.

Money makes the world go around the world go around the world. Money makes the world go around that clinking clanking sound Of money money money money money Money money money money Give a little take a little See if you can shake a little A mark a yen a buck or a pound That clinking clanking clunking sound Is all that makes the world go around It makes the world go around.

I am taking a break now and when I come back we will talk about the process of undertaking a doctoral degree.

During the break, chat with your colleagues about where you see yourself on this journey.

Intermission

20 Money. Music by John Kander and lyrics by Fred Ebb. From the musical Cabaret (1966). With the inception of a new formula for funding research degrees linked to completions, the agenda for financing research became even more complicated. Before the break we talked about doing research as a journey and I suggested that while you ate you might chat with the others at your table about where you are in the journey.

Some people at one stage might have said “Never in my wildest dreams would I do a doctorate’ yet here you are maybe starting the thing that you never thought you would do. What are the different points in the journey?

Enrolment Research Proposal Collecting the data Writing the thesis Tidying up…

You might think What value is there in knowing where you are in the journey? At least one benefit is that you can learn from people who are that little bit ahead of you. Their words of wisdom might come in handy as you approach the next stage of your journey.

If you listen to the experiences of those people who are further along in their doctoral endeavour than you are you can start to plan for it and build up the appropriate micro skills. But your plan has to be flexible and respond to the changes and variations because nothing ever works out as you thought it. But that is no reason to progress without a plan.

Putting it Together21

A vision’s just a vision if it’s only in your head. If no-one gets to hear it, it’s as good as dead. It has to come to life.

Bit by bit putting it together Piece by piece, only way to make a ‘work of art’ Every moment makes a contribution Every little detail plays a part Having just the vision’s no solution Everything depends on execution Putting it together, word by word.

Phrase by phrase Putting it together Finding ways to make it be a ‘work of art’ First of all you need a good foundation

21 ‘Putting it Together’ from ‘Sunday in the Park with George’ music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim (1985). In the end the struggle with writing a thesis is trying to tie it all together. There are the important aspects of responding to your supervisor’s comments, reading the literature, keeping up to date with literature, clarifying your own position with regard to research practices as well as the inquiry topic and arguing that position. Otherwise it’s risky from the start Takes a little critical reflection But without the proper preparation Having just the vision’s no solution Everything depends on execution The art of making art, is putting it together bit by bit

Link by link, making the connections Time to think, taking every comment as it comes Learning how to play the politician Like you play piano, bass and drums Otherwise you’ll find your exposition Isn’t going to get much exhibition

Art isn’t easy Every minor detail is a major decision Have to keep things in scale Have to hold on to your vision What’s a bit of helpful criticism If it get a yes on confirmation Every time you feel you get defensive Just remember time can be expensive

Dot by dot building up the image Shot by shot, taking every comment as it comes Learning how to emphasise position Arguing for truth as if they’re dumb A little bit of hype can be effective Long as you can keep it in perspective Even when you get some recognition Everything you do you still audition

Art isn’t easy Overnight you’re a trend, You’re the right combination Then the trend’s at an end. Suddenly you’re last year’s sensation All they ever want is repetition All they really like is what they know Got to understand what’s their tradition Got to learn to trust your intuition While you reinvent your own position So that you can be on exhibition (So that your work can be on exhibition)

You’re new boy They’ll tell you till your blue boy You argue or you’re through boy And even if it’s true boy You do what you can do

Bit by bit putting it together Piece by piece, working out the vision night and day All it takes is time and perseverance With a little luck along the way. Putting up an oral presentation Mapping the songs but in addition Balancing the part that’s all performer With the part that’s strictly a reformer Even if you do have the suspicion That it’s taking all your concentration The art of making art is putting it together Bit by bit, word by word, phrase by phrase, thought by thought ,dot by dot, song by song, spat by spat,

I may have given you the impression that doing a doctorate is a straightforward process. Nothing could be further from the truth. There are many ups and downs. Even though you have a plan you need to be flexible and resilient as things will always work differently than you had expected. There are lots of different stressful moments for students. One important trauma occurs if for some reason you have to change supervisors. We talked earlier about developing the relationship with the supervisor and sometimes for unforeseen circumstances you need to change Either their supervisor goes to another university or horror of horrors you need to say to your supervisor “this is not working” and think about getting a new one. Another often stressful moment is when you return from encouraging events such as this colloquium, and there is a feeling of being alone. Part of the agenda of this weekend is to build up a network so that you will always have a sense of being part of a group of people even though you may be at a distance

After coursework or change of supervisors22

No-one here to guide you Now you’re on your own All of those beside you So you’re not alone No-one is alone. Truly no-one is alone

Sometimes people leave you Half way through the woods Others will deceive you You decide what’s good

22 “No one is alone” from “Into the Woods” by Sondheim, S. (1987) In a coursework model for higher education, some students feel a sense of loss and aloneness when the coursework is concluded. This sense of being abandoned is also common for students whose supervisors have to change. When one has built a rapport with a supervisor, then there is a feeling of anxiety when one has to consider beginning to work with a new supervisor. Building collegiality between students can help to address some of these feelings of abandonment. You decide alone. But no-one is alone.

People make mistakes Fathers mothers People make mistakes Holding to their own Thinking they’re alone. Honour their mistakes Everybody makes One another’s terrible mistakes Witches can be right Giants can be good You decide what’s right You decide what’s good

Just Remember, Someone is on your side. Someone else is not While you’re seeing your side maybe you forgot. They are not alone. For no-one is alone

You move just a finger, say the slightest word Something’s bound to linger, be heard You are not alone, no-one is alone.

Hard to see the light now. Just don’t let it go Things will work out right now, we can make it so. Someone is on your side. No-one is alone.

Over this weekend you are going to see many of your colleagues present their work. This is an important part of the research journey and each time you present your work is an opportunity to defend the work in the presence of others. Not everyone is comfortable with this form of communication23 and it is why we try to scaffold the presentation by suggesting that you work with five powerpoint slides. Other’s may find that they are more comfortable in this element than they are in the written side of research. It sometimes helps if you see it as a performance

Razzle Dazzle them24 Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle Razzle Dazzle 'em Give them your act with lots of flash in it And the reaction will be passionate Argue your point with raw persuasion, give it all your heart Remember they need to know what you now know.

When they can see the point your making And realise its not just faking Razzle Dazzle 'em and they want to hear more. Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle

23 Winter, Griffiths and Green (2000) 24 ‘Give them the old Razzle Dazzle’. The music is by John Kander with lyrics by Fred Ebb (1975) from the musical Chicago. Razzle Dazzle 'em. Give them a show that's so splendiferous Row after row will grow voiceiferous. Give them the hype with your statistics Stun and stagger them Show them your plan is more that just ideas. Once they can see what your researching And how your actions have been nurturing Razzle Dazzle 'em and they’ll beg you for more.

Give them the old Razzle Dazzle Razzle Dazzle them Give them an act that’s unassailable Give them a project plan that’s doable . Give them the old double whammy Daze and dizzy them Show them the first rate sorcerer you are

Though you are feeling queezy inside Give them the deal that brings them onside Razzle Dazzle 'em.Razzle Dazzle ' em Razzle Dazzle 'em and they'll make you a star

It would be unprofessional to suggest that every step along the way in going to be uplifting. In fact, it is quite normal to reach a point in writing your thesis when you think “Is this really ground breaking stuff”. You may have heard talk of ‘Thesis Depression’25 – Someone asks you how its going and you can’t even begin to tell them the frustration you are enduring. We all have doubts and sometimes it takes an outsider to remind you how important your study can be. Writing a thesis can become very absorbing. It can occupy your every waking moment. You go over and over the material and each time you find a new spelling mistake or split infinitive or incorrect reference, and this can make you so absorbed that in some ways you loose touch with the work

Thesis depression26

25 Denicole and Pope (1994) 26 “Losing my mind” from “Follies” Stephen Sondheim (1971). When I had lived in a university residential and mixed daily with postgraduate students doing their theses, a number of them had purchased T shirts saying - don’t ask me about my thesis. When I commented on this I was led to The sun comes up, I think about you (my thesis) The coffee cup, I think about you I wonder if It’s cause I’m losing my mind

The morning ends, I think about you I talk to friends, I think about you And do you know its like I’m losing my mind

All afternoon doing every little chore The thought of you stays bright Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor Not going left, not going right

I dim the lights to think about you Spend sleepless nights, I think about you You fill each moment I wonder if that’s too kind Or am I’m losing my mind Does no-one know It’s like I’m losing my mind I’ve got the ‘tell my why I’m doing this, how could I be so stupid’ blues ‘Is anything as frustrating as writing 60,000 words?’ feeling ‘I wonder what came over me to make me do a PhD ?’ self doubt ‘I’ll have to throw out all this data, how can I complete it?’ blues

The sun comes up, I think about you (my thesis) The coffee cup, I think about you Does no-one know it’s like I’m losing my mind.

Despite all these ups and downs, most people who have got past the research proposal reach the end of their thesis. After weeks and sometimes months slaving away you finally hand it in to the examiners and now the most important part of the journey arrives….the waiting! believe that thesis writing is so all absorbing, that to ask someone about their thesis is to either invited a longwinded one-sided discussion or to evoke an outpouring of grief. While writing my MSc (Hon) I experienced bouts of frustration, often because of some of the administrative difficulties. The undertaking of my EdD was a different experience; however, I still struggled with the writing process (Hill, 2000). On one particular supervision meeting I was deeply depressed. Not all of this was attributed to my thesis, but as the symptoms were exhibited at a supervision meeting my supervisors concluded that that was the cause of my depression. They’re meant to take two months but sometimes it takes longer

Wishing and Hoping27

Wishin and hopin and waiting and praying Fretting and dreaming and biding your time For word that your thesis is fine Cause when that last full stop’s been typed Then its over to The people who read it, the examiners, to tell you it’s all right.

Wondering, and stressing with panic obsessing Trauma controlling and waiting for word You might think that this is absurd But when a month or two goes by Then its over to the phone calls and letters and visits to find the reason why

When you haven’t heard, what to do? Wondering is it lost? Should you sue? Ask them why? That’s a start But they’re not telling, stalling and compelling, threatening with expelling Cause wishing and hoping and thinking and praying Planning and waiting is all you can do Until your great dream has come true

So as your graduation deadline looms Then its over to the mantras, and valium and lots of martinis

Just do it and after you do It will be yours

We have reached the end of our cabaret. Thank you for being such a responsive audience. I hope that some of the songs tonight have sparked some issues for you and maybe raised more questions than they do answers. I would like to than Catherine Solomon for her assistance.

27 ‘Wishing and hoping’ written by Hal David and Burt Bacharach (1964). This song was not in the original version of the cabaret, as I had presented the cabaret before I submitted my dissertation. Once I had experienced the long wait for replies from the examiners, and the revising in the light of examiner comments, I felt that this played an important part in the journey and was worthy of its own song. It is sometimes hard to imagine that fifteen minutes when you stand on the graduation stage and they read out what your thesis is about. If you can then, imagine that moment as an inspiration to get you through. Hopefully when it is all said and done some of the what we have talked about tonight will also be there as an inspiration to you

Our Time28 Something is stirring Shifting ground It’s just begun Edges are blurring all around and yesterday is done

Feel the flow. Hear what’s happening We’re what’s happening. Don’t you know We’re the movers and we’re the shapers We’re the names in tomorrow’s papers Up to us now to show ‘em Feel how it quivers on the brink Everything Gives you the shivers. Makes you think. Makes me want to sing Feel the flow. Hear what’s happening We’re what’s happening. Don’t you know We’re the movers and we’re the shapers We’re the names in tomorrow’s papers. Up to us now to show ‘em

It’s our time, breathe it in Worlds to change and world’s to win Our time coming through. Me and you now, me and you Year’s from now we’ll remember and we’ll come back (stay on same) Buy this building and hang a plaque. “This is where we began. Doing what we can”

It’s our heads on the block Give us room and start the clock

28 ‘Out Time’ words and music by Stephen Sondheim for the musical ‘Merrily we Roll Along’ (1981) My own experience of completing my thesis was one that was marked with a sense of moving in ever spinning circles, seeing the ending in sight, but always finding some aspect of the research that could be improved on. I saw this point in the doctoral process as one in which the student must be encouraged to finish. The issue of motivating the student comes up at regular intervals throughout the candidature and it is in the nature of motivational songs, such as this one, where you can help to drive a person forward by helping them recognise the importance of what they are doing. Our time coming through, Me and you now me and you.

Epilogue29

It can drive a person crazy It can drive a person mad Sometimes life becomes so hazy And you feel so very bad And when there are the good days, sadly They’re lost in chores Which can only make a person desperate To want them even more

I could understand a person If it’s not a person’s bag I could understand a person Thinking I was truly mad But worse than that, a person that Rubbishes philosophy just leaves me flat It’s crazy Maybe they’re just lazy Or a truly crazy person themself

Deeply maladjusted, never to be trusted crazy person themself crazy person themself

29 “You could drive a person crazy” from “Company” Stephen Sondheim (1970). The all encompassing nature of the doctoral process can bring on an obsession with the research that it occupies one’s every waking moment. There is a chance that outsiders may see this as a form of madness! Musical References

Coleman, C. and Fields, D. (1965). Sweet Charity

David, H. and Bacharach, B. (1964) Wishing and hoping

Herman, J. and Fierstein, H. (1983). La Cage au Folles.

Kander, J. and Ebb. F (1966). Cabaret

Kander, J. and Ebb. F (1975). Chicago

Legrand, M., Bergman, A. and Bergman, M. (1983), Yentl.

Sondheim, S. (1970). Company.

Sondheim, S. (1971). Follies.

Sondheim, S. (1981) Merrily we Roll Along.

Sondheim, S. (1985). Sunday in the Park with George

Sondheim, S. (1987). Into the Woods

Styne, J. and Sondheim, S (1959). Gypsy.

Weber, A.L., Black, D. and Hampton, C. (1993). Sunset Boulevard.

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