A Publication of the Al-Anon Service Center of Northern Virginia

Nov./Dec. 2007 The Butterfly A Publication of the Al-Anon Service Center of Northern Virginia

Seventh Annual Healthy note that speakers are still needed Relationships Workshop for some topics, so if you are The Falls Church/McLean District, interested please see the attached UPCOMING EVENTS with the support of the Arlington flyer for contact information. We District, is sponsoring a “Recovery look forward to joining you for some Through Our Relationships” fun and fellowship at this great November 18, 2:00– workshop from 9:00am–4:00pm on event! 4:00pm Saturday, January 12, 2008, at the Alateen Forum Meeting Physicians Conference Center at Springfield INOVA Fairfax Hospital. Please

November 19, 7:30pm A Hug and a Cookie Save the Date Falls Church The Annandale/Springfield District The 33rd annual Virginia Area Al- District Meeting is sponsoring a mini-workshop on Anon Convention, “Back to Basics,” Idylwood Presbyterian spirituality on December 7 from is scheduled for June 20–22, 2008, Church, Falls Church 6:30–8:30pm at Ravensworth at the Holiday Inn Select’s Koger Baptist Church in Annandale (5100 South Conference Center in December 2, 6:00pm Ravensworth Road). See the Richmond, Virginia. Additional Springfield/Annandale attached flyer for more information. details will be forthcoming. District Meeting Messiah Methodist Church, Springfield Anniversary Celebration New Fairfax Meeting December 7, 6:30–8:30pm The Falls Church City Al-Anon Please support a new Monday Spirituality Mini-Workshop Family Group invites you to join evening meeting (8:00pm) at Ravensworth Baptist them for some food and fun at their Fairfax Christian Church (10185 Church, Annandale 56th anniversary dinner on Main Street). See the attached flyer December 7 at 7:30pm. Please for more information. December 7, 7:30pm bring a dish to share. See the Falls Church City attached flyer for additional details. Anniversary Celebration Falls Church Episcopal Church Service Positions Available Butterfly Submissions December 9, 2:00–4:00pm Our Butterfly Editor and Public Deadline to submit articles or Alateen Forum Meeting Outreach Coordinator positions are announcements for the Springfield now vacant. See the attached flyer January/February 2008 Butterfly is for more information and for contact December 15th. Please send to December 10, 6:00pm details if you are interested in Service Center or e-mail to Loudoun District Meeting serving. alanonva.com, ATTN: Butterfly. Galilee Methodist Church Sterling

December 17, 7:30pm Falls Church It sometimes amazes me how more time and it hit me. This slogan District Meeting much wisdom Al-Anon can pack is about three cornerstone Idylwood Presbyterian into one of its slogans. I find this principles of the Al-Anon program— Church, Falls Church especially true when it comes to honesty, integrity, and courtesy. Let communication and the slogan “Say me explain what I mean. what you mean, mean what you ~continued on page 3~ say, and don’t say it mean.” I have ~continued on page 3~ heard this slogan many times in ~Good Communication, continued meetings. Then, one Saturday from page 1~ night, I heard the slogan just one Many thanks to Forest B. (Brunch Chair) for keeping track of the tickets to be sure that we did not go over the maximum number of participants allowed. Start planning for next year’s brunch, which will be November 1, 2008, at the same location.

The 33rd Virginia Area Convention will be June 20–22, 2008, at the Holiday Inn Select Koger South Conference Center. The theme is “Back to Basics.“ I am your Chairperson. If there is 2007 anyone willing to give some time before or “The Year of Renewal, during the convention please contact me. The Rededication, and Recommitment” committee appreciates any small or large amount of time you can spare. Hello Family, Fall is upon us and the weather has started to The Relationships Workshop will be January 12, change. I am saddened that because there was 2008, at INOVA Fairfax Hospital’s Physicians not enough rain to maintain our trees the Conference Center. At the workshop, T-shirts changing of the leaves was not the beauty to (long and short sleeves), sweatshirts, and mugs which Virginia is accustomed. will be for sale to support the 2008 convention. I pray that each of you will help with and support But, on another note, the Gratitude Brunch was the 2008 convention. I look forward to seeing held November 3, 2007, at a new location, the you there. Holiday Inn Eisenhower in Alexandria. The speakers, food, fun, and fellowship were Thanks to Bev M. (Butterfly Editor) and Michael appreciated. M. (Public Outreach) for the great support they gave to the Service Center. Good luck in your The Higher Power has a great sense of humor. I future endeavors. We will miss you. was half asleep, listening to the TV around 3:00 on Friday morning, when I heard the Love in the Fellowship, commentator say that crews would be working Khayriyyah A. on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge from 10:00 Chairperson Friday night until 5:00 Monday morning. “OOPS,” I thought. “That’s the neighborhood where the Brunch is going to be.” Later that Friday morning, after I woke up, I started calling everyone I knew asking if they would e-mail or call everyone on their list to advise them of the approximately 10 mile/30 minute backup on both sides of the bridge. Almost everyone was contacted at least once. Man creates the problem and the Higher Power has the solution. In response to our appeal for additional money, We walked into the Ballroom and it was the groups have donated over $800.00 to help decorated simply beautifully. Thanks to with the expenses of the recent Service Center Georgianna and her helper. move and to help provide the funds necessary for the Service Center to remain self supporting. Before the program started and during the meal we were entertained with flute music by Maria D. Many thanks to all of the groups that have and Mary M.—what a wonderful touch. The supported the Service Center during the move specialty baskets were beautiful. Thanks to the and helped us follow the Seventh Tradition: Districts (and individuals) that donated baskets and to the Alateens who sold the tickets. “Each group should be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.”

Page 3 Honesty…I hear all the time that Courtesy…No matter what position ~Events, continued Al-Anon is an honest program. The I take on an issue, no matter what from page 1~ phrase “say what you mean” opinion, and regardless of whether I encourages me to be honest and am agreeing, disagreeing, or doing truthful in my communication with neither, I can do it with courtesy. I January 12, 2008 others. Specifically, if I don’t say don’t have to be mean about it. Al- 9:00am–4:00pm what I mean then I must be saying Anon has taught me that I can say Healthy Relationships what I don’t mean. If I am saying “no” as lovingly as I say “yes.” I Workshop what I don’t mean, then I am being have learned to remove certain Physicians Conference dishonest. When I am being discourteous communication Center at INOVA dishonest, it is difficult to truly habits, like sarcasm, from my Fairfax Hospital, 3300 communicate. There are, of course, speech altogether. In short, Gallows Rd. different kinds of dishonest whatever it is that I want to say communication. For example, if I today, I have a choice of how I will June 20–22 am people pleasing, I may find say it. For me, the best way, no 2008 Virginia Area myself saying “yes” when I mean matter what it is I want to say, is Al-Anon Convention “no.” This kind of dishonest “don’t say it mean.” “Back to Basics” communication may leave me Richmond feeling resentful of others. Or, if I Once I began to think about the am trying to control or manipulate, I “say what you mean” slogan, I may stretch the truth or omit certain wondered if it was conference For more information facts. This kind of dishonest approved or simply the product of contact the communication may leave others some of the freewheeling wisdom Northern Virginia Al-Anon feeling resentful of me. Whatever that I find in the rooms. It turns out Service Center my motive, dishonest that Chapter 13 of How Al-Anon communication is unlikely to Works actually asks “do we say 100 N Washington St., improve my relationships. what we mean and mean what we Suite 212 Consequently, I need to say?“ The same chapter later Falls Church, VA 22046 communicate honestly if I want to states “any message can be Tel: 703-534-HELP (4357) have relationships based on trust conveyed with courtesy, even one E-mail: [email protected] and love. of outrage.” Thus, the concepts of Web: www.alanonva.com honesty, integrity, and courtesy in Integrity…Keeping the focus on communication are firmly rooted in Hours: 12:30–4:00pm M–F me is another recurrent theme of Al-Anon Conference Approved and the second Saturday the Al-Anon program. But who am Literature (CAL) although I don’t of each month I? If I don’t know, then who else know for sure whether the full “say will? Thus, the phrase “mean what what you mean” slogan has ever you say” speaks to integrity. If I appeared verbatim in CAL. don’t know what I mean, how can I ever communicate effectively with Anyway, the next time you hear the anyone else? Therefore, I need to slogan, “Say what you mean, mean know myself. need to have values. what you say, and don’t say it I need to know what I consider mean,” give it a think if you will. acceptable and what I consider Honesty, integrity, courtesy—three unacceptable. I need to know my simple Al-Anon keys to unlocking boundaries. The Al-Anon program the door to healthy communication gives me tools to help me decide with others. what are my core goals and values, –Scott A. and what are my boundaries without someone else defining my goals, values, and boundaries for me. The Al-Anon program gives me the tools to help me make choices that are good for me, and teaches me how to stand by my decisions. This is all about developing integrity. Once I have integrity, my communication with others will naturally improve.

EYE ON LITERATURE

Al-Anon Family Group Conference Approved Literature BUTTERFLY DISTRIBUTION The Butterfly is a Alcoholism: A Merry-Go-Round rescue the alcoholic from his publication of the Named Denial predicament, denying him the Northern Virginia ($0.75, catalog number P-3) process of learning by his own Service Center Just when I think I’m filled to mistakes. The victim is impelled to intended to overflowing with knowledge about a cover for the alcoholic by taking communicate particular topic and that there can’t care of his responsibilities and information about be possibly be anything else to doing his work. The Provoker “is upcoming Al-Anon and learn, a new piece of information the key person in the play, the Alateen events in the pops up and catches my attention. I spouse or parent of the alcoholic,… area; share “best think this is particularly true for who holds the family together… practices” and logistics alcoholism. It seems like every day [and] is constantly adjusting to the information that help I’m discovering something I wasn’t crises and trouble caused by groups stay healthy, aware of before, which means that drinking.” This provokes her into vital, and dynamic; and every day my journey toward feeding bitterness, resentment, share experience, recovery continues. These fear, and hurt back into the family. strength, and hope in discoveries often occur when I’m recovery. reading a piece of Conference Act III is the same as Act I but with Approved Literature, such as the a greater need for denying there is It is available on the pamphlet I recently read titled a problem. All three acts thus are Service Center website Alcoholism: A Merry-Go-Round played over and over—the merry- and also mailed to Named Denial. go-round continues unless the Group Representatives, characters in Act II change their who are encouraged to This pamphlet departs from the behavior to permit the alcoholic to make copies for typical Al-Anon member-derived experience the painful distribution in their format in being based on a consequences of his drinking. This groups. Please make presentation given in 1968 by the is easier said than done, but it is sure your group keeps former Director of the Charlotte possible. The members of Al-Anon its registration up-to- Council on Alcoholism, Reverend prove that every day. And these date, using the form Joseph L. Kellerman. He uses the same members are helping me to available on the metaphor of a play to illustrate the finally stop acting and leave the website or by request roles of the alcoholic and those stage. from the Service around him or her in the evolution and recovery from the disease. Conference Approved Literature (CAL) may Center. be purchased at the Service Center or by using the website order form. We invite you Individual mail In Act I, the alcoholic (referred to to share your thoughts about a piece of subscriptions to The throughout the pamphlet as a male) CAL by e-mailing [email protected] Butterfly are $5 per year. drinks too much and too often but or by writing to the Service Center, ATTN: Please include your cannot stop. Yet he denies he is Butterfly. name, mailing address, responsible for the consequences telephone number, and a of his behavior and convinces check made out to NoVA himself that he’s right and Al-Anon Service Center everybody else is wrong. Crisis in your request and send inevitably strikes. it to ATTN: Butterfly at In Act II, the alcoholic does nothing the Service Center but wait for and expect others to do address listed on page 3. for him. The enabler is impelled to

Long-time Service Center office- familiar with all the office equipment manager-in-training Ann H. needs a and their service contracts, tech-savvy Al-Anon volunteer to handling minor problems that might help care for what she cannot— arise (such as changing the toner office equipment! This includes a cartridge in the copier), and copier, printer, computer, making calls telephone, and other items with electrical cords or pixels (albeit not ~continued on page 5~ all of us even know what a pixel is…). The position entails becoming

~Office Equipment, continued from meetings and setting up coffee/food page 4~ (entails arriving early and keeping track of the key); coordinating with for service as appropriate. Except the printing company as needed to for time in the office to learn about reprint tri-part receipt books (maybe the equipment and how it’s set up, once a year or less); and talking to the job can be handled mostly by the landlord if heating/ventilation/air telephone with a visit to the office conditioning issues come up, etc. perhaps once or twice a month. Please call the Service Center Ideally, Ann would like to step down (703-534-4357) as soon as as the office-manager-in training possible if you can help out with the altogether if someone can be found care and keeping of our office to handle the “everything else” equipment or if you’re available to piece of her job. These duties help with “everything else.” include purchasing office supplies (paper, stamps, labels) and keeping track of the Staples card; purchasing hospitality supplies (paper plates, plastic utensils, napkins, coffee) and providing Alateen access to them; opening the church for Service Center

ANNOUNCEMENT

56th Anniversary of Falls Church AFG

The Falls Church City AFG announces its 56th Anniversary Dinner

When: Friday, December 7th, 2007

Potluck Dinner* Begins at 7:30 PM

Speaker begins at 8:30 PM

We are blessed to have Ruth B. from Catlett, VA as our 56th Anniversary Speaker!

Location: The Falls Church Episcopal Church (Nicholson Hall on the 2nd Floor of the Church) 115 E. Fairfax Street Falls Church, VA 22046 (Just off of Route 7, near Seven Corners)

*Turkey and Ham and beverages will be provided. Kindly bring a side dish or a dessert to share.

“Do you Have a Few Hours to Spare as a Coordinator At the Service Center . . . if so, Please Give us a Call” Butterfly Editor or Khayriyyah A. (and team) Public Outreach Coordinator (and team)

Published six times a year (January, March, May, July, September, November). A Trusted Servant to be part of the A Trusted Servant with computer skills Public Outreach Team ~ to share your or willing to copy (at the Service Experience, Strength, and Hope Center) and to assemble and mail copies at events in the community. Please call: please call: Service Center (703) 534-HELP (4357) Service Center (703) 534-HELP (4357) or Khayriyyah A.