Scott Piepho, Elicia Prior-Scwartz, Kim & Joan Mosyjowski, Rev. Tim Temerson

“A Welcoming Congregation” UU Church of Akron April 29, 2012 Scott Piepho, Elicia Prior-Scwartz, Kim & Joan Mosyjowski, Rev. Tim Temerson

Scott Piepho During law school I was part of a regular group that went out to dinner every Thursday night. One night I was seated across from a young black man named Joseph who was trying to get the waitress’s attention. After the third or fourth try, when it looked like she must have seen him at some point, Joseph turned to us and said, “You know, it’s not that it’s always about race; it’s that never know.” This insight – that part of the toll discrimination inflicts is the constant questioning whether or not discrimination may be at work – has driven my involvement in the Welcoming Congregation Committee. Tim asked me, as co-chair of the re-formed Committee to explain how I became involved and what we are doing. As to how I came to be co-chair, that was simple; I volunteered to help out as long as I didn’t have to actually lead the thing. That just never works.

As to why I volunteered, the quick answer is that I have learned that the ministry of creating a safe space for our LGBT friends and loved ones has a profound, transformative and sometimes life-saving impact. If you are not yet convinced of that, wait until you hear the testimonials of Kim and Joan and Elicia. While we as a committee haven’t explicitly formulated a grand theory of welcoming, the members of our committee have been working in line with two basic beliefs. The first is that welcoming people who are diverse in orientation or gender identity means something beyond “don’t be hostile.” This is particularly important given that we are a faith community and faith communities have historically provided – depending on your point of view –the impetus or the cover for discrimination against LGBT people. So we can’t be satisfied with just not discriminating and assuming that people coming into the church know that we are not discriminating. We must take proactive steps to invite diverse people into this church and ensure them that this is that safe space. The second basic belief is that the call to social justice that lies at the heart of our principles is a call to all of us, regardless of orientation or identity, to witness for equality. The last several years have demonstrated that straight allies are indispensable in this civil rights movement. Again we cannot simply refrain from standing in the way of equality; we must make it our cause as well. As straight allies, we too need to come out. As a “refresher” Welcoming Congregation Committee, we have chosen to focus on some specific areas to both make our community more welcoming and to advocate for LGBT people. Briefly our issue areas are religious education, teen ministry, PR and outreach and advocacy. You will hear more about these efforts as they come to fruition. And from time to time, we will be calling the church community as a whole to help. For example you heard the announcement about e-advocacy lobbying effort. We are also hoping to organize a sizable contingent for the Cleveland Pride march in June. This is not work that we leave to our LGBT members – and here I am specifically addressing the hetero and cisgendered among us It is not their job to make sure heterosexuals welcome them, nor should they bear the full burden of stopping people like us from discriminating against them. So I hope that this congregation will take up the challenge to make our welcome, our embrace, our celebration of the full range of expression of love, a central an essential feature of this church.

Elicia Prior-Schwartz Hello everyone, my name is Elicia Prior-Schwartz. I came to the UU Church of Akron about 7 years ago looking for a place to bring our children and a place to could get married where we wouldn’t be saying things in my ceremony that we didn’t believe in and that went against what we were about. For me it was a very big step, you see, I was afraid of church. I, being a poly amorous bisexual woman, had been hurt by religion. I was made to feel demonized and ostracized. I had been active in the LGBTQ community for years as a young adult. Most of my family and friends were bi-sexual, gay, trans, …you name it. And once you come out, well I felt like I had to choose between a spiritual life or a proud and out gay life. I was torn, because I felt loved by God, or a higher power, but that was not the message I was getting from the world. All I knew was rejection by the church…hatred, anger, and fear, and it scared me. But then I recalled something, a church had once let our LGBT group from the University of Akron, have a meeting in one of their rooms. The memory boggled my mind. A church letting a Gay group use their space? Why would they allow this? There had to be something to it. So very cautiously I came to UUCA one Sunday with my fiancé Mike. I made a deal with him, I said, “If they start talking about fire and brimstone, we are out of here!”. But luckily for us that Sunday morning that was not what happened. The sermon that morning was inspired by a Disney movie called “Lilo and Stitch”. (OK, quick side note. I love kids’ movies and I’ve never grown out of loving their magic and wonder.) So there stood Russ Kuntz, telling the congregation all about Ohana and that Ohana means family, and that Family means that no one gets left behind or forgotten. How wonderful!! I cried! A church was putting out this message of acceptance. I couldn’t believe it. It felt like the doors to my heart blew wide open. I thought of all the LGBTQ people out there, people like me. Those who are different, unique. Those feeling left behind and abandoned. Those who feel turned against by God, religion, and church. How many of them live with depression? How many take their own lives? How many people out there long for community, love, friendship, for the acceptance of who they are and the diversity of their beliefs. Then I knew that Sunday morning, I knew I wanted to be part of spreading our story of acceptance and hope. I wanted to “Stand on the side of love” and be part of this wonderful place where people can heal, love, and flourish. For 6 years I’ve been working with the Social Action Coalition and the Welcoming Congregation team. What we are and what we do, the love we share…it changes and saves lives. The more we share our message of love and acceptance, the more we can help to heal and help unite a broken world by spreading love. Thank you for doing that for me and my family. For all the worlds families and children. Because of UUCA being a welcoming congregation, we now have a place to call home.

Kim & Joan Mosyjowski

Kim: “Stories move in circles. They don’t move in straight lines. So it helps if you listen in circles. There are stories inside stories and stories between stories, and finding your way through them is as easy and as hard as finding your way home. And part of the finding is getting lost. When you are lost you start to look around and to listen.” (A Traveling Jewish Theatre, coming from a great distance) from Writing for Your Life by Deena Metzger

Kim: It has been said that in order to be saved from the depths of HELL one must find someone who is willing to leave his or her own safety, comfort, and daily routines behind and travel down to those dark, cold depths in Hell to find you, and to lead you out. We have such a journey into Hell and back to share with you today, because whether you were aware of it or not, you are very much a part of this story.

Joan: The journey begins at the beginning of my eighth grade year. I was thirteen. I started to realize that I was gay. From what I’d heard, it was a trait that made you subhuman, at best. When I came out to my family, I wasn’t shocked at their support, and I was relieved that they responded so well. My mom and I sat on the couch for hours one night as I cried with both relief and fear at the sudden realization at the different life I would lead just by being me. She gave me insight and resources to help with coming to terms with my sexuality, but even that didn’t protect me from the harassment and adversity of my peers. Eventually, I broke up with my boyfriend and I came out to one of my best friends. I never anticipated that she would reject me for who I was, and I especially did not think that she would out me to my classmates. But she did, and in a few months’ time, my world came crashing down and I entered into to my own circle of Hell.

Kim: I knew she was going through a tough time, but what thirteen year- old doesn’t? We talked. I gave her my unconditional love, and I thought I offered her the right words …You see, our words are powerful beyond imagination. They can be used to heal and…

Joan: and also to hurt, even kill. Over the next few months, it felt like every single person in my predominately conservative, Christian school knew my little secret, and no, they didn’t like it. They harassed and bullied me by calling me a freak, and a loser, and a creepy, nasty, homo. I was isolated from close friends. When the bullying and name-calling became overwhelming, I began a regiment of self- inflicted harm by cutting, burning, and bashing myself. It was a way of taking the pain inside caused by bullies, depression, isolation, and my own internal homophobia and reflecting it onto the outside.

TOGETHER: (She) (I) didn’t know. (I) (She) was in the dark.

Joan: I was in such a dark place that I couldn’t find any reason to keep living a life that I hated; a life where it seemed I was so alone. I began to plan a way to leave everything behind, and on March 6th 2011 after planning for nearly two months, I tried to hang myself. I’ve never felt such a dark, cold void and a hopelessness that I just couldn’t fill. Today, I couldn’t be more thankful that the rope broke and I decided to wait another day, because my mom wouldn’t have found out, and I wouldn’t be alive.

Kim: My extreme gratitude that she failed in her suicide attempt was closely followed by anger, confusion, and mostly, a profound sadness. MY. GOD. My CHILD tried to KILL herself. How could I have not known the extent of her anguish? How could I have not been there to help her? I felt like I should have a placard around my neck that said “Inadequate Mother.” I certainly had that tattooed upon my heart. While desperately searching for the immediate help Joan needed to get through this darkness, I started to spiral down into my own pit.

Joan: I felt so alone.

Kim: I felt so confused.

Joan: I did not know how to recover

Kim: or where to turn for help.

Kim: I forgot, momentarily, about my invisible means of support (and no, I am not talking about my bra.)

Joan: Through many tears, my family helped me find a hospital program for teens, a counselor, and PFLAG; Parents Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. I was starting the process of healing.

Kim: Since school was a hostile environment for her at that time, I began to search for a supportive community for her. U.U church of Akron was already in my mental file, filed under the “Someday” category, as in: someday I will check this interesting church out. I moved it to the “ACTIVE” file and…

Joan: the idea of a church was unappealing. Church? The very institution that hated me for who I am? But, I couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as we set foot in the church, we were greeted with smiles, and with just two simple, wonderful, words, “good morning!” As we sat down in the pews for the first time, I STARED at the stage in utter disbelief at this shining beacon of hope displayed proudly for all to see; a rainbow flag. By some cosmic convergence, the first service we attended was dedicated to LGBT’s.

Kim: As we listened to Rabbi Horowitz that day, we laughed, and we cried, and as soon as the service ended, Joan looked at me and said;

Joan: “Wow, a sanctuary that really is one.” I knew that UU was going to be a safe haven and a community that embraced and welcomed us both. Kim: We arrived here looking very much like the wild-eyed refugees that we were. You saved us with your kindness and words of welcome. Our words are powerful beyond measure, and so are our actions. Even if you just learned our names this morning, every one of you has helped save this young person’s life. And by saving hers, you have saved mine also. By supporting and participating in this wonderful, welcoming, loving, spiritual community, you have given her, and me, the support we needed to get through a very dark and difficult time.

TOGETHER: We thank you. …

Kim: Each of you here right now, and all who came before you who helped make this church the welcoming congregation that it is. We are especially grateful to you, Reverend Tim, for your strong, caring leadership. The speed of the leader really is the speed of the pack sometimes, and you, sir, are setting a challenging pace. And to Rich Roberts for leading our R.E. program: you also welcomed us warmly from the moment we arrived, emotionally bedraggled and seeking sanctuary. You assured us that we were welcomed and safe here. You tossed us the lifeline we so desperately needed.

Joan: Elizabeth Reilly, you were my touch-group leader at S.I. and your genuine compassion made me feel that much more welcome and comfortable in this community. You continue to make a profound difference in my life as you lead me through the OWL curriculum. You may never know how much your loving presence and kind soul has meant to me and to my Mom, but please know our hearts are filled with gratitude. And we thank Scott Piepho, who also imparts great love and wisdom, as well as a delightful sense of humor, in the OWL course. Scott, WISE MAN and OWL leader that he is, has taken his caring a step further and has revived our congregation’s Welcoming Committee. In all his wisdom, he realizes that we have the potential to save more lives, and he is busy rallying the troops to join him in his mission.

Kim: Our LGBT youth are dying for lack of supportive community like this one. We hope that you will join us, Rev. Tim, Scott, and the rest of the committee as we reach out and try to save as many lives as we can, just like you saved ours. Rev. Tim Temerson

I want to begin by thanking Scott and the Welcoming Congregation Team for their commitment and their leadership, and especially by thanking Elicia and Kim and Joan for their incredible courage in telling their stories. We are so blessed to have you among us and I am so honored to be your minister. I’m not sure what I can add to what Elicia and Joan and Kim just shared with us. They are a chilling reminder of just how much hatred and intolerance exists in our society and just how much pain and despair the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning community experiences on a daily basis. Elicia’s reflection points to just how unwelcoming most religious communities are and how so many in the LGBTQ community have to choose, as Elicia said so powerfully, between being gay and having a spiritual life. And, Elicia, I am so glad that you and your family found this church community – a community that has made you feel welcome and that, as you say so beautifully, blew the doors of your heart wide open. And Kim and Joan, I’m not sure what I can add to your incredible story except that we are so saddened and sorry for the pain and the fear you have experienced – pain and fear which led Joan, just over a year ago, to attempt suicide. My heart breaks when I think about what you have been through. And I agree when you say it must have been a cosmic convergence that your very first Sunday at the UU Church of Akron was our annual welcoming congregation service last year when Rabbi Horowitz spoke and when the rainbow flag stood on the chancel. I don’t think this congregation has ever received greater affirmation that we are living our faith and our values than Joan telling her mom that morning when she first saw that flag - “A sanctuary that is really sanctuary.” That, friends, says it all. That’s why we’re here – to be sanctuary of love for all. And as I reflect on the stories we have heard this morning, I want to make two brief observations. First, from time to time I’ve heard some Unitarian Universalists ask why we need a special program of welcome for LGBTQ folks? I mean, don’t we already welcome everyone? Why do we need to give those folks special preference over others? Well, I think we heard the answer this morning. There is no other group in society that is more systematically rejected by religious communities and told they are sinful and unwelcome than the LGBTQ community. We must fly this flag and be bold about being a Welcoming Congregation so that we send a clear message that this is one religious community that celebrates, welcomes, and loves you for who you are and that anyone who calls themselves “religious” or a “believer” while telling you that being gay makes you a sinner or that God hates you because of who you are, we must say without equivocation that they are wrong! But it isn’t enough just to be a sanctuary in a sea of religious intolerance. And this brings me to my second point. The hatred, homophobia, and blatant discrimination experienced by the LGBTQ community extend throughout society and the world. That’s why we have to engage in advocacy on behalf of LGBTQ rights at the local, state, national, and international levels. I’m so proud of our Welcoming Congregation Team for making it possible for everyone in this room after the congregational meeting to send a message to the Cuyahoga Falls Parks & Recreation Department about the recent controversy about recognizing the marriage of a same sex couple. I strongly urge you to make your voice heard. And let that message be part of a broader effort to do everything we can to change those laws and structures which systematically oppress LGBTQ persons. Friends, let it be our responsibility and our calling to build a world in which Joan can one day soon turn to her mom and say “Look, a community, a city, a state, a country, a world that is truly a sanctuary!” That’s our work, that’s our calling, that’s our sacred responsibility as Unitarian Universalists. Thank you for Listening and blessed be.