View from the Bench by Mckay Chauvin

View From The Bench by McKay Chauvin %#&@!! Judge Judy

One of the most enjoyable things I get to do as a judge in the Facebook/Twitter era we live in is to provide a unique photo-op for kids visiting the courtroom by letting them be the judge. Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks. Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox love to have their picture taken sitting on the bench wearing (more often than not swimming in) the judge’s robe. Shortly after I started doing this, I noticed something interesting, and more than a little troubling, that these kids from one to ninety-two all had in common. Regardless of whether they were there to watch their lawyer mom or dad on bring your kid to work day, or were there to watch their mom or dad be brought out from the holdover for their day in court, the kids all did exactly the same thing. Once their initial surprise, excitement and self-consciousness had subsided, they would invariably make the meanest, angriest face imaginable and start banging the gavel like John Bonham banging a drum. Where does that come from? How and why is that their first reaction to being a judge? What do they think judges do? Who’s responsible for that perception?

Given the small number of judges there are relative to the population as a whole, it’s safe to assume that relatively few people actually know, have regular contact with, or have ever even seen a judge. In the absence of first-hand experience, most people’s image of judgedom is informed by what they’ve read, seen on TV, or watched in YouTube video compilations of courtroom chaos. I wrote down the first twelve (12) fictional judges I could think of to take a look at how they were portrayed. Here’s who I came up with:

1. Judge Smails (Caddyshack) 2. Judge Harry Stone (Night Court) 3. Judge Taylor (To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee) 4. Judge Bob Gibbs (Maximum Bob by Elmore Leonard) 5. Judge Constance Harm (The Simpsons) 6. Judge “According To” Hoyle (The Verdict) 7. Judge Chamberlain Haller (My Cousin Vinnie) 8. Mentok The Mindtaker (Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law) 9. Judge Hardy (See e.g. Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever) 10. Judge Bone (Picket Fences) 11. Judge Reinhold ( ?????? ) 12. Judge Henry Harper (Miracle on 34th Street)

Yikes! As it turns out, judges are not very popular in our popular culture. With the possible exceptions of wise old Judge Taylor (who appointed Atticus Finch to represent Tom Robinson in an effort to get him the fairest trial possible … but who also tended to fall asleep during trial, regularly put his feet up on the bench, chewed up and spit out cigars, and cleaned his fingernails with a pocket knife in the courtroom), the stoically reserved but thoughtful, loving and droll Judge Hardy (who hasn’t been seen on film since Andy Hardy Comes Home in 1958), and maybe Judge Bone (whose extreme crankiness and fierce temper were somewhat tempered by his well-honed sense of and for justice), these characters can most charitably be described as an unhealthy combination of despot, crack-pot, half-wit, burn- out, goofball, and political hack. It’s worth noting that two out of the twelve names I came up with are cartoon characters, and another one is just a guy named “Judge”. There were others who came to mind but whose names I could not remember at all. There are the in-the-pocket-of-the-mob judges in The Untouchables and Batman Begins. The three (3) judges from John Grisham’s The Brethren, who hatch a scheme while in federal prison together to blackmail wealthy closeted gay men. And whoever it is I have been seeing lately in promotional spots for a television series called … that’s right … Bad Judge. Yikes!

But no matter how un-awe inspiring these un-real judges may be, my guess is that the degree to which they have shaped the general public’s perception of the judiciary is nothing when compared to the (mis)impression made by the pseudo-real judges of daytime and late-night television. Judges who can … do. Judges who can’t apparently move to LA and get their own syndicated enhanced reality show. The condescending, often combative, but always disrespectful manner in which Judge Judy, Judge Brown, Judge Matthis, Judge Karen, Judge “Extreme” Akim, and their like dispense T.V. justice may make a few people in the entertainment business filthy rich, but it should make everyone in the actual justice business fighting mad. I am convinced that the collective effect of their caricaturization of the courtroom has affected the public’s perception of how judges are supposed to act and interact with lawyers and litigants. If reality-TV “judges” were the only judges a person ever saw prior to coming into a courtroom, then any legitimate anxiety they might have as they approached the bench would be made unbearable in anticipation of the belittlement and public humiliation they’re likely expecting from whoever is sitting there.

I’m not sure what judges can do to overcome this growing public relations nightmare. We should definitely be aware and wary of the danger of allowing life to imitate schlock. We should be better than that. Be on time. Be prepared. Be nice. It probably won’t be enough, but I hold out the hope that someday some snap-chatting little kid will plop down in my chair, peer out from the folds of my way too big for him or her robe and actually smile for the camera.