Student Writing Analysis Task

Student Writing Analysis Task Please do not write on this packet

My students have written a piece what next? A teacher's first responsibility is to provide opportunities for writing and encouragement for students who attempt to write. A teacher's second responsibility is to promote students' success in writing. The teacher does this by carefully monitoring students' writing to assess strengths and weaknesses, teaching specific skills and strategies in response to student needs, and giving careful feedback that will reinforce newly learned skills and correct recurring problems. These responsibilities reveal, upon inspection, that assessment is clearly an integral part of good instruction. -Stephen Isaacson

. Choose one student sample to take through the Narrative Writing Rubric

o Make sure you are sighting the evidence from their writing

. Read all samples while looking at and evaluating the following. Take notes on a separate piece of paper

o What is the strength of the paper?

o Is there a portion of this paper that I can use as a model?

o What is the next skill this student needs to develop?

. Looking at the papers as a whole group, what writing skill would you teach next? Give examples and evidence of your decision.

. Based on the skills of the writers how would you divide them into 2 or three small groups? What would be the skill you would work on with each group? Student #1- Intensive Reader

Morning Dove was a beautiful yung girl. One day she went to get dressed and she said, “I am tired of wering the same clothes every day.” So she went to her mother and asked, “Why do we have to wear red ceder bark?”

“Well it is because to protects us from the wind and rain.” Said her mother.

“Oh, well it’s not very cute,” said the girl.

“I am going to try to make better clothes.” But she did not know how. Then she said, “I know I will go with father up to trade then I will watch how they will make there own clothes then I will try. “Hey, dad can you call me when you are going to trade?”

“Sure,” replied her father.

“Thank you, I am going to watch what they make them out of and how they make it.”

“Oh, that is cool,” said her father. About 20 minutes later her father said “OK Morning Dove it’s time to go.”

“OK because I am redy to go, wate were are we going?” said Morning Dove

“we are going to trade Big fish lake people,”

Oh, well let’s go……..”be careful, don’t slip, the lake is jest up this hill”….”were her, you do what you want, and I will be over here.” Said her Father

“OK Father,” said Morning Dove As she watced them she was thinking they make them out of animal skins. “ Ok I am done,” said Morning Dove

“I am to, lets go,” said her Father……..

“Mother I learned, I am going to try it” said Morning Dove

“OK, but Be careful.” Said her mother

“I will,” said Morning Dove……..Mother, I DID IT One day Prettybird went out into the forest and said, “Oh look at this pretty flowers. Maybe I can pick a few and make a mask out of them.” So she did, “this is a lovely mask,” replied Prettybird. When she got home, her father asked her to go hunting instead of going to the potlatch ceremony, “But father, “No buts, you have to,” said her father. Everyone’s going. I’m going, like it or not.” On her way there, she saw her father walking to her, “So she hid in a tree,” finally her father left. So she started running to the party. But when she got there, the party was over she was very disisapointed, “oh acorns I thought I had this one. Every year I missed the dancing and gift giving.” But then everyone poped up and yelled

“Surprise!” Then prettybird’s father came and yelled “Prettybird, your in great big trouble!” And she had to leave the party and hunt the rest of the rest of the night. And the next year, she hunted”, and she had to hunt for years,” until one year, it was the year she was 22,” she had a great time she remembered making tolem poles, also eating seals, samon, sea ourtters, and whales it was tasty. The next year she threw a patlatch party herslf. She never hunted again, and she lived happly ever after. Student #2

On day Chinook was walking home when her mom told her there was a ceremony.

But she didin’t know how to dance. She was thinking about it all night. So when she got up she started to practice. She didin’t wont her mom to find out but she did. So they practiced all night. So aftar that she was good and they went to the ceremony.

Student #3 low

One fine morning Smiling Owl woke up and she was hungry went hunting in the ceder forest to hunt a bear. Next she got lost and she was frightened, worried, and even lonely so she built a fire and went to bed. The next morning she said “I will find my way home” Then her family found her Then she learned to never go hunting by herself. Student #4- middle low

One morning, Running Bobcat woke up to a sunny morning. When he went downstairs to eat breakfast heard a noise, “I think it’s comeing from outside.” He said. So he went outside and followed it into the woods. “I think Im lost,” he said.

So he continued walking and in the distince he saw shelter. Then he went inside and thot he shold spend the night there. But once again he heard the noise. That time it was even louder then before. So he went into the bedroom and fell asleep.

In the middle of the night he heard a noise. But it was a different noise. Then he saw a shadow, very big and, scary. As it got closer he saw a mouse. He felt inbaressed. Then he went downstars to eat breakfast. He heard a noise. He lookt out the window and he saw a …His mom woke him up. Skary things, skary noises, inbaressed by a mouse. He said out of breath. “You must have had some dream.” His mom said. “It was just a dream?” He said confused. When his dad got home he askt Running Bobcat if he wanted to explore the woods. No!!! His dad was ok with it cause he didn’t either. That’s the life of Running Bobcat.

Student #5- low intensive reader

Once upon a time there was a little girl a Chinook girl she was 9 years old and she was going to make a animal mask. She ask her mom, dad, friends I asked them what animal should i do mom, said seal dad said bear friends said wolf and she chose bear. the bear was black and it eats fish, people, whale, squid, deer, elck, crabs, monkeys, snakes. The end. Student #6

In the Chinook tribe there was a small boy. He liked to go to the indian potlaches.

This year he could be in one. He found out he couldn’t dance. He whent around looking for people but they all said, “NO.” Then the young boy found a man who said, “Yes.” The man whent to the boy and whent into his house. The old man said,

“You can already dance.” The man also said, soare like the great eagle. The boy tried to dance and he did. Later he ran out side he put on his potlatch cloths an mask and danced in the potlatch.

Moral: every one can dance

Student #7

A long time ago in a village. A boy played. His name was Quiet Feet. He was thinking about asking to hunt with his father. So he did. But when he did they yelled at him.

And told him to go outside! He ran to the totempole crying And after a while he went to sleep. While he slept he dreamed to run away and hunt. Then woke up. And was running into the forest. With his father’s bow and arrows. When he got far away. He made a fire with two sticks. In a while a wolf came and the boy was frightened. Then he screamed for help! But no one came to save him. Suddenly he pulled out his bow and arrow then carefully. He let go and the wolf got knocked down. There was another wolf.

So the boy crouched down behind a tree. After that he got up off the ground picked up a bow and fired he let go and killed the wolf. But the boy was grounded for a long long long time and he learned a lesson not to go in the forest alone. But after a very long time they lived a very long time they lived a fantastic life. Student #8

By Hope

Ealear in history, theire was a girl. That girl’s name was Snowflower. She was from the Chinook tribe. One buitiful morning her mom woke her up. She said,

“Do I have to get up mom.” “Yes you do Snowflower!” “Why do I have to get up” she said. “Because tonight is the potlatch dance and ceremoine.” “But mom I don’t know how to dance.” “Well learn.” Said her mom. “But who will teach me?” asked snowflower. Her mom reiplide, “you will teach your self Snowflower!” Then her mom left the room and slamed the door. So Snowflower sat on her bed and thot and thot and finely thot of something. I can try! so she did. Finaly after an hour she did it. Snowflower ran to her mom screaming I did it!, I did it!, I did it!, and danced at the potlatch danced and cereoine.

Ther is one kide that told her mom whant to go to the potlatch ceromone her mom said no you haven’t pulled the weades and she kept saying please can i and then she pulled all the weades then her mom was not Happy yet then she came inside and said now can i she said and her mom said you hafto clean your room and she said okay i will and then her mom was Happy the she got mad and was done with her room and she came in the room and she came in the kitchen and yeld at her mom and mom grounded her doter and now she nows to not yell at her mother. Anna’s Potlacth Ceremony

By Student #10

Anna woke up one morning and remembered it was the potlatch ceremony. She was so happy.

After she ate breakfast, she called to her mom ‘I’m going out to practice my dance!” “OK” her mom replied.

So she went into the meadow and started to dance and said “I’m going to be the best dancer tonight. But right as she said that she landed wrong on her ankle so she started crying for her mom. Her mom cam running into the meadows and said

“what happened! Anna said “I was dancing and I landed wrong.

After that her mom took her to a indian doctor and the doctor said “Looks like your daughter sprang her ankle. Oh no she thought, I won’t be able to dance.

She tried and tried but she couldn’t. She tried and tried but she finally gave up.

One day while she was crying in her bed her mom came in and said Why aren’t you dancing for the potlatch ceremony?

Anna said “I tried Mama, I really did, but I just can’t! she exclaimed I guess I can’t dance at the ceremony.

“Of course you can!” said her mom. “Ya! Well, prove it!” Anna shot back. I can show you. Come to the meadows with me.

When they got to the meadow Anna’s mother said “If you can dance on one foot you’ll be able to dance. But how will I? Anna asked. The potlatch ceremony is tomorrow. So, if you practice all day and night you will get it! Her mom simply said.

So she practiced all day and night and got it!

She got to dance at the ceremony and got one of her dreams.

She was the happiest girl.

Student #11

One early morning, Mallery and Pheabee’s mom walked to their room woke them up.

When they woke up and their was smoke coming out of the hole in the roof! Man asked “Do you want to dance at the Potlach ceremony?” “We would LOVE to!!! It is neck week, Pheabee and Mallery woke up very early, ate breckfest, and thay were on their way to potlatch ceremony. About an hour later that found themselves lost

Pheabee said, “I think were lost! “ Mallery replied “I do but I think we shald keep trying and look for someone. We coud ask if thay are going to the Potlach.” And is thay say YES! We will follow them.” Pheabee replied I think that is a smart idea.

About twenty minutes later that found somebody that was going to the Potlach ceremony. So thay followed them. Then an hour later thay were at thePotlach ceremony. Mallery yelled “I am so excited to dance!!!” Pheabee replied “Well then lets dance!!!” So then thay JUMPED on the dance floor. When thay were dancing thay saw alot of indend that were Chinooks just like them!!! When thay got home thay told their mom that it was more fun then ever! Student #12

Tanya was a 10 year old Chinook indan who dreamed of making the best necllases. But thir was a huge problem she did not no how. So she asked Siney her

13 year old sister “What do you use to make a necklace.” Siney anserd “bever teeth, bear claws, albacore and clanshells.”

Tanya got to work. She got beer teeth and bear claws from some bins and heded for the bech, were she ran into Quin her 8 year old brother and his 9 year old friend named Josh. Tanya said she needed some bits of albacore and clamshells.

She got the albacore and found clam shells. Then went on her way done the path that led to her village in the red citer trees. On the way she saw some line.

When she got thrie she went to her room in a home that was 100 by 50 feet long she said she was lucky because she has her on hole in the roof of her bedroom. She made the necklace and got on her nicest bark outfit and put on paints and fethers.

She showed her mom Lily, Lily loved it so much that she showed chief Dax. He loved it so much that he showed it to chiefs and vilages uncluding his around the Pacific coast. Tanya was famas evry one was tocking about her and her necklace. Yanya was happy and glad that she made a dfrins in the worold. The Burning Arrow

By Student #13

One day running bobcat was getting ready to go hunting, she had always wanted to go hunting. So she got her bow and arrow and det off.

When she got in the forest she found a spot to hunt. The next thing she knew she was aiming straight at a lion. She shot but right when the arrow was about to sink into the skin it burst into flames. The sun had burned the arrow at the last munuite. So she shot again and again intil finally she got it and she went to her parents.

Than her parents came with a net and houled the lion to the house and started cooking. Then it was time for the potlatch and they got ready and went.

The lion was a big hit and everybody had fun!

Morning Dove is an indian in the Chinook tribe. She lives in a big cedar house. She wants to hunt, but her dad said, that she is not old enough, so in the middle of the night she snuk out, with her dad’s bow, and then she saw a deer, ame fire shoot a deer, but it was the wrong deer, when she shot the deer her bow broke. She got intrabel, but about owt weeks later…her dad was not mad at her.

Dad tot her how to hunt.