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"The *HOPELESS* Guy's Guide To Romance" version 1.01t

Copyright 2000 All Rights Reserved

by Robert Meck

"Romance has NO sinister undertone... Its only purpose is to show love"

~Unknown

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." - Bob Ettinger Dedications:

To Beth ::smooches::

Who:

Written By Robert Meck. [email protected] or [email protected] My screen name is destroybsd on AOL instant messenger. Idea conceived July 4th, 1999. Updated Frequently. Copyright 2000 and so on... All rights Reserved. Robert Meck

What:

A simple guide for the guy that wants to try and treat his princess right. If you are a lady, do not worry! Many, if not all of these ideas can be applied and used on your boyfriend/girlfriend/equivalent other.

Why:

Because. And I would like many other women out there to be treated right by their boyfriends. This was originally going to go straight to a publisher, but after realizing that most guys can't even afford dinner and/or a movie, that maybe introducing this book FREE first, more guys could get off to a good start cheaply.

Where:

The latest, most up to date version may be found at: http://www.voicenet.com/~mdbsd/romance/

If you are interested in posting this somewhere else, contact me first. If you are a publisher, CONTACT ME! If you are fluent in more than one language and want to translate this, contact me!

When:

Started July 4th, 1999. ALWAYS adding more to it! If you have an idea you think is nice and would like to place it in here, drop me a line with your idea included... my e-mail address is: [email protected]

Why I wrote this "book" (part two): Well, originally I was talking to Alaina one day and she was talking about me maybe teaching a class on how to be romantic. She was obviously just joking around, but after asking a few of my friends what they did to make their girlfriends feel special or to just be romantic, and results proved to be slim to nil, I realized something. The art of Romance is dying out... and FAST! Many guys think that saying "Excuse Me" after letting out an Earth shattering belch is romantic. Its not

How:

With a WHOLE LOT of patience and not much to do at work. Also, with extraordinarily wonderful help from friends.

UPDATE and Current Info: 11/13/1999 about 5:05PM (EST)

Ok, how many times do I have to say this? Listen CAREFULLY (guys especially) First of all.... I AM NOT A WOMAN. Secondly, I am not whipped (who cares even if I was/am? I wrote this under my own free will, not because there was a gun to my head!) Now, I keep getting emails and guestbook entries from GUYS saying that all of this stuff is just like acting like a woman. There is nothing wrong with romance damnit! (pardon mes Français s'il vous plaît). Why do so many guys have a problem with acting romantic and insist that it is "wussy"? Ok, and this is my last complaint... GUYS also keep on saying that women do not like romance in the context that I display it. Hmmmm... ok now correct me if I am wrong, but I do think that women might just have a better perspective on what they KNOW that they like. For example... many emails and two guestbook entries (from GUYS) insist that this is not what women really like. HOWEVER... on inspection of my other numerous emails and guestbook entries from WOMEN, they seem to like it just fine. =)

I think thats all for now.

As Always.... Any Questions? Comments? [email protected] or [email protected] ******************************************************************** * Chapter One: Manners/Tips * ********************************************************************

Burping/Belching:

Well guys, as wonderful and absolutely romantic as a well rendered belch may SEEM, the ladies will not exactly be falling over you after that next ground shaking belch. Think about it.... When is the last time you heard two or more women talking about how cute a guy belches, or how manly and sexy it is that he can belch the entire alphabet? But, if for some god forsaken reason, you accidentally do let out a burp, try to cover your mouth, and at very least, sincerely apologize by saying "I Beg Your Pardon", "Excuse me", or "Pardon me." Sorry, Ex-squeeze me does NOT count.

No Bitching... Giving your all:

So you want to be romantic? Well, yeah, I admit, a few of the ideas in here may seem really sappy to Johnny Football Star, but they are truly very thoughtful and sweet (I have had this confirmed by several women). However, if you want to do this right, do NOT just do these ideas and try and wing it, try your best, and the NUMBER ONE worst thing you can do when trying to do something romantic is sit there and bitch about "How stupid this is" or "This is so (insert several profanities) stupid, I can't believe I am doing this" or something like that... It only ruins it for her, and you really aren't going to come off as thoughtful, but rather just bitchy the whole time.

Why "Cheesy" or "Sappy" is ok:

(this section should be read by both men AND women)

You see, I know many guys are already reading this saying, "Oh God, How Sappy." But what you don't realize is that doing the things in here takes much thought. Thinking up and finding these ideas takes MUCH more. What most guys don't understand is the way that women think in respect to treating them well and spoiling them well. (This is the way that my Senior English teacher explained it, and He is absolutely 100% correct. Take this situation:

Some Guy buys his girlfriend, the fastest, best, shiniest, newest car around. Lets say it cost $25,000. Yikes! That is EXPENSIVE. Now of course, when he gives it to his girlfriend, she will be completely floored and impressed at the time. Of course he thought about her, by getting this (that is usually why women love gifts, it shows that you were thinking of them even when they were not near you). However... He thought of her ONCE. Sure he may have thought long and hard about getting that $25,000 car, but those thoughts only revolved around the original first thought. Lets just say that now, after spending an incredible $25,000 on his girlfriend, he is FLAT broke, and has no cash, so he will not be getting her any other surprises or gifts for A WHILE. Well, believe it or not but even as she is driving around in that $25,000 car she will start to want something else too. In short... To be spoiled. Sure he got her a $25,000 car, but he only got her ONE car, or ONE gift... translation to a woman's mind... ONE THOUGHT.

This is why the guy that is almost always flat broke but always does little tiny things (that the other guys make fun of him for) for his girlfriend, has the better relationship. You know why? Because, he is ALMOST ALWAYS doing something for her... translation to a woman's mind... ALWAYS thinking of her! Understand now guys? If not... try this, and just ask yourself what gets a better total reaction from your girlfriend. I am MORE THAN SURE she won't get mad if you do this! Try this little experiment and SEE FOR YOURSELF:

FIRST try: Buy her a dozen roses, Just for the heck of it! Give them to her and surprise her and tell her how much you love her! Be sure to take note of her reaction!

Wait a week or two, or until all the flowers are gone. Go to a florist and buy "credit" for another dozen roses, however for the next twelve times that you see her, give her ONE rose on ONE knee and tell her ONE simple reason why you love her. Be sure to take note of her reactions! Now tell me, what do you think will get a better TOTAL reaction? I am absolutely sure that the second part, where you give her one rose each time you see her, will yield better results. As a matter of fact, I am willing to bet that her friends will be getting jealous over that scenario! And guess what guys? Translation to a woman's mind... TWELVE WONDERFUL, VERY THOUGHTFUL THOUGHTS OF HER! She will adore that!

Another Difference In Male/Female thinking:

Ok, scenario Two: A Big Ugly Bug Enters The Room....

Her: AHHH! A Bug! Oh My God! Him: WHERE?!?! WHERE?!?!?! Her: Over There. Him: Show me.... where? Her: I don't wanna go near it, but its over there! Him: Cool! I'm Gonna kill it. (yes, i am aware that this is not always the case, but most of the time, it is)

PMS: So you want to die? When she is having a bad day, NEVER EVER say "Oh, it must be that time of month." Unless of course, you want to see her go from zero to pissed in .2 seconds, don't even think about it. Even though you may be 100% correct, chances are you are really going to set her off by saying this. She is in for a WHOLE LOT of pain pretty soon, so you better stick close to her, and pamper her the best that you possibly can! (think of the pain as being kicked REAL HARD in the groin... now times that by ten or so, and let it feel that way for a week.)

Never Say Die: Ok, so you did it. You finally get the hang of being romantic and being a sweetie to her. Well guess what. Just because you just went steady, or got engaged, or married, or whatever, does NOT mean that you get to stop being romantic. For those of you that like examples, here goes... Think of it like Disney World... And say you REALLY like all the rides and stuff at Disney World. And lets just say this is comparable to your relationship with romance. Now take away the romance, and it is like going back to Disney World with no rides. Pretty dang boring, eh?

Mean It/ Being Sincere and NO LYING:

Don't just say "I love you." Saying "I Love you" is a BIG STEP up from just having an interest in someone. When she says "I Love You", don't just say, "Uhhhh... I guess I love you too and stuff especially if you do not mean it. Because you are just playing with her heart if you do that. It might be hard for her if you say you aren't sure, but tell her that the only reason that you didn't say "I Love You" is for the simple reason that you do not want to lie to her and especially about something as important as this is in a relationship. Never lie. NEVER. Look up the meaning of NEVER in a dictionary... become familiar with this word, seeing that this is how often you will lie to her.

Do NOT Honk: There is nothing less classy, than pulling up in your car, and honking the horn, especially if you honk more than once. My friend's girlfriend's dad put it best when he said, "If you pull into the driveway and honk the horn, you better be dropping something off, because you are NOT picking anything up."

Do NOT be pushy...: Don't be pushy, it is a real turnoff to 99.999999999998% of all women and if your lucky, and you are pushy, you will at best be classified as an ass. If she says that she doesn't want to do something, (like skydiving or whatever) just sit there and listen carefully for a second. SHE SAID SHE DOES NOT WANT TO DO IT. That means, and let me stress, she does NOT want to do it, just nagging and nagging and nagging her about it isn't to "swell" if you know what I mean.

Ditch "The Beard" So you are in my case. I have been able to grow a FULL BEARD since I was fifteen, and I was damn proud of it. However, the girlfriend was not. Sure a few women here and there will like the look of a scruffy face, but most likely she will not have as much fun kissing it. You do not believe me? Take out a nice sheet of Velcro and start kissing it for a few minutes? I am sure it feels soooooo sexy! If you still don't get the point, liplock with it for a while, and you will start to sympathize with her.

So you screwed up: (dumb ass) Ever try creative begging? A letter slipped under her door, leave it unsealed so she can't resist having a tiny little look? Or you can dress up in a bunny costumewith a sign saying "Please Take Back the Dumb Bunny." Humor can help to heal the pain and earn you another chance.

A Quick List of Good Manners and Etiquette:

-On chilly days, give her your coat. -When Picking her up go to the door, do NOT even think about honking. -Hold The door for her. -Hold Hands... even in public (its not as bad as it sounds Mr. Macho, I do it!). -When She Speaks... LISTEN. -LISTEN. -LISTEN (just wanted to make sure you got that). -Shave, ESPECIALLY for special occasions! -Say Please. -Say Thank You. -Do NOT talk with your mouth full. -Patience is a NECCESSITY! -Don't sit down before her, make sure she is taken care of FIRST! -Don't Swear (at LEAST try your best). -Don't lie... women have a 6th sense, and will find out. -On rainy days hold the umbrella for her. -Sit up straight!

******************************************************************** * Chapter Two: The List Of Sweet Thoughts * * and Things To Do For That Special Sweetie! * ******************************************************************** (RS)= Reader Suggestion

Hugs, Hugs, and more hugs!

Give your sweetie a massage. Kiss every time you greet each other today!

Plan a last minute Friday night date together!

Write your sweetie a song!

Share your secrets.

Listen to her, no matter what she has to say. (I can't stress this one enough guys!)

Do something creative! Take an art, music or dance class together!

Save articles from magazines or newspapers that would be of interest to your love.

Return to the place where you first fell in love.

Bring home your sweetie's Favourite dessert as a surprise!

Frame the most romantic cards you have sent each other.

Make a collage of pictures of you two together and frame it and give it to her.

Write a love poem and compose one new stanza every week

Leave a loving message on your beloved's computer screen.

Record your feelings about your beloved onto a cassette or video tape and give it to your love to listen/view when they are away.

Send the queen/king of hearts playing card with a love note written on it.

Get every recording ever made by her Favourite musical group.

Make sure when she comes over your room/house is clean. (RS)

VOLUNTEER to clean HER room. (RS)

Make a little loving gesture EVERY day, for a WHOLE YEAR!

Get every book ever written by her Favourite author.

Seal a romantic moment with a kiss!

Hide a love note somewhere where SHE will find it... if she doesn't find it for a few weeks, give her some clues as to where it is.

Rent or go see that new movie you've been dying to see! :)

Have breakfast in bed!

Surprise your love by giving them their Favourite CD! Don't forget the traditional Favourites when saying "I love you"... flowers, chocolates, teddy bears... those usually always get a great positive reaction!

Go visit that city or town you've been wanting to this weekend... call a travel agent and have them send everything they can about the desired destination and plan your weekend with your love!

Leave an unexpected love note somewhere for your love today letting them know how much you love them!

Buy a book of love poetry and spend the night reading romantic passages to each other.

Take a ride in a horse drawn carriage through the city at sunset or at night.

Go for a walk with your love and just relax together.

Get every movie starring her Favourite actor

Write a list: "101 Reasons Why You're the Greatest"

Stay the night at a romantic hotel in your area that offers late check-out!

Give your love a heart shaped key ring.

Send your love a CD or tape of your song.

Send your love a page full of meaningful love quotes.

Moonlit Picnics are fun, just remember to bring Mosquito repellent!

Plan your summer vacation together!

As painful as it may seem for some of you guys out there, give up control of the TV remote for a night.

Go to a store (or kareokee) that allows you to sing and record songs and sing "your song" for your love and send them the tape.

Buy a personalized coffee cup or mug that says a sweet message on it and has your picture or something similar. Then give it to your love to remind them of you when you're not around.

Play together. Games like Monopoly, Chess, computer or video games, cards, etc. are great for bringing the two of you closer and after a hard day at work it can be a great way to unwind and just talk with your partner!

Collect your love's Favourite cartoon for a long period of time and make a book out of them. Present the book when they are feeling a bit down about something to cheer them up! Learn how to say I love you in sign language! That way no matter what the circumstances you can say it!

****Remember love is patient and sometimes you need a lot of it!

Talk with your partner. Find out what the both of you think "romance" is and devise a list of things you'd both like to do. That way next time you "don't know what to do" just read over your list!

Mail an unexpected sentimental or humorous card "depending on you =)" to your love.

Give your sweetie a single flower to represent they are your "one" true love.

Give your sweetie an unexpected compliment!

Give your sweetie a wonderful wake up surprise -- give them coffee in bed!

*****Say something nice to give their self esteem a boost!

Give your love a small book of pocket sonnets.

Spend quality time together.

Change that bad habit that she hates FOR HER!

Go away for a weekend to a Bed and Breakfast.

Dine by candlelight.

Write Love Letters.

Make a web site about how much you love her for all the world to see!

Leave tiny notes hidden around the house.

Share a sunset together at the beach.

Pick out a book you both like, and read a chapter a night to each other before you go to bed. (RS)

Practice kissing

Flowers, Flowers, Flowers.

Say I Love You several times a day.

Compliment the one you love (often).

Send her to work with heart shaped cookies.

Put a romantic note or card in with her lunch. Make her a flower petal trail to a bubble bath.

Cuddle on rainy days.

Buy a hammock and cuddle in it together on a lazy day.

For lunch have a picnic in her office.

Send her a love quote each day.

Give your sweetie candy conversation hearts!

Find out three to five things that she has always wanted to do, and make them happen!

Call in sick to work and spend the day together.

Play any of Yanni's (or her favourite artist) music softly in the background.

Remember when taking walks together to hold hands!

Tape a love note to the bathroom mirror.

Park at "look-out point" with a great view of the city lights.

Go out for a nice Romantic dinner.

A dress up but not neccessary date- dress up all nice, either semi-formal, or completely formal, and goto a "Semi-casual" dress code retaurant. They will think u just came from a big dance or something. TRUST ME! you will have a blast!

Make up a nice pet name for her, like "Sweetie" or "Honey" or "Hunny Bunny"

Find out her favourite poet, and if that poet has a love poem, memorize it and recite it to her.

Send a cookie bouquet.

Have a picnic in the middle of the living room floor.

Winter weather was made for cuddling. Cuddle in front of the fireplace.

Give your love red hots in the shape of hearts!

Renew your wedding vows. (or for the non-married... just do them pretend as a sign of your love for each other)

Make up your own wedding vows that you would use in your wedding (the married can do this too!) Go on a second honeymoon. (or for the non-married... PLAN the perfect one and go over it in your mind together one rainy night, make sure you get brochures from a travel agent, and all that other neat stuff)

Run your fingers through her beautiful hair.

Just for fun...send your love a small bag of only green (or other favourite colour) M&M's!

Have breakfast in bed.

Drive out to the country and have a picnic under a shade tree.

If you have a drive in Diner around (McDonald's doesn't count) go there! They can be lots of fun!

While in an elevator, just kiss her out of nowhere... who cares if anyone is around?

Send her a greeting card before every holiday, everyone loves getting mail!

Share a soda like they did back in the 50's.

Take a trip on a hot air balloon together.

If you are going away, spray some of your perfume on your lovers pillow.

Some time, when the two of you are laying down together, put your head on her chest and listen to her heart beat (to this day, the sound of her heart is the most beautiful thing I have EVER heard)

Appreciate the beauty of your partner's eyes.

Leave a romantic message on your lover's answering machine.

Make a "love jar" filled with notes of exactly WHY you love him/her. Whenever he/she is feeling down he/she gets to pull one out.

A different twist to the above idea is to make a "wish jar" in which your sweeite puts something that could be easily accomplished by you (like a massage, foot rub, etc., etc) and whenever your sweetie is feeling down, you can pull out one of the slips and do that thing that your sweetie asked for.

Read to each other Shakespeare's Love Sonnets or Quotes of Love

Write I LOVE YOU on the bathroom mirror in Rain-Ex so when they get out of the shower they see it.

On Sunday, each lover is to make 7 small notes referring to a favor, whether it be a massage, romantic dinner...etc.. Each note is placed into separate baskets, one for each lover, and every day you pick from your lover's basket and must do that favor some time during the day!!! Fill a small box (jewelry box) with the Hershey Kisses tags and give it to your loved one. All to be redeemed as real kisses.

Your Sweetheart will be gone for two weeks! Make an envelope for each day she will be gone. Each envelope contains a little love quote telling him how much you miss her and how much you love her. At the bottom of each letter, tape a little Hershey Kisses tag. Each tag represents a kiss, which will be redeemed when she gets home.

Have a pillow fight (be nice guys... as in GENTLEman)

During Christmas drink Egg Nog out of wine glasses while listening to White Christmas".

Make a bouquet of flowers out of napkins and spray your cologne on it.

Ask her out to a nice dinner (and to dress up) but cook the meal yourself. Then surprise her with it when she comes over.

Make her a card (Valentines, Birthday, Christmas, etc.) with construction paper and crayons and write like a little kid would.

Try to make sparks with peppermint Lifesavers in the dark

Brush her hair.

Bring Her a flower... and bring her another one when she'd least expect it... THE NEXT DAY!

Share a blanket and watch a movie.

Open the car door... as a matter of fact... open ALL doors (but don't be pushy about it.)

If there's a great slow dance song playing on the radio, ask your partner to dance, even if you happen to be cooking supper or getting ready for work.

Kiss your sweetie awake in the morning.

Go camping.

Start a candle collection and use them often.

When tensions run high, book a special dinner at your Favourite restaurant and promise each other not to talk "money" or "the house", or whatever the bone of contention is, for the entire evening.

Order one dessert after a dinner out and share it (don't forget to feed each other!)

Make a time capsule. Write down your private thoughts and dreams in letters to each other. Then put them in a box, along with a special bottle of wine, perhaps, or funny souvenirs, and seal it with sealing wax. Don't open it until a special anniversary.

Surprise your sweetie by lip-synching a love song.

Cover her bed with rose petals.

Wake up early one morning after it snows and use KOOL-AID to write a love message in the snow for her to see when she looks out her window. (it better be Kool-Aid and NOT something else)

Fill the room with helium balloons and have the strings all reach the floor.

If she has a car, wash it for her, without her knowing, it can also be tons of fun to do it together too! (hose fight!)

Use chalk to write a welcome home greeting on the path to their front door.

In your own voice, record your sweetie's favourite short book, fairy tale or poetry on tape for your partner to listen to for their commute or when they are out of town.

Draw a dozen or more silly pictures of memorable experiences the two of you have shared. Outline in a black marker and then have the pages copied and bound on heavy paper at a copy shop. Give with a pack of crayons.

Paint a picture of her (for the more intimate, do the version from TITANIC)

Tell her good night, Every Night!

Buy two of those disposal camera deals (about $12.99 a piece. Indoor style.) Fill one up with pictures from your neck of the woods, including pictures of yourself. Then, *without developing it*, I'm sending the camera to her, along with the second camera that hasn't been used, so she can do the same thing and send hers back to me. (Please remember to send your film in a special container for film. Get these at the post office. You don't want the metal detectors and x-rays to destroy your special pictures.)

Buy her a relatively large stuffed animal, and Tell her that you have a friend that *R E A L L Y* wants to meet her and they are waiting in the car. But before you do this... make the stuffed animal look cute e.g. put sunglasses on them, or dress them up...Sit the bear on the front seat of the car and put the seatbelt on him. If your car has tinted windows then all the better cause she won't see the bear until you open the door. Well anyway lead her out to the car to meet this person and she should get a suprise when she sees the stuffed animal you got for her!!!

Collect little things from what you do together (does that make sense??) Whenever you two do something together take a part of it and keep it in a little box. (e.g. Movie tickets, business cards from restaurants, the card of the first bunch of flowers she got you, a napkin from her favourite restaurant etc. Then put all these things in a scrapbook and write little notes under them, they can be as simple as "Our first dinner together" to "Remember what we did while we watched this movie??". The best thing about this present is it's will be a lot of fun when both of you look through it, and you can always look through it whenever you wish. Placing a message, or a poem or message on the first page is a great touch!

Collect poems (either from the Net or write them yourself) and make a book of poems for your sweetie.

Serenade your lover- stand outside her window with a stereo and sing her a love song. It really doesn’t matter how bad your voice is or what the neighbors think.

Rent a romantic movie and pop some popcorn. Turn off all the lights and cuddle.

If she says that she's sick, so you can't come over tonight, cook up some nice Chicken Noodle soup, and head over to her house. When you get there, serve it to her in bed and wait on her hand and foot. SHE WILL LOVE IT!

Choose flowers that match her eyes.

Sing her to sleep (you can do this on the phone too!).

Put on some old clothes, and play in the park like when you were kids! Throw snowballs, or jump in leaf piles. Splash in puddles, play on the slide... etc.

Replace your sweetie's bookmark with a love note (hold onto the other bookmark).

Arrange things ahead of time. Visit a local restaurant, have special candles, flowers etc. put on the table, or a little gift served on the dinner plate. A small tip will assure the success.

Help put on his or her coat, even if help is not needed.

Give her a kiss at red lights.

Learn how to braid her hair.

Give her a manicure... if you don't know exactly how to do this it WILL take a while.

Wash her hair for her. She'll love it.

If she likes wintery weather, during the warmer months, Turn the back yard into a winter wonderland! Drape the trees and fences with tiny white lights. Put spray on snow on the trees and decorate the porch. Turn on slow music and bring her out to dance under the moon. Go for a long bike ride in the country or backroads.

Walk arm in arm.

Bring her ice cream.

Have a water fight.

Take a nap together.

Wink at each other and make it mean something special (e.g. I Love You, You look beautiful, etc., etc.)

Feed ducks in the park.

Have the DJ of her Favourite radio station give her a personalized message.

Make a special tape of love songs.

Flirt just a little. Wink. Compliment her.

Try and make up your own pick up lines and pretend to try to pick her up just like the way she is the most gorgeous woman in the world!

Camp-out in your backyard and stare up at the stars together.

Play Wrestle (and let her win sometimes too!)

Have a tickle fight.

Learn to say "I Love You" many different ways (see chapter Four)

Have a "Virtual Wedding" http://www.nadtech.com/wedding.html ******************************************************************** * Chapter Three: Gifts * ******************************************************************** So you forgot about some special occasion, or just can't think of anything to get her? Well below is a good start, and a nice list of things to get for her. Not to mention many of the things in chapter two can count as gifts too, I just think it would be redundant to list it more than once.

A really good idea, and something that I do, is keep a list of things that she really seems to enjoy. For example, if she says that she really likes the soundtrack to a certain movie, I will make a mental note of it, and when I get back home, I will write it down on a list of things that she would like to have. That way, whenever a special occasion comes up (or just for whatever), instead of having to rack your brains for hours, you already have a pre-made thoughtful list of things that you can get her.

A Surprise Gift- Say she is staring down that stuffed bear in the window... buy it later when she's not looking and give it to her for that special occasion.

Trinkets- Trinkets are a wonderful idea, try and find out if she likes gold or silver, and you are on your own from there.

Get Her That Thing That she's been eyeing up forever.

Classical Romantic Gift- Nice dinner out, complete with flowers and candlelight.

Perfume

A Sexy Gift- Like lingerie or something like that.

"Oh, you shouldn't have!—But I love it!"- Something expensive... but you know she wants really bad... good if you have extra money! A Strange Gift- Simply put... something that will make her say, "What the hell is THAT?"

Keepsakes- Wonderful things like souvenirs

"How did you find it?!"- Something that you know she wants but is really hard to get.

Homemade- Straight from the heart, and especially good if you are close to broke!

A joke Gift

Themed Gifts

Personalized Gifts- Mugs, hats, etc.

The Gift of Travel

Make a romantic, mushy toast to her at dinner.

The Gift of Food

The Gift in Her Favourite Colour- Similar to the "theme" idea, but get lots of gifts all the same colour

A Practical Gift- Something that she needs in everyday life.

First Class Gift- No Matter what it is, decorate it and present it in a matter fit for a Queen!

Home-Made Gift Certificate- Something Like I.O.U. 5 back massages, or something similar.

Gift-Within-a-Gift-Within-a-Gift- Many boxes, each one wrapped, until it gets down to something small like a ring.

Time- One thing that you should always give her, is the gift of quality time together!

Buy a regular vase that your girlfriend would put those flowers that you got her in. Now decorate it all nice and pretty wrap, and viola! ********************************************************************* * Chapter Four Saying I Love You MANY different ways * *********************************************************************

(from http://www.geocities.com/~brillohead/languages.html )

Language Translation ------Afrikaans Ek het jou liefe Afrikaans Ek is lief vir jou Albanian te dua Albanian te dashuroj Alentejano(Portugal) Gosto De Ti, Porra! Alsacien Ich hoan dich gear American Sign Language : __ (signed with right hand) : __ ( ) : ( ) |__| : |__| __ __ | | : | |( )( )|__| __ : |__||__||__|| | / ) : | (__)(__) | / / : | |/ / : | / / : \ / Amharic Afekrishalehou Arabic Ana Behibak (to a male) Arabic Ana Behibek (to a female) Arabic Ib'n hebbak. Arabic Ana Ba-heb-bak Arabic nhebuk Arabic Ohiboke (male to female) Arabic Ohiboka (female to male) Arabic Ohibokoma (male or female to two males or two females) Arabic Nohiboke (more than one male or female to female) Arabic Nohiboka (male to male or female to male) Arabic Nohibokoma (m. to m. or f. to two males or two females) Arabic Nohibokom (m. to m. or f. to more than two males) Arabic Nohibokon (m. to m. or f. to more than two females) Arabic (not standard) Bahibak (female to male) Arabic (not standard) Bahibik (male to female) Arabic (not standard) Benhibak (more than one male or female to male) Arabic (not standard) Benhibik (male to male or female to female) Arabic (not standard) Benhibkom (m. to m. or female to more than one male) Assamese Moi tomak bhal pau Basc Nere Maitea Batak Holong rohangku di ho Bavarian I mog di narrisch gern Bengali Ami tomAy bhAlobAshi Bengali Ami tomake bhalobashi. Berber Lakh tirikh Bicol Namumutan ta ka Bolivian Quechua qanta munani Bulgarian Obicham te Burmese chit pa de Cambodian Bon sro lanh oon Cambodian kh_nhaum soro_lahn nhee_ah Canadian French Sh'teme (spoken, sounds like this) Cantonese Moi oiy neya Cantonese Ngo oi ney Catalan T'estim (mallorcan) Catalan T'estim molt (I love you a lot) Catalan T'estime (valencian) Catalan T'estimo (catalonian) Cebuano Gihigugma ko ikaw. Chickasaw chiholloli (first "I" nasalized) Chinese (see the entries for mandarin or cantonese!) Corsican Ti tengu cara (to female) Corsican Ti tengu caru (to male) Croatian LJUBim te Czech miluji te Czech MILUJU TE! (colloquial form) Danish Jeg elsker dig Dutch Ik hou van jou Dutch Ik ben verliefd op je Ecuador Quechua canda munani English I love you English I adore you Esperanto Mi amas vin Estonian Mina armastan sind Estonian Ma armastan sind Farsi Tora dust midaram Farsi Asheghetam Farsi (Persian) doostat dAram Filipino Mahal ka ta Filipino Iniibig Kita Finnish Minä rakastan sinua Flemish Ik zie oe geerne French Je t'aime French Je t'adore Friesian Ik hald fan dei Gaelic Ta gra agam ort German Ich liebe Dich Greek s'ayapo (spoken s'agapo, 3rd letter is lower case 'gamma') Greek (old) (Ego) philo su (ego is only needed for emphasis) Greenlandic Asavakit Gujrati Hoon tane pyar karoochhoon. Hausa Ina sonki Hawaiian Aloha I'a Au Oe Hebrew Ani ohev otach (male to female) Hebrew Ani ohev otcha (male to male) Hebrew Ani ohevet otach (female to female) Hebrew Ani ohevet otcha (female to male) Hindi Mai tumase pyar karata hun (male to female) Hindi Mai tumase pyar karati hun (female to male) Hindi Main Tumse Prem Karta Hoon Hindi Mai Tumhe Pyar Karta Hoon Hindi Main Tumse Pyar Karta Hoon Hindi Mai Tumse Peyar Karta Hnu Hindi Mai tumse pyar karta hoo Hokkien Wa ai lu Hopi Nu' umi unangwa'ta Hungarian Szeretlek Hungarian Szeretlek te'ged Icelandic Eg elska thig Indonesian Saya cinta padamu Indonesian Saya cinta kamu Indonesian Aku cinta padamu Indonesian Aku cinta kamu Iranian Mahn doostaht doh-rahm Irish taim I' ngra leat Italian ti amo (if it's a relationship/lover/spouse) Italian ti voglio bene (if it's a friend, or relative) Japanese Kimi o ai shiteru (used mostly by males) Japanese Aishiteru Japanese Chuu shiteyo Japanese Ora omee no koto ga suki da Japanese Suitonnen Japanese Sukiyanen Japanese Sukiyo Japanese Watashi wa anata ga suki desu Japanese Watashi wa anata wo aishite imasu Japanese Watakushi-wa anata-wo ai shimasu Japanese Suki desu (used at 1st time, like for a start, when you are not yet real lovers) Javanese Kulo tresno Kannada Naanu Ninnanu Preethisuthene Kannada Naanu Ninnanu Mohisuthene Kiswahili Nakupenda Klingon qabang Klingon qaparHa' (depends where in the galaxy you are) Korean No-rul sarang hae (man to woman in casual relation) Korean Tangsinul sarang ha yo Korean Tangshin-ul sarang hae-yo Korean Tangsinul Sarang Ha Yo Korean Tangshin-i cho-a-yo (I like you, in a romantic way) Korean Nanun tangshinul sarang hamnida Korean Nanun Dangsineul Mucheog Joahapnida Korean Nanun Dangsineul Saranghapnida Korean Nanun Gdaega Joa Korean Nanun Gdaereul Saranghapnida Korean Nanun Neoreul Saranghanda Korean Gdaereul Hjanghan Naemaeum Alji Korean Joahaeyo Korean Saranghae Korean Saranghaeyo Korean Saranghapanida Kurdish Ez te hezdikhem (?) Lao Koi muk jao Lao Khoi huk chau Latin Te amo Latin Vos amo Latin (old) (Ego) amo te (ego, for emphasis) Latvian Es milu tevi (Pronounced "Ess tevy meeloo") Lebanese Bahibak Lingala Nalingi yo Lisbon lingo gramo-te bue', chavalinha Lithuanian TAVE MYLIU (ta-ve mee-lyu) Lojban mi do prami Luo Aheri Macedonian SAKAM TE! Madrid lingo Me molas, tronca Malagasy Tiako ianao! Malay Saya cintakan mu Malay Saya sayangkan mu Malay/Indonesian Saya sayangkan engkau Malay/Indonesian Saya cintakan awak Malayalam Njyaan Ninne' Preetikyunnu Malayalam Njyaan Ninne' Mohikyunnu. Malayalam Ngan Ninne Snaehikkunnu Malaysian Saya Cintamu Malaysian Saya Sayangmu Malaysian Saya Cinta Kamu Maltese Inhobbok Mandarin Wo ai ni (Wo3 ai4 ni3 in tonal notation) Marathi me tujhashi prem karto (male to female) Marathi me tujhashi prem karte (female to male) Marathi Mi tuzya var prem karato Mohawk Konoronhkwa Navaho Ayor anosh'ni Ndebele Niyakutanda Norwegian Eg elskar deg (Nynorsk) Norwegian Jeg elsker deg (Bokmaal) (pronouncedyai elske dai) Op Op Lopveop Yopuop Osetian Aez dae warzyn Pakistani Mujhe Tumse Muhabbat Hai Persian Tora dost daram Pig Latin Ie Ovele Ouye Polish Kocham Cie Polish Ja cie kocham Polish Yacha kocham Polish Kocham Ciebie Portuguese Amo-te Portuguese (brazilian) Eu te amo Punjabi Mai taunu pyar karda Punjabi Main Tainu Pyar Karna Quenya Tye-mela'ne Romanian Te iu besc Romanian Te Ador Russian Ya vas liubliu Russian Ya tebya liubliu Russian Ya polubeel s'tebya Russian (malincaya) Ya Tibieh Lublue Scot Gaelic Tha gra\dh agam ort Serbian ljubim te (I kiss you/love you, 'lj' pronounced like 'll' in Spanish, one sound, 'ly'ish) Serbocroatian Volim te Serbocroatian Ljubim te Shona Ndinokuda Sinhalese Mama oyata adarei Sioux Techihhila Slovak lubim ta Slovene ljubim te Spanish Te quiero Spanish Te amo Srilankan Mama Oyata Arderyi Swahili Naku penda (followed by the person's name) Swedish Jag älskar dej (conversational) Swedish Jag älskar dig (more formal) Swiss-German Ch'ha di ga"rn Syrian/Lebanese BHEBBEK (to a female) Syrian/Lebanese BHEBBAK (to a male) Tagalog Mahal kita Tahitian Ua Here Vau Ia Oe Tamil Ni yaanai kaadli karen (You love me) Tamil n^An unnaik kAthalikkinREn (I love you) Tamil Naan Unnai Kadalikiren Tcheque MILUJI TE^ Telugu Neenu ninnu pra'mistu'nnanu Telugu/india Nenu Ninnu Premistunnanu Thai Phom Rak Khun (formal, male to female) Thai Ch'an Rak Khun (formal, female to male) Thai Khao Raak Thoe (affectionate, sweet, loving) Thai Phom Rak Khun Tunisian Ha eh bak * Turkish Seni seviyo*rum (o* means o) Turkish Seni Seviyurum Turkish Seni Seviyorum Ukrainian ja tebe koKHAju (real true love) Ukrainian ja vas koKHAju Ukrainian ja pokoKHAv tebe Ukrainian ja pokoKHAv vas Urdu Mujhe tumse mohabbat hai Urdu Main Tumse Muhabbat Karta Hoon Vietnamese Em ye^u anh (woman to man) Vietnamese Toi yeu em Vietnamese Anh ye^u em (man to woman) Vlaams Ik hue van ye Vulcan Wani ra yana ro aisha Welsh 'Rwy'n dy garu di. Welsh Yr wyf I yn dy garu di (chwi) Yiddish Ich libe dich Yiddish Ich han dich lib Yiddish Ikh Hob Dikh Lib Yugoslavian Ya te volim Zazi Ezhele hezdege (sp?) Zulu Mena Tanda Wena Zulu Ngiyakuthanda! Zuni Tom ho' ichema (approx. 272 ways!)

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