THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Vol. V No. 4 CHRISTMAS ISSUE 11 December 2006 A FEW GOOD MEN NOVEMBER 29–DECEMBER 2, THE THEATRE A Few Good Men was a Broadway hit before being up in his apartment, shown effectively between court filmed in 1992 with Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson and recesses with sofas on the right edge of the stage, Demi Moore. Aaron Sorkin found the idea for this, his realises that Col Jessep is lying about the flights out of first play, from his lawyer sister Deborah who the Cuba base, and because Jessep was so defended two Marines at Guantanamo Bay accused of contemptuous of him and the authority of the law, then attempted murder. For us, this was the first College he decides, for the first time in his life, to fight the Play under the leadership of the new Director of case and risk a much greater sentence for his clients. Drama, and only the second in the New Theatre. There is a real sense of apprehension and concern This is the story of three naval lawyers: ‘the pushy about the fate of the soldiers; we are caught up in this broad, Lt Commander Joanne Galloway (Imogen apportionment of justice with sympathy for Downey Wynell-Mayow from Headington School); the smart and Dawson and shock about the menacing Jessep. Jew, Lt Sam Weinberg (Oliver Johnston, H & Harry Walker and Rowe are both gripping in their Mayes, G); and the Harvard mouth, Lt Daniel A. performances. Walker skillfully portrays the slow- Kaffee (Freddie Tapner, F & Rory Stallibrass, C)’. witted, often bewildered, Louden Downey sometimes The demanding roles of Kaffee and Weinberg were with just a subtle movement of the eyebrow; there was double cast on alternating nights. a definite flavour of Forrest Gump here. We were The young Lieutenant Kaffee is assigned to defend compelled to sympathise with the simple Downey two soldiers, Harold W Dawson (Fred Rowe, A) and whose concern, while under arrest, is the welfare of Louden Downey (Hugo Walker, B), who are accused his Spiderman and Batman comics. Walker displays of murdering a fellow soldier, Private Santiago (Jamie Downey’s inability to think for himself as he tries to Randall, C). The defendants claim that they were recite what his squad leader has drilled into him. following orders from superiors. Southern Bible- Downey gives as justification for Santiago’s murder basher Lt Jonathan James Kendrick (Chris Craig- the idea that He’s a weak link for the corps. Rowe Harvey, C) is implicated, as is their Commanding shows us with bristling emotion the humble and Officer, the ‘golden boy’ of the Marine Corps, Colonel honourable code of the marine Harold Dawson, who Nathan Jessep (Douggie McMeekin, B). The play prizes Unit, Corps, God, Country as his major values. culminates with the courtroom scene in front of Judge At this point some may be reminded of the parallel Julius Alexander Randolph (played with gravitas by with the Army cover-up of four young soldiers’ deaths Oliver Mann, D) with Jack Ross (Hugo Thorp, G) the at Deepcut Barracks, Surrey from 1995 to 2002. The prosecuting attorney. victim in A Few Good Men, Private Santiago, has Kaffee is all set to push for a plea bargain, taking six written endless letters asking to be released from the months or three years for his clients; he has never set misery he finds in the Marines. These letters are read foot in a courtroom before – always taking the plea by Jamie Randall with intensity and feeling, Randall’s bargain. The two marines, bound up in the code of glances to the audience, as he reads, draws us closer to honour of the USMC, would rather go to prison for him as we watch helplessly, knowing of his inevitable seven years and then rejoin rather than risk a discharge fate. Ultimately the play is about what it takes to build and damage their beloved Corps. a fighting force of men who are trained to obey and the discrepancy between society’s values and those in But when Kaffee, in one of the evening prep sessions the military hierarchy. And yes, we expect these

– – — INSIDE — – – Overheard – page 79 • A Poll on Food – page 79 • Choral Evensong at New College – page 82 A Tutor’s Diary – page 89 • Correspondece – page 91 • Rugby Reports – page 95 and much more… 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE people who may be subject to our derision to defend to Sorkin’s sharp and witty script (he wrote the first us with their life, so what’s on trial are the methods the four series of The West Wing virtually single-handed). armed forces use to get results and the ease with which In his defence of a soldier threatened with prosecution the press rush to blame the army and the police when for selling some oregano he quips ‘Oh please, what’s they make mistakes. he gonna be charged with? Possession of a What holds our interest is not just the battle to find the condiment?’ truth, of lawyers versus the institution of the US A lot of thought had gone into setting the tone. The Marine Corps, but the tensions between the three Marines were kitted out immaculately in fatigues and lawyers and especially in Kaffee’s laid-back and in between scenes, they marched at a quick trot on and intellectual approach (‘passionate about nothing, off stage through the aisles of the Theatre, chanting as except maybe softball’) versus Joanne Galloway’s they went. This, along with the audience being treated verve and energy in the pursuit of justice. This contrast as the jury occasionally in the courtroom scene, is well played out in both performances. Wynell- provided a real sense of immersion. During the first Mayow as Galloway is sure of herself while Kaffee is half of the production, motionless armed sentries were self deprecating, ever aware of his inability to live up positioned on looming towers to either side of the to his father’s reputation. stage. The light frequently shone and emphasized the Galloway glows with the sure footedness of the barbed wire at the back of the stage, reminding us righteous whereas Kaffee, on occasions, questions his where we were. The music, managed by Pelham own abilities. The irony is that we see that Kaffee is Groom (E) consisted of slightly strange choices but brilliant, a star of his generation at Harvard, whereas they worked, on the whole. There was also a nice bit Galloway, whatever energy she has, is clumsy in the of Jacques Loussier’s Winter but at other times the courtroom. sheer volume (such as when Rammstein was played), hindered me from concentrating fully on the drama. Rory Stallibrass’ sensitivity and cerebral air contrasts well with the rigid demeanor of the military One aspect that was easy to miss was the characters; Kaffee is portrayed as a ‘regular kind of professionalism and slickness with which the play was guy’ who always picks the easiest route, swamped in carried out. Ben Sheen (C) ran the show in a manner the sea of khaki events occurring around him. that made it seem more a public theatre production Stallibrass was well-chosen for the role and rewards us than a school play. Archie Manners (C) operated the with a delightful portrayal of Kaffee. lighting flawlessly; designed by Matt Barker and Ben this was impressive, given the resources available. Freddie Tapner as Kaffee was, perhaps, closer to Tom Sound was just as impressive, designed and operated Cruise’s portrayal in the film. He was very much the by Pelham Groom (E). This was not to everyone’s slick, wisecracking arrogant young lawyer who, while tastes, but many thought imaginative and effective. successful at obtaining plea bargains in the six months The set, also designed by Matt, was stunning: it that he has been practising, had not set foot inside a included two large ramps and towers, and a large real court room. One could see that his movement metal fence with barbed wire, among other things. All about the stage, mannerisms, and use of props such as of those mentioned above plus George Austen (E) his briefcase had been carefully planned. Both were stage-managing, clearly worked extremely hard to absolutely convincing in the role, and word-perfect;: support the production. the script cannot have been easy to learn, full of fast, snappy dialogue with lots of technical detail about In the second half by contrast a judge’s podium times of flights, for example, in the courtroom scenes. dominates in the centre of the stage and the towers are replaced by larger walls, one side decorated with two The chumminess between both Kaffees and both pictures. Convincing American accents were heard Weinbergs was obvious to the audience, their time often throughout the production, the sole exception spent rehearsing ably represented the time the two being Randall’s voice – which had a notable Hispanic characters have spent together in the profession. quality to it. The accents are well-maintained, with no George Lines (B) was Capt Matthew A Markinson, the noticeable inconsistencies that do befall some ‘coward with a conscience’. Bullied by Col Jessep, productions. and realising that everything wasn’t what it cracked up to be, his aiding of Kaffee’s defence by providing a Craig-Harvey demonstrates, as Lt Kendrick, his ability vital tip-off is memorable. In Lines’ final moments on to fill a variety of roles. In A Midsummer’s Night’s stage, portraying Markinson’s suicide, the audience Dream two years ago, he played the smooth nobleman held its collective breath; dramatically this was great Lysander; here he casts a menacing presence, counterpoint to the light-hearted banter just before. brusquely authoritative as he leads the sporadic marine exercises around the auditorium. Douggie McMeekin However, I do not remember the film being as funny was superb in the hefty role of Colonel Jessep, the as this play. Kaffee has some superb one-liners thanks manipulative man who claims tough discipline in the 78 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 military saves lives. In the climactic courtroom scene touching moment, when Pte Dawson says, ‘There’s an which gave rise to the famous line ‘Because you can’t officer on deck,’ and finally salutes Lt Kaffee. handle it, son. You can’t handle the truth,’ McMeekin This production of A Few Good Men was a deeply gives a powerful performance, emulating Jack satisfying drama at many levels: congratulations are Nicholson in the film. He dominates the courtroom due to Mr Robert Lowe for directing so skilfully and when in the witness box patronising the lawyers and inspiring his cast to give excellent performances. judge alike as Kaffee goads him into admission in the gripping crescendo. Afterwards there is a genuinely

OVERHEARD… A POLL ON FOOD A regular column devoted to memorable quotes from We asked over 40 Radleians across different socials all quarters of College. and years about their impressions of that most important of issues, the food. Overheard in English lesson: Boy: ‘I once had an obsession with frogs’ Has the food improved since you came to Radley? Yes: 85% Overheard in Hall: No: 15% Boy: (Pointing to his Cottage Pie): ‘Is this fish?’ Do you usually go to every meal?

Overheard in English, to a moderately vertically Yes: 68% challenged boy: No: 32% Don: ‘I’m trying very hard not to imagine you as one Which is your favourite meal? of Snow White’s Seven Dwarfs.’ Breakfast: 43% Overheard in Classics: Lunch: 0% Don, on trying to make the projector screen expand: ‘I Supper: 57% can’t make it bigger – but if you can’t make it bigger, then you should go and see your social-domestic- Do you think the SMAC committee does a good job? pastoral-housemistress.’ Yes: 93% No: 7% Overheard in the English department: Don: ‘I’m fed up with appearing in the Overheard Do you like the themed meals? column every issue!’’ Yes: 53% No: 47% Overheard in C Social: If the school had to ban pains au chocolat or burgers, Boy: ‘Cameron Diaz is pretty fit ... for a girl…’ which would you keep?

Overheard, in a rugby match pep-talk: Pains au Chocolat: 28% Burgers: 72% Don: ‘Our team thinks it is a wonderful day. Their team thinks it’s a wonderful day. So, boys, let’s all Do you prefer brunch or roast lunch on Sunday? have a wonderful day together. If we win, it will be wonderful; if we lose, everything will still be Brunch: 18% wonderful.’ Roast: 82%

Do you prefer choc-filled or choc-topped doughnuts in Overheard at the beagles: shop? Don: ‘These are gun dogs.’ Filled: 50% Boy: ‘Why are they called that? Do you shoot them?’ Topped: 50%

Overheard in the Theatre: Do you know who your social SMAC rep is? Don: ‘Now, I want you to massage your face. That’s Yes: 78% it, get all those muscles going... No, your own face, No: 22% boy!’ Do you think the salad bar is good? Yes: 32% No: 68%

79 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE ABITE, FIDELES Those of you older than the Shells may have noticed governing body of the University), the first speaker the passing of another Radley tradition at Christmas. has to begin, ‘Insignissime Vice-Cancellarie, licetne For many, many years, we have sung the favourite Anglice loqui?’ (Most illustrious Vice-Chancellor, Christmas carol ‘O come, all ye faithful’ in the may I speak in English?’), to which he traditionally original Latin – Adeste, fideles. Until recently, this replies ‘Licet’ (‘You may’), though I have always was omitted at the Saturday Carol Service, the one that wanted to be Vice-Chancellor just to see the look on College staff and visitors from the Village attend, but the poor chap’s face when I reply, ‘Non licet.’ (A this rather patronising attitude was dropped under handy way to silence dissent.) Candidates for honorary Canon Stidolph and they, too, sang heartily. degrees are presented at the Encaenia with a lengthy speech in Latin, given by the Public Orator, a don The reason given for this by the Chaplain, when appointed purely for the purpose of writing such questioned, was that he felt that few boys understood what they were singing about. Now, in this case, this things. There is a Latin sermon each year, too. is a pretty specious argument: after all, who doesn’t About half of Radleians study Latin to GCSE – even know the English version, pretty much by heart, by the more do so in the Shells. We are surrounded by Latin age of thirteen? But it did set me wondering about the inscriptions – the one on Clocktower puzzled me for survival of Latin. years (what do Dukes have to do with it?) until I First, it should be admitted that while I am not a realised that Dux was the traditional Radley term for classicist, I do read – and speak – Latin. By their the Senior Prefect (‘Praeficio te alumnis standards, my Latin is pretty decadent: it is the Latin Radleiensibus, inter praefectos ducem’) and that the of the Mediaeval Church, of the Vulgate Bible, of the chap commemorated had actually been the third such Goliardic poets. So perhaps I have a bias here. But boy. And I wonder if you have ever sat and stared at it does seem to me that to start to chip away at the one written along the front of a pew in Chapel the remnants of Latin that remain risks losing much – ‘Funes ceciderunt mihi in praeclaris’ – and of our collective culture. wondered what it was about? (Essentially, ‘I can’t believe my luck.’) Or the tactful one, Time was, of course, when learning Latin was pretty describing a boy who died tragically young, much the main reason for going to school – the ‘Qualis in remigio fuerit, taceat marmor’ Grammar of Grammar Schools was Latin (‘What he would have been like as a rower, I grammar, not English. When ‘modern’ subjects will not record’.) like sciences, woodwork, metalwork, music (in the classroom sense) and modern languages Without an understanding of Latin, at least were introduced, many schools forced boys at a basic level, we are cut off from our to choose between the traditional curriculum past. And it is the perfect foundation for (classics, maths, English) and the ‘modern learning in other spheres. I don’t mean side’, and the two were taught separately. that in the sense that we can all sound That is what lies at the heart of the names clever if we drop Latin quotations into of the segregated state schools of the our everyday conversations – that is 1950s and 1960s: if you were clever likely to lead to a bloody nose, in the enough, you went to a Grammar end – but that first, the mental School; otherwise, to a Secondary discipline required forms good habits Modern. of mind (the same is true of mathematics), and second, you will never struggle Within recent memory, O level Latin (the equivalent with your spelling again: words like accommodation, of GCSE, I am told, though some beg to differ) was or privilege, or prestidigitation, lose their terror when compulsory for Oxbridge candidates. At my own you understand how to break them down into easy bits school, we kept to a similar system: in Year 8, those of of Latin you already know. us considered clever enough were taken off to learn Latin, and no longer studied Art, Design, Home I don’t mean this as a sales pitch for the Classics Economics, or metalwork. Clever people like us could department. I actually think that the current numbers hardly be expected to draw, cook our own food, or of boys taking Latin at GCSE are about right, though work in a manual job. there are intelligent boys who miss out – one of them The reason for this compulsory qualification was that regularly gets given stick in my A level lessons as a the formal business of the universities was – and still result. But it is fatal to conclude that because not is – largely conducted in Latin. Indeed, in Oxford, at everyone can read and sing Latin with fluent the start of every debate in Congregation (the understanding, that we should not do so at all, and expunge its last remaining traces from our lives. 80 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 A CHRISTIAN SCHOOL? ‘Radley College was founded in 1847 to provide a there are many which are essentially statements of the public school education in accordance with the question: why something, rather than nothing? In other principles of the Church of England.’ Thus reads our words, given that the universe exists, why? St Thomas entry in a number of independent school guides, the Aquinas’ proof, while perhaps clumsily worded, ones read by many parents when choosing a school for comes down to this same point: if everything happens their son. On the face of it, we are a very Christian as a consequence of something else, who started the institution. After all, we attend Chapel almost every chain of consequences? day; the Warden is required to be a communicant But this is perhaps wandering off the point. Is Radley member of the Church of England; RS is compulsory still a Christian school? Probably the majority of boys until the Fifth form; and we have a Bible reading every have only a vaguely defined belief in God, and morning – at least in theory. The Warden’s statement (despite the best efforts of their confirmation class to prospective parents on the school website is leaders) a hazy knowledge of the basics of Christian revealing, too: he begins with a prayer. belief. But they are all here because their parents have But how much is this true in practice? Evidently we made that choice for them: while they may be a bit harbour at least one unbeliever in our midst, who irregular in turning up to Church, they have been wrote at length in the last issue of the Chronicle on the baptized and confirmed, and do go occasionally, even unscientific nature of Christian belief, proclaiming when not at school. him (or her) self to be an atheist. Reading the article, I With dons, though, it does seem to be a different story. suspect they are wrong: atheism requires a definite A number do still attend Chapel regularly, despite it belief that there is no God – a negative statement. not being compulsory for them; but there are a number What they appear to be is who never attend, who an agnostic – they don’t never read the morning know whether there is a Bible reading, and who God or not, and don’t see make no secret of their any way this could be lack of faith. Is this right? proved one way or the Who knows? I am not other. This seems a more convinced we can honest position: atheists discriminate against are just as blinkered as potential candidates for believers, as nothing will jobs on the basis of their sway them from their firm religious convictions belief in the absence of anyway, though they will God; Richard Dawkins is need to sign up to some perhaps the most famous vague statement about the (and pig-headed) of them ‘Christian ethos’ of the all. school. There is an argument This is a far cry, though, (attributed, I think, to from the intentions of the Voltaire) that runs as Founder. Sewell had in follows: If God does not mind first and foremost a exist, but you believe in community of Christians, him, you lose nothing. If with dons and boys he exists, but you do not together attending believe in him, you are numerous services (even damned. Therefore, you then, the dons are better off believing in complained) and fasting him.’ This might be twice a week. Non-Christian dons need not apply; enough to convince an agnostic; whereas an atheist indeed, Catholics and Methodists would have been will say that as God certainly does not exist, there is regarded with equal scorn. As the country struggles no need to worry about damnation. with the question of how to retain its Christian Of course, many philosophers have attempted to prove heritage without needlessly discriminating against the existence of God. Most of the proofs are simply other religions, Radley provides a microcosm of the playing with words – Anselm’s, for example, is a same problem: we may be 100 years behind society as nonsense (look it up if you want to know more). But a whole, but we face the same issues. 81 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

CHORAL EVENSONG AT NEW COLLEGE 21 NOVEMBER, NEW COLLEGE CHAPEL, OXFORD It’s impossible for you to know now, I guess, how you And that’s without the bizarre mechanisms for actually will feel about Radley if you come back in fifteen choosing the sounds. years’ time. When you live, breathe, eat, sleep and Anyway, where was I? We were all installed (literally) dream an institution, it is difficult to distance yourself. and ready to go; and we had our first taste of singing You need some time to forget the bad bits, reinterpret in the building. It’s a common theme wherever the the good bits, and create a personal myth which Chapel Choir goes that they always sound better than replaces the real thing. at Radley. You are sceptical, I sense – of course we So for me, the Chapel Choir’s trip to New College to would say that – but it is true: the Radley Chapel sing evensong was a rather odd experience. Radley has acoustic is one of the most difficult in the country strong links with New College: SDJC was a chorister (though Christ Church in Oxford is a close second). there (and his son is currently); I was organ scholar; Almost anywhere else is easier – the sound and Max Jones (ex B social) and Hugh Brunt (ex C) reverberates majestically in the high roof; the choir are currently choral scholars. We’ve sung evensong sound blends better; they stay in tune better, too, there before, as well as in a number of cathedrals. because they can hear the sound of their own singing First impressions? Somehow, the chapel was more coming back. beautiful, taller, and above all darker than I Anyway, a brief rehearsal (really a sing-through) later, remembered it. That’s partly because of the trendy-at- we trooped off to Hall for our first taste of New the-time fibre optic lighting – instead of the electric College cuisine. A pity that we had to rush this – they lights we have at Radley, there are candles in brass wanted us out so undergraduates could eat their holders (actually the candles are paraffin burners, supper. Then back in for the service itself. except for those in the choir stalls), but underneath For a world-famous choir, I always used to think that each one is a tiny light which provides the real light the turnout at weekday evensongs at New College was for your hymnbook, &c. And apart from a few pretty pathetic, especially in the tourist low season. uplighters, that’s it. The problem is, this was installed Hardly any of the College used to attend. But when the in around 1994, when this sort of technology was famous choir is replaced by some unknown bunch of fairly new. And if anything, it’s got dimmer with age – schoolboys, it is no surprise that you could have or perhaps that’s just my eyesight. Certainly it was just counted the number of people in the congregation not as well that the choir really, really knew the music by connected with Radley in some way (it was this stage. particularly kind of both the Warden and Sub Warden If the darkness was the first problem, the second was to attend) on the fingers of one hand. Indeed, it was a simply fitting everyone in. The choir at New College wholly home-grown affair: even the Chaplain of New (one of the most famous in the world, incidentally, College was away, leaving our own TDM in charge. with several number one classical albums to their This, in some ways, was the only disappointing feature credit) numbers perhaps sixteen boys and fourteen of the event: it felt a little as though we had simply men – a total of thirty. We were over eighty. By the hired the venue for our own vanity performance, rather time we had colonised another whole bay of the stalls than taking part in the regular worship of the College, (the layout is similar to Radley’s) we had little room which was supposed to be the point. left for the congregation – though as it turned out, this However, if New College didn’t really take us to their was not too much of a problem... hearts liturgically, they certainly did so It would seem churlish of me to complain about the gastronomically. We had planned to take the choir out organ, as it is much better than the one at Radley, and for a pizza after the service, but given the large anyway I should be used to it by now. But it is very numbers, this wasn’t possible. So we asked New eccentric. For a start, in a chapel designed and built in College if they could provide us with something. What the 1380s and mostly unchanged until now, it was a they did surprised us: they invited us to come to their rather odd decision to install a modernist organ case, formal Hall dinner for the evening. When I was an all aluminium, glass and steel (the swell shutters, for undergraduate, this consisted of High Table (about example, on the front of the case are glass). I suppose thirty dons enjoying a very nice meal on the dais), and this was the 1960s (1969 to be precise) and, while out The Rest – about 150 of the undergraduate and of place, the organ does look good in itself. Then there graduate students filling the remainder of the tables. is the tuning – eschewing the ‘modern’ system of Sadly this latter part has declined – I suppose around equal temperament, in use since around 1800, this forty undergraduates were there, in their uniform of organ prefers a system which makes some keys nicely anything plus gown (ripped jeans? no problem. T- in tune, and some revolting. Not much use for Hadley. shirt? fine as long as you wear a gown over the top). 82 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 Still, this was a great taste of Oxford life for all, and as Chapel (and since my time they have fixed the we all wore our gowns, we fitted in perfectly. The draughts); and this made a splendid end to a food was... OK; I think Radley food is better, in fact. worthwhile visit. But the Hall is, if anything, more beautiful than the TMM

F SOCIAL’S FAVOURITE QUOTES Thanks to all in F who responded to this little survey. I was trying to think of something to say at this year’s last Social Prayers and had the idea that it would be fun if the boys and sub-tutors had the opportunity to contribute. Before long I was inundated by a wide and varied array of quotes and sayings. Here is the best of the bunch, with my attempt to group them into categories.

ANCIENT WISDOM SMART WORDS Wise men talk because they have something to say; You have to be efficient if you’re going to be lazy. fools, because they have to say something — Oscar Wilde — Plato Lady Astor: Mr. Churchill, you’re drunk! The function of wisdom is to discriminate between Winston Churchill: Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. good and evil. But tomorrow, I shall be sober. — Cicero The obscure we see eventually. The completely WINNERS AND LOSERS obvious, it seems, takes longer. — Edward R. Murrow At the end of the game the pawn and the king go back in the same box. THE DOWNRIGHT RIDICULOUS — old Chinese proverb

Success is simply a matter of luck… just ask any Once I put it down, I just couldn’t pick it up failure. — Groucho Marx, — anon On a book given to him for review We must believe in luck, for how else can we explain Live every day as though it’s your last, and one day the success of our enemies. you will be right. — Jean Cocteau — anon All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be men do nothing. lead. — Edmund Burke — Stan Laurel War doesn’t show who’s right, just who’s left. If at first you do not succeed, skydiving is not your — anon thing. — anon A FEW PROVERBS All good things come to an end, except a sausage, What goes around comes around. which has two. Revenge is a dish best served cold. — German idiom The apple never falls far from the tree. AND FINALLY Too many cooks spoil the broth. You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. — Ghandi Dance like nobody’s watching. AJM

83 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE CRIME & PUNISHMENT This is a new Chronicle logic problem involving details obtained from the I Social logbook. Can you work out which boy in which year committed which heinous crime with which appropriate punishment from his Tutor? Add ticks and crosses to the grid as you discover information from the clues below, but some crafty cross-referencing is needed to find out what really has been going on in I Social.

Year Crime THE CLUES… Punishment 1. The miscreant who drew diagrams in pen, not pencil, in his Physics exam was, of course, instantly expelled. He was not in his Remove year. 2. Harry is a low-profile Vth in the West wing of Social.

3. Will is not in the top year, he was not put on the Tardy List, and he never plays football on the Astro during, or even after, prep. Shell Remove Vth VI.1 VI.2 Astro in prep Cat tripping Diagrams in pen Reading late Slept in Tardy list Fatigues Detention Expulsion Wrote for Chronicle

Alex

Charlie

Harry Name Jamie

Will

Tardy list

Fatigues

Detention

Punishment Expulsion Wrote for

Chronicle Astro in prep

Cat tripping

Diagrams in pen Crime Reading late

Slept in

4. The VI.1 boy was put on fatigues for his crime. 7. The clumsy chap who tripped over Attila, the Social cat, 5. Alex, unfortunately, was given a detention. has a first name of only four letters; he was very relieved 6. Ironically, Charlie was caught reading Crime and not to be asked, as a punishment, to write a review of the Punishment after lights out. He is two years more senior Social Play for the Chronicle. than Jamie. 8. The I Socialite late getting up on the morning after the Normandy trip was, of course, a Shell.

84 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006

CINERES – THE ASHES Two major sporting events in one year and, yes, just like their overpaid counterparts at the soccer World Cup, the English cricket team have not (yet?) covered themselves with glory Down Under. The 2005 series suggested that this particular sporting rivalry was once again to be contested fiercely on a regular basis, but the Brisbane bashing and the final day debacle at Adelaide would seem to suggest that the normal pattern of the past two decades is back with us. For those who can stomach any more pain, here’s a dose of what the Romans might have heard from TMS, Sky or even Channel 9, if they’d ever developed a taste for less bloodthirsty sporting spectacles. cineribus in Britannia anno superiore amissis, Australes When the Aussies lost the Ashes in England last year, that furore incensi sunt. got them really fired up.

Britunculi nos iterum extra patriam decipiunt. Once again the Poms are failing to deliver the goods on tour.

percussores terra iniqua obstupefacti sunt. The batsmen are finding it difficult to come to terms with the unpredictable bounce of this pitch.

nonne (exit)? Howzat?

Abi, mi fili! That’s out, sport!

res est multi laboris ac sudoris per longum diem. It’s hard work out there in the field all day.

loca citeriora aspera et montuosa. There’s a lot of rough at this end of the pitch.

hic venti ab occasu solis semper flant. Here at Perth the Fremantle Doctor’s always blowing in from the west.

homo tertius iam prope adest. Third man’s come in a little bit closer now.

edepol! pilam in terram e manibus omisit. Strewth! He’s dropped it.

io! id caput paene praecidit. Gosh! That one almost took his head off.

spectatores illis ludis oculos valde pascunt. The punters really can’t take their eyes off this series.

iaculator ad pedes iudicis iacuit, sed frustra. That was a wholehearted appeal from the bowler, but it’s given ‘not out’.

aetate provecti, Australes tamen vincunt. They may be a bit of a ‘Dads Army’, but the Aussies sure as hell still know how to win.

dux Britannicus re vera bonis est viribus. You’ve got to admit Flintoff really is a wholehearted performer.

ulterius, porce! Pitch it up, Hoggy!

Britunculis ultimo die pervictis, qui ad poenam damnati After turning over the Poms on the last day, the Aussies risum tenere vix poterant. could hardly contain their laughter.

multi lusores Britannici non bona valetudine sunt. Half the English team aren’t match fit.

iudex dicit percussorem nimis progressum. The umpire says that the batsman was too far down the wicket to be given out.

ex parvis saepe magnarum rerum momenta pendent. It’s funny how little things can often change the whole course of the game.

in illo Dunelmiense omnia iam sunt. It’s all down to Collingwood now.....

cur ille torquens capite obvoluto non ludit? Why is Panesar not in the team?

loca plana: occasio datur. It’s a dead flat pitch – a great opportunity to build a big total.

in potestate iudicis tertii iam est. It’s up to the third umpire now......

Britanni ‘Monitore’ iterum pervicti sunt. Once again the English have been torn apart by Warne.

opus est summa magna viro Radleiensi. Strauss needs to post a big score soon.

impunitum dimisit! He’s given him ‘not out’!

Britanni gaudent: supplicium sumpsit de duce Australe. The English are cock-a-hoop: he’s given Ponting out.

galea cruri brevi induenda est. Time for short leg to put a helmet on.

iaculatores tela coniciunt. The bowlers are really sending some fast stuff down.

edepol! id munitiones perrupit. Wow! that one really got through his defences.

iaculatores Australes mediis Britannis ingentem caedem The Aussie bowlers are ripping through the English middle edunt. order.

Australes convicti, Britunculi pervicti. We may have come over here in chains, but it’s the Poms who’ve been whipped

exercitus valde demens. The ‘Barmy Army’ ‘INCINERATOR’

85 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE F SOCIAL CULTURAL EVENING SATURDAY 9 DECEMBER, SILK HALL I think this is the first time I have ever been able to You on the sax beautifully as ever, and then Freddie write about a cultural event without including some Tapner a charming version of the Tambourin by form of ‘where was everyone?’ comment – the place Gossec on the Marimba. There was a certain comedy was packed! After a magnificent Carol Service, to both these pieces, because not only had the piano several hundred parents and boys traipsed from the not been positioned nor unlocked, but AJAW also had Chapel over to the Music School for what was to transpose at sight, which he had only been told promised to be an entertaining display of the social’s about 10 minutes before the concert began – he must talents. be thanked for giving up his Saturday evening, and really bringing the two performances to life! The The first thing one is struck by at these sort of events Partsong and Ensemble reprised their performances – is the bland and boring programme – but not in F these were both wonderful, and it is debatable whether Social, because what we were hit with on the front their Partsong attempt should have won the original cover was something very different – Duncan Browne, competition…did I say that out loud? Torsten Christian, and Richard Blackwell were all stark naked on the front cover – spare a few F Social Freddie Tapner and Rory Robinson returned for what colours and rugby balls, but still, pretty bare. was now their fifth (!) performance each to play a drum duet with WOCM on his bass. This was a great The evening was hugely enjoyable, but what I thought display of soloing talent from the two drummers, and were particularly effective were the Form pieces: WOCM is just brilliant in everything he does on his RKM’s form (Removes) took their inspiration from bass. The Sixth form have yet to be mentioned as I the film Old School, and treated us to a hilarious and tend to save the best until last, which they certainly well-thought-out dance. Praise must go especially to were. The VI.1s ate crackers at speed for charity while Charlie Brookhouse for his solo of the best dancing being sprayed with shaving foam and whipped cream I’ve seen in a long time. The other half of the – Fred Barber exited the ordeal victorious. Alex Removes were under the patronage of the Resident Crampton-Smith and Chris Baillie danced suitably Sub-tutor, DC, and they mouthed the words to Man cringingly together, followed by a with a Hex, with the odd dance solo dance from Alex – and I assure move added in. DC then arrived on you I’m not joking when I say he stage in a Santa Suit and sunglasses has a real talent for dancing. The miming the Saxophone solo to a VI.1 dances were concluded with dance of his own – this was a Robert Winters-Ronaldson – he fantastic display of how quickly you performed the scene from The Office can ruin your reputation as a serious where David Brent dances and then man! is rejected – Robert was very funny The Fifth Form’s weren’t quite up to and certainly a David Brent in the this awesome standard, but still making. great fun – WOCM and his Fifths The VI.2s finished the evening with performed Honkey Tonk Woman, Summer Loving from Grease. This with Freddie Tapner added in as an was perfect. Duncan Browne played extra on the drums – WOCM is very Danny, AJM was Sandy and the rest good at playing these sort of songs, of the year were Danny and Sandy’s as he not only plays his bass guitar, contemporise. Three particularly but also sings perfectly in tune – the funny moments stood out to me in this: Charlie precentor is on to him now I’m sure… ASGB’s Form Williams’ slightly less than feminine ‘like did he have mimed the lyrics of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot, and by a car’, Nick Craigen’s really very less than masculine mimed I mean they used their bodies. Fred Lowe was ‘did you get very far’, but the highlight for me was swung to the opening lyrics, (get it?) sung by ASGB watching Duncan smack AJM’s rear end – just with his deep bass voice, and then words such as brilliant comical entertainment! ‘Jordan’ were done by miming the shape of enormous breasts on their bodies. The whole social must be thanked for all their hard work in producing such a superb cultural evening, The Shells did a reprise of their Haddon cup which including all the sub-tutors and the mighty AJM was as wonderful as it had been in October (Alex himself, but special thanks and congratulations have to George really is a very good actor), followed swiftly go to Nick Craigen, who arranged the whole affair to by two solo pieces; Rory Robinson played Dreams of perfection. bfbfbfbbfbbbbbbbbbbb b fbfbfbf 86 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 ARSENIC AND OLD LACE THE H SOCIAL PLAY SATURDAY 9 DECEMBER, THE THEATRE

With such a wealth of acting talent, it was not unrecognisable. Martha’s and Abby’s third nephew, surprising that H Social’s latest production was both Mortimer (Ben James) is seemingly the only sane well acted and hilarious. It has been said that H character of the piece and attempts to halt his aunts’ Social’s evenings are the best in terms of audience habit and send Jonathan away. The play ends with appreciation and this was certainly true for this one; a Jonathan being escorted away by the police whilst the typical combination of farce and drag had the audience fierce lieutenant (George Service) does not believe his quaking in the aisles for most of the play. Beforehand, or Teddy’s story that there are thirteen dead bodies in an insider let it slip that the rehearsals had suffered the cellar, allowing the aunts to walk free. from lines and cues not being learnt; the script was Tom Hörbye’s and Sam Radclyffe’s decision to use erring in the direction of improvisation. However, this only the front of the stage and the auditorium, was largely masked by an astute cast who concealed it although stemming from pragmatism, was a beautifully with some very quick thinking. Ben James masterstroke. The action in the aisles and the closeness clearly had to breeze over a few blunders, most to the set pulled the audience in, creating a more noticeably when the phone rang too early and he told intimate and involved atmosphere. They cleverly used the caller he was busy before ringing him back ten the stage space they had and efficiently created a seconds later… In all, about a third of the play was minimalist yet convincing set. improvised or omitted, but the audience didn’t seem to mind. Ben Rowse and Olly Johnston were credible as bumbling and slightly mad old ladies. They inhabit a Mr Edwards opened the evening with an explanation realm of blissful fantasy in which they believe that of the choice of stage layout; the fact that all the action what they’ve been doing ‘is a charity’. Will Tiley was happened in front of the curtain was because Remove unrecognisable as Jonathan Brewster and the repeated exams, for some reason taking place in the theatre, had jokes about him looking like Boris Karloff were taken up the stage during rehearsals. The directors, hysterical, despite having Sam Radclyffe and Tom lost a lot of their original Hörbye had therefore taken meaning (Karloff played the brave decision to Jonathan in the 1941 concentrate the action right at Broadway production). Sam the front of the stage and in Hörbye as Einstein was the auditorium. This involved amusing as the a brave Ed Smalley charging stereotypically mad and up the aisle on his recently foreign sidekick. The acquired crutches: Mr physical comedy he added Edwards had forewarned the to the role was appreciated; audience that he had been his big hair and enormous injured against F Social that trousers and coat making afternoon. A tactic him look even smaller, an presumably designed to image enhanced by his scupper H Social’s evening, thus drawing more people frequent juxtaposition with the towering Tiley. Even to theirs in the Silk Hall. more towering was Mortimer’s fiancée, Elaine Harper The play follows the antics of two eccentric old ladies, (Rory Mounsey-Heysham) who was indeed imposing, Martha and Abby Brewster (Ben Rowse and Olly but alarmingly convincing as a woman. Hubie Morant Johnston) who murder lonely old men as a ‘service’. and Alex Donger put in two very restrained Their crazy nephew, Teddy (Ed Smalley), then buries performances as dead bodies, the former seemingly them in the cellar. When their long-lost nephew, spending about half an hour lying in a cramped Jonathan (Will Tiley) returns with his alcoholic window seat. German plastic surgeon, Dr Einstein (Sam Hörbye), he As usual, H Social’s play was fast moving and wishes to surreptitiously bury a dead body in the hysterical; they are lucky to possess such strong actors conveniently sized hole he finds in the cellar. It who can carry off a funny and entertaining piece. We emerges that he has been murdering people so that Dr wait eagerly to see if any of the five Social plays next Einstein can use their faces for Jonathan’s repeated term can surpass H Social’s benchmark. surgery which has been so badly botched that he is

87 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE MATHS SOCIETY PERPLEXED ‘GOD AND THE INFINITE’ ‘THE CHEMISTRY OF FIREWORKS’ MONDAY 4 DECEMBER MONDAY 20 NOVEMBER, CLT As Maths Society becomes ever more popular, it was ‘Boys, these aren’t indoor fireworks; they’re outdoor brilliant this time to receive a pair of talks from two fireworks, indoors’. This was RAK’s introduction to Further Mathematicians: Alex Gilbert (B) on God, and the chemistry department’s collaborative talk on Pete Gwynn (D) on things irrational and infinite. fireworks. Also speaking were the three other A level Alex started, talking about what we can expect from chemists on colours, stars, and bangs. being a Christian, concluding that it does in fact pay RAK was first, speaking about gunpowder. It was off, as P(heaven | God) was somehow better than invented about 850AD by ‘a Chinese man’, before P(nothing | no God). He also quoted The Times, stating being refined by the somewhat ‘girly-named’ Irenee that the probability of God existing was 0.62, based on Dupont. We were then introduced to the IRA with a five apparently arbitrary parameters. Furthermore, the test tube of hot sodium chlorate and a jelly baby existence of mathematical gem eiπ + 1 = 0 simply screaming in agony as it burnt up in pure oxygen: shows that there must be some deity out there. chlorates are also put to use in fertiliser bombs. There Completely lacking mathematical elegance and rigour, was then a guide to making gunpowder in three this surprising lecture was brilliantly delivered and minutes – S, C, KNO3 – into a mortar & pestle dish (‘I hilarious. Thank you, Alex. think we’re only allowed 2oz of this at a time’). Into the fume cupboard and, woofsh, clouds of grey smoke Pete followed, rigorously demonstrating the billowed forth and were promptly sent to Abingdon by irrationality of π (despite protests of mis-definitions the powerful fans. from DJCV) then going on to show that there are infinite rational numbers between each irrational one, HDH followed on smoothly with a demo of a garden and vice versa. He finally showed that there is an fountain firework, which burns chemicals to produced infinite number of Pythagorean Triples (a2 + b2 = c2). intense colours. ‘E=hf’ is the equation for this, but the This is interesting to know, given that Fermat’s Last explanation was ‘way beyond us’ (ISY was heard to Theorem says that there is no solution for aw + bw = cw chuckle). One was lit inside the trusty fume cupboard with w>2. This brought a more serious element to the (with the door open), which sent bits of burning evening – thank you, Pete. chemicals onto the floor. Fortunately a CO2 fire extinguisher was readily on hand. Good fun. We can expect more from the Maths Society next term; watch out for the posters. KH started off with a roman candle in the fume cupboard – how many of us were wishing it went through the glass is unknown. Different fluids – ionic compounds dissolved in ethanol – were shown to emit coloured light when sprayed through a Bunsen flame – barium compounds are green, potassium lilac… – from excited electrons. The audience was pretty excited too by this stage. The magic of glowsticks, ‘chemiluminescence’, was explained as two chemicals were poured into a huge beaker and glowed blue in the dark! LB ‘started with a whizz’ as he lit a Catherine wheel (St Catherine of Sienna was martyred on one) in the fume cupboard. Then different strands of (gun)cotton were ignited, each with different numbers of –NO2 groups, showing complete instant combustion into gaseous products – they disappeared in a second like magic. These were examples of deflagration, a subsonic explosion, whereas a detonation is technically a supersonic explosion, so we ended with three balloons: pure oxygen (no bang), pure hydrogen (a deep boom) and for the last, a mix of hydrogen and oxygen gases… I anticipated the thud and covered my ears but I not only heard it but felt shockwaves through my body. And with the sound still ringing in my deafened ears, we ended a fantastic lecture.

88 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 SOME CHRISTMAS SUGGESTIONS —Forty-nine suggestions in various forms that Rugger be played for at least a month of the Easter Term.

—That new boys should in future wear their gowns inside out, for the convenience of learning their names. —That Cubicle doors should be seen and not heard. —That an inter-social boxing competition be instituted. —That there be a hot potato man in the middle of the Quad in this cold weather. —That the fireplaces in school be unboarded and have fires lit in them. —That the prayer-bell in Upper Dormitory be rung electrically to save needless trouble.

These were printed in The Radleian of almost exactly 100 years ago, on 15 December 1906

89 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE A TUTOR’S DIARY CHAPTER VIII – ‘TIME FOR TEA’ Friday 27 October backwards on Saturday, but I, being none the wiser at 7.15 this morning put the tannoy system to great I wrote in my welcoming letter to the Shells over the usage: ‘Good morning, boys! You are hearing me over Summer that they had to bring alarm clocks with them the new social loudspeaker system, and so none of you (I recommended the old-fashioned wind-up kind so will ever be waking late again!’ I was expecting the I that there would not be excuses about batteries dying); Bugs – Mr Money has found yet another interesting I I don’t allow them to use mobile phones until after Social fact (from the 19th century I believe) that boys Advent Weekend (it may be Michaelmas Weekend or in I Social used to be called ‘I Bugs’, so I am in the Leave Away in other socials but by golly we do things process of reinstating it – to be happy at this news – by the book here and then half!). The idea was to have Gosfield for example, has a place reserved for him in them all up bright and early in the mornings. Mind the Tardy List – but alas, many seemed to take it you, Maureen, our ‘PHM’, goes in to wake them up at badly. 7am, and the sight of her in her curlers and slippers is usually enough to jolt them into consciousness Prentice, a VI.1 with a triple study period that immediately. morning, marched into my office claiming that it was actually 5.15, and not 7.15. ‘Nonsense!’ I said, When I was thinking along this theme of time I dismissively, and carried on filing the boys’ report remembered that the clocks go forward this weekend. I cards, but then he dialled the speaking clock on my never forget: the old saying ‘Spring back, Fall telephone. Before I could stop him committing such a forwards’ is a rather good aide-memoire, I find. Earlier treacherous act (phone calls these days aren’t cheap today I padded around social turning all the clocks you know), the voice was saying ‘...stroke the time forward so the Shells aren’t confused when it comes to sponsored by Accurist will be: 5, 16, and 40 seconds. cocoa and so on and so forth, but the clocks all seemed Beep...beep...beep.’ I was stumped, and the only way I to be glued to the wall. These new radio-controlled could really throw it back at him was to let him see my versions, I daresay. Probably to stop tampering; very position: wise. With my customary ingenuity I borrowed some high strength magnets from the Physics Department so ‘It’s always worth walking a mile in someone else’s I could move the hands without taking the clocks shoes, Prentice, so you can see their point of view.’ down: at the end of it all I felt pleased with a job out of ‘But sir, what if they don’t fit well? Oh, I see what you the way and well done. mean, sir! – if you do that, then you’ll be a mile away from them and you’ll have their shoes too, sir.’ Saturday 28 October ‘That wasn’t quite what I meant, Prentice.’ I had a marvellous idea the other day – I do pride I think he realized the gravity of the situation. I sent myself on my ideas – to install a tannoy system around him out to run around the I Patch for a while to cool social, so I can call out ‘wakey wakey it’s half past down. seven’ all around I without having to go to every room, as I habitually do, or at least, those of the worst Tuesday 31 October, Hallowe’en sleeping-in offenders. M’colleague the Tutor of J The Warden had a quiet word with me after the Social, when I mentioned this at the Tutors’ Meeting, Tutors’ Meeting today about mollifying the boys after was, typically for him, making jokes about ‘Good their early start yesterday – I’ve arranged a lie-in for Morning campers, Hi-de-Hi,’ and ‘I knew he ran I as a them tomorrow, and emailed Common Room to ask Butlin’s Holiday Camp’ but I’m determined to press for understanding on this. However, on my prowl ahead. Technology, at all costs. through social to reset all the clocks, my experienced Sunday 29 October Tutorial eye spotted a distinct lack of Shell alarm clocks. I decided to pursue it no further, as I presumed At 9.30pm not a single boy had returned. I was beside they had taken them to lessons to avoid more myself with fury and concern: did they all forget to put confusion of the time. their clocks forward? Eventually they arrived and I did have a little word with them about their tardiness – During prep there was a ring on the doorbell – an odd several bit their lips to show how sorry they were, but couple were standing there on the doorstep: a 6’5’ no one explained themselves satisfactorily, or at all, Darth Vader and a 5’3’ little red devil. Of course, I even. I blame the parents: that’s where it all started. knew instantly who they were. ‘Noynham, Forth, what the devil do you think you are doing?’ I said to them. Monday 30 October ‘Oh, sir!’ they complained, one removing his Darth Found out today that the clocks actually went Vader helmet and the little Satan taking off his horns,

90 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 ‘You’re such a spoilsport. How did you know it was good. They swiftly retreated but one Fifth came an us?’ inch from being spliced open, and his shock thankfully has caused a slight memory loss of that instant – we ‘It’s my business to know things,’ I told them, but it won’t be hearing anymore of that. was really because when I went to RentaGhost in Abingdon to get my Dracula outfit for the Tutors’ Tragedy struck: Matron’s cat, Attila, had gone to sleep Christmas Party, they told me two College boys had in the middle of the Social bonfire. It was a very good just been in to rent costumes, and I asked to see the blaze, if I say so myself, with all the newspapers and invoice ‘Just so I know what they’re getting up to... ‘ paper in the recycling bins used to set it off. On top was a straw dummy that we named ‘Gideon’. We Wednesday 1 November couldn’t burn a ‘guy’ this year because our most Hobson is beginning to irritate me. I had a word with sensitive Shell is called Guy and he really wouldn’t be him before social prayers about the alarm clocks that able to cope. suddenly appeared outside my door at 5.30am, ringing Matron was understandably distraught and the boys a mixture of Ds and Fs at five minute intervals (my did not help matters by muttering ‘hot pussy’ within perfect pitch is just as good as it always has been, earshot. Most insensitive of them. although the Succentor said recently he thought it was rather Baroque). He swears it wasn’t his fault (I know The highlights of the evening were the ‘Diabolic better – the Tannoy system can be reversed so I can Detonation’ and ‘Satanic Frenzy’ multi-shot cakes, hear the boys’ conversations!) – I didn’t really want to although I think our guest the Chaplain was not punish him so early on in his Head of Social career, so impressed. I just tailed off with a cryptic clue, showing him that I Tuesday 7 November knew I was better informed...it didn’t go too well: I asked Social wear their blackest ties for a week in ‘Just make sure we are all singing from the same mourning. Those that didn’t have a black tie were hymnsheet, eh?’ I said to him, and he disappeared like passing around a permanent marker – they are a shot before I had a chance to finish my little speech. thoughtful creatures at heart. Back he came clutching a multicoloured wedge of paper – ‘Which hymnsheet sir? The orange one? Sandra and I were discussing the Attila’s demise this Welsh hymns?’ Silly boy! One of the more literal- afternoon (Maureen is still devastated) in what I minded of my charges – I remember well the time I presumed was private company, so I made my true said to him ‘you’d better pull your finger out before feelings known: ‘Well to be perfectly honest I’m not Mocks’: he had to spend a night in the JR, and his too displeased she’s gone – no more meowing in the cover drives were never quite the same. middle of the night’ and I carried on in this vein, I’m afraid, for some minutes. When the nights draw in I think that the boys need a lift, for many of them seem to get SAD (Social Later on, when the boys turn up asking for Adolescent Disorder, something like that). I am, of paracetamol and TLC (I think it’s some kind of course, extremely sympathetic – I was young once, I proprietary disinfectant, rather like TCP) we always remind them. To combat this, I am starting the discovered that Maureen had packed up and left for new practice of ‘I Tea’. I purchased a deluxe matching her house in the Cairngorms. She had heard every mahogany-inlaid toaster and kettle set for the Games word of our conversation… Room, and I are going have crumpets, toast and tea at It turned out that the Electronics GCSE boys had spent 4pm every long afternoon. ‘I do like a nice bit of the whole of the previous night rewiring the tannoy so crumpet,’ I said to them at Social Prayers, and there that it was permanently on and everything said in my was a long pause, punctuated only by Hobson flicking study was broadcast across social (including God through his calendar – ‘but, sir, IT for us is on day 3 knows what else!). Period 4, and the Shells have it on Day 8 Period 1.’ Stupid boy. I was disappointed more than angry (my Tibetan yoga in the morning helps me deal with the emotional ups ‘We’re starting this tradition,’ I told them, ‘next and downs of boarding house life) but I thought that Tuesday’. the way to hit the boys hardest was to cancel I Tea that Saturday 4 November afternoon. I called the social together at 4.30pm and explained my displeasure to them: ‘My wife has had to Bonfire night did not go well – the Fireworks Display lie down; Matron is on the M6. None of us are getting for one – I was manning the rockets, but I had any crumpet today’. forgotten that when rockets shoot up into the sky they carry a rather large wooden rod with them, and as I lit There was a long silence and they all avoided my the first one I realised that it was positioned to land gaze, which goes to show how bad they were all right on top of the hundred or so spectators. Ah. Not feeling about their abominable behaviour. 91 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

CORRESPONDENCE Correspondence is invited from any interested parties: please send contributions via email to [email protected]. Correspondents are welcome to use a pseudonym but must make their identity known to the Editors. To the editors of ‘The Radley College Chronicle’ Dear Sirs, Dear Sirs, As a committed Christian I was really encouraged to I am sure that I wouldn’t be contradicted by many if I read the article entitled In Search of God in your last said that our new Theatre is a fantastic asset. It holds issue. many more people than the Old Gym and can be used for many more things, but I am certain that it is not a I would love to have an opportunity to discuss his good space for taking exams. Not only is it impractical article at greater length with your unnamed author. It for this purpose but the Theatre is in constant use for is heartening that the issues he raises are being debated other things such as lectures, and it a nuisance to have widely within Radley. to move all the desks away and then back again when Two thousand years have passed since the life, death, there are larger and better suited (and better lit) areas and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Why, one wonders, if such as the Silk Hall and the Sports Hall. God doesn’t exist, are atheists still trying so hard but Yours, unsuccessfully to eliminate Christianity? Why are they bothering? (They share this goal with the leaders of ‘LOGICAL THESPIAN’ every totalitarian regime in the world, who invariably persecute Christians because believers do not accept the dictators as the ultimate authority.) Dear Sirs, When the Jewish council met to decide how to deal Can I congratulate RML for the outstanding with the early growth of Christianity, which they too production he put on last week – the acting, lighting, saw as a threat to their authority, they were addressed sound, costumes and direction were all superb. by Gamaliel thus: ‘If their purpose is of human origin, However, my one quibble with it was the curtain call – it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able surely at the end of such a large production the three to stop these people; you will only find yourselves or four principal actors deserve to have their own bow fighting against God.’ to be applauded properly? Indeed, I timed that they were only on stage for a mere 20 seconds. A few Gamaliel’s wise words echo down the centuries. friends and I left the theatre slightly disheartened that Despite many opponents’ efforts Christianity survives: we had not been able to show our appreciation just one of the pieces of evidence I would urge your properly, and even by telling someone afterwards open-minded science-believing atheist to consider. ‘well done’, I am informed that actors get the true Yours, buzz from the applause at the end, which in the case of A Few Good Men, I believe would have been entirely Charlie Milward appropriate. Brilliant, otherwise! PS I believe in Science too. And Science doesn’t Yours, disprove God – no, it really doesn’t! ‘A VOICE FOR THE ACTORS’

92 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 Dear Sirs, College Pond, since we hear plenty of you chirruping on about the environment and how important it is. It was with great pleasure that I alighted on the article entitled ‘College Pond’ in your most recent edition. So – don’t duck the issue, please; make sure you How pleasing to see an interest being taken in this consider us when working out what to do with your important component of the Radley landscape, version of the world. beloved as it is by so many of your feathered friends. Yours sincerely, Without wishing to ruffle any of your feathers, may I politely request that any future plans concerning what ‘AVIAN FLEW you clearly regard as some sort of a playground take note of the fact that ‘College Pond’ is our home too, that it has been our Dear Sirs, home, feeding station and breeding When I was younger Father ground for generations and that, if Christmas visited my house on you’ll forgive me for squawking on Christmas Eve and filled up the about it, we feel that our interests stocking hanging by my bed with too should be safeguarded, at the little presents he had bought very least. (mainly from high street retailers If I could inform the discussion just – they must have Woolworths and a touch, though hopefully without Poundstretcher up at the North sending you into a flap, you’d be Pole too…). well advised to observe the decline Last year, though, I put my in the variety of winged creatures to stocking out but it was still empty be found on your patch that has in the morning. Is it because I am not as good as I used taken place over the past few decades – just look in the to be? Or is it because I’m taking Science GCSEs and records of your esteemed Natural History Society for can’t find it in myself to believe any more? evidence of that. Some of your predecessors were more interested in us and our welfare than many of Yours nostalgically, your readers seem to be, but we still think you’d like ‘GOOD BOY’ to see more of us around as evidence of a healthier A ROUND-UP OF THE MINOR SPORTS RESULTS Donger & Buckley (J Colts) lost to Crichton & Witherow (1-3) RACKETS Friday 17 October Thursday 14 September v Clifton v Cheltenham (H) Strang & J Stallibrass (1st pair) beat Telling & Stott (4-1) J Stallibrass & Strang (1st pair) lost to Cooper & Harney 0-4) Norton & Roupell (J Colts) lost to Barnes & Greenbury (2-3) North & J Manners (2nd pair) lost to Knight & Chitty (1-3) Buckley & Monbiot (Midgets) lost to Kula & Johnson (0-3) Holbech & Donger (Colts) lost to Gotley and Shiner (1-3) Norton & M-Milner (Junior Colts) beat Stuckey & McRobert (3-1) Thursday 2 November v Haileybury (H) Thursday 21 September Strang & Holbech (1st pair) beat Wilson & Depledge (4-0) v Rugby (A) Donger & Buckley (Junior Colts) lost to Wilson & Lane (0-3) J Stallibrass & Strang (1st pair) lost to Hawkesley & Offord (3-4) Monbiot & McAlister (Midgets) lost to Billings & Frey (2-3) North & Holbech (2nd pair) beat Price & Stoner (3-2) J Manners & Holbech (Colts) beat Winstanley & Corcoran (3-1) Thursday 9 November Donger & Macdonald-Milner (J Colts 1sts) beat v Harrow (H) Mackenzie & Mackenzie (3-2) Strang & J Stallibrass (1st pair) lost to Crawley & Jones (1-4) Norton & Eccles-Williams (J Colts 2nds) lost to J Manners & Holbech (Colts) beat Faber & Berrill (3-0) Atkins & Carr (1-3) Donger & MacDonald-Milner (Junior Colts) lost to Faber & Speelman (1-3) Tuesday 26 September Thursday 16 November v Winchester v Charterhouse (A) J Stallibrass & Strang (1st pair) lost to Walker & Stevens (2-4) J Stallibrass & Strang (1st pair) beat Don & Smith (4-1) Holbech & J Manners (Colts) lost to Portz & Knight (1-3) Holbech & J Manners (Colts) beat Rumball & Hartley (3-1) Macdonald-Milner & Donger (J Colts) lost to Portz & Stevens (0- MacDonald-Milner & Eccles-Williams (J Colts) lost to Rozier- 3) Pampling & Cox (0-3) Thursday 12 October Norton & Donger (J Colts 2) beat Don & Raeside (3-2) v Eton (H) Buckley & McAlister (Midgets) beat Corridan & Hamer (3-0) J Stallibrass & Strang (1st pair) lost to Hopton & Barber (0-4) 93 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Thursday 23 November T Binnie/McAlpine beat Masau/Ahearne (5-3) v Wellington (H) Wednesday 15 November J Stallibrass & Strang (1st pair) beat Durandt & Young (4-1) v Oxford University Holbech & J Manners (Colts) beat Haigh & Jupp (3-0) C Social (RCTC) vs Oxford Univ 2nds Buckley & McAlister (Midgets) lost to Rendell & Pickard (0-3) Lost (1-5) SQUASH Strang beat Ashton (6-4) Thursday 21 September J Stallibrass lost to Cary (0-6) v Harrow (H) Crichton lost to Ferguson (3-6) Seniors lost 2-3; Juniors won 5-2 Yim lost to Raeburn-Ward (5-6) Strang/Stallibrass lost (0-6) Thursday 5 October Crichton/Yim lost (1-6) v Cheltenham (A) Seniors won 3-2; Juniors won 6-4 SAILING Thursday 12 October Saturday 7 October v St Edward’s (A) BSDRA Pair event (Bough Beech) Seniors won 6-0; Juniors won 6-0 (Wind W 2-3)

Thursday 9 November S Petty (capt.), H Holman, J Reeve, H Barker v Eton (A) were 5th out of 18

Seniors lost 1-4; Juniors lost 1-7 Saturday 4 November

Thursday 23 November Glos. Schools Regatta (Bowmoor) v Oratory (A) (Wind SW 1-2) Seniors won 4-1; Juniors lost 2-3 S Petty – 1st and winner of the Thames Valley Youth Traveller Trophy Thursday 30 November H Holman & H Barker – 6th; T Chew & J Reeve – 12th; v Winchester (H) J Rencher – 15th; G Hatchard – 16th Seniors won 3-2; 19 boats were entered Radley U14 v Winchester U16 lost 3-7

Thursday 9 November REAL TENNIS Bradfield (Burghfield SC) (Wind W 1) Thursday 12 October v Oratory S Petty (capt.), H Holman, T Chew, H Barker, J Reeve, J Rencher Drew 3-3 Won (3-1)

Crichton & Lyle beat de Stefano & LittleHow (6-1) Saturday 11 November Norton & Roupell lost to Brock & Heisinga (1-6) Bob Holmes Trophy (Farmoor) Lyle & Crawford beat de Stefano & Ferrier (6-1) (Wind W 3) Crawford & Crichton lost to Howell & Roberts (4-6) S Petty (capt.), H Holman, T Chew, H Barker, J Reeve, J Rencher Norton & Roupell lost to Heisinga & Ferrier (3-6) Won 4; lost 3; placed 5th Crawford & Lyle beat de Stefano & Brock (6-4)

Sunday 15 October BADMINTON v Oratory Saturday 23 September Won 6-2 v Bloxham (A) 1st lost 5-4; Novices lost (9-0) Crichton & J Stallibrass beat C.Whittaker & Heysinga (6-1) J Manners & Edwards lost to de Stephano & Kittlefair (2-6) Tuesday 26 September J Stallibrass & J Manners beat Whittaker & Brock (6-3) v Rugby (H) Crichton & Edwards lost to Heysinga & de Stephano (2-6) 1st lost 7-2; Novices lost (9-0)

J Stallibrass beat Whittaker (6-4) Thursday 28 September Crichton beat Brock (6-3) v Bradfield (H) – cancelled

J Manners beat de Stephano (6-2) Saturday 14 October Edwards beat Kittlefair (6-3) v Bloxham (H)

1st won 5-4; Novices lost (1-8) Thursday 2 November v Canford Tuesday 31 October Drew (3-3) v Oratory (A) Roupell lost to Masau (0-4) Novices lost (2-7)

Norton lost to Moorhouse (1-4) Saturday 4 November T Binnie beat Hetherington (4-1) v Abingdon (H) McAlpine beat Ahearne (4-2) Ist team lost (4-5)

Roupell/Norton lost to Moorhouse/Hetherington (4-5) Novices lost (2-7)

94 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 Thursday 5 October GOLF v Bradfield (Huntercombe) Thursday 14 September Lost (0-3) v Wellington (Berkshire) Thursday 12 October Lost (0-3) v Berkhamsted (Studley Wood), Thursday 21 September HMC foursomes v Cheltenham/Stowe (Rye Hill) Lost (0.5-2.5) Lost to Cheltenham (0-6); Drew with Stowe (3-3) Tuesday 31 October Tuesday 26 September v Eton (Sunningdale) West Sussex Tournament Drew (3-3) Equal 1st out of 16 schools RUGBY: REPORTS IN BRIEF BIGSIDE Hunter (C) and Will Nelson (A) gave a good inclination as to how Radley were going to approach the half. The The most topsy-turvy of seasons for Bigside has come to a forwards began winning ball against the head and turning conclusion in the most satisfying of ways. The opening over opposition ball meaning Radley’s backs had more three games had been won, sparking high hopes; Warwick space in which to work. John-Henry Johnson (G), playing at brought proceedings back to earth before an epic victory full-back in an inspired RMCG decision, took advantage of against Harrow. Cheltenham, Wellington, Marlborough and an overlap on the right to slide in Radley’s first. The game Tonbridge all prevailed leaving two huge local derbies at was thrust from end to end due to excellent kicking and a home against Abingdon and Teddies. Abingdon brought a hatful of missed tackles but it was Radley who finally hefty, fanatic fan base with them providing the most intense prevailed. Hunter broke through the outstanding Teddies’ and volatile of atmospheres. Abingdon actually took the backline for the first time in the game, Radley produced lead with an early penalty however Radley reacted superbly. quick ball on a couple of occasions before Tom-Hoyer Captain Will Hill (B) continued his good form, forcing over Millar (D) won the game in the corner. An impossible kick for a try in the corner and Charlie Hannington (G) added a for Hannington, with the powerful wind against, ended up tricky conversion. Abingdon dominated much of the game’s nearer his own posts than the ones for which he was aiming possession however the stubborn Radley defence offered but that was irrelevant as Radley superbly held on for a stiff resistance. With the score at half time standing at 7-3 it magnificent 10-7 victory. The pitch invasion that followed was all to play for and the second half produced an merely illustrated how greater victory it was. The Chronicle enthralling end-to-end game in which it’s hard to fathom would like to congratulate and thank Bigside for providing how so little points were scored. It was Radley who held such an enthralling term of rugby. their nerve to run in a late try through powerful, fast forward play, Mike Shephard (D) the man to actually score the SECONDSIDE points. Abingdon fans unsportingly bleated a horn as An away fixture at Wellington is always a mouth-watering Hannington strode up to strike the conversion however the occasion which gets the blood pumping fast for players and fact it was missed was irrelevant as the final whistle blew supporters alike and so it was with renewed determination shortly after. A courageous performance, backed by that Secondside travelled to the Crowthorne cauldron for immense support from the touchline, resulted in a fine day this crucial tie. No-one would have predicted the pace, for Radley rugby and it importantly brought a poor run of passion and fervour with which Radley started the form to an end. encounter. Well worked scores from Jack Holmes (A), Will The final test was against St Edward’s, a test of some Pritchard (A) and a breakaway try from David Wynne- proportion given the fact that Teddies had beaten Griffith (D) gave Radley a 17-0 lead after just ten minutes Marlborough and Cheltenham, both of whom Radley lost to, which had them all but out of sight. However, as the tie and had defeated Abingdon in far easier fashion than Radley wore on Wellington mounted the inevitable rearguard action had. The pre-game news that Teddies would be without a and increased their physicality resulting in numerous key centre due to an Oxbridge interview was a lift as was injuries for the soldiers in red. The well organised and the enormity of the crowd that gathered beforehand. Skipper athletic Wellington side eventually started to dominate and Hill led his troops through that famous human tunnel for the with the match drawing to a close they led 24-17. However, final time; Radley were hugely fired up for the battle that by reputation Jonny Stanton’s men never give up and was to follow. Teddies started the better as they dominated numerous phases resulted in a well worked try. George much of the early proceedings and they made it count as Coles then had a touchline kick to square the tie in the dying their tall inside-centre broke the Radley line to touch down seconds. Naturally, he slotted it with steely coolness under under the post. This after the Teddies fly-half had missed a huge pressure but unbelievably Wellington found time to penalty from just in front of the posts, albeit due to the gain another penalty and claim victory in what can only be magnitude of the wind against him. The conversion was described as a public school classic. slotted leaving the score at half time at 7-0 to St Edward’s After the narrow defeat at Wellington, Secondside were and Radley were about to start playing into the wind. The eager to get a solid performance under their belts against a second half was arguably the best half of Rugby Radley pacy Marlborough side. The tie could not have started in played all season. Huge hits from Ranulph Murray (E), Olly worse fashion with Marlborough spoiling ball and 95 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE eventually breaking the deadlock with the opening try. 3rd XV However, the close encounters started to swing Radley’s way and they quickly struck back to level the scores at 7-7. It hasn’t been the best of seasons for the 3rds but at least the After half time, Marlborough’s pacy winger managed to second half of the season was an improvement on the first; wriggle his way through flailing Radley tackles to give the close nature of their matches shows what a thrilling Marlborough what looked like an undeserved victory, but season it has been. The highlight was the narrow 7-5 win at Radley found some more reserves and in the dying seconds Wellington whereas the low point will have been a heart- Hugh Mackinnon scored a wonderful individual score breaking 5-3 defeat against Tonbridge in a game they felt which was coolly converted by George Coles (G) to level they could’ve won. At least the season was finished on a the scores at 14-14. A draw was probably a fair result in an high with a 30-0 demolition of Abingdon and a 7-3 win over evenly fought contest on the day. St Edward’s. After not recording a win since leave away the pressure was 4th XV on Secondside to perform against a well-oiled, physical The 4ths match against Wellington was a toughly contested Tonbridge side. The first ten minutes mirrored the first ten affair which had everything from scrappy errors to some minutes at Wellington apart from one significant difference, slick handling and dynamic rucking from both sides. Radley it was Tonbridge doing the demolition job. They led 17-0 started promisingly with a try from Will Dryer (A) and for and the match looked all but set for a rout but Secondside significant periods of the match Radley dominated never gave up and eventually fought their way back into the possession but Wellington, as ever, combined physicality tie. With ten minutes to go Tonbridge led by 21-8 and then with athleticism and managed to convert any opportunities on came the Radley onslaught, with Jamie Bromfield (A) which came their way. The final score of 14-10 reflects an powering his way over thanks to a beautiful inside pop from evenly fought contest. Jos North (B). Then as the Tonbridge fans looked on nervously, an audacious chip through from Michael Sidders Right from the off Marlborough looked like a far more (D) looked as though it would be dealt with by a barrage of inferior side to Radley and their unorganised and chaotic Tonbridge players but Ed Hodgson (H) managed to snake nature was underlined with the appalling realisation that the his body under them all at the crucial moment and score in referee was not familiar with the laws of the game and the corner. However, the missed conversion still left Radley therefore a quick tutorial ensued before the match. a point down with barely seconds remaining. A near However, Radley were much the better side and with breakaway score got the hearts racing again and then a breathtaking runs from Koyejo Oloko (B) they won by 32- kickable penalty was awarded in Radley’s favour. The 14 which was distinctly flattering for Marlborough and had ground fell silent as Jos North stepped up to coolly slot the the referee not been quite so keen on the sound of his own high-pressure kick. Pandemonium ensued. A wonderful whistle, the victory margin may have been larger. comeback story was left to be told and a well-deserved win Tough opposition usually comes in tandem with a fixture earned. against Tonbridge, but on this occasion the fourths made The final two matches against the old enemies of Abingdon unbelievably light work of their opposition. A flying start and Teddies represented the opportunity for Secondside to ensured that Radley got onto the front foot where they finish a mediocre season in style. The away fixture at remained for the entirety of the clash. A scrappy affair was Abingdon prompted a predictably hostile reception from the at times difficult referee as there were some heated crowd, but Radley soon managed to silence any resistance exchanges on both sides. Radley’s utter domination was with a rampant performance. Swift and powerful phases constantly backed up by superb goal kicking from Alex from the pack resulted in quick ball for the dynamic backs Jerram (F) and this led to a thoroughly convincing scoreline who managed to maneuver the ball into space, leaving Ed of 35-0. A classy win for the fourths over what should have Hodgson to do the rest which gave Radley a 7-0 lead. The been formidable opposition. game proceeded to be tight and at times scrappy, but Radley kept up the pressure valiantly and eventually secured the 5th XV ‘STONEWALL BIGSIDE’ win with a brave charge down score from Hugh Mackinnon. The college’s 5th team overcame Cheltenham in a game in The last game in a red and white jersey for the VI.2s which the scoreline didn’t do justice to the Radley prompted a stirring victory over a completely inferior performance. Two silly mistakes gifted Cheltenham a Teddies side that never really looked to be in contention. It couple of tries but two from Seb Knight (E) sealed the game was courtesy of an electrifying dart from Alex Crampton- 27-17. The game was somewhat stop-start due to injuries to Smith (F) with which Radley opened the scoring with, and several Cheltenham players which might have affected their from then on they never looked back. A well-worked move performance but Radley beat the side put in front of them. involving both forwards and backs resulted in Toby Vernon This was followed by an air-tight demolition of a strong (B) crashing over in the corner for Radley’s second try. Wellington side. The forwards dominated with Alex Rose Finally, loose ball was latched onto by Thomas Kelly (D) (C) scoring a hat-trick and fly-half Rory Mounsey-Heysham who showed good pace to finish the game off. 17-3 the final (H) marshalled his backs with quite some panache as score, a Secondside finished the season in majestic style. Radley won 36-7. There’s no better way to end a season Despite some unfortunate results along the way, there is no than by thrashing a local rival, which is exactly what doubting the commitment, determination in the face of Stonewall Bigside did. Abingdon were the cannon fodder as adversity and above all talent that this year’s Secondside Radley ran in no less than seven tries with Tom Arnold (F) possessed. scoring the pick of the lot. Torsten Christian (F) converted all but one in a fine display of place-kicking. This ferocious display of speedy, flowing Rugby capped an excellent 42-0 96 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 obliteration and confirmed this side as ‘the Rev’s’ best the two sides. Wellington tackled well and were determined Stonewall side ever’. throughout, but their rucking was not as good as ours in the first half and we were able to gain a lot of possession. 6th XV ‘STONEWALL SECONDSIDE’ Having dominated the set pieces with excellent line outs and I would like to begin by apologising to the 6th XV for the Henry Hoyer-Millar being outstanding in the scrum by sheer lack of coverage of their heroics in the Chronicle this winning several balls against the head, the backs were able term. On top of this, they failed to receive a mention for to make use of some quality ball with Will Bromfield their clean sweep in Warden’s Assembly at Leave Away, so consistently breaking tackles. We should have really scored here goes... early on when Tom Wills was shunted into touch inches from the try line, but we gained the lead with an excellent Going into the match against Wellington they were still drive off a lineout with Henry Hoyer-Millar, assisted by undefeated and only an intense 10-10 draw in the first game Thomas Prichard coming up with the ball. Wellington also against Marlborough prevented a 100 percent record. Since scored and with both tries not converted, the game was still then, they’ve demolished Oundle 46-5, outplayed Eton 17-5 in the balance. on their own patch, and battled past Harrow 12-5. Wellington are tough as the sun is hot and this year they In the second half skipper Duncan Wilson made an were no different. Radley got off to a nervy start with excellent break over half way and could not quite believe Wellington scoring in the opening minutes of the match his luck as the opposition failed to tackle him repeatedly. He however this merely got them going. Ten minutes later, scored a great individual try to give us the lead. Radley led thanks to AJ Montgomery (H) converting a try. Wellington’s rucking was much better in the second half The pendulum then swung back the Welly way. They took a and they put us under a lot of pressure but were unable to commanding lead, largely due to some erroneous Radley sustain several phases. Wellington only breached our line defending, however Wellington picked up some injuries and twice in this period but each time the opposition were cut their red ‘n white clad opponents seized the initiative and down by great tackling from Luke Cheetham (A). The last fought back. In the final minute of the game, with the score ten minutes were certainly tense as Wellington mounted a at 24-19 in Wellington’s favour, Jamie Mason (A) went rearguard action but they could not make substantial over to save the day and secure the continuation of the ground. Man of the Match was Henry Hoyer-Millar (D). unblemished record. The fate of the match now lay in the We were eager for Marlborough’s arrival and a fine contest right boot of Montgomery. It was hard, right on the was anticipated. Marlborough played well and opened up touchline, and he struck it with quite some welly (geddit?) the scoring with an early penalty to take the lead. This but it sadly came up slightly short and the match was drawn galvanised us into action and we made numerous breaks – 24-24. Oliver Salter (D), Myles Watkiss (H) and Will Bromfield Tonbridge was the last match of the so far unbeaten Season. (A) making strong and aggressive runs. Two tremendous Can They maintain it the record? Only shortly after the passages of play with plenty of offloads and keeping the ball match got underway Radley scored a brilliant try. Ed out of contact resulted in two tries in relative quick Parsons (H) winged a pass out to Mason to score an possession by the two former players. The first try was awesome try in the corner. Two tries from Edward Monkley converted by George Grace. Marlborough’s heads went (A) and one from Ross Culbertson (B) followed. The final down and it looked like victory was on the cards- reinforced Radley try came from Raffles Leigh-Pemberton (C) whose when Alec de Beaufort-Suchlick (E) emerged from a heap arm seemingly stretched like Michael Jordon’s in spacejam of bodies scoring our last points of the game. to score Stonewall Seconds’ last try of the season. Marlborough had the wind advantage in the second half but Montgomery kicked very well including one where he we were looking to kill the game off. Unfortunately managed to get a conversion from the very edge of the Marlborough’s rucking suddenly improved and with clever pitch. This flurry of tries and conversions meant the score kicking we were suddenly under a lot of pressure. We were came to 34-7 in Radley’s favour. The season had thus come unable to clear our lines effectively or keep hold of the ball to an end with a fantastic victory under the inspirational for sustained periods and Marlborough scored twice, captaincy of Will Macdonald (D), cue CMB and a bottle of converting both. The closing stages were very tense, we had champers, with great credit also to JFA. Well done, opportunities to score but failed to finish off the moves and Stonewall Seconds, on an unbeaten season. a counter-attack was always an option. In the end we drew COLTS 1st XV 17-17 feeling relieved but disappointed. We had injury problems but still felt that we could have done better!! A narrow victory at home against Marlborough brought a Tonbridge won this tough encounter 0 – 28, effectively poor run of five losses to an end for Colts 1, they hoped this winning the game in the first half. The first 30 minutes were would spark their season into action however it had no such very disappointing as we lacked commitment, desire and the effect. Losses to Tonbridge, albeit a narrow one, and basic patterns that we had developed in previous games- we Abingdon meant winning the final game against St started running sideways, not taking the ball at pace, and Edward’s was essential to the side’s morale. A thoroughly passing on poor quality ball. We were not helped by the professional performance ensued as Radley ran out 15-0 mobile Tonbridge pack containing a couple of really quality winners to complete their fourth win of the season. back row players and a back line that liked to attack the COLTS 2nd XV centre as well as out wide. We kicked away a lot of possession as their defence rushed up quickly and put us Colts 2 really raised their game for this well fought and under pressure. They scored three converted tries in the first thrilling encounter. We won 10 – 5 with not much between half. 97 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Radley’s second half was much improved – we still and this resulted in Radley failing to trouble the scorers in struggled in the line out but were much more competitive in the 35-0 defeat. The last game of the season was a home the loose and we should have really scored some points. fixture against Teddies. Radley came out the 22-7 winners Tonbridge continued to defend extremely well but were also thanks to a tremendous team performance. The forwards only able to score one more converted try. dominated from start to finish and contributed in most of We arrived at Abingdon knowing that the match would Radley’s scores. likely be a bruising encounter and would probably be won COLTS 4th XV in the first 10 minutes. The Abingdon boys had an aggressive warm-up and were very hyped up. We argued Colts 4 have finished the season in disappointing fashion, about the line out and went through the motion of warming losing both of their final games. Despite tries from Sam up without any real purpose or commitment. With little to Gundle (H) and Harry Bamber (H) they lost to Tonbridge separate the sides, this made all of the difference. Abingdon 29-12 before losing by a mere conversion against Abingdon. dominated the game early, scoring the first try despite Luke Lambert (F)’s try went unconverted as Abingdon won playing up the slope. They kicked tactically and had a very 7-5. strong line out which helped them win good possession. We JUNIOR COLTS 1st XV replied with a cracking try by Will Bromfield and a conversion by George Grace. A penalty soon after put us in Congratulations to AJTH and JC1 for an outstanding the lead and despite facing the slope in the second half, if season. Particular congratulations must go to Tobi Momoh we could keep hold of the ball, then the game was looking (C) who, despite there being no official statistics, is the good. school’s second-top try scorer this term. His continual flurry of tries have been inspirational in the team’s success. The We started the second half extremely well, and had a windy conditions at Marlborough couldn’t stop JC1 from considerable amount of possession close to the line. A marauding to another devastating victory however a defeat couple of times an overlap was successfully orchestrated but lay on the end of the three hour trip to Tonbridge. Just one we failed to capitalize and did not score. Buoyed by their breakaway try, and some questionable refereeing, provided defence, Abingdon eventually cleared their lines and then the difference as Tonbridge won 20-13. After a relieving 21- stole a lineout. Shortly after the referee awarded the first 17 win against Abingdon they completely overwhelmed free kick of the game at a scrum, and allowed a quick tap Teddies 55-0 thanks to tries from Fred Ahern (F), two from and they scored. Alex Murison (B) and Charlie Goodwin (F) and three from At this stage we looked like a defeated team and having Momoh: Teddies were never in the game. given away another converted penalty, Abingdon very quickly looked like taking full command of the game. They JUNIOR COLTS 2nd XV scored another converted try at the end by scoping up a After such a promising start, JC2 have finished in a poor cross-field kick that bounced unluckily for us, and well for manner, finding themselves on the wrong end of some large them. In the end they scored three tries to our one and ended scorelines. Leading 12-5 at half-time thanks to tries by up deserved winners. However if we had just scored that try Adam Spring (C) and Nick Ramsay (A), Radley threw it early on in the second half... away in the second half as the game got feisty. Spring was DJP sent off which left holes in the Radley defence and some soft tries allowed Wellington to leave the heated game the COLTS 3rd XV 26-12 winners. Radley wasted away again in the second half Going into the match against Wellington, Colts 3 were against an unbeaten Marlborough side. 35-0 the final score undisputed underdogs but not even the most optimistic of despite it being a very open game at half-time. The 62-7 supporters would have predicted what ensued. A gut-busting defeat to Tonbridge was somewhat humbling and the 52-7 display of courage, commitment and skill meant that loss to Abingdon was a scant improvement however St Wellington were caught completely unawares. Luke Edward’s provided fun relief. An array of tries from Xan Lambert broke the deadlock with an interception try and Wood (E), Finn Dowley (A), Henry Tufnell (F), Harry Hill from then on, with the forwards dominant, Radley earned a (H), Kristian Shephard (D), Henry Verrill (G) and Olly well-fought victory with what was an extremely impressive Thornton (E), combined with some excellent kicking by performance. Hector Freyne (A) meant Radley won by a huge 60 points to 0, thus ending the season on a high. The team would like to The contest against Marlborough mirrored the way that thank ASGB for his support and guidance throughout the Colts 3 had been defeated against Cheltenham by the fact that errors at key moments in the back division cost Radley trials and tribulations of such a mixed season. dearly. An uncharacteristically well-organised Marlborough JUNIOR COLTS 3rd XV side took their opportunities ruthlessly and eventually won this scrappy affair by a margin of 25-10. All in all, a Thank God for St Edward’s. It’s not that we like them disappointing backdrop to the magnificent win over much, it’s just that they do provide a convenient ‘gimme’ Wellington. game at the end of a tricky season in which everyone can help themselves to a try. There are many areas of the season Once Colts 3 saw the incredibly oversized Tonbridge side JC3 would rather forget however the 52-0 drubbing of our appear from the gloom of a November Saturday afternoon, local rivals will not be one of them. they knew that rolling them over was always going to be a big ask. In earnest, Radley were simply outclassed due to JUNIOR COLTS 4th XV Tonbridge’s superior power and pace in every department JC4 have been having a rather torrid time of late with no 98 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 11 December 2006 victories since Leave Away. A crunching 40-0 loss against MIDGETS 3rd XV Wellington was followed up by an infinitely better Some poor defending resulted in a disappointing but performance against Marlborough with the 24-17 not being excusable defeat against Wellington which was then a fair reflection of the tie as a whole. However, a powerful followed up by a pleasing win against Tonbridge for Tonbridge side outclassed Radley last week with a 60 point Midgets 3 where tries from Alex George (F), George Carter victory. Against Abingdon, the side started both powerfully (D) and two from Charlie Hamilton (B) helped Radley to and optimistically with two early tries from Fenton and gain an unassailable lead in the opening quarters which, Quick but in the end it amounted to nothing with an despite two well-worked Tonbridge scores, was enough to aggressive and quick-moving Abingdon side gained a secure victory in the end. There was no match against stranglehold on the tie and eventually amassed four of their Abingdon for the team. The final game resulted in the one tries to obtain victory. They finished on a season’s high destruction of a hapless Teddies side. Two Hamilton tries, with a crushing 58-0 rampaging victory over St Edward’s. two more from George and one from Andrew Sweerts de Landas Wyborg (A) led to the 52-0 final score. MIDGETS 1st XV MIDGETS 4, 5 AND 6th XVs An amazing first season for Midgets 1 has come to a typically fruitious climax. Marlborough were swept aside The school’s most junior sides have held their own in some 33-0 thanks to tries from Tom Buckley (B), four for the fiercely competitive matches this year. They have won eight prolific Harry Hall (B) and four conversions by Archie of their last twelve matches between them. Nelson (A). The next lambs to the slaughter were MIDGETS 7th XV Tonbridge. Hall ran in another casual five tries, James Milner (A) continued his purple patch with one of his own Midgets 7 are one of the few elite teams enjoying an and Toby Thorp (G) completed the rout with the final score unbeaten season. These glorious few enjoy such a fearsome being 49-0. It gets better...Abingdon were ruined 51-0. reputation that not one, but two top public schools – both Humphrey Kelly (D) scored twice, Nelson once and with over 800 pupils to our 635 – have refused to play (surprise, surprise) Hall was at it again with a devastating them... The fact that they have had no other games is neither six. Teddies were also beaten to complete a superb season here nor there. with its only failure a touch and go three-point loss at What a team they are, the Midgets 7th XV: they have won Wellington. The sheer volume of tries Radley scored shows two matches without even having to play. Both Harrow and what a fine attacking side they are and special mention must Tonbridge pulled out JUST from hearing how legendary go to Harry Hall who, as well as assisting with riveting coach Dr Hall trained up a 17 man squad, with people like reports for the Chronicle, has been the school’s player with Henry Lawrence (actually a 6ths player) who can just the highest turnover of points. We calculate that he has run charge up the wing with no problem at all. He just goes. Or in twenty-five tries this season at an average of 2.5 a game. Cern Ho, who comes out to games, even on the hottest day of the autumn, in two woolly hats and a thick pair of woollen gloves! He then is passed the ball, and runs; he MIDGETS 2nd XV screams and puts on a funny face, scaring the oppo away. The final day win against St Edward’s brought about So, perhaps it’s not so surprising that the other schools got Midgets 2’s fourth win of the season, but, owing to slack wind of this mighty force and chickened out. reporting, we have nothing else to say...

99 11 December 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

THE CHRONICLE INDEX

RUGBY LEAGUE TABLE Vol. V No. 4 11 December 2006 The table includes results from the first half of term.

A Few Good Men – the College Play 77 Team Played Won Drawn Lost Points Overheard… 79 JC 1 11 10 0 1 30 A Poll on Food 79 Midgets 1 10 9 0 1 27 Abite, Fideles – Latin at Radley 80 5th XV 9 8 0 1 24 A Christian School? 81 Choral Evensong at New College 82 4th XV 9 7 0 2 21 F Social’s Favourite Quotes 83 Midgets 4 10 7 0 3 21 Crime & Punishment: a Logic Problem 84 Bigside 11 6 0 5 18 Cineres – The Ashes 85 Midgets 3 8 6 0 2 18 F Social Cultural Evening 86 H Social Play 87 Midgets 5 7 6 0 1 18 Maths Society – God and Infinity 88 Midgets 6 8 6 0 2 18 Perplexed – the Chemistry of Fireworks 88 Secondside 11 5 1 5 16 A Tutor’s Diary VIII – ‘Time for Tea’ 89 Colts 2 10 5 1 4 16 Correspondence 91 Minor Sports Results 92 Colts 4 10 5 0 5 15 Rugby: Reports in Brief 95 JC 2 10 5 0 5 15 Chronicle Rugby League Table 100 JC3 11 5 0 6 15 The illustrations on pages 77, 89, 91 & 99 are by Adrian Pascu (OR) 3rd XV 11 4 2 5 14 The illustrations on pages 80, 86, 88 & 93 are by Arthur Laidlaw (H). 6th XV 6 4 2 0 14 EDITORS Midgets 2 10 4 1 5 13 Will Symington (B), Alex Gilbert (B), George Lines Colts 1 11 4 0 7 12 (B), Asa Bennett (C), David Wynne-Griffith (D), Colts 3 9 4 0 5 12 Pelham Groom (E), Freddie Tapner (F), JC 4 11 4 0 7 12 Jonathan Williams (H), Alex Chadwick (H), Luke Bartlett Esq.& Ian Yorston Esq. JC 5 7 2 0 5 6 The scoring: a win – 3 points, a draw – 1, a loss – 0. ASSISTANT EDITORS Alex Wise (C), Joss Richards (H), Will Baker (B), Max Blanshard (B), Jamie Crole (H), Archie Manners (C) & Chris Taylor (H).

CONTRIBUTORS Alex Murison (B), Harry Hall (B), Will Hill (B), Charles Oakley (B), Nick Gill (B), Ed Berrill (B), Ross Culbertson (B), Richard Noble (B), Charlie Hamilton (B), Charlie Strahan (B), Jamie Randall (C), Rory Stallibrass (C), Luke Lambert (F), Henry Tufnell (F) & Noah Assheton (H). If any Radleian is interested in writing for the Chronicle or becoming an Editor, please contact LB or ISY.

Contributions and correspondence on any topic are welcomed from all current or former members of the Radley community: please send to [email protected] or to ‘The Editors, The Chronicle, Radley College, Abingdon, Oxon. OX14 2HR’. The first issue of Volume VI will be published at the end of January. The deadline for copy and letters is the preceding Wednesday evening, 24 January. © Radley College 2006. Printed by Radley Reprographics.

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