New Stories Chukas 5775 I’m experiencing; it’s that my mother exuded so much passion Saying Goodbye to Mom and life it’s hard to imagine she My mother was a strong, is no longer here. It doesn’t seem opinionated dynamo. How possible. could she be gone, just like The reality is slowly trickling in. that? My mother, Myrtle Coopersmith, By Nechemia was 83 years old. My father, Dr. Coopersmith Harvey Coopersmith, celebrated his 83rdbirthday while we were It felt like quite a while since I sitting shiva in Toronto – the first last spoke to my mom on the time in 15 years the entire family phone to bring her up to date was together. This August my with everything going on in our parents would have celebrated lives in , tell her what’s their 63rd wedding anniversary. up with the kids, how our daughter Avia is doing a month Allow me to share with you a after getting married. few things about my mother and her final days. And then I remembered. Family First I can’t call my mother and have one of our laid back chats; she Family was my mother’s first died almost three weeks ago. I priority. She received will never speak to her again. tremendous satisfaction being a wife and mother. Her first For a brief moment the reality of priority was my father, whom she my mother’s death hit me. My placed on a pedestal (“Ask mother was such a formidable Harv," she'd tell people, "he life-force, a strong, opinionated, knows everything.”) and then her forthright dynamo whose five kids (all of whom at one presence naturally commanded point were under six years old – respect. How could she be gone, quite uncommon for a non- just like that? It’s not denial that observant family in the sixties.)

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When my father, then a family president of the PTA and the doctor, wanted to go back to president of her Hadassah-Wizo school to specialize in chapter. She was the chairman of endocrinology, my mother the Hadassah Bazaar, an annual encouraged him to do so, one-day garage sale on steroids knowing it meant he would not which raised one million dollars. be around much for the next She also became the president of three years. My father would in Hadassah-Wizo Toronto. turn drop everything to be home for dinner with the family at 6PM She would get powerful sharp, and then go back to the businessmen on the phone hospital. soliciting funds first thing in the morning, sitting in her robe at her My mother was the matriarch of kitchen table. They stood no the family, her kitchen was her chance against my mother's royal office and her throne was at authoritative professional the head of the dining room demeanor. You don’t say no to table, where we would gather Myrtle Coopersmith. every Friday night. Decades later, when the entire family During the shiva, a woman very would come together around the involved in the Toronto Jewish dining room table, (a rare community told me that my occurrence with my brother and I mother was her mentor. I was living in ), she would surprised. Apparently many inevitably take in the scene and decades ago my mother saw a cry tears of joy and nachas. need to galvanize the next generation of Jewish women to A Jewish Leader take active roles in the community and led a mission to In addition to raising her family Israel with the condition that and cooking up storms (my participants give back to their mother was an amazing cook) community and assume my mother was always actively leadership positions upon their involved in community work, return. taking leadership positions. When we were kids she was the

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My parents were instrumental in great admiration and respect for helping Aish HaTorah get on its him. feet in Toronto, in the early days of the ba’al teshuva movement During that initially tumultuous when many people viewed young time, Eric asked my mother, 20-somethings becoming “What bothers you so much religious as cult-like behavior. about my getting into ? It's not drugs or Hare Krishna. Saying It like It Is It’s the same Judaism that means so much to you.” My mother despised phoniness and had that ability to pierce My mother’s answer solved the through people’s armor and see mystery. “I don’t want Rav Noah what they were really made of. to replace your father as the most She was never shy to speak her important man in your life.” mind no matter who she was Underneath it all, it was all about talking to. my mother’s love and respect for my dad. In 1979, when my brother Eric decided to stay in Jerusalem and “No one can or will ever replace study at Aish HaTorah, my Dad,” my brother replied. mother, like a lioness protecting her cubs, flew to Jerusalem to Her Final Days meet Rabbi Noah Weinberg, A couple of weeks before my o.b.m., to find out what this daughter’s wedding it became unknown yeshiva was about. clear that my mother was ailing After meeting my mother, Rabbi and that my parents would have Weinberg told my brother, “In all to miss the first major family my years of being a Rabbi, no simcha (celebration) in one has ever spoken to me like Jerusalem. My daughter, who that!” was very close to her bubby and That was the beginning of my in some ways very similar to her, parents’ relationship with Rav was crestfallen. Noah. He had great respect for My wife and I flew out to visit my parents, and my parents had right after sheva brachos was

3 over, along with my brother and That period when my mother his wife. My mother was at home took care of Moishie when no with 24-hour hospice care and one else could forged a special we were fortunate to spend her bond between them. She wanted last good week with her. She to see him one last time before refused to take any medication she died. because she did not want it to cloud her mind. Ten days later, Eric returned with his son, now a married man with Before my brother and his wife children of his own. They arrived returned home to Jerusalem, she Thursday night and at this point told them, “Bring Moishie.” my mother was very weak. When Eric’s son Moishie is the eldest they walked into her room she grandchild, and my mother had a opened her eyes, smiled, and very special relationship with said, “Moishie!” him that began when he was a nursing infant. Two months after At 5:30 AM the next morning my he was born Eric and his wife mother peacefully passed away. visited my parents. My sister-in- Jewish law stipulates that from law needed to be hospitalized for time of death until burial the a serious but not life-threatening deceased cannot be left alone. ailment. She ended up requiring The soul is hovering over the surgery and stayed in the hospital body and can be disoriented and for two months. confused. Shomrim, those who watch and guard the deceased, During that time my mother, recite Psalms that provides without hesitation, became comfort and soothing to the soul. Moishie’s surrogate mother, While my father and siblings taking care of him 24/7, bundling were making arrangements for him up every day in the middle the funeral, Moishie watched my of winter to bring him to his mother, taking care of her soul mother in the hospital, never when no one else could, once giving my sister-in-law the returning my mother’s kindness feeling that she was somehow so many years later. inconvenienced. (www.aish.com)

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