28 The award-winning student
newspaper of Imperial College . 05
“Keep The Cat Free” .
Issue 1,463 10 ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk This week... Hall rents rising again, Imperial rank 3rd, UCL fall to 9th in University tables Hall Senior subsidies abolished, and Wardens face the chop News, Page 2
Landmark artificial life? Maybe...
Science, Page 10 & 11
A hidden library: Culture amidst Revision City
Arts, Page 20
The secret success: Open BUT WHAT’S BEST source software FOR THE STUDENTS? See pages 4 & 5
Tech, Page 24 2 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 NewsNews EditorEditor KadhimKadhim ShubberShubber NEWS [email protected]
The sun’s out, the casts are off. Imperial still ‘best of the rest’
The University of Oxford tops the list of highly-achieving universities in the UK
MMattatt CColvinolvin Civil Engineering and 2nd for Ma- institutions as a significant flaw in terials, Mechanical Engineering and the system. Indeed, in Imperial’s case, Imperial College London has man- Chemical Engineering. science and engineering degrees re- aged to hold on to its prestigious The student satisfaction ratings quire greater research income and national standing this week accord- listed by the Guide also exhibit some ultimately provide more employable ing to a newly published university surprising developments. Imperial’s graduates than a University running league table. The Complete Univer- student satisfaction, notorious in both science and arts courses. sity Guide 2011 published in the THE the past for being comparatively low The Russell Group, of which Impe- Independent ranks the University 3rd amongst the top Universities of the rial is a member, receives two thirds nationally behind usual one-two duo country and especially in London, is, of research grant and contract fund- Oxford and Cambridge respectively. according to the Guide, higher than ing in the UK, thereby elevating the The highest placed London-based that of LSE and not far behind UCL twenty Universities who are part of university behind Imperial is the and King’s College London. the group above the others with its he summer officially arrived in London this week. Despite London School of Economics in 5th This University league table will, if greater wealth. being exam season, plenty of students found time to soak place. University College London, anything, be likely to bolster Impe- On the other hand, this latest sur- up the sun on Queen’s Lawn. Long may it continue as previously placed 4th in the world rial’s already well regarded position vey appears to suggest that this bias T according to the Times Higher Ed- amongst both the public and poten- is being overturned, with newer in- College have confirmed that there will be no erection of marquees ucation-QS World University Rank- tial employers. While the University stitutions such as the University of on Queen’s Lawn this summer, although a never-seen-before stage ings 2009 (ahead of Imperial in 5th), league table will give those hiring Hertfordshire (rising four places this will be constructed in time for the Summer Ball. is now ranked 9th nationally. graduates an overview of Imperial’s year to 41st) fighting back against Alongside an overall ranking of credibility, the specific subject tables older and more traditional counter- Universities, the Complete Uni- are likely to be even more influen- parts. In addition to the rise in stu- felix found this student during a sunny lunchtime. He’d taken the versity Guide also provides subject tial for future employers in specialist dent satisfaction, this goes some way rare chance to remove his ankle-cast and give his ailing leg some specific rankings, throughout which fields such as engineering. towards justifying Imperial’s contin- fresh air and a nice tan. Get well soon, mate. Imperial also placed strongly. The However, some continue to criti- ued steady and impressive position University scored highly across the cise the use of league tables, citing across the league tables year after sciences, placing 1st nationally for bias towards better funded and older year. 28
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felix 1,463 . Copyright © Felix 2010 10 2011 2010 Institution This issue of felix was brought to you by: 1 (1) University of Oxford
Editor-in-Chief Editor-in-Prowling Deputy Editor Copy Chief 2 (2) University of Cambridge Dan Wan Kadhim Shubber Gilead Amit Sasha Nicoletti 3 (3) Imperial College London Assistant Editors Business Editor Music Editors Politics Editors: Jovan Nedić Sina Ataherian Kadhim Shubber James Goldsack 4 (5) University of Durham Charlotte Morris Alex Ashford Katya-yani Vyas 5 (4) London School of Economics International Editor Luke Turner James Lees News Editor Tom Greany 6 (7) University of St. Andrews Kadhim Shubber Comment Editors Travel Editor Clubs and Socs Editor Film Editor Ravi Pall Dylan Lowe Alex Kendall 7 (6) University of Warwick News Reporters Ed Knock Charlotte Morris Rox Middleton Coffee Break Editor Feature Editor 8 (12) University of Lancaster Joanna Cai Technology Editor Science Editors Charles Murdoch Afonso Campos Alex Karapetian Samuel Gibbs Brigette Atkins 9 (8) University College London Alice Rowlands Nathan Ley Puzzles Captain Marco Couch Sports Editors Sean Farres Victoria Brzezinski 10 (10) University of York Layout Editors Mustapher Botchway What’s On Editor Rox Middleton Carlos Karingal David Wilson Ziggi Szafranski Photography Matt Colvin Holly Farrer Indy Leclercq Ben Smith Lizzy Griffiths Arts Editors Alex Karapetian Ayyub Kamaludin Online Editors Fashion Editors Caz Knight Jamie Beal Ravi Pall Kawai Wong Rosie Milton Catnip Editor Richard Howard Chris Birkett Saskia Verhagen Lucy Harrold Rhys Davies Stefan Zeeman felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 3 [email protected] NEWS Planned number of Uni places halved Alex Karapetian reports on how the new coalition Government will shelve increased University student plans
abour’s promised increase another 75,000 applying. This means in University places to that more than 200,000 could miss out.’’ 20,000 has been halved by The funding arrangements mentioned the new coalition govern- here, however, only relate to England, L ment in a bid to cut back on while Universities UK represents High- spending. Although record numbers er Education bodies across the UK. of students are applying, there will be “What is critical is the need for fund- 10,000 fewer places this Autumn than ing per student to be maintained. That promised by the previous government. is the only way we can hope to main- The Department for Business, Inno- tain the world-leading position of the vation and Skills, responsible for Uni- UK’s higher education system’’, Smith versities, said the cut in numbers will added. £150 million saved from govern- save £118 million. The cut, however, ment wide spending cuts will be used to will mainly affect Science, Technology, fund 50,000 new apprenticeship places, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) however. The move was praised by Lee subjects, due to the previous govern- Hopley, chief economist at the EEF En- ment’s planned increase focusing in this gineering Employers’ group, who said area. “shifting skills funding in favour of ap- The promise of increased students prenticeships, which provide higher in the Sciences was popular with busi- level qualifications, could provide a big ness leaders who frequented the idea boost to companies already seeing skills that more science graduates would shortages as orders pick up’’, but he add- help the British industry compete ed that, “the loss of University spots in internationally. STEM subjects may be the sting in the The government has said that spend- Imperial College say that the number of students offered places for 2010 entry is similar to previous years tail.’’ ing on research, innovation, business The Russell Group warned that “a and enterprise will be protected. The succession of cuts could lead to uni- total budget for Higher Education to compete in a high-skill knowledge Imperial College has commented on Former Higher Education Minister, versities and courses closing and much stands at £7.3 billion. economy’’ yet “we are denying thou- this and said that “the number of new David Lammy said that the fears were higher student ratios, damaging top This move to reduce the Labour fund sands a place at university and increas- Imperial undergraduate students start- “scaremongering’’, but Steve Smith, universities beyond repair.’’ Overall to provide extra places by £118 million ing the burden on our benefits system.’’ ing in 2010 is expected to be much the president of Universities UK, said the spending on Higher Education will, has been slammed by the Lecturers’ By reducing the increase in STEM same as in 2009’’ and that there is likely cuts would impact on the quality of however, increase compared to last Union, who said ministers had “dashed places, students who fail to meet their to be no increase. They say “it’s worth teaching and competition for Univer- year, but further savings of £600 mil- the hopes of thousands of people’’. Sally conditional offers from Universities in bearing in mind that HEFCE has an- sity places would be increased. He con- lion across Higher Education, Science Hunt, general secretary of the Univer- their A level results will have fewer op- nounced the overall budget for the tinued to explain that “last year about and Research budgets are required over sity and College Union, commented tions when entering the Clearing sys- sector but individual universities won’t 160,000 students who applied didn’t 2011-2013. on how “our competitor countries are tem. Students who meet their offers are know what their own allocation will be end up going to University. This year, Approximately £60 million of the cuts increasing the number of graduates not affected. until March.’’ we already know that there are about to be made are still yet to be identified. The world beyond College walls
Iran Jamaica Australia
ran faced the threat of new U.N. economic sanctions this ourty-four people were killed in Jamaica in the hunt n the first bout of good news in this column for a long week. The U.S. announced that it had received the com- for a drug kingpin. Street battles have occured for time, an Australian baby survived a near-fatal encounter. mitments of each veto holder on the U.N. Security Coun- over three days in West Kingston as police sought A distracted grandmother in Melbourne was awaiting the cil for a draft resolution that would impose economic to arrest Christopher ‘Dudus’ Coke, a member of arrival of a train in Melbourne this week. As her distrac- sanctionsI on Iran due to its nuclear programme. Iran early this America’sF “Most Wanted” list. Jamaican Prime Minister Bruce tionI ensued, the pram in which his grandmother was tending month proposed to trade 1,200kg of its low-enriched uranium Golding has been under increasing pressure from the Obama to rolled towards the tracks. The Victorian train company ad- for nuclear fuel, a deal which mirrored a proposal by the U.S. administration after it promised to crack down on the drug last year. This proposal did not manage to dissuade the Secu- mitted that its older platforms slope towards the tracks. As is trade. As the firefight raged on in Tivoli Gardens, a section rity Council from agreeing to sanctions. Russia’s commitment shown on CCTV footage, the grandmother strove to save the of Kingston, Coke was rumoured to have escaped the security to the principle of sanctions took Iran off guard; it was com- pram from falling onto the tracks, but failed. The pram rolled forces. Local residents complained of grenades being thrown monly believed that Russia would delay judgement on the pro- onto the tracks and underneath the body of an oncoming train. errantly as well as the burning of bodies in the streets. Coke posal. Russia’s decision to support the draft was surprising due Luckily, the child escaped with minor bruises and scratches. is reported to be highly revered by residents in West Kingston to the extensive diplomatic and economic dies between the two This is the second such incident to happen in Melbourne in for the services his empire provides them; he is known locally countries. Iran’s president said that Russia would be a “historic the past year. enemy” of Iran if it followed out this decision. as the “president”. By Tom Greany 4 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 NEWS [email protected]
Wardens in halls look to be cut, Hall Senior subsidies are no more, and rent figures rise yet again. All would suggest doom and gloom for those living in College WARDENS: A accommodation. Is it barbaric cash-making, necessary savings, or in the best interests of students? Which ever HELPING OR way, it’s all a bit complicated. Dan Wan tries to explain... he vast majority of students at Impe- the wardening system in fostering an environment rial have had an experience involving that enables students to adjust to academic and so- a hall warden. Even the most evasive cial pressures of moving to Imperial. It would be a of freshers would have at least been shame if College were to retract its commitment to HINDERING T greeted by one as they moved into Halls welfare, which is consistently rated highly in their halls of residences on their first day. student satisfaction surveys,” he said to felix. College are due to comprehensively review the The Wardening System Review is in its prelimi- wardening systems in halls, which is likely to result nary stages. The level of wardening for postgraduate in a downsizing of the pastoral care teams within students in College accommodation is to remain the first year accommodation. same at around 65 students to every warden. This HAND? A small real-term decrease has been made on will be factored into the construction of new post- College’s Welfare Budget for next year, and hall sen- graduate accommodation at Clapham Junction and iors have suffered the immediate brunt of the cuts. on the newly acquired Wood Lane site. A meeting From as early as next October, the traditional 10% next Tuesday will determine the wardening ratio for subsidy on rent that they are provided with in return undergraduates. This currently varies widely, from for their help to the wardening team during the year 21 students per warden in Parsons House to 39 in has been abolished. Beit Hall. Professor Denis Wright, the new Dean of Stu- Five working groups have been established to fully dents, was appointed at the beginning of this aca- assess how the wardening system at Imperial can be demic year. He faces his first major decision as he changed for the better. One of the working groups looks to rebalance College’s budget for welfare serv- focuses on pastoral care, in which student’s repre- ices with slightly less money. sentative John James is part of. As Deputy President Talking to felix, Prof. Wright said that they needed (Welfare) of the Union, he is all but resigned to cuts to be “more careful about using money in the fu- made to the wardening roster in halls. ture” on the services which include the College Tu- “The current recommendation [from the Union] tor system, disability advisory service and College is that an Imperial hall of residence must not rise counsellors, in addition to the cost of hall wardens. above more than 30 students per warden,” he stated. However, some claim it is not the lack of money Currently, eight of sixteen Imperial halls have a ra- that has initiated this review. College are wary the tio lower than 30 students to one warden, including cost of wardening teams is disproportionate to Selkirk, Tizard, and Gabor; three halls in the lucra- number of students it reaches. Wardens are only tive, near-campus Prince’s Gardens location. immediately available to the around 2,000 first year James describes his role on the Review panel as students that choose to live in College-organised minimising any slashes to wardens made by College. accommodation, but takes up 50% of the total wel- “It doesn’t help to fight any cut,” he stated. James fare budget. Arguments have been put forward that personally testified that Imperial had the “best war- more money should be invested in disability advi- dening system in the UK if you consider the support sors and full-time counselling services as they are first year students actually get.” accessible to every student at Imperial, and not just Despite his proclamations of the wardening sys- freshers. tem, he suggested that the cuts being made were a However, wardens themselves have voiced their typical example of any organisation under financial opposition to any impending cuts to their teams. pressure. Dan Read, Warden of Falmouth and Keogh Halls, “When cuts have to be made, it is natural to trim said any cuts made to the 86-strong wardening ros- the services that are doing well. I disagree with the ter would be “a shame”. idea that these cuts mean what the wardens provide “It is interesting that the College is conducting a to students are not valued at their current cost,” he review so soon after the external review of Residenc- said. es in 2005 which recognised the invaluable role of On the contrary however, Paddy Jackman, Head
Are wardens valued?
elix surveyed students 62% of students revealed living in a variety of they rarely ever spoke to their halls, and asked them wardens, and 68% said they what they reckoned would feel comfortable with- theF role of their wardening in halls without wardens and team was. Most were inclined subwardens. to use their wardens for ad- Take what you wish from vice on problems they’ve nev- these statistics. They report- er experienced at university edly oppose overwhelmingly before. The second most com- positive feedback from pre- mon answer showed that stu- vious student-led surveys dents mainly saw the wardens regarding first year pastoral 68% as the face of hall-organised care. events. People were gener- Is it a case of unappreciative of students claim ally quite vague when actually students not realising the war- that they would questioned about their war- dens’ work behind the scenes be comfortable in dens and few cited personal of their hall, or are live-in war- halls without sub- examples of what wardens dens a dated and underused wardens, and just were there to do. pastoral care system? October 2009: Wilkinson Hall wardens and Seniors help freshers move in enhanced security felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 5 [email protected] NEWS
of Commercial Services at Imperial stated that this Her opposition puts her in a head-on collision with Welfare’s more than just wardening review was “not cuts-led”. Commercial Services are incumbent Deputy President (Welfare) James. She a branch of College’s business that are ultimately stated her appreciation of the vital role wardens responsible for building and running of student play for the majority of students at Imperial. halls. They share the cost of the wardens with Col- “They take down barriers between the College lege’s welfare services, but do not have any say in and the students. This is especially important how many wardens the College decides freshers in your first year. We’ve got to appreciate that a need. number of students rely on the cushion and sup- Jackman insisted that although it was too late for port the wardens give, even if they do not actively the Review’s results to have effect on wardens in use them,” she argued. “Socially, they become your the next academic year, no cuts would necessarily friends around the clock. Counsellors are only be made. available on appointment and within office hours. “The point of this Review is to accurately ascer- Unlike a professional College counsellor, you never tain the value of the wardening system,” he said. feel like a warden is helping you as part of a job. It’s Both Wright and Jackman were open to the idea advice you’d take from an older sibling or an Uncle that if wardens were found to justify their current who’s already experienced everything you’re going costs, no cuts would be made. Despite this, there through.” was obvious inclination towards cutting rather Selkirk subwarden, Marcus Shepheard, also than unlikely further investment. pointed out that wardens are greatly advantageous for first years going through a crucial transition be- With the student Union seemingly accepting tween dependent and independent living. “Wardens are qualified for their positions by vir- tue of temperament and experience. The majority College are wary the of issues we face are ones that all students face over their time at university and the added value comes cost of wardening teams from our first-hand experiences of how to resolve f the Wardening System Review is not ing disabilities has been so successful that the these situations,” he said. “By living within the hall cuts-led, the other argument for it is to limited structure of service currently in place is is disproportionate to and by being integrated into the freshmen com- fairly provide other branches of the Col- beginning to feel the strains. munity we are able to actively observe and catch lege welfare system with deserved re- Where the money for these “modest increas- number of students it welfare issues while in their infancy.” I sources that wardening may be taking up. es” in investment comes from is the issue at A subwarden for three years, he warned that war- It is an issue that the Union have pressured hand. The question is whether there should be reaches. dening duties inevitably impede on his academic College into doing something about it. less for wardening and more for counselling. work, and that with a larger workload in a smaller Despite hailing the job the current staff in team would be severely detrimental. these welfare services do as “incredible”, he ad- College’s cuts to wardening, the onus of justifica- “Being a subwarden does involve a degree of sac- mitted Imperial is falling short on a national Where previously tion rests on the wardens themselves. Dr. Read has rifice. You will never improve your PhD by being a scale. been a warden for three years, and although he subwarden. The time commitment is already at the “Whilst the counsellors are doing excellent a student would understands the importance the College needs to limit of what is reasonable in a team with four war- work, assessments show they weren’t at the put on disability and counselling services, he also dens. In particular around the end of September level other universities are currently providing be guaranteed an reckons that the early role wardens play is an es- and the start of October we lose a huge amount of to their students,” he said. “The recommended sential part of an Imperial student’s experience at time ensuring that people integrate smoothly and level of counselling provision is at least one full- appointment with a university. happily into university life,” he admitted. time professional to every 3,000 students. We’re “Central counselling and disability services are Prof. Wright also suggested that he was happy to not quite there yet.” counsellor within the an essential part of the College’s welfare system, see larger modifications to the wardening system There are currently five part-time and one and the wardening system provides complemen- in his new role as Dean of Students. Currently, full-time counsellors on campus for the 13,400 week of request, this is tary front-line welfare and pastoral care to first wardens receive free accommodation in return for students at Imperial and Prof. Wright suggest- year students who are particularly vulnerable to their pastoral duties. This is considered the cost of ed some “modest increases” could be made for no longer the case. the stresses of a new life away from home and in a the wardens to College, and Prof. Wright loosely “further admin support”. He also noted that the challenging academic and social environment.” He mentioned other forms of payment possible, such number of students attending professional help continues, “The experience of first year students as warden stipends or honorariums. sessions had steadily increased over the last few Dean of Students has a significant impact on the ethos of the College felix has received mixed messages regarding the years. Where previously a student would be Professor Denis Wright and their enjoyment of life throughout their time as imminent Wardening System Review. Whilst some guaranteed an appointment with a counsellor emphasised the need to students at Imperial.” are adamant that this Review is not cuts-led but within the week of request, this is no longer the put more investment in the Next year’s Deputy President (Welfare), Vicki for the benefit of pastoral services, others, most case. counselling and disability Masding, has also had plenty of first-hand experi- worringly including current Union representa- Prof. Wright also noted that investment was advisory services. He says ence with wardens at different levels of authority. tives, have shown clear inclination and resignation also needed in the disability advisory service. that Imperial’s welfare After being a fresher in Beit Hall two years ago, she to what they believe will be cuts to the wardening 6% of the student population are now claiming provisions in these areas is currently a hall senior this year. Although she is system. One feels there should be more pressure on disability help on campus, compared to 3% two are currently lower than not directly involved in the review process, she has College to carefully consider all factors and angle of years ago. An increased awareness of services most other universities stated her opposition to any warden down-sizing. the down-sizing of wardening teams. available to students with physical and learn-
Pastoral care at other unis Hall Senior discounts abolished from next year as rent prices rise once again
Oxford and Cambridge have a very different model ardens have highlighted that the “The 2.86% increase on rent for halls is lowest in Wardening System Review comes the sector,” he said. In comparison, some of UCL’s of pastoral care provided to their students. They have on the heels of what they describe as rent prices is set to increase by up to 9% next year. A a developed College Tutor system, as well as Head of W “hasty proposals” to make cuts to the ensuite standard single room in Southwell Hall will House and Porter-style security. They have the fourth hall senior system. cost around £158, and the most expensive room in and fifth lowest first year drop-out rates respectively An initial plan was made to downsize hall senior the new Eastside Halls will cost around £234 for the in the UK. teams, but after some fierce rejection from warden year 2010-11. representatives, Dan Read said that College compro- This follows a 3.9% average increase on hall rent mised by abolishing the subsidy hall seniors get on from last year. Rent has steadily been increasing over LSE have a similar structure to that at Imperial’s halls. rental fees in return for their work during the year. recent years, with Southside single ensuite rooms Both have hall-assigned teams of academic wardens. “The College back-tracked on this proposal and in- costing £155 in its first year of opening. However, LSE’s student : warden ratio is around 75 : 1, stead cut the Hall Senior subsidy, resulting in an extra “We realise we’re at the top end of rent but the whilst Imperial’s is around 30 : 1. cost to Hall Seniors of about £40k,” he said. College is committed to making it affordable for stu- Despite advertising hall senior roles for next year dents.” With impending increases in tuition fees, this for the first time in years without the discount, usually may not be the case very soon. Despite the shortfall in wardens, LSE have the 24th around 10%, College have insisted that they have still Of course, the wardens and amenity budgets are lowest first year drop-out rates in the UK, whilst recruited a full complement of older undergraduates factored into the cost of renting a room. Jackman Imperial only has the 27th. This could suggest LSE to fulfil the roles. noted that pastoral and community care in student have more effective professional or tutoring welfare This is especially surprising especially as Head of accommodation at Imperial is largely unrivalled. The Commerical Services, Paddy Jackman, confirmed amenity budget for halls comes out of students’ rent, support. - Victoria Brzezinski that rent prices will go up once again for Imperial’s and allows for social events to be put on to create a halls of residences. sense of belonging. 6 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010
Comment Editor Charlotte Morris COMMENT [email protected] Phil Sandwell has a new way to assess knowledge “I didn’t come to university to just know things, I want to understand them...”
he third term is synony- bosom of free central heating. All that Wikipedia? I didn’t come to university three hours in the Great Hall isn’t so fair test of how good a student you mous with examination. would be required would be a small to just know things, I want to under- bad in comparison to a personal aca- are, degrees are apparently awarded Recently I decided to put rescheduling of the term timetable, stand them, and so I think a better test demic firing squad. for academic ability; this makes nap- a little thought into the moving lectures into August and of understanding is required. Some- Worst of all, though, is that exams ping, drinking and Facebook entirely Texams; not just in the usu- putting the summer holiday in Janu- one wise once said that if you can’t can be really boring. While gawping at extra-curricular, regardless of how al brain-aching way, but about how I ary. On second thoughts, the prospect explain something to an intelligent one piece of paper in order to organ- much time I’ve spent revising them. If would improve them. of a three-month vacation spent at ten-year-old then you don’t truly un- ise your thoughts onto a different one we wanted degrees in pissing around Firstly, I decided that their timing home, in the West Country, in winter derstand it yourself: perhaps College may be the best method examination, we would all be studying English; it is all wrong. It has been impossible to is a very unappealing one, as anyone should therefore enlist an army of I would like to see tests be modified looks like the dullness is here to stay, escape the mini-heat wave that has re- who has ever seen Swindon in the rain primary school children to judge the into a more accurate reflection of stu- and rightly so. cently graced the country with its rare can attest. A deserved break when the intellectual capabilities of students. dent life. The assessment would begin Like death and the taxman, exams presence. Even the students who have sun still shines is retrospectively far This might collapse, however, when with a communal nap in the lecture are a necessary evil. Despite their become permanent fixtures in the Li- more attractive. you have to spend several hours ex- theatre, followed by a buzzer sound- shortcomings, several hours of pro- brary have been seen gazing lustfully The point of exams is to assess and plaining to your examiner-child what ing the start of the race to the Union. crastination have not yet led me to at the Queen’s Lawn, yearning for an apply the knowledge we have suppos- differentiation is, let alone what use After a pint has been consumed you a way in which they could be notice- opportunity to enjoy the fickle British edly gained in the previous year. Un- it is to you. Explaining your under- can leave for the Library, where you able improved, and nor will several weather while it lasts. So why, I ask, fortunately, the traditional way to do standing to someone more qualified will then have to forcibly remove a inevitable hours more. I think exams are exams held in the summer? Far this is to sit everyone down and make than you would save a lot of time, but World of Warcraft enthusiast from are a lot like injections: unpleasant, better, say, to hold the exams in No- them take a test. Under what scenario the prospect of standing before one of his (or her... his) terminal in order to sadistic and terrifying, but they’re vember or December, when students outside of an exam room will you ever my lecturers and displaying precisely post an inane Face-status. You can over quickly probably good for me in will be far more motivated to revise be required to solve problems under how much I didn’t learn from him is leave to start your exam once some- the long term. And hopefully I’ll only and enticed into College by the warm a time limit, and without the use of one I would rather not face. Perhaps one has liked it. While I think this is have to have each one once. Bloody Mary is all handbags and gladrags
“[high-heels]... unless ou walk properly, you look like a confused slapper”
’d like to draw your attention but I propose that they are more than result I try to be as uncamel-like as assistants as to why I am unable to cidedly asymmetrical. Let’s be prac- to a piece of news which hasn’t that. Yes, they make legs look good possible and I’ve had no complaints complete the purchase. I may have tical. Absolute essentials for a girl received nearly as much cov- but cheerleaders’ legs look good and thus far. to start using other branches. include purse (usually drastically out erage as it deserves; the new they wear trainers. And yes, heels So why do I like the sound of high I couldn’t talk about shoes without of proportion to contents which puz- I Louis Vuitton store opening look elegant (unless they’re wedges). heels? It is the sound of class, noth- mentioning FMBs. For the ignorant zles me), phone (preferably in a pink in Bond Street (chill, I won’t start But their excellence is derived from ing more, nothing less. Though un- this is a most appropriate time to case but don’t get me wrong, any col- talking about shoes). It was prob- the acoustics. That’s right, the clip- fortunately, heels are not necessarily educate you. I only recently discov- our glitter is also permissible), tis- ably dwarfed by iPad news. For the clop noise when walking. the vision of class; unless you walk ered this acronym and I am feeling it sues (apparently it’s not so uncom- life of me I can’t understand why so Now, even if you’re a man and you properly you look like a confused through and through, having seen a mon for men to be with tissue these many people want such a gadget. It’s probably are (a man so bored he fan- slapper. What’s sad is that I’m stuck good friend of mine purchase some days, they say hayfever, I say no need the sheer scale of interest that sur- cied reading about shoes), you will in a vicious cycle. I don’t walk well boots which truly matched the FM to make excuses I can’t stand seeing prises me most! I do understand know about the noise of footsteps. in heels. I don’t wear heels. I don’t sentiment. Fun for all the family. men cry), a book (if you’re trying to why certain individuals need to get For example, rubber soles tend to get better at walking in heels. I don’t Finally I’ll touch upon bags. Bags impress someone, be sure it falls to gadgeted-up but these kind of sales be near silent (I like to sport these walk well in heels. It’s a tough life, I are always a very controversial topic the floor at some point), and college are comparable to a gadget that’s ac- around college to keep a low-pro- can tell you. so I’ll try not to arouse too much ID card (unless you want to be chat- tually useful. file). With high heels however you To clarify, I don’t really care about animosity. ted up whilst attempting to tailgate). Anyway, let’s not digress, next get two sounds per footfall (when Louis Vuitton as such, he’s merely I’m not kidding here, bags are no This has happened to me both whilst thing you know we’re talking about I walk I put heel down followed by French designer. If I’m going to pub- joke when you have a lot of thingie- opening the door and whilst having manbags. toe). However I do not claim that licise a shoe designer it’s going to be mebobs and nowhere to put them. the door opened for me. Just so you Did I say I wasn’t going to start this is the correct way to walk in a female and a Brit, say L.K. Ben- Men’s clothes are pockets galore know, it didn’t turn out to be a story talking about shoes? I lied. I’ll get heels as my mother never taught me nett. I adore L.K. Bennett. There’s and unlike women’s clothing there for the kids. Point is, check out LK straight to the good stuff. High how. I presume that’s what mothers a branch in King’s Road where I try are few fake pockets or pockets that Bennett, where both bags and shoes heels. Of course, they are a solution are for? But all credit to her she did on the shoes and come up with in- are too small or tight so that if you are sold. Also dresses. But dresses for the vertically challenged female say I looked like a camel, and as a creasingly elaborate reasons for the squish your phone in, you look de- are another story entirely… felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 7 Rhys Davies contemplates the horror of revision
“our only meas of escape is through a potentially weeks- long tunnel of mental diarrhoea”
here is a certain aspect of this chasm, regardless of their own long tunnel of mental diarrhoea. We don’t take action to contain them. thing is that all knowledge needs to be of University life that is true position, drives a wedge in even don’t even have the benefit of Morgan Knowledge is no different – it must be enclosed separately. universally reviled by all. the deepest of comradeships. Freeman narrating our ordeal. (The contained. This is why, from now on, all my re- For most, it lasts for a In efforts to bridge the unfathomable Shawshank Redemption – great film, Secondly, why is it that, no mat- vision notes are meticulously penned Tfew unpleasant weeks, af- gap in personal knowledge during this great metaphor). I’ll refrain from talk- ter how much revision we do, there in by biro delineations. This is the ter which it can, with great relief, be grossly unpleasant period, students ing about the exams any further as always seems to be more to do? Ob- only way I’ve found that can safely pushed from one’s mind. For some, it descend ever deeper into unhealthy that’s another tin of worms ready and viously, unbeknownst to the lec- contain the knowledge. It allows me to uncomfortably squeezed, as if by some neuroticism. Beverages shift from bot- waiting to shank me that I’d rather not turers that set the exam questions, step back from the page and breathe a metaphysical crowbar, into a week, tled water to re-caffeinated coke, coke open. knowledge undergoes an exponential sigh of relief. No matter how bad it all or less, of excruciating torment. For turns to double espresso, coffee turns But revision, for most of us, does expansion. Or, to put that in more looks, or how little (I fear) I know, I a certain few with dangerously maso- to snorting ProPlus off a librarian’s end eventually. It is simply a matter axiomatic terms, knowledge begets can rest assured that I’m safe because chistic inclinations, it occupies them back. Taking the stairs instead of the of finding a way to make it, certainly knowledge. Like rabbits on a council all the knowledge, in all its abstract for months at a time, consuming them lift constitutes the whole of a week’s not easy or interesting, but bearable. estate. Due to the openness inherent infinities, is bounded by the concrete completely and depositing their bro- exercise. Eating moves from half- I don’t know how you seek to accom- in my revision notes (in a vain at- confines of red and blue ink. ken husks on the steps of the Union. I healthy meals at semi-regular times plish this but I have stumbled over a tempt to learn by sheer diffusion), the This way, the revision doesn’t get speak, of course, of revision. to mysterious quests in the twilight of rather novel solution. knowledge is free to wander the page to me. I can then slip my arms back Even from the other side of this letter, 4am to find a shop still open, regard- As we all know, revision is knowl- and bed down with whatever it likes. inside my straightjacket as the nurses I can feel your collective shudder. It is less of whether or not their stock is edge and knowledge is power. And if I have woken on some mornings to tighten the straps for the night and a cruel trick that no matter how much edible or not. we don’t try to restrain that power we find embryogenesis shacked up with rest my head against a padded wall one revises, there always appears to be And the only way out of this most tend to lose our eyebrows and other opioid pharmacology (Oh yeah, like and sleep peacefully. infinitely more to do. Unwise compar- uncomfortable of periods is by exami- body parts. A decaying radioactive you wouldn’t!). Since my notes are the P.S. I do hope this works and doesn’t isons with one’s peers only reinforce nation, a horror in itself. As if the time isotope, an un-grounded electrical fruit of a greater proportion of my life turn out like the raptor paddock in the vast gulf of ignorance that must be spent falsely imprisoned by ignorance circuit, a Bunsen burner with a mis- than I’m comfortable, hosing them Jurassic Park. I have been sleeping less crossed to achieve that degree. Imag- wasn’t bad enough, our only means of chievous streak; all sources of power with cold water would probably give than a metre away from notes on can- ining one’s colleagues on the far side escape is through a potentially weeks- that will do us a serious injury if we me a stroke. Therefore, the next best cer and malignancy. Hm, clever girl...
Alex Kendall and Nicolas Massie question : Is the marking system at Imperial fair enough?
“...anonymous marking will lead to students having greater faith in the system.”
airness; a word used fre- ments, but also between individu- improved trust of students in a system expectation as of a particular grade. marking system is sound. If external quently during the general als. Exams are marked anonymously, which evaluates them for three or four Or, worse, they could be directly dis- examiners are accepted as necessary election; so much so that the marker not knowing the name of years, and a removal of any conscious criminated against. A system of blind for exams and major pieces of course- most people will end up the student. This is an attempt to ex- expectation or subconscious bias or marking would cancel out both the work to ensure fair marking, then Fwondering if they are being clude bias or prejudice by the exam- prejudice by markers. It would still bias and the impression that there surely the logical next step is for an- dealt with fairly, by the government, iner, whilst ensuring that the quality allow students to receive personal could be bias. other check on all pieces of assessed their employer or indeed, their uni- of the work rather than the student feedback on work as once the mark Leeds and Swansea Universities work, the blind system. In fact, since versity. There are many times during is assessed. If we accept this princi- has been given, the CID number can apply this principle, and mark blind all assessed work should probably be our degrees when we think we are be- ple to be valid, and something to be be converted back into a name and the for all assessed work which counts marked by two people, the double- ing dealt with unfairly by our depart- upheld, why then do we not use it for work made available. towards the final grade. There are ex- blind system. ments or Imperial as a whole. There all assessed coursework? I believe this There does not need to be any evi- ceptions made, as there would have to As long as there is the proviso that are also plenty of examples of inter- question must be answered. Blind dence of foul play by markers to ask be in our case, for presentations and feedback will not be compromised, university differences which can be marking across Imperial for all pieces for such a system. I do not believe that vivas. anonymous marking will lead to stu- seen as unfair; the argument that a 2.2 of coursework and all exams should there is a lot of conscious bias and I It is not a new idea; University dents having greater faith in the sys- from Imperial is as good as a 2.1 from be our goal, a justified burden on re- prefer to trust our lecturers. But there standards is a national issue and tem. With the expectation of changes most other Universities is an example. sources, if it even is one. is always the threat of unconscious anonymous marking used to be an in student fees arrangements to come One of the greatest issues of fairness The implementation of blind mark- bias leading to similar marks for all NUS campaign, so I hope lecturers with the Browne review, we have to is the way our work is marked. There ing would contribute to several pieces of a student’s coursework re- and other markers will not take of- demand more transparency and bet- are not only differences in marking worthwhile university goals: stand- gardless of the quality, simply be- fence. The whole point of an external ter value for money. This is one way. between Universities and depart- ardised assessed work across College, cause they have been labelled out of examiner, after all, is to make sure our It’s only fair. PROPOSE DRAMSOC’S NEXT
ANDPLAY YOU COULD DIRECT IT TOO
WE’RE CURRENTLY ACCEPTING PROPOSALS FOR TWO PLAYS A small cast play to be rehearsed over the summer holidays taking place near the start of next year’s first term.
A larger cast play to be auditioned next year taking place nearer the end of next year’s first term.
THE PLAY PROPOSAL MEETING WILL BE Tuesday 1st June at 6:15pm In the DramSoc Storeroom
For directions to the store room, please visit www.dramsoc.org/storeroom
If you’re interested and would like to propose a play, we’d appreciate it if you emailed [email protected] for more info. PLEASE If you have any other ideas, get in touch and show us what you’re interested in doing! felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 9 PPoliticsolitics Editors JamesJames Goldsack and JamesJames Lees POLITICS [email protected] Some Brits really do want electoral reform Following ‘Do Brits really want electoral reform?’ in last week’s felix, a polling polemic in favour of changeange
JJakovakov MarelicMarelic Anachronism and the state of democracy Politics Editor James Lees was shocked after reading the incredibly one-sided article “Do Brits really want electoral re- form?” and some of the points t is no small wonder that elec- man. Of course on a large number of I have to be met head on. toral reform sparks such heated issues the Conservatives and Liberals This government is arguably the first debates. Living in what we are policies overlapped making the coali- to have legitimate authority in over always told is a democracy and tion an easy option to take. A fact that seven decades. Yes you did read that I then watching as a party with many liberal supporters would have no- right; no party in the last 70 years has considerably less than half the vote gain- ticed had they spent some time reading had more than 50% of the popular vote. ing a near majority doesn’t seem fair. the manifestoes rather than insulting Most people voted against Labour’s fa- With the most recent election it would Tory toffs and learning the word ‘anach- mous 1997 ‘landslide’. In light of this seem the entire country managed to get ronistic’ to describe first past the post. it’s very interesting how the writer ac- screwed- nobody voted for an amalgam That truly was one of the more bi- cuses this coalition of having no right of Tory and liberal policies but that is zarre things about the election for me. to push for electoral reform especially what we are now ‘represented’ by. Seemingly at any given opportunity, when the Liberal Democrats have had However, if I had been offered the televised Liberal supporters would de- that issue in their manifesto for over 20 chance to vote for the new coailition scribe FPTP as anachronistic- I guess it I would have done. I think their plans was in the Guardian. are better than either party’s manife- In the end whether the electoral sys- “One of the most toes were on most issues. tem changes really will be up to us all The people who really lost this elec- when the issue hopefully makes it to a beautiful features of tion were dyed in the wool liberals who referendum. I hope the articles in felix spent the election campaign turning the will have made you think about which STV is that candidates Conservatives into some kind of boogie way you will vote.
from the same party German governments have often been successful coalitions in recent decades. have to compete with toral system to keep undesirable parties Italy having 60 governments in 60 years, ploited their unaccountability to the likely to divide into Social Democrats each other.” out. “PR will give power to the BNP” but forgets to mention that Germany, for hilt, as we’ve seen with the expenses and Liberals again. The Conservatives cry the critics. If you took this idea to its instance, has had mostly coalition gov- scandal. One of the most beautiful fea- could end up splitting into the more left logical conclusion, you might as well not ernments for decades and its economy is tures of STV is that candidates from Cameroons and the right old Tories. years. To anyone accusing the Con-Lib have voting at all. Have the government stronger and larger than say, the United the same party have to compete with Many little parties are likely to coalition of lacking a mandate, I say be decided by a meritocracy who know Kingdom. Analysis has shown that out each other. If your MP doesn’t reply to solve the Kingmaker problem where right back at you. Any voting system better than the common people. Under of the 16 countries enjoying a triple-A your letters, you can throw them out small parties have a disproportionate would be put to a referendum anyway. Single Transferable Vote (STV), the sys- credit rating, 10 currently have coalition at the next election without ditching amount of power in coalitions. The Numerous polls have found that if tem that Liberal Democrats proposed, a governments and 12 use some form of his or her party. FPTP forces voters to small parties would be forced to com- people thought the Liberal Democrats candidate still needs 25% of the vote in proportional representation. Far from choose a candidate at the same time as pete to take on the kingmaker role and could win in their area, their share of their constituency. Nobody is arguing for producing weak governments, PR pro- they choose a party; it gives power to before you know it their power would the popular vote would rise dramati- Israel-style PR where only 0.5% around duces ones with a clear mandate because politicians instead of people. If the Con- be significantly reduced. cally. Because of things like this it’s the country is enough to get a seat. Crit- the majority of people have voted for servatives really believed in free market Voter turnout has been steadily very difficult and misleading to trans- ics should stop using this strawman. them and fewer votes are wasted. forces like they claim, they should jump dropping. From the 84% high in 1950 late results from this system into an- The childish accusation of “You only First Past The Post has created a at the chance of introducing STV. to the most recent 64.6%, the elector- other one. Voting systems affect how favour PR because you’re a small party” class of MPs who totally ignore their I predict that if STV is achieved, we ate is realising their votes are wasted; people vote. is easily turned around. You only favour electorate. Yorkshire will always vote will end up with much more choice as they don’t have the power or the There is this extremely damaging sug- FPTP because you’re a large party. Labour, South Kensington will always new parties are created and older par- choice. And you know what? They’re gestion that we should castrate our elec- The writer brings up the example of vote Conservative and MPs have ex- ties split. The Liberal Democrats are absolutely right.
First ever Con-Lib Queens Speech Race for the Labour leadership Backbenchers still have power
This week saw the official Following Gordon Brown’s Conservative back- opening of the new Par- resignation, the competi- benchers known as the liament with the Queens tion for a new leader of the 1922 Committee have Speech. The new coali- Labour party has begun. beaten back Cameron’s tion government’s plans Any candidate wishing to attempt to allow min- were set out in full with run has to be nominated isters to vote in their the 22 bills that Cameron by 33 Labour MPs. At the meetings as ministers and Clegg hope to pass time of writing Ed Mil- will not be voting at in the next year. Several liband, the former energy the election for the bills focusing on small secretary, was leading with chair of the commit- government or big soci- 41 nominations, and David tee. The 1922 com- ety have been proposed Milliband, the former for- mittee serves as a place for Conservative backbenchers to as the Conservative-Liberal alliance seeks to reverse the cen- eign secretary in second express views not handed down from the Party leadership. tralisation of power and removal of civil liberties brought in with 37. Other candidates include Ed Balls , the former edu- This allows them to serve as a vital check to the increasingly under Labour. Fixed term parliaments have been pledged cation secretary and Andy Burnham a backbencher. Who the presidential power of the Prime Ministers position. It was re- along with a bill which should bring about the change to the winner is will determine the direction the Labour party takes sponsible for the vote of no confidence which removed Iain This week alternative vote system. No mention of fox hunting. into the next general election which will be in May 2015. Duncan-Smith from the Conservative leadership in 2003. 10 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 Science Editors Nathan Ley & Brigette AtkinsAtkins SCIENCE [email protected]
‘Artificial cell’ arrives What’s all this Carla Mulas critically analyses the landmark research that has polarised opinion betwen academics and ruffled the media about then?
NNathanathan LLeyey Science Editor he headline “Craig Venter creates artificial life” could be seen in virtually every newspaper and magazine, very now and again there’s a scaremongering, hyperbolic article T from the tabloid rag of piece of news that just leaves alongside an interview with our very The Sun through to the esteemed Sci- you stood wondering in own Lord Robert Winston, who very ence. Well, you have to give it to them; E amazement. Something that gently and calmly put us all back in our the title is catchy and certainly opens within one fell swoop can lift you to place. the doors to much media-loved bick- another realm of conciousness and So, in simple terms, the research ering between discerning parties. But totally transform your viewpoint in a itself is nothing to worry about, and what is this buzz all about? positive manner. Dr Venter would like neither are the possibilites and likely To explain: Cells are the basic units his creation of the ‘artificial cell’ to be applications that eventually come out of life and DNA is essentially their one of these moments in time. Howev- of it. What is more disturbing is some- software. This fairly simple molecule er, it quite simply is not. Just forget it. thing else slightly more hidden. contains a code in the form of four The research published in Science This week Prof John Sulston (a Nobel chemical bases that the cell decodes last week titled “Creation of a Bacte- Prize winner for his work mapping the to synthesise proteins and enzymes, rial Cell Controlled by a Chemically human genome, so you might expect which in turn regulate cell behaviour. Synthesized Genome” is a fine piece him to know what he’s talking about) Easy. of work. As Carla explains, it is a feat gave a slightly more cynical view on What Venter’s team did was to take of technical brilliance to be able to im- the issue, claiming that Craig Venter small fragments of this DNA, identical plant chemically synthesised DNA into was seeking to create a monopoly with to ‘natural’ DNA but synthesised by a an existing ‘shell’ of a cell (i.e. all the genetic engineering techniques. He machine, and paste them in increasing- Dr Craig Venter, leader of the team to create the ‘artificial cell’ components of the cell including the made his claims on BBC Radio 4 whilst ly big fragments. The final product was organelles and enzymes) that has had dismissing the research as nothing a slightly modified copy of the genome its DNA removed and to then ‘re-boot’ more than a “pretty little experiment” of a bacterium (the donor), which they expected. We now have a slightly dif- around a bit. the system using this implanted DNA. stating that “they are using this experi- inserted into a close relative bacterium ferent picture of how life at its basics This highly laborious technique, It is a technical breakthrough, but then ment to claim an enormous range of (the host). The modified host showed works. It is not a simple chain that whilst providing an alternative to tra- so too is a lot of the research coming possibilities which really would give the same characteristics as the donor, links DNA to protein, and conse- ditional methods in which we sim- out of research institutions every week. them control of all bioengineering in showing that DNA really controls cell quently protein to function, but rath- ply deleted or added genes, has the Creating life can surely only be a the future”. He continued: “it seems to identity (… surprise?). er, it is a very complex network with potential to become a valuable tool claim made legitimately once the en- me that this is exactly the sort of thing While some claim that Venter is many branching points, loops and for things such as the production of tire cell and its components are synthe- that we don’t want the patent system playing God, it seems to me that he is interconnections. medicines and the treatment of pol- sised from scratch using a man-made to do”. a mere counterfeiter, simply trying to This is a problem at two levels. First lutants, and it has helped develop the DNA construct? Rather than having a These are worries shared amongst photocopy an incredible painting. The of all, we have not yet mastered the art field of ‘Synthetic Biology’. At present load of the hard work already done for the wider scientific community, but true achievement of this work is in the of creating new proteins because we however, we seem to be incredibly far you? This idea is a remote possibility it is both easy and difficult to be too practical realisation of the task, which are missing some of the information from being able to “design” a cell from and is something a million miles away skeptic. On the one hand, we have a scratch. This poses the question; why chauvanistic individual who clearly not use the well-designed and nature- knows how to play the media, and tested models that we presently have “These are worries who may partake in slightly dubious as a scaffold? “It will eventually come collaborations with cloudy motives (a in useful” appears to be the only pos- shared amongst $600M deal wth ExxonMobil having sible answer at present, even though recently been announced). But on the it is hard to imagine the supporters of the scientific other hand, this is the same individual the $40m funding being happy enough who brought us shotgun sequencing with that... community, but it and the completion of the human ge- Whilst some people are concerned nome project. with the risk of this method being is both easy and The motivations of his research used to manufacture new biochemi- notably include the possibilities that cal weapons, in light of what has been difficult to be too work could be put towards advanced described above, it does not appear as biofuels, new vaccines and medicines. though we are in more danger than we skeptic” These are wholesome and worthy ever were before. After all, who would aims to have, and so on the surface choose a new, more expensive, more given his achievements to date thus far complicated and troublesome tech- from the stage we are currently at, and along with the power at his command, nique when current techniques are consequently unthinkable at this mo- Craig Venter is clearly an important more than sufficient? ment in time. individual. Craig Venter’s work is revolutionary The standard mainstream reaction As humans we are, generally speak- in the sense that now we can play with towards this research has been driven ing, all for innovation and creativity, even bigger DNA fragments, and that by the apparent fear that soon, this line especially in the name of discovery. Scanning electron micrograph of M. mycoides JCVI-syn1 the synthesised DNA appears to be as of enquiry and technical expertise will But so too should we be for regula- good as the ‘natural’ DNA. The crea- make it possible for scientists to create tion and control over the bodies and tion of new methods is always a pre- fully fledged organismal life and com- individuals that oversee the important probably took the word “trouble- on how the sequence of a protein leads requisite for their optimisation and mit acts tantamount to the ‘work of work on some of the most pressing is- shooting” to a whole new level. This to a particular function (i.e. from the further developments, thus leading to God’. sues society faces today. project, started more than 10 years ago sequence of the protein alone we can lower costs, and so making them more Now, I’ve already aired my irrita- with a reported cost of $40m, has been deduce very little and we are missing widely available. tion about the usage of the phrase ‘act termed by some as a “scientific land- the sequence-function relationship). However, in this case it looks like the of God’ relating to insurance claims, mark”. But is it really? At first sight, Secondly, we can only try to under- progress of the “artificial cell” will not and it should come as no suprise that there are already quite a few problems; stand the end product, i.e. a living cell, be limited by the improvement of tech- all this discussion of ‘playing God’ is to understand why, we need to go back by examining the network or the inter- niques, but rather by the increased un- equally as unappealing to me. Will a few years. actions at the protein level, something derstanding in the field of biology and we ever reach a point in time where $600M When the race for the Genome Se- which takes time, and which we are biochemistry which requires much tabloids and news outlets can report quences started, we had the hope that, still working towards. more effort. on stories without resorting to such The value of the collaboration upon its completion, we would liter- This means that at present we can- Without an understanding of the tasteless tactics? Nevermind that the between ExxonMobil and Synthetic ally unlock the secret to life. While it not “write” a new code that will create network DNA-protein-function, we concept of a ‘God’ is very much open Genomics, the company founded by became an incredibly useful tool, the a new cell but we can simply play with are simply going to keep photocopying for debate. Credit where credit is due Craig Venter results were not as self-explanatory as what Nature has given us, tweaking paintings. though, The Sun ran their standard felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 11 [email protected] SCIENCE Geomorphometric techniques take us back in time Shupaula Dass reveals a new technique has been developed to allow identification of the remains of children
he sits alone. Much like young adults, indicating adulthood is Hamlet, Dr Williams beholds reached earlier in the skull than com- a skull - poring over every monly thought.” detail. Yet this skull does not For forensic scientists this means S belong to the fictional jester. one thing - techniques used to identify It is the face of a young child. Her time adult skulls can also be applied to older with the specimen is not a fleeting la- children. ment but a laborious and emotionally The hope extends further. Children taxing study. But unlike the tragedy’s of the past and of past civilisations can protagonist, Dr Williams is not left now be analysed whereas before, their with sadness but with hope. ancestry and sex were not attempted Previously forensic scientists have to be determined. The study’s results encountered difficulty in identifying were later applied to a 10 year old boy the remains of children. It has been who was found to be of Mesoamerican thought that distinct features do not origin. Ancestral identifications could manifest themselves in the bone until help investigators with facial recon- adulthood. But Dr Williams of the Uni- structions. Perhaps even one day GM versity of Florida believed otherwise. could help bring closure to the families “The skull, is endlessly fascinating, of missing children. as so many features which define the Dr Williams does not doubt the way in which we are perceived in the power of GM. “I am confident GM will world are etched into its surface. For become more commonplace in foren- instance, clues to a person's sex, and sic analyses. There is no doubt that the ancestry are imprinted on bone itself. process can be tedious, but the final With minimal equipment, keen eye- to the mechanical arm of a piece of outcome makes it well worth it.” sight, training, and perseverance many equipment called a digitizer to various So while Hamlet will forever ponder of these secrets can be uncovered”. points on the skull.’ Single 3D points the great questions of life and death, And they were. Using ‘geometric were then mapped and compared Dr Williams is providing answers and morphometric’ (GM) techniques, Dr across different age groups. The find- a glimmer of hope for what are essen- Williams studied the skulls of 50 chil- ings were exciting, as Dr Williams re- tially stories of tragedy. And after clo- dren and adults. It involved ‘collect- calls. “Our results found no significant sure, I hope that for these children and ing data by applying a probe attached differences in between the teens and their families the rest is silence. Is this the dagger I see before me ... oh wait, wrong one Subwarden Vacancy New issue
At Tizard Hall (Southside) out now
One of the three ‘Southside’ halls of residence housing around 120 undergraduate students over 7 floors. The Wardening Team facilitates a lively social programme and provides pastoral care to the students.
There is now an opportunity to join this dedicated group of highly motivated staff in September. Applications are welcome from all members of college, although the position is particularly
suited to postgraduate students. Applicants should be:
Friendly Application forms can be found at Resourceful https://halls.imperial.ac.uk/vacancies/ Energetic Responsible For more information please contact Dr Dominik Weiss: [email protected] To fulfil your duties, you are required to live in hall in rent- APPLICATION DEADLINE: I, science free accommodation Friday 18th June 2010 h e ImperialI ilCll College science i magazine i Deadline for Dinner Tickets
Your last chance to buy your dinner tickets is next Friday 4 June, at midnight. Don’t miss out on an unforgettable evening!
For more information and to buy tickets: imperialcollegeunion.org/ball unionpage Or tweet Your chance to name your new bar! (Again) #phase3 When we last asked for you to give us your ideas on a new name for da Vinci’s the with your voting results were too close to show a clear suggestion favourite, therefore we have decided to ask you for your ideas once again. and reason!reason! We already have a name for the new nightclub, Metric, which has proved popular with everyone. We will be introducing the new logo for Metric in the next fortnight, but in the meantime the new bar is our focus. This time we would like to hear what you think your new bar should be called and why you think your suggestions are the best.
You can submit your ideas from today. You will be able to submit ideas for the next two weeks, until Friday 11 June. During this time we would like to hear ideas for names that you feel would work well with your new bar, we would also like to hear in a sentence or two why you feel your name would suit your new bar – try and convince us and your fellow students!
You can submit your ideas by tweeting with the tag #phase3 as well as by commenting on the post on our blog, imperialcollegeunion.org/phase3. We will The Bar/Cafe then look at all your ideas after the closing date. We need your ideas. Head to the Phase 3 blog: imperialcollegeunion.org/ The new bar will have a clean, bright and fresh feel. It will be the place for you to get a phase3 and submit your name for the new bar by commenting on the blog post. drink, meal or watch sports on the overhead projectors in a nice relaxed, spacious atmosphere. To help you visualise your new bar the latest pictures of our Phase 3 Tickets selling fast for the Summer Ball 2010 development are on the blog. These include pictures of your new bar, and will hopefully The Summer Ball 2010 is fast-approaching! only a limited number left and your deadline inspire you when thinking of suitable names. The ball is the largest social event at Imperial for purchasing one is next Friday 4 June each year and is an unmissable night for both at midnight. Entertainments tickets are also The Phase 3 blog is also the place to keep fi nal-year and returning students. This year selling well. For only £45 you get access to all up-to-date with all the lastest news on our we have a massive outdoor stage with some this great live music. new nightclub and bar. of the best live music around. The Noisettes, Tinie Tempah and Plan B are all performing on For more information and to buy tickets, go our Metric stage; it’s just like a festival stage, online to imperialcollegeunion.org/ball. And Deadline for your ideas on the Queen’s Lawn. Plus we have great don’t forget to round up your friends so that is Friday 11 June. dance music in the Great Hall and our indie you can all get a table together for the dinner. disco in the Quad. Make sure you do this before next Friday! Still not convinced? Have a chat to some people Submit yours now! If you want to attend the dinner you will who went last year or the year before; they need to buy your tickets quickly! There are a will convince you!
imperialcollegeunion.org 14 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010
Music Editors: Alexandra Ashford, Kadhim Shubber & Luke TurnerTurner MUSIC Online Editor: Christopher WalmsleyWalmsley [email protected] www.felixmusic.tk
Robin Andrews finds the jewel Marina is forever! 25 in his crown at The age of the beloved the Bloomsbury ‘Marina’ from Marina and the Ballroom Diamonds.
h, mad, kooky Marina. Undoubtedly, the emo- tions generated within my eccentric mind 2 O whilst listening to her music are a paradoxical blur of child- Position of Marina and the hood, macaroni-glitter-and-glue joy and grown-up, sneaky-cigarettes-on- Diamonds, in the BBC’s the-side delectation. prestigious Sound of 2010 Performing in the Bloomsbury prediction polls Ballroom, the ridiculously posh- sounding venue in central London, Marina And The Diamonds – her “diamonds” being her fans, accord- ing to the lady herself – blasted out the majority of her album and a 679 few covers. I can report, with an ir- repressible grin, that it was both a 679 Recordings, is the record visual and sonic treat for the senses: the musical equivalent of tiramisu, label that Marina is currently surely the ultimate in desserts. signed to and releasing her ‘I probably have a bit of a different material on. sound because I don’t really know what I’m doing,’ she once said. Well, who does? The best things in life of- ten emerge from those who are just winging it. The difference between her and most indie-pop-new-wave- 2007 upside-down-topsy-turvey acts out there these days is that she is both The year Marina’s first confident and impatient, both pow- material was released, called erful-yet-rare virtues in the hedonis- tic 21st Century. ‘Mermaid Vs. Sailor EP’. An Case in point: the first album, for estimated 70 copies sold over many bands, has a few songs on Myspace. it that are specifically designed to launch themselves into the public consciousness, whether through ac- cessible, catchy lyrics, or something that is so infuriatingly annoying, in- Photo by Robin Andrews tellectually insulting, yet impossibly persistent. Marina’s debut album contains lyrics involving metaphori- completely different, and all a won- leaning against the wall of the venue cal vomiting, musings over tooth- der to listen to. right at the back. She knows she has paste, and lots of monkey noises. Oh, Live, she is as kooky as she ap- taken quite a giant leap forwards with Most listened to this week by and at one point, she is, we assume, pears in her music videos. Leaping songs that, on paper, really ought to pursued by come rather naughty cut- and pouncing may be a high-enough appeal to just the more quirky mem- lery. You must be both impatient and level of eccentricity for most bands, bers of the population. I guess there Felix Music members on last.fm confident to fire yourself into the but that is merely a base-line for this are a few more mad-hatters out there public soundscape with material like one. How about arms and legs made than we all initially thought: this, of that; better yet, you must be incred- of folded paper flinging in all direc- course, is music to my ears. 1. The xx ibly talented to make it sound so ut- tions in a very eerie yet gorgeously- Of course, her music may not ap- terly brilliant. choreographed dance number? Pine- peal to all. I am not professing to be 2. LCD Soundsystem Lyrically, she weaves contempo- apple sunglasses, photoluminescent outrageously cool and unorthodox for rary poetry, pointing out those who lipstick, and a piano-driven cover of adoring a relatively-unknown artist, 3. Florence + The Machine disappoint and those who could be 3OH!3’s incomprehensibly-misogy- nor will I suddenly start to dislike her so much more: “You’ve been hanging nistic “Starkstrukk” - flipping it on music when her popularity inexorably 4. Caribou with the unloved kids/who you never its head - are some of the things Ma- crashes through the proverbial roof. really liked and you never trusted/ rina brings to the chaotic table. What I am saying is that this rising 5. The Killers but you are so magnetic/you pick up If you can find another new, bright star is outrageously cool and fantas- all the pins.” Her songs are colour- spark in the British music industry tically, wonderfully unorthodox. Not 6. Radiohead ful, mystical, and pleasingly ironic with this much creativity, I will per- all who wander are lost; however, takes on people and their highlights, sonally eat one of my many trilby those who do get lost along the way 7. Four Tet misgivings, and misjudgements, in- hats. She has a gorgeous voice, one tend to find the most exciting things cluding her own; she picks apart that sparkles like, well, a thousand to show to the folks back home. 8. The National mentalities and infuses them with diamonds, and the lyrical ingenuity to her own individualistic flair. Each match. You can sense that she is still 9. Bloc Party track performed not only has its own very much getting to grips with the personality, but its own unique vocal entire rollercoaster ride that inevita- Marina & The Diamonds 10. Coldplay identity. The rapid pitch-changes on bly comes with venturing into the mu- Bloomsbury Ballroom “Hollywood”; the ethereal highs of “I sic industry – she is constantly smil- Wow! An eclectic mix of Coldplay, The Killers and Radiohead, I have news for Am Not A Robot”; the melancholy ing in that ever-so-slightly-cheeky 21st/22nd May ★★★★★ you people... They all sound the same. I have better bands to talk about, Pino Pal- “Obsessions”; the near-insane Jungle way, poking fun at herself, and the ladino, Steve Jordan and John Mayer here I come. - Luke Book-infused “Mowgli’s Road”: all rather uniquely-static businessman Imperial College Christian Union Presents IS BELIEF IN GOD REASONABLE? A DEBATE Join us in Dr Peter Cave
The Clore Lecture Theatre Chair of the Huxley Building Philosophers of the British on Humanist Friday 4th June Association at 6.30pm Peter Williams Drinks and Refreshments Author of “A Provided Sceptic’s Guide To Atheism: God Chaired by Dan Wan is not Dead” (felix editor) Photograph of the Week ‘Isola d’Elba’ by Robin Andrews, 4th Year Geology
Standing on a section through an ancient frozen magma chamber, conveniently located on the northern coast of the beautiful Isola d’Elba; [taken May 2010.]
Think you’ve got something better? [email protected] felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 17
TTextext in to 07832670472 CAT-NIP Email in at [email protected] TweetTweet @felixcatnip
CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE? Best Place for a Picnic?
SOCKS AND SANDALS: Queen’s Lawn, defo. And don’t worry if we scorch the grass. They’ll just returf it again anyway. AVANT-GARDE GARB OR FOOTWEAR FAIL? Second Year Physicist Prince’s Gardens. It’s like Hyde Park except smaller. And JOKES, LETTERS, OPINIONS WE WANT THEM ALL! without the geese. First Year Medic Email: [email protected] Text: 07832670472 The Library. It’s not like it can get any hotter in there. Facebook: Felix Fan Page Twitter: @felixcatnip First Year Biologist Gossop Boyo on Drunken-Mate Photo Of The Week Smoking and Silence mperial College is supposed to be full of hand-picked, creme-de-la-creme, intellectual future Nobel Prize winners. A few things have led me to question this: Got a picture of 1. Forgive me if I’m mistaken but I am pretty sure that theI sign outside the library reads “No smoking”. Now I would think that this would be a rather simple undertaking. Indeed your mate being is it the first or the second word that is the stumper? Maybe it is the collective synergy of the two words that really throw the spanner into the works? Or maybe there are just a group of an absolute waste collective ignorami assholes who choose to flaunt this rather simple instruction. I would rather spend my precious minutes out of the confines of the library in the pocket of peace that is of oxygen? Well, the Queen’s Lawn without passively inhaling your fungating fumes. I urge you to take action - be it mild (give the offender the evil eye), moderate (point the offender towards the sign), get your camera or severe (scream in incandescent rage at their sheer stupidity, ignorance and selfishness). out and email your 2. The silent study area. Ah, bane of my life, home away from home. I would have thought that this was a classic case of Ronseal does what it says on the tin. So why then is it that drunken mates people think that it’s a good idea to flagrantly flaunt the rules. Assholes? My personal favourite is when people choose to whisper thinking that I will not hear them because they are to catnip.felix@ sat across from me and that the laws of physics dictate that sound does not carry that far. Seriously what makes it all the more fun is when this conversation is carried out in a dialect imperial.ac.uk that is innately guttural and with a bit of luck I can have flecks of their spit gracing the pages that I am trying to study from. Arguably the worst part of a night on the lash is coming home and taking it How kind of them. I recommend that we adopt a similar out on your flat. Thankfully, a bin was provided to spare that...beautiful rug. approach to the smokers and give these people a right royal telling off. That should learn them, num sayin’? Senders must have permission to use submitted photos and accept full responsibility for them I love Imperial!
Gossip Boyo
Overheard At Imperial... Is your life so dull you’re eavesdropping on others? Post your listenings on the “Overheard at Imperial” facebook group A: Come drinking or we’ll kill you. B: But then I won’t be able to sit my exam. – A crisis of priorities.
When I was seven, I made a database of my teddies. – Imperial gets ‘em young.
The skin is the largest organ, even though some boys in the room may beg to differ with that statement. – Dermatologists tell it straight.
Don’t you hate when your curly arrows end up straight? – Not just arrows.
A: Are you going to ‘robots’ (Cognitive Robotics)? B: It’s not ‘robots’. A: It better fucking well be! It’s got robots in the name! – The man wants robots, dammit!
What’s a medic? – Overheard in the SAF foyer. 18 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 CULTURE & ArArtsts Editors Rosie Milton, Caz Knight & Lucy HarroldHarrold THE ARTS [email protected]
Too Darn Ten Years of Tate, yay! Hot... Rosie Milton looks at the Tate Modern’s ‘Festival of Independents’
LucyLucy HHarroldarrold Arts Editor
ooray! I never have to and have a painting contest in the park. take an exam ever again. Best picture wins beer. Unfortunately I do have I suffer from nasty bouts of hayfever to complete a disserta- and hate hot weather so I’ll be taking H tion, an oral exam (no my culture indoors thank you very jokes please), poster and a presenta- much. For me this means singing in- tion so I don’t get much time for art or credibly loudly whilst writing my dis- culture. sertation (apologies to my flatmates!) So I haven’t edited felix since be- and doodling a costume design or two. fore Easter and we’ve suddenly gone Although I’ll never say no to a good old from freezing cold (you may remem- trip to the theatre. We in the felix Arts ber most of my columns grumbling office have been raving about Hair. about the freezing conditions) to being Caz saw the press night and I went on 30 degrees. Luckily the felix office is opening night. It was absolutely phe- down in the depths of the Union build- nomenal from the show itself to rac- ing so it’s escaped the worst of the heat. ing around the entire theatre to get If you like your weather on the warm the opportunity to dance onstage to side then now is a great time to get out refusing to get off said stage. My friend and see some culture! Soon the Re- and I met everyone from James Rado, gent’s Park open air will be opening up writer of Hair (he was pretty stoned to perform Stephen Sondheim’s Into and attempted to pat me on the head) The Woods. If musicals aren’t your to Jodie Prenger, soon to be starring as thing, take a wander round Hyde Park the Lady of the Lake in Spamalot on and drop into the Serpentine Gallery. tour. They are currently showing the work For those of you still suffering with of Nairy Baghramian and Phyllida examavitis, never fear! I’ve found you Barlow. They specialise in striking 3D some culture without even leaving the forms. library. Don’t be scared of the Haldane What I like best is to sit in the park Collection it really does hold some with friends giving a brilliant excuse treasures. Rox Middleton hasn’t gone for some arty excursions. There is much further, taking in a new exhibi- nothing better than a good old sing- tion at the V&A. Rosie Milton reports song of dodgy nineties Britpop (or in back from the Tate Modern and, in a my case a fuckload of theatre songs). triumphant return, Why I Like is back Or get some cheap watercolour paints with a look at Judy Garland.
10 years of the Tate Modern was celebrated by the ‘Festival of Independents’
know, I’m supposed to keep an was the site for the festival; areas had meanour and ‘hippyishness’. The small open mind when it comes to been partitioned off and labelled, by exhibits were tired and sad; like a re- contemporary art, or ‘happen- way of taped margins on the floor. Col- ally bad jumble sale. A car-boot-type ings’ (whatever the on-trend oured bits of paper, random objects trestle table was set up in one area with I term may be nowadays). How- and stalls of various kinds, not to men- ready-made knick-knacks that had all ever, although the plethora of activity tion crowds of people milling around been modified in some debilitating on view at the Tate this weekend was aimlessly, had swallowed up every way, making them even more undesir- supposed to instil a sense of excite- square inch. At first we attempted to able than they would have been before. ment about current art production, it investigate every partition, working in Other irksome spectacles: a photocop- really didn’t. My peers’ view of Tate an anti-clockwise movement. Nothing ier churning out pages and pages of the is normally withering and anti-estab- seemed to be clear – there was the usu- same bland script on A3 (what is the lishment. I think they mostly disagree al unexplained conceptual display: a point?), a faux shaman playing music with the curatorial processes in terms seated girl holding the carcass of a blue through house plants (yes, even I didn’t of the displays of the modern art and chicken, television screens on the floor ‘get it’) and very expensive boring art the message of the big shows. For ex- playing film, paper everywhere with books everywhere (no surprise there). ample, criticism of how the Rothko’s nondescript text and an abundance I enjoyed the energy of the event, are hung has often come up in class. I of other bits and pieces. Strangely but I have to put my hands up and say would be lying if I said I agreed; I ac- enough this festival calls to mind an- that when it comes down to it, I prefer tually like the soft, muted greys of the other event that spans only a couple of a little bit more the gloss of the estab- Rothko room (when occupied by said days and needs to be as absent as it is lishment. Tate were clearly just trying works) and have no idea of their origi- present in only matter of hours: that to show that they were ‘down with the nal placement in the Seagram building of the Chelsea Flower Show. Know- kids’. After 10 years of displaying a col- to compare with. ing active participants of the competi- lection which is equal to such a huge I approached the mini-festival, ‘No tion aspect, I understand that you are amount of expenditure (not to men- Soul For Sale – A Festival of Independ- given a small concrete space and have tion what we have spent on tickets of ents’, with an open mind. As I have just to recreate a ‘moment’ almost, of a gar- the big shows) it was frankly insulting alluded to, I subscribe to Tate’s method den that should look as if it has always to see this rickety fair as the epitome of of putting on events and ‘blockbuster been there, then dismantle it at the end this last decade. Send the kids back to shows’ and was intrigued by this par- of the show. This of course raises the the East End and let’s hope Tate pulls ticular event. Unfortunately this festi- very issue that I have with the ‘Festival its socks up. val – apparently representative of the of Independents’: there is the obvious 10 years that Tate Modern has exist- facet of financial backing. I appreciate Above: The floorplan from Festival of ed – did not, I feel, do justice to that the fact that this event was free for all Independents. which it was celebrating. and sundry, but that very fact became Left: Art and music combine as these The back of the main turbine hall painfully obvious by its general de- plants play dinky little tunes. felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 19 [email protected] ARTS Why I Like... Judy Garland Rosannah Elsbury tells us about the studios’ darling, her short-lived career and dark personal life
n the tenth of June 1922 “Gumm” to “Garland” Francis then and bullied to within and inch of her in the little town of changed her name to Judy after a pop- life by the studio chiefs, Judy, unsur- Grand Rapids, Minne- ular Hoagy Carmichael song. prisingly became a very insecure and sota, a baby girl named Judy shot to fame as Dorothy Gale in irrational person. O Francis Ethel Gumm “The Wizard of Oz”, she later went on Can you imagine what it would have popped out of a very disgruntled Mrs to star in many popular musicals such been like to work with her? Granted Ethel Gumm. as “Meet Me in St Louis”, where she she was reportedly a true luvvy to her As has been recorded countless met her future husband and father of co-stars, but she was very unpredicta- times throughout the late 20th centu- her first child, Vincent Minelli. ble and suffered with her nerves. They ary, this little girl grew up to be none Despite adoring Judy and fathering never knew if she would fly off the han- other than Judy Garland. future musical star Liza Minelli, Vin- dle, lose consciousness or even just not Little Francis was the youngest of cent was a renowned homosexual, a come out of her dressing room. three girls, thanks to their mother’s trend that was to continue in many of Undoubtedly this lady is a legend of ceaseless pushing and vicarious living Garland’s marriages. both stage and screen, a dazzling siren they became known in the vaudeville After her success in “Meet Me in St with the face of an innocent little girl world, imaginatively enough, as “The Louis”, Judy’s life started to go downhill. and a leather-tough, husky and emo- Gumm Sisters” After filming the box office flop “The tive voice, but an insecure, unpredict- Mary Jane “Suzy” Gumm and Doro- Pirate”, Ms Garland suffered a nervous able mess off camera or stage. thy Virginia “Jimmie” Gumm made breakdown and was promptly escorted The astonishing thing is that, de- the larger part of the trio and it soon to a private mental institution. spite this, everyone she ever worked became apparent that, whilst the two After a few weeks she was released with has always said what a wonderful older sisters could sing and dance as and went back to her hectic film sched- person she was. There is rarely a bad well as anybody else, they were no ule. Unfortunately Judy was still very word spoken about her in interviews, match for the bizzare gimmick of a unwell and was unable to complete the perhaps she couldn’t help it and maybe very little girl belting out a song like a filming of “The Berkelys of Broadway” her good points outshone her bad ones seasoned alto with a megaphone. and was replaced by Ginger Rogers. so much that the bad was forgotten, At some point it dawned on the Judy suffered with these bouts of de- but next time you hear her praises be- Gumm sisters that their name pro- pression and nervous anxiety through- ing sung, spare a thought for all those voked a certain amount of hilarity in out her life, she was famously troubled, who had to support her through the the audience and so after due consid- rarely sober, pumped full of speed to tough times, and watch her soak up the eration they changed the name from make her more productive and skinny praise in the good times. I love The Wizard of Oz, here is Judy in her most famous role as Dorothy Gale
Modern Masters- Dali, Picasso, Warhol and Matisse Roxanne Middleton nips down the road to the V&A to lift the lid on some misunderstood modern classics
s a roving arts corre- which is ‘potato-print’ style. once made a lithograph using snails spondent, I took it upon The image is made by drawing the dipped in oily stuff. This, disappoint- myself this week to make desired picture onto the plate with a ingly, is not shown. And that’s it! Move the intrepid expedition all hydrophobic, oily medium (think wax swiftly on to Warhol. A the way to the V&A. Yes, crayons). Then hydrophilic gum Ara- Warhol really was a printmaker, and I realise I’m not going to win any points bic in water is poured over so that it while Dali may be more well known for for originality, and this is not the cut- surrounds the picture, forming the re- his paintings, the Warhol wall is reas- ting edge of contemporary alternative lief, turpentine is used to strip off the suringly lurid. There are some Marilyn culture, but it’s very much easier to do excess oiliness from the original pic- Monroes and some pictures of him very little work on getting in the good ture and the (oil-based) ink is poured amongst a couple of others. You’ll have stuff. over the top. Obviously, it sticks only seen them before, but it’s interesting to Anyway, this is a proper reason to go to the original design and not the rest see the full size faces layers of built-up to the V&A, since we’re so generally of the plate where the hydrophilic gum design. oblivious to the everyday breathtaking is. So then the inked-up plate can be After the first room, I preferred the glory of its permanent exhibits; there’s used to produce multiple copies or ex- second more. There’s a gamut of Ma- an exhibition (opened 1 May) ‘til 23 perimentation. I wish I’d known this tisse’s nudes, from the iconic minimal June of prints by Dali, Picasso, Matisse about lithography as I was wander- line drawings which are fantastically and Warhol. How’s that for an eyeful? ing about, mystified as to how exactly evocative, for all their simplicity, to Yes, seventy-five years covering the self these pictures had come to be, and why plainly drawn studies, and a photo of proclaimed “birth of the modern age” it mattered. Matisse drawing a nude model which I in one easy exhibition. Not only that, The pictures themselves are certain- particularly liked. There are even fun- but this exhibition is just two rooms! ly varied, there’s no chance of getting ny, curvy women called “Monumental For efficiency, it doesn’t get much bet- bored of the same style. Dali’s start off odalisques” on the little bit of card, ter than this. with a series of seriously cool posters although I didn’t find that descrip- The two rooms are each divided into he made to advertise train destinations tion terribly enlightening. It turns out two sections, half for each artist, and a in France. an odalisque is a particularly Matisse good range of prints to display a range These large and gaudy pictures con- thing and means an Ottoman slave of their respective styles and variation. trast with the next ones in the Dali sec- woman (part of the Imperial Harem, These are not the paintings but prints, tion which are some surreal fine line haha). which doesn’t really sound so impres- drawings of a tree-body cutting off Picasso’s section has a naked woman sive, until you realise the huge impor- its own leg and stuff like that. I can’t picking a flea off her bum (“amusing tance of lithography in the oeuvres of decide whether that sort of creepi- yet sensual”?) and some really lovely all four great artists. ness is really my type of thing but it’s ink-flooded portraits which I thought Lithography is merely a type of quite nice to see. There are also some was printmaking at its finest; black and printing but specifically one in which totally different sketchy scribbly pieces white and simply beautiful. Not being a smooth stone or metal plate is used by Dali, like the owl which looks like a a buff of any of the four great artists, to create the print, rather than wood massive biro doodle, and there’s a lit- I really enjoyed it, a nice espresso cup block, intaglio or letterpress printing tle piece of card which boasts that Dali of great art. Picasso always regretted installing a window where his door was 20 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 ARTS [email protected] If you go down to the library today... his week I haven’t been anywhere fancy schmancy. Instead I’ve been stuck in the dungeon of a computer room writing my dissertation. ‘How are you writing this article?’ I hear you ask. Well dear reader, let me introduce you to the wonder that is the Haldane Collection. The Haldane used to be awesome, situated in what is now the Level 1 Computer Room in the library. I’d spend most lunchtimes sat on the comfy chairs reading a newspaper or perusing the DVD collection for something to Twatch that night. The Haldane Collection has now moved (minus the comfy chairs and newspapers) to the stifling heat of Level 5. Culture, amongst our very own.
s CDs ly DVDs The library has the strangest collection of CDs, I’ve even spotted Louise Redknapp’ If you’re into opera, you’ll love the library’s DVD collection- it’s Verdi only solo offering. But we’re going to narrow the search to theatre general and Puccini heaven. If you don’t like your singing quite so..erm… loud because a) That’s my favourite subject and b) I think I must have taken out most of then it’s a bit less fun. the CDs in the eclectic collection. Cabaret Rocky Horror Company The classic Kander and Ebb MacBeth Nazi musical. Based on Picture Show Charles Isherwood’s memoirs This Amazingly, the library has a rare rendering of the of the 1930s in Berlin, Cabaret Maybe one for after exams production 1995 Donmar Warehouse is a tale of drugs, bisexuality and but it is a must see for starring theatre production of Company debauchery. This is the definitive anyone who’s ever seen legends Ian starring Hustle’s Adrian recording featuring every song a guy wandering down McKellen and Lester. Company centres ever used in any production of the street in fishnets Judi Dench is the around Bobby on his 35th birthday the show. The awesome Jonathan and suspenders and definitive version as his friends around him grow up and Pryce (Keira Knightley’s dad in Pirates thought WTF? Richard of ‘The Scottish get married, Bobby is left cynical and of the Carribbean) plays the fucking O’Brien’s seminal Play’. Performed yearning for a relationship of his own. A mental Emcee with Maria Freedman cross dressing cult flick without costumes curious version of the show featuring a as Sally. Song highlights include sees Brad and Janet or complex sets the predominantely black cast and imagining Wilkommen; it’s just a brilliant way (Barry Bostwick and text is the star of the Bobby as a cocaine addict. to open a show. Let’s turn the entire Susan Sarandon) enter show, really getting Song highlights include Ladies Who exposition into a splendid number that into the strange world back to the purpose Lunch: Witty mentions of Mahler, hats sets the scene perfectly. of Frank N Furter (Tim of Shakespeare as an and all those girls we love to hate; and Cabaret- A bittersweet ending. Sally Curry) and friends. The art form, not a tool to Being Alive which is the ultimate male has lost everything – her man, her songs are catchy, the story bore schoolchildren. ballad (well maybe except for Jesus livelihood, her baby and possibly is absolutely ridiculous. Christ Superstar’s Gethsename). Nuff her life. When done properly, it’s You may find yourself said. Listen to it, bitches. heartbreaking. developing affections for men in suspenders...
Well that’s what a library is for. The Haldane has possibly the most inexplicably diverse collection of books, from Hugh Laurie’s only novel to modern classics like Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I’ve found some real gems inThe this Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy section, but also some rather dull affairs; like all artistic forms, it’s a definite mixed bag. You’re at Imperial, how could you not read this book? Science Books fiction at its best and its funniest, Douglas Adams’ trilogy of four Ragtime charts the adventures of Arthur Dent, a regular shmoe whose best friend, Ford Prefect, happens to be an alien. Arthur and I must admit I’ve taken this book out a fair few times but now Ford bumble about the universe discovering lost planets, new have my own copy so you can read it instead. Ragtime is the tale civilisations run by mice and trying to answer the ultimate of three families in turn of the century New York. An upper class question- what is the meaning of life? (For those of you that white family in New Rochelle, a black couple from Harlem and an don’t know, it’s 42). immigrant family from Latvia. E.L. Doctorow’s American classic Hitchhikers, despite being completely barmy fiction is cleverly intertwines these three stories with the real characters actually a really good introduction to the sort of humour from the time period such as Houdini, Henry Ford and J.P. Morgan. you’ll find at Imperial and the people you’ll meet. As we see the lives of these families become more involved, the story Although I never did quite get through the fifth book takes on many twists and turns, addressing the big issues of the time. (yep, there’s actually five). felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 21 Fashion Editor KawaiKawai WongWong FASHION [email protected]
Scouting for the next best thing News Strip Since its inauguration in 1991, the Graduate Fashion Week has been the go-to place for industry insiders to scout the next household name. Kawai Wong counts its importance. GGabbyabby GentilcoreGentilcore Fashion Reporter be selected by a panel of judges. This year, the fate of the students will be decided by Alberta Ferretti of Cat Deely Designs for Links her eponymous label, Kim Jones of Dunhill, Lorraine Candy of Elle, Dylan The first international spokeswoman of Jones of GQ and Naomi Dominque of Links of London will step up to design for River Island. the jeweller, Links of London. The most outstanding collection felix has learnt that TV presenter Cat will be awarded the River Island Gold Deely has designed a friendship bracelet Award, which a cash prize of £20,000 for the brand. as well as an extra £2000 as an reim- The bracelet will hit the stores in bursement for their education will be September. handed out. The first GFW happened in 1991, when Smirnoff sponsored a student fashion show at the Business Design 70s Fashion Brand Biba Relaunches Centre in Islington. Sponsors come and go, and sadly GFW hit the trough The brand was acquired by House of when it found no willing companies to Fraser in November last year. felix has fund the event in 1993. learnt that the brand will officially Luckily, the Health Education Au- be relaunched in September. A new thority, BHS, Esprit and Topshop rec- in-house design team will stay true ognised the importance of promoting to the original passion and energy of and supporting the talent of tomorrow, the iconic brand by referencing its and they have since linked their names extensive archive. with the event. The bucket was finally passed to River Island, who has been funding GFW happily since 2004. SATC2 Induces Shoe Frenzy Apart from signing the cheque for the Gold Award, River Island also re- Sex and the City is set to spark a new A model poses for the camera for Shireeen Erfani-Shomaly’s collection in 2009. She is a graduate of University of East cruits ex-GFW participants for design Westwood craze when “the Carrie factor” London. The winner of the River Island Gold Award went to UCA Rochester Fashion Design student Myrto Stamou who roles. This year’s collection of print- is added to a pair of shoes that have only showed a collection of Grecian gowns. ed mini shorts, PVC body sculpting been seen on the catwalk. The shoes that dresses, jewellery and footwear mod- Carrie wears in the film’s official poster elled by the singer-songwriter Kelis. will be available exclusively in Vivienne hile the press-day precision as well as innovative and the blood flowing in fashion design Menswear will be fronted by Diversity Westwood stores and boutiques. invites from M&S futuristic designs attract fashionis- in the UK, many big names from the dancer Ashley Banjo. The pieces will or Aspreys headed tas of all calibres to attend the event. industry, such as Gareth Pugh, Giles hit the stores from the 24th May. straight for the Last year, the fashion mongul of the Deacon, Zandra Rhodes, Victoria Members of the public can buy tick- Model Lara Stone is a Laydee W recycling bin, the blogosphere – Susie Lau of Stylebub- Beckham, Erin O’Connor and Claudia ets for the exhibition and the shows on invitation to Graduate Fashion Week ble, was given a stall at the exhibition Schiffer proudly lent their time to the the GFW website. A limited number Vogue cover girl and Louis Vuitton remains securely fastened to the dia- to blog live from the event. Street style shows. of tickets at £50 will get you into the spokeswoman Lara Stone married Little ries of buyers and editors. The annual hunters, such as the photographers Creme de la creme of the fresh invitation only Gala Show at 8pm. This Britain star David Walliams in London event which begins on the 6th June this from Facehunter, ElleUK and Style graduates from 50 universities across package also includes entry for the this weekend. year will take place at Earls Court 2. Scout, need rolls and rolls of films (or the UK will compete for a place in the award ceremony as well as the after Lara wore a bespoke and long corseted Static exhitbitions as well as 22 fashion memory sticks) to capture the diversity Gala Show, where all the guests on ei- show party. dress designed by Riccardo Tisci, the shows showcases the works of BA stu- and originality of the eclectic fashion ther side of the runway hold private creative director of Givenchy. dents from across the country. which the UK is renouned for. invitations. The show culminates in an Gradute Fashion Week, 6th June - 10th Dresses scuplted to architectural Knowing the importance to keep award ceremony, where a winner will June, Earls Court 2. Isabella Blow’s Clothes Collection to be Auctioned Off
The late stylist and magazine editor, Isabella Blow – who was close friends with the late Alexander McQueen – The hidden subtleties of eye make-up will see her private clothes collection auctioned off at Christies this September. The extensive collection includes over 90 available. outfits. CCharlotteharlotte MMorrisorris BOBBI BROWN When it comes to eyeliner, there are BENEFIT LONG WEAR She purchased McQueen’s first a few different types to choose from; BABE CAKE GEL EYELINER collection in its entirety for £5000. fter introducing the fun- not only liquid or pencil, we also have £15.50 £15.00 Isabella Blow suffered from breast cancer damentals of make up cakes and gels and other, more exotic and she committed suicide 3 years over the last few weeks, types, such as felt-tips. Personally, I before McQueen. we can move on to some use a combination of a kohl pencil and This cake eye-liner is perfect. It lasts Long-lasting and water resistant, this A more exciting aspects of a cake eyeliner. An important point to forever and with a choice of black or gel form of eyeliner offers the precision make-up, the ones that can really make note when using cake eyeliners is that brown, it’s compact and suitable for day of a liquid liner but is easier to apply Lady Gaga Takes Internship you stand out from the crowd. a quality brush to apply it with is essen- and evening-wear. Don’t forget, you than most liquids. It’s often said that the eyes are the tial. Because the kohl pencil is easier to need to find a good brush to accompany Lady Gaga will take an internship with windows of the soul. Eyeliner and mas- apply, I use this on the bottom eyelid, this cake eyeliner, which Benefit will celebrity milliner Phillip Treacy. cara can prove to be the difference be- and then apply the cake eyeliner to the also provide for a meagre £12.50. Their URBAN DECAY The hats maker has previously tween being a Plain Jane to being a sexy top. I find it best to have a variation ‘Get Bent’ liner brush makes for easy LIQUID LINER designed several headpieces for the star, fashionista, giving shape and defini- between black and brown eyeliners so application, especially when doing the £11.00 including the lace face mask as well as tion to highlight your eyes. They really that you can use brown during the day top eyelids. elaborate headgears. Although details are the fundamentals of eye make-up, and black for a night out. have yet to be confirmed, this will solidify but there is still a lot of scope to play You don’t have to limit yourself to Available in over ten different colours, the bond between fashion and music. around with colours, application tech- black and brown. For a night out, ex- white and silver work well, as do metal- this liquid liner will allow you to niques and different types of make-up periment with other colours. I find that lic blues and purples. experiment with new exciting looks. 22 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 CLUBS & Clubs & Socs Editor Alex Kendall SOCIETIES [email protected] James Freedman joins the Fellwanders Spring Tour at the last minute and survives the icy Cairngorm plateau with style Hiking Club s I sat in my first class deployment of essential safety equip- Scottish weather not obscured it. Carn seat on the train from ment. Unfortunately, all this time was a Tuirc was our goal, and undeterred London to Aberdeen, then lost to The First Great Snow- by the wind, the rain, and the complete enjoying the wireless in- fight. Small skirmishes had been tak- absence of any shelters marked on the A ternet and table service, ing place all the way down the hill, and map, we headed up. discover the I spared a thought for the Fellwander- things gradually escalated until snow- The view from the summit was non- ers who were enduring a twelve hour balls the size of beach balls were being existent, so we stayed only to argue minibus journey up the M1. Not too exchanged, despite constant threats briefly about our next destination, and much of a thought, however, because it from the resident schoolma’am that which way it was, before setting off for was interrupted by a stewardess bring- “we would be in so much trouble”. Not Cairn of Claise. Once again, we man- long later, we were trudging back to the aged a whole day without anybody fall- beast within ing me my lunch. The journey almost seemed too luxurious a preface to a minibus through the snow. ing off the many available cliffs. Morale week’s walking in the mountains; I felt Back in the hut, Jim and Peter treat- dropped considerably on the descent, much more at home when changing ed us to a delicious Sunday roast, full until finally we dropped out of the onto my bus in Aberdeen, and I was trimmings included, and there was cloud and the minibus came into view, greeted by a fish and chip shop con- much rejoicing. Despite our efforts, although still several hundred metres noisseur of a bus driver with the words: we didn’t quite manage to finish every- below us. Thankfully, our trusty sur- “Braemar? What the **** do you want thing; after all, “there’s no need to ram vival bags were once again at hand to to go there for?” Welcome to Scotland. speed our descent. Stopping only to I was made to feel much more wel- discuss the possibilities of multiple come when I rounded the corner into Once again, we roadkill rabbits as dinner, we headed Braemar Lodge to discover the group back to to town to see what Braemar still unloading the minibus. There had to offer. were a few surprised faces at my unan- managed a whole Aside from whisky, walking equip- nounced arrival, but after locating the ment and woollen clothing, Braemar only free bunk, I soon settled into an day without any- does not offer much, so our time would evening of wishing I’d stopped at a su- mostly be split between the single pub permarket to buy some beer. body falling off and a delicious-looking takeaway, The Bright and early on Sunday morn- Hungry Highlander, that served the ing, it was time to get stuck into some the many available best of world cuisine: Fish and chips, Munros. First up were the twin peaks pizzas and kebabs. of North Top and South Top, al- cliffs. After a quick trip to the pub, we re- though not before a long traipse along turned to the bunkhouse to discover a snowed over Landie track – some- that the Beast was about to be unveiled thing that would later develop into a meat down your throat just for the sake in all its glory. A ten minute struggle theme of the week. Our first ascent of it”, right? ensued, after which we finally managed began, and after a brief delay for Dave Early nights followed for most of the to release it from the pot, and it sat in to change up his shorts for his trousers, group, except for the dedicated team of the middle of the dining table challeng- and another brief delay for Dave to add dessert designers who worked into the ing us to finish it – or even start it! thermals under his trousers, we broke early hours creating The Beast. The top layer was a milk chocolate through the cloud and onto a beauti- Forged from every imaginable in- and marshmallow affair, followed by a ful plateau. North Top proved a chal- gredient, The Beast was a four-layered layer of white chocolate and brownie lenging find on the lunar landscape, monstrosity of heart disease waiting to clusters. Below that, the cereals kicked but Alex’s stellar navigation guided us happen. Weighing in at approximately in, with one layer of rice krispies and to our first Munro of the week, and all twenty kilos, it was unlike anything toffee and another of cornflakes. The without anybody falling off a cliff or we’d ever seen in a kitchen, and it whole thing was almost six inches being caught in an avalanche. A quick hadn’t even left the pot yet. That would high, and nearly two feet in diameter. trek back across the Moon and South have to wait for a day of settling. Eating it all this week would be quite Top was also ours. Sunrise on Monday greeted us with a challenge... Our descent was sped up consider- traditional Scottish weather, or at least … a challenge we got stuck straight Come Spring, the Hiking Club migrates to warmer lands ably, at least for some, by the frequent it would have done, had the traditional into as soon as we’d finished our chili
pasta. Perhaps ambitiously, we set our- distillery tour began. Jim, James, Peter selves the target of eating a quarter and I even found a mini hill to climb, every night, and dished portions out although despite our best efforts, we amongst the group accordingly. Some failed to get lost. complained they were being served Royal Lochnagar did not disappoint! too little, some too much, but nearly Our tour guide survived most of Joe’s all of us were soon stifled by the sheer technical questions, and provided us sweetness of the dessert. Through- out a whole evening of the traditional game Werewolf, and some of its less- ...we evaded the er-known variants, we struggled to finish the culinary task we’d assigned werewolves, and ourselves. No walking was planned for Tues- the Russian spies day, so we seized the opportunity for a lie in with both pillows and stayed in bed until the decadent time of eight who were camped o’clock, when I walked into town to buy pancakes, satisfying myself that out in the vicinity. I had made my culinary contribution for the week, and leaving the prepara- with plenty to taste at the end. She tion in the much more capable hands seemed very keen for us to know that of Jen, who did not disappoint. Well Royal Lochnagar are now owned and stuffed, we headed off to Balmoral operated by Diageo, so it would be to see the Queen. Unfortunately, the criminal of me not to further her cause Queen wasn’t in (kind of her to tell us), by leaving out that essential factoid. so we just had a poke around her house This being my first time, I discovered instead, and then strolled around her how water and barley become hango- oversize garden. vers, and I gather that even the sea- Secretly, I’m sure everybody was soned whiskey tourists learnt a thing counting down the minutes until our or two. felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 23 [email protected] C & S
with the bus. snacks, interspersed with some final down to and along the side of Dubh Although, I wasn’t there, so I can’t be last-day snowballing for those of us Loch, along some tight, steep tracks. certain. They might have exaggerated who still hadn’t tired of it. As we neared the water, Alex became things a bit. Carn a’ Choire Bhoidheach and Carn increasingly nervous, obviously aware The next day arrived with a curi- a t-Sagairt Mòr soon also fell to our re- of Dave’s plans to enact the ‘tradition’ ous mixture of slackers’ fresh legs lentless boots, although the third sur- of submerging the trip leader, but for- and hikers’ stiff legs, but nothing like prised us with a lone aircraft wing rest- tunately for him we never came close that would deter us from upping our ing near the top. Dave’s aeronautical enough to the waterside. Munro count. We set off early to Beinn engineering training let him down as Perhaps much later than some had Bhreac, along a route spied by Alex on he failed to identify it from a sole wing, expected, we returned to the car park yesterday’s return. After another pro- but through the wonders of mobile in- after an impressive day, and a far more longed track trek, we set off into the ternet we identified it as a RAF Can- impressive week’s walking. wilderness past a house that looked berra, WJ615, from all the way back The end of that walk also signalled suspiciously reminiscent of Dog Sol- in 1956, which unfortunately collided the end of my time with the Fellwan- diers. This was too much for James with the mountain after overshooting derers. After an undignified change in and Dave, who soon after decided that a night-time landing nearby. the back of the minibus, I was aban- they’d be much safer in the minibus, On we hiked, with some of the group doned in Ballater to make my own and disappeared back down the track making the most of the last of the way home. Not that I had much to to hide. Once we’d evaded the were- week’s survival bagging opportunities complain about – my own way home wolves, and the Russian spies who in the snow (some of us had been is- involved the sleeper train down from were, for no apparent reason, camped sued new bags and were forbidden Aberdeen, including breakfast served out in the vicinity, we began to climb from unwrapping them). to my cabin. Followed by Beast, of up to the peak of Beinn Bhreac. At We soon reached Cairn Bannoch, course! least, we thought it was the peak, but and pressed on to Broad Cairn – with Special thanks go out to all the our celebrations were cut short by fewer than a hundred metres of de- Fellwanderers committee for a well- Alex’s announcement that actually scent and ascent between peaks, the organised and exciting trip, Jim and the real peak was further over to the going was not tough, and at the top we Peter for keeping our engines running East, and was a phenomenal four me- took some time to survey our day’s im- on delicious meals, the entire group tres higher. So off we tramped through pressive accomplishments. That was for being great trip-mates, and Rafal, the wind until we reached the summit, the end of our climbing for the week. Joe and Jules for all the extra miles when we decided that it was too windy, It was not the end of our walking, they did in the driving seat of our and that we should all lie down behind however: we still had nine kilometres minibus. the cairn for a nap. Refreshed, we began to head home, taking a detour to take in a gorge that apparently ‘looked nice from the map’. We were lured in by the promised of picturesque scenery to admire while enjoying our lunch. Along the ridge, we were blessed with amazing views of some of the week’s earlier walks, which wa s good, because the gorge itself was disappointingly quarrylike. No matter, morale was high on this bright sunny day as we made good pace home. The car park presented us with an interesting distraction in the form of a biotoilet, which as far as I could tell, is simply a toilet with fewer moving parts and many more instructions: so many, that quite a queue formed just because we all took the time to read them. We arrived back in Braemar rela- tively early, which offered us an oppor- tunity to head into town and remind ourselves that there wasn’t much there. A local tea room provided a welcome change of scenery from the bunkhouse, however, and much entertainment and A quick stop at the supermarket quee walk of the trip: Cairngorm and discussion of child labour laws when a for some, and a quick stop at the pub Ben Macdui – the second highest peak six-year-old child came to collect our for others, was necessary on the way in the UK. Not satisfied with only the dirty crockery at closing time. Another home, where we settled down to try two Munros, Alex had also hatched a delicious dinner, this time haggis, was out all the whiskey we’d been coaxed secret plan for the more adventurous followed by nervous servings of Beast, into buying at Royal Lochnagar. Our group members to take in another pair with much poking to find any stray local culinary experts once again ex- and walk most of the way back to Brae- slices of cheese or onion that may have mar from Aviemore. However, before sneaked in. we did any walking, we’d have to nego- Our final day was scheduled to be Our fi nal day was tiate the sixty mile drive to Cairngorm long one: a 28 kilometre circuit taking Ski Centre. With a long walk ahead, we in a measly five Munros. Early starts scheduled to be a were taunted all the way up the first were required, including some last- ascent by the sight of skiers the other minute packing for the one person long one: a 28km side of the fence, enjoying the snow who had to ruin everything by leaving that was making our lives so difficult. a night early. Twenty minutes in, Anna, Joe, Peter Uncharacteristically, this walk al- circuit of fi ve and I could no longer resist the temp- lowed us to get immediately stuck in to tation, and, ignoring the disdainful the climb; no flat tracks would eat up mountains. glares, we returned to the base station our morning today. We were headed to rent equipment, buy lift passes and for Lochnagar, a beautiful lake beneath celled with a risotto, followed, as enjoy the Easter snow. beautiful cliffs that gives its name to usual, by Beast. Unusually, however, While we were wasting our day frol- the whiskey produced at Tuesday’s tonight’s serving of Beast contained icking around with gravity, Alex, Jim, distillery. Up in the snow on a clear some unpleasant surprises: My slice in James, Gavin, Jiri and Eva set off on day, we had breathtaking views of the particular seemed to have an unusu- their marathon hike, heading from Ben Cairngorm National Park and of all ally high onion content. The shocking Macdui over to Carn A’mhaim. After our week’s walking, and mid-morning combined flavour of onion and marsh- a pitched battle with some wandering we hit our first Munro, Cac Carn Beag. mallow forced me to retreat from the orcs at the summit, they slew three Once we’d arrived at this summit, the kitchen, tail between my legs, and not dragons along the river back to Brae- highest of the day, we had also com- return for the rest of the night. mar, and would have hiked all the way pleted nearly all our ascent, so we took Wednesday would bring us the mar- home had Rafal not intercepted them some time out for photographs and 24 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 TTechnologyechnology Editor SamuelSamuel Gibbs TECHNOLOGY [email protected]
The Open Source Problem All Google Feroz Salam looks at why the open source mantra is so confused TV’d out f you’re unfamiliar with the con- cept of open source software, SamuelSamuel GGibbsibbs Technology Editor you’re definitely not alone. In a I market full of expensive consum- er electronics that are locked down and bound to carriers and application f you haven’t heard, Google can just grab my iPhone, my laptop, my stores, the concept of releasing the launched its attempt to infiltrate netbook or perhaps my tablet and do code to software that has taken you the TV space with Internet con- it. It’ll be a damn sight better browsing hundreds of hours to create may seem I tent. Google TV aims to bring not experience on all those devices than it unintuitive, even silly. Yet despite the only video but the whole Internet onto possibly could be on my TV. unorthodox business model that it en- the small screen. But it’s not the first to If we look at the devices that can genders, open source software is sur- attempt to do so. Microsoft tried and currently access the Internet that pack prisingly successful. A Linux server is failed to do the same thing many years a browser and are plugged into your probably behind a majority of websites ago with its WebTV. Google thinks TV, we’ve got things like the PS3, the you browse daily, whilst open-source the failures of the past have been due Wii, Media Centre PCs, perhaps even Android powered smartphones have to poor implementation, but I beg to a Boxee box or Mac Mini. All of these recently begun outselling the iPhone differ. devices do an admirable job of render- in the US. Yet despite a few notable OK, having certain web content on ing text on the big screen, but you have exceptions, the concepts behind open your TV would be a boon. Web video to zoom in so far to actually read it that source are opaque to the average con- (that the Free Software Movement at- attack other closed source software such as YouTube, Hulu and the pleth- it disrupts the browsing experience sumer, which is in my opinion, to the tempts to distance itself from) isn’t as without really educating people about ora of other user created and network well beyond being a decent one. detriment of the entire movement. concerned with the licensing issues as benefits of open source. The end effect produced online video sites often de- Is the answer reformatting and re- One reason for this situation could they are with spreading the concept of is a confusing jumble of contradictory serve to get off your monitor and ac- flow of text to fit the screen? Perhaps be the fact that the concepts and ide- open source, even if that means having ideas all being shouted at loud volumes tually onto your primary watching de- you could strip out the content from ology that define free/open source to work with closed-source compa- - an effect that is frankly annoying and vice, your TV. But anyone who’s ever the site and display it in a purpose software have been made ridiculously nies in a trade-off. Those behind the off-putting. tried to surf the web on their TV will made ‘TV mode’. But again, isn’t it just complicated by those creating the soft- Linux kernel recently accepted a code Yet despite these problems, open know that it’s a paradigm that simply easier to grab that netbook that’s be- ware. It’s hard to get an ideological contribution from Microsoft, with Li- source software has grown remark- doesn’t work. side you? movement going if no-one within the nus Torvalds (the father of Linux) say- ably over the last decade. Linux has The thing is your TV viewing ex- The other problem with browsing on movement can agree what the ideol- ing: “I really find the whole notion of been at the forefront of this growth, perience is a long distance one. You your TV is that for the most part, TV ogy truly is. An interesting example Linux as being “against Microsoft” to with its dominance of the server mar- sit several metres from your TV and watching isn’t a solitary experience. of this situation is the case of Linus be silly and wrong-headed”. With there ket, running the majority of the world’s control it with a simple remote. Read- Are your friends, family or strangers Torvalds and Richard Stallman, two being no agreement within the move- supercomputers, and even the surpris- ing subtitles, and possibly the digital watching in from the street, really go- very important people in the world of ment, it’s hard to attract investment ing rise of Google’s Android mobile text that replaced TeleText, is about as ing to be chuffed with you taking up all open source. Between them, they have from businesses, who worry that the operating system. In some ways, the much reading as you’re ever likely to or a significant portion of the screen helped in the creation of some of the frequent and drastic licensing changes approach taken by Linux has been the do on your TV and there’s a reason for to look up who directed the Exorcist? most widely used software tools in that have typified the last few years of most pragmatic, accepting help from that. Reading text on your TV is both a Perhaps the only social aspect of the the world. Yet their philosophies on open source software design, might those who offer it regardless of differ- strain on your eyes and plainly annoy- current web experience is web video, the way code should be released differ work against them in the long term. ing ideologies and with a surprising ing if the text is too small. meaning the browser simply gets you greatly. Stallman is the leading figure One of the greatest things about resistance to dogma. Its success shows To do justice to web browsing on to the video content, nothing more. in the Free Software Movement, an or- open source software is choice. There’s that open source can succeed. Yet as your TV you’re going to have to sit Google initially wants you to use ganisation that works towards software a huge amount of software out there, long as the continual disputes over ide- pretty close to that screen of yours, another box under your TV that es- that can be freely distributed, modified and some of it is great. Yet the com- ology and licensing continue, it’s prob- even if it is a monster. And that’s the sentially sits in between your content and used without restrictions. The munity behind open source software able that businesses won’t see open problem; you are going to have to get boxes like Sky, Virgin, FreeviewHD or Free Software Movement could fairly can sometimes be intimidating to source as a serious and viable option off your comfy sofa and either grab a FreeSatHD receivers and your TV. It’s accurately be described as the radical say the least. From Stallman with his to replace their current software pack- chair or sit on the floor in the middle another box to buy that doesn’t really far-left of the software industry. Stall- frankly ridiculous Free Software Song ages. In the end, consumers will simply of your living room. If your TV was do anything you can’t already do with man, in a testament to this culture, to the endless bickering about soft- choose big named closed-source alter- the only place to consume the web, other devices. Perhaps once Google will only use a single Chinese netbook ware choices on internet forums, get- natives that don’t come with the bag- perhaps this would be a viable option, manages to get Google TV into actual that solely runs free and open source ting advice on software that is impar- gage of ideologies that they feel they but it’s not. I for one am not going to TVs with partners like Sony, maybe software and nothing else. In contrast, tial and unclouded by dogma is hard. have no personal investment in or sim- bother getting off my arse just to view a you’ll find it gaining traction. But that’s the general open source movement Advertising campaigns seem only to ply don’t understand. bit of news or IMDB on my TV when I still only a maybe for the big G.
Weekly Wrap-up: A quick guide to the best of the rest you might have missed
oll up, roll up, what not be as free as everyone of Android, packing WebM with their 84-inch 3DTV, pack- striker, actually used Twitter. have we got for you thinks. Maybe Steve Jobs was support among other things ing a whopping 3840x2160 res- So if you were hoping for in- this week eh? Well in right when he said patent liti- and will land around Q4 2010. olution. That’s UHD, or Ultra the-dressing-room progress R the wake of the Goog- gation was not far away for the More mobile news this week HD; shame about the highly reports from Rooney, Lampard le geekfest that was Google IO, open source audio and video from Samsung with Europe’s ‘fashionable’ glasses you need. and Rio, I’m afraid you’re out the big G’s web video format codecs. first Bada phone, the Wave. Sony was in on the OLED of luck. came under a bit of fire. The little green Android has OK, the phone is pretty sweet, action this week with its pro- Nokia and Yahoo announced WebM, heralded by Google also been in the news this week but Bada, well, let’s just say it’s totype rollable OLED display. a partnership this week to as the open source answer to with Froyo causing quite a stir. a bit disappointing. Slap An- The 4.1 inch display is 80µm Social networking is a luxury trade services. Nokia is going the video war currently rag- Google claims Android 2.2 droid on it for goodness sake! thin and can wrap around that the majority of us enjoy to run Yahoo’s online mapping, ing in the HTML5 spec, has the fastest mobile LG showed off some serious anything thicker than 8mm in in one form or another, but to take on market leader Goog- has spiked the interestst ofof browserbrow and it’s quite 3D screen real-estate this week diameter, like a pen or pen- it’s undoubtedly a great way le Maps, whilst Yahoo is going the MPEG-LA, the folkslks popossibles with Froyo cil. Outputting 16M colours to get into trouble if you’re in to bring its webmail expertise who licence out the showing a 4.5x with a 1000:1 contrast ratio the public spotlight. To save to Nokia phones. More com- H.264 specification. speed increase and 100nits brightness, the his players from that prob- petition is always good, but can According to them, in several bench- 432x240 resolution display lem, England manager Fabio Nokihoo! really compete? the WebM with VP8 marks over Eclair. could be the future of wear- Capello has banned his squad Last but not least, Apple video codec flies Then we’ve able, rollable, slide out displays from partaking in Twitter and launched the iPad in the UK just a little too close got the news that just like every decent sci-fi Facebook. To be fair out of the today. Available in store with to the premium H.2644 ‘‘Gingerbread’ will movie. Let’s just hope it makes preliminary named squad only seriously short supply, good codec and therefore mmightight be theth next tasty edition it to market in the near future. Darrent Bent, the Sunderland luck actually getting one. felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 25 What’s on... Clubs & Societies Calendar Editor – Ziggi Szafranski
Summer’s here... Well the weather’s been gloriously Tues 1st June sunny recently, so I hope you’ve all been out enjoying the sun when “End of Life” – Special Medical Ethics Lecture you’ve not been either a) revising – Doors open 12:15 Weds 2nd June or b) attending these lovely events – Huxley LT 144 we’ve been advertising here for you! – Free entry! (although RSVP is necessary) DramSoc Summer Workshop – Professor Avraham Steinberg will be the keynote – 2 - 4pm in Activity Space 2 And if you’re organising some- speaker at this event, which is run by the Chabad of – Free to everyone this term thing and you want more people South Kensington – Say goodbye to the drab world for there, let us know and we’ll adver- – To RSVP, or for more info: [email protected] two beautiful thespian hours. Comedy, tise it for you! Impro, games and scripts. Everyone wel- DramSoc Play Proposals! come,c even if you’ve never set foot on – 6pm, DramSoc Storeroom (www.dramsoc.org/ ggreasepaint! storeroom if you don’t know where it is!) – Have you ever thought about directing a play? Or have you got a great idea for a play we could do next Fri 4th June term? If so why not come along to Play Proposals and Is Belief in God Reasonable? tell us about it! There are two plays to choose for next – 6:30pm, Clore LT, Huxley term alone, so if you want to direct one, or just have – IC Christian Union ask “Is belief an idea, pop along and let us know! in God reasonable?” and invite you – For more info, or if you have any questions, email to come along to watch a debate on [email protected] that very subject! – And if that’s not enough to entice you, the debate will be chaired by felix’s very own Dan Wan! Events are trickling back in, but we’re still in need of more! Want more people at your event? ADVERTISE IT HERE!
To Do... ADVANCEDED NNOTICE 1) Actually get down to some revision... Thursday 10th June 2) Send in your events!! This page only – Chaplaincy Echibition Opening works if you actually send me things! – 6-9pm, Chaplaincy Centre, Beit Quad – The opening night of an exhibition show- Email your events to: ing the work done by the Chaplaincy Artist in [email protected] Residence, Kate Keara Pelen The colletion will (Club name & event, time, place, price, include a specially commissioned piece for the pics...) by end of Tues 1st June Prayer Room – A chane to meet Kate and learn about her 3) Did I mention to send in your events?! work Pretty please? – Drinks and snacks will be available! 26 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010
CCoffeeoffee BBreakreak EditorEditor CCharlieharlie MMurdochurdoch mmmm COFFEE mm..... BREAK [email protected] Solutions for Nonolink and Bridges 1,462
2 5 4 2 2 2 3 1 3 2 Y 2 1 2 A S 2 3 1 3 4 2 E E E [Insert Title] 2 2 3 2 2 2 2 S A Y A 2 1 4 2 2 3 2 2 Y S S 3 6 5 SSeanean FFarresarres Puzzle Captain 1 2 2 2 3 3 3 A Y 4 3 E 2 2 1 2 2 0 2 2 1 enzizenzizenziciiii is a word d Look forward to seeing more ressur- 3 3 1 3 2 Here are some solutions to the 4 5 meaning ‘the square of a rected puzzles in the coming issues. Procrastination Puzzles section, square, squared’ i.e. an inte- Also look out for the reseperation of 2 2 in case you found them tricky. 4 5 Z ger’s eighth power. I inform Nonogram and Slitherlink, and the re- 2 3 you of this as I wanted to begin this turn of Wordoku! The below farm animal picture 2 2 4 3 piece with a big ‘Z’. A final note; I’m constantly looking 2 2 2 0 2 3 was submitted by Sheryl. 3 2 2 Murdoch’s away so I’ve got these first out for new puzzles to bring you so if two pages entirely to myself! Which there’s a type of puzzle you’d like to This winning solution (for both the Once again GLT’s taken the big would have been fantastic had I had see, let me know! Nonogram and the Slitherlink) was points.Though there were many more notice; it really just means more If there’s a puzzle here you just don’t submitted by GLT who also was not runner-up solutions and don’t forget, more work for me to do. So this week, like and think should be cut tell me alone in realising I had made a slight these can score points too. you may or may not have yet noticed, what it is and that’ll be the puzzle that mistake and the Slitherlink numbers but there’s a big maze on the opposite gets replaced. populated the shaded cells! Sorry. ~ Want points? Or perhaps you just page. This was not made by me, it was Don’t want to see your favourite Nevertheless the were numerous want to make sure your favourite dug up out of a much older issue and puzzle cut? Send in your answers! All submissions this week despite exams. puzzle stays in the paper? Submit to was contributed by Natalie Wood. popular puzzles will be spared. Keep those submissions coming. [email protected].
TTeams:eams: Harry Potter Trio 261 Points The Felix University/College-Wide Invitational Tournament League is new and improved, with an iPod nano for both the team and the indi- FUCWIT The Tough Brets 215 Points vidual with the most points at the end of the year. The Cool Kids and Fergal 40 Points League Table 5 points for the 1st correct answers for all puzzles on these pages, 4 IIndividuals:ndividuals: points for 2nd, 3 points for 3rd, 2 points for 4th and 1 point for 5th. Matthew Colvin 231 Points Sheryl 234 Points Now then FUCWITs, answers to [email protected]. Go! GLT 156 Points
Quote of William Blake: “No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.” the Week Arrow Maze 1,463 Wordpath 1,463
ORIGIN: Solution 1462 Solution 1462 1 EXAM MINE via 1 3333 2288 4433 2727 3388 3434 E X A M EXAMINER 9 3311 1515 5 1177 1414 1188 2121 DESTINATION: MING (LS) NESS via 2299 3232 2266 6 1919 1133 7 MINGINESS 3344 3366 1616 3399 4422 2020 4400 4141 P A S S NEST (LS) FAIN via 2 3737 2255 2222 2323 2244 3 FAINEST How to play: 3322 1122 3 3300 4747 4455 9 4646 4488 4 FAIL (LS) Make a path from the origin word to the destination 3355 1111 8 4444 1010 1122 4949 word by taking steps between words using one of the 3300 3366 three following methods: Mark Mearing- Smith took the Letter Substitution: Substitute just one letter. points this week! GLT has took the points again for e.g. WORDS -> WARD yet another puzzle! Is no one going Anagram: Rearrange the letters. Scribble box to stop this winning-streak?! Sheryl e.g. WARD -> DRAW 7 4499 is quietly creasing the gap, coming in Wordslide: Replace the current word with a new 4 letter 2nd on this puzzle and many others. word from any 5+ letter word that contains them both. e.g. DRAW-> WING (via DRAWING) How to play: As always we can put a guest puzzle Fill all the squares with numbers to form a path from 1 to 49, such that the arrow in, so if you fancy your name in print No consecutive steps may be made by the same method. under each number points to the square containing the number one greater drop us an email at e.g. WORD -> WARD (by LS) -> WARE (by LS) (except for 49 obviously, which has no arrow, being the end of the path). [email protected] would be invalid.
Points are awarded for the earliest SHORTEST valid path Long Random Scribble box between the two words. Dubious words will be checked against the OED. Send your solutions to [email protected]. felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 27 [email protected] COFFEE BREAK
Relic 1,463 A maze from issue 1,123 by Natalie Wood (with minor restoration). 28 felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 COFFEE BREAK [email protected] A quickie (crossword) 1,463
1 2 2 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 ACROSS 13 Haggis-like midlands dish (7) 7 15 10100 (6) 7 Rhymer’s freedom - iconic steeple 17 Hypnotic stupor - Defunct 90s (anag.) (6,7) dance movement (6) Solution 1462 8 10 8 Persistently nags (3-5) 18 Egg machine (5) 9 Verve (4) 21 Throw - onanise (4) T B M B S N 8 10 9 10 Premium biscuits - brown-noses A U T O F E L L A T I O N (7) B N A E I N 12 Dice game - curls one out (5) GLT won this week. That’s pretty C A M E L T O E R I T Z 12 U P P U O 14 Ready to start ‘banging’ (2,3) much all there is to say... I don’t see D O L P H I N E P O X Y 16 Illegitimate child - absolute why this box has to be this big. There’s F E R I 10 11 12 fucker (7) not that much information that has to I F N O T C H O C I C E 19 Ctrl+Z (4) go here. We only had two entries this A T E U R 15 14 13 17 20 Tramps (8) week so send more to the usual place; G N A T N E B R A S K A 22 The most manly kind of love (13) [email protected]. D E E A T E (Yay, done!) M O O R S M U R D E R E R 14 15 16 17 N S A B R L L DOWN Crossword by Peter Logg 20 18 21 22 1 Revise hard (4) Scribble box 19 20 21 2 Melon-twisting Madchester anthem (4,2) 3 NWA member (found in chilled 24 24 25 drinks?) (3,4) 4 Not quite ‘absolutely aresholed’, 22 but en route (5) 5 East-end bloke (Dave Lloyd?) (6) 26 6 Pugilist - Rag-and- bone man (8) 11 Intermittent - “Have you tried turning it ______again?” (3,3,2)
Hummus-scopes: Horoscopes packs a healthy lunch Drain chickpeas, crush garlic and add two heaping spoonfuls of hate and desperation. Goes down smooth.
Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio
After a disastrous The bathroom smells You wake up one You spent the entire food-experiment left funny. The mould in morning to find a baby term cooped up in the you with a colostomy the bath is pretty rank left on your doorstep. Library but now sum- (When they say its by now. Armed only You take it in, raise it mer is here – and you’re hot, you’d better with a toothbrush, and teach it everything ready for it. Sandals, believe them!), you you wade in to tackle you know. With the shorts, flowery shirt; decide to stick with plain foods from now on. it. Your feeble attempts only serve to enrage the exam coming up, that has shrunk to just fluid you’re all set. You grab your shades and head to the Nice, simple hummus. Nothing bad can happen mould. It grabs you with a tendril and draws you dynamics. Worse still, you can’t find a sitter on the nearest beach. Unfortunately, you accidentally re- with hummus. Suddenly, a man jumps out of to its fausty breast. Since you haven’t gotten any day so take Baby with you to sit the exam together. vised through to January and everything’s frozen your bowl and stabs you in the eye. Warning: since 2007, you go down on it with a passion. You Amazingly, he passes with a first. You are a great over. Determined to make the best of a bad situa- may contain ninjas. get a yeast infection – what a whore! teacher...but not a good student. You fail. tion, you buy an ice-cream. It melts.
Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius
This weather is The night before your You had heard the You should be focussing glorious! It’s so good exam, you stay up sex scene in Avatar on this revision lecture in fact that you get playing Modern War- was a bit weird but but the girl in front of your sandals out of fare 2 to calm yourself. you though it might you is just so beautiful. the wardrobe – but It doesn’t work. In the involve more blue You try to talk to her you keep your socks exam hall, you draw a people. With horror, but she shushes you. on, just in case. As you strut about campus with blank. The invigilator comes over to tell you time you realise you’re not watching Avatar but a Undeterred, you cut off a lock of her hair for some pride, a rabid felix editor pounces on you and rips is up. You drop into a crouch, knife him and strafe sex-tape your parents made. Still, porn is porn. self-abuse later. She doesn’t notice so you trim a off your feet, carrying them back as a cannibalistic your way out. The security lodge sends out a jug- But then, with even greater horror, you realise little more off. By the end of the session, she’s bald sacrifice to the pagan gods of Watford. gernaut and you never get past the front door. you’re not watching a tape – you’re in their and you have all her hair in your lap. Desperate to bedroom. get rid of the evidence, you eat it. And choke.
Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn
Enjoying the sunshine, This report is Why is the Library so You’re in the Union, you check your fridge driving you mad. damn hot? The rank getting famously for some ice-cream. Spreadsheets, T-tests, smell of sweat and fear gazeboed when Success, it’s there! But chi-squared. What hang heavy in the air. your friend hands when you open it up, the hell is a chi and You search for a fan you another drink. you realise something’s is it a square? You but the noobs playing You smash it before wrong with the freezer – it’s all melted into a va- didn’t come here to do maths, you came to do... WoW have taken them all. You try to open a declaring it UCL-weak bull-piss. The bar staff nilla goop. Unperturbed, you dig in. Only then do Mathematics and Computer Science. You press window but Security have nailed them shut. As a have had enough of this and finally snap. They lay you realise that it wasn’t ice-cream but your house- your face against the screen to become one with last resort, you pull all the books off the shelves, into you mercilessly with beer taps. Crumpled and mate’s urine sample for chlamydia screening. Still, Excel. It doesn’t work. Instead, the screen breaks start a massive fire in the silent study area and beaten, you spit out some teeth and your tongue. it’d be a shame to waste it now. and you get bits of glass and WoW in your eyes. throw yourself in. Ah, relief! Still now you won’t be able to taste the next...pint? felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 29
(We’ve(We’vvee ggoneoonne greengrgreeeen forffor GreenGreen Week,Week, HHangmanPuttingPunuttingga thethen cat outouogut totom drydryry an nonnotot tththataatt wewe weren’twew ren’t greengrg een before...)bbefore...) [email protected] THE SUN EXPLAINED BY REAL SCIENCE Before you read the following two columns, may I make a disclaimer: Don’t read the following two columns
he Sun is a powerful en- you are so gay! Your sun is so gay and emy and should be re- small and all your dicks are small and My Summer Frolics garded as such. The only your children are well ugly HAHA- A summery poem by people that like the Sun HAHAHA”. Bloody aliens with their Mustapha Hungmun TTWATTERWATTER T are trees, and what do we bloody big dicks and sexy children. need trees for? Yeah exactly - nothing! However shit the Sun may be at be- Everyone seems to love the Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! The Sun just sits there and burns ing a sun, he’s still a dangerous c**t. He summer, Srsly, whers Gor? Havn’t seen him for a while (or fuses, or fizzes or whatever). You burns your eyes, gives you cancer and Girls walking about in slutty can’t even look at it without incinerat- steals your jobs. If you think slapping shorts, ing your retinas. What is the point in on a palm-full of sun cream is going to Guys walking about in slutty something you can’t look at? Useless stop him from molesting you with his shorts, lump of gas. It’s not even one of those rays of tiny quantum penises, then you Children walking about in SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 cool suns that collapses to a black hole, had better think again! slutty shorts, Now that I’m not prime min I’m doin what I’ve no; it’s one of those lame-ass white Did you know that a freckle is actu- And yet only I make the always wanted to do and startin a metal-rap dwarf ones. I dread the day we make ally a bruise from a quantum penis? discerning question, contact with alien life forms in other Subjection to constant bombardment What is summer? band with Johnny Majorz galaxies and they laugh at our solar of quantum penises is now more for- Who is summer? system, “HAHAHAHA, Planet Earth, mally known as ‘tanning’. Am I summer? Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Is it that summery sip of a Well I’m assuming ur playin drums Gor, seein zesty quencher? A jubilant promenade down as u used to play for metallica, but Johnny Ma- summery paths? jorz? Can he even play an instrument? The morning robin that wakes me with his summery Barack_attack_l33thaxor song? No, seriously Are you kiddin? He’s an insane rapper. He’s like what IS summer? a 16th African American or sumthin. Helped At first I was being all philo- Jay Z with his first album. sophical and poetic, but now I’m just freaking out, Too many words, who am I? I don’t even Johnny_Majorz_aka_pussydestroyer know what I am anymore, Yo shut da fuck up Boyeee! Don’t mess wid SHIT I’m having an existen- Johnny Majorz, he’s a lethal weapon and keeps tial crisis here...SHIIIIT... ur ho’s in cages. Yo, I spit like a soldier, ur daugh- FUCK,,,AHHHHHH, This gun, ter’s hot, but I’ll wait till she’s older. Luv JM xxx it’s the only way, banish these tyrannical thoughts, I hope my head misses the keyboard...... k,cfgyailew`cgpaew687f3;iy HI...... Einstein won the Nobel prize for his revolutionary paper on quantum penises
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For more information or to apply contact: Sarah Cooper: [email protected] Tel: 01730 235683 Limited Places Available! felix FRIDAY 28 MAY 2010 31 [email protected] SPORT felixSport : your new summer revision guide The final whistles have been blown and the sporting season has drawn to a close. As the shadow of exams looms, summer is upon us, with its own special set of events. felixSport takes a look at some of the welcome distractions available for the dedicated procrastinator sports fan over the next few weeks.
FIFA World Cup Roland-Garros Guinness Premiership What’s going on? What’s going on? What’s going on? The French Open of tennis. Held in Paris Football World Cup in South Africa from the 11th of June to the 11th This Saturday sees the final during the last week of May/first week of of July of the Guinness Rugby June, it’s one of the most coveted titles in When can I watch it? Premiership between Leicester professional tennis. All the time, really. Three matches a day in the group stages (till the and Saracens at When can I watch it? 25th of June) followed by the knockout stages, with the final on the When can I watch it? Matches every day from the 23rd of May 11th of July. The kickoff is at 5.30pm till the 6th of June, with the women’s final Where can I watch it? Where can I watch it? on the 5th and the men’s final on the 6th Pretty much everywhere. Coverage is split between the BBC and Sky Sports 1, so find a pub Where can I watch it? ITV, so you can get it in the pub, at the union, or in the library on (or a loaded mate!), or go Live BBC coverage online or on the red iPlayer down to Twickenham to watch button (if you’re lucky enough to have Why should I watch? yourself digital TV) It’s a question of national pride! And if your country hasn’t Why should I watch? Why should I watch? qualified you can always support England and pretend to weep as Top quality rugby between Defending champion Roger Federer takes they go out on penalties in the semi-finals or something. favourites Leicester and on King of Clay Rafael Nadal underdogs Saracens
We’ve got rooms available in Wilson House, Paddington and Fisher Hall, South Kensington, which If you’re staying in are both ideal for London over the getting around Summer or you’re London. just visiting for a few days, keep things simple by More information can by found online: staying with us. www.imperial.ac.uk/accommodation t: 020 7594 9444 e: [email protected] 28.05.10
Send in your sport reports: [email protected] felixSport High resolution photos only
Taking on London town
Imperial Men’s Cricket 1st XI are victorious over neighbours King’s College 2nds and UCL Medics this week
he quite elegantly stated back on the an extremely slow ball from Anrirudh. Tarr for a very well-played 49. Pete Swallow Cricket Alex Tinsdale Cricket boundary “if there wasn’t a fielder there Pete chipped in with a wicket, courtesy In fact, the run-out seemed to be the that was 6”. Joe continued to bat well of a fortuitous lbw decision. A quick dominant theme for the rest of the In- Imperial College Men’s 1st XI until fatigue got on top of him and af- change then brought on the second Imperial College Union 1st XI nings. Iain “please-put-in-the-report- – 259 all out ter being dropped twice in one over he slow bowler, Joe, and the spin twins ran – 248 that-I-was-the-only-one-to-time-the- Kings College London 2nd XI holed out for an excellent 80. Adam, through the middle order, with Joe tak- RUMS (UCL Medics) 2nd XI ball-off-the-front-foot-all-day” Stobbs – 158 all out coming back from being dropped after ing 2 wickets in two balls (the hat-trick – 168 all out smashed a very quick 36, even occa- his shocking 21 byes the game before, ball was dispatched for a one bounce sionally timing the ball off the front Imperial won by 101 runs hit a quickfire 24; Bernard contributed four much to the amusement of every- Imperial won by 84 runs foot, before a dodgy call from Ankit a solid 29 to propel IC to what was look- one). To their credit, the last KCL bats- sent him on his way. However, oblivi- ing like a huge total. Unfortunately, the men hung around, fortunate in one case ous to the cascade of falling wickets very makeshift 1st team lower order couldn’t quite make the where Adam showed why he was “for- n Wednesday, Imperial at the other end, Ankit batted on until turned up to the beautiful most of the opportunity and despite gotten” (or more bluntly dropped) with batted first and were the penultimate ball for an excellent Berrylands ground and several elegant shots (including a beau- a missed stumping. They managed to given a rapid start by 92, but not before he’d had time to were bathed in sunshine tifully timed lofted drive from Pete, who hit some big shots before the re-intro- our own IPL import An- give Adam Hugill the show-and-go en under the guidance of promptly missed the next quicker ball duction of Daanish lead to the number irudh, who set off like a route to run-out number three. secondA and now first team captain Pete with an attempt at the infamous Impe- 10 being caught out. The result though ODelhi Daredevil and Deccan charged A target of 249 in 40 overs was al- as the pre-match warm-up was imme- rial College Late Cut; for some reason, was never in doubt as Imperial pulled his way to 26 from 22 balls, including a ways going to be tough as the pitch diately scrapped. Fearing the worst his team mates thought that he was ig- off a huge 101 run. monstrous six over long on. However, was, by the half-way point, starting to after losing the toss, IC were shocked noring their calls that a faster ball was After the game, wanting to instil some searching for one DLF maximum too resemble the surface of the moon, and to hear that KCL 2s wanted to field in coming), the scoring rate slowed. Im- proper cricketing traditions into the many, he made a Rajasthan Royal mess so it proved. Once Hasit and Anirudh the 26 degree heat. Looking forward to perial finished on a decent 259 all out, team, Pete lead the players to the pub of another booming drive and was had removed their openers, the rest of a long patch of sun-bathing, Pete sent but a lot more had been expected by the for a few social drinks and discussion caught in the outfield. the team offered little resistance. Hasit superstar Anirudh and Joe O’Gorman captain after such a brilliant opening. about the game. On the way back, man- However, this setback only brought picked up 4 wickets and Sridhar 3 (for to open. After a decent tea, the team reluc- of-the-match Joe showed that even Captain Ankit Patel to the crease. zero runs), with Ahsaan Ismail ripping This proved to be an inspired deci- tantly took to the field in the swelter- charity shopping was too expensive for Calling upon his subcontinental an- out both the middle and leg stumps sion, leading to a season (and probably ing heat and an opening combination him as he picked up a very manly cardi- cestory, he and Matt Tarr mastered with one delivery despite the keeper much longer) record opening stand of of Daanish and Sridhar plugged away gan from the train. Adam, not wanting the conditions and batted their way standing up to the stumps. It was 136 off just 16 overs. Anirudh’s chance- and were rewarded; Daanish was swept to make the journey boring either, spent to a comfortable 100-run partnership. fortunate that, on this occasion, the less, classy 75 showed the immense straight into the hands of an expertly his time chatting up drunken married However, with Ankit a fan of the quick ball hit the stumps after the batsman potential that he has when he concen- placed Vinno at shortish midwicket. women at Wimbledon station and re- single and Matt considerably less so, missed it; on an astounding 21 other trates. Only his ability to hit a reverse Sridhar got the other opener lbw, which lieving his very weak bladder at several a run-out seemed to be the inevitable occasions the ball missed bat, stumps sweep so well as to pick out the only brought the expected 1st team ringer to stops on the tube line with his team end-point of the partnership. It was: and keeper, contributing 21 byes to ex- fielder on the boundary stopped him the crease. He smashed some incredible mates showing true team spirit by hold- perhaps wanting to put the captain-in- tras and a huge fine for Adam Hugill at from going on to get a huge score: as straight drives before playing all around ing the doors open. Classy to the end. waiting in his place, Ankit ran out Matt the end of the season...