At a formal event, Lady Fortinbras approaches Hamlet. There’s years of shared summers between them. LADY FORTINBRAS Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to give my condolences, Your Highness. HAMLET Lady Fortinbras! God, you don’t know how nice it is to see a friendly face in all of this. If one more dignitary from whatever country comes at me with another “I’m sorry for your loss,” I’m gonna flip a table over. LADY FORTINBRAS In that case, I’ll have to keep my condolences to a minimum. HAMLET Different when you mean it. LADY FORTINBRAS I can trip a few of them, if you like. Pick out the meanest one, I’ll step on him with one of these dreadful stilettos and he won’t be able to say a thing. Hamlet laughs, then quiets himself when others turn to look. HAMLET God, I forgot how fun you are. How long has it been? LADY FORTINBRAS Since we took the yacht to Greece after your mother said no. HAMLET That’s right! We went swimming in that little cove! LADY FORTINBRAS You say swimming, but you mean skinny dipping. HAMLET I’d forgotten about that. LADY FORTINBRAS My father has not. 2.

HAMLET And on that note... He’s not here, is he? LADY FORTINBRAS Couldn’t make it. Sends his deepest regrets, but would like me to find a way to remind you that it’s never too late to reconsider a proposal. I mean, really, Hamlet, Ophelia? The girl who followed you around every summer? This is the same Ophelia you spent a full hour raging at me about when we were sixteen, right? She’s so full of herself, you wouldn’t believe - Behind Hamlet, Ophelia clears her throat. Hamlet turns around.