8 Thursday, April 4,1996 DIVERSIONS Eljr iaily Ear Brel ‘Blade Love’ Lacks Dion Falls Into America’s Heart With Album ofBallads In today’s world, where many people Colour ofmy Love. song or two. good and the song is a nice reminder. he, cheat and sleep their way to the top, it Her previous albums have been criti- Although there are a few disappointing Two songs are remakes of previous hits is nice to see that some still do earn their cized for being too sappy, and although moments, the upside of the album more by other artists. “AllByMyself’ was made Previous Whig Energy success the old-fashioned way. The Colour ofmy Love had more ofan atti- than makes up for them and makes this a a hitby Eric Carmen in 1975, but Dion’s Until about fouryears ago, Celine Dion tude, there was still a lot ofmush. The new near-great CD. version is better than the earlier one be- was a Greg Dulli, the singer for the Afghan relatively unknown commodity out- album has some of the same kind of sugary First of all, Dion is a great singer and cause she’s a better singer than Eric Whigs, might side of her native province of Quebec, material, but it has an evident really want to be Bono. Or he r R&Binflu- makes almost anything sound good. Carmen, plus the fact that the music soars mightwant to be Michael Bolton with all l§? "’N Canada. Agifted vocal prodigy, shestarted ence that gives itan edge. This album also There’s a good reason why she’s become more with a female voice. the cardboard yearning and strain that in- singing when she was five and recorded a contains her interpretations of many dif- famous all over the world; the girl can sing. The Motown classic “River Deep, few albums in habit his voice. BRIAN TRUITT ferent kinds of songs by today’s leading Dion shows it offto the highest order in Mountain High,” written by Phil Spector He certainly doesn’t want to be Greg French in her songwriters. the best track on the album, "It’sAllCom- and produced by Steinman, remains faith- Dulli. teens to early Music Review There are some disappointing tracks on ing Back To Me Now,” written by Jim ful to the original inDion’s version. She is Allof the Afghan Whigs’ productions 20s. Celine Dion the album. The title cut has a Spanish Steinman. Steinman is best known for his nowhere near being a full-fledged, R&B are filled with a certain melancholy In that four Falling Into You samba flavortoit, but itlacks a certain flare dramatic songs and his collaborations with artist, but she still does a good job. either they are years, how- B- and is musically D.O.A. The song, “Make Meat Loaf. This song may be seven min- The final song, “Fly,”is also the most intending to AZIZHUQ ever, she has You Happy,” is ridiculously simple, and utes long, but it is seven minutes of pure heartfelt and emotional. It is about and achieve a sense Music Review skyrocketed to fame all over the world. Dion is too good of a singer to be wasting magic. It is like an aria to a Wagnerian- dedicated to her niece Karine, whom she of “soul” being Dion won a Grammy in 1993 for her duet her voice on such music. style rock opera, and Dion puts all ofher lost to Cystic Fibrosis. Dion was obviously The Afghan Whigs withPeabo Bryson, “Beautyandtheßeast,” There are white has not Blade Love other songs that are also ho- soul and musical skill into it to create a very enamored ofher and itshows in this afforded them, from the movie ofthe same name. In 1995, hum like these that make you wonder to masteipiece. beautiful memorial. C she was the number selling recording or trying to at the mention of your name” with any one yourself, “Why is this on here?” The an- The first single from the album is “Be- This album is recommended to anyone evoke the felling of asad, slight citythrough serious consideration. Dulli’s pseudo- artist inEurope. swer is that she can’t get offthis “sing about cause You Loved Me,” from the newly- who enjoys lovesongs or who likes to hear the eerie and beautiful photographs which Supremes backing vocals don’t really help. After three successful English albums, love” kick. Sing about world peace, ani- released movie, “Up Close & Personal.” a great voice. How good is Dion? Let’s just adorn their album sleeve. Their funkification ofguitar rock—which her latest is entitled FallingInto You, which mals or the NCAA tournament, but just The song is one of the more sugary num- say that she makes Mariah Carey sound is a follow-up to us a Perhaps these photographs are the best involves the snagging ofacouple of“Starsky her 1994 success, The give rest from the romantic stuff for a bers on the CD, but it works. Some sap is like she should be in the back row. feature of the album. Self-consciously ar- and Hutch” backing tracks was old the tistic products, the photos make no claim first moment it opened its eyes. Shaun to the spurious emotion that Dulli seeks to Ryder did it earlier and better, and he had invest in his voice. a sense of humor. Comedy Sportz Features Improv Comedy With Sports Twist His voice, dry' as leather, scales up to It’sa shame using “u” instead of “you” Looking for something to do this week- 17 Comedy Sportz comedians; the club other in games; during these games they had to come up with a catch phrase for it. supposedly tempestuous heights, only to and “2”instead of “to”can’t turn you into end, other than going to see a movie, con- seats 64 people, and on average, there are try to accumulate points and There It is these subjects and jokes crack and sound rather detached when it that swiglydude. laughs. random the cert or play? Why don’t you go see a about 45 attending shows four times a are fourfouls the ref call, the so gets there. But then, can including that the actletes tell that make the sport “group-formerly-known-as- sporting event? week, but that average is “Brown Bag” foul for anyone says Having said this, it must be difficult really doesn’thavethe slowly growing. who funny. the-Afghan-Whigs” Acomedy sporting event, that is. They sold out the first night. anything obscene and the “Groaner,” the Itis the actletes, who make the investing lines like “My skin catches fire/ same kind of energy. though, Comedy Sportz, the improv comedy Chapel Hill is one of 22 cities across the content of which you can probably guess. show what it is. Allof them are extremely club located country that has a Comedy Sportz club, a In some games, the audience decides talented, and it is amazing what these below Sub- BRIAN TRUITT franchise which started in Milwaukee. who wins. And no show is complete with- people can do. Two of them were out- on way There is also one on Wolf Street in Ra- out the ceremonial of the “Star- standing and are worth going to see justby Franklin Comedy Review singing Bull’s Head leigh. Spangled Banner” and halftime. themselves. White is a master ofmanner- Bookshop Street, is the Comedy Sportz A The shows of Comedy Sportz are just There isa concession stand serving food isms; his imitations of country dialect and presents newest club to like sporting There is an announcer and drinks, and the audience “warm-up his Mexican accent were superb. hitFranklin Street events. and is by far the funni- -with music -and a referee. It is like song” is sung to “Take Me Out to the Actlete John Patty could have a bright est. After three weekends, business has “American Gladiators,” but funnier. The Ballgame.” To enhance the sports atmo- future as a professional inthis business. He been very good, according to operations comedians, called “actletes,” are on two sphere even more, they will soon be put- reminded me ofRobin Williams with his manager and “actlete” Ross White, one of different teams and compete against each ting in astroturf. style ofspontaneous humor. Hopefully, he The great thingabout improvcomedy is willstay in Chapel Hill for a long time so Rc“lfy that each show is different from the next. that everybody can see how talented he is. Most ofthe topics come from the audience, This is not to take away from the others, and there is a different audience every including Karl Rectanus, Meg Sheehan show. Don’t come expecting stand-up com- and “the ref, ’’Wade Newhouse, who were edy; you won’t find any in this improv outstanding as well. They are all worth club. “They are two different animals,” coming to see again and again. Built-in memory said White. “The audience takes more It is about time citizens of Chapel Hill interest in improv.” experience somethinglike ComedySportz. Prof. David Halperin Now, about the-show. They are no age restrictions people For easy re-booting. Every show is obviously different, but under 21 are as welcome as those over 21. willdiscuss the one Isaw was hilarious. The games the Be aware that ifyou want to take in ashow, actletes play leave so much open that they you need to get there at least a half-hour can go offon any subject at any time. For ahead oftime because it is first-come, first- example, one ofthe teams, inagame called serve, and the place does fillup fast. “LieDetector,” had to create a scene that Take a date, go by yourself, or get a revolved around a mortician and an otter. group of friends together and go see these ” In “CatchPhrase, the actletes were given people in action; it willbe worth it. Prom- Bravoblade GLX’ an item by the audience, and each in turn ise. UFO iSS. A & ABDVCWm* St. Gary Delivers Insightful * Messages to UNC Students my friends, the apocalypse is In case Heavenly upon us. some of you Beware,I say this for two reasons: First, were too busy well “apocalypse” is just to The integrated Memory Closure System on the Bravoblade GLX®provides actually, a pretty stop and lis- Ascensions cool word, and I wanted excuse to use the same perfect fit every time you boot up. And once you’re up and rolling, an ten between it. But more Iknow the revolutionary ABT’ braking system will help keep you on track. importantly, this be- classes (no cause the pitpreacher told me so. doubt conjur- Fortunately, lam wellprepared for such ing the forces an event, thanks to this man’s teachings. of darkness), Saint Gary (Editor’s note: Gary is a self- I’lltry to give Monday, April 8 ROLLGRB^DeA appointed Saint whether or not the an abbreviated HI Christian Church has acknowledged and account of his BEN FISCHER accepted this title, or for that matter, his insightfulmes- pants, is unknown) has set me on the path sages: AND THEN 1...D1ED |JLmiTAGain| ___ of the righteous. Rule #1: Men Should Always Wear Iam anew man. Pants. And I’mnot the only one to have been Admittedly, Iwas a bit confused when Bull's Head Bookshop swayed by St. Gary’s powerful words. St. Garyfirstgavethecrowdthis confusing ¦- Hundreds of other students have gathered message. UNC • SPORTS rapt . Student Stores 962-5060 around the pitin attention, hoping to Many historical figures that I consider /PsTh be delivered from their collegiate sin. to be relatively pious say, Jesus, for example—would have had a difficulttime abiding by this rule, as pants had yet to be invented. But rules are rules, and lack of technology is no excuse for sin. Rule #2: Rock Music Induces Sex. I think the important thing to note here <*o. is that rock music, at least, promotes sex within the same species. Country music, You on Wanna the other hand... 4o Rule #3 (Remember, these Rules come straight from the mouth ofSt. Gary. Ihave neither the vision northe Divine Connec- tions to create these messages-to-live-by ~Po. on my own): Breast Cancer is God’s Pun- You Wanna ishment Upon Women for Pornography. ~Po Thisisaprettybitterpillformostwomen Vi to swallow, but truly great men like St. Gary often have to be the harbingers ofour society’s difficult messages. These messages also include a second- Introducing The Amtrak* Explore America Fare. ary rule stating that it is acceptable for a man to hit his wife, as long as he is truly sincere (Inan effort to protect . . women from Over 500 Destinations Unlimited Stopovers One Low Price . abuse, insincere or half-hearted punches are expressly forbidden, as are head-butts Pius Discounts From Five Of Choice Hotels’ Chains, Avis, And Amtrak** When You Pay With VISA*. and body slams.) Rumor has it that St. Gary doesn’t go Ok, you’ve survived lectures on the What’s more, when you pay with VISA, And with the Student out on dates all that much. Peloponnesian Rule #4: Masturbation Leads to Homo- ¦ you’ll also get: Advantage Card you’ll get an l This bit of " sexualrty. divine War inspiration and your /T •5% offAmtrak sleeping accommodations. additional 15% offAmtrak I Mik also confused me when St. Gary relayed it 9midterms, so grab your (‘Not to to his observers. applicable fares) For fares. more information ( ddj I’mnot > * sure exactly which passage this rollerblades or hiking boots • 10% offrack rate or an up- call ®—* J || JU 1-800-96-AMTRAK Rule comes from, but Ibet it’s pretty close and head for the nearest grade to a Senior Room at So whether it’s the bright lights of New York to the “Love thy neighbor” section ofthe Bible. Amtrak station. There’s a Rodeway Inns and Econo . City or the ofthe beauty Grand Canyon, the In fact, it is his unending love and toler- world ofadventure you, Or waiting for and getting Lodges. to an Executive Amtrak Expiore America Fare will give you the ance that drives St. Gary to add, “You should put all the frat there has never been more fun. Or a Room at Clarion Hotels and Quality inside track to the scenic route. z boys on one side, all the sorority girls on the other, and all the better value. Our spring fares with Inns - But huriy. Seats are limited! See & your travel sluts in the middle —and kick ’em all to unlimited stopovers start at just • 10% offrack rate at Sleep Inns. agent, stop by any Amtrak station, or call Hell!!” * Yougo, St. Gary!Theother $l5B round-trip, and only UP tO S2O off> free weekend rental Saints would 1-800-USA-RAIL. be proud (unfortunately, they probably VISA SSO more for summer. day. or free upgrades from Avis. inrnraMSS failed the “Pants Law,” and are presently unable to send word of their approval di- and rectly). reduired US made from 3/15-5/15/96 for travel 4/1-8/18/96. Fares are valid for up to 30 days travel in coach. Additional charge for class , first or other accommodations. Not valid MetrolinerService® Auto 2 <-5® ® on or ??? e C hlldre s halMare appll s 0 up '? two chlldre n (£es 2-15) accompanied by adult A discount of 15% applies to passengers age 62 and over and to students card Asa converted . . An tr k , , , < , , holding a Student Advantage® Travel over follower of your teach- ZTi-J S.n e [ oute s yst nem s restricted. Changes to route or stopovers after departure prohibited. Fares are based on availabilityand subject to change without notice. All c . . ' Seats are limited. Aboard America Tarefare rouimgrouting andana ings, restrictions apply. Thet? tAmtrakJ ? l Explore America Fare is not a ticket and onto entitles the holder to discounts stated herein. Amtrak, Avis, and Choice discounts and/or up- . I hope this article helps spread your grades only available when purchased with VISA card. 10% discounts at Choice Hotels' Inns valid chains valid through 5/20/96 (Sleep through 6/15/96). Reservations MSM I .... gospel. must be made in advance by calling 1-800-4 CHOICE. Room upgrades based on availability and may not be available at all locations. offers include free ¦=¦ of Avis a upgrade, a HfflH Wmm fiaS Lodoe IMM A I//C savings $lO to S2O on a weekend rental, and a free third consecutive weekend day. Certain terms and conditions apply. See the Avis coupons for complete details. JKKSL !¦¦¦ Bmffli J mUmKB Do I hear an Amen?