Paul Tripp Ministries, Inc

PAUL TRIPP MINISTRIES, INC.

Survival Skill 10 November 22, 2006

Paul David Tripp: I can never properly be what I was designed to be and do what I was designed to do without living in intimate, personal, intentional community with others. Commitment to this kind of community is essential to my daily living.

Kate Crowley: From Paul Tripp Ministries, this is Right Here, Right Now, connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. Here, now, is Paul Tripp.

PDT: I came across a very interesting article in USA Today that I want to read to you…

“For all of its crowds, Manhattan may be the country’s loneliest metropolis. It has the highest percentage of single person households of any country in the nation, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

’I think it’s the best way to live,’ says James Conoboy, 35, a musician, who, after years of living with roommates, spent a morning this week hunting for a small apartment in Manhattan’s East Village. ‘If you want to make a mess, you can make a mess; if you want to paint the walls a certain color, you can do it.’

‘Privacy,’ he explained, ‘has special value in New York where people spend their days surrounded by people.’ (Living alone in a rural setting would not be as appealing to him.)

Lured by a busy, social scene and studio apartments, some 300,000 people were living alone in Manhattan at the time of the 2000 census. Solos accounted for 48% of all households on the island, putting Manhattan way ahead of other single magnets like Washington DC, St. Louis, Denver, and San Francisco.”

And overall, the report said, “The number of Americans living alone has exceeded the number of households comprised of the classic nuclear family--a married couple and their natural children.”

Think about what this article is saying, “More, and more, and more people are living absolutely alone.” And for all the busyness of the city, for all the busyness of your community, for all the people that you see every day, many, many of the people that you see every day are actually living all by themselves.

Music: “Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own” by U2

Tough, you think you've got the stuff You're telling me and anyone You're hard enough You don't have to put up a fight You don't have to always be right Let me take some of the punches For you tonight Listen to me now I need to let you know You don't have to go it alone And it's you when I look in the mirror And it's you when I don't pick up the phone Sometimes you can't make it on your own

KC: This is Right Here, Right Now with Paul Tripp. “How Big is Your World? That’s the question that Paul addresses as he gets back to the series, “Survival Skills for a Fallen World.” Thanks for joining us here on WFIL, as you will find help in Jesus Christ, right here, right now.

For details on Paul’s latest book, Lost In The Middle, go to paultrippministries.org, and while you’re there, you’ll also find many other resources designed to help you face the issues of life. That’s paultrippministries.org, and now, with the continuation of the series, “Survival Skills for a Fallen World,” here, once again, is Paul Tripp.

PDT: How much is your life like those 300,000 people in that tightly populated island of Manhattan? How much are you like a person who’s around people every day, but lives a shockingly private life?

I’d like you to consider these two questions with me: How many people really know you? Now, don’t answer too quickly. I don’t mean people who know that you’re a husband who is attached to wife, or a wife who is attached to a husband, or know a little bit about where you work, or maybe they could recognize your car because they have seen you driving, or know some of the casual details of your life. I’m not talking about that casual acquaintance thing.

What I am talking about is…how many people actually know the person inside of the public persona? How many people know the places where you are susceptible to temptation? How many people know the responsibilities that tend to overwhelm you or get you down? Think about this. Is there anybody who really knows where you struggle every day? Are there people who know where the battle for your heart takes place? How many people really know you? Or do you live in relationships that you call friendships; you may even call them fellowship, but you live largely unknown?

But there’s a second question: How many people do you really know? No, I don’t mean how many casual acquaintances that you have. I don’t mean what kind of network of relationships that you have that you occasionally have a conversation with about the weather, or the rising prices, or a new, cool restaurant, or the political scene, or about why you bought the car that you bought, or the greatest deal that you got on your iPod, or the kind of things that they ought to download, or the cool blog that you happen to be going to. No, I don’t mean that. I mean, how many people are you able to speak honestly to? Is there anybody in your life that you could be drop-dead-honest with, and they wouldn’t be surprised; they wouldn’t be turned off; they wouldn’t be scared because you have that kind of deep and personal relationship?

Here’s an important biblical principle: If you don’t get this, you have missed something very important about the Christian life, and you’ve missed something very important about life in a fallen world. Here it is: Your life was designed to be a community project. You were never meant to live your life all by yourself.

I had a friend who said he loves the suburbs because, when he gets into his car, his garage door is shut; he opens the garage door after he gets into his car; he drives where he’s going to go; he comes back, drives into his garage, shuts the door, and then, he gets out of his car. He’s applauding the fact that he’s living a very private life where no one ever touches his life except in those rare casual moments when he allows them to. Are you living all by yourself?

Music: “Jenny Wren” by Paul McCartney

Like so many girls, Jenny Wren could sing But a broken heart, took her song away

Like the other girls, Jenny Wren took wing She could see the world, and its foolish ways

How, we, spend our days, casting, love aside Losing, sight of life, day, by, day

PDT: Here’s what you need to understand about biblical faith; biblical faith was never designed to be isolationist, individually meditative, a solitary, spiritual experience. No, in fact, just the opposite! Everything you read in the Bible points you to the fact that God designed us to live in community with others, and this is all the more important in a fallen world. Christianity is not individualistic; it’s not an individualistic, ‘Jesus and me’ faith. The heart of Christianity, in fact, is a commitment to two communities-- community with God and community with others.

Now, I would like you to think about an amazing fact. I would imagine for many of you who are listening to me right now, you’ve never thought of this fact. It’s right there in the Bible, but it’s there in a way that you may not have thought about it. Think about who God is; God is a trinity. There are three equal and different members of the Godhead--people in the Godhead--the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Now, I want you to think about this. Those members don’t just live in community with one another. There is something more profound.

God is, Himself, a functioning community. This means that everything Jesus does is in full concert and in absolute agreement with the Father and the Spirit. Everything the Father does is in full concert and agreement with the Spirit and the Son. Everything the Spirit does is in full concert with the Father and the Son. The members of the Trinity move, act, live and speak as one. God, Himself, is the ultimate, cooperative community.

And so, God has made me in His image; He’s made me as a community being; He’s made me as a social being; He’s designed me that I would live in constant, effective, productive, committed community with others. And this community, because it’s basic to my nature, is not something that I pursue whenever I want to pursue it or enjoy whenever I want to enjoy it, but I can be quite okay apart from community. No! It’s a necessity. You will not be living according to creative order if you aren’t committed to this kind of community.

Again, here’s what it means. It means I can never properly be what I was designed to be and do what I was designed to do without living in intimate, personal, intentional community with others. Commitment to this kind of community is essential to my daily living.

Now, here’s the problem…that commitment to community, that kind of interdependent, humble life with other people, cuts cross grain against the normal way that normal Americans think. There are two things that we tend to hold in high, high esteem. Americans, first of all, tend to esteem the self-made man; we love the story of the person who was born in poverty, who worked their way up the ladder, and with grit and determination, worked their way to the top.

You know, Frank Sinatra sings it: “I Did It My Way.” We love the story of the self-made man. We also highly value our right to privacy. That’s why my friend says, “I love the fact that I get into my car with the garage door closed. I open it and drive where I want to go; I get out and get quickly what I want; I get back in my car; I drive back into my driveway; I open the door; I don’t get out of my car until that garage door is closed. I like my totally private life.”

Here’s the problem with that. That private life is a spiritually dangerous life. It is a spiritually bereft life because, you see, God designed that we would live in a relationship with other people. At the heart of biblical faith are two great commands -- that we would love God above all else -- and that we would love our neighbors as ourselves.

Now think about these commands. These aren’t just sort of high level, spiritual callings; these actually form God’s definition of a normal, successful, human life. You don’t evaluate your success as a human being, you know, by the luxury of your car, or the size of your house, or the political power that you have, or how beautiful you are, or how successful you are in your career. You know, God doesn’t define our success by those standards at all. God defines a well invested, a successfully lived, personal life as a life lived in community with God and community with other people.

You see, you are made a social being; you are made for vertical and horizontal community, and you are made to have those two communities intrude upon your most private space. Your life is a community project. You see, you and I were never created to live in terminally casual relationships, separated from other people, separated from the real realities of one another’s lives.

It’s a shocking thing; you can live in a busy city; you can live in a friendly church; you can actually live in long-term relationships and be fundamentally and basically unknown. We can be masters at casual conversations; we can be masters at deflecting questions; we can be masters at the non-answer; we can actually be very skilled at living in hiding, and we can be masters at not really being concerned about the life of the other person, not really pursuing the details of what their life is about. You can be satisfied in actually not being known and not knowing others. You can be satisfied in living in terminally casual relationships, but it’s not God’s way.

God has called you to the humble, open, honest, consistent, committed, dependent relationship. God has called you to dependent community with Him, and God has called you to dependent community with other people. In fact, the Bible is very clear that one of the ways that God creates the growth and change in my life that I so desperately need is by binding me together in intimate community with other people where there is honesty, where people can touch particularly important places in my life, where people can encourage me, and people can challenge me, and people can exhort me, and people can rebuke me, and people can confront me, and people can help me.

Why? Because they know me, and they know the push and pull of my life. They know where I’m susceptible; they know where I’m weak; they know that because I’ve realized that my life is a community project. I realize that I was never designed to live all by myself.

Music: “Be Ye Glad” by songwriter, Michael Blanchard

From the grave of the innocent Adam Comes a song bringing joy to the sad Oh, your cry has been heard and the ransom Has been paid up in full, be ye glad

Oh, be ye glad Oh, be ye glad Every debt that you’ve ever had Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord

Be ye glad, be ye glad, be ye glad

PDT: Take a moment with me and watch the DVD of your relationships, your marriage, your friendships, your neighbor relationships, your extended family relationships, your relationships at your church. Are you living in an endless web of terminally casual relationships? I mean, have you bought into the delusion of the self-made man? Are you all too zealous to guard and protect your privacy? Think about this. How many people really do know you? How many people do you really know yourself? Do you live like you really believe that you were never ever put together; you were never designed; you were never structured to live life all by yourself? What kind of lifestyle are you building? Are you building a lifestyle where many people think they know you because they know your public persona; they know the presentation of you that you put forward, but they don’t really know you; they don’t know where you struggle; they really don’t know your true story?

Or are you building a lifestyle of humble openness, a lifestyle where you want help, you recognize your need? Or do you rush quickly behind the self-protective walls of personal isolation? Have you tended to confuse casual acquaintance with intimate biblical fellowships? How is the community of faith that surrounds you intruding in on your space and motivating you toward real personal insight, wisdom, and transformation?

Here’s the point. If you are committed to community, if you are humbly admitting your need, if you are saying to yourself that you were never meant to live all by yourself, if you’re reaching out for help because you’ve embraced your need, you know that life was never meant to be lived by yourself, then there are two character qualities that will be in your life.

First will be the courage of loving honesty. You’ll want to be in loving relationships with other people, and you will learn to speak honestly into their lives because you want them to also speak honestly into your life.

But not only will the character quality of the courage of loving honesty be in your life, the character quality of the humility of approachability will be in your life. You’ll want people to approach you. You will want people to speak into your life. You won’t be defensive, and you won’t be offended when people are honest with you about you.

Are you willing to admit your need for others? Are you willing to invite others into your life to function as God’s instruments of help and change? Are you willing to sacrifice personal time and energy in order to be one of God’s tools in the life of somebody else? When you watch the DVD of your life, does it really look like a community project, or are you still trying to live all by yourself?

(Music Interlude)

PDT: So what about you? Do your neighbors really know you? Now, I don’t mean do you have a friendly sort of casual relationship where you can talk over the fence. Do they really know you? Do you really know your neighbors? Have you tried to build community with them? What about your friends, those people that you do things with, those people that you talk to, those people that you hang out with, those people that you spend your free time with, your entertainment time, your leisure time, that you do activities with?

Do those people know you, or have you been snookered, and you’ve bought into the individualism and the privatization of western culture? Have you, in fact, made the mistake of buying into the delusion of the self-made man? I can tell you this for sure; this is a bit of a cliché, but I’ll say it to you unapologetically, “The self-made man is always poorly made. We were never meant to live that way.” Are you really too zealous to guard and protect your privacy?

Do you live like you really believe that the personal, spiritual insights that God wants you to have, the personal growth that God wants you to have, the change that God has called you to? Do you really believe that they are community projects? Are you building a lifestyle of humble openness? Or is your life a picture of self-protected isolation? Have you confused casual acquaintance with intimate biblical fellowship?

I’m deeply persuaded that much of what we call fellowship never rises to fellowship at all. It is the kind of conversation you could have over a drink at a bar. Is community faith intruding upon your space and motivating in you…personal change and transformation? Are you being transformed? If you are committed to live in community with other people, if you are really committed to a life of community, there are two character qualities that will be in your life.

First will be the courage of loving honesty. You will want relationships where the truth can be spoken, where honesty lives, where candor thrives. Now, I don’t mean in an unkind way, because the Bible says that we ought to speak the truth in love. And then, you want to live in relationships that are characterized by the humility of approachability where you can be approached, and you are open to help.

Pray these three prayers: “God, I’m a person in real need of help today. God, I pray that you would send your helpers my way. And God, I pray that when that help comes, that you would give me the grace to not be defensive, the grace to be open and to receive it.”

Are you living committed to community? Have you humbly faced the fact that your life is a community project? Or are you living behind private walls of an individual life, and you’re trying to live all by yourself?

KC: Paul Tripp and “The Family of God” Right Here, Right Now. There is more from the series “Survival Skills for a Fallen World.” So, be sure and tell a friend about us.

In Paul’s new book, Lost In The Middle, he looks at how heart ache can be covered by God’s grace. That’s Lost In The Middle. Just log on to paultrippministries.org. That’s all one word, paultripp, spelled T-R-I-P-P, paultrippministries.org. While you’re there, you can also listen to these programs again or sign up for the daily podcast and have the programs delivered to you on demand anytime.

CD copies of today’s broadcast are available for just five dollars. You can order from the website or call us at 1-800-551-6595. Be sure and ask about other resources on the family, ministry, and many other issues. That’s toll-free 800-551-6595.

And you can help share Right Here, Right Now with others. Just click on ‘Ministry Support’ when you go to paultrippministries.org, or write to us at 7214 Frankford Avenue, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19135. Tomorrow, “Tips on Exercising Influence” from the series, “Survival Skills for a Fallen World.” Tell a friend about this new outreach from Paul Tripp Ministries. And, I’m Kate Crowley, reminding you that, in Jesus Christ, there really is help right here, right now.