The Drink Tank Issue 145

Photo from Jon Johnson and no...I didn’t pay him! For the Earth is Hollow, and ergonomics. Take the right equipment to store your For the experienced buyer at purchases in. This one is my big pet I Have Touched the Sky Tucson, it is always a challenge to get peeve. People who bring strollers -or- through your list, and have time to see sans children, and annoying rolling (How I learned to wander what new and exciting things are out luggage deserve a special level of hell there in an all too rich environment. at these events. I have a backpack, the high desert to pick The first time I went (which was not all light enough to store my precious up rocks and other shiny that long ago) was with a fellow jeweler pretties, and one I can easily maneuver things.) in the convention circuit. She told me without killing or thwacking buyers some very sage advice. “Wear good when in narrow rows. My colleague walking shoes.” It doesn’t matter about also jokingly said, “Bring a ton of cash, An essay of innumerable how much money you spend, or what you’ll spend like a drunken sailor.” (I you see, it is about how you can take am still looking out for that ton of cash. facets by Spring Schoenhuth care of your feet. Many long hours are If anyone does run into one, please spent standing or walking from place direct my attention to it!) I still have yet Every year at the end of January to place to find that what is on your list. to act like the drunken sailor, well, in through the middle of February there The next thing is dressing right. Tucson Tucson that is. is a worldwide migration of jewelers, is in the high desert. Cold nights, The Tucson Gem Show is artists, lapidarists, prospectors, sweltering days, and a mixed bag of overwhelming, even for the seasoned miners, beaders, manufacturers, temperatures all around your stay. This buyer. Just how many amethyst paleontologists, gemologists, year’s particular trip rendered the first geodes the size of a Volkswagen bus diamontologists, shamans, rock hounds, day windy, cold, and wet Seattle-like can you run across? The thought neo-hippies, and “weekenders” to the winter weather one day, and by the comes to mind as I walk row after row largest Gem Show in the world. time I left the temperatures ranged in in some of the largest tents in the world What on earth am I talking the 80’s. I planned my trips accordingly. looking at these wondrous treasures, about, and where? The high desert of No breezy tents the first day. southern Arizona. Tucson to be exact. the title of the classic Trek™ The Gem Show was born in 1955 as a episode, “For the world is way to educate elementary students hollow, and I have touched about geology, and has exponentially the sky”. So many minerals grown over the years to thirty-two taken out of the earth and shows in forty-four separate locations brought to Tucson, you in the Tucson area. Although the have to ponder the weight show has changed focus, it still is very of what is there, and the much an education in geology, as mining process that brings it forth. One has to wonder well as economics, budget planning, Just one of the many giant tents for the Gem finding the best bargain, world cultures, Show. how mining has also changed the finding a hotel room, and footwear environment over the past number of years. I am originally from Montana, the one most folks are into; the “shiny” him to consider retirement. I hope to “The Treasure State”. I lived under the factor. The ravenesque quality fans are see him at least once a year; because shadow of the “Prairie Prick”, the 506 known for when looking for baublage. something tells me he cannot bear foot smoke stack of the Anaconda to be away for long from the Tucson Mining Company that smelted copper market. It makes for a far better trip ore. The ‘Big Sky’ was getting its knowing he’s there. share of strip mining, and air pollution. If you are coming to Tucson Then there is the human labor of the for the spiritual enlightenment, the miner extracting precious metals metaphysical awaits you. To certain and gemstones deep from the earth. practitioners, stones vibrate certain That alone is overwhelming to think energies and are used in healing arts. on. Misery, mining disasters, slavery, For the person who has an interest in corruption, monopoly, all rolled up in a paleontology, it is heaven on earth. little ring or trinket around your neck. One friend who went with me to Tucson But that is only the beginning of the noticed I could be in any large area, hollow earth. You have the poor Amber carved and gravitate toward dinosaur bone oysters. All the irritation an oyster goes chess board, courtesy of J.O.G.S. within minutes. What can I say? They though to produce a single pearl. Fifty speak to me! There are five major fossil percent of the oysters will die during the My particular passion is fossils, shows during this time, and my favorite three and a half years of production and I enjoy talking to some of the is in the Inn Suites. Why “Dinosaur of pearls. (Okay, so they’re oysters, vendors in the shows. Mostly preferred Bob” (Bob Bakker) was there last year not the highest on the evolutionary are the smaller operations that can just hangin’ out. The infamous Larson scale either.) Pearls. There are giant afford to be in Tucson year after year. brothers are there too, of the Black Hills tents devoted to them, tons and tons One of those folks is Jimmy of 49’er Institute. of pearls in every color, shape, quality, Minerals. and size in Tucson. Then there is the Jimmy is the happiest person I coral. I am not talking the fossilized know. He is animated, knowledgeable, variety, but the harvested animal, the and truly, deeply, passionately in love marine equivalent of a fur coat. Ton with his wife Joyce (“She, who is his loads. anchor”). This human bundle of energy If that last bit of rant seems to bounces around his venue like a be depressing, I apologize. What is super ball on speed. He has a wicked the attraction if it is so depressing, and sense of humor, feeds you with What tiring, and overwhelming? Matters (Chocolate), and always (let Trilobite fossil matrix, just one of the paleo- Simple. You find what you like. The me underscore again, always) leaves pleasures that await the fossil fanatics. artisanal excellence of the stonecutters. me happy that I came to Tucson. He If meteorites hold a fascination, What the current trends are. Probably is usually my first stop. Sadly the cost of doing business in Tucson has forced then this also is the place for you. There are very reputable dealers and glass, antique porcelain cut into highly experts who make a living of traveling unique cabochons. That is only a blink And Now...Letter Graded Mail around the world finding things that of what he does. He always manages sent to [email protected] have fallen to earth from the heavens to surprise me and hands me something above. On this most recent journey I that makes me exclaim “You bastard! I by my loyal readers! just happened to walk into a room as love you, I hate you!” because I know And let us begin with Mr. Ste- a couple of people were uncrating I am going to spend a lot of money at ve Green! the largest piece of Imilac Pallasite his booth. This trip a gentleman kept Hi Chris, slab taken from Chile that I have ever snatching things I had put down (thank I’ve long been of the opinion that seen. It measured approximately two goodness, or else I would have bought TAFF candidates should be allowed to by three feet. It was only exposed for a much, much more given time to nominate their preferred destination few minutes and I stood in astonishment contemplate putting something down). should they win. A smaller, fandom- the entire time while they carefully He was lamenting how he couldn’t quit oriented event such as Corflu would repacked it. I finally gained enough his day job, as he was so in love with appear much more suitable a showcase oxygen in my brain at last to utter “That rocks. “I’m going to eat rocks when for a UK delegate’s talents than some belongs in a museum”. To which one of I’m eighty,” he cried. I know exactly distant corner of a worldcon, just as a the packers replied in agreement. The how he felt, as my day job supplements US delegate might well prove a better price of my trip was paid for with that my business too. Sigh, hand me a fork, fit at Novacon than the three-ring one moment. Apatite is what’s for dinner. circus Eastercons have morphed into over the past twenty years. So long as candidates make their intentions clear from the start, I can’t see how anyone could object. All best Apatite -- Steve Indeed the world is hollow. If you Can’t argue with ya on that point. have money to spend on rocks, Tucson I had wanted to run with Eurocon is the place you’ll find them. I’d be in mind and had more than a couple happy to show you around, or just bring of folks seriously warn me against it it back to you. If you have a trailer- because it 1) wasn’t Eastercon and truck load of money to spare, please 2) wasn’t even the UK. When the consider investing it with me, so I can Fan GoH thing was announced, that Imalac Pallasite spend it like a rum filled pirate. Really! sorta sealed it. I’ll stick with Eas- At one of the more high- tercon if I manage to squeeze out Spring Schoenhuth teaches third grade in end shows I discovered my favorite a win because it’s the right time of Fremont , California, and is owner of the wildly year and a lot of folks I wanna meet stonecutter, Gary. This man has an successful Springtime Creations. eye for the weird. Billiard balls, beach will be there. And of course, there’s Mr. John Purcell! Why is it, Chris, that it feels like every other loc I write is to you? Shouldn’t you be taking a break some time soon? A nice long, get-away-from- it-all vacation overseas sounds like a nice idea, doesn’t it? Are you kidding me? The only thing I’d do on a vacation away from it all would be to produce dozens of fanzines! So here we go once again with yet another loc to yet another Drink Tank. I am beginning to think you will be crossing the 150-issue point before the end of this year; all you need are two a month from here on out in 2007, and that’s the kind of pace you could do in your sleep. Come to think of it, I seem to remember you dictating zines in your sleep at Corflu Quire. I didn’t take any notes mainly because I don’t loc in my sleep. Lloyd Penney does that. I’ve got 150 planned for the middle of November (right before LosCon) so favorite topics of all time: food. I really dessert first) and #1 (“chocolate... so I can keep her goin’! Even if I make love food! In fact, just about any kind dense a neutrino can’t pass through it to 155, I’ll have shaved several of food is good to eat. My children are it”). I am almost afraid that he’s issues off my annual production for always grossed out when I regale them dangerously close to the truth when both 2005 (60 issues) and 2006 (50 with tales of eating curried squid, Frank mentions what we are doing issues). I won’t make it to 160 (and fried rattlesnake, all washed down with over-fishing and destroying the I won’t even try) but I’d like to keep with a refreshing peanut butter and oceans. I certainly hope balance is it to around 40 or 50 a year for the gin cocktail. Now that’s a meal! But restored because I love seafood. It has foreseeable future. seriously, I thoroughly enjoyed Frank been a long time since I’ve eaten fish, As for this loc, let’s start off Wu’s food musings; some excellent and I really should do so again Real by talking about one of my personal ideas in here, especially #10 (eat Soon Now. Love grilled salmon steaks and just-caught fresh fish (walleye, still reflect that origin. And I think it bass, perch, sunfish, pike, etc.) from does. Maybe if more folks get involved the lake. Nothing finer. with things like TAFF and the other The real problem is that we fan funds they’ll become more involved haven’t found a good solution with fanzines. Anything is possible for a sustainable fish raising there. See, the way I look at it, the method that doesn’t have serious more people know about TAFF, the drawbacks. Farm Raised salmon more they’ll be involved, contribute, and trout has led to serious and maintain a healthy interest in all problems around the world, and the fan funds, which are great ideas. there’s the pollutive nature of I am not saying all this just because trying to raise salt-water fish in I might run for DUFF in two years - the ocean using a netted method. TAFF voting deadline. Our favorite which is a strong possibility - but the Now, there have been attempts to food reviewer (Frank Wu) sent me a fan funds are intended for shipping off do it right, but few have succeeded in wonderful cover for that issue, and I goodwill fannish ambassadors to fan figuring it all out. Oddly, the things have already begun working on the ish. groups and cons in other countries, that have not been too troublesome Well, sort of. No rush, but I have a full tightening the bonds that tie us all to raise in farms are the shell fish. zine already, so any new material gets together into one gigantic Gordian Crabs, lobster, shrimp, oysters and back-logged into issues 6 and 7. What knot. crawfish have been raised very a nice problem to have. To me, it’s all fandom, whatever well in varying conditions without Yes it is. I have often failed when flavour it comes in. I’m a big Who too much serious environmental people send me stuff ahead of time fan, though not nearly as involved damage, though they do taste and I misplace it. I have to work on as I should be in the Legion of different. that. Rassilon, and I’m a fanzine fan Tell Frank that he’s got good But what I am getting at here and a film fan and a Trek fan stuff here. And also that I am a is that the TAFF race should be great and...well, you get the idea. We’re Chinese buffet junkie; it usually takes for the fund. Having four candidates all one fandom in my eyes, even if me an hour and a half to stuff myself should make it interesting and get we don’t like to admit it. Hell, even silly at one of those. Gad, but I love more people involved with it. What is Furry fandom is a part of picture! Chinese buffets! *urp* Excuse me. really good about the candidates this TAFF is something that we should I love good Chinese buffets, but year is that they come from different get more people behind no matter they are getting rarer and rarer. fannish backgrounds - fanzines, con what their preferred fandom is. Mongolian BBQ, on the other hand, running, Dr. Who - and that’s a good This year we have some great is my new All-You-Can-Eat fave! thing, I think. The purists among people running (a former WorldCon In case you’re interest, kind us might cry about this diffusion of chair for example) and I think we’ll sir, the next issue of Askance will interests, and I can understand their do well. Still not as much buzz as be out two weeks (I hope) before the point of view; TAFF was birthed and I’d like, though...John for TAFF! swaddled in twilltone, and it should I think that analogy just went of it somewhere. Internet search, here I south. Oh, bother... At any rate, I come... believe in the fan funds, and I am See it...if you DARE!!! glad that you have the energy and Great photo of you and Linda on commitment to make this run. Good the last page! Aren’t Renfests fun? The luck to you, and let’s hope enough Texas Renfest opens next weekend, postage is raised to slap a metered and we’ll be going in a couple weeks. It You know, all streaks have to strip on your forehead and shove you is always a good time. end, both positive and negative. You into a big bubble-envelope. Let the I had a blast and I’m planning on had Joe DiMaggio hitting safely in 56 games begin! goin’ back for another one. Just games ended with two strikeouts and Don’t start talking about mailing! I plain fun (and good food!) a fly-out. The classic losing streak of HATE the post office! That should do it. Take care, the Washington Generals ended in the All of those images of Soviet young feller, and I shall see you again 1990s. The legendary streak of Santa Kitsch are something else. Interesting some time soon. Clara’s Mini-Golf Masters Hole-in-Ones stuff, that’s for sure. Russian was my All the best, by one Anand Geetpak ended with a foreign language when I earned my BA, John Purcell duece on 9 after recording 8 conse- and I still speak and read a smattering Always a pleasure! quetive aces. These things happen. of it. My plan is to refresh those Sadly, some streaks just seem to go on Russian skills before I go to Corflu and on, like the Giants not winning the Silver so that I can converse with World Series since the 1950s despite Luba Anderson. This means I have to having gone to the series 3 times and translate some fanspeak into Russian. brought it to game 7 twice. Okay, that could be cool. Stay tuned; I And that’s a lot like the Geelong think I just got another weird idea for a Cats, except they were even closer and fan arkle. at times even further away from win- Ochen horoshow, John Purcell. ning the Premiership in Aussie Rules I took a little Russian and have Football. They won the Big Cup in 1963 had various Russky friends over behind a team that had legends and the years. When Luba gets going was one of the great. The Cats went to in Russian, she talks faster ’n five other Grand Finals and lost them anything! I should get a chance to all. Geelong, one of the longest stand- sit down and chat with her and ing teams in the AFL and owners of a Merric at LosCon! number of the important records (long- I had no idea that there was est winning streak, most wins, most a real motion picture of The Call of Hall of Famer players, etc) and when Cthulhu. How intriguing. Now I am you compare them to the Giants (who going to have to see if I can find a copy have a lot of records of their own) you come up with a great comparison. through a tough opponent on their way more on Cursed teams, see the Cubs). The difference between the Gi- to the Finals. THe Cats had lost in five finals, three ants and Geelong is that the Cats won That team was Port Adelaide. of those times they were pretty heavy the Premiership this year! The set-up was beautiful. There faves to take the cup. And they were The first loss after 15 straight were all sorts of things standing in the playing PA which was the last team to wins was against Port Adeliaide, a way if you looked at history. Jimmy beat them. Everything pointed to dis- team that was second on the ladder. Bartel had won the Brownlow medal, appointment. This is where the wonderful story was the MVP of Aussie Rules, and the last Then they started the game. built. While Geelong had a good series four times a player for a team that was Geelong didn’t score first, but of Premiership matches, they had a in the finals had won it that team had by the end of the first quarter, it was close win in the semi-final. The other lost. It happened the last time Geelong obvious that they’d be doing very well. team that ended up winning the spot won one, 1989 for Paul Couch. This By the half, they were up by 50. They in the final had a easy match, rolling was a serious curse-type thing (and for ended the game a 119 point winner. Until this season, you could have grad school. One day we got 13 inches but squandering chance after chance said that the Cats qualified for the of snow, but that would have been a to win, and pushing it all the way to title of this article from Frank, but cakewalk in Chicago. seven games before snatching defeat no more. Some cities have swagger, earned from the jaws of victory. How could LOVABLE LOSERS or unearned. Bostonians sometimes this be? The only possible explanation by project the attitude that theirs is the is a divine curse, which could only Frank Wu only city in America that truly matters. be lifted by a savior’s blood - Curt They got MIT, they got Harvard - oldest Schilling’s. Other teams are as bad as the college in America, doncha know - they No, Chicagoans don’t have the Chicago Cubs. Sure they haven’t won got the Old North Church and the attitude that they deserve to win, or the World Series in 99 years, but lots Midnight Ride of Paul Revere and the that they should win. Barry Bonds of other teams haven’t ever even been site of the Boston Tea Party. and his tainted all-time home-run to the World Series. When was the last Boston’s baseball team and their record would never fly in Chicago. time you heard the phrase “Lovable fans project an attitude that they But it does in Silicon Valley, where Texas Rangers” or “Lovable Seattle should win, they deserve to win. his home stadium was packed to the Mariners”? Indeed, their teams had Hall-of-Famers gills with adoring fans. Maybe Silicon Um, never. (and future Hall-of-Famers) like Roger Valley’s money and power gave it the Why is that? Clemens, Carl Yastrzemski and Carlton feeling that success is everything, even I’m not sure any type of love can be Fisk. But they would blow it year after if it requires cheating. That would justified to the outsider, and I’m not year - not just losing the World Series, never go in Chicago. really sure I understand the love for Sick of the fashions and trendiness those Lovable Losers. But I’ll take a of New York, Leo Burnett set up an stab at it. advertising firm in Chicago, the only I think it’s got to do with the very major one in the midwest. His ad nature of Chicago. campaigns weren’t built around flash It’s the biggest city in the midwest, and gilt, but around lovable characters but it’s got no reason to be there. he created, like Tony the Tiger and Sure, it’s on a big lake so it’s a the Keebler Elves and Poppin’ Fresh shipping and transport hub, but why the Pillsbury Doughboy. Burnett said would anyone put a city there, where that Chicago, of all places, was a “sod- megatons of ice and snow and wintery busting” town. You worked hard here, misery tumble down from Canada? you paid your dues. It didn’t matter Why would you plant a city there, what your name was or how much knowing that it’d be buried in snow? money your daddy had. Have you ever actually experienced a My brother was an undergrad, then Chicago winter? I lived a couple hours a grad student, then a professor at away in Madison, Wisconsin, during Harvard before he started teaching at University of Chicago. He said that the And now, our good friend and closer Chicago kids knew more and studied (or whatever the Cricket equivi- harder, but had far less arrogance lent of a Closer is), Mr. Steve Green than any of the Harvard kids. That’s and... Chicago. Chicago’s surrounded by farms and factories, hard-workin’ places all. Fannish Memory Syndrome Heck, just walking down the street to Steve Green get milk in the middle of the Chicago winter is hard work. In Chicago you To the heart of Warwickshire, for busted the sod, or the sod busted you. a rare exhibition of paintings by the And even if you did succeed, you’d have 17th Century “master of candlelight”, to bust the sod all over again next year. Georges de La Tour. Heavily influenced They say baseball is a symbol for by Caravaggio, La Tour was reportedly life. If that’s true, then this is what the a major inspiration behind Peter

Cubbies teach me: Greenaway’s The Draughtman’s by Cooper Cromwell Life is hard work, and you shouldn’t Contract, yet his work languished in of La Tour’s artwork (plus that of expect to be crowned champion of the near-obscurity for more than 350 years his contemporary Jacques Callot world. But if you do, unexpectedly, win following his death in 1652. One of my and son Etienne de La Tour, to pad a game in Chicago, it’s like walking out favourite nocturnes, The Dice Players, it out slightly) is “The Shadow”, a the door into the harshest winter on was itself largely unknown until themed multi-media exhibition which record - and finding a bright summer showcased in an exhibition in Paris includes a rather forgetable Andy day. thirty-five years ago. Warhol screenprint with that same The venue is Compton Verney, home title, Laurie Anderson’s disconcerting of the Verney family for five centuries At the Shrink’s (footage of a seated and the site for half that period of a Anderson is projected onto a chair- mansion designed by neoclassicist shaped statuette, an effect reminiscent architect Robert Adam, set in 120 of Leia Organa’s plaintive hologram in acres of parkland landscaped by Star Wars) and Doug Aitken’s hypnotic Lancelot “Capability” Brown. The estate video installation Lighttrain, wherein passed from the family’s hands in 1921 shadow is used as protagonist in a – another casualty, I suspect, of the thriller played across five television First World War – and was eventually screens. acquired in 1993 by a charitable In many ways even more startling foundation set up by the Littlewoods are Compton Verney’s permanent When the Little Bear Carries millionaire Sir Peter Moores. displays, among them medieval the Flag, All will be Lost! Running alongside the display Germanic sculptures and British portraiture, one of three major OK, that’s all for this is- European archives of Chinese bronzes sue. Once again, it’s got bulk and the largest collection of British from people other than me! I folk art on these isle. The trustees are wanna thank Spring, Frank, justly proud of their latest acquisition, Steve, Selina Phanara, Pikomi, a Samuel Cooper miniature of Oliver Dan Shileah, Kurt Erichsen, Cromwell painted in 1657, four years Karen Aliki, Jon Johnson, John after his subject had been appointed Purcell and everyone else! Also, here’s to Jimmy Bartel, Gary Ab- Lord Protector of England; although lett Jr., Nathan Ablett, Cameron only four inches tall and three inches Mooney, Comeron Ling, Matthew wide, its reputation as Cromwell’s Scarlett and all the other win- favourite depiction (and the likely ners on the Geelong Cats! origin of his famous instruction to be Next issue will have some painted “warts and all”) earned it a Silicon stuff, but it’s gonna have million-dollar price tag. a science kick to it. I love science Walking back through the grounds, and I seldom get to run enough Ann and I make a mental note to science articles. It’ll probably be return next summer, maybe bring at least 2 weeks before it’s out along a picnic. It’s been a fascinating because the next week is Vin- reminder of the delights that can lie tacon and that’ll take up some hidden virtually on your own doorstep. time too. It’ll be a bigger than usual issue, I’m imagining. I’ve gotta start working on the Annual Index (I started in September last year) and the Corset issue is slowly coming together. More articles would be lovely! And BayCon’s starting to rev up too. I’ve gotta see if they want Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me since The Match Game won’t be happening this Year (Kevin Standlee is the GoH at Marcon that same weekend) and I’ve got a good set of ideas for that one. The Dice Players And after that, it’s the long run towards the end of the year!