67Yev [Download pdf] The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter , and Other Phony Crises Online

[67Yev.ebook] The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises Pdf Free

Alfie Kohn ePub | *DOC | audiobook | ebooks | Download PDF

#89816 in Books Kohn Alfie 2016-03-08 2016-03-08Original language:EnglishPDF # 1 9.00 x .80 x 6.10l, .81 #File Name: 0807073881280 pagesThe Myth of the Spoiled Child Coddled Kids Helicopter Parents and Other Phony Crises | File size: 44.Mb

Alfie Kohn : The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises before purchasing it in order to gage whether or not it would be worth my time, and all praised The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises:

97 of 98 people found the following review helpful. Kids these days!By DienneI first stumbled on Alfie Kohnrsquo;s work when I happened to see THE HOMEWORK MYTH at the library. It was like a light bulb coming on. I had always sensed that there is something wrong about the traditional ways that kids are treated/raised (and that that something is somehow related to much of whatrsquo;s wrong with society as a whole), but that book began to give me the vocabulary to understand and discuss such problems.This is now my third Alfie Kohn book, plus I have read nearly all of his articles that are available online. It doesnrsquo;t take long to realize that Kohn has one basic overarching point, and that his writings simply come at that point from a variety of different angles. His point has to do with how we as a society tend to exert control and expect compliance, and how we use punishments and rewards as the main means of instilling this control. This power and control, and the punitive means of enforcing it, is actually harmful not only to the individuals subject to it but to the fabric of society. It creates individuals who are insecure, risk- averse, compliant, conventional and conforming. If we want people to be bold, analytical, critical, creative, innovative and, well, free, we need to become more supportive, nurturing and unconditionally accepting. In short, Kohn refers to this as ldquo;working withrdquo; rather than ldquo;doing tordquo;.This particular book, as the title indicates, comes at this paradigm by exploring current (and past) ideas that kids ldquo;these daysrdquo; are spoiled and coddled; that parents ldquo;todayrdquo; are both too permissive and too involved in their kidsrsquo; lives. He explores a range of typical, usually conservative bogeymen from indulged, ldquo;entitledrdquo;, narcissistic kids, to helicopter parents to participation trophies and self-esteem. He also explores the latest ldquo;idealsrdquo; promoted for child-rearing ndash; ldquo;gritrdquo;, perseverance, self-discipline, rigor, etc.In each section, Kohn begins by operationalizing the definition of terms like ldquo;spoiledrdquo; or ldquo;permissiverdquo; and looking at research and history to show that such alleged phenomena are not really new and that there is no current ldquo;epidemicrdquo; of spoiled kids or permissive parents any more than there ever has been. He finds dozens of historical quotes, each complaining of the same basic woes, always as if the generation in question were the first ever generation to be that way/do those things. He next analyzes research literature over time to see if, for example, college students are any more narcissistic than they were in the 50s or 70s or whenever the ldquo;golden agerdquo; supposedly was.He comes up empty handed on any research to show that the current generation is any worse than any previous generations on any of the measures he examines, but he does find research to show how changes do happen over a lifetime, which may account for perceptions of different generations. College students today are no more narcissistic than college students of 30 years ago, but 20-year-olds are more narcissistic than 50-year-olds. So the older generation may simply be misremembering their own youth and instead attribute age-based differences to generational differences ndash; ldquo;kids these days!rdquo;After demonstrating that there is no epidemic of unwarranted youthful exuberance (in fact, perhaps, the opposite), Kohn, in his usual style, takes a step back to really explore what we mean when we use terms like ldquo;self-esteemrdquo; and the underlying assumptions of what children (or people in general) must be like to shape such views. In exploring self-esteem, for instance, he talks about how it too often gets conflated with arrogance or . In fact, however, narcissism is often the opposite of self-esteem ndash; an empty meant (perhaps unconsciously) to fill the hole for someone who in fact doesnrsquo;t really feel all that great about himself. And in any case, whatrsquo;s so bad about feeling good about onersquo;s self?Kohn believes that there are three underlying beliefs or worldviews that contribute to traditional views of how kids should be raised. The first is the idea of conditionality ndash; that everything good, including even approval and self-esteem, should have to be earned. No one should have the right to be ldquo;rewardedrdquo; or to feel good without accomplishing something. The second is the idea of scarcity ndash; the idea that, for instance, ldquo;excellencerdquo; is limited. Kids (all people, really) should have to compete against each other to see who is the ldquo;bestrdquo; because only the ldquo;bestrdquo; are excellent. It is not possible for everyone to achieve excellence, no matter how good everyone is (which is why grades are assigned on a curve, even if the whole class performs well). The final underlying assumption is that deprivation is good. Life is tough. The sooner you get used to that, even starting in early childhood, the better off yoursquo;ll be.If yoursquo;ve read any of Kohnrsquo;s other work, yoursquo;ll be familiar with his rebuttals to these assumptions. Imagine a world in which children (all people) are loved and accepted simply for being human and being who they are. Where everyone is allowed to excel and achieve in his or her own way and where everyone can define his or her own excellence by his or her own internal sense. Where children are nurtured, protected and supported through lifersquo;s ups and downs. Many people would see this as too touchy-feely, not realistic or maybe just plain unmanly. But research shows better outcomes ndash; in terms of both ldquo;successrdquo; factors such as earnings, as well as simple mental health ndash; for kids raised in this way. Rewards and punishment, competition and other external valuations lessen internal motivation and make people defensive and constricted. Unconditional acceptance frees people to pursue their own interests and passions, take risks and live life secure in their own skin.Finally, Kohn concludes with a discussion about why ldquo;gritrdquo;, self-discipline and self-control may be overrated, especially if those characteristics are used in pursuit of externally mandated goals and expectations. Kohn argues instead for raising ldquo;rebelsrdquo; ndash; kids who will trust to their own internal motivations and moral guidance based on the they develop for others based on having been accepted and loved themselves. Such kids, Kohn argues, are well-positioned to make thoughtful choices about how and when to respectfully question and challenge authority. And this is a good thing.I do have some criticisms of this book, one admittedly minor. First, I wish that Kohn would have used footnotes rather than endnotes. There is a great deal of relevant information contained in the note, but it is rather irritating to keep flipping back and forth.Second, and more significantly, as with all Alfie Kohn books, we hear a lot more about what not to do and why traditional child-rearing methods and philosophies are problematic that we hear about what to do and what does work to raise happy, empathetic, conscientious and socially responsible kids. I realize that UNCONDITIONAL was an attempt to do just that, but again, Kohn spent more time telling us why rewards and punishments are bad than what to put in their place. I understand there is no one-size fits all, step-by-step guide book to raising kids, but rewards and punishments are so ingrained in our culture that even those of us who know better find ourselves falling into their spell. I would like a fly-on-the-wall view of life in the ideal Kohn household (or even in the non-ideal household to get examples of how to get back on track), with plenty of examples of optimal and less-than optimal strategies. What does Alfie say when he needs to leave in five minutes and his four- year-old isnrsquo;t even dressed yet? What does he say when his eight-year-old hits a home run or his ten-year-old draws a beautiful picture? What about when his twelve-year-old would rather video games or his fourteen-year- old wonrsquo;t get off the phone? What does one say once one has eliminated ldquo;good jobrdquo; and ldquo;or elserdquo; from their vocabulary?I am just now finishing up a book by Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson on ldquo;whole- brainrdquo;, ldquo;No Dramardquo; discipline which does lay out several such examples. Their overall philosophy is very similar to Kohnrsquo;s philosophy in terms of reducing our use of controlling, punitive strategies and instead working with the child as a whole person. But they differ on some points such as the benefits of homework, perseverance and self-discipline (both books discuss the classic marshmallow experiments, but have rather different takes on them). I would to see or read a dialogue among Kohn, Siegel and Bryson discussing their agreements and disagreements, along with examples of how each would handle various child-rearing situations.20 of 22 people found the following review helpful. Challenging Life-ChangingBy KellyIn The Myth of the Spoiled Child, Alfie Kohn examines the motives, values and beliefs underlying the conventional wisdommdash;espoused on both the political left and rightmdash;about raising children. Unlike many parenting books that attack straw men, the ideas Kohn argues against are central tenets on child rearing that any will recognize. He presents arguments and evidence in favor of the conventional wisdom, including direct quotes from some of the many experts who proffer it, such as certain prominent psychologists. He then analyzes what would have to be true for such conventional parenting wisdom to be logical and accurate, and weighs what research says about its validity. He also shows why, for all too many adults, its validity is beside the point.Kohnrsquo;s the rare author who breaks down real-life arguments into their components and doesn't just cite but, rather, pores over the original research pertaining to each of them. He dissects several important studies whose so-called results get thrown around quite often in parenting books and articlesmdash;e.g., the marshmallow experiments, research in young people, studies on childrenrsquo;s self-esteem and the importance of gritmdash;and surprises us with what the research actually shows (and, at times, the disparity between how the authors of the studies interpreted their results versus how others typically report them).Itrsquo;s all too rare that an author walks readers through such conceptual and research heavy lifting that they come away with new understandings about topics with which they thought themselves already familiar. Kohn has done a tremendous service for us parents and our children by writing such a book. That he does so in a way that is both enjoyable to read and at times evokes a chuckle with its incisive wit is all the more valuable an accomplishment! Irsquo;d say that even exhausted parents whose intellectual life at home extends no further than reading for 20 minutes before will benefit from, and have no problem absorbing, this bookrsquo;s clearly presented ideas and evidence.Whether yoursquo;re liberal or conservative, traditional or progressive, well-read about parenting and or generally too busy parenting in real life to read many books about it, The Myth of the Spoiled Child will get you thinking whether the parenting beliefs and practices you apply every day are leading where you really want to go. Even if you already consider yourself relatively well-informed, self-reflective and evolved as a parent, this book is almost sure to challenge you in the best ways. As Kohn shows so powerfully, some of the basic tenets we all take as parenting common sense are unlikely to truly meet our long-term goals or lead to a better world for our children, both now and as adults.I can count the number of parenting books Irsquo;ve considered life-changing on one hand. The Myth of the Spoiled is one of them, up there with the classic How to Talk So Kids Will Listen Listen So Kids Will Talk. I cannot think of a higher compliment than that.1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. Alfie excels again at subverting conventional ideas of parentingBy DouglasHaving read most of Alfie's books, I am very familiar with his orientation, arguments and recommendations for improving ideas towards progressive education and parenting. For this book, I'd say that asides from some degree of reharshed ideas and research from previous works, I enjoyed his rebuke regarding the prevalence of spoiled or permissive parenting, and how self-discipline and grit has been heavily oversold. Reading Alfie's book is never an easy task since he provides no easy solutions but his research and arguments are impeccable and leave much room for richer thought and practice.

A prominent and esteemed critic challenges widely held beliefs about children and parenting, revealing that underlying each myth is a deeply conservative ideology that is, ironically, often adopted by liberal parents.Somehow a set of deeply conservative assumptions about childrenmdash;what theyrsquo;re like and how they should be raisedmdash;has congealed into the conventional wisdom in our society. Parents are accused of being both permissive and overprotective, unwilling to set limits and afraid to let their kids fail. Alfie Kohn systematically debunks these beliefs, not only challenging erroneous factual claims but also exposing the troubling ideology that underlies them. Complaints about pushover parents and coddled kids are hardly new, he shows, and there is no evidence that either phenomenon is especially widespread todaymdash;let alone more common than in previous generations. Moreover, new research reveals that helicopter parenting is quite rare and, surprisingly, may do more good than harm when it does occur. The major threat to healthy , Kohn argues, is parenting that is too controlling rather than too indulgent.With the same lively, contrarian style that marked his influential books about rewards, competition, and education, Kohn relies on a vast collection of social science data, as well as on logic and humor, to challenge assertions that appear with numbing regularity in the popular press and are often accepted uncritically, even by people who are politically liberal. These include claims that young people bull; suffer from inflated self-esteem bull; are entitled and narcissistic bull; receive trophies, praise, and Arsquo;s too easily bull; are in need of more self-discipline and ldquo;gritrdquo; Kohnrsquo;s invitation to reexamine these and other assumptions is particularly timely; his book has the potential to change our culturersquo;s conversation about kids and the people who raise them. ldquo;With his trademark blend of skepticism and idealism, [Kohn] dismantles most of the hype surrounding motivation and competition, failure and success.rdquo;mdash;Boston Globeldquo;Kohn picks apart the script that todayrsquo;s kids are coddled and lazymdash;complaints every generation makes about the succeeding one.rdquo;mdash;Atlanta Journal-Constitutionldquo;Kohn explains why the belief that modern parents are too permissive (or too overprotective) and that kids are entitled, narcissistic monsters is wrong. He has the research to back it up and creates a convincing argument.rdquo;mdash;San Francisco Book ldquo;Filled with surprising insights and counterintuitive data. An energetic...argument against all the columnists, politicians and pundits who insist children today are spoiled.rdquo;mdash;Lenore Skenazy, New York Times Book ldquo;A wise and passionate bookmdash;by one of the best friends our children have todaymdash;that is also a delight to read.rdquo;mdash;Jonathan Kozol, author of Fire in the Ashesldquo;A well-researched, important counter-truth to all the foolishness...A must-read for parents who care.rdquo;mdash;Seth Godin, author of Linchpinldquo;Splendid...Kohnrsquo;s analysis is incisive, witty, and fun to read. In a manner that reminds me of Voltaire, Kohn brings clear and profound social criticism to a topic of great contemporary importance.rdquo;mdash;William Crain, author of Reclaiming Childhoodldquo;An insightful, well-informed, thorough analysis of the many false and hostile claims made about parents and children today. Kohn patiently dismantles myths and then provides a positive vision of parenting for our time.rdquo;mdash;Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, coauthor of When Will My Grown-Up Kid Grow Up?About the AuthorAlfie Kohn writes and speaks widely on human behavior, education, and parenting. The author of thirteen books and scores of articles, he lectures at education conferences and universities, as well as to parent groups and corporations. Kohnrsquo;s criticisms of competition and rewards have been widely discussed and debated, and he has been described in Time magazine as ldquo;perhaps the countryrsquo;s most outspoken critic of educationrsquo;s fixation on grades [and] test scores.rdquo;

[67Yev.ebook] The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises By Alfie Kohn PDF [67Yev.ebook] The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises By Alfie Kohn Epub [67Yev.ebook] The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises By Alfie Kohn Ebook [67Yev.ebook] The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises By Alfie Kohn Rar [67Yev.ebook] The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises By Alfie Kohn Zip [67Yev.ebook] The Myth of the Spoiled Child: Coddled Kids, Helicopter Parents, and Other Phony Crises By Alfie Kohn Read Online