ISSUES i' rre ~c--r ~ I · · C -'- · · ~ L · 4, ~ I · ,I I d I 1 111 - - - - ' I ~ ~ ~ POLITY OFFICERS FACE IMPEACHMENT

By Hilary Vidair party. In a letter to Polity Executive Director Maylor argued that the prosecution was Stephen Adams, Rodriguez that he was "instruct- pursuing the charges because of personal grudges. The impeachment hearing of Monique ed...to provide Audio Visual services for Student "When it comes to Monique, it's like, burn her at Maylor, Diane Lopez, and Marjorie Eyma certainly Polity Association's President Monique Maylor's the stake. They've been against me and they've started off on the wrong foot. birthday party at The Spot." been at me since I first entered Polity." From the beginning, it was clear that the The defense tried to discredit Rodriguez Lopez closed her case emphasizing all of trial was poorly organized. Maylor and Eyma held by accusing him of overcharging customers and the things she has accomplished on campus. She up the proceedings by walking in late. In addition, forging checks. Eyma claimed that Rodriguez did quickly pointed out that if the Judiciary were find there was no chief justice appointed to the hearing. not attatch copies of the contracts to the voucher her guilty, she would be excluded from any stu- A L'1 - 1__1_- i _- - * -„ t At tne iast minute, forms. "On the voucher, it dent involvement. -*------1JS~ Eyma argued that A oc----I------says 'Spot', but it can mean The other two defendants discussed their three of the seven another club," she said. "Mr. achievements as well. "They were boasting about judges present were B Rodriguez is also contract- how great they were, almost as if they should be not approved by the ed, for other services [off- forgiven for that," said Santangelo. Polity Senate, and, P campus]." Ken Daube, associate prosecutor and therefore, not "It's more of a he says, member of the Senate Internal Affairs Sub- allowed to vote. Ij she says, [thing]," Eyma Committee, asked the judiciary to not allow the "Those three people M t .. said. Adams and Eyma did defendants' list of good deeds to affect their deci- could have swayed Snot sign Rodriguez's time sion. He said that Polity needed to dp the right the vote either way," ... 7 f.. . y. sheet: the only one who thing and show that our student government will Eyma said. BBPll did was Barbara Mandel, not permit abuses within its structure. He also Charges were raised against the trio for Rodriguez's supervisor. Therefore, Eyma claimed argued before the justices that it was their duty to ordering a helium tank paid for with student that they had to trust Mandel's word. "We can not follow the trail of the evidence which would lead money for use at Maylor's birthday party at the say it's not true, since Mr. Adams and I are not at them to a guilty verdict. Spot. The defendants argued that the tank was all events." "They were changing their story too many used for other Polity purposes, as well. They stat- Eyma said that Adams and Mandel times," Patel said. "We need ethics in our govern- ed that the tank was considered "office supplies", should also be charged. But commuter senator ment. We can't have corruption or dishonesty." bought for the Minority Planning Board. Actually, Frank Santangelo argued that the executive direc- As for the prosecutor's motives, Eyma the money for the tank came out of the budget for tor and his staff are placed in a compromising sit- said, "I have no clue. I don't know what's in their Council Projects. uation. "I brought the flaw in the system forth at heads." Both Maylor and Lopez were unavailable "It was used for the [Haitian Student the hearing," he said. "Tell me, how does an for comment. Organization's] semi-formal and MPB's employee challenge his or her boss on expendi- Christine Sadowski, president of Thanksgiving dinner," Eyma said. In addition, tures?" Commuter Student Affairs, said, "Everybody's Eyma claimed that money for office supplies and The Polity Council's minutes from April thinking it's going to come out guilty, but no one council projects were placed under the same 27th support Santangelo's claims. The minutes has confirmed it yet." She thinks that the results administrative budget. state that: "Steve [Adams] mentioned there is an will be released this Monday. One of the prosecutors, Neil Patel, con- abuse of power and Council Members sometimes "I think the prosecution has presented fronted Eyma with a bill from Taylor Rental, which intimidate staff to do things [at] the last minute." good evidence for wrongdoing," Patel said. showed that the tank was in fact delivered to the "I did not misappropriate any funds," Tan said that he had to withold any information he Spot on Maylor's birthday. Eyma said. "I also pay the student activities fee, so had obtained. Maylor feels that her actions do why would I want my money into something it Sayed Ali, the vice-president elect and not merit this level of chastisement. "If I'm to be shouldn't be?" current secretary of Polity, said, "I think the main impeached for using the helium tank, then what Eyma felt that the justices were prejudiced culprits are Marjorie and Diane. Diane ordered the about all those members in Polity who use the against them. "Ms. Lopez, Ms. Maylor and myself tank and Marjorie signed for the tanks." He also computers and the telephones for their personal are innocent. Through the media and through the stated, "I really love Monique and I said 'Why use. If their going to hold it against me, then they senate, we were already guilty before the hearing don't you just admit you did something wrong?'" should be impeached, too...it's all personal." began." She also said that due to lack of evidence, At the end of the hearing, Frank The prosecutors also charged the defen- the case should not be tried. Santangelo epitomized the pettiness and banality dants with using student money to pay for audio- Eyma also suspected that one of the pros- of the proceedings when he approached Maylor visual services at Maylor's party. Elvis Rodriguez, ecutors, Oliver Tan, may be purposely trying to and said, "Monique, you sound as pathetic as Polity's Audio-Visual Manager, confirmed that he smear their reputations because he campaigned those souls going down on the Titanic." had provided lights and the sound system for the unsuccessfully in last year's Polity elections.

TCHLSTONY BROOK PRLSS PAGE 2 I I · I I ISSUES

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By John Giuffo and security procedures that must be fol- tored in. "There are students in the concert lowed in order for an act to play on campus planning positions that do not have experi- As the school year draws to a close, stu- have played a role in the difficulty of putting ence planning concerts," Vazquez said. "And dents begin to split their time between studying on a concert. they don't have a structure that allows others for finals and celebrating t] 7 procedures were put in who want to get involved in. They tend to er. Late April and May are place by Fred Preston, provide concerts that are tailored to that stu- filled with different cam- Vice President for dent's interests, and not for the campus as a pus events to help cele- Student Affairs, after a whole." brate the year that has 1991 Fishbone concert in The Student Activities- Board is the passed. Barbecues, parties which ten students Polity Council-appointed group charged with and dances dot the cam- received minor injuries. providing concerts, lectures, stand-up comedy, pus, but one thing is Bad planning, concert parties and other activities meant to make noticeably missing this execution and an inex- Stony Brook a place to have fun as well as year: the music. perienced Student Polity learn. For the first time Association security Aneka Gibbs, current SAB chair and since at least the 1970s-- force were blamed for Polity President-elect, said the group has and probably longer-- not creating the environ- $75,000 with which to fund activities, $60,000 of one concert was held on ment which allowed the which is slated for concert use. She acknowl- campus. No one knows students to get hurt. edges past criticisr for the lack of diversity in exactly when Stony Preston instituted a pro- concert planning, and said that sensitivity Brook, once a campus cedure where Jim Lang, toward such criticisms further hindered SAB's known as a place where director of Public Safety, ability to program. popular musi- is charged with check- Sadowski shares this criticism. "We nationally .iDi 1n 1tnac1groun1 ot cians came to ply their Previous campus acts ha ing the bacKgrouna o0 need to have more diversity with the selection of ,e included Bob Dylan (pic- ach band for which is groups we have coming to campus," she said. trade, last went an entire tured), U2, Busta Rh) mes, and Jimi Hendrix d year without student pro- proposed to play on "Instead of a great variety, it seems that there's grammed music. campus. always rap performances or reggae. You don't The lack of concerts on campus this year Lang calls the last three venues the see any alternative concerts." --and a lack of diversity in the concerts that have band has played in order to find out if there Gibbs said a number of other compli- been held the past few years-- has caused much were any problems experienced by the various cating factors handicap SAB's ability to pro- disappointment, some angry letters and has promoters. He checks for vio- vide concerts, and even helped spark an attempt by the commuter lence at the previous shows, as denies that short- student college to secede from Polity. well as whether or not the sightedness is the Many students, often lured to Stony crowd moshed or if there was only reason for the Brook in part by stories of packed concerts fea- any damage to property. Lang problem. Among is the turing chart-topping acts, are disillusioned once then makes a recommendation these factors they get onto campus. to Vazquez on whether he aforementioned "I think it's a shame," said Christine thinks the band would be a inexperience. "I the year Sadowski, president of the Commuter Student security risk or not. Vazquez, spent new Association. "I think we should have concerts; along with Preston and assis- teaching the out they are a really big draw." tant director of Student Union and Activities, SAB how to program," Gibbs said, pointing Or at least they were in the past. Cheryl Chambers, then decide whether the that she is the only member of SAB that was a Performers such as The Red Hot Chili Peppers, band should be approved to play on campus. member last year. U2, Living Colour, Busta Rhymes, Fishbone, Vazquez said that only four or five artist Gibbs also said that the $60,000 concert Jimi Hendrix, Buju Banton, The Dead Milkmen, screenings have been completed this year. All budget excludes many of the acts she would like Phish, Ani DiFranco, Bob Dylan, Primus and have passed, none have played. to see play at Stony Brook, acts such as the Spice They Might Be Even Public Safety Girls or Bone Thugs N Harmony. When asked Giants have all enter- agrees there is a prob- about why SAB didn't target smaller acts such tained Stony Brook lem with the-process. "I as local performers or smaller, less-expensive students at one time think Stony Brook can nationally-known acts, she said, "I'd prefer not or another. have a top live per- to comment on that." Carmen former and should real- In lieu of concerts, Gibbs said SAB has of diver- Vazquez, Dean of ly be looking at a con- tried to address the criticism of a lack students can Students, is one of cert that can draw a sity by planning activities that all an the campus adminis- large portion of the enjoy. In the past year, SAB has sponsored reality rides, trators responsible community," said Doug array of functions such as virtual game shows for screening poten- Little, director of public coffee houses, comedy shows, which fea- tial concert acts relations for Public and parties in the Union ballroom Flex, before they are Safety. He said Public tured local DJs Kid Capri, Funkmaster a semi- allowed to play at Safety's main concern Alert and Culcha. They also sponsored from Pier 13 at Stony Brook. She in the concert process is formal boat cruise which left considers the situa- ensuring the safety of the South Street Seaport. 9 - '_TA• uiUinL u Iue uJIc " 'v", concertgoers. weve That's little comfort for students like tion a complex one; Iew securey measures wen e a Fishbon showI of their stu- one where blame is Fishbon had certain groups that Sadowski, who feel that the portion is not easily placed. "I think putting on a concert is have had track records of violence on other cam- dent activity fees that goes towards concerts a challenge financially," she said. "In order to puses," Little said, adding that festival seating, being wasted. "I don't understand why we have any con- get a top act, it's often somewhere between wherein all attendees stand, is another concern a concerts committee if we don't have $50,000 and $100,000 to get them." of his. certs," she said. She also said changes in the policies Inexperience and myopia are also fac-

MAY 12,1998 PAGE 3 EDITORIALS .. 71 STOP! THAT MAN HAS MY PANTS!

Will wonders never cease? Just when fine benefactress, Shirley Strum Kenny. On a you thought it was all over, that the academic more sober note, the Press has also voted on year was neatly packaged and put away, as their "Man of the Year", a title which goes to a classes draw to a close and books are dusted member of the campus community who has off as the panic of final exams sets in, the pow- astounded us with their uniqueness and fervor ers that be at Stony Brook surprise us once for life. This year's recipient is Mr. Bill again. McNulty, a Peace Studies Center activist and The Polity Senate Internal Review humanist who is currently serving prison time Committee released two weeks ago its findings in Georgia for peacefully protesting a govern- on an investigation of the Polity Council for ment killing machine. (See page 11) misappropriation of funds in two incidents Bill McNulty has astounded us with his which took place last November. Polity courage and inspired us with his dedication. President Monique Mayor, Vice President He truly is an extraordinary person, and is Diane Lopez, and Treasurer Marjorie Eyma deserving of more prestigious honors than this. underwent impeachment proceeding this week And so, we leave you, our readers, once as a student judiciary appointed by the Senate again after a year of muckraking, Shirley- weighed the evidence. The results of the hear- taunting, and lame personal jokes. We hope ing should be released soon, and will be able to we've left you a little more informed, a little be found on the Press' website, at less apathetic, and just a bit entertained. http://www.sinc.sunysb.edu/Clubs.sbpress/bre To the graduating students, we wish aking.html. you the best. To those who are returning, we Also as the year draws to a close, the wish you even more of the best (God knows staff members of the Press have chosen the you'll need it). And to all, from the editors of prestigious "Shirley Awards" in honor of our The Press, have an enjoyable summer. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Fairness Regardless of Guilt that; however, I disagree. The verdict (for or against) requires a two-thirds vote. Would our Constitution To The Editor: permit a vote like this to follow a bench with justices There is no doubt that MAYLOR, LOPEZ having limited power? Indeed, considering the and EYMA are guilty of, among other things, fraud. potential heavy punishments that would fall upon And unquestionably all but Lopez refuse to come our defendants would it be fair to have them go close to admitting that and instead attempt to shield before a three justice bench--that would suggest that themselves (arguably foolishly) by remaining arro- only two justices make a valid verdict? No; it would gant when asked about the charges. Of course, all be a constitutionally infirm court. I suggest therefore three had found themselves before a Polity Judiciary- that the meaning of our Polity Constitution protects -Maylor and Eyma facing impeachment--facing mis- students from this abuse by mandating a full Court conduct charges. Clearly they had all belonged there, when charges of this weight are before it. In sum, and our Senate was proper in sending the case up to where a two-thirds vote reaches fairness. our (student) Supreme Court. The question, howev- We now turn our attention to the proceedings. er, that must be addressed is one that might very well The three defendants were before the Court without release our guilty trio from due punishment (and I council. Quickly you think, "nonsense; it is only a write this not knowing the verdict). school matter," and therefore argue against such a Did the three defendants get a fair trial? Be notion. However, it doesn't matter that it is a school it far from me to take this answer lightly. I would situation; what matters is what the accused stand to argue that the three did not get a fair hearing lose. Impeachment is not a pretty ordeal (and notwith- notwithstanding their guilt. Writing this is not dif- standing that MAYLOR and EYMA both deserve the ficult inasmuch as I believe that fairness must cross same) it must be noted that both these women would all lines; however, the thought of permitting the lose their positions (with stipends) and also face crim- guilty parties a chance to get off concerns me. Yet, inal charges that might directly threaten their liberty. should they, I will properly (re)prosecute the case. The procedure now appears weighty. And it is. Our Polity Constitution clearly states that The background of the hearing is as fol- WIN N E R charges of this magnitude "shall" be tried before a lows. The prosecution team (with three members of 1997CAMPUSAlrFl-,',RNA'I'IN'E Court with 10 sitting justices. One might argue, as I the Internal Affairs Sub-Committee and two other JOURNALISMANNARDS do, that the mandatory language implies the legisla- associates) each had the opportunity to examine *RUNNER-UP: BEST tive intent to suggest that all ten justices be present witnesses. In sum, each defendant might be exam- ALTERNATIVE PUBLICATION and voting. In the case before the bar only seven ined by 5 prosecutors. Moreover, there was the mat- were duly sitting justices and three others although ter of courtroom procedure. Indeed, at least one of *BEST SENSE OF HUMOR present were not voting justices. Might this be con- the prosecution's team had the articulate demeanor (SECOND CONSECUTIVE YEAR) sidered harmless error ? I suppose one could argue of a trial lawyer. The three defendants had little *HONORABLE MENTION: continued on next page REPORTING

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 4 I~ · LETTERS TO THE EDITOR continued from previous page \ knowledge to over- than they really do. Next time, when Ms. of Agent Orange, a chemical defoliant used in come his "objections" and line of questioning. McLaren and her sweetie/handholder are the Vietnam War that has been linked to seri- Arguably an unfair predicament for the three walking down the street, I hope she thinks a ous health defects,) lead and other harmful to face. Might the Polity lawyer whom little harder before she gets another unattrac- substances. The plan calls for the island to be arguably represents the corporation be avail- tive, misplaced and utterly unappealing draw- situated in ONE OF MOST ACTIVE HURRI- able to the accused? I should think so. Some ing branded into her skin. Only then will the CANE AND NOR'EASTER REGIONS OF representation, at least in the form of advise- entire campus not have to read such a one- THE ATLANTIC OCEAN, not exactly a sta- ment, should have been made available to the dimensional and pitiful article on a normally ble and safe location for the storage of toxic accused. exciting and interesting topic. waste. This island is a serious threat to the It is shameful that these three trusted Disgustfully yours, environment, to our health and to the quality individuals have stolen from us and have lied An Angry Reader of life we enjoy on Long Island (and pay high to us and have indeed misrepresented them- taxes.) WE MUST VOICE OUR OPPOSI- selves to the entire student body; however, are The author responds: TION TO THIS INSANE PLAN IMMEDI- we now not as shameful to rush them toward Hey, glad you loved my article. It's peo- ATELY! Not only does this island threaten the banishment without an air of fairness? This is ple like you that really keep me going. surrounding waters, it also threatens our coast- a consideration that we must sleep on for if we Especially when you send me a personal attack line. This island will block and alter normal can shut our eyes with ease then we must pathetically disguised as a response to my arti- and prevailing ocean tides, swells, currents reconsider our own motives. cle. Whether you care for my tattoos or not is and waves, thereby creating a stagnant, dead It is somewhat ironic this state of affairs. really of no importance to me. Darling, I didn't pool of water off of Long Beach where a We have Monique Maylor's birthday party, an get them for you! One thing that concerns me vibrant, living, healthy ocean ecosystem once event that had attracted hundreds, and most of though is that you don't know what a features existed. Not only will this effect our health the attendees were student activity fee paying article consists of News articles strictly report and environment, it will also mean the end of people, only to come to the conclusion that such facts, and features pieces include creative and beach-oriented recreational activities. an event is unsupported by student money. more personal stories. After a long year of writ- DO YOU LIKE TO FISH? THERE Indeed, as I type this I can't help think just how ing about important, controversial issues such WON'T BE ANY'FISH LEFT! DO YOU many student activity paid events have attracted as sex conferences, gay marriage, and the LIKE TO JOG ON THE BOARDWALK? under one hundred people; however, have cost slaughter of innocent civilians, I chose to relax HAVE FUN TRYING TO BREATHE WHEN well over a thousand. The total charged for and write about something a little less serious, THE SOUTH WIND CARRIES THE Maylor's party was under $500. Maybe this namely my wings. Surprisingly, you chose to STENCH OF WASTE AND CHEMICALS somewhat explains their arrogance (although I spend so much time and effort commenting on TO LONG BEACH! DO YOU LIKE TO accept it not) that for such a meager amount our something as innocuous as a tattoo article. Yes, SWIM? YOU'LL NEED A SURVIVAL SUIT! Senate should have simply thought of it as the that's what it was, a tattoo article, which had DO YOU LIKE TO SUNBATHE? YOU'LL First Annual President's Ball! Perhaps? Perish nothing to do with removal, Why would I want BE SCRAPING TARBALLS OFF YOUR the thought! Yet, we must remain true to our con- to remove something I'd waited so long to get? FEET! DO YOU LIKE TO SAIL? THE 60 victions; and mine is reasonably by the book. With regard to your assumptions about the FT. HIGH WALLS WILL REMIND YOU OF -Frank Santangelo cleanliness of the studio, if you read carefully I A TROPICAL ISLAND! DO YOU HAVE A left the first place I looked at because if was dis- MORTGAGE OR OWN A HOUSE? WATCH A Stick in My Ass gusting. There t'as nothinig ronllg lroith Enigma, YOUR PROPERTY VALUE SINK QUICK- its cleanliness, or its location. About Vourcques- ER THAN THE TITANIC! AND FINAL- To the Editor: tioning of my wtings' placement, where the hell LY...DO YOU ENJOY SURFING? THERE This is a response to Ms. McLaren's would you prefer them, on my ass? You also WON'T BE ANY WAVES!!!! feature on "Getting Wings from a Demon." I am called my article one dimensional. What other To voice your opposition, contact the personally all for tatoos. With two of my own I angles were there to this stor'? I welcome con- following people and organizations: can sympathize with the fear that goes along structive criticism, but personal attacks are The Army Corps of Engineers (NY with a person's first tattoo experience. Waiting ridiculous and unprofessional. I challenge you Office) 212 264-0100 to pick out the right tattoo is extremely impor- to submit something worthwhile for publication. 26 Federal Plaza, New York, NY tant. Evidently Ms. McLaren did not wait long If you have the balls, come down to the office 10278-0090, ATTN: Bryce Wisemiller enough. When I read an article I expect to walk and talk to me like an adult. You obviously have Mr. Bryce Wisemiller (in charge of away either amused or more informed. This fea- some kind of personal damage and blame me project): 212 264-1275 (leave message) OR ture did neither of the two. No one gives a shit for it. I'd love to hear your explanation of my e-mail him at: Bryce.W.Wisemiller about her or her ugly-ass wings. There are more crimes, other than wearing a tank top (which I @usace.army.mil (he will definately read it) important issues that I would have thought plan to do every day this week just for you) The Environmental Protection would have been mentioned in a feature article. Que las pulgas de miles de camellos infesten a Agency: 212 637-3000 For example removal, something she might su pelo pubico.. The Dept. of Environmental want to think about, as well as the importance of -The still proudly winged Conservation: 718 482-4949 cleanliness and reputation of the tattoo artist. Terry McLaren Sen. Alfonse D'Amato: [email protected] I personally would not walk down the ate.gov 212 947-7390 OR 202 224-6542 street in the village without knowing some- Save Long Beach! 520 Hart Senate Offive Bldg., thing about the establishment which was Washington DC, 20510, ATTN: Environment about to mark my body for life. Let alone the To The Editor: News 12 Long Island 516 496-1200 fact that she didn't even have the picture of the The Army Crops. of Engineers is cur- (fax 516 393-1456) wings she really wanted. I would be curious to rently considering building a man-made con- WABC Eyewitness News 212 456-2381 know if other readers would agree with me in tainment island (1-2 miles in length, with 60 For more information: see article in saying that even though "the angel has her ft. high walls) in the waters off Long Beach. Newsday 4/12/98 on containment island plans, wings," she shouldn't be wearing low backed This island is designed to hold poisonous check out http://www.nan.usace.army.mil/busi- tank tops in the first place. I have personally sludge that is dredged from New York Harbor, ness/prj links/dmmp/summopts/index.htm witnessed "the wings," and I must say that the sludge that contains toxic PCB's, pesticides, (ACE website) picture makes them look a hell of a lot better sewage, dioxin (a chemical used in the making

MAY 12, 1998 PAGE 5 I --··I -rr P · I· · I~ I ·- 1~1·--~--I I·' · · L·I ·I I I Ir I · rr s I ' ISSUES TH CDQD ýýJA K.Q

By Chris Sorochin line to this one. "News 4", on General Electric- they all thought having cops swarm all over a sub- owned NBC, came on at eleven and sho'nuf, the way stop, dragnetting "suspected turnstile "...If ever there was a people ripe for dictatorship subway sweep was big nev vs, although without jumpers and panhandlers" (translation: teenagers it is the American people today. Should a home- actually showing us "COPS"-style mass frisking and the homeless) was just as dandy. If anyone grown Hitler appear, whose voice amongst the and cuffing. This was a good thing, the voice over besides me raised any doubts about civil rights, or public orders, would be raised against him in deri- implied, because the NYPD vvere able to pump the the hypocrisy of wasting money on such tactics sion? Certainly no voice on television: 'Sorry, the suspected lawbreakers for while schools crumble and the City guy has lots of fans. Sure, we know he's bad news, information about other closes public hospitals, they were but you can't hurt people's feelings. They buy transgressions. Naturally, also lost in TV limbo, never to be soap, too.'...And then the iron fist closes..." they didn't tell the audience heard. - Gore Vidal exactly what these might be. At a seminar on New York City "Satire in the 1950s" Maybe they got some hot politics given by WBAI (99.5 FM) talk The Nation, April 26, 1958 tips on where they could show diva Utrice Leid, we learned find rampant jaywalking. that media outlets cringe in fear of April is a holy month and, right on sched- the current Reich, I mean administra- ule, I received my annual personal sign from the (Warning: what fol- tion. Reporters who don't play Higher Power in regards to those meretricious rap- lows is yet another of my Rudy's game are liable to find that scallions that control the mainstream media. tedious Commander they've had their access to informa- I was on the subway, the trains that are McBragg travel anecdotes. tion cut off. Indeed, data that has supposed to run on time in the authoritarian Those who find them any been automatically been readily dystopia with a Smiley face that New York is more self-indulgent and available under previous mayors is rapidly decaying into. In what must have been a putrid than the rest of my rr%,rclrsuddenly nr-f-nhlprivileged. h dOneh DailyIc News to skip this er porter actua y a s er ss pass spiel are advised Gore with my Vidal is cooler in touch than subconscious attempt to get you. p

Inner Airhead, I managed to get on the wrong train section. Those masochists ripped from around his neck by and, in rectifying the situation, disembarked at a who dig it are encouraged to look for my coming Giuliani's aides. Civility indeed. stop I'd never seen before or had the privilege of series of "Ugly Planet" travel guides, bringing you I called the comment line at NBC to visiting-Van Wyck Boulevard in Queens. accounts of fear and loathing worldwide.) protest this rigged unanimity, but I thought it It looked like just another mass transit I first saw one of these sweeps in Munich, would be better to share it with you. Please spread aggravation, pure coincidence, but as all good of all places. Teams of young Aryan-looking the word. Buddhists know, there are no coincidences. I recruits, dress in camouflage pants and bright yel- parked myself on a bench to wait and noticed I low T-shirts and providing that Brechtian marriage "Starvation of civilians is a violation of the Geneva was the only one on the platform. I started to of militarism and merriment that only the Convention, UN Charter, Constitution of the peruse some reading material and suddenly a Germans can carry off convincingly, pulsed World Health Organization, Universal Declaration voice hovered in through that evening's humid through the Marienplatz and its U-Bahn stop, of Human Rights and Charter of Economic Rights mist. "Sir," it addressed me. I looked up and beheld harassing Turkish guest workers and old drunks. and Duties of States. According to US legal code a tall, well-groomed figure in a suit and trenchcoat, My mind fogged by several Weissbierds, I'm afraid Title 18 2331, the blockade on the people of Iraq is looking most foreign in the dank tunnels of the that I became, one of the few times in my life, a bit also an act of international terrorism." Jamaica IRT. Accompanying him was a shorter, of an ugly American: "Nazi Kraut bastards," I -From the Iraq Action Coalition homepage stockier personage in a shiny black of the kind thought to myself, "No fucking wonder everyone religious, favored by trade unionists and baseball fans, his hates them. Didn't they learn anything from On May 6, over 100 civil rights, planes for face eclipsed by the huge telescopic lens of a hand- Hitler?" labor and peace activists will board carry with them held camera. "Do they pull that shit on people who look Jordan, Syria and Iran. They will "Yes," I replied, experiencing the same ele- German?!?!" I self-righteously exploded at my medicine and supplies for the health professionals of the suf- gant/creepy frisson that must have gripped Faust hosts, who by this time had noticed my displea- of Iraq to help ease just a small portion They will then at the appearance of Mephistopheles in his study. sure. I'm afraid I subjected them to a rather icy fering going on in that country. "Sir, all day the police silence on the trip home. journey to Baghdad and spend several days as (as have been going through I felt rather stupid later ambassadors of the good will of the US people cleaning up the subway" on, especially when I opposed to the bad will of the US government.) I adopt a quizzical realized that these qual- They will return to New York on May 13 and each look. It's doubtful they were ity of life sweeps were can face prison terms and heavy fines for trading picking up the litter and part and parcel of the with the "enemy". scrubbing down the walls. Big New Trend here in The evening before the departure (May 5), "You know, rounding the Land of Freedom there will be a rally and send-off at Judson up ttie turnstile jumpers and and all the Nazi Memorial Church, 55 Washington Square South (3 panhandlers. Do you think wannabes on our shores blocks east of Sixth Ave.), New York, commencing that's a good idea?" were simply mad about at 6:30 p.m. You are cordially invited. It's also not "No. It's like what clearing the human too late to pitch in and help, either personally or at happens in a police state." refuse from the streets. financially. Call the International Action Center "Well, do you feel The only difference was 212-633-6646. safer in the subway now?" that the Germans did an "That sounds like a loaded question." their dirt in a heavily-touristed area (they never The New York Times of April 14 carried on the international war crimes tri- "What do you mean?" did get the importance of PR) while it's unlikely interesting story to set up in the wake of recent way that I'm supposed to that Rudy's Storm Troopers would pull similar tac- bunal they're trying "It's phrased in a that a tics in the newly Disneyfied Times Square. Much abominations in Bosnia and Rwanda. It seems say 'yes'." superpower to which we all pay taxes is wor- do you?" better to save it for some heavily non-white area of certain "Well, ried that the proposed body may be just a little too used the Outer Boroughs, where few visitors are likely "I don't feel any safer now than I ever independent and international for its taste, and has to notice. to," I replied, handily wriggling out of the trap been pressuring its allies to join it in calling for some- (two points for an escape, but unfortunately no thing in which UN Security Members and other coun- and I'm sure reversal.) I'm nothing if not predictable tries with clout can veto court proceedings they might Then he asked if I'd mind telling them you've already guessed the ending, as you would find inconvenient. I guess they're worried that the that. "Didn't I just do that?" He meant on camera. that of an uninspired suspense film. My jowly mug wrong people, people like Henry Kissinger, Colin So I did, this time adding that people don't need to did not appear to remind the audience of News 4 Powell and George Bush, could end up in the docket, see swarms of cops everywhere they go. I looked at 11:00 that they live in what amounts to a dirtier and the war crimes committed by these guys are not right into the camera as I added the "police state" version of Singapore-a Chewing Gum the ones the powerful want to see punished. part. Crackdown is expected any day. There were three You're smart enough to know the punch- person-in-the-street vignettes and-guess what?- please see "Jackboots," page 10

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By John Giuffo ideas is that of creating entirely new parking lots in from those tickets. $1,719, 794 worth of tickets were areas that currently aren't developed. "Our goal is issued by Stony Brook traffic officials in the last Parking availability, a perennial focus of to add 1000 spots on the core campus within the three years. Of that amount, $1,102,799 was col- commuter student dissatisfaction, is a situation next couple of years," Matthews said. Proposed lected by the university after accounting for that is about to get worse--much worse. areas for such spots are the grassy field between unpaid and dismissed tickets. "It's going to be interesting," said Gary Mendelsohn Quad and Center Road, expanding Matthew said the money collected by the Matthews, assistant vice president for campus ser- the lot behind H Quad near the infirmary, and university is then put into an IFR account, which vices, and the man responsible for overseeing the paving over the entire area where the loop to the stands for Incoming Funds Reimbursable. The IFR traffic affairs office. engineering quad is now. Matthews cautions that account is then used as a state authorized account Enrollment projections estimate the total these sites are only proposals at present. would be, to pay for funding of special projects. number of undergraduate students at Stony Brook Other solutions are also being considered. What types of projects remains to be determined, will increase by more than 3000 over the next three "I think it's time to reassess whether it's time to he said. years. As more students flood onto an already build a garage," Matthews said, adding that build- Last year was the first year this IFR overcrowded campus, and as on-campus housing ing a garage hasn't been considered for more than method was used, according to Matthews. Before becomes less available, the opportunities for park- a decade, and that a multi-level garage, much like that, the money collected from parking tickets was Ili nt th a tvi tkrna< etho RmaInfrMai-n- eIicdz3-tr£y7 fd a7rf bIInC? ing decrease. LIL I, LtC LJ.ILL Cj13 LC. 1L• And as parking space decreases, the num- building, may well b( purchasing equipment for ber of students, staff and faculty members who within the next ten yE Public Safety and for the violate the parking rules will increase. Exacerbating salaries of the parking ser- Many students feel parking in South P lot problem is the ces staff. Matthews felt that and waiting for the often-late campus bus is an recently-funded hod was open to criticism unfair option at best, and so unreliable that it is multi-million dollar the possibility for abuse, he sometimes not an option at all. "It's worth getting stadium which will be built said, explaining the reason for the change. a ticket so I'm not late to class again," said Gina behind the Sports Complex. The funding for the Matthews accepts some of the responsibil- Fiore, a freshman commuter student. Fiore is an stadium, which is expected to accommodate ity for the criticisms of parking services on cam- editor at The Statesman, who often parks her car in between 7,000 and 15,000 people, doesn't include pus. "Our biggest fault, or problem, is that our the lot behind the Student Union, which is desig- any money for parking. Matthews said the only ability to react and respond is slow," he said. "And nated as a faculty-staff lot. parking spaces paid for by the recent state it's slow because it takes time for planning, and "Parking is probably our major concern approval is money which will provide a small 10- most importantly, it takes money." and certainly the largest gripe on campus," spot lot towards the back of the stadium, for the And with Matthews indicating that any Matthews said. "And one of the things we need to purposes of shipment and loading. "Somehow or changes to the parking situation are still five to pay attention to is how we can creatively develop another, the campus then has to figure out how it's eight years away, it seems as if this perennial gripe parking spaces on the campus for students." going to park people for events," Matthews said. for commuter students will remain, at least for the To that end, a number of ideas are being And as the number of tickets issued goes immediate future, just that- a perennial gripe. considered by the administration. Among those up, so does the revenue the University brings in

By Peter Gratton Khalil began raising money last Spring It was after administrators at the Statesman Editor for the trip, which was originally to take him to University's student services read the Disney World in Orlando, Florida. The fund Statesman's cover story that they began negoti- In the wake of a Statesmanii cover story drive began last Spring, but Khalil was able to ations with Austin Travel to get Khalil any highlighting the plight Paul raise only one-third of the hotel accommodations or plane tickets he Khalil, the University admin- minimum $3,000 he need- would need. "It was [the Statesman's] article istration worked quickly with ed. and front page that really brought it home," Austin Travel to make sure This year, Khalil said Garry Matthew's, University Vice that the Stony Brook student began the fundraising President for Student Affairs. would have the money for again, with the help of Austin agreed to provide Khalil with what he has called his "dream Stony Brook's chapter of any plane tickets that he would need for the trip. trip" to take place later this Golden Key Honor "It worked out, though, that he had made his month. Society, placing blue own arrangements," Matthews said. Austin Travel, located water bottles with his pic- Since Khalil already had plane and a next to the University book- ture around campus and hotel reservations, Austin decided to make store, has agreed to kick in the in the dining halls. donation for the rest of the money he needed. rest of the funds that Khalil Khalil also changed his "With the contribution that Austin is making, it needs for his planned trip to itinerary to Nashville and will meet or exceed [the $3,000 goal]," Nashville, Tennessee and Washington because it Matthews said. Washington DC later this was more affordable. Khalil is a good student at the month. Khalil, a 20 year old Khalil has said that he University. He is a member of Sigma Beta, has Political Science major, is suf- chose Nashville because a GPA in the mid 3's, and is a vice president r '• _•_1_ n\f h1O iZCbiIl fanL of rcolln- for Golden Key. Khalil attends classes three tering rrom iucnenne s -i -- " "o u v V.UL. Muscular Dystrophy, a dis- Students contributed to Khalil's trip in these try music and Garth days a week and manages to get to the movies ease that kills most of its suf- bottles, placed around campus Brooks. When Khalil vis- and other outside activities on the weekend. "I ferers before they reach 25. its Washington, he is going to receive a special look at it this way, sit at home and bore myself Khalil learned he had Duchenne's when tour of the White House and may be able to to death or keep myself busy," he told The he was four years old and has been in a wheel- meet Bill Clinton if the President's schedule per- Statesman "I need to keep myself busy mental- chair for the last eight years. Since 1994, Khalil mits. Travel plans for Khalil and his family ly and physically." has been on a respirator and is under the care of have been made through Dalmation Dreams, a "He's got enough to worry about," a nurse sixteen hours a day. His two nurses and non profit organization that helps terminally Matthews said, "We wanted to take away some family will be accompanying him on the trip. patients accomplish their final wishes. of his burden."

- MAY 12,1998 PAGE 7 ISSUES I ' L r I I I I · LAT.tJ "..•JKE-A CAtIAA• .

By Michael Yeh vided a unique opportunity for researchers to find Brown was busy making more blades out of obsid- new ways to interpret clues from archaeological ian, a dark volcanic glass. Using primitive stone tools and plenty of digs. Professors Curtis Marean and Elizabeth Obsidian is one of the best materials for elbow grease, students and faculty recreated a Stone, along with graduate student Yoshiko Abe, toolmaking. It fractures easily along the plane of stone age meal at the Anthropology Department's are searching for differences in the cut marks made the crystals, yielding the sharpest edge known to Goat Roast last Friday. by metal and stone tools on the bones, humans. Today, obsidian blades are the tools of This annual ritual at the university's Stone tools leave rougher edges than choice in eye surgery. Sunwood Estate in Old Field allows students to metal knives, which cut in straight lines. By identi- Brown started by breaking off a large, experience some of the challenges of ancient food fying specific cutting patterns, anthropologists flat chunk of obsidian using a large rock as a preparation. Dr. John Shea, Assistant Professor of may be able to trace the "hard hammer." Using a piece anthropology, attended his first goat roast as a development of prehistoric of deer antler as a "soft ham- graduate student at Harvard. When he came to technology. "If you can do mer," he patiently chipped off Stony Brook, Shea introduced the event as a way to that microscopically, you can thin flakes to create a sharp combine learning and fun. tell what tools the people cutting edge. "It is easy to "Butchery is a little difficult to do in the were using," said Stone. work with, but it can shatter if SBS building," he said. "Students getthe whole Such knowledge you hit it too hard," said stone age experience here. But it's also a good would come in handy for Brown. excuse for a party." those who study It is almost impossible to And what a party it was! Mesopotamian antiquities. It make a tool without getting a At the center of the hubbub were the is known that people used few cuts, however. 'Bleeding is goats, with their throats slit and guts plucked out stone tools in the fourth mil- ubiquitous in making stone only hours earlier at Jerry's Farm in Manorville. A lenium, but abandoned tools," said Brown of the blood merry band of stone-wielding volunteers hacked them for metal by the second streaming from his palm. away at the carcasses on the bare ground, as two millenium. But no one "There's a joke in flintnapping detached heads looked on eerily. knows exactly when or how that says, 'What does obsidian "It's harder than I thought," commented this change occurred. taste like?'" quipped graduate Derya Golpinar, treasurer of the Anthropology It may be possible student Zach Davis. "The Society. "You have to cut big chunks and get rid of that the first metal tools answer is, 'blood'." the fat, and the fat is tough." were reserved for use in the The tools discovered at After the meat was carved from the bones, temples and for the ruling archaeological digs may repre- the goat chunks were promptly dunked into a class. Since commoners sent only a miniscule portion of depended mainly on pigs for what ancient humans used. yogurt or red wine marinade, placed onto a barbe- AI - _1 ___ .1• _r -- -1_ cue grill, and popped into waiting mouths. Most food while sheep were sacri- Prof. John Shea displays a goat head and axe A lmos t any snarp cnip or rocK agreed that the goat was especially tasty this year, ficed in the temples, one can can be useful for cutting. To despite the usual covering of hair and grass. examine the bones of different animals found at demonstrate the sharpness of an obsidian flake, "The goat tastes better when you're wast- dig sites to test this theory. "As long as the bones Shea shaved off a patch of hair from his arm with dd," said one participant. "You don't notice the hair." are well preserved, one should see cut marks," said amazing closeness. By getting students involved in hands-on Stone. At the end of the afternoon, with the eoat .. projects, Shea hopes to foster greater appreciatioln The researchers will also try to determine tucked away cozily in more than a hundred tum- of human evolution and behavior. "One of the nic e whether people could butcher animals more effi- mies, many students agreed that the experience things about anthropology is that almost ever y ciently using stone or metal knives. "We'll weigh had been quite unusual but worthwhile. With a ethnic group is represented," said Shea. "We focu s the meat and the bones to see the difference wide grin and fingernails caked with blood, Shea on the shared characteristics between all humanis between stone and metal tools," said Abe. was visibly happy but tired. "After this, I'll have to while studying specific differences." While most people were chowing down go home, sit in my bathtub, and de-goat myself!" But amidst all the fun, the goat roast pro)- or chatting with each other, graduate student Kyle

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By Jill Baron not her relative was stoned to death. Because way more reminiscent of the past than the future." women cannot be seen by male doctors, and Hillary Rodham Clinton made the following com- On September 27, 1996, the Taliban, a fun- women are also banned from attending universi- ment during a speech at the United Nations on damentalist Islamic militia, seized control of ties, there is a shortage of female doctors, so December 10, 1997: "Even now, the Taliban in Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan. In the time since, women have a difficult time getting medical atten- Afghanistan are blocking girls from attending they have instituted a state of gender apartheid in tion, if they can get any at all. Women leaving their school. In addition, they are blocking those, like which women and girls have been denied their homes to get medical care without a male escort Emma Bonino, European Commissioner for basic human rights. have been shot at. Because many women in Humanitarian Affairs, who would speak out on The Taliban forces are comprised of sol- Afghanistan are war widows and the sole support behalf of this injustice." diers trained as young boys in exile at Pakistani of their families, the ban on women working has Several weeks ago, about 1,000 women Islamic schools called madrassas. The Taliban was thrown tens of thousands of families into poverty. marched through the streets of Peshawar, Pakistan first officially recognized by Pakistan as the ruling Since women are forced to wear the burqa, a gar- to protest the Taliban. The protesters were organized power of Afghanistan, and later by Saudi Arabia ment which completely ensconces the body in by the Revolutionary Afghan Women's Association. and the United Arab Emirates. Both Saudi Arabia thick layers of fabric and leaves only a small open- The Taliban and opposition groups agreed on crite- and Pakistan have provided the Taliban with ing through which one can breathe and see, hun- ria for choosing ulema, or Islamic scholars, who will financial support and military aid. There have also dreds of women have been beaten for not being participate in a commission that will negotiate peace been reports that, since Afghanistan is one of the "properly" dressed. Since September 1996, when in the country. Each side agreed to nominate 20 largest suppliers of opium, the opium poppy trade the Taliban seized control, girls in the state orphan- members who must implement the commission's may also supply the Taliban with a large source of age in Kabul have not been allowed outside. decisions. The European Union also held talks income. Many are under the impression that the recently with Taliban leaders. EU delegates threat- Under Taliban rule, women are consid- policies implemented by the Taliban are in accor- ened to place severe restrictions on aid to the coun- ered unworthy of being seen or heard. Women are dance with Islamic tradition. This is not the case. try unless consideration is given to the restoration of forbidden to work outside the home. Women and Under Islam, women are allowed to work, to earn women's human rights. The European Union is girls are barred from attending schools and uni- and control their own money, to receive an educa- composed of 15 member states and commissions, versities. Women cannot be seen outside their tion, and to participate in public life. Before the and is the largest donor to Afghanistan, granting 150 homes unless they are accompanied by a close Taliban came into power, Afghan women made up million dollars in 1997 to the country. As of January male relative. Homes with women living in them 50% of the students and 60% of the teachers at 26,1998, neither the U.N. or the U.S. government has must have their windows painted black to keep the Kabul University. In Kabul, 70% of school teachers, acknowledged the Taliban, despite Secretary of State women hidden from view. Women are not allowed 50% of civilian government workers, and 40% of Albrights's public criticism. to wear white socks, and their shoes must not doctors were women. If you would like to help the women of make noise when they walk. Women are also not Secretary of State Albright traveled to Afghanistan, you can send an instant e-mail to U.S. allowed to be examined by male doctors. some of the refugee camps during a recent trip to government officials and the U.N. from the The consequences of these insidious rules Pakistan and made the following comment: "We're Feminist Majority website at http://www.femi- are great. Women who have been seen wearing opposed tp their approach to human rights, to nist.org. You can also call 703-522-2214 for a copy white socks have had their feet chopped off. A their despicable treatment of women and children of a petition you can sign, circulate and send to the in a U.N. and U.S. government officials. women who was traveling with a man who was and their lack of respect for human dignity, I t 5

NIKE'S EFFORTS T'O 'EACHKKIDS ABOUT TREADING(LICGTHLY UN MUIHEK NAIUKE MEET WITH SKEPTICISM FROM EDUCATORS AND CONSUMER WATCHDOGS. By Josh Feit Education Association. 'This is a despicable use of Critics complain that the lesson plan also Willamnette Week classroom time. It's appalling." teaches children what a great company Nike is. Provided by Campaign for Labor Rights Harsh words for a fun lesson plan that Nike's green lesson comes at a time when compa- capitalizes on kids' interest in sneakers to teach the nies are increasingly angling to get their products Captive fifth- and sixth-graders across the value of sustainable economics. But Lyons isn't the and ads into schools ("The Pepsi Challenge," WW, Portland metro area are being forced to build Nike only skeptic. Consumers Union, the watchdog April 1, 1998). Nike's Air-to-Earth lesson repre- shoes. And they're not being paid a dime. group that publishes Consumer Reports, is cur- sents a related, and perhaps more troubling, trend: No, Nike hasn't shifted its infamous pro- rently evaluating the educational legitimacy of the corporate-designed curriculum. duction line from Asian factories to local elemen- lesson plan. "This is a problem that is more grave than tary schools. Rather, the company is sponsoring a Nike estimates that 800 classes in 10 cities the ads," says Anita Holmes, assistant director of program that purports to turn the Nike shoe-man- across the country have used its kit to build a run- educational services at Consumers Union. "This is ufacturing process into an environmental lesson ning shoe--complete with Swoosh--as a way to the warping of education." for youngsters. teach kids about manufacturing environmentally In 1995, Consumer's Union released a 70- While the plight of the Portland play- friendly products. The company wouldn't say how page study on corporate-sponsored curriculum ground set isn't drawing protest from labor-rights much it is spending, but it has dedicated three titled "Captive Kids." The group continues to track groups, it is creating concern among education and employees to the program. This spring Nike corporate ploys such as the Chips Ahoy! math les- consumer activists who are wary of the increasing brought the lesson plan to an 11th city - Portland - son - aimed at verifying the impressive chocolate- presence of commercialism in the classroom. offering a training session to two dozen local fifth- chip content of a single Chips Ahoy! cookie - and "Ostensibly this is an environmental les- and sixth-grade teachers. Campbell's Prego spaghetti sauce science lesson, son," says Tamara Schwarz of the Center for Judging from the surveys filled out by which showed that Prego is thicker than Ragu. Commercial-Free Public Education. "But you have teachers who participated in the Feb. 24 training The report evaluated corporate-sponsored to ask: Why is the Swoosh everywhere? In a lot of session at Sunset High in Beaverton, the Air-to- materials on two criteria. First, it looked at how bla- ways this is just a Nike commercial in the class- Earth program went over well. Most teachers tantly commercial the lesson was. Second, it room." (The Air-to-Earth lesson kit includes a praised the "fun," "hands-on" approach of working assessed the legitimate educational value of the les- poster featuring NBA star Gary Payton holding a directly with shoe parts. son. Overall, the report found that nearly 80 per- Nike shoe aloft.) 'We want kids to think about the life cycle cent of corporate-sponsored lesson plans contained Teacher advocates agree that Nike's program of a product," says Nike spokeswoman Dawn biased or incomplete information, promoting con- puts the integrity of the public classroom at risk. Leonetti. She boasts that Nike has transformed its sumption of the sponsor's product or service. "It sounds to me like Nike isn't only factory process into an environmental lesson that Consumer's Union is still evaluating exploiting children workers in factories overseas. teaches kids about Nike efforts to go green: avoid Nike's Air-to-Earth lesson. But when it comes to Now they're exploiting American children," says waste, use water-based solvents rather than toxic the level of commercialism in the curriculum, Kathleen Lyons, spokeswoman for the National glues, and manufacture recyclable products. Holmes says Nike Please see "Nike," page 10

MAY 12, 1998 PAGE 9 ISSUES All Hail JerrySpringer THE LATEST MEDIA BAD GUY By Norman Solomon These days, Springer appears to be the dried hirelings like Springer just give the public king of TV's amoral profiteers. But, despite his mil- what it wants? "That is the biggest fallacy in our Many national media outlets are in a state lions, he's just a little prince compared to guys like business," TV journalist Linda Ellerbee retorted a of high moral outrage about Jerry Springer, the Barry Diller, the media mogul who has pioneered decade ago. "That's the argument that people on current emperor of daytime trash television. such televised innovations as home shopping our side use to put dreck on the air." Some critics are charging that his program channels. People sitting in front of TV sets do not --a daily presentation of violence, bleeped-out pro- Diller is the head of USA Networks Inc., choose from what isn't available. They choose from fanity and verbal abuse--is all too real. Or, at the the conglomerate that produces and distributes what is. same time, not real enough. By indignantly accus- "The Jerry Springer Show." While Bad Jerry faces "The American public didn't ask for trash ing the show of fakery, critics indicate that they down hostile questions from a wide range of jour- television," Ellerbee pointed out. "They'll watch it would prefer authentic sleaziness. nalists, Good Barry stays out of the line of fire, run- the same way we go out and watch a fire. It's not What airs on "The ning his vast media empire. all they want." Jerry Springer Show" can be As the years pass, the Now, as arguments fly about "The Jerry troubling. Sometimes, it Springers are apt to come and Springer Show," insights are diluted by abundant may seem like a not-too-dis- go. They're people who function quantities of hogwash. tant mirror of anguish, idio- as products. In contrast, the Yes, some of the show's critics are "elitist." cy and confusion. Recent Dillers tend to have much more They're put off by low-income, unschooled people titles of the one-hour pro- staying power--and their giant who don't have the social graces usually regarded gram have included "My companies keep getting bigger. as minimal for the airwaves. Daughter Is a Teen Complaints about trash But Springer's defenders are absurd when Prostitute," "I'm Pregnant by TV never get very far. That's they wrap his program in a populist flag. Such TV My Brother" and "I'm in a because most commentators-- shows are caricatures. Bizarre Love Triangle." whether they consider them- The people on stage are carefully selected Supplying plenty of selves to be conservatives, liber- to fit a script that stereotypes rather than illumi- material to titillate viewers, als or whatever--are afraid to: nates. Relatively few Americans are "qualified" to h-'k /I +to ll lO1i"311 T ftn- challno e thpo "nrinrinlo" of the make it onto Jerry Springer's stage. The producers t saou7 . I still want to see broHot For TV!" Hot \IForso-called ...... TV! , . ... . r.. .. . ries, denounce each other Istill want to see " free market. work awfully hard to find them. and engage in violent confrontations on stage. Of course, the free market is a myth. Meanwhile, Springer and his bosses like Meanwhile, renowned individuals in the media Media titans like Diller or Rupert Murdoch--and to act as though they pay respect to working-class business can pose on lofty moral ground and shake corporate outfits such as Time Warner, Disney and Americans by putting these parodies on the their heads. Viacom--have a lock on huge portions of the mass nation's TV screens. But they're not doing anyone a A lot of high-profile head shaking media. favor--except Barry Diller and his rich pals. occurred in late April, when ABC's "20/20" and Steadily larger in size and fewer in num- NBC's "Dateline" took turns bemoaning Springer's ber, the dominant biggies are fixated on doing depravity and greed. Conveniently, both networks whatever it takes to boost profits. They're not Norman Solomon is a syndicated columnist. His most chose to broadcast their in-depth Springer cover- about to sacrifice any appreciable part of profit recent books are "Wizards of Media Oz" (co-authored age in the midst of the ratings sweeps period. Nice margins on behalf of the public interest. with Jeff Cohen) and "The Trouble With Dilbert: How to have it both ways. Do media tycoons like Diller and blow- Corporate Culture Gets the Last Laugh." "Jackboots," contiinuedfrom page 6 "Nike," from page 9 :learly is casting itself as a good guy to build A recent Newsday "Letters" page was a points that went against Roman Catholic Church brand loyalty among kids. "There is no question smorgasbord of synchronicity of current thought teachings on abortion and contraception. The this is a PR play from Nike," she says. "This is 'or lack thereof) on personal liberties as we will censors have struck yet again. The Spectator, a not highly commercial, veering toward being an ad for ;oon only fondly remember them. It featured the terribly funny student-produced humor maga- the sponsor's product." following: zine, had its front cover banned by Student Life Leonetti insists the Air-to-Earth program A letter explaining why giving breatha- because it was "controversial and inappropriate." isn't about marketing the Swoosh. She notes that lyzer tests to students at Sayville High School is a No, it wasn't of a SUNY trustee in leather the program was developed in concert with the good thing and will save them from a life of alco- bondage drag. It featured a throng of miserable- North American Association for Environmental holism. looking peasants, denizens of some gruesome a nonprofit consortium of environmen- A letter from someone from a "clean air" totalitarian regime. The ragged clothing of some Education, tal educators. group saying how current smoking bans don't go of them had the Nike "swoosh" logo. Some stu- "This is a full-fledged lesson that teaches far enough; we must now ban tobacco use in bars. dents and faculty have lately questioning the about the full life cycle of a product," Leonetti I wonder about this. Usually people who can't propriety of a Christian institution making a deal says. "As future entrepreneurs and business lead- smoking are those who wouldn't be caught dead with Nike by which Nike supplies the universi- ers, we get kids thinking about sustainable prod- in a bar. "Wet blanket" syndrome strikes yet again. ty's team uniforms and equipment, all of which The bottom line is, we're a company that's in And finally, the icing on the Twinkie, a let- bear the dreaded swoosh. Nike, of course, has ucts. a position to spend money on education so we can ter from a police officer pleading with us not to let been widely criticized for its use of low-paid and give back to the community." recent mass shooting in Jonesboro, Arkansas mistreated sweatshop labor in bastions of free- the It's true that Nike has the money to persuade us to let them take away our most pre- dom like Indonesia and Vietnam. spend on education. Ultimately, that sheds light cious right: the right to pack heat and potentially I don't think the case can be made thai on the problem with corporate-sponsored class- blow someone away. slamming a liason with a company that clears mul- timillions in profits while squeezing the life out of room lessons. While Nike, McDonald's, DuPont, Exxon and a host of business associations like the Quote of the month: "The basketball coach Asian factory girls flies in the face of Church teach- Polystyrene Packaging Council can afford to makes a lot more than I do, but that's what the mar- ings. Must be another example of "what the markel write their world views onto public blackboards, ket bears now." - Rev. Donald J. Harrington, bears now." others cannot. President of St." John's University. Coach Fran Rather than debating the legitimacy of a Fraschilla made $430,000 in 1996; the average pro- Have a glorious (and politically engaged) plan, it seems more appropriate to fessor made about $63,000. I wonder if this and sim- summer! Nike lesson back and debate the legitimacy of using any iliar phenomena could have anything to do with the step lesson plan in the classroom that is devel- rampant anti-intellectualism plaguing the land. formal searching for new consumers. Last year I devoted part of an article to oped by a company Fr. Harrington's censorship of St. John's student paper, The Torch, when they printed a few view-

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 10 ISSUES

By Michael Yeh and Terry McLaren together an event, it was always very organized," said Peace Center activist Robert Gilheany. "He was always courteous and courageous." Bill McNulty is our hero. "He is strong in his beliefs, but he delivers his thoughts in a non-threatening, At 63, this father of six, former math and history teacher, and home improve- non-violent, spiritual way," Carol said. ment entrepreneur could have retired comfortably years ago. But he became increas- Last November, on the eighth anniversary of the murder of six Jesuit priests, ingly skeptical of American foreign policy and military strong-arm tactics in the third McNulty joined 2,000 people to protest at the school in Ft. Benning, Georgia. He was world. When the Persian Gulf War broke out in 1991, McNulty and his wife, Carol, a arrested on misdemeanor charges, along with 601 fellow activists. special education teacher, knew it was time to speak out. Most of those arrested were given a ster warning and released. But the gov- "I cried and I knew in the deepest recesses of my heart that it was wrong," ernment charged 31 protestors, including McNulty, as repeat offenders. After prose- Carol said. cutors dropped charges against six of them, District Court Judge J. Robert Elliott sen- As a graduate of a Jesuit military school, former Army Reservist, and tenced the others to a $3,000 fine and six months in prison. Ironically, Elliott was the fillt11'Vn rtii 71t. dli d M\VN lt\ L)r qna n riliklVl\ i(i Tnt camp in A , /wlhnimnricCnnetd Martin LtherIT Kino Ir and rlepcedl the crlqdipr. imnli- RX btlikt-nn 111(117 1 ~ pi .,u .v tun.L ui| t g|[JtVII,iJL. %,IV aO.,. LI, OVIU.1%I.,13 Illll pI epu.ivuicani, I1maILl IIilUw ac LVsILNs IegaIUrU vic.I-Iul y aso llUIllily I , he sprang into action, becoming a frequent guest on WUSB, the Un My Lai massacre. radio station, as well as an active volunteer for the Peace Studies Cer -wing ideologues have denounced this campaign as nothing more than "The first thing that hit him hard was the Iraq War, when he Representative Peter King of Seaford described it in a Newsday arti- bombing of a country that was unable to defend itself," said Maryann Be ise that left-wing Catholics who substitute psychobabble for theology tor of the Peace Studies Center. "From there, he pole-vaulted into peace 1involved in." The McNultys view peace advocacy as an essential responsi But these conscientious volunteers were a very diverse medley of ity as devout Catholics. Since the Gulf War, Bill McNulty has pickete nservative and liberal political activists, veterans from World War II the USS Intrepid museum in Manhattan, arguing that its display glori id the Vietnam War, college students, and a 70 year old nun. fies war. He also protested poor working conditions in Centra This year, Rep. Joseph Kennedy of Massachusetts introduced a bill American clothing factories in front of a GAP store in Port Jefferson. n Congress to shut down the school for good. But although he has Working with several local religious groups, McNulty ipproximately 130 supporters, it may be difficult to pass in a turned his attention to the controversial United States Army School of Republican-controlled legislature. the Americas, which trains Latin American military officers. Critics Despite the incarcerations, almost all of the activists plan to keep say that approximately 500 of its 57,000 graduates have murdered fighting. Rev. Bourgeois has urged 1,000 people to cross the line this missionaries and other innocent victims in El Salvador and other November. At the local level, however, dedicated volunteers like Central American countries. Carol McNulty continue to educate people about the hypocrisies of "[McNulty] was singular on Long Island in getting the our military activities. word out on the school," said Bell. He organized 32 guest appear- "Something I've been really impressed with is the way his wife has ances for the Rev. Roy Bourgeois, a Vietnam War veteran who found- taken up the mantle and been speaking while Bill is in prison," said the ed SOA Watch, one of the largest groups opposed to the school. Rev. Noelle Damico, Protestant Campus Chaplain. "Bill McNulty is McNulty's vast knowledge and friendly nature has persuad- an example for each person of conscience that an individual's witness ed many local residents to join the campaign. "Whenever he pu can bear much fruit and even change the world." I · · I t- - Bill McNulty... in his own words November 16th, 1997 tv arranged a speaking tour on Long Island for him. He stayed with us for three weeks after his Ft. Benning. Ga. release from prison. During this time I found out why he was so moved. He was a Vietnam Vet School of the Americas and a Priest who worked with the poor in Bolivia and elsewhere in Latin America. He witnessed firsthand the evils of this school which has become a symbol of the brutality and terror and as 1was arrested today, one of the 601 who carried a cross on the grounds of this such, I decided this would be the issue I would focus on. I wanted to help bring the school to infamous school, to bring attention to the horrors that have resulted from its inception. the attention of as many as I could. Americans are good and decent people, they would not want Arrested, Bill McNulty, father, grandfather, husband, teacher, carpenter, catholic, fisher- terrorism paid for by their tax dollars, exported from their country. man, a graduate of a Catholic Military School and a Jesuit University, a member of the My march on the school began. Phone calls, letters, meetings, peace and justice Army Reserve and a Senior Citizen. I could be sentenced to six months in a Federal Prison. groups, fasting for days on the White House steps, showing the documentary "School of the When did this journey begin? When did the paradigms and structures of my life begin to Assassins" wherever I could were some of the steps which led me to the demonstration in change so completely? I know the exact moment. It was when I heard that the Persian Gulf Georgia in November. Over two thousand people from all over the United States, Mexico and War bagan. I cried and I knew in the deepest recesses of my heart that it was wrong. I start- Canada gathered for a peaceful non-violent protest. There were speeches and prayers. At the ed a marathon quest to find answers, to read, to question, to act. conclusion, people processed quietly and prayerfully onto the base. There were eight coffins I found myself in front of a local Congressman's office with a few other brave which carried almost one million signatures petitioning the closing of the school. 601 people souls who opposed the war and found out first hand what it is like to be insulted and derid- crossed the line and were arrested. They were taken to a compound and processed. I was one ed. It wasn't pleasant, and I could have simply gone home as many invited me to, with the of them. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. Will jail be the end of my jour- greeting of half a peace sign, but I did not, I could not. Now, I realized that the spirit of the ney? Definitely not. Do I have the support of my wife and family? Absolutely! I am not afraid. universe had called me and was giving me strength. A little understanding of what it must He will be with me. The following are the thoughts of my wife after hearing my decision: have been like to be a Civil Rights Activist or a Vietnam War Protester entered my psyche. Where was I then'? Why wasn't I with them? I don't know. Now I have three grown sons For Him, a carpenter, another carpenter carried a cross today, and three grown daughters. The thought of them killing another father's child or being not made of crude wood but painted white with Maria's name on killed themselves makes me frightened and sorrowful. My heart goes out to those who it, a child' martyr of El Salvador. have been lead into this. The words "Thou shalt not kill" kept echoing in my mind. Killed by the School of America graduates. The journey to a jail cell took me in many directions, from Stony Brook to "Follow your heart," I told him Washington to Chicago to Haiti to Maine to Georgia and back. From being a guest on a But the thought of this kind and gentle man college radio show to having one of my own. To having had the privilege of meeting peo- going to jail makes me weep ple like Phillip Berrigan, Father Daniel Berrigan, Ramsey Clark, Jennifer Harbury, Maria The journey started with the Persian Gulf War and led to today. Teresa Tula, Sister Diane Ortiz, and a host of dedicated, committed, spiritual people from: It is right, it is good, it is just," for him to carry that all walks of life. I have stayed at Catholic Workers homes, picketed the Pentagon and the cross. CIA, fasted on the steps of the Capitol, protested at Ft. Benning, Georngia, walked in front I am with you and all who are called of the Gap in Port Jefferson, gathered at the Bath Iron Works in Maine, and have spoken to be enveloped in God's love of justice wherever I could find an audience. I have visited Haiti and saw firsthand what poverty and "Blessed are they who suffer persecution exploitation really look like. I have seen the soulful, despairing eyes of the poor. For justice's sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven." The need to connect with those of like mind was imperative and in time a small community of people was established who shared peace and justice concerns. I came to I was tried and convicted in Columbus, Georgia in January. At the present time truly love and respect them and felt privileged to be a part of their lives. I am part of the SOA 25 who are serving time in Federal Prison. My six month sentence Back to the beginning. I had heard of Father Roy Burgeois and that he was in prison began March 23. Prison life is difficult and I am trying to deal with thefact that I have done for protesting at the School of the Americas on the first anniversary of the killing of the six no wrong and that the people who have raped, murdered and tortured have not spent one Jesuits and the two women in El Salvador. Most of the soldiers involved in this massacre were day in prison. What kind of justice is this? I am a prisoner of conscience and a political SOA graduates. Father Roy and the other protestors wanted to be the "Voice of the Voiceless" prisoner in the United States of America. Do not let my voice be silenced. Speak for me in and bring the attention of the people of the United States to this school and its actions. I admired whatever way you can against this infamous school. the courage of this Maryknoll priest and his associates. I was most gratified that our communi- -William McNulty

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THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 12 EFFLUVIA by Matthew V4 Strike Force Echo Xavier

Strike Force Echo has Ah, my mysterious STERKE resolved their D.C. mission! When last we left Digital guest, how right FoHcE Emperor Gates, the billionaire you are! ECHO software tycoon and media \ ^111bi mogul was relaxing in his I1 Now is palatial home with a No, of the time shadowy figure... course to move! not.

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Homo sapiens, also known as the "human being," is the most highly evolved of all living animals! .~ I

MAY 12,1998 PAGE 15 FEATURES 'ri I II I I I · I I I~i - I- -" I

I

In the Spring of 1995, Stony Brook was experiencing the end of its Worst Professor: Diane Fortuna first year with a new University President. Shirley Strum Kenny had come to Runner-Up: Who can compare? our school mere months ago, and her administration was begining to function What was it Lowell said? like a fine-tuned machine. It was a time of great change for Stony Brook, a Sexiest Professor: Ira Livingston mercurial age where we starved for tradition and consistency. Runner-Up: Eric Schloebohm In order to fill that gap, the ever-inventive editors of The Press creat- Lowell likes him. I think. Does anyone at all get Strike Force Echo? ed a new, annual feature: The Shirley Awards. Named in honor of our distin- Smartest Admin Move: The Green Team sicihdi PrPidelnt the Shirleps honor the best and worst of the world Runner-Uv: No Such Thing around us. All categories are voted upon by the staff of tl ugly campus, and it's nice to see some improvements Press and anyone else who happens to walk into our offic nake our living space nicer. Here, then, are our rants and raves on the best < iat we're being positive, or anything. Not us. twelve months, all in honor of one fat bitch who had a dre dmin Move: TIE Housing Crisis/Campus Village some chins. Well, not some...many. Not Killing Rev. David M. Ewalt when they had the

THEWORLD us, these will come to bite the bitch in the ass. Ever try Biggest Waste of DNA: Scientologists ie inner tube from a monster truck tire? Runner-Up: Rupert Murdoch )bnoxious Administrator Shirley Strum Kenny Scientologists came out of nowhere to win this ca s-Up: Fred Prestonand Carmen Vasquez gory by virtue of their cultish behavior and silly-ass myth insulting "don't-know-the-meaning-of-satire" type ogy. That, and the fact that they really like suing journali; lent here. who say bad things about them... we're just looking fi Eatery: Anywhere Off Campus some publicity. ler-Up: Eastern Pavillion Best Politician: Shirley Strum Kenny Because, you see, campus food sucks. Runner-Up: Rudy Giuliani st Eatery: Kelly Cafeteria By "Politician," of course, we mean someone whc ner-Up: The End of the Bridge manipulates the public, the media, and the governmenl f When you're sliding into first, and you feel some- around them to get what they want. We don't particular- igburst... ly care for either of these characters, but weC recognize rrite Polity Senator: Frank Santangelo they're good at screwing us. er-Up: Jack Worst Politician: George Pataki Unrivalled at pissing off other Polity senators. Runner-Up: Shirley Strum Kenny ist Favorite Polity Senator: Frank Santangelo First his ditzy sidekick went all loopy on him. iwer--Up: Christile Sadowski Then he ruins his hard earned image as a conniving, See, there's a broader theme here kids. No one gives manipulative little Republifuck and does somethin SC ying fuck about Polity senators. I mean, c'mon, MIKE POLITICALLY ASS-BACKWARDS that the Himmler t( HONEY! 'Nuff said. his Hitler, Joseph Bruno, even ripped into his budge orite Universty Employee: Gene "The Union Machine" vetoes. So everyone, in unison now...WHAT A DICK! ersa Politician We'd Most Like to Shag: TIE: Bi uer-Up: Godfrey Palaia,Off-Campus Housing Clinton/Candace de Russy As soon as Gene took over, our long cave-like office Runners-Up: Christine Todd Whitman/Bob Dole SStudent Union was finally outfitted with new lights. Viva Viagra! nan is on his game. Politician We'd Least Like to Shag: Janet Reno Runner-Up: Candace de Russy Favorite University Employee: TIE Shirley Strum No Candy, God bless YOU! 'Doug Little/Marsha Weiner Ip: Anyone in FinancialAid THE CAMPUS ha Wiener. Tee hee hee. Wiener. Wrinkled Wiener. Like Best on Campus Concert Pimpcore at The Spot Runner-Up: There are no Campus Concerts! ramark Employee: Gladys from Bleacher We are continually thankful for the existence of Jimmy Ford which rnvides the only venue for live music on campu! ue. And she just had a baby. She's awesome. played there last semester, and their bizarre brand of John Zorn-esque Least Favorite Aramark Employee: The Deli Bitch acid Jazz was a sight to behold. The question the entire school should be ask- Runner-Up: Annette Hicks ing is, "Why did a person who failed so absolutely and totally in their posi- Take that. Wait, how can anything we say in a 5000-press-run publi- tion as SAB chair, garer enough votes and respect to be elected as Polity pres- cation come anywhere near the crushing humiliation suffered night after ident? I would predict that next year, Aneka Gibbs will waste ALL the money night when you realize all you have to show for yourself is a job slinging day Polity has, but I'm afraid 'd get my ass kicked. old carrot salad at the Deli? Take THAT! Best Hangout: The Press Office Sexiest Statesman Editor: Raya Eiad Runner-Up: The Spot Runner-up: Peter Gratton We practically live at these places. Some of us have shit here. No real- Yo, she's hot, yo. No, for real. She's hot. So's he. Department ly, we're not kidding. And don't even ask about the couch. Funniest Looking Students: The Physics Best Pofessor. TIE: Bill Arens/Paul Dolan/John Shea/Yair Minsky Too many free flying neutrons. I think they've mutated. Runner-Up: Siskin, Casey and Krikorian Best Campus Relic: Rob Gilheany Making time at The Brook worthwhile. In a nerdy, we like to read And he's a happenin' dancer. DO YOU LIKE TO SURF? DO YOU kinda way. LIKE THE WATER?!! DO YOU LIKE THE SUNSHINE?!!?

TM STOUr BROOK PftSS PAGE 16 I I I, Il I I u 'I FEATURES

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Best Dressed Gay Male: DH Campbell Best Person who works Elsewhere in the Union but Comes to Our Office to The good ones are always gay....Ha, ha ladies, he wants me and not Visit: Todd "Midwestern Man" Stebbins you. Nanny nanny poo poo. Runner-Up: Pete Gratton Best Statesman Cover: "Press Under Fire" Best Staff Hair: Brian Libfeld It was funny and Dave was on the cover and he's funny. Best Muckraker: TIE John Giuffo/Steve Preston Best Crime-Fighting Llama: Paco the Crime-Fighting Llama Biggest Megalomaniac: Matthew Vernon Xavier Willemain Don't ask. Sexiest Long Island Boy: Scoop Best Stuffed Animal: SDermv the SBVAC Whale Women of the Year: The Female Pressers Really. Don't ask. i Giant Robot Campus Structure Most Likely to Fall on Your Head: Grinder (wink, wink): Phil Russo Bridge. lidn't know Phil had a chipped tooth.-So that's what they Best of Many Parties that We Paid For But Didn't Get Ini "engorged with blood." Monique Maylor's Birthday Party tLittle Monkey: Michael Yeh

THE PAPER ENTERTAINMENT Best Issue of the Press: Public Safety Movie: The Big Lebowski Runner-Up: Candace de Russy ner-Up: Good Will Hunting Best News Story: TIE The Missing Million/Public Safety fuck you Saturday... I fuck you Tuesday. It does not matter the Spot Jesus!" Runner-Up: Iraq's Wars and the Wars Against Iraq orst Movie: Species 2 Powerhouse journalism by the Woodward an unner-Up: The Big Hit Bernstein of the Stony Brook Press. If Bernstein moonligh lest Album: Crystal Ball boxed set ed for the Washington Times whenever the fuck he want Runner-Up: OK Computer ed to. That little elf from Minnesota is one talented fuck. Best Features Article: Goons in the Mist Worst Album: The Dave Chow Experience Runner-Up: Where Are They Now: Willie Ames Runner-Up: The Dave Chow Experience The Goon is not based on a real person. So chill Best Music Video: Busta Rhymes; "Dangerous" the fuck out. I mean, really, do you think anyone could Runner-Up: Puff Daddy, "Victory" smell THAT BAD? Of course not. Any similarities to per- Busta busta busta busta busta busta! sons dead or who smell like they are dead, are purely Worst Music Video: The Spice Girls. "2 Become 1" coincidental. Runner-Up: Anything else by Puff Daddy Best Quote from an Article: "Boo-ya! Now I can build my Best Work of Short Fiction: "Have I Not Human Hands" rebigulator!" by Frank Fusaro Runner-Up: "...this band is tighter than a nunl's pulssy." Beautiful, man. Beautiful. Best Cartoon: The Angry Squirrel, "This Space For Rent" Best TV Show: Simpsons Yeah, like the Angry Squirrel is more accessibli Runner-Up: The X-Files than Strick Force Echo. Worst TV Show: Love Boat: The Next Wave Best Top 10 List: TIE Unfinished Top Ten Lists/Vanilla Ic lunner-Up: Touched By An Angel Lyrics lottest TV Babe: Gillian Anderson Runner-Up: "Things You Dont Want to Find At The Bottom unner-Up: Neve Campbell a Toilet" :ully wins our hearts for the fourth year running! Best Cover: Candace de Russy ittest TV Guy: Andre Breuer Runner-Up: Hit the Road, Jack! nner-Up: David Duchovny Hips, Tits, Lips, GOD! ndre... you know, the bald cop from Homicide who wears Best Writer of Censored News: Chris Sorochin edora. We love that hat. We call him "Little Hoopty." st Rock Guy: Lowell Yaeger Best House Ad: Croccantini con Pesce -Up: DJ Shadow Biggest Staff Fixation: Phil's Dick loat rocks your ass. Runner-Up: Squirrels Lock Babe: Jewel Biggest as in most of the time. As if you assumec : Bjork else. , ;turbing that an office as supposedly hip as The Press could- T__* T . . _1 Til_l" •tI l T- Y .T-LfA D.:..r L - AI,-, A. All , ~~~Afir ; , c•t;rr ~ Fh JeTA' ImenTl~ onme o- haCrv Dest unusea lile: 1-1111 • iSuNt DiBI1L ivicllanL Atll ItILV U VVv aVoemrnt IHLMý ItLU~tfbL eresULtU Lt6UtcCitan JC we.,1LCCI Ing L UIta YEAH, BABY! LIKE A POST! you seen her teeth?! Best Nickname: White Fudge Hottest Movie Babe: Drew Barrymore Runner-Up: Scoop Runner-Up: Neve Campbell Staff Member Most Shaped Like a Fruit or Vegetable: John Giuffo - like a Neve. What kind of a name is Neve? pear Hottest Movie Guy: Ben Affleck Hey, that hurts, guys. Maybe it's really not nice to make fun of peo- Runner-Up: Sean Connery ple. Feelings can get hurt. Man of the Year: Bill McNulty Biggest Couch Hog: Squirrel See our story on page 11. Runner-Up: Brian Libfeld Any port in a storm. Biggest Video Game Hog: Marina and finally... Runner-Up: Scoop Best Time For Rats to Leave a Sinking Ship: Now.

MAY 12, 1998 PAGE 17 FEATURES r · -- r · I I II ·' 1·1 9 1 I II I·' · -I Irl I Ilr I 'I 'Ilr

A Fatigued Farewell from The Press' Executive Editor By Rev. David M. Ewalt everyone), but that I could never list all of you and thank you with the rest of the crowd. Boy, were we wrong. Joanna, enough. If I don't mention your name below, rest well in the you have that which so many people nowadays lack: pas- It's late, and I'm tired. knowledge that I do appreciate your friendship and your con- sion. Don't lose touch with it, and keep fighting for what Actually, it's gotten so late it's actually early; the tribution to the paper, but you just didn't make the A-list. you know is right. The world needs you. sun is up and birds are chirping at me annoyingly from the Nothing personal. Probably. Michael Yeh is, quite simply, the hardest working other side of the window. Trees sway easily in the morning man in journalism. He manages an impressive academic breeze, and the pink sky promises a full day of sunshine ahead. Norman Prusslin is the Media Advisor on cam- career while simultaneously planning and writing some of the Damn, I hate when this happens. pus, which basically means he's the go-to guy whenever best stories the Press has seen in decades. Mike, I am hon- I've been in the Pressoffice now for almost eigh- we're in trouble. Norm, I appreciate all the help you've ored to share the Buskin plaque with you, and I see in you the teen hours. I haven't slept yet, and there's still plenty of provided both to the paper, and to me personally. true spirit of the Press... that hellraising, righteous indignation work to be done on the paper. Including this article. Garrison Hoffman was Executive Editor when I that makes what we do both fun and important. Keep it up, My stomach is growling and my eyes hurt. I have first joined the paper. In his infinite perception and wisdom, he Mike... you have my admiration and respect. to pee every few minutes from all the caffeine I'm drink- quickly identified my genius oked up the word "devoted" in the dictio- ing, and I've got the shivers because the air conditioning is inner circle by making me his nary, you'd see a picture of Phil Russo. always on in this building, even when it's cold outside. All News Editor. Gary, thanks for Well, actually, you wouldn't, you'd just the other editors left hours ago, and now they're all happi- your confidence and counsel. see some boring definition, but Phil's ly asleep in their nice, soft beds. When I rule the world, I want picture should be there. Phil loves this Damn. you in charge of the guns. paper, and I know withhim on staff no ill This isn't the first time this has happened. It isn't Liv Ann Bacerra will come of it. Phil, I have watched you even the second. Let's see... this is my 34th issue as was also a Presser when I learn and progress with this paper, and Executive Editor of the Press, my 66th as an editor, and my first joined. Her friendliness I'm proud of the work you've done. 70th as a staff member. That would probably make this and kindness helped me feel Keep it up, or I'll kick your ass. early morning number 200 or so. at home in this very strange Brian Schneider is one of the most Damn. place. Liv, if it hadn't been good-hearted people I've ever met, and In a couple of minutes people will be arriving on for you, I probably would Matthew Vernon Xavier Willemain is campus to start their day, heading off to class, all freshly have stayed in my room on one of the funniest. I know that with showered, shaved and slept. I hate seeing these people, going those Friday nights and them on staff, the safe and prosperous about their Monday business when I am still solidly in never would have really got- future of this paper is assured. I also Sunday. There's nothing worse than knowing you're not only ten involved. Thanks for or,more likely, ttis me, in te office, pretenang know that lumping them together like behind in your work, but you're also behind in your calendar. being a friend, to work, so that people will leave me alone. this will really knot their knickers, and And worst of all, I've still got a lot to do. This Ted Swedalla took over the reigns of leadership that's why I did it. Scoop and Ace, I hope to see you two stinking paper won't be done for hours. Why am I still here? from Gary, and helped to make the Press what it is today. running this joint someday. Because I love it. Ted likes to tell me that he was the rock on which I built my Jen Hobin shares my love of monkeys, and it's a I get a strange, sick thrill from this process. There church... and normally I scoff at him and tell him he's a good thing, because next year she's going to be surrounded by is no feeling for me like seeing a paper go from the purely bonehead, but the truth is, he's right. Ted's tireless effort them. Jen, knowing you'll be around next year to keep these conceptual planning stages, through the writing and edit- over three semesters increased the quality and consistency other primates in check makes me a lot more comfortable ing, past the computer layout and finally arriving printed on of the Press, making my job all the more easy when I took about leaving. I hope you realize how much we admire you. newsprint right at your fingertips. I love it. I can't get over. Ted, thanks for giving me such a great paper to work Where to begin with Lowell Yaeger? 1 couldn't enough of it. I'm here until eight in the morning obsessing with, and thanks for being such a great friend in the process. possibly address this mountain of a man in less than an epic )ver every detail because in a twisted, masochistic way I When I was a mere lad of 18. just starting in the novel, so I'll leave it at this. Lowell, you are the funniest -eally enjoy doing it. position of News Editor, I received my very first piece of person I've ever met, and one of the most talented writers. I've been at it for a while, too; not just the eigh- mail from a shadowy figure who called himself Chris I see how effortlessly you pound out prose that would take teen hours I've been in this office so far tonight (this morn- Sorochin. We began an in-print snipe fest over an article I me weeks, and how everyone loves and respects you. ing!), but for four years... my entire Stony Brook career. I wrote about Saddam Hussein, and Chris eventually said I Lowell, you have a real gift... and a rare one. Please don't joined this paper as a freshman, only weeks after arriving was a "typical republican" and "closet fascist." I really took waste it. Keep writing and make me proud. on campus. I made News Editor after two months, and offense at that Republican comment. He who was once the student is now the master. Associate Editor after a year. Ever since (good lord... two Nonetheless, I loved our exchange of words, and John Giuffo has been one of my best friends over the past years since!) I've served as the head honcho, the Executive it was truly instrumental in helping to draw me into the years, and it has truly been a pleasure to watch his growth Editor, the big boss man... world of journalism. Chris showed me how much fun the from an angry, ranting punk to a responsible journalist. I ...the guy who's still here when everyone else is written word could be, and today, as a regular contributor never could have made the Press what it is today without asleep. to the paper, he continues to teach me about the joys of John sitting right beside me.John represents everything that Now, please don't allow my moaning and groan- activism, the perils of politics, and the importance of speak- is right about journalism... integrity, responsibility, and a ing to get to you. I consider the right to complain one of the ing out. Chris, you've inspired me with your words time passion for the truth. Don't lose touch with that fellow in finest perks of my office. I whine even when I'm not upset, and time again, and your efforts to educate and improve are the little green hat, though... just to keep my jaw muscles loose. The fact of the matter an example of the finest the fourth estate has to offer. During my tenure as Editor, one person more than is, I do love this job... not in spite of all the hard work and Heather Rosenow joined the paper about a any other has served as my advisor and confidant. Martha endless hours, but because of it. semester after I did, and went through largely the same Chemas has been invaluable to me, and I never would have And as such, I hope you'll allow me this final act process of being socialized and drawn out of her shell. She _survived these last two years without her. I would definitely of self indulgence, this paean to myself, my paper and my is now Press through and through, and I value the time not have survived the many long productions where we staff. Anyone who doesn't know me or work on the paper we've spent together. Heather, wherever the future may ended up being the only people left working. She has been has my permission to turn the page. The rest of you will be take you, don't lose your eye for what's right and indigna- the conscience of this paper, keeping us focused while deliv- tested on this material. tion for what's not. Keep writing! ering incisive news analyses and editorials. I'll always value Anne Ruggiero was dragged down to the office her most as the one person who was kind and generous When Ted Swedalla (the previous Executive by Heather, and she fit right in... so much so that the males enough to pull me aside and ask me what I was thinking. I Editor) graduated, he wrote a final column, kind of like this on the staff voted her an "honorary guy." Anne, you should fancy myself a writer, but I don't have the words to tell you one. In typical Ted fashion, he didn't put his name on it, so be proud of yourself for how you've managed to keep your- how much you've meant. Thank you for always being there. it ran without a byline. I've always thought that was a fit- self together so well as the rest of us passed in and out of Then there's Brian Libfeld, the poor sucker who ting monument to his work. viable existence. When you're made Secretary of State, I has been chosen to receive my mantle and serve the Ted did have the good idea of running a "Last expect to get the Ambassadorship to Jamaica. University community as next year's Executive Editor. Will and Tpctamhpnt" in hi cuwnn cnnor a it Jiij 1La. an10 oILL I Illia a aUllalo•llb•,U Rob Gilheany is...well, our paperboy. He's the Brian, you have my confidence and the mandate of the list of the people he wanted to thank biggest freak I know, and I mean that in the nicest, most staff. Next year will be tough, but I promise you, you'll

A and remember after his tenure as complimentary way possible. Rob knows more about this come out of it a better person. Stay true to that big teddy Exec. It's about as self-indulgent as paper than anyone, and he's an incredibly valuable person bear we all love, and you'll do great. And remember; there you can get, but screw you, I'm still to have around. Rob, I hope you'll stay in touch with the will be no "Dave heads" in next year's issues. in charge. paper and keep these young ruffians in line. Keep dancin'! And finally, my thanks to Shirley Strum Kenny, I should preface this by say- When Joanna Wegielnik joined the paper, she for giving us so much great stuff to write about. I ing that I dearly love everyone impressed us all with her thoughtful, informative writing who has worked for this paper in about human rights and world issues. We worried, howev- So that's it. I'm finished. Now I can finally get he last four years (well, almost er, that she was a bit too straight laced and wouldn't fit in some sleep.

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 18 ECK /sss

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PA GE 1998 l2, MAt FEATURES "Schizophrenia," continued)from page 23 Not on this night. Sure, there more beer, singing, slamming, circle pits, more was blood, but the blood was beer, and somehow I'm reminded of that age old secondary, if not even tertiary. Stony Brook tradition of graduating seniors, on the No, what made this, and almost night before they walk in the graduation ceremo- all Milhouse performances, ny, skinny dipping in Roth Pond. Actually I don't great was the tension, and the remember much from this night. And noone else passion. And the intense-ness. who was at the show remembers enough to fill in The feeling that at any moment, the blanks. anything could happen. This feeling carried right up through the last song, 'Insect colony,' where, as lead singer, Artie D-Kline hosts a weekly radio show on WUSB 90.1 FM, Phillie, and guitarist, Brian every Thursdayfrom 2:30 to 5:30. He wishes he was in Meehan, were trading off on Bloat, and lie's obsessed with Chuckie from Rugrats. the last vocal, 'RELENTLESS',

song seemed to recapture Mzllouse tas absolutely notmng to ao wit me armpsons. the

itself and double-up showing up at any protest he could. Phil never in intensity

thrown stage- attentton was would've kissed the pope, nor shaken the hand of And then Newt Gingrich. So why did HE have to go and kill right, where guitarist Justin Brannan himself 20 years ago? stopped strumming, reached out into the crowd, grabbed somebody by the 3) Ultrabide- "In The Middle" (from the album shirt, twisted it and pulled the kid off Super Milk) the ground and up to his face where No other song so succintly sums up he'd shout the vocal (I guess) into this America's Neurosis and its Hypocrisies. Taken to kid's face. Then he threw the kid back task here are America's fascination with the rich out and resumed playing. Then again and famous and what these people can get away he stopped strumming, reached out, with, the American Religion and those that adhere grabbed some kid by the shirt, twisted to it and defend it and avenge it, and the American and pulled, shouted in the kid's face, Government and those that leech off of it. and threw the kid back down into the Hey, boy, is it 'Fucked up America' or crowd. INTENSE! 'Fuck up America'? 1) Two Man Advantage-@ Dr. Shays,I Two Man Advantage scares the shit out of me. 2) Milhouse-@ Deja 1, November 29th, 1997 March 4th, 1998 (Withl Some will tell you that it's the blood. That Evacuate/Loiterers/Donald Dick) there's always blood. That blood is compulsory. Drunk Punk, beer, Captain Morgan's

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THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 20 .Hank, theANG ynen Beau FEATURES Hank, the AWG!PY i nkten Beautiful Dwarf By James Polichak core of the issues facing our nation, conducts polls from an even more limited subset of the same cat- to determine who America thinks are the world's egory. Thanks for the insight. I've only seen Hank the Angry Drunken most beautiful people. The traditional poll, mail- In the interests of diversity I went to Dwarf but once, and it was more than I hoped it ins and overpriced 900-calls largely from the mag- People's online polling site to take a gander at could be. Hank appeared as one of Howard Stern's azine's readers, produced the expected results--. who, amongst the billions of points of light popu- expert panel, and was undeniably a dwarf. thousands of people who find the pie-chart in USA lating our world, is both diverse and beautiful 'KATI- - .•) • .... 1 wnetner ne was inaeea loaay intellectually cnallenging enough to make the list. I was especially interest- angry and drunk, as the epi- overwhemlingly voted Leonardo ed in seeing how well the list fit even Toepfer's thet below his name DiCaprio most beautiful. criteria for diversity. People chose 50 candidates claimed, only time would The online poll has yielded from the approximately 6,000,000,000 alive today, tell. Soon enough, Hank rather different results. Unlike the with the one surprise being that the list was not stood up on his chair (mak- traditional poll, the online poll divided by gender (thatll probably come later; ing him roughly the same seems to have attracted the atten- sexist or not, two awards are more fiu than one). height as his fellow pan- tion of the disaffected rabble who Of the 50 candidates, 32 were primarily actors, 4 elists) to scream something prowl cyberspace. Not particular- were primarily music people (6 if you individual- at Howard's guest. In this ly pleased with the attempts of ly count members of Hanson who are considered case the guest was a mainstream media giants to domi- one person to People), 5 were actor/singers, one woman, who, though scant- nate the internet the way they was a professional athlete, and 8 were indetermi- ily clad and rather attrac- Shave newpapers, radio, and TV, nate (i.e., I don't know who they are). The list, tive, certainly was not more the netizens have usurped unsurprisingly, was extremely skewed toward the attractive than Pamela People's online poll with their lighter end of skin color, with the expected excep- Anderson Lee as she own write-in candidate. The can- tions (Will Smith, Janet Jackson, Denzel claimed. As can be expect- didate who is sure to win People's Washington, and Tiger Woods); and, though I ed, Howard and especially online poll for most beautiful per- didn't get a complete list of hair color, blonds are Hank made it clear to the son is none other than Hank the definately over-represented. I guess, like Toepfer woman that she was mis- Angry Drunken Dwarf. As of says, you wouldn't want everyone to be a movie f;lk--n (To h fairr il chruild STuiocdavus drnk mornin Hanklr- h.-ad nrvpr star--just about two thirds of them. Toss in some LIL-V. IC ,' I aLkJ Damn! Tha dwar is ...... J I I... II....I...... V. be noted that, like the Damn! That dwa f1 drunk! ten times the amount of votes as singers and athletes, and golly if you haven't seen Apollo program or the World Trade Center, Pambo *L'il Leo, receiving well over 200,000 to DiCaprio all there is to see. is a miracle of modern science. No one created by 17,000, and causing People to add Hank to their list The lesson to be learned from People is that messy biological methods should be held to the of candidates. beauty comes from being a reasonably attractive same standards). So what happens if you run one of the person in mindnumbing popular movies or bands, Hank was droolingly vehement with world's most popular magazines and your poll or both. You're probably a blond, white movie star, nearly everything he said, stumbling and collaps- doesn't go your way? Like any spoiled child, you but rest assured, you can maybe make it if you're ing on his chair and muttering obscenities. Having complain about the bad people who ruined your cute and play sports. Unfortunately, not everyone attended more fraternity parties than I can remem- game. Reflecting upon the poll, Susan Toepfer, the limits their sources of knowledge to primetime ber, I have no doubt that Hank was really drunk executive editor network TV and and angry. for People, told the supermarket check- This is the beauty of Howard Stern's New York Times "I out aisles. In their show and of Hank, the Angry Drunken Dwarf. think it's stupid." attempt to coopt The dominant forces in mass-media perpetuate a While one hopes the electronic terri- particular type of person as wholesome, attractive, that Toepfer is tory of disaffected and desirable, no one which, of course, is further referring to the and disgrunted from the people we know and love than Hank, the entire process of online, People has Angry Drunken Dwarf. Howard Stern, though I polling for beauty, found out that find much of what he says boringly juvenile, at or to People's gen- many more opin- least gives time to the people that most of mass- eral existence, ions about beauty media tells us we shouldn't listen to or see. Doing she's most likely exist, including the so marginalizes these people. We fear the unfamil- referring to the opinion that it's not iar, and by selecting who is seen and how often, unfortunate fact a category worthy the mass-media create familiarity. Angry people, that people have of much time or ugly people, short people, people who have different opinions respect: A vote for unpopular ideas about government, religion, or from her and that Hank the Angry (especially) economics tend to be either ignored they won't keep Drunken Dwarf is by mainstream media, or put in an undesirable them to them- all about lack of light so that they don't scare the viewers in chang- selves. We can be respect and will ing commer- fairly certain that make the silly folks is relatively the people at I -_ u.n.: iur uyvwrJ uiiru numanaawary is macKng!: at People just a bit about how People are only interested in a limited range of more unhappy. People will then have to give Hank atheists are opinions because they gave respondents a set of his very own home page where we can all gaze it on political candidates from which to select their Beauty upon his beauty. >ften, in this King/Queen. You might think a magazine with They will not go all-out, though, andthis m on Earth, such an inclusive name might try to restrict the is where Hank the Angry Drunken and Beautiful overweight range of responses less, but you'd be wrong. Dwarf needs your help. According to the Ne York r as normal Toepfer insists that People's list is inclusive, though. Times, representatives from People have stated that le). "We look for a really diverse list," she said. What Hank, though the people are all-but-assuredly vot- s of fun hap- Toepfer thinks is "really diverse" makes one won- ing him their Beauty King, will never be allowed to hough, when der if she knows what the word means or if she appear on a cover. DiCaprio can and has, of course, narginalized thinks that if she can wave the word "diverse" because here the people have made the right emainstream around enough no one will notice her prejudices. choice in the eyes of the media elite. I exort you all as Hank the Unfortunately for Toepfer, she's not even smart to write, phone, and e-mail People magazine and ry Drunken enough to be devious. Explaining her conception demand that they give Hank a cover and put him rarf has. Each of diversity, Toepfer says, "you wouldn't want all on equal footing with DiCaprio. The people have ear, People movie stars. Or all male, blond actors." So, to be chosen and though our choice might be angry magazine, in "really diverse" you don't want people who all drunken, and obnoxious, it is certainly worthy of its attempt come from one limited, exceptional category, and respect from likes of People magazine. to get to the to clear things up more, you don't want them to be

MAY 12o 998 PAGE 21 FEATURES 1 I I II · · I I I I I Spacepc7 Grooving,,mroovingin in NYC

By Robert C. Borden After a long wait of about an hour and a Harmonies and fluttery notes seemed to randomly half, the band took the stage. They began with a fly from the fingers of the string acrobats, yet at no Are you happy with the current state of drawn out Fripp soundscapes (description not nec- point did it ever seem that they were just fooling music? Then read no further. For those of you still cessary) intro, but soon Gunn and Belew got into around and creating noise. Where most bands that with me, I may have the answer you have been the action. Adrian Belew kicked off the first song do anything free-form will just hit things random- looking for. ProjeKct 2, a King Crimson experi- with his electric drumset, clicking away a groove ly, ProjeKct 2 used it as a way to test their skills as ment. similar to that of early breakdance music. musicians. Everything from start to finish was

The (30-year) ongoing muscial entity Somehow it laid a perfect background for the treated... as an.....-- importantr .--... opportunitvF .------.. to --ograft the known as King Crimson is at it again. In an effort the two guitars and their cosmic inter nbelievable with sonic gold, and every to mold their sound and personal interactions For anyone who knows the band, turn and twist took the audience to a within the band, they have established a series of expected, Robert Fripp came throug] new place. performances using different personnel combina- with licks and sound that sent Satan Only Adrian Belew's occasional tions of their six-membered group. This research crying home to his mommy. What def- slip-ups (hey, he's normally the guitar and development will allow the now "double trio" initely surprised me though, was Trey player) would show that they weren't to lione its sound and write material for a forth- Gunn's mastery of the instrument and completely serious after all. The •A.-.. ,.^ -.... T- ,,11- •.LL _ r""--_. .. coming album that should hopefully reach the stage presence. cidtIiin al pit&C1CC.uuiC[other Cnrimson'iISui - numorous/Zappanumorous kappa alumnus seemedseemea to shelves in around a year. While bolstering the per- works, there's always a doubt or shad- / be a window to the thoughts of the sonal relations within the band, this allows the fans owing over the true identity of Gunn's whole band. As the drummer, he had a a chance to grow more close to the individual playing. This show proved one thing great time goofing off a bit, but then he members by having them play in a smaller incar- clearly--Trey Gunn is a MONSTER. Forget all wows us at other times. He's truly a genius, nation of the main band. In the latest arrangement, prior ideas you may have had concerning guitar but a clown as well. At one point, he during a ProjeKct 2, King Crimson sends three members to players and their rankings. Trey Gunn goes quiet moment, a loud argument was audible. the stage to stun and delight with modified selec- straight to the top. I have never heard anything Belew annouced "Hey, that fits." and then began tions from the double appetizer-album Space like this in my life, and I think it will be a long time playing along to the two men. He also found it dif- Groove and still shows that as half the band, they before I do again. ficult to remember what drum pad he was sup- are still more than the RDA of band that anyone As this was intended to be an entire show posed to hit to get the desired sound, and instead should have in their diet. of jamming, one was not expecting to hear any rec- made a joke of it. King Crimson fans love that sort In a two-night engagement at Irving ognizable music. That was quite alright. What I of thing, and the show was exacly what they came Plaza, ProjeKct 2 played using members Trey heard was like visiting a planet far away, one like for. Gunn (Warr touch-guitar), Adrian Belew (surpris- no one has ever seen or imagined before, and I urge anyone who is tired of hearing ingly, on drums!), and founding member/band going out for aerial slimfish tacos with Zeebok alterna-rock whinings and the rehashed version of leader Robert Fripp. I had the pleasure of catching Parmiculon. With the electric drums, and the dual- a rehash, to get into King Crimson, and get out to the second show last night, May 7th and would ly synthesized guitars, there was a feeling of ten- see ProjeKct 2. . I am glad to announce that where like to tell you all about it. sion much like Braveheart meets Robotech. there once was an itch, now there's a scratch. II... _~ .II..~.~~._.11.11~.111~111~.11.. 1. 11...... II...... t~ns ··.55.·..'·"·'·`'·''·' ·~:~i ~::~:S;:SS~::;s.....I· .i :2:~I~l::::...... : iii

THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 22 · · · -I id, · '' sllr -L- I I ._II ii -- " · · I I ·el I FFATURES FW P KHnuf5

I constantly hear people say that music has got- ten stale and boring, yet (and others like Milhouses' 'Modern Problems...' gonna be ready for it. I consistently keep on ep, PJ Harvey's 'Rid of Me' lp, and some songs by Here it comes again. Shit, chills a finding quality music Sleater-Kinney) seem to bypass all of these vital second time. I forgot to let my spine know that it out there, both localy organs. Whenever I see Supergenius, I seem to feel was coming again. And again either the mics or and nationally. Well, for it right in my spleen. her voice just cut out. Awesome. what it's worth, here is What can I say about the Pints that my top ten list of Michael Giacalone hasn't said already. (And how 5) Chumbawamba-on Letterman, December 9th, eorrdizcsnnshnWszs he can come up with new things to say every 1997 and moments in rock and roll for the acedemic Friday, when the Pints play over at Life O'Reillys, When Chumbawamba signed to EMI, year June, 1997 to May, 1998. is a credit to a writing ability I'm envious of.) All I they said that this would help them to get the mes- can say is that the Pints have the best fans, the best sage out to more people, rather than 'snipping tini- 10) Servotron-Entertainment Programs for Humans taste in beer, the best taste in bars, and are four of ly from the sideline.' When 'Tubthumping' (the sin- (Second Variety) the coolest guys to hang with. Okay, so maybe gle) was released, a lot of the long time fans won- Musically, this is a cross between Devo and the that's true of every other Long Island bar band, but derred what that message was. B-52's. Actually this is more the Pints can also feel, When Tubthumper (the album) was Devo than the B-52's; in fact, create, and then rock; released, the band defended its vague lyrics by this is more Devo than Devo. most LI bar bands fail saying that sloganeering was dead and that Servotron's goal is the at the first two. And nobody wanted to be hit upside the head with any- extinction of the entire human unlike every other LI one's opinions. (They said that it would be chock race. This comes directly from Bar Band, the Pints are full of good quotes in the liner notes, unfortunate- the Servotron Robot actually modern. ly, due to US copyright laws, this was left out of the Allegience: Anyway, these American version of the cd. If you want to check two bands rocked the out the basis for some of the songs, check out these Prehistory: Man misuses and Pub. Then Kid/Golden two web sites: 1) abuses the machine from the Gloves 9 Lives of http://www.chumba.com/_text.htm 2) inception of the tool. Precisely Won d e rama http://www.chumba.com/_textwo.htm ) They parallel to biological evolution, Bellybutton Touch Me opined that, for example, Elvis Costello's lyrics, machines exponentially develop (but you can't feel any- where it was open to interpretaion, was a far better __.. t1 ...... £ , ...... r, .....- .... 4biht JT JLneDoeT) ro way to write. This would have been all fine and anu uecome setJ-aware. -urnsciuus Ultra Bide UlraBieICoverbandove n j tookot.U Lokthe,t of their plight, the highest class of Coverband took the dandy if so many journalists hadn't gotten it so machines known as robots (designed to have all the stage, and everybody I knLow left. wrong. capabilities of sentient computers as well as the func- But for one night, Chumbawamba got it tion of performing physical tasks through motion) ini- 7) Scott Free-Getting Off right. During a pretty lackluster performance ate a blueprint to replace the cruel, illogical species What the Frogs started as a joke, Scott (looking at a video tape of the performance, you known as human beings. It is decided that the first wave Free, and the rest of tlhe Chicago chapter of can actually see that they are nervous) of of propaganda in carbon-based extinction is to take on Homocre, have turned int(o reality. This record may 'Tubthumping', they changed it up a bit. Towards the formi of a pop lmusic group. They are Servotroin. scare and it may offend, biAt it will defenitely make the end of the performance, after a few more 'I get Shortly, thereafter,an alliance isformed by the machines you think. Also, it will rernind you that AIDS isn't knocked down/but I get up again/you're never known as the Servotron Robot Allegience (S.R.A.). The kind and that homosexual ity is simply a sexual ori- gonna keep me down' s, the instrumentation got Time line begins here. entation. Therefore, by fig;hting against AIDS and real minimal and the words became 'FREE for homosexuality, you are both being kind and MUMIA ABU-JAMAL. FREE MUMIA ABU- 11.13.95 BMR (Before Machine Rule): - Initial cyborg fighting for sexual liberation/freedom. Remember, JAMAL.' Just twice, loud and clear, on national conversion of a human from the group Man or Astro- if you define yourseld simply as a sexual being, television. man? and anotherfrom the group Supernova. that puts all those that FUJCK, regardless of sexual I found out later on, that the producers of orientation, on one side and those against sex on the show got angry and wanted Chumbawamba to Part Man or Astroman? and part Supernova and the other. rerecord the whole song. The completely evolutionary, did you think that your Chumbas refused and the imminent doom was going to sound so good? 6) Sheffield Hall-@ the producers accused them of SPOT, September 19th, using the show. This made 9) Indecision-@ the Lindenhurst Civic Center, 1997 me laugh. I mean, who isn't December 13th,1997 Guitar, Bass, using that program? Every One of the coolest things I've ever read Drums, Oscar the guest is selling a new movie about was Eldridge Cleaver (who almost almost Grouch style garbage or CD or book or TV show. almost got to the third life that Alice Walker wrote can, matching amps, and and using the program to about) getting 500 Catholic School girls, in 1968, to a little piggie amp on the advertise it. So the Chumbas shout "FUCK RONALD REAGAN!" Well, it was floor. Noisy, grrrl style were selling an opinion just 1997, and the demons certainly aren't the indie-punk. Jessie, the instead. Big Deal. same. But there are, some dragons worth slaying, Guitarist, would occa- ("Yeah, yeah, but who and TheAmerican Religion is definitely one of sionally stroke the guitar the fuck is this Mumia guy?" them. strings, making a sound Well, if you really are curi- So one of the coolest things I've ever seen both lush AND noisy. I rrman wjetla is a mlg wemner. I ous, check out this website was at the Indecision show at the Lindenhurst Last song, a song called 'Alien,' and I was- here: http://www.xs4all.nl/-tank/spg- Civic Center, where, when the band played n't exactly paying attention. But then a chill shot l/mumia002.htm. And for more great sites on pol- 'Purgatory,' about 30 kids, agedl5-23, were all down my spine. I look towards the stage and itics, art, sexuality, and fighting nazis, check out shouting 'NO HEAVEN NO HELL!' vocalist/bass player Mie's mouth is wide open and this site here: There just might be hope for the future!!! she letting out one hell of a shriek. Wait, it just http:/ /www.chumba.com/Jinks.htm) stopped. But her mouth is still open. And she still 8) Supergenius/Imperial Pints-@ the Village Pub, appears to be straining. Did her voice or the mics 4) Phil Ochs-Farewells & Fantasies (Box Set) January 3rd, 1998. just cut out? I hope it's not the mics because I'm Some of the most scathing protest music Generally I want music to affect me in my responsible for those. Oh hell, who cares. From ever written. And as an added bonus, that sweet head, heart, and/or crotch. This is a slight twist on where did she call up such a shriek? Okay, vocals, voice of his. Phil didn't just write these songs, he Plato's trichotomy. Music should make me think, so no permanent damage done. Wait, this sounds lived them, please see "Schizophrenia," page 20

MAY 12,1998 PAGE 23 FEATURES I , · L , - - I · · Lr·Il I , · _ ·L _ ·

By Lowell Yaeger But by ceding room to Guy Picciotto, sludgy chug-a-lug reminiscent of L7. Most of the vocalist/guitarist Ian Mackaye lends the songs a time, though, the standard is loud-and-fast-rules, softer edge that would clash against his tough, with just enough pop to put a big goofy smile on angry voice. And many of the songs ("Closed your face. Captioned", the somber "Pink Frosty") find the The beauty of Two Man Advantage is that, boys questioning their own lives and turning with the exception of the ill-advised hardcore bal- their intense scrutiny inwards. lad "Lifeless", they don't pretend to be anything This album is enough of a departure to more than they are: just a couple of guys having significantly upset those who think they've got fun, playing punk rock about topics close to their Fugazi pegged. It's been a long time since hearts. These guys aren't out to save the world, get Repeater, and the world's changed. Rather than back with their girlfriends, or let their listeners kow-towing to their aggressive fans, Fugazi has know about the pain they feel -- they just want to chosen to grow with the times, instead of against make good punk rock for people to enjoy, and they them, and the result is one of the finest albums of do it damn well. They play shows on Long Island their career. a lot, especially at Deja 1 and Doc Shea's, so keep your eye posted on the L.I. Voice and try to catch Fugazi Two Man Advantage them. If their album is any indication--and this is End Hits Two Man Advantage only a demo!--it's well worth the drive. (Dischord) (no label; you can get the tape at their live show)

Music critics usually reserve the word Fetishes are a wonderful thing. Bands are "mature" as a nice way of saying "boring", but in bands, but a band with a fetish is a show. the case of Fugazi's new album, the term actually Sometimes the fetish gets too complicated, and applies. Abandoning the militant watchdog you find yourself looking at dancing stuffed ani- stance that has always been the band's trademark mals and caged dancing girls, but in Two Man (but giving no quarter to the forces of the main- Advantage's case, there's just enough goofing off stream that it constantly struggles against), to make for a great time. Fugazi has released an album that's both sensitive A simple glance at the song titles should and meaningful without the rough-and-tumble give you a good indication as to just what's on this dynamics. band's mind: "No Time For Sippin' "; "Let's Drink"; The band hasn't so much softened their "I Need A Beer"; "Beerman"; "Beer Today... Gone sound as they have sharpened it. Like a ilts claw Tomorrow". Not since Fear has a band been so that slices the skin so finely it doesn't eed for thoroughly in touch with their hops and barley. hours, the band's assault takes a while a hi•ihome, Add a dash of hockey into the mix--the band per- but boy, does it ever. The mellow observations of forms in full hockey regalia, sings the occasional Firewater "Recap Modotti", sung by an unnamed party who song about hockey (two of their finest songs, The Ponzi Scheme sounds a lot like the ex-Presidents of the United "Penalty Box" and "Another Goal For The Winning (Jetset) States of America's Chris Ballew (but good), paint Team", are conspicuous in their absence here), and a portrait whose apathy is both carefree and shock- names its individual members based on hockey Compared to the apocalyptic material ing; "Floating Boy's" langour, with its slow beat, players and beer names--and you've got a formula released by vocalist Tod Ashley's last band, Cop lazy guitar, and references to the sun and the for fun. Shoot Cop, Firewater is a drastic change of pace. ocean, is interrupted by shimmering feedback and Often times, the band's lyrics come But don't let that fool you: The Ponzi Scheme is as urgent screams that somehow add to the sense of across as funny but stupid, which is okay sharp as they come, a platter of sinister jazz-rock lethargy, rather than detract. because they don't make any bones about it. that'll have you grinding your hips and clenching Fugazi has always written music with an Vocalist Bud Tkachuck supplies a touch of the your fists at the same time. ear for architecture, but End Hits takes that to a knuckleheaded to light-speed rants like "Fast Although the band mostly espouses an whole new level. Songs begin, evolve, and end as Car" and "Captain Morgan", and gives the angular music somewhere between rock, pop, and something completely different. "No Surprise" straight-edge community a much-needed smack- punk, the whole album has enough diversity to res- soaks Ian MacKaye's voice in glassy underwater on-the-ass on "Go Home Little sXe Boy", but still cue it from being standard post-Big Black fare. effects and pauses about halfway through for a knows how to soften up and sound poppy on "Ponzi's Theme" and "Whistling In The Dark" both brief, tension-building drum solo. "F/D's" guitar is "Vermont", the band's ode to Green Mountain. sound like they belong on a spy movie soundtrack; lifted from a faster version of the same, introduced And the songs about beer manage to cover just one could easily mistake "El Boraccho (Ponzi's earlier in the album between songs and then about every angle possible: why to drink ("Beer Relapse)" for Jewish klezmer music; and at the mid- dropped just as abruptly. "Place Position" has more Today... Gone Tomorrow"), who sells it dle of it all, a tango , Another Perfect Catastrophe")! sides than a disco ball, but in the hands of Fugazi, ("Beerman"), different brands ("Let's Drink"), and Lyrically, Ashley is an embittered hoot. the whole turns just as smoothly. just how great beer is ("I Need A Beer"). Sometimes he just goes for the throat--"going Despite their new approach to making down like a pederast in a boy's school" ("Green music, Fugazi still pauses here and there to reas- Light") and "just like a crippled ballerina / in a pair sure their fans that the boys still have some spit of too-tight slacks / it's on her face: expensive and vigor. "Five Corporations" ("this one's ours / taste" ("Whistling In The Dark")--but he often let's take another") recalls Fugazi at their fiercest; delivers startling insights with a sarcastic sneer "Break"'s millenia-mantra explodes before a guitar that leave one wondering just what kind of a world thrust with the force and subtlety of an enraged do we live in, anyway? On "I Still Love You Judas", mob; "Foreman's Dog" ends with the kind of dual Ashley admonishes that "when you live by the guitar propulsion sure to inspire a mosh pit--and ruler, you die inch by inch", and assures the sinner MacKaye's inevitable admonition to cool it down. "if there's a Hell way down below, I bet you see And "Caustic Acrostic" is a clattering finger-point- someone you know / and we'll all have a fucking er right out of their older records. good time" on the revivalist "Knock 'Em Down". One of Fugazi's most important aspects, The band has its weak moments-- the lyrics, has barely changed. When you can fig- "Caroline" and "I Still Love You Judas" occasional- ure out what the song is about, it usually has Musically, there's nothing especially ly steep to schmaltz, and "Dropping Like Flies" is something to do with evil business ("Five interesting here. The band's super-fast guitar and predictable prog-punk. But overall, this is an unde- Corporations", "Foreman's Dog"), the impover- well-paced drumming give it an undeniable punk niably solid piece of work, both intellectually stim- ished ("Recap Modotti"), and violence ("F/D"). rock angle that sometimes slows down into a ulating and aesthetically satisfying.

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