Wednesday, March 29, 2000 • Volume 40, Issue 27 J@lk@ omstsot JokeInsert

the Cord 11 11 3 News 60pinion 12Joke Insert 16 S ports 20 Entertainment 23 Classifieds Nurturing a A little bit of flair united voice

Kristina Spence Parks said the announcement of a two per cent increase in tuition While they may not be well- frozen for the next five years is "rel- known, a small group of concerned atively good news for students." students are working to improve While universities saw a three your university experience. per cent increase in their funding, Laurier hosted the Spring Parks said one of the most troubling General Assembly of the Ontario aspects of funding is the new Undergraduate Student Alliance reliance uponkey performance indi- (OUSA) from cators to deter- Friday, March 24 mine which uni- until Sunday, Tuition will versities receive March 26. The financial assis- three-day assem- rise two per tance. Despite the bly included a hard work of spe- variety of discus- cent each cialized consult- sion sessions on ants, the govern- topics such as pri- year for the ment ignored the vatization, long input on key per- CHERRY term planning, the next five formance indica- definition of a uni- tors (KPIs) from versity and needs years. various colleges. CHRiSTfNE assessment. Parks said there Jim Donnelly innuendoes. pricey $105. Delegates from the University of are a couple of bad things about the Maneesh Sedhey Competitors were required to Judges from East Side Mario's, Waterloo, the University of Western KPIs, one being that universities can have more than just soft hands. To the Terry Fox Foundation, and Jack Ontario, McMaster and a few other challenge the effectiveness of the It's not rocket science but it takes win, a demonstration was required Aster's, based their evaluations on universities were on hand to bounce KPIs illustrating how well the school great hand-eye coordination and a to have a theme, with music, cos- speed style, theme and crowd reac- ideas off each other and plan some prepares its students. Universities disregard for gravity. tumes and showmanship., tion. of the position papers to develop in whose students graduate and go Bartenders from Wflfs, PhMiy Drinks made by the participants; Representatives from Brick response to government decisions. onto Masters programs or other McN&sty's, The Flying Dog, Moose were auctioned off toWilfs patrons, Brewery provided complimentary At the Sunday morning session schooling are penalized for their stu- Winooski's. Jack Astor's, and the with the proceeds going to theTerry beer to lucky audience members. on tuition and funding, the delegates dents not being employed. Only one Revolution all gathered at Wilis for Fox Foundation. The $400 first place prize went were introduced to the topics of dis- per cent of funding will be tied to the the competition, which featured The first three drinks made to Dave and Cory of Moose cussion by OUSA Executive Director, KPIs. acrobatic bartending skills, flashy were auctioned lor $30, the next: Wmooski's in Waterloo and Martin Ryan Parks. See Laurier hosts on page 3 sliver shirts, and raunchy sexual one $60 and another going for a from Playdium won second prize. Laurier student off on a tall ship

petition billed by organizers ofthe event as "the firstvoyage," he said. "I have received permis- Each participant is compelled to raise at race of the century." sion from Wilfrid Laurier University to embark least $2,500 in sponsorship monies to cover the

20 year-old Logan was one of 500 on this fabulous journey" costs of their experience - return airfare to Canadians chosen from thousands of appli- Logan and his crewmates will make stops London, bus to Southampton, hostel, food, ship cants to serve as Canadian Tall Ship Millenium in various European and North American kit, insurance, uniform and waterproof sailing Challenge crew members in the Tall Ship 2000 ports of call during the race, in an attempt to boots all must somehow be paid for. competition. promote Canadian culture and hospitality to As of his departure date to England last The summer-long race commenced at the other countries. Thursday, Logan had only managed to raise port ofSouthampton, England on March 24th. $750. That leaves him with over $1500 to "Sailing has always been one of my pas- come up with. sions," said Logan. "I took sailing lessons at The government of Canada has committed Rondeau Yacht Club in Orillia, Ontario and at over $800,000 to the project through its the Port Credit Yacht Club. I have raced lasers "Sailing has Millenium Bureau. and sail every summer on a catamaran on Coordinators of the Canadian entry to the Lake Erie." always been competition, Tall Ship Millenium Challenge, Logan's vessel, aptly named the "Eye of the Inc. is a non-profit Canadian corporation Wind", was the first in a field of over 150ships one of my attempting to promote teamwork, leadership to depart Southampton this past Friday. and responsibility among Canada's youth. PHOTO The ship was built in 1911 as a topsail passions." The company's website boasts that the schooner and has appeared in several films race, along with an accompanying event enti- including Blue Lagoon, Taipan and Desperate tled "Parades of Sail", will be the most presti- COURTESY Fortune. event Jim Donnelly gious maritime in history. After years of service as "Friedrich", a Crew members' reponsibilities will cover a It will, according to to the Canadian Tall cargo vessel which sailed under the Swedish range sailing Laurier student Christopher Logan, a first-year of activities, such as hauling lines, Ship Millenium Challenge, produce "the largest flag, it was completely restored and renamed cooking, cleaning and navigation. international rigged and other economics major, was recently chosen to rep- fleet of square in the mid-1970's as a brigantine. Along with the honour how- resent Canada in an international sailing com- of competing, sailing ships that the world has ever seen." "I feel honoured to be participating in the ever, comes certain responsibilities. . rf 4' W"1 mg J Fi «

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tickets available thursday april 6 " bSM in the centre spot ■ TO^>jjf^ News 3 laurier h~ OUSA

uUJ zw n. V) 4: ;:::z V) <>: ~ _ its current at general assemblies position paper to reflect real dollars creates ·position papers to support university can get involved with Parks said the funding tied to KPis and they should tighten up current the alliance's recommendations to OUSA through working groups has not been introduced to improve policies. the government. organized by Students' Unions or the quality of universities. The weekend's events were con­ 1\vo issues OUSA plans to pursue specific departments. Parks also said the tuition cap is cluded with a general assembly fol­ are the hiring of new faculty and Parks suggests interested stu­ only in place for regulated programs lowing the discussion. deferred maintenance, two elements dents seek out their VP:University such as Arts and Sciences while pro­ In reviewing the objectives of the Parks expects to see on the upcom­ Affairs for more information on grams like Computer Science and weekend, Parks said the first goal ing budget. OUSA and planned events on cam­ Engineering are susceptible to the was to create a definition of "univer­ Parks will be meeting with the pus, check out www.ousa.on.ca or wants of university administrations. sity" to assist in their lobbying efforts Minister in a couple of weeks and he contact Parks or a member of OUSA On the positive side, Parks said for funding. hopes to explore issues related to directly. the government may prioritize the J'he second goal was for OUSA to student financial aid. Specifically, Parks said he wants to increase hiring of new professors in upcoming develop a stance on private universi­ Parks plans to discuss how stu­ the visibility of OUSA on campuses announcements. ties and better understand how stu­ dents who work part-time while and rally together with other small The delegates then broke off into · dents feel about profit-driven univer­ receiving OSAP are penalized for lobbying groups in Ontario during two discussion groups to talk about sities. their earnings and the current meth­ the next year of his term in office. whether the tuition announcements Lastly, OUSA wanted its steering ods of assessing individual student Although small in size, OUSA were beneficial to students and if committee to develop a long-term need. maintains a strong student voice. changes to position paper would be plan for the organization, including Major OUSA events in the near "We have a small group-efficient appropriate in lieu of the announce­ everything from offices to member future include a conference in May but small," Parks said. 'The ~ey to ments. schools to organizational goals. and a Student Financial Aid confer­ our organization is that it is member Both discussion groups conclud- OUSA takes the information it ence in July. driven."

Answers to questions for God ,.. "To know that God is real, however, you will of evil as inaccurate. need to e~perience a personal relationship with Overall, Durston said we have no idea how God Ever wonder what the meaning of life could be? him," Durston said. could create abetter world than this one and there Why there is so much evil in the world? Or why Upon attacking the second question of"What is is not enough data to determine the good or evil of good and innocent people suffer? You're not the meaning of life?," Durston said to the crowd: events ofhistory. alone. "Remember I'm not the font of all knowledge. I'm "We don't know why God permits any particu- On Wednesday, March 22, Campus Crusade for working through this myself." lar event, good or evil," he said. Christ welcomed Kirk Durston into the Science Durston's answer to the meaning of life was Durston answered the fourth question, "Why Building to discuss the ''Top 5 Questions for God." based on the greatest commandment- "you shall do innocent and good people suffer?," with an Durston spoke to the crowd of nearly 70 students love the Lord your God with all your heart and analogy of God being the host at a ball and all and offered possible answers to some of the most with all your soul, and with all your mind." human beings as the guests he invited. He said the pressing questions asked of Christianity. He argued humans can conclude that they objective for the host is to get his guests inside as With Bachelor of Science degrees soon as possible and human life is liKe in Physics and Engineering and a • • waiting on the doorstep of the hall. Masters in Philosophy, Durston's back- Durst 0 n be11 eves 10 v 1n 0 Durston said the discipline, not ground spans practical and personal • • ., • C? punishment, for things going on in pea- experience. He is currently employed G0 d 1s th.e m. e an 1n ()" 0 f 11 f e . pie's private lives are for their own good by the New Scholars Society. b so they can become more like God and Durston became attached to his that suffering is the natural conse- Christianity and the Bible when he was eight and have been designed for the purpose of loving God quence of people's private or internal sin. He also a half and began to make notes as he read. He and if this is the case, then it seems likely humans said God sees peoples' thoughts as being even makes an effort to read the Bible every ten months will only find happiness when beginning a person- more important than their actions. and said he learns something new every time. al, loving relationship with God. The compensation for suffering in life is the Starting with the question "Is God real?," Ultimately, Durston concluded the meaning promised after-life which will outweighs human Durston used critical-thinking logic to explain and purpose oflife is to love God and have a mean- suffering. Jesus' claim to be one with God. He then went on ingful relationship with God. The final question, ''When is the judgement to examine the presence of warrants and proof of The third question, "Why is there so much evil day?," took a great deal of explanation and refer­ the existence of God. Durston talked about three in the world?," was explained in terms of the ence to the Bible. Durston took most of his refer­ lines of historical evidence which support the belief goocVevil binary which defines all that is God as ences from the book of Revelations. in Jesus having risen from the dead to fulfill the "good" and everything else as"evil." Since free will Throughout the presentation and especially at prophesies written by early Greek and Roman must exist to enable meaningful love, humans are the end, Durston emphasized his information only prophets. given the choice between good and evil or God and attempted to bring out information on the ques­ Dtirston said, based on the historical evidence, Satan. The evil which God "permits" can only be tions asked and served as a starting point for fur­ there is good reason to believe that God is real and measured using a formula which cannot be com­ ther study and consideration.·"I hate to call them involved with humanity. pleted, thereby deeming any humans' perception answers.- I like to call them responses."

·~,• ._ • .,.,•. ., "-T·"P r,. , •~" ,. ~ ~,"'.JIIIiiiFf'l'·#t ,_.:f'ift•#lf.P,. t!t ' ~ '#It~ :fit flit··,.. w·., "'~: ~ ·tt :r ·yt. ~.,... . ~ "., f'l' ~ f'J.,.i"t_...,...,"., r~ _.,..,.~.-·~r'f",f"f're-t'.l'tlit..,.t'"'t·,-.-,.r-~--~"'"t';f'!'~" .,.~·t•t~ t"~-.;.:·f'!'t. ··t: _·-f't'! i~t"""tlt.t~h-f't"J'!t 4 • News Wednesday, March 29, 2000 The Cord Weekly Candidates for Board of Governors Andrew Strutt that it would work to his advantage to create such a committee, com- in representing students as a mem- menting that more can be accom- The Board of Governors elections ber on the Board of Governors. plished with one voice on the issues. are fast approaching here at Laurier. The next question they were Mr. Davis also echoed the close There are two candidates running posed related to the terms of the relationship between the Board of for one open position this year, Eric relationship between the Board of Governors and WLUSU, and spoke Davis a 3rd year Political Science about the initiative passed by the student, and Simon Tunstall a 2nd Priority and Planning committee this year Political Science student. year to establish a committee made I recently had a chance to speak Vote for up of delegates from both organiza- with both candidates on some of the tions. issues facing the Board of Governors your BOG The candidates were then asked in the upcoming year. on to identify which committees they The first question both candi- delegate wished to serve on and why. Mr. dates were asked was how they Davis said he would seek nomination SCHIEFER planned to balance the tough choic- Wednesday on the Planning and Strategic es made by the board with their sta- or Objectives and Resource Planning SARAH tus as a student who could be and Utilization committees. students, along with an increase in to increase that level of awareness. impacted directly by such decisions. According to Mr. Davis these student interest on this issue through He outlined a two-step process, Mr. Davis began by stating that he Thursday. committees deal with the issues he information campaigns. the first step echoing his call for a would work in the best interests of would most like to see reform in, Mr. Davis expressed his desire to committee made up of student lead- the as a whole, but noted Governors and the WLUSU. such as responsible growth. see the Board of Governors agree on ers to provide one voice on the as a student there are no black and Mr. Tunstall identified the overlap Mr. Tunstall also expressed inter- a Student/Facultyratio, and to hold a issues. The second step involves white issues, and that he will argue of student representatives between est in the Planning and Strategic school widereferendum for students marketing the position he said, with 011 behalf of students as a student them, and said he would like to see a Objectives committee to deal with to express their opinions on growth. possible methods of doing so includ- representative, committee of students from each the growth issue. He also identified One question was then asked to ing a letter to the editor of the Cord Mr. Tunstall mentioned he was organization connecting the two. He the Nominations committee as an each candidate specifically. Mr. to outline issues to be covered at proud of his bias as a student and identified his actions in the past year area ofinterest as Mr. Tunstall would Davis was asked is he would be influ- upcoming Board of Governor elec- like to move the nomination of stu- enced by his role as Chair of the tions. dent board members to committees YVLUSU Board of Directors next year Both candidates ended the dis- into the hands of students. if elected as a Governor. cussions urging students to come out The final question both candi- Ln response, Mr. Davis said he and vote during the election period dates were asked to aclress was in saw no potential conflict, as a voice as student interest adds legitimacy to BEGINNING APRIL 4, 2000 regards an both had previ- KLSgggP TUESDAY EVENINGS, 7:00 PM - 8:30 PM to issue for the students he will look at all the mandate the Board of Governors - follows. WATERLOO RECREATION COMPLEX ously discussed responsible growth. sides of the issues and make a per- Father David Bauer Dr. • Waterloo, Ontario The question asked was how each sonal choice based on that. The polls to vote for the candi- Presented by Richard Morgan and Jim Robinson felt about the rate of growth at He said the objectiveness he dates are open Wednesday the 29th Laurier, and what specific action takes to the WLUSU will extend to and Thursday the 30th 10:00am to "If you find reading the Bible difficult or would they take to deal with it. the Board of Governors. 7:3opm, and Friday the 31st frustrating at times, then this seminar is for you!" Both candidates agreed that Mr. Tunstall has repeatedly asked 11:00am until 3:oopm. Voting takes in a environment. The concise and informative sessions are delivered friendly, comfortable They are Laurier was growing too quickly. Mr. for more student awareness about place in the Torque Room. Come out aimed at equipping you with the skills and determination you need to understand Scriptural doctrines for yourself and to benefit from a new appreciation of the Bible. Whether you are familiarwith the Bible or Tunstall would like to see specific the Board of Governors. His ques- and make your voice heard. not, you will walk away with lots of information and new energy to begin reading the Bible more numerical targets set for full time effectively. tion centered on steps he would take Here's what you will learn: • Who wrote the Bible? * How to get past difficult Bible language. • How did so many interpretations develop? • Prove for yourself that the Bible is not a work of • What are the differences between Bible versions? fiction. • Why are there twoTestaments? Are both relevant • How science is reconciled with the Bible. today? • How to read the Bible more carefully. • How to use cross references. * Who are the Jews? Why are they so important in • How to use a concordance and a lexicon. the Bible? • What happens at death? • When and how to understand the book • How to learn more in less time. of Revelation -and much more!

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TRAVEL CUTS qq/ QOOQ lr4 VOYAGES CAMPUS Student Union, 3rd Floor. OOO'OC&O www. greyhound.ca The Cord Weekly Wednesday, March 29, 2000 News • 5 Creative concoctions and Issues of language champions of charity Luxmen Aloyisus that this creation of ourselves can the group the regular connotation of either be respectful or oppressive "bitch" meaning "whiney", "highly On Tliesday, March 28th a panel dis- and destructive in nature. emotional", or "ranting without rea- cussion on language and gender was This lack ofneutrality in language son." held in place at the Paul Martin makes it a sensitive issue. The foun- At the closing ofDr. Ross' presen- Center. Katheiine Elliot the assistant dations for respect in language are tation, he asked audience members Dean of Students, Dr. Christopher based on two main principles. to think of three important questions Ross, and Dr. Zoe Druick were guest Firstly, people should be called by when dealing with language and speakers on how gender perceptions the name they like to be called. gender issues: Who is using the term and stereotypes have become social- Secondly we must pay attention to about whom? What are the power ly engrained in our culture. power relations. relations? And what is the effect? Suprisingly, the crowd was com- Words that are used in a deroga- Dr.Zoe Druick then took the podi- posed of both male um to turn the dis- and female Women cussion towards who were not The lack of neutrality in Censorship. Dr. involved in the Druick highlighted Women Center, and language makes it a the two main those who had forms of censor- planned the event. sensitive issue. ship. Censorship Katheiine Elliot can be censorship started of the discussion by speaking tory manner usually reflect an imbal- from the state in which governments Prinks created by the bar- . relations. prohibit the production and distribu- of personal experiences of the con- ance in power tenders at the Flair Competition specifi- One of the interesting items that tion of certain types of material. text of language and gender, went up for auction to support the the $00 beverage with her generous emerged from Dr. Ross's presenta- Secondly, censorship take the cally of how words and ideas can be can on Terry Fox Foundation. Jamie nude friend. Based on dhnk salo seen to lose validity when it comes tion of language and gender, is how form of restricting the access to dif- Cosgrißfe ialxwe, left) purchased the atone, the event raised aboutsl4oo, reclaim derogatory ferent out of the mouth of women. certain groups forms of communication. huge beverage pictured above for {'or the Foundation. Next to speak at the panel discus- statements as a method of control. The panel discussion was a suc- sion was Dr. Christopher Ross from For example some feminists have cess in opening up WLU community the Religion and Culture department reclaimed the word "Bitch' as a to issues that surround gender and from WLU. name of their magazine, to portray language. Dr. Ross spoke of how we out- women who are strong, and Most importantly the panel selves are created in language, and assertive. This reclamation of the showed how words in reflect social word "bitch" has stripped away for values and inequalities. Go dire^^JNoM Vote in the WLUSU In Direct Marketing

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www, daemen.edu PptiyiHW A 6 Princess St. W , Waterloo | http://princess.sentex.net *Tel. 885-2950 | Opinion 6 Veritas Omnia Vincit exactly they knew about the Toronto This is it. My final editorial as Editor-in- another letter to the editor immediately what issue, which they replied, "Only that Chief of The Cord. The firsi thing I want to after the election (he couldn't send it before Star to the school has been approached by The the"Thethat bindssincetie 1926" Cord say is thank you to Wilfrid Laurier for fear of appearing "fake"... how's that to say they want to distribute on cam- University. I have truly been prepared for for irony?) in which he would apologize for Star A Wilfrid Laurier University Student explained what I had learned and work in the "real world." Not only did my the whole sordid incident. I'm still waiting pus." 1 Publication specifically if time atThe Cord instill in me knowledge of for that letter. Mr. Kroeker, I believe you requested they ask there had 75 University Avenue West, the computer programs, design techniques as "fucked up" again. been any meetings discussing issue that Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 been left out of. They did and the well as management and journalistic expe- The second topic that emerged from they had (519) 884-1970 ext. 3564 a "No" rience, it also me how to deal with our meeting that is noteworthy is the issue answer was bold-faced from Fax: (519) 883-0873 taught backstabbing, poli- The Toronto Star coming on campus. I Students Union President Devin Grady A Advertising: (519) 884-1970 ext. 3560 underhanded student of blatant lie. www.wlusp.on.ea/TheCord/ tics. I say "student" in the hope all politics asked Mr. Kroeker why the Students' Why was the final copy of the con- e-mail: [email protected] are not like this, but i am not optimistic. Union was not supporting Student then tract they received dated February 15, one One goddamn disappointment Unlike many of you, I assume, 1 was Publications on this issue like they had at we even got to see it? after another culminating lucky enough to have been invited out to Ryerson and other universities. He replied month before Why then, Grady conveniently, into this. lunch with out president-elect Jeffrey by telling me the Union had addressed did Devin when elec- asked again after we saw the final contract, Maneesh's parents Kroeker prior to the February 10th tion. Naturally, the first words out of his remember an agreement he had received a meeting he had Editorial Board mouth as we sat down to our window seat and filed away after been The people involved in on December 8? Riot Grrrl Sarah Schiefer at Will's were, "Now. i truss that everything It seems almost humorous to me that Smarty Skirt ASAD KIYANI 1 say here remains 'Off the Record.'" Mr. we should be we go to a university whose motto is, No Writers, haha!! KristlNA Spence Kroeker is the King of "Off the Record." Omnia Vincit Truth Conquers Jim Donnelly Now, at this point in time, I'm sure as "Veritas able to trust All," yet time time again i nave been Completely Unentertaining Danielle Fielder Mr. Kroeker reads my editorial he is trem- and people we should be able to Beth Mullen bling at the fact that T may reveal many of the worst shown the are place our trust ai are the worst liars of 95% More Losing Stories!! Matthew Cade the tidbits of information he divulged that all Francesca Rica afternoon. Despite his claim to the contrary, the bunch. liars of all. boils down to I've Better read than dead Patricia Lancia I do hold a great deal ofjournalistic integri- Essentially, it this... glad I am writing my last Don't you know she's loco..? Yvonne Farah ty and wouldn't do such a thing. had enough. I am last edition What deadline?? Chris Pearce What I do want to use our lunch date to some ofour concerns and had even spoken editorial in my of The Cord. I glad don't to look into the The Mistake From Milton Ross Bullen lead into are two general topics we dis- against the original request for 1,500 am I have faces people show no respect for those Looks great nude Luke Martyn cussed. The first, a letter to the editor Mr. copies a day as well as split-runs. He went of who Kroeker wrote concerning myself as well on to inform me of the location of each of who put just as much, if not more, effort as two other prominent members of the drop boxes for the Toronto Star on into the work they do. The Electric Cord WLUSP. The original copy was libelous and campus as well as other details of an My final printed words as Editor-in- Chief are To she of A never-ending laugh riot AsiFA Rahim he was forced to both cut it down and agreement with the Toronto Star. these... members change some sections. This is beside the For the record, I don't think Mr. Student Publications... no matter what Cord Staff point. I'm tired of beating this dead horse Kroeker is at fault at all in this case. I don't happens, remember that we are about work, despite Typist Michelle Yan as well. think he knew at the time that the two rep- honesty, integrity and hard attempt to of Do something!! TIM DURKIN What I must comment on however is a resentatives from Student Publications the picture others may paint all Kristy LaSalle Catherine Chung promise Mr. Kroeker made to me that who sat on a committee to discuss this very our organization, truth does conquer David Field Rachel Reed afternoon with regard to this letter. His issue had been specifically left out of con- and that is definitely something we do Mike Cihng exact words were, "I fucked up." I don't tract negotiations and information sessions right. Useles Chris Tracy believe this information was confidential, the Union, the Administration and the Sarah Schiefer Kellie Sumner but if I am incorrect Jeffrey, I apologize. He Toronto Star had... the first dating Editor-l\-Chiek 1999-2000 Kaihryn Verhulst went on to promise me that whether or not December 8. The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author, and do not reflect those of The Cord Stafli the Please remove this name!! Maneesh Sehdev he won the election he would send me At this time I asked ourrepresentatives editorial board, or WUJSP. Student Publications Staff LETTERS TO EDITOR Cherry THE Would do Ed Norton! Christine with their peers and facilitators about You know, that guy..? Martin Kuebler Birthright both sides of the debate. As well, students You know, that other guy..? Chris Ellis were told not to enter certain Arab and Understand Lock up your daughters! Alan Lew birthright l trip certain Jewish areas; but only for security Rob was Borek issues. Clearly an organization such as The Queen Mum Angela Foster misunderstood Birthright, who is providing such a gift to Dear Editor, Get your freak on!! Kipfer Jason youth, Is not going to risk the lives of these I am writing this letter in response to the W! to the hell are they?? Andrei Kovacsik Dear Editor, students in the process. person who criticized Miriam Berger's Zach Lytwyn Michelle Bustos 1 am writing in response to hist week's let- 1 would also like to rebut the overall article on the Birthright Israel trips, The Rob Paulson Melanie Martin ter, "Peace in the Holy Land." As the discrediting of the Birthright Israel pro- writer argues that Birthright money That's not my job Roy JANETIE author of the article it refers to, I felt a gram. In the 10 days I was there, i would be better-spent 'not to bring a need to respond. 'Hie letter was some- learned more about life and history than bunch of youth to Israel" but instead to ADMLMSTRATION what misguided and relayed a false in my 17 years of schooling. The money sponsorpeace between Israel and the $8000 Down the Drain JAMES Muir impression of the Birthright program. As spent on this trip, which was also exag- Palestinians. The Downfall of WLUSP Anthony Del Col well, the letter fbcussed on political gerated, could have been used in other 1 take extreme issue with this ludi- Rubber Stamps Luxmen Aloysius aspects lacing Israel, rather than the ways, for other charities. 1 am not denying crous statement. The author has com- Sue Portelance Nathan Ludwig ideas in the original article. that. pletelymisunderstood the entire point oi* Kevin Ramessar Krista Neher ft is my opinion that the author took it This is the do tor's decision. Rather the Birthright trips! They are not to spon- Jell Osborne upoji hiin/hersell'to use my article as a than paying iu-jil>aU play:; -ns of sor peace or broker agreements in the

Contributors venue to express their personal political dollars, these philanthropists educated Middle East - this is the work of govern- Cairns, Etlie Arthur, Andrew Brent Hagerman, Scott opinions on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. ments Connelly, Elizabeth Nardella, Mita Somers, Santina their successors about their history and and diplomats. As well, they poorly reflected what the On trips to Barbato, Andrew Strutt, It is now 6:46a.m. on the night roots. the contrary, Birthright learned, we were not on production of the final Cord of 1999-2000. Thank the students as given a Fimtlly. I would like to comment on Israel serve the vital purpose of trying to freakin' Lord we are finally finished. It's been a rough year, one-sided view of the situation, this individual withholding their name. I reverse the scourge ofassimilation, and survived, but we all despite the wishes of a nameless llie main statement! would like to do not know who they are or why they non-affiliation ajflicting the current gener- few... In the end, the only way to sum it up is by saying, address is, "Facilitators of this trip are told feel this way, but I ation of Jewish people in the diaspora Screw Ya! wish their identity was not to address any questions regarding known so we could tdk about these (Jewish communities outside of Israel). LETTERS POLICY: * All Inters musl be signed and submittedwith die author's name the student identification number, and telephone number Palestinians and the participants are issues and me to an understanding In a study it was found that of all • /Ml letters will lx J printed with the author's name. letters can be printed without die told they are not allowed to go into any of about, program was really trying things Jewish communities could do to author's name with permission from die EIC. what the • 'llie Cord conies out on Wednesdays. letters must be receivedby Tuesday at 12:31),on the AraJb areas." This statement Is false. to accomplish. I believe this response is make suit their youth maintain a connec- dsk, or via e-mail at 22cord@rnach I .wlu.ca.

• a participant Letters must Ix* typed or easily legible, double spaced and cannot exceed 350 words. As in the trip, I personal- unfortunate, as the purpose of my letter tion to their people trips to Israel have the • The Cord reserves thenght to edit any letter. Spelling and grammar will be- corrected. ly asked our tour guide about the peace I this • to greatest benefit. When heard about Hie Cord reserves the right to reject any letter; in whole or in pan, that is in violation of was primarily relay my great experi- Lord policies.

Oct\ Toronto Star to | ™*™» Arrive Soon 12T "Cull # 750 free copies of the Toronto star daily' \ I

• The paper will be distributed in eight cus- 1 1 The Toronto star; space is split between 4Q« * |p by

It) • Possible mentoring programs involving

be &©§© (posiks ©insiujirodl three year contract that will subject i®pii®iraa!b®fr roomy §©<§ ©ogiy ®ff woroodldiifel diosflifolbMfem

The Toronto Star, in its sales pitch, presents Uniueristies with a case for . I \ entry onto campus. Politically called the Campus Readership Program, _it'**r'j 112 (S^T*> Ql\ much of their evidence and research is based on a similar program initi- \v^y* I'ated by large daily US papers on the campus ofPenn State University. Not a s^n9^e negative result of the program is included in any piece of Toronto V\ Star literature on the subject despite the fact that it exists. The Toronto Star says... WLUSP responds... readership (of all newspapers) /increases 15-73%; students are more the univeristy levied a $10.00 fee on each student for the program; read- knowledgeable about current events and participate in class discussions; ership of the campus paper declined 3%; the campus paper had to com- improves students reading habits and sharpens critical thinking habits. Mit $20,000 in distribution Costs to stay competitive. These costs were paid by the paper - therefore the students, through their annual fees. the paper attracts a different audience than student newspapers; there- Both papers contend for National advertising. Additionally, if the Star ini- fore it is not a threat to the advertising base of the student press. tiates split-run publications the cost and appeal of advertising to local businesses becomes attractive. The Star has only agreed not to produce a split-run edition for the duration of the 3 year contract. they will pledge support for campus press by providing mentoring pro- a similar offer was extended to students at the Excalibur, York's student grams and intern positions for interested members of student publica- newspaper; the intention might have been good, however, their offer tions. would ultimately lead to the weakening of student opposition to the Star's program.

all costs will be offset by solicitation of sponsors for display on the distri- great, more corporate meddling. The news is intended to be free from

bution racks corporate influence; what kind of message does this send - did anyone see The Insider?

"This is one of many initiatives we have to promote readership and lit- reac* "readership base." Altruism aside, The Toronto Star does not want fljjy '^IPI Vice-President of Marketing, The Toronto Star. pseudonyms like "Campus Readership Program."

, . , iL , "reviewed" is the operativer word. Should the school decide to terminate the contract may be reviewed after one year. .. „ J the program they must hnour the remaining two years of the4U contract. Advertisement The experience of other student papers

Of the other universities known to be approached, only one has accepted the proposal

- <£> university York The much pub- HfUniversity of Toronto

STar HUljoronto - MYORK licized Toronto H The un'versi r Y program York I HE9 schoo l, con- the started over the summer of 1999 when the H cerne d over bad school. However, The Eyeopener, the student paper signed an agreement with the York a t paper, used an Administrative policy, which pro- University Administration to distribute 5,000 York, has not made a decision regarding the hibits non-campus publications from being dis- copies of the Toronto Star daily. The student Toronto Star's program. tributed, to prevent the Star program from newspapers at York (The Excaliber and The Recent reports indicate that the main campus of B°i nB ahead. The advisory group that regulates Atkinsonian) opposed the agreement because of George is opposed to the proposal, but satellite policy consisted of the Executive Director of concerns that it would negatively impact the campuses might have indicated they may be more Development, Alumni and Community student press. The administration ignored the receptive to the idea. Relations, Director of Student Services and the papers. In early September of 1999, the Toronto Presidents of the Ryerson Students' Union and Star set up 26 community distribution boxes. CESAR. The policy which prohibited the Star Currently, copies of The Star continue to be dis- from entering the campus is currently under tributed free of charge. administrative review.

FYI: The Toronto Star in X ana me Oarnpus • The five papers represent the • The publication of another for circulation {making them Southwestern Ontario. For this program to be effective, the Star o must consolidate its newest

'

' Pro vas introduced after Grot together : Uv 112

, ne* body set up to a Tjle e >fa knowledge, (pending rand art's signature) Laurier is

------• - . . , ' ' enter into contract £am a with Toronto Star, : ; The Position of Student Publications Student Publications representatives left our of the loop in contract negotiations

WLUSP Administration inquired after the veracity of these state- ers that allow the paper to print in colour Toronto has decided not to pursue a deal ments. The WLUSU President, Public and determine the number of pages per with the Toronto Star. Ryerson benefitted The entry of the Star onto campus was Affairs Representative and the Dean of paper. greatly from a Students' Union President revealed to Student Publications on Students claimed ignorance. The introduction of a daily newspaper who, being a Journalism student, under- March 15, 2000. At the meeting on March 15, the onto campus can only hurt any existing stood the tremendous impact an agree- At a meeting of the Advertising and Student Publications President declared student press. The Cord, like other stu- ment of this nature would have on the Solicitations Review Committee, the pro- his organization's stance toward the dent newspapers across the country, lives future of student journalism. posal was introduced. Toronto Star's program. and dies by advertising. While it is true The administration of Student The Advertising and Solicitations Student Publications is expressly that Student Publications recieves Publications has placed this advertise- Review Committee is comprised of the opposed to the proposed approximately $55,000 ment, for that is what this is, to inform Student Publications President, Student contract, which only in student fees, this is you of the changes in the potential availi- Union President, Dean of Students, VP: requires the signature of Student not enough to produce bility of reading materials come next Finance and a representative from Public the University President. the current slate of year. Please note that this contract with Affairs. The committee's role has been Our opposition is fueled Publications WLUSP publications. In the Star, while a looming reality, has not negligent in years previous, but the body by the covert manner in fact, student fees yet been signed. is designed to monitor advertising on which this contract was is expressly account for only 20% of We implore you to think about the campus. negotiated and for the our operating budget. manner in which an issue of great impor- Throughout the course of the meeting same reasons that have opposed to This situation is also tance to all students at this univeristy is it was revealed that the proposal had prompted Ryerson and U contingent on the being quietly hastened through the been negotiated prior to consultation of T to balk at this idea. the Toronto Star refraining approval process. Essentially, what we with the committee, despite repeated The Toronto Star will from producing a split- would like to see happen, and what we claims to the contrary. negatively impact our proposed run edition, specifically can only hope for, is that before any deci- The initial date of the first meeting advertising revenue. tailored to the Laurier sion you, the student, are provided with with the Toronto Star has been deter- National advertisers that contract market. If this happens the information to make an informed mined as December 8, 1999. Members of currently deal with our local advertisers, choice. the group summoned by the University Student Publications and the Toronto from whom we recieve approximately Picking up a free copy of the Star is an President Dr. Robert Rosehart included Star (basically every National advertiser) $110,000 in advertising revenue, would additional benefit to going to Laurier. But Devin Grady (WLUSU President), David may think twice about a student publica- gravitate to the bigger paper with a larg- before you peruse its content, think (Dean McMurray of Students) and Jacqui tion and opt to go with the larger distri- er distribution network that included about the potential cost of its presence. (Public Tam Affairs) who discussed a pro- bution network of the Star, since it now many college university campuses. It's really a question of balance: do the posal for distribution of the Toronto Star. covers University campuses. These realities have been appreciated potential negatives to the student press After hearing rumours about the While local advertising accounts for by other student presses, even by some and the student voice outweigh the posi- Toronto Star's proposal, Student the majority of revenue for Student university administrators. The tives of having a free National paper on Publications President and VP: Finance Publications, it is the National advertis- Administration of The University of campus? r;

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1^^—■—- Mainly funny; sad. Chance of legal precipitation March 29,2000 www.thedeathstar.com Imperial Edition Sainthood for Laurier Laurier himself 'Never let it be said that I or my name was a noted was ever associated with ever diverting money away from massive televisions for Xtreme sports bursary's for poor students.' fanatic. - Wilfrid Laurier's tombstone time (apparendy he's a big Back can't be extreme. By Tim Durkin in Time fan - who doesn't love Gutter Mouth Bureau Sendybyl reports, "the little Michael J. Fox?) and feels Satellite and DVD player will if A grave injustice has begun to that ol' Wilfrid were given the surpass even the most thrill be rectified and we here at opportunity he would have cer- seeking of viewers." Laurier WLU are here to witness its tainly ok'd the construction of himself was a noted extreme conception. While normally the new WLUSU's Millennium sport fanatic. He could often be beatification is reserved solely Multi-media Lounge. seen at ESPN 2 events, natural- for those possessing direct Apparendy the RCA dog is ly before they were televised. knowledge of God, this minor also receiving heavy considera- Pope John Paul will again guideline has been overlooked tion from the Pope. rewrite all the rules and dub for our namesake Wilfrid According to The Union Wilfrid Laurier as the first Laurier. Wilfrid Laurier is already "Xtreme Saint." Many in the As The Union Newsletter receiving popular support for industry believe this will be the reports in their latest issue, the canonization, based on his tech- first time a saint will be referred 25th anniversary of the Wilfrid nological "miracle." As Karen to as bitchin'. Laurier University Campus Sendybyl reports, 'Technolog- It is expected that many uni- Centre is "miraculous!" ical buffs will surely be fascinat- versity officials will be on hand Bearing witness to a mira- ed with this up to date techno- to witness the beatification of cle is of course one of the first logical innovation, and Wilfrid Laurier. It is also expect- steps to undoubtedly rejoice in the mod- ed President Rosehart, whose achieving sainthood in MIRACLE OF THE MILLENNIUM: This student is seeing Wilf in 'Big Picture' and is ernization that's certainly appar- power supercedes of the eyes ofthe Catholic Church. that the hearing him in 'Surround sound' True construction of the ent." Pope will proclaim Laurier to Fred Nichols Campus Centre, Before any of you non- have attained the blessedness of Wilfrid Laurier was truly Though no one ever both- students." Good thing we have named after long-time Dean Of Catholics get your knickers in a heaven and authorize the title one of our greatest Prime ered to check it out, it is a Union with a whole sack full Students Fred Nichols (himself knot Sendybyl reports that you "blessed." Ministers and this token offer rumored that on Laurier's grave of money. Well, a smaller sack a saint), began many years after will also be able to participate in When reached for comment by the Catholic church is a nice stone the words, "never let it be now, but a bigger TV. his death, Pope John Paul, who the miracle that is the Rosehart replied, "That new TV nightcap of sorts on a life long said that I or my name was ever Tun Durkin is crazy and he stinks, has been in an "asking forgiv- WLUSU's Millennium sure is at a level of bitchin' wor- commitment to making televi- associated with ever diverting but lie writes a damn fwvvy article ness" mood as of late, has Multimedia Lounge. And don't thy for our new Saint. I'm just sion watching a tiny, though money away from massive tel- so we keep him around He'll also decided to forgo this lapse in think that the trip to sainthood proud I get to be a part of it." unbearably loud miracle. evisions for bursary's for poor eat anything we ask him to. Board room Inside

Lies, untruths etc. D18 Dee Eight A12 lovin' Stretching reality F7 Falsehood H35 Alternate realisms A12 Cock and bull story K67 By Christine "I ain't got no" Cherry The Dirty Bureau Misleadings D6 Bold faced lie U-boat Accuracy problems E16 Fibs, falsity, tales 90210 Always coming up with new ways to improve Derth of ethics A14 Inveracities BINGO services and save students money, the school Probably didn't happen F7 Fish Stories OH 69 has decided to rent out the Board Room for Another lie F7 Whopper 190 some extra-curricular lovin'. Eff Seven F7 Mo' Whops l-TAL It was decided in a unanimous decision that Kind of a truth/lie D8 Prevarication PRE345 since the room has been used for this purpose so many times in the past, the school might as well start making a profit. Sessions can be in camera or out, or in and out and in and out, it is up to you. Rental times ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MO'MONEY. start at 10minutes and go until as long as need- ed. SUNDAY SINGLE COPY PURCHASE PRICE Prices will be negotiable based on whether NOTHING... WE DUMP FOR FREE or not copies of the audio-tapes can be kept by the school. Complimenting this new service a website will be set up for your voyeuristic lis- tening pleasure. This way you can know what your fellow students and representatives are 'up' to. Call QUICKY ON THE DESK: Here some students take advantage of the introductory price extention 72739 (SCREW) for more informa- of $5.00. They 111 were done in seven minutes. He was satisfied but was she? tion. They look forward to 'hearing' from you. 7 in'"714 12 00007 9 BootyThe DeathSoul & Star Wednesday, March 29,2000 Section B

Juamos, the "covert" kills Jackal unmasked Caffeine By Diego in my Fuentes I am trying to sleep mansion with Special Assignment my beautfiil pink flamingo lovers. It's very difficult to get some lovin' going, to a life of James Muir has aimed when all you hear President crime. After his year ofbeing is 'yeah laurier he a of WLUSP, he decided wanted this and yeah respectable more honest and career. laurier that. And he got one: the leading drug cartel kingpin in an undisclosed country. As a part of his new identity he has acquired a shamelessly false accent and painted on chest hair. He has also acquired the name Juamos the "Covert" Jackal. When asked what he enjoyed the most in his new career, he cited people were i more honest and didn't "try to' screw each other." When questioned about exactly what he was talking about, he answered," You know the song OPP by Naughty by Nature, just replace the last P with an A." When I asked why he didn't just say OPA, he said he was trying to be sneaky. I then asked him about the alleged KILLING MANEESH : Angela, the coffee technician is living out so many people's dreams. missing $5,000 from the film "The Nature of Reality" budget By Maneesh Sehdev knew it was full of the vile liquid. I slipped out of the chair and squirmed He said he wouldn't have been. Gutter Mouth Bureau tightly pushed my lips together in antic- away as she threw coffee beans at me. able to buy his cane shoes with-1 ipation of the dreaded moment, but it So what happens now? I walk out that money and the cane shoes This past Monday I was walking down was too late. around the halls of WLU, watching were now a part ofhis identity. the hall outside Wilf's, whistling and The nefariousnectar had penetrated more and more victims fall prey to the At this point he took off his shoes and generally having a good time in life I mean it's f**kin'riduculous." my lips and worked it's way into my coffee craze. rubbed them against his cheek, saying, when I was accosted and abused! As I bend over to tie my shoe lace, mouth. I began to scream in agony as They line up at the Second Cups "Sweet, sweet, sweet cane shoes." Yes, my friends, that is right, I was the new Juamos escapes from my my captor poured the dreaded drink and Tim Horton's as I stand solemnly Trying to move the subject along on grabbed and thrown into a chair! The vision, perhaps lost to a more cleaner down my throat. I then shut my eyes and stare. My heart breaks on the inside a crowded street, he pointed out to me vile smell of coffee began to fill my world than student politics. A world that tightly as all sound faded away. as my skin crawls on the outside, never members of the Hawk Squad hiding nostrils, scorching my nose hairs and will never allow his full potential as a When I opened my eyes I saw the forgetting the awful experience. inconspicuously in their hawk gear sending my mind into a state ofnausea. student repreresentative to be realized. smiling Nescafe girl looking down at So have your fun laughing at me, behind plastic banana plants. Before I could catch a glimpse of Good-bye Juamos. Go gentle into that me. My eyes filled with tears and but heed my words. If you think it's "Like you know they have been fol- my assailant, a paper cup was shoved goodnight. Dream of me and all I began to stream down my quivering funny now, wait until it happens to lowing me around for months, in my face. Although I could not see, I jou meant to you. face as she viciously laughed at me. I YOU! know. They keep cheering at me, while The hottest thing since VIP

By & Luxmen Aloysius Yvonne Farah who is sweet and kind. My perfect band. In his spare times he likes to write poetry had one more question had to ask: Boxers or The Hottie Bureau I date would be me, my special water I Boxers." tl about and rain. 'Yeah have Briefs? Dharm: "Panties... I mean lady and a long walk on the like a real connection with water Chris: "Thongs, definitely thongs.. I love the Well ladies there are three more sexy and talented j beach." j k and stuff. ride." Asad: "I let it ride baby..nice and I boys are on the block. VIP is not the only boyband r~i Though he is like really Something cold the to come out of Wilfrid Laurier University. I about the free..swingin' left to right... shootin' open minded, the only thing he! | feeling of the water my am. really Be sure to check out the Wazzup against breeze.. .you pictur'in it baby." I I says is his wannabe girlfriend nipples in the shower is what amm droooooooooollllllllllll. Boyz . These cuties are Dharm needs pretty legs. "Well you see really gets me off." album M., Chris P, and Asad K. The i So when their debut I need to date a girl with prettier boys have been When like uncool people ask "Wazzenium" hits stores make legs then me." So head to the gym together since about the "manufactured" aspect of isure you are the first in line. girls and get those legs in Asad-like- the band, " 1998 and are] Dharm says, We are all like They have yet to able shape. brothers with different a like so hot in] mothers... it really J announce Chris is bad boy of the band. He has like I Europe and works. ■concert but if two tattoos but he wont show them to just any- We knew for a them Japan. each other full 48 hours before 1 lyou pay one. "I want a girl whois, like into, my music and we went on our first publicity stint." l they Their new j 112enough stuff. She also has to like to do crazy stufflike tak- The boys are crossing fingers for the any- song "Wurd, Wurd, their 'will sing ing off to Toronto on a whim while only packing most influential band of the twentieth Wurd" has just hit number century where. a smile." award by MTV. "I really think we have a great manager one in ten countries this follows up The boys Though he has been linked to Christina shot at the award. says they will sing at are- the bands success with their first song "You _ .J Aguilera, Britney Spears, Mandy Moor and Like the other groups in the nominations, I nas like the Air Canada Centre and - -» +Me =Us" which only hit number two in most IL K Jessica Simpson, Chris says "they were all one- haven't even heard of. Who " Man former-Soviet bloc countries. the f**k are the the smaller venues like your basement night. ..I mean friends, they were all platonic Beatles? Is it some band like about insect , The boys are all twenty-something and are all noise for a hundred bucks and some McDonald's friends who were bad in bed. Yeah that's it" band or something?" fake- looking for that special lady. Asad has been value meals, these guys will sing in your Dharm is considered like the brains behind the Well boys you definitely have my vote. I wood described as the sensitive one." I appreciate a girl But paneled basement." , THE TORONTO STAP Wednesday. March 29. 2000 NEWS Get to know the man Bosom buddies behind everybody And now, the moment no one has been waiting casino and did you win? for, an interview with the infamous WLUSP J: No. Well even if I did, you could never win in President James Muir. Brantford. I have been waiting a long time for this M: Born to lose? moment, mainly because no one else would do it. J: Born to lose. Yet I am dedicated to bringing out the real person M: In the movie industry, which Gretzky do you behind the myth. Without any further teasing, plan on being, Wayne or Keith? ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the REAL J: I plan on being Walter. James Muir!! M: Why's that? J: He's there for the grand opening of WaJ Marts. Maneesh: So what do you do here? M: Is that what you plan on doing in the movie James: Who are you? industry? M: I'm Maneesh. J: Open a Wal Mart? What kind of a question is J: Do you work here? that? M: Yeah, I work here. M: Well you commented that you wanted to be J: I've never heard of you. Walter... M: Are you sure? J: Have you ever done an interview before? J: Pretty sure. M: No, I have not. M: Alright, well what do you do here? J: It shows. J: Ummm... I'm the President. M: What do you think of Walter Gretzky's nose? M: Oh. So what do you do? J: I think it's a nose. J: Stuff. M: Does it have any impact on you wanting to be M: Do you even know? the Walter Gretzky of the movie industry ? J: I've got a job description. J: Only if I'm standing two feet from him. M: Does it say the truth? M: Is there anything you'd like to add? poufcs BEDFELLOWS: Student politicans demonstrate the MAKES STRANGE J: No. J: I'm very disillusioned by this interview and I ideal negotiating position. M: So what's up with the beard, have you ever think that you have no interview skills whatsoev- By Tim Durkin cussed. First on the agenda was together? Does this imply some found a squirrel in there? er and that your future in The Cord is very limit- Gutter Mouth Bureau "getting it on." sort of collusion? Are these the J: Ummm... No. ed. This was quickly followed evil super geniuses behind the M: Are you upset with The Nature of Reality's M: Yes, well we all know that, but is there any- Five of the most popular stu- by a resounding game of "hide out of control gas prices? loss at the Oscars? thing you'd like to say as your message as dents on the third floor of the the sausage." Kiyani is surely the OPEC J: Yeah... I'm really broken up about that. President of Student Publications? Fred Nichols Campus Centre This picture, which is posted connection, but what of the oth- M: Did it hurt? J: I'd like to thank everyone for making my year gathered together in one place on the Death Star website, has ers? Will gas pumps soon be J: Almost as much as a certain penet— I mean, a pile of shit. for the first time in a non-adver- serious connotations despite the available on WLU's campus? nothing. M: Ok, thank you Mr. James Muir... Anything sarial setting. obvious fun being had by all. Will the Toronto Star be made M: What do you plan on doing next year with else? This is not to say there was- The conspiracy theorists free on Satrudays as it is at Petro your English degree, nothing? J: (gives the 'I'm gonna kill you, Maneesh' look) n't some tussling going on. amongst us will be quick to Canada? Is this a government Yeah, pretty much- well, I plan on throw- M: (turns off tape recorder and runs) Unlike a regular WLUSP or J: that's point out the suspiciousness of conspiracy? it in the garbage. WLUSU meeting in which ing these powerful members of our All we can tell you, don't M: Would that many people, mostly unaware student body, exploring each look for the Toronto Star or count as nothing? students, get screwed without others student bodies. Why arc WLUSU tu be open and honest I think I'm prob- consent this meeting, in a bed- J: WLUSU President-Elect with you. Your only source for ably helping the room setting (read an old facto- not Jeffery Kroeker, WLUSP current, accurate information is environment but ry where a bed was found and President-elect Chris Pearce, The Death Star. Look forward that's ok. the matress had to be flipped next years Editor-in-Chief Asad to future issues for more infor- M: Have over) this was a quintuplet you ever i- Kiyani, current WLUSP mation as this secret-bed-case rain? affair. It was the meeting that seen the gton/ey President James Muir and Cam develops. (long Yes. dare not speak its name. J: pause) "Pretty Face" Ballantyne in bed M: Many topics were dis- Have you visit- ed the Brantford

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open: 9 am - 5 am Wednesday.March __ THE TORONTO STAR 29. 2000 BUSINESS Bustling Bizknobs How to land a job By Maneesh Sehdev go out and inquire as to the importance Straight outta Compton of Ice week to Business students. Out of the 25 students asked, 24 surprising- COMPTON - This past week has seen ly (or perhaps not so surprisingly) our grand and mighty third year responded "It gives us areal life expe- Business students take part in the ever- rience that we can't get anywhere popular Ice week! Often ignored the as else!" backbone of the Laurier community, The 25th student responded by Business students finally get their place screaming "Growth, stability, creativi- in the sun as they spend a whole week ty, conformity!" while flailing his arms sitting around in every room on cam- about wildly. Later identified as Luke pus in large groups solve real life to Martyn, this fearless journalist decided problems for real life corporations. The to interview him after a quick blood word here REAL, folks. like key is Just transfusion. NYPD Blue or When Animals Attack. Martyn explained his pure joy with "Maybe the powers that be at Taco Bell will finally notice me for the business genius I am and promote me from head chef to middle management. Middle management is the goal I had in mind when I applied to Laurier." THE ENERGY OF A HUNGRY CHEETAH: Ivana Humpalot will show you how to turn those clinically - Luke Martyn diagnosed habits into "positive' and "uplifting" qualities that all employers look for. The business students eager young Ice week with the following statement: BORIS TATEARS/FILE PHOTO attended social Wilf's like " Wow those six year kids in (insert a at last "I'm just so happy Ice week is finally Everyone wants to know how to Thursday to meet their groups and get name of a Developing nation) sure here! Maybe the powers that be at Taco get that dream job and here are the The World acquainted by getting completely know how to make quality products. Bell will finally notice me for the busi- secrets of how to knock employers off drunk. Lyle from Timmins, excited by Not only that but we can make so ness genius I am and promote me from their feet and make them beg to hire Humpalot the event, said "I love getting wasted at Ivana money because we pay those head chef to a position in middle man- you. much school for no reason! It beats the hell Remember every quality can be kids pennies and rip off the consumers agement! Middle management is the them. If you a pathological liar than out of sitting around in Timmins get- made into a positive. If you have a over here. Great plan you guys" Now goal I had in mind when I applied for you are just imaginative. ting wasted for no reason!" Overall-the problem with randomly breaking out give them your biggest smile and Laurier!" interview event was a success with several toilet Now after getting that So there you have it, folks, the into fits of rage, that means you are thumbs up. pres- make sure to dress the part. Show as bowls being tilled to the brim with aggressive and everyone one wants Now with techniques like these you tigious Laurier Business program in skin as possible, the more vomit that night. much be able to get any job your heart action. Just remember ifyou ever go to someone like that on their team. If you will The the the better. For either gender if Remember all it takes is the following morning stu- Taco Bell, Pizza Hut or KFC in the are so money hungry you would sell desires. dents were a case in which you are interviewing on given they next ten years and find the quality to be your eighty-year old ability to think your feet and kiss must make a ten year plan for Taco is all about ability Brown just as great as it was the first time you up. It your to Bell, Pizza Hut and KFC. This was nose, likes a ever went there, you'll have our very everyone kissup. much the joy of most Business stu- to own Business students to thank! So if dents since it was a topic they were you're one of those lucky Ice week familiar with. very participants, sign your Ivcuia Humpalotis a job getting expert. This fearless journalist decided to more name here so we can thank you later! She's had jobs in the past three years than Hogan's had champi- onships. She will be giving a seminar 'for a conservative office make on the art ofgetting over at 6 p.m. next sure to invest in leather, and lots of it. grandmother for a new Friday in the Motel 6 Room she's stay- When you get there make sure to car; then you are justambitious. ing in on the 3rdconcession. There will talk a little bit about the company. For If you have a slight problem in be but you must bring example if you are interviewing for a refreshments stealing things like pencils, staplers, fax your own paper plate because as lvana job at a multi-national clothing store machines, and photocopiers, than you says,"I ain't no damn catering serv- make sure to comment about the prod- " are the type of person who doesn't ice. you will be selling. Say something mind taking their work home with uct

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I Box 100, Arthur Ontario, N0& IAO I www.torontodropzone.com I www.parachuteschool.com Special Price valid through April 30/2000 1-800PO-1-JMMP I ____THE TORONTO STA£ Wednesday, March 29. 2000 ■CLASSIFIEDS Joke Insert A few letters for ya! Dear Dear Editor, rSJVBpipipHH Satan tvpe (no lam not really Satan) Advertising Manager of student Editor, horrified would just like to this last issue of ■SI HittlliMlEI seeks women to mother child to newspaper needed. Our current ad As a student of WLU, lam that 1 say for : take over the world. Good iooking manager is getting rowdy, and packs a there are not enough posters on our walls! the Cord 1999-2000: Goodbye and good Single hairy male seeks equally hairy women only, I don't want an ugly kid mighty fist English accent a must, How am I supposed to know what is going riddance! You all suck! 1 cannot believe the women, for hairy times. Estheticians to end the world, and must be willing to take the crazy on at the Turret or Wilfs? And when are abuse, neglect and blatant disregard I have of student publications staff. need not apply. ~ - antics t]ie next bod elections? 1 feel as if it has received from you. No, lam not the ■ gassy female for Bowling skills also an asset, (ha ha ha ' Farting male seeks wecßs since we had the last one WLUSU ,am the of air ballooning. Forget the ...you lost). , Confused male seeks farm animals to hot Hello!! I need posters to let meknow! And the Cord Fish Tank, Mr. Zippy. figure himself out. Looking for a seti- propane. 1 roug t ttiy own ay. OrrinirMic the black on white theme is totally passe. The members of my community were - r«n»m»rtnn»lInternational, Opinions, and Pmrfiif.Produc- ous relationship. Serious Replies , ~ We need colour people. The funky neons forced to watch heipiessly as friendr -JA alter only. The more nipples the better. Apathetic male seeks Laurier student, tion Assistant required for the Cord Staff. They shamelessly left the are back, it is no longer justfor the. eighties: friend went belly up. And did you care? sen/ice? Ben Affleck type seeks Matt Damon Male has a fascination with ping* province on hearing of work that it's the new millennium baby! Those NO! Where was Lewis' memorial type. Gwyneth and Winnona Types pong balls. Can you help? needed to be done to finish the last decrepit walls have to be covered some- I suppose he got one if you count being the saught for experimentation. Cord of year, rhey were also lured 0W) so ]gj's bnghten the halls of WLU stuck dead to the filter for a week a service. prospect up lall, dark and handsome man seeks by the of picking inter- with colour. So, get with the program, girl- I couldn't see it but I know you flushed spank me. Hard, and often, provincial women. The jerks. Male suffering hair loss in the nether women to friend! him, you heartless bastards! He was my region, seeks non-judgemental female cousin, God dammit! Did anyone stop to Beanie Baby collector seeks Hot- Ciruclation manager desparately for good times. The doctor keeps on Thanks think about my suffering. NO. Just thereg- saying I can't explain it. But it does- Wheels collectors to talk about our needed at Student Publications. No Ivanna Tinkle ular, nonstop pissing and moaning we ve ' toys Ido not mean that sexually, 1 skills necessary. A dog could do this n't help.- Please help me. . ' (no just"want to talk about my toys.) job. Just give him treats... his name in been forced to listen to all year: nobody's ' their on time, wah, President seeks asshole to screw. print will do. Call him Mabeesh. Dear Editor, got photo request in WLUSP need not apply. Been there, Sexually inactive male seeks very [ recently visited our local cafeteria, or the wah, wah: nobody's met their deadlines, done that sexually active temale for platonic Need a man with a winning streak. Terrace as it is called. 1 have to commend wah, wah, wah. ,All year long you treated WLU athletes relationship. need not, apply, the school for providing fine cuisine to us us as though we are justsomething pretty to Aspiring director seeks President s • starving students. I have discussed my look at. We are more than the sum of our

_ , _ ...... , ~ Multi-millionaire seeks wife. Must Geeky female seeks socially inept , ass to kiss No Jiob too small No _„ .... . with fiance, we and it is time that we are treated with - my together „ „ t nit t.' n i enjoymentJ ' ' and fins, really, 1 mean no job too small. appear on television in unflattering male... Call him Port or Big Gal, . returned to taste the exquisite fee. Alter respect. swimsuit and pretend to love me, not . another semmptious experience, we deed- It is my deepest hope that next years' EIC seeks President. Fashion sense my money. ' Editor seeks writer or writers or any- not necessary. Sarcasm a must. one who can punch keys on a com- ed to select the fine establishments of the Board, should we survive the summer will Trekkie seeks same to make all of my puter... a dog maybe? Terrace to cater our wedding this summer. be more considerate than you bunch of Pamela Anderson type seeks plastic Captain Kirk and Spock 112antasies Not only will we be serving our friends and jerks. By the way who is feeding us this type to boost her up. come true. Editor-in-Chief seeking 1,000 drunk family with the best tasting food since summer because God knows you lazy 1,000 monkeys typing on computers jellied Eel, but at a low cost. Due to tins, f**kens will never come in to do it. We are

seeks . .. . . , . , loving replace (Maneesh ~ Video game & women a to Cord staff. need , , ~ , , Manmow withv\uu bowelwww oroblems seeks a s, r we can now invite the Launer community petitioningtV to oe moved into Angelas

, „ . „ ... , Poke me man. not necessarily be replaced. Equili- ..., high fiber woman for quickies. Must t 4 , to take on our we office next she still has one. v we , part joyous day. Together year, if Yes, bnum an asset) K J 6 3 not have an issue with stains. ' University students 1 association seeks can en J°y Food tor lhou Kht A&W> know 311 ?Jld see while dancing the chicken Oh it Woman with seven personalities president, narrow victory in sham Cord Staff seeking fond memories. to dance. • seeks seven men. No we can't do that, election a must. Small salary up front Former Cord staff need not apply. will be just blissful. Thank you Laurier, and. Waterless In Waterloo, Yes we can. Shut up mother. Steve but feel free to be paid under the see you at my wedding! stop talking. The voices. The voic- tabic. Interviews iri the Ivory Tower One Editor-in-Chief seeking immedi- Zippalethemew Zippy all the members es... next week. ate employment. Works well with Carrie Ann Jaimeson of the Fish Tank dogs and monkeys. . and Mabeesh.

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Owned and operated by the Canadian federation of Students IVIq horTDtlinnf student Publications Volunteers... You have made my time as Editor-in-Chief freakin' ICAIIIC awesome... except for those of you who made it he11... you know who you are. GOOd " UCk t0 " Internship ASad and everyone else Who Wi be inheritin& tllis legacy next year. The Textiles Human Resources Council is looking for technology,

rheTMIP is a unique and innovative post-graduate program delivered by McMaster University and Mohawk College, both located in Hamilton, f~\ f~7f~\ -> Ontario, and North Carolina State University in Raleigh, NC. \ /\ \ CUD ) ///A \ The next TMIP scheduled to start September 2000 offers: <—v \vf\ V // I • world-class education in textile technology and M.B.A. curriculum Working Adventures Abroad J 4 • paid four-month work placement within the textile industry • one week at North Carolina State University 's state-of-the-artfacility • excellent well-paying career . employment opportunities . _ 'wmm All for the modest tuition of $2,500. tSM&iI jSfciteaiffite " Canada's SlO billion textile industry , % is r~, r JS£x t U.. I»irri 11 Jtf ea & unique, supplying more than 150 manufac- reatPa yin&)ob • a iMvfJ LbXIA* turing sectors with traditional, innovative n orliplace that appreciates VISIT OUT Site ana linK TO a and world-first products. If you are looking and respects me because of the for a challenging and rewarding career send uniqueness of my education, , large US job base free of your resume to the contact information and a future that brings a smile below. SOITV applicants to charge , Qualified will be sent my.face." scouo'Neii (under What's Hot). an application package. - AlltilOliy... 1 TMIP 1999 Graduate Them r»utOUtbQWAP HQA tMy of w.ndsor WAr UoA Completed applications must be received COUldll't resist atyourlocal Knd»y, running it one r~L, * student Union Building, 886-8228 more time...

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220 king st n Waterloo phone: 725-4287 e-mail: philsgrandson@svmpatico,ca Sports 18 A whole lotta sports The Cord Weekly Wednesday, March 29, 2000 Sports • 19

Cord Sports... A rockin' good time.

112r» m

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now Apply for September , j\ 4 CONCORDIA University College of Alberta jvS 884-071QM 7128 Ada Boulevard ij Edmonton, Alberta JK m* ext.3958 fjnM www.concordia.ab.ca § [email protected] Entertainment 20 Taster 2000 is served Brent Hagerman Though the songwriting and of a better left unseen horror film. musicianship is of fairly high quality, Clubber Lang contributes the YVLU has a rare commodity in the some of the acts could have benefit- catchy Blink 182ish heavy pop rock Musicians' Network. They are a ed from a better studio recording. song Impoman. The No CFCs song campus club that has been working However sometimes the low-fi Princess of the House is a prime towards the promotion and facilita- approach enhances a song. For example of "Skate Shop Metal"—a tion of live music on campus by instance, the purposeful anti-profes- category they not only invented but Laurier musicians for more than a sional antics of Stirling Prentice are busy spawning feverishly. decade. (whose manifesto is "providing the One of my personal favourites is The culmination of their efforts is lowest quality of folk since 1998") is I'm Not Drunk by Kids These Days. the annual CD compilation, Taster. It's a well written countryfied This year the disc features 16 folk/rock tune reminiscent of the

mt rn . ? Laurier acts performing everything early Violent Femmes. Olivia Duck from alternative rock to classical gui- The Taster s performs the intelligent Boys and tar. The release party for Taster will Their Guitars on piano. It's a song be in Mils on the last day of class, release with a bit of a poke at testosterone

April 7th. and guitars - hmm, is she trying to The Musician's Network execu- party will tell us something? tive has put a lot of hard work into Willow's Cairn take the album on making a professional quality CD for be on April a refreshing detour with their duo of your listening enjoyment. It looks falsetto voices, acoustic guitar and good with its abstract cover and any 7th in Wilf's cello on Angel. Although they are album that opens with a Theramin predominantly celtic/folk there is (exotic 50s instrument used mostly a hilarious tongue-in-cheek look at definite rock (Courtney Love) influ- for UFO sounds in cheesy late night the music ego industry. Taster has ences. Jive Talking Robots pump up Spanish influenced classical guitar Clubber Ling, Steve "Boxcar" Leary, movies) is alright by me. always prided itself in having some- the album with Getting Stupid, a instrumental called Shadows of the and Kids These Days. Taster is not only an outlet for thing for everyone and Taster 2000 comedic Hip Hop song with well- Spirit. It is very tastful and a wel- It will cost $2 for non-members experienced performers and song- is no exception. placed sampling and humorous rap- come addition to the compilation. and will start around 9pm. Taster writers to present material, it is The lead song, Atomic Invaders, ping. their In summary, the album is a good 2000 will be on sale at the gig and also chance for first timers to get by The Band From Planet X, is a deli- Sarah Arielle demonstrates her a snapshot of the talent at Laurier, also in the concourse throughout into the studio and show the world cious retro surf instrumental love affair with her piano on more often professional and enter- that week. You can also buy it in the (it's a small world after all) what they drenched in tasty reverb. This alien Drowning. Her influences are proud- taining than not. The release party Centre Spot and at record stores can do. With that in mind, the quali- outfit invades Laurier from"The ly displayed (Indigo Girls, Sarah will take place April 7th in WilFs and around town. It's a steal at only $5 so ty of the CD is a bit inconsistent, but Aweful Dr. OrlofFs Psychotronic Mclachlan, and Jewel). Steve will be a showcase of 5 acts: The buy two. Get out there on the 7th and that's something you'd expect with a Studio" which, by the sounds of it, is "Boxcar" Leary plays a song that Band From Planet X, Olivia Duck, support the talent around you. project of this nature. shackled somewhere in the bowels doesn't quite fit his moniker-—a Student Art headlines at Langen

The 19th Annual Laurier Art Show exhibited a range of pieces by students, faculty and staff.

Top (left to right): Janice Cassie -

Untitled, Elizabeth Nardella - Lost Soul at Easter, Cheryl Willie - Through the Eyes of a Child

Bottom (left to right): Emily Hub - Untitled, Michal Manson - Blowing Egypt

The Exhibition will continue until April 1, in the Robert Langen Gallery. The Cord Weekly Wednesday, March 29, 2000 Entertainment • 21 The Cord Candy Shoppe tesy of his band and other distin- voice nicelyAs well, DJ Premier does ing that, the hype behind Kid Koala's guished guestslike Blue Rodeo's Kim his "perfect hip-hop single" thing first LP is so unbelievably large the Deschamps on banjo and steel guitar with "the sixth sense", which has only way he could live up to it is by who adds his expertise on the eerie already funkified radio shows across jumping into the body of Jesus and Thirty Crosses and the vagabondish the world by 203%. cutting records like ball lightening. The Hobo Song. American The biggest complement 1 have Some of the highlights of the LP are singer/songwriter Richard Buckner about this album is that whenever I (1) The scratching of a comedian shares vocals with Shannon on Lake put it on, I just start to feel good making a scratching noise. (2) An Huron, a playful song about big about everything. Common argument over a car crash consist- waves, big skies, pretty girls, and emanates positively so effortlessly its ing entirely of scratches. (3) A pac- black dogs. Lisa Winn adds harmony sick. Oh, and yes.... He has skills. man instructional record sample, vocals throughout the album that Those of us who have been and most imporantly, (4) the sample Shannon Lyon could melt ice at -20°. es on the Rawkus single 1-9-9-9) has watching Kid Koala's every move "The koala bears, who sleep by day, Summer Blonde The songs are full of memorable just thrown out his first LP, and boy since his 10" promo, "scratchhappy- and make love by night, as most hooks, descriptive and perceptive is it NICE. In fact, between LP's from land" know that even if the Kid humans do". When Shannon Lyon releases a new lyrics, and a voice that at times has Mos Def, Blackalicious, Common, broke both his hands and turned into album in this town people get excit- the colour and depth of Neil and Dead Prez... the last 12 months a giraffe, he'd still be magic. In say- Scott Cairns ed and for a good reason. Summer Diamond and the experience and have been some of the best for hip- Blonde is a tightly focused work of tun ofsome dusty old forgotten coun- hop. art that has not left my CD player in try singer. After listening once you'll The greatthing about Common is a week. This is Shannon's fourth find yourself singing along to songs that he obviously got a vision of what album and his most consistent and like "Did You Know That," or "Soul an LP is supposed to sound like, and mature It is in the has invited the people who could put yet. of the World" that can be enticingly \

-

. Learn to , how country/l'olk/rock direction that has melodic while still managing to be common's vision to dope music. •••■"x. comprised Shannon's live shows for not overbearingly pop. Amidst the smooth smooth smooth manage the last two years. Though he has words of Common are contributions The release party for the album '/ not completely shed the rock and roll will be April 6th at the Mecca in bv The Roots, D'Angelo, Rahzel, iMos the country's sound of former days he has fully downtown Kitchener. Def, and a very welcome Ferni Kuti, embraced a more rootsy acoustic Brent Hagerman who I had previously thought had greatest assets. feel on this album. dropped off the planet. with Number's new 12-month Summer Blonde essentially is an Common Jay Dee, the mastermind behind post-graduate program in album of great songwriting and rich Like Water for Chocolate Pharcyde's "Runnin", and q-tip's performances. The many textures Ahh... da hip-hop be very good to new LP, is all over this album, which Public Administration and layers of the songs come cour- me. Common (last by the adds a nice fusion jazz punch to the seen mass- Public administrators work across all levels of local, provincial, mix, and complements Common's regional and federal governments. Humber College's program gives university graduates the knowledge and skills necessary to manage the considerable human, physical and Humber Wheel financial resources of the public sector. jQk C@Do@(|j(B Call A Summer with... (416) 675-6622, ext 3226, or fax (416) 252 7573. ||j!

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TRAVEL - Teach English Lutheray Student Home Rooms for Summer Sublet HHH|||||j|f|p m&P 5 Day/40 Hr (April 5-9 2000) An Intentional Christian Community 5 rooms available at 328 Spruce St. xeSOL teacher certification course & studentresidence. For more infor- 8 minutes from WLU. 2 bathrooms SCENTED ACRES FLOWER FARM Special Needs Worker Needed! (or by correspondence). 1,000 sof mation and applications for summer, with showers, free laundry facilities, EnJ°y beautiful field-grown fresh Enthusiastic, responsible, caring job s available NOW. FREE informa- fall and winter terms contact spacious lounge, largely furnished. flowers all season long - delivered to person to help 5 year old with C.P. tion package toll free 1-888-270- Chaplain Jonathan Schmidt 884- Parking at back and free use of BBQ. your office weekly. Also wide selec- develop skills in augmentative com- 2941 0710 ext. 2240 or [email protected]. Call Geoff or Mark at 883-7958. tion of flowers (especially lillies) for and . Rent negotiable. munications vision stimulation. ™Work Seeking Roommate! summer weddings. To receive more , After school, 10 houns per week at _ $12.00J" $13.05Q StartingStar&l2 Pavy. 35 0Dep girls at the last Ezra House for Rent «Q nor hniir PvnpHpnrp in anv thpr- 4 fabulous ditched information about our farm s flower nenings throughout Cana a. or to watch a rri jnu(;e neec one roommate to 5 people needed big subscriptions, please phone/fax 519- ppf nmtrrammp an asset l cool S6e tv a house, hang . details screen in furnished nrnviHpd share a wonderful 5 bedroom flat, 662-6951 or mail your name and T com/can wwwworkforstudehts out on the front or back porch, and ;]ower Hallman area. - Sept-Sept. '01, $340 inclusive, 10 address to; Scented Acres f Columbia/Fischer - walk to WLU and UW. Patio, run around in the huge backyard p 1740 Line 40, RR #1, New Please call Pat 747-9867 minute arrrii laundry facilities. Male or female, just run around. If you are interest- Hamburg, ON NOB 2GO. Call Kellv at 746-3341. Ed in this $200 plus (negotiable) '°'n Silver Spur Wanted Resume Builder! May-Aug. sublet, come by and Deb Hard-working, committed students, One Bedroom Apartment Saturday April Ist 2000 Give t0 the Community! Volunteers will do your laundry. Call Deb,' clean, freshly painted My- 4th "Bash"-Bpm looking for full time summer are desperately needed to provide Urge Uuren> at 885-5063. Prizes, Contest I rip and 1 epsi employment throughout Ontario as companionship to people with furnished one-bedroom apartment. painters for Students Works Painting Sublet for June, July and August. SUMMER SUBLET HOUSE I Disease . Two hour com- y-^am. $8-10/ renewal. Only $450/rnonth. Close, clean, cheap! 2 bedrooms, KaraX^htlvKaraoke iNignuy ?2am for hour. Call 1-800-803- mitment for one year. Training pro- Possible front house, Hickory and Spruce, 3 1100 and visit the website at vided. Call Alzheimer Society 742- Located downtown Kitchener. MovingSa]e walk to WLU -10 minute www.studentworks.com 1422 Contact Tanya 584-7079. minute Bikes, barbeque with tank, 6 person walk to UW, fully furnished. $180+ (needs some , , . . . inflatable pool and bar c 0 ... BaScment - Call Clara Are you graduating this year? utilities price negotiable. painl) Low prices or make us an Available for( rent- 12 month lease The Liaison Office isnow accepting 0r Sharmila at 884-5090. og>er Call 885-1383 applications for the recruitment $180 Inclusive Summer Sublet starting May Ist. . 4 bedrooms, 1 bath recently renovated close to position of "Contract Liaison Officer". \ good sized room, May-Sept., all > Farewell Classifieds and Cord on 'kert Street. Parking, Please forward resume and coverlet- utilities included, secure, 105.3 A buddies...Tuesdays werefun.. laundry available, gas heating $320 ter to Kelly Bussell, Senior Liaison meters to WLU, close to transit, (jootjjjye (sniff, sniff) er month per person plus utilities. Officer at Liaison Services, Alumni bank, conv. store, fre parking, fur- P j leay(; |iere tomorrow, would you Michell 75-7371. Hall. Deadline is Friday, April 7th by nished or unfurnished, bay window, Call Mary Jane or still remember me..? Classified Rates 4:30 pm. Information Session: new building, BBQ. I can even help Q Summer Sublet -Maneesh studentS;

Alumni _ Thursday, March 23, 4-5 in you move. It's in a nice, clean house. „ 30 words or less $5 room, 5 minute walk from Large 31-60 words $8 . . Hall Boardroom. Call Dave at 746-1110 or email , , , e WLU, furnished, laundry facilities. each word over 60 $.10 •im-1 -in Even>■ Mortys B moving Telemarketing gjllOllO lusutilWes . OnsMSi- closer to this place! Rent negotiable. University Whitewater Weekend Earn $7-17 per hr. 1734 Non-Students 30 or less $7 •Free Food and Music CASTLE FOR RENT Join students from across Ontario at words Tours on the Ottawa Luxurious 5 bedroom apartment, 4 Month Summer Sublet Wilderness each word over 60 $10

- - bedroom apt. River. A fun-filled weekend June 9- Schedule incredible facilities, extremely spa- 329 Spruce 4 2 bath- •nSe 11,2000. Rafting, camping, meals, Semi-Display Ads •19 Job Openings cious, great location, super cheap rooms, 1 inflatable maid, spacious •Start Today! utilities, friendly roommates, much living room & kitchen. 7 min. walk five entertainment - special rate Kitchener/King St much more. CALL! This is truly to WLU. Rent negotiable. Call 885- $150 + gst. Ph 1-800-267-9166 or .prices include GST 742-9990 heaven. Jeff 883-9525. 8721 ask for Marcus or Nathan. [email protected]

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