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Connection Centered Discipline Nanny Certification

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Connection Centered Discipline Nanny Certification Connection Centered Discipline Nanny Certification Copyright Notice Copyright © 2015 Lora Brawley. All Rights Reserved. All materials provided to participants through my educational programs are for the exclusive use of the participants. All text, audio, video, and other works contained in this training series are subject to the copyright and other intellectual property rights of Lora Brawley. These materials may not be reproduced, distributed, shared, modified or reposted without the express written permission of Lora Brawley. Lesson 4 Dealing with Your Anger Towards Children Negative emotions are the biggest obstacles in consistently adopting a positive discipline approach. Perceptions about Anger People that are angry are… When people are angry they act… How do you feel when people get angry at you? How did your childhood role models behave when they were angry? What are your core beliefs about anger? The Upside of Anger Anger is a feeling; not a behavior. Anger is a gift. Tells us something in our lives needs attention. Helps us set strong and healthy boundaries by showing us where our weak spots are. Provides the opportunity for us to deal with things as they come up; allowing us to work through emotions and release them. Empowers us. Provides wonderful teachable moments. Connection Centered Discipline Nanny Certification Lesson 4 page 1 copyright, Lora Brawley, 2016 Sources of Anger Internal Definition Feelings from old wounds are brought up and imposed into current situation. Reaction comes from a long-standing core belief, unaddressed emotional issues, and internal voices. Clues Overreaction (often extreme) to the current situation, quickly go from calm to enraged, a very visceral reaction. EXAMPLE A child says “I don’t like this; I want something else for dinner.”, you suddenly feel like you can never do anything right for this child, nothing is ever good enough, he is never satisfied. Spillover Definition Anger from other unresolved situations or stresses in your life “spills over” into current situation. Clues Persistent sense of frustration, anger has peaks and valleys but never quite goes away, you often feel you’re overreacting but unable to stop behavior, often feel guilty afterwards. EXAMPLE You’ve cleaned up a Monday morning mess from your employer, you’re trying to figure out how you’re going to pay for your unexpected car repairs, you’re wondering if your boyfriend will call and apologize for missing your birthday and then your 5 year old charge knocks the bottle of glitter onto the floor. While cleaning up the mess, you yell at her for being clumsy and vow not to do any more craft projects with her until she learns to be more responsible. Situational Definition Anger is an appropriate response to the situation at hand. Clues You feel angry but justified, balanced, and in control. Dealing with Anger In the Moment Identify What EXACTLY am I feeling? What am I angry at? Why? Awareness – How do I show my anger? Connection Centered Discipline Nanny Certification Lesson 4 page 2 copyright, Lora Brawley, 2016 language tone body language follow-up Physical Release deep breathing movement humor Take responsibility for your actions and feelings Use I statements. NOT “I think that you’re…” or “When you do that, I…” If you feel a “punishment” or consequence given is inappropriate, take it back! Apologize Specify what you are apologizing for. “I’m sorry about yesterday” vs. “I’m sorry that I yelled at you yesterday. I shouldn’t have said you never take care of your things because that isn’t true. I should have said I was frustrated that even after I asked you 3 times to put your muddy clothes in the hamper, they are still laying on your floor.” Be honest. If your words are insincere, a child will know it. Better to take more time than to say something you don’t mean. Explain but don’t blame. If you don’t act appropriately in a situation, it is helpful to explain why (to a point!) but you still need to be accountable for what you do and say. “That police officer made me upset and I just didn’t need a spilled drink on top of that.” vs. “I was upset because I got a parking ticket so I overreacted when you spilled your drink in the car.” Allow for resolution What would make you feel better? Ask for it! Accept resolution and let it go. Problem solve What is my trigger in this situation? Truly listen to the child’s view on what the problem is and how he/she feels about it. How can we avoid this situation in the future? What can I expect from you? What can you expect from me? Connection Centered Discipline Nanny Certification Lesson 4 page 3 copyright, Lora Brawley, 2016 Preventive Maintenance Learn to self assess quickly and correctly. Understand child development. Children often do things that seem in direct opposition to what you want / need / have told them to do. Much of this is completely age-appropriate and is not directed at you personally. Have a plan of action. When you know how you’re going to act in a particular situation, you’re less likely to say or do something you’ll regret later. Know your triggers and put solutions in place to minimize the number of times they come up. Set and keep clear and healthy boundaries. Find a relaxation / stress reduction technique that works for you. Balance your life. Vent to a support person but stay focused on the positive. Modeling I can trust what I feel. Even when people are angry at me, they still love me. When someone or something makes me mad, it’s OK to say so. When I do something that makes someone angry, I can make it better. When I’m angry, I feel it in my mind, my heart, and my body. I am responsible for what I say and do when I am angry. I am safe and confident in how people react. I can understand how other people feel and still feel how I feel. Connection Centered Discipline Nanny Certification Lesson 4 page 4 copyright, Lora Brawley, 2016 .
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