Exam Break Issue Spring, 1991
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NOW SHOWING! NOW SHOWING! COMING SOON! I I "I laughed, I cried. The struggle of the From the Director of "Zombies in the Library" comes. Some Call it a Celebration... student to stay up all night studying for a Other§__CaH it Debauchery... It's. big Chem final is so real, so compelling." DAWN OF THE -H.K.H- Brodie STUDENT DEAD ______^ Sleeping With the Myrtle BE LANKET BINGO Academic Enemy hnette and Frankie are Back for A New Film by Deryl Hart Uj the sequal! Starring: An Authentic Cast Duke (1 ft Af Music by: Mel Tonne, Milli Vanilli, £n Without Hats, and Dick Clark of Duke University Students Production Exam Break Issue Spring, 1991 . • • • • •• •..'.'•. ,. • •'. .'••.• : •' • •• . .'•' • ' •:.•.•: --»<.-«»•.. -.»»*_«»._.*»*'»'. PAGE 2 / THE CHRONICLE EXAM BREAK ISSUE MONDAY, APRIL 29, 1991 Uncle Harry says: /^Don't o a o 0 0 o I Lose 'em... 0 0 0 EXAM D a oZ 0 V USE 'EM!! o P BREAK s e «! e: 0 e! ISSUE o o PJ Don't lose your extra Duke Card dining $$ ^^ffffi^^fc^^^ To those who worked behind the scenes to make the 86th volume of Duke's community newspaper a success, STOCK UP ON MUNCHIES much thanks and appreciation goes out to you. From the Special Supplements staff a special thanks goes out to the production, sales and business staffs, who have played critical roles in making each ofthe supple AT UNCLE HARRYS FOR: ments a reality. The student managers of these depart ments, Joy Bacher, Armando Gomez and Anna Lee, have contributed incredible amounts of time and effort into their positions and will be greatly missed by all, as co workers and friends. A Special thanks also goes out to 1. That End of the Year the Special Supplements staff. Thank you Young Earn, Sally Hogshead, Heather Lowe, Michele Saracino and Sang Sunwoo for your time and dedication. And most of or Graduation Party. all, thanks to Carolyn Poteet and Linda Nettles for all of your support, patience and yes, even the late night 2. The trip to Myrtle Beach. screen cutting! 3. The long ride home. Contents The lemur ate my homework and other excuses ........4,6,8,26 Canned goods, cereals, juices, and more too. Library Schedule , .......10 We've got them all stocked and waiting for you. Spring Exam Schedule 11 Sodas, chips, cookies and more, Summer Exam Scedule ..11 You'll find them all here at Uncle Harry's Store. Gym Schedule 11 A selection of munchies that just can't be beat. Campus Dining Schedule 12 School's almost over, but you still have to eat! Academic Calendar 14 The answer, you see, is really quite clear, Letters to the Editor 18 Don't lose those points; use them right here! Comics & Community Calendar 20 Classifieds ..22,23 Jake Breaker 24,25 We accept cash, checks, and either Duke Card Crosswords 28 account (meal account good for food purchases only). The Far Side 30,31 POINT AUTHORIZATION FORMS ACCEPTED FOR GROUP ORDERS Exam Break Issue Staff Supplements Coordinator Laura Tawney Design Director Carolyn Poteet Sunday - Thursday Editorial Page Editor Jonathan Blum 10 a.m.-12 MN Editorial Assistants Carol Greene, Pam Packtor Cover Design Jessica Johnston, Ronnie Gonzalez Friday & Saturday Production Manager Linda Nettles 10 a.m.-1 a.m. Production Supervisor Charles Carson General Manager Barry Erickson 1917 Yearby Street Advertising Sales Manager Sue Newsome Advertising Sales Representatives Judy Bartlett, Central Campus Dorothy Gianturco f ronicle Duke l4r1^,w_^SI^. i - University, April 29, 1991. _,__^__-'_r__r^ •—"«^—^i""^M^WM«^^»" MONDAY, APRIL 29, 1991 EXAM BREAK ISSUE THE CHRONICLE / PAGE 3 An IBM PS/2 can help you with a double major. Work and college. College can be difficult enough by itself, but when you As a student, you are eligible for a special price on an compound it with a job, the load doubles. The IBM Personal IBM PS/2.* Affordable loan payments are also available with System/2® can help you through these workloads. the IBM PS/2 Loan for Learning. And The PS/2® comes preloaded with software that will let on a different note, you can get the you create impressive papers, reports, graphics and spread Roland® Desktop Music System at a sheets for your classes or for your job. special price. An IBM mouse, color display and tools like a notepad, The PS/2 is well worth looking calendar, cardfile and even games are also included. And it's into. Whether it's for work or for expandable so it can grow with you to keep pace with your college, you'll find it can be a needs at work and in college. major help. Come by the Computer Store for a demonstration of the PS/2® and receive a free Duke-IBM® T-shirt. Also register to win a 19" Magnavox color TV with remote. Drawing will be held May 31. Duke University Computer Store Lower Level Bryan Center or call 1-800-662-8709 ext. 7835 Current special prices end May 31,1991. •This offer is available to qualified college students, faculty and staff who purchase IBM Selected Academic Solutions through participating campus outlets, IBM 1-800-222-7257 or IBM Authorized PC Dealers certified to remarket IBM Selected Academic Solutions. Orders are subject to availability. Prices are subject to change, and IBM may withdraw the offer at any time without notice. ®IBM, Personal System/2, and PS/2 are registered trademarks of International Business Machines Corporation. Roland is a registered trademark of Roland Corporation, US. ^ IBM Corporation 1991 PAGE 4 / THE CHRONICLE EXAM BREAK ISSUE MONDAY, APRIL 29, 1991 The lemur ate my homework and other excuses Once again for the Spring Exam Break Issue we've ask Christianity into use, to witness to others, so to speak. our University professors to tell us about the most inter I am happy to offer you that opportunity. I know that Dinner for two esting excuses, believable or unbelievable, they've been you said, on the first week of class, that our papers were presented with. This year's 'The Dog Ate My Homework to be due at the beginning of April. However, I find myself Contest' received entries from a wide range of depart unable to produce a paper for you. I couldn't bring myself at La Residence ments and even"a dean! to tell you that my Grandmother has died, or that I have Our first place winner, and recipient of a $150 gift some dread disease, or some other lie. But like you, I am certificate to Fowler's Gourmet, is the Dean ofthe Univer trying to be a Christian. sity Chapel, William H. Willimon, who reveals an actual Therefore my excuse is that I have sinned. I been dating Mistaken addresses result letter he recieved from a student. In second place is Roger this woman and have been spending a great deal of time Corless from the religion department with a tale of a GTE with her. You can probably put two and two together and in misplaced papers? phonebook and a student who strictly abides by federal realize that I have sinned. postal laws. In third place is Dr. Frances J. White from Therefore I am going to give you the opportunity to Roger Corless, Religion the Biological Anthopology and Anatomy department demonstrate your Chris with a rundown on ways not to tell him that you can't tian faith by forgiving % *^2^L » •» When a student did not submit the first assignment, complete your lemur research. me. I am not going to % £^^^ ^~%» * ^ In addition we've included the runners-up for you to and did not answer the roll, I assumed that he had ask you to bend the J^_ i ta _____• ^ ____> dropped, and turned in a mid-term grade of F. Subse read and learn what you can and cannot get away with. rules for me or to de A special thanks goes out to Jennifer Springer and quently, he appeared in class. Asked about the assign cide if the excuse I ment, he looked blank. Carol Greene for putting everything together, and our am giving is wor S esteemed judges, Anna Lee, Joy Bacher and Armando thy. I am sim Gomez, for taking time to judge the entries. So, take a few ply going to He claimed he knew minutes and read some of the excuses, and remember, ask your for nothing ofthe F, a no never say that 'The dog ate my homework!' tice of which had been giveness. sent to him from Did not the Registrar, Jesus say, since nobody "He who is ever sent him $150 Gift Certificate without sin any mail, throw the and so, al from Fowler's Gourmet first stone?" though he Of course, rented a since you are mailbox, a professor, he never "Father, forgive them, your probably checked it. they know not what they do." have never been late for a paper. Therefore you probably feel quite comfortable in throwing He further William H. Willimon, Dean, University Chapel a stone at me. However, Jesus also said, "Father forgive claimed, that them, they know not what they do." When I was spending he had left the so much time with the woman, when I should have been paper at my house Here is an actual excuse which I received, in my capac at midnight on the day that ity as Professor at the Divinity School, for a late paper: working on this paper, I really did not know what I was doing.