S.B. 1060 An Act Concerning Court Proceedings Involving Allegations of Coercive Control Occurring Between Family or Household Members

Testimony for Public Hearing March 24, 2021

Jennifer Four: Connecticut Protective Moms

TABLE OF CONTENTS

TOPIC PAGE

I. Summary 1

II. Examples of Coercive Control tactics 1

III. How Jennifer’s’ Law Would Help 3

IV. Facts about Coercive Control and other laws similar to Jennifers’ Law 3

V. Timeline Overview 4

VI. Closing 8

I. SUMMARY

 My name is Jennifer Four, I am from Monroe, CT and a member of Connecticut Protective Moms. I am a Protective Mother trying to keep myself and my two children safe from continued abuse while in Connecticut Family Court proceedings. I am testifying in favor of Jennifer’s’ Law SB 1060.

 In February 2020, I filed for a restraining order for me and the children which was granted. It was uncontested at the time with the notion a GAL would be appointed for the children. In March 2020 I filed for divorce/child custody. I have been in Bridgeport Courts for a year and to date we have over 100 pleadings in our case docket. There are two (2) (my and his lawyer), GAL for the children, Expert Witness, Psychology/Custody Forensic evaluator currently in-process, therapists for the children and myself. I alone have spent ~$50K and anticipate another $50K to get through trial.

 The abuse from my husband has been ongoing since 2003 and follows a pattern of Coercive Control tactics to keep control over my actions and to intimidate and control me and my children. Research shows that 10% of DV cases present with physical harm. Per the UN report, of the individuals murdered across the world in 2017, 58% were victims of domestic Violence1. Now, Coercive Control is being used as a weapon in the courtroom, where strategic legal tactics by my husband are being used to invalidate my allegations of abuse and invalidate what my children and I have experienced.

 The Coercive Control tactics used by my ex-partner to threaten me and my children are emotional, verbal, , financial, isolation, , gas-lighting, legal abuse, physical assaults and sexual assaults.

II. EXAMPLES OF COERCIVE CONTROL TACTICS Financial Abuse:  Post Separation: o Taxes: Refused to pay taxes on house causing them to go into default with intent to lien. o Car taxes/registration: Refused to pay car taxes or re-register the car I drive which is in his name. o Radon: I had to have the water fixed, he agreed to pay half but has yet to pay. o Child Support: Refusing to pay child support or back child support, now just over a year. He led me to believe we could come to an agreement at the December 2020 hearing, but it was only a tactic to have us go off line to pretend to negotiate in order to consume time to limit my testimony about the abuse. Now I have to wait until another opening in court to hear the child support motion (over a year with no child support). o Chet Accounts: He has locked me out of the children’s Chet accounts. I was led to believe previously that I was an owner. o Electric Bill: informed by his lawyer the electric bill was too high one month, so he would not pay for it starting in June 2020. He did not pay until right before our hearing in December 2020. o Oil Bill: court order are until child support occurs is for husband to pay bills- he has refused to pay the oil bill. o Lavish Gifts: At Christmas he spent ~7K on Son. Daughter is not seeing her abusive father but I am assuming he spent the same. He is able to do this, but cannot pay the

taxes on the house his children live in.

1 https://domesticviolence.org/definition/ Written Testimony: S.B 1060, Year 2021 1 | P a g e

 Pre Separation: o Parents Bills: He would regularly pay for his parent household bills from our joint account and tell me it was none of my business o Lavish Gifts: He would regularly buy his family expensive gifts from our joint account, again there was not discussion. o Financial: He had complete control of all the finances. He over the course of 2 years that I am aware of transferred ~$20K to his home country of Portugal. He also transferred $1.5K to his niece and nephews account, after I found this out, he resorted to taking cash out so I could not track it. Again there was no discussion, he made it clear I have no say over marital funds. Legal Abuse- several false motions to drive up legal expense and make the process difficult, below are only a couple examples:  Motion for Order to perform an Appraisal of the house. I have never denied him the ability to perform an appraisal of the house.  Motion for Contempt beneficiary change: The 401K has not been changed. Per federal law it cannot be changed without a spouse’s approval so there is no way I could have changed it.  Motions to change therapist for the children: He has falsely accused the therapist of speaking to my family members. This is one of his reasons as to why the children disclosed abuse. Isolation:  Forbidden from socializing with Black or Jews and other minorities  Forbidden from talking to an ex-sister in-law formerly married to his brother  Forbidden from doing anything outside of activities with the children, hence unable to have friends. Verbal/Emotional Abuse/ Intimidation:  Called several names: fucking bitch, whacker, worthless  Blamed for drainage issues in the yard, for appliances not working, for computer not working, etc  Smashing computers, blackberries, punching in bath room doors to get children out from hiding from him, etc  Called Children names and stated my family taught my daughter how to be a bitch Stalking:  Brother parked waiting at the end of our dead end street waiting for children to walk by after restraining order prevented husband from going to the premises with message from my husband to the children.  Husband in close proximity to house- at stores within walking distance from house after restraining order in effect.  Husband has knowledge of security cameras that were installed after the restraining order. He spoke to the psychologist/evaluator about my security cameras. Gas Lighting:  He would regularly manipulate the situation trying to either say it was my fault or it didn’t happen. I started documenting and taking pictures as I thought I was going crazy. Physical Assault:  Husband assaulted our daughter on several occasion’s requiring me and/or son to intervene.  Husband pushed me on several occasions

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Sexual Assaults:  Assaulted me on so many occasions I lost track. He told me I should be thankful that he still wants me. He would force himself on me, ripping my clothes off on several occasion as if I was his property.

III. HOW JENNIFER’S’ LAW WOULD HELP  Safety of the children: The law would ensure the safety of the children is a priority. My daughter who is 16 does not see her father by her choice. I want to ensure the court does not try to force her sending her the wrong message she has no right to safety and abuse is Ok. Additional, I don’t want to have one day my 13 year son feel the need to take a weapon again to his father and either end up in jail or he ends up dead.  Custody arrangements: My husband is trying to get joint custody: The law would prevent this from occurring as well as seeking custody that is inconsistent with the involvement of his parenting history. He rarely participated in the children’s day to day activities. He did not address their medical issues or review/select doctors. Although he is trying to state he did this 90% of the time, fortunately we have the medical records which show otherwise.  Treatment program: The law would ensure that my husband completes a treatment program as method to ensure when he is with the children they can be safe.  Eliminate Misuse of the legal system: He has been able to secure a lawyer who knows how to work the system and is good at defending abuse. They have used the court system as a method to harass me. He has also been able to minimize the abuse to the GAL and absolve himself of any responsibility.  Trained Court and Mental health professionals: it seems there are people within the system who truly do not understand the effects of coercive control or on children and the protective parent. The court systems are set-up to allow the abuse to continue. Only GALs trained in coercive control and domestic violence should be representing children where there are abuse allegations. If the abuse is addressed right away and correctly, it would limit the on-going exposure and excessive legal costs.  Elimination of Forced reunification with an abusive parent: The GAL told my Lawyer during my hearing for a request for an extension of my restraining order that the evaluator would more than likely recommend forced reunification. The GAL was speaking as if this recommendation was a forgone conclusion that the recommendation of forcing a 16 year old daughter who was abused by my husband was standard protocol. In my case the evaluation is still in progress to be completed in April 2021. The law would ensure this would never be an option that the best interest of the child would prevail verse prioritization of the batterer’s needs over the needs of the children/victim.  Accountability: Ensure there are ramifications for violations of restraining orders or court orders. He has violated the restraining order and court orders but with no ramifications, there is no incentive for him to improve his behavior.

IV. FACTS ABOUT COERCIVE CONTROL AND OTHER LAWS SIMILAR TO JENNIFERS’ LAW

Coercive Control Laws: Coercive Control is part of Domestic Violence legislation in England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, Taiwan, Ontario, and now Hawaii and California. France recently added “” to their DV policies. CT would be a model for other states to follow. This year, Colorado and Maryland have also introduced Coercive Control laws.

 California family code section 3044: “(a) Upon a finding by the court that a party seeking custody of a child has perpetrated domestic violence against the other party seeking custody of the child or against the child or the child’s siblings within the previous five years, there is a rebuttable presumption that

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an award of sole or joint physical or legal custody of a child to a person who has perpetrated domestic violence is detrimental to the best interest of the child”.  “States have increasing adopted the custody/visitation section of the Model Code on Domestic and Family Violence developed by the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges (NCJFCJ, 1994), increasing from 10 states using the code in 1995 to 24 in 2006…” These statues use the model’s working, or similar that there is rebuttable presumption that it is detrimental to the child and not the best interest of the child to place in sole custody, joint legal custody or joint physical custody with the perpetrator of family violence. Although statutes have become increasingly precise regarding definitions of domestic violence, they may leave children vulnerable to psychological abuse when it is not included in the definition (Dunford-Jackson, 2004).2

Other research shows:  “Despite laws that require judges to consider domestic violence in their decisions, many judges still wish to give some amount of custody to batterers. A general belief exists in some courts that joint custody is in the best interest of children, despite the fact that no studies have shown that joint custody leads to better outcomes for children in families with a history of domestic violence. 135 Other scholars suggest that courts continue to give joint custody to batterers to reassure the batterer he “still has a central role to play in the child’s life3. This prioritization of the batterer’s needs over the needs of the children and victim is highly troubling and pervasive. 4  “Batterers are more likely to seek custody of children than non-batterer fathers.” 5  “There is no that children benefit in the longer term from having regular Face to Face contact with a violent parent and considerable suggestive evidence that the real and potential harms to children of being exposed to domestic violence or other forms of abuse of their mother outweighs any harms experience by not seeing an abusive parent”.6  “Because there is no diagnosis or psychological profile for a domestic violence perpetrator, many evaluators miss, or discount the level of safety and risk the perpetrator has posed, and may continue to pose to the children.”7

V. ABUSE TIMELINE OVERVIEW Below is an abuse time line overview. The abuse escalated where my husband was assaulting my daughter resulting in my son grabbing a hunting knife to protect his sister and me from. This was the last straw that caused me to leave to find safety for the children and myself.

Year Overview Daughter breaks Collar Bone: My husband was watching her, I was pregnant with our son, due any day, my parents and I went out get some last minute items. He called me and was screaming at me stating she fell down the stairs and that it 2007 was my fault because there a piece of ribbon on the stairs. There was no ribbon. I don’t know if he pushed or hit her causing her to fall down the flight of stairs. My parents and I quickly went home and took her to the emergency room where the x-ray showed she had broken her collar bone. My daughter Learns “Fucking Bitch” at age 2. She was playing with fisher price dolls with her grandmother and had the 2008 Daddy doll come into the house and call the mother doll a “Fucking Bitch  He refuses to take Our Son to get Medical Care- My son and I were playing. He fell and hit his head on the corner of the wall going from the playroom at the time to the kitchen, which required immediate medical attention. My husband refused to take our son with me to the emergency room for medical attention stating it was my fault. I 2010 called my sister-in-law, who met me at the emergency room where he received staples in the back of his head.  Destruction of work property: He destroyed several of my work computers and blackberries as punishment for working at home.

2 Child Custody and Visitation Decision in Domestic Violence Cases: Legal Trends, Risk Factors, and Safety Concerns, Daniel G. Saunders, Ph.D. 3 Dalton, Carbon & Olesen, supra note 15, at 22. 4 UCLA Women's Law Journal, Vol. 24.41 5 Domestic Violence Legal Empowerment and Appeals Project, Rates at Which Accused and Adjudicated Batterers Receive Sole or Joint Custody (2013), http://www.dvleap.org/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=97ddo5p-FEso%3D&tabid=1118 [https://perma.cc/S3C4-DU25]. 6 Rethinking Custody Evaluation in Cases Involving Domestic Violence, Evan Stark 7 CT Judicial Guide: Domestic Violence Guidebook Written Testimony: S.B 1060, Year 2021 4 | P a g e

 My belongings are thrown out on the front yard: I came home one night after work to find suitcases with all of my clothes on the front door steps, and the rest of my belongings in the front yard. He had taken all of my clothes and put them in suitcases in front of the house. He told me I could leave.  He destroys work computer as punishment for talking to work- I had used my blackberry to talk to some of my employees who were working that day. I left my work computer in my car as a method to prevent Husband from destroying any more computers. When he found out I used my phone, as punishment for talking to work, he took the computer out of my car and continued to smash it in the driveway in front of the children. This was the third computer 2011 that was destroyed. I called the . My brother had advised me to call the police should he continue to destroy work equipment otherwise I would be held liable. It was now at 3 work computers and 3 or 4 work blackberries that he had destroyed. He stated after this he would never touch a computer / blackberry again and asked me not to file for divorce. I informed work of what occurred with the destroyed computers/blackberries  Forbids me from talking with my Sister in Law: His brother is going through a divorce and he forbids me from visiting or talking with my sister in law.  Daughter recalls Husband pushing me and picking up son by collar choking son.  He tells me to quit my job: My job is the reason for our issues. I give my notice and informed my team. Husband then states he is going to file for divorce, I then had to go back to my boss to ask if I can pull back my notice. He said no problem. Then I had to go back to tell my team I was no longer leaving. I am then transferred to a different leadership thinking it would be better for my family. 2012  He destroys my work computer as punishment for using it in the house- I was utilizing my computer at the house to complete a presentation that I would be presenting to the several VPs at work the next day. As punishment for using my work computer at home, he took the computer out of my lap and threw it across the floor breaking it in front of the kids and my cousin. This was now the fourth computer he has destroyed  Resigned from position for him: He convinces me to leave job, stating our problems are only due to my job. I turn in my resignation. 2013  Isolation- Unable to be Friends with Jewish People: I try to make friends with another Mom, and invited her and her family over for Labor Day. She was Jewish and was forthcoming about this. He stated I must be desperate to make friends and that she was a whacker.  I receive job offer for a lower position – He approves of me accepting a demotion with only working no more than 8 hours  He transfers $1500 into niece and nephew Chet account – no notification or discussion is held with me – I find out 2014 after going thru the accounts  He tells me I am not allowed to have Blacks over- I had friend from work over with her kids for a visit. After she left, he told me to never have that kind over the house again. If I want to socialize with them to do it on my own away from the house. I inform my mother  He applies for citizenship- does not inform me  Our Son had informed his religious education class and teacher how mean his father was, and that he would yell and hit him. His teacher at the time pulled me aside to inform me and asked if everything was ok. I was embarrassed and 2015 horrified and quickly made something up. I did not return to that church the following year out of embarrassment.  He continues to take cash out with no accountability  He went to his first parent teacher conference for our son. Our son was having social issues in school. He came home after this and took it out on our daughter. He was yelling at her, slapping her and blaming her.  Daughter hides in bathroom – He punches door- Daughter ran away from her father and locks herself in the bathroom to hide Jan 2017. He punched hole in bathroom door trying to get her out, I am not home when this occurs, I find out later when I see the hole in the bathroom door. My Father /brother-in-law replaces door with a new one in July.

2017

  Husband hits daughter: My husband puts our 12 yr old daughter over his knee and hits her continuously – she is crying in pain and rubbing her leg/bottom– I walk in on it occurring in the living room. I tell him to never touch her again.  Daughter hides in bathroom -She called me screaming due to altercation with father June 2018. I was away for work. I could not make out her words. My daughter informed me he threatened he was going to break down the door. She 2018 locked herself in the bathroom for over a 1hr. I called my niece to go over and check on her.  My daughter informed me she was afraid of her father, I told my sister

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 He Transfer funds (~6K) to Portugal with no discussion or notification to me  Dec 2018 He purchases tickets to Polar Express for us and his entire family. He has an argument with me and the children prior, takes off and gives the tickets to his brother to prevent the children and me from going as punishment.  Several sexual assaults – tells me I am gay, dike for not being open to it  He assaults Daughter and break her Bedroom door- She was screaming Mom help me! I went up to her room and he was in her room. He was trying to get her phone. He was angry that she would not comply. She was on her bed at the time. He grabbed her legs holding them down and pulling her towards him while beating her. I got her away from him. He was furious and starting using the F word a few times. He took his anger/rage out on her bedroom door with all of his force and smashed it into the wall over and over This caused the door to come off the hinges, the frame to crack as well as created a large hole in the wall

 He was in an argument with Son whereby he was going to take Xbox away. He ended up breaking his Xbox 360, no longer usable.  Son hides in bathroom – He punches door: He locks himself in the bathroom to hide from his father as he did not want to go to church, He punched hole in bathroom door demanding son get the “Fuck” out of the bathroom. My father replaces the door the 2nd time in Sept 2019. He stated to my father, “why are you bothering, I am just going to do it again.”

2019

 Controls what we can eat: Husband took my protein powder I had just purchased, dumping it in the garbage then throwing out the containers to ensure I would not be able to use the protein powder. He stated I was not going to give that junk / steroids to Daughter. He additionally stated I was not allowed to buy protein bars stating it was steroids and would make the children grow mustaches.

 Controls when we can eat: Husband was yelling to Daughter to come downstairs to eat dinner. Daugher replied she was not hunger as she already ate dinner. He grew with rage with each second she did not come down stairs. He became so upset that he threw the plate of food on floor breaking it into pieces and yelled “can't even have a fucking dinner together”. Son then said I will help you clean it up to me, then proceeded to help me in cleaning up the mess.

 Husband goes into a rage yelling and swearing over the dining room hutch being moved. His demeanor continues in front of my parents. My parents grow concerned with his behavior.

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 Husband Transfers Large Sums of Money to his Home Country: Husband continues to transfer funds to Portugal without notification or discussion. He is acting as if it is only his money and I have no say. He has now transferred a total of 19K in the last 2 years (2018 and 2019). Any attempts for communication regarding the finances are deemed irrelevant, as he maintains control.  Husband plans to take Children out of the Country: He purchases tickets for just him and the children to go to Portugal in 2020 – no discussion or notification to me. He forwards an email to me from his father’s account in Jan 2020.  Several sexual assaults. He says I should be thankful that he still wants me.  Swearing at me and at the kids to Shut the Fuck Up. He continues to call me names and refers to me as the “Whacker” to the children.  He blames Daughter for the laptop computer not working and called her a Fucking Moron.  He pushes me on various occasions, continues to walk away from me when talking as I am not there, name calling and blaming continue  Husband states my family is poisonous and taught my daughter how to be a Bitch in front of the children  My husband pushes me on several occasions  I catch husband trying to unlock 15 year old daughter’s bedroom door while she is in there getting changed  Husband Assaults Daughter: Feb 2020: I heard Daughter Screaming. I went to her room to see what was going on. John was in the room yelling at her. When I walked in, he said "Who’s talking to you?” I said, “Excuse me?” then said, “Get out of Daughters’ Room.” He pushed me and called me a fucking bitch. At this point Son came in and was then standing up to his father to get out of the room. He had his chest up against Husbands’ telling him to leave. Husband said to Son “this doesn't concern you. Husband grab Daughter by her lower legs pulling her toward him as she is holding onto the other side of the bed to pull herself away from him. He was holding her legs down with one hand while beating her with his other hand using all of his force and anger. It did not stop until I was able to get on the other side of the bed to pull her away from his grip. . I then kept repeating “get out of the room”. At one point he was also standing near the doorway preventing anyone else from leaving. Son was crying and trying to push him out. Son then left to go get a knife. I walked in on Husband pinning Son down to take the knife away. Husband said mocking me by saying “you’re such a great parent” and then proceeded to say “you disgust me” several times. He told Daughter that he was done with her.

 After this I spoke with a divorce attorney who told me I was a victim of domestic violence and suggested I call the hotline. I another peer at work advised me to get a restraining order. I met with an Advocate from the Centers for Family justice. It was after meeting with Advocate, I filed for a restraining order to keep me and the children safe.  Divorce is filled and automatic orders are put in place. 2020 o Husband changed the password to the Children’s Chet Accounts locking me out of the account. I called Chet to find out I am not listed on the account o Received notification from the Fidelity account husband tried to transfer funds out of our Fidelity account, purchased stock after automatic orders  Husband’s brother was stalking the premises and trying to manipulate the children. He parked at the end of the dead end street waiting for Daughter to go jogging and stop her during her jog. He told the children that Husband missed them and that they could call him it was not big deal when there was a no contact RO. (Brother has had a restraining order for stalking his ex-wife and was arrested for breaking into her house)  Pulling information together for the financial affidavit - I then realize the title to my car is not in my name.  Husband locked me out of Xbox parental controls and informs Son not to tell me any of the account details.  Over 90 Various Restraining Order Violations o During the No Contact RO –Husband attempts to send packages to the house to Children – I call the Police and have a warning issued o After modification to allow Face-time (Sun, Tue, Thur) or text (Mon, Wed, Fri) from 7-8, Husband sending texts on FaceTime days, exceeds time, send texts during the day. etc, - has no regard for court orders  Sept: Husbands Niece pulled into my driveway crying. Apparently Husband had just called her to say he was disappointed in her. He accused her of brainwashing Daughter and stated she called him a child molester to Daughter. He continued to tell her that he was dis-owning her and her sister.  In review of the various disclosure requests, I see on Husbands’ credit card statements that he was at locations (CVS, Rite Aid, Big Y) within walking distance to the house of me and the children when he lives ~20 miles away.  Parent time starts in November via court order. Son participates, Daughter does not. Husband demands I meet at a location 45 min away.. Due to heavy traffic/ construction takes over 2hrs for roundtrip driving. A friend went with me.. I had to have her go in to get Son as he was not at the pickup location at 7:30. On the way out she informed Husband to stop walking with her and not go to the car as I was in the car. He stated he did not give a shit and walked up to the car as a form of in front of son.

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VI. CLOSING I ask that you favorably report Jennifer’s’ Law SB 1060 out of committee so that the General Assembly can vote to strengthen our approach to keep Domestic Violence Victims and their children safe while in family court proceedings and after. We need to protect mothers and children from the same tragic and preventable fate of Jennifer Dulos, Jennifer Magnano, Christine Holloway, and baby Aayden Moreno among numerous victims in Connecticut alone who lost their lives to domestic violence8. Thank you for your consideration.

I am a victim of domestic violence currently living the torment of family court. I live in fear every day for my children and myself. I need your help in reforming domestic violence law to ensure our safety and safety of others. Thank you for your support and consideration. Jennifer Four 3/23/2021

8 https://www.connecticutprotectivemoms.org/so/bdNXQUe6U?languageTag=en&fbclid=IwAR1ZemKjelo8V2oOidhVms_zD dVyRGpwTh4ZLG__OBZFYUjBX_RF9HkUQTs#/main Written Testimony: S.B 1060, Year 2021 8 | P a g e