Monte ito Miscellany by Richard Mineards

Richard covered the Royal Family for Britain’s Daily Mirror and Daily Mail before moving to New York to write for Rupert Murdoch’s newly launched Star magazine in 1978; Richard later wrote for New York magazine’s “Intelligencer”. He continues to make regular appearances on CBS, ABC, and CNN, and moved to Montecito six years ago. armie’s Whirlwind Wedding Weekend

t was a decidedly frantic weekend 11,000-mile round trip from London for actor , son of to Los Angeles to be one of two best Montecito entrepreneur and phi- men when his financial advisor older lanthropistI Michael Hammer. brother, Viktor, tied the knot with It was only last month that Armie, model Angelia De Meistre at the 27 – who starred with Johnny Depp Mission on Saturday. in The Lone Ranger –, started work Armie arrived just in time to make on his latest project The Man From the rehearsal dinner at the San Ysidro U.N.C.L.E. under director , Ranch on Friday night before attend- ’s ex, at the new Warner ing the lavish wedding ceremony and Bros film complex at Leavesden, out- the reception for 200 – with a three-tier side London. chocolate wedding cake – afterwards Armie, great grandson of Occidental at the Montecito estate of Patrick and Petroleum tycoon Armand Hammer, Chris Beach, before winging back to plays secret agent Illya Kuryakin with on Sunday night and being British actor Henry Cavill – whose back on set on Monday morning. last film was the blockbuster Man of “He really did make a superhu- Steel – as Napoleon Solo, originally man effort to be there and, thankful- played by Robert Vaughn in the pop- ly, there weren’t any problems along ular ‘60s TV series. the way,” says Michael. “Everything But he interrupted his U.K. shoot- ing schedule to make a whirlwind miscellany Page 184 A Beautiful Smile Is Simply. . . The Perfect Inspiration! You only have one smile, so why wait to make it as beautiful as possible? Sometimes it just takes a 90 minute whitening procedure, sometimes a little more, but a new smile can have you looking and feeling renewed, refreshed and beautiful in ChangingWhat Lives....One is Your “Dream Smile Smile”? at a Atime Beautiful Smile Is Simply. . . The Perfect Inspiration! a matter of minutesFor some, its orthe aHollywood-style fewChanging days…and perfection then that graces Lives....Onemaybe the covers running of magazines. on the For others,beach Smile it’s acelebrating more natural at smile a newathat timere life ! For some, its the Hollywood-stylehavingChangingChanging perfection whiter, brighterWhat Whatthat gracesand straighter theLives....One Lives....One Whatis iscovers teeth. YourYour ofWhatever magazines. is your “Dream“DreamYour interpretation For others, Smile Smile “Dreamofit’s your a more Smile”?dreamSmile”? natural smile atat is, Dr Smile”?smileaa Weiser timethattime can rehelp.flects An confidence LVI t from having whiter, brighter and straighterand a member teeth. of theWhatever “Extreme Makeover:your interpretation Extreme Team”, of Dryour Weiser dream designs smile beautiful is, Dr smiles Weiser every can day! help. An LVI trained preferred dentist HealthyForFor some,some, itsits Dental thethe Hollywood-styleHollywood-style Options perfectionperfection Include: thatthat gracesgraces thethe coverscovers ofof magazines.magazines. ForFor others,others, it’sit’s aa moremore naturalnatural smilesmile thatthat rereflects flects confidenceconfidence fromfrom and a member havingofhaving the whiter,whiter,“Extreme Your brighterbrighter Makeover:cosmetic andand options straighterstraighter Extreme include: teeth.teeth. 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Aesthetic & Family Dentistry moreand Ithan am so I grateful!ever have ThankThank you you Dr. Dr. Weiser.” Weiser.” Aesthetic & Family Dentistry and“I findI am –myself Sue so Maloney grateful! smiling – Sue Maloney—Cara—Cara MarkMark T. T. Weiser Weiser D.D.S. D.D.S. Thankmore than you I Dr.ever Weiser.”have A beautiful smile is in your very near future! 805.899.3600805.899.3600 • •1511 1511 State State Street Street • www.boutique-dental.com • www.santabarbaradds.comand I am– Sueso grateful! Maloney Thank you Dr. Weiser.”—Cara Mark T. Weiser D.D.S. 805.899.3600805.899.3600805.899.3600 •• • • 1511 1511 15111511 State State StreetStreet • • www.boutique-dental.com www.santabarbaradds.comwww.boutique-dental.comwww.santabarbaradds.com 805.899.3600 • 1511 State Street •– www.santabarbaradds.comSue Maloney 805.899.3600805.899.3600 • • 1511 1511 StateState Street • www.boutique-dental.comwww.santabarbaradds.com—Cara 6 MONTECITO JOURNAL • THE VOICE OF THE VILLAGE • 5 – 12 September 2013 miscellany (Continued from page 6)

Elizabeth, Armie Hammer, Dru and Viktor Hammer with bride Angelia and Michael Hammer

went like clockwork.” chairs are in the color purple, an Viktor’s longtime friend, Raymond homage to Taylor, whose tresses the Hsu, served as the other best man, Frenchman looked after for 30 years while Angie, who wore a diaphanous until she died in 2011. Ivory gown from St. Pucchi, had two Eber, 63, who has written two friends from Pepperdine University as books, Shake Your Head, Darling and her maid and man of honor – Brittany Beyond Hair: The Ultimate Makeover Beisswanger and Daniel Moss. Book, replaces British hairdresser, Her ring was designed by longtime Kevin Charles, who was unceremoni- family friend, Martin Katz of Beverly ously dumped by the Four Seasons Hills, while Vicktor’s ring was made property in March after 20 years, as I by Daniel Gibbings, whose store is exclusively chronicled here. on Coast Village Road. “Ty Warner and Jose Eber are dedi- As a wedding present, Michael pre- cated to providing the highest artis- sented the couple with a three-bed- tic and professional standards,” says room house in Montecito, just a tiara’s Mark Muratori, veep of operations. toss or two from an estate he recently “As innovators they will seek cut- acquired in our rarefied enclave... ting edge techniques, state of the art amenities and operating methods that Current Crimper surpass expectations, establishing the salon as simply, “the best.” Or a least a cut above the rest...

L is for Listed

Author Sue Grafton selling her Santa Barbara home for $10 million

Novelist Sue Grafton, 73, who has Jose Eber taking charge of the Biltmore’s hair had great success with her “alphabet salon series” of mysteries, has just put her Ty Warner’s Biltmore Hotel has a longtime Santa Barbara home on the new resident crimper. market. The Beanie Baby billionaire has The Mediterranean-style property, teamed up with the late Elizabeth built in 1927 by local architect Chester Taylor’s longtime stylist, Jose Eber, Carjola, has six bedrooms and ten to open a salon at the Butterfly Beach bathrooms on 2.5 prime acres. hostelry later this year, I can exclu- A guesthouse and pool house com- sively reveal. plete the $10 million offering, which Eber, whose other clients have Grafton describes as her “playhouse.” included Farrah Fawcett, Cher, Sarah Her novels have been published Jessica Parker, Kate Hudson, Julia in 28 countries and in 26 languages, Roberts and Jaclyn Smith, is known including Bulgarian and Indonesian. for his jazzy cowboy hats and his opu- Her latest novel with private inves- lent 8,500-sq-ft Beverly Hills salon on tigator Kinsey Millhone is W Is For N. Camden Drive, formerly the home Wasted, out later this month... of Christie’s auction house. Everything from walls to swivel miscellany Page 364 18 MONTECITO JOURNAL • THE VOICE OF THE VILLAGE • 5 – 12 September 2013 miscellany (Continued from page 18) Touting Teddy’s Tome “It’s a win-win for everybody involved,” adds Simon. Gene Sinser, Patty Among those turning out for DeDominic and the cause were Andy and Dolly David Finkel Granatelli, Sharon Landecker, Jeep aboard the Holden, Paige Beard, Chris and Channel Cat Mindy Denson, Richard and Annette Caleel, and Julia Dawson...

End of Summer Soirée It was certainly a week of mixed emotions for Texas energy tycoon Scott Wood. Teddy Steinkellner launches first novel Last week he spent four days in Social gridlock reigned at Tecolote, a Houston hospital suffering major the bustling bibliophile bastion in fever and high temperatures recover- the Upper Village, when local author ing from a spider bite on his thigh. Teddy Steinkellner launched his publisher Peter Brandt and longtime Gala at Gehache “It must have got into my closet and debut book, Trash Can Days: A Middle tennis colleagues, including coach Polo patriarch Glen Holden and his when I put my pants on, pounced!” School Saga. Pancho Gonzales. wife, Gloria, opened the doors of their says Scott, patron of the ERG team The 23-year-old Stanford gradu- Fellow players including Roger charming Gehache Ranch, a short trot that hoisted the coveted century-old ate, son of Emmy and Golden Globe Federer and Novak Djokovic com- from the Santa Barbara Polo Club, to Bombardier Pacific Coast Open tro- winning Cheers producer-writer Cheri peting at the U.S. Open in Queens, raise funds for the 29-year-old charity, phy at the club at the weekend in Steinkellner, was in fine form reading sent congratulations. Adventures in Caring, which helps the Battle of the Texas Titans against excerpts from the entertaining tome, Caterers made a grass “tennis with skills training for compassionate Dallas dynamo John Muse, whose whose title derives from an episode court” the length of two ping-pong care. Lucchese team has won the contest for at Santa Barbara Junior High when he tables from edible organic wheatgrass, was literally dumped head first into a which was placed as the center of the trash can in PE class. action. “I don’t think it was personal,” Fortunately the apartment also he explains. “I think I was just the boasts a 48-seat dining room, which shrimpiest guy in the class!” I was invited to a number of times Teddy, who wrote the book over a when it was owned by the late cor- three-year period while studying in porate raider Saul Steinberg, a keen Palo Alto and finished it on the eve of supporter of the London Symphony his 20th birthday, says he was like the Orchestra... character “Jake” in the book. “I was introverted and awkward. Charlie’s Channel Cat Junior high is a harrowing experience One old time charity, Direct Relief, for all involved.” and a brand new one, the Holden Teddy has now written a sequel, Foundation, benefitted from a two- Trash Can Nights: The Saga Continues, hour sail on Charlie Munger’s and says he’d like to do a third. Channel Cat. “But more about grownups and not The foundation, launched in Bill Nicholson, Salud Carbajal, Herschel Cobb, and Glen and Gloria Holden with host Scott Wood (photo so Santa Barbara-ish,” he adds... January, seeks to promote community by Priscilla) dialog and be “an objective problem The former U.S. ambassador to the past three consecutive years. Big Apple Birthday solver” with Todd Capps, son of Rep. Jamaica is president of the non-profit “I felt like I was being dipped in Montecito tennis ace Jimmy Lois Capps, as executive director. that has helped more than a million hot oil. It was the worst four days of Connors celebrated his 61st birth- Among the 92 guests on board was people alone or in hospital or nursing my life. day and his controversial memoir David Finkel, who founded Maui homes since its founding dressed as “It’s amazing how much damage a The Outsider at the sprawling New Mastermind, a business counseling Raggedy Anns or Raggedy Andys. creature the size of a dime can inflict!” York pad of Blackstone CEO Steve organization, ten years ago. He was “Every volunteer, most of them Fortunately Scott recovered in time Schwarzman and his wife, Christine. also celebrating the publication of his future health care professionals, to host his second End of Summer The $40 million 20,000-sq-ft 34-room latest book, Scale & Grow Rich. makes a one-year commitment,” says bash for 300 guests at the Carpinteria triplex apartment on Park Avenue in Others enjoying an evening on executive director Simon Fox. “They club, organized by Montecito event Manhattan, formerly the home of the ocean waves included Chris are learning the human side. planner extraordinaire Merryl Brown, oil tycoon John D. Rockefeller, was Lancashire and Catherine Gee, Patty “There are a hundred volunteers, with a Cuban theme and a highly packed with power players, accord- DeDominic and Gene Sinser, Bilo aged sixteen to eighty-six.” energized eight-piece band for the ing to my mole with the martini, Zarif, Ray Estrada, David and Tracy The annual cost for training, invitees, including Andy and Kim with guests including petrochemical Beard, Maurice Singer, Ralph Flores, coaching and recruitment is around Busch, Bill and Sandi Nicholson, billionaire David Koch, polo playing Sasha Ablitt and Kerri Murray... $250,000, or $2,500 for each student. Barry and Jelinda DeVorzon, Kenny

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36 MONTECITO JOURNAL • The Voice of the Village • 5 – 12 September 2013 footing. Headlines about profitability and audience growth have replaced the drumbeat of speculation that her ambitious venture with Discovery Communications might end up a cost- ly flop and an uncharacteristic failure for her. “I no longer have such fear and anxiety about it,” says Oprah. “I really Auctioneers Billy Baldwin and John Palminteri have more confidence in my deci- (photo by Priscilla) sions. “In the beginning, I had a lot of Jonathan Burrows, Tom Barrack and meetings where people said, ‘You Pat, before digging into the ample bar- don’t understand cable’… I’d say, ‘But becue and quaffing the many varieties Jeff and Hollye Jacobs, Richard and Annette Caleel, Margarita and Chuck Lande at the End of Summer I do understand the audience. Aren’t of wine. bash (photo by Priscilla) people the same?’” “It really does take a community to Her confidence in Los Angeles- do all this,” says Bilo. “We are now based OWN is also backed up by the at the next level and the support is numbers. exceptional.” For the year to date, viewership is Ubiquitous KEYT-TV reporter up 22 percent among the target audi- John Palminteri shared live auc- ence of adult women and 23 percent tion duties with actor Billy Baldwin, among all viewers compared to last with a Rocky Mountain retreat at the year, according to Nielsen. Ritz-Carlton in Bachelor Gulch going In the third quarter, prime-time for $3,250 and a stay at Bilo’s desert viewership among women 25 to 54 home in La Quinta, including use of a and total viewers each are up more Bentley, raising $3,500. than 60 percent compared to 2012. Among those joining in the fun, For last month, OWN drew a chan- which is hoped to have raised around nel-high 536,000 prime-time viewers, $100,000 for Summerland School and a fraction of the millions that watched a new L.A. – based charity, Dec My Oprah’s talk show, but respectable for Room – which decorates hospital a developing cable channel... rooms for long-term child patients – were Alan and Tanya Thicke, Arlene Charles Ward, Frank Caufield, Bob Fell, Brant Dahlfors of Bombardier and Craig McCaw (photo by Priscilla) Party at Pat’s Montesano – who gave a sensu- Hotel magnate Pat Nesbitt threw ous display of the rumba from her Loggins, Robert and Robin Fell, open the gates of his sprawling new Ryan Seacrest reality TV series Frank Caufield, Craig McCaw, Peter Summerland estate, Bella Vista, to Montecito –, Mara Abboud, Amy and Lisa Douglas, Pat and Ursula host the Summerland Winery’s ninth Simmons, Paul Orfalea, Glen and Nesbitt, Charles Ward, Peter and annual “Under The Harvest Sun” Gloria Holden, and Henry and Rita Mireille Noone, Justin and Amanda wine club party, which has raised Hortenstine... Klenter, Victoria Firestone, and Scott more than $200,000 over the years and Terri Devon. since its launch by Turkish owner So Long, Summer But, just 12 hours after his decisive Nebil “Bilo” Zarif. Montecito artist Tom Mielko and 16-9 victory on the polo field, he was More than 300 guests watched a his wife, Eileen, hosted their annual on his private jet again. round robin featuring players from end of summer bash with 100 guests. “My son fell down the stairs and the Santa Barbara Polo Club, just a 4 suffered multiple fractures,” adds quick gallop down the road, includ- miscellany Page 44 Scott. Oprah’s projects on a definite upswing ing Ben Soleimani, Jason Crowder, A most memorable week – in many ways!... Coastal HideawaysInc. Good News for Oprah 805 969-1995 With Oscar buzz building for Oprah Luxury Vacation Rentals Winfrey’s role in Lee Daniel’s The Short or Long Term Butler, matters definitely seem on the upswing for Montecito’s most famous resident. Interior Design Services Having declared last year that also available launching her own television channel Hire the best in the industry to was one of the biggest mistakes she manage your income property. ever made, the former TV talk show titan says her “fears” have now been allayed with the news that her OWN Please stop in and visit us network is turning a profit for the first 17 years serving the time since its rocky start in 2011 and Santa Barbara community reported losses of $330 million. More than 30 new advertisers are Melissa M. Pierson, Owner joining original heavyweight spon- 1211 Coast Village Road #4 sors Procter & Gamble and General Montecito, CA 93108 Electric, and paying higher rates as [email protected] the channel is said to have found Nina and Eric Phillips, Bilo Zarif, Pat and Ursula Nesbitt, Erin Shaffer, Ali Kasikci and Jonathan Burrows www.coastalhideaways.com its programming and distribution on his polo horse (photo by Priscilla) 5 – 12 September 2013 I’m writing a book; I’ve got the page numbers done – Steven Wright MONTECITO JOURNAL 37 miscellany (Continued from page 37) On Finance the $605 million yacht 590-ft Azzam, owned by Sheikh Hamad bin Jassim by Kevin Bourke bin Jaber Al Thani, 54, former prime minister of Qatar. It holds a staggering Kevin Bourke, author of the book Make Your Money Last a Lifetime and founder of Bourke Wealth Management, has worked in the field of financial planning one million liters of fuel. since 1987. His designations include Certified Financial Planner and Chartered Among Abramovich’s former Financial Consultant. Kevin Bourke can be reached at (805)966.2122. yachts is Le Grand Bleu, a 367-ft beau- ty formerly owned by John McCaw, brother of cell phone magnate Craig Ask The Right Questions McCaw, who sold it to Russia’s fifth re you old enough to remem- Advisor B answers, “1.5% of assets richest man in 2002. ber the Pink Panther movie under management.” A small world!... Nina and Doug Katsev with Diana Langley at the series starring Peter Sellers as Clearly Advisor A is cheaper, right? Mielkos’ end of summer soirée (photo credit: AInspector Clouseau? In one famous Not necessarily. What if the internal Robyn Geddes) Rest in Peace scene, he sees a man sitting next to a fees of the investments offered by dog. He politely asks, “Excuse me, but Advisor A were 2% and the internal The tony twosome attracted quite a does your dog bite?” fees of the investments offered by crowd, with Tipper Gore, Rich Block, The man replies, “No.” Advisor B were 0.25%? Which one Robert and Christine Emmons, Susan So the inspector reaches out to pet offers a lower total cost? St. John, Mo McFadden, George the dog, and the dog promptly bites Advisor A: 1% Advisory fee + 2% Isaacs, Alex Mertens, and Julian Nott him. “I thought you said your dog did internal investment expense fee = 3% and Anne Luther among those gob- not bite,” says the intrepid Clouseau Total Cost bling the canapés and quaffing the in his worst French accent. Advisor B: 1.5% Advisory fee + wine and Veuve Clicquot. “That is not my dog,” replies the 0.25% internal investment expense fee Tom’s work has been collected by man... = 1.75% Total Cost presidents Bill Clinton and Ronald It’s important to ask the right ques- Asking the fee question is good, Reagan, as well as the late publisher tion, isn’t it? but it doesn’t give you the investment Malcolm Forbes and former General Perhaps the most commonly asked product portion of the total cost. If I Electric CEO, Jack Welch. question I hear is, “What are your were opening an investment account, It is also in the collections of the Dale Kern, R.I.P. fees?” This is a good question, but not I’d ask, “What are your fees?” Then Smithsonian in Washington and the On a personal note, I mourn the loss the best question. I’d follow it up with, “What do the Santa Barbara Historical Museum... of Dale Kern, former West Coast edi- Over the last fifteen years or so, the investment products you are recom- tor of the fashion bible Women’s Wear subject of investment fees has gotten mending charge as a fee? What then is Looking at Luna Daily. much press coverage, which is a good the total cost of the investments you’re Dale, 67, who grew up in Beverly thing for investors. Since this ques- suggesting?” Hills and moved to Montecito some Russian oli- tion of investment fees is important, The cost of investments is not garch Roman years back, had been ill for a number let’s be certain we’re asking the right the only factor to consider when Abramovich of years, but bore it all stoically, con- question to uncover the answer we’re making investment decisions. Asset tinuing to throw her popular holiday looking for. What is it you really want allocation, risk tolerance, time hori- parties throughout that time. to know? zon, income, potential inheritances, “She left us much too soon,” says When we discuss fees, we’re looking job stability, health… the list goes old friend, Beverley Jackson, former to get a sense of what we’re paying for on. Fees are not necessarily the society columnist for the News-Press. our investments, right? Pretty simple. most important question, they are “We met in 1978 when she was The challenge is understanding what however the easiest to quantify, so assigned to write a feature on all the fees are that are embedded in we hear much more about them in Montecito, which in those days boast- our investments. What is the real cost? the media. ed old mansions maintaining private How much are you paying to have Is there a “right” answer to the chefs and butlers, and black tie din- your investments managed and is it a total cost question? Unfortunately, no. ners several times a week. Everybody reasonable fee? Some investment strategies, by their loved her and she wrote one of the A plane fighting a headwind will very nature, are more expensive to best feature stories ever on the area, make slower progress than the same implement than others. There are no ‘Montecito, Mecca for Quiet Money.’ plane in still air. Higher fees amount accurate ‘rules of thumb’ to determine We were dear friends from that date to higher headwinds, all other things whether a given cost is appropriate. on.” being equal. The problem with high What to do? Dale, who, by coincidence, died on fees is that the underlying investment I challenge you. Do you know what her mother’s birthday, will be remem- has to perform well enough to cover your investments cost? Not just the Roman Abramovich’s yacht Luna in Santa Barbara bered in due course with a memorial the fee and provide a return to you advisory fee, but the total cost includ- at the weekend (photo: Baron O’Callaghan) lunch at the University Club... as an investor. The higher the fee, the ing expense ratios, transactions costs, Russian oligarch Roman harder it becomes. But you know all and tax consequence? Advisors love Abramovich, whose 40-crew 377-ft Sightings: Herb Simon at Los this. This is why you ask prospec- this question. We don’t often get the long yacht, Luna, has been popping Arroyos on Coast Village Road with tive advisors, “What’s your fee?” You opportunity to dig into the minutiae, in and out of Santa Barbara waters a nine-piece Mariachi band perform- rightly want to know what sort of something we enjoy. Go ask. of late, has a Montecito connection, I ing... Angelina Jolie’s actor broth- headwind you’re going to be facing If you have an IRA, is your advisory note. er, James Haven, noshing at Olio e with a new investment strategy. But fee tax deductible? There is a legal Abramovich, worth around $14.6 Limone... Billy Baldwin checking out we still want to get to the bottom of method to make this happen. Is it hap- billion and better known as the owner the SB Polo Club... the fee question, so… pening in your case? Also, might you of London’s Chelsea soccer club, has What, then, is the right question? be in investments that generate high a number of mega yachts in his col- Pip! Pip! for now “What is the total cost of the invest- taxes? A high tax hurts more than a lection, dubbed “Abramovich’s navy” ment strategy you’re recommend- low fee feels good. Does your advi- by the British press, including the 533- Readers with tips, sightings and ing?” See the difference? sory fee include tax planning? ft Eclipse, built three years ago at a amusing items for Richard’s column Let’s look at two advisors, asked the Asking about the advisor’s fee is cost of $400 million with 70 crew, two should e-mail him at richardmin- same question: “What are your fees?” okay, but don’t forget to ask about the helipads, a medical center, and even a [email protected] or send invita- Advisor A answers, “1% of assets total costs of the investment products submarine. tions or other correspondence to the under management.” you’re considering. •MJ But even that was just eclipsed by Journal •MJ 44 MONTECITO JOURNAL • The Voice of the Village • 5 – 12 September 2013