Y ) L GO fAR CARRYING E. RAYTHEO fOOTBRlL -

W Y OT T LK IT OVER? ~ I TERVIEWS T M.l:r: NOVfM6EK \5

WALTHAM, MASS. No. 1 1956

AHA! There is a move afoot to rename the Harvard Bridge. For all we care) any phoneme would be perfectly suitable. In any e- vent, let us not insult ourselves by misnaming it the Technology Bridge. Face it, it's a lousy bridge! It has as much eye appeal as a strip of tar paper and dischar- ges five times the traffic that the cops at the exits are able to handle. It was designed for a fifteen ton load, in a state where the load limit is twenty-five ton s. On top of this, the railings are loose. Need we say more? Do you want utechnology" affixed to an end of thi s macadam- }\\~?~ ized trampoline? ji~l~j[@ Of course not. But not «Harvard Bridge;" for in truth, there is no "Harvard Bridge." Any damn fool knows there is no bridge between Harvard and Reality.

W.A.; H.M.S.

SENIOR BOARD

Harry M. Salesky Alan M. May Editor General Manager

William B. Alexander Ralph Brown Managing Editor Business Manager

JUNIOR BOARD AI Hoch Phil Pearle Andy Blackman and Pete Sampton Vic Teplitz Joke Editor Features Editor Co-Art Editors Literary Editor

AI Esbitt Jim lwickel Cole Bess Norm Lerner Make-Up Editor Sales Manager Advertising Manager Circulation Manager

Rich Gottlieb Larry Kaiden Rudy Segovia Mel Cohen Treasurer Publicity Manager Office Manager Business Associate

ASSOCIATES

SALES JOKES PUBLICITY CIRCULATION FEATURES LITERARY Dick Kolker Stu Brody Paul Busch Howard liff Dick Hardy Max Derek Allen Dave Chonette Karl Gentili AI Bloom Donald Estein Shirley Sandy Paul Drapkin Bob Rose Gene Block J. War Williams ADVERTISING Dave Weisberg Houston Evans Marge AI Hiltunen Dick Davidson Gene Montrone Bob Schmidt Joni Ronny Brown Ovid J.E.S.B. Joel Lazar Peter Schwartzkopf Sniela Mel Snyder Ned Johnson Jr. MAKE-UP Walt Ray A. P. Hizolis Iris Harry Bifulco Carol Phil Horvitz OFFICE CAT ART Larry Laben TREASURY Judy Dick Weinstein Phosphorous Don Hatfield Ina Dave Cook Irv Weinman Joe Cohen KITTENS Julian Cherubini Bobble Kent Bloomer Barbara Dick Waxman Bob Broder Bethany Dick Dattner Ellie H. M. S. Marty

All material submitted with a stamped, self-addressed envelope to the Literary Editor, at this office, will receive careful consideration. Copyright, 1956, by the VOO 000 Senior Board. Published by the Senior Board for the Students of Massachusettss Institute of Technology. Office: 303 Walker Memorial, Cam- bridge 39, Mass. Office Hours: 4:30 to 5:30 P.M., Monday through Friday. Published monthly from November to June. Twe nty-five cents a copy. Subscription: $2.00 for Eight Issues. $53.00 in Pago Pago. Published October 26, 1956. November Copy Inserted. Entered as second class matter at the Post Office at Cambridge, Mass.

This month's cover by Blackman MIT

phosphorus wishes to extend A graduate student of our ac- At this same 'acquaintance a cordial welcome to Professor quaintance after years of pro- dance (this year, not next year) John Rule who, during the sum- digious labor has reached such a a friend of ours happened to walk mer, was appointed to the posi- peak of attainment that he is by with a date. Before he got tion of Dean of Students. We of being allowed this semester to halfway across the lobby, Voo Doo interpret the appoint- teach 8.01 lab. One day, after three boys with pencils were ment as a new pledge of the ad- giving a short lecture on the writing down his date" s tele- ministration's love for the mag- first lab, he was accosted by phone number. azine, for Dean Rule is a for- one of the drops from the sea of mer Voo Doo editor. shining faces he had just fin- ished speaking to. We repeat the ensuing conversation in its During the Freshman Activi- entirety: ties Midway a few of our boys ttAre chemistry labs like this?" cornered a bottle of Tequila and s Voo Doo '.s triumphs con- UNo, son, chemistry labs are were happily depleting it behind tinue to grow by leaps and different from physics labs. U the Voo Doo exhibit when a par- bounds, from our lofty heights ttOh, that's too bad. You're ent-type person happened by and we shed a few crocodile tears the first instructor I've had that cast a what-am-l-Ietting-my son- for the proportional regression looked like he knew what he was in-for look at the assemblage of another student publication talking about. U which was hastily capping the which recently printed the same "Do you want to take your bottle. The parent-type -person article twice on its first page, tA' with you or will you eat it beckoned to several others of but cleverly varied the heading. here?" the same species. They whis- This same publication, how- pered for a few minutes and then ever, deserves congratulations all looked shocked in unison. A for the fact that, this year, not quick thinking board member quite all of its seniors have leaped to the rescue by walking fallen by the wayside; two are over to the booth, unscrewing left. We mention this now while the cap, and oiling some gear. it is still true; but a month from Last year Baker House held now - who knows? an acquaintance dance at which the girls outnumbered the boys two to one. This year they ad- vertised this fact to draw boys to this year's dance. Of course We understand that one of the boys outnumbered the girls this year's freshman coeds is two to one. We expect that next taking ROTC. She is, however, year they will advertise this Recently, outside of a dance not being allowed to take drill fact in all the local girl's up the river a bit, we heard a and at last word was swearing schools and the girls will out- Radcliffe girl telling her Har- like a top-sergeant about dis- number the boys. Then the vard date, "But I'm allergic to crimination. year after they can ... people. " 3

A very determined professor She doesn't drink Familiarity breeds attempt. in 14.77 spent half of a period She doesn't pet. reading from a list of four and She doesn't go a half million words that some- To college yet. one has compiled and compiled and compiled. Then he asked for a show of hands from those Thirty days have September, who spoke German. From the April, June, And my uncle for sixty people in the class three speeding. hands made it almost up to half mast. Our hero looked disap- Conscience is what makes a pointed for a second and then girl tell her mother something said belligerantly, ceI'm not she knows damn well she'll changing my lesson plan for find out anyway. anyone; H and then proceeded to As one girl explains it, He's spend the rest of the period tall, dark and hands. reading from an 11.5 million word list in German.

For those who are interested; Did you know that some people in the above mentioned list the think Vat 69 is the Pope's tel- People who live in gall blad- word ccStellaH appeared three phone number? ders shouldn't throw stones. hundred ninety-seven times.

The gum-chewing girl The cud-chewing cow Are somewhat alike Yet different somehow. And what is the difference? I think I know now. It" s the clean thoughtful look On the face of the cow.

Did you know that the girl who leans over you on a couch is pleasure bent?

Lipstick is something that gives We call it a vacuum tube. Zug thinks it may someday replace added flavor to an old pastime. the Transistor. The other night we were sitting in the office most expensive and desireable being a straight, trying to persuade a pert brunette, who was in­ compact grain called ((flame briar". When se­ explicably there, to sit on our lap, when a friend 1ecting a pipe, be on the look-out for CCflat" walked in with a pipe clenched between his sections containing no pattern, which are soft teeth. The brunette jumped off her chair (we and may dent or burn out. In cheap pipes, these hadn't succeeded) shouting, teA man without a patches may often be disguised with a grain­ pipe is only half a man." We immediately cor­ simulating stain. nered our friend and told him to tell us all about pipes. He did. Pipes are available in hundreds of different styles. Shapes and corresponding names vary considerable from manufacturer to manufacturer, Meershaum is a white carbonaceous mineral, but some fairly standard names are the tebil­ the main source of which is Turkey. After min­ liard"--having a straight bowl; the tebulldog"-­ ing imperfections are cut out, resulting in a with a stem which has a diamond-shaped cross kidney-shaped mass which is exported. When section and two characteristic lines scored dry, it is very hard, but if soaked in water for around the bowl; and the teCanadian"--similar a while it becomes soft, soapy, and may be to the ccbilliard" but having a much longer carved and shaped. When smoked, these pipes length of briar than rubber in the stem. All develop a beautiful golden color, resulting from sorts of variation on these standard shapes are the action of the smoke and heat. This color is possible. For example, in the case of the bull­ retained by a special wax. To color a pipe prop­ dog, the substitution of a round stem results in erly is a very tricky process and is usually more theCCmushrooms"; a curved stem gives the "bent trouble than it is worth. A pipe should not be bulldog" and other modifications give the ((squat touched while hot, because it becomes spotty bulldog" -- and so forth. and to insure uniform heating a special false The materials commonly used for pipes are bowl should be inserted. Because it can't burn briar and meerschaum, although any material out, Meershaum is often used to line briar pipes might be used if it is light, slightly porous, and or is mounted in some other substance. (For resists burning. For example, cherry wood and example, a gourd, which is the calabash pipe of porcelain are occasionally used, but are less Sherlock Holmes fame.) satisfactory. Briar pipes are carved from roots To learn how pipes are manufactured, visit obtained from the Mediterranean region. They the David Ehrlick Company on Washington must be about 45 years old to be of sufficient Street near Dock Square where pipes have been size. Algeria yields the best quality briar, al­ manufactured since 1870. Here one is shown though other sources are Greece, France, Italy, L-shaped blocks imported from Algeria which Corsica, and Spain. Briar is graded and priced are being aged at constant temperature in vaults according to grain and texture. Since it is a in the basement. These blocks are graded and root, it often encloses rocks and holes. These trimmed, the holes drilled, and the bowl and stem flaws, if small, do not affect the smoking prop­ turned out on a lathe. The bottoms are then turn­ erties, and often lower the price of an attractive­ ed on a foot lathe, which can be rocked through ly grained pipe. Various names such as ccbirds a few degrees of arc by means of a spindle and eyes" are applied to different grain patterns, the cord arrangement. The bits are then cut and 5 shaped from large sheets of hard rubber and the will help to keep your pipe lit, but will not do whole pipe sanded and polished. Bits are some- much to improve its taste. times cast, but these are soft and wear through A final hint to our faculty readers. Many an more rapidly. Amber is used for the bits of more instructor has found that thoughtfully trying to expensive pipes because it is attractive, but it light his pipe is a fine way to stall off answer- is somewhat undesirable because of its brittle- ing a stickler of a question. Just don't let your ness. students see that there is no tobacco in it. For The process of shaping a meerschaum pipe is others -- well, pipes are also fine for carrying very similar, except that the are care- and keeping small articles such as elastic bands fully saved and compressed into a synthetic paper clips, and used chewing gum. meerschaum. The method of polishing is rather ---Bernie Wuensch unique, since it is done with a short reed of bu11rush. Now, before you rush out to buy a pipe, you'11 WELCOME TO OUR WEEKLY DANCE PARTIES need a few pointers on breaking it in. In smok- EVERY WED. AT 9:00 P.M. ing a pipe for the first time, the bowl should be moistened slightly and only partially filled for the first few smokes. This develops a ucake" 580 Mass. Ave. \ • tIucIio UN 4-6868 ~ on the inside of the bowl which should be built Cambridge 0 or co 6-6606 up from the bottom and should not be scraped out, since it insures steady burning. This cake should not be allowed to build up to more than a Complete Course - 20~ Hours - $7.50 sixteenth of an inch, the difference in heat ex- Private Lessons By Appointment pansion between the cake and the pipe may crack 2 CAN LEARN FOR THE PRICE OF J a thin pipe. When not in use, your pipe should be rested in a vertical position so that any mois- ture will be drawn down into the bowl and dry up. All pipes should be allowed to ccrest" in this manner between use. A pipe should be packed firmly,- a loosely packed pipe will burn hot while a too tightl y packed pipe will not draw properly-and should be smoked slowly. If you are a fast smoker use a coarse cut, slow burning, ccchunk·' tobacco. If you are a slow smoker, use a fine-cut such as the Ustring-cut"; corn silk, cotton, or kerosene

WHOLESALE (THE HOUSE OF A THOUSAND SPECIALS) RETAIL FENWAY LIQUOR COMPANY 213 Massachusetts Avenue, Boston Next to Loew's State Theatre CO 6·2103 NATURALLY-TECH MEN PREFER THE FENW AY LIQUOR CO. FOR THE MOST COMPLETE LIQUOR, WINE & BEER STOCK IN BOSTON Special Attention to M.I.T. Students-Whether A FREE DRIVERY· Always Plenty of Ice Cubes Bottle or A Case Party Planning \ \

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I I ~r -o , • • J ~ . \ ! :\L __ l. ..r- ~----lM~~~ ------_.~ ~-,------~) 1(.I .. tt, I'll tell you he's a strange one. I've seen him he began telling me all about his roommate. It in classes, sitting way over in some corner, sort seems that this roommate of his is quite the guy of trying to disappear. One time I watched him knows hundreds of girls, goes out all the time, taking notes; he was moving his pen very care- has charge accounts at all the local liquor ful like, as if he was afraid it would make a stores, is a real good athlete, and even makes noise and someone would look at him. dean's list. But as I was saying, about a month ago I was Every time I ran into him after that he would over eating dinner. I'd loaded my tray and was rush up to me and tell me all about his room- mates latest adventures. Never said anything looking for a place to sit. There didn't seem to be room anyplace so finally I ended up way over about himself, just talked about his roommate. at the side. There he was, still trying to dis- Well the other night I was sitting around think- appear, hunched over his food alone at one of i.ng about him and the more I thought, the queerer the small tables. I went over and sat down and It all seemed. So finally I decided to go see this stellar roommate for myself. I went over to began eating. I figured that maybe, if I didn't his dorm and looked up his room number and say anything, I wouldn't bother him too much went upstairs, but when I knocked on the door and he would keep from dying of fright; but he there was no answer. I don't know why, but in- kept getting more and more nervous so I started stead of leaving I tried the handle of the door. talking to him. This was worse, if anything, un- It was open. I put my head in and looked around. til I asked him where he lived. It was sort of You know what? That kid's in a single. like turning on a radio you think has a broken tube but really doesn't; if you know what I mean. Not only did he tell me what dorm he was in but -- Vic Teplitz 9

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POPULAR T.ECH STEIN IN WHITE WITH TECH SEAL AND LETTERING FIRED ON IN FULL COLOR TECHNOLOGY STORE A OTHER VOO DOO ~RM CH~'R SPORT FOR MEN THE SCORING IS: * a. For each call made, G. R. points. THE TELEPHONE b. For each girl spoken to of chosen name, G. R. x 10 points. 1 The Telephone. c. For each date made with the girl of chosen name, G. R. x 10 points. The game is played by four and more. The players each put an agreed-upon-sum (we like two dollars) into d. For each date gone through with, with girl of chosen name, G. R. points. the kitty as a prize for the winner. e. For each successive date with same girl G. R. x 5 points. An arbitrary Ii st of girls' names is chosen, and a rating of two, three, or five is assigned to each one. The In addition there are certain bonus scores. largest numbers go to the rarest names. A typical Iist might be: f. For each girl spoken to of name other than chosen name 25 points. g. For each date made with girl of name other than chosen name 20 points. ~. For eac~ date gone through with, with girl of name other than chosen name 10 points. 2 Rating 2: Mary, Betty, Barbara, Jane, Ann, Nancy, Carol, Judy. I. For haVing been around enough to know one of the girls spoken to at the other end of the wire 10 points. Rating 3: Linda, Margot, Sylvia, Arlene, Merle, Brenda. k. ~or marrying one of the girls found in this way 5000 points plus •••• Rating 5: Abbie, Penelope, Ardis, Letitia, Chris, Hortense. an additional five dollars from each player for your honeymoon.

3 A random list is then made of telephone numbers. A fairly incomplete selection for the Boston Area is included herein. Several numbers have been repeated to weight the schools more evenly: Typical calls followed through yield; G.R. 2 70 points G.R. 3 100 points G.R. 5 175 points \'J ...... Two hundred to two hundred fi fty points is N BE -399 ...... usually game. You will find that the three week 00 'S BE -460 ...... ". period (averaging seven calls) which is the or­ BE -321 ~ dinary run of the game. has a certain zest. ~ BE -214 U -1 0-, ...... 0-, .D NNc BE -646 ~ For every game played this year under these -- P.P. 00 ...... "0 00000-, rules for which we receive an authenticate ac­ ...:....:....:. counting Voodoo will present the winner, runner CI 7-9111 up, and loser with a can of beer. If it is an WE 5-2663 unusual game, we will (with your approval) publicize the results. Charlie Mun Additional subtleties to the game exist. LAUNDRY Everyone must make the same number of phone EL ~/ calls. No player may phone the same number twice, but he may choose the same name twice. Extra points are sometimes given for the cheap­ est call each round (Black!llan convention). 88 IIASS. AVE. Telephone 0 J[E~N'12 Cl 7-7995 M There is usually a gentleman's agreement that BOSTON "4) 6086-l I::> q once a date is made, it is carried through. W..4 LO 6-2720 ...... NO" 01) 5..8088 \J ~ L.qq~- L. u q'lA~ ..J 2700 \..0 b~_q'1' ,",Orthampton THE FINEST IN FOOD F & T DINER for that well-groomed look- 4 The game is played as follows: $5.50 Value For $5.00 Each player selects a name from the name list. His choice is governed by pure gambling sensations. He LARRY'S SHOP then closes his eyes and selects a number by sticking a pin in the above list (being careful not to hurt the rest $3.30 Value For $3.00 of the magazine) selecting in this way his number. The player wends his way to the phone and dials the number. Employing his personal scintillation wit and WE CATER TO STUDENTS opp. Bldg. seven entrance ingenuity, he will endeavor to match the name he has selected with a voice at the end of the line. THE REST OF THE PLAY IS UP TO THE PLAYER. He will attempt to rack up as large a score of points as possible. Kendall Square Cambridge

*G. R. means Girl Rating. A Hortense has a G. R. of Five. 12

FALSE PRIDE SEE SEGAL FOR SPECIAL RATES TO TECHMEN Why do women think there's allure SEGA(S BODY SHOP In the twin peaks of their upper contour? Why do they provoke the sane men to depravity APPRAISER OF AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENTS By falsly defying the laws of gravity? What is the reason for women's birth EXPERT BODY & FENDER REPAIR & REFINISHING Not just to acquire licentious mirth. Do we admire the uddered cow Or the many-fauceted sow? 306 MASS. AVE. K17-7485 CAMBRIDGE, MASS. Dispense then with this padded silk There is nothing grandiose in milk.

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86 Mass. Ave. (cor. Commonwealth) CI7-8586 «(I'm a ravaged savage, a ravaged savage. Soon after, along came a duck. But she emerged sing- ing: cclt's a mistake, it's a mistake, I'm a drake." THE OLD PHILOGYNIST

You say you can't afford a-quarter for VOODOO 1'\.[01< And you just bought a slide-rule, And it cost twenty-five bucks, And you forgot your Coop Number, And you bet on the Dodgers, Is that what your thinking, son?

1"1.oXt:

ILLEGITIMIS NON CARBORUNDUM EST!!

You say your car broke down on Memorial Drive, And it's 5:30 PM, And you lost your parking sticker, IlGIOJfl And your father's check bounced, And you just sat on your slide rule, Is that what you're thinking, cousin?

ILLEGITIMIS NON CARBORUNDUM EST!!

You say you just ran over your advisor, And you need his signature to drop a course, And you stepped on your new slide rule, And you flunked ROTC for the fourth time, And you got a Grad student for 8.05, And he's a Democrat. Is that what you're mumbling about, son?

ILLEGITIMIS NON CARBORUNDUM EST!!

You say you have a 2.001 exam, And no one will lend you a slide rule because they're afraid you'll break it, And your girl friend had triplets, And they all look like you, And you lost so much money playing poker that you can't afford a plane ticket, And all the planes are grounded, anyhow, And the Registrar doesn't think you're high enough in your class, And Uncle Sam tends to agree with him, Is that what's troubling you, friend?

YOU'VE HAD IT!!

--Richard Hardy Donald Zalkin

IJ IWlillIllilllJ IJIII IIIill

All fo r One and One for All

It was different this time. The lads found one. Elvis Presly was wailing out some CCHeart- They were driving through the streets of Milford break Hotel" on the portable and Jake was when they found one of those girls you talk teaching her how to dance the dirty dig. He about but never meet. She didn't embarrass. placed his hands on her buttocks and pulled her When john yelled out, "Hey, you got an older toward "him. sister about twelve?" (John did things like that ccpush your abdomen forward." he instructed often) she stopped, looked him square in the patiently. eye, and said, in the cutest little ole' southern "Like this?" She swayed slowly from side accent ever, tt36-24-36." to side. Skid marks for a quarter of a block, a screech- Jake thought, ccYeahhh - like that," but he ing Ll-turn, and four grinning optimists hopped said, HA little more." out of the car and in perfect mi Iitary precision So she pushed a little more and changed her surrounded the victim. sway to a circular motion. Lenny wiped the When asked if she had girl friends and could persperation from his brow as he watched en- get dates for the lads, he answer was -- well - viously, silently, and, of course, gentlemanly. different. She said, HOh, v' all don't need She was going to take on the four of them. Sud- dates; Ah can take on the four of you." Four denly she pushed lake away, smiled, and said, jaws dropped in unison and then everybody ccAw, ah'm getting y'all all worked up." looked at everybody else and then laughed. The CCHoney," he said, "you not only can't take eyes conveyed the thought: U All for one & one on the four of us, you can't even excite one of for all!" us." And, as he turned toward the. door, ccI'm They were all counsellors at the same sum- going out to get another girl." mer camp and camp was over. Bunk 21 was for She smiled as if she were about to step on an little tots and it had partitions. Four rooms and ant, and said, ttGo ahead; Ah like competition." and a bath. C 'Dammit, I will:" And he didl Lenny went She kept yelling at lohn to keep his hands to with him. In an impressive cloud of dust, they himself on the way to camp. (John did things were off down the dirt road winding back to Port like that often.) Lenny was a perfect gentleman Jervis. and had sat silently throughout the trip. She Dark streets, lonely streets, empty streets, liked that and she said so in the car. Lenny and closed bars were all the woman hunters en- tried ro blush when she said it, but he couldn't. countered. They were plotting to destroy the He thought it would make her like him even more. world by the time they drove back to camp with lake had kept his eyes on the road and his nothing to show for their heroic intentions but hands on the wheel, but his mind .... Mel blew twel ve stinking cans of beer that they picked in her ear again and they went into bunk 2l. up in a crummy all night delicatessen, and a Before long, Miss 36-24-36 said she was dented bumper where they had screeched to an warm and expressed a desire to get out of "this almost stop and telephone poled to a complete stuffy dress". She was a breath-taking sight in one. Mel's tennis shorts and sweat shirt. The shorts The cloud of dust settled to a halt at bunk 2l. were too big so she rolled them up - and up - The first thing to emerge from it was a collec- until she could go no higher. She knew her legs tion of English words not found in Webster's were the kind men liked to look at and she was dictionary. Then came twelve beer cans one by very accomodating. j ohn didn't like to look at one, and, finally, lake and Lenny stormed, un- them. The sweat shirt wasn't too big. Mel is a steadily but determined, up the steps of the husky lad, but the sweat shirt wasn't too big. porch. Mel met them at the door. Complaints John wanted to touch. (John did things like that ceased; angry faces lit up with the warm glow ofren.l of immoral glee. Mel was in his un derwear. But 17

joy was short-lived, for Mel was soon joined by John pulled the covers up over his ears. uYou

Miss t 'Immoral Glee" herself. She had put her can pour all the beer you damn please on the dress back on and wanted to go home. Mel floor, but keep that stuff away from me. tt looked at Jake and Lenny, then glanced over A SIDW motion pivot, a flip of the wrist, and their shoulders to see if they had brought back slush; a beer . Disgustedly John tossed women. He pointed to the lass beside him, the covers off and sat up in bed. His head sank shook his head slowly, and blew in her ear. down low into his shoulders as his weight, rest- She shrugged him away. HJ ake, Ah want to go ing on his arms forced his fists deep into the home." mattress. Still groggy, he stared at the floor as Lenny spit out words that he himself didn't he recited his tormentor's origin of birth. uYou know existed. Jake laughed. nGood night," son-of-a-bitch! tt With that he grabbed her an- he said, and went to bed. The other lads fol- kles and lunged forward, just as he had seen lowed suit, one in each of the four rooms, leav- Czynowski do to a Notre Dame halfback. His ing the lady standing in the hall. shoulder set her neatly on her posterior. (] ohn She summoned up her vocal power and let go did things like that often.) with a mighty tarzan yell, "T AKE ME HOME!tt He was wide awake now. He stood up straight, A chuckle was heard from each of the rooms towering over the shapeless lump groveling on except one. John had been asleep for hours. the floor. When the lump was able to breathe Once more, "TAKE ME HOME!tt again, it climbed up onto the bed and sat there HChuckle." sobbing. John watched motionlessly, the fire uChuckle. " in his face evaporating the beer on his forehead cCChuckle. tt at a tremendous rate. As soon as the lump of She went into Jake's room and sat down on pain on the bed regained her faculties, she made the edge of the bed. Jake put his hand on her a dash for a broom standing behind the door. She ankle. She rubbed his fuzzy slowly and tried to sweep John's head into the hall" while tenderly. He rubbed her shin slowly and ten- leaving his body in the bedroom. Finally the derly. She placed her head on the pi llow next three consultant referees demanded a halt. Len- to his. He placed his hand on her knee. ny pulled John away. C'r ake," her voice was soft and sweet, Mel blew in her ear for the last time and HJ ake, please take me home. Ah'm awfully waved goodbye. John tapped her on the rump tired, and ah have to get up early tomorrow." and winked. (J ohn did things like that often.) Jake's fingers began to climb and she gently Lenny held the car door open for her before get- pushed his hand back to the ankle. He rolled ting in himself. Jake got behind the wheel and over, pulled the covers up to his chin and mum- the cloud of dust moved on down the road. bled, "Leave me alone; I'm tired. tt CCy' know," she said, HIt took a real man to

She went back into the hall and announced do that to me. tt her new policy, "Darnmit, if one of v' all bas- Lenny said nothing, but he silently made up tarts don't take little ole' me home right quick, half a dozen new swear words. Jake kept his Ah'm going to get mighty awful mad." Then eyes .on the road and hIS hands on the wheel, she made the rounds again, room by room, de- but his mind ... manding that she be taken home immediately, or In Milford they dropped her off at the same else! Jake rubbed her leg again; Lenny swore corner on which they had found her. She smiled politely again; Mel blew in her ear again; John a warm, warm smile, said she had a very good snored again. She wound up back in the hall, time - in spite of it all - and slinked off with verbally erupting like a volcano again. the same ball bearing action that caused them She stormed into John's room and announced to notice her hours before. that unless she was escorted home by the count On the way home, Lenny muttered under his _of three, .she would bathe the floor in beer. One - breath, "She was going to take on the four of two - three - pause - splash. The noise of the us." urinating beer can aroused curiosity and every- one congregated in John's room and watched. When the tin bladder ran dry she opened another. --MAX nAh ain't going to stop until y'all take me home. tt 18

She: How did you like that last kiss? University Typewriter Co., Inc. He: I didn't. She: But kisses are the language of love. Royal - Smith Corona - Underwood - Remington _ He: Well then let's cut this baby talk. Hermes

SALES - REPAIRS - RENTALS

VIE HAVE THE OLIVETTI - "LETTERED 22" 24 Hour Service - All Work Done On Premises I've was kissed one nignt by a D.T.D. 10 Boylston St. - Harvard Sq. - KI7 -27 20 I've been cuddled up with an S.A.E. I've been loved to death by a D.K.E. But I've never been touched by a B. V.D.

HONEY BEE CAFE

3 Minutes Walk From M.I.T. There was a young girl from Corsco, Who displayed over much of her torso, FAST TABLE SERVICE. AIR CONDITIONED A crowd soon collected, SPECIAL SUNDAY DINNERS. 994 But not one objected, And some were in favor of more so. 700 Mass. Ave., Cambridge

Phone: TRowbridge 6-7000

This may be the machine age, but love is still EAREST LIQUOR STORE TO MIT made by hand. (EVEN NEARER BY PHONE)

WlTII1lIE KINDS OF LIQUOR, BEER, AND MNE TECH MEN PREFER BOYER'S BOTTLED LIQUORS He: Do you know the secret of popularity? She: Yes, but not tonight. 480 MASS AVE, CAMBRIDGE Opposite Moller's FREE DELIVERY ICE CUBES Tit s-r '738 PARTY GALORE PLANNING

He: Darling, your eyes are like deep pools of sparkly water, your lips are like two little red AIR CONDITIONED FOR YOUR COMFORT rosebuds wet with the morning dew, your teeth are like the finest pearls; but you have the dam- Pizza-Steaks-Spaghetti- Ra violi-Caeciatore-Chieken ndest looking nose I have ever seen on anything A SNACK TO A FULL COURSE DINNER except an African ant-eater. g~'l ITALIAN-AMERICAN RESTAURANT

Telephone 21 Brookline St., Cambridge, Mass. EL iot 4-9569 off Mass. Ave. All girls like their pretty legs to be noticed, most don't want to be complimented too highly. 19

A drunk walked up to the bar and asked for two beers. The bartender. watched him closely 1)into.' s as he walked into the men's washroom with the beer. A few minutes later the drunk came out jta-li4n tRes14u~nt of the washroom and ordered two more beers. 136 Mass. Ave. Again the bartender watched as the drunk went into the washroom. After this occurred three WE CATER TO TECH STUDENTS times, the bartender could control his curiosity TRY OUR SPAGHETTI no longer, and so he asked the drunk why he wa; taking the beer into the washroom. The drunk Take Out Orders· Party Specials said that he was pouring it down the toilet. This puzzled the bartender, and so he asked why on earth he was doing this? The drunk replied firmly, tti'm just dammed tired of being the mid-

dle man. U 1 King & Gray's Service Station

TIRES - BATTERIES - GENERAL REPAIRS Sam: baby, where's your heart?'~ "Aw, 131 Mass. Ave. Opposite The Armory Agnes: "Straight down my neck, first turn to the left."

BOSTON'S NEWEST CAPITOL FORMAL SHOP NEW MIDNIGHT BLUE SATIN SHAWL COLLAR • TUXEDOS. IN THE NEW LIGHTWEIGHT MODELS FOR RENTAL A cute little trick from St. Paul 1357 COMMONWEALTH AVE. Wore a newspaper dress to a ball ALLSTON ALgonquin 4-2770 The dress caught on fire MON. and FRI. TILL 8 P. M. And burned her entire FREE PARKING Front page, Sport section) and all.

How About NEW AND USED CYCLES THE BICYCLE EXCHANGE has hundreds of A BIKE RIDE rental bikes-ALL in perfect condition! What's more, THE BI-EX will give you a FREE CYCLING OPEN SUNDA YS MAP showing the way to many of Greater Boston's most interesting places. Rates are reasonable too. So plan your outing. Rent a bike at BI-EX. 3 BOW STREET UN -4.1300 PROFESSORS and • • STUDENTS

.lJ11( &

THE PACER: Caged rat type. Lecturers most- ly to educate termites. Smokes diffusely. Speaks in generalized co-ordinates. Often does random walk. Rebounds proficiently.

/ THE EXPERT: Attends classes for kicks. Has Phd. Questions all definitions. Big minus THE DRAMATIC: Slams books, throws chalk. sign fan. Three monkeys in one; knows all, sees all, orates, Has memorized two pages of Thinks physical reasoning requires exertion. f Dirac, German edition. Will quote. Flunks. Will imitate fundamental particles to explain THE ALERT: At 45 degrees with chair. Lee- abstruse point. Is especially good as a near- sighted proton. turer's chin twitches; he is overcome with laugh- ter, must be carried from room, resuscitated. Mouth partially open for better intake. Levi- tates frequently. Makes loud complementary remarks. Flunks.

THE MONOTONE: Has no fa- cial expression whatsoever. Has been used as 1000 cycle standard. Incapable of loco- motion. Does not smile, eat, smoke, drink, leave after class. Is plugged in.

THE TRANSCENDENTALIST: Big humanist. Wears tie. Argues morality in ROTC. Attends THE COMIC: Tickles students as they enter. folk-music seminar. Finds Significances. Sees Draws cartoons on board. Wears lamp shades. Parallels. Probes Depths. Undertakes Evalua- Goes on TV next month. Large group of follow- WE: Flunk. tions. Generalizes Philosophically. Flunks. ers. They take course every year. Great laughs. 22

One of our more successful correspondence E. D. ABBOn 00. casanovas answered a letter from an out-of- town female, file No. M-7, as follows: Printers U Are you kidding? Me return that picture to you? That colored photograph of you in for all activities and your evening gown ... the picture that used to fraternity events lie under my pillow when I slept. .. the picture that I al ways used to carry with me wherever 181 MASSACHUSETTS AVE., BOSTON I went? You actually expect me to return the one block north of Loew·s State the snap-shot which at one time was to me my

phone: COpley 7-5550 life? Are you crazy? I burned it. U

SKI EQUIPMENT FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC SKI REP AIRIN G There was an old man named Magruder SQUASH RACKETS Who wooed a young nude in Bermuda, Restringing A Specialty The nude thought it rude, ONE DAY SERVICE To be wooed in the nude, TENNIS and SQUASH SHOP But Magruder was cruder and shrewder. 67 A Mt. Auburn Street, Harvard Square Phone TR 6-5417 • IC ory ors, DC. 105 Brighton Ave., Allston KING SIZE BEER 16 oz. TOPPER 6 FOR 1.00

BLENDED IS EY 3.99 JOCKEY CLUB FULL 86° 51% STRAIGHT QUART 49% G.N.S •. Yoo dot/I have 10 go to co/kge 10 khow Ihaf ofter ealing, drinKihg and smoking, .fhe. besf breafh IfeshenetS of all are .. For Prompt Free Delivery Coli AL 4·9495 MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY Cambridge, Massachusetts

The MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY offers the following Professional Courses:

School of Architecture and Planning

Architecture School of Engineering

Aeronautical Engineering Electrical Engineering-Cooperative Course Chemical Engineering General Engineering Chemical Dlgineering practice Mechanical Engineering Civil Engineering Metallurgy Electrical Engineering Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering Shipping and Shipbuilding Management

School of Science

Biochemical Engineering Geology and Geophysics Chemistry Geology and Geophysics Five Year Course Food Technology Mathematics Food Technology - Five Year Course Physics General SCience Quantitative Biology Science Teaching

School of Humanities and Social Studies

Economics, Politics, and Engineering Humanities and Engineering Economics, Politics, and Science Humanities and SCience

School of Industrial Management

Business and Engineering Administration Courses: Based on Physical SCiences Based on Chemical Sciences

The duration of each of the above undergraduate Courses is four academic years and leads to the Bachelor's degree, witb the following exceptions: (1) Architecture, which is a five year course leading to the Bachelor's degree; (2) Food Technology (Five-Year Course), Geology and Geophysics (Ftve-Year Course), Shipping and Ship-building Management, and the Cooperative Course in Electrical Engineering, which extend over a period of five years and lead to the Bachelor's degree and the Master's degree; (3) Science Teaching which is of five years' duration and leads to the degree of Bachelor of Science from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and degree of Master of Arts in Teaching from Harvard Uni- versity.

Graduate Study may be pursued in Textile Technology, Ceramics, City Planning, uclear Engineer- ing, Sanitary Engineering, Building Engineering and Construction, Meteorology, and in most of the above professional Courses. The Master's and Doctor's degrees are offered in most of these fields.

For infonnation about admission, communicate with the Director of Admissions.

The Catalogue for the academic year will be sent free on request. qpon ~usta(h[s and :B[ards Since this is an election year, the mustache heads used to rotate on an axis perpendicular question once again has, so to speak, been to their necks at a steady rate, so as to keep brought into prominence. Mustaches and their on top. This is a very interesting can be looked at in two ways, vi z.: theory, which will no doubt affect evolutionists. 1. From the Outside. 2. From the Inside. We aspire, in the subsequent Scholarly Report, to convince the open-minded that the Inside Out- look is the only reasonable position. There has been some wrangling among schol- ars as to the derivation of the word mustache from the French word . The contro- versy is centered upon the suffix tache. Does it come from the verb atracher, to attach; the As a man goes, so goes his hair. HAIR IS noun tache, job or taste; the verb tacher, to LIFE. Where the hair flourishes, there flour- try; or the word tache, spot or stain? These ishes the man. National growth is being cut questions are soberly being argued as we as- short. THE BEST PART OF THE NATION IS semble here today. HEADING FOR THE SEWERS! There is no disagreement to speak of over the Are there no men left to stop this? noun mousse, which means moss. Mr. Schroedinger has, rather cleverly, said So as not to stir up political factions, we will that he thought that life was negative entropy. proffer the following literal translation: Now there is a snappy idea!

U A mustache is the outcome of the task of trying to attach a spot of moss. n This is just another indication of the gall- ing cleverness of the French.

Our ancestors rightly distrusted hairless men. They coined the term baldfaced to describe the dishonesty of the lying man who has enough The state of hairiness is the NATURAL aplomb to keep a clear expression on a shaven state. God made men, not . Gillette makes face. All the honest liars of the time were bear- razors. ded. Diplomats of today are beardless. Is there not reason enough for world tension without this? We are now appealing to the men of the na- tion. We cannot appeal to the women. In this, women have less potential than men. Moreover, women shave in the most unlikely of places, Man is born bald all over; he soon acquires and emphatically state that they will continue to do so. hair on top. Then follows a gradual transfer of hair from above the brow to below the chin. Ev- WHAT WE WANT TO SEE IS A RENEWAL OF entually, once more, man is bald on top. He AMATEUR AND MUSTACHE GROWING IN AMERICA. Today, the dilettante mustaches is heading for his prenatally bald state, when of the professional Salvador Dali and the Ful- Old Scratch tweaks his (thinning) beard. er-Brush growth of young art students compro- Is there a pattern in all this? mise the totality of the national product. This It has been propounded that hair is a residual is the state of the State. growth. One theory emphasizes the gradual cr eeping of large masses of hair from the top of the head around to the chin. It is claimed that to counteract this phenomenon, our ancestors I have a friend who went to Alaska for a few months. Where he was, there wasn't much to do for a pastime except make snowballs. Nights BIG COLLEGE CONTESTI when the wind anticly careened about the quon- set huts and the mercury huddled low in the WIN A COLLEGE! thermometer, the men would gather silently in one shadow-lit room and grow TOGETHER in Just answer the handy quiz below, send us COMRADESHIP. OH, noble PURPOSE! your name, rank, and sequence number! My friend came back from Alaska with a han- First prize is a genuine, tax-free, land-grant, dlebar mustache and a Van Dyke beard. His made-in-USA. College, complete with Alumni. wife forced him to have them shaven. I have Duplicate prizes will be awarded in case of a heard it told that the barber cried as he applied tie. the lather. Consolation prize: a full professorship at the j J \ j college of your choice!

HERE'S WHAT YOU DO;

MATCH QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:

This thing must start, as all great things Q.. P~o~e.ssor A. falls off the top of building do, in the rear: from the seats of higher learn- C with initi al acceleration A. Student B falls ing, the colleges of America, will come the ini- out of the third floor window three 'seconds la- tial thrusting forth. With a foliaged face will ter, with initial acceleration D. At what time we face the future, a blonde of mutual interest will Professor A pass student B? between us all. Q. What was Gen. Custer's last statement? Arise, youth of America! WE WANT TO SEE Q. Give a legal definition of rape. Q. Give a brief history of the Brownian HAIR ON THE NATIONAL MAP! Movement. - - Phil Pearle Q. Give the complete structural formulae of: Dinierochickenwire. Pandemonium unfarfel- late. For additional copies 0/ this speech, send Q. Why is a girl? 25¢ in coin·s or stamps to: Department 13 VOO DOO, Walker Memorial, Cambridge, 37, Mass. EXPLAIN THE SYMBOLIC MEANING OF THE FOLLOWING PROVERBS:

People who live in gall bladders shouldn't The Back Bay .Jewelers throw stones. SINCE 1895 Somebody said it couldn't be done , So the hell with it. HA.MILTON and OMEGA Watches Expert Watch Repairing ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS 236 MASS. AVENUE BOSTON A. At no time does Professor A pass any student. A. Did you ever see so many darn Indians? A. Assault with a deadly weapon. FOR SALE: Three Dancing Girl s A. Fourteen times in three years. A. The wood warps and turns rancid. Eastern Potentate must leave in hurry, cannot af- ford to transport extra baggage. Prefers to sell A. The art of the heart comes when the snow lumped, but will part singly if necessary. Equipped falls. with veils and accessories. ENQUIRE: V.D. Editorial Board. 26

Did you know that fat in a woman is like sugar in Charlie The Tech Tailor, Inc. tea? It soon settles to the bottom. 71 Amherst St. - Opposite Senior House & Dorms Have Him: Press Your Suit, Mend Your Clothes, Sew On Buttons, Remove Spots, Dry Clean Your 1 Clothing - Laundry Service Available

N.B. HE IS NOTED FOR THE FINEST WORK Over cocktails glances seem so sweet. How will they look over shredded wheat?

come to Recent novel about a sailor and a girl marooned on a desert isle; entitled: One, two, three-v-v- KEN~S infinity! 391 WASHINGTON ST., BRIGHTON come hungry!

Taste The Most EXCiting Sandwich In Town Joan dear, that boy who walked you through the Supper Till 7:30 park doesn't look very polished. Sandwiches Put Up To Take Out TILL 9:30 Yes mother, he is a little rough around the hedges.

County Bank AND TRUST COMPANY

515 Mass. Ave. Central Square Special checking accounts Book of 20 checks-$2.00

M ember Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation

Careful Spotless Hand Laundering Dry Cleaning

REll BlE HAND lAUNDRY Shirts Cleaned And Pressed Still Just 17¢

1122 Boylston Telephone Near Mass. Ave. KE 6-7552 BOSTON LIMPID LINES POSITIONS AVAILABLE TO COLLEGE GRADUATES , IN SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING There was a young man from Wheeling, Endowed with such delicate feeling, THE UNION OF SOVIET SOCIALIST REPUBLICS When he read on the door, Don't spit on the floor, He jumped up and spit on the ceiling.

There was an ameba named Tex , Most keen on the opposite sex. When Tex went to work, His keeper would smirk, How absurd, an ameba that necks.

There was a young girl from Peru, Who decided her loves were too few, So she walked from her door, With a figleaf, no more, And now she's in bed with the flu. Offers HIGHEST SALARIES FINEST HOUSING FREE MEMBERSHIP A girl attending Bryn Mawr, Committed a dreadful faux pas, WARM COMRADESHIP She loosened a stay, CLOSE PERSONAL SUPERVISION In her decollete, 5- YEAR ON- TRAINING PLAN Exposing h.er je ne sais quoi.

To P rospeetive Pilots Who A simple but sensuous mouse, Are Heeded To Replace The Was condemned for seducing a grouse. Volga Boatmen Volunteers He said to the quizzical, Replacing The Egyptian Pilots The cause was not physical, Who Proved Insufficient In Replacing The Former British, French, And Just a mutual interest in Strauss. American Suez Canal Pilots.

A corpulent girl from Woods Hole, Had a notion exceedingly droll, CONTACT: The Embassy of The Union of At a masquerade ball, Soviet Socialist Republics, Ltd. Dressed in nothing at all, Washington, D. C. She backed in as a parker house roll. Phone: HA 8-7550 THE MIT FAMILY MOURNS

THE PASSING OF ITS

BELOVED PURPLE SHAFT

AND Q FUNCTIONS,

WHICH HAVE SYMBOLIZED

THE SPIRIT OF

"YE SONSOF MIT"

FOR MANY DECADES.

TWO OLD-FASHIONED LOVERS OF TODA Y

~------I I I I I I SUBSCRIPTION ORDER BLANK

Sales Manager M.I.T. VOO DOO Walker Memorial Bldg. Cambridge 39, Mass.

Enc:Ioeed is $2.00, so please send eight hilarious issues of With heavy thump he drew her lightly down to his VOO DOO to: knee: His arms encircled her once, twice, nay thrice. She was unspeakably slight. "Dearest, I love you," he gently whispered with a savage Name . roar, and his arms crushed still closer away from him. Address .. Calmly, quietly, and with utmost dignity, she bel- lowed, "Vous doo?" City State . "Gracious," he swore violently, "if that's all you want, I'll buy you a year's subscription right away." Make checks payable to M.I.T. Voo 000 1fhe wildest applause of the game Was not for a touchdown, but came When a fanyeIIed, "What beer Deserves a big cheer ?Q And the stands shouted back Schaefer's name!

With Schaefer, you get the one difference in beers today tha.t r~ally matters: ~. Schaefer has an exciting, satisfYing flavor that's all its own-and all real enjoyment I For real eJdoyment- real beer! Refreshing new Idea In smoking

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