B NDINGS Vol. 29, No. 3 A Publication of New Ways Ministry Summer/Fall 2009 Former speaks about and homosexuality

By Laurie Goodstein speaking out about how internal church “If we say our God is an all-loving have to pass your whole life without any New York Times politics affected his response to the fall- god,” he said, “how do you explain that physical, genital expression of that love?” May 14, 2009 out from his affair; how bishops and the at any given time probably 400 million He said he had been aware of his ho- Vatican cared more about the rights of living on the planet at one time would mosexual orientation since he was a teen- In spring 2002, as the scandal over abusive priests than about their victims; be gay? Are the religions of the world, ager and suppressed it until he became sexual abuse by Roman Catholic priests and why Catholic teaching on homo- as does Catholicism, saying to those archbishop, when he had relationships was escalating, the long career of sexuality is wrong. hundreds of millions of people, you with several men because of “loneliness Archbishop Rembert G. Weakland of Mil- that became very strong.” waukee, one of the church’s most vener- Archbishop Weakland, 82, said he able voices for change, went up in flames was probably the first bishop to come out one May morning. of the closet voluntarily. He said he was On the ABC program “Good Morning doing so not to excuse his actions but to America,” the archbishop watched a man give an honest account of why it hap- he had fallen in love with 23 years earlier pened and to raise questions about the say in an interview that the Milwaukee church’s teaching that homosexuality is archdiocese had paid him $450,000 years “objectively disordered.” before to keep quiet about his affair with “Those are bad words because they the archbishop — an affair the man was are pejorative,” he said. now calling date rape. Archbishop Weakland’s autobiogra- The next day, the Vatican accepted phy, “A Pilgrim in a Pilgrim Archbishop Weakland’s retirement. Church” (William B. Eerdmans Publish- Archbishop Weakland, who had been ing Company), covers his hardscrabble the intellectual touchstone for church re- youth in , his election as the formers, has said little publicly since then. worldwide leader of the Benedictine Or- But now, in an interview and in a memoir der and his appointment by Pope Paul VI scheduled for release next month, he is to the archbishop’s seat in Milwaukee, Archbishop Rembert Weakland (photo: Nicole Bengiveno/The New York Times) where he served for 25 years. “He was one of the most gifted lead- ers in the post-Vatican II church in Amer- ica,” said the Rev. Jim Martin, a Jesuit Transgender boy barred from Catholic school priest and associate editor of America, a Catholic magazine, “and certainly beloved Parents of 8-year-old allow ‘him’ to live as ‘her’ by the left, and sadly that gave his critics more ammunition.” KBSW.com talk about transitioning the student into ents have lived through nervous break- In an interview at the Archbishop May 18, 2009 third grade at her school, St. Wences- downs, suicide attempts and deep de- Weakland Center, which houses the arch- laus. pression because they could never truly diocesan cathedral offices in downtown An Omaha couple is allowing their 8- The family wanted the child to use be themselves. She has four transgen- Milwaukee, Archbishop Weakland said year-old son to openly live life as a girl. a new female name, be able to wear a dered clients right now. the church opened itself to change in the It’s a decision that means the child is no girl’s uniform and be included in girls' "The story that I get is that 'I've 1960s and ’70s after the Second Vatican longer able to attend Catholic school. activities. known since I was real little, but every- Council but became increasingly central- Therapists and the child’s parents say The mother, a life-long Catholic, body laughed or nobody paid any atten- ized and doctrinally rigid under Pope John the second grade student is transgender, a thought making the transition in their tion,'" Hites said. Paul II. medical condition where a person’s inner parish would be the best place for their The therapist said transgendered Archbishop Weakland was among sense of identity doesn’t match their bio- child to continue friendships, with a children insist they are the opposite sex, those who publicly questioned the need logical gender. Some gender experts say support system that included other par- consistently. for a male-only celibate priesthood. He as many as one in 500 people may be ents and children. "It’s like they arrive here with one also led American bishops in a two-year transgender or carry significant traits of "The child is welcomed to come, biology but the mental set is counter to process of writing a pastoral letter on eco- the opposite sex. but it would not be acceptable to change that," Hites said. nomic justice, holding hearings on the "It’s kind of like you’re trapped the child’s gender and present as a girl," The 8-year-old’s favorite color is subject across the country. somewhere and you can’t get out," said said Omaha Archdiocese's Chancellor, aqua. Her favorite toy: American Girl A later effort by the American bish- the boy, whose name and face are not the Rev. Joseph Taphorn. Dolls. And right now she’s reading a ops to issue a pastoral letter on women being made public to protect the family Taphorn said having the child at- Junie B. Jones book that made her gig- was quashed by the Vatican, he said, be- from potential harm. tend the school for three years as a boy, gle when she talked about the plot. cause the Vatican did not want to give the "She’s been a girl since the begin- and then presenting as a girl would not Pink and aqua barrettes held her national bishops conferences the authority ning, everything about her, the way she be a good learning environment for the shoulder-length layered hair out of her to issue sweeping teaching documents. dances and skips around and the things child or other students. He said school face, while she drew chalk pictures of The archbishop said it was partly she’s attracted to. It’s more than toys and has to be a peaceful, positive environ- clouds on the pavement. because of his strained relations with Pope clothes," said the child’s mother. ment for everyone. When her mother announced that John Paul II that he did not tell Vatican The mother said the child has consis- The child will attend a public the child would be allowed to pierce her officials in 1997 when he was threatened tently asked to be called a girl since she school in the fall, using her chosen name ears next week, the girl screeched and with a lawsuit by Paul J. Marcoux, the was 4 years old. and wearing a ponytail in her hair. had a huge smile on her face. man with whom he had a relationship "One night, she said, 'Every night "It was not a decision that was "You’ve waited long enough to live nearly 20 years before and who had ap- when I go to bed, I pray my inside will made rashly at all. It was a decision to as a girl," the mother said. peared on “Good Morning America.” match my outside. But it never happens,'" protect her psyche and her self-esteem," The mother is on a mission to edu- Mr. Marcoux said then that he had the mother said, recalling the words of her the mother said. cate the community and encourage been deprived of income from marketing middle child. Therapists agree that forcing a per- churches to open a dialog about diver- a project he called “Christodrama” be- The child’s artwork is filled with son to live in a social role outside their sity and acceptance of all people. cause of Archbishop Weakland’s interfer- crayon-colored images of princesses and perceived gender is damaging. She recently waged an e-mail cam- ence. Archbishop Weakland said he mermaids. Her family has allowed the Omaha mental health therapist Ellie paign to urge her church members to probably should have gone to and child to wear dresses and female clothing Hites said she’s worked with more than place an empty envelope in the collec- explained that he had had a relationship in their west Omaha home, but until re- 200 transgendered clients in Omaha tion basket on Mother’s Day weekend. with Mr. Marcoux, that he had ended it by cently, she had to change into boy clothes over the past 35 years. She said she wanted to send a message writing an emotional letter that Mr. Mar- for her brother’s baseball games, church Hites said she does psychological to the church that church members can coux still had and that the archbishop’s or any outing outside the house. evaluations on all of her clients. have a voice and that they shouldn’t just lawyers regarded Mr. Marcoux’s threats "Now I can wear nail polish, get rid "One hundred percent of the time, blindly follow the flock. as blackmail. of all my boy clothes and not worry about I’ve never had anybody show up any- "Just take the time to listen. It is But, the archbishop said, a highly that name," the child said. thing other than healthiest in the chosen different. It’s something most people placed friend in Rome advised him that The child’s case recently came to gender role, as opposed to biological," have never heard of, but it doesn’t make church officials preferred that such things light when her parents met with a leader Hites said. it scary or pathological," she said.  of the Omaha Catholic Archdiocese to She said her adult transgender cli- Continued on page 8 Page 2 BONDINGS Vol. 29, No. 3 B NDINGS Gay Catholics discuss Fall 2009 Vol. 29, No. 3

Francis DeBernardo, Editor marriage equality

Board of Directors By Seth Hemmelgarn Mary Byers and "life changing" experience "about figuring out how to Bay Area Reporter—San Francisco be Catholic and be fully who I am and be an activist." Frank O’Donnell, SM July 9, 2009 McMullan also started a group called Catholics for Rev. Paul Thomas Marriage Equality. The group he started will be combin- Reaching out to people of faith is seen as one of the ing efforts with the Dignity group of the same name, he Board of Advisors most important aspects of repealing Proposition 8, and said. Cornelius Hubbuch, CFX that was one of the topics addressed as Dignity USA, a Another group working on marriage equality is Cali- Anna Koop, SL group for LGBT fornia Faith for Equal- Elizabeth Linehan, RSM Catholics, held its bien- ity. Patricia McDermott, RSM nial convention in San Pastor Samuel Chu, Rev. Joe Muth Francisco last week- California Faith for end. Equality's interim ex- Staff Catholic church ecutive director, said Francis DeBernardo, Executive Director leaders, including San that when working Matthew Myers, Staff Associate Francisco Archbishop with Catholics, his George Niederauer, group is focusing on urged parishioners to training lay members. Co-Founders support the measure, "The people in the Sr. Jeannine Gramick which eliminated the pews are the people we Rev. Robert Nugent right of same-sex cou- really need to connect ples to be married in with and engage," and Bondings is a seasonal publication designed California. change the minds of, to keep our subscribers informed of issues In a phone inter- said Chu. He said Cali- that pertain to lesbian and gay people view, Marianne Duddy fornia Faith for Equal- and the Catholic Church. -Burke, Dignity's ex- ity will be working ecutive director, said with Dignity on mar- Founded in 1977, New Ways Ministry that along with other riage equality. is an educational and bridge-building progressive Catholic Andrea Shorter, Equal- organizations, Dignity ministry of reconciliation between the Father Geoff Farrow, who lost his job at a priest at a Catholic ity California's coali- is part of a program Catholic gay and lesbian community Church in Fresno after he came out as gay and urged congregants tion coordinator, also called Catholics for and the institutional structures to vote against Prop 8, spoke at Dignity USA's conference in San has been reaching out Marriage Equality. to communities of in the Roman Catholic Church. Francisco last week. "We're really try- faith and color on mar- ing to tap into that sup- riage equality. New Ways Ministry seeks to eradicate port that exists and that we believe has grown since those Responding to an e-mail addressed to Shorter and her prevalent myths and stereotypes 18,000 [same-sex] couples were able to legally wed in about EQCA's plans for reaching out to Catholics, about homosexuality and supports civil California," said Duddy-Burke, noting the unfairness of Vaishalee Raja, EQCA's communications director, said in rights for lesbian and gay persons in society. couples being allowed to marry before Election Day in an e-mail that Shorter was traveling and wouldn't be able November while, later that same week, same-sex couples to comment, but Shorter's "coalition building and faith New Ways Ministry weren't allowed to wed. outreach efforts are broad-based and designed to reach 4012 29th Street "We really have to do it one heart at a time, one fam- out [to] the diverse faith community." Mount Rainier, Maryland 20712 ily at a time, one congregation at a time," said Duddy- Farrow after Fresno (301) 277-5674 Burke. "Unlike the bishops we can't send a pastoral letter Farrow, the Fresno priest who lost his job after com- [email protected] to every church in California and expect it will be read at ing out, said he supports himself from honorariums from www.NewWaysMinistry.org Sunday mass, so we depend on the power of truth and speaking engagements, a small stipend from his family, Catholics' commitment to justice to do this work." and performing weddings. Duddy-Burke drew a distinction between civil mar- Farrow said he did have a job "lined up" as executive riages and religious marriages. director at Clergy and Laity United for Economic Justice- "Dignity has certainly believed that our relationships Los Angeles. However, Farrow said a board member told should be recognized with both civil and religious mar- him that the Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles had TO SUBSCRIBE riage, but I think for purposes of political discussion, said that if CLUE-LA hired Farrow, the archdiocese COMPLETE AND RETURN THE FORM keeping the clarity between the two is important because would disaffiliate from the group. of the lies that our bishops told in 2008," said Duddy- The Reverend Jim Conn, chairman of CLUE-LA's Burke, referring to claims during the Prop 8 campaign board, said the group had liked Farrow's application and Enclosed is: that clergy would be forced to recognize same-sex mar- had scheduled an interview with him but had not offered riages if Prop 8 didn't pass. him a job. _____ $25.00 in the US or Canada Duddy-Burke said that at its highest point the con- Conn, who was limited in what he could say about vention, which ran from July 2-5, had about 370 people the situation since it involved a personnel matter, said he _____ $35.00 outside US or Canada on hand. She said Dignity has close to 4,500 members. couldn't say anything about the archdiocese and would During a Prop 8 panel at the convention, Father not confirm the archdiocese's threat. He said he was the _____ I wish to receive Bondings , Geoff Farrow, a Fresno priest who lost his position after board member who had told Farrow of the interview can- but cannot donate at this time. coming out last October as a gay man and urging his pa- cellation. rishioners to vote no on the measure, recalled the dread of "There are a lot of reasons. This is a personnel issue. at least one person who had come out to him. That's stuff that's hard to talk about," said Conn. Name ______"This is an issue of human dignity ... the greatest fear He said CLUE-LA doesn't get any direct funding a young person has when they're lesbian or gay is they'll from the archdiocese. Address ______be rejected," said Farrow during the panel. "CLUE is a broad coalition of faith communities who In a phone interview, Farrow said that the most im- organize people of faith to advocate for low-wage work- City ______portant thing for LGBT people to do is "tell their stories, ers," said Conn. "That's what we do. That is the single come out." purpose of this organization. So everything that we do has State ______It's easy to be opposed to an issue, but it's another to be consistent with that mission statement, and to our thing to be opposed to a person, said Farrow, "so I think best ability we're going to do nothing that jeopardizes that Telephone ______the greatest thing that first of all LGBT people or their capacity." families and loved ones can do is simply to make them- Conn said the archdiocese is a participant in the Email ______selves visible, to tell their stories." group's work, along with Methodists and other faith com- Farrow, who now lives in Los Angeles, said that he's munities. been working with the group Love Honor Cherish, which Asked about the archdiocese protesting the possibil- Please make check payable to “New Ways is preparing to collect signatures for a ballot initiative to ity of Farrow's hiring, Tod Tamberg, director of media Ministry”. Outside the US, please use only repeal Prop 8 in November 2010. He's also been doing relations for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, offered a checks drawn on a US bank in US dollars; public speaking engagements and interviews with the curt response. no postal money orders. media to talk about Prop 8. "CLUE has its own procedures for hiring people and Eugene McMullan, another panelist, talked about retaining people," said Tamberg. "That's not our business. Mail to: how the grassroots activism after Prop 8 inspired him to You'll have to talk with CLUE." New Ways Ministry get involved. He participated in the march to Sacramento Tamberg said individual priests are members of 4012 29th Street this spring led by the group One Struggle, One Fight. CLUE. He said he didn't believe the archdiocese provides Mount Rainier, MD 20712 McMullan, who identifies as bisexual, wore his rosary funding to CLUE.  every day and said the march was a "deeply religious" Summer/Fall 2009 BONDINGS Page 3 San Francisco’s blast at Vatican was legal, court says

By Bob Egelko decision that the Ninth U.S. Circuit Church. local Catholic Charities to disregard it. San Francisco Chronicle Court of Appeals in San Francisco up- The board passed the nonbinding In response, Catholic Charities of June 4, 2009 held Wednesday. It said the supervisors resolution, sponsored by then- San Francisco stopped placing children had acted for a legal secular purpose - to Supervisor Tom Ammiano, in March for adoption, the same step it has taken San Francisco didn't cross into consti- protect gay and lesbian couples from 2006, days after Levada, former in Massachusetts and other areas with tutionally forbidden territory of govern- discrimination - and not to express the archbishop of the San Francisco Arch- similar nondiscrimination policies, said ment hostility to religion when the Board city's disapproval of Catholicism. diocese, issued his decree as leader of Brian Rooney, a lawyer at the Thomas of Supervisors denounced a Vatican order "The board's focus was on same-sex the church's Congregation for the Doc- More Law Center, which sued San Fran- to Catholic Charities not to place adoptive couples, not Catholics," Judge Richard trine of the Faith. cisco on behalf of the Catholic League. children with same-sex couples, a federal Paez said in the 3-0 ruling. Promoting Levada said Catholic agencies Rooney said the league would ap- appeals court ruled Wednesday. equal treatment for those couples in "should not place children for adoption peal Wednesday's ruling. The 2006 resolution condemned the adoptions isn't anti-religious, he said, in homosexual households." Quoting a The supervisors' resolution would Vatican's "hateful and discriminatory "regardless of whether the Catholic statement by the Vatican office, he said have led the public to believe that "the rhetoric" and urged local church officials Church may be opposed to it as a reli- allowing children to be adopted by same government is disfavoring of Catholi- to defy the order by Cardinal William gious tenet." -sex couples "would actually mean do- cism," he said. Levada. The Catholic League for Reli- Judge Marsha Berzon, in a separate ing violence to these children." But Deputy City Attorney Vince gious and Civil Rights sued, contending opinion, said the resolution was close to Ammiano's resolution called the Chhabria said the lawsuit sought to insu- the city was expressing hostility toward the constitutional boundary and might decree "an insult to San Francisco." The late the Vatican from criticism by gov- Catholicism in violation of the Constitu- have been invalid if it contained binding supervisors urged Levada to withdraw ernment bodies. tion. regulations or was part of a "pervasive his order and called on his successor as "Religious groups are not entitled to A federal judge threw out the suit, a public campaign" against the Catholic archbishop, George Niederauer, and the preferential treatment in public debate," Chhabria said.  Same-sex marriage gains in DC

By Alice Popovici done said, in that it enriches the life of When and if this will happen is un- equal rights, he said. “To protect people’s National Catholic Reporter others. clear. For now, the council’s 12-1 ruling rights is a very Catholic thing to do. In June 8, 2009 Legally, the couple are bound by has drawn criticism from the district’s protecting people’s rights and in support- contracts established independently of African-American religious leaders, ing same-sex couples, we’re really work- (The following article was edited by the domestic partnership, giving one who last month held a rally protesting ing to stabilize society and the common Bondings staff for space requirements. To good.” read the full article, visit ncronline.com) For many gay and lesbian Catholics who grew up within the church, coming Last July, Cynthia Nordone and out has been a spiritual journey that led Helen Schietinger took a number at the many to seek their own relationships with District of Columbia Department of God in order to understand their sexual Health, waited in line and walked away orientation. They have something to offer with a document that bound them to one to the church, DeBernardo said, and that another as domestic partners. But there is the “ability to speak the truth and live were no gifts or greeting cards to mark the courageously.” occasion -- just the seal of a government The ministry recently supported a institution and a few legal benefits. Maryland same-sex marriage bill that “It’s very statistical,” said Nordone, failed to pass, and signed on to a brief as she and Schietinger prepared dinner at urging the California Supreme Court to home on a recent evening. “It’s not any overturn Proposition 8, the ballot measure kind of communal recognition of the com- that banned same-sex marriages in No- mitment that we’re making to the one and vember, after the Supreme Court legalized only.” the unions last June. What the couple are looking for -- DeBernardo said New Ways has not beyond the meaning and implications of joined the debate in Washington because terms like domestic partnership, civil un- it did not appear that there was strong ion and civil marriage -- is a sense that Catholic opposition to the initiative, and their relationship is real to the greater the statement from the Washington arch- community, outside the walls of the diocese received little attention from the Northwest D.C. home they have shared media. for nearly 10 years. “The strong opposition came from the “What I think is important is the pub- African-American Protestant congrega- lic witness to the relationship,” said Nor- tions in the district,” he said. “I don’t done, 49, a lawyer and lifetime Catholic. think the archdiocese, either by chance or design, had much of a role in this debate.” “It happens every time I say, ‘This is my Helen Schietinger and Cynthia Nordone partner, Helen’ -- I’m giving witness to But Communications Director Susan what’s important to me.” Gibbs said the Washington archdiocese Schietinger, 61, a social justice activ- another power of attorney in the event the decision. The Washington archdio- has always been very clear in its opposi- ist and retired nurse, prepares a salad in of a medical emergency or death. In cese has issued statements expressing tion to same-sex marriage. the kitchen as Nordone goes back and addition, the partnership confers certain concern over the council’s actions, and “We’ve been present, but again, we forth between the stove and the grill out- health coverage benefits, mutual hospi- applauding the District of Columbia have a council that shut us down,” she side. They talk about the similarity in their tal visitation rights and the right to make Defense of Marriage Act introduced in said, by voting on the initiative through an values, their ease and comfort with each decisions regarding a deceased partner’s Congress May 21, to define marriage as amendment process that did not give resi- other and the ability to share the other remains. a union between a man and a woman. dents an opportunity to voice their opin- person’s interests and learn from one an- But even as the debate on same-sex But there is growing support of the ions. other. marriage gains momentum around them issue in the Catholic community, said Gibbs said people often misunder- “This is, sort of, my bedrock -- this is -- following the District of Columbia Francis DeBernardo, executive director stand the meaning of marriage, as it is where I get my energy for the day,” Nor- Council’s May 5 decision to recognize of New Ways Ministry, a Maryland edu- described in Catholic church teachings: done said. “And where I come home and unions performed in other states -- the cation and outreach ministry that acts as They believe it relates to “how people feel lick my wounds when it’s been a rough couple remain ambivalent on the issue. a “bridge” leading back to the church. about each other” rather than “ the com- day,” she added with a laugh. It isn’t that the legal benefits aren’t im- He said there is a “very strong current” plementarity of male and female,” who The women spend their free time portant, they explain. And they are of support for gays and lesbians among have the unique ability to bring children sailing, hiking and tending to the lush quick to point out the overarching sig- Catholic people, who more and more into the world. A union between a man yard behind their home. They both take nificance of the issue. It’s just that being believe the right to marry is a social and a woman protects the rights of chil- care of Schietinger’s 90-year-old father married to one another in the legal sense justice issue. dren to have a mother and a father, who and three cats with various ailments, and would not be a priority right now, they “The only strong opposition comes both contribute a unique perspective and regularly mentor a neighborhood teen- say, even if it were an option in the dis- from the hierarchy,” which looks at the create a stable foundation for society, she ager. It’s a “generative” relationship, Nor- trict. issue in terms of sexuality rather than added.  Page 4 BONDINGS Vol. 29, No. 3 A Queer Conversation A traditional nun and her openly gay cousin discuss sexuality and the Catholic Church

Editorial Staff Paul Mages: Well, I didn’t come “disordered and unnatural” — that’s the person are anger and the sexual drive. BustedHalo.com out to anybody in the family until I met typical language that’s used. These This is why there is so much violence and June 3, 2009 somebody that I thought at that time that words are understood differently by sex in movies. It’s because we are work- I’d be with forever. Because I thought those who have not studied philosophy ing out those drives that are in us, and (The following interview was edited by that would add some validity to being or theology. And so for Catholics who because they’re the ones that we just can’t Bondings staff for space requirements. To gay, and then they wouldn’t think it’s do not have the background to under- seem to control, they’re the ones that get read the full interview, visit some sexual thing that you just try out stand this language it adds to the level of worked out the most. And so if we can www.bustedhalo.com) and it’s casual and not serious, not shame that Paul alludes to. The way that create a dialogue with people about what meaningful. So after I met my partner they understand the word “unnatural” they’re feeling and how all of our uncon- Growing up just south of Los Ange- — I was only with him a few months — for example is like they are in some way scious, past and present experiences are les, Sr. Bernadette (Mary) Reis would see I thought that would be forever. So I inhuman. often being acted out through violence her cousin Paul Mages when her family told my parents. And surprisingly, they PM: Like a mistake, maybe. and sex, then we may be able to get a took vacation trips to visit his family in were very nonjudgmental. Because, you SB: Yeah, maybe. really healthy dialogue going with people the Milwaukee area. For the first 25 years know, my parents aren’t maybe quite as PM: Something to be corrected. — a dialogue between experience and after she entered the convent with the extreme as far as their religious obser- SB: Yeah. Right. And really, I think morality.. . . Daughters of St. Paul at the age of 14, Sr. vance, as Mary’s family is; but they official Church teaching, could use other BH: I can’t tell if you’re trying to Bernadette and Paul saw say, ‘I’d like to call Paul each other only at a cou- to greater integration’ — ple of family gatherings. meaning greater integra- Having reconnected tion with himself as a over the past two years homosexual man? Or are while living near each you saying, ‘Okay, other in , you’re homosexual, but Sr. Bernadette and Paul the Church is calling you have developed a deeper not to be sexually active.’ friendship. This has — which adds a whole forced them to bridge the slew of issues? Or, very different worlds ‘integrate yourself in they inhabit: Paul’s as an terms of reparation ther- openly gay man and Sr. apy’-type stuff? Can you Bernadette’s as a mem- talk a little bit about that? ber of a traditional Ro- Paul Mages Sr. Bernadette Reis SB: Actually, that’s a man Catholic religious really good question be- order. were still pretty traditional . . . . And so language and provide reasons that are cause I’ve never actually gone there with During their wide-ranging discussion I wanted to tell other people too. Slowly comprehensible to the ordinary person. Paul because it’s really none of my busi- they confront issues ranging from how Sr. I let people in, you know, telling other Even Pope John Paul II admits in Love ness to initiate that discussion. But I think Bernadette reconciles the Catholic people in the family. But it wasn’t diffi- and Responsibility that the Church has that’s a good part of the equation because Church’s teachings regarding homosexu- cult to tell Mary. Because first off, she’s really not done Her job in providing the I think there is some pressure on Catholics ality with her relationship with her cousin family, so I expected her to be loving. “why” behind the teaching on sexual to try to convince friends or family who and his longtime partner, to how being Secondly, she’s a religious, so I was morality in general; the call to sexuality are homosexual that they need to change. gay deepens Paul’s commitment to his thinking she wouldn’t be judgmental, and how the Church does view the use This is something I never told Paul, but Christian faith. which she wasn’t, but I guess a lot of of that gift from God within marriage, as one of the first times that I called my Dad BustedHalo: What was it like for religious might be, even though they it teaches. But also I think that it would to let him know that I was going to be you, Sister Bernadette, when you found probably shouldn’t be. I just knew that be helpful if the topic could be dealt seeing you, he asked me if I was going to out Paul was gay? she would let God do the judging and with from a personal level as well as a have a talk with you. And I knew exactly Sister Bernadette: I figured it out she wouldn’t make me feel at all like I moral level. For example, more contem- what he meant by that. And I did question before he told me. I knew that Paul was wasn’t accepted. And then personally I porary autobiographical accounts of if I should do that or not, if I was some- up in Canada, and suddenly all of the let- just knew that she’d be compassionate those who have grappled with the teach- how betraying the Church if I didn’t ters that he addressed to me had his part- and she’s a great listener, too. . . . ings of the Church and their own sexual- somehow let you know where I stood. But ner’s name along with his, and I knew. I BH: And your connection to the ity — like St. Augustine did. Tradition- you know, I really felt that number one: knew from the very beginning. I was not Catholic Church maybe hadn’t been ally, however, the language used is bor- Jesus never did that. He never went up to surprised. I did start to really hope that strong? rowed from Thomistic philosophy. someone and said, “Hi, you have some- eventually in his own time he would be PM: Well, my connection was very There are certain laws that are innate to thing wrong with your sexuality and I am able to tell me and know that he would be strong. In college I started just question- human nature and are accessible to hu- here to fix you.” He never did that. It was- accepted. ing, and I would still go to church all the man nature, that is comprehensible to us n’t even on my mind as something that I BH: So your first reaction wasn’t that time and I was very much into it, but I through the use of reason. The “natural” needed to do. . . . you were upset? wanted it to make sense. I wanted it to expression of sexuality, according to But then I have found out since then SB: No, no. It was more like this pro- be real. I wanted it to be meaningful. this natural law, is between a man and a that other people have that same dilemma: found longing — because I knew, just And so I slowly got a little bit away woman, the end of which is procreation. ‘Am I supposed to convince my homosex- knowing our family, I knew why he from being Catholic, but more into be- This law is comprehensible based on the ual friends that the way that they’re living would be keeping it under wraps. My ing Christian. And so now I go to a way that men and women are created is wrong?’ I think that I am here to be a family is very, very traditional. My par- Christian church that’s not Catholic. But and what happens naturally when sexu- friend to Paul. From the level of experi- ents were taught to judge actions based on to me all the essentials are there. . . . . I ality is exercised without any outside ence, to go over to Paul’s home and to see a morality that is very black-and-white. find the environment more welcoming interference. a home set up for him and his partner to They also feel obligated to remind family to me. I never felt that the Catholic The use of the words “unnatural, or live as a couple, it was the first time I had members of the Church’s teaching in the Church was outwardly condemning me, disordered” then, means that homosex- ever been in a situation like that, so of area of sexual morality, because of their but I just knew the hierarchy was feed- ual activity is an aberration. Other ac- course it’s going to feel — what’s the concern for the salvation of family mem- ing the message of “being gay is tions in which this language is employed word? — different , you know. But we do bers. We are a bit more faithful church- wrong.” So after a while I thought, ‘why is; for example, murder. It’s not natural exactly the same things together as I do goers than most people are so there was am I in this environment where I’m not for us to murder. It’s something that with other friends, we have the same con- just this deep yearning that — even officially welcomed?’ happens but inside all of us is something versations together, they invited me out though I “wear my religion on my sleeve” SB: I do wish that when Church that says that that’s wrong. The Church with their friends — I mean, I really felt a that Paul would somehow know that I’m a teaching is presented to the general pub- teaches that homosexuality is on that level of acceptance. And I was glad, you human being first, and that our relation- lic, for example, as in the Catechism of same level, and that’s why they use the know, that they could just freely bring me, ship hopefully would have been built on a the Catholic Church or in sermons, that word “unnatural or disordered” when when you know in the back of my mind, foundation that he would know that sensi- the language chosen could be adapted to explaining its position. Many people what I represent is something that Paul tive side of me. So that’s where I was the background of the audience. This clearly see the unnaturalness of murder; has been hurt by. But in terms of what I coming from. way, what the Church teaches may have it is harder for many to understand why would hope for everyone, because I’m a BH: But you didn’t address that less of a chance of being perceived as homosexual acts, and other sexual acts, part of this too, is that we can be in a dia- though when you next saw each other? insensitive. are unnatural. logue with ourselves about why we be- SB: . . . No, I really felt it should BH: What do you mean by “the In terms of sexual integration, I have the way we behave, and the choices come from him. And I didn’t make any language chosen could be adapted?” think, many people narrow morality to that we make, and who we love, and what hints that I knew. I didn’t want to embar- SB: For example, the Church uses sexual morality. I really believe that two we like and what we don’t like, so that we rass him. I didn’t know where he was at. . the word that homosexuality is of the strongest drives in the human each fulfill God’s Will for us. How I do Summer/Fall 2009 BONDINGS Page 5

that is going to be different than Paul be- even with this mess. With the mess that strongly that you’re willing to go nesses how I live. You know, I believe my cause my background is different, my I bring him, even though I look like I’m through, like, a sex change for example, soul is going to transform somehow after I calling is different, the way I work things living a life that the Church has blessed. it must be pretty powerful. I think, yeah, die and so I wanted to be in good shape to out between myself and God is different. . . we’re all born different — I don’t know meet God in whatever state that is — And so I can understand the Church’s SB: And I think at the level of con- why. . . . body, soul, both, neither. . . . BH: It does- teaching. For me, I’ve worked that out. science, I mean, conscience is a huge BH: Sister Bernadette, how have n’t sound like coming to terms with your And I mean, I’ve grappled with things, area where even the Church recognizes your perceptions of homosexuality sexuality was even a bump in the road in I’m still grappling with some things, and that a person’s conscience must be fol- changed since getting to know Paul and your relationship with God. I’m not perfect. And it’s the same for him. lowed regarding moral choices. And his partner on a more intimate level, PM: Well, it was. I mean, I was hop- But I’m not God; I’m not his God. And if yes, the Church does say that we do friendship level — personal level? ing I wasn’t doing something wrong, and I Paul invites me in to that process, that’s need to inform our con- had to come to terms with it different.. . . science and form it ac- over time. It wasn’t just one PM: You probably prayed about it, cording to divine law — moment where I just prayed too, I’d imagine. so if I’m Catholic I’m about it, got the answer, SB: Yeah, I did. And I just felt, I’m going to find out what and then it was taken care gonna trust my gut on this one. I’d like a the Catholic Church of. But over time, like I was relationship with you, and what a way to teaches. Again, I don’t saying earlier, I just thought slam the door on a relationship! I mean, know what it’s like to that if you’re with some- “Hello. Before we sit down to dinner I’d have been drawn to a body in a meaningful rela- like to talk to you about how wrong this homosexual lifestyle and tionship, how can God all is. Bon appétit.” [laughs] to have that reality to frown upon it. And how PM: It was probably not the time or deal with in my con- could God create all the the place, right? The first meeting. science along with the people in the world if some [laughter] teaching of the Church. of them aren’t intended and SB: It’s Pharisaical. BH: You believe they’re mistakes and they PM: “He could just leave. I’d be people are born this should be corrected or have happy if it was just you, Paul.” [laughter] way. surgery or be converted? SB: “Yeah, I’ll have dinner with you SB: See, I would That just didn’t seem like on the condition that…” It’s extremely not even be able to make what a loving God would Pharisaical, I think, in the sense that the a judgment. do. It just kind of made Pharisees would not associate with some- PM: Well, who would choose to be SB: Well, it was my first close rela- sense to me that I am supposed to be this one “outside of the law.” Well, in this gay? You know? So, yeah, of course tionship with anyone who is gay, and I way and these relationships are approved case this would be considered someone — we’re born that way. But like you say, began to see that on the level of their by God. in Church terms — who can’t receive Mary, you don’t know how it feels so feelings for each other, their relationship BH: Has getting to know Sister Ber- communion. You’re outside of the body it’s hard for you to say — is similar to the feelings expressed by nadette again sparked any different think- that’s in union with Christ. SB: — Right. Although I know married couples that I know — my ing in your own sexuality, in your own PM: But Jesus did all the time. what it feels like for me to know beyond brothers and my sisters-in-law, friends. behavior at all? Has it changed you at all? SB: That’s the whole thing. That is the shadow of a doubt that I’m called to And I remember when I went home in Reconnecting to a religious sister? the whole thing. And what did he do. He celibate life — this is more in the area January and my mother told me that she PM: I’m proud to have her as a close sat down and he shared a meal with them. of sexual identity. However, for me, my had heard that Paul had broken up and friend and member of my extended fam- He entered into a relationship with them, sexual identity and therefore, my con- she obviously wanted more information. ily. My relationship with her has rein- got to know them first. science, coincided with the Church’s And I realized that this is just as sacred forced my belief that in the Church there BH: So do you remember, when you teaching on sexuality. a relationship as anyone else and if any- are capable, purposeful human beings sat down and shared your meal with Paul PM: Right. People don’t under- thing’s been confided in me, it stays trying to act in as holy a way as possible. and his partner, what was going through stand the calling. with me. . . . BH: Has it changed you, Sister Ber- your mind? You said when you first got SB: Exactly. And it doesn’t matter SB: . . . I think I really was able to nadette, in regards to Paul? there it was like, “This is different.” It what people think. For me to live in this communicate to my Mom something of SB: It’s changed me in the sense that sounds like you eventually came to a way is the only way and to violate that what I had developed in my own under- what had been an issue that was very clear point of being comfortable. would be, for me, a huge — like, turn- standing, and that is that, “what Paul is for me, is not so clear anymore — not in SB: Yeah it just became normal. The ing against myself — or a betrayal of going through you would understand terms of what the Church teaches but in way that I thought of it was, look, just be myself. And if that’s true for me, I can because you’re married, Mom.” And it terms of my own understanding, I guess, as if I was with my brothers. That’s it. only imagine that must be true for Paul. actually came out because she then said just because of how murky and messy — When I walked in and saw Paul’s partner And so this is where the dilemma arises. to me — after I said something about ‘messy’ is not really the right word — cooking, I mean it was like, the most nor- I, too, am concerned about Paul’s salva- how broken up you were, and that I was how mysterious , I think is the better word mal thing in the world, you know? And I tion, just as I am my own and everyone really concerned — and my Mom to use. I don’t have access to all of the knew that their relationship per se, regard- else’s. However, I understand that the looked at me and she said, “well, then I experience for me to even figure it out, I less of what I believe — they’re friends. choices I make and those that others guess” — she said — “it’s just the same guess. So I’m willing to just let it go. I’m They’re a couple. And I need to respect make differ based on background, level as if a married couple had broken up, willing to really believe, like I said, that that. That is their choice, and a huge of instruction in the area of the Church’s isn’t it?” with, like, the most 180-degree God is a father. And He’s working out amount of respect is due here rather than, moral teachings, sexual orientation, turn in emotion that I could detect in my with each one of us our salvation. And “Excuse me, but let me tell you — where someone is at in their spiritual Mom. And I felt really, really proud, I going back to the fact that each of us is .” [laughs] life — things like that. We all deal with think, that I had been able to convey to extremely wounded and broken, you PM: I think that helped me. I’m just the “disorder” that the Church talks her from my own relationship that this know, regardless of the life that we pro- thinking about what you were saying about — that is, the drive that is in us sensitivity that we owe to my cousin fess or live. And I think I’m a lot more about a relationship. You know, I would due to original sin toward actions that Paul is really the same that we would ready to leave it in His hands rather than kind of pray about it and talk to God, ask are not in accord with natural law or offer to a couple who’s going through a try to correct someone. God: “Is this okay? I feel like I’m gay, God’s law. The call is to live out our separation or a divorce, even though we BH: Sister Bernadette? One thing and this is how I’m born and how I’m sexuality, like all other areas of life, in a may not agree with it or condone it or you’d like to let people know? intended to be. Is this all right?” I kind of way that is consistent with the following understand it. Their reality is something SB: I guess the message I would like went through that. You know, once I was of Christ. It is a process that everyone else, regardless. . . . to give is that our main concern should be in a relationship with somebody and it needs to go through — celibates, hetero- PM: It was probably like that in the person. And getting to know a person was based on mutual respect and sharing sexuals, gays, lesbians, bisexuals — Jesus’ time, too. He didn’t judge, but he — allowing a person to reveal who he or and love, I thought now there’s no way everyone. got to know everybody. And then others she is rather than forcing my own revela- God can be looking down and saying, PM: Well, just continuing on that probably witnessed, “Gee, look how tion onto a person. And in that way, I “Nope, I don’t approve of that. That’s not theme: you know, so many leaders of Jesus acts with those people. It’s not so think, in a relationship of openness and healthy, that’s not good.” I thought if two the Catholic Church are white men, but strange after all.” Or, “Gee, that must be acceptance, I think we have the greatest people were loving each other with re- they’re making decisions — again, we what it’s like.” ability to grow. And if there are ways that spect and sharing, I just couldn’t see how hope, inspired by the Holy Spirit — but BH: You’ve talked a little bit about we need to be able to grow, I think that that could be any worse than a man and a they make all these decisions that im- your prayer life, Paul, and how in deal- because of the love that a person has for woman doing the exact same thing. So pact everybody. Black people, gay peo- ing with your sexuality you prayed. I’d another person, that it creates the ground I’m glad she noticed that it was just two ple, women. And again, do they know be interested in hearing a little more for growth to be able to take place. And to people instead of two men instead of a what it feels like to be a woman? Can about your own spirituality. allow myself to be challenged, too. I man and a woman.. . . they tell a woman to do this or to do PM: It’s hard to sum it up. I’ve mean, because Paul and his partner, the SB: I do believe that the Church is that; do they know what it feels like to never tried to put it into words. Well, I gift that they’ve given me, has really chal- guided by the Holy Spirit, and really does be married with children? Do they know mean being Christian is the most impor- lenged my understanding and has left me truly seek to know what God’s will is for what it feels like to be a racial minority? tant thing in my life. The last ten, twenty a lot like — I thrive on being sure — and us. And then you have this whole other Do they know what it feels like to be years — ever since I really started ques- I’m a lot less thriving on that. reality of human experience that makes lesbian? So I think — you know, you tioning things, like in college. I just fig- PM: I would just hope, you know, the clarity just fall away. And I’m in a look at the very small part of the popula- ured God created us and it just seems the Church — again, that huge entity — position now where I really believe that tion that feels they were born male but like it should be the most important fo- would be able to slowly think a little bit God is extremely active in the midst of they have a female body. Does it seem cus in my life and everything comes more like Bernadette. Trying to just assess each of our lives, no matter what choices odd to me? Yes. Can I understand it? from God, everything’s affected by before reacting and get to know the peo- we make, and that he will guide each of No. Do I judge them? Absolutely not. God. So I just know the way I live is ple you’re dealing with before judging.  his children to communion with Him, You know, I think if you feel that important, for myself and for who wit- Page 6 BONDINGS Vol. 29, No. 3 The sins of the fathers Raising kids in a same-sex union

By Lisa Miller with the 20-month transi- neuralgic point is the definition of mar- Newsweek tion period over, the Brit- riage." Hehir says that he and Boston's June 11, 2009 ish agencies are having to Archbishop Seán O'Malley understood choose between retaining that the church's teaching left no wiggle First comes love, then their Catholic affiliation or room. They shut the adoption agency comes marriage. Then their function as adoption down. come all the thorny issues agencies. But there are many ways of procuring that arise with raising kids Lest one think this couldn't children, and once procured, the Catholic in a religious tradition happen here, it already Church—on a pastoral level, at least—has when that religious tradi- has. In 2006, Catholic had only occasional problems baptizing tion doesn't see you as mar- Charities of Boston ago- and educating them in the tradition. ried. nized about whether it "Church law always favors the salvation When another state could submit to the state's of the person and is very biased in favor legalizes gay marriage, as nondiscrimination poli- of the person asking for the sacrament," New Hampshire did re- cies. "What the Catholic says John Baldovin, a sacramental theolo- cently, civil-rights activists Church has tried to say," gian at Boston College. What canon law cheer. But practicalities are explains the Rev. J. Bryan actually says is this: any baby can be bap- another matter, and same- Hehir, a professor at Har- tized if the parents agree, and if the infant sex couples—especially vard's Kennedy School of has a reasonable hope of being raised in a those who want to raise Government who, at the Catholic home. The experts disagree, ob- their children with relig- Gregory Maguire (r) and partner, Andy Newman (l), with children. time, headed Catholic viously, about whether two mommies or ion—may find that the Charities, "is that gay men two daddies are able to do this. Maguire laws intended to protect them and women ought to have firmly believes he is, and he can imagine may also create new domestic their civil rights protected. I think on the severing his relationship with his church challenges previously unforeseen. That immoral. (The 2003 document was ex- whole we've pretty much stood for that over the enforcement of any hard line. two men or two women would want to plicit: allowing same-sex couples to in terms of wages, jobs, access to living What he can't imagine is being anything adopt children "would actually mean marry and raise children in a church that accommodations ... Where you meet the but Catholic.  views their love as sinful would be, in the doing violence to these children.") Now, eyes of some, puzzling at best. (I'm focus- ing on the Roman Catholic tradition here, but any orthodox religion presents similar trials.) Many people feel that religion is essential to them, however, and that fam- Gay-friendly Catholic ily life would be emptier without it. Greg- ory Maguire, author of the novel Wicked , Colleges and Universities has had all three of his children baptized in the Catholic Church. He recently Below is a list of known gay-friendly Catholic colleges and universities, that is, those Catholic watched proudly as his youngest child had institutions that have some type of gay/lesbian student group, support group, ally group, etc. If you her first holy communion. "As the daugh- are aware of such a college that is known as welcoming to gay/lesbian people, please let us know! ter of two dads, she sat in the first pew in her beautiful, white, borrowed gown," Maguire told me. "And then she sang, California Chestnut Hill : Boston College Ohio Belmont : Notre Dame de Namur University Easton : Stonehill College Cincinnati : Xavier University 'I've got that joy, joy, joy, down in my Goleta : St. Mark’s University North Andover : Merrimack College Cleveland Heights: John Carroll University heart'." Los Angeles : Loyola Marymount University, Weston : Regis College Dayton : University of Dayton Maguire lives in Concord, Mass., and Mount Saint Mary’s College Worcester : Assumption College, Pepper Pike : Ursuline College is legally married now—but wasn't when Moraga : St. Mary’s College College of the Holy Cross South Euclid : Notre Dame College he and his partner started adoption pro- Ranchos Palos Verde : Marymount College Sylvania : Lourdes College ceedings for each of their three children San Diego : University of San Diego Michigan San Francisco : University of San Francisco Detroit: University of Detroit Mercy Oregon (from Southeast Asia and Latin America) Santa Clara : Santa Clara University Grand Rapids : Aquinas College Marylhurst : Marylhurst University more than 14 years ago. In an ironic twist, Portland : University of Portland gay-marriage laws now make foreign Colorado Minnesota adoption more difficult for gay couples. Denver : Regis University Collegeville : St. John’s University Pennsylvania Adoption agencies and lawyers say no Duluth : College of St. Scholastica Cresson : Mount Aloysius College foreign countries knowingly give babies Connecticut Minneapolis : College of St. Catherine Dallas : Misericordia University Fairfield : Fairfield University, St. Joseph : College of Saint Benedict Erie : Mercyhurst College to gay couples for adoption. Same-sex Sacred Heart University St. Paul : St. Thomas University Greensburg : Seton Hill University couples who want to adopt internationally New Haven : Albertus Magnus College Winona : St. Mary’s University of Minnesota Philadelphia : Chestnut Hill College, LaSalle have traditionally circumvented this pro- West Hartford : Saint Joseph College University, St. Joseph’s University hibition with the following fudge: one half Missouri Pittsburgh : Carlow University, of the couple adopts as a single person. District of Columbia Kansas City: Avila University, Duquesne University Georgetown University, Trinity University Rockhurst University Radnor : Cabrini College Once back home, the couple goes to court St. Louis : Fontbonne University, Reading : Alvernia University and establishes co-parenthood in states Florida St. Louis University Scranton : Marywood University that will allow it. A legally married gay Miami Gardens : St. Thomas University Villanova : Villanova University couple doesn't have the option of a fudge: Miami Shores : Barry University Montana truthful responses to questions about Helena : Carroll College Rhode Island marital status on adoption documents Hawaii Newport : Salve Regina University Honolulu : Chaminade University Nebraska Providence : Providence College crush the couple's chances of ever adopt- Omaha : Creighton University ing abroad. That's why Gay & Lesbian Illinois Texas Advocates & Defenders advises couples Chicago : DePaul University, New Hampshire Austin : Saint Edward’s University to wait to get married. "If international Loyola University, St. Xavier University Nashua : Rivier College San Antonio : University of the Incarnate Word, adoption is important ... then they need to Romeoville : Lewis University Our Lady of the Lake University postpone forming a legal relationship," New Jersey Indiana Caldwell: Caldwell College Vermont says Bruce Bell, who runs GLAD's help Notre Dame : Holy Cross College, St. Mary’s Jersey City: St. Peter’s College Colchester : Saint Michael’s College line. College, University of Notre Dame South Orange : Seton Hall And then there's the question of adop- Washington tion agencies with traditional religious Iowa New York Lacey : St. Martin’s College affiliations. In Britain, Catholic-run adop- Dubuque : Loras College Albany : College of Saint Rose Seattle : Seattle University Bronx : Fordham University, Manhattan College Spokane : Gonzaga University tion agencies are in an uproar for having Kentucky Buffalo : Canisius College to comply with a 2007 law that prohibits Louisville : Spalding University, Loudonville : Sienna College West Virginia discrimination on the basis of sexual pref- Bellarmine University New Rochelle : College of New Rochelle, Wheeling : Wheeling Jesuit University erence. Because the Catholic Church Iona College stands so firmly against gay marriage— Louisiana Poughkeepsie : Marist College Wisconsin and reaffirmed this opposition in a 2003 New Orleans : Loyola University Riverdale : College of Mount St. Vincent De Pere : St. Norbert College Rochester : Nazareth College of Rochester, Madison : Edgewood College document from the Congregation for the Maryland St. John Fisher College Milwaukee : , Cardinal Stritch Doctrine of the Faith—any Catholic Baltimore : College of Notre Dame of St. Bonaventure : St. Bonaventure University University, agency that helps same-sex couples adopt Maryland, Loyola College of Maryland Sparkill : St. Thomas Aquinas College children is, in a sense, helping to foster a Syracuse : LeMoyne College Canada lifestyle that it believes is fundamentally Massachusetts Queens : St. John’s University Toronto : Regis College Boston : Emmanuel College, Boston College Summer/Fall 2009 BONDINGS Page 7 Gay-friendly Catholic Parishes Below is a partial list of known “gay-friendly” Catholic parishes. Thank you for helping us add to this growing list! If you are aware of such a parish that is known as welcoming to lesbian/gay Catholics as members and active parishioners, please let us know. Tell us if this welcome is because of a support program, spirituality group, mission statement, participation in gay community events, or involvement with parents.

Country Club Hills : St. Emeric Rochester : Blessed Sacrament, Tennessee Evanston : St. Nicholas St. John the Evangelist (Humboldt St.), Memphis : Cathedral of the Immaculate Morton Grove : St. Martha St. Mary, St. Monica Conception Oak Park : Ascension, St. Catherine of Syracuse : St. Andrew the Apostle, St. Lucy, Sienna-St. Lucy All Saints Texas Schaumburg : St. Marcelline Utica : St. Francis DeSales Colleyville: Good Shepherd Alabama Wantaugh : St. Frances de Chantal Dallas : Holy Trinity Montgomery : St. Bede Indiana Westbury : St. Brigid Houston : St. Anne

Evansville : St. Mary Plano : St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Arizona Indianapolis : St. Thomas Aquinas North Carolina Mesa : Christ the King Charlotte: St. Peter Virginia Scottsdale : Franciscan Renewal Center Iowa Durham : Immaculate Conception Arlington : Our Lady Queen of Peace Tuscon : St. Cyril of Alexandria, Iowa City : St. Thomas More Fayetteville : St. Patrick Richmond : Cathedral of the Sacred Heart, SS. Peter and Paul, St. Pius X, Raleigh : St. Francis of Assisi Sacred Heart Parish Our Mother of Sorrows, St. Odilia Kentucky Roanoke : St. Gerard

Louisville : Epiphany, Cathedral of the Ohio Virginia Beach : St. Nicholas California Assumption, St. William Akron : St. Bernard Berkeley : Holy Spirit Parish Cincinnati : St. George-St. Monica, Washington Burney : St Francis of Assisi Louisiana St. Robert Bellarmine Pullman: Sacred Heart Carlesbad : St. Patrick New Orleans : St. Augustine Cleveland : Ascension of Our Lord, Seattle : St. Benedict, Prince of Peace Claremont : Our Lady of the Assumption St. Malachi, St. Martha Newman Center El Cajon : St. Luke Maine Columbus : St. Thomas More Newman Tacoma : St. Leo Escondido : St. Timothy Portland : Sacred Heart-St. Dominic Center Fremont : St. Joseph - Mission San Jose Saco : Most Holy Trinity Mentor : St. John Vianney Wisconsin Hawthorne : St. Joseph (Spanish) University Heights : Church of the Gesu Madison : Our Lady Queen of Peace, St. Hayward : All Saints Maryland Westlake : St. Ladislas Benedict Center Sunday Assembly LaPuente : St. Martha Baltimore : Corpus Christi, St. Francis Wooster : St. Mary of the Immaculate Menomonee Falls : Good Shepherd Lemon Grove : St. John of the Cross of Assisi, St. Matthew, St. Philip and Conception Milwaukee : Good Shepherd, Prince of Peace, Long Beach : St. Matthew James, St. Vincent dePaul Trinity-Guadalupe Los Angeles : Blessed Sacrament, Columbia : St. John the Evangelist Oregon Christ the King, Mother of Good Counsel, Gaithersburg : St. Rose of Lima Central Point : Shepherd of the Valley Canada St. Camillus Center-LA USC Medical Hagerstown : St. Ann Portland : Journey and Koinonia Catholic Montreal: Holy Cross Center (Spanish), St. Paul the Apostle Severn : St. Bernadette Community, St. Andrew, St. Phillip Neri, Ottawa : St. Joseph North Hollywood : Blessed Sacrament, St. Vincent dePaul Toronto : Our Lady of Lourdes St. Jane Frances de Chantal, St. Patrick Massachusetts Oakland : Our Lady of Lourdes Boston : Paulist Center, St. Anthony Shrine, Pennsylvania England Oceanside : St. Thomas More St. Cecilia Huntingdon: Most Holy Trinity London : Our Lady of the Orange : Holy Family Cathedral, Koinoia East Longmeadow : St. Michael Philadelphia : Old St. Joseph, Old St. Mary, Assumption & St. Gregory Pleasanton : Catholic Community of Newton : St. Ignatius St. John the Evangelist, St. Vincent DePaul Pleasanton Springfield : Sacred Heart York : St. Joseph To add your faith community to our list, Sacramento : St. Francis of Assisi Worcester : Holy Cross College please contact New Ways Ministry at San Carlos : St. Charles Rhode Island [email protected] or call 301- San Diego : Ascension, San Rafael, Michigan Providence : St. Francis Chapel 277-5674. St. Jude Shrine Ann Arbor: St. Mary Student Parish Wickford : St. Bernard San Francisco : Most Holy Redeemer, Detroit : St. Leo, Christ the King Old St. Mary Cathedral, St. Agnes, Kalamazoo : Lambda Catholics St. Dominic St. Ignace : St. Ignatius Loyola San Jose : St. Julie Billiart, St. Martin of Tours (Emmaus Community) Minnesota San Luis Obispo : Old Mission of Minneapolis : St. Frances Cabrini, Catholic collections aimed at San Luis Obispo St. Joan of Arc San Rafael : Church of San Rafael &

Mission San Rafael Archangel Missouri preventing same-sex marriage Santa Clara : GALA Kansas City : Guardian Angels, Santa Cruz : Holy Cross St. Francis Xavier, St. James Santa Monica : St. Monica St. Louis : St. Cronan, St. Margaret of Spring Valley : Santa Sophia By Marnie MacLean Scotland, St. Pius V NCEN.com and doesn't change based on emotion and Walnut Creek : St. John Vianney West Hollywood : St. Ambrose, St. Victor September 13, 2009 political pressures, it is what it is, it sup- Montana ports marriage between a man and a Whittier : St. Mary of the Assumption Billings : Holy Rosary The fight over Maine's same-sex woman," Mary Conroy said. Colorado Nebraska marriage law has started to heat up, and But not all Catholics agree with the Arvada : Spirit of Christ Omaha : Holy Family, Sacred Heart opponents of the new law have received church on this issue, and just this week Avon : St. Edward Colorado Springs : Our Lady of Guadalupe, a large cash infusion from the Catholic over one hundred people joined a new Nevada Sacred Heart Church. group called Catholics for Marriage Las Vegas : Christ the King, Equality. Denver : St. Dominic, Christ the King, Guardian Angel Cathedral During Mass on Sunday, parishion- Mount Carmel ers were asked to donate money to de- "My model is Jesus and Jesus Fort Collins : Blessed John XXIII New Hampshire feat the new law. preached and practices love and inclusion. Genessee : St. Frances Cabrini Shrine Merrimack : St. John Neumann At the Cathedral of the Immaculate That's what I hope our church would do," Highlands Ranch : Pax Christi Pelham : St. Patrick Conception in Portland, Maine hundreds Elaine McGillicuddy said. Littleton : Light of the World of parishioners gathered for the Sunday This was not the first time Maine's New Jersey Service. Connecticut Clifton : St. Brendan Catholic Church has done a special collec- Hartford : St. Patrick-St. Anthony Lawrenceville : St. Ann This is one of about 140 catholic tion to raise money to fight a controversial

Long Beach Island : St. Francis of Assisi churches across Maine taking part in a referendum question. It was also done to District of Columbia special second collection asking for Trenton Falls : St. Anselm fight partial birth abortions and physician Holy Trinity, St. Aloysius, money specifically to defeat Maine's St. Matthew Cathedral New Mexico assisted suicide. same-sex marriage law. Albuquerque: Holy Family, Shrine of St. "Marriage is clearly, biblically, Stand for Marriage campaign man- Florida Bernadette Cocoa Beach: Our Savior ecclesiastically, logically, rationally and ager Marc Mutty said for the church, this Espanola : Sacred Heart of Jesus is not a political issue -- it is a moral one. Ft. Lauderdale : St. Anthony, St. Maurice naturally the union between a man and a Naples : St. John the Evangelist New York woman, for us Catholics, marriage is a And that asking parishioners to fund this St. Petersburg: Holy Cross Baldwinsville : St. Augustine sacrament," Father Louis Phillips said cause was something the bishop felt com- Tampa : Franciscan Center Bellmore : St. Barnabas the Apostle on Sunday. pelled to do. Bellport : Mary Immaculate Georgia The money raised from the special "It was crystal clear: it was his re- Brooklyn : St. Andrew the Apostle, collection will go directly to Stand for Atlanta : Shrine of the Immaculate St. Boniface, St. Athanasius, St. Augustine sponsibility, his duty to do this," Mutty Conception Marriage Maine, the group running the Deer Park: Ss. Cyril and Methodius said. "Yes On One" campaign. In November, Illinois East Islip : St. Mary Not all Catholics agree, but Stand for Elmira : St. Mary Maine voters will have the chance to Berwyn : St. Mary of the Celle Marriage hopes it can count on enough Chicago : Immaculate Conception, Fairport : Church of the Assumption overturn the law by voting yes on a ref- St. Clement, St. Gertrude, St. Gregory, Henrietta: Good Shepherd erendum question. parishioners to use the power of prayer St. Peter, St. Sylvester, St. Teresa of Avila, Manhattan : Holy Name of Jesus, "I believe marriage is between a and the pocketbook to defeat same-sex St. Francis Xavier, St. Paul the Apostle St. Thomas the Apostle, OL of Mt. Carmel man and a woman, the doctrine is clear marriage in Maine.  Clarendon Hills : Notre Dame Melville : St. Elizabeth Page 8 BONDINGS Vol. 29, No. 3 Time to remove 25 years of barricades in New York

By Tim Gay 1983. It was a beautiful Sunday. float high above Rockefeller Center, and dinal O’Connor’s first response to the gay The Villager—New York City Phil and I loved going to the Gay a few balloons might go lightly around and lesbian community was to spend July 1, 2009 Pride March on our bicycles. We would the corner and float past a newly wed some $50 million to fight the city on Ex- weave in and out of the various groups, heterosexual bride and groom coming ecutive Order 50, which banned sexual Dear Archbishop Dolan, circle back, go forward, and always out the side entrance. discrimination in hiring practices at any We’re sorry that you missed your company or nonprofit organization that first New York Lesbian and Gay Pride did business with the city. March. We heard you were in Rome, Dignity could no longer meet at St. meeting with the pope and getting a new Xavier’s on 16th St. No safer-sex educa- wardrobe. tion would be taught at Catholic schools, If only you had been here, you would hospitals or (at least officially) Covenant have seen the most beautiful, colorful Gay House. Discrimination is O.K. on St. Pat- Pride ever — our 40th anniversary to rick’s Day. mark the Stonewall Riots of 1969. Floats And as much as no one would believe and dancers, people of all colors, some on us back then, H.I.V. truly became an bicycles, some on tricycles, some on stilts equal opportunity for men and women of and some in wheelchairs. all races. Despite the gay stigma and the The governor was there — David associated hysteria of the 1980s, it is now Paterson was the honoree for pushing for the unspoken disease affecting our minor- our marriage right! Mayor Bloomberg ity communities. was there, as well as Senator Chuck H.I.V. is the leading cause of death Schumer and the Queen of the Imperial for black and Hispanic women of child- Court her/himself. bearing age in New York City and has Fifth Ave. was lined with happy ob- been for at least the last 10 years. (I some- servers cheering us on. Police officers times wonder what the outcome would gladly took photos for paraders and out-of have been if there had been any outreach -towners. People threw streamers from from the Hispanic parishes to women. But windows, and ministers and volunteers we’ll never know.) handed out water at Marble Collegiate Cardinal O’Connor drew the line. But Church, and the Episcopal and Presbyte- somewhere along the way, that line has rian churches on lower Fifth Ave. become irrelevant. LGBT Catholics and friends march in the London gay pride parade. Except not at St. Patrick’s. As the years have gone by, those anti- For one block, between 51st and 50th catch up with the Catholic gay and les- And the cheering! Jubilant, loud, gay hecklers opposite St. Patrick’s have Sts., Fifth Ave. was once again prepared bian organization, Dignity, as they off-key cheering! These were (and are) grown fewer and older. When we see that for a full riot. Police officers stood at reached St. Patrick’s at 50th St. true believers making a joyful noise one sign, “God didn’t make Adam and guard with three rows of barricades be- As in many of the past years, first unto their Lord! Steve,” we confidently yell back, “Oh yes, tween the curb and the steps. The only was a moment of silence. And then one A friend called out Phil’s name and God did! As well as Alice and Gertrude onlookers were some sad church represen- Dignity member would walk up the mine. We turned around on our bicycles and Ellen and Portia, too.” tatives (they were allowed to stand on the steps and release a bouquet of pink and and waved, like thousands of marchers Now, here we are at Stonewall 40. cathedral steps) holding homophobic purple balloons. And this would be fol- spontaneously posing for photos. Our You know very good and well that we are signs including one with “church” mis- lowed by the spectacular release of hun- photo was snapped just in time for the the police officers, teachers, doctors, full- spelled as “churc.” dreds of purple and pink balloons. Some balloons. time parents and even managing partners It wasn’t always like that. balloons would get caught in the century I still have that photo. at law firms who live and work and play I remember the Gay Pride March of -old gothic ornamentation, some would Little did we know that would be side by side with heterosexuals in our the last year for Dignity releasing the great city. We are city councilmembers, balloons. congressmembers and school board mem- In 1984 the new Archbishop bers. Some are priests, some are preachers Continued from page 1 O’Connor had the cathedral barricaded and, of course, we’ll always be your Ex-Archbishop speaks about Catholic by three rows of blue sawhorses and 100 church organists. police officers, arms crossed and batons We can even get married in a number Church and homosexuality ready at their sides. And on the other of states, including Iowa! That’s only side of Fifth Ave. was a church- about 100 miles north of where you, sanctioned anti-gay enclave of at least Archbishop Dolan, grew up in St. Louis! be hushed up, which is “the Roman way.” could be treated and returned to work, 100 people. They spewed forth venom- So, don’t you think it’s a good time to “I suppose, also, being frank, I and he blamed the Vatican’s tribunals ous homophobic lies that were not bibli- remove the barricades from the steps of wouldn’t have wanted to be labeled in for spending years debating whether to cally based, psychologically or medi- St. Patrick’s? Rome at that point as gay,” Archbishop remove abusers from the priesthood. In cally accurate or, for that matter, in Look, it’s a new administration there Weakland said. “Rome is a little village.” one case, he said, the Vatican courts good taste. at the archdiocese. Next year, let the po- Asked if he had regrets about the took so long deciding whether to de- We squeezed between these oppos- lice do real work and let Dignity release $450,000 payment to Mr. Marcoux, he frock a priest who had abused dozens of ing menaces on the left and the right. Of the balloons. said, “I certainly worry about the sum.” deaf students that the priest died before course, voices became angry. Of course, No one is asking you to hand out con- The morning in 2002 that Mr. Mar- a decision was reached. fair-weather friends and politicians de- doms. But try handing out some cups of coux surfaced on national television, “The concern was more about the murely refused to march with us, until water. It’s a long walk down to Marble Archbishop Weakland said he phoned the priests than about the victims,” we reached 23rd St., well within the Collegiate at 30th St. pope’s representative, or apostolic , Archbishop Weakland said. “gay safety zone.” And while you are at it, you and those in Washington — Archbishop Gabriel In Milwaukee, Peter Isely, the Mid- That was the harbinger for what we Ancient Hibernians should know that not Montalvo — who, he said, told him, “Of west director of the Survivors Network were to see for the next quarter century. all Irish-Americans are Catholic. Lighten course you are going to deny it.” of Those Abused by Priests, said Starting in 1984 the archdiocese up and let all people march on St. Pat- Archbishop Weakland said he told Archbishop Weakland ultimately failed slammed the door on not just Catholics, rick’s Day. the nuncio that while he could deny em- his people. but all gay and lesbian New Yorkers. With or without your blessing, we are phatically that it was date rape, “I can’t Mr. Isely pointed out that while AIDS was just beginning. But Car- free.  deny that something happened between Archbishop Weakland was waiting for us.” (Archbishop Montalvo died in 2006.) the Vatican courts to defrock abusive Archbishop Weakland is still pained priests, he allowed them to continue that his scandal, involving a man in his working in ministry without informing 30s, became intertwined with the larger parishioners of their past. And he said church scandal over child sexual abuse. the $450,000 payment was particularly But at the time, many Catholics in galling to victims because many re- A retreat for lesbian, gay, bisexual, Milwaukee said they were angrier about ceived “no compensation whatsoever.” and gender-variant church personnel the secret settlement with Mr. Marcoux In June, Archbishop Weakland, than with the sexual liaison. who has been living in a Catholic retire- April 10-12, 2010 Archbishop Weakland and the Mil- ment community since his resignation, waukee archdiocese are also the target of is moving to St. Mary’s Abbey in Mor- several lawsuits accusing them of failing ristown, N.J., where he said he would be Mariandale Retreat Center to remove abusive priests, allowing more closer to his family in Pennsylvania and Ossining, New York minors to be victimized. grow old in the care of a community of In the interview, he blamed psycholo- Benedictine .  Sponsored by New Ways Ministry gists for advising bishops that perpetrators www.NewWaysMinistry.org