Dark Am I, Yet Lovely by Becky Macdormand

DARK AM I, YET LOVELY

A full-length play

Becky MacDormand

[email protected] © MacDormand, 2017

(March 29th, 2017)

CHARACTERS

JASON PEMBROOKE, 35

ANNE PEMBROOKE, 30, his wife

SETTING

The setting is surreal as the characters visit various locations from their past in a fragmented dream-like sense, while always returning to the fractured setting of their bedroom.

TIME

Jason and Anne’s seventh wedding anniversary in present day, as well as various moments throughout their relationship in the past.

NOTES FROM THE PLAYWRIGHT

The play is fluid and there should be no interruption of action as the characters grapple with reality and dip in and out of memory.

Pauses, long pauses, and long, long pauses are indicated. Please adhere to them and do not rush these moments.

Jason should not have a sliver of femininity to him. This is a play about grief and other related hardships, not to be confused with other important social conversations of our day.

Anne, in the present and in memories, varies between the real Anne as well as the projected version Jason wanted/currently needs her to be.

Clothing suggestions for Jason have been made. This is an important aspect of the play and cannot be removed. However, please feel free to make alternative clothing choices as you see fit, being courteous to the character and story while ensuring any new choices are not distracting or change the story in any way.

There are pre-recorded voices for Jason and Anne, as well as for the unseen* characters Karissa, Marcus, and Anne’s mother, Wanda. This is indicated in the text as “ANNE’S VOICE” or “KARISSA’S VOICE”, etc.

*Live actors are not required for Karissa, Marcus, and Wanda.

The pre-recorded voices should come from different places in the theatre, adding to the chaos of Jason’s mind.

The sound effect for each car crash should grow slightly louder and louder until the last one, which is the loudest and most jarring. The same is said of the abrupt lighting that accompanies each car crash, growing brighter and brighter until the last one, which is the brightest of all.

A few lighting, projection, and sound suggestions have been made throughout the script. Please take liberty with these technical elements during production and expand as you see fit. However, it is my original intent to keep the set as bare as possible.

In the dialogue, an ellipsis (...) indicates a pause or a thought trailing off; a double dash (--) indicates an interruption; and, a slash (/) indicates the point in which one character speaks over top of another character, as denoted in both character's dialogue.

We begin in darkness.

Suddenly a woman’s voice is heard singing. Her tune has no words but is a mix of sweet and tender, yet mesmerizing and eerie, sounds. As she sings, she walks throughout the space. Over time, her song becomes increasingly louder and louder until her voice is suddenly cut off by the explosive sound of a car crash. With this, a brief flicker of light stretches across the stage, which reveals the woman, Anne, standing behind her husband, Jason, who stares lifelessly at a leather bound journal in his hand. He is a well-built, attractive man, and wears a dark, plain T-shirt and similar pajama bottoms.

The darkness returns and Anne is no longer singing.

Dim lights slowly come up on Jason, who is in the same position as before. Anne is nowhere to be found. After a moment, a phone rings. Jason does not budge and the answering machine picks up.

JASON’S VOICE Hello, you’ve reached Mr.--

ANNE’S VOICE --and Mrs.--

JASON’S VOICE Pembrooke.

ANNE’S VOICE Leave us a message.

JASON’S VOICE And we’ll call you back.

The answering machine beeps.

KARISSA’S VOICE Hey Jace, it’s me again--

Jason rushes to the answering machine, which resides on a dresser, and he turns it off. He stares at the machine, then at the journal in his hand.

ANNE (O.S.) What was that?... Jason?

Anne enters and slowly crosses to Jason, who puts down the journal. She is wearing a white sundress and no shoes. She carries two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine.

ANNE (CON’T) (jiggling the wine) Happy Thursday!

He looks at her.

ANNE (CON’T) You’re right, I’m sorry. Happy birthday. No wait, Merry Christmas? Happy St. Patrick’s Day!... Pancake people of the world unite day?

No response.

ANNE (CON’T) Okay... how about, happy average day in September that has absolutely no significance to the story of you and I what-so-ever.

JASON Can’t you just say things the way they are for once?

ANNE Fine. Happy seven year itch.

JASON How dare you!

He pulls Anne onto the bed with him. She squeals.

ANNE Happy Anniversary.

JASON I missed you.

ANNE You always miss me.

JASON You’re easy to miss.

ANNE I could be asleep, inches from you, and you’d still miss me.

JASON Wondering where you went to in your sleep.

ANNE What are you still doing in bed?

Anne tugs on his pajamas. He pushes her hand away then ensures his attire is securely in place.

Beat.

JASON You know, sometimes on anniversaries wives surprise their husbands with special marital treats.

ANNE My thoughts exactly.

Anne opens the wine.

JASON That’s not what I had in mind.

ANNE Perhaps not everything is going to go your way today, Mister.

JASON Wine for breakfast? Really?

ANNE Breakfast! It’s 11:30 in the morning.

JASON Still not your typical time to start drinking.

ANNE Tell that to mimosa’s.

JASON I thought we were supposed to open this on our ten year anniversary.

ANNE Maybe...

JASON Anne!

ANNE It was just so good. You didn’t really want to wait another three years to open it, did you?

JASON Didn’t Karissa make it? Couldn’t she step on some more grapes and pour us another bottle?

ANNE She didn’t make it, she went to some guy.

JASON Then give him a call before you crack open our fiftieth anniversary wine too.

ANNE His minimum order is sixty bottles or something. He only does special occasions, I think.

JASON Let’s have another party then.

ANNE The last party you threw didn’t go so well, remember?

Jason doesn’t remember.

ANNE (CON’T) And do you seriously think our wedding was just a party?

JASON Maybe...

ANNE You’re terrible.

JASON What?!

ANNE Seven years isn’t something you celebrate, anyway / and you know I hate parties. /

JASON Sure it is. / I think passing the seven year itch is something worth celebrating.

ANNE You know we haven’t passed it.

JASON We could have it “itch themed!”. We’ll ask our guests to dress as their favourite skin condition. I’ll go as the chicken pox. Or we could try to incorporate mosquitoes, ticks, and horsefly’s somehow... You know what, let’s just invite all our hippie friends and vaccinate their children.

Anne takes a drink from the bottle.

JASON (CON’T) You’re right. This is the worst idea for a party. Karissa and Eric would never talk to me again if I impaled Olive and Sage with a needle.

ANNE Then who would you have left?

A look. Silence.

ANNE (CON’T) Was that Karissa who called earlier? She’s been phoning a lot lately.

Jason reaches for the wine bottle and takes a swig.

JASON Are you trying to get me drunk before noon?

ANNE You’re the only one here capable of getting yourself drunk.

JASON Do you remember the horrible wine we bought for our first anniversary?

ANNE It tasted like watered down cough medicine.

JASON But we still got drunk and made love.

ANNE I hate that term. “Made love.”

JASON Why? It’s what we did.

ANNE I don’t know. It just sounds so pretentious. “We made love... we made lovvveee.” Most of the time we argue about who’s going to be on top.

JASON Fine, we got drunk and did it! Why didn’t we drink the wine from our wedding?

ANNE You don’t remember?

JASON Is that bad?

ANNE We moved across town the week before / and everything was in boxes./

JASON Oh yeah... / ...into here.

ANNE We couldn’t find the wine we had saved from our wedding and we were so broke from the move that all we could afford was a $7.00 bottle with a mop and a pencil dancing on the label.

JASON I’m sorry I forgot.

ANNE But it was a really nice evening. You made sandwiches and spread a blanket on the floor. You lit candles. I think we were both on top that night.

JASON The start of a tradition.

ANNE The anniversary picnic, yes.

Beat.

ANNE (CON’T) Except for that one year.

They stop and look at one another. A long pause - it is as if time has stood still.

Suddenly, Anne’s Voice reverberates throughout the space. As this happens, Jason breaks eye contact with Anne and presses his hands to his temple. Anne remains unshaken and takes another sip of wine.

ANNE’S VOICE (shouting) What the hell is this?!.... Oh my gosh! WAKE UP, JASON!... Do you know me at all?!... I never wanted to be like this!

The explosive sound of a car crash is heard and a bright light flashes across the stage. Jason is shaken.

Beat. Anne moves towards him.

ANNE Are you okay?

JASON You look beautiful...

ANNE Thank you.

JASON Like the day we first met.

ANNE Oh. (beat) Do you know what that was?

Jason looks up, defying something bigger than him.

JASON You look beautiful! Like the day we first met!

Warm, twinkling lights creep in and Jason sways slightly, as if comforted by their embrace.

JASON (CON’T) (to Anne) You do. Like the day we first met. Except you were wearing a blue dress and a white cardigan. Your flip-flops matched. You always wore flip-flops. I swear if you weren’t at risk of frostbite you’d wear flip-flops in the dead of winter.

ANNE I heard it too.

JASON Maybe it’s weird that I remember what you wore / but I remember every little bit of you. / As if you were a part of me, and I a part of you...

ANNE Can you even hear me? / Jason?

JASON Do you remember?

Beat.

ANNE Yes. I remember.

JASON When we first saw each other, you stared at me and smiled.

ANNE Only because you were smiling at me like an idiot.

JASON I couldn’t help it. But you didn’t turn away. You held my gaze, and I held yours.

ANNE A magnetic field drew us together.

JASON The energy stemming from our pupils.

Jason takes a step towards Anne. She moves to him as well.

JASON (CON’T) It felt as if two hands had grasped my stomach and were twisting it in opposite directions.

ANNE I was convinced I was sewn together and the seams were going to burst at any moment.

They come together. The soft, twinkling lights burst forth, causing the lights to become completely vivid and bright, like this memory. The demeanor of Jason and Anne changes drastically. Anne is shy and seems uncomfortable with herself, whereas Jason’s fractured being disappears and he exudes confidence.

JASON Hi.

Anne doesn’t respond.

JASON (CON’T) Hi.

ANNE (nervous) Oh... um, hi.

JASON Welcome to Huffman’s Mechanics.

ANNE You too. I mean... you work here. Just, hi. Hello. How are you?

JASON Wonderful!

ANNE Great!

Beat.

JASON It’s really hot outside.

ANNE Oh, yes.

JASON Weather man said it’s a heat wave.

ANNE I think so.

JASON Not that I listen to the weather man. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with listening to the weather man, I just don’t. But I listen to my friend Marcus and that’s what he said the weather man said. Although, I’m not an idiot! I could definitely walk outside and tell that it’s hot. I mean, it’s hot in here too. / ... Obviously.

ANNE Really hot. I’m sorry you have to wear those coveralls. Oh my gosh... because it’s hot and stuff. I’m not asking you to take them off or anything! It’s just, it’s so hot and... and... that must be really uncomfortable for you. Really unfortunate.

Beat.

ANNE (CON’T) I need an oil change!

JASON We do those!

ANNE I need an oil change.

JASON I’m your man.

ANNE ... I need...

JASON When the last time you brought her in?

ANNE Who?

JASON Your vehicle.

ANNE Oh, uh, she’s a he and his name’s Gilbert.

JASON I forgot women name their cars.

ANNE I thought everyone did.

JASON I don’t.

ANNE You should.

JASON Can I name mine after you?

ANNE (blushing) You don’t know anything about me. What if your car and I have nothing in common?

JASON I know I like my car, and... well, you seem pretty great.

ANNE Oh my gosh.

JASON What?

ANNE Again, you don’t know anything about me.

JASON What’s your name?

ANNE I don’t know if I should tell you.

JASON You kind of have to. I need to fill out this intake form.

ANNE Oh.

JASON Unless you don’t need that oil change after all.

ANNE I’m three months over due.

JASON Name please.

ANNE Anne Riggelman. That’s Anne with an E.

Jason writes on a clipboard. He pauses halfway through, looks at Anne, chuckles, then continues writing.

ANNE (CON’T) Why are you laughing?

JASON Make and model?

ANNE Um... the blue Saturn. Why are you laughing?

JASON Gilbert... Anne with an E... I bet I can guess your favourite book.

ANNE (eyes wide) You’ve read Anne of Green Gables?

JASON Nah! But my mom watched the movie every time she was sick, which was a lot come to think of it. (pointing past Anne) That blue Saturn?

ANNE Yes, that one. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever met a man who knows even a fraction about my favourite book.

JASON You must love reading. You have a ton of books in the backseat of your car. I can see them, even from here.

ANNE Books are better than people.

JASON That’s an unusual amount of books, actually. They’re everywhere.

ANNE I practically live in my car.

JASON Let’s change that oil then. I wouldn’t want you breaking down or getting in an accident. I’m Jason by the way.

Jason reaches out his hand but Anne is frozen. She stares at Jason.

JASON (CON’T) Uh... Jason Pembrooke.

ANNE Pl- Pleased to meet you.

Jason smiles, completely captivated by her. After a moment Anne lifts her hand. As soon as Jason reaches out and grasps her hand, the explosive sound of a car crash is heard and a bright light flashes across the stage. Jason and Anne are ripped apart. Jason is winded. Anne is still. The faint sound of turning pages creeps in.

Long pause.

JASON (catching his breath) You... You...

ANNE I know what you’re thinking... but love at first sight is a myth. It’s the hope of a heart that never found love. When I first saw you, though, I nearly believed in it.

JASON You look beautiful. Like the day we first met.

ANNE That day, when you reached out your hand for mine, I was struck, still, stagnant. I knew once touched our worlds would never be the same. I was petrified.

JASON You look beautiful. Like the day we first met.

ANNE Petrified you’d see the real me...

JASON Why are you telling me this?

ANNE Do I look beautiful? Like the day we first met?

She dances for him and begins to sing the wordless tune from before. He contentedly watches her dance.

Beat.

JASON You’re a mystery. A beautiful mystery, like the day we first met. Do you love me?

ANNE Let’s have a picnic today.

JASON A picnic?

ANNE Yes, a picnic. It’s our anniversary, isn’t it? And on our anniversary we have picnics.

She brings the blanket off the bed and puts it on the floor.

ANNE (CON’T) We’ll have wine and... what do you want to eat?

JASON I don’t know what there is.

ANNE I’ll go check.

Jason grabs Anne’s hand, desperate.

ANNE (CON’T) I can’t leave until you let me.

After a moment, he lets her go. Anne exits.

As Anne prepare their picnic, Jason pours himself some wine and drinks throughout. He crosses to the dresser and pulls out some of Anne’s clothing. He rubs them between his fingers and brings a piece to his cheek.

ANNE (O.S. - CON’T) What are you doing?

JASON Did you really like our picnics?

ANNE (O.S.) You know I did.

JASON Which was your favourite?

ANNE (O.S.) I swear if you eat one more pizza pop you’re going to puke up the Pillsbury Doughboy.

JASON Did you hear me?

ANNE (O.S.) We’ve had so many.

JASON Which one?

ANNE (O.S.) Let’s see... I really liked the one’s we had before we were married. The one when we got engaged and, of course, our first date. Did you know you have sour cream in here from before it happened?

JASON My favourite is our first date too.

ANNE (O.S.) There are a few things in here that are picnic-worthy, though.

Jason puts down her clothes then picks up the journal and reads. Anne hums in the kitchen and the faint sound of turning pages creeps back in.

After awhile, Jason becomes agitated and slams the journal back down on the dresser. He briefly touches her clothing again, then shuts the drawer. Anne enters with a plate of food.

ANNE (CON’T) Tada! Ham and cheese sandwiches, apple slices, and... a chocolate bar that’s four years old.

JASON Your best meal yet.

She playfully smacks him then makes her way to the blanket. Jason joins her.

ANNE You finally went grocery shopping then?

JASON Karissa and Eric did.

ANNE Karissa who you’re currently ignoring?

JASON They left it outside the door.

ANNE Hmm.

JASON She treats me like a baby.

ANNE She’s a mom.

JASON She’s not my mom.

Jason unwraps the chocolate bar and takes a bite then spits it out.

JASON (CON’T) I didn’t know chocolate bars could go bad.

ANNE Everything has an expiry date.

JASON Not Cheez Whiz.

ANNE Cheez Whiz aside, everything will perish.

They eat in silence. It’s comfortable and not awkward.

JASON Do you love me?

ANNE What do you think?

JASON I think love is a choice. I think we get to choose the person we love and once we’ve made our choice, it’s our responsibility to love that person even when we don’t feel like it.

ANNE And even when they don’t deserve it?

JASON I didn’t have to choose anything with you, though. Everything was natural, as if you were already ingrained in my body, running through my veins.

ANNE That’s an unfortunate place for me to live.

JASON Do you love me?

ANNE What do you think?

JASON I think you’re beautiful.

ANNE (teasing) Like the day we first met?

JASON Like our very first date.

ANNE Ah.

JASON When I picked you up I immediately wanted to kiss you.

ANNE I could tell.

JASON You could?

ANNE You’re an emotional exhibitionist. You wear your heart on your sleeve, your pant leg, your jacket, your butt pocket.

JASON With most women there’s no chase, no mystery, no thrill... but I needed the jaws of life to get to you and it excited me.

ANNE So I was a challenge?

JASON You were everything. I was altogether lost in you. I never found my way out.

The lights change and are once again vivid and bright. Like before, Anne is quiet and shy whereas Jason is confident and completely taken by Anne. The floor before them becomes a gentle river.

JASON (CON’T) The lady offered me soup. I told her I went to the third floor when I needed to be on the fourth, but she insisted I have some anyway. I’m pretty sure she said it was moose-nose soup.

ANNE I heard she just moved here from a nearby reserve.

JASON So, it was moose-nose soup?

ANNE Probably.

JASON Hmm. It was surprisingly good. Anyway, that’s why I was late. I didn’t want you to think I was making excuses before, but... now that I have you here... Man, it was so chewy.

Anne giggles.

ANNE Honestly, I was, well... I was almost relieved when you were late.

JASON I knew this was a pity date.

ANNE Oh my gosh, no. No no no! I’ve just - I’ve been nervous all day. It would have been easier if you didn’t show up. Would have made sense too.

JASON You were nervous? I was convinced my stomach was going to fall out of my butt all day that’s how nervous I was. (gesturing the action) Yeah... Stomach! Butt! ... Sorry, that’s gross.

ANNE Don’t lose your stomach on account of me.

Pause.

JASON By the way, I’m not going to murder you out here.

ANNE Oh my gosh, why would you say that?

JASON No, I just- shit. Shit! I shouldn’t have sworn

She giggles.

JASON (CON’T) It’s just, when I was driving out of the city, not into it, you looked like I was going to murder you.

ANNE There are places in town to have picnics.

JASON Yeah, and they’re surrounded by people.

ANNE ... You’re not giving me much confidence.

JASON Would a murderer want to kiss you right now?

ANNE Probably! All those prostitutes we hear about on the news...

Jason looks at her, captivated, then leans in to kiss her. Before he is successful, Anne pulls away.

JASON Sorry... Sorry. Tell me something about yourself.

ANNE Um... I teach Kindergarten.

JASON You must love kids.

ANNE ...Sure.

JASON I can’t wait to be a Dad one day. I want enough to have my own hockey team. How many do you want?

ANNE It was a beautiful drive out here. I don’t think I’ve been out this way before.

JASON Right. The reason we’re having a picnic out in the boonies is because we’re actually going fishing. I figured I didn’t know anything about you yet, or what you like, but I know me and what I like so I thought I’d introduce you to my world a bit. Does that make me sound like an ass?

Anne shakes her head “no”.

JASON (CON’T) Have you ever been fishing?

ANNE Go Fish counts, right?

JASON This will fun. Oh shit, you’re not one of those people who is opposed to killing anything with a face, are you?

ANNE Animals, yes. People, no.

JASON And I didn’t even ask if you’re a vegetarian. Are these sandwiches okay?

ANNE I’m not anti-hunting, fishing, or eating anything with flesh. Unless you want me to join some freak cannibalism cult. Then I might have an issue with seeing you again.

Jason laughs.

ANNE (CON’T) So, why this particular bridge?

JASON It’s, uh, it’s the first place my Dad took me fishing, actually.

ANNE Do you two come here often?

JASON He died when I was nine.

ANNE I’m so sorry.

JASON Ha. Thanks. I don’t know why I brought that up. I guess I’m just drawn to this bridge.

Beat.

ANNE What was your dad’s name?

JASON Steve.

ANNE What did he do?

JASON He was a paramedic.

ANNE Did you catch any fish the first time you were here?

JASON Nah, but when we went home we told my mom I did. My Dad caught a really big Pike and I was upset that I hadn’t caught anything, so he snuck his Pike into my bucket and my mom squealed with pride when she saw the sucker. My parents grilled it up and we ate it for dinner that night. We were all so happy I think I almost believed I had caught the fish.

ANNE It must have been really hard growing up without a Dad.

JASON Yeah. But I had nine years with him and some kids don’t have any with their Dad. I actually wore his watch from the time I was nine until a few years ago when it broke. I don’t know why. I just missed him, I guess, and I wanted to stay close to him... You know, you’re the first person who has actually asked me about my Dad when I mentioned he passed away. Most people say “I’m sorry” and that’s it. Like my personal tragedy has become an inconvenience for them.

ANNE I know what you mean.

JASON Someone you love died?

ANNE No, but most people don’t know what to do with other people’s pain. Not that people necessarily need to do anything with it - mess with it like it’s play-doh or something - but it’s nice to have it acknowledged and supported in some fashion. Not abandoned or ignored.

JASON Shit. This must be the worst first day you’ve ever been on. Talking about my dead Dad, drinking shitty wine, and eating sandwiches I’m not even going to pretend I made anymore. I bought them from the grocery store by my house.

ANNE I like the sandwiches. And the wine isn’t that bad.

JASON And the guy?

ANNE Jury’s still out.

JASON Well, let’s let the fish decide then.

Jason starts to prepare the fishing equipment. A light rain is heard and seen creeping in.

JASON (CON’T) So, if you could do anything in the world, what would you do?

Anne thinks about it.

ANNE Dance.

JASON Are you any good?

ANNE I’m dreadful.

JASON You’ve got to be kidding me.

ANNE No really, I am.

JASON Sorry, no, it’s starting to rain.

ANNE Oh my gosh.

JASON (laughing) Are we starring in some chick-flick or something?

The rain becomes heavier and eventually starts to hail lightly.

JASON (CON’T) Fuck. It’s hailing. Shit. I’m sorry I said fuck.

ANNE (laughing) I don’t mind.

JASON We should probably go, in case it turns to golf balls.

They start to pack up, grabbing the plates, sandwich remains, wine glasses, blanket, etc. The hail becomes heavier and heavier.

ANNE Ow.

JASON I’m so sorry.

ANNE You’re apologizing for the weather? / Ow, ow! / Oh my gosh!

JASON (laughing) I guess I am- / shit, shit! / Quick! Under that tree!

They run under a tree.

Jason and Anne laugh and their bodies naturally press against one another. Anne stops smiling as Jason slowly moves in to kiss her. Just before his lips touch hers he stops.

JASON (CON’T) I’m sorry. I did it again.

Anne puts her hand behind his neck.

ANNE It’s okay.

She kisses him. Beat. Their kiss is suddenly interrupted by the explosive sound of a car crash and a bright light flashes across the stage. Jason and Anne are ripped apart. Jason is beaten, Anne is still.

JASON I don’t understand.

He goes to kiss Anne again.

JASON (CON’T) You tasted like mint.

Anne gently turns away and starts to put the room back together.

JASON (CON’T) (trying to kiss her) You always tasted like mint. You never had bad breath.

ANNE Everyone has bad breath.

JASON Not you. You’re perfect.

ANNE Don’t do that. That’s not fair.

JASON When we first kissed, there wasn’t a trace of air in my lungs. / Everything was dizzy, it was swarming around in my head. /

ANNE Stop... / Please...

JASON Why? You did this last time.

ANNE I was trying to show you something. Explain something I hadn’t been able to before.

JASON I am too.

ANNE This isn’t a new revelation.

JASON Right. Cause, I’m a fountain of feelings. Nothing is hidden with me.

Beat.

ANNE You’re hiding something now.

Jason makes sure his shirt is pulled down.

JASON I’m not hiding anything.

ANNE You’re hiding from something.

JASON I’m not Jonah in the whale.

ANNE I didn’t say it was God.

Anne snaps her fingers. Her voice instantly echoes throughout the space. The lights become threateningly dark.

ANNE’S VOICE What the hell is this?!... Oh my gosh! WAKE UP, JASON!... Do you know me at all?!... I never wanted to be like this!

JASON (hand over his ears) Stop! Make it stop!

ANNE’S VOICE What the hell is this?! I never wanted to be like this!

JASON Anne, what did you do?

ANNE’S VOICE (fractured, echoing) Do you know me at all? Do you know me at all?! DO YOU KNOW ME AT ALL?!! DO YOU KNOW ME AT ALL?!! DO YOU KNOW ME AT ALL?!! ...

As these words echo throughout the space, Jason falls to his knees, screaming. In a craze he takes the top of his shirt and pulls it over his head, pressing his hands against his ears. Anne sees that he is wearing a satin, women’s pajama top underneath his shirt. She snaps her fingers, the voice stops, and everything slowly returns to how it was before. Anne tenderly kneels next to Jason.

JASON Why did you do that?

ANNE Jason...

JASON Why are you tormenting me?

ANNE What are you wearing?

Jason pulls his shirt back down, hiding Anne’s clothing, and stands up quickly.

JASON I’m going back to bed.

ANNE Is that my shirt?

He ignores her.

ANNE (CON’T) Why are you wearing my shirt?

JASON Oh, I see, so it’s okay for a woman to sleep in her husband’s boxers for years, but a man wants to remain close to his wife and it’s somehow a cardinal sin?

ANNE No, of course not. I just- I thought you were making progress.

JASON Let’s trade shoes for a moment and then you tell me how easy that is.

ANNE I thought this had stopped.

JASON Well, it hasn’t.

Jason crosses to the dresser. When he is close, the dresser slowly inches away from him. He stops, then takes another step towards it, but the dresser moves further away from him. Furious, he lunges for the dresser, takes hold of it, and grabs the journal on top of it. The journal stops moving and Jason crawls into bed.

ANNE I’m not going to let you spend your day buried beneath the covers.

JASON (flipping through the pages, searching) Do you love me?

ANNE What do you think?

JASON Do you love me?!

ANNE I’m just trying to help.

JASON Well, you’re not doing a very good job.

Anne lovingly tugs on the covers. Jason pulls them back.

JASON (CON’T) A really shitty job, come to think of it.

ANNE I haven’t heard you swear in awhile. You used to swear all the time.

JASON I stopped for you.

ANNE When did I ask you to stop?

JASON You hated it.

ANNE I never said that.

JASON You’re saying swearing is some endearing quality and when we had children running around one day you’d be okay with me dropping f-bombs left, right, and centre?

ANNE I’m saying you made an assumption. You changed for you, not for me.

JASON Well, it was a good change. You can’t be angry with me for that.

ANNE You’re right.

JASON Excuse me?

ANNE You’re right.

JASON That’s a first.

ANNE Don’t be so stereotypical. Women tell men they’re right all the time.

JASON Come to bed.

Anne doesn’t budge.

JASON (CON’T) Come on, it’s our anniversary.

ANNE You know how fucked up this is, right?

JASON Oh-ho-ho! There it is. The curse word I knew was always tickling the tip of your tongue.

ANNE Don’t pretend you haven’t heard me go all haywire before.

JASON What? When?

ANNE The fifth one’s a big one, remember?

JASON Stop talking.

Jason pulls Anne onto the bed. The lights change and although they are not as moody as they just were, they aren’t as bright as previous memories as the room glows in the moonlight.

Jason and Anne kiss for a brief moment then they lay next to one another. They have just finished having sex together for the first time and it was clearly a bit awkward. They are still dressed. A bird is heard chirping through a nearby window.

Long pause.

ANNE Um... Jason?

JASON Yes?

ANNE Next time--

JASON Oh thank goodness! There’s going to be a next time?

ANNE I hope so. I mean, I didn’t disappoint?

JASON What? No. Not at all. Did I... did I hurt you?

ANNE Um... next time... could you- I mean, could we, um... pick up some lubricant?

JASON (laughing) Shit. Yeah. Totally!

ANNE Unless something else works better-- would help me, that is.

JASON Just practice, I think.

Anne laughs timidly

ANNE (rambling nervously) My friend Karissa said it didn’t hurt the first time. She might have been drunk at a party though, so maybe that loosened her up at bit. And my cousin Melissa said she hardly felt a thing when it happened. I doubt her boyfriend would like hearing that.

JASON Probably not.

ANNE So, I guess I thought the first time would be a walk in the park. Not that it wasn’t fun or anything. I really enjoyed myself and I’ve never seen a man’s... you know... stuff, before, so that was exciting. But oh my gosh it hurt.

JASON You never wanted to... part with it before now?

ANNE Didn’t really have many opportunities.

JASON Oh.

ANNE But, also, no.

Jason smiles bigger than he ever has.

ANNE (CON’T) (referring to the bird) What is that?

JASON If it’s one of those damn Magpie’s my neighbor is going to shoot at it. He wakes me up at 2am, drunk, cocking his pellet gun...

Anne goes to the window where moonlight shines down on her. The shadow of a bird flutters by.

ANNE It’s not a magpie.

JASON What is it?

ANNE It’s too dark to see, but it’s not a magpie.

Anne smiles and whistles with the bird a bit.

JASON Okay, Snow White.

Anne continues to whistle, ignoring him.

JASON Will you dance for me?

ANNE What?

JASON Please?

ANNE Oh my gosh, no.

JASON Come on.

Anne smiles at Jason then looks back at the bird . After a moment she quietly hums a beautiful made-up tune and sways slightly. She doesn’t look at Jason.

JASON (CON’T) I thought you were going to dance, not sway.

ANNE I said no such thing.

JASON How about a song then?

ANNE Words aren’t really my thing.

JASON What are you talking about? I see you writing all the time.

ANNE That’s different. That’s for me.

JASON Can I read what you write?

ANNE Ha! Only if I’m dead.

Anne looks out the window again. More birds appear.

ANNE (CON’T) I love birds. Sometimes I wish I were one. They’re so... carefree.

JASON Assuming a bigger bird isn’t trying to eat them. Or a cat.

ANNE I love birds...

JASON Assuming a bigger bird isn’t trying to eat them.

ANNE They’re so carefree.

JASON Or a cat... (genuinely confused) Wait, didn’t we just say that?

Anne continues to hum. Jason shakes his head then watches her, again.

JASON (CON’T) Anne...

ANNE Mhmm?

JASON I know it’s a general rule not to say something serious for the first time after you make love because you’re caught up in the intensity of the moment, but I’ve been thinking about this for the past few weeks - months if I’m being honest - and I don’t suspect I can keep it to myself anymore. So... I wanted to tell you that... that I... that I’m--

ANNE How many women’s virginity have you taken?

JASON What?

ANNE How many times have you taken a woman’s virginity?

JASON Where the hell did that come from?

ANNE My mouth.

JASON ...But why are you asking me this?

ANNE I’m curious.

JASON What?!

ANNE I am.

JASON Be un-curious!

ANNE No.

JASON Yes!

ANNE It doesn’t work that way.

JASON What’s going on? I’m about to tell you something I’ve never told anyone and you’re asking me how many times I’ve taken a woman’s virginity?

ANNE Well, I was curious how many women you’ve slept with altogether / but I thought I’d narrow it down / a bit.

JASON What! / Fuck’s sake.

ANNE So, how many?

JASON I don’t know.

ANNE That high, huh?

JASON No.

ANNE Then count.

JASON No!

ANNE Have there been men, too?

JASON Absolutely not!

ANNE I wouldn’t care / if there were. / I really wouldn’t. /

JASON Shit, Anne / that’s not me! / What’s the matter with you?

ANNE Just answer my question, please.

JASON No!

ANNE Answer it!

JASON I don’t understand why you’re trying to sabotage our night together.

ANNE I’m not!

JASON Yes you are. You’re tainting the memory of your first time. Why? I thought you wanted this.

ANNE I did, I- I do.

JASON I’m trying to tell you that I am in love with you and you are bankrupting me of this moment. Why?

ANNE How was I supposed to know that you were heading down “I love you” lane?

JASON Were you even listening? A fucking artichoke would have known what was going to come out of my mouth!

ANNE You’re telling me I’m stupid now?

JASON No, I’m... What the hell happened? Are you unhappy with me? With us? Have you been miserable all this time and I didn’t know?

ANNE I’m not unhappy with you. I just...

JASON You just, what? WHAT?

Suddenly a gunshot is heard off stage and the bird immediately stops singing. The birds drop. Dead.

JASON (CON’T) (shouting out the window) DAMN IT KARL!

A long, long pause.

JASON (CON’T) (turning back to Anne) Can I say what I was going to say now?

ANNE Sure.

Jason crosses to Anne and holds her face in his hands.

JASON I don’t know what the hell that was. I’m sorry for who I’ve been. I’m sorry for who I’ll be, because I’m bound to mess up, but I’d like to be yours, and I’d like you to be mine, if you want to give this a serious shot. Because like it or not, I love every part of you.

Beat.

ANNE (overwhelmed) How is that possible?

The explosive sound of a car crash is heard and a bright light flashes across the stage. Jason and Anne are ripped apart. Jason is exhausted, Anne is still. She begins to make the bed.

JASON That’s not the way it happened.

ANNE Yes it is.

JASON Let’s go back. Let’s make it right.

ANNE You can’t change it.

JASON You obviously did.

ANNE That’s the way it happened.

JASON I-I don’t remember that.

ANNE Doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.

JASON You’re doing this, aren’t you? You’re changing these memories for me!

Anne doesn’t respond.

JASON (CON’T) That’s not the way it happened, Anne! We never fought, you never tried to destroy that moment!

ANNE I don’t think I was trying to destroy it.

JASON You never tried to push me away!

ANNE Ding ding ding!

Beat.

JASON Do you love me?

Anne finishes making the bed.

JASON (CON’T) Do you love me?!

ANNE The truth’s there, Jason. It’s hot, bubbling beneath the surface of your skin, ready to explode at any minute.

JASON I’m going back to bed.

Anne rips the sheets off the bed.

JASON (CON’T) (referencing the bed) All your hard work, gone to waste.

ANNE Let’s do something today. Leave the house.

JASON I’m not going anywhere.

ANNE Don’t you miss people?

JASON I miss you.

ANNE You’ve hardly seen anyone in two years ago.

JASON So what?

ANNE Karissa keeps calling. She’s been calling for months now. / She’ll keep calling / if you don’t call her back.

JASON I know! / Then I’ll keep ignoring her messages.

ANNE My mom called too.

JASON Yeah right!

Anne snaps her fingers. Voices echo throughout the space, coming from different directions and growing increasingly louder and louder. The lights flicker.

WANDA’S VOICE Hello, Jason? It’s Wanda. I... I know it’s been quite sometime. Two years, in fact... / I recognize I was quite unfair last we spoke, all those years ago, / but I was hoping we could get together... / I’m sorry this is out of the blue, but I’d like to hear more about our daughter... hear what it was like / in the end.

JASON Turn it off. / You think? / HA! / I said turn it off!

ANNE Beeeep!

Anne snaps her fingers.

KARISSA’S VOICE Jason, hey! I know you’re avoiding me, but I hope you get this message. / Eric and I were wondering if you were available this Saturday, It’s - Eric. ERIC! / Sage is eating the dog’s food again. Eric! / Anyway, it’s Olive’s fourth birthday and we’d love it if her godfather could come. We haven’t seen you in months. Olive wants you to build another fort with her. ERIC!

JASON I can’t do this. / Please... / Make it stop.

ANNE Beeeep!

She snaps her fingers again.

MARCUS’S VOICE (slurring) Look man. I’ve been drinking up on this shit... I mean, reading about it. Whatever. Your situation that is. / You’ve been running away. Feeling intentional rejection and deliberating... / no, wait... Deliberately abandoning yourself. Yeah! No... whatever! Are you still dressing like a pansy or something? When are you going to come out with me again and bang some hot chicks? /

JASON My situation? / Don’t pretend you know shit about me, Marcus. / SHE ISN’T A PAIR OF SOCKS I CAN REPLACE!

MARCUS’S VOICE (slurring) Take off her clothes, Jace, and I bet Phil would let you come back to work.

ANNE Beeep!

Anne snaps her fingers and it goes quiet.

Beat.

JASON Give me the blankets.

ANNE What did Marcus mean?

JASON Give me the blankets!

ANNE I thought you were making progress.

JASON Progress? You’re here aren’t you? How could I be making progress!

ANNE Controversy and morals and ethics aside, or whatever judgements you’ve received through all this... this just isn’t you.

Jason rips off his shirt and we see the elegant pajama top clinging to his chest. He takes off his pajama pants as well and a matching pair of silk pajama shorts rest around his waist. He stares at her.

ANNE (CON’T) It isn’t.

JASON Maybe this is who I am now. Can’t you understand that? Hmm? Has anyone stopped to consider that this might be what I want now?

ANNE I don’t understand.

JASON Don’t you dare talk to me about not understanding!

He crosses to the dresser and flings out clothing. Some of it his, mostly hers.

JASON (CON’T) This is all I have now! It’s the only tangible thing I have left of you!

He takes out a dress of Anne’s and tries to pull it over his head. Before he can get it fully on, Anne intervenes and tugs in the opposite direction, trying to take the dress away.

ANNE Stop it!

JASON Why should I?

ANNE I’m not going to let you do this.

JASON WHY NOT? You made me this way!

Jason loses the battle. Anne holds the dress and he remains in the silk pajama set from before.

JASON (CON’T) Hand it over.

Anne slips the dress on herself.

JASON (CON’T) Fine.

He grabs the blankets and crosses towards the bed. Anne snatches them away from him.

JASON (CON’T) Give them to me.

ANNE You could go buy Olive a birthday present, today. She loves that stuffed teddy bear we got her. How about a stuffed bunny or a new book? You could read it to her on Saturday.

JASON I’m not going to the party.

ANNE Why don’t you go out for lunch?

JASON To where? The diner your mom works at? Nice try, Anne. I bet next you’re going to recommend I take my car in for repairs so I can see Marcus.

ANNE It could probably use a tune up. You haven’t driven it in awhile.

JASON Because I don’t want to go anywhere.

ANNE And be seen dressed like that?

JASON AND BE SEEN WITHOUT YOU! Now give me the blankets!

Jason lunges for the blankets a final time and successfully grabs them from Anne’s hands. He makes his way back to the bed, ready to spend the rest of his day immobile, but just as he’s about to reach it, the bed moves. As he goes to the right, it goes to the left. As he walks up towards it, it move down past him, etc.

ANNE’S VOICE What the hell is this?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! WAKE UP, JASON! Oh my gosh! WAKE UP, JASON!

Jason crumples to the ground again and puts his hands over his ears. The bed, the dresser, the lighting and sound, etc. all whirl around him chaotically.

ANNE’S VOICE Do you know me at all?!

JASON Do you love me?

ANNE’S VOICE DO YOU KNOW ME AT ALL?!

JASON DO YOU LOVE ME?

He panics. Anne kneels next to him. Everything becomes still.

ANNE (gently) What do you think?

Long pause. Jason gets up again, blankets in hand, and goes back to the bed, which is now in a new location. Before he reaches the bed, Anne jumps on his back.

ANN (CON’T) No! I’m not going to let you do this. I’m not going to let you spend your whole day, your whole life, drowning, hiding in this apartment, avoiding reality!

Jason and Anne fall to the ground. Jason is gentle as he wrestles with Anne, although still quite determined to “win” the blankets. Anne is a little more aggressive in her attempts to win.

After a short while, the lights change and are quite bright. Their struggle for the blanket is forgotten and they are wrapped up in each other, hugging, squealing, and kissing excitedly. The gentle sound of the ocean is heard and seagulls fly overhead.

ANNE (squealing) Oh my gosh! I have to call my Mom and Karissa. Melissa too.

JASON Are they going to be your bridesmaids?

ANNE Not my mom. How embarrassing would that be?

JASON Call them later.

ANNE Everything was wonderful. The picnic. This ring.

JASON I think I’ve got sand in my boxers.

ANNE Is Marcus going to be your best man?

JASON (moving to kiss Anne) Stop talking about this nonsense.

ANNE You clearly don’t know women. The wedding is being planned before the ring is even on our finger.

JASON Let’s elope.

They kiss. Anne’s smile drops and she looks at Jason intently. She is a different Anne.

ANNE I know that on the outside I was ecstatic; I smiled, jumped up and down and smothered you with kisses, but in reality my lungs had shrunk and I couldn’t catch a deep breath.

JASON (confused) Sorry?

Anne smiles again.

ANNE Hmm?

JASON I thought you said something.

ANNE Nope. Nothing.

JASON That’s what I thought. Okay, you can talk wedding plans, and I’ll talk future life plans. First, I want my own Mechanics Shop.

ANNE What will you call it?

JASON I don’t know. “Let me fix your damn car and I promise I won’t screw you over” Mechanics.

Anne’s smile drops again. The faint sound of pages turning creeps in. As Jason’s memory is tampered with, the sound of turning pages, seagulls, the ocean, etc. slowly grow louder and more chaotic.

ANNE There was so much I hadn’t told you, so much you didn’t know. No one knew, really. If I told people they’d look at me and see someone different. Someone crazy. You’d think I was crazy and I couldn’t handle that, so I pretended I was the same.

JASON What?

ANNE But what if you found out somehow?

JASON What are you talking about? I don’t remember this.

Anne smiles again.

ANNE (laughing) I think that’s a horrible name for a Mechanic’s shop.

JASON It’s, uh... at least it would be an honest name. My thoughts and all. You’ve got me all turned around right now.

ANNE I’m glad I still have that affect on you. I hope it lasts.

JASON It does... Wait, it will.

Anne’s smile drops again. She looks at Jason intently.

ANNE I never knew what you saw in me.

JASON Everything.

ANNE I convinced myself that I must have deceived you into loving me, because how could you truly love me otherwise?

JASON What are talking about? What’s going on?

ANNE I remember when we’d go out for dinner, the waitresses would try to catch your eye but you never glanced their way. They’d always look at me bewildered, wondering how a man like you could be with a woman like me. I never knew.

Jason finally clues in that his memory has officially been tampered with. He pushes his hands firmly against the temples of his head. The sounds of the beach are a complete threat now and the sight and sound of a storm creeps in.

JASON No, no, no, no, no! What are you doing? Stop messing with this! I want to keep this separate and sacred. How are we in both places at once? You’re ruining this!

ANNE But then there you were, on one knee, asking a fraud to spend forever with him. / Planning our future without fear of it. / But who says the frauds and the damaged ones can’t have a happily ever after? / Even if happily ever after isn’t forever.

JASON I can’t handle this! / What are you doing? / Stop this!... I... I wanted a house in the suburbs. A dog. An army of children.

ANNE I never believed that a person could mend another’s broken soul, nor are we designed to carry that burden, regardless of what Jerry Maguire and Hollywood likes to feed young, desperate, lonely hearts. But the indisputable truth is that you gave me something I never had before. You breathed life into me, even if it was just for awhile.

JASON You’re a liar.

ANNE It’s the truth.

JASON Bring me back.

ANNE To what?

JASON I don’t know.

ANNE What do you have? You’ve pushed it all away.

JASON Don’t do this. Not in here. Please.

ANNE What do you want?

JASON The truth.

ANNE You know the truth. Admit it to yourself, in here, in your memories, on this beach where you proposed, or out there, in the “real world”, in our apartment where we lived. There’s no difference. You just need to accept it and stop hiding from it.

Desperate, Jason takes Anne’s face in his hands.

JASON Something real. Give me something real.

ANNE This is real.

Jason looks down, breathing heavily.

Beat.

Anne puts her hands on his and smiles again. The chaos subsides and the warm feel of the beach returns. Jason’s breath quiets when he hears the ocean. After a long pause, he brings himself back to the original memory of their proposal.

JASON Where do you go sometimes?

ANNE Hmm?

JASON I lose you now and then. Where do you go?

ANNE It doesn’t matter.

JASON Do you love me?

ANNE (light-hearted) What do you think?

They look at one another for a moment, then the explosive sound of a car crash is heard and a bright light flashes across the stage. Jason and Anne are ripped apart.

A slow, vocal, wordless, song plays. Anne walks over to Jason and extends her hand.

ANNE (CON’T) Let’s dance.

JASON Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?

ANNE Real dancing.

Anne brings Jason to her. She leads.

JASON What was that?

ANNE My thoughts. My feelings. All real.

JASON You hid them from me?

ANNE Emotions lie. They’re unstable and ever fleeting. Best to write them down and move on.

JASON I wish I never found your journals.

ANNE Didn’t they help? ...Did you read to the end?

JASON I miss you.

He starts to lead. They tenderly lean into one another and dance silently for a moment.

JASON (CON’T) I miss your laugh and how you always seemed nervous around me, as if I gave you butterflies even after we were married. I wonder if that would have stayed the same if we had made it to a hundred. I miss your smell. It was intoxicating. Sometimes I still smell you and I get the same warm chills pulsating through my body. I miss your touch in the middle of the night and I miss brushing up against you in the bathroom as we were getting ready in the morning. I even miss the tension in our apartment as we drifted from room to room after an argument, although those were rare and I wish you’d yell at me at times. I felt like I could never get close enough to you and I desperately wanted to be absorbed into your skin. I miss being known by somebody and having a connection that goes beyond the “how was your day” conversation. I miss the silence. The one when you were still in the room. I just miss you and I think I’m the only one responsible for carrying all the memories and experiences and life that remains of you now.

Beat.

ANNE Other people loved me, Jason. Some still do.

The lights change. Jason sits and Anne retrieves the wine glasses and bottle of wine then sits next to Jason. She pours the wine into the glasses.

A projected slide show of Jason and Anne appears. There are a few pictures of them growing up separately and pictures of them as a couple.

The music continues and during this time, Karissa and Marcus’s voices are heard giving speeches. Once again, they come from different areas throughout the space.

KARISSA’S VOICE Anne has always been a bit of a mystery. She’s been this way ever since we were kids. This used to bother me, but then I realized that’s just Anne, and who doesn’t love a good mystery?

Jason pours himself more wine. The lights flicker slightly.

KARISSA’S VOICE (CON’T) When Jason came along, things started to change. He had the shovel that was able to uproot her. It was the first time I had seen this version of Anne and it made me so happy. She literally had a bounce in her step.

Jason stands and lightly tries to indicate the “escape”, pressing on walls, drinking more wine, and grunting at Karissa, etc. The lights continue to flicker and the projected images become fractured as well.

KARISSA’S VOICE (CON’T) All I’ve ever wanted for my precious Anne is to be free and to find a home...

JASON Do your thing, Anne. Do that thing where you control the memory. This nightmare!

KARISSA’S VOICE I know I’m only supposed to toast the bride, but as I look at Jason and Anne now, I only see one person. One happy, beautiful, person. So, please raise your glass and toast the wonderful bridge and groom.

Anne raises her glass as a toast and drinks. Jason grows enraged and pounds on the walls, while continuing to drink, etc.

MARCUS’S VOICE Uh... so, I’ve never been a best man at a wedding before. There’s so many stories I could share about Jason. All about him being a huge ladies man / or a huge asshole when he was younger... But I guess that would just make me an asshole... /

JASON SHUT UP, MARCUS! / Anne!

ANNE You can stop this.

MARCUS’S VOICE Instead I’ll talk about the day Anne walked into the Mechanic’s shop Jace and I both work at. Man, you should’ve seen him. Like he was hypnotized or something. You would have thought Anne was into some weirdo voodoo shit and had him under a spell. But that’s just the way he is with her. I swear he couldn’t live without her...

Jason starts to scream. Lights and projections flicker intensely. The voices suddenly become jumbled and distorted.

MARCUS’S VOICE (distorted) I’m glad- glad- glad you met... / The love of your, / love of your... / Life, man.

KARISSA’S VOICE (distorted) To Jason and Anne. / Love of your... / To Jason and Anne.

Anne’s project voice comes in, sharp and clear.

ANNE’S VOICE PROJECTED What the hell is this?! I never wanted to be like this!

KARISSAAND MARCUS’S VOICE (distorted) Congratulations!

Jason throws the wine glass onto the ground. It shatters. The ground, the walls, and Jason shatter, as well. With this, the explosive sound of a car crash is heard and a bright light flashes across the stage. Jason and Anne are rattled, but are not flung. Jason continues to drink from the bottle. The lights remain moody.

JASON That was absolute shit!

ANNE Those were the speeches made.

JASON A lie! Knowing what I know!

ANNE What do you know?

JASON If we were going to revisit that day, I wanted to see you walk down the aisle again. Maybe do the garter toss. Not hear that I was the love of your life and that you couldn’t live without me.

ANNE Admit what you know and you can move on.

JASON I don’t know anything! Just that you’re gone! You left me here to rot!

Beat.

ANNE What do you mean, gone?

JASON You left! Are you happy now?

ANNE There’s more.

JASON No, no, no. I only want the good.

ANNE Accept it and you can move on.

JASON And be slapped in the face with our shitty reality? I don’t think so.

ANNE (quietly) This is why I never told you.

JASON Remember the camping trip we took together? We forgot the tent pegs and the wind almost blew us away. We were lost in our own land of Oz. It was just you and I for a week in the wilder--

The explosive sound of a car crash is heard and . a bright light quickly across the stage. This time, the faint sound of a car hitting the surface of water is heard as well. Anne stands still, Jason is flung backwards and presses his hands into his ears.

Anne crosses to Jason and tries to put his house coat around him. He aggressively flings it off.

JASON (CON’T) Don’t.

ANNE Do you wear my clothes when you leave the house?

No response.

ANNE (CON’T) It’s okay if you do.

Jason looks at her.

ANNE (CON’T) But it just isn’t you.

JASON I... I... I missed you so much... I....

ANNE Yes?

JASON I...

Jason takes one last swig from the bottle of wine and finishes it off.

ANNE I’m worried about you. The people you’ve pushed out of your life are worried about you.

JASON They left.

ANNE No, you left.

JASON (going mad, or slightly drunk) People don’t realize how intrusive they can be after... When they never come around or they never call they intrude in my mind and I wonder if they ever truly cared about us - about you--

ANNE You weren’t the only one grieving.

JASON (CON’T) And when they do come around or call, they can be just as intrusive with their talk, talk, talk. Never listening. Never caring. (beat) My mom came around. She meant well, but she did brainless things like clean. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” I said as my mom gathered up the laundry. “These are her clothes!” ...They smelled like you. They felt like you. I couldn’t let her wash away what was left... I had to hold onto what was left.... I... Remember the Christmas your cousin Melissa spent with us? She brought her dog over. Only our landlord wouldn’t let any pets in the building so we had to sneak him in and out of the apartment through the fire escape every time he had to go to the bathro--

The explosive sound of a car crash is heard and the sound of a car hitting the surface of water grows louder. The bright light flashes across the stage, growing brighter as well. Anne stands still, Jason is flung to the side and presses his hands into his ears.

ANNE Jason, you were doing so well.

JASON I... I can’t.

ANNE You can.

JASON I don’t want to.

ANNE You can’t just stop when it starts to hurt. That’s when you need to keep going.

JASON (trying to revisit an earlier memory) You must love reading. You have a ton of books in the backseat of your car. An unusual amount of books, actually. They’re everywhere.

The explosive sound of a car crash is heard and the sound of water’s surface being hit grows louder as well. The flash of a bright light intensifies as well. Anne stands still, Jason is flung to the side and presses his hands into his ears. Lights grow darker and the sound of pages turning is heard.

ANNE I was born nine months after my parents wedding, almost to the day. I always wondered if I were an accident.

JASON No... stop it!

Jason waves at Anne to stop, although he does so in different directions as if he cannot properly see her.

ANNE I mean, I must have been. Obviously my mother and father wanted to have children, or else they wouldn’t have had more after me, but I couldn’t help but feel like the timing of my birth wasn’t exactly their timing. My parents never treated me like an accident but I always felt like one. Not because of them but because of something rooted deep inside of me. A claw always tightening its grip, a jaw grinding at my bones.

JASON (trying to revisit an earlier memory) The reason we’re having a picnic out in the boonies is because we’re actually going fishing. I figured I didn’t know anything about you yet, or what you like, but I know me and what I like so I thought I’d introduce you to my--

The explosive sound of a car crash and the surface of water being hit is heard. The bright light flashes across the stage - it all becomes louder and brighter. Anne stands still, Jason is flung to another side. He becomes so weary he collapses to the ground.

ANNE When I was little, maybe six or seven, I would cry all the time and tell my parents I was sick.

JASON Please stop.

ANNE My mom in a frenzy would check my temperature and press her hand against my forehead, but she couldn’t find anything wrong with me.

JASON Because you were perfect.

ANNE Eventually I told my Dad, “I’m homesick.” He didn’t understand. “Your family’s right here, Annie, how can you feel homesick?”

JASON Anne... no more.

ANNE But I did.

She walks through the room, as if it were her last time with it.

ANNE (CON’T) I rose at 4am. You didn’t hear.

JASON I said stop talking!

ANNE You always slept so deeply and I sat in bed and watched you for awhile.

Jason laughs in disbelief.

ANNE (CON’T) As you breathed in, so did I. We were in sync, just for a moment. One flesh. My fingers grazed your forehead and they lingered on your stray eyebrow hair. The anarchist. I kissed it and when your sleeping hand found my face, I fled.

JASON That wasn’t a dream?

ANNE All real.

Jason shakes his head.

ANNE (CON’T) My body led itself into the bathroom, but I stood in the doorway and watched it from afar. I had these moments often, where I was a spectator to my own life, simply observing my interactions, hearing words escape my mouth, witnessing my actions, and wondering if it were all really mine. It didn’t feel like it. I felt like I was trapped in an alien territory, needing to escape and desperate to rip off all my skin.

JASON I loved your skin. You always had glitter on it from your Kindergarten class.

ANNE The bone-thin woman stared at herself in the mirror for a long, long time. “Don’t worry,” I thought. “I don’t know her either.” Then - I don’t know how - her long fingers wrapped themselves around a black permanent marker. “Your fingers are meant to play the piano,” her mother always used to say, but she tried not to think about her now. And then this woman slowly wrote “It will be okay” on the mirror.

JASON A joke.

ANNE A promise. A hope. Some assurance for the future.

JASON Do you love me?!

ANNE Then this figure, this phantom, rushed towards me in the doorway and we became one again. I knew what I had to do. I had thought of it often. So I got in my car and--

JASON SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

A long, long pause.

Jason slowly makes his way over to the broken pieces of glass on the floor.

ANNE Jason...?

He bends down and picks up a piece.

ANNE (CON’T) What are you doing?

Jason presses the glass to his wrist.

JASON Do you love me?

ANNE (CON’T) Drop the glass.

JASON Do you love me?

ANNE What do you think?

JASON I kept on trudging, you know. Trudging through the wasteland of our relationship, desperate to believe you and I were caught in a circle and we’d eventually come to the start again. But I didn’t really see that it was broken. That we weren’t a circle anymore. How can you fix something you don’t even know needs fixing?

ANNE There was vapor in my brain.

JASON ...I didn’t know.

ANNE There was vapor in my brain.

Jason shakes his head.

ANNE (CON’T) In my brain. In my brain. Vapor in my brain.

JASON I didn’t know!

ANNE I tried to tell you.

JASON You should have trusted me.

ANNE It had nothing to do with you. Sometimes pain just happens and there’s no reason for it, even when things are good.

JASON (accusing Anne) And sometimes there’s a reason for pain!

ANNE Jason, drop the glass. Please.

Beat.

JASON (continuing to hold the glass) People have moments that make up their life, define who they are, right? I used to think I had a dozen, maybe more. Now I have just one. I thought my dad dying was one of them. Not anymore... At his funeral, white, ugly lilies were everywhere and old people who had snot coming out of every corner of their body suffocated me as they threw me into their belly buttons. I remember looking at the walls of the church, which had horrible wood panelling on them, and recalling the time I ran my finger down one and got a sliver under my nail. It hurt, but I tried to think of that moment because it was more of a comfort than this moment I was in. I was angry I was there and that I was in this situation. I was angry at the drunk driver who took my Dad’s life. I was angry at the people who surrounded my mother and threw meaningless platitudes at her. I was angry that they actually believed their words were helping. And I was angry that my Dad wasn’t aware of his surroundings as he ran that morning because if he had, maybe things would be different... But, when you lose someone, do you know what the worst part of any funeral is and the weeks that follow? The long list of “at least’s” people throw at you. “At least he died quickly… at least he didn’t die from cancer… at least it was instant and not painful… at least it wasn’t a long drawn out death…” Are you fucking kidding me? You think that helps? Even as a nine- year-old I knew there was power in stillness, especially power in a shared moment of stillness... When I sat at your funeral, though, and in this lonely apartment the weeks that followed... I must say, I missed the self-serving grief of others. Sometimes I still do. I miss the talk, the “at least’s”. But no one knows what to say when the one you love, when the woman you committed your entire life to, decides to end it all on her own volition. There’s no “at least” for suicide.

Beat.

The explosive sound of a car crash and a car hitting water is heard. It is the loudest one yet and rings for several seconds, reverberating throughout the space. The light flashes again and is as bright as it’s ever been, holding for several seconds as well. Jason and Anne stand completely still and then the lights go very dim.

Long pause.

Jason remembers the glass, which has left his intended mark, and intentionally pushes it back to his wrist.

Beat.

ANNE I never meant to hurt you.

JASON Do you love me?

ANNE I never meant to hurt you.

JASON Do you love me?!

Anne gently touches Jason’s wrist.

ANNE I never meant to hurt you.

JASON I want to go home.

ANNE This is your home.

JASON You’re my home.

Moving away from Anne and grasping the glass tighter, Jason struggles to move forward with the act.

ANNE What I had took over my entire body. It wasn’t supposed to take overs yours too.

JASON But we’re one.

ANNE Not anymore. Not in death.

JASON What if we’re both dead?

ANNE It doesn’t work that way. Not in the way you want it to.

JASON How do you know?

ANNE I’m the one who’s dead.

JASON You’re not really here!

ANNE Not really, no. But you can keep going and live well with the good parts of me still intact.

JASON I can’t.

Jason attempts one more time. He struggles for many moments but unable to see it through he falls to the ground.

JASON (CON’T) (weakly) I’m not strong enough.

Anne kneels beside him, takes the glass, and sits with him.

ANNE Jason...

He lays down and puts his head in her lap. She strokes his face.

A long, long pause.

ANNE (CON’T) Is it so difficult to be proud of how I lived?

JASON Why would you say that?

ANNE You avoid any talk of what happened.

Beat.

ANNE (CON’T) What about your dreams? Why not go out there and start “Let me fix your damn car and I promise I won’t screw you over” Mechanics. You could start another family. Have all those kids you talked about. The one’s I could never give you. What were their names? Declan and Jacob and Connor for boys, Ashley and Chloe and Paige for girls? There’s your hockey team. You would have been a great dad. Maybe one day you still will be.

Jason pushes away from Anne.

JASON Go away.

ANNE I didn’t mean to--

JASON GO AWAY.

Anne doesn’t move.

JASON (CON’T) I said go away! Leave me alone, Anne! GO! You’re not real. GET OUT OF HERE!

Anne slowly exits. Jason breathes heavily. After a moment, he realizes that Anne did, in fact, leave.

JASON (CON’T) Anne... Anne, I’m sorry. Please come back.

No response.

JASON (CON’T) Anne?

He starts to panic. He moves frantically around the stage searching for her, banging on things and into things as he searches. He picks up her journal and flips through the pages for a moment.

JASON (CON’T) I didn’t mean it. Come back, I need you. Anne!

He put on his housecoat, the one she tried to get him to wear earlier, but he soon flings it off and finds one of hers to put on.

JASON (CON’T) I’m not ready. I’m sorry. I know you were just trying to help. Shit. I’m sorry. I’m not angry with you. I didn’t mean to push you away. You’re all I need. Come back! Don’t leave! I still need you... Anne.... ANNE.... ANNNNE!

He picks up a pillow and punches it over and over again until the lights change and the faint sound of a party is heard in the background. Anne comes rushing in, furious.

ANNE What the hell is this?

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

JASON (relieved) Anne!

ANNE What the hell is this?

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) ...the hell is this?

JASON What’re you--

ANNE Why are all these people here?

JASON They’re all our friends.

ANNE (mocking) All our friends.

JASON Yeah.

ANNE Right.

Jason sits, trying to catch himself up.

JASON Here to celebrate with us.

ANNE Fifty people in our apartment and my only friend here is Karissa! Eric if you associate friendship through marriage.

JASON That’s not true.

ANNE Oh my gosh! Wake up, Jason!

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) OH MY GOSH! Wake up, Jason!

JASON Those people are yours friends.

ANNE I don’t have anyone.

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) ...Wake up, Jason!

JASON You’re not making sense.

ANNE I’M ALL DISCONNECTED!

JASON Shh, don’t--

ANNE Don’t, “SHH” me! What the hell is this?

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) What the hell is this?

JASON Keep your voice down.

ANNE I’m in my own apartment, aren’t I? My own bedroom. / What the hell were you thinking? / You weren’t thinking! /

JASON I just-- / I thought it might be-- / I was trying to do something nice for our anniversary! The fifth one’s a big one!

ANNE Then where’s my picnic?

JASON I’m sorry!

ANNE Hmm?

JASON We thought / it might be a nice surprise / to change things up this year and throw a / party.

ANNE Who’s, “we”? / Who? / WHO?

JASON Your Mom and Dad. Karissa. Melissa. Me too.

ANNE Ha!

JASON Things have been so off lately between us. I was just trying to help. / Clearly I was wrong.

ANNE I want my picnic. You and I, alone.

JASON Just give the party a try, Anne.

ANNE Do you know me at all?

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) DO YOU KNOW ME AT ALL?

ANNE (CON’T) I hate parties! / Literally tiny deaths minute by minute

JASON They can be fun.

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) Do you know me at all?

JASON Do it for me? Please?

ANNE No one likes change.

JASON Change is inevitable.

ANNE You think I don’t fucking know that?

Jason looks at her shocked.

ANNE (CON’T) What’s the matter? Shocked I swore? Shocked your fucking Stepford Wife isn’t perfect and that a twenty dollar bill isn’t going to pop out of her ass one day? Well, sorry to disappoint you sweetheart but I’m a fucking cripple. / Suffering from emotional paralysis. / Fuckity, fuck / fuck FUCK!

JASON What the hell are you talking about? / What? / You’re acting crazy

ANNE That’s me! Craaazy Anne.

JASON Would you just shut up!

ANNE Sad, pathetic, ugly / annoying, weak, inadequate / pitiful, crazy-ass Anne. / That’s me! / Your wife!

JASON What are you saying? / Stop. / Shut up. / Stop it! I SAID STOP IT!

Silence.

Jason looks at her still shocked by the interaction they’ve just had The sounds of the party have stopped.

Long pause.

He crosses to the dresser, retrieves a present, and goes to her with it.

ANNE’S VOICE (as a whisper) I never wanted to be like this.

JASON (CON’T) (gently) Here.

ANNE What is it?

JASON Happy anniversary.

Anne takes it and looks at it.

ANNE (still broken) Happy Tuesday.

Jason smiles, slightly.

ANNE (CON’T) Who throws a party on a Tuesday, anyway?

JASON I wasn’t thinking.

ANNE I teach tomorrow.

JASON Will you open the present, please?

Anne slowly unwraps the gift to reveal a first edition copy of Anne of Green Gables. She begins to cry.

JASON (CON’T) I’m sorry... I thought you’d like it. It’s your favourite. Anne of Green Gables, right? A first edition, too. See?

Jason moves closer to Anne, trying to encourage her to get excited about the book.

JASON (CON’T) Your other copy was so worn out, I thought you might like this. Although the guy I spoke with told me first editions aren’t exactly for reading. They’re for looking at? What’s the point of that.... Anne?

Long pause.

JASON (CON’T) Something’s happened to us.

ANNE It’s me. It’s come back.

JASON What has?

ANNE This... this... eclipse. Like a thief in the night.

JASON I don’t understand.

ANNE Maybe it never left.

JASON You’re not making sense.

ANNE It’s robbing me.

JASON What is?

ANNE It’s robbing you.

JASON I don’t understand.

ANNE I never wanted to be like this.

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing - desperate) I never wanted to be like this.

Pause.

Jason searches, confused. Finally...

JASON Are you talking about Christina?

ANNE Christina?

JASON The girl Marcus brought.

ANNE You think this is about Christina?

JASON Well, I...

Anne moves away from Jason’s.

ANNE You think that’s what I’m upset about?

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) Do you know me at all?!

JASON Well, no, not entirely, I just... maybe?

ANNE Unbelievable.

JASON I don’t know! I give you this beautiful gift, I hoped it would make things better, but you still seem to be mad at me. And we both know she’s here. In the other room. Marcus has wanted to get with her for months now but he didn’t know about what happened last week when we were all at the pub watching the game. If he had he probably wouldn’t have brought her. I know you saw Christina come onto me, but I rejected her right away. I did! Told her how madly in love with my wife I am! It was too awkward to bring it up to Marcus just now, though, and then you walked in right away with Karissa--

ANNE Women hit on you all the time, Jason. I don’t care.

JASON You should care.

ANNE (voice raising) Not everything is about you, you know.

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) Wake up!

JASON I was just searching! I’m completely at a loss!

ANNE (voice louder) Not everything revolves around you and your problems!

JASON Don’t yell.

ANNE I’M GOING TO SCREAM IF I BLOODY WELL WANT TO SCREAM.

JASON Our guests...

Anne crosses the stage.

ANNE (shouting off stage) Get out of our apartment! Party’s over.

JASON Nice.

ANNE They shouldn’t have been here in the first place. Oh but wait, you don’t know me at all now, do you?

JASON Don’t know you at all? What about that book you’re holding?

ANNE Oh this?

Anne hurls it at his chest.

JASON Anne!

ANNE You don’t even know why I read this book so often, do you?

JASON That’s not fair.

Anne crosses to the dresser and starts hurling clothing at him. Eventually he sits on the bed and looks at her, stunned.

ANNE No, what’s not fair is that there’s something bigger going on with me than you. / What’s not fair is that you’ve planned our entire future but you never thought to consult me. People like me make plans too, you know! What’s not fair is that you keep going on and on about having children but you never asked me if I wanted to have any.

ANNE’S VOICE Do you know me at all?!

JASON I did!

ANNE Did you? / I’d be a terrible mother. I would! I even thought about getting my tubes tied but somehow every doctor I met with knew I was married and they refused to do the operation without your consent. How is that fair? I thought about going to Mexico. I bet they’d do it down there. But I didn’t know how to get away. I didn’t have the energy. / So we just stopped having sex. That was easier. Ha! Almost. / It wouldn’t be fair for me to have children. Do you hear me? Not to me, not to you, and not to them. Not the way I am. What if they have what I have? What if I abandoned them somehow, like I’ve done to you? / ...My life is a masquerade and children should not be taught to hide behind a mask.

ANNE’S VOICE (echoing) Do you know me at all? / I never wanted to be like this. /... never wanted to be like this. / Never.

Beat.

ANNE (CON’T) I never meant to be a burden.

Jason sits there for a long moment, still looking at his wife, taking it all in. Eventually he goes to the book Anne threw and picks it up.

JASON Why do you read this book?

ANNE (dead pan) She’s my antithesis, the Anne in those pages. Joyful, always. Courageous, always. She’s everything I’m not.

Jason crosses to Anne and tenderly kisses her on the forehead.

JASON But you’re real.

He crosses to exit, but remains hidden in the shadows. Anne is left, lifeless, void of any emotion.

Pause.

The regular lighting comes back up. Jason is seen and Anne remains where she was.

JASON You died the next morning.

ANNE I never wanted to be like this...

JASON I didn’t see it coming.

ANNE I was like a computer, hiding a virus for years, slowing down but still functioning.

JASON I just couldn’t see.

ANNE But then one day I danced chaotically on the screen, instilling nothing but horror and dread before shutting down forever.

JASON I had my blinders up completely.

ANNE I didn’t mean to keep anything from you. I didn’t mean to go on as I had.

JASON I thought I was angry with you. I thought that I hated you...

He lightly touches the robe he’s wearing.