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Literary Greats J.D. Salinger and Oscar Wilde remembered Arts Page 22 Kilts only please New Policy leaves non Scottish students at disadvantage News Page 6

Stirling University’s student newspaper since 1969 Chimp coup fails to derail film • PHD student targeted in online backlash against Chimpcam documentary • Leadership coup within chimp community proves a setback for research team By Joe Angus years ago, she said. “He thought to himself that a chimp News Editor could do it better and from that he got the idea that a study could be done.” niversity of Stirling PhD One of the reasons the position in- student Betsy Herrelko hit terested Betsy’s attention was the fact national headlines recently that the, PhD and research documen- Uwith her “Chimpcam” proj- tary came as an all-inclusive deal. ect, a research assignment involving “It was one whole big package, the how chimps react and relate to video collaboration with [Edinburgh] Zoo, images. the PhD and the television programme Sadly for Betsy, a leadership coup all came together, which is one of the of sorts occurred between the chimps main reasons I chose the position.” at Edinburgh’s Budongo Trail. “When Whilst it may seem unorthodox to you work with animals, expect the un- select a PHD student partially based expected. You have to have the plan on their media skills, Dr. Sarah-Jane B or C, but it’s still really frustrating Vick, a lecturer in Stirling’s Psycholo- when it happens.” she said. gy Department and one of Betsy’s su- “I was pretty disappointed, the trou- pervisors told Brig that the collabora- ble meant that we didn’t really have tion with the media was “not unusual” many findings. It means that it’s not to this area of academic research. the PhD I thought I was going to have, “Several members of staff have but we have a huge amount of data worked with the media on projects so regarding how to undertake a project it is not that unusual in itself, some of such as ChimpCam in future. our postgraduate students have had The project was screened on the media attention for their work in the BBC2’s Natural World section, pro- past too,” she said. voking national media interest in the However, much like the project that story. Despite her widespread suc- followed it, her application was far One chimp takes a break from the political chaos to catch up on Friends repeats cess, Betsy says that there have been from straightforward. “Because the a few sour moments for her personally job required being on camera, we since the programme was broadcast. had to give our interview in front of “The thing that has upset me most a mixed panel of academics and pro- is the fact that I’ve been getting a bit ducers. of grief from online bloggers. I know I “I was up at 5am, bright and ready shouldn’t bother, but I can’t help but for the videolink but they couldn’t get look,” she said. the IT stuff working. So we ended up One amateur blogger had gone so doing a phone interview,” she said. far as to label her “a Jane-Goodall Despite the minimal nega- wannabe and chimp-loving hussy”. tive response, Dr.Vick insists “They see a one-hour film and judge that the project was a success. my whole PhD on that. It’s been inter- “Betsy has done a fantastic job work- esting to see how mean these people ing on her PhD, while collaborating will be. I don’t know where their anger successfully with the television com- comes from” pany and the RZSS,” she said. Many reports have incorrectly sug- “Carrying out research in full public gested that the project was Betsy’s view, with a naïve group of chimpan- brainchild, she is keen to set the re- zees was always going to be quite a cord straight. “It was actually the idea challenge but we are very happy with of the producer of the film, [John how the project has worked out over- Capener] who had the idea when all. “ watching a really poor documentary Page 2 Refreshers 2010 News

Ed i t o r --- Ca t r i o n a Ma c Ph e e [email protected]

De p u t y Ed i t o r --- Cl y n Ga l l a g h e r [email protected]

On l i n e Ed i t o r --- Wi l l Gr a n t [email protected]

Ne w s Ed i t o r s --- Jo e An g u s , Pa u l De l a m o r e & Am y Le n a t h e n [email protected]

Sp o r t s Ed i t o r s --- An d r e w Je n k i n & Ia i n Cl a r k [email protected]

Fe a t u r e s Ed i t o r --- Gi l l i a n McSh a n e [email protected]

Po l i t i c s Ed i t o r --- Ki m Cl a r k e -Ov e r y [email protected]

Op i n i o n Ed i t o r --- Ka y l e i g h Ha r v e y o p i n i o n @b r i g n e w s p a p e r .c o m

Mu s i c Ed i t o r s --- Ni n a Gl e n c r o s s & Jo s h Br o g a n [email protected]

Fi l m Ed i t o r s --- La u r a McKn i g h t & Wi l l Gr a n t [email protected]

Ar t s Ed i t o r s --- Al a n Va n c e [email protected]

He a d o f Pr o d u c t i o n --- Si a n Je n k i n s [email protected]

He a d o f Pr o o f i n g --- Ja v i e r Al c o v e r He a d o f Pu b l i c i t y --- Po s i t i o n Va c a n t

www .b r i g n e w s p a p e r .c o m @b r i g n e w s p a p e r

The Robbins Centre The University of Stirling Stirling, FK9 4LA Te l : 01786 467176 (Ask for brig) brig is printed on 100% recycled print stock. Disabled Student Funds Delayed for 12,500 Students Freedom of Information re- applications had been processed. Longstaff, who has been in contact quest made by the Conserva- Disabled Student Allowances are with Brig throughout the funding fi- Ative Party has revealed that used to pay for personal helpers, spe- asco, re-iterated his discontent and 12,500 English students with disabil- cialist equipment, and computer re- offered his advice to those affected. ities or special needs are still waiting sources. Whilst applications for DSAs “Student Support would be the for grants for specialist equipment. from Scottish students are managed first port of call for any student who In the last issue of brig, we broke by the Student Awards Agency, Eng- is having difficulty, I know they have the news that several Stirling stu- lish students studying at Scottish an emergency loan system which can dents were among thousands who universities may be affected. be used for short term emergency had not recieved the appropriate Disabled students are not the only loans,” he said. funding from the government. ones affected by the SLC’s inepti- Longstaff also stated that many of As of the end of January, some tude. The organisation had changed our own students were still waiting 18,000 UK students are still waiting the way first-time loan applications for their funding to be processed. for loan payments to be made. Shad- were handled, and was plagued with “It definitely has been a problem ow universities and skills secretary technical difficulties during the run for Stirling Students as well as other David Willets stated that the figures up to the current academic year. UK students. Of the 19,006 eligible were ‘truly shocking’ and that ‘stu- In September, students complained Disabled Student Allowance (DSA) dents deserve better-much better’ of jammed phone lines and lost doc- applications, only 6,507 have been According to figures released by the uments, which led to delays in loan fully processed and approved by the Student Loans Company - the organi- payments. The SLC attributed the Student Loans Company, this affects sation responsible for funding in Eng- delay to a 10% increase in loan ap- students from who are not funded by land, as of the end of January, only plications. SAAS,” he said. Disabled students’ officer, Jacob Longstaff offers advice to those affected 34% of Disabled Student Allowance Disabled Students Officer Jake Halls Energy Comp winner to be revealed he winning Hall of the Interhall sures such as turning off lights and The University's Carbon Manage- TEnergy Reduction Competition electrical equipment et cetera.” ment Team have also announced that for Autumn 2009 will be announced Its success has already lead to the the Festive Switch Off Campaign, this week in the Atrium during Re- start of a new competition for the that urged staff and students to save freshers Week, with a prize of £1,500 Spring semester with another £1,500 energy over the festive holiday, saw a going to the hall that reduced their up for grabs. 3.6% reduction in energy consump- energy consumption by the most. “If the Spring semester's competi- tion which translates to a reduction The competition, which ran from tion is as successful as last, we will of 8 tonnes of CO2. While they did mid-September to the end of De- again see a significant drop in our not hit the target of 5%, the team cember, saw a reduction of 12% in carbon footprint,” added Jordan. were pleased by the reduction in face electricity consumption, equating to The Spring 2009 competition was of the colder-than-usual weather over 74 tonnes of CO2 emissions. won by Geddes Court. the holiday period. The University's Energy Manage- Results from November, the last The University's long-term plan is to ment Engineer David Jordan was de- published update on the competition, reduce energy consumption by 20% lighted by the results: showed that Alexander Court were by 2012/13. This plan could also see “Students have yet again demon- in the lead (16.7% reduction), with the University potentially save around strated that significant savings can Geddes Court (14.3%) and Donnelly £4.6 million. be achieved through simple mea- House (12.1%) following closely. Can last year’s winners Geddes Court retain the title? Refreshers 2010 Page 3 News Med future is safe claims manager

By Paul Delamore ing the facts. The facts are that as re- cently as yesterday we paid the men’s News Editor rugby team, our primary sponsorship team, £1000 towards their upcoming he future of the Meadowpark tour and agreed our package for the Hotel has been cast in doubt forthcoming year. We have meetings Tafter a notice appeared in a this week with the other teams we are local paper stating that Meadowpark associated with to arrange monies Hotel Ltd would be winding up it’s and packages as appropriate.” business operations. Students’ Union Vice President The notice instructed ‘all persons (Services and Treasurer) Mark Cullen having an interest to lodge Answers said he believed the problems were a in the hands of the Sheriff Clerk, very real issue for sports teams. Stirling within eight days after inti- “Certain clubs are more heavily ex- mation, advertisement or service’. posed than others. It is believed that The Sports Union was quick to act Men’s Rugby is one of the affected.” sending out an email to all sports Sports Union President Jamie Mc- clubs, many of whom run nights or Donald told brig: are sponsored by the Meadowpark, “It is disappointing to learn that a urging them to get in touch if they corner stone of the Stirling student are owed money. community is on the brink of collapse It said: “The Med has gone into liq- but this is a reflection of the current uidation and as such we need to know economic climate. We will work hard if any of our clubs have any sponsor- to ensure that sports clubs do not ships deals, any event arrangements, suffer as a result of the Meadowpark are signed into any contract, or are Hotel’s demise.” owed any money by The Med.” Mr Rankin went as far as to say that However bar manager Neil Rankin the Meadowpark was in better shape has criticised the email and claims than ever. there has been a misunderstanding. “It does not affect the trading at the “As regards the sports teams, I un- Med in any way in fact this promises derstand a message was circulated to be an exciting year for us as we to them by someone suggesting we have just secured funding for a major would not be sponsoring teams this ongoing renovation project to the up- Despite a notice in a local newspaper declaring that business is winding up, the Meadowpark’s bar manager, year, I thought this was very unpro- stairs of the hotel.” Neil Rankin claims business is thriving and sports teams should not be worried. fessional of someone without know- Road safety event in Stirling Uni Lands Funds to Fight Dementia

lmost a thousand teens from the driving. There is no other event like he University’s Dementia Ser- army of carers in Scotland, particu- “It is crucial to provide the best AStirling area have taken part in this.” vices Development Centre has larly older carers that are over 50, possible support for carers at these a week-long road safety event at the In 2008, Central Scotland Fire and Treceived a massive boost after those new to caring and those who times, but most health and social MacRobert Centre called 'Safe Drive Rescue Service attended 186 road being awarded over £300k from the are looking after Alzheimer’s and care staff have not been trained in Stay Alive' which showed the severe traffic collisions. Last year, 11 people Big Lottery Fund. stroke sufferers. how to handle those transitions. With repercussions of irresponsible driv- died on Central Scotland's roads and Money will be spent on training Stirling University’s Principal and this award, we can help them to do ing. there were also 134 serious injuries, health and social care professionals Vice-Chancellor, Professor Christine so.” The event, organised by the Central with 28 serious casualties failing to give them the skills, knowledge Hallett, is already looking forward to Recent statistics from the Alzheim- Scotland Road Safety Partnership, within the 17-25 age group. and understanding needed to meet helping the care workers. er’s Research Trust has shown that staged a fictitious crash acted out “Too many young people are killed the practical and emotional needs of “This award will enable us to devise there are 820,000 sufferers of the by young people and was followed or seriously injured on our roads in being carers of individuals with de- and deliver education – free of charge condition nationwide, costing the UK by speeches from those affected by Central Scotland,” said Chief Con- mentia. – for more than a hundred health and £23 billion a year. actual incidents that have happened stable Kevin Smith of Central Scot- The project is one of five chosen social care workers,” she said. The Dementia Services Develop- - including emergency services, vic- land Police. “We have a responsibility to share over £1.1 million from the “Caring for someone with demen- ment Centre (DSDC) actively works tims and the bereaved - talking about to warn them about the risks they Big Lottery Fund (BIG), a non-depart- tia is a difficult and stressful task for to improve services for people with their feelings, experiences and pres- may take, but also they have a re- mental public body responsible for anyone, but thousands of Scots do it dementia, working with local authori- ent life in order to educate teens sponsibility to listen and to improve handing out 14p from every pound willingly. There are three particularly ties, the voluntary sector, emergency about the danger of irresponsibility their driving behaviour.” spent on a lottery ticket to charitable difficult times – when the diagnosis services and government organisa- on the roads. In other car safety news, new fig- causes. is made, the time when the person tions to provide education and train- Chief Fire Officer Steven Torrie, of ures published by Endsleigh Insur- The money, totalling £306,876, is may have to go into a home, and the ing in dementia. the Central Scotland Fire and Rescue ance, an insurance company spe- to be used in supporting the unsung end of life. Service, said: “Safe Drive Stay Alive cialising in the student and graduate is an innovative partnership event, market, have shown that students targeted towards young people that in the 16-24 age bracket make 14% are statistically more likely to be in- less insurance claims on motor theft volved in a road traffic collision. than non-students of the same age. “The event allows people that have The statistics, published in the latest been directly affected by a road traf- annual Endsleigh Motor Theft Index, fic collision to share with the young took the statistics of stolen cars and people the very serious and long last- stolen possessions from cars into ing consequences of irresponsible consideration.

Some of the emergency services staff who helped out on the day

Refreshers 2010 Page 5 News NUS Scotland Farcebook: Conservative Union launch survey US Scotland have launched Na student support survey to demands apology from Student Union help students receive more hard- ship funds. Results and student opinions from the ‘Still in the Red’ survey will be presented to the Scottish Parlia- ment and Scottish Government in the hope that they will help fix the current funding system. The survey, which takes between 4-5 minutes, can be found at www. surveymonkey.com/s/stillinthered and will close in mid-February. Par- ticipants will also be entered into a prize draw for £100. Last year, NUS Scotland won an extra £1,200 for mature students and £600 for young students at the maximum level of student support available as a result of responses to the hardship survey. Union Records 20% Profit

he Student Union took nearly Stirling University Conservative Society Vice President Dean Mackinnon Thomson has lodged a complaint over tha image above, T20% more cash through tills last semester when compared to nal advert has Cameron quoted as on this post. Obviously. This post was tive and flippant. last year. By Paul Delamore saying: “We can’t go on like this. I’ll not made by the Union, through its “I and the Conservative Union be- While the Union have regularly cut the deficit, not the NHS.” various Facebook pages and groups. lieve that his unrepentant behaviour, posted losses in recent years, the News Editor Cullen, a member of the Labour It was made by me.” which we see as violating the SUSA increase has come as a welcome Party, posted his version of the ad- “Pro-Labour’ bias has never, once, neutrality, is all the more worrying vert on his Facebook page, at the end affected a single action undertaken given that it could potentially conflict surprise. row between the Students’ of last month. by the Union in my time in office, and with the duties of his office; which Studio, The Long Bar, Glow, the Union’s Mark Cullen and Mackinnon-Thomson failed to see I challenge anyone to demonstrate or are too coordinate events and over- Union Shop and the new Starbucks Conservative Society’s Dean A the funny side, and a quarrel soon prove otherwise. see student societies.” coffee bar UnderGround particu- Mackinnon-Thomson has erupted on broke out. “This post, clearly, was made as Cullen responded saying: “I am larly had a strong September and Facebook and led to a complaint be- In a response to the image Mack- an internal office joke on the theme pretty confident that Stirling’s stu- December; staving off competition ing lodged with the Union – over an innon Thomson wrote: “Any overtly of politics, which is, after all, a core dents have the maturity and intelli- from University caterers Sodexo alleged “pro-Labour” spoof of an pro-Labour Party message, from a element and purpose of our activi- gence to tell the difference between a and rivals in town. image featuring Conservative leader Union office holder, attempting to in- ties. So, seriously, and with all due bit of office banter and whatever it is Vice President Services Mark David Cameron. fluence other people through use of respect; get a grip.” that Dean seems to be saying” Cullen said he was “delighted but The image in question was posted the ‘Union’ resources is unconstitu- Mackinnon-Thomson is suggested “No I won’t be retracting my ‘get a also relieved” with the results add- by Vice-President (Services and Trea- tional.” that if the poster was created using grip’ comment, because I think that ing: “It’s a strong performance in a surer) Cullen on his private Facebook “I will complain about this abuse of Union computers or during working it will likely echo the views of most market that is really struggling both page and was labelled by Mackinnon- office to promote overtly partisan po- hours it is ‘unconstitutional’ and students. locally and nationwide.” Thomson as “unconstitutional”. He litical messages.” ‘completely unacceptable’. “I am also curious as to how many “The move toward Starbucks cof- has since demanded an apology. Cullen responded: “There is a differ- He wrote in a letter of complaint: students he has consulted over this fee and offering cheaper prices The edited image spoofs a much- ence between ‘Union activity’ and the “We hope he shall retract his state- ‘issue’, because I have a strong feel- across the board has made a huge parodied recent Conservative advert personal lives and views of its officers ment that we should all ‘seriously... difference, but with so much com- featuring David Cameron. The origi- ing that most simply wouldn’t care”. petition the Union needs to keep up and staff. No Union money was spent get a grip’, which is clearly unproduc- the pace of changing and listening to its students or else it’ll just get left behind again,” he said. “If we don’t we won’t be able to Setback for University in fight against UCU keep up the investment in sports clubs, societies, campaigns and he University and College when they are considering job cuts. on fixed-term contracts that come to to comply with the law when handling student support, like we should.” Union (UCU) has welcomed an That consultation should be mean- an end during the relevant period. We the job losses. Temployment tribunal’s deci- ingful and employers should consult believe that Stirling University failed “The whole episode has been very sion to reject Stirling University’s at- damaging to staff morale and done ‘Alternate tempts to force a preliminary hearing absolutely nothing to enhance the in its case with UCU over job cuts. student learning environment. We The employment tribunal judge in are seeking a protective award of up Frequency’ Glasgow has insisted that the case to 90 days’ pay for the employees af- proceed to a full merits hearing. The fected. The law specifies that is a pu- job cuts saw specialist IT staff ousted nitive award to remind employers of Launches in the same year that the University their obligations to consult with trade The joint media societies (Air3, granted a pay-rise to its Principal. unions when they are considering job AirTV and brig) are launching a hot- As covered in Brig, the UCU lodged losses.” ly anticipated new club night in the proceedings in October, claiming the In related news, the UCU recently Long Bar which will offer students a University had failed to consult prop- criticised the Scottish government wide range of alternative and new erly with trade unions regarding the for slashing the numbers of new stu- music. voluntary redundancy scheme. At dent teachers by over 1,500 (40%) The first “Alternate Frequency’ will the Glasgow employment tribunal this year. The Scottish Funding Coun- be held on Tuesday March 23rd in last week, UCU’s Solicitor, Michael cil (SFC) has cut 70% of funding for conjunction with Transmission. Live Scott, argued that the legal issues the primary education postgraduate music on the night will be provided were straightforward and there was course. Scotland’s new budget was by up and coming Glasgow band no need for a pre-hearing review. The passed this month and included an Make Sparks. union said it was seeking compensa- £8 million cut in teacher education. The night will run every second tion for the staff affected. While it is believed that £2 million Tuesday and will feature DJs from Speaking after the proceedings will be allocated to institutions to the three media societies. Attendees UCU’s Scottish Official Mary Senior offset the reduction in student num- can expect to hear anything from said: “UCU welcomes the tribunal bers, this would still create a short- rock and reggae to death metal and judge’s move to a full hearing. We are fall of £6 million. disco. clear that the law requires employers Staff protesting last year against controversial ‘voluntary redundancies’ to consult in good time with unions Page 6 Refreshers 2010 News University study slams drinks industry Recent research from Stirling Uni- versity claims that the UK’s alcohol industry is ‘in the last chance saloon’ because it is taking advantage of self-regulatory advertising laws. The study found that the industry is deliberately promoting alcohol con- sumption to young people - despite pledging not to do so. The research, carried out by Profes- sor Gerard Hastings OBE and his col- leagues at the University’s Institute For Social Marketing, was based on analysis of previously unseen indus- try documents. The report shows that companies are “pushing the boundaries” of the advertising code of practice, and that the UK system of self-regulatory con- trol for alcohol advertising is failing. Hastings and his team analysed a sample of internal marketing docu- ments, made available as part of the House of Commons Health Commit- Stirling student Julia Kenny found that changes in the Scottish Government’s policy has left her uneligable for a placement in China tee alcohol inquiry, from the commu- nication agencies of four alcohol pro- ducers. They looked at four themes Bias towards Scottish students leaves hundreds which are banned under current ad- vertising code of practice; such as appealing to under 18s and encour- aging irresponsible drinking, as well left out of cultural enrichment scheme as sponsorship and new media. Opinion By Julia Kenny They found that market research decided to change the rules to favour dents to take part in the Study China than Scottish and EU students are data on 15 and 16-year-olds is used Scottish students. In early summer Programme. charged. to guide campaign development and fter taking inter- 2009, after several other non-Scot- Ms Irving stated: “The Scottish Gov- The Scottish Government does not deployment, with references to how est in an adver- tish UK students had already submit- ernment is committed to ensuring offer any other financial incentive or they need to recruit new drinkers and ted applications, the Scottish Govern- that the education part of that bud- schemes to make Scotland appeal- create brand loyalty. WKD wants to tisement posted ment changed its eligibility criteria get goes as far as it possibly can to- ing to other UK students. In previous attract “new 18 year olds” while Car- A for the Study China Programme. wards supporting Scottish students” years, SAAS funded the fourth year of ling takes interest in the fact that the on the student portal Although it had funded any student She continued to show an alarm- study for other UK students to com- Carling Weekend is “the first choice regarding an exclusive at a Scottish university to attend the ing level of partiality in saying, “we pensate for the availability of three for the festival virgin”. Easter 2009 programme, it changed have chosen to base the criteria for year Honours programmes elsewhere Researchers also found references placement in China, the rules to read that only those stu- the programme on those we use for in the UK, but this was abolished that suggested the companies were which allowed candi- dents funded by the Students Awards student support [SAAS] – which are when top up fees were introduced. encouraging alcohol consumption as Agency Scotland (SAAS) could go, ef- geared towards offering the best pos- Despite other UK students living, a key promotional aim, despite a ban dates to learn all about fectively limiting places to Scottish- sible opportunities for our students studying and working in Scotland, on encouraging excess drinking. born students only. and not towards funding students voting in local and general elections, Links were shown between the com- the country’s lifestyle, Because of European law, EU stu- from other parts of the United King- paying rent and helping the Scottish panies and sponsorship deals with student Julia Kenny dents also had to be permitted to dom. economy as much as many Scottish- football, lads’ magazines and music take part. However, citing devolution We are also required by European born students are, non-Scottish UK festivals - despite prohibition of links discovered she was as a defence, the Scottish Govern- Union law to offer the same oppor- students are ultimately not receiving between alcohol and youth culture or ment has excluded all non-Scottish tunities to students from other EU the same opportunities as their Scot- sporting achievement in advertising. not actually eligible for UK students. Member States”. tish counterparts. Hastings said: “There is no ques- a place. For example, a student from Bel- Ms Irving failed to comment on any The Welsh Assembly Government tion that society would benefit with- This was ultimately down to a late fast cannot apply for the programme requests made for the Scottish Gov- has decided not to take part in the out the promotion of alcohol. This rule change which disqualified any if he or she attends Stirling Univer- ernment to reconsider this decision, Study China Programme and does isn’t about turning into a netherworld non-Scottish students from taking sity, but a student from Stirling can or at least postpone it until non-Scot- not fund any student, Welsh or other- of prohibition and misery, this is real part, regardless of the fact they are apply for the programme if he goes tish students who began studying wise, though at least this ‘across the sleight of hand that somehow getting studying within the UK. to university in Belfast. Scottish uni- in Scotland prior to 2009 had com- board’ approach is fairer than Scot- blind drunk and throwing up or get- This time last year, an advertise- versities, including Stirling, attract pleted their degree course. A copy land’s approach. ting pregnant is having fun and en- ment was placed on the Stirling Stu- thousands of Northern Irish, English of the letter was also sent to Bruce Surely the Scottish Government joyable is how we relax. That is non- dent Portal for a ‘Study China’ Pro- and Welsh students every year. Crawford, MSP for Stirling, but at the should be principled enough to bring sense. Alcohol can play an enjoyable gramme. It was advertised as a once Scotland actively encourages school time of going to print he had failed its funding criteria for these impor- and functional part in our lives, but in a lifetime opportunity to study for leavers from throughout the UK to to comment on this issue which af- tant opportunities into line with Eng- not if we use it to drink alone.” three weeks at a university in China, apply to Scottish universities, and fects a large number of people in his land and Northern Ireland in recogni- With government spending on al- learning the language, culture, his- without these students the financial constituency. tion of the equal treatment afforded cohol education and information at tory and economics of a country set stability of some universities in Scot- There may be some sympathy to Scottish students in the rest of the £17.6m during 2009/10 in compari- to be a superpower. land would be threatened. for the Scottish Government’s wish UK? son to the £800m a year that the UK It was an initiative of the Depart- So why the sudden change of to help ‘its own’, but there is a bla- The Study China Programme al- alcohol industry spends on advertis- ment for Business, Innovation and heart regarding the Study China Pro- tant unfairness in its approach to locates roughly 20 places to students ing, Professor Hastings and his team Skills (BIS) with co-funding from the gramme? After contacting Michael the Study China Programme. When at Scottish universities, a relatively argue that the UK needs to tighten Scottish Government and the Depart- Russell MSP, Cabinet Secretary for you consider that Scottish students small number compared to the 200 the regulation and make it indepen- ment for Employment and Learning Education and Lifelong Learning, studying in England or Northern Ire- places English universities are allo- dent of the alcohol and advertising in Northern Ireland (DELNI). The idea about this matter, a brief response land are offered the same opportuni- cated. Is budget really the Scottish industries. was that any full-time undergraduate was sent ten days later from the pol- ty as any other student to participate Government’s main concern? Other solutions include having all student at a university in England, icy advisor for the Higher Education in this initiative it begs the question, Can we now expect Scottish univer- alcohol advertisements pre-vetted, Scotland or Northern Ireland could and Learner Support Division, Mar- shouldn’t all students be treated sities to make clear to prospective sponsorship regulated to the same apply and if selected, the devolved garet Irving. equally? students from other parts of the UK standards as advertising and digital Higher Education authority of that She referred to devolution, reason- Some may argue that the Scottish that they are welcome to apply but media dealt with under much greater administration would provide funding ing that “each country has a different Government is already doing other shouldn’t expect to be given the same scrutiny. so that the student need only pay for approach to student support” and UK students a favour by charging opportunities as the locals? This bla- The team believe that the situation flights to China. that the Scottish Government must lower tuition fees of £1,820 a year, tant case of double standards that is reminiscent of tobacco advertising Or at least, this is how it used to operate within a budget – although as opposed to around £3,000 a year will leave hundreds of students at before it was banned, and concluded: work, until the Scottish Government she failed to explain why this budget in Northern Ireland and England. Stirling at a disadvantage. “Alcohol advertisers are drinking in had previously allowed other UK stu- However, this is still £1,820 more the last chance saloon”. Refreshers 2010 Page 7 Politics Date settled University spending to be cut by £950m for N. Ireland By Joshua Bircham working classes and need to do more to help society’s poorest gain access to higher education. devolved po- arlier this month, the govern- Universities, Trade Unions and the ment announced that uni- NUS have all reacted angrily to the Eversity spending will be cut cuts. The head of Universities UK, lice vote by £950 million over the next three Professor Steve Smith stated that years. This adds to the cuts of £600 the cuts “risk undermining the gov- vote will be held in the North- million, announced late last year. This ernment’s own strategy to get more ern Ireland Assembly on 9th A is the latest in the long line of pres- people into higher education”. NUS March to determine if policing and sures placed upon universities by the President Wes Streeting claimed that justice powers will be devolved to government, including the fines lev- the cuts would lead to higher edu- Northern Ireland in April. ied on universities who admit more cation becoming “irreversibly dam- The DUP and Sinn Fein – the students than the set governmental aged”. biggest parties in the NI Assem- limits. Minister for Higher Education, Da- bly agreed to the vote earlier this Subsequently, one of the main vid Lammy, has warned all Universi- month. This followed ten days of problems challenging universities is ties that they should look to their own talks between the parties and the the reduced teaching budget. This sources of income, as there will be “a British and Irish Prime Ministers. problem will manifest itself through good few years” of reduced funding. The devolved policing arrange- increased class sizes, and may possi- As a result, universities may become ments are expected to include legis- bly result in a lesser quality of teach- more dependent on students from lation concerning loyalist parades. ing. Furthermore, the number of outside the EU, or from business Both senior figures in the DUP and places available at universities may partnerships to cover their costs. Sinn Fein stated they were satisfied be reduced by 6000. Consequence This coincides with proposals for with the results of the negotiations. the quality of education throughout an increase in tuition fees, which will Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams de- the UK may be affected. This comes place a further burden upon students clared the vote to be ‘a wonderful at a time when a degree is becoming when they graduate. This has cause a chance now in a new spirit for us more necessary to find a job. More- backlash, particularly from the NUS, (the DUP and Sinn Fein) to go for- over, the amount given by the gov- which has threatened MPs support- ward together’. ernment to encourage people from ing the proposed increase with a ‘hit However, Traditional Unionist the poorest backgrounds to apply to list’, released in constituencies where Voice, which opposes coalition with university has been reduced, despite students make up a large proportion Sinn Fein, claimed the DUP had Peter Mandelson, Secretary for Busi- of the electorate. let down the party, and the county. ness, Innovation and Skills, stating The budget for Scottish universities Members of the DUP had allegedly Minister for Higher Education, David Lammy: ‘a good few years’ of reduced that universities have let down the will be announced in March. previously voted down the deal to funding for universities hold a vote over the devolved pow- ers. It was not until a few days later that they reversed their decision, and agreed to support the propos- Palin speaks at ‘tea-party’ convention al. Leader Jim Allister described DUP negotiators as ‘snowmen who the 1773 Boston ‘tea-party’ protest the US was ‘drowning in national ing. This prompted members of the had melted’, and claimed that they By Kim Clarke-Overy against British taxation. debt’. audience to shout ‘run, Sarah, run!’ had ‘meekly accepted’ the deal. Politics Editor Appealing to the audience, Palin The former governor of Alaska of- However, other observers claim she The DUP and Sinn Fein had previ- spoke of lower taxes, the ‘God-given’ fered few explicit policy ideas of her has done more to establish herself ously disagreed over the length of ormer vice-Presidential candi- right of freedom, and limited govern- own, which led some as a political celebrity, rather than time that policing and justice pow- date Sarah Palin was reportedly ment. newspapers to a Presidential candidate; Palin is a ers were set to devolve from West- paid $100,000 for a 45-minute F Palin gently mocked the President, speculate that popular cable-news pundit and a minster to Stormont. The agree- speech to the first Republican ‘tea- asking the crowd. ‘How’s that hope-y, she may be plan- regular after-dinner speaker. ment to hold a vote suggests that party’ convention. change-y stuff working out for you?’ ning to run for The 2008 vice-Presidential can- tensions between the DUP and Sinn The ‘tea-party’ coalition is an anti- She also claimed Obama’s foreign office herself, didate has since been criticised Fein may have eased. establishment, grass-roots network, policy was the result of ‘misguided possibly as an for reading from notes written opposed to Obama’s policies and lev- thinking’. She was awarded with a i n d e p e n d e n t on the back of her hand. Pho- el of spending. It takes its name from An end to the standing ovation after warning that candidate. When tographs of Palin’s crib notes the moderator rather weakened her attack m e n t i o n e d on Obama as a ‘charis- haggis ban? ‘President matic guy with a tele- he Scottish government is con- P a l i n ’ , prompter’. Tsidering asking the US to re- she re- voke the ban on haggis imports, in sponded place since the BSE crisis in 1989. by sim- The American haggis market is al- ply smil- legedly lucrative, because of the high number of ex-pats living in the US. The Food Standards Agency stated that there is ‘no reason at all why people cannot eat haggis safe- ly, so long as manufacturers follow Palin claimed Obama’s foreign policy was ‘misguided thinking’ hygiene legislation.’ Cameron vows to change law onservative leader David Cam- Ceron has vowed to change the law to prevent MPs using parliamen- tary privileges to avoid prosecution for theft and ‘evade justice’. Three Labour MPs and one Con- servative peer are charged with theft by false accounting. If found guilty, they could face up to 7 years impris- onment. Lawyers for the accused may claim Help us tell the stories that you want to read that the MPs and peer are protected by an old Parliamentary privilege Brig needs a new publicity officer law, which prevents them from be- ing sued. Politicians from the main parties Sarah Palin’s crib notes - your guess is as good as ours. although commen- For details email [email protected] have criticized this move. tators have suggested ‘energy’, cut tax’, and ‘lift American spirit’ Page 8 Refreshers 2010 Politics An examination of Tory education reforms has long held teaching to a higher deed back in June 2007, shadow Ed- cal authorities. Yet if what is proposed leads to the Opinion By and more rigorous standard; where ucation Secretary Michael Gove ac- A single trust could even run a net- return of teaching to a “noble profes- Dean Mackinnon entry criteria have been for many tually tried to drop the historic Tory work of schools, setting policy or or- sion”, then the education reforms years much more robust. And surely commitment to the British grammar ganising resources centrally. The cannot come too soon. Thomson this is more desirable when we face school system; a policy he has sub- initiative slots neatly into Da- the prospect of unleashing an army sequently had to partially surrender. vid Cameron’s apparent hortly before the date of the of under-educated teachers upon the The public dismay over the episode belief in a new public next election was announced, minds of the national youth? It seems actually ended up with a decrease of service agenda. One SDavid Cameron unveiled pro- that the Tories are reproducing some the Tory lead in the polls by 5%, and which would, he ex- posals for the reform of the education elements of the Scottish approach to the resignation of a shadow cabinet plains, consist of system. At a small conference held teaching, and this is indicative of a minister. Let it be known, to seek to choice and diver- at a leading London school, Cameron pragmatic and sensible mindset. phase out the grammar school mod- sity of providers. spoke of a new age of “brazenly elit- Yet it is suggested; with not a little el, is a betrayal of the basic ideals of Independent trust ist” changes, aiming to reciprocate ferocity by Labour’s irrepressible Ed any meritocratic vision. Rather than schools should be the successes of the Scandinavian Balls; that this policy will lead to the seek to maintain a firm commitment welcomed, not least school system. net numbers of teachers quickly de- to reduce Grammar schools across because the idea is And why not? Finnish schools regu- creasing. According to Mr Balls the the country, Cameron has reiterated original, but because larly produce some of the highest current system, symbolic of medioc- a weak line where future Grammars they bridge the gap average grades. So, Cameron’s pro- rity, has ensured a stable number of would be assessed on a “case by between ‘community posal to mimic the Finnish approach teachers. Yet this is simply not true. case basis”. Therefore the Cameron schools’ - the new term to schools, namely equality of oppor- aspiration for a stronger, robust, for local authority run tunity for all comprehensives, should ‘Not is all rosy in meritocratic education system is state funded schools - be welcomed. Yet despite this, Cam- strangely incomplete, given the mis- and private schools. eron ultimately needs more feasible the Cameronian taken absence of social-mobility driv- Ultimately, the proposed and tangible policies to attract the ing Grammar schools. changes demonstrate a re- level of support his party needs in vision for the fu- To call a commitment to Grammar freshing, original plan for order to win the upcoming election. schools, which function as ladders of the country’s education sys- Rhetoric and spin, whilst painting a ture’ equality of opportunity, as nothing tem. Yet there are unavoidable picture of a more successful school more than “an electoral albatross” or weaknesses in what David Cam- system, do not justify systematic “delusional” is a bitter pill to swallow eron proposes, not least the lack of and “brazenly elitist” educational re- Again returning to Finland, despite for anyone believing in equality in our commitment to Grammar forms. the significantly more robust entry education system. Cameron urgently schooling. Digging a little deeper into Con- criteria demanded of teachers, there needs to rethink the Grammar school servative proposals, it is possible to has been a stable and largely consis- issue before facing the nation in the coax out particular ideas, plans and tent growth in the number of gradu- election. strategic objectives. The Tories may ates entering the profession. It seems However there are original delights not be producing anything as flashy too much to ask that the Labour Par- buried deep in the policies Cam- and simple as a New Labour ‘pledge ty pays a little more attention to the eron outlined, not least the em- card’, but thus far, suggested edu- Scandinavian example, and to repli- phasis placed on independent cation reforms are a solid mixture cate the good aspects into the British trust schools. of ‘the good’, and the spectacularly education system. That Labour weak- Trust schools are independent original. ness must weigh heavily on Mr Balls, and self governing, which, although The ‘good’ must surely be the Con- as well as on the shoulders of British publicly funded, are run by busi- servative pledge to return teaching to pupils future prospects. nesses, charities or faith groups act- being a “noble profession”. The fact Yet not all is rosy in the Cameronian ing through a trust with charitable that in England and Wales a gradu- vision for the future. There are gaps status. They will be able to appoint ate with a 3rd class degree can be in the education agenda put forward the majority of the governing body, fast tracked into teaching our kids by the Conservative leader, not least employ the school’s staff, control its is to my mind a dangerous hangover the complete absence of Grammar assets and operate independently of from the New Labour era. Scotland schools and technical colleges. In- the cold, dead grasping hands of lo- Blair: ‘No regrets’ over Iraq war he stated that he had wanted to go evidence at the inquiry have slowly By Juliet Hounam ahead with a regime change regard- been revealing details of more im- less of the discovery of WMDs. portance. It has been suggested in During the examination, Blair also evidence given by Clare Short, who ony Blair will face more public repeatedly mentioned Iran, which has was international development secre- scrutiny after receiving a sec- fuelled concerns in the media that he tary at the time, that other members Tond summons to give further was trying to divert attention from of the cabinet were marginalised in evidence at the Chilcot enquiry. Iraq. He claimed that ‘the failure to the decision to invade Iraq, and that His first appearance in front of the reach a conclusion in the war was Blair and Lord Goldsmith, the attor- panel saw him undergo six hours of partially due to Iranian intervention’, ney general, purposefully mislead examination, during which he as- and later he stated ‘Iran is in a very parliament in order to join the US led serted that he had ‘no regrets’ over similar situation to Iraq, which is why invasion. his invasion of Iraq and added ‘I these lessons are important.’ The Documents that were declassi- think he [Saddam Hussein] was a implications of these statements, his fied for the inquiry also show that monster’. critics say, are that they are deliber- weeks before the invasion, Short had The panel were particularly con- ately inflammatory to promote and warned Blair that the US were not cerned with the legality of the inva- justify an increasingly imminent con- equipped to manage Iraq after the sion, Blair’s assertion and reason frontation with Iran. attack, and that it would cause a hu- for going to war at the time - that manitarian crisis. These documents, Iraq possessed weapons of mass ‘Iran is in a very she claimed, were ignored. As a re- destruction - has proven to be false. sult Short resigned shortly after the Blair insists that Hussein retained similar situation to start of the war. the intent and intellectual know to Iraq’ Towards the end of Blair’s examina- start a nuclear and chemical weap- tion, onlookers, many of whom were ons programme. The former Prime Blair’s evidence so far has brought bereaved family members of service Minister also claimed that accusa- little of new interest to light. Through- men, were angered by his refusal tions that he colluded with George out the examination he seemed well to express regret for his decision. Bush in strategically planning a briefed for the occasion and despite Shouts of ‘liar’ and ‘murderer’ rang regime change in Iraq some time displaying nervousness, offered an around the enquiry room. Doubts before the invasion were untrue. He assured and methodical perfor- that the panel took too soft an ap- stated that his early intent had been mance. proach to questioning Blair have also to use diplomacy and not force in He did admit that there had been been raised by the public and the disarming Iraq of weapons. certain errors in British post-war media. These assertions directly contra- planning and disagreements with the Current Prime Minister Gordon Protesters wearing masks and carrying a fake coffin are escorted away dict those he gave during a recent US over their approach to the war. Brown is expected to face the panel from the Queen Elizabeth II conference centre interview with Fern Britton, in which However, other senior figures giving before the next general election. Refreshers 2010 Page 9

The Naughty Noughties

Mark Oaten By Kim Clarke-Overy 5 Politics Editor Oaten held the post of Liberal Democrat 4 Home Affairs spokesman for three years, before resigning in 2006 over a story in the he Valentine season is upon us News of the World revealing he had had an once again. The high streets affair with a male prostitute. Tare awash with nauseating A further scandal broke when it was un- cards, gormless looking soft toys Ron Davies earthed that Oaten had hired male prosti- and overpriced flowers. Love is in the tutes for threesomes, who, according to one, air. But while you are gazing deeply Davies was forced to resign his post as Welsh as- were asked to perform a ‘gross into your loved one’s eyes, spare a sembly member for Caerphilly in 2003, after pictures act of humiliation’. See The thought for all those naive, miscal- published in the Sun showed him leaving a gay sex Daily Telegraph and Private culating politicians, whose ideas haunt near Bath. Eye for more information. about romance went oh so wrong. Scandal was not unknown to Davies; he was forced Oaten blamed his actions on brig politics brings you – The top 5 to resign as Secretary of State for Wales in 1998, a mid-life crisis, resulting from political sex scandals of the naughty citing a ‘moment of madness’, which led him to seek the stress of going bald. noughties gay sex with a stranger on Clapham Common in Lon- don.

Currie/Major

3 The publication of Edwina Currie’s diaries in 2002 revealed that she had a four-year affair with John Major, whilst he was the whip in Thatcher’s gov- ernment. Currie reportedly ended the relationship after Major was promoted to Chief Secretary to the Treasury. Major had already admitted the affair to his wife, yet Currie’s revelations caused the former Prime Minister considerable embarrassment. As Prime Minister, Major established the ‘Back to Basics’ cam- paign which many interpreted as the at- tempt to return to Con- servative moral and family values – Currie’s revelations showed Ma- jor to be a hypocrite.

Nannygate Templegate Home Secretary David 2 Blunkett resigned in De- Former Deputy Prime Minis- cember 2004 over alle- ter John Prescott admitted to gations that he used his having a two-year affair with his 1 status to ‘fast-track’ a visa diary secretary Tracey Temple. request for his lover’s nan- Temple then sold her story to ny. Blunkett and Spectator the Mail on Sunday. Editor Kimberly Quinn had She revealed that they had a three-year relationship, their first liason during the of- ending in 2004. fice Christmas party in 2002, Blunkett retained his po- and that this had been followed sition as Home Secretary whilst attempting to by a number of other liasons, ascertain paternity of Quinn’s unborn baby; some in his office, and others then PM Tony Blair agreed that this was per- in his residences. missible. However, in 2004, allegations over They alledgedly had sex after a rememberance the nanny’s visa came to light. service in 2003 commemorating those killed in An enquiry was opened, and an e-mail con- the Iraq war. Prescott lost his department after the cerning the visa was unearthed, yet there was scandal came to light. nothing linking it to Blunkett. Despite this, Blunkett resigned his position, saying that questions over his honesty were damaging to the government. Page 10 Refreshers 2010 Refreshers 2010 Page 11

...Opinion ...Opinion [email protected] Is Valentines Day A Con? The Male Perspective - By Will Grant Valentines Day is probably the everyone forget their own misery is a Then Valentines Day sneaks up and most divisive of all annual holidays. con. A massive, painful and unneces- if you don’t shell out on a clichéd Although its intention is, publicly at sary con. Hallmark card and some tacky thing least, to promote feelings of love and However, the heartless nature of covered in red velvet, then you’re a companionship to all participants this holiday is not only apparent to complete bastard. It’s like being worldwide, we can all agree that this singletons. Even those who are in taxed for being in love. isn’t an experience shared by every- couples, and very much in love, can This year, I will be sending my girl- one on February 14th. fall foul of this one day. friend a card and poetry. Not because Anyone who has ever been single Look at this from a man’s perspec- I’m thoughtful, or loving. I have the on Valentines Day, which for me was tive. You have a girlfriend or wife. other 364 days of the year to show every year until now, can attest to the Perhaps you’re in love, and have been that. It’s because I’m being forced utterly scunnerising affect that this for some time. Every Christmas, into it by the greetings card Gestapo. annual event brings with it. Everyone birthday and anniversary you show The only thing I take solace in is that else is enjoying cards and chocolates that love through thoughtful gestures I’m not the only one. and obligatory V-Day sex, and you’re and expensive gifts. In between those left at home, alone, crying into your times, you further demonstrate the duvet whilst watching The Notebook. unfathomable depths of your feel- At least, that’s what often happened ings through neck massages, house- to my mate. Not me. hold chores and sacrificing the last The idea that one celebration, like bite of every snack. For all intents Christmas and New Year before it, and purposes you are a kind and at- has the power to universally make tentive lover. The Female Perspective - By Kayleigh Harvey

Ok girls don’t hate me, BUT, I am the door and in return you get the ba- post man comes to your door. You going to break the unwritten rule sic A2 greetings style, admit it, you slowly look through the envelopes. and admit defeat – yes I am going to are ever so slightly miffed. Bills, bills, a fake competition win openly and in print say that a male is Then there is the gift. If the day you never even entered, some junk right. Ouch! was all about love, then surely being mail….Wham! Guess who didn’t get Will does make a good point though together would be enough. But then a card this year. – it is all a con. I mean call me a cynic how would it differ from other days. Remember the days when you were but the pressure created by one day The strain of the valentines day gift younger and a relative scribbled their isn’t ‘loving’. It’s stressful. Take for can unwrap valentines day night- handwriting in disguise just to save example the card. A simple piece of mares. to you disappointment? It’s a thing of cardboard folded in half with words Now we get to the cruel, knife twist- the past now we are all grown up. of endearment displayed in print. But ing realism of Valentines Day. Just As if it is not enough to be single, on valentines day a card is no longer when you thought this argument but here arrives a day that whacks it JUST a card. Size matters. If you couldn’t get anymore cynical. smack bang in your face. “I beseech thee, Madam, to help me find my contact lens.” buy the one you love the giant heart- You are single. You wake up and it So, is Valentines Day a con? shaped card that barely fits through is February 14th Valentines Day. The Verdict - YES. America - “Maths And P.E. Don’t Mix!” i there, sports fans! Guess what but you still can’t be an professional much better in the UK than in the with +2INT and a range bonus of Htime it is in the USA at the mo- sports star with a beer belly (apologies USA. We get Gary talking over the 30%!” By ment? No, the answer is not ‘Ham- to professional darts players). How game with Alan Hansen and Mark What? This isn’t sports!. mer’, it’s ‘Superbowl’. I’m writing this will these guys ever last the game?” It Lawrenson (who should totally grow Sport should be about passion, in the week leading up the big game, turns out, they don’t have to. his epic moustache back, by the way), about spirit, and about awesome John which by now you will know the result The whistle goes, and some people and the whole thing looks like a slight- feats of skill and athleticism. I still of, and probably won’t care about. I throw the egg to each other, and ly cleaner and more professional ver- smile when I think about Liverpool’s sure as hell don’t. then someone tackles someone and sion of the post-game conversation in miracle comeback in the 2005 cham- Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still watch it stops. They mill around for a bit, your local pub. I like that, I like the pions league final (yes, I’m a die-hard Shepherd it, I’m going to a party and every- then repeat. Then when the defend- casual familiarity and - yes - I enjoy Liverpool fan, and I’m very glad that thing. I just don’t really care about ing team gets possession, the game the banter. I don’t care what anyone I’m not in the country this season), the game, for a number of reasons. stops again and the ENTIRE TEAM thinks, I want Adrian Chiles to work and I can barely give you any stats on First and foremost - and I have to get goes off to replaced by an attacking behind the bar in Studio. that, because I don’t really care. this out of the way immediately - it’s team. Your average hour-long game In the USA, we get ESPN, and it’s It’s not about numbers. It shouldn’t the whole name thing. takes, in my experience, about three a whole different ball game (I will be about numbers. Football, to me and to you, is a hours with all the stoppages. NOT apologise for the pun). This is Maths and PE don’t mix. game involving A) your feet and B) a They even stop for ad breaks, which no semi-drunken chat, no friendly de- Football is the worlds favourite ball. To a yank, however, it is a game makes me all the more thankful for bate, no casual ribbing or free-flowing game, and nobody really goes stat- involving padding, skintight track- the BBC and Match of the Day. I miss conversation. This is a seminar, this crazy over that. How many passes has ies, a lot of intimate bodily contact, Gary Lineker. is a televised classroom, and the les- Steven Gerrard hit this season? I don’t and a stitched-up egg which they Coverage in general, actually, is son is Sport. First up: statistics! Then, know and neither do you, but I know throw to each other. Oh, and they all we’ll all read auto-cues for a bit and people who can tell me how many wear those helmets, meaning every make some predictions, based on passes Brett Favre has thrown in his “ESPN is slowly “throwegg” (copyright John Shep- more statistics! They love their stats entire career. The whole approach to pard, 2010) game ends up looking here, and I find this depressing. Isn’t sports coverage is like Rain Man’s wet turning Jocks into like a recurring nightmare I used to sport supposed to be the Jock terri- dream. have about an army of fat, paedo- tory? The people who spend their time Yet I’m going to a Superbowl party. Nerds.” phile clones of Evel Knievel. memorising facts and figures, com- Why? Because I’ve made a deal. The I’m glad I got that off my chest. piling tables and charts - aren’t they guy who’s throwing this party, in ex- But that’s not the only reason I can’t nerds? change for my attendance, has to get into “throwegg”. There’s also the ESPN is slowly turning Jocks into throw another sports party in June. stop-start nature of the game, which Nerds. You hear it in the conversations: June the 12th, to be exact. England’s drives me mad. I once saw a game “Hey bro, the Colts are gonna kick opening world cup game against the where several members of the team - SERIOUS ASS! We’re averaging just USA. and this was the Green Bay Packers, 0.2 defensive interception negatives Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. a professional NFL team who made per game, and out touchdown multi- Plus, we get commentary from it to the Superbowl playoffs - had ac- google ratio is 12 - 3.1415926535!” Jonathan Pearce, the guy from Robot tual beer bellies. “That’s strange,” I “Oh yeah? Well I say the Saints are Wars! Am I the only one who thinks thought to myself, “I know these guys gonna dump all over the Colts, be- this is brilliant? are on steroids, which must help, cause Drew Brees is a level 18 Mage Page 10 Refreshers 2010 Refreshers 2010 Page 11

...Opinion ...Opinion [email protected] Assisted Suicide UP HELLY AA’ By Right Or Wrong? Catherine Wills

By her condition deteriorate, she would like the option to be available in Scot- YOUR VIEWS: Kayleigh Harvey land for doctors to end her life. Opinions Editor In a recent press statement Ms. Jenni Connelly: Macdonald said: “This bill is meant “I think people have the right to to redress that unfairness to give choose whether they live or die those people the autonomy to exer- f you were terminally ill - with a especially when they are seriously cise some control over how they die degenerative illness that would ill. People should have the option I to give them the legal right to seek make the simple tasks of day-to- whether to continue with their life assistance and to protect the people day life the most challenging as you especially when it comes to having who would give them assistance.” wait for a family member, friend, or to rely on others to carry out basic Assisted suicide is currently legal carer to help you to the bathroom, bodily functions i.e. washing them- in other European countries such as cook your food, wash or dress your- selves, feeding themselves and self – would you want the right to Luxemburg and Denmark. It is a sub- going to the bathroom. I would feel ver heard of it? Possibly the From an outsiders perspective it decide to end your life? ject that continues to create divisions embarrassed and such a burden most fun you’ll have all year might seem a rather sexist display That is currently an issue being amongst medical professionals and E if I had to rely on my loved ones in the most random and beautiful as only men are allowed to take part debated in the Scottish Parliament the general public. to look after me to that extent. It place you’ll ever go. Up Helly Aa in the main procession and to be at present, led by the only inde- is worse that in some cases that takes place on the last Tuesday of fair, that’s probably a valid point. pendent MSP in the Scottish Par- you are no longer your former self. every January and the main event Also, I gather the Vikings were a liament, Margo Macdonald, who I would not want my family to see consists of a procession of 900 fairly brutal and unpleasant bunch has launched the End of Life As- me that way.” men parading around the town of of folk so it seems odd to celebrate sistance (Scotland) Bill. Lerwick in Shetland carrying torch- their invasion of our islands... Under current Scottish law, it is Chris Watson: es of fire and singing various Viking On the other hand, it brightens illegal for anyone whether it be a “I believe that every person should songs. up what might otherwise be a very family member, friend, doctor or has the right to end their life if This Viking fire festival is not to be windy and cold month of the year medical professional, to assist any there is just cause for doing so - missed. After the procession, people and is an event which many Shet- patient with suicide, even if the pa- namely if they are terminally ill. gather in local venues to eat, drink, landers take great pride and plea- tient requests so. However, my Grandfather is suffer- dance and watch skits on that year’s sure in. This bill would change this; allow- ing from terminal cancer and still local or national events. For me, it means a nostalgic eve- ing doctors to administer drugs to retains great dignity, so I can also Coming from Shetland, I’ve al- ning watching a real spectacle and assist patient suicide if requested. understand that the introduction ways found this event to be full of then having countless merry mo- There would be factors that would of legal euthanasia would prob- fun but nothing particularly out of ments chatting with friends and fam- be taken into consideration first; ably devalue those who have the the ordinary. However, since being ily, dancing and having a good laugh however ultimately, the right to die strength to carry on living despite at Stirling University this view has at the ridiculous costumes and acts would be made possible for pa- illness.” changed somewhat as friends have on display from 7pm on the Tuesday tients with terminal illnesses. become interested in finding out until 9am on the Wednesday. Ms. Macdonald herself, who suf- where I’m from and have made the It could probably go on for much fers from Parkinson’s disease, has Margo Macdonald Join the debate, e-mail Brig at long trek up to Shetland to witness longer but by 8am I am somewhat made it publicly know that should MSP [email protected] this phenomenon. overwhelmed (and shattered). America - “Maths And P.E. Don’t Mix!” i there, sports fans! Guess what but you still can’t be an professional much better in the UK than in the with +2INT and a range bonus of Htime it is in the USA at the mo- sports star with a beer belly (apologies USA. We get Gary talking over the 30%!” By ment? No, the answer is not ‘Ham- to professional darts players). How game with Alan Hansen and Mark What? This isn’t sports!. mer’, it’s ‘Superbowl’. I’m writing this will these guys ever last the game?” It Lawrenson (who should totally grow Sport should be about passion, in the week leading up the big game, turns out, they don’t have to. his epic moustache back, by the way), about spirit, and about awesome John which by now you will know the result The whistle goes, and some people and the whole thing looks like a slight- feats of skill and athleticism. I still of, and probably won’t care about. I throw the egg to each other, and ly cleaner and more professional ver- smile when I think about Liverpool’s sure as hell don’t. then someone tackles someone and sion of the post-game conversation in miracle comeback in the 2005 cham- Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still watch it stops. They mill around for a bit, your local pub. I like that, I like the pions league final (yes, I’m a die-hard Shepherd it, I’m going to a party and every- then repeat. Then when the defend- casual familiarity and - yes - I enjoy Liverpool fan, and I’m very glad that thing. I just don’t really care about ing team gets possession, the game the banter. I don’t care what anyone I’m not in the country this season), the game, for a number of reasons. stops again and the ENTIRE TEAM thinks, I want Adrian Chiles to work and I can barely give you any stats on First and foremost - and I have to get goes off to replaced by an attacking behind the bar in Studio. that, because I don’t really care. this out of the way immediately - it’s team. Your average hour-long game In the USA, we get ESPN, and it’s It’s not about numbers. It shouldn’t the whole name thing. takes, in my experience, about three a whole different ball game (I will be about numbers. Football, to me and to you, is a hours with all the stoppages. NOT apologise for the pun). This is Maths and PE don’t mix. game involving A) your feet and B) a They even stop for ad breaks, which no semi-drunken chat, no friendly de- Football is the worlds favourite ball. To a yank, however, it is a game makes me all the more thankful for bate, no casual ribbing or free-flowing game, and nobody really goes stat- involving padding, skintight track- the BBC and Match of the Day. I miss conversation. This is a seminar, this crazy over that. How many passes has ies, a lot of intimate bodily contact, Gary Lineker. is a televised classroom, and the les- Steven Gerrard hit this season? I don’t and a stitched-up egg which they Coverage in general, actually, is son is Sport. First up: statistics! Then, know and neither do you, but I know throw to each other. Oh, and they all we’ll all read auto-cues for a bit and people who can tell me how many wear those helmets, meaning every make some predictions, based on passes Brett Favre has thrown in his “ESPN is slowly “throwegg” (copyright John Shep- more statistics! They love their stats entire career. The whole approach to pard, 2010) game ends up looking here, and I find this depressing. Isn’t sports coverage is like Rain Man’s wet turning Jocks into like a recurring nightmare I used to sport supposed to be the Jock terri- dream. have about an army of fat, paedo- tory? The people who spend their time Yet I’m going to a Superbowl party. Nerds.” phile clones of Evel Knievel. memorising facts and figures, com- Why? Because I’ve made a deal. The I’m glad I got that off my chest. piling tables and charts - aren’t they guy who’s throwing this party, in ex- But that’s not the only reason I can’t nerds? change for my attendance, has to get into “throwegg”. There’s also the ESPN is slowly turning Jocks into throw another sports party in June. stop-start nature of the game, which Nerds. You hear it in the conversations: June the 12th, to be exact. England’s drives me mad. I once saw a game “Hey bro, the Colts are gonna kick opening world cup game against the where several members of the team - SERIOUS ASS! We’re averaging just USA. and this was the Green Bay Packers, 0.2 defensive interception negatives Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. a professional NFL team who made per game, and out touchdown multi- Plus, we get commentary from it to the Superbowl playoffs - had ac- google ratio is 12 - 3.1415926535!” Jonathan Pearce, the guy from Robot tual beer bellies. “That’s strange,” I “Oh yeah? Well I say the Saints are Wars! Am I the only one who thinks thought to myself, “I know these guys gonna dump all over the Colts, be- this is brilliant? are on steroids, which must help, cause Drew Brees is a level 18 Mage Page 12 Refreshers 2010 brig Features Legal drug is bad for business says drug dealer By months according to UK suppliers month. He highlighted growing with three out of five online traders concern over its use, particularly Catriona MacPhee Brig spoke to admitting they were amongst children as young as 14. Editor unable to cope with the demand. Ewan Dunnett, has been a DJ One major UK trader Brig spoke and promoter for one of Glasgow’s to sells the drug as ‘plant food’ and busiest club nights for more than new legal drug is proving so gets round the law by advising buy- two years. He has noticed a dras- popular in the UK that one ers before they purchase that it is not tic change in the clubbing scene. Glasgow cocaine dealer has A intended for human consumption. “You see it more at clubs, you claimed he may have to start selling He said: “We’re seeing a mas- see it more at parties. I think it is a legal highs to maintain profit levels. sive increase in orders even though regular fixture in club culture now. Mephedrone, which is also known there’s been a massive increase The thing about mephedrone is that as Bubbles, Mcat and Meow Meow in people selling it. Just before it’s highly accessible, it’s cheap. amongst users, is a white powder Christmas we had to delay 20% “You get it delivered to your house, which is sold legally as plant fertilizer. of our orders because we ran out. there’s no hassle. Pills are very poor One drug dealer Brig spoke to “I’ve never had any prob- quality these days so there’s a gap in claims he made around £1,000 a lems with the police but there the market and mephedrone fills it.” week selling cocaine and ecstasy are a couple of things that make Catherine Kennedy, aged pills until sales began to plum- me think twice about doing it. I 25, has been using mephed- met around three months ago. wouldn’t want my younger cousins rone for three months. She said “I’ve noticed a big difference. Less to take it just because it’s legal.” it was the legality of the drug people are going out of their way for The drug largely comes from Chi- which made her decide to try it. it [illegal drugs] now. Some other na. It is shipped to UK sellers who “The reason I don’t do other drugs dealers I know have started selling legally trade through websites and is because of the supporting crimi- it so I might have to do that soon.” deliver it using the postal service. nal activities aspect of it. Things Martin Barnes, Chief Executive of like gang warfare, people traffick- “Some other the charity Drugscope, told Brig his ing and gun culture. I’ve read these organisation was concerned with the things are often linked in with drug dealers I know rising use of mephedrone but added dealing. With Mcat I don’t feel guilty that a ban would inevitably force its about where my money is going.” have started sell- trade into the hands of drug dealers. A team of Scottish psychiatrists “It’s been quite alarming just how from Stobhill Hospital in Glas- ing it so I might quickly mephedrone does seem to gow have called for a ban on the have spread. A ban would stop the substance citing hallucinations have to do that sale but it would not make it unavail- and psychosis as side-effects af- able. People were experimenting ter treating a regular user of drug. soon” with other substances such as ket- Doctors in Dunfermline amine, GHB and other so called legal have recently linked it to the The recreational effects of highs before they were banned and death of a 49-year-old woman. mephedrone, which users inhale that didn’t stop their availability.” Professor Les Iverson, Chair- or ingest, are most commonly Deputy Secretary of State for man of the Advisory Council for compared to that of ecstasy, with Wales, David Jones, questioned the Misuse of Drugs, confirmed users reporting feelings of eu- the Home Secretary, Alan John- that his team was looking into phoria and enhanced well being. A rising number of young people are using the legal drug Mephedrone son, about the drug earlier this the dangers of mephedrone. Sales have rocketed in the last six despite increasing pressure for it’s inclusion under the misuse of drugs act Human trafficking equates to modern day slavery

By made it clear to EU governments that The raids were part of Operation Kim Clarke-Overy they are obliged to protect victims of Vanguard – a police clampdown on human trafficking. prostitution across Central Scot- Politics Editor Earlier this year, in a landmark case, land. Information suggested that the the ECHR found that Cyprus failed to brothels were run by Chinese gangs, An inquiry by the Equality and Hu- meet is duties under the European who had spent tens of thousands of man Rights Commission is to be set Convention on Human Rights. Rus- pounds setting them up. Police sus- up to establish the extent of human sian dancer Oxana Rantseva worked pected that profits from the prosti- trafficking in Scotland. as a prostitute in Cyprus, but after at- tutes eventually ended up in the Far The inquiry will include oral and tempting to leave, her employer went East. written evidence given by women to the Cypriot authorities to ask that Baroness Helena Kennedy, who trafficked for use in the sex trade. she be extradited. Although aware of will chair the inquiry, stated that it According to Morag Alexander, the her job, police noted that Oxana had would address concerns that Scot- ECHR Scotland Commissioner, the a work permit, so ordered her to re- tish authorities fail to take allega- level of human trafficking is higher in turn to her job. That night, Oxana at- tions of human trafficking seriously, Scotland than in the rest of the UK. tempted to escape, but fell from her and emphasised that justice would Moreover, there have been no con- window and died. The ECHR ruled be achieved for those whose human victions for trafficking in Scotland, that the Cypriot authorities failed to rights had been violated. whereas there have been more than carry out an investigation into her 100 throughout the rest of the UK. death, and never attempted to ascer- However, anecdotal stories of hu- tain whether she was a victim of hu- Why not write for man trafficking have so far yielded man trafficking. little solid evidence, as stated by Human trafficking has come to features? Graeme Pearson, former head of the Stirling in the past; in 2008, two Scottish Crime and Drugs Enforce- Chinese women were freed from the ment Agency. Furthermore, when flat in the Riverside area. Two fur- Email features@ a suspected case does reach the ther properties in Falkirk and Pol- courts, witnesses are reluctant to mont were also raided. Five people brignewspaper.com give evidence, as they fear retaliation were questioned by police, yet were for more information from organised crime syndicates. charged for the alleged running of A recent decision made in the Eu- brothels, rather than for human traf- ropean Court of Human Rights has ficking. Refershers 2010 Page 13 brig Features Stirling students reveal their manky little Why so much Sex? sexual fantasies and debauched horror By Clyn Gallagher stories. What a filthy bunch... Deputy Editor ‘TJ Hugalot’ “I hooked up with a girl on a night out once. We ome of the more Seeing Cupid every- mones and lust, where went back to mine, and got a bit amorous. Having perceptive amongst where you turn? Forget we play politics. S had a couple of drinks, I was finding it quite dif- you may have noticed a the image you have of People have killed be- ficult to finish. She played with me for ages, only theme running through some cherub in a nappy, cause of it, laws are for me to fart when I reached climax. It was really this edition of brig. winking and flapping created around it, and loud; we both knew it was me. In honour of Valentine’s around being harmless; the most controversial Day, we’ve decided to he was used as a weapon issues in society – abor- ‘Ginger Eastwood’ ditch the schmaltzy flow- of warfare by the gods tion, homosexuality, gen- “I was in the midst of a rushed and furtive bonk ers and chocolates, and of Ancient Greece. The der roles, rape, advertis- with my then-boyfriend, when my 13 year-old instead cast our jaded dark side of romance: ing – all revolve around it. brother decided to charge into the room to an- eyes on the darker side it’s about sex, it’s about Lives are even destroyed nounce that dinner was ready. Later in the kitch- of romance. Fancy an power, and the two are in- by it, as exhibited by the en, he gave my partner the Paddington Bear Stare engagement ring? That’s exorably linked. Sex isn’t curious case of Oscar and said sternly ‘Well, I hope you used a con- a nice throwback to the nice. Sex isn’t pretty. Sex Wilde, who saw himself dom.’ time when a man would is an act of sweaty, ani- as a martyr for love... show he could afford to malistic coupling where (see page 22) ‘Vincent von Strausenweiner’ buy his wife from her fa- we are completely vul- “I once wore fishnets because I thought she’d be ther. nerable, driven by hor- into that… I was wrong.”

‘Misty Rox’ brig writer Rhian- structures of power to genitalia are no longer “I was in the car with my boyfriend of the time na Humphrey high- be questioned, trans- the main source of plea- when we decided to take a ‘detour,’ which involved gressed and liberated. sure and as such sexual parking up at a remote and sheltered part of a lights the case for S/M sex allows for the pleasure comes from golf course. It was night so we assumed it would S&M as a method following roles: the sa- further play with the be completely dead… or so we thought. We were of liberation... dist and the masochist, body as well as play with ‘getting down to business’ when suddenly one or the dominator and power. The whole body of the elderly park wardens began thumping on the dominated. So far, can be eroticized, or the bonnet, demanding that we left or the police he dictionary defini- so penetrated. Howev- previously uneroticized would be called. Needless to say, the mood was Ttion of sexual inter- er, these are ‘roles’ and areas of the body, which killed.” course highlights the im- any role can be reversed liberates the pleasure of plicit domination within in this deliberate play sex from the penetration ‘Rex Cherry’ sexual intercourse that with power relations for and domination of sexu- “The first time I had sex was at a party. We did must involve penetra- pleasurable aims. Power al intercourse. This also it under a train set in my friend’s garage, as his tion, and as such there is structures themselves removes the phallus and father, who is also my GP, walked in on us.” a penetrator and a pen- are acted out and per- orgasm from the centre etrated. In heteronorma- formed within a safe en- of sexual intercourse. In ‘Gertie O’Loin’ tive (male/female) sex vironment of consenting heteronormative sex it is “My secret fantasy is for a complete stranger to and its homonormative adults, but even when one ‘penetration – the inser- approach me from behind and bend me over, then (top/bottom and butch/ is dominant and another tion of a penis or penis- pull up my skirt, rip my knickers off and take me femme) counterparts dominated the control like object’ that denotes from behind, using his hands to reach around and these are fixed roles al- within this framework is sex, but with S/M sex play with my clitoris and nipples. Then leave. Oh lowing for little liberation always questioned. Who phallocentric power is wow!” from this power relation- has the control during questioned and its domi- ship. This domination S/M sex? The sadist or nance subverted. S/M ‘Courtney Rhythm’ highlights a gendered hi- mascohist? Is it ever that sex is not the only play “My darkest fantasy is having my boyfriend act erarchy that is dissemi- simple? Even when a sa- with sexual and power re- like a detective treating me like his suspect, inter- nated across many as- dist dominates a mas- lations outside of tradi- rogating me in every sexual way possible until I pects of our lives, such ochist there is always a tional sexual intercourse, break…” as the language we use safe word that can be but it’s one we are very when referring to men used to stop the game reluctant to talk about. ‘Lonely Cockney’ and women or male and and thus the control is Is this because it shows “My sexual fantasy? Ah, beggars can’t be choos- female: the penetra- never total. us the implicit power re- ers.” tor is always dominant. S/M sex not only of- lations in all sexual in- However the Sado/Mas- fers liberation from the tercourse or because it THE S&M HAIKU ochism (S/M) play with penetrator/penetrated challenges those power To be tied to the bedpost dominance for outcomes binary, but also from relations? By dominant man pleasure allows these penetration itself. The Slapped and bonked thoroughly

Refreshers 2010 Page 15 Features Losing your virginity... to the highest bidder Dawn of a new decade, death to romance By Gillian McShane Many teenagers think that being a virgin is something to be embar- Features Editor rassed about. However the numbers of women who wish their first time woman’s virginity has often been had been different is astonishing. Aheld in high regard, with men Many young girls feel that they should refusing to consider marriage if a have lost their virginities by the time woman wasn’t ‘intact’. However with they reach university. Is selling your sex itself becoming less taboo and virginity the way out of financial women becoming more empowered problems or a desperate need to fit has the idea of virginity been trivi- in with the majority and make some alised. money for your trouble? A student in New Zealand has re- Miss Dylan was also shocked at cently auctioned off her virginity the price some men will pay for her to pay her increasing student fees. virginity when it “it isn’t even prized More than 30,000 people viewed her so highly anymore.” In the 21st cen- advert and she received more than tury the virgin bride is mostly a thing 1200 offers. In her advert she made of the past and young woman have it clear that she is “offering [her] vir- come to look upon their lack of expe- ginity by tender to the highest bidder rience as a curse rather than some- is long as personal safety aspects are thing to be proud of. observed.” In 2006 Sarah DiMuro a 29-year-old By the end of the bidding the girl woman from New York launched an who is only known as Unigirl accepted internet search to find a man to lose $NZ45,000 and is delighted with the her virginity to before she turned 30 amount of money she raised. Unigirl on 7th November of that year. Televi- claims she has “full awareness of the sion networks and a leading Ameri- circumstances and possible conse- can women’s magazine supported quences. her. This caused uproar among femi- This is not the first example of this nist groups who said that the maga- sort of transaction, in January 2009 zine was forcing her to proceed with a Californian woman offered her vir- her plan. ginity through a Nevada brothel un- Worryingly a 16-year-old from der the pseudonym Natalie Dylan. Northern Ireland recently advertised She was supposedly offered $3.7 on selling website Gumtree to sell million. Miss Dylan from San Diego her virginity to the highest bidder. A California said she was persuaded to reporter from the Sunday Life posed offer herself to the highest bidder af- as a wealthy businessman and of- ter her sister paid for her own degree fered her £6,000. Her only condition by working as a prostitute for three was that she “had to be home for We don’t want to wait around for your heart, or at least your bed. It weeks. 11pm.” She claimed she was doing it By some guy to make all of our dreams seems that in our fast-moving soci- In 2004 an 18-year-old girl offered for he money, but when the reporter come true, we want to make that hap- ety, romance has been left behind. her virginity on auction site eBay to revealed himself she insisted that it Catriona McGale pen ourselves. A lot has changed over Or has it? avoid leaving university with huge was all a joke. the past 20 years, women are more While women may be perfectly ca- debts. Rosie Reid sold her virginity For any young women to even con- confident and powerful than ever and pable of opening doors by ourselves for £8,400 in order to help with her sider but selling her most precious as we move into a new decade this one recent craze has brought back student debts. As a lesbian she had asset to the highest bidder paints a o you remember growing up will only develop further. all those romantic fairytale hopes never seen a naked man before and heartbreaking picture of how young Dwatching Disney movies and Not only are women a stronger force we had as little girls- Twilight. Oh described the ordeal as “horrible… women look upon their virginity. As reading fairytales, in awe of the way in the workplace but our role within yes, Twilight mania has hit and it’s [she] felt nervous and scared.” Rosie something to throw away at the drop Prince Charming rescued Cinderella the dating world has also changed. left us all envying Edward’s (literal- had sex with 44-year-old BT engineer of a hat. from her evil step-sisters and turned Society’s view on sex and relation- ly) undying love for Bella; somehow and felt she had to please him after With Natalie Dylan there has been her into a princess? How Sleep- ships has already evolved dramatical- your boyfriend’s 3am ’luv u’ text he had spent so much money. How- no confirmation that she has accept- ing Beauty was saved by her true ly. Sex is no longer a taboo subject; doesn’t quite seem to compare. But ever the next day she met her partner ed any of the offers for her virginity. love’s kiss and how Snow White was we see it on TV, we hear about it in whilst the man of your affections and “cried and cried”. Losing the ‘big V’ is a huge decision brought back to life by her hand- music, we read about it in newspa- may not be able to make you im- The idea that virginity is sacred has for any young woman and whether some prince? pers and we talk about it all the time. mortal so that you can live happily been long forgotten among the ma- you want it out of the way or are sav- It all seemed so romantic and In a world where sex has become such ever after together, he can still be jority of people. Only a few people ing it for someone special is your own exactly the kind of love story we an openly discussed topic, casual sex romantic in his own (slightly more choose to wait until they are married personal choice. hoped would happen to us one day. has become not only acceptable but practical) way. to have sex for the first time. If a girl For a small amount of women their Yet nowadays reflecting upon these the norm for many singletons. It may not be by sending you 1000 wants to have sex to get her virginity choice is to hold an auction. They see tales they don’t seem quite so pic- Girls are now able to flirt, date differ- roses or riding up in a horse drawn out of the way then should she feel losing their virginity and unimportant ture perfect. The idea of a woman ent men, and have a one night stand carriage and taking you out for a 5 that selling it is the best option? and an asset they can profit from. being trapped, helplessly waiting to without worrying about judgements course candlelit meal but that’s not be rescued by a man doesn’t really being made; well except maybe by what romance is all about. The es- appeal to the modern day woman. themselves once the beer goggles sence of romance lies in showing have been removed. someone that you were thinking of Even those of us who are in re- them and made an effort to make lationships can’t help but notice them happy which can be done even that us girls seem to be calling the in the tiniest of ways. shots, it’s not a case of waiting by So whilst love letters may have the phone for your man to make the been replaced with Facebook pokes plans. Yet, as much as we love being and starry-eyed serenades with able to drag our boyfriend along to lending you their iPod, romance that latest chick flick we do wish he does still exist. It needn’t be with would be the one to arrange a special clichéd, over the top displays of af- Saturday night out for us every once fection but is in fact even more spe- in a while. cial if it’s through a small, personal Although we might enjoy being the gesture. Be it something as silly as one in the driving seat and the thrill your boyfriend surprising you with a of short-lived flings we can’t help but tub of your favourite Ben &Jerry’s or long to be swept off our feet like the texting you to remind you that the classic scene in An Officer and A Gen- new series of Gossip Girl is start- Edward Cullen... your boy- tleman. But instead of wooing you ing. And if they do throw in a trip to Natalie Dylan was offered $3.7 million for her friend will never compare with flowers and jewellery men think Paris or a diamond necklace every virginity that a vodka lemonade is the way to so often we’re not complaining. Page 16 Refreshers 2010 Refreshers 2010 Music

Music bring you the Gets between best Alternate the sheets to albums to have sex to by Music Editor, Josh Brogan Electronic

hen it comes to electronic music Daft Punk have this sewn up. The Wban’s 2001 Discovery will; provide everything you need to bump uglies to. The album opens with One More Time, followed by Aerodynamic, Digital Love and then Harder Better Faster Stronger. Sexual themes fly throughout theses upbeat songs and will provide rhythm and focus to your love making without taking the attention away from what you’re doing. Daft Punk have tailor made these for your loving needs. Enjoy! Massive Attacks distinctly dark third album is stark contrast to Daft Punk’s more positive sounds but that doesn’t detract from the fact that Mezzanine is an incredibly powerful record that evokes deep heartfelt emo- tion. From the sinister opener Angel Massive Attack succeed in enveloping you in the sound, making the rest of the world disintegrate around you. Indie Next up is rising son – a trip hop masterpiece which sounds like the best work Faithless never made. Third on the album is Teardrop a beautifully simple yet brilliant offering with soft female vocals from Cocteau Twins singer Elizabeth Fraser. loc Party’s debut was an absolutely stellar when it hit shelves back in 2005 and A contemporary classic, but maybe a bit emotionally heavy for first tim- Bcontained some of the best indie music ever heard. Much of the widespread ers. critical acclaim was down to the speedy tempo, passionate delivery and catchy lyr- The Chemical Brother’s Surrender is the last choice in this category. The al- ics. By the same value this is one album no one should jump between the sheets bum is littered with gems that are sure to keep the mood active in any bed- without. Bloc party brilliantly peppers its album with a light seasoning of love songs room. Incredible songs like Got Glint? and Out Of Control are guaranteed to which diversely range from the fast paced Banquet to the soothing This Modern provide the kind of musical rhythm required for just such an occasion. The Love. Soaring above it all is Kele Okereke’s instantly recognizable voice guiding you greatest thing about this album is its diversity; all the tracks work together through the 50 minutes of bliss... well if you last that long. A sure fire winner no perfectly but are unique enough in their own right to offer a distinctly differ- matter the situation. ent experience. An excellent way to mix things up in bed. Fuck Owl City. Seriously Fuck them right in the ass… until they bleed, lots. Re- member The Postal Service, when Ben Gibbard and Jimmy Tamborello got together and created one of the most critically acclaimed indie titles ever. Yeah that’s the album you should be listning to when you’re in bed with someone; if anyone utters the words ‘Hey that sounds like Owl City’ or requests Fireflies then get up and leave Movie them there on the bed, naked and ashamed. Give Up is on of the best crafted pieces of work in the last decade and is being sullied by this imitation garbage. Just let the album play from the start and the songs will do most of the work for you. Soundtracks hen considering movie soundtracks very little is as iconic as Amelie. Yann Tiersan’s masterpiece Wchronicles the emotive everyday adventure the French female takes and you can take it with her. The beautiful piano based ecstasy will be compliment a deep meaningful sex session perfectly. As Amelie’s story is filed with love so to will yours from the moment album opener J’y suis jamais allé touches your ears. Sadness, joy, loneliness and love are all explored and that’s all before you reach track 8 À quai an accordion based piece of audible gold. Wonderful in its execution Amelie’s soundtrack is unique and beautiful and glorious. A must for the lovers. Fewer soundtracks have had a bigger impact in recent years than Juno’s. That shouldn’t deter those who are willing for using it as the audible background to some good ol’ filth. There’s nothing dirty about irst up in this category is Metallica’s/ self titled album (The Juno’s soundtrack and instead focuses more on young first time loves. Its an inspired set of songs that FPunkBlack Album). Opener Enter SandmanMetal is a particularly bring just the right amount of quirkiness from The Kinks’ A Well Respected Man to Expectations by Belle recognisable affair that would be good to get the ball rolling. and Sebastian. Finally not to be missed is The Moldy Peaches’ Anyone Else But You which is the acoustic Real album gem however comes from late track Nothing Else back and forth between Adam Green and Kimya Dawson. This wont be the choice for everyone but it’s Matters. Yes it’s perhaps a bit slower than something you’d definitely worth a shot. be expecting but it’s powerful and melodic and brilliant. No Trainspotting’s soundtrack is undeniably bril- arguments. This music isn’t designed to be thrashed to and liant and if you can get past all the images of similarly... well you get the idea. By the time God That Failed smack, dead babies and HIV its actually a great rolls around it’ll round things out nicely with a strong rhythm to keep pace to. album to have sex to. As diverse as this album Just one more thing... Arguments about whether or not this constitutes a real album aside, Hey! Ho! Let’s is it can’t really be mentioned without consid- Go: The Anthology brings every songs of the Ramones’ career into one complete ering Iggy Pop who is featured no less than on package. Let’s face it, it’s the classics that you want as the background sound to This here is the four different occasions and both Lust for Life your lovin’. Which is why, unless you want to get up every few minutes to switch OhMiBod. Its a Vi- and The Passenger are both viable options to albums in the machine, this is the one to go for. Blitzkrieg Bop Is the first track and brator that plugs kick things off with. A slower more emotionally perhaps the Ramone’s best known song. It’s also incredibly quick and will provide into your iPod driven song comes from Lou Reid’s Perfect Day. more than enough of a challenge for anyone trying to keep up. and vibrates to The tempo really heats up with Trainspotting I Wanna Be Sedated will offer a similar test but its Rock n’ Roll the speed of the ‘s dedicated ‘love’ songs notably Temptation High School that strikes the perfect balance between speed and song. Available by No Order and Sleeper’s Atomic. And then fun. This trend is continued throughout to I Wanna Live and on- now for just £45 there’s Born Slippy. But if you’re trying to keep wards. A great album full of songs that helped to spearhead online. Bargain!!!! up with the music that’s only for the brave. punk. Refreshers 2010 Refreshers 2010 Page 17 Music Love is in the air... at Stirling University

As it’s Valentines Day (and we know you’re all a bunch of soppy-eyed softies at heart) the brig Music team went out in search of Stirling students’ favourite love songs. From full on tear-jerkers to songs that just trigger that special memory, here are the love songs YOU chose as your favourites...

“I always listen to it when I’m in bed and I’m always with some- “It’s such a tough one in bed so... “ “I love Cheryl choice but it has Cole. She’s the to be Bjork!” best ever!”

Lost in the Supermarket I Miss You - - The Clash Fight For In this 1995 single, Bjork This Love - Bjork fantasises about Cheryl Cole all the intricate details of her future perfect partner despite having not actually met them Alex Callinan yet. Asia

“It’s really pretty and more original than Although many believe classic love songs.” When You’re Gone was written for Avril’s then- So Sick (of love husband, Deryck Whibley, songs) was written she never actually con after Ne-Yo broke up firmed this. “My ex-boyfriend with his girlfriend and - used to play it all the continued to hear her time.” favourite love song on the radio repeatedly. When You’re So Sick (of Love Gone - Avril Lavigne Songs) - Ne-Yo Sheree Braze Grace Mahony

Want to write SCOTLAND ROCKS for music? n February 24th, Classic Grand, Glasgow will host the Scottish Alternative Music Awards 2010. With four nominees in four catagories – Best Rock & Then email OAlternative, Best Live Act, Best Metal and Best Newcomer – the competition is hot between some of the best alternative bands on the Scottish music [email protected] scene today. Many acts such as Make Sparks, This Familiar Smile, Bronto Skylift and The LaFontaines - who have previously played sessions for Air3’s Brand Spanking New Music Show and/or a set for Transmission – will also be performing live throughout the night which will be hosted by stand up comedian or come along to our weekly Billy Kirkwood. Get your tickets now from Ticket Scotland (£8, 14+). To vote, simply visit www.myspace.com/scottishalternativemusic but before you do, meetings, every Monday 7pm let brig Music give you the lowdown on the nominees for this year… in 2W1. BEST ROCK & BEST LIVE ACT BEST METAL BEST NEWCOMER ALTERNATIVE Bleed From Within Alba Gu Brath As Darkness Falls This Familiar Smile From: Hamilton/Glasgow From: Glasgow From: All over Scotland From: Glasgow/Ayr Sounds like: The Black Dahlia Murder Sounds like: The Battle of Stirling Sounds like: Killswitch Engage, Bullet Sounds like: Glassjaw, Taking Back Listen to: Servants of Divinity, We are Bridge, apparently… For My Valentine Sunday Gathered Here Today Listen to: Fields of Heather, Dup- Listen to: Set Me Free, Eyes Run Listen to: 9v Soldier, An plin Moor Dry The Darien Venture Ode To The Bomb The Ray Summers From: Falkirk Rip In Reality Make My Day Energy! Sounds like: The Shadows, From: Glasgow From: Glasgow From: Glasgow/Kil- Small Faces Sounds like: August Sounds like: Blink 182 marnock Listen to: Tales From Vicar Burns Red, Trivium Listen to: Incase of Fire, Sounds like: A softer Street, Crazy World Listen to: Effort is Op- El Skinto Biffy Clyro tional, Scenes of Murder Listen to: Gone Fission, The LaFontaines Bronto Skylift Saw The Son From: Motherwell Promised Only Lies From: Inverness/Orkney Make Sparks Sounds like: Rap rock with a sturdy Scot- From: Dumfries and Galloway Sounds like: Lightning Bolt without the Make Sparks tish accent Sounds like: Parkway Drive, A Day To masks From: Glasgow/Carnoustie Listen to: Sin City, Vulcan Remember Listen to: Cobblepot, Eaglefalcon Sounds like: Idlewild, Placebo Listen to: History Always Repeats Itself, Listen to: Rewind, Hey Kid! Expanding Demands Ridin’ A Bath The Darien Venture From: Ayrshire From: Glasgow Trapped in Kansas Sounds like: Ste- Paridian Sounds like: Reuben meets Rush From: Ayr reophonics, The From: Glasgow Listen to: One Point Twentyone Giga- Sounds like: American Football meets Vines Sounds like: Morbid watts, When I Was Your Age... mathrock Listen to: Head Angel meets metalcore Listen to: Antlers, The Idiot Flood, Hall Diego Listen to: The Addiction, A The Glimpse of Humanity LaFontaines

Refreshers 2010 Page 19 Music SINGLE REVIEWS

Delphic Speaker People Hot Chip ACOLYTE PARALLEL WORLD ONE LIFE STAND ZERO STARS ot Chip’s latest luke warm offer- Hing starts awful and ends well Give me something I can believe in” is a line from ts like Jamiroquai but that’s just not good enough. “Halcyon – one of the songs from Acolyte. Well Del- Iand Alphabeat had a Considering the amount of times phic have given us something I believe is the best indie really deformed baby, that Over and Over and Ready for the debut since Bloc Party’s Silent Alarm. This dance- Then dropped it on Floor have pierced my ears in Dusk rock coupling is nothing new by this point but Del- the floor a couple of there’s a high probability this will phic have taken a really big knife to the genre and times... and then go down the same route. Though stripped away all the fat. The result is an album that shot it in the face. it lacks the impact of either of its has a lighter tone to it that something offered by Twice. predecessors. Josh Brogan the likes of Kasabian or New Order but still Speaker people provides an air of mystery and wonder that do not begin their shines through. The highs are high and the album well with the truly ap- GIRLS CANT CATCH lows... well the lows are still sort of high and palling and empty electronic track Close ECHO they are few and far between. Delphic have Your Eyes, they also feel the need to say “close your absolutely nailed how to do a catchy chorus eyes” again and again in almost stereotypical synthe- ake three pretty girls with decent in the same way Florence and the Machine sized voice. This is pretty much the formula for the rest Tvoices, add a relationship on the has done with singles like Doubt, Counter- of the album, every song sounds as tinny as the last rocks, mix in plenty of synth, add point and the aforementioned Halcyon. As and the repetition of the same shitty beats again and a pinch of rock to give it an edge is so often the case with albums they use again will drive you mad. and leave to simmer. The result will their singles as a crutch, Delphic needs no This album is like being smashed in the face repeat- sound something like this latest at- such support and every song in the album edly with a sythisiser whilst you assailant yells “tomor- tempt from new girls on the block, from the polyphonic beats of Red Light to row, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow” in your face. Actu- Girls Can’t Catch the mysterious wonder of This Momentary ally even that sounds better than Speaker People - at deserves your attention. The dance sounds never feel least then eventually you’d die. Josh Brogan Nina Glencross tacked on and instead come off as an integral part of the music, they weave in and out of the songs infecting THE BIG PINK them just enough to provide depth but never enough to overpower. A must. VELVET Josh Brogan e-released as a 12” with new Rartwork and b-side, Velvet en- capsulates The Big Pink’s notion for digital euphoric distortion and soft soulful vocals. Similar in style to well known previous single Domi- nos, yet contrasting in mood, the If only Speaker People were half as song reveals a different side to one Delphic, They’re Like Drowning cool as these speaker people. But of Britain’s biggest upcoming indie and Stuff Scott McCrory they’re not. ToughClare Shit Lynch bands. Nina Glencross The Irrepresebles MIRROR MIRROR

he Irrepressibles are possibly Tone of Britain’s best kept secrets and far more than your average Don’t Ask Me and Here It Goes Again band. This 10-piece ‘performance Great gigs on a (yes, the one with the treadmills), the orchestra’ led by composer and ar- band left leaving Damian alone on- tistic director Jamie McDermott use shoe string stage. “Are you religious people?”, he a vast array of instruments to cre- OK GO asked, to which the Glaswegian audi- ate an incredibly passionate sound. ABC Glasgow 18/1/10 ence replied with a straight “Naw!” 16th Feb, Unicorn Kid, Including tracks from their previ- The band wheeled on a table of hand ous album From The Circus To The ever have heard before. With such t can’t be denied that OK Go are King Tuts, £7, (8pm) bells in a range of sizes as Damian Sea which provided the score to the a powerful and unique sound in to- most famous for their quirky music I told us the story behind the next per- film The Forgotten Circus, The Irre- day’s competitive musical climate, videos, and this whimsical humour is formance, a glorious version of What pressibles reveal their passion for The Irrepressibles are a band who something they embrace as a band 19th Feb, Hadouken, To Do on “God’s own instrument”. the dark and mystical side of the will truely live up to their name and incorporate into their live perfor- Sporting LED studded jackets for Qmu, £11.50, (7pm) circus through their eclectic blend mance to turn it into a full night of the encore, the band stood back to of baroque, exotica, theatre and music, comedy, entertainment, audi- Nina Glencross back as the letters OKGO lit up their orchestral pop. What drives the al- ence participation....and even a full jackets, mimicking a fruit machine. A 26th Feb, Pin Up Ladies bum to gain power track after track, on mini laser show. jackpot siren was heard as the letters however, is McDermott’s relentless Kicking off their set with the guitar Night 3 featuring: French stopped, white fur rimmed guitars lit passion throughout the album with driven Get Over It, from their debut up, shooting lasers and the psyche- Horn Rebellion (Live), vocals that seemingly gel the poly- eponymous album, frontman Damian delic sound of WTF? filled the small phonic arrangements together beau- Kulash spun around onstage as the Camera Obscura/Sons & venue leaving some audience mem- tifully to create a blanket of dark yet audience belted the chorus back to bers more than pleasantly surprised. Daughters/Delgados DJs playful atmosphere. them. Trying out some songs from Finishing on Invincible complete with As Mirror, Mirror progresses, from new album Of The Blue Colour Of The £6, (9pm-3am) not one but two explosions of confet- the dramatic opener My Friend Jo, Sky went down well as some of the ti, both band and audience were left to the soft sweeping rhythms of An- more loyal fans cheered and sang extremely satisfied with the perfor- vil and the playfully sinister vocals of along despite the album being re- 11th March, Delphic, Stu- mance, occasionally finding pieces Splish! Splash! Sploo! McDermott’s leased a week before. of confetti in the strangest places dio 24, £9, (7pm) own experiences of angst, love, lust After some more classics such as possibly for hours after. and lost are revealed through his ef- Nina Glencross fortless vocals which are as powerful 16th March, The Auto- on their own as they are backed by glorious harmonies. matic, King Tuts, £9, Whilst being compared to early (8.30pm) David Bowie, Kate Bush and even Bonzo Dog Dah Band, The Irrepress- ibles are unlike anything you will Irrepresebely Weird Josh Brogan

Refreshers 2010 Page 21 Film so over the hype.....

Breaking box office records isn’t simply about making a great film. For some production companies, attracting audiences is more about marketing, web campaigns and a great steaming dollop of hype.

By Laura McKnight numerous records, which include film on the side of Coke Zero cans Film Editor beating Pirates of the Caribbean: At and bottles. Everywhere you looked World’s End and becoming the most you would see the name Avatar and xtravagant and intensive pub- expensive film ever to be made. James everyone knew what it was and why it Slumdog became a runaway hit in 09, despite having poor opening figures licity and promotion of a film Cameron’s science fiction epic, Avatar, was going to be spectacular. Eor hype, as it is called these was the runaway hit of January. The old proverb ‘too much of a good the seemingly miniscule total budget This is a prime example of when days, can in some respect be very When Cameron set out his market- thing’ comes to mind. Too much hype of $15.1 million for marketing pur- two films use very different marketing helpful when releasing a new movie ing strategy for the film, complete can in fact set expectations too high poses. methods to make a dent in the box of- into the world. over-saturation of the market was the and therefore can only lead to dis- With very little media attention prior fice. While Slumdog Millionaire may The over-hyping of a film can help plan, with $150 million of the already appointment. If a film is promoted to its release and with a relatively un- not have won the box office battle, it pull in the numbers, it can help cre- record-breaking budget of $327 mil- as being a revolutionary piece of 3D known cast, Boyle decided to take a did manage to score a 94% fresh rat- ate the highest grossing film of all lion set aside purely for the promotion cinema that has been 20 years in the step back and let the film promote ing on the website Rotten Tomatoes time and make the production com- of the film. making that is what you expect to see itself. He focused less on the pre- - a user-generated film rating system pany millions of pounds, but does all It was not enough that the credibility when you sit down in your seats, pop- release hype and more on the distri- - 10% more than Avatar’s score of this commotion and media coverage of the film was already set in pretty corn in hand.. bution. He knew that it would have a 84%. surrounding one particular film au- good stead; it had a strong cast and Instead many people were left with massive audience in the East so had So, what does this all mean? Well tomatically make for a good piece of a fan following prior to its release. The the disheartening realisation just over the film dubbed in Hindi and Tamil in this case it would appear that too cinema? Or can too much hype turn marketing team also created what a third of the way in, that they were in and distributed throughout India. much hype surrounding a film counts us off altogether? film critics have described as cringe- fact bored by the mediocre story-line The opening weekend box office fig- for nothing except the number of peo- Throughout the past month of Janu- worthy TV spots to be played during which the depth of image and pretty ures, provided by the UK Film Coun- ple that go to see it and the money ary, there has been one film that has the World Series baseball tournament colours could not disguise. cil for both movies confirm clearly it makes overall. Hype like everything dominated our attention, breaking and even plastered the name of the Compare this to the film that was how publicity brings in the numbers. else is best enjoyed in moderation, taking the awards season and movie With Avatar earning approximately you do not want to be kept completely world by storm in January last year. £8.5 million for its opening weekend, in the dark, yet you do not want to be Slumdog Millionaire (2009) did not Slumdog Millionaire only managed sick of the sight of a film before you need oversaturated media coverage £1.83 million and had one of the low- have even had the chance to see it. to be recognised as a well-written, est opening box office weekends for How can a film pleasantly surprise well-directed and well-acted piece of the period of January to June 2009. you if you already know everything exceptionally good cinema. The latter film went on to become the about it? AS Avatar fatigue sets in, it Director Danny Boyle decided to highest grossing film overall for that is worth remembering the success of take a more subtle approach when same period, with Avatar looking set Slumdog Millionaire, which exempli- marketing his ground-breaking hit of to follow suit in the same period of fies how sometimes less is more. last January. Boyle did not set any of this year. Avatar justified advertising costs by becoming the largest grossing film ever REFreshers pick of the pics Youth in Revolt The Yellow Handkerchief

warning – for those of you who are tired veryone has been on the edge of their of seeing Michael Cera type cast as a seats in anticipation, waiting for Kirsten Ageeky, awkward, absolutely clueless EStewart to deliver a performance in a about girls teenage boy, Youth In Revolt may film that is worthy of commendation. From not be the film for you…at least half of the the preview clips and trailer of her upcoming time. film The Yellow Handkerchief, all it seemed to For part of the film, Cera plays Nick Twisp. take was a southern accent. Set in the lush Much like his roles in previous outings such green countryside of post-Katrina Louisiana, as Superbad and Nick and Norah’s Infinite it tells the story of three strangers over two Playlist, Nick Twisp is a self conscious young generations, who set out on a road trip un- guy who has absolutely no idea how to get sure of their destination and in search of the a girl. answers to the questions of their past. Lonely However, Cera also plays Francois Dilinger, and troubled teenager, Martine, played by K- Nick’s French alter ego. He’s bad, real bad. Stew, takes a chance on an uncomfortable This makes him the perfect guy to win the af- young roamer Gordy, played by British born 70’s porno taches are making a comeback Kristen Stewart - not such a fan of the ‘tache fections of the morally defunct but gorgeous Eddie Redmayne. She jumps into his convert- Sheeni Saunders, played by newcomer Por- ible looking to escape her family and he hap- loosely on a short story by renowned writer tia Doubleday. Having created an imaginary Hangover, so some hilarious performances pily obliges with the hope of getting close to Peter Hamill, is at its core a love story and friend to help him win over Sheeni and, of should be on the cards. The script is based her. They soon come across ex-convict Brett a cure for loneliness. With a good cast and a course, lose his virginity, Nick embarks on a upon the 1993 novel of the same name, writ- played by Academy Award winner William somewhat hopeful storyline, The Yellow Hand- quest that leads to public nudity, arson and ten by C.D. Payne. It was well received and Hurt who is just released from prison after kerchief looks set to be a breath of fresh air grand theft auto. went on to spawn three sequels, so producers serving six years on a manslaughter charge. and reality check from the cheesy love stories The film’s setup pitches Cera into the kind Dimension Films seem to have good source He’s now a drifter estranged from his wife and that will be inundating our screens this valen- of slapstick and innocent victim routines that material on their hands. looking for a new life while still wrestling with tines day. I have high hopes and my fingers he has already carved a career out of. He also Youth in Revolt is in theatres now. Check it the idea that he should return to his old one crossed for an insightful slice of a modern plays alongside Justin Long, Steve Buscemi out and see Michael Cera’s full, er, range. and the wife he left behind. The film, based American Dream. and Zach Galifiankis, the hairy one from The by Will Grant ETA: Out Now! by Laura McKnight ETA: February 12th Page 22 Refreshers 2010 Arts Fame, Phonies and the ‘Catcher Cult’ J.D. Salinger: An Obituary

By Alan Vance angst ridden teenagers (and adults) the better part of sixty years then But to any fan of Catcher in the and that lingering dissatisfaction across the globe. you have to work with the little infor- Rye these are unimportant triviali- that things are not what they should Arts Editor Yet it was the very recognition and mation on offer. ties, the big question on the mind be—goddamn phonies! Young notoriety of the novel that brought There is however some verifiable of any Salinger fan is: will we get people in Salinger’s work have this verybody loves a recluse. about Salinger’s withdrawal from facts about the life of the writer to read the secret cache of up to ability to see through it all, right to They have that wonderful and the public eye. Although fame is re- amongst all the stories and here’s a 15 (supposedly) unpublished works the rotten core of society, trouble is paradoxical talent of draw- E nowned for being a fickle creature brief biographical outline for those that were hidden away for the past they lack that protective cynical bub- ing attention to and creating stories we still find it odd, in this celebrity that are interested. Born on New 20 years? ble Holden’s character is often mis- around themselves by doing precise- obsessed culture of ours, that some- Year’s to a Jewish Father and a Scots- The opportunity to renew our ac- diagnosed as a teen rebel, I have to ly nothing, the more they hide away one would choose to hide themselves Irish Mother, his school history often quaintance with the pen, typewriter, say I never really got that impression the more we want to know. The late away from all unwarranted attention. mirrors that of Holden’s and was whatever that gave us Holden Caul- for me there is no protest on his part J. D. Salinger (who died aged 91 Yet I feel there is something impor- sent to military school at the age of field will have Salinger fans chomp- just suffering. Holden rests between on Wednesday 27th January 2010, tant to be learned from Salinger’s 15 where he began writing at night ing at the bit for months to come not two states, a longing for innocence, of natural causes) was one such example, one that ties in closely by torchlight under the covers of his to mention the lucky publishers who an escape from the corrupting influ- figure. After the publication of his with the ethos of Holden Caulfield. bed. will make a fortune if the rights are ence of civilisation as seen by his seminal novel The Catcher in the Rye Namely: fame makes you a phony During WWII Salinger takes part ever handed over. desire to be ‘the catcher in the rye’ Salinger and his teenage alter-ego (to borrow one of Holden’s favourite in the Normandy landings, meets In a rare 1974 interview with The and the realisation that to live in the Holden Caulfield were thrust into the expressions); you can either choose Ernest Hemingway, begins a rela- New York Times, Salinger explained: world requires a certain amount of limelight and became the voices for to buy into the game and pretend to tionship with German woman Oona “There is a marvelous peace in not responsibility, a role he passes on to be something you’re not, or forsake O’Neill and sees his first short story publishing ... I like to write. I love his sisiter Phoebe, the books voice it entirely. “the Young Folks published in 1940. to write. But I write just for myself of clera-eyed common sense. Whilst it may appear childish to Hospitalised after the war for com- and my own pleasure.” Whilst I can As with any widely read novel there some to equate Salinger’s views bat stress reaction Salinger later admire his dedication to his writing will be numerous reasons as to why with Holden’s, the writer’s views on turned to Zen Buddhism, Kriya Yoga there seems to me something self- it and its characters endure so per- his own literary status and output Hinduism. This fascination with east- ish in the act of ferreting away all haps its best to let Salinger tell us show a remarkable humility and ‘un- ern religion would continue through- your work so that it gathers dust in why, “The boy himself is at once too phoniness’ . When asked during a out his life. a drawer somewhere. It’s almost simple and too complex for us to court case in the late 80’s what he Anyone familiar with his daughter cruel that the joy that Salinger got in make any final comment about him had been working on for the past 20 Margaret’s biography (urine drink- creating the stories is being denied and or his story. Perhaps the saf- years, Salinger replied “Just a work ing and Christian Science) or Joyce to the general public. I don’t know est thing we can say about Holden of fiction,” he said. “That’s all. That’s Maynard’s account of her affair with about you but I think it’s time for a is that he was born in the world not the only description I can really give the then 53 year old writer (May- call to arms--demand your literature just strongly attracted to beauty but it … It’s almost impossible to define. nard was eighteen at the time) will folks, no one else is going to do it hopelessly impaled on it.” I work with characters, and as they perhaps see in Salinger’s reclusive- for you. Salinger’s litereary creations have develop, I just go on from there.” I ness something darker but this ap- For many readers Salinger’s novel been small in number but enormous suppose in Salinger’s case that he pears to be only part of the story as played a crucial role in defining the in impact and will surely continue to really wants us to consider the Au- his son Matt wrote to the New York isolation and bewilderment that we have a great influence on the read- thor as dead and instead celebrate Times following the publication of all felt during our formative years ing and writing of people of all ages the novel for what it is without suc- his sister’s book “I can’t say with (if you didn’t then you’re either for generations to come and, who cumbing to idol worship. any authority that she is consciously dead or due a really early mid-life knows, by then the lucky kids might This is mere speculation on my making anything up. I just know that crisis) Holden’s authentic 1940’s have a new J.D. Salinger book(s) to J.D. Salinger: part and may seem horrendously I grew up in a very different house, New York teen-speak has the mar- savour. At least they will if I have Jan 1 1919 - Jan 27 2010 simplistic, but when your subject with two very different parents from velous capacity to help us relive anything to say about it. has hidden away from the world for those my sister describes.” the language, emotional turbulence Oscar Wilde: Sacrificial Lamb? of Oscar. If they didn’t, Queensbury threat by Scotland Yard and the Spe- the establishment of the time. It life and it was widely believed at the By was willing to risk it all and make cial Branch that he was monitored was well known amongst the upper time that this was due to pressure Alex Davidson public his belief that the prime min- and on occasion warned off pursu- classes that young aristocrats often exerted by his father; Francis, un- ister himself, Archibald Primrose, ing certain avenues of enquiry. experimented with their sexuality in able to countenance the destruction n the 14th of February 1895, 5th Earl of Rosebery was not only a So what was it that triggered this adolescence and that some contin- of the career of his friend felt that OThe Importance of Being Ear- bugger and a homosexual but that he moral panic? What was it that would ued this experimentation into adult- suicide was the only way to prevent nest premiered in St James’s Theatre was also directly responsible for the force the authorities to make Wilde a hood. a scandal. in London’s West End. It was to be death of Queensberry’s oldest son martyr for love and the Cause? However it was vital that the press Eight days after the opening of The Oscar Wilde’s greatest triumph. Wil- and heir, Francis Douglas, Viscount In the summer of 1889 whilst os- and the public were shielded from Importance of Being Earnest an en- de was on top form that night and Drumlanrig. tensibly investigated a theft from the this knowledge, if not key members raged Queensberry visited Wilde’s few of his friends, fans or members The late eighteen hundreds had London Central Telegraph Office, a of the government and aristocracy club to accuse him outright of bug- of the audience would have realised seen a sort of moral panic emerge Police Constable called Luke Hanks would find themselves at the mercy gery. Wilde was elsewhere however the significance of the smattering in the tabloids of the day and in soci- unwittingly uncovered a network of blackmailers and would be un- so the illiterate Marquess instead of police officers keeping a watch- ety in general that the upper classes of male prostitutes centring on the able to carry out their official roles left a card on which he had scrawled, ful eye on the doors of the theatre. were in decline, prone to perversion premises of 19 Cleveland Street near and duties, leading to a wholesale ‘For Oscar Wilde posing as a Som- They were there to guard against one and to strange vices and that this to London’s West End. undermining of faith in the aristoc- domite’. man; John Sholto Douglas, 9th Mar- was undermining Great Britain’s The prostitutes mostly consisted racy-some even feared a Socialist of Oscar was forced to defend his quess of Queensberry. ability to produce the bold, forth- of telegraph boys and of post office Marxist revolution. name and livelihood by taking Queensberry felt that Wilde had right, healthy and most importantly employees- the clients however were On the 18th of October, 1894- Queensbury to court for libel. Al- corrupted his son, Lord Alfred ‘Bosie’ heterosexual men needed to lead an altogether different class of per- exactly one month after becoming though the authorities were not un- Douglas and that his family name, and populate the British empire. The son. Amongst them was rumoured to engaged Francis Douglas was found sympathetic to Wilde (they gave him his heritage and the Douglas’ place end of the century was seen as a be a number of aristocrats with lib- dead from a single gunshot wound. ample opportunity to flee to Europe) in history was in jeopardy. time of decadence and decay akin to eral leanings who would later go on The round had entered his head the writing was on the wall; to keep It is impossible to tell what was go- the latter days of Rome by some and to take senior positions within Lord through the mouth and exited below Queensberry quiet, for the sake of ing through the 9th Marques’s mind for Queensbury, it was Rosebery and Rosebery’s government. his nose. the Prime Minister, the Queen and as he prowled the streets adjacent to Wilde that personified the slide into One of the clients pursued by the No one was witness to the event the future of Great Britain-Wilde St James that night, accompanied by Sodom and Gomorrah of the fin de Police was Lord Arthur Somerset, although some did recall hearing would have to be sacrificed. Perse- his favourite prize fighter-but his goal siècle generation. equerry to the Prince of Wales. It ‘a muffled deadened report’. It was cuted for the love that dare not speak was simple; he was there to provoke That Francis Douglas and Rosebery was broadly hinted in the press at suggested at the time that Douglas its name, on 25 May 1895 Wilde was Wilde into legal action. Queensbury were close friends no one would deny the time that the Prince of Wales’ el- may have accidently discharged the convicted of gross indecency and knew that if he could force Wilde but some saw something else in the dest son, Prince Albert Victor, grand- gun whilst crossing a stile or fence- sentenced to two years’ hard labour. into court then the odds would be favouritism that Rosebery bestowed son of Queen Victoria and second in possible but unlikely as Douglas’ The judge, Mr Justice Wills described stacked in his favour and he almost on Francis. Whither there was ever line to the throne at that time had body was found close to a large and the sentence as “totally inadequate certainly felt that the powers that be any truth in the rumours we will per- also visited Cleveland Street perhaps impenetrable hedge and nowhere for a case such as this,” although it would be forced to make an example haps never know but Queensberry with Lord Arthur. The ensuing scan- near a fence or stile. It seemed there- was the maximum sentence he could was considered a serious enough dal and court proceedings worried fore that Francis had taken his own impose. Refreshers 2010 Page 23 Arts

ArtsGreat Hamster massacre Wins The Boy racer Waterstone’s Prize Debut author Katie Davies, who is married to comedian and QI regu- lar Alan Davies has won this year’s Waterstone’s children’s book prize for her story describing the various ways in which small furry pets can go to the big Habitrail in the sky. Done Good The prize is awarded annually to authors writing for seven to thirteen year olds who have written nice characters, people generally but you don’t know that at the time.” cultures projected onto us that it be- two fiction titles or fewer and is By Will Grant presume that you must be a sound “Oh, and American Psycho.” he comes very difficult to extricate what chosen by Waterstone’s booksell- Film Editor guy. I wanted to write a book about gasps “That was like a fucking bomb our indigenous culture is.” ers across the country. The award a prick. If you successfully create going off! It goes somewhere that no After sitting being indulged in his is now in its sixth year and con- lan Bissett was once a teach- that character, and it feels real to the other book does. It’s so, so dark and thoughts on everything from the anti- sists of £5000 for the first placed er. He actually taught English reader, they then associate you with so relevant.” Thatcher movement in 1980’s art, to entrant and ongoing support at my old secondary school, A them. If people who haven’t met me It was these influences, as well the possible warping effects that free from Waterstone’s for the winning albeit two years before I started as his friends and teachers who in- to view internet porn may have on fu- author. “studying” there. It’s somewhat fit- “American Psycho. That tuitively knew to push his talent for- ture generations, Alan tells me about ting then, that as I’m waiting for the ward, that lead him to enrol in an what the new year has in store for 34 year old author to arrive to our was like a fucking bomb undergraduate degree in English Lit- him. He will be touring his one man National trust interview, I feel like the kid who has going off.” erature at Stirling University in 1992, show The Moira Monologues, where shown up to class without his home- where he graduated with a first and goes green work. obtained his masters. He’s since “When you write books The National trust has vowed to Sitting in the Cafe Rio in Glasgow’s yet think that I’m this arsehole in real taught students in both primary and cut its use of fossil fuels in half West End, I’m desperately trawling life, then I know that I’ve done my job secondary schools, and lectured at about nice characters, over the next ten years. The trust, through his debut novel, Boyracers. properly.” Leeds and Glasgow. people generally which owns some of Great Britain’s Having only recently been introduced What follows is, much like his books, It’s in Glasgow that he now spends most famous buildings and is the to his literary works, I’m digging a thrilling verbal flume ride, touching the bulk of his time. “When I was presume that you UK’s largest private landowner cur- through this book for the raw mate- upon every iconic image of Western living in Leeds, I was dying to get must be a sound guy. I rently spends nearly £6m a year on rial to ask him some probing ques- pop culture for the past thirty years. back to Scotland.” he admits. “The electricity, oil and gas. tions. I’m also enjoying every second A ball of energy, Alan peppers the air creative writing scene was producing wanted to write a book The trust intends to achieve the re- of it. with his passions in life in quick fire writers of my generation. As a young about a prick.” duction by installing wood burning His frenetic and touching debut Scottish writer, I needed to be in stoves in a number of its mansions work centres around teenaged Alvin Glasgow. I also had fond childhood and by investing in renewable such Allison, who spends his free time memories of Glasgow. I used to sup- he plays the hardest single mother as solar and wind power. The trust cruising the streets of Falkirk with his port Rangers when I was a boy and I in Falkirk. He will also be showing already has over 140 renewable en- best friends in a car named Belinda. used to go to Forbidden Planet to buy a short film that he wrote and nar- ergy systems in place across Eng- It seems to echo what I know of Alan Marvel comics.” rated, The Shutdown, at the Falkirk’s land, Wales and Northern Ireland. Bissett’s upbringing. Like Alvin, and It’s clear to me then, that as much Hippo Drome (it airs in February), North of the border, the National many of us, he spent his teenage as he and his print counterpart and a film version of Boyracers is trust for Scotland has voiced simi- years trying to outrun the pivotal de- needed to remove themselves from also in the pipe line. lar aims, drafting a paper in 2003 cision to leave for his future, or stay the restrictions of Falkirk , it is an in- At the moment though, he is work- outlining its commitment to renew- for his pals. extricable part of them. “I’ve never ing on the book’s follow up, titled able energy. wanted to completely detach myself Pack Men. It’s set mainly around “All the best art comes from Falkirk. I need that bedrock. the UEFA cup final of 2008, and sees Mission Inevitable The source of my energy comes Alvin reunited with his friends from from conflict. Culture mainly from there, and I need to go the first book, and trying to recon- Moving picture fans may or may is messy. Scots, lin- back to top up in....reality.” nect with his roots. It seems his new not be pleased to hear that it is Scotland is rooted in his writing, novel will act, once again, as a sound- likely Tom Cruise will return for a guistically, have one and it seems unlikely that he could ing board for our times. “This book fourth Mission: Impossible film. culture that they grow get the creative rocket fuel that he is born from a recession, not a boom Cruise was dropped from the fran- pours into his impressive literary and like the original. That’s the main dif- chise in 2006 due to ‘erratic behav- up with, especially if stage performances in such great ference tonally, but it’s far from de- iour’ by Paramount Studios parent you’re working class” quantities anywhere else. Scottish pressing. It’s definitely a lot lighter company Viacom. literatures takes its unique voice, he than Ladies Man.” In the aftermath of the fallout says, from the underlying conflict Before pausing to check that I was Cruise set up his own studio to de- succession - Stephen King, David between our Scottish identity and aware of what Pac-Man was, he con- velop future features however it now Alan arrives, greets me and asks if I Bowie, the collective works of Mar- the oppressive forces of English and tinues “There’s something about that appears that Cruise’s funny turn is would like a drink. I tell him that I’d tin Scorsesee, Rangers, Suede and American hegemony. image that just works for these times. over and that both Paramount and love a coffee. He grins and says that his greatest love - Pink Floyd. He ex- “All the best arts come from con- You’re running about manically con- Viacom think that there is absolute- he had something a little stronger in plains to me that he sees every thing flicts like that. Culture is messy. suming everything, but the ghosts ly nothing unusual about the star’s mind. The spritely looking author in his life, every challenge and every Identities are messy. Scots, linguisti- are still there to get you. They’ll get behaviour or belief in aliens from sits across from me, glass of wine creative process “through the prism cally, have one culture that they grow you in the end.” outer space. Mission: Impossible IV in hand, and I realise how much of of the Floyd”. up with, especially if you’re working is due to be realised on Memorial his free-spirited young creation I see He recounts the creative influences class. We have so many different Day weekend, 2011. in him. He is Alvin, just a few years that lead him toward writing. “The down the road. first adult book I read was a book This little piggy “I think he and I definitely do have called Weaveworld by Clive Barker. alot in common.” he reflects. “I felt It was this dark, adult book that had like the outcast at school like Alvin sex and violence. That just expanded dies for ‘art’ does. I couldn’t fit in with that ho- my horizons.” Celebrated electronic musician mogenous, label wearing, shiny, hap- He stops, as he often does to check Mathew Herbert has been thwarted py crowd at school. It’s not a million the air for cultural relevancy by ask- in his plans to record the death miles from what I felt then, to how he ing if I’d heard of Clive Barker be- of a real, live pig. Herbert had feels in the novel.” fore. He seems to be sensitive to his planned to document the life of a There isn’t, however, such an obvi- age (he chastises himself for using pig through sound and had already ous translation between the amoral the term “young people”), and un- recorded the being born and being Charlie Bain, the womanising protag- aware of his seemingly effortless alive parts but was prevented from onist from Alan’s latest novel, and the ability to tap into the language of the recording the pig’s death by a vet. man I’m faced with. “I think it would mainstream. The musician was unable to find an be disingenuous to say that there “When I first read Catcher in The abattoir which would allow him to are no connections between me and Rye, I didn’t know anyone else had record his pig’s slaughter but did him, but not as many as people think read it. I was like “what is this?” eventually find a farmer willing to there are. It’s the question that now because it didn’t have an illustrated allow him to do so. However a vet defines that book. Are you him?” cover or a blurb. It was just a title present at the slaughter forbade The assumption that he actually is and a book. I read that and it blew Herbert from recording the pig’s fi- the characters that he writes about my fucking head off. Obviously, you nal moments and so the death will doesn’t seem to entirely bother know now that it blows every sensi- not feature in the artists One Pig him. “When you write books about tive, intelligent teenager’s head off, Alan Bissett: From Boy Racer to Bestseller project. Page 24 Refreshers 2010 Sport Fixtures/Results/Tables

Results As we’re half way through the University year, and the BUCS leagues are drawing to a close. Let’s ixtures see how our Stirling teams are ranking: Men’sF

Men’s First Team Results From Festival Break Badminton Stirling 12-0 Abertay Basketball Stirling 87-74 St Andrews Football Men’s 1st Team Men’sMen’s 1st 1st Team Team Edinburgh 0-1 Stirling Stirling 6-0 Strathclyde Golf BUCS Football - Scottish Conference Ashurst BUCS Golf - Scottish Conference Stirling 5-5 St Andrew Hockey W D L Pts W D L Pts Stirling 0-2 Edinburh Stirling 4 3 1 15 St Andrews 4 0 1 12 Lacrosse Aberdeen 1-11 Stirling Heriot-Watt 4 2 2 14 Stirling 3 2 0 11 Stirling 1-11 St Andrews Stirling 8-8 Edinburgh Glasgow 4 2 2 14 St Andrews 2 1 2 7 Table Tennis Edinburgh 2 0 3 6 Stirling 3-14 St Andrews Edinburgh 1 3 4 6 Stirling 17-0 Edinburgh Strathclyde 1 2 5 5 Strathclyde 1 1 3 4 Tennis Stirling 0-10 Loughborough Dundee 0 2 3 2 Leeds 7-3 Stirling

February’s Fixtures Badminton Robert Gordons (A) 27/02 Women’s 1st Team Men’sMen’s 1st 1st Team Team Football UWE Hartpury (A) 10/02 BUCS Lacrosse - Scottish Conference Lacrosse PricewaterhouseCoopers BUCS Hockey York (A) 10/02 P W D L Pts Rugby W D L Pts Dundee (A) 17/02 St Andrews 7 7 0 0 21 Table Tennis Glasgow 2 1 0 7 Edinburgh 7 5 1 1 16 Heriot-Watt (A) 10/02 Edinburgh N 2 0 1 6 Tennis Stirling 7 3 1 3 10 College London (H) 10/02 Stirling 1 1 1 4 Volleyball Aberdeen 8 2 0 6 6 Glasgow (A) 07/02 St Andrews 0 0 3 0 Heriot-Watt (H) 14/02 Glasgow 7 0 0 7 0 Strathclyde (H) 14/02 Heriot-Watt (H) 28/02

Women’s First Team Results From Festival Break Men’sMen’s 1st 1st Team Team Men’s 1st Team Hockey Stirling 2-2 Edinburgh Kukri BUCS Netball - Scottish Conference BUCS Rugby Union - Scottish Conference Lacrosse Aberdeen 8-2 Stirling P W D L Pts Glasgow 26-0 Stirling P W D L Pts Edinburgh 7 6 1 0 19 Edinburgh 22-1 Stirling Heriot-Watt 4 3 0 1 9 Stirling 1-21 Edinburgh Aberdeen 6 5 0 1 15 Stirling 1-21 St Andrew St Andrews 3 3 0 0 9 Netball Heriot-Watt 7 2 1 4 7 Stirling 32-25 Glasgow Stirling 4 3 0 1 9 Tennis Dundee 7 2 0 5 6 Glasgow 0-10 Stirling Glasgow C 5 1 0 4 3 Volleyball Stirling 7 1 0 6 3 Aberdeen 3-0 Stirling Glasgow 4 0 0 4 0 Stirling 1-3 Edinburgh Robert Gordon 0-3 Stirling

February’s Fixtures Football Glasgow (A) 10/02 Men’sMen’s 1st 1st Team Team MixedMixed 1st 1st Team Team Stirling (H) 24/02 Lacrosse Barclays BUCS Tennis - Premier BUCS Badminton - Scottish Conference - Mixed Loughborough (H) 10/02 P W D L Pts Netball P W D L Pts Glasgow (A) 13/02 Edinburgh Napier 2 1 1 1 4 St Andrews (A) 20/02 Leeds Metro 10 9 0 1 27 Heriot-Watt (A) 27/02 Stirling 2 1 1 1 4 Rugby Loughborough 10 9 0 1 27 Edinburgh (H) 17/02 Abertay 2 1 0 0 0 Tennis Manchester 9 4 1 4 13 St Andrews (H) 10/02 Stirling 9 4 0 5 12 Strathclyde (H) 17/02 Aberdeen (A) 17/02 Cambridge 10 2 1 7 7 Dundee (A) 24/02 Volleyball Nottingham 10 0 0 10 0 Glasgow (A) 14/02 Heriot-Watt (A) 14/02 Heriot-Watt (H) 28/02 Everybody prefers someone with a bit of experience...

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Take part from February 15th 2010 Page 26 Re-freshers 2010 Sport Banging the Drum: A revolution in table tennis By Iain Clark to one of the youngster’s parents. “Terry has helped big time,” she Sports Editor says. “Getting kids off the street, encouraging them to get into some- thing after school, it’s fantastic. Half It doesn’t look like much, but the kids would be out on the street if “you’ll never have seen a club like this club wasn’t on.” this,” says Terry McLernon, head But why is McLernon one of the coach at Drumchapel Table Tennis many people in Scotland who give Club, as he swings open the door to up so much of their time to giving what he believes is ‘the best club in Scotland’s youngsters the best pos- the world’. sible chance of reaching their high- He’s right. It doesn’t look like est level in sport? much. In fact, walking towards the “I love it. You see them down there; club you would be forgiven for think- you’ve never seen a club like this. ing that this is a derelict building, in Nobody has ever seen a club like a languid area of Glasgow. this. There’s no madness, no blow- However, once you step inside, it is ing whistles, no telling them to stop. clear that this is a pearl in a pud- We give them an exercise for 15 min- dle. It may not be the most modern utes, they get it right or get it wrong, sporting facility Glasgow has to of- it doesn’t matter to us. They enjoy fer but what goes on between these it.” walls is changing lives and influenc- McLernon’s attitude towards the ing the future of Scottish sport. youngsters he coaches is that if they Founded in 1989, with a view to enjoy what they do, everyone wins. taking youngsters off the streets of The club’s success is a product of Top of the table: Terry McLernon’s philosophy has placed Drumchapel on the Scottish sporting map Drumchapel and introducing them his philosophy, and as table tennis to sport, the club began in a large All four walls of the room are plas- to fight and I’d run down with my out in the sport. “He’s number one continues to expand in the area, it hall with one table. 20 years on, tered with photographs displaying wee bat and go and play sport. in Scotland at his age,” Terry says, seems Drumchapel is destined to Drumchapel Table Tennis Club has snapshots of the history of the club. When he was 18, McLernon gained as one boy passes, “She’s the best serve itself towards further silver- developed into one of the most suc- Two glass cabinets stand in the cor- his coaching award and began to 9-year-old in the country”, he says ware in the sport. cessful clubs in Britain. ner of the room, bursting with sil- coach in Drumchapel. “It’s been fan- of a young girl. With the Commonwealth Games Inside the club, the hall is packed verware, trophies, and evidence of a tastic ever since,” he says. 30 years “They will get to where they want coming to the city in four years time, with 14 table tennis tables. Over- successful sporting club. later, his passion for coaching young to go,” says the passionate coach. McLernon believes every youngster looking the hall is a room in which However, the real history of the table tennis players is still strong. “The most important thing at this in Drumchapel will be involved in the players are preparing for prac- club lies with one man. The locals Inside the hall, 30 youngsters are club is that we only have one num- some way. tice. The room is bustling with con- know him as ‘God’. Born and raised going through their paces in the ber 1 every year. We have 60, 70, “Scotstoun [the table tennis venue versation, nine-year-old beginners ‘up the hill’ in Drumchapel, McLer- warm up. Press ups, sit-ups, jog- 100 other players, another 300 in for the Games in 2014] is four min- chatting with 50-year-old veterans. non admits that he fell into the same ging around the room. Chart songs the primary schools and we have to utes away from our club, there’s not A snack stall has been set up, trap as a number of youngsters in ricochet around the hall through a work with them as well. Number one a primary school in the area that where the players can stock up on the area do. sound system. “The music keeps gets what he has to get and everyone we’re not coaching in. By the time energy before they play. Working the However, table tennis saved him. them focused and calm,” McLernon else gets the same level of attention, the Games come, every youngster in till is a 10-year-old boy, one of the After one night at the local youth says. the same talk, same laughs. There’s Drumchapel will understand Table young players. “There are no rules club, McLernon found something he In the group are a mixture of girls no difference.” Tennis. It’s going to be fantastic.” here, but there is a discipline. All enjoyed, and he was hooked. “After I and boys. A number of them are You gauge a real sense of the the kids know how to work the tills,” went to youth club I never went fight- the best in the country at their age impact this man and his club has says McLernon. ing again. My pals used to run down group while several are only starting made on the community speaking From Stirling to South Africa: One students’ year of change

By Iain Clark accepted into the academy and given at me, whether I’ve had 5 bad games a year to prove his worth. in a row and I need to get out of a Sports Editor “I basically threw the kitchen sink in rut, I will get out of it. Everyone has when I got to South Africa. The Acad- hat a difference a year makes. a poor session but it’s the ones who emy switched me between lock and In January 2009, Ross can come out and say, ‘I played badly W flank, which I was happy with and I Doneghan was preparing to start an- today but I can learn from it.’ If you played lock and flanker for the Bor- other semester at The University of hit rock bottom you can only go up.” der Bulldogs under-21.” Stirling while playing Premiership Although he admits that his thoughts Doneghan’s attitude both on and Division Two rugby for Stewarts Mel- are currently channelled towards per- off the field was rewarded with vice ville FP. forming to the best of his abilities for captaincy for provincial side as well Later this month, the 21-year-old, Border Bulldogs in the coming sea- as being named as pack leader. In- whose brother Michael is a part of son, he does state: “the goal is to deed, he made such an impression the National Academy, will begin his play pro rugby in Scotland.” in the age-group fixtures that he was life as a professional rugby player in Border Bulldogs will begin their Vo- called up to play for the senior outfit, South Africa with provincial side Bor- dacom Cup season next month and featuring for the final 20 minutes of der Bulldogs. while he is aware he will be one of Bulldogs’ Currie Cup encounter with Having spent the past 10 months the youngest players in the squad, Falcons. at the South African Rugby Legends Doneghan is determined to impress. The Linlithgow-born flanker’s run Academy in the Border province, “I’ll be the youngest flanker there so of form led to selection to attend the Doneghan has propelled himself I’ll have to go and play my best to get prestigious Investec Academy, run from an amateur with ability to a pro- a spot. The sky’s the limit, I’ve just by former Springbok Dick Muir and fessional with potential. got to play well,” he said. ex-All Black Murray Mexted. “It was After missing out on selection for If the ambitious flanker continues amazing, the talent was really good,” the Scotland under-20’s squad in with the attitude he has adopted in he recalled of the weeklong training 2008, Doneghan, instead of throw- South Africa, the coming year will un- camp, which took place in November. ing in the towel, took it upon himself doubtedly follow on from the success “I worked on a one-to-one basis with to instigate his own development in of the past 12 months. Murray Mexted, it was amazing to the game. “I really wanted to make have that wealth of knowledge to tap the Scotland under-20’s squad and I into.” Get the scoop was pretty gutted that it didn’t hap- As well as developing as a player, pen so I just took affirmative action Doneghan pinpoints the greatest for myself,” he said. Check out: benefit of his time in South Africa Taking advice from former Scotland has been improving on his skills ‘up- www.brignewspaper.com forwards and Glasgow coach, Hugh stairs’, improving significantly on Campbell, Doneghan sent footage of his mental toughness on and off the himself in action to John Allan, the field. for the latest sports chief executive of the Academy. Allan Former Stirling University student Ross Donehan, aged 21, has put his “I like to think that I’ve got the men- stories and opinions books aside to pursue a career in rugby liked what he saw and Doneghan was tal attitude that whatever is thrown Re-freshers 2010 Page 27 Sport Tennis scholar Joe has a smashing time who also won a first round qualifier too.” pete at that level which gives them a By David Christie at the ITF Futures Tour event at Scot- The 21-year-old only lost one set in focus in training. It is a big individual stoun in the same week, another sign his four wins, defeating Chris Angue- win for Joe who has improved a lot he is on course to his 2010 target of lov 6-1, 6-3 in the semi-final and over the last six months. He has put University of Stirling tennis some world ranking points. claiming the scalps of his fellow Uni- a lot of work in and been getting the Ascholar went a step further to “It’s definitely another step in the versity sports scholars James Saker results which will give him the confi- earning some world ranking points right direction,” said Gill, rated 3.1, (6-0, 6-0) and Jordan McCulloch dence going into a busy calendar of with a great victory on home soil. whose win moves him into the top (7-6, 6-4). Gill is now two wins to one events. It is brilliant to be able to host Joe Gill, from Sheffield upset the 50. “I have proved to myself I can up on McCulloch, having also beaten that level of tournament and we are odds to win the AEGON British Tour win this type of tournament, beating him on his way to the Scottish Grand very keen to increase the number of – his first tour event win in his career a guy who has plenty of experience Prix final in November. events here at Stirling.” - at the Gannochy National Tennis and has been winning these tourna- And he believes the on-court rivalry In other tennis news, first year Centre. ments for a long time. with his Stirling team-mates is all Sports Studies student Gordon Reid Gill, a fourth year Sport and Politics “The next move is to try and get into healthy. Gill added: “Games against collected the men’s wheelchair dou- student, defeated number two seed the main draw at a Futures event. I Jordan [McCulloch] have become like bles title at the Adelaide Wheelchair Ian Samuels to take the second of won a qualifier, but you need to win needle matches as it can determine Tennis Open in Victoria, Australia. the Lawn Tennis Association’s (LTA) three matches to make the draw and who is picked as the top University The British No.1 teamed up with fel- 2010 British Tour events. Surrey four to pick up world ranking points. player. We don’t speak to one anoth- low Brit Marc McCarroll and the top player Samuels boasts a 1.2 rating, It will be tough, but with the tourna- er when we are on court, but it’s a seeds clinched their second ITF 3 Se- just 0.1 off the highest rank available ment win under my belt, I am a lot friendly rivalry and we bring out the ries men’s doubles title in successive for domestic players, but Gill was in more confident. At the start of the best in one another.” weeks, having won the Queensland uncompromising mood, winning 7-5, year, my coach Euan [McGinn] said I University of Stirling High Perfor- Open in Brisbane. In both matches 4-6, 6-3. needed to develop a more attacking mance Tennis Coach Euan McGinn they played Australia’s Michael Dob- Victory brought with it a cheque for game and he has worked hard with said: “For our scholars to have done bie and Ben Weekes, this time win- £400, but more importantly for Gill, me on it so the win is credit to him so well lets them know they can com- ning 6-2, 6-3. Stirling to compete at BUCS Stirling Albion to compare the Meerkats By Andrew Jenkin the club will be put in jeopodary. years before the rights would return on the back of their he BUCS Championships Sports Editor to Stirling Albion. shorts. Manchester T2010 returns to the City of “The reality is, if “The reality is, if we didn’t come up United have raked Sheffield for the third consecutive n a bid to stave off eviction from with something innovative like this, a huge £80million year. Again there will be a strong Itheir home ground, Stirling Albion we didn’t come up what’s the alternative?”. Paul Good- from shirt sponsor- contingent of Stirling students are considering a sponsorship pro- with something in- win, Supporters Group spokesper- ship in the past and competing for honours. Table posal from the insurance comparison son. Arsenal’s new sta- However, the SFA is likely to throw tennis and swimming are among site comparethemarket.com in which dium was built with they could see their name become novative like this, out the plan. A spokesman said: “Any the sponsorship of some of the competitions which the ‘Stirling Albion Meerkats’. what’s the alterna- proposed change of name would re- Emirates, however, the University have high hopes Stirling Council, who own Forth- quire to be submitted to the board should Stirling Al- for. Sports Union President bank Stadium, home of Stirling, have tive?” for consideration and approval. bion’s proposed stated “it’s great to have com- gone to court for the second time to “Given that a name change for com- move go through, recoup around £100,000 in unpaid petitions such as these and to The club is in a reported £1.5million mercial purposes would have huge it would be a fur- debt from the Scottish Second Di- in debt and has already survived two implications, the integrity of the ther indicator of see us competing with some of vision club. This has consequently game would be paramount in any an ever changing the best universities in Britain”. meant Stirling have had to seek al- winding-up orders in recent months. decision-making process.” ternative sources of income. The The proposed move to selling the commercial world Team sponsorship now goes well be- plan has been put forward by Stirling rights of Stirling Albion is expected in which football yond shirt sponsorship, in fact Leeds Banned journalist Albion supporter’s group who fear if to be blocked by the Scottish Foot- team need to seek United were so scrapped for cash drastic innovative action isn’t taken ball Association, however if it is suc- ways to compete. that in the 2004-2005 season that to speak at Stirling in the near future, the existence of cessful, Stirling Albion could take in went as far as sporting advertising leading investigative sports as much as £50,000 a year for five Ajournalist who special- ises in exposing corruption in sport reckons ‘you can’t believe what you read in the papers’. Basketball first team seal BUCS title Andrew Jennings, author of con- troversial books on the Olympic By Andrew Jenkin ning. “All the Scottish teams have been unfortunately be losing Chris (Cleary) Games (The Lords of the Rings) “This is probably the best team given away ties which is a little who’ll be graduating this year and and FIFA (Foul! The Secret World Sports Editor Stirling’s ever had. We’ve got a real strange, but the Edinburgh girls will it’ll be a much tougher league, but of FIFA: Bribes, Vote-rigging and chance to make an impact. It’s al- be around at the same time so we’ll we feel we’re up to the task”. have a little support!” Lodge pinpoints the reverse fixture Ticket Scandals) was speak- he Stirling University Basketball most a shame to that we’ve been The team’s strength can mainly be against Glasgow as the ultimate title ing ahead of a talk he will de- first team have won the BUCS drawn with the best team in Britain! T attributed to four of the five starters descider which left the fate of the liver at the University of Stirling title at the expense of Glasgow Uni- But on our day, if we play to our best, including Garreth, all of whom have title in Stirling’s hands. versity. we’ve got a chance”. on Thursday, 18 February. represented Scotland at Under 18s Having won through 85-73, Stirling The team now face Leeds University levels. never looked back and continued Edusport Develop- in the last 16 at the British Cham- “This is prob- Garreth, has also been selected for their form till the end of the season pionship. Should they win, they’ll ment to highlight ably the best team the Scotland team and expects the winning the league comfortably. play the quarter finals at the BUCS four first team players to be selected Regardless of whether they do lose Uni’s work in Zambia Championships in Sheffield later Stirling’s ever had. for the Scottish Universities team out against Leeds, the team have cer- next month. who will compete at the University tainly had a season to be proud of. Although considered one of the We’ve got a real n Saturday 20th February games in March. stronger teams at the start of the Stirling’s BUCS Results 2010 students are invited to a Team-mate Neil Fraser, who has O season, the side showed remarkable chance to make an Stirling v Glasgow A 79-82 Friend Of EduSport Development played alongside Lodge for many form throughout the season and re- Stirling v Strathclyde H 100-79 impact” seasons now has also been selected Day at Stirling University, Sports covered from a sluggish opening day Stirling v Heriot-Watt H 102-84 for the summer European Champion- Campus from 10-2pm with op- defeat to Glasgow to win through on Stirling v St Andrews A 71-64 ships along with Garreth. tion of social later in the evening. their head to head record against the If nothing else, the tie offers the Stirling v Strathclyde A 97-85 Already got his sights on the next The purpose behind this day is same side. team the chance to show they can Stirling v Glasgow H 85-73 BUCS campaign, Lodge believes it provide an insight to the work we Their success also means they’ve mix it up with the big boys on a big- Stirling v Heriot-Watt A 93-83 ger platform. will be harder next time round. “We’ll support in Zambia and to create been promoted to the BUCS North- Stirling v St Andrews H 87-74 a plan for 2010 with new ideas ern league where the Stirling v Leeds BUCS Scottish League 2009/2010 from new and existing volun- would be a regular fixture. Send us your stuff Leeds are known as one of the best W L F A Diff Pts teers and new friends joining our basketball sides in Britain and are Stirling 7 1 714 624 90 21 team. The aim for this event is one of the few universities that offer Glasgow 7 1 627 559 68 21 Send your match reports to raise awareness and a plan to scholarships, illustrating the magni- and team news to: develop our impact in Chawama tude of the task of defeating them. Heriot-Watt 3 5 648 680 -32 9 Community Compound and spe- However, captain Garreth Lodge Strathclyde 2 6 650 693 -43 6 sport@brignewspaper. cifically Chawama SEE School. believes if the team play to their po- St Andrews 1 7 549 632 -83 3 tentional, Stirling have a shot of win- com BUCS League Tables p24

Former Stirling student SPORT turns pro rugby player p26 Emphatic victory seals BUCS Championships for Uni footballers By Andrew Jenkin Sports Editor

On the last game of the season, Stirling University’s football team sealed back-to-back BUCS champi- onships with a stylish 6-0 home vic- tory over struggling Strathclyde While Stirling went into the match knowing only a victory would secure their retention of the Queen’s Park Shield, the game was also important to the travelling away side who knew only maximum points would prevent them ending the campaign with the wooden spoon. The game started in a scrappy manner with neither side able to cre- ate any clear cut chances however Stirling seized control of the match when Arnold-Smith broke the dead- lock ten minutes before the break, the home side never looked like los- ing. Fed through by a team-mate, Ar- nold-Smith dinked the ball over the on-rushing Strathclyde keeper in a collected manner. And in true double decker bus style, Stirling made it two in as many min- utes following a well-executed head- er from Swiss striker Abraham Keller taking his team into the half time in- terval with a comfortable cushion. However, Keller wasn’t finished there as he bagged a brace shortly after the interval, completing his hat-trick in the process. His two stunning long-range efforts left Strathclyde with a mountain to climb and offered little way back into the match. Substitute Craig Mason also got in Stirling’s First Team, having retained the BUCS Title, are hoping to add to a successful season with promotion to the East of Scotland Premier Division on the act adding a fifth with a pow- erful effort before completing the rout with an acrobatic volley late on. sidered a massive success went put ming. with a degree in Sport and Busi- The win saw Stirling leapfrog both in prospective of their sluggish start However, perhaps the champion- ness later this year said “it’s been a Heriot-Watt and the University of to the campaign. Winning just one of ship winning match was the team’s privilege to captain the side to con- Glasgow to poll position on the sea- their first five games and suffering a 1-0 victory over fierce rivals Edin- secutive victories. It’s obviously very son’s conclusion. The win conse- 1-5 home defeat against title rivals burgh on the 17th of January. In a pleasing and hopefully only the start quently means the scholars have the Heriot Watt claiming back-to-back scrappy affair, Stirling saw off Edin- of a successful season”. opportunity to qualify for the North BUCS championships seemed an burgh in a tight competitive encoun- Stirling’s next fixture after their en- Premier BUCS league in which they unlikely achievement. That 1-5 defeat ter which put the chance of winning counter with Hartpury will see them would face the likes of Leeds and was a cold awakening that captain consecutive BUCS Championships take on Selkirk in the first round of Manchester University. Graham Anderson described as “em- in Stirling’s hands. Anderson de- the Kings Cup. They must now travel to Gloucester barrassing”. scribed the win as a “team bonding to take on UWE Hartpury, who boast When talking to brig, Anderson mechanism”, which saw the side re- Stirling’s BUCS 09/10 For all the latest news, an impressive record in recent years. stated that for many reasons, winning gain their team spirit and ignite their sport and opinions, Results Hartpury finished top in their region- consecutive BUCS Championships desire to claim the prize of the top check out our new al group which included the Univer- was always going to be a struggle. team in Scotland. sity of Cardiff and the University of “We had a lot of injuries at the start That form has also transferred into Heriot-Watt 1:5 H website Bath and have been British Univer- of the season which meant it was the East of Scotland first division, Strathclyde 2:5 A sity Champions twice out of the past never going to be easy. It also seemed which has seen the students drop Glasgow 3:3 H three years. The match takes place teams would raise their games ac- just a mere three points out of a Edinburgh 2:2 H Twitter: next Wednesday (10th). knowledging the fact we were rein- possible 36. Should they manage to ing champion and one of the better maintain their form into the last 10 Heriot-Watt 1:1 A @brignewspaper- Should the team prevail against Glasgow 1:2 A UWE Hartpury, they will have to be teams in the country.” games (8 of which are on home turf) considered as one of the favourites The scholarship scheme, now in and gain promotion to the Premier Edinburgh 0:1 A Facebook: Strathclyde 6:0 H for the BUCS Championships of it’s second term, seems to be reap- Division, they would be ever nearer to Search Brig Newspaper which the Semi-Final and Final will ing the benefits of investing heavily the prospect of an entry to the Scot- be played at Brammall Lane, home in upcoming talent and saw the team tish Cup and the slim chance of a tie UWE Hartpury (To be played 10/02) of Sheffield United. go unbeaten for the rest of the sea- against the likes of the Old Firm. Winning the league must be con- son following that opening day drum- Anderson, who will be graduating