volume 8 - issue 13- tuesday, december 7, 2010 - uvm, burlington, vt uvm.edu/~watertwr - thewatertower.tumblr.com

vanessa denino

by leamclellan When the apocalypse comes, you will probably notice. But just in case you have your head stuck up your… your nose stuck in a book, then the water tower has compiled a list of occurrences that are very likely to take place in the event of an It’s difficult to know exactly when it Church Street. “My very bones I say!” he thing called ‘pestilence’ killed all of my all-out, Judgment Day type of emergency. will happen, but the latest predictions tell yelled emphatically to anyone who would livestock and I don’t know what that even us that the apocalypse will begin roughly listen. means!!” said Weener as she ran off into - All campus coffee destinations will stop around next week at 3 am, the night before Jeb wasn’t the only one feeling the the distance, crying hysterically. serving hot coffee. Only iced. Not the your scariest final. effects of impending disaster. Susie Weener’s testimony only solidifies Jeb’s worst thing that could happen, but why?? Don’t act so surprised. You know that Weener, a junior in the Colleges of Arts powerful hunch: the end is near. Students - No. Wi-Fi. Anywhere. Try Cat Paws, try sneaking, sinking feeling you have had and Sciences, is a firm beleiver that like Weener have taken refuge in Bailey UVM, try UVM Guest—nothing. lately? The one that tells you that this time, doomsday is near. Unlike Jeb’s vague but Howe, in an attempt to wait out the storm. - Your Adderall will have the same bodily you’re just not going to make it through intense feelings about the apocalypse, The library may seem like the appropri- effects as a six pack of warm beer. finals week? That you might Weener has actually experienced its hor- ate place to seek a safe haven during finals - You will run out of clean undies and not actually implode if you spend another find time to do laundry. hour in the library? You’re not being - The Marche will discontinue their dramatic or unreasonable. Something much more sinister famous macaroni and cheese. You You may actually implode. will lose three pounds. The Finals Apocalypse will start slowly. than a few all-nighters is in - Ben & Jerry’s will run out of every Maybe you will stay up studying a little flavor…except Mission to Marzipan. later than normal and feel a little drowsy store for the coming weeks. Gross :( the next day. Maybe one day you will - Little chicken wings will literally flutter rifying consequences first-hand. week, but we must warn you: this is where over Burlington and poop BBQ sauce on decide to drink three cups of coffee instead “I thought that the stress I was under the worst of the plagues will strike first. of two. Perhaps you will be overcome by your head. was more or less normal. I have two finals “Yeah, you guys probably shouldn’t - Swine Flu will make a raging comeback an inexplicable feeling of hopelessnes that and three huge research papers to write, come here,” said Elma the librarian. “Some will cause you to stay up until 2 am watch- and you will forget to wash your hands. so I was feeling pretty overwhelmed,” ex- really odd shit is going down,” she com- - People will have conversations using ing low-budget murder mysteries instead plained Weener. However, Weener soon mented. Shortly after we spoke, a swarm of writing that essay you no longer give a their “inside voices” in the Dana Library... realized that something much more sinis- of locusts descended upon her and ate a as if it was normal. shit about. ter than a few all-nighters was in store for five-dollar cheese and cracker Cyber Cafe But those things are all just normal the coming weeks. snack directly from her hand. reactions to finals week, right? Wrong. So stop studying. Go get yourself a “All these strange things started Thewt urges you to take these beer. If you are underage, perhaps a cool, This finals week is destined to be much, happening,” she continued. “This river warnings of imminent disaster seriously. much different. crisp Mountain Dew would be nice. Relax. by my house, like, turned to blood. And We certainly are. We’re all going down anyway. “I feel it down deep in my very bones!” then I got this really big zit in my T-zone said Jeb, a vagrant who hangs out on that turned out to be a boil...and then this news reflections tunes advertise for your prince william is get- club or organization with ting married: why you beardvember it came from the the water tower. we’re internet shouldn’t care results cheaper than the other guys. by bendonovan by jeremyklein [email protected] by bendonovan We Americans can be rather ill-in- Middle-class,” and mocking the fact that head of state of a major world power? the media continue to follow them around formed at times about world affairs. That’s her parents, though self-made million- Queen Elizabeth’s official title begins with as if they’ve done something important? hardly a secret. Important events--we’re aires, are not of noble lineage--because “Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the The British royal family should be irrel- talking profound geopolitical machina- apparently in the snobbish, stiff-assed, Grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland evant in any modern society. They have tions that will alter the course of history- anachronistic imperial-age holdover that and the British Dominions beyond the done nothing to warrant their fame, save -often pass right over our heads while is the United Kingdom of Great Britain Seas Queen, Defender of the Faith, Duch- for happening, by accident, to be born into we’re busy watching reality TV shows or and Northern Ireland, earning one’s own ess of Edinburgh, Countess of Merioneth, this bizarre institution. They’re like the “tweeting,” whatever that is. wealth is considered inherently inferior to Baroness Greenwich, Duke of Lancaster, Kardashians on crack. But then there are times when we be- being born into money and titles. Lord of Mann, Duke of Normandy, Sov- Perhaps the Brits deserve a break; they come captivated by stories from abroad Which brings us to the crux of the ereign of the Most Honorable Order of the are an empire in decline, after all, and I that genuinely do not matter. At all. To matter: why does anybody care about Garter, Sovereign of the Most Honorable suppose they can be allowed their quirky anyone. This is one of those stories. these people? Why does Britain still have Order of Bath, Sovereign of the Most An- nostalgic indulgences. Plus, they don’t get As you’ve all heard by now, Prince Wil- a monarchy to begin with? Why does a cient and Most Noble Order of the This- a lot of sun, which can make anybody a liam of Wales is getting married next year first-world nation, ostensibly full of ratio- tle...” and continues on in like fashion for little loopy. We Yanks have no such ex- to long-time girlfriend (and hands-down nal adults, still cling to the ancient, ante- several paragraphs, reading more like the cuses. The world is too complicated, and bombshell) Kate Middleton. It’s been the diluvian belief that a nice old lady named minutes of a Dungeons and Dragons con- life much too short, to be paying attention talk of both sides of the pond these past Elizabeth and her buck-toothed, inbred vention than the title of someone officially to people of absolutely no consequence. few weeks, dominating not just the usual children are somehow imbued with magi- at the head of a nation with nuclear weap- There are real news stories to read, real life Dear water tower, celebrity gossip magazines but legitimate cal powers, simply by virtue of their shaky ons and the sixth-largest economy on the experiences to be had, and real relation- We are writing in support of the SGA Boycott of Course Evaluations. We news channels too. This is very important, descent from William the Conqueror? planet. ships to be made and broken. But if you propose that classes are more than merely numbers. We believe in the move- Hey kiddies and cuties! we’re told, because this is the first time in One must, at some point, begin to ques- Now to be fair, the British monarchy can’t bring yourself to give up mindless ment towards a constructive comment-based evaluation program. We agree the British Monarchy’s history that the tion the basic sanity of the British people, no longer has any real power. No British celebrity worship, well, at least stick closer that students’ comments are their intellectual property, and therefore should Congratulations on making it through another semester! Thewt , like all of you I am second-in-line heir to the throne is mar- for the continued survival of such an an- monarch has exercised real executive au- to home. Gossip about American celebri- be publishable. Establishing such a system will enable and empower students to sure, has had its share of highs and lows. Since we strategically and systematically block rying a commoner. It’s even created a mi- tiquated and downright silly institution thority since the eighteenth century. But ties. I hear one of the Jonas Brothers just make more informed decisions during the registration process. out any lows from our memories, let us remember our highs! Beardvember has come nor controversy over there, with the Brit- suggests a very tenuous relationship with that only reinforces the question of why got molested by Carrot Top. Show your We would like to echo the demands of the SGA in constructively and gone (check out our bearded winners on page four), we sold some very attractive ish tabloids dubbing Ms. Middleton “Kate the real world. Why is the Queen still the these people are relevant at all. Why does patriotism; we’re at war. g evaluating our professors and not dumbing down our voices to a simple metric T-shirts, we launched our first-everwater tower blog: The Spigot (thewatertower.tum- scale. We require a system in which our opinions of professors and the courses blr.com), and people actually came to our Water Pong tournament...we think most of they teach can positively affect the registration process. The current system of them even had fun! Not only that, but we increased our circulation by 1,000 copies, and describing courses in two sentences or fewer is broken. you guys have kept on readin’. The solution is easily accessible course evaluations. To achieve this, we as While most of you are probably pretty psyched about getting a month off from with alexpinto your peers implore your full unification behind this boycott. school to watch TV and stop taking showers, the end of this semester is sure to be a tad We at OhMyGov.com prefer to mix the good with the bad. Both to celebrate the -MW and R. Fawkes bittersweet (at least for me). After two and a half wonderful years of being editor-in- government’s successes and to trumpet its failures. But even we have to admit that chief and three and a half years of writing for this fine publication, I (Lea McLellan) sometimes the bad stuff just makes for better stories. A campaigning Senate candidate Where do you stand on the boycott debate? Check out what two of our will be graduating :o ! This is bound to be more of a shock to me than it will be to you. writers had to say on our blog, thewatertower.tumblr.com who had previously appeared in an infomercial about how to obtain “free government However, I would just like to thank everyone on the staff and all of you lovely readers money”? An attorney general who announced an execution via Twitter? You can’t for having me. It’s been real. Really real. wt make this stuff up! So without further adieu, here are the 3 worst “What the Gov” Sometimes reading the water tower makes our readers want to get naked and In more important news, next semester the will continue to entertain you, moments of 2010. Laugh, cringe, shake your head, or shake your fist, but mostly, hope fight the power. But most of the time, they just send emails. Send your thoughts inform you, and keep on wantingyousososobad. that gov can learn from its mistakes. on anything in this week’s issue to [email protected] Good luck on your finals and don’t forget to wear a hat. It’s cold. State and local travesties, including: the near-millionaire salaries for city workers in the humble town of Bell, California; a $93,000 night at the ball- Love, 3. park for NY governor David Patterson and his family and friends; and Illinois governor Pat Quinn both doling out raises and increasing the size of his staff while the water tower. Lea McLellan uvm’s alternative newsmag (attempting) to govern on a platform of “shared sacrifice.” uvm.edu/~watertwr ______Editorial Staff Unquestionably the year’s most dark WTG moment, it was found the De- Editors-in-Chief partment of Defense did the equivalent of sweeping dirt under the rug when Lea McLellan it came to light that there were over 250 employees in the DoD fingered as 2. Alex Pinto having purchased or viewed child pornography. Apparently only about 20% of those individuals were investigated, merely because there weren’t enough “resources avail- News Editor with mikecieslak able.” Resources? The DoD gets billions of dollars, somebody make this a priority Paul Gross This was a big weekend for sports. First off, the stupid ass BCS stuff is set. It still amazes me that the only reason they keep already! Reflections Editor the system is money, but it did do okay this year. The championship game should be a pretty good one, and it is nice that we How UVM heats the Davis Center every winter. This year, with unemployment still high and economic growth still creaking Molly Kelly-Yahner will finally get to see TCU against a top ranked BCS conference team. In the MLB, the Yankees have finally come to their wits patrick leene along, the worst of the worst has to come from the realm of wasteful spending. Erika Weisz and realized that they need Derek Jeter if they want to win. It is amazing that the organization has absolutely no concept of 1. Taken from a congressional oversight report published this summer, notable Fashion Editor what a team is and they continue to disregard the idea altogether. Derek Jeter is the only reason that team works. Typically, wastes of tax dollars include: $308 million for a joint clean energy venture with…BP!, Colby Nixon you buy a bunch of all-stars and throw them in a locker room and it is a shit show. I guarantee that without Derek Jeter that $16 million to help Boeing to clean up an environmental mess it created in 2007, and team would crumble. Moving down the division a little, the Red Sox are in the midst of acquiring Adrian Gonzalez. They about half a million dollars in free Blackberries for smokers so they can contact their Tunes Editor have had their eyes set on him for years. The move would probably move Youkilis to third and Gonzo would play first. It will quitting support groups by text or phone. Bridget Treco make the Red Sox batting order much more powerful and it will look a lot more like it did in 2007, which they have gotten by jamesaglio Humor Editor away from. Also, see Tiger Woods’ performance over the weekend. I really hope he is back. I really don’t care what he did. Drew Diemar He is an entertainer and people need to get off of his ass. The culture this country has adopted has no right to criticize him The Koreas made the news again last South Koreans by surprise. In any case, population is totally innocent. They are becoming far less supportive of its small, so much, but that is a whole different rant. week when there was a brief conflict in- the North stopped firing less than an hour stuck there, abused and brainwashed by incontinent neighbor. Furthermore, if Managing Editor volving the bombardment of Yeonpyeong later. To South Korea’s credit, they did not their government. Maybe things would be North Korea thinks that it can hide be- Laura Dillon Island. Essentially what happened is that cease firing upon the North until a full going better for North Korea if its leaders hind a meat shield of its population, it is South Korea was planning to run some hour after the North fired its last shell spent more time running it and less time both stupid and pathetic. No one will nuke Copy Editor artillery training exercises on the morn- (Give ’em hell, boys). At the end of the day, running it into the ground. the North unprovoked for fear of civilian Jen Kaulius ing of November the 23rd, in a yearly four South Koreans were killed and nine- Besides, China has traditionally been casualties, but as soon as the North does ______Staff Writers with paulgross drill with the United States government teen injured. the entity that is the North Korean gov- anything aggressive with all this nuclear James Aglio that seems fairly standard for a country As more and more reports of the in- ernment, at least insofar as they would technology they keep idiotically bragging Emily Arnow that has been involved in violent conflict cident began to filter in, the international be opposed to us killing it in a fire like about, I can almost guarantee you that the Liz Cantrell “That’s a billion emails an hour!” for six decades. The exercises consist of community, in a turn that I’m sure greatly it deserves. But in light of pressure from nations of the earth will hit them so hard Caleb Demers -Dr. Steve Jones, an internet expert at the University of Illinois, remarking on the massive spam network that recently detained international spammer Oleg Nikolaenko (aka the King of Spam) created. The Russian spam boss was recently arrested and charged large scale drills from all branches of the surprised the North, condemned the un- the entire world, and the fact that North that mountains will be leveled and the Ben Donovan Korean military and a substantial contin- warranted violence, and there was a great Korea seems more like the dementia pa- ground will glow. g Greg Francese with violating the CAN-SPAM Act, an incredibly weak-kneed American anti-spam law. The King has pled not guilty, and also tried to sell the interrogators fake Viagra. gent of US forces, and they take place in deal of tension amongst the entire world tient of world politics every day, China is Lindsay Gabel the contested waters near the border sepa- Emily Hoogesteger and North Korea. The silver advertisement Jeremy Klein rating the two Koreas. Before the exercises lining here may be that because Gina Mastrogiacomo began, North Korea sent a telex message most countries already loathe Sarah Moylan “The West had counted on the possibility of us being in “It reminded me of the Cultural Revolution” to the South requesting that the exercises North Korea, no respect was Olivia Nguyen trouble over raw material…” -Chinese dissident and artist Ai Weiwei, speaking about be halted, as they were feared to be at- lost. Many possible motives Robin Tucker -Iranian nuclear minister Ali Akbar Salehi, gloating on state televi- the Beijing government’s decision to forbid him from tacks against the North (again, these are have been raised, from allow- sion that despite the naysaying of the United States, Iran successfully leaving the country in order to attend the Nobel Prize cer- a yearly event). Honestly, North Korea’s ______Art Staff ing Kim Jong-um (the heir of produced a homegrown batch of raw nuclear material, known as yel- emony for Chinese human rights activist Liu Xiaobo. The fear is somewhat understandable, since the most backwards nation on Art Editor low-cake. If properly refined, yellow-cake can be used for nuclear fuel, Communist Party is incredibly irritated that Mr. Xiaobo, they announced that they have created a Vanessa Denino earth) to prove that he can be a or to make nuclear weapons. The former seems far more likely, in my a man they keep in prison, is going to receive this high in- new facility expressly for the purpose of military leader to the possibil- Staff Artists view, though. Iran is suffering from a massive shortage of natural gas, ternational honor, and they are doing everything in their enriching uranium a few days prior to the ity that leader Kim Jong-il was Greg Jacobs and needs something to power its rapidly growing cities. Also, the lat- power to prevent other activists from attending the exercises. This is a big enough issue that jealous about the recent good- Victoria Reed ter is scary to think about. ceremony. Simply, they are being big dicks. South Korea is considering requesting will the world has given South Lydia Shepard that the United States station nuclear mu- Korea as a result of the G20 Malcolm Valaitis “Canadians suffer from an inferiority complex.” nitions on the Korean Peninsula for the summit. Way to go, champ, you Danielle Vogl -One of the 2600 cables mentioning Canada that Wikileaks released last week. This quote was from an unidentifiedUS diplomat. first time in almost two decades. really made them seem foolish, Lolz. Regardless of how dangerously unstable Layout Editor huh? The main problem here North Korea seems at any given moment, seems to be that the leaders Megan Kelley the South decided to ignore the request Layout Staff of North Korea literally think Grace Aragona and continue with the drills, presumably that they are the best people on Dan Suder because the request was sent via telex ma- Earth, and can pretty much do chine (I did not even know those were still the water tower is UVM’s alternative newsmag and is a weekly student publication at the University of Vermont in Burlington, Vermont. whatever they want. The weak- used). Four hours after the drills began, ness in this mode of thinking contact the wt. read the wt. join the wt. Our generation stands at a crossroads. As we walk through a world ever connected North Korea began launching one hun- Letters to the editor/ B/H Library - 1st Floor New writers and artists to a thunderstorm of news and reflection, we risk losing the ability to think for is that, if provoked, a joint dred and fifty shells, sixty of which hit the United States-South Korean General email Davis Center - 1st Floor Entrance are always welcome ourselves. the water tower is for us non-thinkers. We provide witty and sometimes civilian inhabited Yeonpyeong Island. The [email protected] Davis Center - Main St. Tunnel Weekly meetings outlandish opinions so that you don’t have to come up with them yourselves. We can’t force could turn North Korea Editors-in-Chief: L/L - Outside Alice’s Café Tuesdays at 7:30 pm promise that you will agree with everything that we say, but you will respect the te- South responded naturally by firing back into a grease spot in about five [email protected] Mill Annex - Main Lobby Williams Family Room nacity we have to say it. Every once in a while we will generate something that is truly and, after awhile, the North ceased - only minutes. Of course, we have Advertising: Redstone Campus - Simpson Hall Davis Center - 4th Floor thought provoking. We are the reason people can’t wait for Tuesday. to restart twenty minutes later (cigarette not done this yet because 99.99 [email protected] Waterman - Main Lobby Or send us an email We are the water tower. break?). Perhaps they thought that if they percent of the North Korean Online - uvm.edu/~watertwr waited for a little bit, they could catch the by ericburz the water tower received thousands of submissions this beardvember. These strapping young men have grown the most coveted beards on campus. In what sounds like a less fictional retelling ofCast Away without the volleyball, di- rector Danny Boyle attempts to inspire audiences by presenting an anecdotal narrative by calebdemers already familiar to almost everyone in the States. “Wait, you mean they made a movie And here it is, the moment I have been fresh from South America, and cans of about that dude who fucked up his arm?” Yeah, dude, and it’s actually an eerily gratify- best bearded bromance the wookie award the curious growth award waiting for all my life. I am putting my whipped cream mostly for the sugary as- ing flick. mechanical pencil down, standing up, pect but maybe also for the rest of the con- Aaron Ralston (James Franco) is the typical bold adventurer who precariously choos- the scallywag award the serious beard stretching my legs, fixing my boxers, put- tents of that can. Oh and of course the best es to go mountain climbing in Utah without notifying any friends or family of his ab- ting on a grin and casually sauntering up ice cream on the planet: Haagen-Dazs. sence. After driving to the mountains and spending the night in his car, Ralston departs to my professor, test in hand, and literally Finally, I have gorged myself enough on his journey and eventually stumbles upon two lost female hikers (Kate Mara and throwing it in his face, mustering that last and no sooner am I done but President Amber Tamblyn). And all the women in the audience simultaneously hold their breath bit of phlegm that has been chillin’ in my Fogel himself steps forward backed by in anticipation - James Franco sex scene, James Franco sex scene... not quite. Instead, we get a few flirty minutes in a cove and a seemingly casual exchange of numbers (what- throat for about every a capella ever, Aaron seems pretty upbeat about it). Shortly after leaving the girls and going solo three and a “That great statue of our proud singer on cam- once more, he loses his footing while descending a canyon and takes a serious tumble. half weeks and pus and pres- A falling boulder somehow manages to land on Ralston’s arm, pinning him in isolation. casually spit- catamount comes to life and ents me with Boyle (28 Days Later, Trainspotting, and most recently Slumdog Millionaire) wastes ting it on that dons a leather saddle before it a big fucking silly collegiate’s trophy with my no time in setting up how he plans to present this “impossible to film” scenario. After Max McConaghy discovering that Ralston’s basic supplies consist of a camcorder, a flimsy pocket knife, shoes. “Thanks bows its head, allowing me to name engraved Looking every bit as fierce as Black- for three and a on the plaque an iPod, and a four day ration of water, we’re hurriedly thrown into a series of personal beard or Jack Sparrow himself, Mr. Mc- Ben Finkel mount its powerful back.” flashbacks that seem to be eating away at the troubled lone ranger. Danny Boy obviously half months of that reads “Well Conaghy rightfully claims the title of Look at the pure determination in academic hell,” done. You only wants the focus of this film to be the cognitive gymnastics taking place inside Ralston’s best pirate beard. Sailing the seven seas this man’s face. Anyone trying this mind rather than the current plight he’s facing. He uses the event as a culmination of all with this fearsome facial hair would hard to impel whiskers from their I say to myself as I exit that awful brick got five more semesters to go.” Further- past wrongdoings in Ralston’s life, and the inevitable forthcoming escape should in turn certainly put him on the most wanted facial follicles deserves mentioning. building. Who decided on brick anyway? more, this trophy is as at least one and a feel like an escape from much more than a boulder. Thankfully, it does. list. Brick: the only material that seems to si- half to two feet tall and pure platinum. It Writer Simon Beaufoy (Slumdog) does an impressive job keeping the audience in- Connor Morgan and Tom Lishness lence your cries of agony before they even has an extremely collegiate-looking figure volved with the mind-numbingly simple plot. Quirky scenes like one in which Ralston Congrats to these gents for their mutual Owen Rachampbell leave your lips. on it wearing some Hogwarts-style robes. pretends to be on a talk show make for a few laughs and deters audience members from effort. These guys demonstrate that two Anthony Maccarone Anyway, this last act of academic umph As I grab onto this lovely specimen, the This guy won’t have any trouble keep- We’re not sure what to call this unusual losing focus on the internal struggle at hand. When it finally comes time for arms to be beards are better than one and that no beard formation. Part scraggly, part is casually greeted by none other than trophy that is, those delightful singers severed, Boyle holds nothing back in terms of sheer disturbance. During the amputa- matter what kind of fuzz you grow, your ing warm this winter. Mr. Maccarone’s Snoop Dogg. Outside this godforsaken burst forth in a lovely rendition of “Bo- beard is full bodied, thick, and down- full, and everything in-between, Mr. tion, a piercing audio clip leaves those who choose to listen in a cringing state of hysteria bros will always have your back. Rachampbell scores mad points for building, there he stands in all his stoned hemian Rhapsody,” in Russian accents of (as if the act itself wasn’t horrid enough). After it’s all said and done, one can’t help but right impressive. Chewbacca would def glory with a blunt in hand, freshly sparked course. be jealous. his dedication in growing the strangest look back and examine just how great of a performance James Franco has given. His stubble. for me to grab trails. We sit down on one As the final note reverberates through- personality fits the role perfectly, and at times it’s difficult to tell whether or not he actu- of the benches dedicated to an alumnus out the campus, that great statue of our ally fell into oblivion and recorded the incident. It’s a thing of beauty to see a good actor the captain redbeard award the friendly face award my-beard-has-made-me-ferocious award that obviously had way too much money proud catamount comes to life and dons naturally assimilate into his role, and Franco continues to make smart film decisions on his or her hands. Enough money in fact a leather saddle before it bows its head, after his questionable appearance inTristan & Isolde (no more 12th century love stories that they could actually pay off their un- allowing me to mount its powerful back. James, for the love of God). believable debt and donate more money I, with my steed, gallop down the hill to- The Good: Franco puts himself in the running for a gold statue, and Boyle dismisses to a school that insists on using the same ward the waters of Champlain and into all skepticism regarding his choice to direct something too far from his comfort zone. material to build their buildings that old the blood red setting sun. Awaiting at the The Bad: The sappy Hollywood ending left me with a desire to start slicing at my own shoe factories use to keep their present- water’s edge is a ship harnessed to Champ, appendages. day slaves imprisoned. the monstrous beast of the lake, much as The Verdict: 8.5 - Your ten dollar ticket goes much further here than it does at other The blunt is finally put out and the first Frodo embarks on his own journey when film currently in theaters (see Harry Potter Part 112 or Due Date). Well done, Boyle. You set of munchies sets in. Luckily, those his quest has seemed to finally come to an continue to have a knack for turning lower budget projects into cult masterpieces. g lovely ladies from Speeder & Earl’s have end, destined for a place far from Middle prepared a smorgasbord of ice cream Earth where the elves go to rest for all of Max Ebenstein Andrew Reilly sundae delights. I am talking hot fudge, eternity. Dan Reichman Who can resist this guy. Just so approach- The benign, smiling man from October has turned into the kind of caramel, maraschino cherries, sprinkles Behind me are whispers and the click- Mr. Reichman not only captures the title of best ginger growth, he also able looking. This is the opposite of the guy you’d cross the street to avoid, right before our eyes. If you have (UVM colors), animal crackers, chopped clacking of horse hooves or maybe some- gets a nod for the best “before and after” transformation. That he was fearsome beard. This is one that you want ever doubted the psychological effects that growing a beard entails, this candy bars, coconut (toasted), fruit (dried, thing else. A far-off scream of insanity is by lindsaygabel able to go from bare to bushy in such a short time is deserving of our to snuggle right into and build a nest. should change your mind. fresh, frozen or canned), malted milk heard. And BAM here I am, back in the highest esteem. powder, macadamia nuts, Oreo cookies, library with three papers to write, two - What is a falafel, and who is Charlie? pecans (toasted), pretzels, Spanish pea- projects to finish and four tests awaiting - Why are dining hall utensils made from corn, but are still not compostable? Fur- nuts, white chocolate chips, cocoa powder my completion. Bring it on, finals.g thermore, who is responsible for this strange and unusual redirection of excess corn flow? - Why does the Marché even bother to sell real maple syrup at the typical sky-high Marché price when we live in a state where maple syrup is actually made? - Why is Converse Hall just not officially renamed “The Castle”? by sarahmoylan - When, for the love of grass and accessible building entrances, will the construction end? - Where on this planet is Jeanne Mance? - Why is Ahli Baba’s one of the sketchiest restaurants in Burlington, but makes pos- sibly the best pita wraps known to man? Actual title(s): Actual title(s): - No seriously, where is Waldo? - Former mayor of Wasilla, AK; Former governor - Former Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of by emilyarnow of Alaska Magic - Former US vice-presidential candidate - Former High Inquisitor of Hogwarts The holiday season is upon us and while I’m sure many of you participated in the 4 - Hockey mom - Former Headmistress of Hogwarts am sales of black Friday, you might have not gotten all the gifts you needed to. Stumped - Former Chair of the Muggle-Born Registration Com- on what the appropriate present is for the appropriate person? As college students it is Commonly used title: mission not a secret that we have limited scrilla, but that doesn’t mean your presents can’t be Crazay bitch! - Azkaban prisoner heartwarming and thoughtful! by lizcantrell Parents: While a simple hug or a clean drug test will most likely suffice as an accept- Interest(s): Commonly used title: able present for mom and dad, a report card with a GPA higher than a 3.0 might just Sagittarius, November 22- December 21 Power Crazay bitch! earn you some extra points and a pat on the back. If that is definitely not a possibil- ity, consider checking out the UVM bookstore for sweatshirts or memorabilia that say For Sag’s born before the 21st, your birthday will be glorious. For those un- Thoughts on censorship: “UVM Parent 2010!” or the array of maple syrup that they have stocking their shelves. lucky souls born on the winter solstice, your birthday is sure to be disappointing. Interest(s): It’s awesome! After becoming mayor of Wasilla, Power, furry kitties Anything reminding them of what a charming little state you go to school in will warm It’s the shortest day of the year, so your festivities won’t last as long as they would Palin attempted to ban several books from the their hearts and make them forget that you failed three of your classes, at least until had you been born on a different day. Face it, ya city’s library for no apparent reason. Thoughts on censorship: Christmas is over. got played. To cope, the stars suggest starting It’s awesome! It’s awesome! As Hogwarts Siblings: Whether you love or hate them, it’s necessary to give your bro or sis some- your own club for fellow “21st ers” and mutually Thoughts on treatment of inferiors: High Inquisitor, Umbridge banned ev- thing on the holidays, but that something doesn’t need to be expensive! Who doesn’t like sharing in your woeful despair. If they don’t agree, get rid of ‘em! The librarian erything from student organizations and a new pair of socks or an inkblot pen? If you’re feeling more creative however, stop by the who refused to allow Palin to ban books was societies to The Quibbler. Vermont stand on Church Street and pick up a coveted and heady tie-dye “groovy UV” Capricorn, December 22-January 19 soon asked to resign. Although the librarian was shirt. Their friends and foes alike will be “UVM green” with envy. You lucky Cappies out there will have a month eventually allowed to stay, others, like the city’s Thoughts on treatment of inferiors: Friend from High school: Weed. Duh. full of glee (no not the melodramatic, singing police chief (who had been a staunch opponent If they don’t agree, get rid of ‘em! As High Inquisitor, Hook Up Buddy: A box of condoms wrapped in nice paper with a bow, top of the high school club kind, the jump up and down of Palin before she was elected), weren’t so lucky. Umbridge fired longstanding Divination teacher Sibyll line lube, or even a paternity test are all appropriate and thoughtful gifts for this guy or “omfg I’m so effing excited” kind). Expect lots of Trelawney (who was saved last minute by Albus Dumb- girl. But if you’re going to go down a classier route, a pack of Orbit gum or a five dollar good things to come your way. In light of all the Cronies: tori reed ledore). She also gave Hagrid the boot, but he just es- gift card from Starbucks for all those morning after coffees is a nice touch. And while fortunes that befall you, you should give back to The Tea Party, Bristol-voters fromDancing with caped to the forest and returned to the school after she they will only able to buy one peppermint latte with this amount, it’s really the thought others this holiday season. Remember, the best the Stars was gone. that counts, isn’t it? gift is not one that is received, but one that is Roommate: Need something to liven up that concert cell you call a dorm room? Why given. Yeah you probably read that in a fortune Great Quotations: Cronies: not get a Chia Pet? Who doesn’t love a plant you don’t have to water that also comes in cookie once, but hey, spreading the love will give “I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.” Inquisitorial squad, (whipped) Ministry officials cool shapes such as a hedgehog or Obama’s face?! Your vegan roommate could even use you that warm fuzzy feeling. Maybe you should - Responding to negative feedback regarding her $50,000 renovation of the these home grown spouts as a garnish for her tofu dinner! If that’s not something that send some of that love to a Sagittarius; they’re Wasilla mayor’s office. The spending was not approved by the city council Great Quotations: strikes your fancy, earplugs are beneficial and are great stocking stuffers for both gonna need it. per proper protocol. “Progress for progress’s sake must be discouraged.” of you! Have a late night rendezvous? Just shove some of those wax buds in your lauryn schrom -Opening feast speech in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix roommate’s ear - they will thank you for it. g with olivianguyen with colbynixon IWYSBs will be read on WRUV 90.1 someone on campus catch your eye? overheard a conversation in b-town? during Mr. Green Genes Presents: It’s Friday! (Actually it’s probably midweek couldn’t get a name? The Night Society with Mr. Green Genes was it hilarious? dumb? inspirational? submit your love anonymously when you’re reading this, but roll with me.) Wednesdays 6-8pm tell the ear and we’ll print it. You and the boys are going out tonight, you’ve uvm.edu/~watertwr/iwysb.html uvm.edu/~watertwr/ear.html all got the same brand new fucking hair- Millis 4 boy! Millis stairway cut, and it’s time to hit Isham hard. Decked **Attention Readers! All of you guys have been crushing real Your poem; so coy Girl 1: Is that a mustache? out in flannel, jeans and some “fresh kicks,” hard. In fact, you have been crushing too hard! There isn’t I have yet to see your efforts across the way Girl 2: No just lint, keep walking. how could you not pick up a girl tonight? enough room in our print section to publish everyone’s But I’m letting you know that I’m here to stay Because everyone is wearing the same professions of love, so we have decided to publish the rest of the I’ll keep on fiddling and fixing my blinds Bailey Howe, Sunday night thing. At any given UVM party, at least iwantyousobad’s at our blog: thewatertower.tumblr.com. Be sure In hopes that we have the same alike minds Guy: It’s those damn crabcakes... they’re so delicious but they 50% of the student body is sporting flan- to visit the site! It would be a shame to let all that passionate love I may even see you on campus one day turn you into such an asshole! nel in some variation, jeans are always a go unrequited. But to pick you out of a crowd would be hard I must say go-to, and in a crowded basement, no one This only means I need more face time North Prospect St. I met you last year at the top of Mason, So get your flex on in your room around nine Guy: Is C a passing grade at UVM? is looking at your now very dirty Nike 6.0s. you were a cute freshman When: I’m Creepin’ Girl: Yeah dude, D is a passing grade at UVM. This is where “peacocking” comes into play. I never had the balls to tell you how I felt Where: Millis 4 Guy: Wow, really? I need to change my lifestyle. You were always hanging around with him I saw: Shirtless Boi “Peacocking is the action of Those green eyes got me then and get me now. I am: Still Yerz Church Street Tell me you’re over him, and ready to be under me. Guy 1: For the longest time I though Mary-Kate and Ashley dressing oneself in a way so When: Last year TallTanAndBeautiful were three people. as to stand out from the pack, Where: The Penthouse [i’m sorry. that was really whack] I saw: Green eyed beauty so i’ll try again: Microbiology Lab much like a peacock with its I am: Better than him Late-night Marche munchie runs; Amen for Expendable Points TA (to student): In this experiment size doesn’t matter, but you tail feathers. “ ... and Mozzarella sticks. do need to consider how many microbes are on it. You’re a steezy sexy boy who gets illy on the slopes I saw you by the bread! And the IceCream! And the FryStation! Student (under his breath): That’s what she said. Peacocking is the action of dressing oneself It’s time to ditch your girlfriend and teach me the ropes You looked at me, Name: Clarissa in a way so as to stand out from the pack, Why, oh why, do you have to be taken? and I looked back Davis Center, Gender Neutral bathroom much like a peacock with its tail feathers. After a long day on the mountain I’ll fry you some bacon but neither one of us said anything. Girl: Dude i’m so tired Spotted: Uheights I hope reading this doesn’t give you a big head I got my Ben&Jerry’s and moved on ... my friends were waiting. Guy: You’re so tired? you’re not the one who stayed up all night Neil Strauss, author of the New York Times Because you needa dump your girlfriend and get into my bed Should’ve gotten your name, though. I regret it having sex! bestseller, The Game: Penetrating the Secret When: on the reg When: A week ago? I’m not sure. I was high. Why we like it: Fall is ending and we have Society of Pickup Artists, is a huge proponent Where: biking around campus/lib and at sb events Where: Once at the Marche. Once at the Davis Center. Millis captured the last cute fall outfit of the year. Goodbye to the of this idea and has been known to go out in I saw: brown haired sb boy I saw: two lip rings. Guy: What’s good? simple days of light jackets and and getting away with platform shoes with a cowboy hat and a tie for I am: better-looking than your gf I am: waiting. Girl: My sex life. skirts without the tights/leggings. The combat boots and a belt. Obviously, this is extreme, and perhaps leg warmers can stay for the winter. So long fall clothes! unnecessary. There are other ways to go about M anly you’re a small little baby Midnight showing of Harry Potter doing this, some of them better than others. A dventurous that i’d like to love Girl 1 to Girl 2: I can’t help it, when I get excited water comes 1. The Douche Peacock - My S ophisticated i asked if you liked beards out of me. S ensual well, mine you can rub. friend Adam is a huge fan of this, and A sshole you’re telling me you like chicks At the movies every time he does it, he just looks like a huge Even though my ability to write poetry is limited, I still hope you but it’s all just a joke Girl to her friends: She’s buried in the neighbor’s backyard right? d-bag. For this one, all a guy has to do is roll up appreciate the effort because you drive me crazy. I don’t know if come to north union to a party with a faux hawk and upon hitting “Massa” is your real name, but I would sure like to find out <3. and dance with this bloke. Billings Lecture Hall the dance floor, take his shirt off. Apparently When: every day When: every weekend Boy 1: So are you like, from Asia? this works exclusively at UMaine frat parties. Where: Through your dorm window Where: north union Boy 2: No...my family is. 2. Eurotrash Peacock - Often a case of I saw: the hottest/sketchiest man I saw: a cutie baby Boy 1: So do you know Chinese? Or South Korean? too much peacocking, this move typi- I am: all yours I am: a saucy boy cally results in the wearer sporting an Drunk Bus We’ve played broomball together for two seasons You’re on SGA and an ADPi Bro 1: Yo dude will you be my wingman tonight? excessively tight shirt, lightly tinted You have always been so nice & sweet, a total gentleman. Your silver beetle caught my eye. Bro 2: I’ll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a glasses, and unnecessary scarves and jew- I want to be best friends Your Bumper stickers are almost offensive, chubby, I will suck it up! elry, topped with an equally gaudy hair- well...actually I want more But must make drivers very pensive. style (think gelled mullet or, again, faux But at the semesters end you will be in Ecuador. You’re not afraid to make a scene, Hallway in UHN hawk). Mesh and leather pants are optional. Not sure if you even read the water tower, but I sure hope sometimes you’re even a little mean. Guy 1: Dude, you licked a marker? 3. The Casual Peacock - In this instance, that you will realize who this is and not say nope. Your eyes are green like fresh cut grass, Guy 2: I did... It was non-toxic, and it was scented, and I all you’ve got to do is wear what you would When: here and there and I love to stare right at your ass. wanted to see if it tasted the same. AND it did. normally, and then complement it with a Where: around campus .. But no. Really. You have a killer ass. dash of color, or something extra. Maybe I saw: an icerilite I WANT YOU SO BAD. Before chem class I am: an admirer When: erry day Guy 1: Hey man, that’s a pretty solid flannel you’re wearing throw on a watch if you don’t normally Where: erry where Guy 2: Yeah, man wear those; maybe a scarf, a hat, or, de- The way you play those bongos boy, I saw: a hillary with palin’s rack Guy 1: Betcha don’t get cold in that one pending on the occasion, a pocket square. Has got me in a tizzy. I am: a monogamous bill Guy 2: Yeah, it’s solid These of course should not all be worn Your jet black hair, your infinite smile, in concert, otherwise it’ll just look like Have got me oh so dizzy. You stand in front of class Crew bus Joe Shit the Ragman won the lottery. The I know you’re from Slade, Teaching us ethics Guy: The thing about under armour is that it is always pimp, ultimate peacock will be accomplished And the songs that you’ve played, But utilitarianism and factory farming can take a seat, because the collar is always popped; the same thing with when you feel slightly uncomfortable with But my name you do not know. I’d rather be morally impermissible with you turtlenecks. how you look, but haven’t taken it too far. You’re the music and I’m the poet Than nice and neat. With crazy blonde curls, so boy, let’s play! If only you weren’t my professor, Outside of UHeights South Then maybe my name, you’d know it. than I could maximize my happiness, Guy to Girl: My left testicle shriveled up into my body and I When: Every other wednesday as well as yours. don’t know what to do about it...it hasn’t come down yet.. Where: Slade I never sleep through class anymore Feeling a little créatif? Wishing Vantage Point was published more than once a semester? I saw: bongo boy So I can dream while looking at you In the cyber Well now you can submit your creative writing, short stories, poems, drawings, black and I am: too shy ... I want you so bad, Biddy: I don’t even know how to use books.... white photos, and any other créatif things to the water tower’s new section, créatif stuffé. I wish you loved me too. Send your submissions to [email protected] by Tuesdays at 4:00. You look like someone I knew When: every monday and wednesday 4th floor Davis Center She’s pretty just like you. Where: williams 304 Bro: What’s the Bailey-Howe? You play with your tongue ring I saw: my sexy philosophy professor I guess that’s just your thing. I am: getting you alone in your office DC, monday when the WT comes out You’re Free To Be crazy Boy: the water tower I pick up right away, but...not the cynic. It won’t even faze me. You are a beautiful, busty birthday girl. Your birthday is with alextownsend Are you hungry? Taste that rainbow. December 16th. I put chocolate on my teeth for you. I enjoy We could be great, I know. your rice and chicken nuggets. I watch many many films with What color is your underwear? you and I like every moment. Why won’t you love me back? I Does it match that sexy, gorgeous hair? wonder? Could it be because Condoms and Cupcakes...I’ll take the cupcakes I am not cool enough? Not It sure will get hot if we start to bake ;) smart enough? Could it be that I see you Monday nights, they’re fun. I didn’t make you pancakes the If you read this, I hope you still come. morning you took your GRE’s? Ask me, “What’s your preferred pronoun?” OOPS! Let me make this up And I’ll say I just prefer that you’re around. to you. Happy birthday peach When: Monday Night Meetings monkey! Where: Davis Center I saw: a gorgeous girl When: every mother-licking I am: not a creep day Where: on my butt I saw: a big butt I am: an insane lady cat litter: by drew diemar, willis schenk, ryan tinsley, and jared sassone-mchugh artwork by malcolm valaitis

Anyone who visits this area can recognize that UVM and Burlington have distinctive fashions. Luckily the wt. has an entire team dedicated solely to crystal-balling the future of Btown fashion, so that you can stay ahead of the curve. Here’s some sure bets from our research.

T-Shirts 802 It used to be that all the logos on T- Vermont is often called ‘802,’ after the state’s lone shirts were directly placed in the center of area code, and clothing merchandisers have capital- the chest or over the heart. As designers ized on this distinction with fitted hats, T-shirts, and started experimenting, the entirety of the snowboards. However, with a rising population, a shirt, from the hip to the upper ass to the second area code is inevitable, leaving Vermont to find ribcage became fair game for ad-space. a new way to identify itself. Enter the hermit thrush, Logos, chased around unfamiliar territo- possibly the most ballin’ state bird in the union, and its ry, will soon find themselves on the inside huge marketing potential. Hermit Thrush will quickly of the shirt, which will positively reek of make its way onto bathroom stalls, bumper stickers, and the insides of T-shirts everywhere. steez. Ski Apparel To show off their love of the winter sport season, students will start wearing ski boots to class and I’M PARTYING downtown on the weekends. It will be a complete Desperate to shed whatever remains of bitch to walk around; expect this trend to last no more its former party-school image, UVM will than a week or so. buy the ‘I’M PARTYING’ brand and sell its own designs in the bookstore. It will take freshmen a month of wearing these The Farmer and Logger look shirts to realize how lame they look. For decades, Vermont’s economy was driven by the industries of farming and logging, driving students to represent their home state through the adoption of flannels, Carhartts, and scuffed-up shitkickers. As tourism solidifies itself as the new primary force in Rainboots the state’s economy, watch for students to start paying When the rain hits, UVM’s female population always pull on their favorite rubber-ducky tribute by sporting white New Balance walkers and rainboots to protect themselves from the damp grass. These will soon fail to sufficiently ash-colored ‘Green Mountain State’ shirts tucked into emphasize their quirkiness, and the wearing of thigh-high waders on campus will jump tight, high-riding, Faded Glory jeans. dramatically. Polka-dotted and cute cartoon animal waders will inevitably follow.

it came... by ianrice from... My friends and I seem to enjoy reinforc- with emilylozeau and joesussman ing stereotypes—and this extends to our the internet! love for Southern rap. I’ll mention an art- The Fresh and Onlys - Play it Strange (In by jeremyklein ist and give them a sample of their music The Red Records) via YouTube—“So you’ve never heard of I don’t have to tell you that the Inter- Internet, but it also affords one the op- While a lot of the popular retro sixties mu- net is an extremely valuable tool for dis- portunity to discover even more emerging Waka Flocka Flame or OJ Da Juiceman?” My fellow black friend will undoubtedly sic these days has diverged from the fuzzy covering pretty much anything you want. songs and artists not on that list, based on punk of the same decade, the Fresh & On- But indie music in particular has carved one’s own preexisting tastes. And, if you be the only other person who knows what I’m talking about. He’ll chastise me by say- lys stem from jangly psych surf pop bands. out its own home on the Web, and with really want, you can even see what the In the past three years, the band has re- everyone and their dog making records most popular mainstream song remixes ing, “Don’t play that southern BULLSHIT! I don’t want to hear it; you ought to be leased a bunch of material displaying their these days, there are plenty of relatively are. originality within the sea of bands trying unknown artists out there for you to dis- So, here are just a few bands that may ashamed of yourself for listening to that.” Laughing, I’ll proceed in selecting the to make something new with older influ- cover. But if you don’t troll the music sites be worth your while to check out if you’re ences. Play It Strange, their third release, is such as Pitchfork or Gorilla vs. Bear, it looking to: a) Discover new artists or b) Be aforementioned artist to blast on my com- puter. a little bit cleaner than their previous two can be easy to miss out on some of those cooler than your friends by demonstrating albums, but just as catchy. Standout tracks great artists. Pitchfork is generally seen as your knowledge of obscure bands. Most people would wonder who’d name himself “Waka Flocka Flame” or “OJ Da include “Be My Hooker,” pure psychedelic the preeminent indie music website. And No Joy A Montreal-based duo whose pop with an awesome bass line, “Plague though it catches a lot of flak for being bi- music blends both the “shoegazing” and Juiceman”— apparently, Juaquin Mal- phurs and Otis Williams, Jr., respectively. of Frogs,” which emanates elements fif- ased towards this that and the next thing, “lo-fi” elements of 90’s alt-rock. The gui- ties surf pop, and “Who Needs A Man,” a anything they deem “Best New Music,” or tars are layered with fuzz and noise, the Even with the ridiculousness of their stage names, at least they’re memorable. The thrilling garage rocker infused with acid any song that ends up on “The Playlist,” is drums are driving, and the vocals are drenched guitar riffs. generally worth checking out. Three out mostly incomprehensible. No one aspect first time I heard of Flocka, I was riding in the car with my dad and sister in South of the four artists listed below, in fact, have of No Joy’s songs sticks out— rather, all Play: “Waterfall,” “Tropical Island Suite,” received such distinctions. parts blend to create one cohesive sound. Carolina. Flocka’s first hit, “O Let’s Do It” came on the radio— however, if you “Red Light, Green Light,” “I’m a Thief” Gorilla vs. Bear is really just a blog Their first LP, Ghost Blonde, was just -re If You Like: Ty Segall, Golden Triangle in which the guy who runs the site posts leased on November 16 didn’t already know the title of the song you would most likely not understand a songs or videos he thinks are worthwhile. Twin Sister They’re what Beach House J.C. Satán - Sick of Love (Slovely Records) And though people like Kanye West or Ar- could sound like if they had more band word he says. “Don’t you understand?! It cade Fire occasionally show up, the posts members at their disposal. Both have doesn’t even sound like English,” my sister said to me. “This is why I can’t listen to rap This might be a collection of somewhat are generally about relatively unknown female vocalists, and the same overall ugly, vindictive songs, but there’s a little artists. There are no review scores, unlike aesthetic—but Twin Sister has five mem- anymore. This is what it’s become.” I still found it funny, and tried to decipher the bit of love here as well, even if they’re sick on Pitchfork’s album reviews, so you really bers versus Beach House’s two. The same of it. Psych rock and roll with a touch of have to go on whether or not the descrip- dreamy vocals and guitar sound apply, but lyrics. There are certainly some people I’ve Thee Oh Sees garage-y yelping style and tion of the track sounds appealing to you. the additional instruments create a whole a bit of Frankie Rose’s crooning stylings. For example, if you read that a song has new layer of atmosphere and a more ex- encountered who disagree with my sis- ter’s assessment. My stepbrother was once Seventeen songs to nom on until you vom “…a warped AM-radio funk meets melt- perimental sound. They’ve released two and go back for more. Some international ing/decayed ’80s health class filmstrip (as EPs (Vampires With Dreaming Kids and playing Waka Flocka Flame quite serious- ly, simultaneously reciting the lyrics to the flare in “Loin de moi” and at times a hint scored by The Doldrums-era Ariel Pink) Color Your Life) to date. of accent is detected. Enough to keep you vibe,” and think, “Now that’s right up my James Blake Blake is a 21-year-old songs. “So you actually like Waka Flocka Flame?” I asked, squinting my eyes. He interested and rolling around in some sort alley! I’m going to check whatever the Dubstep producer from London. His first of pleasant agony. Sounds fun right? hell this is out!” then congratulations, you four EPs were made up of down tempo proudly replied, “Yeah, urrybody at my have successfully used Gorilla vs. Bear to electronic pieces with sampled vocals, school be jammin’ to Gucci— but Flocka man, he da truth. I bet if you went to my Play: “Odyssey of Love,” “You Are Good, discover new music. some from other artists, some provided by I’m Not Bad,” “Morning After Love” We Are Hunted is another valuable Blake himself. Despite their lack of proper school you’d be listenin’ to Flocka too!” Praise for Flocka? He must be fucking If You Like: Thee Oh Sees, Golden Tri- website for discovering new music. Not vocals, the songs have the right amount of angle only does it compile “The 99 most popu- soul to them. With new songs like “Mea- crazy—that was my initial thought. But I rethought my stance as my stepbrother lar emerging songs,” based on what people surement” and his excellent cover of Feist’s ka Flame has specifically become more are saying about a certain song around the “Limit to Your Love,” Blake takes that feel- played some more of Flocka’s tracks. The more I’ve introduced these artists mainstream— the Davis Center Hallow- ing to the next level by adding his own een Party played his song “No Hands.” My SEEKING: UVM’S BEST soulful voice. His debut LP is due some- to people in Vermont, the more I’ve grown to appreciate them. I don’t know if it’s the friends and I got amped up and screamed BAND (/ARTIST/WHATEVER) time in January. “FLOCKA!”--just as he intended it. Cults An indie-pop duo from NYC who beat, or the fact that I started to memorize the lyrics myself, because it’s necessary A reminder that our contest is open to surprisingly only have four songs to their Play: name. In their limited repertoire, Cults to look them up in order to understand pretty much anyone afiliated with UVM, them. I’ve gotten all my suitemates yell- 1. “O Let’s Do It” – Waka Flocka Flame and submissions will be taken through- have proven to be infinitely catchy. Their 2. “Washin’ Powder Money” – OJ Da sound is very reminiscent of 1960’s pop, ing out, “FLOCKA!” at random moments, out Fall semester. Submit online by send- just like his songs urge you to do. Maybe Juiceman ing your stuff to thewatertowernews@ with vocals to sing along to and melodies 3. “I’m Gettin’ Money” – OJ Da Juiceman you’ll be whistling long after you’re done the reason I’ve gone back to these songs gmail.com, or dropping a hard copy is because I secretly do like them for what 4. “Good Googly Moogly” – at our desk in the SGA. Fame and listening! Their 7’’— containing three of Project Pat their four songs— can be downloaded for they are. Whatever they are, they bring fortune are guaranteed for the me enjoyment and laughter. Waka Floc- 5. “Hard in Da Paint” – Waka winner!!! free at cults.bandcamp.com g Flocka Flame