FREE TONIGHT! The Blue Line v2.0 FREE TONIGHT! The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program blackhawksblog.blogspot.com October 31st, 2008 [email protected] MEET THE NEW BOSS... Welcome to The Committed Indian. Quenneville’s been sending out two centers, in run, a lot of people’s conference favorite. But Inside you’ll find all the sections you loved case one gets tossed. We never saw this under we’re not so convinced. They beat a shell of long ago in The Blue Line, and hope you will Savard. Another small change is after an op- an Anaheim team in last year’s 1st round, a love again, such as The Fight Card, Hawks ponent’s icing, the Hawks 4th line is not hop- Ducks team that had only one line, and had Record When..., Top 10 List and more, and ping over the boards to take an offensive zone Selanne and Niedermayer that were more we’ve also tried out a few new things. And to draw. This was one of the more infuriating worried about whether to move in next to the celebrate, tonight only, we’re giving it away Savvy habits, trying to attack a fatigued unit Seinfeld’s or Constanza’s in Florida than with FREE!!!!! Now, on to slagging the Hawks! with Burish, Frasier, Eager, Adams, or whatever playing hockey. The Ducks had the corpse Like That Woman in Total Recall, other mish-mash of humanity was on our last of Doug Weight centering their 2nd line, for The Hawks Have Three line. This is like trying to pick up a drunk girl fuck’s sake. Then came three OT wins against by screaming Metallica songs into her ear. (If San Jose, which could’ve gone either way, and As in, three wins, losses, and times you find the girl that this works on, do let us showing more heart and grit in the playoffs unlucky in the lottery that is the shootout. know. We’ve been searching for a soul-mate than the Sharks is akin to showing more heart The Hawks come in to tonight off of what was for years.) and grit than a cadaver. They then got pretty a decent effort, for the most part, in Minny, much pantsed by Scum in the West Finals. a real tough place to win. The Wild were She’s Ugly, But She’s Got Big D’s The Stars have a lot of toughness and undefeated in regulation, until a horrific effort So on to tonight, with the slow- grinders, but a blue line corps that is suspect Wednesday in Dallas, for a reason. The Hawks starting Stars in town, and it’s no secret why without the aged Sergei Zubov. We saw the couldn’t, and at times wouldn’t, get any traffic they’ve struggled. There isn’t a word strong Stephane Robidas movie once, and we gave it in front of Minnesota netminder Niklas Back- enough to describe how bad Dallas has been in a thumbs down then. The Stars still counts on strom, pretty much negating their 36-18 shot their own zone. Believe us, we tried them all. also-aged not just for scoring, advantage. Whenever there were rebounds Abysmal, tragic, horrific, a travesty, an abor- but a lot of it. to be hand, the Hawks found their sticks and tion, laughable, hilarious, none of them work. Dallas is obviously built for a long, bodies being suffocated by Wild defenders like They’ve let in 40 goals in 10 games. The Stars hard, tough playoff run. But does that really a trophy wife taking out her rich husband. The have five players who are a plus in +/-. The work these days? We don’t see enough speed Wild are one of the best coached teams in the Hawks have always struggled against Turco, and skill to keep up with the West’s Scum or league, and that’s why. They never shirk their but the way he’s going, even the rich, subur- a now more offense-minded San Jose in later responsibilities in their own end. ban kid shooting between periods will fancy rounds, or even , Minnesota (Chi- Contrast that with some of the “ab- his chances. In fact, with the Stars off to Bos- cago?) in early rounds, much less a Montreal, stract” defending Chicago exhibited. Camp- ton tomorrow night, we wouldn’t be shocked Pittsburgh, or Philadelphia who might come bell was obviously scanning the first level to see Tobias Stephan in the cage tonight. out of the East. of the Excel Energy Center for chicks as an (The Stars have two players named Tobais. That doesn’t mean the Stars won’t, unchecked Brunnette fired home into a gaping Combine that with Avery’s Vogue internship, eventually, be a very good team, and the net off a deflection, and 51 Phantom wasn’t and Ribeiro’s general countenance, this team Hawks will be up against it tonight. The hel- helping any more when he attempted a spin- will be a hit on Halsted and Belmont.) lacious forechecking we saw Saturday night o-rama at the Wild blue line that was Palin- All this from last season’s conference against Scum should see the Hawks through. level moronic, resulting in a turnover and finalists and, based on last season’s playoff -The Management against. However, not all the blame should fall on Campbell’s shoulders, we are paying Huet $5.5 million to occasionally bail out his team- mates, which he’s failed to do. The only word that springs to mind for Huet’s whiff on Miet- tinen’s shanked, change-up of a shot would be “Soriano.” What is it about splash-signings under McDonough’s watch and their struggles with off-speed offerings? Never Leave Us Blue, Coach Q Obviously, Quenneville hasn’t had time to make many changes yet, but Monday night was the perfect example of why he was brought in. The Hawks were clueless last season against teams that ran any sort of trap, when a coach might require a Plan B. We’re not sure Savard had a Plan A. Let’s see how the Hawks look against these type of teams in a month or two. There are some small changes we’ve noticed, and we’re heartened to see them. Late in games, on face-offs in his own zone The are my favorite band I remember the first time I saw a Misfits T-shirt in Maybe it’s because that same guy is wearing a 200 dollar the mall. It kind of freaked me out, and as I walked up to the jersey that I would fight a bear to own. Maybe it’s because register with it my justification was: “I’m a real fan, who cares when he got up to leave there was ten minutes left in the third. where I got it? They’re hard to find...” Little did I know that I Maybe it’s because this is happening a whole hell of a lot more would spend the entire day, every day, trying to prove my cred than I remember. to all the other kids who had $17.50 in their So this is how it’s going to be, the pockets at the mall. Tragically Hip Hockey Hawks finally put together a hockey team It’s strange how these situations seem and I don’t get to go to games anymore be- to repeat themselves. Unless you’ve been liv- cause the pub crawl for the night ends at the ing in Brent Sopel’s basement, you know that UC and tickets are sold out. I know that one the Hawks are gaining quite a lot of steam. hand washes the other and that this increase Attendance is through the roof, we have some in ticket sales is going to put a better team of the best young talent in the NHL, free- on the ice, but it also got Denis fired. Sure, agents actually consider Chicago a destina- say what you will about his coaching, but he tion instead of a retirement home, and we’re had heart and bled Blackhawks, and he was hosting the biggest game in the league right Kevin Kujawa canned (in amateur fashion) four games into here at Wrigley. the season as to not affect season ticket sales. I’m sure you see where I’m going This makes me want to rescind my commit- with this. ment to The Indian. But, why be pissed off? Don’t you want the team to Yes, I know, it’s totally juvenile. succeed? No, I’m not going to be any less of a lunatic fan. Yeah, jack-ass, I do. That’s why I went to thirty games But, dude, how do you not know the lead singer’s name is in 2005-2006, and cheered like I was Jaroslav Spacek’s wife. Danzig? Maybe I’m pissed because I go to games and see people Kevin is the guitarist/lead singer for Mannequin Men, a Chicago screaming, “Shoooooot!” when we don’t even have the puck. band that actually rocks, and a rabid PBR consumer.

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“I never learned to stop, why should you?” Reviving The Most Lifeless Objects Since 2006 NHL STANDINGS *not including last night’s games Eastern Conference Western Conference

ATLANTIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY CENTRAL W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NY Rangers 9 2 1 19 33 23 5-2-0 4-0-1 Scum 7 1 2 16 39 33 2-1-1 5-0-1 New Jersey 5 2 2 12 25 24 2-1-1 3-1-1 St. Louis 5 3 0 10 29 23 4-2-0 1-1-0 Pittsburgh 5 3 2 12 25 22 3-2-1 2-1-1 Nashville 4 4 1 9 32 35 3-1-0 1-3-1 Philadelphia 3 3 3 9 36 34 1-2-1 2-1-2 HAWKS 3 3 3 9 27 27 3-0-2 0-3-1 NY Islanders 2 6 0 4 19 29 1-4-0 1-2-0 Columbus 3 6 0 6 24 31 2-2-0 1-4-0

NORTHEAST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NORTHWEST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY Buffalo 6 1 2 14 29 20 3-1-0 3-0-2 Minnesota 6 1 1 13 25 18 3-0-1 3-1-0 Montreal 6 1 1 13 30 19 4-1-0 2-0-1 Calgary 5 3 1 11 28 27 3-1-1 2-2-0 Boston 5 2 3 13 27 27 1-1-1 4-1-2 Colorado 5 4 0 10 30 27 3-1-0 2-3-0 Toronto 4 3 3 11 26 33 1-2-2 3-1-1 Edmonton 4 3 1 9 17 23 2-0-1 2-3-0 Ottawa 3 5 1 7 27 27 1-4-1 2-1-0 4 5 0 8 28 29 2-1-0 2-4-0

SOUTHEAST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY PACIFIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY Washington 5 3 1 11 32 29 3-0-1 2-3-0 San Jose 8 2 0 16 33 23 5-0-0 3-2-0 Carolina 4 2 2 10 24 25 1-1-0 3-1-2 Anaheim 6 5 0 12 34 35 2-3-0 4-2-0 Florida 4 4 0 8 19 25 3-1-0 1-3-0 Dallas 4 4 2 10 32 40 2-1-2 2-3-0 Tampa Bay 2 3 3 7 14 20 1-2-3 1-1-0 Los Angeles 3 4 1 7 25 23 2-2-1 1-2-0 Atlanta 2 5 2 6 23 34 2-3-0 0-2-2 Phoenix 3 4 0 6 15 22 2-1-0 1-3-0

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP

Tom Hicks, Owner of , Top 10 Things Trick-Or-Treaters Are Texas Rangers, Liverpool FC, and World Class Jag-Off: Is there a bigger collection Receiving At Dale Tallon’s House To- of asshole sports owners than the one Dallas, TX has put together? Mavericks’ owner Mark night Cuban actually thinks if he stops talking he’ll 10. Empty whiskey bottles die. Cub fans will love this guy for all of 20 9. 7-year contracts minutes. If Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has 8. Designer glasses (allows you to see talent where there is one more plastic surgery, he’s going to look exactly like The Violator from Spawn, and he’s building a new, $1 billion+ none!) stadium just to fit in his ego. The dude hired Barry Switzer to 7. Sniper-rifle to fend off consultants replace Jimmy Johnson, for the love of God. The amount of 6. Resumés coke that team did will sustain Colombia’s economy for years 5. Knife (Freshly removed from Savard’s back.) to come. Which brings us to the Gentlemen Hicks. Tommy did his best to ruin baseball by bending over for Scott Boras 4. “I’m With Stupid” T-shirts (Given to him by Pulford.) and handing Alex Rodriguez $250 million, and the Rangers 3. A broken abacus are still trying to recover, seven years later. The supporters of 2. Golf clubs. (Though he’ll need these back in 6 months.) the soccer club he owns, are so enthralled with his steward- ship that he’s been advised to no longer attend home games 1. One lucky child will walk off with an overpaid, overaged for fear of his safety. Good times. They do things bigger in Russian goalie! Texas, indeed.

If you would like to ruin your organization’s credibility and advertise with us, please email us at [email protected] or call 773- 470-8921 Chicago Blackhawks 3-3-3

Since having a horrific night in St. Louis on face-offs, Toews’s win % on face-offs in all games after are as follows: 76.9%, 66.7%, 60.7%, 61.1%. Moral of the story to opponents: Don’t make Johnny angry, you wouldn’t like Johnny when he’s angry. # Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary 10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6'1" 197 26 9 6 6 12 -1 12 2 0 2 28 21.4 3,900,000 88 R 5'10" 187 19 9 5 4 9 -1 2 3 0 1 30 16.7 3,725,000 24 R Martin Havlat 6'2" 217 27 9 3 6 9 4 6 1 0 0 27 11.1 6,000,000 32 L Kris Versteeg 5'10" 180 22 9 2 6 8 3 2 1 0 0 16 12.5 491,667 51 D 51 Phantom 6'0" 188 29 9 2 4 6 5 0 0 0 0 19 10.5 7,142,875 19 C THE ONE 6'2" 209 20 9 0 5 5 -3 6 0 0 0 30 0 2,800,000 2 D Duncan Keith 6'1" 194 25 9 2 3 5 2 2 0 0 0 18 11.1 1,475,000 23 D Aaron Johnson 6'1" 211 25 7 2 2 4 4 2 0 0 0 5 40 525,000 36 C Dave Bolland 6'0" 188 22 9 0 3 3 3 2 0 0 0 12 0 845,833 7 D 6'3" 220 23 9 2 1 3 0 14 0 1 0 11 18.2 3,500,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6'1" 188 23 9 1 1 2 0 16 0 0 0 6 16.7 500,000 33 R Dustin Byfuglien 6'3" 247 23 9 0 2 2 -3 7 0 0 0 18 0 3,000,000 22 R Troy Brouwer 6'2" 213 23 3 0 2 2 2 2 0 0 0 2 0 675,000 55 L 6'2" 220 24 6 1 0 1 0 15 0 0 0 2 50 600,000 16 L Andrew Ladd 6'2" 198 22 9 0 1 1 -1 6 0 0 0 14 0 1,550,000

Burish doesn’t seem to be getting under opponent’s skin yet. Maybe he needs to do wives or hobbies. on players’ more research 11 R Jack Skille 6'1" 208 21 6 1 0 1 -2 5 0 0 0 12 8.3 1,275,000* 5 D Brent Sopel 6'1" 211 31 8 0 1 1 -7 0 0 0 0 2 0 2,333,333 37 R Adam Burish 6'1" 189 25 9 0 0 0 -1 27 0 0 0 10 0 712,500 28 R Craig Adams 6'0" 197 31 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 600,000 25 D Cam Barker 6'3" 213 22 1 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 1 0 2,768,587 8 D Matt Walker 6'3" 214 28 2 0 0 0 -1 5 0 0 0 2 0 600,000 6 D Jordan Hendry 6'1" 194 24 8 0 0 0 -1 4 0 0 0 1 0 625,000* 4 D Niklas Hjalmarsson 6'2" 200 21 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 643,333* Totals/Averages 6’1” 204 24 27 47 137 7 1 267 22 43,744,795

According to www.behindthenet.ca, the sabermetrics-of- *not on roster hockey website, Sopel is the 5th worst player in the league at even-strength right now.

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 38 6'1" 205 33 4 243 2.72 1 2 1 0 104 11 0.894 0 0 0 5,625,000 39 Nikolai Khabibulin 6'1" 209 35 5 308 2.53 2 1 2 1 160 13 0.919 0 1 2 6,750,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 34 2.61 2 2 2 0 264 24 0.9065 0 1 0 12,375,000 TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $56,119,795 CAP SPACE: $314,000*

*space also affected by buyouts and injured players

16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every- thing I can think of to drive the core I am so close to completing the task fan away, strip hockey of all that’s Stern charged me with.... great about it, and eliminate any at- tention by the mainstream media... the North stars 4-4-2

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary

ing 4th line minutes. minutes Brunnstrom spends on the ice, Stars are 5 goals worse off. No wonder he’s only see 63 C 6' 0" 178 28 10 1 10 11 -3 4 1 0 0 14 7.1 5,000,000 And here would be the worst player at even strength, according to Behind The Net. For every 60 10 L Brenden Morrow 5' 11" 205 29 10 4 7 11 -2 20 2 0 0 37 10.8 4,100,000 9 C Mike Modano 6' 3" 210 38 10 4 6 10 3 4 0 0 1 27 14.8 3,450,000 91 C 6' 0" 192 28 10 3 5 8 -1 0 0 0 1 28 10.7 7,800,000 21 L Loui Eriksson 6' 1" 183 23 10 4 3 7 1 2 1 0 0 18 22.2 1,600,000 3 D Stéphane Robidas 5' 11" 190 31 10 1 6 7 0 14 1 0 0 20 5 1,500,000 96 C Fabian Brunnstrom 6' 2" 203 23 8 5 1 6 -6 0 2 0 1 13 38.5 2,250,000 16 L 5' 10" 195 28 10 1 5 6 0 33 0 0 0 16 6.3 3,875,000 44 R B.J. Crombeen 6' 2" 212 23 10 1 4 5 2 21 0 0 0 12 8.3 550,000 18 L James Neal 6' 2" 185 21 10 2 2 4 -2 8 0 0 0 13 15.4 821,667 6 D Trevor Daley 5' 11" 207 25 10 2 2 4 -5 10 0 0 0 13 15.4 2,300,000 13 R Krystofer Barch 6' 2" 220 28 10 2 1 3 1 12 0 0 1 4 50 575,000 29 L 6' 0" 193 26 5 1 1 2 -1 13 0 0 0 6 16.7 1,425,000 5 D 6' 0" 194 21 10 1 1 2 -3 0 1 0 0 6 16.7 850,000 43 D 6' 3" 218 35 10 0 1 1 -1 6 0 0 0 24 0 2,500,000 39 C Joel Lundqvist 6' 1" 194 26 9 0 1 1 1 2 0 0 0 7 0 725,000 28 D Mark Fistric 6' 2" 232 22 9 0 1 1 0 4 0 0 0 6 0 650,000 17 C Toby Petersen 5' 10" 197 30 8 0 1 1 1 2 0 0 0 11 0 788,889 2 D Nicklas Grossman 6' 3" 206 23 10 0 1 1 -1 11 0 0 0 7 0 975,000 33 D Doug Janik 6' 2" 211 28 1 0 0 0 -1 0 0 0 0 0 0 500,000 Totals/Averages 6’1” 204 24 27 47 137 7 1 267 22 43,744,795

Avery was more than just a world-class in New York. He chipped in with big goals all the time, and was a valuable killer. It’s early, and maybe he’s waiting until it really counts, but when you already have Ott, Barch, and Morrow, almost $4 mil for someone to just act like an asshat? There are plenty of guys in Lincoln Park doing it for free.

Woof.

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 31 Tobias Stephan 6' 2" 180 24 3 110 2.73 1 0 0 0 38 5 0.868 0 0 0 485,000 35 5' 11" 185 33 9 493 4.26 3 4 2 0 221 35 0.842 0 0 0 5,700,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 183 28.5 3.49 4 4 2 0 259 40 0.845 0 0 0 6,185,000

TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $52,295,556 - CAP SPACE: $4,404,444* *space also affected by buyouts and injured players

...IS THIS THE YEAR? The Rocky & John PR Firm

Call Today At: 800-whos-www The Fight Card

HAWKS vs. STARS

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 2-28-08 Burish v. 3rd. Burish runs at Ribeiro, living out everyone’s Morrow 15:18 fantasy, and Morrow pummels him out of √ √ jealousy that he can’t do the same. 2-28-08 Seabrook v. 3rd. Nothing more than Ott sampling Biscuit’s Ott 14:48 √ body spray. Draw. 10-13-07 Koci v. 2nd. Whatever. Barch 13:07 √ 10-13-07 K. Adams v. 1st. Daley retalliates to Adams hurting Zubov’s Daley 19:26 throbbing vagina, and does so poorly. Adams √ in decision. Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com What To Watch For: Those hoping for fireworks will probably get them tonight. Or at least as much fireworks as the Hawks can provide, which isn’t much. These two teams had their problems in a pre-season game, with Brendan Mor- row threatening Jack Skille on the bench, and Ben Eager taking a swing with his stick at Sean Avery while on the bench. With jag-bags like Avery, Ott, Morrow, and others around, expect someone to get pissed off real early. To quote legend- ary WWE announcer Jim Ross, “this one has potential of ending up looking like a Saturday night on payday weekend in Muskogee.” But probably won’t. Power Play Penalty Kill

Team Opp PPG PP% Team Opp PPG PP% Team TS PPGA PK% Team TS PPGA PK% STL 38 13 34.2 CHI 41 7 17.1 MIN 27 1 96.3 PHI 51 10 80.4 DET 44 14 31.8 MTL 41 7 17.1 NYR 48 4 91.7 TOR 43 9 79.1 MIN 36 10 27.8 DAL 47 8 17 LAK 35 3 91.4 CAR 43 9 79.1 OTT 44 11 25 NSH 48 8 16.7 BUF 41 4 90.2 WSH 52 11 78.8 PHI 44 10 22.7 SJS 54 9 16.7 PIT 47 6 87.2 VAN 42 9 78.6 TOR 50 11 22 VAN 42 7 16.7 STL 31 4 87.1 DET 51 11 78.4 BUF 51 11 21.6 CBJ 39 6 15.4 CHI 37 5 86.5 PHX 27 6 77.8 PIT 43 9 20.9 NJD 33 5 15.2 OTT 44 6 86.4 NJD 43 10 76.7 BOS 39 8 20.5 ATL 47 7 14.9 CGY 50 7 86 NSH 46 11 76.1 CGY 49 10 20.4 NYR 62 9 14.5 CBJ 46 7 84.8 FLA 40 10 75 COL 48 9 18.8 PHX 28 4 14.3 TBL 51 8 84.3 DAL 47 12 74.5 EDM 33 6 18.2 CAR 37 5 13.5 SJS 36 6 83.3 COL 35 9 74.3 ANA 44 8 18.2 NYI 44 5 11.4 ANA 66 12 81.8 ATL 45 12 73.3 WSH 45 8 17.8 TBL 37 4 10.8 MTL 37 7 81.1 BOS 41 11 73.2 LAK 40 7 17.5 FLA 35 3 8.6 NYI 47 9 80.8 EDM 34 10 70.6 Spotlight

Mike Modano

So we put his wife, Willa Ford, on here, but Christ, can you blame us? Anyway, to #9: In the early 90’s, it was thought that Modano and Jeremy Roenick were going to be the definitve, American-born centers for the next decade, with Modano being the slightly more skilled, faster, and reserved of the two, and JR being the more physical, spectacular, and brash. But while JR sent his career into a plugged toilet by chasing cash, cameras, and attention with his questionable work ethic, Modano busied himself being the cornerstone of a franchise, becoming the leading US-born scorer in league history, captaining a team to a Cup, adjusting to a 3rd line role without calling attention to it like Roenick, and now at 38, once again being among his team’s leading scorer. Nothing illustrates the difference between the two more than the 1996 World Cup, the US’s 2nd greatest hockey vicotry. While Modano was playing a key role in the championship squad, Roenick was sitting out due to a contract holdout following his trade from the Hawks to the Coyotes. What JR could’ve had, Modano does. We don’t care much for the Stars, but watching Modano skate is a privilege. KNOW THY ENEMY Tonight, Mark from www.andrewsstarspage.com and Cat from living up to it. I see him getting better every game, though, so www.untypicalgirls.com, two Stars blogs, give us the lowdown I still have hope that he’ll eventually be worth that ridiculous on the squad from Big D. price tag. Q: Other than Turco’s play being “abstract”, what else has Q: It seems the Stars are filled with guys who are described contributed to the Stars’ slow start? as, “the most underrated guy on the team.” So who really is Mark: Lousy defensive coverage. Their team defense has been the most underrated, and why? poor. At times they’ve given up too many odd-man rushes. Mark: Depends on who is doing the underrating. I think the They’ve been poor at defending even-man rushes. Lots of other teams know how good he is and most of us around here defensive issues. Special teams haven’t been very good at times know how good he is, but I would say Jere Lehtinen may be either. They are coming off a good effort against Minnesota the most underrated player on the team. He does a lot of those Wednesday, so we’ll see how they do against the Blackhawks little things that help his teams win. It’s getting to loose pucks, Friday. being in the right spot at the right time or just making the right Cat: My feeling is that there’s sort of a lack of communication play at the right time and stuff like that. He’s great defensively, on the ice. I don’t think that the defensemen fully trust Marty can score goals. He’s an excellent on the penalty kill and effec- Turco to stop the puck right now, so they’re trying to overcom- tive on the power play. pensate, and then everything just blows up in an explosion of Q: Explain why we shouldn’t want to punch Mike Ribeiro bad. Obviously the offense can score goals, but having confi- in his smug little face. dence in your goaltender and defense is key. Cat: You know, I spent fifteen minutes looking at this question Q: Other than lighting us up in his debut, Brad Richards and trying to think of an answer. I really couldn’t think of a hasn’t yet set the world on fire. Is there concern about that good, hockey-related answer. The only things I could think of in Dallas? are the things that I see in interviews and stuff, or when I go to Mark: Depends on when you ask that question. If you asked practice and see him pimp-walk out to his car. last year in March when the team was struggling, the question Q: It’s been 15 years in Dallas now, how is it as a hockey would have been yeah. If you would have asked at the end of market? Is it better or worse than those of us up here the year, after the Stars made it to the Western Conference Fi- where guns aren’t mandatory might think? nals, the answer would have been no. He got off to a slow start Cat: It’s probably a lot better. I’ve got friends in tons of this season, but so did the rest of the team. He probably played NHL cities, and they usually have the same assumption, that his best game Wednesday against Minnesota, so we’ll see how the hockey market here blows. Dallas is certainly more of a he is going forward. He’s a talented player, there’s no doubt football town, but more importantly, Dallas is a winners town. about that. But time will tell how good a fit Richards and his When the other three professional sports teams in the city big contract is for the Stars long-term. totally suck (soccer doesn’t really count, IMO), and the Stars Cat: I don’t know if there’s concern within a lot of fans, but make it to the Western Conference Finals? Yeah, the bandwag- personally, I’m a little concerned. I’m not used to the Stars oners hop on. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve already taken paying guys that much money (7.8 million, really?), for one. I the leap off with the questionable beginning to this season, but think a lot of the problem is that Richards was billed as like, every time I go to a game, it seems to be fairly crowded with the magic that would bring the team to the . The people who know the team and love the team. This is my ram- expectations were really, really high for him, and he’s not fully bling way of saying “I think it’s better than most people think.”

Hawks-Stars: the Last 4

Feb. 28th, 2008: Hawks, 4, Stars 7 Jan. 9th, 2008: Stars 3, Hawks 1 Brad Richards makes his Stars debut after deadline In the middle of a Hawks 10-game winless streak, trade from Tampa, and Hawks manage to hold him Byfuglien turnoverleads to SH Stu Barnes winner to only 5 assists. Niklas Hagman was the direct late in 3rd. Kane misses a penalty shot, back when beneficiary, netting a hat trick. All in all, a night to that was a rarity. Khabby lets in a softie from Eriks- forget. son, ruining what was otherwise a strong effort.

Oct. 31st, 2007: Hawks 5, Stars 4 Oct. 13th, 2007: Stars 1, Hawks 2 (OT) After blowing 3-1 lead in 3rd, a Hawks malady for Hawks are stonewalled by Tobias Stephan for 59 which they still seem to be searching a cure, Jason minutes until Toews banks one off of Robert Lang Williams completes his hat-trick by scoring winner during 6-on-3 advantage. Williams then buries win- with 30 seconds left to win a wild one in Big D. ner in OT on the same power play. The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997 Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001) Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998) Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from PHI for Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995) Jim Vandermeer (FA PHI 2000) Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations. Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for Tuomo Ruutu (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and (BOS 1st round 1990) for (FA SJ 2003), Josh Hennessy (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003) 2005-2006 (PHI 3rd round 2001) from PHI for Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round 1992) Matt Ellison (CHI 4th round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Jim Vander- Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) meer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) (5th round) Adam Burish (9th round) info in part provided by hockeyreference.com

GM HISTORY COACHES Dale Tallon (2005-Present) - (Too Fucking Long, Too Many Fuck- Assistant Coach-John Torchetti ing Times) Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland Assistant Coach- Marc Bergevin Mike Smith (2001-2004) Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite Bob Murray (1999-2000)

Bringing College station I know Production values to HD more than Jiggets. The Making of The Dallas Stars

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Sean Avery (FA DET 1999) Fabian Brunnstrom (SWE) 2007-2008 Brad Richards (TB 3rd round 1998) and Johan Holmqvist Toby Petersen (PIT 9th round 1998) (NYR 7th round 1997) from TB for Jeff Halpern (FA WSH 1999), Jussi Jokinen (DAL 6th round 2001) and Mike Smith (DAL 5th round 2001) 2006-2007 Mike Ribeiro (MON 2nd round 1998) and 2008 6th round pick Krys Barch (WSH 4th round 1998) from Montreal for (PHI 2nd round 1993) and Doug Janik (BUF 2nd round 1999) 2007 5th round pick 2005-2006 Matt Niskanen (1st round) Stephane Robidas (MON 7th round James Neal (2nd round) 1995) 2004-2005 Mark Fistric (1st round) Niklas Grossman (2nd round) 2003-2004 Loui Eriksson (2nd round) 2002-2003 Trevor Daley (2nd round) Phillip Boucher (BUF 1st round 1991 Tobias Stephan (2nd round) 2001-2002 2000-2001 Steve Ott (1st round) Joel Lundqvist (3rd round) 1997-1998 Brendan Morrow (1st round) 1995-1996 Sergei Zubov (NYR 5th round 1990) from NYR for Kevin Hatcher (WSH 1st round 1984) 1994-1995 Marty Turco (1st round) 1992-1993 Jere Lehtinen (4th round) 1988-1989 Mike Modano (1st round)

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com

GM HISTORY COACHES 2007-Present: and Les Jackson -Head Coach 2003-2007: -Assistant Coach 1993-2002: Mark Lamb-Assistant Coach 1991-1992: Bob Clarke

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Playing at home...... 3-0-2 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 1-0-0 Are even close on face-offs..... 2-1-2 Playing on road...... 0-3-1 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 0-0-0 Eddie O tells crew to Stop It Right Here...... 3-3-3 Scoring first...... 1-2-2 Taking 30 or more shots...... 2-2-1 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Opponent scores first...... 1-1-1 Taking less than 30 shots..... 1-1-1 during 4-on-4...... 3-3-3 Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 2-0-0 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 1-1-1 We fantasize about shooting Eddie O.... 3-3-3 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 1-0-2 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 2-2-2 We’re ecstatic Pat Foley is back...... 3-2-3 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 3-0-2 Ice-girls wear skirts...... 1-0-2 ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian ...... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 0-1-1 Ice-girls wear pants...... 2-0-0 Playing on a Monday...... 0-1-1 2nd of a back-to-back..... 1-1-0 Ice-girls wear hideous pink outfit...... 1-0-0 Playing on a Tuesday...... 0-0-0 Opponent played night before.... 0-1-1 Leading after 2 periods...... 3-0-2 Playing on a Wednesday...... 2-0-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 1-1-1 Losing after 2 periods...... 0-2-0 Playing on a Thursday...... 0-0-0 Burish takes a penalty...... 2-2-1 Tied after 2 periods...... 0-1-1 Playing on a Friday...... 0-1-0 Keith takes a penalty...... 0-1-1 In ...... 0-0 Playing on a Saturday...... 0-1-2 Sharp takes a penalty...... 3-1-1 In shootout...... 0-3 Playing on a Sunday...... 1-0-0 Sopel takes a penalty...... 0-1-0 Cam Barker plays...... 0-1-0 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 1-3-2 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 3-2-3 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 2-1-2 Team is fucked by GM...... 3-3-3 Lacking a #2 center...... 3-3-3 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 1-3-1 Toews is trying too hard...... 1-3-2 In 1-goal games..... 0-1-3 Outshoot opponent...... 1-2-1 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 0-0-2 In 2-goal games...... 1-2-0 Are outshot by opponenet.... 1-1-2 No fights in 300 Level..... 3-0-0 In 3-goal games...... 2-0-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 3-3-3 Playing Eastern Conference..... 0-2-0 In 4+ goal games...... 0-0-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 1-1-2 Playing Western Conference..... 3-1-3 Scoring 3+ goals..... 3-0-2 Jonathan Toews scores...... 0-0-0 Playing Central Division...... 0-0-3 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 0-3-1 Martin Havlat scores...... 1-0-1 Playing Northwest Division.... 2-1-0 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Patrick Sharp scores...... 3-1-1 Playing Pacific Division 1-0-0 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 3-0-2 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 0-0-0 Playing Atlantic Division 0-1-0 PA plays Classic Cock-Rock...... 2-0-2 Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit...... 3-2-3 Playing NASCAR Division 0-1-0 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Andrew Ladd scores...... 0-0-0 Playing Northeast Division 0-0-0 Frasier fights...... 1-1-0 Dave Bolland scores...... 0-0-0 Playing in October.... 3-3-3 Burish fights...... 2-0-0 Adam Burish scores...... HA! Playing in November.... 0-0-0 Seabrook fights..... 0-0-0 51 Phantom scores...... 1-0-1 Playing in December...... 0-0-0 Keith fights...... 0-0-0 Duncan Keith scores...... 0-2-0 Playing in January..... 0-0-0 Buff fights...... 0-0-0 Brent Seabrook scores...... 2-0-0 Playing in February..... 0-0-0 Sharp fights...... 0-0-0 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 2-0-3 Playing in March...... 0-0-0 Eager fights...... 2-0-0 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 1-3-0 Playing in April...... 0-0-0 On Comcast...... 3-1-2 Power Play looks like it has a clue... 2-0-1 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 3-0-2 On WGN...... 0-1-1 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 1-1-3 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 0-2-1 Josh Mora looks scary..... 3-2-2 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 2-2-0 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 0-2-1 On Vs...... 0-1-0

NOTES FROM AROUND THE LEAGUE around these parts. -According to the Columbus Dispatch, the Blue Jackets are trying to solve the problem of figuring out -Yet another former Hawk thriving: Not that who should center for Rick Nash by having Rick Nash anyone watches Carolina, but Michael Leighton has center for Rick Nash. They’ve tried it in practice the past been outplaying Cam Ward all season, and there’s some couple days. Took 9 games to figure out R.J. Umberger rumblings from Canes fans, all 12 of them, to get him wouldn’t work. Who had 9 in the pool? Off to a 3-6 more starts. Leighton was dismissed after playing behind start in a season where it’s pretty much mandatory they some horrific Hawk teams, and he certainly wouldn’t even sniff the playoffs is apparently the mother of inven- have a fit here now, what with four goalies, but....well, tion. Raise your hand if you can’t wait to see Nash shirk we don’t really know what we’re saying here. We’re just a center’s defensive zone responsibility. filling space. Feel free to think however you want on this situation - has apparently run out of rules he can change to benefit his career, and wants to -From Stan Fischler and TSN’s James Duthie: play again, and it doesn’t have to be the Rangers, accord- “Ron Wilson was strolling through Toronto when a fan ing to Larry Brooks of The NY Post. (Brooks very well yelled, ‘Hey, Wilson, you need to turn those guys into a may be the angriest man in the world, FYI.) Shanahan bunch of Wendel Clarks.’ Ron, who majored in sarcasm is open to offers from any team. We can’t believe we’re at college, responded: ‘Wendel was good, but how many saying this, and may never recover from doing so, but a Cups did he win?’ When the fan wouldn’t shut up, Wil- phone call from the Hawks to Shanny might not be the son kept going. ‘Hey, buddy, can you turn the cup of cof- worst idea in the world. Chicago probably doesn’t have fee I’m holding into a glass of red wine? I can’t either!’” the cap room, but with their bevy of young forwards, a veteran to show them how to stand in front of the net, win their share of board battels, and be a professional hockey player, as well as ANYBODY to help shoul- der some of Toews’s load would be sorely appreciated