Issue 23 OCT 12th 2011 WHAT’S HAPPENING THIS WEEK:

5.30-7.30 PARTY ON THE PARK is a fortnightly party at Hyde Park run by the Korean cultural officers - there’s food, music and dance that promotes and celebrates Korean culture. Only 5 bucks! The What’s On section. WED 7pm Support your fellow students at a LUNCHTIME JAZZ CONCERT B e e n h e r e at the Verbrugghen Hall at the Con. Entry by gold coin donation, get those toes a tappin’! since day one.

Stop asking us 12th where it is! 7pm 7pm Don your lei and celebrate another fantastic year of campus culture at the CLUBS AND SOCIETIES AWARDS NIGHT at Manning Bar. 9pm Entertainment, food, drinks and lots of dancing. Woo! 9pm It’s worldwide Mental Health Week and, to raise THU awareness, Vibewire are hosting a series of stimulating lectures. Catch VIBEWIRE SOAPBOX: MENTAL HEALTH tonight at the Surry Hills Library. No cost, but bookings are essential.

All w/e THE SYDNEY ART SHOW is taking over the Convention • Centre this weekend to celebrate and foster our relationship with art. With exhibitions, workshops, entertainment, the chance to • talk to artists directly and much more, it’s a great way to explore FRI the art world (and show off how classy you are to your date!). Tix from $10. All day THE ISLAND BAR is open again (from Fri-Sun)! Great beats, great cocktails, wahoo! Catch the ferrry to Cockatoo Island and check it out!

12-2 pm On yer bike! No wait, come back! It’s just that it’s time for the SYDNEY RIDES FESTIVAL! To promote cycling culture in Sydney, the city will play host to tonnes of biking events this week. Social rides, art, music, competitions! Get some fresh air. 04 3 pm Who doesn’t love Motown? The seriously blinged out, beehive SAT wearing ‘60s girl group THE BONNETTES take to the stage at the Vanguard tonight. Supported by a t’riffic band, there’s no way you can listen to them and not dance, trust us. With support from the 05 always brilliant Mikelangelo and Saint Clare. From $18 + BF. 15th ALL DAY The always popular CRANSTON CUP is back at the Factory Theatre for another year. The Olympic Gold medal of the Theatresports world, tonnes of teams are vying for the SUN chance to get to the final at the Enmore Theatre in December. Watch in awe as improvisers turn your suggestions into songs, 07 epics, poems and travesties. Tickets start at $18.

ALL month FOOD! YAY! THE CRAVE SYDNEY INTERNATIONAL FOOD FESTIVAL (what a mouthful. HA) is on all mont.h. Featuring superstar chefs, cooking demonstrations, tastings and hundreds of events, the festival will get your tastebuds a tinglin’, your senses a salivatin’, your tummy a rumblin’ - oh God, I am so hungry. MON 08

10am-3pm Damn straight there’s an END OF SEMESTER CARNIVAL! Thanks to USU Campus Culture, the Front Lawns will be home to a FREE carnival. Rides! Fairy floss! Stalls! 09 TUE Fairy floss! Music! Fairy floss! WHENEVS The MUSE REPERTORY SEASON begins tonight at 8pm. Into The Woods and HMS Pinafore are playing at the 18th Newtown Theatre for the next two weeks! DISCLAIMER THE LOVECHILD Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 O RETRACTION Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney, NSW, 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, Lady Gaga space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors Honi Soit would like to apologise for of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal Dalai Lama the misleading article published in last people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and distributed on Aboriginal land. weeks Campus section. The University of Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Pat SRC Election Sydney Union’s new campaign “Are You Mozarella, Rhys Cup-a-Soupi, Pierce Hurt-again, Alistair Stevo the Plumber, and Meghan With Gus?” is not a feeble attempt to Batch o’ Lore. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded results are as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility get Manning janitor, Gus Gussington, the for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor in and the sweet sweet retirement lay he deserves. does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. Honi Soit is printed by MPD. It’s a genuine search for love (and sex). ADVERTISING: To advertise in Honi Soit, contact Tina Kao or Amanda LeMay publications. debates are Keep your entries coming. [email protected] riveting. Stats www.src.usyd.edu.au and Q and THIS WEEK’S TEAM As ahoy! EDITOR IN CHIEF: Andy Fraser 5 EDITORS: Jacqueline Breen, Neada Bulseco, James Colley, Bridie Connell, Shannon Connellan, Julian Larnach, Michael Richardson, Laurence Rosier Staines, Tom Walker The US DAD JOKE OF THE WEEK: Presidential REPORTERS: Max Chalmers, Dominic Dietrich, Why did the hipster burn his race is on, Arghya Gupta tongue? HE ATE HIS SOUP and the BEFORE IT WAS COOL CONTRIBUTORS: Bridie Connellan, Luke Martin, Republicans Pierce Wilcox are out HONEY SUAVE COVER: Andy Fraser in force. Welcome to sex town, CRUCIVERBALIST: Jim Fishwick population... please? 7 COMIC: Shannon Connellan The NRL Are You With Gus? final cheat sheet to save HONI SOIT you in those hard to reach WEEK 11 ISSUE 23 places. TH CONTENTS12 OCTOBER 2011 10

LETTERS THE PROFILE In this week’s Nuttin’ better than a letter! 04 11 JACQUELINE BREEN grabs some of former feature, we AGNSW curator Hetti Perkins’ precious time away take a look from her. She never gets that back. CAMPUS at revolution 05 ANDY FRASER makes two tickets talk. THE FEATURE through JULIAN LARNACH and LAURENCE ROSIER 12 MAX CHALMERS gets a fresh perspective on student eyes. STAINES are leaking everywhere! the Egytptian Revolution from Cairo students. DOMINIC DIETRICH settles the score between War and Peace. THE ARTS BIT JAMES COLLEY reports from the Tharunka NEADA BULSECO got her hands on a magical 12 bunker and interviews Sir Conor Bateman. 14 glittery cape, and you can too. BRIDIE CONNELL acting out. Hate Baker NEWS BRIDIE CONNELLAN condemns all sax 07 PIERCE WILCOX on the major stories of the week. offenders. THEY ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Street? You’re LUKE MARTIN is one of the few people not SHANNON CONNELLAN Who’s walking! You in good putting their name in the Republican ring. walking? WHERE ARE YOU WALKING TO? LOOK JULIAN LARNACH and LAURENCE ROSIER BOTH WAYS! sax-hatin’ STAINES get confident with economics. TOM WALKER on the This is Not Art festival. company... FARRAGO PAGE ... 16? Sleepin’ around with MICHAEL RICHARDSON. 16 TOM LEE went to Libya and sent his 08 words back. You can no longer poke JOSS ENGEBRETSEN. 14 ROB JOHNSON picks a sci-fight. SRC GRIBBLIES A BIG OL’ AD 17 Honi Foreign 09 We put this here so you could just skip this page. Correspondent Rest those eyes. CRYPTONOMICON reports from Su-do-who?? 20 - SPORT Also a new style of crossword. Check it out! post war 10 DOMINIC DIETRICH pre-games NRL. Nerrel. Tripoli. ARGHYA GUPTA sums up all the sport there is. JAMES O’DOHERTY is better than a pokie in the eye with a blunt stick 16 ? thoughtsIf you or have comments any on anything in this issue of Honi Soit, please write to us at:

letters src.usyd.edu.auhoni.soit@ THE EDITORIAL Those queer There is already a nostalgic wasting your time with breaking conservatives! presence in the office. The news; news followed via hash-tag elections have been and gone. that you’ve already disseminated Dear (Queer) Honi, The new SRC president is sparkling yourself through a course of jerky In response to ‘smirking’ John with anticipation. There is a tweets. Honi is not a platform for Francis’ article “Can you be gay and surprise free concert from The stable of freshly groomed editors reprinting what you can google or conservative”, I say yes – but his Jezabels on Wednesday last week— photos by Neadaaaa! itching to undertake this justifiably wiki. The stuff we’re giving to you reasoning leaves much to be desired. coveted job. We’re so close to the is new information: interviews, After railing against progressives for end; we’re even calling out for foreign reports, opinions, in a attempting to create a ‘perfect vision’, new reporters (see below). student voice from a student Francis himself references an idealised persepective. Now don’t get conservative view of heritage, family Yes we work in a dungeon and scared because I am, and oh am and community. Sadly all three earn a frightful salary of not too I, throwing too many buzz-words have suffered with the decline of much celery. But it’s not about the at your face. The thing is, I believe civil society at the hands of neo- money, it’s about the drugs and them enough to say them, then conservatism. Francis has a muddled the ladies. Where are we going punch you in your already jaded understanding of conservatism with little currency in today’s reality. to get the drugs and the ladies/ face if you disagree. men/ladies/ladies, when we’re Francis’ caricature of himself not editing like absolute bosses. Of Feast your eyes on the following embodies the epitome of the pop course, there may be other things 23 pages of glittery goodness. We pink-dollar-neo-con apologists. Rich, that will be missed. have interviews with students white and free of the prejudice of the Arab Spring, hit up the that radicalised earlier generations, these Gen Y homo-cons have When that unfamiliar and feature for some insight into the conveniently forgotten the battles inescapable light at the end of unfinished revolution. Follow fought (and occasionally the lives the tunnel encroaches upon safe our reporter exploring Libya, lost) by generations of left activists surrounds, bringing you closer uncovering a bit of dirt, recovering before them. Social democracy, to an unacquainted world, it’s it and having your regular old trade unions and public education important to do things right aftermath experience. Join our all played an intrinsic part in our while you still can. And by that Campus section in holding a Q&A current freedoms. Maybe if Francis somewhat unnecessary metaphor, session on the local controversy reflected between Gaynor tracks and I mean to articulate this indulgent surrounding the USyd SRC glitter spray he might realise that his bullshit: I wanted this Honi issue elections, live tweet it if you’re current freedoms are the result of collective effort. to be everything Honi should be, feeling sassy. Join us in celebrating to give everything only a student the now, the new and the new Francis enjoys his individualist ‘nature’, paper can give. That’s not about student now. gluts on his liberalism and swoons Andy Fraser when invited to proselytise. Perhaps cut me! the ‘judging eyes’ he relishes come from those who know an Uncle 2012 Tom when they see one, or to use a contemporary reference – can tell a REPORTER Slytherin from a mile off. “Cheers to Bear Necessity CALLOUT the rich and fuck the poor”. Dear Honi, In 2012, we don’t want to make an Yours, okay Honi – we want it to be fucking I write to beseech you to continue, if excellent. Help us make next year’s David Barrow not complete, the Inaugural Build-A- Honi the paper we all know it can be. Bear project as soon as possible. As Honi Soit can only be as good as its someone who does not attend this writers, so if you want to write or if you institution, my sole interest in reading have any ideas you want to see in your your paper of news is to slowly paper next year, we want to hear from acquire the parts needed to construct Bears! Necessity? you. the bear I have always wanted. I have Good day, written a poem on the occasion: Shoot an email to honisoit2012@gmail. com, and tell us a little about yourself: I want to place an order and I have a Build-A-Bear • Your name, email address, phone private freight agent that will commence Everything I have always wanted in a number, degree, year, hobbies, to your location for the pick up.So you friend and/or bear favourite colour, top first-date don’t have any stress to face in the destination… shipping arrangement to Malaysia,but Also the only reason I voted BOOM for • How you want to contribute next I will like to know if you have credit Honi (that and Tom Walker’s terrifying year (photographer, reviewer, opinion card processing machine to charge my sexual magnetism) writer, comedy genius, etc) VISA card for the goods’s payment ? Ready for bears? Nobody is ever ready • A page of your ideas of what you If yes,then treat this email with good for bears. want to see in the paper next year, as concern and include your website/ well as one outlining any experience current price list in your reply. Regards, you think is relevant Harold P. Hargreaves, Esq (be reasonable, your role as Year 6 Prefect may be important to your mum, but it’s probably past Regards, P.S. I recognise the paradox inherent in its use by date...unless you’re going to be writing my letter, in that the more eloquently exposes on primary school politics then yes, very Ben Harold relevant) long-winded my plea for disembodied bear parts becomes, the less space • Two samples of your work: opinion you have on the Letters page to print pieces, reviews, features, profiles, Right said bear parts. You win this time. photographs, comics! This time. Check out our Facebook group to keep chest up-to-date, get your ideas together, and send us those emails 4 Build me! " THE RESULTS ARE IN The flyers are distributed, the lectures bashed and the t-shirts stashed in the gymwear HoniLeaks drawer. After three solid weeks of campaigning the results were announced on JULIAN LARNACH and LAURENCE ROSIER September 24. Here they are, in black and white (boxes) the final counts of the SRC elections. STAINES wish they cared less about elections. As soon as the election results were For those at the late-closing Jane Foss- announced, party lines were drawn. Russell polling booth it was easy to HONI SOIT PRESIDENT NATIONAL UNION OF Who made deals with whom? NLS (the identify the ring-ins by their effusive (Primary vote count) (Primary vote count) STUDENTS left leaning Labor) joined Unity (the response to loud exclamations of “I Banter - 1033 Phoebe Drake, right leaning Labor), making deals with HAVEN’T VOTED! WON’T SOMEONE surprise free concert from The Phoebe Drake - 1837 Extra - 1643 Rhys Pogonski, both sides of the political spectrum TELL ME HOW TO VOTE!” Immediately Jezabels on Wednesday last week— Zoo - 1972 Tim Matthews - 1686 Todd Pinkerton, – the far right led by James McLean after the booth closed, STANDUP and campus photos by Neadaaaa! Zachary Thompson, and the far left led by Freya Bundley. VOICE campaigners threw literally Labor candidate Phoebe Drake, took hundreds of pamphlets onto the Winner: Zoo for Honi James McLean - 406 Armen Aghazarian, out the top prize. Either the spectrum ground in a horrible melee of partisan (2219 votes after Vivienne Moxham- Madison Cartwright - 401 of student politics means absolutely elation. Many of these blew onto the distribution of Hall and Sharangan Freya Bundey - 229 nothing or some parties sold out. We’re road, almost causing at least one car preferences) Maheswaran gonna go with the first one. accident. The politicians of tomorrow, SRC REPS ladies and gentlemen! The issue of closed campus (see below) Phoebe Drake, Soo-Jae Lee, Ian Chan, Freya Bundey, Michael De Waal, Rafi Alam, Nai came to a pretty heated tip during the The race for Undergraduate Senate Brooks, Jacqui Munro, Morgan Forrest, James Coward, Max Kiefel, Ewen Cameron, Election with heated “cunt” words (which finished yesterday—we go to Natalie Czapski, Siobhan Friis, Thomas MacDonald, Paddy Holt, Sam Farrell, Jay KaJing exchanged between opposing sides at print on Monday so we don’t have Ng, Amelie van der Stock, Armen Aghazarian, Nathan Li, Peta Borella, Dylan Parker, JFR. The biggest gripe put forward was the results) was a fight of barbecues, JOhn Harding-Easson, Paloma Brierly Newton, Isabelle King, Penelope Parker, Jeremy that the Young Labor national Caucus in with all campaigners throwing their Leith, Alex Downie, Vivienne Moxham-Hall, Karen Chau, Zi Yi Lim and Todd Pinkerton Canberra meant that Labor kidlets from snags on the flame in their bid for across Australia were in the vicinity of the highest office in the land. Fleeced the city, meaning that Labor gained votes were exchanged for free sleeved campaigners from as away as Perth meat. One candidate went as far as HEAD TO HEAD (pART 1): and Hobart. Honi was sent footage of giving people lollypops for their login a 15-person strong Labor contingent details – why vote yourself when you from the Australian National University can just let the candidate do it for THE CLOSED CAMpUS DEBATE walking up from Broadway. you? Congratulations _____. Don’t get ANDY FRASER sits down for a chat with both sides of the closed campus coin. stabbed on the Senate floor, now. The SRC elections just finished. Donherra: Universities are a public or you just care about that university’s BOOM—, I mean boo—, I mean space. I think that people have a right outcome. I think that ought to be Zoom—, I mean ZOO. (See above for to be on campus. Also, the fact is that considered and widely known. The last next year’s Honi Soit editorial team, who gets elected and the make-up of thing to say in terms of closed campus Eleanor: There are a plethora of your Council Representatives, and councils at universities across Australia is that, over the course of the election reasons why people campaign; I’m the delegates to the National Union are all interconnected. Who gets elected when I was speaking to voters and saying financial gain ought to be of Students.) Today we discuss the at Sydney University affects students students, at no point when I said to a considered in the appropriateness president. You’ll be my studio audience at UNSW when it comes to things like voter “this person goes to ANU” or “this of people coming from different and I’ll be your Tony Jones. You’ll federal policy issues because obviously person attends UNSW” the reaction campuses. I don’t question for a tweet at me and I’ll assume a mild yet we affiliate to the National Union of was not “that’s great, thanks for being second that anyone involved in this rewarding, disingenuous chuckle. Give it Students. If Sydney University doesn’t here.” The reaction was confused, it schtick are extraordinarily passionate a shot: #honiqanda. affiliate and doesn’t have members was occasionally angry; students didn’t people. But the President of this SRC elected who actively engage with the understand what that person was doing does not have anywhere in the job Congratulations Phoebe Drake; she’s NUS then that effects the capacity of the here or why they felt they had a right to description ‘represent the interests of going to be the 84th SRC president. NUS to operate as an effective body. I be here. I think this student body wants people at UNSW’. Their job is not to If you see her, give her a victorious think that students around the country the outcome determined by this student be representative of the entire nation. Chupa-Chup. But it wasn’t all victory and do have a stake in how the elections at body, not by people who are from Their job is to represent the students of lollipops. It was a long and tumultuous Sydney University go and similarly we other campuses. this campus. To influence an election in road to the top with mounting tension have a stake in how elections at other any way based on a wider constituency between Phoebe’s National Labor universities go. Also we had people Dee: At the same time, I spoke to than that I think is disingenuous for the Students party (STANDUP!) and close come in, like Phoebe’s brother, who are students who didn’t have an issue with purpose of that job. runner-up, independent candidate intending to come to this university next it. If you look at elections at state and Tim Matthews (VOICE). year. So there are people who aren’t federal level, people campaign outside Andy: Do you think the outcome would necessarily currently students of the their own electorates. Sometimes have been different if the campus was At the heart of this tension lies the university who are affected directly by people go overseas to campaign in closed? Dee, do you know how many policy of closed campus campaigning. the outcomes of the election here. elections. I think it’s not an uncommon campaigners you brought in? The proposed policy stipulates that thing for people who are passionate only students of USyd are permitted Eleanor: I think while it is true that the about issues. I take your point about Dee: It’s hard to point to one specific to campaign in the SRC elections. This University is a public space and people financial gain, [although] I personally factor and say ‘this was it’. Quite frankly policy was not active during the 2011 can be on campus it is not true to say think that anyone motivated solely the campaigners I saw from other SRC presidential election, despite the that the SRC is a public organisation. The by financial gain is not going to be in campuses half the time just stood there efforts of some SRC councillors. Put SRC recognises that by saying you can’t student politics. I certainly know I’ve and didn’t leaflet. The impression that simply, politically aligned parties such be a member unless you’re a student, lost a fuck of a lot of money by being they were instrumental – I don’t know as NLS had the advantage of pulling you can’t attend council meetings involved. I don’t think financial gain how true necessarily that is. I won’t say together the helping hands of their unless you’re an undergraduate. The is actually a motivator, I think that’s it didn’t matter but I wouldn’t say it’s counterparts from different universities SRC exists to represent undergraduates kind of unfair. The other thing is that the sole reason. At the same time, in around Australia. of this university and I think that, if a Phoebe, as state branch president, the past there have been elections that candidate cannot get the support and has gone out and worked with people were much closer when it’s been an For tonight’s show we have invited the campaigners that they require from at campuses across the state. For open campus. As to how many people Donherra Walmsley on behalf of the student body of this university, example, one person who came up and there were, quite frankly I don’t know STANDUP! (Phoebe - NLS) and Eleanor that speaks to how well they would campaigned was Elouise Young who is or remember. I wasn’t responsible Gordon Smith on behalf of VOICE represent that student body. The second President of the Wollongong Student’s for getting most of them in. The main (Tim - Independent ) to discuss the issue thing to say in response to that is that Association, and she’s an independent. people I brought in were my comrades and put forward their arguments for there are members of factions that She, subsequent to our elections, ran from UTS, like, two people, and and against. stand to gain financially from being with the Grassroots ticket against the Phoebe’s brother. national office bearers with NUS and Stand-Up equivalent [Wollongong Uni] Tony Andy: It’s commonly recognised so it makes sense for them to travel put together, so she’s not aligned with Right that the continued open campus policy to different campuses and campaign us in any way. She came up because directly affected the presidential result. for members of their factions to be she’d worked with Phoebe as state if you feel strongly about this, write to chest VOICE wanted a closed campus, but representatives to NUS to then produce branch President, thought she was a [email protected] NLS openly opposed it. What are your a favourable outcome for them in terms really good candidate and wanted to see opinions on closed campus elections? of financial reward. I think that kind of her elected. tune in next week for the vested interest rather flies in the face thrilling PART TWO of the idea that you’re just passionate, 5 USYD VOICE USYD is on October 16th and is on October audience members, which is a which is audience members, this,” for encouragement great “I think we’re notes. Bateman of concept the very hoping that enticing will be show a sketch and come to everyone enough for see the show.” is format show The sketch times recent unseen of relatively has and the cast in college, The the opportunity. jumped at one itself to doesn’t restrict show with Bateman kind of humour, songs, videos, political promising very dark skits” and “very satire among other highlights. from cast has a large The show and Women’s both St. Paul’s and is shaping as an colleges flex to the colleges opportunity for muscles. their comedic of trying a case just “I think it’s possibly can out as much as we a show of the freedom because us.” this offers like - A broad coalition of real student student real of coalition - A broad of views, with a diversity representation and policies. experiences accountable: more officers - Making SRC of their start at the commitments firm blog, of an officers’ the creation term, body. student to the reporting regular in the collectives: students more - Engaging advertising, better transparency, more the engage to running bigger campaigns community. university FRESH’s Facebook page (which was quickly (which was page Facebook FRESH’s

in the Rogers room of St. Paul’s College. Tickets Tickets College. of St. Paul’s room in the Rogers th ‘The Fake Arm from Nowhere!’ Arm from Nowhere!’ ‘The Fake 18 are only $5. Buy them. Buy them now! See Facebook See Facebook only $5. Buy them. Buy them now! are details. more for JAMES COLLEY has stumbled upon some kind of clown some kind of clown upon has stumbled COLLEY JAMES clowns! for A college college. Sydney University has a strong has a strong University Sydney From comedy. in student grounding student Theatresports, to Revues of the is a major flagship comedy surprising it extra Union. This makes coming work comedic find a new to seen haven’t we somewhere from the colleges. before: is Nowhere!’ Arm From ‘The Fake by created show an original sketch but not exclusively students, college Co-director students. college for Conor Bateman dude and genuine has the show that is confident people from appeal to broad campus. all around or “There in-jokes no college are he says. that,” like anything a group is run by The show Wright Jackson Bateman, featuring under the Boyle Smith and Finlay of ‘The moniker Platonic excellent great who saw Conversationalists’ with their success earlier in the year Anonymous’. ‘Narrator’s production bring in quite able to were “We of non-college group a large COLLEGE COMEDY! COLLEGE to be the fourth greatest of all greatest be the fourth to In reality, it was just a game of genial, half- of genial, a game just it was In reality, organised, was CPACS Certainly rivalry. formed play aggressive absent; but animosity was Joking, observed. only occasionally bookish According of the day. the order allusions were striker—the their star the CISS coach, to the players—was son of one of seven-year-old of mass their “weapon weapon,” their “secret reminded the When someone destruction.” in dad was the seven-year-old’s that coach As a “mole.” became striker star that CPACS, player CPACS and co-organiser Michael Safi, kind just we put it, “There isn’t a rivalry, really it up.” of make England. from borrowed itself was The event Studies the Peace from it came “Originally and the University Bradford at Department Kings College at Studies Department War Hugh said. Hugh and Mike in the UK,” the hope of greater the idea in adopted departments. the two between interaction studies, and Conflict Peace that Hugh felt and related very and Security Studies “seem much be that seem to doesn’t there yet, so this seemed the two, between contact the two encourage try to to way a good like some sort of a relationship have least at to neither that agreed Mike with each other.” “Both much about the other. knew society in ways outcome a peaceful for work centres setting, In any be complementary. can that ideas better setting, especially an academic interact.” when we come The by Cup is considered The English Tolstoy Financial Times competition a It is sporting rivalries. university history. with a short but noteworthy an will garner variant the Australian Whether to be seen. remains significance equivalent about this, Hugh hoped it would When asked hurts graduation that aware was but continue will building. Neither he nor Mike tradition “To year. next rematch a potential for be here that Uni doesn’t have Sydney me it seems like so its departments, between traditions many it does or not Whether continue. it to like I’d Hugh said. be seen,” has to that is something a CISS alumni, Someone else in the crowd, just told me, “it’s he assertive, more was when these guys’ years ten beginning. Wait see. We’ll embossed in stone.” names are SIDE BY SIDE: POLICIES AS THEY APPEARED ON FACEBOOK SIDE: POLICIES AS SIDE BY FRESH campaigners seem to have lifted the policies of USyd’s VOICE campaign, despite campaigning against it. campaigning against despite campaign, VOICE policies USyd’s the of lifted have to seem campaigners FRESH ’s tweet) was a mirror of VOICE’s policies (see below) which is made all the more incredulous by the fact that, due to an open campus, the people campaigning for for the people campaigning an open campus, due to that, the fact by incredulous the more which is made all policies (see below) of VOICE’s a mirror was tweet) ’s Tharunka UNSW FRESH UNSW DOMINIC DIETRICH’s on the sidelines at Usyd’s inaugural War and Peace and Peace War inaugural Usyd’s at on the sidelines DIETRICH’s DOMINIC soccer show-down. They met on a dust bowl. Dark clouds bowl. on a dust met They a drizzle overhead, and clashed frothed were and faces chilled the atmosphere had and Peace War tense. and long, drawn arrived. duel. On to set were departments The two International for had the Centre one side we on War); aka: Security Studies (CISS, and Peace for the Centre the other was Peace). One: aka: Studies (CPACS, Conflict unafraid reality, of students hard-bitten the cynicism and accept embrace to The other: of the human condition. devils express of the ideal, unashamed to agents of our nature. angels hope in the better College of St John’s Under the shadow of game A sixty minute sides met. the two the decide it. And so began soccer would Cup. Tolstoy inaugural quickly were stereotypes Potential of, well-oiled machine a Like jettisoned. and then crushed found Peace warfare, well, blue matching in Attired their opponents. with a emblazoned (ironically uniforms bench, reserve and with a deep dove), of a 4-4-2 discussed the finer points they before in the final moments formation game of was a the field. Theirs taking into flanking runs and passing assaults deep territory. their opponent’s manner the dishevelled this to Compare just No, jerseys? Game-relevant of War. one Sure, Reserves? in white. anything talk strategy pre-game The captain’s player. close to this: “If it’s like something went it the hell away. then get our goal, the goal, Concerned CISS players kick it out.” Just good about this.” feel “I don’t muttered, and CISS player, co-organiser Hugh Evans, a “Thermopylaehoped for moment”: the the bigger triumphing over smaller team one. It didn’t happen. the scored Peace Within thirty seconds, counter- War occasionally goals. of six first success. The final but with limited attacked, winning side 6; CISS: 1. The CPACS: score: and a big book: a small trophy awarded was . Someone in the crowd and Peace War “burn the book and they that suggested cup.” the pour the ashes into UNSW HACKS SLAM USYD POLICY, THEN STEAL SAID POLICY. POLICY. SAID THEN STEAL POLICY, SLAM USYD HACKS UNSW Tharunka, Tharunka, in UNSW’s reported As changed after after changed 2008 Union Board with Doug Thompson’s counterparts Sydney from their heavily borrowed have campaigns time UNSW This isn’t the first VOICE. against campaigning directly were FRESH as minor as ‘Manning’ with changes UNSW ‘Roundhouse’. to at being swapped later weeks appearing a few campaign War, Peace and Oranges at Half Time Half at Oranges and Peace War, - A broad coalition of real students with a students real of coalition - A broad and policies. experiences of views, diversity accountable: more officers - Making SRC of their start at the commitments firm for budget publishing of the SRC term, to reporting regular students, all UNSW body. the student in the collectives: students more - Engaging advertising, and better transparency, more the entire engage to running campaigns community. UNSW

campus 6 " News In E LUKE MARTIN Why the Republican somehow avoids a soup as well, making it eleven. However, Briefs COLLEGE COMEDY! even with nine viable candidates, it’s Nomination matters. West Wing reference. still a magical media frenzy. Possibly the greatest part of the primaries was right back in the first debate, when each of the PIERCE WILCOX tells it For all you youngins out there having only season, you wouldn’t know it. This is partly candidates listed how many children and/ like it was. audience members, which is a why I believe Americans are legendary at or grandchildren they’ve raised, to which recently started your tertiary education, All of the Gillard government’s great encouragement for this,” holding such spectacular and superfluous Texan representative Dr. Ron Paul blasted the 2008 US Presidential Election was a Christmases are coming at Bateman notes. “I think we’re them all out of the water, claiming he’d GREAT time to be around campus. The (and superficial) campaigns. It conceals or once, if by ‘Christmases’ you hoping that the very concept of US Studies Centre seemed to be the only at least distracts from their broken political personally delivered over 8000 babies. mean ‘House votes’ and by ‘all’ a sketch show will be enticing system and deep inequalities faced by literally part of America that was still choc-full This all reminds me of (yet again) another you mean ‘two’. The House of enough for everyone to come and tens of millions in what’s supposed to be the of the Benjamins, and thus they had no fantastic moment from the Gen X-Y Bible Representatives will vote on see the show.” richest nation on the planet. And this is the restraint in throwing a massive Manning that is The Simpsons, when Mr. Burns the controversial carbon tax situation during the best of times. Comedian Obama-bash. 2008 was an atrocious year heads into hospital for a series of check- this coming Wednesday, which The sketch show format is and TV icon Jon Stewart summed up American financially, but it was a spectacular year ups. When doctors return, they cite that is expected to resolve the relatively unseen of recent times exceptionalism perfectly, saying the “only thing debate around anthropogenic for fans of American electioneering. Wars, instead of being in tip top shape, he has in college, and the cast has America is the best in the world at, is telling climate change once and for a deadweight economy, and a politically ‘every disease known to medical science,’ jumped at the opportunity. The ourselves we’re the best in the world.” all. despised president gave the feeling that including diseases previously undiscovered show doesn’t restrict itself to one the country was on a precipice. No matter kind of humour, with Bateman Now it’s still early days, but I wouldn’t get your up until that point. What is keeping him which candidate won people thought that On Thursday the House will promising songs, videos, political hopes up thinking the 2012 election is going to alive however – as the episode elaborates something would change for the better. vote on amendments to the satire and “very very dark skits” create as much international, Manning-styled in ingenious fashion – is that they can’t all Fast-forward three years. The economy – to enthusiasm as the 2008 election did. For now fit through the ‘door’ to Burns’ body at the Migration Act designed to among other highlights. allow for offshore processing put it bluntly – still sucks. Unemployment however, just get your eyes and ears on as one time, thus cancelling themselves out of asylum seekers in Malaysia. has reached epidemic proportions and much Republican primary action as you can. and leaving the 104-year old in near-stasis. The show has a large cast from With Andrew Wilkie and the polls consistently show people being both St. Paul’s and Women’s The line up is just stupendous. Not stupendous Now I’m not saying that Obama is an out Adam Bandt opposed, the bitterly disappointed in the president, colleges and is shaping as an as in ‘such fantastic, intelligent and capable of touch 104-year-old white guy, but he is Labor minority government is opportunity for the colleges to flex including myself. Not angry, just candidates!’, but stupendous as in the blatant ominously vulnerable and everyone knows searching for one more vote to news disappointed, and that just hits you right their comedic muscles. quantity-over-quality approach the American it, otherwise you wouldn’t have such a pass the bill. Playing the role of on the depressing bone. Adding to that, political right is displaying. Currently led massive Republican field this far into the ‘needlessly dithering nobody every time (literally every time) the sun “I think it’s just a case of trying by former Massachusetts Governor Mitt campaign. For the moment however, all enjoying the spotlight’ this goes down, there’s yet another American out as much as we possibly can Romney and former Godfather’s Pizza CEO the G.O.P candidates knocking the hell out week is WA Nationals MP Tony man or woman in uniform killed overseas because of the freedom a show Herman Cain (no joke), there’s nine of them of each other and trying to all get through Crook, who remains gleefully along a border between two countries in like this offers us.” in the race. Nine candidates. If the 24-hour the same door is certainly no disadvantage undecided. The Greens and which the governments are myths. news media had gotten their way, you’d have to the President - it’s the only thing the Coalition will block any migration legislation in the New Jersey heavyweight (no pun intended) keeping him alive. Yet, for all the pomp, noise and ‘America: Senate, making the House vote Governor Chris Christie and former Alaskan the shining light-on-the-hill’ metaphors an entirely symbolic struggle Governor Sarah Palin jumping into the G.O.P. that regularly fill a presidential campaign over which leader looks cooler and tougher during pointless arguments.

(because the status quo is, to put it bluntly, (towards an economic system that prides Revaluating fucked). So how do you decide what to itself on abstract correctness), the obvious Participants in a two-day tax do? Your predictive capabilities are based protagonist was the entirely rational summit emerged into the dull on accessible knowledge, knowledge that agent. These rational agents are clearly Canberra light with expressions all values II everyone else on your trading floor has quite different from we mere mortals—so of joyous bewilderment earlier this week. What everyone, JULIAN LARNACH and access to, so what do you do? You go for different as to almost be totally useless— Treasurer Wayne Swan LAURENCE ROSIER STAINES your gut instinct. You kick that dog! but even if you put such theoretical entities together into groups, it becomes a whole included, expected to be an empty exercise in bureaucracy talk to Ross Gittins. But unlike your date (where the worst case other quagmire of dueling prisoners’ unexpectedly became a site scenario is you get a letter from the RSPCA), dilemmas. What is good for an individual the worst case scenario in the market is the of healthy discussion and ‘Financial malaise a crisis of confidence is not necessarily good for the group, and loss of millions which precipitates billions bipartisan co-operation. The multiplied by three’, ‘Italy banks risk so we get panicked herd behaviour and that sometimes leads to trillions; all based most striking result was Swan’s further confidence loss’, ‘European banks recessions. In other words, we’re back around something so fickle, so innately pledge to introduce a tax-free need market confidence, not capital’, at Keynes and a sadly realistic dystopian immeasurable as everyday confidence. Is threshold of $21,000 ‘when ‘Subsidy cuts cause crisis of confidence’. worldview. affordable’, to be phased that not like basing the world economy Whether they’re blaming downturns in over the coming years. on the equally abstract concept ‘love’? Economists aren’t off the hook either, with on low confidence or crediting market Swan then shouted “World’s “It might be,” economic journalist Ross the popular perception being that they are, surges with renewed confidence, business best treasurer, bitches” and Gittins told us, “but what else is there? by and large, only good for listing options headlines are filled with the term. But vanished in a puff of money. Sure confidence is difficult to measure, but in the distant future and explaining things what is confidence, and how does it work? it’s real. The problem with the economy that have just happened: “Some economic Flashforward (back)! We’re on a hot date is that it’s run by people, who are moody, managers think they are far more in control The #OccupyWallStreet protest with a pretty lady. We’re so excited and emotional animals who aren’t in the model of things than they actually are,” Gittins has entered its third week and nervous that the night rushes by. We walk but are there in reality.” says. “Few people want to admit that in shows no signs of abating. The her to their door and get a kiss on our economics it’s not scientific but nearly all movement’s nebulous purpose As is the cliché with economics, everything initially caused widespread respective cheeks. On the walk back to psychological. But this isn’t just limited to works fine in theory but in reality “we dismissal and mockery, with our place human nature kicks in and we economics; everyone wants to think they change our minds about things and are media outlets from Fox to CNN become incredibly doubtful over what just have a grasp of how things will turn out, heavily influenced by the attitudes of those labelling protestors as ‘aimless happened. What did that cheek kiss mean? and people have always asked soothsayers around us, which makes us subject to herd hippies’. Recent incidents of A) The date went horribly, we should not and forecasters. The overestimation of behaviour.” This is why we get sudden police brutality have brought call her, B) The night was spectacular, we control is part of human nature.” downturns, with people pulling money out #OWS into the spotlight, should call her right now, or C) It was a all at once on nothing but a gut instinct. So are we to submit to the wave of fear- forcing commentators to nice night and you should probably do it induced peer pressure? Should you kick acknowledge that despite - A broad coalition of real student again soon. But emotions are running high Economic thought has followed a pretty that dog or buy that ring? Alas, you’ll their lack of clear leadership or representation with a diversity of views, so no chance of considering the rational slippery track when it comes to what probably just do what everyone else is goals, the protestors’ presence experiences and policies. option – you know there’s only two clear motivates the whole system. In 1936 doing, which will mean it’s just more boom in Zucotti Park is motivated by endings here, you’re going to end up - Making SRC officers more accountable: John Maynard Keynes characterised and more bust. legitimate rage at the gross firm commitments at the start of their either kicking her dog or buying a ring. motivation as being caused by a special economic inequalities present little something called ‘animal spirits’, a Next week: we’ve given you some in American life, something term, the creation of an officers’ blog, Several hours earlier, a man or woman ‘spontaneous motivation’ that spurs us problems, now here’s some solutions! the US political system seems regular reporting to the student body. (statistically a man) in a grey suit went on in all aspects of our life—from our unwilling or unable to resolve. through a very similar train of thought. - Engaging more students in the collectives: thoughts to our affections, our actions It’s unclear whether this will be The market has closed, and it wasn’t more transparency, better advertising, to our investments— and has very little an American Spring or a quiet a spectacular day but it wasn’t an running bigger campaigns to engage the input from detached rationality. This was fall, but it’s no longer wise to unspectacular day. They’ve either got university community. viewed as an unsustainable model for world ignore it. to buy, buy, buy or sell, sell, sell, as the finance, and so in the next paradigm shift current economic climate demands change 7 25/8/2011 09:18

Use your Smartphone your Use this read and scan to code! QR www.RB.com Have you got what it takes? it what got you Have at out us Check more. out nd fi to Hea� -thumping careers in careers -thumping Hea� global brands, discover RB… discover brands, global RB_Ads_AUS_Sep_2011_Honi Soit.indd 1 2010: The filmmakers will continue to date their date to continue will filmmakers them a fleeting give to in order stories and legitimacy, sense of timeliness it becomes as fade inevitably which will the zombie clear that increasingly or humongo- war or nuclear apocalypse coming. And isn’t just wave tidal 2001, from Dr Bowman like just so, and accept to simply come must we holds for the future what embrace this means enduring us. In our case, shamelessly put that of fiction works self-anachronisation up for themselves than (rather the track down sometime tunnel a psychedelic hurtling through and then being confronted of colours monolith while lying on alien a huge by case). as in Bowman’s our deathbeds, these films are In the end, it is true that not shamelessly be enjoyed, to there of reflections for their poor scrutinised actual reality. on me started don’t get Just Contact. Make We Year be coming. one may last that *Well, Take a new name - how about Colin, name - how a new Take short)? Change (Theo for or Theodore around clothes in one of the bathrooms day. every enter you before the corner Taste, cup from coffee an empty Get as behave it - just but don’t drink from don’t want If you live. need it to if you try buying a coffee, money waste to one of the bins nearby. digging through new phone, and SMS your Buy a second time assessment around night friends at tomorrow. for are you fucked about how - think, and act differently Speak, walk, thing snappy that habit, like a new get not enroll Hell, why fingers. with your least At semester? next in MATH1003 start it appear legit when you make your - this way, tutorials turn up to to You already. name is on the register too. assignments do a few as well might you should be so absolutely this time, By sleeping wherever start you’ll run down up on the bus, - standing you it takes or even kebab, a Uni Bros in line for to City Road down walking as you’re new your to the IT building on the way transferred just you’ve because tutorial, Go on, do it, you a Bachelor of IT. into a job! 3/5 jerk! Get freeloading “How was your weekend?” rather than rather weekend?” your was “How it was, how exactly knowing already did they with and what were who they and photos tags, the various through news everyone’s barrage that posts cutting out enjoying I’m now For feeds. parties to not being invited the crap; but one-click-away, I’m simply because a yet (or better a text receiving rather throng my ditched I’ve now For call). them replaced of online-pals, and I’ve it’s now, ones. And for good with a few say done. (Never ever thing I’ve the best though, am I right?) never try deactivating a thought: Here’s a for days a few just for Facebook do this can You change. refreshing Settings in Account under Security Tab you for will be kept and everything return. if you , may not be so , may 2012 fit into our literal, physical dimension dimension physical our literal, fit into these is that worse Even of time. highly philosophical often are texts necessarily and don’t and moralistic, of reflections be actual claim to these makes just – which our world and deadlines even dates conjured grating. more mean I this doesn’t Of course, remain that storylines swallow easily. more any vague temporally me every give do they However, on the merits of the focus chance to The Day After least At itself. text of placed itself in a state Tomorrow its to thanks ambiguity, perpetual comes, never tomorrow if Even title. in the clear. is still Emmerich Roland vision of big-budget His subsequent Armageddon, lucky though. gripe, I feel of my Regardless remain an it will ultimately that and Authors itch. unscratched Calculus. It’s not important. But the not important. Calculus. It’s soporific, is intensely here atmosphere in no dreamland to which translates you should not try this that time! Note attending actually a student are if you to the an exception this class; there’s had the godawful If you rule, however. do to buggered too and are 8am lecture not try sleeping else — why anything few a the same lecture it off through later? hours of the hall, middle Sit in the vertical on the outskirts of one of the groups in an of friends which has formed fail this class while doing to not effort find it You might as little as possible. outwardly asleep if it looks fall easier to the best For belong there. you like during attention to pay start effect, key and pick up a few the lectures and ‘matrices’ values’, - ‘eigen phrases - start to good ‘Riemann sums’ are off as one of pass yourself and try to about tutorials, them. Commiserate who’s one lecturer about that bitch stairs the walking down just sweating take the podium, and occasionally to yourself. for life a second - create notes “But how do you coordinate events events coordinate do you “But how question. is another common etc?” does not is simple. Life The answer to come (as I have Facebook end at reactions had mixed I’ve discover). friends, some abusing me my from be to who wants being a hipster for cause some supporting me different, thing to not the best probably it’s thesis crunch time, and some at have well, simply said “sweet, who have But I’ll say you.” text to I’ll remember I Facebook deleted this: since I’ve noticed a difference haven’t honestly calendar. social in my missing out on a lot of I’m sure I’m and some (some pointless stuff cool this crucially meaningful) but, at the line of argument taking I’m point, enjoying is bliss. I’m ignorance that ask people I can that and more more ROB JOHNSON is prepared for the worst. for the prepared is JOHNSON ROB 2/5 Jupiter mission supervised by a mentally mission supervised a mentally by Jupiter in 2001: A supercomputer unstable didn’t happen ? That Odyssey Space the fact ignore this is not to Now, either. people befall tragedies real very that The day. every the world all around on But the scale is not perfect. world predicts apocalyptic often which fiction built on quicksand. tower is a atrocities a joke, a bit of all sound like This may semi-serious about absolutely but I’m is somehow of a text it. The conceit in actual by its disproving nullified fantasy The science fiction and reality. to in particular devised are genres us leave to even us, perhaps entertain of humanity the capabilities of in awe of our consequences and the potential then, is the What, actions in the future. on them? date use-by of placing a point than ignoring these ill-advised Rather I do, responders as many timeframes, read a to distracting find it unbearably has already a film that book or watch claiming to by irrelevancy slipped into at least one of these people will “Miss one of these people least at me. tell tried to or so Facebook You”, it.) Don’t believe a I was this way. always I wasn’t addict and I understand Facebook is, an and still was, Facebook that for social interaction. tool essential events, of Without it the organisation find on the shit we the linking of cool be wouldn’t and sharing photos web if it does mean (even so efficient quite put up with the monotonous to having loses their who continually dumb cunt a huge user of phone). I mean I was guy annoying that I was Facebook. and society spamming people about my say the guy who would I was its events. delivered of an invitation on the receipt “I’ll check outside the cyber realms not being on But honestly, Facebook.” is wonderful. Facebook my feet where I goddamn want to! And to! want I goddamn where feet my walk gonna they’re one of these days, up! Fuck! and fuck you you, over right 1.5/5 Law Library - some of the big chairs been able to but I haven’t seem okay, this one notch Maybe asleep in here. fall preference, or personal user error, up to the industriousness about but something dropping me from stops me just around time I the last because it’s Perhaps off. building a I was Library in the Law was with some friends bridge balsa-wood the it to nearly stuck and we Engo, from were glue, and we with fast-drying table fine they’d worried about whether pretty me The guilt surrounds us or something. all now, sleep there as I try to constantly choking me column, this stupid write to leaves, with guilt. Oh God, the guilt never leaves! it never General Lecture Theatre Avenue Eastern but hear me counter-intuitive, it’s - okay, during one of there go you out. Basically Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday the huge time a good 11am’s lectures, maths on the door too; listed but they’re or Integral Linear Algebra like something 4/5 - at first glance first - at

Richardson

is a truly confronting and frightening frightening and is a truly confronting with Michael ? Didn’t happen. How about that wacky wacky ? Didn’t happen. How about that Yes, I deleted Facebook: Confessions of Confessions I deleted Facebook: a JOSS ENGEBRETSEN. Yes, With MICHAEL RICHARDSON. one, exposing the ease with which human the one, exposing and conditioned. be farmed can society this holds one thing that just There’s published, back. When first tale harrowing the Union to the Soviet posed by the threat 27 years Today, real. very was world western to starting vision is fact, Orwell’s the after my to – and this brings me grainy a little get and science fiction fantasy often Too point. up themselves (especially films) set texts within placing themselves by irrelevance for the Remember frame. temporal a strict for scheduled holocaust nuclear disastrous II: Judgment 29, 1997 in Terminator August Day What the hell was George Orwell on about? Orwell George was the hell What by confined and defined state A totalitarian regulation, and manipulation oppression, moustachioed a mysterious by ruled over upon public opinion decided with dictator, phantoms faceless by and viciously enforced of their spend most buildings who grey in tall you sleep. The while you watching time in his 1949 novel Orwell by presented world 1984 Apocalypse Now, Or Maybe Later Maybe Or Now, Apocalypse - New Law Annex floor of the Bottom some are couches the long orange bedding comfortable of the most remain able to if you’re on campus, scandalised oblivious while receiving up on feet put your as you stares some kind of ... like the couches hold of your Keep student. not-law from away a step obliviousness! It’s be oblivion, and a solid sleep. You’ll and of affront, in a storm the shut-eye at all. in no time metaphors, mixed Middle floor of Manning prime are the window by the couches Nope! Don’t worry a snooze. for targets this one for all fell we about it, rookie, staff the too. In actuality, time the first your get to you and will tell vigilant are table in a wink, as though off the feet he where this is some kind of autocracy not! s/he’s Well, or she is the autocrat. Fuck! I’ll put fucking country! a free It’s Sleeping Around, Around, Sleeping I’m still coming to grips with it after four after it with to grips coming still I’m but I assure of being Facebook-free, weeks I’m one reason. just wasn’t there you after with the idea all flirted we’ve sure event spammy one more to being invited about someone post a stupid or reading of major managing a task successfully on boiling that mediocrity (congratulations in an act of tall perhaps egg, fuck). Or, you seeing some successful, syndrome, poppy high school douche wave smug, smarmy grill you success in your their undeserved be done with the just rather you’d realise the individual causing whole lot than delete Facebook on deactivating (Note: grief. you

FARRAGO common and most “Why?” Is the first to that explain to when I try asked question at that one time, that I met human random add to wants who party I don’t remember, I “Because And I respond, me on Facebook. Facebook.” hate R filmmakers will continue to date their stories in order to give them a fleeting sense of timeliness and legitimacy, which will inevitably fade as it becomes increasingly clear that the zombie apocalypse or nuclear war or humongo- tidal wave just isn’t coming. And so, just like Dr Bowman from 2001, we must simply come to accept and embrace what the future holds for us. In our case, this means enduring works of fiction that shamelessly put themselves up for self-anachronisation sometime down the track (rather than hurtling through a psychedelic tunnel of colours and then being confronted by a huge alien monolith while lying on our deathbeds, as in Bowman’s case). In the end, it is true that these films are there to be enjoyed, not shamelessly scrutinised for their poor reflections of actual reality.

Just don’t get me started on 2010: The Year We Make Contact.

*Well, that last one may be coming.

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RB_Ads_AUS_Sep_2011_Honi Soit.indd 1 25/8/2011 09:18 P RUGBY FINAL? ED KIRKWOOD saves you from eighty minutes of awful teams succeeding. Okay so let’s face it. You didn’t watch that would attract a large diversity of the Manly Sea Eagles wear maroon and However, the combination of Manly the Rugby League Grand Final. And spectators: those with good taste in music white and the Auckland Warriors wear defence and experience was too solid. that’s fine, ‘cause I’m sure you had and those with bad taste in music. grey, black and white (also that they were A late try in 78th minute to Jamie Lyon something really important to do. the two teams competing).Manly won clinched the victory—a fitting end for The American Idol performed first with Like returning some video tapes, or the premiership, scoring 24 points to the the skipper. Now repeat what I just said. her ‘Mr Know It All’ single. Some viewers patting your dog. Warriors’ 10. Memorise it. No peeking. have speculated that Clarkson performed It’s going to be a much-talked-about the song as a tribute to Ray ‘Rabs’ Warren The Warriors played a very physical game KEY PLAYERS event. Your friends, your girlfriend who was very impressed with her act. from early on, with several big hits from or boyfriend, or even your ‘league-y’ Clarkson refuted the claim, saying if that James Moloney gave them the attacking Most of the Manly side really stepped boss may raise it, venting “was were the case, she would’ve performed and defensive edge. However their young up and played like a side in-form and that ref blind or what?! What an her other hit ‘I Do Not Hook up’ or a and very inexperienced side started to hungry for another premiership. The abomination!” cover of the Jezabels’ single ‘Mace Spray’. make handling errors that gave Manly combination of Foran and Cherry- opportunities. Manly went into halftime Evans in the halves worked seamlessly, Rather than spluttering out some If someone does ask you about Clarkson’s confident and on top with a score of 12- allowing the centres and backs plenty horribly improvised football doggerel, performance, you’re better off saying you 2. of space. Glenn Stewart showed his I’m here to help you respond with a didn’t watch it. People will be far more innovation and skill with his notable certain sensibility that the great game impressed with that response. Or just They continued to dominate throughout grubber-pass to Cherry-Evans on their deserves. You will impress the shit say you were busy returning those video the first 15 minutes of the second half own 20-metre line to score down the out of them, meaning that your boss tapes. with Manly half-back Daly Cherry-Evans other end. may give you that promotion, or your teaming up with the Stewart brothers Eskimo Joe followed with a performance girlfriend might just stay with you for and Will Hopoate on numerous occasions For the Warriors, a lot of promise was of their latest single ‘Love is a Drug’. that extra bit longer. to extend the lead to 18-2. shown. Maloney’s kicking game and Controversy also surrounded this Johnson’s running game were highlights, PRE-GAME ENTERTAINMENT performance, with some viewers A change in momentum ignited by the and both players will be eagerly watched believing that this song was also Warriors’ first try from Manu Vatuvei in future years. This is an area for great discussion dedicated to Phil Gould. They later took the score back to 18-10, thanks to that you should use to your full It’s probably for the best that you

SPORT retracted this, stating that they misheard some Shaun Johnson magic that left the advantage. It requires no football the lyrics as ‘love is a drug but it won’t scrambling Manly defence dumbfounded. read this, because if you say you were knowledge and takes place before make my face go higher’. This comeback was also courtesy of a returning video tapes people will know the game starts. This year saw a dodgy video ref decision that saw Keiran you’re lying and if you say you’re patting double act of Kelly Clarkson and RESULT Foran disallowed a try that would have your dog for 90-odd minutes they’ll Eskimo Joe take the stage pre- probably think you were wanking. And This is the one thing about the game just put the game out of reach for the game; an interesting combination nobody wants that, right? that you really should know, aside from Warriors. POKIES JAMES O’DOHERTY likes his chances. SPORTS with In Briefs ARGHYA GUPTA Last last weekend the National Rugby Monaco going to Japan for the yearly In the debate over proposed pokies through gambling profits, but the League grand final was played out grand prix there. Sebastian Vettel won the reform and the question of whether suggestion that these profits are vital to between the Manly Sea Eagles and the championship (again), after winning the Australia should adopt mandatory their survival is simplistic and naive. New Zealand Warriors. After a hard fought race (again) after qualifying pole (again). gambling pre-commitment laws, lobby eighty minutes between the two teams Mark Webber is still waiting for the green If proposed pre-commitment technology groups from both sides have adopted with comebacks aplenty, the winner light before accelerating at the start line. does in fact decrease the recreational the discourse of what is ‘Australian’ or ended up being Clubs Australia. The big ______gambling of ‘punters’ in rural and ‘un-Australian’. This has merely escalated news however, was that Manly fullback regional areas (and I’m not convinced the debate over pokies reform to a Brett Stewart shook hands with NRL CEO it will), it would not be unreasonable Current Tour de France champion and level of guttural patriarchal attachment David Gallop. After years of putting the to think that pubs would gain revenue real-life cyclist Cadel Evans says he won’t to an ideal of national identity which game into constant disrepute, Stewart in their stead from a paradigmatic shift race in the season opening Tour Down serves no purpose for argument at hand. demanded an apology from the head to a more family-oriented, welcoming Under because it is “not a good fit for This discussion should be held in its of the game. Gallop replied with a non- environment. There is nothing more [Evans].” Evans was seen in men’s clothing correct terms – that of whether a small sequitur “Well done.” isolating than a darkened room filled shops repeating the same statement. infringement on personal freedom can ______with the bright lights and harsh sounds, ______be excused for the purposes of social the devoid husks of problem gamblers benefit and well-meaning political The Australian Football League also had propping up rows of electronic poker The Rugby World Cup has entered governance. its grand final in Melbourne, leaving machines for hours on end. its quarter final stage and it looks like the whole area between Sydney and Before the question of whether the Romania won’t make the cut again. Noroc It may be perceived that this article is Melbourne bogan-less for the weekend. proposed laws will even achieve their next time, Romania! The semi-finals are unreservedly in favour of a nanny-state After kitting out in the best of tailored aims, the validity of the debate itself scheduled to start sometime in 2016. whereby government impinges on social suits for the Brownlow Medal earlier needs to be analysed. Such a complex ______freedoms for no quantifiable benefit. and important issue as reforms aiming in the week, the Magpies and the This is not the case. This argument is to break the cycle of problem gamblers Cats found that they set the trends for simply being treated as what it is – a Despite a David Warner century, cannot be distilled into a discourse of the coming season, navy and white debate over how to stop one of the the NSW team couldn’t get past the amorphous patriotic identity. The debate stripes apparently being the favoured most debilitating conditions in the Bangalore team to make the final is international; it has only gained pattern, as it can’t possibly clash modern phenomena of self-destruction: of the Twenty20 champions league so much traction in Australia as an with any thing , including each other. problem gambling. because NSW didn’t have Chris Gayle. argument of specific national importance ______because of a systemically dangerous and The fact remains that ten per cent of exploitative business model. the world’s pokies are in NSW, with their Speaking of bogan pilgrimages, the win-loss ratio finely tuned to achieve Bathurst 1000 took place on the weekend, A match ending in a 0-0 draw between It is a far stretch to believe the the worst possible outcome for anyone with the result unknown because Bayern Munich and Hoffenheim was withdrawal of profits from poker but those who collect their revenue. If Sports In Briefs was either too drunk to not all scoreless after a couple were machines would directly destroy local proposed pre-commitment technology remember there was a race on, or was seen having sex with their pants down pubs and clubs throughout the country. truly would help problem gamblers from batted to death with a Confederate flag. in the middle of the crowd. They were Yes, it is true that the cash inflow from spiraling further and further into debt ______threatened by security to be ejected these gambling machines helps pubs (and I’m not proposing that it will), it is from the stadium, but that did not raise profits and provide services, but a our responsibility as a cohesive society happen because the man ejected in his business model where less than three Cars aren’t just a big thing in western to realistically consider that technology. own right fist. per cent of pokies revenue is returned NSW, with the whole population of If we can help those who have fallen into the community simply fosters greed into dangerous self-destruction with no and profit gouging. Meanwhile, it is real or obvious cost to society at large, also true that small local pubs around then we are socially obliged to do so. 10 the country do gain requisite revenue P THE PROFILE

HETTI PERKINSby JACQUELINE BREEN The things you say, diplomatically, to the media can be very different and unhealthy society. I think he would have argued that the resources to the things you post, quietly, on your Facebook wall. Late last were being misused and that the government wasn’t listening to the month, Hetti Perkins walked out on her role as senior curator of people…that it was just a politically expedient way of shamelessly Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander art at the Art Gallery of New exploiting children to further the political ends of what we know was a South Wales after thirteen years in the gig. She wanted, she said, to very racist government.” pursue “some different projects.” She told the Sydney Morning Herald The years spent touring with her Dad taught Perkins that people used that travel had inspired her to size up the bigger picture of her role in art to express their politics. Back in the day, she wanted to put paint indigenous art, and that there was no acrimony behind her sudden to paper herself but then “realised pretty quickly that I was just so departure. unbelievably crap. I just thought I can’t do this, to myself or anyone Days later she posted, without comment, the fresh Herald article else.” Her talent is not on canvas, but in curation. After scraping revealing extracts from her resignation letter on her Facebook wall. through an arts degree at UNSW and working with kids in Alice Springs Hetti Perkins is most definitely her father’s daughter – she might town camps to save to travel, she landed her first job at a Redfern not be organising freedom bus rides, but she has a savvy political artist’s collective. Since then she has worked to tear down the limited spirit. Her decision blindsided the city’s genteel art establishment, stereotype chaining indigenous art down by increasing its exposure. previously comfortable with their token concessions to dot painting She worked at AGNSW for over a decade, and last year presented and Dreamtime languishing, tucked away in AGNSW’s lower art+soul on ABC television. The three-part documentary series levels. Perkins was fed up that, in Sydney’s premier art institution, invited the nation in to the homes and studios and on to the lands of indigenous art was sidelined as a valuable collectable and not much indigenous artists. more. The gallery’s deputy director Anne Flanagan defended the Asked if she was afraid of taking the controversial leap out the gallery’s institution, insisting AGNSW had represented indigenous art “very hallowed halls, she says yes; “I am the sole provider as single mum strongly.” Still, Perkins’ resignation letter chronicled a litany of broken for my four children!” Perkins exists very obviously as a distinctive AGNSW promises: the refurbishment of the Yiribana Gallery seemed part of an organic whole. Her family is everywhere, in her speech perpetually postponed, her proposals for indigenous exhibitions and work and thoughts. She still wears her wedding ring years after PROFILE failed to eventuate and a separate department for Aboriginal and her husband died in a Mascot car accident. She talks proudly of her Torres Strait Islander art, promised in June, is nowhere to be seen. children’s achievements: Maddy addressed the nation on her televised Her Dad, pioneer activist Charlie Perkins, told Perkins that “when you GenerationOne appeal last year, and she plays the demo from her get a chance to speak for your people, do it. It’s not about you. Just son’s band (The Future Prehistoric) on high rotation. “My kids are do a bloody good job.” She’s on the right track to doing that but she very artistic types, which I love,” Perkins says. They have a “very is, as of late last month, out of a bloody good, very lucrative and high- artistically rich, if financially impoverished, family life! I think we all profile job. She’s currently kicking it in Armidale while her daughter is subscribe to the philosophy that some things are worth more than shooting a film, and after several failed attempts at phone reception money, although it helps!” she emailed me some updates. So there are question marks currently scattered across her horizon. She might not know where she is going but she can pretty proud Word on the street is, she’s still in negotiation with AGNSW, so we of where she’s been. She was raised on the road, moving between might just see her turn that grand old dame around yet. She’s also Sydney and Canberra and Alice Springs as her Dad pushed for spoken about the need to drive a flagship indigenous cultural centre racial equality around the country. She remembers playing as a in Sydney, but says she’s not the one to run it. She’s definitely found kid outside the Tent Embassy in Canberra, her Dad’s round-the- her calling: her obvious talent for eloquently championing the art and clock advocacy consuming the home life with passionate debate politics of her people makes her an invaluable indigenous role model and campaigning phone calls. Her mother, German-born Eileen and cultural powerbroker. Muchenberg, established one of the nation’s first galleries for Aboriginal art in the family’s garage. Perkins is a living breathing I think what she needs on her side is us. I know so little about product of this exciting time of Australian activism, and her indigenous art, despite all the time I spend hugging gallery walls and parent’s alchemy of art and politics. scribbling out arts journalism, and I want that to change. Beautiful and challenging indigenous art can make it on to our mainstream Her activism sits more subtly on the cultural end of the spectrum, gallery walls if we make a better collective effort to learn more, and but she rails passionately about issues her Dad would have ripped seek it out. I asked Perkins to recommend some artists who transcend in to. She was touring with some international artists in Mutitjulu that dot painting and Dreamtime stereotype. She thinks most do, when the army turned up for the intervention and she smacks but saved special mention for Jonathan Jones, Tony Albert, Christian down the move with a mixture of outrage and despair. “It was very Thompson, Destiny Deacon and Richard Bell. So get Googling, and embarrassing for me,” she told Bob Gosford, then of Crikey. Her makes things change. Dad, she thinks, would have been “appalled that [the Little Children are Sacred report] had been manipulated by the government of the day for their own political means. And to roll out this intervention that has so seriously impacted the lives of many really good decent people and cast the rest of us…by association as being in this corrupt

11 N

What was it like to live through the Egyptian revolution? MAX CHALMERS asked students from the University of Cairo, and they told him about the youth of the Arab Spring.

“Every hour in Egypt, in Cairo especially, is rush hour,’’ says Egyptian student Salma Gaber. “That day was a Friday and the streets were so empty. We were hearing a lot of gunshots.”

Salma, Sarah Ashraf Abdelgelil and Noha Rafik Faltas are three young Egyptian women and students at the University of Cairo who witnessed the tumultuous happenings in Egypt earlier this year. Currently studying abroad in Washington D.C., they took the time to relate to me their experiences, and interpretations of the uprising. This is the revolution through their eyes.

Ignited in Tunisia and exploding across Libya and Syria, and now Yemen and Bahrain, the Arab Spring appears to represent a global paradigm shift comparable to the fall of the Berlin Wall. Nowhere has the change been more pronounced than in Egypt where Hosni Mubarak, unquestioned and unquestionable dictator

feature of the nation since 1981, is currently on trial, his seemingly eternal grip on power relinquished in a matter of weeks. While it is easy for us to view these events through a grand historical lens as global geopolitical shifts, the reality is much more human.

For Salma the early days of the protest movement brought surprise and elation but also concern. With protesters gathering in the city’s Tahrir Square in late January, she was still sceptical about the prospects for change. “Even on the 25th of January, which everyone says was the beginning of the revolution, I did not feel it was,” she says. “It’s going to be a normal protest, “You have to understand like the ones we always have. So what?” that the revolution did Three days later she woke and checked her mobile phone and email. Like most of her 83 million not end in Egypt.” compatriots, she found they were not working. In an attempt to cut the vital lines of communication between anti-government protestors the Mubarak regime downed these networks across the nation. The revolution had begun.

For three weeks, for hundreds of thousands of people, Tahrir Square was home. Salma describes the diverse occupants and sights; artists painting murals of the revolution, dancers and performers entertaining demonstrators and even a wedding enveloped by the frantic mass. A sombre “martyr’s corner” bore the names and images of those who had already died. Tahrir was the shaking nation’s epicentre.

Anxious not to be trapped alone after the 5pm curfew, Salma and her mother hurriedly moved into her uncle’s house who, like many other family patriarchs, had bought himself a gun. Tahrir Square continued to fill.

But why Egypt and why now?

“What they were mainly protesting against was corruption,” Sarah tells me. In the past thirty years the public service has been drained of investment; education and healthcare have badly deteriorated. 12 Social mediacertainly played acrucialrole. Sarah puts waiting for. won thebattle theirparents spent theiradultlives says. Itisobvious just how proud thegirlsare to have call itEgypt’sarsenal. youth “They revolution,” Salma by anew generation ofEgyptians armedwitha new Crucially, the momentum was ofJanuary fostered revolution—it exploded,” Salma concludes. accumulated, accumulated, accumulated until the Mubarak’s rule.“Anger was builtinEgyptians and upheaval after years of fearful acquiescence to proved thesparkthat propelled thenation towards An actofpolicebrutality andfollowing cover up poor.” that “thepeople whosuffer most from [wasta] are the how itworks“That’s inEgypt,” shesays, pointing out recently bribedapolicemanto avoid alarger fine. bribe was ahuge advantage. Sarah admitsto having toor trying avoid aparkingfine,theability to pay a were applyingfor apassport,taking amedical exam permeated “every typeofinstitution,” Whether you who can helpyou orwhoyou can bribe.Thisculture word is them towards dissent. Sarah tells methat theArabic less grandiose, day to day corruption that hadground But for well offandpoorEgyptians alike it wasthe the establishment. much to loose from therevolution andthus supported others inNoha’s district calculated that they hadtoo and drinkalcohol. Whilesupportingthe rallies herself, also free to spendtheirtimeinEuropean style clubs something unthinkable inpublicplaces.Thegirls are beaches where sheisableto dress inabikini, as geographic sense.Nohatells meaboutprivate that thisistrueinanintellectual andmoral aswell As theinterview goes on,itbecomes apparent wealthy have theirown places.” agrees, “The reflecting ontheprivileges wealthbrings. “We are theminority. We are notoppressed,” Noha opportunities, especiallyin terms ofeducation. from theupperclassesandhave hadaccessto unique unrepresentative ofthebroader population. They are In thisway Salma,Sarah andNohaare Mubarak particularly fostered this gap. The narrowing ofeducational opportunitiesunder of menand59%women were unemployed. In 2005aBBCinvestigation claimedthat up to25% and globalisation have notbeen evenly distributed. into themodernworld, thespoilsofindustrialisation population. AstheGreat NileCivilisation has grown the minoritywhofind good work, andthe rest ofthe is referring to thehuge disparityofwealth between “We don’thave amiddleclass,” Sarah continues. She times, it’s good to bethePharaoh. accumulated by theMubarak family. Asinancient demonstrated by theestimated $40-70billion fortune corruption and stifling offunds, most strikingly This was largely dueto government mismanagement, wasta—knowing someoneinahigherposition 3 to herviaemail.Sent from Tahrir Square onFebruary document that hadbeenforwarded andreforwarded seems hard to overstate. Salmaalsoshows mea popularising andpropagating images ofthe revolution The importance ofsocialmediafor organising, This got very popularinEgypt.” had photos withthemilitary tanks andthethumb. splashed across Facebook, she tells me, and “everyone symbol oftheirnewfound rights. Theseimages were pose for photos withtheirinkcovered thumb,anovel voted for thefirst timeintheirlives, people would leave athumbprint for identification and so, having election. When registering to vote it was necessary to resignation ofMubarak duringthenew constitutional Sarah tells meaboutatrend that occurred after the Tahrir Square. featuring someofthefamous images that came outof have albumsfrom therevolution anddisplay pictures the Facebook pages ofherfriends,almost allofwhom brought down thirtyyears ofhistory. Salmashows me minutes, that brought peopleto thestreets and It was aFacebook event, drafted inahandfulof experience oftheEgyptians spearheading events. This isasomewhat telling indication oftheage and before shethought to dust offthelandline. functional. It took Salmathree days of failed cell calls internet were services interrupted, landlinesremained laughs, almost embarrassed. Whilemobileand “Everyone forgot to usetheirhousephones,” Salma to more clandestine methods of communication. young revolutionaries that many didnotthink to look immersed incontemporary technologies were the it innouncertain term: “itstarted onFacebook.” So In spite oftheacute wealth gap, richandpooralso gently rolled inhisgrave. daily prayers inTahrir Square. SamuelPHuntington shield, encircling andprotecting Muslimsduringtheir thousands ofChristian Egyptians formingahuman images caught during therisingwas that oftens of spreading. Oneofthemost stunning andawesome recounts. Arenewed senseofEgyptian solidarity was Cairo “thiswas when we met ourneighbours,” Salma living inthecompact butoften anonymous suburbs of checkpoints to protect theirhomes.After alifetime whole communities banded together creating civilian chaos threatened to overwhelm thedemonstrations, of “down, down, withMubarak.” Aslootingand leading arally down astreet whileheadingachant change. Sarah describesherusuallydocilemother However, itwas notjust theyouth demanding good. them to sustain theirefforts until he stepped down for these that held theresolve ofprotestors andimplored that hewould notcontest them,itwas messages like promised elections would beheld at afuture timeand leaderless, massrevolt. WhenMubarak vaguely kind ofcommunication proved vital for theessentially (largely by withthoseelsewhere. BlackBerry) This inside ofthesquare allowing themto communicate rd , itacted asapolitical manifesto, written bythose answer. this isaquestion that may take another generation to it’s not.” Whiletherevolution took just three weeks, democracy isthebest kindofthingfor us?Maybe her nation now dwells“Who said American upon: Noha presents me withtheessential question that cautious conservatism ofthe broader population. political philosophy oftheeducated elite andthe of religious feeling, andbetween thewestern liberal between thepromise ofsecularismandthedepth democracy andahistory ofauthoritarian leadership, Egypt isnow caught between therhetoric of puts it. Democratic rhetoric was simply“more catchy,” as she which helddifferent meaning for different people. down’.” Democracy, shewarns, became abuzzword in Egypt democracy means‘Mubarak shouldstep is particularlyclearonthispoint. “For somepeople and February to theuncertainty ofthefuture. Noha when discussionmoves from ofJanuary theglory rhetoric andreality. Theirtone changes suddenly They worry aboutthegap between democratic tensions, particularlywithIsrael. legislation, anti-modernisation anddiplomatic express fear ofincreasingly repressive social parliamentary electionisheld.Allthree women prime position to leadthe country oncethefirst Brotherhood hasmanoeuvred itselfinto the genuinely popular ideological appeal,theMuslim at vulnerable Egyptians, political manipulation and Through acombination ofaid relief work targeted is autopian thought.” secular Egypt,” says Noha,butshelaments that “this “The revolution wasof thepopulation. calling fora during therevolution andtheactual expectation There isatension between therights demanded not endinEgypt,” Salmapronounces emphatically. be. “You have to understand that therevolution did ill-defined picture ofwhat Egypt isandwhat itshould story (orindeed,ofFukuyama’s history); here liesan But theinitiation of isnottheendof ‘democracy’ the revolution is won, there isnomore to say. tantalising news bite footage. Thepeoplehave voted, western gaze hasdrifted to stories that promise more scenes ofviolenceare becoming rare. Accordingly, the is onceagain passingthrough Tahrir Square and appears to have now subsided. Noisy Saturday traffic To anexternal viewer, theexciting tideof revolt What Next? improvement ontheCricket Australia ads. excellent exercise inbranding. At thevery least it’s an to helpthecommunity. It’s probably alsoapretty free samplesandsuppliesto protestors isagreat way motivated generosity ofthelocal KFC. Handingout camaraderie was consolidated by theselflessly living onthestreet, peoplelivinginpalaces.” This [was] getting together, therichandpoor, people took to thestreets together. AsNohasays, “everyone N 13 feature U SAXCLUSIVE SAX THIS! WHY 80S SAXOPHONE SOLOS ARE THE DEVIL BRIDIE CONNELLAN reckons you can put this in your saxophone and smoke it. When George Michael decided the lick of ‘Careless the bridge. We’re talking kick off, straight in, wails of The 1980s can’t really blame themselves when they Whisper’ was a good idea, a little piece of my awful alto panning across the LA skyline. I once had had one mother of a precedent. Rolling Stone was musically-appreciative soul died and reaffirmed the the misfortune of having the entirety of Laneway right when they said “The sax solo as we know it today honest-to-Wham truth; 80s saxophone solos are, quite Festival serenade me with such a riff, punters would not exist without Gerry Rafferty,” the iconic simply, the most appalling sound on the planet. left right and centre joining my douchey pals in a publication going on to note how his 1978 soft-rock chorus of ‘DEEERRNERNERNER NERRRRNERNERNER classic ‘Baker Street’ has to be “the Ulysses of rock The loneliest, cheesiest and most depressing sound of DEEERRRNERNERNER NEERRRNERNERNER’ all up in & roll saxophone, giving the entire chorus over to New York, MTV and Circular Quay, saxophones grabbed my face whilst waiting humbly for Chk Chk Chk. Jerks. I Raphael Ravenscroft’s sax solo, creating one of the the 1980s by the unsuspecting balls and insisted on hope you strained your careless vocal chords. Seventies’ most enduringly creepy sounds.” Highlight featuring prominently for approximately 20.5 seconds it, underline it, circle it, Crayola Mini-Stamp it; the in every pop song from Bruce Springsteen to Kenny Drawing on what Rolling Stone called the era’s “woozy word used was ‘creepy’. Ravenscroft silhouetted avec G, blasting their high-pitched, head-bobbling, hip- alcoholic-stepmom flavor”, 1984 saw Billy Oceans’ ‘fro against a navy backdrop blasting his unnecessary thrusting annoyance through frost-lit video clips, bad ‘Caribbean Queen’, Sade’s ‘Smooth Operator’, ‘The mourns is enough to taint the entirety of 1978 with perms and fluffed mullets. NME even admitted the Heart of Rock N Roll’ by Huey Lewis & the News, more disturbing juju than a passing stranger’s hand on existence of a ‘narrow’ category of great and revered ‘Dance Hall Days’ from Wang Chung and all manner your lower back. Acceptable verses, nightmarish sax- saxophone players in rock, in their praise of the of slimy sax simply begging to be suppressed by only chorus. Thanks but no thanks Raff. You’ve scarred recently deceased Clarence Clemons, a man who I will Orwellian control. I will never quite forgive dear darling me enough. refrain from criticising presently in the respect for one Jesus, ahem Jagger, for the Rolling Stones’ foray into so illustrious (*shakes fist at Springsteen*). floppy solos, with the warble on ‘Waiting On A Friend’ LA punk crew Fear had the right idea in 1982 when sending shudders deep fried in cheese down my spine. they released the angry track ‘New York’s Alright If You Don’t get me wrong, it ain’t the instrument or its Not angry, just disappointed. Like Saxophones’, roping the tacky sound in with the sound itself I’m rallying against. Coltrane and the likes of tuberculosis, drunks in your doorway, muggings Pink Panther can rally a showdown in the parking But after 1984, pop music’s sax life became even and freezing to death. Excessive sure, but no less lot for me even suggesting such a degradation of more vomworthy. Spandau Ballet? I know this much relevant when examining the damage 80s sax solos their golden pipe, when of course, the work of ECM is ‘True’: the solos in their songs sucked. ‘Superfreak’? have done to the eardrums of the globe. greats Jan Garbarek and Charles Lloyd have expressed Rick James please allow the sweat on your brow to some of the most poignant musical thoughts in the drown out that wail. ‘Maneater’? Hall & Oates you Sure, reclamations have been made in our sax-wary realm of contemporary jazz. However, when Men may have an inimitable duo call-and-response niche 2011, with Cut Copy’s ‘Hearts On Fire’ showing At Work ask ‘Who Can It Be Now?’ with an alto sax yet to be surpassed, but kindly save that for vocals and prowess to sneak a sexy sax underneath their reciprocation on their 1981 album Business As Usual, avoid such a muted two-piece display of general sax Mi-Sex-esque tunes. The likes of UK cats M83 and local such a call and response met with a howling shriek DOOM. ‘Don’t Walk Away’? Rick Springfield kindly fail Sydneysiders Domeyko/Gonzales may be changing my of a Cheetos packet solo is just enough to make me to adhere to your own suggestion and Do. Tina Turner mind every step of the way, and dear Clemons even vomit a mouthpiece. As one irate blogger retorted was a serial offender with her love of thrusting solos, made a startling appearance on Lady Gaga’s ‘Edge of at the mention of 80s sax solos making a musical with ‘One of the Living’ (1985) from Mad Max chiming Glory’ but the fact remains, when I turn on Vega or Mix statement in the midst of the decade; “Stop using in at 2:48 with a sweaty dude literally chained to his 106.5FM in my radio surfing manner, the rearing of sax as a weapon.” You hear that Kenny G? THAT’S sax wailing to the dungeon she’s keeping him in, and any brass solo 1980-89 triggers my mouth to salivate ASSAULT BROTHER. ‘The Best’ sporting a video clip of Turner riding a ‘sexy’ in anticipation of regurgitation. Katy Perry you can see horse bareback with a tacky blare announcing her me after class for allowing Kenny G to make a starring The Year Everyone Had Too Much Sax was 1984. awfulness. Simply the worst, Tina. appearance in ‘T.G.I.F.’. The man needs no further Ease in slowly shall we? Oh hells no, because George encouragement. And neither do you. Michael’s ‘Careless Whisper’ won’t even wait until HONI SOITORIALIST NEADA BULSECO on the launch of Tightigers’ summer collection. Rawr.

the arts bit Last Wednesday night a crowd of designer locals and minidress is known as ‘Pip Hates Pants’ and the suited corporates convened on a Surry Hills corner. white bodysuit it titled ‘Steph Goes Gaga’. The range Straddling milk crates and toasting Rekoderligs, exudes party cool, knows its demographic inside onlookers admired cape-adorned beauties as they out and can mould to a woman’s body like adult sauntered amongst the throng, passing the ciders playdough. This speaks volumes about Claire, who on and posing for photographers between sips. It established the brand with the hope of filling a gap was an idyllic evening that paid tribute to the youth in the Australian fashion market that she personally and freedom embodied by Tighttigers, an Australian longed for. label that coos perfect rebellion. The launch of the forthcoming Summer collection (titled ‘Yo-ho-ho and Tighttigers understands their buyer because the a bottle of fun’) echoes the brand’s inclination to let designer behind the brand personifies the target go and raunch it up. consumer. She created pieces that she wanted for her own wardrobe, and knew Sydney’s twenty- Born from the mind of Sydney designer Claire somethings could only love. I may sing praise Coppins, the new range is something to behold. after praise about the label, and this collection, Sequined, floor length capes (also known as ‘tigers’) but Tighttigers transcends the conventions of took centre stage, with bodysuits and underwear mainstream design today. The brand has no desire to guised as shorts thrown into the mix. The launch appeal to the masses; it takes aim at a sub-culture. was Studio 54 without the flares, and whole lot It isn’t afraid to be loud and stick it to conservatives. more rock n’ roll. Guests played dress-ups in the It also has incredible editorial appeal; the summer back, while the sidewalk played host to the brand’s range is already being picked up by stylists and ambassadors: the hot popular girls that we all wish fashion editors across the nation. The attention is we could be, or be on. These Tighttigers mascots well deserved. stopped traffic (literally) as they twirled on South Dowling Street, impervious to the fleet of cabs and For all of its merits, the collection is definitely way sedans that waited patiently while green lights came out-there; not the most wearable items for any and went. wardrobe. Some pieces could be paired with subtler garments for those intimidated by metallics and The launch was all that it could have been: playful, sequins combined, but that undermines the label’s intimate and chaotic. A whole lot of leg, a touch of intent. Each and every item in this collection was side boob and free-flowing cider was the order of designed to put the wearer right in the spotlight. A the night, but it was the collection that captivated fluroescent spotlight with lasers to boot, that is. In the crowd. Well-cut, perfectly crafted pieces have testament to that, Perez Hilton even wore a gold- been given tongue-in-cheek names to endow the sequined tiger as he led a squealing Gaga fan base 14 brand with a youthful energy; the silver sequined and Yelle’s frontwoman, Julie, is a fan. X SAX THIS! WHY 80S SAXOPHONE SOLOS ARE THE DEVIL Freshly “Theatre” Squeezed: “Lower the curtain!” screams BRIDIE CONNELL. SHANNON CONNELLAN found some The Walking Who It’s Hamlet, but set in a neo-Nazi post- brand new nostalgia in the garage. apocalyptic world, and we’ve replaced California 1965, meet Sydney 2011. There’s a certain have a lot of different instruments around and we’re all the dialogue with whistling. psychedelic swagger seeping into the Sydney music continually finding new concepts to work with.” The Shoot me. scene of late, pioneered by the likes of mustachioed group released their self-titled EP last year, earning music makers Richard In Your Mind and permeated by them the title of ‘Unsigned Artist of the Week’ on FBi I love theatre – I really, really love it. But countless ‘60s enthusiasts including psych-out sirs The Radio. This roll shined on with the release of their I loathe “theatre” and “theatre” is all I Laurels and flared-jean toting The Monkey Smokers. second homemade recording and debut full lengther seem to be seeing lately. Let me explain. Further down the coast, the garages of the South Candy Flu last summer. With two records under their Coast are filled with the sounds of early Stones meets belt, The Walking Who began to roll their rock at house Real theatre has many functions. It entertains, Doors-esque lo-fi rock. The time to hesitate is through. parties and Illawarra’s music hub, Yours and Owls Café. it challenges, it informs and provokes. In my opinion, it is one of the most important pillars of Illawarra’s best kept secret, The Walking Who, are The lads then took to the wide open road touring their any society. But “theatre”, on the other hand, is unmasked and ready to meet y’all. psychedelic sounds to the mystical realms of Canberra, the increasingly prevalent servings of narcissism Woollongong, Bowral and the World Bar Art Factory dressed up as art, where actors and directors get Northern Illawarrans at home, guitarist and vox man realms of the Sydney live scene. Rohin Brown and bass plucker Jay Drury started a so caught up in the idea of being clever that they fail to deliver anything worthwhile. recording project together two years ago after a chance These cats are no strangers to tales of woe and meet at a local shindig. The two kept their tunes close craziness on the road, with many a Hunter-esque One of the biggest breeding grounds for this type to their chest, knowing they’d be needing a drummer story to tell behind each bend. “We played a gig out at of self-indulgence is the popular “alternative” if they ever wanted to hit the live scene. Six months Young, drank some whiskey and played with shotguns interpretation of a classic. They can be great. later, they found sticks man Paul McLean in a bar and after the show,” muses Rohin. There is agreement They’re often crap. You’ve all seen them - Baz decided to “have a little jam.” The tale behind the within the band over their best gig so far, a gig in the Lurhman’s Romeo and Juliet (1996) was one band’s name, originally coined by Rohin, remains lost in Brindabella Mountains that Rohin refers to as a ‘bush example of re-contextualising something to time, as fuzzy as the beginnings of an old friendship. doof’. The sub-zero temperatures took their toll on the breathe new life into it and introduce it to a new crowd, not to mention the equipment. But these rock audience. But you can’t just change the context The Walking Who describe their sound as psychedelic and rollers weren’t about to let numb fingers stand in and setting for the sake of it - there must be good jam rock, citing a myriad of influences from The Brian the way of a good show. “We were playing outside in a reason to do so. Jonestown Massacre to Dirty Beaches and Tom Waits. field and it was minus three degrees,” says Paul. “All the Take the recent NIDA production of Shakespeare’s The majority of writing is done collectively, in the gear was breaking, my fingers were cold but we ended The Winter’s Tale. Playing half the characters as mysterious realms of the unexplained ‘mansion’. “I up playing for, like, two hours.” extras from a Spaghetti Western complete with guess [we write by] all bringing in ideas and jamming at vaguely southern accents was novel, certainly, The Walking Who have graced USyd stages a number of the mansion or in Paul’s garage,” says Brown. The group and letting the other half be roughly Italian - sorry, find their psychedelic sound through experimentation, times this year, playing Manning Bar over the break and inspired by the films of Fellini - well, it wasn’t a take adhering to and rejecting formula in these all-in jam finding a spot alongside Jinja Safari, Mitzi and RUFUS I’d seen before. The entire show was clever. Clever sessions. “Songs usually come out of jamming and on the bill for Snowball in August. They’ve already actors in clever costumes being clever on a clever we’ll just pull out the gems and write around that, little shared the stage with the likes of The Ruminaters, set. It was like the director was hitting you over magical moments,” agrees McLean. Megastick Fanfare and Oh Ye Denver Birds, and with the head with a copy of 99 Films to See Before You a third release culminating in their pockets these Die and screaming “I’ve seen more than you! It’s a The gentlemen of The Walking Who have a luxury few Illawarran rockers are ready to find their own niche in homage, only I’m probably the kind of person who emerging bands are privy to: their own studio. With record collections aplenty. says “Ohmage” with a stupid French accent!” their own space and a plethora of instruments at their Download The Walking Who’s debut full length I left at interval. disposal, these lucky lads have the rare opportunity album Candy Flu free from Bandcamp: to produce material at will. “We have the freedom to http://thewalkingwho.bandcamp.com/ Shock and awe are also used in a lot of make as much music as we want,” says Rohin. “We’ve contemporary theatre, usually as a way to recorded two records in the last year and have a third demonstrate to a paying audience how brave in the pipeline. Whenever we have time, we record. We and daring the cast and director are. Nudity and violence are so commonplace in productions these days that they’ve lost their impact. Taken to the extreme (as they often are), the result can be Fresh from Newcastle, TOM WALKER gives a run down on distracting or offensive and take away from the the 2011 This Is Not Art festival. plot. A friend of mine who worked on a recent “provocative” show at an independent theatre said that a good night meant less than thirty people Why weren’t you at This vintage wear, taxidermied animals and clocks made walking out during the play. Is Not Art? You probably out of broken baby dolls, ArtHive hosted the This Is didn’t know it was on. Not Bart exhibition’s pop-art tribute to The Simpsons Of the recent Sydnet Theatre Company production To keep with the feel of while Little Paper Cup and MakeSpace’s craft-for-free of Baal, reviewer Barry Hearst said “if there was the thing, let’s describe spaces let people make their own jocular whimsies less dry humping and more clothing, the audience

TINA in the least artistic from card and paper. TINA held panels in lounge rooms, could give more attention to the strength of the the arts bit way possible: it was pubs, and mirrored primary school dance studios, acting and the power of the dialogue in the play.” a festival comprised the zine fair took over four levels of carpark and the This is the problem. Not the dry-humping, but of four sub-festivals, each sharing the common event spelling bee turned the Great Northern Hotel into a that the desire to shock or provoke and the fear categories of panels, workshops, readings, launches and mid-afternoon nerd-hub. The main streets of Newcastle of being labeled boring seems to have led a lot of talented theatricians to make staging decisions that performances. These sub-festivals (Crack Theatre Festival, were never busy but events consistently packed out hinder, rather than enhance the drama. When the National Young Writer’s Festival, Critical Animals and as festival-goers taught each other to apply for grants, production is about the director or cast, and not Electrofringe) incorporated a sliding scale of experimental- write dialogue, sculpt cardboard, create kinetic drum the play itself, there’s something wrong. to-mainstream art and artists over five full days of events, machines, make crosswords and tried to get their some of which strayed from the established format above. heads around Australian theatre’s middle-class bias and Of course, experimentation and risk taking are Everyone had a great time, received party bags full of Australian television’s problems or lack thereof. necessary to push theatre in new directions, inspiration and ill-advised moustaches, then left. To the but must be used for the right reasons. Setting clinical eye that was it. Here’s the thing: every event is free. No cover charge Waiting for Godot in a nightclub doesn’t show for the parties, no ticket price for the panels and no your brilliance, it indicates you don’t understand To my human eyes, it was great. If any city is going to have don’t-be-a-dick bond for the open mic nights. I left the play. You have to be bloody good to break a successful underground arts festival, it’s Newcastle: TINA equal parts inspired and terrified by the level of the rules, and you have to realise that theatre Sydney’s cheap, compact cousin, whose admirably talent in young writers and performers in Australia. is not about being shocking or showing off your generous approach to the Arts helped get it onto Lonely Want a one-sentence endorsement? None of the knowledge. It’s about truth. The truth can be Planet’s Top Ten Cities To Visit list (at #9, no less). The events cost me a thing, so I could afford to blow my shocking and it can startle your audience and Renew Newcastle Initiative has given artists access to the money on a giant painting of Kirk Van Houten from make them look at you with new eyes. But city’s unused buildings, converting them into performance This Is Not Bart (titled Weekend Dad). There’s your arts don’t try to force it. Stage the play, feel the spaces, galleries and stores. The Odditorium combines festival. Relaxed, educational, unpretentious fun. emotions, understand the lines and you’ll be provocative enough. 15 PS orr C es n p g o i

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F c e I T L H O E P D RI UST IN T S S i. ETTLE Hon TOM for LEE is on the ground

Tripoli is a fairly peaceful place in call of the provisional government for the public square. In a chaotic, honking the weeks since it fell to the rebels. forgiveness, albeit grudgingly. cacophony the main arteries leading to The shops are open and commerce Martyrs’ Square are packed full of newly is returning to life. The shelves are a The city is awash with small arms patriotic Tripolitans in cars daubed little bare but the basics are in supply. pilfered from abandoned armouries. in the new tricolour, with children There are some lasting wartime Unlike civil buildings which were left hanging precariously out of windows inconveniences: the local telecom is out intact in the knowledge that they enthusiastically eliciting peace signs of SIM cards and there are queues for would soon be put to use, government in return from those making their way bread and petrol, but the bread queue is armouries were flung open for all and there on foot. getting progressively shorter and there sundry to take what they pleased. should be more petrol around in the Basically every family now owns a Martyrs’ Square itself is like a giant months ahead as refineries are brought gun. With pistols, shotguns and rifles school fete, with popcorn, fairy floss back into operation. Electricity has everywhere. An otherwise quiet vendors and a jumping castle. Unlike recently been restored, the gas lamp lit evening is punctuated by bursts of a school fete battle utes are lined up nights a thing of the past. gunfire from people trying out their for people to have their picture taken new weapons, firing them into the on them, with occasional bursts of The rebels (although now that they sky or into walls or — incredibly celebratory gunfire. For those wanting control the capitol they should probably dangerously for an urban environment a better view there are large pylons be called something else) maintain a — at targets on the ground, for no looming up from the ground, which the visible presence throughout the city. discernable reason. Babies are kept locals climb with stunning dexterity. They moved quickly to fill any possible awake and more people are wounded The main attraction is the central stage power vacuum and if there was any by stray bullets though the mood for a where the crowd throngs about to hear appetite for anarchic looting (and it does clampdown on gun use grows. a line up of speakers. There are military not seem that there was) they have types congratulating the people on their prevented it. The iconic utes mounted The going fashion for anybody with victory, old men recounting the evils with heavy weapons patrol the streets. a Kalashnikov rifle is to sticky tape of the deposed regime, young women Graffitied with the names of the cities an additional magazine to the one declaring their hopes for the future, of their origin such as Zintan or Misrata, already loaded. It increases capacity and with heartbreaking poignance, a these out of towners are welcomed by to 60 bullets while allowing for a quick distraught mother who begs the crowd Tripoli residents. They know that they reload by not having to fumble about for information about her son, lost in bore the brunt of fighting and how much with ammunition pouches. It also the months of conflict. Breaking down their own cities suffered from Qaddafist looks pretty cool, even though it does into tears at the rostrum, she can’t bring bombardment; they are cheered as they slightly skew the weight of the weapon herself to leave and has to be led away. thunder past in their vehicles. to one side (which is an important PAGe 16 detail when aiming — although from The speeches are broken up by musical Armed checkpoints are still set up the hip has been the preferred firing interludes pumped out on the speaker throughout the city. Organised by the position of this conflict). stacks as children run onto the stage local military council of each suburb, and dance along. An African guy leads the singing and the crowd roars back residents take turns to man the During the day people pick through the verses to the favourite song, ‘Libya checkpoints in shifts, emerging from the ruins of Bab al-Aziziya, the seat Is Calling’. The mood of occasion is their homes with a rifle and whatever of power of the Qaddafi government, neatly captured by a simple sign held military accoutrements they have in mostly destroyed by NATO bombing amidst the sea of flags: ‘Life, Freedom, their possession, if any. Some men and then doubled over by victorious Democracy’. There is an overflowing of are equipped with combat boots and Libyans as they seized control of the civic pride in their new country. “I used fatigues provided by Qatar, others make city. The building exemplifies classic to hate my country,” says Mohamed, a do with thongs and track pants. police state architecture: high walls, 22 year old who fought at Zintan. “Now I with a nest of coiled barbed wire can love it.” While most checkpoints are happy to hidden behind to skewer anybody breezily wave through their countrymen who attempts to scale them, designed Now that the war is largely over the there are others are others that conduct to shut out the population and with people seem to be determined to see vehicle searches and check papers. watch towers at regular intervals to the flowering of civilian led politics. There is still the lingering menace of surveil upon them. At the site of the There are many armed men guarding pro-Qaddafi violence. A forty man main building hundreds of people the stage, but they are not the focus of group attacked a checkpoint as recently congregate to whoop, cheer and sing the festivities. It is rather a celebration as the 5th of October, wounding one in a perpetual celebration that has of civic pride. The group who have rebel fighter in the leg, before being not ceased since Tripoli fell. Others organised the stage are not military but surrounded and surrendering. wonder the compound in silence, a civilian youth political group visibly families in tow, awestruck at the demise eschewing the trappings of militarism. Rank and file ex-regime loyalists go of a regime which had seemed for They wear blue polo shirts and lanyards about their daily business in a muted so long so all-powerful. like western event organisers, their fashion, avoiding eye contact as they symbols are doves or hearts rather than line up in the bread queue alongside When the night sets in and the heat has weapons. And for the time being the rebels and recently released political subsided, people pull down the shutters military men defer to them. How long prisoners. It is a real test of magnanimity of their shops or emerge from their they are content to do so remains to be for the latter to tolerate ex-loyalists in homes and drive with their families to seen. 16 their midst, but they are heeding the V ASK ABE Feeling Blue Q & A with students who need help and a dog who has all the answers... Article from the Black Dog Institute website Send letters to: [email protected] www.blackdoginstiute.com.au

We have all felt ‘depressed’ about a friend’s cold shoulder, misunderstandings in our Hi Abe, relationships, hassles with assignments, I think one of my or sometimes no reason at all. However, lecturers is picking depression can become an illness when: on me because I am asian and have a very strong accent. • The mood is severe He won’t repeat • It lasts for 2 weeks or more and what he says in class when I tell him • It interferes with our ability to function I don’t understand him. He makes at home or Uni. fun of the way I talk and I feel bad participating in the tutorials with Signs of a depressed mood include him. I know that I speak differently (but are not limited to): to the other students but it makes • Lowered self-esteem (or self-worth) me feel bad. What should I do? • Change in sleep patterns An important part of caring is to help the • Changes in appetite or weight GBK treatment process: • Less ability to control emotions such as pessimism, anger, guilt, irritability and anxiety • If medication is prescribed encourage the person to Hi GBK • Varying emotions throughout the day, for example, persist with treatment (especially when there are feeling worse in the morning and better as the day side effects) I’m glad you asked this question, progresses this is a very real and very important • Reduced capacity to experience pleasure • Counselling or psychotherapy often results in the issue. All students have the right to • Reduced pain tolerance depressed person ‘thinking over’ their life and be able to attend uni without being • Changed sex drive: absent or reduced relationships. While this can be difficult for all harassed or discriminated against • Poor concentration and memory concerned, you should not try and steer the person by other staff or students and the • Reduced motivation away from these issues. university has policies and procedures • Lowered energy levels. in place to protect staff and students • A resolving depression sometimes sees strong from this kind of behaviour. What emotions released which may be hard on the a lot of students don’t know is Having one or other of these features, by themselves, carer. The first step in dealing with these fairly is to is unlikely to indicate depression, however there that there is a Staff and Student sort out which emotions really refer to the carer Equal Opportunity Unit (SSEOU) on could be other causes which may warrant medical and which refer to other people or to the person assessment. campus that provides advice and themselves. advocacy for staff and students If you are feeling suicidal it is very important to seek • Treatment has a positive time as well - when the who are experiencing harassment immediate help. Start with a doctor at the University person starts to re-engage with the good things in and discrimination, and you can Health Service in Wentworth Building. They bulk bill life and carers can have their needs met as well. approach the SSEOU directly. There and can give you a mental health plan and referral are also designated Harassment and Discrimination Officers within the which will give you access to a bulk billed psychologist. Don’t forget that as a carer you too are likely to be university that you can talk to and How should I behave with someone who is depressed? under stress. Depression and hopelessness have a can assist you in raising the issue with Someone with a depressive illness is like anyone with way of affecting the people around them. Therapy can the SSEOU. If you’re not comfortable, an illness - they require our care. release difficult thoughts and emotions in carers too. Part of caring is to care for your own self - preventing or you’re a little unsure of taking the You can provide better care if you are able to: physical run-down and dealing with the thoughts and matter further, you can also talk to an emotions within yourself. SRC caseworker who can provide you • Understand something about the illness with advice and act as an advocate. • Understand what the treatment is, why it is being For more information on this topic go to www. You do not, and should not, have to given, and how long the person is expected to take blackdoginstitute.org.au. tolerate this kind of behaviour and to recover. treatment. Abe

The Students’ Representative Council (SRC) Legal Service has a solicitor on campus to provide free legal advice, representation in court and referral to undergraduate students at Sydney University.

We can assist you with: Appointments • Family law (advice only) • Consumer complaints Phone the SRC Offi ce to make an appointment 9660 5222 • Criminal law • Victims compensation Drop-in sessions Tuesdays & Thursdays 1pm-3pm (no need for an appointment) • Traffi c offences • Discrimination and harassment Location • Insurance law • Tenancy law Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney

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Note: The solicitor cannot advise on immigration law but can refer you to migration agents and community centres. For Family The SRC’s operational costs, space and administrativeve Law and Property Relationships Act matters we can refer you to solicitors who charge at a fair rate. support are fi nanced by the University of Sydney. 17 V Donherra Walmsley [email protected] PRESIDENT’S REPORT twitter: @srcpresident

Welcome to week 11! Semester may be of Political Economy students, student and Disabilities Ministers Conference winding down (and by winding down submissions outlining the importance (CSDMC) is happening at the end of I mean getting hectic with exams and of the continued existence of Political October, which means that we only have assessments), but there is still a lot going Economy as an independent department a couple more weeks left to show our on in the University and federally that is were made, and last week a number support for a national concession card relevant to students. of students (and staff) met with the scheme which includes all students, review panel as part of the consultation especially international students. Political Economy process. If you haven’t already done so, please I wrote about this issue earlier this The Dean of the Faculty of Arts sign the online petition at http://www. semester, but I’ll recap the basics and Social Sciences has said that gopetition.com/petitions/a-national- before moving on to give an update. he is currently compiling the student-concession-card.html. As part of the whole university review recommendations of the review, which process to come out of the White should be released in roughly two weeks SSAF Paper (the strategic plan for the uni – (coincidentally?) when students will The much-discussed Student Services through to 2014), divisions, faculties, be busy with STUVAC and exams. Whilst and Amenities Fee has been in the and schools have been undertaking we were assured that there was no pre- Parliament for a few weeks now, and their own reviews, looking at the formed outcome of the review insofar by the time you read this, it may have structures of their organisations, the as Political Economy was concerned, even been passed, as it is scheduled for degrees they offer, and the units of reports that I’ve heard back from hearing on Monday the 10th of October. study they provide. The School of Social the interviews with the review panel the USU retaining student control of and Political Sciences (SSPS), which indicate that there is a strong leaning in The National Union of Students student bars, student food, and student encompasses both the Government that direction. was successful in amending the life, I suggest checking out the campaign department and the Political Economy protocols to mandate consultation that the Board (and friends of the department, is one of the units which So, what do we do now? Well, we don’t with democratically elected student Board) have put together: Are You With has been conducting a review. have the concrete recommendations representatives, which ensures that Us? The campaign officially launched of the report just yet, but that doesn’t students at least have a place at the last week, and with the introduction When students first became aware mean that we shouldn’t organise. There table in negotiations around how the of the SSAF looming ever closer, it’s of this review, they were concerned is a protest in support of the continued fee is spent, however, it doesn’t ensure more important than ever to show the about two things: first of all, the lack autonomy of Political Economy that the fee actually goes to student University that students care about of transparency in the process (finding happening next Tuesday, the 18th of organisations. their student organisations remaining the terms of reference let alone how October, at 11:45. Meet outside Madsen independent and student controlled. and when to submit a response to the then march up to the Quad to stage a Here at USyd, we are fortunate to Check out the facebook page: http:// review was near impossible), and second sit in. For more information and to stay have thriving independent student www.facebook.com/areUwithus. The of all, there were strong fears that the up to date with the Political Economy organisations like the USU and the SRC. SRC and the USU serve very different department of Political Economy might campaign, like the facebook page – Both of these organisations have gone functions at the University, but as be merged into the department of www.facebook.com/SaveEcop. from strength to strength under VSU, someone who has been a member of Government. with the steady increase in voter turnout the USU since coming to the University Any changes to the structure of a School in the SRC elections a strong indicator I have raised the issue of greater and who understands the implications within FASS also have to go through of its relevance. We hope that the transparency and in particular the of organisational independence, I the FASS faculty board, which is not University will use the revenue from the importance of student input and wholeheartedly support the USU’s at this point looking overwhelmingly SSAF to support student organisations feedback on issues that affect us – i.e. campaign to keep student life student supportive. I will be working to ensure even more strongly, rather than using it – most things at the university – at the run. the continued independence of ECOP to take over services and run them itself. Senior Executive Group (Education) when it comes time for the Faculty Committee, which was something the Board to vote. Which leads me to my next point. As committee was supportive of, however I’m sure you’re all aware, the USU we need to maintain the pressure to Fair Fares is currently in negotiations with the ensure that they follow through on this. University regarding its commercial I know I’ve written about this a lot, but operations. If you are passionate about As a result of the hard work of a number the meeting of the Community Services

Become a member of the SRC! Get involved! Join in person at the SRC Office or the SRC Bookshop src Podcast Lectures Campaign... Fair Fares! The SRC is running a campaign to get the University NUS is seeking to raise support for all students, to get more lectures recorded and available online, including local, international, part time and both preferably as podcasts. undergraduate and postgraduate students to have If you’d like to see more lectures being recorded (as a fair access to public transport through a complement to not a replacement for live lectures) help national concession card scheme. us out by filling out our survey; and if you don’t think lectures should be recorded, let us know that as well! Sign the online petition! http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/a-national- Fill in the survey NOW! student-concession-card.html online: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/podcastlectures 18 or pick up a postcard in your lecture and fill in the survey on the back V Chad Sidler GENERAL SECRETARY’S REpoRT [email protected]

Who can believe that it is already week senate. Surely we should be entitled to next editors of Honi Soit. I’m sure they’ll 11 of second semester. greater representation on the supreme do a fantastic job. It is great to see that decision making body of the university? in all the years I have been at Honi that I just do not know where the last you, the students always make the right 10 months have gone that we are It was good to see that all candidates choice when it comes to selecting your already only a few weeks away from were out campaigning and I don’t think Honi Editors! Thank you! CHRISTMAS!!! that is something we have usually seen. Let’s hope that the RIGHT candidate was Last week you might have noticed that Senate elections finished yesterday – for declared yesterday. Only you will know Honi Soit was looking a bit… different.. those that were aware that elections if this was the case. Unfortunately as I It was the Queer edition if you were for the undergraduate representative have written this on the weekend I do wondering what was different.. fellow of the senate were occurring – not know yet! students had their ability to STAND UP So we had the Women’s Honi in first and SHOUT their VOICE (No SRC Puns This was the second time I have voted in semester (And Yes that is Women spelt intended) to have their say in who will the undergraduate senate elections and with an E just like the singular is spelt Chad (Pictured) be their ONE representative on the I have to say I don’t know why everyone with an A – WomAn – For those of senate. just doesn’t vote. It is fairly simple and you wondering why I am emphasising Earlier in the year I think you may takes only a matter of seconds, not this point you might not be aware that remember the Racism Collective I for one think it is disappointing that we minutes! our university is attended by a lot of challenging me to a debate.. I think I only have one individual on the senate individuals that think woman/women is would be happy to have such a debate. to put the needs of undergraduate I would like to congratulate Phoebe spelt: womin, wom*in or even wymin..) In fact I’d be even more keen to have STUDENTS FIRST! ( I know I know..). Drake for being elected the next (84th) You really need to ask yourself what has a debate with the Climate Action Along with the postgrad rep that means President of the SRC. Furthermore I our society become when we had to Collective about Climate Change.. students only make up about 10% of the congratulate Zoo for being elected the deal with such ridiculousness? Tuesday Talks perhaps?

Following the completion of the count I Your VOICE of Independence AE Grassroots for Fine Arts I declare the following persons elected. Natalie Czapski Paloma Brierley Newton K Grassroots for Social Justice AF STANDUP! for Cumberland ELECTIONS 2011 PRESIDENT Rafi Alam Isabelle King Phoebe Drake M Left Action AG STAND UP! Real Student Issues Freya Bundey Penelope Parker HONI SOIT O McDonalds on Campus AH Get Macked. For Arts Zoo ELECTORAL Siobhan Friis Jeremy Leith NUS DELEGATES P Your VOICE for Engineering AK Your VOICE for Law OFFICER’S 1. Phoebe Drake Thomas MacDonald Alex Downie 2. Rhys Pogonski S The Greens AL Your VOICE for President REPORT 3. Todd Pinkerton Paddy Holt Michael De Waal 4. Zachary Thompson T Your VOICE for Arts AN STANDUP! for Student Rights STUDENTS’ 5. Armen Aghazarian Jacqui Munro Phoebe Drake 6. Vivienne Moxham-Hall U Your (Dissenting) VOICE Nai Brooks REPRESENTATIVE 7. Sharangan Maheswaran Sam Farrell AQ STANDUP! for Science V STANDUP! for Int’l Students Vivienne Moxham-Hall COUNCIL STUDENTS’ Jay KaJing Ng AV Get Macked - Synergy for SRC! REPRESENTATIVE COUNCIL W Green Campus Now! Soo-Jae Lee 33 to be elected Amelie Van Der Stock AW Your VOICE for Fair Education The University of Sydney (By Group Order on the Ballot Paper) X GRASSROOTS Education Karen Chau A No Parking Fines Armen Aghazarian BB i-Voice Morgan Forrest Y SHOUT! Zi Yi Lim B BOOST Nathan Li BE STANDUP! for SRC James Coward AA PETA for ZOO Todd Pinkerton C SHOUT! for Chocolate Peta Borella Ian Chan AB STAND UP! for Student Housing Stephen Lesslie F Free Parking! Dylan Parker Electoral Officer Max Kiefel AC STAND UP! for Arts SRC 2011 H MACCAS ON CAMPUS Phone: 02 9660 5222 John Harding-Easson Ewen Cameron www.src.usyd.edu.au

BIG Savings when you buy your course books with us! Become a member of the SRC! • We have textbooks for most Join in person at the SRC Office or the SRC Bookshop Sydney Uni Courses Cheap • We buy & sell textbooks Secondhand according to demand • You can sell your books on consignment. Please phone us src before bringing in your books. NEW Location! • We are open to USYD students Level 4, Wentworth Building & the public (Next to the International Lounge) BOOKS Hours: Mon to Fri 9.30am - 4pm Search for text books online Phone: (02) 9660 4756 on campus now! www.src.usyd.edu.au/default.php Email: [email protected] Current second-hand text books on sale now! Call 02 9660 4756 to check www.src.usyd.edu.au availability and reserve a book. 19 D CRYPToNOMiCON down ACROSS CROSSWORD 5. Gets rid of votes in… (6) 1. Newbie to have red hair (8) or (2,6) CRYPTIC 6. … Places with smells (6) 2. Meryl way (6) 9. Altar is to get smaller (6) 3. Breaks sprinkles (8) 10. Well read are rubbished (8) 4. Afraid of cogs being aligned (2,4) 11. Get something for free then boast 5. Encourage to send overseas (6) about it (4) 7. Perspiring darling (6) 12. To carry on is to commit a crime (10) 8. Mr. Kent works in an office (5) 13. Gradually becomes disgusting (5) 14. Saturdays and Sundays are 15. Celebrity is unsettled (1,4) or (5) disappointing finishes (8) or (4,4) 20. Flatter partner (10) 16. Not as good inside (8) 23. Binds the end of feet (4) 17. Revolving bead (6) 24. Nobleman’s weapons (8) 18. Monster explosion (5) 25. Essence of the doghouse (6) 19. Harsh worship (6) 26. Gives up paddocks (6) 21. Correct launch (6) 27. To cipher again (6) 22. Stealing and inhaling (6)

Each clue points towards two different words which differ by one letter only. For example, 'Talk to man' could be either CHAT or CHAP. The rejected letters from the Across solutions can be combined to make SAFE LINK TO JURY. The rejected letters from the Down solutions can be combined to make HELP OF STRANGER. JIM FISHWICK is smarter than you. Be thankful!

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ATLANTIS DISCOVERED BY AMATEUR EXPLORER HATE-APE: TODAY IS A TERRIBLE JACK E. BEAN DAY FOR HATE-SPEECH Minister in Charge of Fountains. GRACE FARCOURT Elderly Kalgoorlie resident Sascha Politickin’ Correspondent. Jordane has succeeded where archaeologists and historians have failed A landmark court decision today has for millenia, by discovering the lost city found that Network Ten star Hate-Ape’s of Atlantis. forcing of shit down the throats of In a Garter Press exclusive, Ms Jordane viewers was technically unlawful. The revealed that she located the city in, of representatives of the shit-flinging star all places, a Jacaranda Children’s Atlas of morning television have claimed that belonging to her son Vernon ‘Bosko’ today is “a terrible day for Hate-Speech.” Jordane. Her reasoning on why it had “The Hate-Ape is having his voice remained undiscovered up to this censored,” his representatives claimed point was that “most everyone has on the front page of every major news been seeking the mystical city in the outlet in the country, as well as on Mediterranean – my research places it national radio and news bulletins at 7pm firmly nestled near the Atlantic. and 10pm. “It was quite obvious,” she stated. “After The controversy began during Hate- all, the ancient Olympic Games of yore Ape’s weekly column ‘Statutory Ape’ in were held there in 1996.” which the Ape claimed, in his trademark Why did I continue to write this article capitals, that immigrants are stealing once I realised she was talking about our dole-bludgers. He also derided the Atlanta, Georgia? I’m writing this on a immigrants themselves for a “decided typewriter. You guys don’t realise how lack of immigration” calling them “only “Hate-Ape doesn’t censor himself,” one Hate-Ape is expected to take some time much of a luxury it is to have a word about 70% immigratory.” representative said. “He doesn’t change off his hit television show to spend some processor. One news article in the bank! his opinions on the basis of knowledge. Defenders of the Hate-Ape have claimed time by the water, stopping boats and If anything, he will go further against the that the most syndicated ape in literary pissing on the helpless. facts just to show this so called ‘truth’ history should not be bound by pesky who’s boss.” concepts such as facts. INSIDE NO MORE COLOURS It’s like a Noir film, but you’ll watch it. GOLD FARMERS SPAWN DISTURBING “WHEAT” FARMERS P. 3 BOSS LEEDHAM MARK ZUCKERBERG spell on the most vulnerable members Warcraft, in that they both have goods LIVES Lover, Maverick, Nomad. of our society: burly, middle-aged that are exchanged for cash money. World mourns tragedy. We’ve all heard about the appalling working-class men. What I fear most is that it won’t stop P. 17 practice of gold farming in online games with wheat. I’ve heard horrible stories “It’s a brutal life,” admitted one ENGLAND ELIMINATED such as World of Warcraft. Young men of animals being raised on tracts of land, heartbroken so-called ‘farmer’, hiding FROM RUGBY WORLD CUP. and women forced to play games for fed until they are fully grown, then sold his face with a large straw hat to World suddenly cares about Rugby. incomprehensible hours, slaying dragons to common murderers. It’s as if the preserve his identity. “I had no idea that P. 29 and gathering items to raise colossal George Orwell novel Animal Farm has the presence of an ever-burning Sky Orb MANSION FOUND BENEATH amounts of in-game gold which is then become a horrible reality.” would make this backbreaking physical INDIAN BURIAL GROUND traded for real-world money on the labour all the more unbearable. But I It seems nothing can stop the trend “That Real Estate Agent fooled us!” black market. In a horrifying twist, The can’t deny that I want to keep doing it. I of real-world farming becoming a P. 35 Garter reporters have discovered that need to keep doing it. To feed my family, reality, particularly given it already GRIFFINDOR WINS THE the dire influence of these wicked video and to feed myself.” is real. Here at The Garter Press we HOUSE CUP. games has transcended the boundary have also received scattered reports of Slytherin giggles suspiciously as the of our computer screens and leapt into One ‘farmer’ described the lure of the troubled citizens sending each other champions drink from it. real reality, as an elusive, isolated sect lifestyle as being uncannily similar to physical ‘non-electronic mail’ and being P. 42 plans to replicate these money-making the popular Facebook game FarmVille. attacked by hordes of furious avians a methods in the real world. “Once I sell a crop, I have the money to la Hitchcock’s The Birds. Perhaps the buy a new tractor – but once I have that These black marketeers describe their darkest news comes from the land of tractor, I need a worker to drive it, and nefarious practice with the terrifying love, where online dating has been ¡Follow us on a shed to keep it in, so I need to harvest nickname of ‘wheat farming’. In unused replaced with meeting like-minded more wheat to pay for all of that, so I tweeeterr! stretches of regional Australia, workers people through common-interest need another tractor…” And the cycle of have created a series of open-air groups, exchanging bodily fluids in addiction continues. factories in which wheat is hemmed into darkened alleyways, and taking nine months to ‘spawn’ younglings as a Zerg rows, forced to grow until it is ripe, then Richard P. Smythe PhD, a pioneer in Hatchery might spawn Overlords. The ripped forcibly from the ground and sold the study of online economies, sees question is: where will it stop? for real-world money. Worst of all, this all the signs of a growing grey market. addictive scheme has cast its seductive “Australia is much like the World of OCCUPY WALL STREET?

The divisive Occupy Wall Street movement has made headlines the world over. Many view it as the culmination of years of bitterness and frustration at financial inequality and the apparent amorality of big business when it comes to the little people. Others view it as a big ol’ hippie love-in with less obvious free-sex. We asked Daniel B’Goyle and Professor R. Cummings to debate the validity and importance of this admittedly stationary movement.

Daniel “Big Oil” B’Goyle PROVS. IN FAVOUR Professor R. Cummings The recent Occupy Wall Street (I, of course, have a trifecta). It Now surely you’re saying to yourself I myself have worked for many movement should be tickling my stands to reason that if you’re (and thus to me): “Professor, as a years in the field of macroeconomics prejudice bone a lot more than it has. going to rule the world, you’re not reputable Professor of Anthropology, (following my election as President ‘Why?’ you ask. ‘Haven’t you noticed going to do it in daylight. I and my surely your research into the of Shnavington Heights School that there are a bunch of dirty hippies friends – or ‘cronies’ – are perfectly proclivities of humankind and the Board), and I have been horrified clogging up a perfectly good street safe and secure with our sub-prime tendency of political organisations at the ongoing flaunting of trading you own?” Well, you’re correct, dear loan scamming and bailout-bought to follow the Iron Law of Oligarchy regulations and our (OUR) human reader. I do own large swathes of fortress. (as developed by Robert Michels rights by these bigwigs and fatcats. the ground on which these vagrants in 1911) has led you to support I’ve checked, and fatcats aren’t at have erected their shanty towns. So no, these kooks aren’t interfering the stated aims of the Occupy all what they sound like, though But more importantly, while they’re with my lifestyle. The only thing Wall Street movement and to be they are nevertheless a part of my here, clogging the street-sweepers preventing me from having them a proponent of a system of direct- (economic?) food chain. and being oppressed by my army all wiped out is the slight possibility democratic representation?” of unfeeling cyborgs dressed as the that they’ll become sexier as time Yes, the time for vengeance is NYPD, the global harvest of the poor goes on. You see, I have a sexual You are correct. This is the extent at hand. Take to the streets, my continues. predilection so perverse that it of why I am supporting Occupy Wall friends, and pack yourselves into that shocks my many wives and bang- Street. immobile throng! Braise yourselves For alas, despite their laziest efforts, maids; the dirtier these protesters in the sauces of the revolution, and Yes indeed, the people have been these sadly non-sexual squatters get, the harder I grow. My overt roll in the dijonnaise of economic kept captive by big business for are not disrupting finance at all. The willingness to publish this news upheaval! My god you’ll taste too long, and now they have been system is so incredibly complex that should give you an idea of how freedom! As will I, indirectly. forced en masse to occupy public a bunch of guys and girls who don’t far beneath me you all are (don’t places with very little elbow room. Because, as I always say, there’s like soap, beef cattle or Corporate forget, I have an underwater Economic inequality has made no such thing as a free lunch, Christmas will not stop the flow of palace). Discretion is for the poor, these defenceless people tired from unless you’re a raptor posing as an money. Those pungent fools! Don’t secretions for the rich! The longer their exertions, already in a state anthropologist (which, I hasten to they know that Wall Street is not these chumps gestate in my beautiful of agitation from their sometimes add, none of us are). where the real stock is exchanged? streets, the more impenetrable their rascible interactions with law I speak, of course, of my underwater layers of grime are, and the quicker I enforcement which impairs their B’Goyle X-Change Palace, where can fountain. only those with Nazi gold, Nazi judgement. It would be a travesty if Cummings scientists, or Nazi sympathies will such a situation went unexploited. ever make something of themselves

World Bank To World: “Money all gone.” Alex Garland Economist, econo-mist

Speaking from behind his mighty If I have four apples, and I eat only Coris III and disappeared in a flash Scaly gives them sugar babes these beard, World Bank President Robert the orange M&Ms, then I give you of dark energy. meaningless shards of metal ‘n’ tin B. Zoellick announced Friday seven apples, then how can I pay as a promise he’ll pay em back in Small businesses have been hit the that due to the failure of major this prostitute who appears to be kind, heh-heh yesss.” Scaly and worst by this new ‘complete lack of Eurozone economies, as well as squatting in my expensive highrise his intimate fellows have devised money’ policy. “We’ve been forced the downgraded credit rating of the apartment?” a simple value system for these to resort to a rudimentary system United States Federal Reserve, the tokens, with rarer gold-tinted pieces When asked how he knows this, of barter,” explained Lady Mrs. world is officially out of money. worth more than silver and lead- Zoellick angrily retorted, “I run the Elizabeth Cristi, proprietor of a small coloured pieces. “Everybody is in debt to everybody World Bank, which officially means haberdashery. “Only yesterday an else, thereby reducing the value that by association I run all the lesser elderly gentleman asked me to turn Zoellick’s own solution is both of any current system of finance National and County Banks. Does this skinned carcass of a racoon into profoundly narcissistic and elegantly to zero,” declared Zoellick. “We’ve the phrase ‘one-world government’ a fetching topper. He could only pay simple. “I’ve simply sliced these all been spending money that isn’t ring any bells? Imagine an invisible me in a variety of animal corpses, pieces of paper into rectangles and ours on things we don’t need, like hand, gently stroking a human and I could only give him change in treated them with my imprimatur, or when I borrowed money from my face, forever. I only answer to the habers, or alternatively dashers.” as some might call it, covered them good friend Dominique Strauss- President of the Galaxy Bank, and with a childish sketch of my face. My Some ingenious folk have already Kahn to pay his bail.” Faced with the Solar-Prince Xortquoffar is returning face! Bearded, yes; stern, yes; the made hay with what has been blank stares of assorted journalists, neither my holo-calls, nor my holo- face of a gentleman, the face of a described as ‘an utter lack of hay’. Zoellick retorted with the crazed candy. Doesn’t he know you can’t eat tiger beset by bees but immovable Trucker ‘Scaly’ Jones murmured, stare of a man who has realised that holo-goods? That shartzwort!” When nonetheless. In days to come, you “Weeelll, when ol’ Scaly needs ta git the entire house of cards our world is pressed for further comment, Zoellick will look upon the face of Zoellick him some sugar, heh-heh-hrmmm, to built on has suddenly collapsed. “Let declared that he would henceforth and know: this was the day. For I am put in his tea an such and so forth, me explain by means of an analogy. only speak in the moon language of President, and today I am Eternal.” BIRTHS DEATHS MARRIAGES CLASSIFIEDS Jimmy The Snitch. At least that’s the Martha Church to Donald State. This Santa. Accidentally born on same word on the street. follows the death of Donald’s half day as one J. Christ, so gets no WANTED brother, Fred “Freedom of the Press” presents. Born into life of world Magneto, en route to North Pole. Preston. What a strange family! The criminal known as Joe ‘Papery’ present-giving slavery. What a guy! Cause of death: frostbite. Local goose and Ryan Gosling. Take McGraw. Crimes: rustlin’. A Nation: We’ll call it Racistopia! A nest of birds somewhere, our sad a gander at their reception. Some birdwatcher guesses A knife to eat my steak. This fork just A boy named Paul Smith. Said would say it’s to ‘water fowl’ for! ain’t cutting it. (The steak, that is!) Smith, “I feel incredibly insignificant.” A two-state solution for the More like insignif-infant! You’re a Holy Land. FOUND FOR SALE good kid, Paul. DIVORCES Art at This Is Not Art festival. For Goggles. Mint condition, never Ninety minutes of Nicole Kidman legal reasons renamed Festival used in the ocean. THEY SHOULD pursuing a relationship with an Divorce is divorce, of course of of Lies. NEVER BE USED IN THE OCEAN. under-aged male. course! (Mr Ed) The needle in that ol’ haystack. Main sheets, jib sheets & lateen Edward and Bella Cullen’s vampiric Billy the Tyrannosaurus and Dorothy Said Jethro “Keen-Eye” Joe, “It was sheets for your pirate boudoir! child. It was a bloody mess. Then the Dinosaur. Billy: “SHE’S NOT worth the 58 year search. But now I suddenly clean. New country clothing store opens! A REAL DINOSAUR. I’M REALLY can’t find the cardigan I was going to Keith Urban Outfitters ‘poorly The Anti-Christ. (Merry Anti- EMBARRASSED!” mend!” named’, say investors. Christmas!) The Pope and the Duchess of Alba. Robinsons … in space! They were Bunch of mint. You could say it’s in The Anti Anti-Christ (Your move, The Pope: “I’M BACK ON THE there the whole time, those jokers. very good condition. Satan!) MEAT MARKET, LADIES!” The Pope then read a passage from his LOST Arm and leg. Will cost you five Super Moses. Oh no, God was right! raciest scripture. minutes of conversation with me. Robinsons. Those fucks. Taxpayers A two-state solution for Dr. Cancer – “I guess death is a form lose again. Edgar Allan Key. Fits into most the Holy Land. of divorce!” ravens and cellar doors. Emmerich to direct Shakespeare Garfield Arbuckle COLUMN∞ Prince of Persia “Dear Column Infinity,” writes Shelley HOLLYWOOD, CA – Globe Entertainment that I am now asking: who wrote Falsehood debacle. But that Roland has from Perth, “Tony Abbott has some is proud to announce that shooting has Shakespeare’s plays? A poor actor the craftiness of a fox, and the good kind of animal magnetism going on wrapped on Roland Emmerich’s latest called William? The classically educated looks of also a fox. I fear nothing online for him. He has the magnetism of a feature, Anonymous, a conspiracy- Edward de Vere, 7th Earl of Oxford? Or will ever be secret again.” He paused, really sexy slow loris. What does that fuelled biopic of little-known author an online group of trolls and hacktivists then murmured with a look of slowly say about me?” It says you sure know William Shakespeare. known simply as Anonymous?” dawning horror, “I’ve said too much. your sexy animals, Shelley! Who are you? How did you get into my Emmerich, director of blockbuster A representative of the secretive mother’s basement? MOM!” More from our Cabramatta ‘Battle of dickfest Independence Day, harrowing internet cadre confirmed Emmerich’s the Toads’, Andrew writes: “I think I anti-nuclear tract Godzilla and the spurious accusations. “We had no idea Noted Shakespeare scholar Tudor saw a toad once but I can’t be sure.” touching father-son drama The Day After our elaborate prank would produce McBiggerstaff recently confronted Keep those letters coming, Andrew. Tomorrow, says he decided to make the the greatest works of art in the English Emmerich, claiming that “even if William film when he stumbled upon an idea language. We simply did it for the Shakespeare didn’t write Hamlet, it Phillip writes that “everybody dies at that nobody else in the world has had, lulz.” The shadowy figure adjusted his was almost definitely someone in at the end of Contagion.” Not only is that ever: that William Shakespeare was not monocle and sipped sorrowfully from least vaguely the same timeframe, not true, but now you’ve gone and William Shakespeare. his martini glass. “We thought it would you populist jackass.” Emmerich is spoiled the movie for me! Fuck off, stay underground forever. We tried so reported to have thrown his hands in “Phil”. Your wife must be spinning on “I’m a filmmaker, not a scientist,” said hard to throw him off the scent with the air and shouted “FILM!” before her bike. Emmerich in a real interview that Cymbeline, which is objectively quite fleeing into the distance. happened. “But I think the world needs bad, and the Porter scene in Macbeth. “There’s no such thing as a free to know the answer to the question Then there was the whole Double lunch,” says Dave-o from Kalgoorlie. “But my thesis advisor doesn’t think this should be the basis of my PhD. World Bank To World: “Money all gone.” What do I do?” No idea Dave-o , but YOU SEE A FRIDGE, he’s not getting lunch, that’s for sure! “Nothing rhymes with ‘cat’,” postulates Mary. Interesting if true, I SEE A SCULPTURE. Mary. A waste of my time otherwise. Alfredo D’Lonzo, artiste Phillip has clarified his spoiler reveal about Contagion: “Sorry, I meant to Look at yourself. You aren’t capable of makes me question if you are even require magnets! Art is magnetic! Get say that everyone dies at the end of perceiving art the way I perceive art. capable of comprehending what a out of my kitchen! Eat, Pray, Love.” Two movies in one I am surprised you can even look at vegetable is – no, I’m not referring to day, asshole. yourself. You are an artwork, but you the edible part of a plant – that’s the While I respect your disrespect for If you would like to write to Column can’t see art. I see art wherever I go and definition of a vegetable not what a the established norms of the Fridge- Infinity, please seriously reconsider. even places that I don’t. I can imagine vegetable is. Truth! I’m referring to sculpture movement, I feel you have things so incredible even my own truth! Carrot truth! fundamentally misunderstood the aesthetic guidelines that dictate the The Garter Press is indebted imagination isn’t capable of imagining to the following: them. Where you see buildings, I see What message do you think I’m trying observation criterion through which words. Where you see people, I see to convey with that leftover chicken? you can comprehend the principles by Shannon Connellan, Neada canvas. And where you see a broken- Is it a commentary on the futility of which I have represented the – no, you Bulseco, Laurence Rosier down second hand refrigerator rusting life? Am I discussing the recyclability can’t take my fridge! It’s a sculpture! in the middle of my kitchen, I see of the human soul? Was I unable to Why am I expected to make repayments Staines, Julian Larnach, a sculpture. finish all the chicken last night? You’re a on a sculpture? It’s not that I can’t! It’s Michael Richardson, James fool for trying to answer! Questions do a matter of principle. Please... Please Your futile attempts to understand or not require answers! Answers require don’t take my - can you at least leave Colley, Pierce Wilcox, Tom even conceptualise the crisper tray questions! Canvas requires art! Fridges the chicken? You can’t? Okay. Walker, Andy Fraser Remember, you saw nothing. NOTHING! Students’ Representative Council BECOME A MEMBER! The University of Sydney Join in person at the SRC Office or SRC Bookshop (details below)

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