A Publication of the NASAP Family EducationFAMILY! Section Winter 2003 Getting into the See You in Vancouver? News... In the news last Fall was the issue Family Ed at NASAP 2003 of spanking. Madelyne Gorman How about a practical workshop on anger management crafted for parent Toogood (a name that's hard to educators with ready-to-use ideas brought to you by Gary McKay? Or, beat in this context!) was arrested could you use a lively inside look, by Linda Jessup and John Mulligan, at for repeatedly hitting her child in the design and evolution of PEP in Maryland? Pick up some new and an Indiana mall parking lot. The proven ideas about organization, marketing, recruiting and fund incident of "punishment" was development, which might be useful for either a start-up or an established caught on store security video Family Education Center (FEC). Certainly Dr. Jane Nelson’s fresh look at tape, and the media subsequently the overuse and misuse of consequences in her interactive workshop, “No spent a great deal of time with the More Logical Consequences – At Least Hardly Ever!” should definitely subject of child abuse--giving all not be missed. Previous convention attendees often leave a Mary and their fifteen minutes of fame. Gary Hughes session remarking “more time needed to get the interesting details ....” Their longer- Karen Brandon, a Chicago Tribune than-usual 90 minute national correspondent wrote on session, “Adlerian Tools for September 25 that "[w]hile All Seasons” will explore horrified viewers of the tape agree basic, universal Adlerian that the pummeling little Martha principles and skills using took was not appropriate Member Memo ‘tools’ as visual metaphors to discipline, there is far less provide unique insight into agreement about what parents Register for the conference – family relationships. The should do when their children Invite a friend to go, too! tools will be used to continues on back page brainstorm solutions to a Contact us if you know of a participant’s real-life functioning, struggling or problem while the rest of the New Feature start-up Adlerian program in your area. group discovers individual Dear Addy... applications for their own Send our Editor your email lives in the process. As promised in the last issue of FAMILY!, address, and join the we herewith begin a new feature. Your conversation "between the This list is just a tiny taste of feedback is welcome! lines" of FAMILY! what the rich and varied NASAP '03 program will Poop Is The Problem...Or Is It? offer! Join us! ■ Dear Addy,
My son Artie, who is almost 7, Also in this issue seems to have started school on a strong and confident note tho I still Your Co-Chairs Report ...... Page 2 wish that he can somehow Also, Adlerian wisdom, how to reach us convince himself that he is a capable person. He is still timid to Resources ...... Page 3-5 try things that he can’t get FECs compiled, a look at STEP perfectly the first time. However, he has had many accomplishments News and Views...... Page 7 this past year that he is proud of: FE members talk about group size at NASAP '02 continues on page 6
North American Society of Adlerian Psychology...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952 FAMILY! Winter 2003
FE Section Co-Chairs Report... Adlerian Wisdom • A great way to help children feel Dear FAMILY! and friends, encouraged is to spend special time “being with them.” Many teachers A Belated Happy New Year! have noticed a dramatic change in a As you peruse your newsletter, keep in mind the many similarities of “problem child” after spending five FAMILY! to an extended "family." There are conventions ("family minutes simply sharing what they reunions"), an active e-mail list, a special section spot on the NASAP web- both like to do for fun. site for Family Educators (think "address book"), and a regular newsletter • When tucking children into bed, (a "scrapbook" of sorts) to help us all keep connected, and to discover our ask them to share with you their roots from some of our still active "ancestors." “saddest time” during the day and And speaking of families…our Family Education Section has been busy their “happiest time” during the day. making preparations for the NASAP convention Thursday, May 29 (pre- Then you share with them. You will convention workshops) through Saturday, May 31. We certainly hope be surprised what you learn. your Spring plans include attending this "family" reunion in Vancouver. --from Positive Discipline This convention will prove to be busy, exciting, and educational; be sure by Jane Nelsen to consider the tempting topics from page one, and in the brochure.
Getting and staying in touch, by gathering the names and descriptions of FECs around the country has proven to be a major task. In their quest to uncover the state of FECs in the US and Canada, FE Section leadership has worked hard at finding and reconnecting with Family Educators, learning How to reach us of struggles, "deaths" and "births" of FECs, along with interesting variations and innovations in Parent Education. This still incomplete Family Education Section Co-Chairs "family portrait" will be shared with you at our annual Section meeting in Linda Jessup, R.N., M.P.H. Vancouver. An important discussion of the future of FECs and the 608 E. 7th Street metamorphosis of Parent Education in Canada and the US will definitely Loveland CO 80537 benefit from your input! email
Consider sharing this issue of FAMILY! with a friend. Invite a colleague Mary L. Hughes, M.H.R. Family Life Field Specialist to join NASAP and the Family Ed Section and extend that invitation to Iowa State University Extension attend the NASAP Convention as a first-timer to Vancouver. If cost is a 1600 S. Hwy 275 problem, there are partial scholarships available through the Family ISD Campus, 2nd fl Careers Bldg. Education Section and possible help with housing. We invite you to make Council Bluffs IA 51503 your presence felt in this dynamic Adlerian "family." Write, call or, even email
Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 2 FAMILY! Winter 2003
FECs North America: STEP: 27 YEARS & STILL GOING STRONG
Vanishing Breed or by Gary D. McKay, Ph.D. parents of elementary school aged Vital Partner? children. STEP/Teen is for parents Editor's Note: FAMILY! is running a of preteens and teens, and Early Your FE leadership has been series of articles highlighting the various Childhood STEP for parents of exploring, seeking to update the Adlerian curricula in parent education. children under six years of age. Family Education Centers This is the third in the series. The authors of the various STEP directory. Conversation and programs include: Don research was conducted on line, STEP (Systematic Training for Dinkmeyer, Sr., Gary D. McKay, primarily by Linda Jessup. Here Effective Parenting) remains Don Dinkmeyer, Jr., Joyce L. are the mixed bag of results: world’s leading parent education McKay and James S. Dinkmeyer. program after 27 years and several Around and Kicking revisions including the latest ones Session Topics There are pockets of regional in 1997 and 1998. Over 4 million Each session emphasizes various longstanding organizations of parents have been involved with Adlerian principles such as: Adlerians, and elsewhere nearly STEP. The program is used isolated, dogged individuals out throughout the English speaking • Humans are social beings whose there, determined to keep parents world and has been translated into main goal in life is to belong. in touch with Adlerian ideas. other languages such as Spanish, Behavior and misbehavior are seen German and Japanese. Numerous as purposive and goal directed – a USA research studies of STEP have means to achieve belonging. ARIZONA been conducted over the period. When children believe they can’t The Parent Connection Family achieve belonging in useful ways, Forum, 5326 E. Pima, Tucson, AZ How STEP Began they become discouraged and 85712, Contact: Kim Metz, In the early 70’s, I proposed to my misbehavior is often the result of Director, phone: (520) 312-1500 coauthor and friend, the late Don this discouragement. Dinkmeyer, Sr., that we develop a “DUSO like” program for parents, • Rudolf Dreikurs found that CALIFORNIA [Developing Understanding of Self misbehavior can be classified into Family Education Center, 629 East D and Others — a widely used four broad categories or goals: Street, Petaluma, CA 94952-3213, elementary classroom guidance attention, power, revenge and Contact: Doris Nelson, Executive program] that is, a kit that almost displaying inadequacy. The Director, phone: (707) 762-8835, fax anyone with some experience with resultant social consequences of (707) 762-8827 groups could lead. We didn’t want these goals, the expected, typical a program where people had to go reactions of parents, teachers and through certification procedures in sometimes peers reinforce these FLORIDA order to teach it. Don told me, as goals as routes to belonging. Florida Adlerian Society, Contact: he did when we wrote Raising A Tim Evans, email Responsible Child, “send me an • Parents are taught to identify the
STEP...continued from page 3 • Encouragement is a process for building self-esteem as well as “people- the publisher American Guidance esteem” or contribution, concern and caring for others. Encouragement is Service different from praise in that it emphasizes acceptance, effort and faith and
• Natural and logical consequences are disciplinary procedures based on Typical STEP Session Format choices and experiencing the results of one’s choices as opposed to The parts and sequence of each autocratic forms of discipline: reward and punishment. session is included in the “Session Format” booklet in the Leader’s • Family meeting are also stressed in STEP. In family meetings, members Resource Guide. Elements include: get an opportunity to be involved in the running of the household and planning family activities. The communication skills of reflective listening, •discussion of activity assignment; I-messages and exploring alternatives are very helpful in conducting •discussion of the reading and effective family meetings. chart; •presentation of the video; Organization of Programs •personal application of the video; Each session helps parents learn a particular skill or skills. Each program •"Just for You" discussion (These is has a variation of the following session topics. activities like “Ease the Stress” are designed to help parents in their 1. Understanding Yourself and Your Child. lives. The activities are assigned 2. Understanding Beliefs and Feelings along with the reading at the 3. Encouraging Your Child and Yourself preceding session.); 4. Listening and Talking to Your Child. •skill-building exercise; 5. Helping Children Cooperate •drug prevention activities; 6. Discipline that Makes Sense. •supplemental activities; 7. Choosing Your Approach. •summary; •activity assignment for the week, STEP Materials to help participants put skills into Each STEP kit contains the following materials: action the following week; •reading assignment. Leader’s Resource Guide. A comprehensive manual with leadership information, psychological principles, detailed lesson guides, attendance Leader Qualifications certificate and supplementary materials for overheads and handouts. The STEP programs are led by a Some of the supplementary materials are: “Parenting Without a Partner”, variety of people from various “Issues in Stepfamilies”, “Giving and Receiving Criticism”, “Home School walks of life. Professional leaders Cooperation” and “Drug Prevention Activities”. include psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage and Videocassettes. The videos provide a training medium which presents family counselors, clergy, school parent-child relationship examples and provides discussion and practice guidance counselors, teachers and in parenting skills. The Leader’s Resource Guide includes a video script and principals. The Leader’s Resource questions for Guide is very comprehensive and discussion. easy to follow. Anyone, including a lay person, who has experience Parent’s book. Each with groups and is willing to study STEP program See you when and follow the instructions can contains a parent's lead a STEP group. book. Titles like The Parent’s Handbook, While no training is required to Parenting Teenagers the meeting teach STEP, we find there are and Parenting Young leaders who do want some Children are training. So, for several years now, available at book starts! American Guidance Service has stores. offered training workshops. In recent years, Don Dinkmeyer, Jr. The kits and books NASAP Annual Convention to be held May 29-31 -- in Vancouver has conducted “Trainer of are available from Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 4 FAMILY! Winter 2003
STEP...continued from page 4 Trainers” workshops for those who wish assistance in training What IS an Appropriate Role for a other leaders. For more information call: American Parenting Group Leader? Guidance Service (800) 328-2560. Gary McKay writes: In Conclusion The STEP leader’s function is that of a facilitator. While a leader Along with other Adlerian may be an expert in parent-child relationships, playing the role of the parenting programs like Michael expert can create dependence on the leader or set the leader up for Popkin’s Active Parenting, Jane rebellion against his or her advice. Leaders can never live up to the Nelsen’s Positive Discipline and group’s expectations. Modeling the democratic process helps the books by other Adlerian authors members apply the same process in their family relationships. It’s best such as Carolyn Crowder, to let the program be the expert and concentrate on getting the members (example: Eating, Sleeping and involved with the materials and each other. Effective leaders realize that Getting Up), the “oldie but parents learn best from each other. goodie” Children: The Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs, and by The leader’s job is to organize and present the program, conduct myself and my cohorts – Raising discussions and exercises, encourage participation, make assignments Respectful Kids in a Rude World – from the manual and help members apply what they are learning to their we Adlerians have, and continue own families. Leaders don’t have to defend anything in the program. If to have, a great influence on the disagreement exists leaders ask what other group members think and world’s parents and children! ■ state their own opinions. As an equal member of the group, leaders have the right to give their opinions. It’s best for leaders to give their opinion last and identify it as an opinion and not the “truth.” If disagreement FECs...continued from page 3 persists, it’s best to move on and avoid power struggles. MISSOURI The Midwest Society of Individual What do you think? Psychology FEC, 3770 McKelvey Write to us! We'll use your ideas in our next issue of FAMILY!, Road, Bridgeton, MO 63044, where the series will continue, and also in the "between the lines" email Contact: Gloria Morgenstern, group discussion. Write to [email protected]. phone: (314) 291-6822, email:
NASAP...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952 5 FAMILY! Winter 2003
Dear Addy...continued from page 1 tying his shoes, ice skating and she was 18 months and Artie was adding to his anxiety, or feeding playing hockey, skiing last winter, 3. We agonized over this, and I'm into his “assumed disability” by putting his head under water but sure Artie experienced a lot of it. reacting to it, as you are doing not quite swimming or jumping in Last year, when he was almost 6, when you assist, follow his rules, the water yet. we had another child, a healthy feel sorry, pay any kind of undue little girl. attention. DISENGAGE in a Here’s the problem: among the loving manner. Express many things at which he thinks he Addy, I don’t know what to do. I confidence in his ability to is not good enough is that he took a parenting class three years (eventually) master his problem, thinks he doesn’t wipe himself ago, but so much has changed. I’d and then leave the field. well enough after he poops. This also love to talk about why he is driving me nuts! He wipes and never thinks he is good enough at All parents have trouble with toilet wipes and wipes and then calls for anything but I guess I need some training, especially when there's a help, and then he “checks our specific advice here! new baby in the house. You can work” and then wipes again and it supply Artie with towelettes that is NEVER good enough. I have Signed he can use until he's satisfied – told him that if he doesn’t think I Pooped of Poop without your help. Instead of do a good enough job, then he paying attention to this behavior, needs to do it himself. But then he Dear Pooped, engage him in positive ways to always finds more and then he help you in cleaning the baby's falls apart. At the risk of being too The essence of your dilemma is diapers. He will learn that messes graphic, I think he actually gets up contained in your last summary can be cleaned up, lots of people into his anus so there is always statement. The shortest bit of make them and that he is capable. more to wipe. advice I can give you is to disengage. Use loads of Recall from your parenting class Yesterday, this scene took place encouragement at unrelated that behavior is affected by birth during a playdate. I don’t think moments, and, in as many subtle order, and in his case especially, the other child was too aware of ways as possible, let him know he complications due to however he what was going (maybe I don’t is just fine the way he is. Let Artie may have interpreted “how he give them enough credit tho) so I own the problem. must be” with regard to his sister, don’t really think any harm was who (can’t or wouldn’t) perform, done. But I don’t know how to get All of which is easier said than disappointed you, etc. Some kids him over this. Also, of course he done. in his position feel the need to will hardly use the bathroom in compensate for their parents’ school —he will maybe urinate but How about (re-)reading Children: disappointment. It’s a matter of I don’t think he would consider a the Challenge, STEP, Active how Artie interpreted what was bowel movement. Now that he is Parenting, or Positive Discipline going on in the family. (“Children in school from 8:30 to 3:00, I am a chapters on encouragement and go are good observers but poor little worried. This has been going on to ones like downgrade bad interpreters.”) on for a while now; last year (even habits and problem ownership. tho I warned the teacher that he Firstborns are generally more has these issues) he did have an You may want to work with a worried about doing things accident and over the summer at counselor for a while to give you perfectly anyway; they tend to camp one day he had an accident the courage to resist Artie’s compare themselves to the adults because the bathrooms were not mistaken behavior so that you do in their world. clean enough for him. I’ve it without either (1) panicking him suggested putting toilet paper because you’ve withdrawn And then you do have those down but he says it falls in so it inappropriately or too much, too special circumstances. How is the doesn’t help. fast; or (2) that you don’t REALLY your new little girl? Is she do it and he can still read your competition? Does that make Artie is the oldest of three interest or anxiety with his issues. Artie even more nervous about children. Our second child, a staying ahead? Did he develop daughter, born with severe The issues belong to Artie, not to this thing with the wiping at about disabilities, was placed in a you. He needs to get on with his the time she started exhibiting residential treatment center when own life. You can help him by not continues on page 7 Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 6 FAMILY! Winter 2003
Dear Addy...continued from page 6 more competency? Chicago Convention '02 FE Meeting He needs to learn to cut himself some slack, and you can help him FE Section Members Discussed "Do Numbers Matter?" by hugging him and expressing your pleasure in him when At the Family Education Interest Section meeting in Chicago last May, the nothing is going on, practicing room full of parent educators, with a few parent participants in attendance as "random acts of affection." well, were asked the following question. “What, in your experience, are the maximum and minimum number of members of an optimally functioning I hope you'll seek out an Adlerian parent study group?” The answers from the 31 people assembled were counselor who will help you help informative. Artie. It may well be advisable for Six group members were generally agreed to be an absolute minimum to you (and your husband) and Artie generate an adequate group dynamic, unless, as Patti Cancellier noted, “ it is to each go for help for a time. a very talkative, intermediate level group, that is, people are already sold on these [Adlerian] ideas,” in which case a group can work well with as few as Good luck. Let me hear from you! five members.” --Addy ■ Groups of between eight to twelve participants brought the highest level of Dear Readers: agreement, (21 Section attendees) both in terms of being the most “teachable” You probably have a lot to say about and in terms of reported parent satisfaction. Participants were more likely to this example, or some of your own. make lasting friendships in groups of eight to twelve, to be able to participate DO write to us! Additional dialog actively and to receive the help and attention they desired. will continue in our email group, and another Dear Addy will be chosen for Twenty members tended to be the outer limit for most of the parent educators, our next issue of FAMILY! and for the parents as well, with several people agreeing with Lynn Blech’s comment that “twenty is just too big.” Georgine Nash from Toronto, prefers twelve to fourteen people when she teaches alone. However, “If I have someone else to work with, then eighteen to twenty is fine.” Email Bag... A few notable dissenters spoke in favor of even larger groups. Jodie McVittie FE Section members who indicated an from Washington, prefers to teach a minimum of twenty with a maximum of email address to Central Office conduct an thirty members. Jodie points out, “In bigger classes parents teach themselves occasional round robin communication on- and each other. I teach more in smaller classes.” Joyce Nelsen sets an “outer line. They participated in the search for limit of twenty-four, with a minimum enrollment of eight.” Mary Parker, FECs. Below is an email notice: from Maryland, is “comfortable with groups of twenty-plus,” but adds, “With ten to twelve parents, everyone gets to know everyone else better.” December 16, 2002 From: Henry T. Stein, Ph.D., The subject matter or the purpose of classes makes a difference. Rob Director Alfred Adler Institutes of Guttenberg from Bethesda Youth Services will work with twenty people San Francisco & Northwestern when teaching childcare providers. Gary McKay, from Arizona, prefers ten Washington Distance Training in to twelve participants in anger management groups. Linda Jessup, of Classical Adlerian Psychotherapy Colorado, likes to cap Parents of Teens groups at fifteen or sixteen and find Email: [email protected] that ten to fourteen participants in Leadership training and no more than sixteen participants in PEP’s advanced classes are ideal. Weekly drop-in Selected comments on “power sessions work with “whoever comes” at the Kinderschool Adlerian Nursery, addiction” by Alfred Adler, where “trouble shooting” for both parents and teachers is provided. Concept Alexander Muller, and Henry development seems to lend itself well to either big or small groups, whereas mid to small groups optimize skill practice and development. Stein may be found at <
NASAP...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952 7 FAMILY! Winter 2003
In the News...continued from page 1 Adlerian commonsense solutions. misbehave....Few areas are more Marketing Tips At the end of your commentary, fraught with controversy than the you will be identified by your matter of corporal discipline, How do you let the world know you're credentials. State them with your which stirs up divisive issues of there? affiliation, if any, with a local tradition or family history, organization, or as an experienced religious belief and parental Consider the golden opportunities local parent group leader. control." in the news, like the issue of spanking/punishment and child The public can benefit from your Are Adlerians weighing in on this abuse discussed above. wisdom; the Adlerian alternatives subject as they should? For can be put out there as reminders example, how would Adlerians You can "market" your skills and for all to see; and you'll get free advise a parent to 1) set limits on good ideas by writing Op Ed publicity, to boot! misbehavior such as running off, essays (glorified Letters to the whining or yelling or grabbing Editor), and by staying in touch Plan to organize a class or public items in a grocery store, and 2) with local and regional reporters forum or lecture close to the date manage one's own stress in that who cover family matters or write you write into the newspapers. situation? about a hot story like that of Mrs. Toogood. "Get into the reporter's Let us hear from you when these ■ A fruitful discussion might also rolladex" we used to say; now it's ideas work -- or don't! result from people's ideas about "Get on their Palm Pilot or email." how a by-stander might respond Bonus for Net Users most helpfully to defuse the Select a topic related to your FAMILY! is posted as a PDF file on situation. Write to us! ■ expertise, and provide some good, the NASAP website.
The mission of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology is to promote growth and understanding of Adlerian (Individual) Psychology, the work of Alfred Adler, and effective approaches to living based on his philosophy. NASAP membership includes educators, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, parents, business people, community organizations and other interested people. The Family Education Section applies Adlerian principles to the home. Members are professionals and nonprofessionals dedicated to understanding and improving family relationships between children and adults, with couples, and among individuals.
NASAP Family Education Section 50 Northeast Drive Meet us in Hershey PA 17033-1549 Phone 717.579.8795 Vancouver for Fax 717.533.8616 Home Page NASAP 2003
May 29-31
Plan Ahead!
Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 8