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AUTHOR Firestone, Robert W. TITLE The Universality of Emotional . INSTITUTION Glendon Association, Los Angeles, CA. PUB DATE [93] NOTE 19p. PUB TYPE Reports Evaluative/Feasibility (142) Viewpoints (Opinion/Position Papers, Essays, etc.) (120)

EDRS PRICE MF01/PC01 Plus Postage. DESCRIPTORS *; Child Rearing; Children; *Emotional Abuse; *Etiology; * Problems; Matal ; ; * Child Relationship; ; Personality Problems; *Sociocultural Patterns; Western Civilization

ABSTRACT Emotional child abuse is virtually inevitable in the context of the traditional nuclear family and often has a more detrimental effect on children than other, more widely publicized forms of maltreatment. Clinical, statistical, and empirical shows that normative child-rearing practices in Western have pathogenic properties and effects. Parental abuse in the traditional nuclear family often results in the personal suffering, limitation, and maladjustment of children. Manifestations of this abuse include: (1) behavior based on parental hostility such as , sadistic , and lack of respect for a child's boundaries, spontaneity, and individuality;(2) destructive practices including permissiveness and inconsistency;(3) overly restrictive or harsh moral codes; and (4) defenses and addictive patterns which tend to transmit from parents to children. A number of factors are involved in the psychodynamics of emotional maltreatment:(1) parents' ambivalent feelings toward themselves and their children;(2) their projection of their negative traits Onto their children;(3) a confusion of emotional hunger with ;(4) the exclusivity of traditional couplings; and (5) the utilization of the child as a symbol of immortality. The more parents were deprived or abused during their formative years, the greater the impairment of their parental functions. The nuclear family is not inherently detrimental to , but it has evolved into a destructive institution. Only by dealing with the issues that make dysfunctional can family life be made more supportive and constructive for children. (Contains 118 references.) (CC)

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THE UNIVERSALITY OF EMOTIONALCHILD ABUSE

ROBERT W. FIRESTONE, Ph.D. Los Angeles. California

Emotional child abuse is virtually inevitable in the context of the traditional nuclear familyand often has a more detrimental effect on children than other. more widely publicized forms of maltreat- ment. This paper documents clinical, statistical. and empirical evidenceshowing that normative child-rearing practices in our culture have pathogenic properties and effects. Manifestations of emo- tional child abuse include: (1) behaviors based on parental hostility such as verbal abuse. sadistic socialization measures. lack of respect for the child's personal boundaries. threat of abandonment. and stifling a child's spontaneity: (2) destructive practices based on indifference and , including excessive permissiveness and inconsistency: (3) behaviors based on ignorance. including dishonest role-playing, overprotection, and isolation: (4) overly restrictive or harsh moral codes: and (5) parents defenses and addictive patterns that are transmitted to their children. A number of factors are involved in the psychodynamics of emotional maltreatment: parents' ambivalent feelings, the projection of parents' negative traits onto children. the confusion between emotional hunger and genuine love, the exclusivity of traditional coupling, and the utilization of the child as a symbol of immortality. It is mandatory that we examine dehumanizing child-rearing practices delineated here in order to help future of children.

INTRODUCTION To be able to see anybody as abusive. I had to acknowledge that the who gave me life A disease that is kept hidden behind closed also devalued it. demeaned it and nearly de- doors and shuttered windows, whose existence is stroyed it. ignored or denied, can never he cured.... At that time, we had no statistics: we only had our gut Barboa Dolan (1991. p. 47) reactions to personal experiences. It was difficult for those of us who believed child maltreatment Recent studies have shown that physical and io be a major disease to convince those who did of children is far more widespread than not. was previously recognized.' However, emotional or psychological child abuse very often has a more Vincent Fontana (1983. p. 30-31) profound impact on the child than either physical or sexual maltreatment in terms of its overall effect on

I he prevalence of phssical and sexual abuse is supported by numerous statistical studies, including a National Committee tor Prevention of Child Abuse survey (National Center on Child Abuse Prevention Research. 1990) that shov.ed 2.4 million children and abused in the United Stales in 1989. and a 1979 estimate (Saraf ino. 1979) that I ound as many as 336.000 victims of sexual abuse each year. In another national survey. 27% of the women and 16% of the men surveyed reported being sexually abused (lAnkelhor. floating. Lewis. & Smith, 1990). "Surveys in California and Massachusetts in i he 1951k found that as many as 1 in 5 and 1in 7 boys under the age of 18 had been sexually abused bs a relative" (Gorman. 1991. p. 46).

The Glendon Association 1 (310) 552-0431 the psyche. the spirit, and the humanness of the McBride, 1986: Finkel. 1987: Ferenczi. 1933/1955: individual. Although that lead to bodily injury Garbarino. Guttmann. & Seeley. 1986: Jones. 1982: are reprehensible and tragic, nonetheless, insufficient Miller. 1979/1981. 1980/1984. 1981/1984: Shearer has been paid to other patterns of abuse. & Herbert. 1987: Shengold. 1989: Zigler, 1980). Emotional child abuse refers w the damage to Indeed, no child enters adulthood without incurring du' child's psychological development and emergiv a certain amount of damage inbasic areas of person- personal identity. primarily caused by parents' (pri- ality development that disturb psychological func- mary cwetakers. ) immaturity. defended lift-style. tioning andyetleave no visible scars. and conscious or unconscious toward the Although emotional child abuse is omnipresent child.We must consider it an abuse when imprinting within the context of the traditional nuclearfamily,4 from early interactions with parents has long-term the degree to which children are damaged varies debilitating effects on a person's conception of self. considerably. The more parents were deprived. impairs personal relationships, leads to a condition of rejected. or misunderstood during their formative general unhappiness, causes pain in one's sexual life. years. the greater the impairment of their parental and interferes with and stifles development of career functions. regardless of their stated commitment or and vocational pursuits: Although personal deficien- concern for their children. It is important to empha- cies and limitations in functioning are at times size that many of the behaviors that hurt children a function of biological or hereditary factors. in our occur on the periphery of parents' consciousness. experience, they generally have been more closely There are many reasons why parents are seemingly related to. even over-determined by, abuses suffered insensitive or oblivious to the ways they damage their in the process of growing up. children: however, two reasons are relevant to the Empirical research and our own clinical studies present discussion: (1) most parents have forgotten have led us to conclude thatnormativechild-rearing or rationalized their own parents' mistreatment of practices in, our society have pathogenic properties them:and (2) most are insensitive to themselves, and effects.In commenting on the increasing norm- relating to, mistreating. and punishing themselves in alization of in the Western world. tnuch the same style that they were treated as child- R. D. Laing (1990) stated: "Pathology has, or has ren. In other words, negative attitudes toward oneself almost. taken over, and has become the norm, the are extended to one's children and perpetuate the standard that sets the tone for the society...lwel live . (p. xi). Physical, sexual. and emotional abuses The reason child abuse ofallforms has been suffered by children in the course of a so-called minimized or denied in our soc iety'. is that it is a basic normalupbringing are far more common and the part of a core to maintain an idealized image effects are far more destructive and long-lasting than of parents and family members. Children prefer to most people recognize (Blumberg. 1974: Emerson & fantasize that parents are "good- and that they them-

In stressing the prolound negative effects 01 emotional or . (iarbanno.Guttmann. and Seeley (1986) siate. "Rather than casting psNchological maltreatment as an ancillary issue. subordinate to other forms of abuse and neglect. we should place it as the centerpiece of efforts to understand family functioning and lo protect children. In almost all cases. it is the psychological consequences of an act that define that act as abusive- (p. 7). A national survey of disciplinary practices reported that 97% of all children in the have been physically punished. The borderline abuse group. &fined as those parents who administered daily or weekly . were more ieflective of a cultural norm than a deviation (Kaufman & /ogler. 1987). 4 Clinical observation wily/mg a feeling release therapy supported the hypothesis regarding the universality of (Firestone. 1985). In a population of over 200 individuals, we found that, without exception. every subject expressed deep-seated pain that hAshe had previously suppressed. We agree with Janov (197(t) that people arrange their lives to avoid the recurrence ol painful feelings ol sadness associated with early trauma. I he incidence ol child maltreatment has been underestimated in our society: nonetheless, the effects of abuse are visible carly on as evidenced hy the fact that over 2W; of -age children exhibit some form of senous (diagnosable) emotional disturbance or learning disability requiring intervention (Freiberg, 1991). The widespread use of drugs and recent figures showing that in one year over a million wane people attempted . wah more than 250.(VO eipnrime medical treatment (('imons. I 99h are further indications of the high incidence of neglect and destructive parenting muctices.

(310) 552-0431 2 The Glendon Association selves are "bad- as a survival mechanism rather than development, but that it has evolved into a destructive face the painful truth of their experience. This defense institution. Only by recognizing this fact and dealing is generalized and becomes a social institution. with the issues that make families dysfunctional can Unfortunately, in supporting the sanctity of the we modify or change family life so that it has a more nuclear family and in protecting parents' rights over constructive effect on future generations of children. their children, society indirectly condones the harm Lastly. my description and account of abusive done to children "for their own good.-6 Furthermore. family practices should not be mistaken for a disre- many professionals and experts in spect of , as they are most cherished by have moved in the direction of de-emphasizing or me in my personal life with my and eight chil- even negating the important link between early child- dren. My approach, while accounting for and under- hood trauma and subsequent maladaptive behavior in standing the roots of psychopathology, is very differ- adult patients (Plomin, 1989: Rosenfeld. 1978). This ent from focusing on parents and families. trend has contributed to the atmosphere of and Parents themselves were damaged intheirupbring- controversy surrounding the validity of recol- ing and inadvertently pass on this damage to their lections of being sexually and physically abused as children. In either case. both parent and child should children.7 he viewed with compassion. Years of clinical experience with patients and The purpose of this article is to (1) draw attention their families convinced me of certain unavoidable to the fact of emotional child abuse and its manifes- and painful truths about family life and its adverse tations and efkcts ("normal" parenting practices that effect on both children and parents (Firestone. 1990). cause so muchunnecessarysuffering to children): (2) Originally. my attention was directed toward schizo- develop a supportive thesis to reinforce the fact that phrenic fiunilies. later toward families that produced child abuse as described by adults in psychotherapy neuroses, and lastly I began to investigate the effects and recent reports to the media is a valid phenome- of the structure of the nuclear family on "normal- non: (3) detail the varied patterns of emotional abuse: individuals. My abiding interest was an to and (4) explain the underlying dynamicsthe rea- understand the causes of personal !aiffering. Ihnita- why well-meaning parents act out destructive tion, and maladjustment. In the course of this effort machinations. to fathom the meaning of symptoms and pain and determine the underlying causality. I had to gradually SUPPORTIVE EVIDENCE OF THE REALITY relinquish my own inclination to idealize the ftunily. OF CHILD ABUSE I was forced to look at destructive parental attitudes and responses that were detrimental to people's well- OBSERVATIONS OF FAMILY being. I discovered that the origins of self-defeating INTERACTIONS behavior and a good deal of personal misery were directly traceable to harmful operations within the In observing and investigating families in public traditional family structure (Firestone. 198(). settings, patients in psychotherapy, and the long-term My position, however, is not that the nuclear effects of family life in a longitudinal study.8 we family is inherently detrimental to human growth and found that, in general. parental responses were not

6 ( )ther do not necessarily conform to Western conventions regarding the sanctity of the family versus protecting the nghts of children. See Norma Feshbach's (1980) chapter "Corporal in the : Some Paradoxes. s;ome Facts. Some Possible Directions- and Jill Korbm's (19811"Very Few Cases: Child Abuse and Neglect in the People's Republic ol China.- for documentation ol legal and ethical standards in Sweden and Communist China that support children's nghts. Straus & (idles (1986) reported that . slapping. and hitting a child with an object are legalls considered "abuse" in Sweden and several other countnes (p. 468). I he most convincing evidence in opposition to those who claim that these memories are merely fantasies or distortions has come trom parents in psychotherapy or group process v ho openly admitted the abuses they inflicted on their hildren.1 heir self-disclosures validated and ()lien added to the accounts of their adult children's recollections of hong 'mistreated while grossing up. Participants in a speciahied parenting group have observed the transmission of abusive altitudes and behaviors through three generations. tieginning with their parents. perpetuated through themselves, and subsequently directed toward thor olfspnng (Firestone, 1989).

The Glendon Association 3 (310) 552-0431 consistent with a reasonable or responsible opera- ings also impact on individuals' capacity to function tional definition of love. in the work place. For example, fear or rage toward Lovingoperationswouldincludegenuine authority. withholding, and other forms of passive- warmth, tenderness, physical affection. pleasure in aggression are indicators of early trauma. the child's company, respect for the child's bounda- The effects of child abuse are evident in the ries, responsible and sensitive care. and a willingness statistics related to dysfunctional adults, the increase to be a real person with the child rather than simply in the rate, and the breakdown of the family. act the role of "" or ".- When parental Surveys show that the lifetime prevalence for depres- actions contradict these criteria and are disrespectful. sion is 20.4% of the population: foranyDSM-III-R overprotective, intrusive, neglectful. or overtly hos- disorder. it is 37.1% (Lewinsohn. 1991). The 1973- tile. they cannot be considered to be loving opera- 1988 General Social Surveys conducted by the Na- tions, regardless of the subjective inner feeling de- tional Opinion Research Center show that nearly scribed by parents. Parents' behaviors must coincide one-half (45.6%) of persons "ever married" were with their internal feeling state in order for their love separated or divorced after 15 to 19 years of to have a beneficial effect on the child. The discrep- (Mc Lanahan & Booth. 1989). Hewlett (199f) reports ancy between the inner feeling of love and loving that 42% of -fail to see their children in the behavior is one of the reasons why parents are defen- wake of divorce" (p. 12), and Goodrich. Rampage. sive: they know what they feel, but they lack the same and El Iman (1989) estimate that "by 1990 one-half clarity in relation to their behavior. of all our children under 18 will spend three to five We observed two major categories of mistreat- years living in a single-mother family" (p. 56). Bolton ment of children. One is best characterized as aggres- and MacEachron (1986) have documented the indica- sion: the other as neglect. Aggression refers to deg- tions of maltreatment risk in the divorced single-parent radation, physical or sexual mistreatment, verbal family. Finally. Toth (1992) reports that "the last major abuse, a lack of respect for the child's boundaries, study. conducted by the deparunent I U.S. Department etc.. whereas neglect refers to deprivation and insen- of Health and Human Servicesl about a decade ago. sitivity to the child's needs and a lack of physical estimated that 1 million run away from home affection, interest, and concern. each year" (p. A5). A more recent study by the National Itis intereNting that in a deep feeling release Association of Social workers found that "two-thirds of psychotherapy, patients in the former instance shout- the nmaways who seek shelter have been physically or ed statements such as: "Get away from me!" "I'm sexually abused by a parent" (p. AS). scared of you!" "l'in not crazy!" "Leave me alone!": Most people rely on shop-worn solutions cen- whereas in relation to neglect. they scretuned: "Hold tered on blaming social upheaval and personal suffer- me!" "Touch me!" "You don't see me!" "Look at ing on the breakdown of and the dissolution me!""You don't love me!" "Don' t go away!" "Don't of the family: however, the reverse is true. The dete- leave me!" Needless to say, these expressions were rioration in family relationships and social structure accompanied by intense affect. is largely a by-product of harmful practices within the family unit, rather than the result (deMause, 1974: Miller 1980/1984). DYSFUNCTIONAL ADULTS AND A very important indication of child abuse is the DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES subsequent damage to adults in the quality of their The majority of individuals in our culture are interpersonal relationships.Most people's personal damaged in their personal relationships, self-confi- interactions arc characterized by a general distrust of dence, and overall sense of self. Their attitudes are others. fear of involvement and vulnerability, a contaminated by feelings of self-hatred and voice toughness or hardness of men and women in relation attacks concerning performance. These negative feel- to each other. and a good deal of generalized hostility.

it The reference population involved in the longitudinal study is descnhed in a hook,Compassionate Chdd-Rearing (Firestone, 19891.1 he study refers io the observation of approximawly IOU adult individuals over a I 4-year penod in [heir interactions with their parents and with their children.

(310) 552-0431 4 The Glendon Association

5 Itis logical that distress and unhappiness in adult land. In their book. Infams Without Families, they relationships are a direct consequence of painful ex- state that children in the Hampstead Residential Nur- periences in people's early associations. Distrustful seryfrequentlyrevertedtoinfantilebehaviors attitudes and fear everienced in family relationships following family reunions or holidays with their are later extended to others. parents. Educators aware of the damaging effects of par- ADVERSE REACTIONS TO PARENTAL ent-child interactions tend to adjust their classes ac- CONTACTS cordingly. For example. instructors teaching skiing. swimming. and other frequently make it a Reactions of Disturbed Patients prerequisite that parents not accompany even very Regression in schizophrenic and psychosomatic young children to class or practice. patients following parents' hospital visits is an impor- tant indication of negative parental influences. At the Reactions of Adults National Jewish Center for Immunology and Respi- ratory Medicine, we observed the impact of separa- It appeared that negative attitudes toward self tion from parents on young patients suffering from were reinforced by parental contacts. and people intractable asthma, whose symptoms considerably reported a deterioration in mood and an increase in improved or virtually disappeared entirely during a tension and marital disputes after family visits. One two-year separation period or -parentectomy.- This common occurrence involved the situation where the change was not due to geographic relocation, as some new mother's mother arrived to help out with the of the improved children came from the same re- neonate. Very often the situation deteriorated. Instead gion. P4 In addition there was increased symptomatol- of having a positive effect. it contributed to the prob- ogy following parental visits. lem of caring for the new baby and led to increased In regard to schizophrenia, many therapists tension in the home.Generalized hostility toward in- spend months with patients leading to a small amount is evidenced in the humor directed at in-laws and of progress. only to have this progress reversed in a particularly at -in-. This is related matter of an hour or two in the course of a seemingly to nettative or unpleasant changes in the or harmless visit with the family. This is a common wife when associating with their families. experience in residential treatment centers and men- It is interesting that grown children's attitudes tal hospitals (Lid/. 1969/1972). toward parents reflect a good deal of conscious and unconscious hostility and a desire for distance. Pa- Reactions of Children rents constantly complain that their children don't write or visit. Why, if family life is so constructive Many children appear more agitated. tense. and and personally rewarding. must grown children be antisocial in the company of their parents as con- coerced or be made to feel guilty to maintain ? trasted with being with other children and adults. Why wouldn't it he a powerful choice for them to This is particularly true of young children. In addi- maintain close relationships with their parents over tion, we of ten noted that there was a lack of eye the span of life'? contact and regression to more infantile behaviors in t.hildren after they spent extended periods of time FINDINGS FROM INVESTIGATIONS with parents. UTILIZING VOICE THERAPY Our observations are supported by other studies. including the work of Anna Freud and Dorothy Bur- Further evidence of the validity of child abuse lingham (1944). who described the reactions of chil- can he seen in abusive attitudes and inner voices that dren separated from their parents in wartime Eng- people direct toward themselves. We were able to

9 Reponmg on this lonn of residential treatment. Senien (196s) stated: "Dunn?. their Is% o-vear stay, their health improves so rapidly and significantly that hospitalwation lrefemng to the ahme-mentioned treatment program/ is often sonsidered a life-sas mg experience Ruling out improvements in specific mediyal or psychological care. V. orkeiN in this field have concluded that sepuratom itself o Aes jar tor in improvement- /Rallis added/ (p. 271

The Glendon Association 5 (310) 552-0431 bring these attitudes to the surface, utilizing the spe- their behavior (Firestone. 1990; Fraiberg. Adelson. & cialized techniques of Voice Therapy (Firestone. Shapiro. 1975/1980). I9gg. 1990). Self-critical, self-attacking thoughts and attitudes exist to varying degrees in every person. PATTERNS OF EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE underminingself-confidence andinfluencing It would be valuable to direct attention to speci- maladaptive behavior. Without any encouragement fic forms of abuse that have lasting effects on the or prior suggestion. participants in our study directly personalities of children. The following patterns of related the tone, style of communication. and content emotional or psychological abuse may be delineated: of their self-attacks and voices to experiences in early those based on (a) parental hostility: (b) parental family interactions. People remembered personal at- indifference or neglect: (c) a generalized ignorance or tacks leveled against them and recalled examples of misunderstanding of children: (d) overly-restrictive or abusive attitudes and behavior they had endured. harsh moral codes and value systems: and (e) parents' negative character traits and defended life-styles. FINALLY, AND MOST CONCLUSIVELY, These patterns are identified with and imitated by PARENTS' ADMISSION, IN PARENTING children. to their own detriment. GROUPS AND IN INDIVIDUAL BEHAVIORS BASED ON PARENTAL PSYCHOTHERAPY, OF ABUSIVE HOSTILITY FEELINGS AND ACTIONS Verbal Abuse In our reference population. we found that (a) parents admission of abusive treatment of their chil- Parental hostility is often communicated to a dren coincided with reports of their grown children. child through sarcastic. derisive, or condescending and (b) abuses were closely related to their children's commentary. Parents are verbally aggressive when personal limitations and later suffering.If their their spoken words are typically characterized as grown children's reports were fabricated or were negative, overly critical or severe. Constant deroga- merely fantasies. parents' disclosures would have tory statements directed toward children about their failed to confirm them. basic appearance. performance. and mannerisms are Within the forum of ongoing parenting groups. very debilitating. In addition. many parents repeat- parents revealed aggressive attitudes, feelings. and edly make unfavorable comparisons with or behaviors they had acted out at significant times in peers. Children have no way to combat parents who interactions with their children. In many cases, they maliciously tease them or humiliate them. Their feel- added information or furnished more details sur- ings of embarrassment and generally are ig- rounding the painful events recalled by their off- nored, discounted, or even laughed at. Insinuations spring. In this aunosphere of honest disclosure, par- and sneering questions like "Can't you take a joke?" ents' feelings were not intensified: on the con- or "Why are you so sensitive?" intensify children's trary. they were significantly reduced. (There has hurt feelings and sense of shame. been a strong defensive reaction and movement Often children are ridiculed in situations where against exposure of parental abuses in recent years. they are particularly vulnerable. Many are teased. based on the tact that this exposure would increase criticized, or put off when they express spontaneous parental guilt feelings and further complicate the affection. Parents remind them that "You're too old problem. Although there is some truth to this accusa- for such things." or taunt them with such statements tion. we have also found evidence to the contrary: (a) as "Isn't she the sexy one?" or "Isn't he cute`i- For when these incidents come to light in a therapeutic example. many women in our study recalled being atmosphere of warmth and understanding. guilt feel- rejected or pushed away by their fathers while being ings are reduced. and (b) even if exposure did lead to physically affectionate. (Many men and women find guilt, education is necessary for remediation or re- it awkward and uncomfortable to be affectionate fonn.) In general, only when parents become really toward children of the opposite sex, because they are free in their communication, admit their negative afraid of their sexual feelings.) Others remembered feelings, and understand the origin of their aggression responding affectionately to their fathers only to be toward their children, can they constructively modify ridiculed or reprimanded sharply by their mothers

(310) 552-0431 6 The Glendon Association

7 warning them thatnice girls don't act like that." parental response is weak and ineffectual and threat- Both men and women remembered parents and rela- ens the child's security. Situations that require paren- tives making derisive, belittling remarks about their tal authority often provide an outlet for parents' re- friendships or romantic feelings. pressed hostility or sadistic tendencies. It is unneces- Condescending attitudes are also manifested by sary to focus on a "battle of wills- where total sub- many parents. . and nurses who charac- mission or subversion of self is required of the child. teristically treat children as inferiors and talk down To compound the problem, many parents equate to them: "Now it's time to take 'our bath." or "How discipline with punishment and feel righteous in us- are 'we' doing?". Lecturing and moral lessons by ing forceful Measures. This faulty approach to disci(-) parents delivered in a pedantic, syrupy. or disre- pline tends to be supported legally in our society.' spectfill style infimtilize children and increase their Even in the absence of physical force. psychological feelings of incompetency and helplessness. , thought control, and sadistic threats of fu- Parents' tendencies to classify children are com- ture punishment constitute a serious misuse of paren- parable to clinicians' overreliance on diagnostic la- tal power. In one case, for example. a mother threat- beling, which dehumanizes and detracts from an ened her young several times a day with overall view of the person. Harsh. judgmental atti- such statements as: "I'd like to break your neck. you tudes, expressed through labeling. categorizing. and little creep!" name-calling. undermine children's selfle.steem. Par- Another form of indirect hostility toward the ents tend to categorize a particular child as "the shy child is manifest in parental withholding, where par- one." "the beautiful one." "the plain one." or "the ents hold back rewards or inhibit positive emotional defiant one." and refer to children in pejorative terms. responses to children. This turns out to be a very telling them that they are "lazy." "inconsiderate," or common pattern. Frequently. there are sadistic ten- "selfish." Name-calling or addressing a child with a dencies underlying a parent's negativity or withhold- nickname that has a strong negative connotation robs ing behavior. For example. parents tend to withhold him/her of dignity and a positive sensc of identity. from their children particularly at those times when they are the most wanting and enthusiastic. They seem to take a kind of sadistic delight in saying "No," Sadistic Mistreatment During even though they may later give in and grant the Socialization of the Child child's request. As a consequence, many children are discouraged from asking directly for what they want Mistreatment of children during the socializa- and eventually turn against their wants and priorities. tion process can range from irritability and As a result. it is difficult for the majority of adults in disrespect to sadism and brutality. Many parents be- our culture to directly ask for what they want and to lieve that children must be made to submit to parental openly express their feelings about important and authority ("for their own good") in order to he prop- meaningful personal issues. erly socialized. They feel justified in angrily punish- In many cases, acts of cruelty or negative treat- ing the child when he/she refuses to comply immedi- ment of children may appear to go unnoticed as a part ately with their directives or demands. In direct con- of normal child-rearing practices. Some mothers al- frontation or showdown with the child, they manifest ways manage to get soap in their child's eyes when fierce, punitive attitudes and. at times, violent rage. bathing them. and some fathers think nothing of which stands out from their usual behavior. Explosive throwing a terrified youngster into a pool. rationaliz- outbursts intimidate and terrify children. who per- ing their behavior as an benevolent attempt to help ceive their parents as out of control. This type of the child conquer his/her fear. There are many exam-

(;arbanno and (jilliam1950) state that: '1 here is clear legal sanction lor the use of physical force against children. The exas legislature. for example. in 1974 enacted legislation containing the kill os ing statement: 'I hi use of force, but not deadly force. against a child younger than 1)4 years is justified: (I) 11 the actor is the child's parent or stepparent... (2) when and to the degree the actor believes the force is necessary to discipline the child.' This law reflects the historical role of in our civili/ation" (p. I he Supreme Court (in Ingraham v. Wnght ) ruled that schools have the nght to corporally punish disobedient children (Belsky, 19)(0).

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8 pies of indirect hostility manifested in subtle behav- Threats of Abandonment or Loss of Love iors: tor example, the way a child is handled. dressed. Threats of abandonment or of being sent away fed, changed. and bathed can he rough and insensi- (to boarding school. hospital, or jail) are far more tive. common than one might think and frighten children Lack of Respect for the Child's Personal unnecessarily. John Bowlby (1973) reports that Boundaries threats of this sort are widely used by parents as disciplinary measures and frequently lead to serious Parents who believe that their children "belong- school phobias, psychosomatic illness, and other to them, in the proprietary sense. tend to speak for symptoms in children. their children, take over their productions as their Warnings or threats that a parent might leave or own, brag excessively to their friends about their desert the family. run away and abandon the child, or accomplishments, and, in general. live vicariously commit suicide are even more terrifying and, in ad- through them. Many parents who are unable to feel dition. impose an enormous burden of guilt on the for their children offer them flattery and special child. praise as a substitute for the affection and love they withhold. This type of build-up contributes to irra- Stifling or Punishing a Child's Aliveness, tional feelings of vanity in the child awl leads to Spontaneity, and Curiosity performance . It fails to counteract or diminish The spontaneous action, liveliness, noise, and children's ba.sic feelings of inferiority or unlovability. lack of shame typical of young children often arouse Also, parents intrude on the personal boundaries feelings of tension. embarrassment. guilt. and anger of their by inappropriately touching them. in many parents. who then feel compelled to control invading their privacy, going through their belorw- and restrict their children. Statements such as "What ings, reading their mail, and requiring them to per- are you getting so excited for?" "Stop asking so many form for friends and relatives. A very serious viola questions!" suppress children's natural expressions tion of a child's rights is manifested in parents' insis- of enthusiasm, curiosity, and freedom of movement. tencethattheirchildrevealhis/her innermost Children are also cautioned: "Don't be so proud of thoughts and feelings. This form of inquisition and yourself!" "Don't be conceited.- They eventually demand fOr immediate response closely resembles stop taking pride in their accomplishments and have pmcedures used in brain-washing. difficulty acknowledging their self-worth. Studies have conclusively shown that exploita- tion of the child as a sexual object constitutes a severe infringement on the child's boundaries, leading to DESTRUCTIVE PRACTICES BASED ON ego fragmentation and later to addictive behavior and INDIFFERENCE AND NEGLECT dissociative disorders (Cavaiola & Schiff.1988: Deprivation, Actual Neglect, and Outright Conte. 1988: Co(ms, 1986). However, one must con- Rejection .ider that general disregard for a child's personal boundaries can be equally as harmful: in some cases. Neglect is a passive form of abuse. According to the effects are more insidious and pathogenic. Chil- Garbarino and Gilliam (1980), "Most estimates fig- dren who are intruded on and utilized for a parent's ure the rate of neglect at three to four times the rate own narci:istic needs grow up feeling as though they for . and it probably accounts for more don't belong to themselves hut exist only as an object - (p. 14).11 Many so-called accidental drown- for others. ings of inhuits and younger children and some inci- dents of Sudden Syndrome (SIDS) are

II \ lost iniunes in children aren't caused by random fate. hut are predictable and preventable. Injunes are now the leading killer of children, causing more deaths than all diseases combined. "In 191(8. unintentional trjunes (ear accidents. drow nings, mishaps) and intentional injunes (, suicide, child abuse) took the lives of 22.426 children, leaving an additional 1o,000 with permanent disabilities" (Sullivan. 1991. p. B7). This form ol neglect is partially responsible for the fact that homicide is among the five leading causes of death for children in the United States (Seiden. 191(4: Korhin. 1989).

(310) 552-0431 8 The Glendon Association attributable to parental neglect (Jason. Carpenter. & Lack of Physical Affection, Interest, or Tyler. 1983: Luke. 1978: New lands & Emery, 1991: Concern Rheingold. 1964: Rosen & Johnson. 1988). Some Parents who have been deprived of love during parents fail to take even the minimum precautions in their formative years often lack the emotional resour- relation to a child's physical health and safety. The ces to offer love and affection to a needy child. They author is aware of cases where neglect led to death. feel frightened and inadequate in bearing responsibil- e.g.. children left unattended in bathtubs or swim- ity for a life other than their own. The pressure of the ming pools. Other parents refused medical treatment added dependency load can be very threatening for a sick child because of religious beliefs, and the (Bakan. 1971: Steele & Pollock. 1974). Therefore, resulting neglect caused unnecessary deaths.12 Chil- they fail to respond warmly to a child, rationalizing dren who are not provided with the necessary super- their lack of response as an attempt to avoid spoiling vision, who are not watched carefully. are involved the child by giving him/her "too much" affection or in more accidents and sustain more injuries, . attention. broken bones. etc.. than other children. Later, as Other parents reassure their offspring with such adolescents and adults, they tend to be more accident- statements as: "Your father really you, he just prone and self-destructive.L doesn't know how to show it.- They assume that their Similarly, children raised by "psychologically inner thoughts and feelings about loving their chil- unavailable- parents often exhibit symptoms of dren are comparable with outward expressions. They "nonorganic - such as apathy. leth- imagine that they care deeply. while in fact, they argy. developmental delays ( Altemeier. et al., 1979: make very5 little real meaningful contact with their Drotar, 1985: Drotar. Eckerle. Sato la. Pa llotta. & children.1- When there is no outward expression of Wyatt. 1990: Kote !chuck. 1980: Newberger, Reed. physical warmth, children tend to feel unacceptable Daniel. Hyde. & Kole !chuck. 1977: Po llitt, Eichler. or unlovable. On the other hand, the type of intrusive & Chan, 1975), and a phenomenon known as "depri- touching and nervous caressing manifested by an vation dwarfism" (Gardner. 1972: Pain. Gilmore. & emotionally hungry parent attempting to fill his/her Valcarcel, 1978).14 Emotional neglect is manifested dependency needs through the child must be distin- in parents who reject or ignore their children, refuse guished from genuine physical affection that nurtures to speak to them for extended time periods. or are the child. unconcerned with their whereabouts. Emotionally As their children grow older, disinterested pa- neglected children tend to take on a rejected. pathetic rents often remain ignorant, indifferent to and un- appearance. Their unappealing demeanor. combined aware of their children's lives and emotional well-be- with clinging, dependent. or negativistic behaviors. ing. An insidious, disguised example of neglect can provoke rejection by others. thereby diminishing any be observed in parents who have excellent standards chance for corrective experiences. of physical care (their offspring are meticulously cared for, clean, and well-groomed), yet they remain emotionally cold, unfeeling, and distant toward them. Children who are handled insensitively by people

12 Recent supreme court decisions (the Indiana Supreme Court). revoking the "religious defense" argument in the deaths of two children. may help prevent some future deaths from this form of neglect (Hughes. 1990). H Margolin and 'Fetcher (1968) found a history of maternal depnvation dunng the first year of life in a group of suuldal adolescent boys. Schneer. Kay. and Bromvsky (1961) found parental loss or separation experiences among 84 suicidal adolescents, this was accompanied by a large number ;:f instances of neglect hy the mother. Israel Orhach (1988), author of Children Who Don't Wow to Live, in summary/mg the research on neglect stated: "Neglect appears to amplify the destructive impact of abuse. I he parents' apathy creates a feeling of superfluity in the child. At the most simple and direct level, the child learns that Ihedshe is an unwanted burden" (p. 93). I 4 /unng infancy and . conotwnal depnvation and neglect can lead to death. Spiti's (1945, I946a, 1946h) studies ol children raised in an institution, deprived of maternal involvement, showed an rate of over 33% in a sample of ninety-one . who were "adequately cared for in every bodily respect" (Spitz. 1965. p. 278). s It is shocking how infrequently "normal" parents make meaningful contact with their children. A survey (S /alai. 1972) lound that the average parent spends only 5.4 minutes per day talking with his/her child.

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plerpv,f:it!rirralE 0 toot vat who lack warmth grow up with much unhappiness havior (Locher & Dishion. 1983). Often. outbursts of and an exaggerated hunger and desperation for love. anger and abuse are followed by feelings of contrition Ironically, this desperation limits their possibility of and apologetic behavior. One particularly destructive ever attaining love in future relationships. pattern of inconsistency is exemplified by parents Lack of Sensitivity to a Child's Needs who punish their children or become especially with- holding from them following close personal interac- Parents who have closed off aspects of their own tion. This vacillating pattern confuses the child and personalities and are cut off from their feelingsarc leads to a defensive twocess of inwardness and emo- necessarily insensitive to the nids of their children. tional tightness. Some mothers, for example. arc incapable of feeding and caring for an infant without arousing undue anxi- BEHAVIORS BASED ON GENERALIZED ety or frustration in the child. They are inappropriate IGNORANCE in the sc'aeduling of feedings, often delay theirre- sponses to their child's cries of hunger or distress, and Parental Role-Playing and Dishonesty at times overfeed or force-feed the child.Indeed. It is always detrimental for parents to role- many fathers and mothers appear unable to empa- (act out "proper" responses) or respond in a manner thetically attune their care-taking responsesto the or styledifferent from their true feeling state. The child's signals aid behavioral cues ( Brazelton & majority of child-rearing books suppon a form of Cramer. 1990; Stern. 1985). abuse characterized by mixed messages. a discre- Excessive Permisskveness pancy between spoken words and real feelings that distorts the child's sense of reality (Bateson. Jackson. Overpermissiveness is a form of neglect because Haley. & Weakland. 1956/1972; Laing. 1967; Ruesch the child fails to develop appropriate inner controls & Bateson. 1951). Children suffer from the lack of a over acting-out behavior. Overly permissive parents real person in their lives. What they need most isa are remiss in failing to provide sufficient direction parent who is an emotionally responsive human being. and comrol for their offspring. If childrenare not willing to relate to them directly with genuine feeling, properly socialized, in the best sense of the word (for not a robot reacting with programmed. socially ac- example, if they fail to learn to control theiraggres- ceptable. or role-determined emotions.I7 sive impulses). they will become anxiousas adults because of their inability to manage their emotions Parental Overprotection and impulses. As a result, they develop considerable Overprotective behavior limits a child's expe- self-hatred and negative attitudes toward self. Indeed. rience and ability to cope with life and teaches when children fail to receive either affectionor regu- him/her an abnormal form of dependency. Parents lation. both of which are basic needs,I6 theygrow up who lack an understanding of children's need togrow feeling unloved and unlovable. and individuate tend to restrict their freedom of Parental Inconsistency movement, discourage or even prevent their inde- pendent interests and pursuits. or become overlycon- Parental inconsistency is often more damaging cerned with their physical health. In overidentifying than consistent ill treatment, which ismore readily with their child's pain, they soothe.reassure. coddle, identifiable. It sets up a pattern of anxiety aid dis- Or oversympathiz.e, which limits his/her development trust. Parents tend to resmnd to the child more in of ego strength and independenu.. Thereappear to be terms of their own moods (which vary considerably). two factors underlying overprotective tendencies in rather than reacting appropriately to the child's be- parents: a benevolent, albeit inappropriate and de-

16 In order to provide children with emotional sustenance. parents must have KA the desire and the capacity tocare for (he (Md, the author has termed this psychonutntional product"love-food.- which Implies parents' desire and ability to meet the child's haste needs for both love and control (Firestone. 1957). I 7 I'dmed material elaborating on children's basic needscan Ix. found in a series of documentaries on chtld-rranng: The Inner ince in Child Abuse (Parr. 1986): Hunger versus Love (Parr. 1987a); ParentalAmbivalence (Parr. 1987b): I herapeuhr ChildRearing (Parr. 1987c); and The ImplicitPain of Sensitive Child-Rearing (Parr. 1988).

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1 1 structive. need to spare the child pain, and disguised are eventually impaired to varying degrees in their hostility or aggression toward the child (Levy. 1943: sexual feelings. attitudes, and capacity to enjoy ma- Parker, 1983). ture sexual relationships (Pagels. 1988: Parr. 1990: Vergote. 1978/1988). Isolation Parental Attitudes Based on Teachings that Isolating children and adolescents from social the Child Is Inherently Bad contacts. including peers or extra-fiunilial influences Cosely related to distorted views of sexuality that would offer a different point of view from that of are parental beliefs derived from the concept of the parents. is detrimental to a child's personal devel- "original sin." that is. the belief that children are born opment and future mental health." Many parents. bad (Klein. 1948/1964: Wilson & Herrnstein, 1985). assuming that children are easily influenced (ad- Statements and cliches such as "Children should be versely) by "outsiders" strictly limit their child's or seen and not heard." "Spare the rod and spoil the adolescent's contact with other people. Physically child" are representative of this point of view. Mor- abusive parents. in particular. attempt to prevent their alistic and restrictive training procedures. based on offspring from forming other relationships that could perceiving the child's nature as inherently sinful, bad. possibly facilitate a healing process for the trauma or basically evil produce children who perceive them- they suffer (Young. 1964). With respect to preven- selves as bad and behave accordingly. For example. tion. the importance of an situation it is destructive to teach children that certain thoughts or support network cannot he overemphasized.1) or feelings, such as anger. envy, or competitiveness, are unacceptable. Children need to learn that any OVERLY RESTRICTIVE OR HARSH MORAL thought or feeling is acceptable: on the other hand. CODES AND VALUES they must learn to evaluate and control their behavior. Teaching Attitudes Toward Sex and the Actions must come under scrutiny and relate to a value system because they have external conse- quences, whereas freedom of thought and feeling are Virtually every adult in our society grew up in necessary for children to understand themselves and families where they were taught distorted views come up with creative solutions. about sex. As parents. they indicate, both directly and subtly, that sex is bad. that is harmful. that the subject of sexuality is taboo. and ttutt sex PARENTS' NEGATIVE CHARACTER TRAITS AND DEFENDED LIFE-STYLES should he confined to a separate sphere of life (Berke. 1988: Calderone. 1974/1977). In spite of the so- ARE IDENTIFIED WITH AND IMITATED BY called sexual revolution of the sixties, many still CHILDREN TO THEiR OWN DETRIMENT refuse to allow their teenagers to attend As role models, parents exhibit many toxic per- classes. In addition, negative views held by parents sonality traits, behaviors, and life-styles that are in relation to nudity and the human body cause chil- passed on to succeeding generations (Baer & Sher- dren to develop a deep sense of shame about their . 1964: Baer. Peterson. & Sherman. 1967: Ban- bodies and guilt in relation to sexual feelings (Gun- dura & Walters. 1963: Main & George. 1985). derson & Mc Cary. 1979). The typical introduction to (1) Addictive parents transmit their addictive sexuality (implicit attitudes and training) encoun- behaviors and life-styles to their chile ren. In study- tered in family life actually constitutes a form of ing the relationship of and other sexual abuse, as the majority of zu'Jlts in our society , itis important to note the intergenera-

18 Joseph Richman ( 1986 describes (he destructiveness ol a closed family system in which ihe child "is alienated and isolated both outside the famil!, and within it It is that Lombination that often produces the particular pattern that is lundamental to a suicidal resolution- (p. 133). o Recent studies have shown that certain resilient children who experienced severe abuse and neglect, yet who developed few symptoms as adults, usually had a significant othera relative, family friend, or teacherwho look an inierest in them :ind provided them with support (Cohler. 1987).

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12 tional cycle of these negative patterns.20 In spite of REASONS PARENTS DAMAGE parents' attempting to influence their children other- THEIR CHILDREN wise. children imitate parents' defenses. Many theorists (Fontana. 1983; Garbarino & (2) Children incorporate and imitate parents' Gilliam, 1980: Kempe & Kempe. 1984; Laing. maladaptive approaches to life. For example. pa- 1969/1972; Miller. 1980/1984; Rohner. 1986; Shen- rents who are suspicious and paranoid will pass on to gold. 1989; and others) have dealt with the issue of their offspring a paranoid orientation to life. Parents' child abuse and described its manifestations. While toward women or men or people of other it is necessary and important to deal with child mal- races or , and other ideas that predispose treatment on a phenomenological level, it is not suf- alienation. are taken on by children as part of their ficient to merely point out the problem and document belief system. These negative attitudes, whether rac- its extent and pervasiveness. It is most important to ist, ethnic, or sexist, cause distrust among people and understand the psychodynamics involved in the in- support an isolated self-protective posture that leads tergenerational cycle of child abuse (Firestone. 1988, to problems in the child's later relationships. 1990). Emotional damage to children is multideter- (3) Children imitate their parents' self-deny- mined (Belsky. 1980) and no single pattern is ex- ing posture and assimilate their belief that per- planatory. However, there are many important factors sonal wants are "selfish" or undesirable. The result that bear oil this issue: is that most children progressively turn their backs on A. Parents have a fundamental ambivalence to- their wants and priorities, which is tantamount to themselves and their children. They both love surrendering a basic part of their identity. and hate themselves, and naturally extend both feel- (4 ) Children learn to be dishonest by observ- ings to their offspring. Most parents admit their nur- ing and imitating their parents' dishonesty. Para- turing tendencies. but suppress or deny their negative doxically. parents who wish their children to develop feelings or aggression. into moral. honest adults often lack personal integrity. B. Parents tend to utilize their child to dispose engage in corrupt business practices. or are deceptive of their self-hatred and the traits they dislike in them- in their own relationships. The dishonesty and double selves by projecting them onto the child (Bowen. messages inherent in most couple relationships. 1978; Brazelton & Cramer. 1990; Firestone. 1990: where partners' actions contradict their words, also Kerr & Bowen, 1989). In the process of projection. distort a child's sense of reality. the child is basically used as a waste receptacle or (5) Finally, children learn to suppress "unac- dump'ng ground. Parents' negative attitudes, uncon- ceptable feelings" of anger and fear imitative of scious hostility, and coven are incorporated parents' repression and . Because of this. by the child in the form of self-attacking thoughts or parents not only damage their children. but also un- voices. knowingly prevent their recovery. In order to recover C. Most parents are unable to sustain consistent from initial trauma. it is very important to be outward loving relationships with their children because the and open about one's feelings. Not permitting chil- aliveness. spontaneity, and spirit of the child threaten dren to cry. express anger. or talk about their feelings parents' psychological defenses. Feeling deeply for perpetuates the misery and suffering (Lewis & the child revives painful primal feelings from parents' Michalson. 1984).-I own childhoods that were previously repressed. Moreover, close, personal contact with their children reminds parents of the preciousness and fragility of life and tends to precipitate fears of potential loss.

211 Studies show that there are at least 22 million adults in this country who have lived with an alcoholic parent (Seixas & V(mcha, 195c). lite National Council on estimates that 3 million teenagers continue to he problem drinkers Macl )(maid. 1987). Claudia Black (1951) reports that "fifty to sixty percent of all alcoholics (a low estimate) have,or had, at least one alcoholic parent. Alcoholism is a generational disease" (p. 4). 21 Wolfe (1957) underscores the importance ol the emotional concomitants of physical or sexual abusein adult individuals. which are frequently absent or implicitly contained in discussions of the impact of abuse on the child.

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13 D. Parents powerful feelings of despera- explicitly.that is. by example and direct instruction. tion and emotional hunger for genuine love and con- Having been "processed- in this manner, most chil- cern for their children. Immature parents tend to dren grow up feeling alienated from themselves and make demands for love. fulfillment, reassurance, and feel thin they have no inherent right to their own point even parentingfromtheir children, rather than offer- of view as separate human beings. ing affection and love to them.'" The child growing up in this situation is drained by physical contact with CONCLUSION the emotionally hungry parent. Parents tend to com- pensate for the damage they sense they arc causing. In summarizing, we have shown that emotional very often by choosing to spend more time with their abuse of children is widespread and has lasting ef- child. However, increased contact with a hungry, kcts. Apologists, or those who de-emphasize paren- immature parent increases the damage to the child. In tal influences, tend to base their explanations regard- addition. an infantile adult acting parental not only ing die etiology of psychological disturbance on bio- increases children's insecurity, but also confuses logical or hereditary factors. However, as stated pre- them in their sense of reality (Firestone, 1990). viously. I feel that the damage to children is overde- E.The nature of traditional coupling fosters termined by environmental factorsactual abuses dependence and exclusivity in the parents' relation- that injure the child's psyche. People who subscribe ship that has a detrimental effect on the child. In to the former explanation rely heavily on the concept forming a fantasy bond. each partner has been dimi- of temperamental differences. which detracts from nished in his/her vitality, individuality, and sense of the significance of parents' impact on a child and self through the utilization of the other for purposes lessens their accountability for responsible child- of security. Parents in this situation have very little rearing practices. However, even temperamental dif- energy to offer affection or direction to their children. ferences can be modified in a healthy environment. F. One interesting existential issue often over- While it is true that increasing parental aware- looked is that most parents have children for the ness can foster guilt reactions. nevertheless, when wrong reasonas a defense against death anxiety, a awareness is carried to a more complete under- bid for immortality. Parents imagine, on some level, standing of the cycle, parents' guilt is actually dimin- that the child is an extension of themselves, and this ished. Indeed. the dual focus of our specialized par- "belonging" or merger imbues them with immortal- enting groups on: ( I) parents' negative attitudes and ity. However, this defense "works- only to the extent behavior toward their children. and (2) the negative that the child is essentially thesameas the parents in experiences parents went through in their own child- appearance. personality traits, behaviors, and de- hoods, help mothers and fathers to have more com- fenses. The more the child isdifferentfrom the par- for themselves (Firestone. 1990).-3 Regain- ems, the more he/she poses a threat to their illusion ing feeling for themselves was the key in the of immortality. Therefore. honconfonnity and indi- therapeutic process that enabled them to alter their viduation are judged or perceived as "bad," while child-rearing practices in a positive direction. sameness with, or submission to. one's parents is seen In terms of preventive mental hygiene. it is vital as good. to recognize the core issues involved in breaking the G. In utilizing the child as a symbol of immor- chain of emotional child abuse and to intervene. tality, parents feel both the need and the obligation to whenever possible, in cases where and child- impose their own standards, beliefs, and value sys- ren are experiencing serious emotional problems and tems on their children. They transmit their beliefs and psychological disturbance."4 In order toreallyhelp values (and defenses) to childrenboth implicitly and future generations of children, we must try to over-

1 he authors distinction between emotional hunger and love, two very different parental emotional states and behavior, explains the dynamics underlying patterns 01 anxious attachment as compared to those ol secure attachment descnbed by liowlby 0971:1982) and Ainsworth. Blehar. Waters. and Wall (1978). lraiherg. Adelson. & Shapiro (1975/198(t) state: "Our hypothesis is that access to childhood pain becomes a powerful deterrent against repetition in parenting. while repression and isolation of painful al feet provide the psychological requirements lor identification v. ith the betrayers and the aggressors.' (p. 195).

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14 come our prejudices. develop an objective view of Black C. (1981). It will never happen to me! dynamics in the nuclear family. and critically evalu- Denver: M.A.C. Printing and Publications ate dehumanizing child-rearing practices that are an Division. extensive part of our culture. Blumberg, M. L. (1974). Psychopathology of the abusing parent. American Journal of Psycho- therapy, 28(1). 21-29. REFERENCES Bolton, F. G.. Jr.. & MacEachron. A. (1986). Ainsworth. M. D. S.. Blehar. M. C.. Waters. E., Assessing child maltreatment risk in the re- & Wall. S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: cently divorced parent-child relationship. A psychological study of the Strange situation. Journal Qf Family Violence. 1. 259-275. Hillsdale. NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum. Bowen. M. (1978. ) in clinical Altemeier. W. A.. Vietze. P. M.. Sherrod. K. B.. practice. New York: Jason Aronson. Sandler. H. M.. Falsey. S.. & O'Connor. S. Bowlby. J. (1973). Attachment and loss. Vol. II. (1979). Prediction of child maltreatment during Separation: Anxiety and anger. New York: . Journal of the American Academy Basic Books. of Child , 18. 205-218. Bowlby. J. (1982). Attachment and loss, Vol. 1. Baer. D. M., & Sherman. J. A. (1964). Attachment (2nd ed.). New York: Basic Books. Reinforcement control of generalized imitation Brazelton. T. B.. & Cramer. B. G. (1990). The in young children. Journal of Experimental earliest relationship: Parents. infants, and the Child . 137-49. drama of early attachment. Reading. MA: Baer. D. M.. Peterson. R. F.. & Sherman, J. A. Addison-Wesley. (1967). The development of imitation by Calderone. M. S. (1977). Eroticism as a norm. In reinforcing behavioral similarity to a model. E. S. Morrison & V. Borosage (Eds.). Human Journal of the Experimental Analysis of sexuality: Contemporary perspectives (2nd ed.) Behavior, 10.405-416. (pp. 39-48). Palo Alto. CA: Mayfield Publish- Bakan. D. (1971). Slaughter of the innocents: ing. (Originally published. 1974.) A study of the battered child phenomemm. Cavaiola. A. A.. & Schiff. M. (1988). Behavioral San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. sequelae of physical and/or sexual abuse in Bandura. A., & Walters. R. H. (1963). Social learn- adolescents. Child Abuse and Neglect. 12. ing and personality development. New York: 181-188. Holt. Rinehart & Winston. Cimons. M. (1991. September 20). Study shows a Bateson. G.. Jackson. D. D.. Haley. J.. & Weak- million teen suicide . Los Angeles land. J. H. (1972). Toward a theory of schizo- limes. pp. A 1, A26. phrenia. In G. Bateson. Steps to an ecology of Cohler. B. J. (1987). Adversity, resilience, and the mind (pp. 201-227). New York: Ballantine study of lives. In E. J. Anthony & B. J. Cohler Books. (Originally published. 1956.) (Eds.). The invulnerable child (pp. 363-424). Belsky. J. (1980). Child maltreatment: An New York: Guilford Press. ecological integration. American Psychologist. Conte. J. R. (1988). The effects of sexual abuse on 35(4). 320-335. children: Results of a research project. Human Berke. J. H. (1988). The tyranny of malice: sexual aggression: Current perspectives. Exploring the dark side of character and Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences. culture. New York: Summit Books. 528,310-326.

24 ( iregory hlboorg (1932). in his 1911 address to the Amencan Orthopsychminc Association. stated: "I should like to say in conclusion not only that the hostile trends operating in the unconscious of the parents present a universal phenomenon which deserves to awaken the curiosity of the practical psychopathologist. but that they are potent, dynamic factors which we must know in considerable detail if we are to deal with neurotic maladjustment. delinquency, and other related problems in children'. (p. 41-42).

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15 Coons. P. M. (1986). Child abuse and multiple Firestone, R. W. (1988). lbice Therapy: A : Review of the psychotherapeutic approach to self-destructive and suggestions for treatment. Child Abuse and behavior. New York: Human Sciences Press. Neglect. 10. 455-462. Firestone. R. W. (1989). Parenting groups based deMause. L. (1974). The evolution of childhood. on Voice Therapy. Psychotherapy. 26. 524-529. In L. deMause (Ed.). The Firestone. R. W. (1990). Compassionate child- (pp. 1-73). New York: Psychohistory Press. rearing: An in-depth approach to optimal Dolan. B. (1991, October 7). My own story. Time. parenting. New York: Plenum Press. p. 47. Fontana. V. J. (1983). Somewhere a child is Drotar. D. (Ed.). (1985). New directions in failure : Maltreatmeni-causes and prevention to thrive: Implications for research and prac- (rev. ed.). New York: New American Library. nee. New York: Plenum Press. Fraiberg, S.. Adelson. E.. & Shapiro. V. (1980). Drotar. D.. Eckerle. D.. Satola. J.. Pallotta. J.. & Ghosts in the nursery: A psychoanalytic Wyatt. B. (1990). Maternal interactional approach to the problems of impaired infant- behavior with nonorganic failure-to-thrive mother relationships. In S. Fraiberg (Ed.). infants: A case comparison study. Child Abuse Clinical studies in infant mental health: The Neigect. 14. 41-51. first year of life (pp. 164-196). New York: Emerson, S.. & McBride, M. C. (1986). A model Basic Books. (Originally published, 1975.) for gimp treatment of adults molested us chil- Freiberg. P. (1991). Stud!: Disorders found in 20 dren. Las Vegas: University of Nevada (ERIC percent of children. APA Monitor. 22(2). 36. Document Reproduction Service Freud. A., & Burlingham. D. (1944). Infants with- No. ED 272 814). out fiimilies: The case for and against residen- Ferenczi. S. (1955). Confusion of tongues between tial nurseries. New York: International adults and the child. In M. Balint (Ed.). Final Universities Press. contributions to the problems & methods of Garbarino. J.. & Gilliam. G. (1980). Under- psycho-analysis by Sandor Ferenc:i. M.D. (E. standing abusive families. Lexington, MA: Mosbacher & others, Trans.), pp. 156-167. New Lexington Books. York: Basic Books. (Originally published. Garbarino. J., Guttmann. E.. & Seeley. J. W. 1933.) (1986). The psychologically battered child: Feshbach. N. D. (1980). in Strategies for identification. assessment. and the schools: Some paradoxes. some facts. some intervention. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. possible directions. In G. Gerbner, C. J. Ross. Gardner. L. I. (1972). Deprivation dwarfism. & E. Zigler (Eds.), Child abuse: An agenda for Scientific American. 227(1). 76-82. action (pp. 204-221). New York: Uni- Goodrich. T. J.. Rampage. C.. & Ellman. B. versity Press. (1989). The single mother. Family Therapy Finkel, K. C. (1987). Sexual abuse of children: An Networker. /3(5). 53-56. update. Canadian Medical Association Journal. Gorman. C. (1991. October 7). comes out of 136, 245-252. the dark. lime. pp. 46-47. Finkelhor. D., Hotaling. G.. Lewis. I. A.. & Smith. Gunderson. M. P.. & McCary. J. L. (1979). Sexual C. (1990). Sexual abuse in a national survey of guilt and religion. Family Coordinator. 28. adult men and women: Prevalence, charac- 353-357. teristics. and risk factors. Child Abuse & Ne- Hewlett. S. A. (1991). When the bough breaks: igect. 14, 19-28. The cost of neglecting our children. New York: Firestone. R. W. (1957). A concept of the schi:o- Basic Books. ph; enic process. Unpublished doctoral Hughes, R. A. (1990). Psychological perspectives dissertation. University of Denver. on in a sect. Psycho- Firestone. R. W. (1985). The _fantasy bond: therapy. 27. 107-115. Structure of psychological defenses. New York: Janov. A. (1970). Die primal scream: Primal Human Sciences Press. Therapy: The cure JOr neurosis. New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons.

The Glendon Association 15 (310) 552-0431 Jason. J., Carpenter. M. M.. & Tyler, C. W.. Jr. Lewis. M., & Michalson. L. (1984). The socializa- (1983). Underrecording of infant homicide in tion of emotional pathology in infancy. Infant the United States. American Journal of Public Mental Health Journal. 5(3). 125-134. 1Iealth.73, 195-197. Lidz, T. (1972). The influence of family studies on Jones. J. G. (1982). Sexual abuse of children: the treatment of schizophrenia. In C. J. Sager & Current concepts. American Journal of H. S. Kaplan (Eds.), Progress in group and Diseases of Children. /36.142-146. family therapy (pp. 616-635). New York: Kaufman. J., & Zigler. E. (1987). Do abused Brunner/Mazel. (Originally published, 1969.) children become abusive parents? American Loeber. R.. & Dishion. T. (1983). Early predictors Journal of Orthopsychiatry. 57(2). 186-192. of male delinquency: A review. Psychological Kempe. R. S.. & Kempe, C. H. (1984). The Bulletin. 94(1). 68-99. common secret: Sexual abuse of children and Luke. J. L. (1978). Sleer: 2, arrangements of adolescents. New York: W. H. Freeman. sudden infant death syndrome victims in the KMM. E.. & Bowen. M. (1988). Family District of Columbia-A preliminary report. evaluation: An approach based on Bowen Journal of Forensic Sciences. 23. 379-383. theory. New York: W. W. Norton. Macdonald. D. I. (1987). Patterns of alcohol and Klein. M. (1964). Contributions to psycho- drug use among adolescents. Pediatric Clinics analysis: 1921-1945. New York: McGraw-Hill. of North America. 34. 275-288. (Originally published. 1948.) Main. M.. & George, C. (1985). Responses of Korbin. J. E. (1981). "Very few cases-: Child abused and disadvantaged to distress abuse and neglect in the People's Republic of in agemates: A study in the day care setting. China. In J. E. Korbin (Ed.). Child abuse and , 21, 407-412. neglect: Cross-cultural perspectives (pp. 166- Margolin. N. L.. & Teicher. J. D. (1968). Thirteen 185). Berkeley: University of California Press. adolescent male suicide attempts. Journal of Korbin. J. E. (1989). Fatal maltreatment by the American Academy of Child Psychiatry. mothers: A proposed frtunework. Child Abuse 7(2). 296-315. & Neglect. 13.481-489. McLanahan. S.. & Booth, K. (1989). Mother-only Kotelchuck. M. (1980). Nonorganic failure to families: Problems. prospects, and politics. thrive: The status of interactional and Journal of Marriage and the Family. 5/. environmental etiologic theories. Advances in 557-580. Behavioral . I. 29-51. Miller. A. (1981). Prisoners of childhood: The Laing. R. D. (1967). The politics of experience. drama of the gifted child and the search fOr the New York: Ballantine B(vIcs. true self(R. Ward. Trans.). New York: Basic Laing. R. D. (1972). The politics of the family and Books. (Originally published, 1979.) other essays. New York: Vintage Books. Miller. A. (1984). For your Own good: Hidden (Originally published. 1969.) cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of vio- Laing. R. D. (1990). Foreword to Firestone. R. W.. lence (2nd ed.) (H. Hannum & H. Hannum. Compassionate child-rearing: An in-depth Trans.). New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux. approach to optimal parenting. New York: (Originally published. 1980.) Plenum Press. Miller. A. (1984). Thou shalt not be aware: Levy. D. M. (1943). Maternal overprotection. Society's betrayal of the child (H. Hannum & New York: Columbia University Press. H. Hannum. Trans.). New York: Farrar. Straus Lewinsohn. P. M. (1991. August 17). Depression & Giroux. (Originally published. 1981.) in older (14-18) adolescents: Summary of Nationa.' Center on Child Abuse Prevention results obtained in the Oregon Adolescent Research (1990). Current trends in child abuse Depression Project. Presented at the meeting ol reporting and fatalities: The results of the 1989 the American Psychological Association. San annual fifty state survey. WOrking Paper Francisco. CA. Number 808. Newberger. E. H.. Reed, R. B.. Daniel. J. H., Hyde. J. N.. Jr., & Kotelchuck. M. (1977).

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17 Pediatric social illness: Toward an etiologic Rohner. R. P. (1986). The warmth dimension: classification. Pediatrics. 00, 178-185. Foundations of parental acceptance-rejection New lands. M.. & Emery. J. S. (1991). Child abuse theory. Beverly Hills. CA: Sage Publications.

and cot deaths. Child Abuse & Neglect. 15. Rosen. T. S.. & Johnson. H. L. (1988). 275-278. Drug-addicted mothers. their infants, and SIDS. Orbach. 1. (1988). Children who don't want to live: In P. J. Schwartz. D. P. Southall. & M. Valdes- Understanding and the suicidal child. Dapena (Eds.). The sudden infant death syn- San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. drome: Cardiac and respiratory mechanisms Pagels, E. (1988). Adam. Eve, and the serpent. and interventions (pp. 89-95). New York: Random House. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences. Parker. G. (1983). Parental overprotecnon: A risk 533. New York: New York Academy of factor in psychosocial development. New York: Sciences. Grune & Stratton. Rosenfeld. A. (1978, April 1). The "elastic mind" Parr, G. (Producer and director). (1986). movement: Rationalizing '? The inner voice in child abuse 1 VideoI. Saturday Review, pp. 26-28. Los Angeles: Glendon Association. Ruesch. J.. & Bateson. G. (1951). Communica- Parr. G. (Producer and director). (1987a). Hunger tion: The social matrix of psychiatry. New vs. love: A perspective on parent-child relation.. York: W. W. Norton. [Video]. Los Angeles: Glendon Association. Sarafino. E. P. (1979). An estimate of nationwide Parr. G. (Producer and director). (1987h). incidence of sexual offenses against children. Parental ambivalence !Video]. Los Angeles: Child Welfare, 58, 127- 134. Glendon Association. Schneer, H. I.. Kay. P.. & Brozovsky. M. (1961). Parr. G. (Producer and director). (1987c). Thera- Events and conscious ideation leading to suici- peutic child-rearing: An in-depth approach to dal behavior in . Psychiatric Quar- compassionate parenting I Video Los Angeles: terly. 35, 507-515. Glendon Association. Seiden. R. H. (1965). Salutary effects of maternal Parr. G. (Producer and director). (1988). separation. Social Work. 10(4). 25-29. implicit pain of sensitive child-rearing Seiden. R. H. (1984). The youthful suicide [Video]. Los Angeles: Glendon Association. epidemic. Public Report. 25(1).1-7. Parr. G. (Producer and director). (1990). Seixas. J. S., & Youcha G. (1985). Children of Sex & society: Everyday abuses to children's alcoholism: A survivor's manual. New York: emerging sexuality [Video I. Los Angeles: Harper & Row. Glendon Association. Shearer. S. L., & Herbert. C. A. (1987). Long-term Pl()inin. R. (1989). Environment and genes: effects of unresolved sexual trauma. American Determinants of behavior. American Family Physician. 36(4 ). 169-175. Psychologist, 44(2). 105-111. Shengold. L. (1989). Soul : The effects of Pollitt. E.. Eichler. A. W.. & Chan. C. (1975). Psy- childhood abuse and deprivation. New Haven: chosocial development and behavior of mothers Yale University Press. of failure-to-thrive children. American Journal Spitz, R. A. (1945). Hospitalism: An inquiry into of OrthopsYchiatry. 45. 525-537. the genesis of psychiatric conditions in early Pollitt, E.. Gilmore. M.. & Valcarcel. M. (1978). childhtx)d. Psyt hoanalytic Study of the Child, Early mother-inlant interaction and somatic 1,53-74. New York: International Universities growth. Early I luman Development. 1 Press. 325-316. Spitz. R. A. (1946a). : A peril in infancy Rheingold. J. C. (1964). The fear of being a (Film]. New York: New York University Film Oman A theory of maternal destrucuveness. Library. New York: Grune & Stratton. Spitz. R. A. (1946b). Hospitalism: A follow-up Richman. J. (1986). Family therapy far suicidal report on investigation described in Volume I. people. New York: Springer Publishing. 1945. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child. 2. 113- 117. New York: International Universities Press.

The Glendon Association 17 (310) 552-0431 Spitz. R. A. (1965). The first year of life: A psycho- Toth, J. ( 1992. January I). to streets: A analytic study of normal and deviant develop- beaten path. study finds. Los Angeles Times. p. ment of object relations. New York: A5. International Universities Press. Vergote. A. (1988). Guilt and desire: Religious Steele. B. R. & Pollock. C. B. (1974). A psychiat- attitudes and their pathological derivatives ric study of parents who abuse infants and (M. H. Wood. Trans.). New Haven: Yale small children. In R. E. Helfer & C. H. Kempe University Press. (Originally published. 1978). (Eds.). The battered child (2nd ed.). pp. 89-133. Wilson. J. Q., & Herrnstein, R. J. (1985). Chicago: University of Chicago Press. and human nature. New York: Simon & Stern, D. N. (1985). The interpersonal world of Schuster. the infirm: A view from psychoanalysis and Wolfe, D. A. (1987). Child abuse: Implications for developmental psychology. New York: Basic child development and psychopathology. Books. Newbury , CA: Sage Publications. Straus. M. A.. & Gelles. R. J. (1986). Societal Young, L. (1964). Wednesday's children: A study change and change in family violence from of child neglect and abuse. New York: 1975 to 1985 as revealed by two national McGraw-Hill. surveys. Journal of Marriage and the Family. Zigler, E. (1980). Controlling child abuse: Do we 48. 465-479. have the knowledge and/or the will? In G. Sullivan. L. W. (1991. October 2). The risks of Gerbner. C. J. Ross. & E. Zigler (Eds.). Child poor parenting. Los Angeles limes. p. B7. abuse: An agenda for action (pp. 3-32). New S/alai. A. (Ed.) (1972). The use of time: Daily York: Oxford University Press. activities of urban and suburban populations in Zilboorg, G. (1932). Sidelights on parent-child twelve countries. The Hague. Netherlands: antagonism. American Journal of Mouton. Orthopsychiatry.7( 1), 35-43.

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