Have A Nice Summer Charlie Brown

Audition Monologues

Kid 1: The only thing wrong with Charlie Brown, is his lack of confidence; His inferiority and his lack of confidence. Oh, yeah, his clumsiness, his inferiority & his lack of confidence. Wait! His stupidity, his clumsiness, his inferiority and his lack of confidence. Hmm? Did I mention that he’s always late? He’s a terrible coach and his dog needs some serious obedience classes?

Kid 2: Did you know that Charlie Brown has never pitched a winning baseball game? He has never been able to keep a kite in the air. He has never won a game of checkers and has never successfully punted a football? Sometimes I marvel at his consistency. Now Don't let that bother you, Charlie Brown. After all, a person’s character isn't fully established until he's at least five years old. You say that you are five? You’re actually more than five? Uhh, that's the way it goes sometimes.

Peppermint Patty: Hey Chuck! Why the frown lines on your brow? Did someone forget to tell you that it's the last day of school? Doesn't it feel great? We have two and a half months of independence! We have two and a half months of freedom! We have two and half months to live! Don’t look so glum, Chuck. Just because you have two and a half months to do absolutely nothing you shouldn’t let that get you down. Having nothing to do actually alleviates a lot of pressure. This way you don’t have to make important decisions like whether to go to the amusement park or the beach. Having nothing to do can really simplify your life! Capt'n Cathy: All right team, tonight is the Season's Opener and we're going to start this season with a BANG! We're going to SLAUGHTER the other team! We'll make mincemeat out of 'em! We'll tear 'em up into teeny, tiny pieces and then we'll spit'em out for the next team to pick up the leftovers! I don’t take my position as captain lightly! And no player on my team should ever forget that! Any questions? I said, ANY QUESTIONS!?! I didn’t think so!

Snoopy 1: Here's the World War I. Flying ace, high over France, searching for the infamous Red Baron. I must bring him down! Suddenly, anti-aircraft fire begins to burst beneath my plane. The Red Baron has spotted me! Nyahh! Nyahh! Nyahh! I just have to -- drats! This fog! It's tough to fly in this weather. Alright Red Baron, where are you? You can't hide forever. What’s that I hear? Silence. He's slipped away. Curse you, Red Baron and your kind. Curse you! Here's the World War I. Flying ace, back in France. He is exhausted and yet he does not sleep for one thought continues to burn in his mind ---- Someday, someday I'll get you, Red Baron!

Snoopy 2: My stomach clock just went off. It’s supper time and Charlie Brown has forgotten to feed me. Here I lie, a withering hollow of a dog, and there sits my supper dish . . . Empty. But that’s alright? He’ll remember. When no furry friend comes to greet him at the end of the day, he’ll remember. He’ll rush out here to the dog house, but it will be too late. There will be nothing left but the dried carcass of the former friend who used to run and play so happily with him.

Charlie 1: Gulp -- Oh, ... Oh my gosh! Who is that? A little read headed girl. I've never seen her before. I wonder if she noticed me. Probably not. Because she's something and I'm nothing. If I were something and she were nothing then I could talk to her. Or if she were something and I was something then I could talk to her. Or if she were nothing and I was nothing -- but...she's something and I'm nothing. I think I'll just walk right up to that little red headed girl and introduce myself. I'll introduce myself and ask her to come over and sit down. I'll tell her how much I admire red heads.(Having second thoughts) I think I'll flap my arms and fly to the moon.

Charlie 2: Lunch time is about the worst time of the day for me. Each day I sit here, alone. Peanut Butter and jelly. Psychiatrists say that people who eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch are lonely. They also say that if the peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth that you’re really lonely. (gulp) There’s that cute little red headed girl eating her lunch over there! There’s an empty place next to her on the bench. Now why couldn’t I go over there and sit beside her? It’s silly to sit here and admire her from a distance . It’s silly not to go over there and talk to her. So why don’t I go over there and talk to her? Because-- I’m silly. I’m so silly she wouldn’t even look at me. I don’t think she’s ever looked at me. I wonder why. Who does she think she is? Why shouldn’t she look at me? Is she so great and I so small that she couldn’t even spare one little look? She’s looking at me! She’s looking at me! I can’t bare being stared at! ( Puts his bag over his head )

LINUS 1: You give me back my blanket, Lucy! I know that you’ve got it and you think you’re going to keep it. You think this is just what I need to help break my disgusting habit? Have you lost your mind? Apparently you haven't read the latest scientific reports. A blanket is as important to a child as a hobby is to an adult. While some men spend their time restoring antique cars or building model trains or collecting old stuff, a blanket is equally important to a kid. It’s been rated comparable to scrapbooking. This is called playing with the past. And it is good, for it helps people to cope with their everyday problems. Now, I feel that it is going to be absolutely necessary for me to get my blanket back until I am prepared to put it in my past. So I'm just going to have to give it a good YANK! It's surprising what you can accomplish with a little smooth talking and some fast action. Linus 2: I’ll tell you what I’m doing for Halloween, Charlie Brown. I’ll be waiting in the pumpkin field. Because every year on Halloween, after dark, the great pumpkin flies from coast to coast to every pumpkin patch – visiting all the children who await him. You may ask, “who is the great pumpkin?” He’s a magical pumpkin who brings candy & presents to all of the children who believe in him. I’m hoping Sally will join me in the pumpkin patch this Halloween eve. The great pumpkin flies through the sky visiting every pumpkin patch near and far! He must be very discouraged because kids believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny more than they believe in him. Of course, he gets less publicity. Being number three, perhaps he should try harder!

LUCY: Doing a little practicing, huh, Schroeder? That's good. I like a man who thinks about his future. What if you and I got married someday, Schroeder and you become a famous concert pianist? What if we traveled all over the world while you performed with great orchestras in foreign lands. What if right at the height of your career you broke both arms in a skiing accident and could never play the piano again? What if I had to work 12 hours a day washing and ironing while my hands got rough and red and..... Forget it, Schroeder! You stay off those skis, understand? There is to be no skiing for you!!

Lucy 2: I can't understand why you don't like me, Schroeder. I have a pleasant smile, nice hair, a cheerful personality, a pretty face and heart full of love. Add that all up and you get a very attractive answer. You're crazy about Beethoven, aren't you? Why do you like Beethoven better than me? Because Beethoven was "Beethoven" and I am me? That doesn't even leave room for discussion. What sort of girl would you like to marry Schroeder? She should have Blonde hair; An even disposition, and you think she should play a musical instrument? Does the triangle count? Strike three. Sally: Halloween is almost over and I missed it all. You kept here all night waiting for the Great Pumpkin and HE NEVER CAME! Everyone’s got tricks or treats but me and it’s all your fault! I’ll sue! What a fool I’ve been! Everyone’s got candy and apples and cookies and gum but me! And what do I have . . . NOTHING! Halloween comes once a year and I missed it sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead! I’ve been robbed, cheated, mislead! You owe me big time, you blockhead!